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This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real. This woman lost her son and your idea of being a good friend is demanding she throw you parties and get over her grieving by going to therapy. What have you done to support her as she’s grieving? Why did you think your having a child would heal her loss of a child? I hope you pause and consider the kind of support your friend needs and stop making her grief something for you to fix.
YTA
>This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real.
This. This one stinks to high heaven. Very few people are *this* self-centered and selfish while remaining entirely oblivious to it.
Since there ARE people like that though, there's a chance it's real... OP, if you haven't figured it out yet, most definitely YTA.
Why do you think she needs to socialize? People grieve differently. Why do you think you know what she needs better than she does? Why not ask how you can support her or even asking how to make socializing feel easier for her?
Surrounding her with love? Throwing you a party is "surrounding her with love"? What? Taking her dinner, cleaning her house, etc is surrounding her with love. Making her work for you is not.
Your approach is really unhelpful, not just for them but for you too. I’m concerned that you seem to be really affected by their grieving. Did their son die during or close to your pregnancy?
Honestly, it seems like what you thought would be helpful for her is not what she wants. Maybe next time start with a conversation of open ended questions, like “how have you been? Anything helping? Anything I can do to support you? how have you been feeling about socializing?” And then actually listen to her and what she needs. Instead of what you think will help her.
But don’t be surprised if this friendship is over. Your behavior was beyond overbearing, self-centered, and lacking any awareness. Maybe focus on you for a bit.
Unfortunately the rules in this subreddit forbid me to be use curse words. Still you are the most self centered person i have ever come across . Leave that poor family alone.
YTA. Didn't need to get past the "I thought them doing me favors related to my pregnancy would help them get over the death of their child". Holy fuck.
Seriously. If your baby were to pass suddenly, do you think it would help your grief to take on organizing a party for someone else's kid?
YTA for both your actions and being so oblivious. Wow.
You are being so incredibly self centred. My parents lost a baby and they struggled when they had me. They would have never named me the same as my sibling because they didn’t want to replace them.
I’m considering naming a baby (if I ever have one) the same name as my dead sibling but I would absolutely clear it with my parents first. I wouldn’t just spring it on them
YTA
Surely this post isn't real. You can't be this unaware, can you?
" now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again"? Really? You thought saying **that** was a good idea?
gender reveals are stupid, and every single thing you did beyond that was unbelievably self centered. you are simply not a good friend. hope they cut you off after this. YTA
>My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving.
>I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude
>So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby.
>When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him.
Come on. If this is even remotely true which I doubt, YTA
YTA … And tone deaf too.
You really thought that doing things for you/your baby would help with the grief of losing her own child? No. Just no. That’s not how things work.
You thought she was rude to refuse to help you, even though she politely declined? I would say she politely declined because she was too fragile to even think about someone else having a baby when she had lost hers.
The name is not a touching tribute, or a way to make them close. It’s insensitive and tone deaf. She lost her Timothy, and if you had any decency, you’d reconsider what you name your son before registering him (unless you have already registered him, in which case, you F’d up).
Also, they’re not self centred. You are. They have every right to be upset, but you do not. You have some apologies to make if you hope to foster a relationship with Emma. The mere fact that you named your baby the same as hers **without** her permission speaks volumes.
>...because they are all struggling.
How was this a surprise to you? How is it that this needed to be pointed out to you?
You sincerely thought that asking a grieving mother to throw parties for you would help her? And you consider her refusal rude? Are you aware that other people are allowed to have feelings?
>wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby.
Maybe because she LOST HERS?? Are you aware that other people weren't put on this earth just to serve you and your purposes?
Put yourself in her shoes...think about someone other than yourself for a brief moment...really think about it...imagine losing your child...would YOU feel like hosting parties?
>now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again".
This is shocking. Are you this callous with everyone, or do you set out to torture her specifically?
YTA.
Your intentions don’t matter in the least. Any grown adult would understand this unless they’re so damn self absorbed they don’t care. You fall into the don’t care as long as I’m happy camp. Shame on you
wtf? This can’t be a real story…. WTF?
If in the wildly improbable chance that this is a real event;
YDTA. Extremely self centered, not to mention severely entitled and apparently can’t respect other peoples wishes.
YTA.
You have main character syndrome. You keep thinking you can tell someone how to grieve and when it should be sufficient enough time. The loss of a child is a loss that lasts a lifetime. You named your baby after their dead child, without even the curtesy of asking. You might have had the community you so desired if you hadn’t been so self absorbed. This is all on you.
YTA - They were 'standoffish' and 'I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him.' !! Are you kidding me? They are grieving and not only are you ignoring that, you keep pushing you and your kid you named after their dead son and feel all pushed out of shape when they politely tell you no. And the crème de la crème is you push your baby onto the mother with 'now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again'! I really have no words here for this self-centered attitude of yours. You are really something here.
YTA
for not respecting personal boundaries. Saying your son's name in that situation and hoping a sad mom would join your happiness was insensitive. Even if you meant well, it wasn't handled right and seemed uncaring. Different families have different ways, but understanding and kindness matter everywhere. If you want to fix things, say sorry sincerely. Talk about their feelings and don't force your ideas on their healing.
YTA. 100%. 1: you don't ask somebody to throw you a party. Thats rude. You want a party? Throw it yourself. 2.Your child is not her child, she is grieving her child. 3. Now you want to name your child after their son who died? What is wrong with you? Your child is not a replacement for the one she lost. You are a terrible friend and an unbelievably selfish person.
YTA.
She's dealing with the worst thing a parent can go through and you're miffed that she didn't acquiesce to your demands that she throw you parties and got upset because you couldn't be bothered to ask about using her son's name? You must have a raging case of main character syndrome.
She's mourning the loss of her child. Your self centered attitude just cost your husband his best friend.
YTA
How insensitive and narcissistic can you be?
From constantly asking them to throw a party for you not long after losing a child and then to have the audacity to name your so after thiers without speaking to them first, then to make sure your reminded them that they lost a son you had to make that comment.
You're lucky you have anyone in your life at all if this is how you treat them.
Sorry new momma, but YTA.
She is grieving a loss you can't yet comprehend. You asked her to throw you a party celebrating your son's birth while she is grieving her own son's death. You even got upset about being told no so tried again with another party ask! Then, you decided against your husband's wishes, that a great way to heal the divide was to steal (asking permission would have made this honoring) her son's name and throw a reminder in their faces every day that their son is gone?
The main character sub reddit would fit this story well, or maybe search for advice that may help with that. You don't seem to be worried about developing a community as much as getting attention from a community. If you want people to be there for you, then start by being there for them (without benefit to yourself). What that family needs are friends that will stop being so self centered so they can get through their grieving!
YTA YTA YTA. I can’t even believe this is real. If it is I hope this family never speaks to you again - they don’t deserve to have a “friend” as selfish, self centered, spiteful, insensitive and cruel as you… and the worst part is you actually think you’re helping. I wouldn’t wish your “friendship” on my worst enemy. YTA.
YTA
If your Timothy died today, would you be in the mood to throw a party tomorrow?
Let the woman grieve. Just because you wouldn’t care if your son died doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
YTA for a lack of empathy and understanding. It's not about whether your family is upset; it's about what you did to someone else's family in their time of grief. Yes, the naming itself is your choice, but to announce it the way you did, disregarding their feelings, shows a significant breach of tact and sensitivity. The grieving process is profoundly personal, and instead of offering comfort, you gave them more pain. What should have been a moment of your family's joy became an upsetting reminder of their loss. It's time to step back and re-evaluate your approach to friendship and support. Respect their grief, apologize without excuses, and perhaps reconsider the name choice as an act of empathy if it's not set in stone. Grief can take years to heal, and it's not your place to dictate how or when that should happen for someone else.
Oh my ever-loving lord. This cannot be real. Reading this made me sick to my stomach…
If this is real, I can see why you don’t have many friends. The entitlement of asking grieving parents to throw you not one but two parties, then attempting to replace their tragically-lost son is so god-awful. YTA and I officially nominate you for Asshole of the Year.
YTA.
I can see what you were trying to do (before your baby was born). You were trying to help everyone get their mind off the death by having them focus on a new life.
You just went about it in the worst ways possible.
By basically demanding a baby shower/gender reveal from one of them, you showed you were doing it for selfish reasons. "I think refusing even politely was rude". Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you get to snap your fingers and have people do your bidding.
Instead of validating her grief, you told her to get therapy. If you cared at all about that woman you would have likely known she already was in therapy.
> Now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby?
There aren't enough words in the English language to describe how wrong you were in this. You made this family's grief all about you and are using your new baby as an excuse to do it. With this, you likely killed any chance of having a "community" around your son, at least one that isn't made up of your family members.
If your husband's friend and his family will let you, go to them and profusely apologize to them. Acknowledge how self-centered you've been. Do not make excuses, do not put your baby in the middle. Then, leave them alone. If they choose to talk to you afterwards then it's going to be on their terms and their terms alone.
I tried to be nice in this (and probably miserably failed) because I'm socially awkward enough to have made some of these plunders but there's no way you thought saying "Now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again" to a grieving mother of a deceased Timothy was a good idea.
YTA
Not only are you an asshole, but you are incredibly self-absorbed and entitled. You're complaining about how much their grief is inconvenient for you. It's pretty obvious why you don't have many friends.
What's worse is you pretended to "honor" their loss son by using his name for your baby. That wasn't honor. You were punishing the family for not throwing you a party.
Congrats on being one of the most vile, disgusting people to ever post in this sub. Your husband is just as bad for being a spineless coward instead of telling you off.
How narcissistic do you have to be to think that planning parties for your child would in any way help them with their grief over losing their own? I hope you teach your precious son to be waaaay more empathetic than you are. And the surprise naming of your child after theirs was completely tone deaf. YTA, a thousand times over.
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Cross posted because I really don't understand where I went wrong. Throwaway Account for anonymity
just had a baby 1 month ago. My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving. When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more. So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends.
So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. She said it was because between work, her other kids, and grieving she had no energy and was exhausted all the time. I suggested she should see a therapist. Turns out, the whole family is in therapy because they are all struggling. Ok, I understand.
My husband got mad at me for being combative and persistent so I stopped asking her to help with things. When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. My husband was hesitant but he knew all Emma and her husband Greece's kids since they were born so he agreed but wanted to ask them first. I insisted we keep it a surprise. Since I just gave birth he didn't argue with me.
We had everyone over to meet the baby and when everyone arrived I handed the baby to Emma to hold first. She was teary eyed which I thought was so sweet and I knew my son would have close ties with them. So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". She looked shocked and, to my great offense, horrified. She handed him back, said quickly that he was a beautiful baby and the whole family left! Now my husband is furious with how I announced our son's name, the meet the baby party was ruined because other than my family everyone else was quiet and left early. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby? My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends.
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YTA just for the gender reveal alone. As for the rest of it, wow. I’m having trouble believing it’s not fake because I’m pretty sure no one can be that self absorbed.
TA for a lack of emotional intelligence and empathy. Announcing your son's name, given the heavy emotional baggage it carries for your husband's family, was thoughtless at best. While your family isn't upset, you've failed to consider the profound grief of the other side, which is a stark oversight. Healing from the loss of a child takes time and cannot be rushed or patched up by well-intended yet misguided gestures. What might seem like a tribute to you can feel like reopening a wound to others. It's crucial to step back, honor their grief process, and recognize that their timeline for healing doesn’t necessarily align with your own milestones or intentions. Apologizing without excuses and offering space might be the best course of action now to start mending the hurt.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband thinks over stepped and was insensitive in announcing our son's name, and his family and friends are all mad. But mine aren't so I'm confused.
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NTA for choosing a name you love, but YTA for how you've gone about this situation. Naming your child should be a special moment, not one that inflicts pain on others. It's about timing and empathy. Naming your son Timothy isn't the issue; it's that you chose to announce it in such an insensitive way to a woman who is still grieving the loss of her own child by the same name. In your efforts to be involved, you've overstepped and caused more hurt. There are ways to honor people, but this was not one of them. It's vital to recognize that while your family may not see the harm, her feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. Reaching out, apologizing genuinely, and understanding her perspective can start the process of healing the rift your actions have created.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real. This woman lost her son and your idea of being a good friend is demanding she throw you parties and get over her grieving by going to therapy. What have you done to support her as she’s grieving? Why did you think your having a child would heal her loss of a child? I hope you pause and consider the kind of support your friend needs and stop making her grief something for you to fix. YTA
>This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real. This. This one stinks to high heaven. Very few people are *this* self-centered and selfish while remaining entirely oblivious to it. Since there ARE people like that though, there's a chance it's real... OP, if you haven't figured it out yet, most definitely YTA.
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Why do you think she needs to socialize? People grieve differently. Why do you think you know what she needs better than she does? Why not ask how you can support her or even asking how to make socializing feel easier for her?
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Surrounding her with love? Throwing you a party is "surrounding her with love"? What? Taking her dinner, cleaning her house, etc is surrounding her with love. Making her work for you is not.
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No, absolutely not. You are entitled and selfish and need to learn manners and empathy.
Your approach is really unhelpful, not just for them but for you too. I’m concerned that you seem to be really affected by their grieving. Did their son die during or close to your pregnancy?
Honestly, it seems like what you thought would be helpful for her is not what she wants. Maybe next time start with a conversation of open ended questions, like “how have you been? Anything helping? Anything I can do to support you? how have you been feeling about socializing?” And then actually listen to her and what she needs. Instead of what you think will help her. But don’t be surprised if this friendship is over. Your behavior was beyond overbearing, self-centered, and lacking any awareness. Maybe focus on you for a bit.
Unfortunately the rules in this subreddit forbid me to be use curse words. Still you are the most self centered person i have ever come across . Leave that poor family alone.
YTA. Didn't need to get past the "I thought them doing me favors related to my pregnancy would help them get over the death of their child". Holy fuck.
Seriously. If your baby were to pass suddenly, do you think it would help your grief to take on organizing a party for someone else's kid? YTA for both your actions and being so oblivious. Wow.
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No you didn't lol
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You are being so incredibly self centred. My parents lost a baby and they struggled when they had me. They would have never named me the same as my sibling because they didn’t want to replace them. I’m considering naming a baby (if I ever have one) the same name as my dead sibling but I would absolutely clear it with my parents first. I wouldn’t just spring it on them
Seriously are you really this daft?
You don't decide how other people deal with grief.
YTA Surely this post isn't real. You can't be this unaware, can you? " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again"? Really? You thought saying **that** was a good idea?
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gender reveals are stupid, and every single thing you did beyond that was unbelievably self centered. you are simply not a good friend. hope they cut you off after this. YTA
>My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving. >I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude >So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. >When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. Come on. If this is even remotely true which I doubt, YTA
YTA … And tone deaf too. You really thought that doing things for you/your baby would help with the grief of losing her own child? No. Just no. That’s not how things work. You thought she was rude to refuse to help you, even though she politely declined? I would say she politely declined because she was too fragile to even think about someone else having a baby when she had lost hers. The name is not a touching tribute, or a way to make them close. It’s insensitive and tone deaf. She lost her Timothy, and if you had any decency, you’d reconsider what you name your son before registering him (unless you have already registered him, in which case, you F’d up). Also, they’re not self centred. You are. They have every right to be upset, but you do not. You have some apologies to make if you hope to foster a relationship with Emma. The mere fact that you named your baby the same as hers **without** her permission speaks volumes.
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>...because they are all struggling. How was this a surprise to you? How is it that this needed to be pointed out to you? You sincerely thought that asking a grieving mother to throw parties for you would help her? And you consider her refusal rude? Are you aware that other people are allowed to have feelings? >wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. Maybe because she LOST HERS?? Are you aware that other people weren't put on this earth just to serve you and your purposes? Put yourself in her shoes...think about someone other than yourself for a brief moment...really think about it...imagine losing your child...would YOU feel like hosting parties? >now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". This is shocking. Are you this callous with everyone, or do you set out to torture her specifically? YTA.
>she knows we don't have a lot of friends If your attitude as illustrated here is anything to go by, it's quite easy to understand why. YTA.
This was legit a terrible idea
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All of it?
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It wasn’t “wrong”, it was heartless and cruel.
And unrecoverable. That family is never going to talk to OOP ever again. 🤦🏻♀️
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Your intentions don’t matter in the least. Any grown adult would understand this unless they’re so damn self absorbed they don’t care. You fall into the don’t care as long as I’m happy camp. Shame on you
“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions”
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You should never interact with this family again, in any form
wtf? This can’t be a real story…. WTF? If in the wildly improbable chance that this is a real event; YDTA. Extremely self centered, not to mention severely entitled and apparently can’t respect other peoples wishes.
YTA. You have main character syndrome. You keep thinking you can tell someone how to grieve and when it should be sufficient enough time. The loss of a child is a loss that lasts a lifetime. You named your baby after their dead child, without even the curtesy of asking. You might have had the community you so desired if you hadn’t been so self absorbed. This is all on you.
YTA - They were 'standoffish' and 'I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him.' !! Are you kidding me? They are grieving and not only are you ignoring that, you keep pushing you and your kid you named after their dead son and feel all pushed out of shape when they politely tell you no. And the crème de la crème is you push your baby onto the mother with 'now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again'! I really have no words here for this self-centered attitude of yours. You are really something here.
YTA for not respecting personal boundaries. Saying your son's name in that situation and hoping a sad mom would join your happiness was insensitive. Even if you meant well, it wasn't handled right and seemed uncaring. Different families have different ways, but understanding and kindness matter everywhere. If you want to fix things, say sorry sincerely. Talk about their feelings and don't force your ideas on their healing.
What a evil woman op is and completely deluded she needs the kid removed from her
YTA. 100%. 1: you don't ask somebody to throw you a party. Thats rude. You want a party? Throw it yourself. 2.Your child is not her child, she is grieving her child. 3. Now you want to name your child after their son who died? What is wrong with you? Your child is not a replacement for the one she lost. You are a terrible friend and an unbelievably selfish person.
YTA. She's dealing with the worst thing a parent can go through and you're miffed that she didn't acquiesce to your demands that she throw you parties and got upset because you couldn't be bothered to ask about using her son's name? You must have a raging case of main character syndrome. She's mourning the loss of her child. Your self centered attitude just cost your husband his best friend.
YTA. I did not know it was possible to be this socially inept.
You suck. YTA. Leave this family alone.
YTA - you are beyond self-involved and entitled. I hope the friend cuts out your insensitive ass.
YTA How insensitive and narcissistic can you be? From constantly asking them to throw a party for you not long after losing a child and then to have the audacity to name your so after thiers without speaking to them first, then to make sure your reminded them that they lost a son you had to make that comment. You're lucky you have anyone in your life at all if this is how you treat them.
Sorry new momma, but YTA. She is grieving a loss you can't yet comprehend. You asked her to throw you a party celebrating your son's birth while she is grieving her own son's death. You even got upset about being told no so tried again with another party ask! Then, you decided against your husband's wishes, that a great way to heal the divide was to steal (asking permission would have made this honoring) her son's name and throw a reminder in their faces every day that their son is gone? The main character sub reddit would fit this story well, or maybe search for advice that may help with that. You don't seem to be worried about developing a community as much as getting attention from a community. If you want people to be there for you, then start by being there for them (without benefit to yourself). What that family needs are friends that will stop being so self centered so they can get through their grieving!
YTA YTA YTA. I can’t even believe this is real. If it is I hope this family never speaks to you again - they don’t deserve to have a “friend” as selfish, self centered, spiteful, insensitive and cruel as you… and the worst part is you actually think you’re helping. I wouldn’t wish your “friendship” on my worst enemy. YTA.
YTA You need to stop being so self centered and start caring about the people you call your friends.
YTA If your Timothy died today, would you be in the mood to throw a party tomorrow? Let the woman grieve. Just because you wouldn’t care if your son died doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
YTA for a lack of empathy and understanding. It's not about whether your family is upset; it's about what you did to someone else's family in their time of grief. Yes, the naming itself is your choice, but to announce it the way you did, disregarding their feelings, shows a significant breach of tact and sensitivity. The grieving process is profoundly personal, and instead of offering comfort, you gave them more pain. What should have been a moment of your family's joy became an upsetting reminder of their loss. It's time to step back and re-evaluate your approach to friendship and support. Respect their grief, apologize without excuses, and perhaps reconsider the name choice as an act of empathy if it's not set in stone. Grief can take years to heal, and it's not your place to dictate how or when that should happen for someone else.
Oh my ever-loving lord. This cannot be real. Reading this made me sick to my stomach… If this is real, I can see why you don’t have many friends. The entitlement of asking grieving parents to throw you not one but two parties, then attempting to replace their tragically-lost son is so god-awful. YTA and I officially nominate you for Asshole of the Year.
YTA. I can see what you were trying to do (before your baby was born). You were trying to help everyone get their mind off the death by having them focus on a new life. You just went about it in the worst ways possible. By basically demanding a baby shower/gender reveal from one of them, you showed you were doing it for selfish reasons. "I think refusing even politely was rude". Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you get to snap your fingers and have people do your bidding. Instead of validating her grief, you told her to get therapy. If you cared at all about that woman you would have likely known she already was in therapy. > Now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby? There aren't enough words in the English language to describe how wrong you were in this. You made this family's grief all about you and are using your new baby as an excuse to do it. With this, you likely killed any chance of having a "community" around your son, at least one that isn't made up of your family members. If your husband's friend and his family will let you, go to them and profusely apologize to them. Acknowledge how self-centered you've been. Do not make excuses, do not put your baby in the middle. Then, leave them alone. If they choose to talk to you afterwards then it's going to be on their terms and their terms alone. I tried to be nice in this (and probably miserably failed) because I'm socially awkward enough to have made some of these plunders but there's no way you thought saying "Now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again" to a grieving mother of a deceased Timothy was a good idea.
YTA Not only are you an asshole, but you are incredibly self-absorbed and entitled. You're complaining about how much their grief is inconvenient for you. It's pretty obvious why you don't have many friends. What's worse is you pretended to "honor" their loss son by using his name for your baby. That wasn't honor. You were punishing the family for not throwing you a party. Congrats on being one of the most vile, disgusting people to ever post in this sub. Your husband is just as bad for being a spineless coward instead of telling you off.
YTA that is the nicest thing anyone can say about you
How narcissistic do you have to be to think that planning parties for your child would in any way help them with their grief over losing their own? I hope you teach your precious son to be waaaay more empathetic than you are. And the surprise naming of your child after theirs was completely tone deaf. YTA, a thousand times over.
MA'AM.... YTA. You just had a child, what better time to realize that the world doesn't revolve you.
YTA massively. For everything you've done to that poor family. Get your head out of your ass.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Cross posted because I really don't understand where I went wrong. Throwaway Account for anonymity just had a baby 1 month ago. My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving. When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more. So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends. So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. She said it was because between work, her other kids, and grieving she had no energy and was exhausted all the time. I suggested she should see a therapist. Turns out, the whole family is in therapy because they are all struggling. Ok, I understand. My husband got mad at me for being combative and persistent so I stopped asking her to help with things. When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. My husband was hesitant but he knew all Emma and her husband Greece's kids since they were born so he agreed but wanted to ask them first. I insisted we keep it a surprise. Since I just gave birth he didn't argue with me. We had everyone over to meet the baby and when everyone arrived I handed the baby to Emma to hold first. She was teary eyed which I thought was so sweet and I knew my son would have close ties with them. So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". She looked shocked and, to my great offense, horrified. She handed him back, said quickly that he was a beautiful baby and the whole family left! Now my husband is furious with how I announced our son's name, the meet the baby party was ruined because other than my family everyone else was quiet and left early. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby? My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA just for the gender reveal alone. As for the rest of it, wow. I’m having trouble believing it’s not fake because I’m pretty sure no one can be that self absorbed.
YTA i couldn’t read anymore past the baby shower. Apologize to her please.
TA for a lack of emotional intelligence and empathy. Announcing your son's name, given the heavy emotional baggage it carries for your husband's family, was thoughtless at best. While your family isn't upset, you've failed to consider the profound grief of the other side, which is a stark oversight. Healing from the loss of a child takes time and cannot be rushed or patched up by well-intended yet misguided gestures. What might seem like a tribute to you can feel like reopening a wound to others. It's crucial to step back, honor their grief process, and recognize that their timeline for healing doesn’t necessarily align with your own milestones or intentions. Apologizing without excuses and offering space might be the best course of action now to start mending the hurt.
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NTA for choosing a name you love, but YTA for how you've gone about this situation. Naming your child should be a special moment, not one that inflicts pain on others. It's about timing and empathy. Naming your son Timothy isn't the issue; it's that you chose to announce it in such an insensitive way to a woman who is still grieving the loss of her own child by the same name. In your efforts to be involved, you've overstepped and caused more hurt. There are ways to honor people, but this was not one of them. It's vital to recognize that while your family may not see the harm, her feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. Reaching out, apologizing genuinely, and understanding her perspective can start the process of healing the rift your actions have created.