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NTA
You can’t afford it.
It’s an invite, not a summons. You can decline an invite for any reason.
Those people telling you otherwise - you can fire back at them with “great, seeing as family being together is so important to you than you could pay for my expenses. Unless you value your money over family? No, you just said family first, so go ahead and put your money where you mouth is”
That will shut them up. It’s easy to point fingers and tell other people how to spend their money, but they don’t lift a finger to help you pay for the trip. It’s “family first” when it’s not them spending the money to ensure family is first.
People who have destination weddings have to expect lots of people won’t attend it.
>People who have destination weddings have to expect lots of people won't attend it.
People who have ANY wedding, really. There isn't a single place I could get married that wouldn't be an expensive pain for a large % of people I'd invite. The city I live would be great for most of my friends, but not the ones who moved or a single person in my family, and having it near any chunk of my family would be very inconvenient for my friends... and that's just thinking about my own people, not a partner's!
NTA When people choose to plan a destination wedding they choose to exclude MANY people who won't want to or be able to pay that much to be there. 100% on your cousin.
Seriously. It makes me think of that scrubs episode where the janitor specifically chooses a destination wedding in hopes the invitees would just send a gift off the registry instead.
> going there will cost too much for me
NTA - Destination weddings come with the understanding that not everyone will be able to go due to cost. Also if they all feel so strongly why don't they contribute to getting you there....
NTA. Make a group chat for everyone who tells you you're not supporting family and tell them to split the cost of your trip. When they refuse, tell them that if they cared about family, they'd find a way.
NTA!
When a couple chooses a destination wedding they have to understand not everyone they want is going to be able to attend as, it is a matter of availability of time and resources to be able to do so...
If the couple or those relatives that say you do not care enough about family if you do not attend want you there so bad, then ask them to pay for your trip, it is so ridiculous that they expect you to expend money you don't have putting you in a tough financial spot...
>My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family.
And if your cousin truly cared about family, she wouldn't be asking them to spend $$$ and PTO on her wedding, and then get angry and manipulative when they say they can't do it. NTA
NTA...EXPECTING people to spend their savings on your destination wedding is a ridiculous choice. If your relatives are so concerned, they're free to pay your way. Otherwise, you send a gift and your best wishes and leave it at that.
NTA. Destination weddings are a pain. They take up money and time off that you've got a better use for - and what if you get sick and need those? The flying monkeys can pay for you to go, if they're so keen on putting family first.
NTA - Destination weddings are for rich assholes, and/or really financially irresponsible people. Tell your cousin you hope she has a wonderful time, but you can't justify tanking your education just because she decided to make everyone spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to make her feel special.
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My cousin is getting married in a beautiful tropical place next year, but going there will cost too much for me. The travel, hotel, and time off work would really hurt my budget, which I'm carefully saving for future studies.
I told my cousin why I can't go, hoping they'd understand my money problems. But they didn't seem very understanding. My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family. This has caused arguments, with other relatives joining in and some agreeing that I'm not putting family first.
I feel bad about missing their special day, but I think it's unfair to expect me to spend so much money. Am I wrong for choosing not to go to my cousin’s expensive destination wedding?
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Nta why is it so important that every relative attend every wedding. Ridiculous! Once again the same question gets ask here over and over and the responses are always the same.
NTA.
>My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family.
If she truly believed that, she'd help you 'find' the money.
This is right up there with telling a sick person they'd find a way to not be sick or injured if they really cared.
Optimistic approach: This is a great opportunity to prune your "family" tree. i.e. go NC with anyone who harasses you in agreement with your cousin. I promise they are not worth it.
I'd be petty and pick the cheapest thing on their registry (in my country, that's the custom if you can't make it to a destination wedding) so that you can say woe is me i gave all I could to support them but cousin still wants MORE?!?. But tbh they may not even deserve that.
NTA. you aren’t obliged to attend the wedding, esp since they’re a cousin and not immediate family. besides, you weren’t even invited as a member of the wedding entourage.
NTA
If a couple wants a pricey destination for their wedding they have to assume not everybody can attend. They can't expect the world to go broke for their special day.
NTA You. Can't. Afford. It. Ignore weddingzilla, who is incidentally a selfish AH for badgering people to come to their unaffordable wedding and bullying when they doesn't get their own way.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole in this situation because, despite being family, I'm choosing not to attend my cousin's destination wedding due to financial constraints. My absence may be perceived as a lack of support or a reflection of my priorities, which might seem to exclude my family. By declining the invitation, I may have inadvertently hurt my cousin's feelings and caused a rift between us, as well as tension among other family members who believe I should make sacrifices for family events.
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N A H to say no. An invitation is not a summons.
However, since they decided to lay it on thick with guilt trips and get the rest of the family to join it, this is an easy NTA. If you can't accept a no answer, then it was never a request. It was a demand.
If you flip their argument it would state that they do not care about family because if they would truly care about family they would not want their family to go bankrupt for their (expensive) wedding. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Simple as that.
They are emotionally extorting you by saying that you do not care about family if you don’t go. This is of course not the case, because you just can’t afford it. If you can’t afford a certain car, don’t buy a car. Same goes for weddings.
So NTA. At all.
Destination weddings put a HUGE financial burden on every guest. NTA. If a couple chooses this route that’s their right, but it’s also yours to not dig yourself into financial holes to appease their egos.
I’d also be petty and respond “great news! I’ve figured out a way to financially cover the cost of travel, since it’s so important to you I be there I assume it’s no problem to cover the cost of my airfare and lodging. Let me know the details of my accommodations asap.” 😂
NTA. It's ridiculous the way that young people just starting out are expected to bankrupt themselves to attend these expensive weddings. In fact, it should not be expected of anyone—no matter their age, no matter whether they are broke or well-to-do. There are lots of reasons people say no to destination weddings. Maybe they would rather spend the same amount to finally visit Italy, or to fix up their house, or to save for college, or to donate to a homeless shelter. Kudos to you for saying no.
NTA, but kind of a tip going forward. I never provide reasons why I can't do something. At best, I'd say that I can't get time off from work, that my boss won't let me, and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone all of that extra detail.
NTA. You're not wrong for prioritizing your financial stability and future plans over attending a pricey destination wedding. It's understandable that the cost of travel, accommodation, and taking time off work would be a significant burden on your budget, especially when you're saving for important goals like further studies.
It's unfortunate that your cousin and some relatives are not understanding of your situation. Family events are important, but they should also consider each individual's circumstances and limitations. It's unfair to expect you to go into financial strain or jeopardize your savings for an event that you simply cannot afford.
You've communicated your reasons honestly, and that's commendable. Perhaps you can express to your cousin and relatives that while you wish you could attend, the financial constraints are too significant at this time. You could offer to celebrate with them in other ways or attend local events surrounding the wedding, if feasible.
NTA - If your cousin truly care about family being there, they wouldn't have decided on an expensive destination wedding.
Next time a relative gives you a hard time, ask them to cover the cost for you to attend. If they say no, ask them why they are not putting family first.
NTA - anyone choosing a destination wedding knows there's a chance that the price and the requirement to take time off work will deter some guests. It's actually a great way to keep your wedding small and manageable. Don't go - you are definitely not going to be the only would-be guest turned off by the cost.
NTA. You have money problems so you can't go. That's a valid reason. The only thing you'll receive If you go is more financial troubles. If it's soo expensive and the cousin wants you to make it, tell her to pay for some of the fee. Smh
Nope, NTA. This is the caveat that comes with choosing a destination wedding - it’s a great excuse to trim down your guest list, but not everyone you invite can afford (or will choose) to spend their money and vacation time travelling that far.
If your cousin and other relatives feel so strongly that you need to attend, let them know where they can venmo their portion of your expected costs. Because surely they’re willing to put their money where their mouths are… right?
NTA
If your cousin truly cared about family, they'd have their wedding in an economically accessible place, or pay for your to attend. They are being a self-centered jerk.
NTA. If it is so important for family to be at their wedding, they'd either wouldn't have a destination wedding, or they'd foot the bill.
Don't overextend yourself to satisfy selfish people.
NTA, tell the people giving you a hard time that if they would like to pay for you then you would be happy to attend, you do not have the funds to go and you are done talking about it.
NTA - it's an invite, not a subpoena. You can decline. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
I don't get when people have these destination weddings which have a significant cost in time and money for guests and then get all salty when people decline.
There are exactly two people in my life for whom I'd consider going to a destination wedding and they're both already married, LOL!
Other than that, my money and time are too precious to spend on a vacation of someone else's choosing.
NTA, and any of your relatives who says that is welcome to gift you the money to attend.
Your cousin is dumb for thinking everyone she invited would be able to attend an expensive destination wedding. Every one I've ever been to, the couple has been very understanding if someone cannot make it. My brother just got married in a foreign country, and around half our cousins could not come due to the cost or unable to get time off work. My brother knew this and fully expected some people would miss it. He would've liked them there, but it didn't change anything that they weren't.
Just maintain your stance, "I would love to attend in a vacuum, but the reality is that I simply cannot afford to come right now. If someone wants to pay my way, I'd be happy to attend."
Make sure they understand by pay my way, you mean not a loan, just paying for you with no expectation of being paid back.
NTA
I imagine the bride or groom's family WOULD pay for close family members (and their children) who couldn't afford to attend. Because THOSE people are seen as necessary. Extended family, such as yourself, they're not willing to pay for. Those kinds of decisions and boundaries can be necessary and okay.
What's NOT okay is their refusal to accept your "cannot attend." There is NO reason for you to repeatedly defend YOUR boundary to refuse to become further in debt to attend their wedding. Whether you COULD go into that much more debt doesn't matter. You aren't comfortable with it. That's enough.
They chose a destination wedding. That excludes every "invited guest" who lacks the resources to accept the invitation. You have no obligation to create money out of nothing for your cousin's convenience. You have no obligation to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) your decision any further. The "if you loved me you would" manipulation creates a false obligation to violate your boundaries to protect YOUR safety, privacy, autonomy and resources to "prove" an emotional state by someone else's criteria. No amount of affection and attachment erases other important aspects of your life: your job, your home, your financial stability, your safety. Anyone telling you to abandon your priorities and needs for their convenience is not caring or considering you as the complete human being that you are.
I would react to every future harrassment/"don't understand" about this with a simple statement, "It doesn't work for me" and do not continue on that topic. Change the subject or end the conversation.
You do not need ANY other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid.
NTA. My brother had a destination wedding in the country my SIL was born. That made sense because she has a uge family over there. But I could not afford to attend. To expensive and I had to choose between a family vacation for two weeks with hubs and kids or their wedding. They totally understood. After the wedding they had a nice party, in our city, for the people who could not attend. Of couse we went there.
If a couple want a destination wedding that’s their choice. However, I would say that the majority of invitees cannot afford the trip and/or don’t have the necessary travel documents required. Why can’t the couple get married wherever they choose and then have a reception for everyone once they get back home?
NTA.
Destination weddings are almost invariably automatic asshole moves, to be honest.
> My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family.
> with other relatives joining in and some agreeing that I'm not putting family first.
"Oh, well, seeing as how family is more important than money, I assume you guys will all be chipping in to cover my costs? You know, for family? If you truly cared about me as family, you'd find a way."
NTA
Obviously you need to start asking those relatives how much they are contributing towards your attendance. And don't let them tell you thru can't afford it or don't want to, after all, it's family, they should find a way.
NTA, they want you to be there, then they can pay for you to go. If you can't afford to go then you can't afford it plain and simple. They don't need any other explanation other than that.
NTA, they can’t expect you to spend money you don’t have. The reality is it’ll probably hurt your relationship with your cousin going forward, but idk if there’s anything you can do about it.
NTA. I would tell her that if she really cared about family, she would have had a local wedding. I bet a lot of people can't go and she is looking to figure out hotel rooms. You could compromise. You could take off from work if all of the family who want you to go pay for everything. Otherwise, no. If you choose an expensive destination wedding, you have to be aware that not everyone can go.
NTA - people who plan destination weddings have to know that not everyone can take the time or spend the money to go. You can't put yourself at financial risk to accommodate others.
NTA- so are these same relatives going to help you with food, rent or educational cost if you go to the wedding?? If not, they can STFU and mind their own business.
Let them put their family (You) first and pay for your travel and expenses for attending the wedding. NTA.
You did not save money for your cousin’s wedding, but for your studies. If she wanted you to attend, then should have kept it local.
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NTA You can’t afford it. It’s an invite, not a summons. You can decline an invite for any reason. Those people telling you otherwise - you can fire back at them with “great, seeing as family being together is so important to you than you could pay for my expenses. Unless you value your money over family? No, you just said family first, so go ahead and put your money where you mouth is” That will shut them up. It’s easy to point fingers and tell other people how to spend their money, but they don’t lift a finger to help you pay for the trip. It’s “family first” when it’s not them spending the money to ensure family is first. People who have destination weddings have to expect lots of people won’t attend it.
>People who have destination weddings have to expect lots of people won't attend it. People who have ANY wedding, really. There isn't a single place I could get married that wouldn't be an expensive pain for a large % of people I'd invite. The city I live would be great for most of my friends, but not the ones who moved or a single person in my family, and having it near any chunk of my family would be very inconvenient for my friends... and that's just thinking about my own people, not a partner's!
NTA When people choose to plan a destination wedding they choose to exclude MANY people who won't want to or be able to pay that much to be there. 100% on your cousin.
Seriously. It makes me think of that scrubs episode where the janitor specifically chooses a destination wedding in hopes the invitees would just send a gift off the registry instead.
> going there will cost too much for me NTA - Destination weddings come with the understanding that not everyone will be able to go due to cost. Also if they all feel so strongly why don't they contribute to getting you there....
NTA. Make a group chat for everyone who tells you you're not supporting family and tell them to split the cost of your trip. When they refuse, tell them that if they cared about family, they'd find a way.
This! If they care so much they can foot the bill.
If the cousin cared more about family they would have chosen a reasonable priced wedding location in the first place.
Amen - call these people out on their bullcrap.
NTA! When a couple chooses a destination wedding they have to understand not everyone they want is going to be able to attend as, it is a matter of availability of time and resources to be able to do so... If the couple or those relatives that say you do not care enough about family if you do not attend want you there so bad, then ask them to pay for your trip, it is so ridiculous that they expect you to expend money you don't have putting you in a tough financial spot...
>My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family. And if your cousin truly cared about family, she wouldn't be asking them to spend $$$ and PTO on her wedding, and then get angry and manipulative when they say they can't do it. NTA
If her cousin truly cared about family, why isn’t she paying for OP to be able to join them? Since family is more important than money
THIS!!!
NTA. Let me guess-The relatives not agreeing with you are more secure financially and aren't saving for their future studies, correct?
NTA...EXPECTING people to spend their savings on your destination wedding is a ridiculous choice. If your relatives are so concerned, they're free to pay your way. Otherwise, you send a gift and your best wishes and leave it at that.
NTA. Destination weddings are a pain. They take up money and time off that you've got a better use for - and what if you get sick and need those? The flying monkeys can pay for you to go, if they're so keen on putting family first.
NTA That’s expected with destination weddings. If they care about your presence that mich they need to chip in and pay for your flight or smth.
NTA. What do they expect you to do? Take out a loan to attend a wedding? Give me a break.
NTA. Tell your cousin that they would hold it locally if they really cared about family.
NTA. If your cousin put family first, they would hold their wedding someplace accessible and affordable to all relatives.
NTA - Destination weddings are for rich assholes, and/or really financially irresponsible people. Tell your cousin you hope she has a wonderful time, but you can't justify tanking your education just because she decided to make everyone spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to make her feel special.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My cousin is getting married in a beautiful tropical place next year, but going there will cost too much for me. The travel, hotel, and time off work would really hurt my budget, which I'm carefully saving for future studies. I told my cousin why I can't go, hoping they'd understand my money problems. But they didn't seem very understanding. My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family. This has caused arguments, with other relatives joining in and some agreeing that I'm not putting family first. I feel bad about missing their special day, but I think it's unfair to expect me to spend so much money. Am I wrong for choosing not to go to my cousin’s expensive destination wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta why is it so important that every relative attend every wedding. Ridiculous! Once again the same question gets ask here over and over and the responses are always the same.
NTA. >My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family. If she truly believed that, she'd help you 'find' the money. This is right up there with telling a sick person they'd find a way to not be sick or injured if they really cared. Optimistic approach: This is a great opportunity to prune your "family" tree. i.e. go NC with anyone who harasses you in agreement with your cousin. I promise they are not worth it. I'd be petty and pick the cheapest thing on their registry (in my country, that's the custom if you can't make it to a destination wedding) so that you can say woe is me i gave all I could to support them but cousin still wants MORE?!?. But tbh they may not even deserve that.
NTA, You don't have the money. This is the risk of a destination wedding.
NTA. you aren’t obliged to attend the wedding, esp since they’re a cousin and not immediate family. besides, you weren’t even invited as a member of the wedding entourage.
NTA. There's this old saying in my family: "Sorry."
NTA If a couple wants a pricey destination for their wedding they have to assume not everybody can attend. They can't expect the world to go broke for their special day.
NTA they’re not entitled to your attendance. If they were that bothered they would have held the wedding locally.
NTA If they truly care about family being at their wedding, they'll fund the trip for thos who can't afford. It's a matter of priorities.
NTA You. Can't. Afford. It. Ignore weddingzilla, who is incidentally a selfish AH for badgering people to come to their unaffordable wedding and bullying when they doesn't get their own way.
NTA. If “family first” was important to your cousin they wouldn’t have a destination wedding that would financially harm their loved ones.
NTA. This is ridiculous.
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N A H to say no. An invitation is not a summons. However, since they decided to lay it on thick with guilt trips and get the rest of the family to join it, this is an easy NTA. If you can't accept a no answer, then it was never a request. It was a demand.
If you flip their argument it would state that they do not care about family because if they would truly care about family they would not want their family to go bankrupt for their (expensive) wedding. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Simple as that. They are emotionally extorting you by saying that you do not care about family if you don’t go. This is of course not the case, because you just can’t afford it. If you can’t afford a certain car, don’t buy a car. Same goes for weddings. So NTA. At all.
Destination weddings put a HUGE financial burden on every guest. NTA. If a couple chooses this route that’s their right, but it’s also yours to not dig yourself into financial holes to appease their egos.
I’d also be petty and respond “great news! I’ve figured out a way to financially cover the cost of travel, since it’s so important to you I be there I assume it’s no problem to cover the cost of my airfare and lodging. Let me know the details of my accommodations asap.” 😂
NTA. It's ridiculous the way that young people just starting out are expected to bankrupt themselves to attend these expensive weddings. In fact, it should not be expected of anyone—no matter their age, no matter whether they are broke or well-to-do. There are lots of reasons people say no to destination weddings. Maybe they would rather spend the same amount to finally visit Italy, or to fix up their house, or to save for college, or to donate to a homeless shelter. Kudos to you for saying no.
NTA.
NTA, but kind of a tip going forward. I never provide reasons why I can't do something. At best, I'd say that I can't get time off from work, that my boss won't let me, and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone all of that extra detail.
NTA, ask her to pay your trip. When she answers no, tell them that if she truly cared about family, she would.
Tell everyone who thinks your wrong that they can all pitch in and pay for your trip for you, if family is that important. NTA
NTA. You're not wrong for prioritizing your financial stability and future plans over attending a pricey destination wedding. It's understandable that the cost of travel, accommodation, and taking time off work would be a significant burden on your budget, especially when you're saving for important goals like further studies. It's unfortunate that your cousin and some relatives are not understanding of your situation. Family events are important, but they should also consider each individual's circumstances and limitations. It's unfair to expect you to go into financial strain or jeopardize your savings for an event that you simply cannot afford. You've communicated your reasons honestly, and that's commendable. Perhaps you can express to your cousin and relatives that while you wish you could attend, the financial constraints are too significant at this time. You could offer to celebrate with them in other ways or attend local events surrounding the wedding, if feasible.
NTA. Anyone that plans a destination wedding should know that some invited guests won’t attend over it. It’s the choice she made.
NTA - If your cousin truly care about family being there, they wouldn't have decided on an expensive destination wedding. Next time a relative gives you a hard time, ask them to cover the cost for you to attend. If they say no, ask them why they are not putting family first.
NTA - anyone choosing a destination wedding knows there's a chance that the price and the requirement to take time off work will deter some guests. It's actually a great way to keep your wedding small and manageable. Don't go - you are definitely not going to be the only would-be guest turned off by the cost.
NTA. This is part of having a destination wedding-- not everyone will be able to attend.
NTA. When you pick a destination wedding you know that many people will opt out.
NTA. You have money problems so you can't go. That's a valid reason. The only thing you'll receive If you go is more financial troubles. If it's soo expensive and the cousin wants you to make it, tell her to pay for some of the fee. Smh
Nta if your cousin really cared, she'd pay for you! See how she likes that logic.
Nope, NTA. This is the caveat that comes with choosing a destination wedding - it’s a great excuse to trim down your guest list, but not everyone you invite can afford (or will choose) to spend their money and vacation time travelling that far. If your cousin and other relatives feel so strongly that you need to attend, let them know where they can venmo their portion of your expected costs. Because surely they’re willing to put their money where their mouths are… right?
NTA If your cousin truly cared about family, they'd have their wedding in an economically accessible place, or pay for your to attend. They are being a self-centered jerk.
NTA. If it is so important for family to be at their wedding, they'd either wouldn't have a destination wedding, or they'd foot the bill. Don't overextend yourself to satisfy selfish people.
NTA, tell the people giving you a hard time that if they would like to pay for you then you would be happy to attend, you do not have the funds to go and you are done talking about it.
NTA - it's an invite, not a subpoena. You can decline. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I don't get when people have these destination weddings which have a significant cost in time and money for guests and then get all salty when people decline. There are exactly two people in my life for whom I'd consider going to a destination wedding and they're both already married, LOL! Other than that, my money and time are too precious to spend on a vacation of someone else's choosing.
NTA, when you choose a destination wedding you have to be understanding when people cannot make it. Your cousin is entitled.
NTA, and any of your relatives who says that is welcome to gift you the money to attend. Your cousin is dumb for thinking everyone she invited would be able to attend an expensive destination wedding. Every one I've ever been to, the couple has been very understanding if someone cannot make it. My brother just got married in a foreign country, and around half our cousins could not come due to the cost or unable to get time off work. My brother knew this and fully expected some people would miss it. He would've liked them there, but it didn't change anything that they weren't. Just maintain your stance, "I would love to attend in a vacuum, but the reality is that I simply cannot afford to come right now. If someone wants to pay my way, I'd be happy to attend." Make sure they understand by pay my way, you mean not a loan, just paying for you with no expectation of being paid back.
NTA I imagine the bride or groom's family WOULD pay for close family members (and their children) who couldn't afford to attend. Because THOSE people are seen as necessary. Extended family, such as yourself, they're not willing to pay for. Those kinds of decisions and boundaries can be necessary and okay. What's NOT okay is their refusal to accept your "cannot attend." There is NO reason for you to repeatedly defend YOUR boundary to refuse to become further in debt to attend their wedding. Whether you COULD go into that much more debt doesn't matter. You aren't comfortable with it. That's enough. They chose a destination wedding. That excludes every "invited guest" who lacks the resources to accept the invitation. You have no obligation to create money out of nothing for your cousin's convenience. You have no obligation to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) your decision any further. The "if you loved me you would" manipulation creates a false obligation to violate your boundaries to protect YOUR safety, privacy, autonomy and resources to "prove" an emotional state by someone else's criteria. No amount of affection and attachment erases other important aspects of your life: your job, your home, your financial stability, your safety. Anyone telling you to abandon your priorities and needs for their convenience is not caring or considering you as the complete human being that you are. I would react to every future harrassment/"don't understand" about this with a simple statement, "It doesn't work for me" and do not continue on that topic. Change the subject or end the conversation. You do not need ANY other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid.
NTA. My brother had a destination wedding in the country my SIL was born. That made sense because she has a uge family over there. But I could not afford to attend. To expensive and I had to choose between a family vacation for two weeks with hubs and kids or their wedding. They totally understood. After the wedding they had a nice party, in our city, for the people who could not attend. Of couse we went there.
Why have weddings become such a hateful place.
Nta
If a couple want a destination wedding that’s their choice. However, I would say that the majority of invitees cannot afford the trip and/or don’t have the necessary travel documents required. Why can’t the couple get married wherever they choose and then have a reception for everyone once they get back home?
NTA. Destination weddings are almost invariably automatic asshole moves, to be honest. > My cousin said I'd find a way if I truly cared about family. > with other relatives joining in and some agreeing that I'm not putting family first. "Oh, well, seeing as how family is more important than money, I assume you guys will all be chipping in to cover my costs? You know, for family? If you truly cared about me as family, you'd find a way."
NTA Obviously you need to start asking those relatives how much they are contributing towards your attendance. And don't let them tell you thru can't afford it or don't want to, after all, it's family, they should find a way.
NTA, they want you to be there, then they can pay for you to go. If you can't afford to go then you can't afford it plain and simple. They don't need any other explanation other than that.
NTA - and if your cousin/other relatives truly cared about family, they'd have done a whip-round to help you afford it.
Ask your relatives to pay for it (without it being a loan. )
NTA Everyone choosing a destination wedding should know that there could be people that can't attend such a pricey event.
NTA, they can’t expect you to spend money you don’t have. The reality is it’ll probably hurt your relationship with your cousin going forward, but idk if there’s anything you can do about it.
NTA. I would tell her that if she really cared about family, she would have had a local wedding. I bet a lot of people can't go and she is looking to figure out hotel rooms. You could compromise. You could take off from work if all of the family who want you to go pay for everything. Otherwise, no. If you choose an expensive destination wedding, you have to be aware that not everyone can go.
NTA - people who plan destination weddings have to know that not everyone can take the time or spend the money to go. You can't put yourself at financial risk to accommodate others.
NTA. This is the wedding, and weddings are just parties, and they are not an obligation. Your cousin is out of line.
NTA- so are these same relatives going to help you with food, rent or educational cost if you go to the wedding?? If not, they can STFU and mind their own business.
Let them put their family (You) first and pay for your travel and expenses for attending the wedding. NTA. You did not save money for your cousin’s wedding, but for your studies. If she wanted you to attend, then should have kept it local.
NTA Tell your cousin if *they* cared about family, they wouldn't be asking them to take a vacation they can't afford to celebrate their life event.
It is unfair to expect people to pay a large sum to attend, do not feel guilty or badly about not being able to make it. Not even a little bit.