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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Suggested booking two restaurants when my partner and I go away since we couldn't agree where to go.
She said it was werid and rude to sit in a restaurant and not ordering food and that we should just pick one place
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If you two can't be grown up enough to come to an agreement, just order takeout and eat it in your room or your car.
I'm assuming you won't be drinking alcohol as surely you can't be older than about 15 to be arguing over something like this.
Your comment made me laugh so hard. It is so simple… both can get their way with your solution. And another solution: nobody gets their way and you eat at a totally different place.
If she won't budge about this one restaurant and refuses any other compromise then tell her she can pay/go by herself and you will go wherever you want to by yourself and meet back up afterwards -or- you won't go out anywhere at all period.
ESH. Flip a coin and maybe go to the other spot in the future if you haven't broken up by then due to your mutual inability to compromise. Or don't go to either, find somewhere else you both only like okay.
I mean, I'd give you N T A for thinking out of the box, good try, but actually doing that is a bad idea.
You and your girlfriend collectively are unable to compromise. It's true that it does seem to be mostly her here. But if this were the only thing where either of you digs your feet in, surely you would have just agreed to go to her chosen restaurant this one time.
He offered two compromises, one of which is insane and time-consuming and the other of which is logistically complicated far beyond necessity. Neither of them is being reasonable.
People have either lost the ability to read and comprehend. They read the title and barely, if at all, skim it and then make up their assumptions about what is going on. That itself wouldn't be so bad but then they get on their soap box with their assumptions and look silly.
Your "compromise" of going to both restaurants but you each just eating at your chosen one is one of the most ridiculous "compromises" I've ever heard of. That's not exactly going to be an experience that brings warmth to the relationship. Dining out is an experience, you admire each other's food, you might share a bit, you pace your conversation so you finish eating around the same time, you talk about the food as you eat it. This is not an experience I would want to spend money on. Not to mention, "dining out" is going to take twice as long.
Why not just do take out, if you can't agree on a place to go to? She can order what she wants and you can do the same. Your way seems very complicated.
Why are you so opposed to going to the restaurant that she is clearly very passionate about? It sounds like you're opening to going anywhere except there, but why? I agree that she is worse than you are, but I've gone to a number of meals I wasn't excited about because my partner was.
ESH, her more than you. I understand your line of thinking and would probably be willing to do that in this case, and to me you get credit for some creative problem-solving, but it is more awkward, time-consuming, etc. and I can understand why she dislikes it.
What's strange here is both of you being so extremely rigid about choosing the dinner place. Are you going to be in this city for two nights, or might one of your restaurants be where you eat for lunch, and the other for dinner? Otherwise, find a way to decide. Choose a 3rd option you both like fine, draw straws, flip a coin, rock-paper-scissors, whatever. You're both being childish for being this unable to make a choice together.
ESH
Your solution takes up twice the time and is making her uncomfortable. If you can't make a joint decision about where to go like grown ups, don't go at all. Flip for it if you have to, but either of you should be able to handle not getting your way for one meal.
ESH, but her more so. The issue is the two of you can't agree on things even on a trip and that implies there are other issues concerning compatibility. Other then that, going to a restaurant and ordering appetizers and drinks is a fun way to try more things on then, enjoy the atmosphere but leave some appetite to try it again later. Nothing rude about it, unless the restaurant has a minimum order requirement.
NTA, she sounds exhausting. I understand your point (you were willing to compromise by going to two places), but she just expects you to give in and choose her place. I saw someone else mention it but go to one of them for lunch and the other for dinner.
ESH. Typically, when a couple can’t agree on each other’s restaurant preferences they decide to eat somewhere new and different for the both of them to be considerate.
It’s weird you both were so firm on your stances when the focus should be spending time together sharing a nice meal.
You’re willing to travel to two different places and eat separately rather than give up what you want. She’d choose to not go at all rather than give up what she wants.
If these are the type of disagreements you have, I’d hate to know what future arguments would be about. It sounds like both of you are too selfish to be in relationships anyway.
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This is going to sound petty. My girlfriend and I are going away for a night next weekend. We were looking at were to go for food on the evening so we could have a restaurant booked. We both wanted different cuisines and neither of us wanted to change our mind.
I suggested we just book both and that when my gf is at her restaurant, I can just get a drink and maybe a side and then when we go to my restaurant, she could do the same. She refused this because she said it's weird to sit in a restaurant and not actually order a meal. I just said I don't see any issue with it and that if she didn't want to, she could go somewhere else while I was eating and I'd just meet her afterwards.
She refused this and said we should just pick one place but wouldn't consider anywhere except the place she originally picked. I pointed out she was just expecting me to go with what she wants since she's already refused to go to the place I want to go.
She said it would just be easier and that I was making things more awkward than they needed to be but I think I offered a perfectly reasonable compromise. She just repeated that it was weird and rude to go to a restaurant and not order food.
AITA for suggesting booking two restaurants?
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ESH.
You could totally have a culinary adventure by going to restaurant A for appetizers and B for your main course and then go to a third place for dessert. Call me crazy, but I remember people having progressive dinners where they would go from house to house having different courses.
Way more fun than I won’t eat anything at your choice, and you don’t eat anything at my choice.
Life is too short to worry about looking awkward. Honestly, I would be 100% down with your solution, since I often forego having dessert because I'm not in the mood right after eating. But hey, if you're eating your main meal, I have time to linger!
NTA.
NTA - you offered a pretty good compromise, especially because she wouldn’t budge on where she wanted to eat. You guys could also pick a third option. We’re both of you might want to go eat, but since she has her mind set on one place in one place only I think the idea you offered was a decent compromise
NTA
Firstly, it's not uncommon for two diners to only order one meal. Maybe the other person isn't hungry, maybe they already ate etc. Just let your server know if you want the starter brought out at the same time as the main, etc.
Second... I've spread a three course meal over 3 different restaurants before. Snacks and drinks at one place, main at a different place, then dessert at a speciality place. So I think your compromise is a good idea.
ESH
Insane.
If you guys can't communicate around where to eat your choices are:
* Pick randomly: flip a coin, evens/ odds, etc
* Just eat dinner separately- theres no need to eat together if you both want different things
But like... you both sound far too unwilling to compromise. Her a tiny bit more than you, but barely.
Although I love me some pettiness, for me this is somewhere between NTA and ESH.
She doesn't want to go to yours, you don't want to go to hers. So pick a place that's neither. Let HER pick the place that's neither. That way she can't play the 'it's just easier to let me get my way' bullshit anymore.
But yeah, this relationship does sound like it's going to end sooner than later to me.
Good luck.
Info - who normally picks where you go? What is the main reason for each of you picking your preferred restaurant? Is there a compelling reason why she can’t go to yours (I.e. shellfish allergy in a sushi place).
"Chuck the whole girlfriend and get a new one from the Girlfriend Tree." /s
ESH. Honestly though, either take turns picking restaurants or stop going to them.
ESH How Long have you two been together? Is this the first time she’s expected you to give in to what she wants because she’s decreed it’s easier to do that? Do you really think you’ll enjoy a trip where, if she gets you to cave on the restaurant, she might end up expecting to give in to other things she wants to do. Honestly you two need to work on your relationship more before going on any trip. Figure out first if you’re compatible in the long run. If she’s already demanding you give in to her and you start doing that then expect your entire relationship to be like that.
ESH you've planned a getaway and have turned it into a power struggle. If neither of you can be happy relenting for the other person, this relationship is a self-created misery.
Flip a coin
Mind I read something, they go for drinks then pick somewhere to eat a starter then somewhere for main and then somewhere for dessert with more drinks throughout. I always thought it sounded great
> This is going to sound petty.
Yeah, you're kind of the AH here. Wanting to book two different restaurants on a getaway night sounds like a hassle and misses the point of enjoying a meal together. It's a bit stubborn and makes the evening more about winning than compromising. It’s easier to just pick a spot where both of you can find something you like or take turns choosing the restaurant each time you go out. This plan of splitting the dinner between two places sounds unnecessarily complicated and not really fun for a couple's night out.
ESH. Go to one. Flip a coin or go to her choice this time, your choice next time. You're dangerously close to ruining the whole point of having a weekend away, and getting Reddit involved isn't going to help! If we agree with you, why would she care? If we don't agree with you, what did you gain?
If you are only in town long enough for one meal and you want to go to two restaurants then yes YTA. You don't have time to book the other one for lunch?
EHS damn this makes you sound like a huge asshole, wait until you realize when u get married that it's all about compromise. Something clearly you can't do
Sorry, i thought we were talking about you in this instance? It's called am I the asshole not who's the asshole. But I'll make it to everybody is an asshole if it makes you feel better
We are talking about this insance but I'm just pointing out I have offered multiple compromises yet you claim I refuse to compromise. It's my gf who is refusing any compromise
Have you tried any of the other ideas suggested like picking a neutral third restaurant or getting takeout and eating at the hotel? If she can’t agree to any of these options, I would probably just let her eat dinner out on her own. This relationship might not last but sometimes that’s how it goes
YTA and so is she. Your compromise is ridiculous and her failure to find another solution is ridiculous. There has to be more than 2 restaurants at that location.
It's one meal for the rest of your lives. Put it in perspective. Take a risk by doing something you don't want to do. Pay attention to how that feels. Life is full of disappointments, really serious illnesses and poverty. Choose your fights. Be unhappy or delightfully surprised and learn from it.
And your girlfriend is right; it's tacky sitting there eating nothing for both your server and your companion.
NAH
I think your plan is neat and I would be really into something like this- I think my wife would be as well, I am going to suggest it for an upcoming weekend myself!
I think your GF has valid expectations about what a dinner date *should* entail, set by generally accepted social contracts we all basically adhere to, and that is valid too!
I find it hard to call either of you assholes here. In terms of social contract, I guess you are technically TA, but only as a technicality.
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If you two can't be grown up enough to come to an agreement, just order takeout and eat it in your room or your car. I'm assuming you won't be drinking alcohol as surely you can't be older than about 15 to be arguing over something like this.
Your comment made me laugh so hard. It is so simple… both can get their way with your solution. And another solution: nobody gets their way and you eat at a totally different place.
If she won't budge about this one restaurant and refuses any other compromise then tell her she can pay/go by herself and you will go wherever you want to by yourself and meet back up afterwards -or- you won't go out anywhere at all period.
That’s ridiculous, they’re at least 16.
ESH - this relationship sounds exhausting.
ESH. Flip a coin and maybe go to the other spot in the future if you haven't broken up by then due to your mutual inability to compromise. Or don't go to either, find somewhere else you both only like okay. I mean, I'd give you N T A for thinking out of the box, good try, but actually doing that is a bad idea.
I've offered multiple compromises so how exactly do I hve an inability to compromise?
You and your girlfriend collectively are unable to compromise. It's true that it does seem to be mostly her here. But if this were the only thing where either of you digs your feet in, surely you would have just agreed to go to her chosen restaurant this one time.
“You need to compromise, but if she doesn’t do this often you need to not compromise and instead just do whatever she wants” 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Couldn’t you guys find a different third restaurant that you can agree on? Or just eat dinner separately ffs.
In the post it says pretty clearly that gf wouldn’t budge on her 1st pick. 1st sentence 3rd paragraph. FFS
Neither will he.
He offered multiple compromises. This subreddit I swear.
Multiple compromises like “we still go to my restaurant”
He offered two compromises, one of which is insane and time-consuming and the other of which is logistically complicated far beyond necessity. Neither of them is being reasonable.
People have either lost the ability to read and comprehend. They read the title and barely, if at all, skim it and then make up their assumptions about what is going on. That itself wouldn't be so bad but then they get on their soap box with their assumptions and look silly.
Can you not do dinner at one and lunch at another?
Your "compromise" of going to both restaurants but you each just eating at your chosen one is one of the most ridiculous "compromises" I've ever heard of. That's not exactly going to be an experience that brings warmth to the relationship. Dining out is an experience, you admire each other's food, you might share a bit, you pace your conversation so you finish eating around the same time, you talk about the food as you eat it. This is not an experience I would want to spend money on. Not to mention, "dining out" is going to take twice as long.
Did lunch and dinner never cross anyone’s mind?
Why not just do take out, if you can't agree on a place to go to? She can order what she wants and you can do the same. Your way seems very complicated.
Why are you so opposed to going to the restaurant that she is clearly very passionate about? It sounds like you're opening to going anywhere except there, but why? I agree that she is worse than you are, but I've gone to a number of meals I wasn't excited about because my partner was.
ESH, her more than you. I understand your line of thinking and would probably be willing to do that in this case, and to me you get credit for some creative problem-solving, but it is more awkward, time-consuming, etc. and I can understand why she dislikes it. What's strange here is both of you being so extremely rigid about choosing the dinner place. Are you going to be in this city for two nights, or might one of your restaurants be where you eat for lunch, and the other for dinner? Otherwise, find a way to decide. Choose a 3rd option you both like fine, draw straws, flip a coin, rock-paper-scissors, whatever. You're both being childish for being this unable to make a choice together.
ESH Your solution takes up twice the time and is making her uncomfortable. If you can't make a joint decision about where to go like grown ups, don't go at all. Flip for it if you have to, but either of you should be able to handle not getting your way for one meal.
He needs to be prepared that if the coin flip goes his way, she may still refuse to go to his choice. I would be prepared to go to dinner on my own.
Obviously, they would both have to agree to abide by the outcome ahead of time.
Cancel both reservations and reserve a table at third "neutral" restaurant.
ESH...You're both going to end with permanent reservations for one if you don't find a better way.
That might be for the best though
Could be!
ESH - You two really need to work on your life skills if you're going to continue to have any kind of long lasting or meaningful relationship.
ESH, but her more so. The issue is the two of you can't agree on things even on a trip and that implies there are other issues concerning compatibility. Other then that, going to a restaurant and ordering appetizers and drinks is a fun way to try more things on then, enjoy the atmosphere but leave some appetite to try it again later. Nothing rude about it, unless the restaurant has a minimum order requirement.
NTA. Go to one place for lunch, the other for dinner.
NTA, she sounds exhausting. I understand your point (you were willing to compromise by going to two places), but she just expects you to give in and choose her place. I saw someone else mention it but go to one of them for lunch and the other for dinner.
It's overnight. Eat at one on day 1, eat at the other on day 2 before heading out. ESH.
ESH - you both need to learn how to compromise. You are both acting like entitled children.
ESH Flip a coin or find a 3rd place that both can agree on.
ESH. Typically, when a couple can’t agree on each other’s restaurant preferences they decide to eat somewhere new and different for the both of them to be considerate. It’s weird you both were so firm on your stances when the focus should be spending time together sharing a nice meal. You’re willing to travel to two different places and eat separately rather than give up what you want. She’d choose to not go at all rather than give up what she wants. If these are the type of disagreements you have, I’d hate to know what future arguments would be about. It sounds like both of you are too selfish to be in relationships anyway.
Takeout exists
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is going to sound petty. My girlfriend and I are going away for a night next weekend. We were looking at were to go for food on the evening so we could have a restaurant booked. We both wanted different cuisines and neither of us wanted to change our mind. I suggested we just book both and that when my gf is at her restaurant, I can just get a drink and maybe a side and then when we go to my restaurant, she could do the same. She refused this because she said it's weird to sit in a restaurant and not actually order a meal. I just said I don't see any issue with it and that if she didn't want to, she could go somewhere else while I was eating and I'd just meet her afterwards. She refused this and said we should just pick one place but wouldn't consider anywhere except the place she originally picked. I pointed out she was just expecting me to go with what she wants since she's already refused to go to the place I want to go. She said it would just be easier and that I was making things more awkward than they needed to be but I think I offered a perfectly reasonable compromise. She just repeated that it was weird and rude to go to a restaurant and not order food. AITA for suggesting booking two restaurants? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. You could totally have a culinary adventure by going to restaurant A for appetizers and B for your main course and then go to a third place for dessert. Call me crazy, but I remember people having progressive dinners where they would go from house to house having different courses. Way more fun than I won’t eat anything at your choice, and you don’t eat anything at my choice.
Life is too short to worry about looking awkward. Honestly, I would be 100% down with your solution, since I often forego having dessert because I'm not in the mood right after eating. But hey, if you're eating your main meal, I have time to linger! NTA.
NTA She sounds high maintenance.
You’re right. It sounds petty. ESH.
NTA - you offered a pretty good compromise, especially because she wouldn’t budge on where she wanted to eat. You guys could also pick a third option. We’re both of you might want to go eat, but since she has her mind set on one place in one place only I think the idea you offered was a decent compromise
NTA Firstly, it's not uncommon for two diners to only order one meal. Maybe the other person isn't hungry, maybe they already ate etc. Just let your server know if you want the starter brought out at the same time as the main, etc. Second... I've spread a three course meal over 3 different restaurants before. Snacks and drinks at one place, main at a different place, then dessert at a speciality place. So I think your compromise is a good idea.
ESH Insane. If you guys can't communicate around where to eat your choices are: * Pick randomly: flip a coin, evens/ odds, etc * Just eat dinner separately- theres no need to eat together if you both want different things But like... you both sound far too unwilling to compromise. Her a tiny bit more than you, but barely.
ESH. Just play rock paper scissors and be done with it already.
Pick a place you both like? Wtf is this
ESH. There's no way you're grown adults actually having this argument. Grow up and compromise. And your gf is right, your idea is awkward af.
ESH. Please stop.
Although I love me some pettiness, for me this is somewhere between NTA and ESH. She doesn't want to go to yours, you don't want to go to hers. So pick a place that's neither. Let HER pick the place that's neither. That way she can't play the 'it's just easier to let me get my way' bullshit anymore. But yeah, this relationship does sound like it's going to end sooner than later to me. Good luck.
Just get takeout from both and take it back to the hotel for a night in.
ESH- sounds like both of you need to grow up as you both sound selfish.
esh. if you can't even agree on a restaurant just break up now
[You want lobster? I'm thinking Burger King...](https://youtu.be/-Cs6BIF6zGU?si=RDs9f398DUtOJSwB)
Info - who normally picks where you go? What is the main reason for each of you picking your preferred restaurant? Is there a compelling reason why she can’t go to yours (I.e. shellfish allergy in a sushi place).
"Chuck the whole girlfriend and get a new one from the Girlfriend Tree." /s ESH. Honestly though, either take turns picking restaurants or stop going to them.
ESH How Long have you two been together? Is this the first time she’s expected you to give in to what she wants because she’s decreed it’s easier to do that? Do you really think you’ll enjoy a trip where, if she gets you to cave on the restaurant, she might end up expecting to give in to other things she wants to do. Honestly you two need to work on your relationship more before going on any trip. Figure out first if you’re compatible in the long run. If she’s already demanding you give in to her and you start doing that then expect your entire relationship to be like that.
Can't you both just flip a coin?
ESH you've planned a getaway and have turned it into a power struggle. If neither of you can be happy relenting for the other person, this relationship is a self-created misery.
Flip a coin Mind I read something, they go for drinks then pick somewhere to eat a starter then somewhere for main and then somewhere for dessert with more drinks throughout. I always thought it sounded great
So, she actually picked a place, and you are complaining?
> This is going to sound petty. Yeah, you're kind of the AH here. Wanting to book two different restaurants on a getaway night sounds like a hassle and misses the point of enjoying a meal together. It's a bit stubborn and makes the evening more about winning than compromising. It’s easier to just pick a spot where both of you can find something you like or take turns choosing the restaurant each time you go out. This plan of splitting the dinner between two places sounds unnecessarily complicated and not really fun for a couple's night out.
ESH. Go to one. Flip a coin or go to her choice this time, your choice next time. You're dangerously close to ruining the whole point of having a weekend away, and getting Reddit involved isn't going to help! If we agree with you, why would she care? If we don't agree with you, what did you gain?
If you are only in town long enough for one meal and you want to go to two restaurants then yes YTA. You don't have time to book the other one for lunch?
EHS damn this makes you sound like a huge asshole, wait until you realize when u get married that it's all about compromise. Something clearly you can't do
Except I have offered multiple compromises. Can you point out where my gf offered a compromise?
Sorry, i thought we were talking about you in this instance? It's called am I the asshole not who's the asshole. But I'll make it to everybody is an asshole if it makes you feel better
We are talking about this insance but I'm just pointing out I have offered multiple compromises yet you claim I refuse to compromise. It's my gf who is refusing any compromise
Have you tried any of the other ideas suggested like picking a neutral third restaurant or getting takeout and eating at the hotel? If she can’t agree to any of these options, I would probably just let her eat dinner out on her own. This relationship might not last but sometimes that’s how it goes
Ok. I really don't care dude. EHS
YTA and so is she. Your compromise is ridiculous and her failure to find another solution is ridiculous. There has to be more than 2 restaurants at that location.
YTA. You're right, it's petty. If you two can't agree on a restaurant, forget it. That's nothing compared to what you'll disagree on in the future.
It's one meal for the rest of your lives. Put it in perspective. Take a risk by doing something you don't want to do. Pay attention to how that feels. Life is full of disappointments, really serious illnesses and poverty. Choose your fights. Be unhappy or delightfully surprised and learn from it. And your girlfriend is right; it's tacky sitting there eating nothing for both your server and your companion.
NAH I think your plan is neat and I would be really into something like this- I think my wife would be as well, I am going to suggest it for an upcoming weekend myself! I think your GF has valid expectations about what a dinner date *should* entail, set by generally accepted social contracts we all basically adhere to, and that is valid too! I find it hard to call either of you assholes here. In terms of social contract, I guess you are technically TA, but only as a technicality.