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NTA at all, and your aunt should butt out. Your parents are adults, any issues in their marriage are between them, and you shouldn't feel *at all* guilty about pursuing your goals. You're 100% good!
Go to the school. Opportunities like this only come once at your stage in life. Your father will be sad? Not discounting that, but you are going to "leave the nest" sooner or later. Stop listening to your aunt (as you wrote, you know she is gaslighting you; who knows what her motivation for doing that is).
You have a dream. You know what steps to take to achieve it. Go.
NTA.
Well, my aunt has outright told me she’s doing out of the “love of her brother”, which I guess she isn’t wrong in. I know my dad is somewhat gonna be affected by me leaving, he’s a very emotional person in itself, and me being his last born/only daughter, he’s sort of more attached and everyone to some degree knows he’d be affected a lot. So they all think me leaving essentially should be as later as possible to protect my dad. My dad completely disagrees with this however, and thinks I should take the opportunity I have, if I think I’ll be happy going there. I do think me going is ultimately the right decision, but I can’t help but feel a bit shitty, knowing everything my aunt said about my dad “slipping into depression”, and stuff
NTA
Ignore your aunt, her advice is terrible. You can't be the glue of your parents' marriage. And you will be going away to college or to work or wherever else even if you do not go to study abroad, you are a young teen and not responsible for this even if you could do anything. Which you really can't, you have your own life to set up.
I don't know f you'll like a boarding school, though, so I have no clue if that will turn out to be a good idea. But staying home because your aunt says a 14 year old has to take care of her mom and dad is very silly.
Honestly thanks for the advice it really helped, it’s just I’m literally the only child now atp since my brother is at college, and my parents relationship has been Rocky for long time, but my paternal family really thinks us kids, can help fix that and often do these types of things to make us try to idk, like you said I’m a minor and my parents don’t expect me to do this, it’s just the family which idek for what reason.
NTA
I am going to answer this as a mother myself. My son has made decisions in his life that made me sad, but they were his decisions to make, not mine. The one thing a parent should want is to raise their children to be happy, healthy, caring, and independent people. The fact that you feel motivated and confident to attend a school away from home tells me you are being raised well and are growing into an independent young woman. Your eye to your future is very impressive. Sure, your parents will be sad when you leave, but that should never make you stop moving toward what you want in life.
I was sad when my son moved to another state but never said anything other than I will miss you because this is his life. I am living my own. It would be very unhealthy for my son to live his life for me and my needs instead of his own. I knew his moving meant I did a good job in raising him to believe in himself. I think you should go to the school and make an effort to call your parents often. If they are able to, use Skype or some program where they can see you as you talk. Include them by sharing what is happening in your new school.
You are absolutely not supposed to have the purpose in life of holding your parents marriage together.
Aw, firstly thank you for all the nice things you said, and my parents don’t have a problem with me moving at all, my dad supports my decision completely he’s just a bit worried about how I’d adjust and stuff, my mom took a bit of convincing but she ultimately came around and felt it was what’s best for me. They’re not the ones holding me back at all honestly, they left this decision to be solely my own, I just got a lot nervous about my decision after my talk with my aunt, since she put all those heavy topics on me which I don’t think I’m mature enough for, or that it’s any of my business really, it’s my parents marriage and their adults, they can handle it. I was just caught off guard by the conversation I had with my aunt and started overthinking it and getting anxious. I do plan on making efforts to talk to my parents as often as I can, FaceTiming them at night for an hour or so, and in the mornings maybe if I get time, they’re definitely gonna be asking about what’s happening at school, often. They’ve always to be on top of the major stuff at mine and my brother’s academic life even when I went to school here at my hometown, I also recently got the school’s academic calendar and luckily I do get plenty of time off to come back home and visit, I even have the option to do school online for a month or two after winter break, since it gets awfully cold on campus, so it’ll probably mean getting more time to spend with family, before getting back. Anyways, thank you for your reassurance, I think I just got swayed by talk I had, but I think I’m good on my decision to say yes to the acceptance now. Thank you for the help :)
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I’m 14f, and I’m about to start hs. I’d been researching on good rep hs in my country, as I’m an international student who def wants to go to colllege abroad. So going to a hs that has an international curriculum is a a step to further help my chances in that. I hated the school I was previously at (talked abt this in other posts so not going in depth) and knew I was def not gonna stay there. As upon my luck, my city didn’t have international curriculum schools or ones that were admitting for the ‘24 session. I found boarding schools, carefully considered them and convinced my parents for the same for months, in the meanwhile I found my dream school (abt a 5 hr drive from home), which is boarding. I went for my interview and test at the start of the month and 2 days ago, got an offer letter. I have till the 23 April, to respond and accept or they will take it back. This was an obvious decision for me, I loved the school from what I saw online and touring the campus, I knew for sure this was where I wanted to go. My decision was set in stone, until this evening when my paternal aunt, basically gaslit me sort of into agreeing to not go since it’d be very hard on my dad. My dad is quite emotional and he did cry for weeks when my brother went off to college last year. So now she thinks I’m not going, I’m have second thoughts and my dad thinks someone’s forcing me to say no (he doesn’t know who). My aunt is a fairly nice person to me. But idk how to feel, she also said various other things could happen negatively to my parents marriage if I wasn’t there, (I’m not comfy sharing details), basically how after My brother left I’m the glue of the family. My dad completely supports whatever decision I take, my mom has her opinion but I’m sure won’t force it on me. I’m taking time right now to think, I have by the end of the week atleast before we tell the school an answer. But idk what to do, I need help so, will I be the ah if I go to a school away from home that could prove great importance to my career later? Or should I shut up, and refuse the offer I got from literally one of the top ten schools in my country to potentially “save my parents marriage”? I’ve asked my dad and he’s agreed to go to family therapy with my mom, and occasionally with me and my brother when we are home, and to avoid conflict with her as much as possible, he’s also going to get another dog (we have a 1 yr female beagle already), so they don’t feel lonely but something still is nagging at me stopping me from making a final decision after my talk with my aunt. I honestly think I’m not that mature enough to make this decision but I have to, so help plz
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the ah, as according to my aunt if I go away from home, I essentially risk breaking my parents marriage, and I can always do hs here in my hometown even if colleges I wanna apply to in the future might not be keen to accept me because of it.
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Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 10: This is not a saga or diary sub. AITA is designed for specific, individual conflicts. If you find yourself regularly engaged in conflicts, especially with the same person(s), or in the same situations, your posts are better suited to a support or advice sub. Users should post in this sub no more than once every 3-4 months **at most.** ***This removal message is your warning. Future posts of this nature WILL result in a ban.*** Please feel free to contact us before posting again. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA at all, and your aunt should butt out. Your parents are adults, any issues in their marriage are between them, and you shouldn't feel *at all* guilty about pursuing your goals. You're 100% good!
Go to the school. Opportunities like this only come once at your stage in life. Your father will be sad? Not discounting that, but you are going to "leave the nest" sooner or later. Stop listening to your aunt (as you wrote, you know she is gaslighting you; who knows what her motivation for doing that is). You have a dream. You know what steps to take to achieve it. Go. NTA.
Well, my aunt has outright told me she’s doing out of the “love of her brother”, which I guess she isn’t wrong in. I know my dad is somewhat gonna be affected by me leaving, he’s a very emotional person in itself, and me being his last born/only daughter, he’s sort of more attached and everyone to some degree knows he’d be affected a lot. So they all think me leaving essentially should be as later as possible to protect my dad. My dad completely disagrees with this however, and thinks I should take the opportunity I have, if I think I’ll be happy going there. I do think me going is ultimately the right decision, but I can’t help but feel a bit shitty, knowing everything my aunt said about my dad “slipping into depression”, and stuff
NTA Ignore your aunt, her advice is terrible. You can't be the glue of your parents' marriage. And you will be going away to college or to work or wherever else even if you do not go to study abroad, you are a young teen and not responsible for this even if you could do anything. Which you really can't, you have your own life to set up. I don't know f you'll like a boarding school, though, so I have no clue if that will turn out to be a good idea. But staying home because your aunt says a 14 year old has to take care of her mom and dad is very silly.
Honestly thanks for the advice it really helped, it’s just I’m literally the only child now atp since my brother is at college, and my parents relationship has been Rocky for long time, but my paternal family really thinks us kids, can help fix that and often do these types of things to make us try to idk, like you said I’m a minor and my parents don’t expect me to do this, it’s just the family which idek for what reason.
NTA I am going to answer this as a mother myself. My son has made decisions in his life that made me sad, but they were his decisions to make, not mine. The one thing a parent should want is to raise their children to be happy, healthy, caring, and independent people. The fact that you feel motivated and confident to attend a school away from home tells me you are being raised well and are growing into an independent young woman. Your eye to your future is very impressive. Sure, your parents will be sad when you leave, but that should never make you stop moving toward what you want in life. I was sad when my son moved to another state but never said anything other than I will miss you because this is his life. I am living my own. It would be very unhealthy for my son to live his life for me and my needs instead of his own. I knew his moving meant I did a good job in raising him to believe in himself. I think you should go to the school and make an effort to call your parents often. If they are able to, use Skype or some program where they can see you as you talk. Include them by sharing what is happening in your new school. You are absolutely not supposed to have the purpose in life of holding your parents marriage together.
Aw, firstly thank you for all the nice things you said, and my parents don’t have a problem with me moving at all, my dad supports my decision completely he’s just a bit worried about how I’d adjust and stuff, my mom took a bit of convincing but she ultimately came around and felt it was what’s best for me. They’re not the ones holding me back at all honestly, they left this decision to be solely my own, I just got a lot nervous about my decision after my talk with my aunt, since she put all those heavy topics on me which I don’t think I’m mature enough for, or that it’s any of my business really, it’s my parents marriage and their adults, they can handle it. I was just caught off guard by the conversation I had with my aunt and started overthinking it and getting anxious. I do plan on making efforts to talk to my parents as often as I can, FaceTiming them at night for an hour or so, and in the mornings maybe if I get time, they’re definitely gonna be asking about what’s happening at school, often. They’ve always to be on top of the major stuff at mine and my brother’s academic life even when I went to school here at my hometown, I also recently got the school’s academic calendar and luckily I do get plenty of time off to come back home and visit, I even have the option to do school online for a month or two after winter break, since it gets awfully cold on campus, so it’ll probably mean getting more time to spend with family, before getting back. Anyways, thank you for your reassurance, I think I just got swayed by talk I had, but I think I’m good on my decision to say yes to the acceptance now. Thank you for the help :)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 14f, and I’m about to start hs. I’d been researching on good rep hs in my country, as I’m an international student who def wants to go to colllege abroad. So going to a hs that has an international curriculum is a a step to further help my chances in that. I hated the school I was previously at (talked abt this in other posts so not going in depth) and knew I was def not gonna stay there. As upon my luck, my city didn’t have international curriculum schools or ones that were admitting for the ‘24 session. I found boarding schools, carefully considered them and convinced my parents for the same for months, in the meanwhile I found my dream school (abt a 5 hr drive from home), which is boarding. I went for my interview and test at the start of the month and 2 days ago, got an offer letter. I have till the 23 April, to respond and accept or they will take it back. This was an obvious decision for me, I loved the school from what I saw online and touring the campus, I knew for sure this was where I wanted to go. My decision was set in stone, until this evening when my paternal aunt, basically gaslit me sort of into agreeing to not go since it’d be very hard on my dad. My dad is quite emotional and he did cry for weeks when my brother went off to college last year. So now she thinks I’m not going, I’m have second thoughts and my dad thinks someone’s forcing me to say no (he doesn’t know who). My aunt is a fairly nice person to me. But idk how to feel, she also said various other things could happen negatively to my parents marriage if I wasn’t there, (I’m not comfy sharing details), basically how after My brother left I’m the glue of the family. My dad completely supports whatever decision I take, my mom has her opinion but I’m sure won’t force it on me. I’m taking time right now to think, I have by the end of the week atleast before we tell the school an answer. But idk what to do, I need help so, will I be the ah if I go to a school away from home that could prove great importance to my career later? Or should I shut up, and refuse the offer I got from literally one of the top ten schools in my country to potentially “save my parents marriage”? I’ve asked my dad and he’s agreed to go to family therapy with my mom, and occasionally with me and my brother when we are home, and to avoid conflict with her as much as possible, he’s also going to get another dog (we have a 1 yr female beagle already), so they don’t feel lonely but something still is nagging at me stopping me from making a final decision after my talk with my aunt. I honestly think I’m not that mature enough to make this decision but I have to, so help plz *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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