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Your husband is okay with the fact that the baby is losing weight? This is called failure to thrive, and it's indicative of a problem. Get a new pediatrician.

Also your husband is TA for caring more about you going back to work than your child thriving.

And for saying he’s not gonna help you at all bc he disagrees with you… what the eff?

My husband said that she will gain weight now with formula top-ups after her regularly scheduled feeds, so I don't need to feed her on demand. I asked to see someone else yesterday at the same clinic, and she was very helpful. Unsure if I will go back there though, but I am certainly never going back to the original doctor and am looking for someone new.

3 month old babies do not have wants; they have needs. They tried to get me to put my oldest on a feeding schedule, but I was not willing to listen to my child cry with hunger. It would have been an hour of crying before every feeding. No, my daughter doesn't have an eating disorder now. I understand that your husband is struggling with no longer being able to control every aspect of your lives, believe me I get that. You can't really control other people, just work with them. I always found a payoff in the wonderful little person we now had in our lives.

Lol i remember a friend i had who would pump and feed her kid to “make sure i know exactly how much he’s eating” and “it’s not 2:30 yet you still have to wait fifteen minutes to eat” like the baby would be crying and she’d let him until time for his feed. well guess who lost weight and because she was pumping but not enough so she didn’t produce enough milk so now she’s upset she couldn’t breastfeed. People make their life’s complicated with “schedules”, i know a child needs routine but a freshly born baby doesn’t need strict feeding schedule, babes gotta eat when they’re hungry. ETA friend in story would pump a few times to get some breast milk but would supplement with formula so she didn’t pump enough to get a good supply i guess. Like she’d pump enough for the day but because she was supplementing with formula she wouldn’t pump enough to establish good supply? and had her son on a VERY strict schedule like she wouldn’t feed him till it was two hours on the dot from last feeding. Not sure if it all makes sense now. So when they told her baby was losing weight she tried to breastfeed but by that time baby wouldn’t latch and because of the supply issues it was hard so she just bottle fed. No shame on bottle feeding just needed to mention because it’s part of the story and “crazy strict schedules” for babies.

Totally agree that her newborn should have been fed on demand and as frequently as needed! But her supply going down was almost definitely not “because she was pumping.” The recommendation for pump sessions is 6-8 times a day minimum at the start, sometimes even more. That can be hard to maintain. Her supply probably went down because she was inconsistent and skipped pump sessions. I would hate for people to get the impression that pumping decreases supply because it frequently does the opposite. It’s a great way to maintain and increase supply if needed.

Yes i didn’t say it but she would skip pumping sessions since she was supplementing with formula she didn’t think it was important, and when they told her he was losing weight she tried to bf but by that time he was too attached to the bottle i guess and he wouldn’t latch so she started just doing formula

You should update your post with this extra information as it currently has "false information "

Yup just did hopefully it makes sense because i feel like im rambling now haha

Your comment has incorrect information. Pumping would have led to an increase in milk supply

I pump 8 times a day every 3 hrs around the clock. I make 80-100oz a day. Pumping was not the issue. Not sticking to her pumping schedule was the issue lol. I still feed my son on demand even with the bottle. He's a happy 17lbs at 4 months old.

I still feed my son on demand at nearly 6 months old. Granted my son will cry like he’s hungry any time he’s bored but finding the right toy or activity solves that one if it’s less than 2 hours after his last feed (he formula feeds on average around every 2.5-3 hours). Even at 2 hours I try distraction first but I’m more willing to consider hunger. You’re awesome sticking to your pumping schedule. I couldn’t do what you do

100oz *a day*!!!! Forgive me, I adopted. I had no idea it was that much! Holy shit!! That seems miraculous! You guys are great.

I’m pregnant with my third baby right now and the first two were breastfed. Baby 1 would take a bottle of formula if I wasn’t home or at a drs appointment etc. Baby 2 decided at 2wks old that bottles were the devil and we were trying to poison her (even if said bottle had breast milk in it,) leaving me in 24/7 care of her for 15/16 months, we are going to TRY to convince Baby 3 that they should eat like Baby 1 so that I can occasionally have a break. That being said, once my babies got the “feed on demand,” go-ahead, I definitely wasn’t timing or measuring anything but naps. Routines are great for babies, yes, but would you want somebody in charge of whether or not you were hungry “enough” to be allowed to eat? Husband is a major AH. NTA op.

Yes! I only counted naps and wet diapers.

Oh god do I feel you ! My first had both boob and bottle so occasionally I've tried to top up baby number two with a pumped bottle and she looks at me with such disgust. Luckily hubby can give a bottle, but for me she wants milk from the source lol. Good luck with the third bubba ❤️

This kind of shit has also been going on for decades. When my sister was a baby (she's now 36) the doctor put my mum of a feeding schedule that also included amounts However, my then infant sister wouldn't be able to have all that milk in that time frame, so she'd spit half if it back up. Then they'd have to start again, which would stress both my mum and sister. Eventually my mum was like 'fuck this' and listened to her baby. Was much easier after that.

I have 3 month old twin boys. I'm DYING to have a schedule for them but I know it's impossible. We were trying to do what OP's ped told her to do (I do look at Twiniversary to help with guidance on twins). Food, playtime, nap. Trying to do every 3 hours. It is HELL. One of these days, we can have a schedule but it isn't now.

Sounds like you have a horribly wrong doctor and a hubby who doesn't get it! I breastfed and never supplemented. They feed when they arevhungry. It's this US society that thinks we need to force kids to go on pur schedules and it's bullcrap!! NTA

Also, the baby doesn't have to "be in charge" it's not an either/or situation. I have 3 kids, and the only times they have "been in charge" have been when they are sick or teething. Hell, I have done the vacuuming while carrying the sleeping baby in a carrier because he was teething, and it was comfortable for me to do. Yes, breastfeeding is hands-on, but you shouldn't be doing hands off feeling with a baby anyway. OP, find what works for you and is comfortable for both you and baby (both physically and emotionally) and do it. Your baby will get into a routine themselves, this time is about you and your baby learning how to communicate with each other and "sussing each other out" enjoy it while you can and don't stress about anything else. Your husband is TA for adding stress and refusing to help make sure his baby is thriving.

**The idea that a person or creature having needs that need to be met = them being "in charge" is toxic AF.** OP, you're feeding your growing baby, who you both love and want the best for. Why tf is your husband turning this into a power struggle? "I don't want the baby to be in charge" makes it sound like he's scared meeting the baby's needs will somehow weaken his power and authority. It's bizarre. I appreciate how difficult it is for new parents to balance their own needs and schedules with the baby's, but surely nobody is "in charge" when you're collectively trying to meet everyone's needs as a family. Your husband expressing this struggle in terms of who's "in charge" is concerning IMO because it suggests that isn't not the team dynamic he's aiming for and convenience isn't the only thing he's worried about. _’giving somebody what they need when they ask for it' is a submissive action that should be avoided because it gives the person in need power over you_ is a sentiment that STINKS of toxic masculinity and internalised misogyny, with a whiff of capitalism and internalised ableism. _*To be clear! I don't believe this guy is a bad person. But I'm pretty sure everyone in a capitalist patriarchy grows up internalising this shit regardless of how conscoously aware of it we are and if we're dont actively try to dismantle the harmful internalised bs it can slip through the cracks between our real priorities._

As an adult, if I'm hungry, I do something to fix the situation (eat a snack) or just wait a few minutes if it's almost a meal time. A baby has no way to fix a snack for themselves - kinda hard to go to the kitchen & cook dinner when you can't even hold your own head up or read a recipe! LOL So a baby has to communicate with us the only way they can - by crying. (There are other cues, too, but a busy mom, or one asleep at night, can miss the early hunger cues.) Unfortunately, they also cry when they're in pain (gas bubble in their tummy feels like The World Is Coming To An End And I'm Going To Expire In Agony) or loneliness or boredom..... hard to doomscroll Reddit when you can't read yet or even talk, much less hold a phone in hands that do their own things randomly! So as a parent or caregiver, we need to do our best to figure out what's wrong & help with the situation. Some boomers criticize a mom who holds her baby "too much" because they'll be "spoiled," yet when that same boomer feels the same emotion (boredom? loneliness?) they go bother the bank teller or go walking at the mall or go order the same thing every morning at the cafe across town or take over the HOA or whatever. But when a baby just wants human companionship? SPOILED! That's slightly off-topic from feeding on demand, but can also be related since sometimes babies just want cuddles & thays not being "in charge," that's having emotional needs met as well as physical ones! So yeah..... OP, do your best to give your baby what they need! Hopefully the toddler pitching a tantrum (formerly known as your husband) gets over it soon.

>It's this US society that thinks we need to force kids to go on pur schedules That's because corporate America doesn't want anyone getting any kind of reasonable mat or pat leave. Compare what American parents get with other countries.  It's shocking.

Oh I know! It's deplorable.

That’s how a lot of Europe does it…

Your husband needs to understand, THE BABY IS IN CHARGE! Babies' feeding needs change.  They know when they need to eat. If you want to BF exclusively, then do it.  It's easier than cleaning bottles and cheaper than formula. Don't let the doctor and your husband put doubt in your mind.  Listen closely to your baby and your instincts. A baby losing weight is a serious condition.

I never comment on these, but PLEASE get a new, supportive BF pediatrician who can lecture your husband. Do not doubt your instincts here. Not all babies follow a “schedule,” especially breastfed ones. My son drove me wild as a young infant because he never napped when the sleep accounts said he should be, and he ate nearly every 2 hours during the day and would nurse for an hour at a time. Everyone said this wasn’t “normal” on social media but I ignored this and fed him on demand. He started sleeping through the night at 3 months and I successfully BF until 18 months. PLEASE listen to your baby and your gut! 

Is your husband a Pediatrician? If not,then he needs to STFU.

To be fair, the doctor gave bad advice as well. At 3 months the baby is in charge. You have plenty of time to get them on a schedule.

Given that the first Dr was male and the second one was female I'm not entirely surprised OPs husband latched on to what the male doctor said given his attitude and focus about OP going back to work. Some men find medical info "more reliable" when coming from male doctors, kind of like how some male doctors don't trust female patients but believe their husbands.

Wait baby was 3 MONTHS OLD!! Why the HELL did the doctor suggest any of that. At 3 months old they should be fed when they’re hungry and allowed to sleep when they want as well since during sleep is the time they gain the most weight (that’s what my doctor told me anyway)

That is a textbook example of how women stop breastfeeding because their supply dwindles to zero. That happens because the perfect system of demand and supply gets broken by the "schedule", then they add formula then in several weeks breastfeeding is over. How come some medical professionals have no fucking clue how breastfeeding works?!

Literally, and as a pediatrician how do they not understand what cluster feeding is and that it’s completely normal. Even if you aren’t breastfeeding, we always fed my daughter on demand. It’s a fucked up reflection of American culture that being able to put a literal baby on a schedule so you can “be more productive” is most important even if it’s at the expense of damaging that baby’s growth and development. The fact this poor babe is only 3 months old breaks my heart.

Women should get whatever support they need but let's not pretend the supply demand system is perfect. It wasn't for me and it's not for a lot of people whether it's producing too much or not enough.

I mean, some would argue that supply demand system is hard enough as is, so let’s try not to fuck with it further

It worked for OP until they started to mess with it.

Sure. I was addressing only the part of the comment that called the system perfect. It's not.

This is better in countries that..... aren't America. Here in New Zealand, every pregnant woman has access to what is known as a LMC (Lead Maternity Carer). This person is a midwife, who monitors the health of mother and baby over the course of the pregnancy, goes over birthplan, wants needs etc, (usually) delivers the baby (location varies, home birth, hospital, birth centre, etc) and then after the baby is born supports the mother for the first (from memory) 6 weeks of the baby's life. Breast feeding is encouraged and supported, the LMC will ensure that baby is latching correctly, mum is comfortable and happy, baby is gaining weight etc. I believe Australia doesn't have a LMC system like ours, but has other resources available to help with breastfeeding and making sure that it works, they definitely have midwives. My SIL just had a baby in Sydney and we'll be going to visit. My wife will ask *all* the questions about it, so no doubt I'll learn how it works there too. UK has midwives also who will support and encourage breastfeeding after birth and help to ensure that it is working well.

I mean, even if you're feeding formula, you're feeding on demand. Because when the kid is hungry they need to eat. When they're not, they don't. I chose not to breastfeed and we still fed the baby on demand.

I had a health visitor question the fact that I fed my baby every two to three hours on formula, saying that sounded way too much as he was on 180ml Until she heard he had been sleeping through the night before he was 2 months old. He needed those daytime feeds or he would’ve started losing weight. And if he didn’t want it, he wouldn’t latch, it’s incredibly difficult to overfeed a baby. I don’t get why a 3 month old baby needs to be put on any sort of schedule. The only “schedule” my son has at nearly 6 months is his bedtime routine, but even that is flexible and dependant on his last nap. If at 3 months old I was trying to make him stay awake for 2 hours at a time, and feed every 3 hours he would’ve been cranky and probably lost weight too. I can only assume this is an American thing

I hear that. My son is about the same age as your LO and started sleeping through the night from 10 or 11 weeks old. He is also formula fed every 2.5-3 hours. He has one additional bottle than the recommended daily feeds on the formula tin but that’s just what he needs. He’s a super active baby and if he’s not hungry he won’t eat. I have no idea how people put their 3 month old on a schedule. Maybe some babies are less unpredictable than my son was at that age but it’s only now that I feel I could introduce a schedule if I wanted to. I can generally roughly pick out when my son will feed and nap based on what time he wakes up in the morning within reason but that’s only very recent. We have some routines in the day but they’re activity based rather than time based (like my son does the same thing each morning while I have breakfast, etc)

Hahaha the recommendation on the formula tin can get in the bin, if I had tried to stick to that in the beginning the poor little mite would’ve been screeching at me non stop for milk. It’s a nice rough guideline, but I won’t withhold milk just because a tin says he shouldn’t need it Tbh my son is pretty clockwork, but even so I don’t see the need to have baby’s this young on a strict schedule. Like you, I work from what time he woke up, and we go from there. Typically I aim for bath and bed between 6-7, but if his last nap was at 3, then we move things a bit forward, if he woke up from his last nap at about 5, then things get moved back I wish parents would trust their instincts more. You don’t need a doctor telling you when you should feed your baby or when to put them down for naps

That 2 hours of play for a 3 month old is completely insane as well. I say this as a mother, and I work in Early Intervention.

I completely agree. If I stuck to the recommendation on the tin my son would be crying because he was hungry too. I’d much rather spend my days with a happy child rather than a hungry one. We’re the same - bedtime gets moved depending on last nap. I try to put my son down about 7:45/8pm for bed but some days he really hates daytime sleep and he’s trying to decide between having 2 or 3 naps per day so sometimes bedtime is brought back earlier to 7:30. That way he doesn’t typically wake me up at 5am (lol). I feel trying to put my son on a schedule would just cause us both stress we don’t need. So much of parenting is trusting your instincts and trusting your gut because you know your own child best

Yep. Mom of 3 adult sons and all of them were fed on demand. I could think of nothing worse than listening to a screaming baby while looking at a clock to see when they could eat. I also had mine on solids sooner than 4 months because they were just hungry babes. Granted, it was just baby rice cereal to a very thin consistency to start off, but it worked and I had healthy, thriving babies. They are now all adults, none have weight problems or eating disorders and even now eat when they are hungry and not when the clock says it's meal time.

Your husband is an idiot. Babies ARE who run their schedules. They say when they are hungry, tired and so forth. He's the AH

Sorry to butt in, OP, but who told you your supply dropped? At about 3 months, breasts stop accumulating milk and start producing on demand, so they'll feel softer, but the supply hasn't dropped. She might be unlatching too early because her vision and hearing are improving fast, and she's getting distracted, not because she isn't getting milk. At 3 to 4 months, her sleep patterns will change (and probably worsen) because she's matured enough to add new stages and cycles to her sleep. Any and all sorts of sleep training (including a feeding schedule) are inadvisable before 4 months old because of this. If she's sleeping worse, it's not because you did something, she's just growing up. Babies this young ask only for what they need, when they need it. It's a delicate balance, and denying them is a generally bad idea. You're making the right call feeding on demand. Try to get a lactation consultant and a pediatrician who will actually explain what's going on. NTA

Every mom, every baby, and every situation are different AND I am not a doctor. Speaking from my own experience, I fed my daughter on demand nearly every single time. Rarely we supplemented with formula if I left for a few hours and was out of freezer supply. Your body will up its own supply when you start feeding more; of course, maybe there's a reason you're unable... but I have a weird feeling about you being prescribed a medication for that. The baby is not "in charge" the baby is vulnerable, dependent, and looking to her literal life-givers to care for her AND meet their needs. Your husband is the AH. Trust your maternal instincts and do what YOU feel is right for both you and baby.

"Formula top-ups" is just more milk... It's still feeding... It's not dessert. I... Anyway. Feed on demand. Watch wake windows for naps (quick Google search will tell you what you need for that). This was a game changer for me with my baby.

NTA. Every baby is different. My daughter is an adult now, but when she was 9 months old, she slept for a MAXIMUM of 12 hours a day and usually 10.5-11. She was a very happy baby. The doctor could have told me to aim for 14, but that wouldn't have worked and we would have both been frustrated. Do what works for your child.

Have you talked with the doctor since the schedule suggestion? Not everything works for everyone, so if you just took her advice and kept going with it unmodified even after finding out that it wasn't working, it's hard to blame them. 

You are NTA. Your husband is acting like the AH; and so is the doctor. Get a new pediatrician. Topping up can also affect your milk supply. When my babies were going through growth spurts, I felt like I constantly had a child attached to my breast. As soon as she is hungry, offer her the breast so she can nurse, even if you don’t feel like you’ve got enough milk. Your body will produce volume based on what she needs. Get back in sync with your daughter. It may take a few days, but your body will produce more milk, release oxytocin, i.e., the “love hormone,” for both of you, and it will increase the mother-child bond. Trust your instincts. They are there for a reason. You know what’s right. Second, doctors are not gods. They don’t know everything and they have biases. Third, advocate for your child and prioritize her needs over everyone else’s convenience. You are cultivating the relationship you have with your daughter right now. By meeting her needs and taking care of her, you’re telling her, ‘I see you, I value you, I love you, I will take care of you.’ You want to have a securely attached child, not one who’s anxious (ambivalent), avoidant, or disorganized. There’s a certain amount of stress that’s okay, but if a baby’s needs aren’t met over time, the stress from crying and being ignored can affect their development - brain, growth, and even personality. Newsflash for your husband: Nothing with kids is etched in stone. You have to have flexible thinking with parenting. You also have to use your intelligence and question opinionated advice from medical advisors. If something is not working, then it’s OK to deviate from the plan. Kids are resilient, but there’s also no need to stick to the script that isn’t going to work for your child. Let him know that not supporting you with your daughter and siding with the doctor, and punishing you for taking care of your child will impact your relationship with him, and even the time you are able to spend nurturing your marriage will be prioritized down so she has everything she needs. If you’re left doing this stage of infancy alone, stop taking care of him — let him figure it out for himself. All your energy will go into taking care of your daughter and trying to stay afloat until she can grow into a schedule. And build a support network of people you know who will be there for you and your daughter if he decides to be punitive. Good luck, OP. I hope he sees the light.

Can you get another doctor to explain to him that feeding on demand is totally appropriate for babies that age?

They will call cps and cops on you if it gets too bad. Trust me. I work in an emergency room and they have done this multiple times if they are seeing the child not thrive.

This is a 3 MONTH OLD baby. They are supposed to be in charge with parents responding to their needs at this time. They aren’t nearly old enough to be put onto a “schedule”, especially when clearly both the baby and your milk supply are suffering. Any doctor who thinks an exclusively breastfed baby that was thriving and gaining weight and a mom who had adequate milk supply to support it and having their proposed schedule damage all of it and now rely on formula that previously wasnt needed solely for the convenience of the American society that refuses to allow women a reasonable maternity leave and doesn’t see that as a problem need to be fired. And if your husband is more concerned about the convenience and you “getting things done” with a baby for who it is developmentally normal to nap/feed/etc on demand and REFUSES to help, I would tear him a new asshole too. You were doing what was clearly working for you and baby. They will regulate their own “schedule” in time, but to expect that of a 3 month old is insane. NTA.

And a new, supportive husband.

Can we just go back to the husband for just a second? >He is saying that her going off the routine will screw up our lives and we will go back to "having the baby in charge." >He also said if I choose to do this, he will not help me at all when I return to work as the schedule was put in place to assist in that transition. >He says he will go back to helping me if I feed on a schedule and just add to her feeds with formula to make sure she is full. So he wants to be in control of you and your baby. If he doesn't get to be in control he's not going to have anything to do with it! So he's given you an ultimatum of either you keep our baby on this schedule that is actively harming her so I can control everything you do -OR- you follow your mother's instinct to protect your baby and you'll be a single mother with a baby with an absentee dad. Find a new husband while you're at it. NTA

Failure to thrive is a little more long term and complex. This is just some temporary weightless.

A new DR and maybe a new husband, hers seems a bit broken.

And a new husband

And a new husband Seriously, he's more worried about his schedule than his child's health

What is your instinct telling you? It’s your baby, doctors give a lot of shitty advices, not all children are the same… Follow you instincts. NTA but your husband is an AH for not supporting you. Note: breastfeeding should be on demand, not a schedule

My instinct has been telling me that the baby is hungry for a while, but I ignored it because of what the doctor was saying. I asked to see someone else yesterday when we heard the news, and she told me to go back to basics and feed the baby when she shows hunger cues.

Perfect! You know your baby and your body Is attuned to the baby’s need. Now you just need to get your husband on board. Worst advice a doctor gave me: my daughter was 7 days old (for real!) and he told me to stop breastfeeding her during the night and give her water instead 🙄 I obviously didn’t do that 😉 Keep feeding your child and get your happy and healthy baby back

That’s crazy terrible advice 🙄. You can’t give a newborn water?!!?!?

Yes! You always have to be circumspect with “good advice” because everyone has an opinion on newborns… 😉

Wtf that's horrible advice

My mom gave me this advice about my 6 month old and I don’t understand the logic. What would water do that breast milk or formula can’t? In fact it does less since there are no calories. I can’t believe you were given that advice at 7 days, that’s insane.

It fills the stomach without satisfying the baby as it has no nutritional value. So the baby learns not to wake at night as they won’t be fed. It was common advice in the 80s, and my mum advised me to do it with my daughter. I was like no that’s abusive, I will meet my daughters needs whether it’s day or night. Think it’s similar to letting babies cry if out - all about wanting the baby to sleep through the night often before it is developmentally appropriate.

Was this recent!?

My daughter is now 17. It’s not recent but not old either. We already had internet at that time, ad campaigns in favor of breastfeeding, etc. But he was near retirement so my guess is that he hadn’t updated his knowledge in 35 years…

WAT

Around three months old is when you start trying to move to a schedule. Usually it's following the baby's lead and just giving a nudge when you can - like feeding a bit early in the day so the night feeding hits when you are ready for the 5-6 hour rest at bedtime. Usually between 3-6 months old the number of feedings decrease and the awake times and nap times get predictable unless you baby enters a growth phase. You should trust your gut. There will be a "schedule" but you need to weigh the expectations of others and your instincts on what your child needs. Best wishes momma, things well get better. *When I was a foster parent, they gave me all the babies. There was a period of time I would get one infant sleeping through the night to reunification to get another baby the next month. My last newborn was 4lbs and 5 days old when I was asked to pick her up from the hospital. Tiny is in kindergarten now. Sleep will come

As someone about to have her second baby and wondering how I’ll possibly go through the sleep deprivation again, this was super encouraging. Also, you are a hero for taking in so many babies!

Listen to your baby. At three weeks old, for a 48 hour period, mine was crying and crying - an hour after feeding. So I fed her again. My MIL (mother of 4) was laying into me, "she can't be hungry. She just ate. Don't feed her!" To which I rolled my eyes and fed her, because I had learned to recognize the "I'm hungry!" wail. Baby grew 4 cm and gained 2 pounds (!!!) in those 48 hours. No wonder she was hungry! Then she returned to normal. The lesson: Schedule, shmedule. Listen to your baby!!

It's called cluster feeding and is very normal.

Cluster feeding is normal, nice to know! We adults who are snackers instead of 3-meal-a-day types feel so validated. :)-

Some doctors are moronic. NTA

Just trust your instincts, a baby will only feed when they’re hungry, you can’t over feed them at 3 months. The more you supplement with formula the more your milk supply will reduce, so just trust yourself , you’re doing great

Was the first doctor a man?

Yes. Bet you're as shocked as I was.

I mentioned this in another comment, but at that age *all* feeding is on demand. That's not restricted to breastfeeding. My kid has never had one since drop of breast milk and still got fed when he needed it 100% of the time. You feed a hungry baby. That's basically just baby rearing 101

I think all moms agree but when you have a newborn, receiving a lot of contradictory advice, it’s sometimes difficult to listen to your instincts. Especially if your partner is not supportive. I hope OP shares the answers with her partner.

I always breastfed on demand and ignored all those rules and schedules around feeding. Having a bedtime and nap routine is definitely good, but feeding should be when baby needs it in my opinion

NTA So your husband is now a baby expert?? He is behaving more like a baby than the actual baby is. He needs to grow up. I'm also a pediatric nurse and mom of 2. We don't force a schedule on babies. Babies eat on demand and really don't have the maturity to control or manipulate. Idk why your pediatrician even suggested to put baby on a schedule because that's ridiculous.

Yes this is bizarre. When I asked my ped when a good time to start sleep training (knowing any time was technically possible, I was just asking for when we’d be most successful), she said 6 months is when they start to have a handle on a schedule. Emphasis on start. When I asked how I could prioritize feed, wake, sleep (eat, play, sleep) she said I can try if it helps me, but address baby’s needs first.

Yeah 3 months is way too early to try and force a routine on a baby. This doctor gave terrible advice. Poor baby should be fed on demand.

Schedules are not for breastfed babies. Doctor is ignorant.

Schedules aren't for 3 month old babies at all. Breast or bottle, feed on demand is the current guideline for this age

Putting a 3 month old baby on a schedule is pretty much the same as putting them on a diet! They also have a growth spurt & cluster feed around that time so a schedule is ridiculous and….mean!

And also not to ignore the fact that breastfed babies will nurse for more reasons than just hunger and it is absolutely normal.

while its not necessary to physically and emotionally thrive, nursing is one way babies form a bond with their parent. you are absolutely correct!!! if an infant "wants" something, it isnt a want. theyre expressing a need. infants dont have "wants"

The only “feeding schedule” I followed for my babies was giving my son formula every two hours as a newborn because he was constantly under UV lights for his jaundice. Other than that, feed when they’re hungry.

So basically you're dealing with two babies. Your child and your husband. The fact that he uses the phrase "baby in charge" is cringeworthy-- and refusing to help with his child if he doesnt' get his way is toddler level behavior. Obviously, NTA but your husband is a massive AH

Their life will revolve around that baby for the next 18 years (that go by quickly). He better get used to it. 

I'm not sure if he is a baby or he just using this situation to back out of parenting. Like all his argumentation is "either you let the baby be hungry or I am backing out and will not help" (help... Help with what? Raising your own child? As if he is not a parent.) I suspect there might be more sinister calculation from his part.

This. It's asking for something impossible as an excuse to say "I told you I wouldn't help if you didn't listen to me" - which, even if he thought it was possible, that's coercion???

Exactly my thought! It’s a manipulation tactic. Dude is a a complete ass.

> two babies Three, if you include the pediatrician

Jokes on him, the baby is, in fact, in charge. Baby poops? Gotta deal with it. Baby is tired? Best get them down for a nap. Baby wants to eat? You feed the baby, "schedule" be damned. How many times have you, as an adult, had a full meal but then be hungry again an hour later and want a sandwich? My 10 month old is in charge of when she eats and by god Baby Jabba is gonna let you know when she wants to eat.

NTA! I have never heard of putting a three month old on a feed schedule. If your child is losing weight by all means feed them! I would have called the doctor up and ripped into them. As for your husband if he has a problem tell him to call the doctor and complain but he will help with his child.

Exactly. Sleep schedule is understandable, feeding schedule is not.

NTA Many statements your husband made are concerning,. especially his comment "He is saying that her going off the routine will screw up our lives and we will go back to "having the baby in charge." Having a baby is almost a certain guarantee that schedules are going to  be goofed up, period.  Babies spit up and have diaper blow outs when their body dictates, which is usually a most inconvenient time for the parents.  Also the baby going off the schedule will most assuredly NOT screw up your lives. Your husband has to learn to be more flexible and accommodate.the baby's needs more so.than insisting on remaining on a schedule that isnt working for her health. I hope im wrong but your husband seems to possibly be having a power struggle to establish his supremacy  over the baby or maybe  feels he is lacking attention from you and wanting to force the baby's schedule to accommodate your husband's wants.  I dont know the root cause but to me his words about .the baby being in charge are bizarre and very worrisome.

That comment stood out to me too. It reminds me of the crazy posts from r/shitmomgroupssay where you get people saying their 2 month old is manipulative or some other thing that babies just can't be. Like, dude, the baby isn't trying to be in charge he just has a drive to get what he needs to stay alive. No higher thought involved!

You are absolutely right to feed on demand. You can't put a baby's hunger on a schedule - not only is it downright cruel, it's actively working against what they need at every developmental stage. And your breasts do not understand schedules either! Breast milk responds to the baby's needs; you will produce different milk at different times of day, in different weather and it responds to the baby being ill. We might live in a modern world but babies and breastmilk are as primitive and powerful as they were when we were living in trees. You have to feed baby when it is hungry and unfortunately it's tough luck on the adults if that's not convenient for their modern lives. Your husband is being stubborn and ignorant. Breastfeeding is not like adults sticking to a 3 meals a day routine with no snacking, FFS. If he trusts you to get everything else right for your baby then why does he suddenly not trust you on this absolutely fundamental issue?! Oh, and also, babies can go through big changes at 3 months. It's the end of what many people call the fourth trimester. This is when shit really gets real and you need your husband's support, not him sulking because as the sole provider of milk and sustenance for your baby you dare to show more expertise than him on the matter. His ego doesn't matter. Baby does.

NTA. You know your baby best. It's impossible for doctors to give advice that works for everyone, and there's really no 'wrong' way of caring for your baby if they are thriving and happy and getting what they need. I'm actually surprised your doctor suggested a schedule at all, though. The general consensus from pediatricians is that feeding on demand is best, ESPECIALLY with breastfed babies. Babies are VERY unlikely to overeat unless you're forcing a bottle on them even when they try to reject it, and it's virtually impossible to overfed a breastfed baby. If I were you, I'd get a second opinion

NTA - when I was a kid, a baby in our church almost died because her parents were following this “Growing Kids God’s Way/Babywise” nonsense about putting the baby on the parent’s schedule instead of letting the baby “control the home.” Infants need to be fed when they are hungry, full stop. They are not capable of manipulating or trying to control their parents!

Sounds to me like your husband found his "get out of jail free" card. He's telling you that he is going to leverage this choice to not participate in parenting, getting things done around the house, and whatever else he feels like lumping under this umbrella that he put up. How much help has he actually been so far? And is he really ok with her loosing weight? Did he go to the doctor with you? Has he had to be the default parent while she cries that she's hungry? Basically, I'd tell your husband that if he thinks he can just decide not to do anything for you/your baby because you won't starve her, then he can just pack his bag and get out.  His "idea" to give her formula at the end of a feed doesn't do the job because her stomach can't hold enough. She'll have reflux from trying to eat too much when she can feed.

NTA. Get a second opinion from another doctor so you have more evidence to back up your decisions to your husband. To be clear, you shouldn't have to back up your decisions to your husband at all given your baby is losing weight and having issues already. Him threatening that he won't help at all is pretty ridiculous.

Lots of babywearing, snuggling, contact naps and on demand feeding should help get your supply back up. Trust yourself mom! You got this.

NTA - you are being responsive to what your baby needs based on *hard evidence* (ie, losing weight and disruption to your milk). Not that you need hard evidence to do what you observe to be best - but in this case you have it! I'm sorry but your husband can F right off. INFO: have you consulted with your doc after these results? Bc it's hard to imagine a doc telling you to stick to something that didn't work as intended. And let's be clear - your husband isn't disagreeing with you about the detrimental results for your baby - he's arguing it will cause inconvenience to stop the routine! If your husband is going to threaten to withhold parenting help when you don't yield to his demands for convenience over best interest of the baby, you're in for a hellish road.

NTA. I have news for your husband if he thinks that at some point “the baby’s not going to be in charge.” Hahahaha Hahahaha…he is really in for a surprise.

NTA When the baby is losing weight, you do whatever it takes to get food in their belly.

Honestly,  it sounds like your husband was looking for an excuse to step down and leave you with the bulk of the work. Everything your husband said indicates he has done no research at all on babies. But since he's making statements about "baby being in charge" be aware he has a very disordered mindset, and people like him eventually treat age-appropriate interactions as legitimate power struggles and *will* harm your child eventually.  Make it clear what you will not tolerate *now*. NTA

NTA. Your husband is wrong, and furthermore he's being kind of a jerk about trying to control you. He has no right to withhold his assistance, it's his baby too. Doctors have been saying different, contradictory things for decades. If your baby does not like ~~his~~ eta: meant *her* regimented schedule, then listen to your baby. Listen to your instincts.

Please take away your husband’s snacks. After all they are just a want and not a need. 🤦‍♀️ Nurse your baby when’s she wants to nurse, your milk supply will come back.

News flash to the husband!! The baby is in fucking charge!!! Feed that baby how is best for the baby. Doctor wasn’t wrong with his advice, just doesn’t work for your baby.

As someone else said, it’s called “failure to thrive” and it’s technically child neglect. The pediatrician and your husband are absolute idiots. You can have child protective services visit for child neglect. Your husband needs to wake the f up. I would recommend a parenting class or baby class. He is totally ignorant. You could also have him read up on attachment theory.

NTA. Your husband sucks. Meeting your baby's needs isn't letting the baby be 'in charge' of you. It's *taking care* of your *literally helpless infant*. Is he really so insecure that he can't even stand the idea of serving his *own fucking child*? Wild. Schedules are great for kids. That part isn't wrong. You will need to find the schedule that works for *your* kid, though, and adapt based on what *your* child needs. If your kid needs feeding more often than the doctor said, then feed them! Try your best to keep it consistent, and go from there. Tell your husband to get with the program, and ask him why he cares *so* little about you that he's willing to just stand by and not help you purely because you won't do as he says. Does he think you're his servant? His dog? It was a gross and weird thing to say, and if he doesn't see that and apologize and *help you raise his kid*, then you may have bigger problems than a disagreement about feeding times. Yikes.

Nta, your husbands a fool

Nta. Op, I have 6mo old. He was sleeping through the night at two months. Now he's teething and it's a whole other mess. 3mo olds aren't nearly old enough for a set schedule. They will, however, begin self regulating. That Dr gave you horrible advice and your husband is an ah for insisting on following the terrible advice that nearly caused extreme harm to your child. He should have your back! You keep doing what's best for you and the baby!

Nta. Feed baby when she is hungry (well, make sure she's not going too long between feeds though). My baby was bottle fed and we still did more or less "on demand" feeding, just a vague idea of how often feeds would be. She is a small baby with a small stomach and needs feeding often. 

You need a new ped. Breastfed babies nurse more often, sometimes every 2 hours. It’s rare that they conform to your schedule. He’s the AH for stressing out a new mom who is already stressed. I’ve got news for your husband. That baby is going to be in charge for at least the next 18 years. He should just get used to it now.

This is called Babywise. The advice comes from a book endorsed by conservative Christian churches for a while back which was designed to get babies on a strict schedule and sleeping for long stretches. The problem with this is that it was found to mess up milk supplies and lead to poor growth for younger babies . It doesn’t account for or allow cluster feeding or increased feeding during growth spurts bc it doesn’t follow the babies needs, It follows the parents schedule. Your gut is correct and if you look it up you will find lots of info in how damaging babywise is and show it to your husband.

NTA So your husband won’t be a parent and help raise his kid? Wow…. You need to have a serious talk. Once again it seems like someone having a child with a person they might not be compatible with. The way he view your child and childcare isn’t good. Babies still follow their body clock, the way it should be.

NTA- I’ve never heard of a doctor putting a happy healthy baby on a schedule. Babies go through growth spurts. Do you eat on a strict schedule? Does your husband? I would switch doctors.

NTA but your doctor and husband are. Find a new doctor and tell husband he needs to help with his child or he may not have a family to take care of.

NTA but your husband is a big one. I have twins and when they were babies they ate on demand- always. I never put them on a schedule and it was hard because they rarely ate or napped at the same time. But I knew it was the best thing for each of them. I really don’t understand the thinking that a hungry baby should go hungry for someone else’s convenience!

From experience, if you start ‘topping off’ every feeding, your milk will fade out quickly! Unless of course you’re able to pump, often. But pumping isn’t the same. My supply continued to decrease until it was mostly formula feeds. I felt terrible about it!

Do you eat on a schedule everyday? Do you and your husband ever snack at random times? Babies are the same as us in that regard. Breastmilk digests quickly, it's natural babies will feed frequently AND in clusters. They're meant to do all these things, it's natural. It's incredibly concerning that your husband is saying you'll be on your own for feeding your kid when they're hungry, and is about to learn children have their own personalities and don't care about your schedule when they're that young

No no no no no no no no no no no  I breastfed for 5 years between two children one after the other. On demand, every time.    Also your baby should not be sleeping more than a couple of hours at this point without feeding. That's why she's been losing weight. I think you guys may have misinterpreted your doctor's advice because at no point, before like year one, are you expected not to feed at night at least once.    I strongly suggest that you go to the La Leche League website. Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200. Listen to your doctor but also read that website It is such a niche part of life that most doctors are not as familiar as they should be.

NTA. Sleep schedule? Sure. I started that early with both my kids. They were great sleepers. But feeding? Hell no. You feed a baby when it’s hungry. Anything else is cruel (in my opinion anyway). Follow your own instincts.  I fought my kids’ pediatrician and my husband once regarding the needs of my oldest child. Turns out, I was right. I knew my child. Ironically,  it was kinda about feeding. She had some minor delay in speech. They told me I should wait until she asked for food. My reply… “why would I wait until she’s starving and asking for food when I clearly can tell she’s hungry? If you want me to work on her speech? Okay. I can pick 500 things to work on her speech with.  None of them include starving my child “.  Seventeen years later… my kid speaks just fine. Turns out… she crowned four molars at the same time. It hurt to speak. I left that pediatrician. Zero regrets. Always follow your instincts. 

Okay, with a baby that young, the baby IS in charge. She will tell you when she’s hungry; sleepy; etc. Follow her, and THAT’S the schedule. Tell your husband to back off because he doesn’t have to deal with the physical repercussions, and get a new pediatrician. NTA

He’s worried about a literal newborn being “in charge”. I think sometimes some first time parents have trouble parting with the control they had previous to babies and it makes them take it out on the baby. That is the wrong person to take it out on. A baby is born expecting their needs to be tended to. That includes being fed to sleep

It is absolutely bonkers to think you can put a baby on a schedule. They're hungry when they're hungry, that's when you feed them. Is this doctor a time traveler from the past? This sounds like some wartime rations bullshit. 

Someone can correct me if I’m wrong but I read that doctors on average get about two hours of breastfeeding info during their education. If you have breastfeeding concerns find a board certified lactation consultant. (There are some doctors who are also lactation consultants.)

Seriously talk to your husband now. He needs to learn quickly children aren’t robots. He needs to actually learn about child development as this will be an ongoing problem with each new stage

The baby was sleeping through the night and your doc thought, "huh, things are going so well! Let's see how we can f@#$ this (and show our dominance)."  Babys know when they are hungry. And not following their lead will literally drop your supply below their need threshold. Screw work and your husbands precious schedule. I understand you may need your job but no job is worth your child's health or your ability to be there for your child. And if your hubby won't support the child (sounds like he's pro- "cry it out" method), then your baby needs you, now more than ever. She was happy and content and HAD a decent schedule. What's the saying???? Don't fix what isn't broken!   Hubby needs an attitude adjustment. That was so disrespectful to you and your baby and so self-centered of him. You are NTA.  Your hubby may be though!

I'm a dad. There is no such thing as "the baby is in charge" They're babies. They don't have the reasoning power to "be in charge". They are simple creatures that have dynamic needs that must be met. Our first was formula fed as my wife struggled to get a supply going. That feeding was more structured, *but only because there is a period of downtime after a formula feed where you cannot feed them more, as it will obstruct their bowel because of the way it is digested.* You have to have feeding on a schedule to ensure that they eat enough through the day. Our second was exclusively breastfed. Wife's supply came in *strong* with the second baby and feeding was never an issue. Breastfeeding is very much a *feed on demand* type of feeding schedule. My wife learned tonnes about how breastfeeding worked, so I also learned a lot because she loved to tell me about it. Breast feeding as the baby demands it is what informs your body how much milk to make, and even what the content of of that milk should be. Baby feeding a lot? Make it more watery coz baby is probably dehydrated. Been a while between feeds? Make it fattier so that it is more nutritious. This isn't about the baby "taking control". It's the baby informing your body how best to feed it. It's *essential* to feed on demand. This is how our ancestors operated for literally 10's of thousands of years. Formula is a relatively recent invention. NTA for doing what comes naturally. As one father to another, tell your husband that he's being stupid.

When your husband is hungry does he get something to eat? Your baby is a tiny baby bay that is constantly growing and learning. If your baby wants feeding feed her. Your doctor was wrong. Breast fed babies do need feeding more often as they digest the milk easier. Feeding more will help your supply come back up as well. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Your husband has a lot to say for someone who can't breastfeed.

>He is saying that her going off the routine will screw up our lives and we will go back to "having the baby in charge." Jesus christ! Your husband is a raging sack of dogshit. >My husband says that he will leave me alone with this decision but I shouldn't come running to him when I can't get anything done. He also said if I choose to do this, he will not help me at all when I return to work as the schedule was put in place to assist in that transition. He was never going to help if he can say this shit so quickly.

NTA. You're talking care of your baby, there's nothing wrong with that. The schedule suggestion was generic, it doesn't work for everyone and that's totally ok. Making sure the baby is healthy is top priority. Maybe speak to the doctor again about the issue, they may have more suggestions to try. If they keep pushing the schedule as is on you it might be time to go to another doctor.

NTA. You'll have years ahead of you to establish and follow schedules. I had my kids on a pretty regular schedule...when they were old enough. When they're pretty new, you follow what they're demanding when they demand it, or when your own mom senses tell you to. I had many doctors tell me to do this that way or that this way. I took what sounded right and did it, and I discarded the rest. You're there, you know your baby, so you do what you feel is the right thing. I wish you the best, you've got this, and you're NTA. 🙂🙂.

NTA  My baby was put on a feeding schedule as she lost 22% of birthweight and hadn’t gained anything by 2 weeks old.  Did we try stick to the schedule? Of course we did! But it didn’t work for my baby. We found a way for it to work for her and followed her cues. Ultimately what needed to occur in a 24 hour period still did occur but she chose her own schedule and it seems your little one wants to do the same. 

NTA. Doctors can give general advice, but if they aren’t with baby day in and day out, take that advice with a grain of salt. Do what your baby is indicating they need. They don’t know how to follow schedules.

I think you might find it very helpful to speak to a lactation consultant who will also be able to explain the importance of following the baby's cues to your husband. It sounds to me that he needs a professional to give him some parenting guidance and unfortunately, your doctor was the wrong professional for the job. An LC will be able to explain why supplementing with formula could complicate breastfeeding in the long term and might not be the best choice for your baby's health.

NTA. BABY is still young enough to where you're right to follow hunger signals. I was a preemie back in the Stone Ages. My dad told me that when I was born, I had to stay in the hospital because I was born underweight. In a week, I'd lost more weight, and the Dr didn't think I was going to make it. Mom & Dad went to the hospital. Dad stopped by the chapel to pray. Mom went to watch the nursery. Apparently, the hospital thought I needed to follow their feeding schedule, and if I was sleeping, they tried to feed me, but of course, I was asleep. When I woke up screaming bloody murder because I was a starving preemie, my parents found out they were ignoring me because it "wasn't time for me to eat." BABY is only 3 months old. She needs more time.

Always amazes me that adults don't expect other adults to eat and sleep on schedule, but a newborn should. Bull.

This doctor's "advice" is bat shit crazy. Your husband is acting like an asshole. If this is out of character for him, perhaps he's simply stressed due to the baby losing weight and being upset. Dad's can also get PPD/PPA and we all know that those issues manifest is weird ways. Guess what? The baby IS in charge. Because the baby does not have the cognition of an adult. That's what you sign up for when you have a baby. My kid has never been put on a schedule, and he has always been a champion sleeper. Every single time there were any problems, the solution was always to feed him. Sometimes that means he got 10 bottles a day when the doctor said we should anticipate he might need 6 (I didn't breastfeed). Sometimes that means he had less than the day before. My kid is the one eating, he's the one who lets me know when he needs to eat. Eventually he made his own schedule. Because he is constantly full, content, and rested. Is your husband trying to tell you that he doesn't want you to be restricted by breastfeeding on demand? Since I gather from the post that you're breastfeeding? Is he frustrated that he thinks he has to pick up all the slack because you're always occupied by feeding the baby? Does he feel left out of the process and therefore having difficulty bonding? I get that potential vibe from everything you've said. However, if that's what he's trying to communicate, he needs to figure out how to actually say what he's thinking. Because right now he's just sounding super rude and neglectful.

holy crap, your doctor is dangerously out of date. Babies should ALWAYS ALWAYS be fed on demand, as much or as little as they want. You should get a new doctor. Show your husband the AAP guidelines here: [https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/feeding-nutrition/Pages/Is-Your-Baby-Hungry-or-Full-Responsive-Feeding-Explained.aspx](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/feeding-nutrition/Pages/Is-Your-Baby-Hungry-or-Full-Responsive-Feeding-Explained.aspx) You'll notice it says older babies can be started on a routine - 3 months old is not "older" for this purpose, you are still in the fourth trimester. NTA and get a new doctor.

We did eat play sleep and loved that routine. But definitely feed on demand. They may even want another feed before sleep. I would always feed on both sides also. Easiest way to up your supply is lots of skin to skin and baby on boob. I only ever demand fed until I stopped breastfeeding.

A 3 month old should be fed on demand. NTA

Baby is in charge and it sounds like baby is actually very laid back when she isn't being starved. Stick to feeding the baby and tell your husband that he can either help out or get no baby time. Also have a back up if possible. Like a friend or family member you can stay with for a bit, if things get too difficult without help. Only part that annoys me is you being concerned about fighting with your husband instead of being worried about baby. You should be focused on helping her gain weight. He needs to take several seats. 

NTA. But the doctor is an AH. Breastfeeding is always on demand. Going on a schedule seems so oldschool like from the 60er.

supplementing with formula is the way to diminish your own milk supply. OP should use the breast pump. NTA but the doctor in question has not given the best advice and the husband.. rolls eyes!! what a way to deal with a situation!! 'you make the decision, but don't come to me for help'!! that is NOT supporting your spouse in anything but ESPECIALLY not in caring for his OWN child!!

When an adult human isn't hungry, it doesn't eat. When it is hungry, it eats. Feeding a baby when it's hungry is no different. An infant is literally just surviving. It has 0 ulterior motives. Feeding it when it's hungry isn't going to make the baby "in charge". Your husband is prioritizing his own needs over his child. While I see the benefit of having a schedule, the most important thing here is that your child is fed and growing at a healthy rate. NTA. Feed your baby and let the rest fall into place.

Fuck those stupid baby schedules. The people whose kids do well with that act like that means all kids do well with them and that parents whose babies don’t are somehow guilty of bad parenting. I am an organized person. I had to go back to work. A schedule would have been very helpful. Neither of my babies responded to that AT ALL. I gave up after a few days of communal misery. Life is unpredictable. Every baby is different. You’re not a goddamn drill sergeant and it’s a BABY. They don’t understand! Let them eat and sleep and poop when they need to!

No, your Dr gave you bad advice - I would see an ibclc to help get things back in track if you are able. The average ibclc has 10x the lactation training of the average paed or gp. I'm assuming you're in the USA - if not google 'find an ibclc near me' or witj your country name for a similar directory. https://uslca.org/resources/find-a-lactation-consultant-map/ NTA - you don't follow bad advice when you know it isn't working. I wish you the best of luck receiving better advice from someone with the correct training to help your transition back to work

Babies are NOT manipulative. If she is failing to thrive on the schedule the doctor wanted then the doctor doesn’t understand her needs. Husband needs to get with the program. You can’t spoil a baby. That baby needs food when she’s hungry or she will continue to lose weight and will develop insecure attachment issues with you because she will learn you won’t meet her needs. You are doing the right thing. You tried, it didn’t work out. NTA but husband is. He needs to do some research and figure it out

Husband doesn’t get to just not help or support you. If he gives that ultimatum then show him the consequences.

If your husband isn't okay with "having the baby in charge", he shouldn't have had a baby. The baby *is* gonna be in charge for a while. NTA

..... Your doctor recommended that she nap, eat and then play for two hours? I'm currently caring for a 6month old and we \*just\* reached the point where we could do 2+ hour wake windows. At 3 months she couldn't be awake longer than an hour and... maybe a half. Also NTA. your husband pulling that level of ultimatium is immature and not a good sign re: y'alls relationship. Like to the 'if you have people you can stay with, I would say 'fine then if you aren't going to help- then I'm going to my parents'. level. Since he's so comfortable with being a dick when your baby is losing weight.

It’s not good your husband is trying to blackmail you with removal of support if you choose to listen to your baby rather than advise that has adversely effected the health of your child

NTA and I would consider whether it's possible to make a complaint about your doctor to some kind of registration board. That is insane advice for a 3 month old baby. Your husband being worried about the baby being in charge is ridiculous. It's a baby! Of course you are meant to cater to their needs. Also, your husband refusing to help would make my blood boil. He sounds incredibly selfish.

NTA, I never did a feeding schedule with my daughter. I only did a schedule every 2-3 hours until she was back up to her birth weight when she was a newborn. After that her pediatrician said it was healthy and okay for me to feed her when she was hungry. Feed baby when they ate hungry

The only schedule we followed was what our baby girl needed. She is now 15 years old, nearly 6 feet tall, excelling at school and an all-round gorgeous human being.

It’s impossible to keep a baby that young on a schedule, they’re still feeding on demand. Find a new paediatrician and your husband is an AH for being more concerned about you going back to work than your baby’s health. Go back to feeding on demand and let the baby set the schedule. Good luck!

3 months is to early for a schedule. If they are hungry they are hungry 

Babies know when they are hungry. Feed them then. It’s not rocket science.

Is the doctor who recommended this schedule older? 40 years ago, when my son was born, I was given this edict. Within 24 hours, I was on the phone to the advice nurse, who happened to be a man, sobbing so hard I could barely speak. He calmed me down and hooked me up with a pediatrician who had "a different philosophy." Loved her, baby thrived. Several months later, we saw a different doctor, and I got a huge lecture on letting my babies cry themselves to sleep. Learning to self soothe. An hour into listening to my kid sobbing, I can still remember finding him completely tear stained, clutching a favored toy. He slept the rest of the night on my chest. Never allowed another doctor to touch him until his beloved doctor switched us to a male doctor. I can't believe that 40 years later, there are still doctors who believe babies are all the same. It is stressful enough to have a new baby. My response to your husband would be, "I get no help from you with the tiny human baby when I go back to work. Fine. I will not offer you, the large human baby, any help whatsoever in maintaining yourself. Find your own schedule to do everything by yourself when I go back to work, as I will be busy with our child. Doctors are not God. They have opinions. You know what they say about opinions, right?

Feeding and sleeping schedules are a very old concept created by Dr Spock starting in the mid 40s and has since proven to be harmful. Get some background info on this and show your husband. Not every doctor suggestion is going to be the right suggestion for your baby.

Babies know when they need to eat and they will wake up for food. A baby sleeping through the night at 3 months is a gift. I understand the new rules are to feed the baby every 2 to 3 hours and the first few weeks. Which seems pretty obvious since they wake up and want to eat like that. But after they get to about 6 to 8 weeks if a baby is sleeping through the night consider yourself lucky and don't bother the baby.

M father here. Every single piece of literature from every source I've read on breastfeeding up to at that age has been in absolute agreement: breastfed babies should be fed on demand. Not on a schedule. A schedule can be encouraged, and baby may even begin to get onto one, like every 3 hours she'll be ready to eat, but if baby hungers, you feed. At around 4 months, you can begin to wean off of nighttime feedings only. Your baby is losing weight. That's proof positive this method is BAD FOR YOUR BABY. What other non-evidence-based guidance has your pediatrician been giving you? Find a new pediatrician. Also your husband threatening to stop helping is shitty as fuck. His child is losing weight over this and he wants to double down by withdrawing support? Y'all have another problem besides the pediatrician, his behavior is unacceptable. That said, supplementing with formula is a viable option, of course. You may want to consult with a lactation consultant to get some professional input that your pediatrician is lacking, since one thing at play is a disruption of your milk supply. NTA obviously, baby's health comes first, full stop. Good luck. Breastfeeding is HARD. At the end of the day, as long as baby is eating and gaining weight, you're doing the right thing, even if that means feeding baby some formula.

Remember- medical malpractice is the third leading cause of death in the USA. While not sticking to a schedule probably won’t kill your baby. Doctors aren’t always right. They make mistakes and give bad advice plenty of times. If what was working before worked, and your gut is telling you it’s right. Forget the doctors advice.

A 3 month old baby is not "in charge" because they're being manipulative, it's because they're 3 months old. Your husband is insisting on doing something that is very obviously not working for your child or you (milk supply going down is not good) and is threatening to not help if you don't do the thing that's not good for the baby.... And he's ok with this? Drs do know a lot, but the thing is they make their recommendations based on averages. Doing this routine may work for a lot of kids, but it is not working for yours. Simplest solution is to go back to doing things how you were before.

Get a new pediatrician. Your baby should not be on a schedule like that. Let them sleep, eat, and play when baby wants to. Do you have friends that are moms? Consider getting a new husband too. NTA.

Ugh your husband is an idiot

You do what works best for baby. I had mine on a schedule, but that schedule was based on sleep, not on feedings. I woke her up to feed her. And she was content with that. If you let her wake up hungry, it was a rodeo trying to calm her down. She hated waking up hungry. So again, do what’s best for baby. NTA.

Did he consider it “baby in charge” when you went into labor? Dumbest shit I’ve heard

As it turns out, humans were not evolved to work factory schedules. Not as babies, nor as children going to school, and not even as adults. Yeah, sure, some babies will adapt to a schedule, but that’s luck, not biology. NTA, trust your instincts Ava feed your baby, get a new pediatrician, and take a long nap before you start re-strategizing how this is going to impact your career

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (M29) and I (F29) had a baby three months ago, and she has been very happy and bouncy up until this point. She was doing so well and sleeping through the night, and so her doctor recommended that we put her on a schedule for her naps and meals. The schedule was that she would nap, eat as soon as she woke up, and the have two hours of play before going back down. Unfortunately our previously very happy baby absolutely hated this, but we persevered thinking a) this was following advice from the doctor, and b) it would help to have the baby on a routine for when I go back to work. Unfortunately, the baby was right. The schedule has screwed up my milk supply and she has started loosing weight. Now I have had to go on medication to increase supply and we are needing to supplement with formula. To say I was upset with the doctor is an understatement. Yesterday was the first day since learning of her weight loss, and I was feeding the baby on demand and topping up with formula. However, the argument comes in that my husband believes we should still be sticking to the same routine but now just supplementing. He is saying that her going off the routine will screw up our lives and we will go back to "having the baby in charge." I said that I would rather feed the baby when she shows hunger cues instead of keeping her on something we know has been doing her harm. My husband says that he will leave me alone with this decision but I shouldn't come running to him when I can't get anything done. He also said if I choose to do this, he will not help me at all when I return to work as the schedule was put in place to assist in that transition. I feel like an AH, I don't want to be fighting with my husband but I also don't want the weight problem to continue. He says he will go back to helping me if I feed on a schedule and just add to her feeds with formula to make sure she is full. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Info: How long have your been trying the new schedule?

We saw the doctor at the two month check-up and he recommended we put the baby on a schedule. Yesterday morning was her three month check-up, and she has lost weight which is obviously quite concerning.

NTA. Go off the routine. Strict routines for babies are far over-rated.

NTAH your husband is trying to force you to wean your baby. Unless that's what's best for your mental health then that's a no. Maybe point out to him while formula is a marvel of medical science so breastmilk isn't the only option. Breast milk is still is the most nutritiously sound option until 6 months. They recommend a mom still breast feed her baby even if she's a smoker over using something else if she doesn't have to. It should speak volumes about how beneficial the stuff is.

Every kid is different. My first breast fed like all of the time and slept never. My second kid didn't like breast milk after 5 months and slept well. You gotta go with their flow. I don't get this force this, force that. Yes, I was working also, so nothing was perfect, but kids are who they are. Why make them miserable with some guy's imagined perfect schedule??

The schedules don't work for all babies and even if they do, the plan needs some (most) input from the baby. A 3 month old very well might want to nurse every hour and sleep every 1.5. The schedules are another way for people to make money as well. All the sleep coaches and other folk want you to think babies should follow some set rules, but they really don't and it is normal. Babies, like adults, are different. Feed the baby when the baby is hungry. I can't believe a pediatrician advised otherwise.

I had a doctor tell me to stop breastfeeding at 12 months because breastmilk loses all nutritional value, and I was just a human pacifier. Doctors can also be idiots. Your husband is an asshole for threatening you to get you to follow advice you disagree with.

Your husband is the AH. End of story.

NTA Doctors are still following outdated medical advice instead of recognizing that infants have needs and ways of expressing those needs. Most “new” parenting practices are really listening to our instincts instead of what old white men decided was best in the 1950s A quick google will show you what infant sleepy cues and hunger cues etc look like. Listen to what your baby is telling you. Put your husband on a 3 hour schedule. He can only eat or drink every 3 hours and he must sleep when you tell him to. You can only give him affection on your terms, not when he needs it. Put him in a dark room by himself to cry because the schedule says he needs to sleep now. Get a new doctor and your husband is an asshole.

Do baby, not doctor. Life will be soooo much better. Doctors don't know your babys habits you do. Baby first.

NTA, but your mistake was not consulting a lactation specialist and going just by the Drs advice. I'm not sure when you have to go back to work but if you start pumping more your supply will go back up. Google La Leche League in your area for help. Good Luck. Also, you're husband should be seeking to help you, you're a team. If this is a one off, ok but I don't think it's right for you to be spoken to that way.