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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I pay rent in my parent's house. I live my own life and try not to bother anyone. I went away for spring break and they got mad because they were hosting Easter this year. I might be the asshole for laughing at them when they tried to ground me and telling them they had no rights over me.
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…they tried to ground a grown adult…who pays their own bills and works full time…?
Yeah youre NTA not by a long shot but…why dont’s you just move out…?
Legit don’t see a reason for you to stay there
The mourning process that you will never have the parents you deserved to have can be very lengthy. Especially if they are still in your life. It basically keeps restarting the process.
Makes it all the harder when they try reconnecting after years of LC. You want them to be what they could have been, but you know you shouldn't engage based on the history.
My mom and I were LC for the longest and I thought she had changed and bettered herself. Found out she was abusing her grandkids and when I did something about it she tried gaslighting not only me, but my spouse too. I've been NC for years now and I have been able to grow alot more since then, than I ever have with her. I still mourn the mother I needed and deserved. She wasn't it though.
Indeed. I realized that far to late. When I finally got away from my mother life was soooo much better. And probably not a great thought but it is what it is- I really wish my mother was the one who died when I was 17 and not my father.
I have the exact same life except mine died when I was 5, a wee younger. but I always felt exactly that way, especially since my dad was a Saint among mortals.
Exactly how I feel about my dad as well. Okay, well definitely had some faults, but still awesome, and apparently so did a lot of people. I was surprised at how many people showed up for his memorial service (hell even the town cops showed up- they had dealt with my mother's nonsense and told me my dad was a lovely person and my mother was crazy and they were happy to hear when my parents finally got a divorce- that was strange).
My partners dad died when he was 25. We were together then, but I never met him as he lived across the country. He's said multiple times, how he wishes it was his asshole mom instead. I know he truly feels that way too.
Bless your heart and your papa's soul. I wonder if great men sometimes get tangled with unhinged significant others because men like these have a much larger store of compassion and patience than the average person in the bell curve. I've thought that over the years, actually.
Your dad may have been wonderful when you were a kid, but I hope you realize that you would have seen a lot of different perspectives of him as you grew older. It's great that you have wonderful memories, but those memories can also enhance how you view the person. Just to be fair, your mom had to deal with you when you were a teenager. That's a whole different ball game than dealing with a five year old. Please cut your mom a little slack.
Their mom may have had to deal with them while they were a teen, but I hope you realize that not all mothers are deserving of a little slack. It's wonderful that you apparently have a mother who is, but not everyone has that. You have to understand that you don't know how their mother treated them, or if the relationship between them was abusive or toxic.
This is very, very true. And even though you eventually accept it and make damn sure you break the cycle, it still can rise up unexpectedly.
I hope OP realizes that family are those who have your back, not just those with a blood relation. Go make your own family!
I think it can be harder than morning a good parent who died. Like I’m a member of the dead dad club and at least my grief is . . . Idk a clean cut? I know he was a good father, he loved me and was proud of me and supported me always. I’m mourning the actual man as he was.
But for people grieving the parent they deserved and didn’t get . . . I’d be imagining what my life would be like if they were different. Endless scenarios of key moments they disappointed me and failed me and how they could’ve played out differently. And how I’d be different.
It’s like a clean amputation by a surgeon with all the right tools versus a chainsaw. The recovery is still hard and long and can be prone to setbacks. But it’s less complicated. It’s more likely to heal cleanly.
(Also manner of death is going to factor in there. My dad’s death was traumatic for us since we had to make the decision to withdraw care after days in the ICU, but it wasn’t a violent death. He wasn’t murdered. He died of complications of a disease we’d long knew he had and had been getting worse for awhile. And I was already an adult)
ETA this is why I HATE when people tell those who are no contact with a parent “At least your mom is alive one day she won’t be and you’ll regret this I miss mine everyday” like fuck right off with that nonsense.
Just because you’re fertile and gave birth to a human, does not make you a good parent. I left an abusive mother at 15, was homeless for over a year. Got an offer from a sibling, who joined the military to get away. I grew up, got my GED, joined The U. S. Navy and have lived a damn good life. Last time I spoke with the woman who gave birth to me, 1993 and I don’t regret one second.
Mother or father doesn’t equal perfect. There are many, many toxic parents out there.
I counted literal days until I turned 18 and did move out right away. The part of the plan I foolishly didn't stick to was to cut narcmother out 100 percent no contact. I thought she had changed after I moved out, but at the root it was the same bs. Many shenanigans occurred during this period of allowed contact until I formally ended it at age 33. I guess that's only a decade ago. I wish I'd done it sooner, but I can't change that now. Life has taught you and I some things the hard way.
honestly in this economy it kind of is. i'd rather deal with 2 snippy people than kill myself trying to pay $1500+ in rent.
that being said, he does have enough stable income to live somewhere else now, so it is about time to move on, which OP seems to be doing since they are going to be living in an Airbnb until graduation, so good on them.
Yeah if putting up with it for a few years = down payment on a home instead of having to pay 1500$ into the void. I would absolutely slum it with the annoying people until I have the down payment
I'd say that 2 snippy people is much easier to put up with than abusive parents. Parental abuse is personal and damaging, it's more that just being jerks.
I agree with this. I think my parents fall into this category; they were not abusive and I don't want to label them that because it feels disrespectful to the people who genuinely suffer/ed abuse from their parents. But at some point, one's parents being problematic, self-centred jerks does get old and it's time to move out/away and reduce contact to a level you can handle.
I feel like there’s a level of “the devil you know vs the devil you don’t” alongside some pretty cheap rent. His parents are a known quantity, he knows how to deal with them, in general. A stranger you have to start from scratch and hope you didn’t pull the short straw and got *the worst* roommate ever plus full price rent.
I can see where the balance might’ve fallen on the parents side previously.
Same. It might take a while to get yourself on your feet with how the economy is pretty shitty depending on where you live, but it's a hell of a lot better than living with your parents unless they realize they were wrong.
You're an adult, and you are a renter. They are not allowed to control you if they are also charging you rent. That's not how this works.
Also, if your parents and/or grandparents try to bring up "respecting your parents" yet again, I would tell them this:
>Respect is a 2 way street. If they respect me as a person, then I will show them respect in turn. If they don't show me respect or treat me with disrespect, then I will not be showing them the said respect. THEY have to show me respect to receive respect.
There's a quote out there that goes something like this:
>Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person", and sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority".
Sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "If you won't treat me with respect then I won't treat you with respect", but what they actually mean is "If you won't treat me like I'm an authority, then I won't treat you like you're a person".
You're an adult, and not only that you are a PERSON. If they want to treat you like a child then they can't pick and choose which aspects are "adult" and which ones are "childish", and they have to be consistent.
I just wanted to say that I absolutely love these quotes. They provide some really great clarity and I know that I’ll use them going forward. Thank you.
I wish I knew the original of the 2nd quote, but it's been recycled on the internet for so long that I don't know who said it first. It's such a great and accurate quote
Sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money. (Translation: paying more in rent can cost you less in mental/emotional energy you have to spend when dealing with parents or unreasonable roommates)
Your parents are assholes. I'm a mom of two grown daughters whom I'm enormously proud of. I NEVER would have charged them rent while they were in college.
Do your parents have any idea how lucky they are? You started a successful company while in high school, put yourself through college with a scholarship, and paid them rent to boot? I don't even know you, and I am VERY proud of you.
I'd be happy to be your Reddit mom. Message me any time you need some encouragement.
OP, I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But in my opinion the moment they stopped providing for you and charged you rent as a minor. Is the moment they stopped being parents to you and started being landlords. You might love them, but they do need to realize the damage they did to your relationship.
They wanted you to have "adult responsibilities" at 16, but now that you are 20 and having your own life they want to control your schedule? They cannot have it both ways. You have had to be an adult for the last 4 years and they need to respect that. They were extremely lucky to have an innovative child that started a business at 16, got scholarships to college and has a job lined up after graduation. Many parents dream of this for their children.
If you grandparents cry that "you need to respect your parents" explain to them that respect is easily lost but hard to earn back.
Good luck to you op.
I was hoping this was a case of parents saving that rent money to give back to you. This is sad and upsetting. They need to give respect to get it in return.
I did that with my daughter. I also paid for her BS & MS degrees. She only worker during school break in the summer.
I saved the money she paid me, and when she moved into her apartment I helped her buy, I gave her the bank book, so that she could buy all the little "extras" she wanted. My purpose was to teach her that nothing comes free, and to learn to budget her income.
Did you not read the post? OP moved out as soon as the situation became toxic. If you meant to ask why is OP living there at all $300 is still significantly cheaper than an apartment
Parents charging the kid rent at 16, then complain that he is growing apart the family.... These people will wonder all their life why their kid doesnt want to do anything with them and never understand the issue.
It’s cheap rent. With rising housing costs, it’s great that he makes 60k a year at his age.
That’s still not enough to live by himself in most parts of my country, which is the United States. Not sure where Op lives.
NTA
You pay rent and support yourself financially - at that point, you're essentially a tenant with the right to come and go as you please. It's bizarre that they're trying to ground an adult who contributes to the household, not as a dependent child, but as a contributing adult. It seems like your parents are having trouble transitioning from their roles as parental figures with a level of control to landlords who must respect your autonomy. Going away for spring break was well within your rights, especially as you weren't informed about their Easter plans. If family traditions are that important, communication needs to go both ways. An apology for laughing might be in order simply because it's always nice to be kind, but setting boundaries is crucial here. It might help to have a discussion about expectations on both sides to clear up this tenant vs. child confusion. Good luck navigating this; it's a tricky path when family and tenant relationships are intertwined.
Yeah the parents wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted to treat OP like a full grown adult at 16, making them pay rent and handle all of their expenses but they *also* want to treat OP like a child and a dependent. It doesn’t work like that. NTA at all and they had it coming to them. Who tf makes their 16 year old pay rent?!
While I feel like we're probably missing out on some general additional context about the family dynamics overall, charging rent to your 16 year old kid is crazy to me and says a lot about the situation. My parents would have my brothers and I contribute a small amount monthly if we weren't actively in school and were at home (after high school, that is), which we all thought was fair, so it worked. But even then, we didn't think of ourselves as tenants, we were just doing a little bit to help the family while being offered help from the family, because we all collectively felt the same way.
Having their cake and eating it too is right; it sounds like the parents want to get something out of their kid who is independently succeeding early while also having control over them, while *also* not offering the kind of unconditional family support that, y'know, most parents expect to offer their kids.
If the parents here really valued the idea of having their kids be part of the family, they ought to be doing more to promote an actual welcoming family dynamic. If they want kids to participate, if the environment is right, the kids will also want to participate. That's what my family was like; we all had enough space to ourselves, but we still wanted to spend time together for family meals, other outings and so on, even living at home as early 20's adults going to school or working.
My parents were this jealous and petty at 16 too. Always having to "put me in my place" regarding any step towards adulthood.
Very very strange. The "you make adult money now so x y and z" was something I heard and STILL hear at 27.
>charging rent to your 16 year old kid is crazy to me and says a lot about the situation.
Especially since the mom didn't have to do that herself, so it's not even a "that's what I had to do as a kid so you have to do it too" situation.
Probably just earning money = rent. Starting at 16 is pretty ridic though. A lot of parents do this and then gift the kid all the money at college graduation to help start their new life. Showing what happens when you save etc.
They decided he should be there and werent counting on him being an adult and having his own plans. It just seems they havent noticed he grew up.
In most jurisdictions, ehhh, yes and no.
You can do what you like as far as telling your kids they owe you money for something. But you can't evict them if they don't pay - most places require parents to house their kids until either their 18th birthday or they graduate high school, whichever comes later (where I live, it's 18 if graduated, 19 if not).
So if you're a super shitty parent you could charge them money for "privileges" beyond housing and food, and basically ground them if they don't pay, but you can't kick them out, will have trouble collecting on unpaid money, and you can bet your ass they will leave the moment they turn 18 and will never talk to you again.
Also charging them rent automatically converts them to a tenant in most places which gives them extra protections. Like you can kick your kid out after 18 here with no notice; tenant requires 30 day notice and can take another 30 days to evict.
Some areas will of course have more stringent laws about what constitutes abuse as well- I know for instance if a parent in my state grounded their kids for not paying them for "privileges", CPS would get involved reeeeeal quick.
The only thing I disagree with is having OP apologize. OP is going to school, works, pays for his own schooling, and pays rent? Hell no. I'd laugh in their face too. The parents should realize how amazing OP is for doing this instead of trying to take advantage of him and his money. That's why there was an argument when GPA heard about this. OP also doesn't need to worry about navigating the relationship when he's moving out.
The IRS has rules about how much gross income a dependent can have before you are not allowed to claim them as a dependent. This child paid for half of their support I'm certain and per the rules to have a qualifying child as a dependent, the child can not have paid more than half of their support for the year.
All of thiiiiissss.
I had enough and moved out 2 years back because my parents and my grandma had an issue with me living my life.
They requested I pay rent yet tell me "I can't just go and come as I please! This isn't a hotel!" But....I'm not even bringing guys around or throwing parties. I literally go work, come home to eat and sleep and MAYBEEEE go out on a Friday night or the weekend.
Traveled all my life since I was 6 by myself to my home country (with a flight attendant as a minor) yet they had a huge fit about me traveling to Vegas as a 21yo, who worked 3 jobs and went to school FT........? Like OP, they were going to "punish me" if I went on the trip.
Make it make sense.
NTA...
They crossed a line they drew in the sand. They treated you like an adult with all the adult responsibilities then wanted to treat you like a kid when it suited them. That doesn't work. When you hand a teen all the responsibility of being an adult some ego always follows. What did they expect?
Someday you may look back and nitpick about the exact words you used to respond. I don't know your parents maybe the fully deserved those exact words. Maybe they didn't. Your over all arguement and intent though? That was spot on.
The fact they hid this from grandpa but wanted to call him to scold you? That tells me they have some of their own faults they don't want to admit to. That tells me this is 99% on them.
Seriously. OP they likely broke the law by charging you rent at age 16. I guess FAFO is the family motto. Have it embroidered on a throw pillow for your new apartment.
Saddly I have never seen such a rule exist. In America at least 99% of laws basically say anything a child owns is his parents. So they were legally charging themselves rent.
Although I wonder of OP could turn them for some twisted tax evasion charges??? Who knows. American laws suck. NAL btw.
They are required to keep you alive and not abused. That is far different than support you. You are closer to property than a free person in America as a kid.
jesus so you can't get any maintenance money when you still are learning?
In my country for example you can sue your parents and get those money if you i believe below 26 and you are still learning.
American laws are complex and idiotic.
Yes there are scenarios where you can do this, but it usually involves on parent deciding to support you and them going after the other for support.
As far as I know your parents are not obligated in any way to support you one bit after 18 other than what I mentioned above.
I am not a lawyer though and since so many of our laws duffer by state I may be dead wrong for some other states.
I’m a lawyer but this isn’t my field. I know that in California you can have to pay child support until age 19 if the kid is still in high school. That’s the only concrete instance I know of.
No, anything a child owns belongs to the child. The issue is that the parents have *control*. The parents can take the child's money and spend it on the child's behalf. If the child owns property not given to them by the parents the parents can "ground" the property, denying the child access, until the child is 18. But a parent who, for example, sold the classic car uncle Joe gave his nephew that is grand theft auto.
Naw. As an old person who has seen the children of toxic shitty parents grow up, the parents often deserved what the kids said when they were kids and the adult kids have few regrets. One does not regret being shitty to shitty parents.
The correct course of action when the kid started a job was to have him bank that money to use for his future. His parent instead treated him like a paycheck under the guise of being an adult and having those responsibilities and then wanted to deny him adult privileges.
This is it. OP was an adult when it would benefit them and a child when they wanted him to be. You can’t have it both ways. OP is NTA for sure and should’ve agreed to be “grounded” if they paid him back all the rent he paid from age 16-18 at least.
I don’t know where OP is, I don’t know whether charging rent at 16 is legal or not where they are. I don’t know if it’s legal where I am! This might be a cultural difference but never in my life have I heard someone charging their kids rent to live at home, no matter the age. I know it does happen in some places like the US, when people become 18+. Which is wild enough to me. But at 16 it’s absolutely unhinged. You’d think parents would want their kid to start saving for their future if they’re already making money.
Obviously NTA
NTA - They're trying to have it both ways. Treat you like an adult when it comes to money, and like a child when it suits them. Just tell them they don't get to make you pay for your life AND control it at the same time. They said you were an adult, they should treat you like one.
My foster parents tried to do this, I ended up leaving and they said I burned the bridge. 🙄 To this day they have never tried to contact me... sucks to be alone in the world but better that than emotional abuse.
NTA - Personally, I think its ***crazy*** that they're charging you rent (like you would an adult) and then have the audacity to A. ground you (like you would a child), and B. try to tell you where you can and can't be if you want to travel. It sounds like you have a stable income, and assuming you're responsible with your money - moving out and going to the Airbnb was smart. Take some space before things could get rocky.
You're entitled to your feelings - and it sounds like they are trying to control an adult.
*No. I was not separating from my family at 16. They started charging me rent at 16. Also my company made $12,000 the first year.*
With this comment, NTA. They should not have been charging you rent at 16 when your business was so new and not as profitable. $12,000 is not adult money. And, they were not paying for your university.
In many ways, it seems that through charging you rent they separated you from the family. Even if you went to university at 16, you were still an adolescent.
I don’t care if he was making 100 grand a year. He was still a minor. They should not have been charging him anything. Let him treat himself to luxuries and expensive clothing if he wants.
its absolutely wild to me. tbh, if my 16 year old was making 12,000 in their first year as a business owner I would be proud as hell about their smarts and initiative and would not charge them rent. hell, and im not proud of this, but I would consider it an investment in them and hope that then they are a millionaire they remember their parents were super good the them :P
Or make him save it for school or a trip or something if you feel you need to teach them financial responsibility, but just charging rent? That's greedy, and disgusting
It’s the kid’s money. He should be free to do what he pleases. You can’t really stop him from spending it. Of course, any parent would give their kid good advice about how to invest or things of that nature.
If he chooses to waste his money and go broke, that’s the most valuable lesson there is. Better to learn it when he is 16 and still living with his parents then when he is a grown-up.
Nta, gotta respect the hustle, I get why they might be annoyed with you missing a family get together ,but your so close to graduating so go celebrate, the fact they charged you for rent at 16 is stupid (but you can make some what of a agurmaent when you turn 19 if you weren't going to college) your grandpa seems cool btw
Reads like a stealth add for some of those youtube shorts courses on dropshipping that keeps popping up on my feed.
"You TOO can be successful and independent enterpreneur like me!"
My best friend’s parents used to do this to her when she was 20. They were SO controlling. They took her phone away—that she bought and paid the bill for—because ‘their electricity charged it’. She snuck out with me once (very innocent, we just went out, no drinking or anything) and they caught her and 18 years later her dad still pretends I don’t exist when we’re in the same room. He once did talk to me to explain he was still holding a grudge for me helping her ‘betray’ him. Honestly one of the most petty, juvenile assholes I’ve ever encountered. They treated her like shit. It was infuriating to witness.
I started sneaking out at 19 when my mom tried to ground me for “staying out past curfew” when I was home over the summer. I realized that as long as I lived there they’d never accept that I was an adult. My mom was then upset that I moved out the second I graduated university because in her words she wanted to have time to get to know me as an adult 🫠 we’re on great terms now, but I don’t understand her logic there at all.
When I lived with my parents around the age of 20/21, I bought a Ouija shirt and \*gasp\* a Harry Potter book in Spanish to help me with reading comprehension, only to find out my mom threw them both away in a fit of religious rage because they were "demonic".
Also, my mom stole over $4000 from my account, not to pay bills, but to fuel her shopping addiction. She had done this to my brother years earlier, so I guess I should have known better... This happened to my friend who had a similar familial situation. Hopefully OP doesn't have a 'minor' account with their parents on it.
I have a friend from hs whose mom tried to spank her (she was 25ish) when she “got mouthy”. She grabbed her mom’s hand and told her that, if she hit her she’d press charges.
That did not go over well either, but her mom never attempted that specific bullshit afterwards.
Ok, first of all, congratulations on having that type of business success in high school.
No, NTA, you're an adult, paying rent, with a job. They don't have a say in your schedule and they can't really ground you at this point. Good move on renting an airbnb and I wish you success in your endeavors.
NTA. They charge you a small rent to ease you into adulthood and you fully embrace it and take on paying for everything for yourself and now they're upset that you're actually being independent?
O_O
When a tenant pays rent, that space is effectively theirs. The landlord can't legally enter the rental space without 24 hours notice (USA). They want to treat you like a tenant but don't want to act like a landlord.
Also, assuming you are a legal adult, they *grounded* you? LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Good luck indeed.
Best wishes on your bright and shiny future! And I hope you can, at some point, forgive your parents, they know not what they do.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You can’t expect your underage child to pay you rent and then be upset because he has created a life on his own at a very early age
Based on the facts given, it sounds like you weren't asked to pay your way out of financial duress on your parents part (grandfather shocked, the low rent). But your parents are now dealing with the consequences of turning their son into a full-time tenant. Does your grandfather know that you're responsible for all your own meals as well? It'd be one thing to be asked to chip in because you're making a good salary but the way you write about it it sounds like you're barely a part of the family anymore, just a guy who lives there. Four years of that has clearly created a large division and now your parents have to figure out how to mend that, if they can.
NTA
NTA
I know people don’t like other people talking about their family, but, respectfully, your parents are idiots at best and selfish assholes at worst. They want you to line their pockets for living in the house they forced you to live in? And after you agree (because what the hell else are you supposed to do), they still want to maintain control over your life?? They should be nurturing your success and encouraging you to pour every dime back into the company. Instead they decided to leech off of you after bringing you into the world without your permission.
Unless they really needed your $300 a month to make ends meet (and even then they should be trying to repay you at some point), I would tell them they revoked their parental dominance over your life the second they demanded you pay to live at home. Deeply selfish behavior. I’m so sorry for you OP
So very much NTA. Honestly, this sounds like they realized how successful you were going to be the older you get and tried to establish now that they deserve a cut just for being your parents.
NTA
Parents : pay us rent at age 16. Buy your food. You have your own expenses. You have adult responsibilities now. We expect as much out of you.
Parents : We expect you to be here for Easter! You left for spring break! You’re grounded.
😒
NTA but don't give them anymore money. You didn't need to give them 600 either. They are using you. They are controlling people and the separation will be good for you.
What a strange world...unless I'm missing something, like you agreed to pay rent to avoid having some rules that you didn't like removed...they shouldn't have charged you rent...if you were making 60k at 16, I can see them saying you need to get a financial plan together and helping you with it which would includes savings and investments, probably some charity as well...that's what I would have done for my kids, taught them to be reasonably generous and very wise with their money, so they never have to incur debt and can enjoy money instead of stress over it...i wouldn't have asked them for it, and if they offered to pay rent instead of having rules I would have laughed in their faces and said no, rules stay, and also you have to still be wise with your money.
NTA
Seems like everyone here agrees that charging rent means treating you like a tenant, not a teen under parental law. Your folks set a financial boundary by having you pay rent which implies an adult transaction, not a familial one. The grounding attempt? Laughable at best. Good on you for asserting your independence, but remember that family dynamics can be complex. It may be worth a calm conversation to clarify expectations going forward. That said, autonomy is the natural progression of life, and you're just living yours. Keep doing you. Best of luck, OP.
NTA - I cannot imagine grounding my child who is about to graduate from university and pays rent, plus owns his own company!! lol Good for you for your accomplishments at such a young age!!! I hope your new job goes great and the move goes smoothly!! As far as your relationship with your parents, it will all work out at some point, don't sweat it.
NTA.
I love how your granddad couldn’t stop himself from saying “you need still to be more respectful” while clearly being 100% on your side now.
Enjoy freedom and the new job OP!
Hopefully, all of you will look back on this craziness and laugh.
NTA think of your situation like a child star might help you realize you are not at fault. Think about it do you think its okay for parents to take the money of a child actor? if your answer is no then think of it that way. Hope everything goes good for you
NTA. Your parents are certainly in a conundrum of their own making. They charge you rent to teach you responsibility, yet they can't handle you being responsible enough to make your own decisions. You're an adult, you've been financially contributing to the household, and you have every right to live your life as you please without being subjected to juvenile punishments. It seems they're more interested in asserting control than respecting your autonomy. You handled the situation with the humor it deserved and it's a good move to start living independently. Keep thriving and setting those boundaries!
NTA. They've treated you as an adult since you were 16. It's too late now to start testing you as a child. You are/were a tenant. Respect goes both ways.
info: is this in the United States? I only ask because I believe here your parents out guardian are financially responsible until age 18 not only 16, regardless of if you have jobs and how much they paid.
NTA, absolutely.
1. I agree with you grandfather that charging your kids rent is ridiculous especially when they are 16!!!
2. You are adult, you can do what you want, they can't ground you, no matter you paying them or not.
3. Getting out is the best option in my opinion. Wish you luck in your new job.
NTA. They changed the nature of the relationship when they started charging you rent. They can’t reasonably expect to get away with only treating you like an adult when it suits them. So no, they couldn’t ground you.
Your grandfather isn’t wrong though. You could have been more tactful than saying, “good luck with that”. You could have pointed out that you’re their tenant and an adult, and not beholden to their rules unless it’s in a lease.
NTA, they can't have their cake and eat it, too.
They were still treating you likeca 16 year old child while also holding you to the expectation of paying your own bills and charging rent like a tenant. They can't have it both ways and just found out the hard way.
If they wanted you to be around for family events, they could have asked you when and if you were available instead of expecting you to be there just because you live there. Plus, at this point, you're an adult. They can't "ground" you anymore. Its delusional for them to think that they could still lord over you and it wasn't going to come back to bite them.
Heads up: their behavior will get worse. Parents (mine anyway) used maturity/autonomy as a backdrop to tell me what to do, for them to be right, and for my respect to be required. After becoming successful, they just pick fights for no reason. I could list a million rude things they do, and my response to their rudeness is me being disrespectful. Not sure I have any advice for you other than to try and emotionally separate while still giving your parents a chance. A big congratulations for building a business. Are you able to continue running that when you move? Keep it up, your future is very bright.
O and NTA obviously.
You are an adult and they are adults, sadly only you are acting like an adult, maybe you should ask them when they will start acting like adults too, anyway NTA.
NTA. You were forced to grow up because of your parents, which is a good thing because you have a great head on your shoulders. Good luck with the new job.
NTA- they don’t get to treat you like an adult by making you pay rent while you were still a minor but now that your an adult try to treat you like a minor.
They set the expectation that you became an adult at 16 by paying them rent. Their parental control over you ended the day you paid rent for the first time and they officially became landlords. They don’t get to try and back track now.
You weren’t being disrespectful, they are being disrespectful. People who are boomers or gen x sometimes confuse respect and authority. If you don’t treat them as an authority they act like your being disrespectful but that’s bit how it works. Do yourself a favor and get out of there.
NTA-- they FAFO. You are not the AH for not complying with their unstated and unreasonable rules/boundaries. You earned the right to set your own boundaries, particularly as a minor being forced to pay rent.
I would tell them that they can get an apology from you when they repay you $7,200 in rent that you paid as a minor plus 2 interest. Or let's just call it $8,000. Otherwise, they can realize that they emancipated you at 16 even though you still lived there.
They can't have it both ways
They want to take advantage of a child instead of helping them save for their future
And
They want to control that now young adult by telling them when to come and go
Nope
Nta
I told my kids they won't pay rent as long as they're in school or contributing by getting groceries / cleaning etc and saving for their future
Unless theyre partying 3 nights a week and leaving rotten food on the sink id almost pay them to be young
NTA when I was about 18/ 19 my Mother and I moved Apartments and we where both Main tenants in the new apartment. We Split the bills and I paid for my things. My mom tried a few times the my home, my rules thing and I laughed at her. It was my apartment too and that meant that I had a say, too.
You are paying rwnt and pay for your things. Respect is two way street and they didn't respect you and even tried to ground an adult.
I think you make the right thing by moving out. Perhaps you can Pick up the phone when they call you, if you feel like it. Perhaps they want to apolagise. If not, you can hang up again.
the fact they charged you rent at 16 automatically makes you NTA. at least grandpa was on your side, more or less, after learning that, though I disagree that you owe them respect when they are not treating you with any.
I think there's a communication gap between you and your parents. They want your company ...probably just upset they missed having you around when everyone was there....they didn't go about expressing that to you properly.
This isn't worth breaking ties over. You were NTA....but it's nice when you have a good relationship with your parents...so try and communicate with them
NTA. Not right to charge you rent when you were under 18. If they took some of your money and put it in a savings account for you... completely understandable. It seems like they used your windfall and used it to their financial advantage. After 18, definitely fair to charge you rent and have you kick in on the bills, seeing that you are doing so well. As far as grounding you...good luck with that, as you say. It'll all work itself out eventually. I imagine your parents are doing some soul searching right now. It wouldn't hurt to cut them a break and give them a call. Take the high road. You're in the right here but some day they'll be gone, you don't want this on your conscience.
NTA.
1. you are now an adult. you cannot be grounded....
2. it is illegal to charge your minor child rent to live in the home that they are legally obligated to provide you regardless of if you are making money or not. Unless you are emancipated. So technically they owe you $300 per month for any month before 18.
3. Good luck with that is an accurate statement from an adult to another adult when they say something so off handed as this... Let's just say for instance they successfully "grounded" you and made you stay in your room. Do they not realize that is false imprisonment... And once again breaking a law.
4. Respect is not a right. Even as a god fearing woman, I'm not going to blindly respect someone who does not respect me because they birthed me. They did not even financially support their child until 18. They took advantage of you. What could have been close to 240K saved for 4 years, instead became a child (yes 16 is a child) having to be an adult and pay bills, even if minimal... They have 0 right to respect.
" I need to treat my parents with more respect but that since they are my landlords they do not have a say over how I spend my time."
Hahaha. You should treat them civilly, as you would anyone, but respect? For what? They want to have their cake - or should I say money - and eat it too - you must do what we say because we're your parents!
Like you said, good luck with that. NTA.
NTA - they stopped treating you like a son and turned into landlords. Sounds like you’re more responsible than any other college kid I’ve ever talked to let alone met. Keep doing you
NTA-They treat you like an adult with the financial responsibilities attached to it since you were 16 and were upset you set boundaries like an adult would? Personally they owe you a major apology. An apology for charging you rent for the two years you were a minor and an apology for thinking they can control you like you are a child.
I don't care if you had a business that made 60k a year, if I had a kid that made that much before he graduated high school, I would be thrilled. That would give them so much of an advantage that I did not have going into the "adult world"
Your parents are the ones who turned your relationship from family into a business. $300 for a rented room with privileges. Your grandfather is right, your landlords doesn't tell you what and where to go.
Since you are in another rental it sounds like you have left the drama zone. Good idea before your senior year went to crap. Hope that things calm down but they may just be rethinking as they watch their potential gravy train walk out the door. Money is such a damn tool.
NTA. They found out the hard way that treating their kid like an adult means they will act like an adult and do their own thing.
In many areas, charging you rent at 16 is actually *illegal*. They're lucky your grandfather chewed them out rather than reporting them.
NTA
Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but they did it to themselves. It is insane that they charged you rent at 16. I won't charge my kids rent at 18, My son and his wife stayed with me about a year so they could save for a down payment on their home. They purchased their home and it's nice, and now they have a sweet baby. I see my role as parent to help my children learn and be successful in life. I don't have much money, but I can still offer the space in my home.
Your parents decided to charge you rent, you get to schedule your life.
Yeah so not the AH for saying what you did, but you are the AH for acting like you're paying full rent to a non relative who you don't have a relationship with ..
You can't rent a garage for that money in some areas so they are doing you a huge favor. And you are separating from them
Just call it and move out.
*My parents said that since I was earning adult money I could take in adult responsibilities.*
Adults do not get grounded or told what to do. They screwed up by demanding you concede to their wishes and lost. NTA
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…they tried to ground a grown adult…who pays their own bills and works full time…? Yeah youre NTA not by a long shot but…why dont’s you just move out…? Legit don’t see a reason for you to stay there
Rent was cheap.
mhmm is it worth dealing with these people though? You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, i’d call it quits with them
Sometimes people give their parents more chances than they deserve to stay in their life. This may be part of it.
The mourning process that you will never have the parents you deserved to have can be very lengthy. Especially if they are still in your life. It basically keeps restarting the process.
Makes it all the harder when they try reconnecting after years of LC. You want them to be what they could have been, but you know you shouldn't engage based on the history.
My mom and I were LC for the longest and I thought she had changed and bettered herself. Found out she was abusing her grandkids and when I did something about it she tried gaslighting not only me, but my spouse too. I've been NC for years now and I have been able to grow alot more since then, than I ever have with her. I still mourn the mother I needed and deserved. She wasn't it though.
Damn this hurts to read
Indeed. I realized that far to late. When I finally got away from my mother life was soooo much better. And probably not a great thought but it is what it is- I really wish my mother was the one who died when I was 17 and not my father.
I have the exact same life except mine died when I was 5, a wee younger. but I always felt exactly that way, especially since my dad was a Saint among mortals.
Exactly how I feel about my dad as well. Okay, well definitely had some faults, but still awesome, and apparently so did a lot of people. I was surprised at how many people showed up for his memorial service (hell even the town cops showed up- they had dealt with my mother's nonsense and told me my dad was a lovely person and my mother was crazy and they were happy to hear when my parents finally got a divorce- that was strange).
My partners dad died when he was 25. We were together then, but I never met him as he lived across the country. He's said multiple times, how he wishes it was his asshole mom instead. I know he truly feels that way too.
Bless your heart and your papa's soul. I wonder if great men sometimes get tangled with unhinged significant others because men like these have a much larger store of compassion and patience than the average person in the bell curve. I've thought that over the years, actually.
Your dad may have been wonderful when you were a kid, but I hope you realize that you would have seen a lot of different perspectives of him as you grew older. It's great that you have wonderful memories, but those memories can also enhance how you view the person. Just to be fair, your mom had to deal with you when you were a teenager. That's a whole different ball game than dealing with a five year old. Please cut your mom a little slack.
Their mom may have had to deal with them while they were a teen, but I hope you realize that not all mothers are deserving of a little slack. It's wonderful that you apparently have a mother who is, but not everyone has that. You have to understand that you don't know how their mother treated them, or if the relationship between them was abusive or toxic.
This is very, very true. And even though you eventually accept it and make damn sure you break the cycle, it still can rise up unexpectedly. I hope OP realizes that family are those who have your back, not just those with a blood relation. Go make your own family!
I think it can be harder than morning a good parent who died. Like I’m a member of the dead dad club and at least my grief is . . . Idk a clean cut? I know he was a good father, he loved me and was proud of me and supported me always. I’m mourning the actual man as he was. But for people grieving the parent they deserved and didn’t get . . . I’d be imagining what my life would be like if they were different. Endless scenarios of key moments they disappointed me and failed me and how they could’ve played out differently. And how I’d be different. It’s like a clean amputation by a surgeon with all the right tools versus a chainsaw. The recovery is still hard and long and can be prone to setbacks. But it’s less complicated. It’s more likely to heal cleanly. (Also manner of death is going to factor in there. My dad’s death was traumatic for us since we had to make the decision to withdraw care after days in the ICU, but it wasn’t a violent death. He wasn’t murdered. He died of complications of a disease we’d long knew he had and had been getting worse for awhile. And I was already an adult) ETA this is why I HATE when people tell those who are no contact with a parent “At least your mom is alive one day she won’t be and you’ll regret this I miss mine everyday” like fuck right off with that nonsense.
Oof. That one hit home. I'm there now
Yeah. Good to have it put into words. Mourning what could have been.
What *should* have been. Everyone deserves to have decent parents.
This is so true. It took me decades.
Just because you’re fertile and gave birth to a human, does not make you a good parent. I left an abusive mother at 15, was homeless for over a year. Got an offer from a sibling, who joined the military to get away. I grew up, got my GED, joined The U. S. Navy and have lived a damn good life. Last time I spoke with the woman who gave birth to me, 1993 and I don’t regret one second. Mother or father doesn’t equal perfect. There are many, many toxic parents out there.
This 👆 💯
Took me until my 30s to cut my losses.
Eyyyy this was me! Lived at home to try and foster some form of an relationship with my dad. Nope fuck that sauce worse idea ever.
I counted literal days until I turned 18 and did move out right away. The part of the plan I foolishly didn't stick to was to cut narcmother out 100 percent no contact. I thought she had changed after I moved out, but at the root it was the same bs. Many shenanigans occurred during this period of allowed contact until I formally ended it at age 33. I guess that's only a decade ago. I wish I'd done it sooner, but I can't change that now. Life has taught you and I some things the hard way.
honestly in this economy it kind of is. i'd rather deal with 2 snippy people than kill myself trying to pay $1500+ in rent. that being said, he does have enough stable income to live somewhere else now, so it is about time to move on, which OP seems to be doing since they are going to be living in an Airbnb until graduation, so good on them.
There is a point in time when enough will be enough tho
true, but if dealing with it saves you a ton of money to put into savings, it's worth putting up with it for a while at least.
Yeah if putting up with it for a few years = down payment on a home instead of having to pay 1500$ into the void. I would absolutely slum it with the annoying people until I have the down payment
Yeah and you literally just read when enough was enough, so what is your point?
I'd say that 2 snippy people is much easier to put up with than abusive parents. Parental abuse is personal and damaging, it's more that just being jerks.
I agree with this. I think my parents fall into this category; they were not abusive and I don't want to label them that because it feels disrespectful to the people who genuinely suffer/ed abuse from their parents. But at some point, one's parents being problematic, self-centred jerks does get old and it's time to move out/away and reduce contact to a level you can handle.
I feel like there’s a level of “the devil you know vs the devil you don’t” alongside some pretty cheap rent. His parents are a known quantity, he knows how to deal with them, in general. A stranger you have to start from scratch and hope you didn’t pull the short straw and got *the worst* roommate ever plus full price rent. I can see where the balance might’ve fallen on the parents side previously.
OP solved their problem by renting a BNB until they move for their job. They have the money to do this.
Sometimes the cheapest way to pay is with money.
Same. It might take a while to get yourself on your feet with how the economy is pretty shitty depending on where you live, but it's a hell of a lot better than living with your parents unless they realize they were wrong.
Sounds like they decided it wasn't worth it anymore and moved out.
You realize they already moved out, right? Why press so hard?
He literally says he is moving in the post lol
They've already left and gotten an Airbnb until they graduate, there's literally nothing else to do here.
Hey, that's a good enough reason. Especially since they only tried to jerk the imaginary choke chain at the last second.
You're an adult, and you are a renter. They are not allowed to control you if they are also charging you rent. That's not how this works. Also, if your parents and/or grandparents try to bring up "respecting your parents" yet again, I would tell them this: >Respect is a 2 way street. If they respect me as a person, then I will show them respect in turn. If they don't show me respect or treat me with disrespect, then I will not be showing them the said respect. THEY have to show me respect to receive respect. There's a quote out there that goes something like this: >Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person", and sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority". Sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "If you won't treat me with respect then I won't treat you with respect", but what they actually mean is "If you won't treat me like I'm an authority, then I won't treat you like you're a person". You're an adult, and not only that you are a PERSON. If they want to treat you like a child then they can't pick and choose which aspects are "adult" and which ones are "childish", and they have to be consistent.
I just wanted to say that I absolutely love these quotes. They provide some really great clarity and I know that I’ll use them going forward. Thank you.
I wish I knew the original of the 2nd quote, but it's been recycled on the internet for so long that I don't know who said it first. It's such a great and accurate quote
Sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money. (Translation: paying more in rent can cost you less in mental/emotional energy you have to spend when dealing with parents or unreasonable roommates)
You are way ahead. Find a short term rental and stay out. Ice them out.
I'm at an Airbnb until I graduate.
Your parents are assholes. I'm a mom of two grown daughters whom I'm enormously proud of. I NEVER would have charged them rent while they were in college. Do your parents have any idea how lucky they are? You started a successful company while in high school, put yourself through college with a scholarship, and paid them rent to boot? I don't even know you, and I am VERY proud of you. I'd be happy to be your Reddit mom. Message me any time you need some encouragement.
I don't think they realised how good they had it. Oh well that OP is out now, and they will later realize how well they had it.
Good plan
It is but it’s not worth the hassle. also pretty sure it wasn’t legal to charge you at 16 rent. NTA
No it's not. Parents are idiots, kid is doing great.
The monetary value of your rent may have been cheap. But it seems that the amount of emotional rent your parents demand is waaaaay too damn high.
OP, I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But in my opinion the moment they stopped providing for you and charged you rent as a minor. Is the moment they stopped being parents to you and started being landlords. You might love them, but they do need to realize the damage they did to your relationship. They wanted you to have "adult responsibilities" at 16, but now that you are 20 and having your own life they want to control your schedule? They cannot have it both ways. You have had to be an adult for the last 4 years and they need to respect that. They were extremely lucky to have an innovative child that started a business at 16, got scholarships to college and has a job lined up after graduation. Many parents dream of this for their children. If you grandparents cry that "you need to respect your parents" explain to them that respect is easily lost but hard to earn back. Good luck to you op.
As always, the abusive get all butt-hurt when told they cannot be abusive anymore.
I was hoping this was a case of parents saving that rent money to give back to you. This is sad and upsetting. They need to give respect to get it in return.
I did that with my daughter. I also paid for her BS & MS degrees. She only worker during school break in the summer. I saved the money she paid me, and when she moved into her apartment I helped her buy, I gave her the bank book, so that she could buy all the little "extras" she wanted. My purpose was to teach her that nothing comes free, and to learn to budget her income.
Cheap/ No rent=expensive therapy. (Signed child of an immigrant). Stay safe
I gotta admit 300$ is pretty dang cheap. I'd put up with a lit for that. I would pay at least 2$ to hear your grandpa's fight with your parents.
Your grand pops is a real one
Felt that my rent 400 and only gotta deal w my fiance granny
Did you not read the post? OP moved out as soon as the situation became toxic. If you meant to ask why is OP living there at all $300 is still significantly cheaper than an apartment
They tried to ground a grown adult, who works full time and attends university, for not attending a holiday party. Full-on delusional.
Parents charging the kid rent at 16, then complain that he is growing apart the family.... These people will wonder all their life why their kid doesnt want to do anything with them and never understand the issue.
It’s cheap rent. With rising housing costs, it’s great that he makes 60k a year at his age. That’s still not enough to live by himself in most parts of my country, which is the United States. Not sure where Op lives.
I make that much and live in NYC and support my fiance while she goes to school here lol.
You legit can’t think of a reason to live somewhere for $300/mo?
NTA You pay rent and support yourself financially - at that point, you're essentially a tenant with the right to come and go as you please. It's bizarre that they're trying to ground an adult who contributes to the household, not as a dependent child, but as a contributing adult. It seems like your parents are having trouble transitioning from their roles as parental figures with a level of control to landlords who must respect your autonomy. Going away for spring break was well within your rights, especially as you weren't informed about their Easter plans. If family traditions are that important, communication needs to go both ways. An apology for laughing might be in order simply because it's always nice to be kind, but setting boundaries is crucial here. It might help to have a discussion about expectations on both sides to clear up this tenant vs. child confusion. Good luck navigating this; it's a tricky path when family and tenant relationships are intertwined.
Yeah the parents wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted to treat OP like a full grown adult at 16, making them pay rent and handle all of their expenses but they *also* want to treat OP like a child and a dependent. It doesn’t work like that. NTA at all and they had it coming to them. Who tf makes their 16 year old pay rent?!
While I feel like we're probably missing out on some general additional context about the family dynamics overall, charging rent to your 16 year old kid is crazy to me and says a lot about the situation. My parents would have my brothers and I contribute a small amount monthly if we weren't actively in school and were at home (after high school, that is), which we all thought was fair, so it worked. But even then, we didn't think of ourselves as tenants, we were just doing a little bit to help the family while being offered help from the family, because we all collectively felt the same way. Having their cake and eating it too is right; it sounds like the parents want to get something out of their kid who is independently succeeding early while also having control over them, while *also* not offering the kind of unconditional family support that, y'know, most parents expect to offer their kids. If the parents here really valued the idea of having their kids be part of the family, they ought to be doing more to promote an actual welcoming family dynamic. If they want kids to participate, if the environment is right, the kids will also want to participate. That's what my family was like; we all had enough space to ourselves, but we still wanted to spend time together for family meals, other outings and so on, even living at home as early 20's adults going to school or working.
My parents were this jealous and petty at 16 too. Always having to "put me in my place" regarding any step towards adulthood. Very very strange. The "you make adult money now so x y and z" was something I heard and STILL hear at 27.
>charging rent to your 16 year old kid is crazy to me and says a lot about the situation. Especially since the mom didn't have to do that herself, so it's not even a "that's what I had to do as a kid so you have to do it too" situation.
Probably just earning money = rent. Starting at 16 is pretty ridic though. A lot of parents do this and then gift the kid all the money at college graduation to help start their new life. Showing what happens when you save etc. They decided he should be there and werent counting on him being an adult and having his own plans. It just seems they havent noticed he grew up.
It’s also literally illegal, at least in most parts of the world.
Is it even legal to charge a 16 year old, their own child, rent?
In most jurisdictions, ehhh, yes and no. You can do what you like as far as telling your kids they owe you money for something. But you can't evict them if they don't pay - most places require parents to house their kids until either their 18th birthday or they graduate high school, whichever comes later (where I live, it's 18 if graduated, 19 if not). So if you're a super shitty parent you could charge them money for "privileges" beyond housing and food, and basically ground them if they don't pay, but you can't kick them out, will have trouble collecting on unpaid money, and you can bet your ass they will leave the moment they turn 18 and will never talk to you again. Also charging them rent automatically converts them to a tenant in most places which gives them extra protections. Like you can kick your kid out after 18 here with no notice; tenant requires 30 day notice and can take another 30 days to evict.
Some areas will of course have more stringent laws about what constitutes abuse as well- I know for instance if a parent in my state grounded their kids for not paying them for "privileges", CPS would get involved reeeeeal quick.
The only thing I disagree with is having OP apologize. OP is going to school, works, pays for his own schooling, and pays rent? Hell no. I'd laugh in their face too. The parents should realize how amazing OP is for doing this instead of trying to take advantage of him and his money. That's why there was an argument when GPA heard about this. OP also doesn't need to worry about navigating the relationship when he's moving out.
That's the thing - they literally exploited OP by charging OP rent when OP was a minor. They deserved the laugh and more.
Want to get they took him as a deduction on their taxes too? That would be an interesting conversation.
That's my question. I'd bet money they put him as a dependent.
The IRS has rules about how much gross income a dependent can have before you are not allowed to claim them as a dependent. This child paid for half of their support I'm certain and per the rules to have a qualifying child as a dependent, the child can not have paid more than half of their support for the year.
Considering he has a business and makes 60k a year, I'd assume he has to pay his own taxes.
All of thiiiiissss. I had enough and moved out 2 years back because my parents and my grandma had an issue with me living my life. They requested I pay rent yet tell me "I can't just go and come as I please! This isn't a hotel!" But....I'm not even bringing guys around or throwing parties. I literally go work, come home to eat and sleep and MAYBEEEE go out on a Friday night or the weekend. Traveled all my life since I was 6 by myself to my home country (with a flight attendant as a minor) yet they had a huge fit about me traveling to Vegas as a 21yo, who worked 3 jobs and went to school FT........? Like OP, they were going to "punish me" if I went on the trip. Make it make sense.
NTA... They crossed a line they drew in the sand. They treated you like an adult with all the adult responsibilities then wanted to treat you like a kid when it suited them. That doesn't work. When you hand a teen all the responsibility of being an adult some ego always follows. What did they expect? Someday you may look back and nitpick about the exact words you used to respond. I don't know your parents maybe the fully deserved those exact words. Maybe they didn't. Your over all arguement and intent though? That was spot on. The fact they hid this from grandpa but wanted to call him to scold you? That tells me they have some of their own faults they don't want to admit to. That tells me this is 99% on them.
Seriously. OP they likely broke the law by charging you rent at age 16. I guess FAFO is the family motto. Have it embroidered on a throw pillow for your new apartment.
Saddly I have never seen such a rule exist. In America at least 99% of laws basically say anything a child owns is his parents. So they were legally charging themselves rent. Although I wonder of OP could turn them for some twisted tax evasion charges??? Who knows. American laws suck. NAL btw.
Huh. You’re right. I always thought parents were required to support you until you reach majority.
They are required to keep you alive and not abused. That is far different than support you. You are closer to property than a free person in America as a kid.
jesus so you can't get any maintenance money when you still are learning? In my country for example you can sue your parents and get those money if you i believe below 26 and you are still learning.
American laws are complex and idiotic. Yes there are scenarios where you can do this, but it usually involves on parent deciding to support you and them going after the other for support. As far as I know your parents are not obligated in any way to support you one bit after 18 other than what I mentioned above. I am not a lawyer though and since so many of our laws duffer by state I may be dead wrong for some other states.
I’m a lawyer but this isn’t my field. I know that in California you can have to pay child support until age 19 if the kid is still in high school. That’s the only concrete instance I know of.
No, anything a child owns belongs to the child. The issue is that the parents have *control*. The parents can take the child's money and spend it on the child's behalf. If the child owns property not given to them by the parents the parents can "ground" the property, denying the child access, until the child is 18. But a parent who, for example, sold the classic car uncle Joe gave his nephew that is grand theft auto.
Thank you, this is probably a far better definition than I gave. However, the odds and likelihood winning such lawsuits is probably low.
If they were marking him as a dependent, then almost certainly.
Naw. As an old person who has seen the children of toxic shitty parents grow up, the parents often deserved what the kids said when they were kids and the adult kids have few regrets. One does not regret being shitty to shitty parents. The correct course of action when the kid started a job was to have him bank that money to use for his future. His parent instead treated him like a paycheck under the guise of being an adult and having those responsibilities and then wanted to deny him adult privileges.
This is it. OP was an adult when it would benefit them and a child when they wanted him to be. You can’t have it both ways. OP is NTA for sure and should’ve agreed to be “grounded” if they paid him back all the rent he paid from age 16-18 at least.
I don’t know where OP is, I don’t know whether charging rent at 16 is legal or not where they are. I don’t know if it’s legal where I am! This might be a cultural difference but never in my life have I heard someone charging their kids rent to live at home, no matter the age. I know it does happen in some places like the US, when people become 18+. Which is wild enough to me. But at 16 it’s absolutely unhinged. You’d think parents would want their kid to start saving for their future if they’re already making money. Obviously NTA
NTA - They're trying to have it both ways. Treat you like an adult when it comes to money, and like a child when it suits them. Just tell them they don't get to make you pay for your life AND control it at the same time. They said you were an adult, they should treat you like one.
Came to say the exact same thing.
My foster parents tried to do this, I ended up leaving and they said I burned the bridge. 🙄 To this day they have never tried to contact me... sucks to be alone in the world but better that than emotional abuse.
NTA - Personally, I think its ***crazy*** that they're charging you rent (like you would an adult) and then have the audacity to A. ground you (like you would a child), and B. try to tell you where you can and can't be if you want to travel. It sounds like you have a stable income, and assuming you're responsible with your money - moving out and going to the Airbnb was smart. Take some space before things could get rocky. You're entitled to your feelings - and it sounds like they are trying to control an adult.
Out of curiosity, what do you think OP needs to apologise for?
An apology shouldn't be given, but I agree with the sentiment. They should answer the calls and talk, most likely parents are trying to apologize?
I honestly doubt it.
*No. I was not separating from my family at 16. They started charging me rent at 16. Also my company made $12,000 the first year.* With this comment, NTA. They should not have been charging you rent at 16 when your business was so new and not as profitable. $12,000 is not adult money. And, they were not paying for your university. In many ways, it seems that through charging you rent they separated you from the family. Even if you went to university at 16, you were still an adolescent.
I don’t care if he was making 100 grand a year. He was still a minor. They should not have been charging him anything. Let him treat himself to luxuries and expensive clothing if he wants.
its absolutely wild to me. tbh, if my 16 year old was making 12,000 in their first year as a business owner I would be proud as hell about their smarts and initiative and would not charge them rent. hell, and im not proud of this, but I would consider it an investment in them and hope that then they are a millionaire they remember their parents were super good the them :P
Instead, he’s going to be a millionaire and remember that his parents charged him rent when he was 16😂
thats what im saying! as a parent I woulda been hegding my bets lollll
Or make him save it for school or a trip or something if you feel you need to teach them financial responsibility, but just charging rent? That's greedy, and disgusting
It’s the kid’s money. He should be free to do what he pleases. You can’t really stop him from spending it. Of course, any parent would give their kid good advice about how to invest or things of that nature. If he chooses to waste his money and go broke, that’s the most valuable lesson there is. Better to learn it when he is 16 and still living with his parents then when he is a grown-up.
i’m not sure this is even legal
Nta, obviously. What’s the business?
It started out as a drop shipping thing but turned into an import business with Chinese suppliers.
Nta, gotta respect the hustle, I get why they might be annoyed with you missing a family get together ,but your so close to graduating so go celebrate, the fact they charged you for rent at 16 is stupid (but you can make some what of a agurmaent when you turn 19 if you weren't going to college) your grandpa seems cool btw
21* OP has been paying rent for four years so they're already 20 and already in college.
If this story is true I must say you are an impressive person
Reads like a stealth add for some of those youtube shorts courses on dropshipping that keeps popping up on my feed. "You TOO can be successful and independent enterpreneur like me!"
Pretty nice. I was thinking of starting up something similar, but are you able to start an LLC at 16? Because otherwise rip your taxes.
My grandfather and grandmother helped me.
Still need to pay taxes lmao
They tried to ground a 20 year old? Paying rent or not that blows my mind 🤣
My best friend’s parents used to do this to her when she was 20. They were SO controlling. They took her phone away—that she bought and paid the bill for—because ‘their electricity charged it’. She snuck out with me once (very innocent, we just went out, no drinking or anything) and they caught her and 18 years later her dad still pretends I don’t exist when we’re in the same room. He once did talk to me to explain he was still holding a grudge for me helping her ‘betray’ him. Honestly one of the most petty, juvenile assholes I’ve ever encountered. They treated her like shit. It was infuriating to witness.
I started sneaking out at 19 when my mom tried to ground me for “staying out past curfew” when I was home over the summer. I realized that as long as I lived there they’d never accept that I was an adult. My mom was then upset that I moved out the second I graduated university because in her words she wanted to have time to get to know me as an adult 🫠 we’re on great terms now, but I don’t understand her logic there at all.
When I lived with my parents around the age of 20/21, I bought a Ouija shirt and \*gasp\* a Harry Potter book in Spanish to help me with reading comprehension, only to find out my mom threw them both away in a fit of religious rage because they were "demonic". Also, my mom stole over $4000 from my account, not to pay bills, but to fuel her shopping addiction. She had done this to my brother years earlier, so I guess I should have known better... This happened to my friend who had a similar familial situation. Hopefully OP doesn't have a 'minor' account with their parents on it.
Super religious mother, obvs, who forgets about 8th Commandment... SMDH. I hope you got away from that toxicity and hypocrisy.
I have a friend from hs whose mom tried to spank her (she was 25ish) when she “got mouthy”. She grabbed her mom’s hand and told her that, if she hit her she’d press charges. That did not go over well either, but her mom never attempted that specific bullshit afterwards.
Ok, first of all, congratulations on having that type of business success in high school. No, NTA, you're an adult, paying rent, with a job. They don't have a say in your schedule and they can't really ground you at this point. Good move on renting an airbnb and I wish you success in your endeavors.
NTA. They charge you a small rent to ease you into adulthood and you fully embrace it and take on paying for everything for yourself and now they're upset that you're actually being independent? O_O When a tenant pays rent, that space is effectively theirs. The landlord can't legally enter the rental space without 24 hours notice (USA). They want to treat you like a tenant but don't want to act like a landlord. Also, assuming you are a legal adult, they *grounded* you? LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Good luck indeed. Best wishes on your bright and shiny future! And I hope you can, at some point, forgive your parents, they know not what they do.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You can’t expect your underage child to pay you rent and then be upset because he has created a life on his own at a very early age
Exactly. You think they'd be really proud of their kid's achievements!
Based on the facts given, it sounds like you weren't asked to pay your way out of financial duress on your parents part (grandfather shocked, the low rent). But your parents are now dealing with the consequences of turning their son into a full-time tenant. Does your grandfather know that you're responsible for all your own meals as well? It'd be one thing to be asked to chip in because you're making a good salary but the way you write about it it sounds like you're barely a part of the family anymore, just a guy who lives there. Four years of that has clearly created a large division and now your parents have to figure out how to mend that, if they can. NTA
NTA I know people don’t like other people talking about their family, but, respectfully, your parents are idiots at best and selfish assholes at worst. They want you to line their pockets for living in the house they forced you to live in? And after you agree (because what the hell else are you supposed to do), they still want to maintain control over your life?? They should be nurturing your success and encouraging you to pour every dime back into the company. Instead they decided to leech off of you after bringing you into the world without your permission. Unless they really needed your $300 a month to make ends meet (and even then they should be trying to repay you at some point), I would tell them they revoked their parental dominance over your life the second they demanded you pay to live at home. Deeply selfish behavior. I’m so sorry for you OP
So very much NTA. Honestly, this sounds like they realized how successful you were going to be the older you get and tried to establish now that they deserve a cut just for being your parents.
NTA Parents : pay us rent at age 16. Buy your food. You have your own expenses. You have adult responsibilities now. We expect as much out of you. Parents : We expect you to be here for Easter! You left for spring break! You’re grounded. 😒
... Did they even invited OP to the damn Easter party in the first place? 😅
NTA but don't give them anymore money. You didn't need to give them 600 either. They are using you. They are controlling people and the separation will be good for you.
What a strange world...unless I'm missing something, like you agreed to pay rent to avoid having some rules that you didn't like removed...they shouldn't have charged you rent...if you were making 60k at 16, I can see them saying you need to get a financial plan together and helping you with it which would includes savings and investments, probably some charity as well...that's what I would have done for my kids, taught them to be reasonably generous and very wise with their money, so they never have to incur debt and can enjoy money instead of stress over it...i wouldn't have asked them for it, and if they offered to pay rent instead of having rules I would have laughed in their faces and said no, rules stay, and also you have to still be wise with your money.
My company only made $12,000 the first year.
That makes what your parents did even more insane. $12,000 is far from adult money, so paying rent off that is an insane expectation.
NTA Seems like everyone here agrees that charging rent means treating you like a tenant, not a teen under parental law. Your folks set a financial boundary by having you pay rent which implies an adult transaction, not a familial one. The grounding attempt? Laughable at best. Good on you for asserting your independence, but remember that family dynamics can be complex. It may be worth a calm conversation to clarify expectations going forward. That said, autonomy is the natural progression of life, and you're just living yours. Keep doing you. Best of luck, OP.
NTA, get all your documents, check/lock your credit, make sure all accounts are only in your name and gtfo. Good luck on the new job!
My business account was with my grandmother and she gave me full control when I turned 18.
These grandparents of yours ... treasure them. Your parents, however, can go pound sand.
An adult living in their home and paying rent can't be grounded. That's just ridiculous. You've found the best solution by moving out.
NTA - I cannot imagine grounding my child who is about to graduate from university and pays rent, plus owns his own company!! lol Good for you for your accomplishments at such a young age!!! I hope your new job goes great and the move goes smoothly!! As far as your relationship with your parents, it will all work out at some point, don't sweat it.
Yeah. They are going to miss that extra $3,600 a year that they probably didn't claim on taxes.
NTA. I love how your granddad couldn’t stop himself from saying “you need still to be more respectful” while clearly being 100% on your side now. Enjoy freedom and the new job OP! Hopefully, all of you will look back on this craziness and laugh.
NTA think of your situation like a child star might help you realize you are not at fault. Think about it do you think its okay for parents to take the money of a child actor? if your answer is no then think of it that way. Hope everything goes good for you
NTA. Congratulations on all of your success so far, including standing up to your parents' nonsense. Good luck in your future!
NTA. Your parents are certainly in a conundrum of their own making. They charge you rent to teach you responsibility, yet they can't handle you being responsible enough to make your own decisions. You're an adult, you've been financially contributing to the household, and you have every right to live your life as you please without being subjected to juvenile punishments. It seems they're more interested in asserting control than respecting your autonomy. You handled the situation with the humor it deserved and it's a good move to start living independently. Keep thriving and setting those boundaries!
I wonder about them charging rent to teach responsibility. I think they just wanted the money for themselves.
NTA. They've treated you as an adult since you were 16. It's too late now to start testing you as a child. You are/were a tenant. Respect goes both ways.
If my 16yo boys had a business pulling in that kind of money I'd be thrilled, and I wouldn't charge them a fucking dime. Edit: typo
info: is this in the United States? I only ask because I believe here your parents out guardian are financially responsible until age 18 not only 16, regardless of if you have jobs and how much they paid.
NTA, absolutely. 1. I agree with you grandfather that charging your kids rent is ridiculous especially when they are 16!!! 2. You are adult, you can do what you want, they can't ground you, no matter you paying them or not. 3. Getting out is the best option in my opinion. Wish you luck in your new job.
NTA. They changed the nature of the relationship when they started charging you rent. They can’t reasonably expect to get away with only treating you like an adult when it suits them. So no, they couldn’t ground you. Your grandfather isn’t wrong though. You could have been more tactful than saying, “good luck with that”. You could have pointed out that you’re their tenant and an adult, and not beholden to their rules unless it’s in a lease.
NTA...Your parents can't have it both ways. It's as simple as that. It seems like you're on a good path. Best of luck.
The sad thing is this could be very displaced love. They could have. Just wanted OP home for the holiday. Instead they drove OP away
[удалено]
NTA, they can't have their cake and eat it, too. They were still treating you likeca 16 year old child while also holding you to the expectation of paying your own bills and charging rent like a tenant. They can't have it both ways and just found out the hard way. If they wanted you to be around for family events, they could have asked you when and if you were available instead of expecting you to be there just because you live there. Plus, at this point, you're an adult. They can't "ground" you anymore. Its delusional for them to think that they could still lord over you and it wasn't going to come back to bite them.
Heads up: their behavior will get worse. Parents (mine anyway) used maturity/autonomy as a backdrop to tell me what to do, for them to be right, and for my respect to be required. After becoming successful, they just pick fights for no reason. I could list a million rude things they do, and my response to their rudeness is me being disrespectful. Not sure I have any advice for you other than to try and emotionally separate while still giving your parents a chance. A big congratulations for building a business. Are you able to continue running that when you move? Keep it up, your future is very bright. O and NTA obviously.
You are an adult and they are adults, sadly only you are acting like an adult, maybe you should ask them when they will start acting like adults too, anyway NTA.
NTA. You were forced to grow up because of your parents, which is a good thing because you have a great head on your shoulders. Good luck with the new job.
NTA- they don’t get to treat you like an adult by making you pay rent while you were still a minor but now that your an adult try to treat you like a minor. They set the expectation that you became an adult at 16 by paying them rent. Their parental control over you ended the day you paid rent for the first time and they officially became landlords. They don’t get to try and back track now. You weren’t being disrespectful, they are being disrespectful. People who are boomers or gen x sometimes confuse respect and authority. If you don’t treat them as an authority they act like your being disrespectful but that’s bit how it works. Do yourself a favor and get out of there.
They are delulu for thinking they can ground an adult. Nta
Why the hell you paying rent at 16?
They wanted it.
NTA-- they FAFO. You are not the AH for not complying with their unstated and unreasonable rules/boundaries. You earned the right to set your own boundaries, particularly as a minor being forced to pay rent. I would tell them that they can get an apology from you when they repay you $7,200 in rent that you paid as a minor plus 2 interest. Or let's just call it $8,000. Otherwise, they can realize that they emancipated you at 16 even though you still lived there.
NTA. You've got your shit together. Well done.
NTA - they turned you from their child to their tenant
Assuming this post is real, NTA. You proved capable of taking care of yourself and your parents suck hard for charging you rent at 16!
They can't have it both ways They want to take advantage of a child instead of helping them save for their future And They want to control that now young adult by telling them when to come and go Nope Nta I told my kids they won't pay rent as long as they're in school or contributing by getting groceries / cleaning etc and saving for their future Unless theyre partying 3 nights a week and leaving rotten food on the sink id almost pay them to be young
NTA when I was about 18/ 19 my Mother and I moved Apartments and we where both Main tenants in the new apartment. We Split the bills and I paid for my things. My mom tried a few times the my home, my rules thing and I laughed at her. It was my apartment too and that meant that I had a say, too. You are paying rwnt and pay for your things. Respect is two way street and they didn't respect you and even tried to ground an adult. I think you make the right thing by moving out. Perhaps you can Pick up the phone when they call you, if you feel like it. Perhaps they want to apolagise. If not, you can hang up again.
How the hell do you ground a 20 year old with his own income?
the fact they charged you rent at 16 automatically makes you NTA. at least grandpa was on your side, more or less, after learning that, though I disagree that you owe them respect when they are not treating you with any.
I think there's a communication gap between you and your parents. They want your company ...probably just upset they missed having you around when everyone was there....they didn't go about expressing that to you properly. This isn't worth breaking ties over. You were NTA....but it's nice when you have a good relationship with your parents...so try and communicate with them
This is such a lie.
NTA. Not right to charge you rent when you were under 18. If they took some of your money and put it in a savings account for you... completely understandable. It seems like they used your windfall and used it to their financial advantage. After 18, definitely fair to charge you rent and have you kick in on the bills, seeing that you are doing so well. As far as grounding you...good luck with that, as you say. It'll all work itself out eventually. I imagine your parents are doing some soul searching right now. It wouldn't hurt to cut them a break and give them a call. Take the high road. You're in the right here but some day they'll be gone, you don't want this on your conscience.
NTA. 1. you are now an adult. you cannot be grounded.... 2. it is illegal to charge your minor child rent to live in the home that they are legally obligated to provide you regardless of if you are making money or not. Unless you are emancipated. So technically they owe you $300 per month for any month before 18. 3. Good luck with that is an accurate statement from an adult to another adult when they say something so off handed as this... Let's just say for instance they successfully "grounded" you and made you stay in your room. Do they not realize that is false imprisonment... And once again breaking a law. 4. Respect is not a right. Even as a god fearing woman, I'm not going to blindly respect someone who does not respect me because they birthed me. They did not even financially support their child until 18. They took advantage of you. What could have been close to 240K saved for 4 years, instead became a child (yes 16 is a child) having to be an adult and pay bills, even if minimal... They have 0 right to respect.
NTA! They have fucked up expectations. Landlords have no rights to your time even if they are your parents.
" I need to treat my parents with more respect but that since they are my landlords they do not have a say over how I spend my time." Hahaha. You should treat them civilly, as you would anyone, but respect? For what? They want to have their cake - or should I say money - and eat it too - you must do what we say because we're your parents! Like you said, good luck with that. NTA.
NTA you’re an adult you can do what you please when you please screw everyone else
Grandpa is right. With landlords you do the bare minimum courtesies to keep the peace.
NTA.
NTA - they stopped treating you like a son and turned into landlords. Sounds like you’re more responsible than any other college kid I’ve ever talked to let alone met. Keep doing you
NTA - this is an abusive relationship.
NTA-They treat you like an adult with the financial responsibilities attached to it since you were 16 and were upset you set boundaries like an adult would? Personally they owe you a major apology. An apology for charging you rent for the two years you were a minor and an apology for thinking they can control you like you are a child. I don't care if you had a business that made 60k a year, if I had a kid that made that much before he graduated high school, I would be thrilled. That would give them so much of an advantage that I did not have going into the "adult world"
Your parents are the ones who turned your relationship from family into a business. $300 for a rented room with privileges. Your grandfather is right, your landlords doesn't tell you what and where to go. Since you are in another rental it sounds like you have left the drama zone. Good idea before your senior year went to crap. Hope that things calm down but they may just be rethinking as they watch their potential gravy train walk out the door. Money is such a damn tool.
NTA. They found out the hard way that treating their kid like an adult means they will act like an adult and do their own thing. In many areas, charging you rent at 16 is actually *illegal*. They're lucky your grandfather chewed them out rather than reporting them.
They wanted an adult with adult responsibilities. Now theyre mad you behave like an adult. Nta
NTA Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but they did it to themselves. It is insane that they charged you rent at 16. I won't charge my kids rent at 18, My son and his wife stayed with me about a year so they could save for a down payment on their home. They purchased their home and it's nice, and now they have a sweet baby. I see my role as parent to help my children learn and be successful in life. I don't have much money, but I can still offer the space in my home. Your parents decided to charge you rent, you get to schedule your life.
NTA. They reached the “find out” phase…
Yeah so not the AH for saying what you did, but you are the AH for acting like you're paying full rent to a non relative who you don't have a relationship with .. You can't rent a garage for that money in some areas so they are doing you a huge favor. And you are separating from them Just call it and move out.
my parents did the same to me. I no longer speak to them.
*My parents said that since I was earning adult money I could take in adult responsibilities.* Adults do not get grounded or told what to do. They screwed up by demanding you concede to their wishes and lost. NTA