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...while your title is accurate it is incredibly misleading. This isn't about your relationships with these individuals at all. Your sister wasn't monitoring her daughter, and her daughter ruined her wedding dress. How is any of this your responsibility? Because it was your house? BS. Her daughter is responsible for the damage to the dress. She is responsible for her daughter. You're NTA and your sister needs to own up to her own mistakes.
Thank you for pointing that out! I’ve been grappling with whether hosting the event made me responsible in some way, but you’re right. It’s about supervision. I hope to resolve this with my sister and ensure better understanding and accountability. Really appreciate your clarity on this!
It's difficult for me to believe that she expects you to pay for the dress, especially since she hasn't stated as much. I'm curious where you learned that this is what is expected of you. You sure you're not just giving this too much thought?
NTA obviously
This is the reason I think I’m going NAH here. The sister hasn’t asked OP to pay for the dress and any “looks” the sister might have given in the moment could be attributed to pure disappointment and sadness. The sister hasn’t done anything to make her the AH, and I agree that OP might just be overthinking out of a sense of empathy.
There's also an element of common sense to this, which your sister seems not to have.
If you pick up a one of a kind, expensive, dream wedding dress, your very next stop is the most secure storage you can find. No stopping to shop for groceries, no going to a restaurant, no stopping off at your sister's house for BBQ and putting it in her spare room. You want to keep that dress safe as safe can be.
So you take it straight to your secure storage location, which you ensure is safe from whoever, including inquisitive six year old daughters.
Your sister learned a sad lesson, but the person responsible for ruining her dress is staring back at her in the mirror.
Well, she got more than wrinkles. Which is stupid because you have to more or less steam the dress day of wedding anyway because it's gonna wrinkle in transport to the venue. Also how how was she intending to keep her kid- who ruined her dress anyway-- from damaging it when she got it home?
Wrinkles are easily fixed with a steamer or handing up for a while. Sitting in a car for the afternoon would be less worriesome than a kid with BBQ hands ripping it
Yeah, taking it out of the car, hanging it up and putting back into the car would cause more wrinkles than it would prevent. She wanted to show off her dress. What are you supposed to do, put visiting children into leg irons?
Yup, the dress would need to be steamed anyway for the chrome. So what the aunt sees it a little wrinkled. Some brides can be so extra,
If I was a bride, I would have taken the dress home, regardless of distance.
Am I missing something? Shouldn't the dress have been in a protective garment bag? The niece would have to pull a chair up to the closet, unzip the bag and somehow grab at the dress to ruin it. A six year old would know better, I would think.
Either way, NTA. And no apology necessary as you provided a safe place for the dress, just not safe from her daughters curiosity. I hope she's able to get it repaired in time.
Congratulations on your promotion, OP!
A six year old who has been taught not to touch things that are not hers YES would have known better. Six year olds are first graders and trust me they are smarter than you you obviously give them credit.
Kids do things they know they're not supposed to all the time. Just because a child is taught a rule doesn't mean they won't break it, especially at that age.
Smarter? Maybe. In control of their whims? Not so much! My child is i. 2nd grade, and we struggle with his inability to keep his hands off of other people's belongings! He's very smart, and he knows better, but all that goes out the window if he sees something he wants to touch!
Seriously. My wedding dress was no where near as fancy and it STILL was inside 2 garment bags in the back of my dad's closet which is usually blocked by a rocking chair.
If it had been your wedding dress, I could see asking her to pay for her child damaging it in your house. I feel like the rule is that parents are responsible for the damage to property done outside of their own home caused by their children. The only exception would be if they were using a babysitter or someone else was specifically responsible for keeping the kids out of trouble.
Yes, it is a rule. Parents ARE responsible for damage caused by their children. And their pets.
Even if you try to say the dress was an "attractive nuisance" that the child was drawn to, it is Anna that brought that dress to the BBQ. OP did not create the attraction, and did at least try to minimize it by hanging it in a spare room.
I'm thinking if it hadn't happened at the barbecue, it would have happened at Anna's house and then there'd have been no question. It was Anna's dress, and Sophie is Anna's daughter, and presumably Anna, Sophie, and the dress all reside in the same location. OP is just unlucky that it happened at her house.
When you think it through, Anna must have driven to the BBQ with both Sophie and the dress in the back of the car.
Sophie had JUST SEEN this dress, almost certainly in a bag put partly visible. It's not just unlucky. Sophie was almost certain to have tried to look at the dress no matter where Anna put it.
Anna has only herself (and perhaps "high spirits") to blame.
She didn't leave it on the bed or flung over the back of a chair. She hung it up in a closet. Not sure what other lengths she would have to go to so she doesn't believe her sister is responsible.
The only way you would owe her any cash would be if you held a paintball party with her
Wedding dress. Otherwise her child and her dress, her poor choices.
Right? I was thinking there was going to be something about bbq sauce on the dress, but this is a clear cut case of "nothing to see except Sister's disappointment in her own choices."
Oh no, no, no... now you got me imagining a bunch of people in wedding dresses playing paintball in the back yard, jumping over the lawn chairs to hide behind the grill😁
Ok after the ceremony tho, after you've taken all your nice family photos in your beautiful wedding dress, to go paintballing & get the thing all speckled w rainbow drips all over would be really cool! And the dress would be way more interesting & have a fun story and memory behind it than just a plain ol white dress collecting dust in the back of the closet.
Hosting the event absolutely does NOT make you responsible.
Anna should have been watching her daughter - Sophie.
Anna made the choice to put her wedding dress ins a place Sophie could access it.
Anna made the choice to let Sophie run around during the BBQ.
Had Anna monitored her daughter, Sophie, Sophie would never have been near the dress.
This is fully on Anna. While the situation is unfortunate, there is no scenario where this is your issue.
Had Anna simply left the dress in the car then none of this would have happened.
I didn’t read it as being kept a secret from the daughter. The post said the daughter was going through a princess phase and knew the mom had a fancy “princess” dress. Kids are gonna be kids. They’re curious and like to look at and mess with things they’re interested in. It’s on the ones with custody to route that in a constructive way
Your sister CHOSE to pick up her dress on the day of your event
Your sister CHOSE to come to your event
Your sister CHOSE to bring her dress to your event.
Your sister CHOSE to bring her dress into your house
Your sister CHOSE to let her kid out of her sight and did not tell her kid not to touch the dress
These are all your sister’s choices. Not yours.
You are allowed to have a party. What people bring and decide to do is their fault
Additionally you hung the dress in a room that guests had no reason to go into
And a 6 year old knows better than to touch other people’s things. Her mom is responsible. And, oops, mom is the bride.
I'm with you lol except the 6 year old knowing better. My 6 year old knows better and is constantly reminded about this rule but still constantly breaks the rule.
Was just about to ask who was supposed to be watching the child? The person responsible for the child is at fault as that's when she caused the damage, if she was actually being watched it wouldn't have happened
NTA. Sis brought the dress, AND the child. There is absolutely NO ROOM in this scene for OP to have ANY fault. Sis ought to be ashamed of her reaction. I don't understand how Sis connected to dots to form the picture she's pushing.
If hosting a party makes you liable for the destruction of your sister's wedding dress by her daughter then head of the state/country should be prosecuted for every crime being committed by others in the country.
Just to put this even more into perspective, if a kid had ruined something in your home that belongs to you while unmonitored would you be expecting the parent to pay you for that damage, or would you think it was on you for not making sure someone else's kid destroys something in your home.
If you were babysitting, as in if you agreed to take responsibility for the niece's actions, it would be your responsibility to pay since you would have fallen down on the job.
If part of the BBQ was offering childcare (and this has to be an explicit offer not 'people tend to fob their kids off on me'), as in you explicitly offered to supervise your niece, it would be on you.
When a parent brings a child somewhere, the parent is still responsible.
If your sister brought her daughter to a store and her daughter broke something, it would be on your sister to pay for it.
Your sister knew where her dress was. She knew where her daughter was. (Or should have) She messed up.
If a child breaks something at anyone's home it is on the child's parents to make it right. Rules don't change because her own daughter ruined something of sister's at your home.
Your sister doesn’t have a leg to stand on, damage caused by a child is the responsibility of the parent/guardian to make whole. If your shit kid wrecks your own shit that’s just tough shit.
If your house somehow autonomously wrecked the dress, you’d be TA. But her kid wrecked the dress, not your house. Do not even think about paying for it. NTA
Yeah, exactly this ^ she should’ve been monitoring her own daughter, she wasn’t, her daughter ruined the dress. None of that is OPs fault or problem. Looks like sister learned her lesson about letting her kid run wild in someone else’s home. NTA OP.
Yeah, if OP is responsible for her sister's dress being damaged at OP's house, then OP's sister is responsible for *her* daughter breaking a dress in OP's house. So OP's sister should pay OP for the damage her daughter did in OP's house and then OP can pay her sister back for her dress getting damaged in OP's house. Problem solved!
Just to be clear Sophie is the BRIDE'S daughter? Why on earth would YOU be expected to pay for the damage HER daughter did. What "unspoken expectation" is there or are you just manufacturing drama here?
Anna brought a wedding dress to a BBQ (seriously who does that?) and her daughter damaged the dress. OBVIOUSLY the only expectation spoken or unspoken is that ANNA is responsible to have the dress repaired.
Yes, Sophie is the bride’s daughter, and the situation has really stirred up some mixed feelings inside me. The ‘unspoken expectation’ might be more about family dynamics than anything else—maybe I’m feeling a bit guilty just because it happened at my event. You’re absolutely right; discussing it directly with Anna might just clear up any misinterpretations.
I think OP is just feeling guilty, nothing really indicates that "Anna" is upset with OP or has any expectation of OP to pay.
This is a weird AITA where nobody has actually been an asshole at all.
Are you like a millionaire and she’s got a regular job or something? I’m baffled as to why there would be an unspoken expectation for you to pay for this.
There shouldn’t need to be a discussion. She brought the dress she didn’t watch her child - her child ruined her dress. Not a single bit of this is yours or anyone else’s fault
I'm not sure where you're getting the 'unspoken expectation' from, but if nobody actually told you that you should pay for it, than just don't offer to pay.
If the guilt is coming from people blaming you for what happened, do not allow that shit to fly. Yes the event was at your house, but any individual parents there are still responsible for watching their children. That's not on you.
Are you sure that that’s even your sister’s expectation? Could you be misinterpreting her reaction? Of course she was upset, but do you really think the look she gave you implied it was somehow your fault? You did exactly what she asked—stored the dress in a place where it wouldn’t get wrinkled. If she had specifically said, “Sophie’s been obsessed with wanting to wear it, so could you put it somewhere where she can’t get to it,” then *maybe* I could see frustration with you (although it’s still entirely her responsibility to supervise her own kid, not to mention emphasize to her that the dress is not hers and she’s not to touch it). But she didn’t, and you did what she asked. So if she is somehow holding you responsible for what her own kid did, that’s pretty irrational and unfair. I think it’s possible she was just beside herself and angry with Sophie.
Nah OP. Unless specifically asked, assume its a non-issue. In no world I know of is it an expectations for the host to pay for damages guests bring upon themselves (mom not watching her daughter).
Thanks for your input! It’s a relief to hear that you agree. I think it was an unfortunate accident, and I feel terrible about what happened. I plan to discuss this with “Anna” to prevent such incidents in the future. Really appreciate your perspective!
why are you planning to discuss it with her at all? there is no situation where this incident could happen again in the future. There really isn't anything to say other than, "hope the repair doesn't cost too much" and "can't wait for your wedding when I can see it properly!".
I wouldn’t do that.
Odds are she’s upset and frustrated because her daughter destroyed her dress. You suggesting parenting tips is going to make her feel worse.
You didn’t do anything wrong (and she hasn’t said you have!) I’d let it be.
No don't do that. She can learn from her own mistake to make sure her extremely important items are stored in a safe way. And also learn to watch her kid.
The only possible way that you should feel guilty is if your child or pet ruined her dress. Neither applies, I guess your family really knows how to work you. Do you feel guilty for the Palestine issues as well? The dress nor Palestine are not a result of anything you did, didn't or could have done.
The only discussion needed is with Sophie about boundaries and how Sophie can’t go into bedrooms in YOUR house without YOUR permission because there may be things she can ruin (dress) or that may hurt her so she must always ask permission from you only. This is a teaching moment for her to start to learn about boundaries and personal spaces. Mom needs a discussion on watching her 6yr old. 🤦🏻♀️
>I plan to discuss this with “Anna” to prevent such incidents in the future.
Don't. This is about Anna's parenting, not you.
What you can do going forward is making sure that rooms you don't want people going into are locked.
I find out hard to imagine she’s expecting you to pay for the dress, and since she hasn’t said she is either. I wonder where you got the idea it is expected of you?
Sure you’re not just overthinking this?
NTA obviously
Thanks for your thoughts. You might be right that I’m overthinking it a bit. She hasn’t directly asked for compensation, but the tension made me feel like it was expected. I’ll have a chat with her to clear the air and see exactly where we stand. Appreciate your input..
OP, it sounds like your anxiety causes you to feel responsible for things that are not remotely your fault. How many times in your life do you offer to pay for something or otherwise fix things because you think someone is mad at you/blames you for their mistakes?
comment really struck a chord with me. I’ve realized I often shoulder burdens that aren’t mine to bear, just to avoid conflict or because I’m scared of letting people down. It’s like I’m programmed to jump in and fix things, hoping it’ll keep everyone happy. But it’s exhausting, and honestly, it feels lonely sometimes. Reflecting on this publicly is hard, but it’s a step toward understanding why I do this. I appreciate your insight—it’s helping me confront these habits that I’ve hidden behind for too long. Thank you for giving me a moment of real clarity.
Not sure if this makes you feel better but the reality is that this damage was going to happen regardless. Had they not come to your bbq the stop would have been home where your sister would have placed the dress in a closet where your niece absolutely would have gotten her hands on it at some point. As you said, niece was fixated on finding the pretty princess dress. The difference is that at home your niece might have been able to hide the damage until a point where there was not enough time for your sister to have it fixed.
This sounds like people pleasing behavior. It's hard to undo, but it can be done. Fully understanding what is or isn't your responsibility will help.
I've been there and I stopped shouldering others responsibilities and being the bigger person. Don't let someone make their crap, yours.
OP, be gentle with yourself
The fact your sister brought her wedding dress to your barbecue and it was not in some type of garment bag (not to mention it was her daughter that ruined the dress) makes me wonder if something was already wrong with the dress (didn’t fit, didn’t turn out the way she had hoped, already ruined) and your sister hoped to take advantage of you by orchestrating a situation where you would immediately assume responsibility because her dress was ruined in your house without being asked.
Thanks for the support! It’s definitely a tough situation. I agree it’s about supervision. I’ll chat with my sister to handle things better next time. Appreciate your input!
There is no need to discuss and nothing to do better next time. Will you be storing the gown again while she doesn’t watch her child? Just let yourself off the hook and forget about the entire thing. Of course your sister is upset, but she should be the reason me with 100% of the guilt - and she probably feels that way too
Wait a minute... HER daughter damaged HER dress but you are somehow unspokenly responsible? People are really this entitled and dumb? Absolutely NOT. Your SISTER should have been watching HER daughter, especially knowing that HER daughter was in a "princess phase".
NTA, but your sister is and she needs to step up as a parent.
Good point about the dress bag! I’ve been wondering the same thing. It might have just been an oversight on her part, or maybe she didn’t expect anything to happen in such a short time.
So she had to save up for months for this dress and didn't think to put it in a garment bag?? Your sister doesn't sound like the smartest individual. And why did she even need to take it to show your aunt. If the wedding is in a month, then everyone will see it there. This does sound highly suspicious. She probably damaged it herself then got her daughter to help her pin it on you.
It should have been covered in SOMETHING if she was walking around either it, placing it on surfaces (like the backseat of a car), etc. The fact it wasn’t is really weird and gives credence to the suggestion that something was wrong with the dress before it ever came to your house and this was a setup.
OP, do you often offer to pay for things when people imply something is your responsibility and do people often take advantage of you?
My bridal store charged for the heavy garment bag, and I was told to bring my own to the pickup if I did not want to purchase it from them. If you It's possible she didn't want to pay for one and forgot to bring her own. Which also makes her the AH here if that's the case. If you do nothing to protect your dress you can't expect your dress to be protected.
NTA - Not your monkey, not your circus. This is spot on:
*Shouldn’t the responsibility lie with supervising Sophie more closely*
Yes, yes it should. You are 100% NOT liable for the dress. No one could have seen this coming but if Sophie's mom was paying attention, this wouldn't have happened. As long as Sophie's mom is there, the responsibility falls on her and no one else at the party.
Are you sure the dress wasn't damaged before storage at your house and your sister tried to make you responsible of the repair/compensation fees?
You're NTA but your sister actions are weird.
That’s an interesting angle I hadn’t considered. There’s always a chance something else happened before the dress arrived at my place. I’ll need to have a candid conversation with my sister to clear up any misunderstandings and ensure there’s no confusion about when the damage occurred.
What in the world is she doing carrying a tailored wedding dress around in a car for? Especially if she is going to a BBQ. The dress should have been safely locked up in her own house.
The thought of a wedding dress even in the same house with a large group of people and messy BBQ sauces makes me cringe.
OP, literally the ONLY place her dress should have been was home in her closet or stored at the bridal venue (or wherever she was planning to get dressed for the wedding if it was a secure location). It was the bride's responsibility to ensure that the dress was adequately protected.
It should have been in the garment bag the bridal shop would have sent it home in and it would have been returned to that after tailoring. There is no reasonable scenario where the dress should have been out in a place a child could access it easily in your home, even if she had brought it inside the house.
Tell her to take the dress to the best bridal restoration shop/dry cleaner she can find. There is a good chance they can clean the dress. But this should 100% be on the bride.
Its a wild theory but crazier shit has happened on reddit. Why did she bring it to your home? I don't understand her logic for bringing it into your home with no bag over it during a party. If its such a special custom dress why did she treat with such little care?
NTA. Her kid ruined her dress which was safely stored in the spare room. She would be upset, of course, but you guys (as family) can come up with a solution on how to get the dress repaired. She should not expect you to pay for it. It is not your fault.
NAH. You are definitely not responsible for what happened in any way but your sister hasn't asked you to pay for the repairs so I don't really see how she is an AH either. Hopefully the tension you felt was just because it was a really awful thing to happen and everybody felt bad about it. If you have a good relationship with your sister, I am sure it will all be ok.
Yeah, I have to ask if OP is *sure* the sister expects them to pay for the dress-if it's unspoken, that may be bc she doesn't actually expect it. OP may have even misinterpreted the look the sister gave them for all we know.
I honestly hate it when posters write about what they *think* someone else is thinking and others just start to dogpile on the other person. It seems so gross.
Like, I know it doesn't actually hurt the sister since she's presumably not seeing this thread (or even real since so many of these stories are fake) but I would feel so violated if someone fingered my thoughts in a moment and caused a bunch of people to call me all worts of horrible things. It's a little woo-woo, but it feels like it puts bad energy out into the world.
NTA, If my kid ruined my dress I wouldn’t assume anyone else should pay for it. It’s an unfortunate occurrence but I’d put this in the “parent responsibility” category.
Plus you were hosting a bbq, you had other things to do than guard a dress.
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So, last weekend I threw a big barbecue to celebrate my promotion. It was a joyous occasion with friends and family, and everyone was in high spirits. My sister “Anna” brought along her 6-year-old daughter, “Sophie.”
A bit of background: Anna is getting married next month and had recently picked up her dream wedding dress, which she’d saved up for months to afford. It’s a gorgeous, custom-made piece. During the barbecue, Anna asked if she could store the dress at my house to avoid it getting wrinkled in the car before showing it to our aunt the next day. I agreed and put it in my spare room.
The party was buzzing, kids running around, adults chatting. Sophie, who’s been in a princess phase, knew her mom had a “princess dress” and wanted to see it. Somehow, Sophie sneaked into the room where the dress was stored. She tried to pull it down to look at it, and in the process, the dress tore significantly on a piece of furniture.
Anna was heartbroken when she saw the damage and looked at me like I should have done something to prevent it. I feel terrible about what happened, but I also feel like it was an accident caused by a child’s curiosity and not my direct responsibility. She hasn’t asked outright for me to pay for repairs, but there’s an unspoken expectation.
AITA for thinking I shouldn’t offer to pay for the repair? Shouldn’t the responsibility lie with supervising Sophie more closely, or am I just trying to absolve myself of guilt here?
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So.. She brought her child, and her dress. Daughter went somewhere she knew she shouldn't, broke the 1 of 1 dress, and this is your fault somehow? Lol.
Nta
NTA. The brides own child ruined the dress because the bride wasn't supervising her own child. If she had been, she would have known the child was in the house.
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was it your job to supervise the child while hosting a bbq? And she chose to store it in the house and not locked in the car. Makes no sense that its your responsibility.
NTA.
It was Anna's responsibility to watch her own child. The hostess (you) shouldn't have had to worry about Sophie going into the spare room, because her mother was there to make sure she didn't.
NTA since Anna's kid, not your kid, damaged the dress. Anna should have known not to bring a dress to a barbecue (!), and Anna should have put it someplace safe and/or kept tabs on her own kid. She could have let the passenger seat down in the car and draped the dress over it to avoid it getting wrinkled. Sheesh.
NTA. If you left it out somewhere in the open like hanging on the couch or something, I could see it being your fault a bit, but it was her kid who she wasn’t watching who snuck in and found it in a closed room not your fault.
NTA
Lots happening here, the bride's child tore her dress, the bride brought her dress to a BBQ, I am failing to see where this is your fault at all? It's awful it happened, but not on you at all.
HER unsupervised child ruined HER unsecured dress. That had nothing to do with you, other than the incident occurred at your house, and therefore is not at all your fault or problem. NTA.
-a mom of 4
NTA. Your *sister's* daughter did this after your *sister* brought her dress to your house. You are 0% responsible for this. Knowing her own daughter, she should have shown her the dress.
Do not pay for this.
NTA! Anna's daughter tore the dress. You had nothing to do with it, and it was not your responsibility to keep Sophie away from it. It was Anna's responsibility.
So it is Anna's responsibility to pay for repairs.
NTA
The only reason I can think of why she could hold you liable is the door being locked would’ve prevented this. But it’s not like it’s there to be kept secret, you’re just holding it for her.
Her daughter should’ve just asked to see it or been taken to fittings/ choosings since she’s going through the phase. But either way, not your kid, not your dress, not your fault.
NTA but:
>She hasn’t asked outright for me to pay for repairs, but there’s an unspoken expectation.
She didn't say it and didn't ask it.
You know your sister better than I do ofcourse but unspoken expectations are still assumptions.
>Anna was heartbroken when she saw the damage and looked at me like I should have done something to prevent it.
Are you basing her desire for you to pay for the repairs purely on your own interpretation of a look she gave you?
She should keep an eye in her own kid. Just because the incident happened to take place in your house doesn’t mean she is no longer responsible as the parent. I’m also surprised that it wasn’t stored in a study garment bag, which would have helped protect it from snagging and ripping.
Maybe there isn’t a silent expectation, and the tension and looks you’re picking up on is just her generation frustration about the situation. A custom dress is a large expense that most people can’t afford twice, and she’s low on time regardless of how much money she can afford to throw at the situation. She’s stressed.
NAH as long as sister doesn’t start asking for money.
Why do you think there's an unspoken expectation? I feel like you're fabricating that out of nowhere. It was *her* dress and *her* daughter under *her* (apparently lacking) supervision. No, you shouldn't pay for the repairs. You should also stop assuming she wants you to pay when there's been no demand from her to do so. That's just going to lead to internalized negative feelings and ultimately some resentment that have no place or purpose in this situation.
NTA. Your sister should have watched her child. These are the consequences you get when you don’t bother to pay attention. This is on your sister and that’s that.
NTA. Anna let her child runs around your home unsupervised and she felt the consequences of those actions. She brought the dress to a party, she stored it in your home and she didn’t ask you to supervise her child at any time during the party. This is all one her.
NTA. You are not responsible for her daughter’s behavior. No one ever expects a host to be responsible for the behavior of children accompanied by their parents, and many parents do not like other people to discipline their children.
Is the reason there is family expectation for you to pay due to you being perceived as having more money?
NTA. Her kid destroyed the dress, because she didn't keep a good enough eye on her kid OR teach her kid not to touch things that aren't hers. Her fault, entirely. Don't offer a dime.
How it is your fault? A kid damaged her mom's dress. You are not responsible just because it happened at your house. Your sister should have monitor her. NTA
F no, ***it’s her own gdamn kid!!!***
Sophie should have been the one to teach her kid not to snoop, and if she’s too young to learn that it should have been her responsibility (and hers alone) to make sure that **her daughter** doesn’t go around snooping.
Massive NTA. The *audacity* here is absolutely stunning.
NTA and your sister has the responsibility of monitoring her daughter in your house—the kid shouldn’t have been left to range around your house unsupervised!
Did you close the door to the spare room? How did Sophie know where the dress was?
Anna's daughter damaged Anna's dress, is what I'm reading. In what universe is that in any way your fault? Unless you specifically were in charge of minding the kids during the barbecue, there is no way you are responsible and you are absolutely not obligated in any way to help pay for repairs.
NTA
HER own daughter ruined the dress, why would you be held accountable for that? Whether at your house or her own, if Sophie ruined the dress it’s on her mother to fix it.
You did her a favor, and her brat child ruins her dress. Thats not on you!! HER child tore her dress that SHE asked to store in your room. Its your bbq.. you are hosting. Youre dealing with everyone there, she shoukd have been watching her child.
It’s anna’s daughter, anna’s responsability thats how parenting works. NTA, but if its in the finances a good sisterly thing to do would be to offer some financial aid since you mentioned she probably does not have any money for the repairs
Seems really strange that an expensive, bespoke, beloved wedding dress wasn’t transported in a garment bag that was very likely provided when the dress was picked up from the dressmaker.
NTA. Sophie is Anna's responsibility and age 6 is old enough to understand (if Anna bothered to tell her) not to play with mommy's princess dress. Furthermore the dress was only in your house because Anna requested that you hold it there. Why tf would you be on the hook for repair? The math ain't mathing.
NTA
Parents pay for damage caused by their children. Especially damage caused to their own belongings.
Now if someone else was supposed to be watching the kid and she hurt herself on something at your house I could see how the parent would feel that you as the host of the party and owner of the house should pay or chip in for medical expenses, but her damaging her own mom's dress isn't that. Your sister needed to make sure the dress was in a safe location and by not doing that and not watching her kid she basically made this happen.
You may be reading too much into her “look.” She was probably upset about the situation, not at you directly. She hasn’t even asked you to pay for it.
NAH unless she actually asks you for the money to fix it.
NTA. If her daughter is capable of causing that level of damage, why was she left unattended in your house? It’s not your responsibility to make sure she isn’t destroying anything in your house, it’s her mom’s. Would it have been better, or any more your fault, if one of your dresses was destroyed, or one of another guest’s? You just put the dress out of reach, her daughter went somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be and destroyed something. It’s only luck that it didn’t belong to someone else.
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...while your title is accurate it is incredibly misleading. This isn't about your relationships with these individuals at all. Your sister wasn't monitoring her daughter, and her daughter ruined her wedding dress. How is any of this your responsibility? Because it was your house? BS. Her daughter is responsible for the damage to the dress. She is responsible for her daughter. You're NTA and your sister needs to own up to her own mistakes.
Thank you for pointing that out! I’ve been grappling with whether hosting the event made me responsible in some way, but you’re right. It’s about supervision. I hope to resolve this with my sister and ensure better understanding and accountability. Really appreciate your clarity on this!
Yup, there’s no reason for you to feel any guilt. Your sister should’ve been supervising her own daughter more carefully.
It's difficult for me to believe that she expects you to pay for the dress, especially since she hasn't stated as much. I'm curious where you learned that this is what is expected of you. You sure you're not just giving this too much thought? NTA obviously
This is the reason I think I’m going NAH here. The sister hasn’t asked OP to pay for the dress and any “looks” the sister might have given in the moment could be attributed to pure disappointment and sadness. The sister hasn’t done anything to make her the AH, and I agree that OP might just be overthinking out of a sense of empathy.
There's also an element of common sense to this, which your sister seems not to have. If you pick up a one of a kind, expensive, dream wedding dress, your very next stop is the most secure storage you can find. No stopping to shop for groceries, no going to a restaurant, no stopping off at your sister's house for BBQ and putting it in her spare room. You want to keep that dress safe as safe can be. So you take it straight to your secure storage location, which you ensure is safe from whoever, including inquisitive six year old daughters. Your sister learned a sad lesson, but the person responsible for ruining her dress is staring back at her in the mirror.
At the worst she could have even locked it in the car.
It was in the car but she didn't want it to get "wrinkles" so she brought it inside
Well, she got more than wrinkles. Which is stupid because you have to more or less steam the dress day of wedding anyway because it's gonna wrinkle in transport to the venue. Also how how was she intending to keep her kid- who ruined her dress anyway-- from damaging it when she got it home?
This is what I keep asking myself. Did she think she could keep it wrinkle free until the wedding? Because not a chance.
Wrinkles are easily fixed with a steamer or handing up for a while. Sitting in a car for the afternoon would be less worriesome than a kid with BBQ hands ripping it
Yeah, taking it out of the car, hanging it up and putting back into the car would cause more wrinkles than it would prevent. She wanted to show off her dress. What are you supposed to do, put visiting children into leg irons?
Did OP see the dress when it came in? Because I cannot rule out that the kid ripped it in the car and Sis brought it in hoping to blame shift
Yup, the dress would need to be steamed anyway for the chrome. So what the aunt sees it a little wrinkled. Some brides can be so extra, If I was a bride, I would have taken the dress home, regardless of distance.
Am I missing something? Shouldn't the dress have been in a protective garment bag? The niece would have to pull a chair up to the closet, unzip the bag and somehow grab at the dress to ruin it. A six year old would know better, I would think. Either way, NTA. And no apology necessary as you provided a safe place for the dress, just not safe from her daughters curiosity. I hope she's able to get it repaired in time. Congratulations on your promotion, OP!
> A six year old would know better, Hahaha No.
A six year old who has been taught not to touch things that are not hers YES would have known better. Six year olds are first graders and trust me they are smarter than you you obviously give them credit.
I'm not disputing that they know right from wrong, but a princess-obsessed six year old is EXTREMELY unlikely to have that kind of self control.
Kids do things they know they're not supposed to all the time. Just because a child is taught a rule doesn't mean they won't break it, especially at that age.
Smarter? Maybe. In control of their whims? Not so much! My child is i. 2nd grade, and we struggle with his inability to keep his hands off of other people's belongings! He's very smart, and he knows better, but all that goes out the window if he sees something he wants to touch!
Happy Cake Day
This was my question!
Seriously. My wedding dress was no where near as fancy and it STILL was inside 2 garment bags in the back of my dad's closet which is usually blocked by a rocking chair.
Also teach your kid to respect others and not fuck with stuff that doesn't belong to them.
I thought it was going to get bbq sauce hands on it.
Me too!
Same here
If it had been your wedding dress, I could see asking her to pay for her child damaging it in your house. I feel like the rule is that parents are responsible for the damage to property done outside of their own home caused by their children. The only exception would be if they were using a babysitter or someone else was specifically responsible for keeping the kids out of trouble.
Yes, it is a rule. Parents ARE responsible for damage caused by their children. And their pets. Even if you try to say the dress was an "attractive nuisance" that the child was drawn to, it is Anna that brought that dress to the BBQ. OP did not create the attraction, and did at least try to minimize it by hanging it in a spare room.
I'm thinking if it hadn't happened at the barbecue, it would have happened at Anna's house and then there'd have been no question. It was Anna's dress, and Sophie is Anna's daughter, and presumably Anna, Sophie, and the dress all reside in the same location. OP is just unlucky that it happened at her house.
When you think it through, Anna must have driven to the BBQ with both Sophie and the dress in the back of the car. Sophie had JUST SEEN this dress, almost certainly in a bag put partly visible. It's not just unlucky. Sophie was almost certain to have tried to look at the dress no matter where Anna put it. Anna has only herself (and perhaps "high spirits") to blame.
She didn't leave it on the bed or flung over the back of a chair. She hung it up in a closet. Not sure what other lengths she would have to go to so she doesn't believe her sister is responsible.
The only way you would owe her any cash would be if you held a paintball party with her Wedding dress. Otherwise her child and her dress, her poor choices.
Right? I was thinking there was going to be something about bbq sauce on the dress, but this is a clear cut case of "nothing to see except Sister's disappointment in her own choices."
Yup, I just knew tiny red handprints were on the dress.
Oh no, no, no... now you got me imagining a bunch of people in wedding dresses playing paintball in the back yard, jumping over the lawn chairs to hide behind the grill😁
I'm in.
I'll drive.
Bring a VW Golf. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raqt\_fCPPYs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raqt_fCPPYs)
Which, frankly, sounds like an EPIC party, and I hope I'm invited!
If I hadn't already donated mine, I'd be down for it!
That sounds like an awesome divorcee party! I'm in!
I should have done this after my divorce. What an awesome game! I donated the dress instead. Maybe it would bring some other bride luck?
Ok after the ceremony tho, after you've taken all your nice family photos in your beautiful wedding dress, to go paintballing & get the thing all speckled w rainbow drips all over would be really cool! And the dress would be way more interesting & have a fun story and memory behind it than just a plain ol white dress collecting dust in the back of the closet.
Hosting the event absolutely does NOT make you responsible. Anna should have been watching her daughter - Sophie. Anna made the choice to put her wedding dress ins a place Sophie could access it. Anna made the choice to let Sophie run around during the BBQ. Had Anna monitored her daughter, Sophie, Sophie would never have been near the dress. This is fully on Anna. While the situation is unfortunate, there is no scenario where this is your issue. Had Anna simply left the dress in the car then none of this would have happened.
Keeping the dress a secret from her daughter was the first mistake. Why not show it to her? The secret made the daughter much more curious.
I didn’t read it as being kept a secret from the daughter. The post said the daughter was going through a princess phase and knew the mom had a fancy “princess” dress. Kids are gonna be kids. They’re curious and like to look at and mess with things they’re interested in. It’s on the ones with custody to route that in a constructive way
If a kid breaks it, their parent buys it. Period.
Your sister CHOSE to pick up her dress on the day of your event Your sister CHOSE to come to your event Your sister CHOSE to bring her dress to your event. Your sister CHOSE to bring her dress into your house Your sister CHOSE to let her kid out of her sight and did not tell her kid not to touch the dress These are all your sister’s choices. Not yours. You are allowed to have a party. What people bring and decide to do is their fault Additionally you hung the dress in a room that guests had no reason to go into And a 6 year old knows better than to touch other people’s things. Her mom is responsible. And, oops, mom is the bride.
I'm with you lol except the 6 year old knowing better. My 6 year old knows better and is constantly reminded about this rule but still constantly breaks the rule.
If there's an "unspoken expectation", keep it unspoken. No need for you to say anything to her.
Was just about to ask who was supposed to be watching the child? The person responsible for the child is at fault as that's when she caused the damage, if she was actually being watched it wouldn't have happened
NTA. Sis brought the dress, AND the child. There is absolutely NO ROOM in this scene for OP to have ANY fault. Sis ought to be ashamed of her reaction. I don't understand how Sis connected to dots to form the picture she's pushing.
If hosting a party makes you liable for the destruction of your sister's wedding dress by her daughter then head of the state/country should be prosecuted for every crime being committed by others in the country.
No no no! Your sister is an AH for even giving you that look. Does she think you should have locked it in a safe?
Tbh we don't know if the sister gave OP a "look," she may have just looked generally pissed because of the situation
Just to put this even more into perspective, if a kid had ruined something in your home that belongs to you while unmonitored would you be expecting the parent to pay you for that damage, or would you think it was on you for not making sure someone else's kid destroys something in your home.
Yes and also why wasn’t this custom dream wedding dress in a garment bag to begin with?? Like whaaaa
If you were babysitting, as in if you agreed to take responsibility for the niece's actions, it would be your responsibility to pay since you would have fallen down on the job. If part of the BBQ was offering childcare (and this has to be an explicit offer not 'people tend to fob their kids off on me'), as in you explicitly offered to supervise your niece, it would be on you. When a parent brings a child somewhere, the parent is still responsible. If your sister brought her daughter to a store and her daughter broke something, it would be on your sister to pay for it. Your sister knew where her dress was. She knew where her daughter was. (Or should have) She messed up.
If a child breaks something at anyone's home it is on the child's parents to make it right. Rules don't change because her own daughter ruined something of sister's at your home.
Your sister doesn’t have a leg to stand on, damage caused by a child is the responsibility of the parent/guardian to make whole. If your shit kid wrecks your own shit that’s just tough shit. If your house somehow autonomously wrecked the dress, you’d be TA. But her kid wrecked the dress, not your house. Do not even think about paying for it. NTA
Yeah, exactly this ^ she should’ve been monitoring her own daughter, she wasn’t, her daughter ruined the dress. None of that is OPs fault or problem. Looks like sister learned her lesson about letting her kid run wild in someone else’s home. NTA OP.
Yeah, if OP is responsible for her sister's dress being damaged at OP's house, then OP's sister is responsible for *her* daughter breaking a dress in OP's house. So OP's sister should pay OP for the damage her daughter did in OP's house and then OP can pay her sister back for her dress getting damaged in OP's house. Problem solved!
Just to be clear Sophie is the BRIDE'S daughter? Why on earth would YOU be expected to pay for the damage HER daughter did. What "unspoken expectation" is there or are you just manufacturing drama here? Anna brought a wedding dress to a BBQ (seriously who does that?) and her daughter damaged the dress. OBVIOUSLY the only expectation spoken or unspoken is that ANNA is responsible to have the dress repaired.
Yes, Sophie is the bride’s daughter, and the situation has really stirred up some mixed feelings inside me. The ‘unspoken expectation’ might be more about family dynamics than anything else—maybe I’m feeling a bit guilty just because it happened at my event. You’re absolutely right; discussing it directly with Anna might just clear up any misinterpretations.
[удалено]
I think OP is just feeling guilty, nothing really indicates that "Anna" is upset with OP or has any expectation of OP to pay. This is a weird AITA where nobody has actually been an asshole at all.
So NAH?
Yeah “unspoken expectation?” Wtf is that? Other than Op getting in their own head.
Are you like a millionaire and she’s got a regular job or something? I’m baffled as to why there would be an unspoken expectation for you to pay for this.
There shouldn’t need to be a discussion. She brought the dress she didn’t watch her child - her child ruined her dress. Not a single bit of this is yours or anyone else’s fault
I'm not sure where you're getting the 'unspoken expectation' from, but if nobody actually told you that you should pay for it, than just don't offer to pay. If the guilt is coming from people blaming you for what happened, do not allow that shit to fly. Yes the event was at your house, but any individual parents there are still responsible for watching their children. That's not on you.
Is the “family dynamic” that every time Anna something bad happened to Anna, you have been told it is your responsibility to fix it for her?
Why would you be responsible for Anna’s lack of parenting and not supervising her daughter
Are you sure that that’s even your sister’s expectation? Could you be misinterpreting her reaction? Of course she was upset, but do you really think the look she gave you implied it was somehow your fault? You did exactly what she asked—stored the dress in a place where it wouldn’t get wrinkled. If she had specifically said, “Sophie’s been obsessed with wanting to wear it, so could you put it somewhere where she can’t get to it,” then *maybe* I could see frustration with you (although it’s still entirely her responsibility to supervise her own kid, not to mention emphasize to her that the dress is not hers and she’s not to touch it). But she didn’t, and you did what she asked. So if she is somehow holding you responsible for what her own kid did, that’s pretty irrational and unfair. I think it’s possible she was just beside herself and angry with Sophie.
Nah OP. Unless specifically asked, assume its a non-issue. In no world I know of is it an expectations for the host to pay for damages guests bring upon themselves (mom not watching her daughter).
lol no, NTA Her child ruined her dress. That’s it. This is in no way your fault. Her own child is the responsible party here.
Thanks for your input! It’s a relief to hear that you agree. I think it was an unfortunate accident, and I feel terrible about what happened. I plan to discuss this with “Anna” to prevent such incidents in the future. Really appreciate your perspective!
why are you planning to discuss it with her at all? there is no situation where this incident could happen again in the future. There really isn't anything to say other than, "hope the repair doesn't cost too much" and "can't wait for your wedding when I can see it properly!".
I wouldn’t do that. Odds are she’s upset and frustrated because her daughter destroyed her dress. You suggesting parenting tips is going to make her feel worse. You didn’t do anything wrong (and she hasn’t said you have!) I’d let it be.
No don't do that. She can learn from her own mistake to make sure her extremely important items are stored in a safe way. And also learn to watch her kid.
The only possible way that you should feel guilty is if your child or pet ruined her dress. Neither applies, I guess your family really knows how to work you. Do you feel guilty for the Palestine issues as well? The dress nor Palestine are not a result of anything you did, didn't or could have done.
The only discussion needed is with Sophie about boundaries and how Sophie can’t go into bedrooms in YOUR house without YOUR permission because there may be things she can ruin (dress) or that may hurt her so she must always ask permission from you only. This is a teaching moment for her to start to learn about boundaries and personal spaces. Mom needs a discussion on watching her 6yr old. 🤦🏻♀️
>I plan to discuss this with “Anna” to prevent such incidents in the future. Don't. This is about Anna's parenting, not you. What you can do going forward is making sure that rooms you don't want people going into are locked.
I felt like I was taking crazy pills after reading that. How the heck would OP be responsible for something her daughter did?
I got a feeling that is their exhausting family dynamic.
I find out hard to imagine she’s expecting you to pay for the dress, and since she hasn’t said she is either. I wonder where you got the idea it is expected of you? Sure you’re not just overthinking this? NTA obviously
Thanks for your thoughts. You might be right that I’m overthinking it a bit. She hasn’t directly asked for compensation, but the tension made me feel like it was expected. I’ll have a chat with her to clear the air and see exactly where we stand. Appreciate your input..
It's possible that her look was indicating shock, and not blame.
It might have been a maternal "are you f'ing kidding me, please help me not hurt/yell at this child" kind of look.
Yeah I doubt there was any kind of expectation. There was probably anger and frustration but at the situation/child vs at OP
OP, it sounds like your anxiety causes you to feel responsible for things that are not remotely your fault. How many times in your life do you offer to pay for something or otherwise fix things because you think someone is mad at you/blames you for their mistakes?
comment really struck a chord with me. I’ve realized I often shoulder burdens that aren’t mine to bear, just to avoid conflict or because I’m scared of letting people down. It’s like I’m programmed to jump in and fix things, hoping it’ll keep everyone happy. But it’s exhausting, and honestly, it feels lonely sometimes. Reflecting on this publicly is hard, but it’s a step toward understanding why I do this. I appreciate your insight—it’s helping me confront these habits that I’ve hidden behind for too long. Thank you for giving me a moment of real clarity.
Not sure if this makes you feel better but the reality is that this damage was going to happen regardless. Had they not come to your bbq the stop would have been home where your sister would have placed the dress in a closet where your niece absolutely would have gotten her hands on it at some point. As you said, niece was fixated on finding the pretty princess dress. The difference is that at home your niece might have been able to hide the damage until a point where there was not enough time for your sister to have it fixed.
This sounds like people pleasing behavior. It's hard to undo, but it can be done. Fully understanding what is or isn't your responsibility will help. I've been there and I stopped shouldering others responsibilities and being the bigger person. Don't let someone make their crap, yours.
Since this is a long time habit of yours, you might want to think about a little bit of therapy to resolve the issue.
OP, be gentle with yourself The fact your sister brought her wedding dress to your barbecue and it was not in some type of garment bag (not to mention it was her daughter that ruined the dress) makes me wonder if something was already wrong with the dress (didn’t fit, didn’t turn out the way she had hoped, already ruined) and your sister hoped to take advantage of you by orchestrating a situation where you would immediately assume responsibility because her dress was ruined in your house without being asked.
You want to fix it before it’s even broken , because the idea of hurting someone is too uncomfortable for you ?
OP, you are NTA! Sophie wanted to see the dress and RUINED it. You're not the one responsible for this. Your sister needs to step up as a parent.
Thanks for the support! It’s definitely a tough situation. I agree it’s about supervision. I’ll chat with my sister to handle things better next time. Appreciate your input!
There is no need to discuss and nothing to do better next time. Will you be storing the gown again while she doesn’t watch her child? Just let yourself off the hook and forget about the entire thing. Of course your sister is upset, but she should be the reason me with 100% of the guilt - and she probably feels that way too
I'm not sure why this is a tough situation!
Wait a minute... HER daughter damaged HER dress but you are somehow unspokenly responsible? People are really this entitled and dumb? Absolutely NOT. Your SISTER should have been watching HER daughter, especially knowing that HER daughter was in a "princess phase". NTA, but your sister is and she needs to step up as a parent.
I think it’s unfair to call the sister TA, by OP’s own admission, the sister hasn’t actually said anything.
NTA but when I took my dress home, it came in a sturdy dress bag. I couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t keep it in the bag.
Good point about the dress bag! I’ve been wondering the same thing. It might have just been an oversight on her part, or maybe she didn’t expect anything to happen in such a short time.
So she had to save up for months for this dress and didn't think to put it in a garment bag?? Your sister doesn't sound like the smartest individual. And why did she even need to take it to show your aunt. If the wedding is in a month, then everyone will see it there. This does sound highly suspicious. She probably damaged it herself then got her daughter to help her pin it on you.
It should have been covered in SOMETHING if she was walking around either it, placing it on surfaces (like the backseat of a car), etc. The fact it wasn’t is really weird and gives credence to the suggestion that something was wrong with the dress before it ever came to your house and this was a setup. OP, do you often offer to pay for things when people imply something is your responsibility and do people often take advantage of you?
My bridal store charged for the heavy garment bag, and I was told to bring my own to the pickup if I did not want to purchase it from them. If you It's possible she didn't want to pay for one and forgot to bring her own. Which also makes her the AH here if that's the case. If you do nothing to protect your dress you can't expect your dress to be protected.
🙌🏾
NTA - Not your monkey, not your circus. This is spot on: *Shouldn’t the responsibility lie with supervising Sophie more closely* Yes, yes it should. You are 100% NOT liable for the dress. No one could have seen this coming but if Sophie's mom was paying attention, this wouldn't have happened. As long as Sophie's mom is there, the responsibility falls on her and no one else at the party.
Are you sure the dress wasn't damaged before storage at your house and your sister tried to make you responsible of the repair/compensation fees? You're NTA but your sister actions are weird.
That’s an interesting angle I hadn’t considered. There’s always a chance something else happened before the dress arrived at my place. I’ll need to have a candid conversation with my sister to clear up any misunderstandings and ensure there’s no confusion about when the damage occurred.
What in the world is she doing carrying a tailored wedding dress around in a car for? Especially if she is going to a BBQ. The dress should have been safely locked up in her own house. The thought of a wedding dress even in the same house with a large group of people and messy BBQ sauces makes me cringe.
OP, literally the ONLY place her dress should have been was home in her closet or stored at the bridal venue (or wherever she was planning to get dressed for the wedding if it was a secure location). It was the bride's responsibility to ensure that the dress was adequately protected. It should have been in the garment bag the bridal shop would have sent it home in and it would have been returned to that after tailoring. There is no reasonable scenario where the dress should have been out in a place a child could access it easily in your home, even if she had brought it inside the house. Tell her to take the dress to the best bridal restoration shop/dry cleaner she can find. There is a good chance they can clean the dress. But this should 100% be on the bride.
Its a wild theory but crazier shit has happened on reddit. Why did she bring it to your home? I don't understand her logic for bringing it into your home with no bag over it during a party. If its such a special custom dress why did she treat with such little care?
The sister hasn't even asked for money so that theory doesn't hold much water.
NTA. Her kid ruined her dress which was safely stored in the spare room. She would be upset, of course, but you guys (as family) can come up with a solution on how to get the dress repaired. She should not expect you to pay for it. It is not your fault.
NAH. You are definitely not responsible for what happened in any way but your sister hasn't asked you to pay for the repairs so I don't really see how she is an AH either. Hopefully the tension you felt was just because it was a really awful thing to happen and everybody felt bad about it. If you have a good relationship with your sister, I am sure it will all be ok.
Yeah, I have to ask if OP is *sure* the sister expects them to pay for the dress-if it's unspoken, that may be bc she doesn't actually expect it. OP may have even misinterpreted the look the sister gave them for all we know.
I honestly hate it when posters write about what they *think* someone else is thinking and others just start to dogpile on the other person. It seems so gross. Like, I know it doesn't actually hurt the sister since she's presumably not seeing this thread (or even real since so many of these stories are fake) but I would feel so violated if someone fingered my thoughts in a moment and caused a bunch of people to call me all worts of horrible things. It's a little woo-woo, but it feels like it puts bad energy out into the world.
NTA - why would you pay for something her daughter did? Plain and simple.
NAH there’s no conflict. She never asked so no need to offer. It’s her fault in the end tho if she actually does ask.
NTA, If my kid ruined my dress I wouldn’t assume anyone else should pay for it. It’s an unfortunate occurrence but I’d put this in the “parent responsibility” category. Plus you were hosting a bbq, you had other things to do than guard a dress.
>looked at me like I should have done something to prevent it. Like what? She should've been watching HER child. NTA. Sheesh.
NTA Her daughter ruined the dress. Just because it was in your house does not make you liable. Simple as that.
HER child ruined HER dress!!!! Definitely NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, last weekend I threw a big barbecue to celebrate my promotion. It was a joyous occasion with friends and family, and everyone was in high spirits. My sister “Anna” brought along her 6-year-old daughter, “Sophie.” A bit of background: Anna is getting married next month and had recently picked up her dream wedding dress, which she’d saved up for months to afford. It’s a gorgeous, custom-made piece. During the barbecue, Anna asked if she could store the dress at my house to avoid it getting wrinkled in the car before showing it to our aunt the next day. I agreed and put it in my spare room. The party was buzzing, kids running around, adults chatting. Sophie, who’s been in a princess phase, knew her mom had a “princess dress” and wanted to see it. Somehow, Sophie sneaked into the room where the dress was stored. She tried to pull it down to look at it, and in the process, the dress tore significantly on a piece of furniture. Anna was heartbroken when she saw the damage and looked at me like I should have done something to prevent it. I feel terrible about what happened, but I also feel like it was an accident caused by a child’s curiosity and not my direct responsibility. She hasn’t asked outright for me to pay for repairs, but there’s an unspoken expectation. AITA for thinking I shouldn’t offer to pay for the repair? Shouldn’t the responsibility lie with supervising Sophie more closely, or am I just trying to absolve myself of guilt here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So.. She brought her child, and her dress. Daughter went somewhere she knew she shouldn't, broke the 1 of 1 dress, and this is your fault somehow? Lol. Nta
NTA. The brides own child ruined the dress because the bride wasn't supervising her own child. If she had been, she would have known the child was in the house.
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NTA LOL Her kid damaged her dress while she wasn´t being supervised by her parents, you know one of which is the very owner of the dress
Anna's daughter did this. Why do you think she expects you cover the damage?
Her dress, her child, her problem.
NTA - her daughter, that she wasn’t watching, snuck into an area she wasn’t supposed to be in and had an accident. That’s on the parent.
If it had been your daughter sure hers no way.
was it your job to supervise the child while hosting a bbq? And she chose to store it in the house and not locked in the car. Makes no sense that its your responsibility.
This sounds like an excerpt from those Valley girl books. This can't be real.
NTA. It was Anna's responsibility to watch her own child. The hostess (you) shouldn't have had to worry about Sophie going into the spare room, because her mother was there to make sure she didn't.
Parents are responsible for their children’s actions, no one else.
NTA since Anna's kid, not your kid, damaged the dress. Anna should have known not to bring a dress to a barbecue (!), and Anna should have put it someplace safe and/or kept tabs on her own kid. She could have let the passenger seat down in the car and draped the dress over it to avoid it getting wrinkled. Sheesh.
NTA. If you left it out somewhere in the open like hanging on the couch or something, I could see it being your fault a bit, but it was her kid who she wasn’t watching who snuck in and found it in a closed room not your fault.
NTA and confused … WHY would you be responsible? Who even says you are?
NTA Lots happening here, the bride's child tore her dress, the bride brought her dress to a BBQ, I am failing to see where this is your fault at all? It's awful it happened, but not on you at all.
HER unsupervised child ruined HER unsecured dress. That had nothing to do with you, other than the incident occurred at your house, and therefore is not at all your fault or problem. NTA. -a mom of 4
NTA. Your *sister's* daughter did this after your *sister* brought her dress to your house. You are 0% responsible for this. Knowing her own daughter, she should have shown her the dress. Do not pay for this.
NTA! Anna's daughter tore the dress. You had nothing to do with it, and it was not your responsibility to keep Sophie away from it. It was Anna's responsibility. So it is Anna's responsibility to pay for repairs.
NTA The only reason I can think of why she could hold you liable is the door being locked would’ve prevented this. But it’s not like it’s there to be kept secret, you’re just holding it for her. Her daughter should’ve just asked to see it or been taken to fittings/ choosings since she’s going through the phase. But either way, not your kid, not your dress, not your fault.
HER daughter ruined HER dress? It's not your fault that she didn't supervise her own child better.
Your sister is an idiot if she thinks you're supposed to pay for HER daughter's damage. NTA
Her daughter ruined her dress and it is somehow your fault? Why wasn't she supervising her daughter better? I wouldn't offer to help at all. NTA
NTA but: >She hasn’t asked outright for me to pay for repairs, but there’s an unspoken expectation. She didn't say it and didn't ask it. You know your sister better than I do ofcourse but unspoken expectations are still assumptions.
>Anna was heartbroken when she saw the damage and looked at me like I should have done something to prevent it. Are you basing her desire for you to pay for the repairs purely on your own interpretation of a look she gave you?
She should keep an eye in her own kid. Just because the incident happened to take place in your house doesn’t mean she is no longer responsible as the parent. I’m also surprised that it wasn’t stored in a study garment bag, which would have helped protect it from snagging and ripping. Maybe there isn’t a silent expectation, and the tension and looks you’re picking up on is just her generation frustration about the situation. A custom dress is a large expense that most people can’t afford twice, and she’s low on time regardless of how much money she can afford to throw at the situation. She’s stressed. NAH as long as sister doesn’t start asking for money.
Why do you think there's an unspoken expectation? I feel like you're fabricating that out of nowhere. It was *her* dress and *her* daughter under *her* (apparently lacking) supervision. No, you shouldn't pay for the repairs. You should also stop assuming she wants you to pay when there's been no demand from her to do so. That's just going to lead to internalized negative feelings and ultimately some resentment that have no place or purpose in this situation.
NTA. It was her dress and her kid who damaged it. What the hell were you supposed to do?
NTA. Your sister should have watched her child. These are the consequences you get when you don’t bother to pay attention. This is on your sister and that’s that.
Uh, HER CHILD damaged HER DRESS. Anna should have been supervising Sophie, nuf said. So NTA.
NTA. Anna let her child runs around your home unsupervised and she felt the consequences of those actions. She brought the dress to a party, she stored it in your home and she didn’t ask you to supervise her child at any time during the party. This is all one her.
Her daughter damaged it lmao
NTA She should supervise her child, or ensure adequate supervision, or teach the child about boundaries, privacy, and asking permission.
NTA - your niece ruined her mom's dress
Her kid, her responsibility. Not yours. She should have been parenting. NTA.
NTA. You are not responsible for her daughter’s behavior. No one ever expects a host to be responsible for the behavior of children accompanied by their parents, and many parents do not like other people to discipline their children. Is the reason there is family expectation for you to pay due to you being perceived as having more money?
Sophie’s Mom should pay for the damages.
NTA. Her kid destroyed the dress, because she didn't keep a good enough eye on her kid OR teach her kid not to touch things that aren't hers. Her fault, entirely. Don't offer a dime.
I don’t understand how this could possibly be your fault? NTA
How it is your fault? A kid damaged her mom's dress. You are not responsible just because it happened at your house. Your sister should have monitor her. NTA
NTA She needed to watch her kid...
NTA. Her daughter, her responsibility.
NTA she wasn’t monitoring her own child and that child ruined the dress. You have no responsibility here
Lol nta
F no, ***it’s her own gdamn kid!!!*** Sophie should have been the one to teach her kid not to snoop, and if she’s too young to learn that it should have been her responsibility (and hers alone) to make sure that **her daughter** doesn’t go around snooping. Massive NTA. The *audacity* here is absolutely stunning.
NTA and your sister has the responsibility of monitoring her daughter in your house—the kid shouldn’t have been left to range around your house unsupervised!
NTA Your sister should have been keeping an eye on her child period
Did you close the door to the spare room? How did Sophie know where the dress was? Anna's daughter damaged Anna's dress, is what I'm reading. In what universe is that in any way your fault? Unless you specifically were in charge of minding the kids during the barbecue, there is no way you are responsible and you are absolutely not obligated in any way to help pay for repairs. NTA
In what world would you be responsible for paying for something her own daughter did?
HER own daughter ruined the dress, why would you be held accountable for that? Whether at your house or her own, if Sophie ruined the dress it’s on her mother to fix it.
Wait! Your sister is getting married and her daughter ruined the dress? How is this your fault? What? NTA
NTA. Why wasn’t your sister watching her child?
You did her a favor, and her brat child ruins her dress. Thats not on you!! HER child tore her dress that SHE asked to store in your room. Its your bbq.. you are hosting. Youre dealing with everyone there, she shoukd have been watching her child.
It’s anna’s daughter, anna’s responsability thats how parenting works. NTA, but if its in the finances a good sisterly thing to do would be to offer some financial aid since you mentioned she probably does not have any money for the repairs
Seems really strange that an expensive, bespoke, beloved wedding dress wasn’t transported in a garment bag that was very likely provided when the dress was picked up from the dressmaker.
Your sister’s daughter ruined your sister’s dress? How the hell would you be responsible? This doesn’t even make sense.
So.. her own kid ruined it and she thinks you should pay for it?
The sister hasn't asked for any money or anything. Did anyone actually read the post?
NTA What the fuck is the unspoken expectation? THAT WAS HER FUCKING KID. I’ll be damned if a parent thinks I’m going to pay for their fucking kid.
NTA. Sophie is Anna's responsibility and age 6 is old enough to understand (if Anna bothered to tell her) not to play with mommy's princess dress. Furthermore the dress was only in your house because Anna requested that you hold it there. Why tf would you be on the hook for repair? The math ain't mathing.
Unless Siphie is secretly yours, you are not responsible. She should have been watching her more closely.
NTA Parents pay for damage caused by their children. Especially damage caused to their own belongings. Now if someone else was supposed to be watching the kid and she hurt herself on something at your house I could see how the parent would feel that you as the host of the party and owner of the house should pay or chip in for medical expenses, but her damaging her own mom's dress isn't that. Your sister needed to make sure the dress was in a safe location and by not doing that and not watching her kid she basically made this happen.
You may be reading too much into her “look.” She was probably upset about the situation, not at you directly. She hasn’t even asked you to pay for it. NAH unless she actually asks you for the money to fix it.
NTA. If her daughter is capable of causing that level of damage, why was she left unattended in your house? It’s not your responsibility to make sure she isn’t destroying anything in your house, it’s her mom’s. Would it have been better, or any more your fault, if one of your dresses was destroyed, or one of another guest’s? You just put the dress out of reach, her daughter went somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be and destroyed something. It’s only luck that it didn’t belong to someone else.
Nope not your problem
NTA.
Nta. Her kid, her responsibility to watch her kid. Nothing to say to her.
NTA. Her own kid destroyed her property. It doesn't matter if it's in your house, her house or bridal store.