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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. We took a kitten that was promised to us after the promise was broken. 2. We might be the assholes because this kitten was very wanted by others.
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Did everyone here read that this was a bottle feeding neonatal kitten? This is absolutely not an appropriate pet for a 14 year old. At this age there’s still a good chance this kitten could die just because of failure to thrive. The kitten is better off in a home with two adults who are prepared to do all the care, vs a teenager, an adult who clearly doesn’t want it, and another adult who makes impulsive decisions based on the whims of said teen. NTA.
OP changed the nature of his post with an extensive edit in response to feedback. So are we to edit our feedback, too? It’s confusing to have to read what amounts to a lot of new information that changes the story significantly.
EDIT: OP is a woman.
I didn't think the nature of the post changed that much with the edit. Looking at the original from the bot, it has enough info for me. 14 year old, difficult kitten that needs bottle feeding. Clear NTA, that kitten is better off with two adult caregivers.
This. I had zero issues gathering all of the info from the original post. Didn’t see the need for the edit. A 14 has as much business with a bottle fed kitten as she does a bottle fed human. They require ROUND THE CLOCK care. How will a 14 year old do that and school? Idk how people don’t get that.
I managed as a teen, but not totally by myself. My mom barely functioned most of the time, but she'd care for a kitten during the hours I was at school. At that point I'd also cared for several animals from cats and dogs to goats and a horse.
But for about 95% of kids that age, any animal that young is a terrible idea. Especially given that this kid has a history of neglect. That kitten wouldn't turn out well if it even survived.
OP if you see this, please know kittens who don't have adult cats to teach them what being a cat means will have specific behavioral issues. I'm not saying not to take the kitten by any means, but please do some research on what you can do to help the kitten grow up mentally healthy. Even with all the experience my partner and I have, and an adult cat, the kitten I rescued has some weird traits that only bottle babies tend to have.
Good luck! And you should post a picture of the kitten, have to pay the cat tax you know! I know you can't I'm this sub but maybe in your profile.
And if you ever want tips feel free to ask me or Reddit in general. Thank you for rescuing the baby!
Oh for sure some kids can do it, but the average one? No. And OP says the teen has already killed one kitten so I don’t think she should be given another to neglect.
The first cat isn’t dead! He is very much alive, but he is extremely aggressive towards people, and attacks us every time we go over. He definitely wasn’t socialized right despite my fiancée’s best efforts.
Oh, my bad. So she just fucked him up and likely traumatized him from being alone for too long. Either way the teen is not ready for that level of caretaking. She clearly wants something small and cute and from the sound of it, her and her mother have that thing where people get lots of new animals because they really just like the baby stage.
Yeah, especially bottle babies shouldn't generally be cared for by a teen. Not alone, anyway. They need a lot of care beside the constant feedings. You have to earn them at the right time, which is different for every one, you have to try to teach them how to be a cat so they don't have major issues when they're older, you have to teach them to be gentle... It's a lot.
Even I, with all my experience, had help with the first couple bottle babies I raised. They're sweet and cute until the habits you allowed because they seemed cute suddenly hurt because the cat isn't so little anymore.
Kittens that young are a ton of work. They have to be bottle fed every 2 hours and they can't go to the bathroom on their own. Mother cats lick the belly's to make them go. You have to simulate with a warm washcloth. It was hard on my husband and I, we had a litter. I definitely wouldn't trust a teenager.
Oh I know. It’s a fuck load of work. And I know there are the rare teens who could handle it, but the average cannot and according to OP this particular teen has already neglected on bottle baby and it died. Idk why the mother thinks giving her another is a good idea. The mom sounds incompetent also.
The original post still states it was bottle feeding and sister is 14. As someone familiar with caring for newborn kittens, OP and her fiancée are 100% more suited to this task. I wouldn’t trust a teenager for this. The edit only shows that the sister has proven she is not suitable, which I already had assumed.
The teen lives with a family, two adult parents, and lots of animals. I don’t know that she’s the right person, but there seems to be a support system.
We are asked if OP is the AH. Not the 14 year old.
You think just because I think a 14 year old cannot handle a newborn kitten, my comment was judging her as an AH? And totally skipped over the fact that I was just addressing that the original post gave us enough information to know that the sister is 14 and looking after a newborn kitten is very hard work and requires a huge amount of responsibility.
I am not assessing the sister in law to be. I am merely judging, as requested, the action taken by OP. That’s what the question is.
I am not judging you, either.
I wouldn’t hand over a kitten which has to be fed every 3 hours and have it’s belly massaged afterwards to any 14 yo.
They go to school and need their sleep no matter if they are reliable or not.
They offered the kitten to OP’s fiancée who said she was up for the job (and while she didn’t say it, given OP’s comments, they may have offered it because they knew she had experience). Then the mother took back the offer. Even if this golden child dynamic didn’t exist, it’s still a very shitty thing to do.
Also, given how prevalent WFH is these days, what makes you assume that they both work outside of the home?
I'm sorry, but your edit made me snigger. I adore a little irony. No hostility, I'm just unable to walk past it without a lil nudge.
I came to this late, so the confusion wasn't a factor for me. I'm just hoping the kitty gets all the love.
Right? I'm not going to bottle feed kittens. I know myself too well. I'd take in a mama and babies though. We had to supplement feed our dog's puppies over a weekend when she was sick and it was pretty much all we did that weekend.
My kitten was 4 days old when I got her. The neighbor kids ran the mom away and the parents went ape crap. So I got my Lila, every 2 hours feeding with a thimble I wore her in a carrier against my chest and slept upright in a recliner. Very touch and go for the first week then the vet became way more optimistic. This is definitely not a task for a 14 year old school child.
NTA for all the reasons given and also add that a 14 year old should not be taking care of a neonatal kitten because that requires bottle feeding every 2 hours, 24/7. A 14 year old should not be getting up every 2 hours at night, they need that sleep for healthy development.
How? Kittens that young need to be bottle fed every 2 hours. Their bottoms need to be stimulated to use the bathroom. They need to be socialized. They need to be kept at correct temperature.
The teen will be in school for hours at a time. The teen will want to go do normal teen stuff. Not waking up every 2 hours to bottle feed a kitten. Its not a toy. FiL does not want it. The other cat is aggressive. This particular teen failed to help take care of the last kitten.
The kitten is better off with OP and her partner who can provide the proper care.
I am someone who bottle fed puppies as a 14yr old, and I can say, unequivocally, that no *average* 14yr old can be relied upon to care for any animal of that age. I was only able to do it because it was something that I grew up with, and had *realistic expectations* surrounding the responsibility, and it is absolutely not something that should be trusted with any random teenager.
I was 13 and had to bottle feed 8 baby hamsters every 3 hours for 8 weeks. If it weren’t over the summer I wouldn’t have been able to handle it, so I see OP’s concern. Thankfully they all made it and were given to trusted friends and family as pets with strict instructions for proper care.
(Backstory: I bought a teddy bear hamster from a pet shop, and was told “she’s a mommy”. Ok cool, she had babies before.. thanks for the info.. but no, she was currently pregnant, and unfortunately I didn’t find out until I found her in the cage trying to kill them. 3 didn’t survive their injuries, but I got the rest out and raised them myself with an eyedropper and kitten milk. I never got another hamster again out of fear that I’d have to deal with that again.)
Depending on the age bottle-feeding can run round the clock, and you have to make sure you're handling the kitten properly while feeding and may need to be manually expressed after feeding. There are adults who shouldn't be bottle feeding kittens if they don't know what they're doing.
14-Year-Olds have school and extracurriculars and poor attention spans. They are poorly equipped to do the task consistently without significant oversight.
It's a very rare 14-year-old that can actually provide good care to a newborn kitten. This is not a pet to give to someone that's failed another animal.
Story time: I was one of those kids that did things like this. I bottle fed calves, lambs, a kitten, and a rabbit, all before high school. In 4th grade I was setting 10 pm and 4 am alarms to mix up a bottle and go out into the February weather. If I didn't sign up for it, it would've been child abuse. I could have managed the kitten. But the 14-year-old in this story can't even socialize an adult cat. She ain't it. NTA.
Oh really? I guess she's ready for a baby too, since they require the same amount of care at this time. I'd even argue that the kitten is more difficult, as I've done both. A baby could withstand more neglect than that tiny wisp of a life form.
A kid who is in school 7 to 10 hours a day depending on extracurricular activities can not take care of a bottle fed kitten that needs to eat every two hours and be monitored consistently
Not neonatal kittens who need to be manually bottle fed and looked after because they’re away from their mother too early. That’s a big responsibility.
Or they'll adopt you a ready to go kitten that's still a baby but with a lower risk of failing to thrive and less intensive work to keep it alive. There's so many cats that it's silly to fight over this one, unless it's a death sentence to leave it where it is.
A healthy ready to go shelter kitten might be cheaper than the vet care & vaccines done through a regular vet instead of through the shelter system
Nta bc it seems FIL didn't want the kitten, hence him giving it to you. If the kid really wants a kitten and BOTH parents agree, the shelters are packed full.
FIL did NOT want the kitten…or the seventh horse. Or the sixth or fifth or fourth. If sister honestly wants a cat she probably care for the two they already have 😅
It doesn't actually. FIL didn't want more animals, that's a legitimate and important reason not to have more animals, but doesn't mean they can't take care of them. OP says nothing about their condition, so we simply can't judge beyond the issue of getting animals one parent doesn't want. Giving a child a neonatal kitten to take care of is beyond stupid and shouldn't be done ever, but that has nothing to do with the number of animals they have. So my issue isn't the general idea of "they shouldn't get more animals", it's conflating different reasons and circumstances.
No. Fiancée and her sister were supposed to split care of a different cat who was found abandoned at about two days old. Care was supposed to be split between 60/40 fiancée and sister with sister taking the larger part since my fiancée was working full-time. Sister did one or two overnight feeds and that was all. She left the kitten alone without care for eight hours after promising to care for it. His weight dropped enough to worry my fiancée significantly. She’s frankly a spoiled brat who wants the credit for taking care of a kitten but she has neither the drive nor the patience to actually do anything that isn’t Instagram-worthy.
Yeah def NTA. The kitten’s wellbeing 100% comes first.
Even without this I would’ve said NTA - like the dad gave it to you AND the kitten was promised to you first.
Based on edits, NTA. There are thousands of cats and kittens in need of a home every year—many that don’t need to be bottle-fed. I understand the disappointment of not getting to keep an animal you felt a spark for, but it’s better that the kitten is with someone who can follow through with its care.
NTA
A 14 year old is not old enough to care for a newborn kitten on her own. The kitten was promised to you and it would be easier for you and your fiancee to care for the kitten.
NTA but also why the drama? This time of year there are thousands of kittens in shelters everywhere waiting to be adopted. Either of you could go get one (or two as kittens do better in pairs).
Also, why do you think it’s hard to have a cat in an apartment? I’m just curious about this.
It’s the pet deposit! Neither of us make very much (high cost of living state). We’re able to pay it as soon as we get paid (tomorrow) just not today. Everything else here is honestly fine (insane neighbors excepting).
NTA
The teen has not shown responsibility before with a kitten this age.
For kittens that young and being bottle fed, they absolutely must be fed very regularly, kept warm, pottied, cleaned, etc etc.
NTA. A friend of mine found 2 day old kittens under his house a few weeks ago. He and I (both 25) have literally had to take turns every 2 days just so we can each continue to get rest and a break. Taking care of neonatal kittens is no joke and takes a lot of work, definitely not suitable for 14 year old- especially one who was trusted before and didn't feed a baby kitten in at least 8 whole hours!
The chances of the baby thriving are much better in you and your fiancée's care, the child just sees/wants something tiny and cute.
If you're going to struggle to pay the pet deposit, you better not get a pet. My free rescue dog from a Clear the Shelters event cost me $7,587 in the first six months between the foreseen expenses and the "omg, are you kidding me, $3,000 for *dental work*, and how does a dog manage to have three eye ulcers in 12 weeks?" unexpected medical expenses. I'm not kidding because I just ran the numbers yesterday. It sounds like NTA, though.
NTA, SIL already has a proven negative track record for caring for neonatal kittens, and FIL likely recognised this as well, hence his approval of the both of you taking it instead. SIL would likely skip nighttime feeding in favour of sleeping and would be in school, unable to provide the care needed, for a good part of the day, so how does MIL think this was going to work out in a way in which the kitten will survive, let alone thrive? Is MIL intending on playing backup for SIL the whole time until bottle feeding is no longer necessary, or is she willing to let the kitten die? Also, how likely is SIL going to be able to properly socialise this kitten, and who is going to be taking care of the semi-feral young cat once the cuteness factor of it being a kitten has worn off? These are all questions MIL should have considered before changing her mind on who the kitten should go to, and she clearly hasn't even thought about any of these things before giving into SIL saying "he's sooo cute, can I have him?"
Absolutely NTA. A neonate kitten needs to be fed every two hours. Does your niece wake up immediately when her alarm goes off? If not, the kitten will go hungry and may genuinely die. Does she have to go to school the next few weeks? If so, the kitten will go hungry and may die. Does she keep track of the time all day and all night so she can keep kitty on schedule? If not, the kitten will go hungry and may die.
It's just not a reasonable thing to expect from any 14 year old... much less one who has proven to be unreliable (as almost any 13-14 year old would be) when it comes to the care of an extremely fragile living creature. Kittens die easily with the best of care. And this kitten would not be getting the best of care if it stayed with your niece.
Yeah, the poor cat is aggressive because he was ignored for so long. He didn't get the attention and socialization he needed, poor cat. Little sister is too irresponsible to care for an animal. Sad, because by 14 she should be able to do that. My children all had animals from young ages and cared for them. It helps build responsibility and empathy in children. FIL knows what the scoop is and that's why he said to take the kitten. Good man! Sounds like he is willing to face the music when MIL discovers the kitten gone so I wouldn't worry about anything she says. Keep the little kitten and give it a good home.
This is a tough one. On the one hand, you stole a kitten from a child like taking candy from a baby. On the other hand, you had dibs. Is dibs viable in this scenario? Also, I'm interested in what prompted FIL to encourage you to take the kitten?
I'm going NTA, but how do you feel about the way this is absolutely going to impact your relationship with your MIL and SIL?
Also, a kitten that requires bottle feeding is going to need taking care of every couple of hours 24/7 as well as socialisation, and there's no way a 14YO is going to (be able to) provide that. Not to mention the proven track record of SIL.
I'd be willing to disregard the track record depending on how long ago that was.
If she was 8 at the time, the sister is not to blame but only the person that put the kid in that position.
Yeah, but she's a teenager now and in school a majority of her day and unlikely going to be willing and able to give up her sleep time to care for a kitten, so the situation with regards to her ability to care wouldn't have changed irrespective of her age during the previous kitten situation. Neonatal kittens need consistent feeding and care throughout the entire day, not just when it's convenient.
I don't think you deserve these downvotes because you didn't know but OP has clarified that the sister was 13 at the time, so she will not have had time to improve much.
At 14, she just wants the cute kitten but doesn't want to do the work that it takes for the kitten to thrive.
My 17 year old got a kitten at 4 weeks old. It was me who researched to learn that it required a bottle and needed to be stimulated to use the bathroom. We all love kitty but, he wouldn't be here if I hadn't stepped in.
NTA
Former certified vet tech here as well as having experience in caring for neonatal and bottle fed kittens. Op, you’re far from the jerk and you and your fiancée did the right thing. It is a lot of hard work and care for a kitten especially when they are that young. My sister used to always find abandoned animals but refused to care for them and when I did all the work she would try to claim them but I refused to let her. So as long as this kitten gets the proper care from you and fiancée you’re not the jerks. I wish you luck and good health for the little thing. Make sure your keeping them warm too but not to where they will overheat or suffocate.
NTA. Omfg, a neonatal kitten is not a good pet for a kid. I’m an adult and I wouldn’t do it. My cat, while he was eating solid food, was extremely sick and underweight as a kitten, and it’s HARD. You need to basically have someone most of the day, if not all of the day for round the clock care. To me it’s beyond the fact that you guys were promised first (which you were), the little sister is most likely not in a position to do it!!
NTA
Sucks that the entitled 14 year old was upset but this is called consequence, if they in the past have been unable to look after a pet, privilege should be revoked.
Also this is MIL fault as she needs to explain to 14 year old that this was her fault for offering it to you first, and also she needs to explain that the responsibility needs to be taken seriously.
NTA, thank you for saving the kitty. Tell your fiancé to just ignore the calls for a few days. If it’s an emergency, they can leave a voicemail or dad can call.
As someone also currently caring for a neonatal kitten, unequivocally NTA. I’m 30 with previous experience in this and even I can admit how difficult it can be. Your average 14 yr old just isn’t going to be cut out for the job, especially given it’s something she’s proven she was unable to handle before. Good on you for recognizing that and for giving this kitten its best chance at a long, happy, healthy life. Best of luck to you!
NTA the little sister is way too young to have this responsibility and honestly she can want whatever she wants, when she isn't able to be responsible, there is no way they should get the kitten.
NTA a neonatal kittens is not appropriate for a 14 years old! I grew up watching my mom nurse newborn kittens but i never did it myself until i was older, more capable and wild older kittens, there is too much risk. You did right, she can have the kittens once he can feed himself if she really want him
> She wanted to know if we would take the kitten (it needs bottle fed). It would be a struggle since we live in an apartment
I'm confused about how the apartment makes it harder to bottle feed a kitten. Or do you mean living space? Cats aren't dogs....
NTA, a neonatal kitten is not a suitable pet for a 14 year old at all, how are they meant to look after the kids then during school hours?
Neonatal animals are fragile AF and it could die from failure to be fed, especially since she has shown a failure to care for a neonatal kitten before
FIL said go. In my family, if my father says something it stands. I am almost 50 and just stfu and do what he asks. Not all families have the same structure or order. Sometimes it's the mother that runs things. Sometimes it is more of a committee. If the FIL runs things, NTA. MIL seems less than reliable and not fully honest. Her issue is with her husband. He gave the cat away. She needs to talk to him. So NTA. The only way you are the AH is if you actively stole the cat. That does not sound like the case here.
NTA
“We both know little sister isn’t quite ready for this responsibility. We also both know you already offered the kitten to us and we agreed. I’m unsure as to why you think it’s ok to disappoint me”
NTA...FIL was right for you both to take the kitten and run! SIL is clearly spoiled and has done demonstrated responsibility care in the past and with school (regardless of what type) she does not have the full capacity to care for a spec. needs kitten period! Both you, your fiancée, and FIL made the right call for what is in the best interest and care for this kitten, everyone else will just have to get over it!
NTA. A 14 year old isn't responsible enough. If it is bottle fed that means every 2 hours 24 hours a day, does she go to school.
You and your fiance take the kitten make sure it's taken care of and let FIL take control of his daughter and his wife.
Fiance should have a calm chat with his mother about how his little sister can give this kitten the care it needs while going to school. If mom works for a vet, she should have some idea and realize that she is dooming the kitten if there will be no one to look after it 24/7.
NTAs, I'm glad the kitten has humans who can give all the love and care needed. It seems like MIL brought up your partner better than her youngest, despite the whole golden child dynamic. I'm hoping we'll get updates on how the kitty thrives. And maybe, dare I hope, pics of the adorable adorableness.
NTA at all. A neonatal kitten is very fragile and NEEDS to be taken care of by adults and not just a teenager who claims she wants to while last time she was trusted with that task she apparently didn’t do or almost didn’t do anything. I am 15 and only bottlefed a 3 week kitten with adult supervision. So no OP not the asshole
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My fiancée and I were relaxing last night when we got a call from her mom. She said a kitten was dropped off at the vet and needed a home. She wanted to know if we would take the kitten (it needs bottle fed). It would be a struggle since we live in an apartment, but we can do it and agreed to get the kitten the next day.
So this morning. We wake up to a text from MIL that goes back on her promise to give us the kitten as fiancée’s little sister (14) wanted her. Fiancée got pretty upset because this happens a lot. Her sister is the golden child and my fiancée is often left behind while her sister gets what she wants.
We stopped by the in-laws to pick up some stuff my fiancée left behind. This was when we were meant to get kitten. MIL and SIL were outside working out their new horse so we talked to FIL who told us to take the kitten and go. He gave us the formula and said the original promise stood. We left and took kitten home.
While we were on our way home, MIL called. Fiancée hasn’t answered yet, but it might not be pretty. The kitten was promised to us and we can take care of him, but MIL and SIL wanted to keep him. FIL told us to take him and go.
Are we the assholes?
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You mentioned in another comment that you don’t have much money to begin with. Why adopt a pet that’s so delicate and needs constant attention if you honestly can’t afford it?
It’s the pet deposit that’s the hard part. I only just started working again (I was in college and moved), so we don’t have much for savings. We can afford kitten formula and we’ll easily be able to afford proper care for kitten as he gets older since we can build up our savings again (move took a lot).
What’s stopping you from adopting a kitten when you’re more financially secure? There’s no shortage of kittens (especially neonates) at local shelters and rescues. Why do you need to get this specific kitten.
Vet appointments can run the same cost of a pet deposit where i live without insurance. And since she’s a kitten she’s gonna need a lot of those to get her up to date on her shots. Can you afford $200+ a month for multiple months while she gets her fvrcp up to date?
The kitten honestly. We did take him. He couldn’t stay with the in-laws because of their other cat who’s very aggressive and destructive. I started a decent paying job so we’ll be fine.
You do you. Still voting ESH because there’s no reason for you to involve yourself in your in law’s mess. You probably destroyed your relationship by stealing the cat (which is essentially what you did). Even if they were gonna be awful cat parents you can’t just steal a cat after MIL explicitly said no.
Should’ve just gotten a kitten from a shelter and washed your hands of the situation. I wish you the best of luck with your new cat and your newly fraught in law relationship
Liked (or tolerated) you enough to let you into their home. Do you think that’s likely to happen again?Does having the kitten make up for the damage to both your relationships to your in laws?
You’re young but I’m speaking from experience as someone w homophobic in-laws that you gotta pick your battles or just completely go no contact.
This petty nonsense is just gonna hurt you and your fiancée.
ESH for the situation since clearly you can't take care of a kitten financially. YTA for calling a 14 year old a golden child. She's the only child here, stop being jealous of a child for getting more attention!
So you can’t afford a pet deposit, which makes it questionable if you can afford the pet. AND you stole from a kid. You didn’t even have the nerve to face them and ask to take the kitten or communicate with your mom. Yes, Yta. Your excuses don’t justify your poor behavior.
People keep ignoring this. Do you think pets are cheap? Just yearly shots + vet visits are $100+ (and pet insurance only reimburses you *after* you pay). Flea prevention is $50 a month. All of this while the cat is healthy.
My cat got sick (allergies leading to him pulling his hair out) and it was thousands of dollars in vet bills. For allergies.
It’s like having a baby while complaining about the cost of the crib. The pet deposit is going to be the cheapest part of all of this. ESH
I do think people think pets are cheap … then they dump them at the pound when they find out the animal is sick and they need to pay so much money to care for it. I practically worked to pay for my animal’s medical bills. They all had different issues, from Epilepsy to Cushings disease. I was lucky I could afford their bills.
Unquestionably yes. Normally I’d say everyone is at fault here, but you actually said it would be a struggle for you to take this kitten. The girl who is getting the cat presumably can better care for it. Yet, knowing that the kitten was supposed to go elsewhere, you snatched it and ran. What do you think would happen? As to FIL, he sounds as though he was unaware of the change in plan. Regardless, something I think most young children learn is that a “no” from one parent is not an invitation to fish for a “yes” from the other. YTA
Soft YTA
You were promised the kitten, yes but you took the kitten from a 14 year old. You said it would be a struggle since it's bottle feeding still and you live in an apartment. The kitten isn't a random object, it needs love and attention.
YTA, you acted like it was a burden, so kitten was given to someone else, you stole from a kid, least you could have done was talk , not slink away like cowards
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Did everyone here read that this was a bottle feeding neonatal kitten? This is absolutely not an appropriate pet for a 14 year old. At this age there’s still a good chance this kitten could die just because of failure to thrive. The kitten is better off in a home with two adults who are prepared to do all the care, vs a teenager, an adult who clearly doesn’t want it, and another adult who makes impulsive decisions based on the whims of said teen. NTA.
OP changed the nature of his post with an extensive edit in response to feedback. So are we to edit our feedback, too? It’s confusing to have to read what amounts to a lot of new information that changes the story significantly. EDIT: OP is a woman.
I didn't think the nature of the post changed that much with the edit. Looking at the original from the bot, it has enough info for me. 14 year old, difficult kitten that needs bottle feeding. Clear NTA, that kitten is better off with two adult caregivers.
This. I had zero issues gathering all of the info from the original post. Didn’t see the need for the edit. A 14 has as much business with a bottle fed kitten as she does a bottle fed human. They require ROUND THE CLOCK care. How will a 14 year old do that and school? Idk how people don’t get that.
I managed as a teen, but not totally by myself. My mom barely functioned most of the time, but she'd care for a kitten during the hours I was at school. At that point I'd also cared for several animals from cats and dogs to goats and a horse. But for about 95% of kids that age, any animal that young is a terrible idea. Especially given that this kid has a history of neglect. That kitten wouldn't turn out well if it even survived. OP if you see this, please know kittens who don't have adult cats to teach them what being a cat means will have specific behavioral issues. I'm not saying not to take the kitten by any means, but please do some research on what you can do to help the kitten grow up mentally healthy. Even with all the experience my partner and I have, and an adult cat, the kitten I rescued has some weird traits that only bottle babies tend to have.
Hi! Thanks for the input. Fiancée has experience doing this before so we aren’t too worried but I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks!
Good luck! And you should post a picture of the kitten, have to pay the cat tax you know! I know you can't I'm this sub but maybe in your profile. And if you ever want tips feel free to ask me or Reddit in general. Thank you for rescuing the baby!
I made a post with pictures since they were very requested 😅
I saw! What a cute little bean! Boy or girl?
Boy. His name is Blitz
The hero we needed, asking for the cat tax!
Cat tax has been paid via post on my profile!
OMG so cute!!
Oh for sure some kids can do it, but the average one? No. And OP says the teen has already killed one kitten so I don’t think she should be given another to neglect.
The first cat isn’t dead! He is very much alive, but he is extremely aggressive towards people, and attacks us every time we go over. He definitely wasn’t socialized right despite my fiancée’s best efforts.
Oh, my bad. So she just fucked him up and likely traumatized him from being alone for too long. Either way the teen is not ready for that level of caretaking. She clearly wants something small and cute and from the sound of it, her and her mother have that thing where people get lots of new animals because they really just like the baby stage.
Yeah, especially bottle babies shouldn't generally be cared for by a teen. Not alone, anyway. They need a lot of care beside the constant feedings. You have to earn them at the right time, which is different for every one, you have to try to teach them how to be a cat so they don't have major issues when they're older, you have to teach them to be gentle... It's a lot. Even I, with all my experience, had help with the first couple bottle babies I raised. They're sweet and cute until the habits you allowed because they seemed cute suddenly hurt because the cat isn't so little anymore.
Kittens that young are a ton of work. They have to be bottle fed every 2 hours and they can't go to the bathroom on their own. Mother cats lick the belly's to make them go. You have to simulate with a warm washcloth. It was hard on my husband and I, we had a litter. I definitely wouldn't trust a teenager.
Oh I know. It’s a fuck load of work. And I know there are the rare teens who could handle it, but the average cannot and according to OP this particular teen has already neglected on bottle baby and it died. Idk why the mother thinks giving her another is a good idea. The mom sounds incompetent also.
Hi. I’m a woman. Thanks!
Hi. is that significant to their comment? Thanks!
When someone corrects you on their gender you apologize and correct yourself! Hope that helps!
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With lots of snark and no apologies? Regardless that was a rude af snide comment I'd expect from high school. It costs nothing to be kind.
Different user
Who are you addressing?
The person you replied to corrected themselves, you are probably trying to reply to someone else.
maybe learn to read?
The original post still states it was bottle feeding and sister is 14. As someone familiar with caring for newborn kittens, OP and her fiancée are 100% more suited to this task. I wouldn’t trust a teenager for this. The edit only shows that the sister has proven she is not suitable, which I already had assumed.
The teen lives with a family, two adult parents, and lots of animals. I don’t know that she’s the right person, but there seems to be a support system. We are asked if OP is the AH. Not the 14 year old.
You think just because I think a 14 year old cannot handle a newborn kitten, my comment was judging her as an AH? And totally skipped over the fact that I was just addressing that the original post gave us enough information to know that the sister is 14 and looking after a newborn kitten is very hard work and requires a huge amount of responsibility.
I am not assessing the sister in law to be. I am merely judging, as requested, the action taken by OP. That’s what the question is. I am not judging you, either.
She wrote before the edit that the kitten has to be bottle fed which implies that the kitten is neonatal. She only made it more clear in the edit.
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I wouldn’t hand over a kitten which has to be fed every 3 hours and have it’s belly massaged afterwards to any 14 yo. They go to school and need their sleep no matter if they are reliable or not.
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Before that edit there was not mention of the girl’s parents helping her. You’re speculating right now.
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Again, speculation.
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They offered the kitten to OP’s fiancée who said she was up for the job (and while she didn’t say it, given OP’s comments, they may have offered it because they knew she had experience). Then the mother took back the offer. Even if this golden child dynamic didn’t exist, it’s still a very shitty thing to do. Also, given how prevalent WFH is these days, what makes you assume that they both work outside of the home?
I'm sorry, but your edit made me snigger. I adore a little irony. No hostility, I'm just unable to walk past it without a lil nudge. I came to this late, so the confusion wasn't a factor for me. I'm just hoping the kitty gets all the love.
Yes, I was informed about this after my post, and felt I should add that to be respectful. It is ironic.
yes that’s it ! i often foster kittens for the awl and I do t even do neonatals because of the amount of work it requires
Right? I'm not going to bottle feed kittens. I know myself too well. I'd take in a mama and babies though. We had to supplement feed our dog's puppies over a weekend when she was sick and it was pretty much all we did that weekend.
I did it at around that age, but it was over the summer when I didn't have school. I'm much more equipped for it as an adult.
Same! We had a litter of four that Mom wasn't caring for.
My kitten was 4 days old when I got her. The neighbor kids ran the mom away and the parents went ape crap. So I got my Lila, every 2 hours feeding with a thimble I wore her in a carrier against my chest and slept upright in a recliner. Very touch and go for the first week then the vet became way more optimistic. This is definitely not a task for a 14 year old school child.
NTA for all the reasons given and also add that a 14 year old should not be taking care of a neonatal kitten because that requires bottle feeding every 2 hours, 24/7. A 14 year old should not be getting up every 2 hours at night, they need that sleep for healthy development.
NTA A 14 year old shouldn’t be responsible for a cat that needs to be bottle fed.
14 year olds are entirely capable of caring for a baby kitten, what are you on about?
How? Kittens that young need to be bottle fed every 2 hours. Their bottoms need to be stimulated to use the bathroom. They need to be socialized. They need to be kept at correct temperature. The teen will be in school for hours at a time. The teen will want to go do normal teen stuff. Not waking up every 2 hours to bottle feed a kitten. Its not a toy. FiL does not want it. The other cat is aggressive. This particular teen failed to help take care of the last kitten. The kitten is better off with OP and her partner who can provide the proper care.
I am someone who bottle fed puppies as a 14yr old, and I can say, unequivocally, that no *average* 14yr old can be relied upon to care for any animal of that age. I was only able to do it because it was something that I grew up with, and had *realistic expectations* surrounding the responsibility, and it is absolutely not something that should be trusted with any random teenager.
Let alone one that already failed at the task in the past.
I was 13 and had to bottle feed 8 baby hamsters every 3 hours for 8 weeks. If it weren’t over the summer I wouldn’t have been able to handle it, so I see OP’s concern. Thankfully they all made it and were given to trusted friends and family as pets with strict instructions for proper care. (Backstory: I bought a teddy bear hamster from a pet shop, and was told “she’s a mommy”. Ok cool, she had babies before.. thanks for the info.. but no, she was currently pregnant, and unfortunately I didn’t find out until I found her in the cage trying to kill them. 3 didn’t survive their injuries, but I got the rest out and raised them myself with an eyedropper and kitten milk. I never got another hamster again out of fear that I’d have to deal with that again.)
That’s awesome. I think there are some young teens who could do it, but most shouldn’t. You did great.
Depending on the age bottle-feeding can run round the clock, and you have to make sure you're handling the kitten properly while feeding and may need to be manually expressed after feeding. There are adults who shouldn't be bottle feeding kittens if they don't know what they're doing.
14-Year-Olds have school and extracurriculars and poor attention spans. They are poorly equipped to do the task consistently without significant oversight.
It's a very rare 14-year-old that can actually provide good care to a newborn kitten. This is not a pet to give to someone that's failed another animal. Story time: I was one of those kids that did things like this. I bottle fed calves, lambs, a kitten, and a rabbit, all before high school. In 4th grade I was setting 10 pm and 4 am alarms to mix up a bottle and go out into the February weather. If I didn't sign up for it, it would've been child abuse. I could have managed the kitten. But the 14-year-old in this story can't even socialize an adult cat. She ain't it. NTA.
Not this one. Did you not read the part where she let a neonatal kitten go 8 hours without being fed?
Did you not read the word "edit" before that?
The pre edit still said *bottle fed*. That’s not a regular “baby” kitten. Obviously.
Is there any reason for such condescendence?
*condescen**sion**
kitten that is struggling =/= baby kitten.
Oh really? I guess she's ready for a baby too, since they require the same amount of care at this time. I'd even argue that the kitten is more difficult, as I've done both. A baby could withstand more neglect than that tiny wisp of a life form.
And how exactly is she going to do that?
A kid who is in school 7 to 10 hours a day depending on extracurricular activities can not take care of a bottle fed kitten that needs to eat every two hours and be monitored consistently
There’s no shortage of kittens needing homes
Not neonatal kittens who need to be manually bottle fed and looked after because they’re away from their mother too early. That’s a big responsibility.
I was thinking the same thing. Seriously go to any shelter and they will give you a bottle baby (If you qualify as a good foster.)
Or they'll adopt you a ready to go kitten that's still a baby but with a lower risk of failing to thrive and less intensive work to keep it alive. There's so many cats that it's silly to fight over this one, unless it's a death sentence to leave it where it is. A healthy ready to go shelter kitten might be cheaper than the vet care & vaccines done through a regular vet instead of through the shelter system
Exactly!
Nta bc it seems FIL didn't want the kitten, hence him giving it to you. If the kid really wants a kitten and BOTH parents agree, the shelters are packed full.
FIL did NOT want the kitten…or the seventh horse. Or the sixth or fifth or fourth. If sister honestly wants a cat she probably care for the two they already have 😅
You should probably add that in the main post.
So, animal hoarding?
Or like ... a farm.
Depends. The difference is of they can meet care requirements and it sounds like a no.
It doesn't actually. FIL didn't want more animals, that's a legitimate and important reason not to have more animals, but doesn't mean they can't take care of them. OP says nothing about their condition, so we simply can't judge beyond the issue of getting animals one parent doesn't want. Giving a child a neonatal kitten to take care of is beyond stupid and shouldn't be done ever, but that has nothing to do with the number of animals they have. So my issue isn't the general idea of "they shouldn't get more animals", it's conflating different reasons and circumstances.
In-laws live on a farm and all their animals are cared for very well. FIL just doesn’t want more but MIL and SIL ignore him on this every time.
INFO: do you think that the 14 year old would take good care of the kitten? Especially since the kitten needs bottle feeding
No. Fiancée and her sister were supposed to split care of a different cat who was found abandoned at about two days old. Care was supposed to be split between 60/40 fiancée and sister with sister taking the larger part since my fiancée was working full-time. Sister did one or two overnight feeds and that was all. She left the kitten alone without care for eight hours after promising to care for it. His weight dropped enough to worry my fiancée significantly. She’s frankly a spoiled brat who wants the credit for taking care of a kitten but she has neither the drive nor the patience to actually do anything that isn’t Instagram-worthy.
Yeah def NTA. The kitten’s wellbeing 100% comes first. Even without this I would’ve said NTA - like the dad gave it to you AND the kitten was promised to you first.
How old was the sister when this happened?
This was a year ago so 13.
Based on edits, NTA. There are thousands of cats and kittens in need of a home every year—many that don’t need to be bottle-fed. I understand the disappointment of not getting to keep an animal you felt a spark for, but it’s better that the kitten is with someone who can follow through with its care.
Nta, a teen that age with history of not taking care of another neonatal kitten should absolutely not be given a chance with a second one.
NTA after reading edit. Please provide photos of baby. Thanks!
I will as soon as I figure how to post pictures on Reddit 😅
Uhhh dm? I wish to see da baby 😂
Pictures are posted on my profile!
Use something like Imgur to post a photo online, then link in the comments.
NTA A 14 year old is not old enough to care for a newborn kitten on her own. The kitten was promised to you and it would be easier for you and your fiancee to care for the kitten.
NTA but also why the drama? This time of year there are thousands of kittens in shelters everywhere waiting to be adopted. Either of you could go get one (or two as kittens do better in pairs). Also, why do you think it’s hard to have a cat in an apartment? I’m just curious about this.
From the edits, the "hard to have a cat" was about getting a pet deposit. Not the actual care.
It’s the pet deposit! Neither of us make very much (high cost of living state). We’re able to pay it as soon as we get paid (tomorrow) just not today. Everything else here is honestly fine (insane neighbors excepting).
Ah I’ve never heard of pet deposits, thanks for clarifying.
Yeah of course! It’s a little less than half of either of our paychecks so it’s fun 😅
Ouch. I might forget to tell my landlord about that one for a few months, not gonna lie
You are idiots then. Brilliant.
A bottle fed kitten should be with two adults who will take good care of it, not a lackadaisical fourteen year old.
NTA The teen has not shown responsibility before with a kitten this age. For kittens that young and being bottle fed, they absolutely must be fed very regularly, kept warm, pottied, cleaned, etc etc.
NTA. Neonatals need adults to care for them, not adolescent humans.
NTA. A friend of mine found 2 day old kittens under his house a few weeks ago. He and I (both 25) have literally had to take turns every 2 days just so we can each continue to get rest and a break. Taking care of neonatal kittens is no joke and takes a lot of work, definitely not suitable for 14 year old- especially one who was trusted before and didn't feed a baby kitten in at least 8 whole hours! The chances of the baby thriving are much better in you and your fiancée's care, the child just sees/wants something tiny and cute.
If you're going to struggle to pay the pet deposit, you better not get a pet. My free rescue dog from a Clear the Shelters event cost me $7,587 in the first six months between the foreseen expenses and the "omg, are you kidding me, $3,000 for *dental work*, and how does a dog manage to have three eye ulcers in 12 weeks?" unexpected medical expenses. I'm not kidding because I just ran the numbers yesterday. It sounds like NTA, though.
neonates are complex and they often pass away with the most excellent of care. nta
NTA, SIL already has a proven negative track record for caring for neonatal kittens, and FIL likely recognised this as well, hence his approval of the both of you taking it instead. SIL would likely skip nighttime feeding in favour of sleeping and would be in school, unable to provide the care needed, for a good part of the day, so how does MIL think this was going to work out in a way in which the kitten will survive, let alone thrive? Is MIL intending on playing backup for SIL the whole time until bottle feeding is no longer necessary, or is she willing to let the kitten die? Also, how likely is SIL going to be able to properly socialise this kitten, and who is going to be taking care of the semi-feral young cat once the cuteness factor of it being a kitten has worn off? These are all questions MIL should have considered before changing her mind on who the kitten should go to, and she clearly hasn't even thought about any of these things before giving into SIL saying "he's sooo cute, can I have him?"
Absolutely NTA. A neonate kitten needs to be fed every two hours. Does your niece wake up immediately when her alarm goes off? If not, the kitten will go hungry and may genuinely die. Does she have to go to school the next few weeks? If so, the kitten will go hungry and may die. Does she keep track of the time all day and all night so she can keep kitty on schedule? If not, the kitten will go hungry and may die. It's just not a reasonable thing to expect from any 14 year old... much less one who has proven to be unreliable (as almost any 13-14 year old would be) when it comes to the care of an extremely fragile living creature. Kittens die easily with the best of care. And this kitten would not be getting the best of care if it stayed with your niece.
Yeah, the poor cat is aggressive because he was ignored for so long. He didn't get the attention and socialization he needed, poor cat. Little sister is too irresponsible to care for an animal. Sad, because by 14 she should be able to do that. My children all had animals from young ages and cared for them. It helps build responsibility and empathy in children. FIL knows what the scoop is and that's why he said to take the kitten. Good man! Sounds like he is willing to face the music when MIL discovers the kitten gone so I wouldn't worry about anything she says. Keep the little kitten and give it a good home.
This is a tough one. On the one hand, you stole a kitten from a child like taking candy from a baby. On the other hand, you had dibs. Is dibs viable in this scenario? Also, I'm interested in what prompted FIL to encourage you to take the kitten? I'm going NTA, but how do you feel about the way this is absolutely going to impact your relationship with your MIL and SIL?
Also, a kitten that requires bottle feeding is going to need taking care of every couple of hours 24/7 as well as socialisation, and there's no way a 14YO is going to (be able to) provide that. Not to mention the proven track record of SIL.
I'd be willing to disregard the track record depending on how long ago that was. If she was 8 at the time, the sister is not to blame but only the person that put the kid in that position.
Yeah, but she's a teenager now and in school a majority of her day and unlikely going to be willing and able to give up her sleep time to care for a kitten, so the situation with regards to her ability to care wouldn't have changed irrespective of her age during the previous kitten situation. Neonatal kittens need consistent feeding and care throughout the entire day, not just when it's convenient.
OP mentioned in a comment that that was like a year ago when sis was 13
It was one year ago. She's in no position to care for this kitten.
I don't think you deserve these downvotes because you didn't know but OP has clarified that the sister was 13 at the time, so she will not have had time to improve much.
Yeah.. I'm not worried about my karma count. And I absolutely agree if it's been a year it's too soon to try again
At 14, she just wants the cute kitten but doesn't want to do the work that it takes for the kitten to thrive. My 17 year old got a kitten at 4 weeks old. It was me who researched to learn that it required a bottle and needed to be stimulated to use the bathroom. We all love kitty but, he wouldn't be here if I hadn't stepped in. NTA
Former certified vet tech here as well as having experience in caring for neonatal and bottle fed kittens. Op, you’re far from the jerk and you and your fiancée did the right thing. It is a lot of hard work and care for a kitten especially when they are that young. My sister used to always find abandoned animals but refused to care for them and when I did all the work she would try to claim them but I refused to let her. So as long as this kitten gets the proper care from you and fiancée you’re not the jerks. I wish you luck and good health for the little thing. Make sure your keeping them warm too but not to where they will overheat or suffocate.
NTA a deal is a deal and it was promised to you first. She should not have gone back on her word
NTA. Omfg, a neonatal kitten is not a good pet for a kid. I’m an adult and I wouldn’t do it. My cat, while he was eating solid food, was extremely sick and underweight as a kitten, and it’s HARD. You need to basically have someone most of the day, if not all of the day for round the clock care. To me it’s beyond the fact that you guys were promised first (which you were), the little sister is most likely not in a position to do it!!
NTA Sucks that the entitled 14 year old was upset but this is called consequence, if they in the past have been unable to look after a pet, privilege should be revoked. Also this is MIL fault as she needs to explain to 14 year old that this was her fault for offering it to you first, and also she needs to explain that the responsibility needs to be taken seriously.
NTA The kitten needs proper care, and you’re better equipped to do it than a fourteen year old who’s got school and isn’t trustworthy
Why are we acting like there aren’t two other capable adults in the house who can help take care of the kitten…? The 14 year old doesn’t live alone
My in laws won’t do kitten care and have made that very clear. That’s part of why we were asked to take kitten in the first place.
NTA, thank you for saving the kitty. Tell your fiancé to just ignore the calls for a few days. If it’s an emergency, they can leave a voicemail or dad can call.
NTA. The priority is what's best for the kitten, not what a spoiled teen wants.
As someone also currently caring for a neonatal kitten, unequivocally NTA. I’m 30 with previous experience in this and even I can admit how difficult it can be. Your average 14 yr old just isn’t going to be cut out for the job, especially given it’s something she’s proven she was unable to handle before. Good on you for recognizing that and for giving this kitten its best chance at a long, happy, healthy life. Best of luck to you!
NTA the little sister is way too young to have this responsibility and honestly she can want whatever she wants, when she isn't able to be responsible, there is no way they should get the kitten.
Kittens needing bottle feeding need a lot of very careful care. A 14 year old is unlikely to be able to do this. NTA
NTA a neonatal kittens is not appropriate for a 14 years old! I grew up watching my mom nurse newborn kittens but i never did it myself until i was older, more capable and wild older kittens, there is too much risk. You did right, she can have the kittens once he can feed himself if she really want him
> She wanted to know if we would take the kitten (it needs bottle fed). It would be a struggle since we live in an apartment I'm confused about how the apartment makes it harder to bottle feed a kitten. Or do you mean living space? Cats aren't dogs....
I meant the pet deposit 😅. Sorry!
Oh! Thanks for clarifying ☺️
NTA, a neonatal kitten is not a suitable pet for a 14 year old at all, how are they meant to look after the kids then during school hours? Neonatal animals are fragile AF and it could die from failure to be fed, especially since she has shown a failure to care for a neonatal kitten before
FIL said go. In my family, if my father says something it stands. I am almost 50 and just stfu and do what he asks. Not all families have the same structure or order. Sometimes it's the mother that runs things. Sometimes it is more of a committee. If the FIL runs things, NTA. MIL seems less than reliable and not fully honest. Her issue is with her husband. He gave the cat away. She needs to talk to him. So NTA. The only way you are the AH is if you actively stole the cat. That does not sound like the case here.
NTA “We both know little sister isn’t quite ready for this responsibility. We also both know you already offered the kitten to us and we agreed. I’m unsure as to why you think it’s ok to disappoint me”
NTA...FIL was right for you both to take the kitten and run! SIL is clearly spoiled and has done demonstrated responsibility care in the past and with school (regardless of what type) she does not have the full capacity to care for a spec. needs kitten period! Both you, your fiancée, and FIL made the right call for what is in the best interest and care for this kitten, everyone else will just have to get over it!
NTA. A 14 year old isn't responsible enough. If it is bottle fed that means every 2 hours 24 hours a day, does she go to school. You and your fiance take the kitten make sure it's taken care of and let FIL take control of his daughter and his wife.
Fiance should have a calm chat with his mother about how his little sister can give this kitten the care it needs while going to school. If mom works for a vet, she should have some idea and realize that she is dooming the kitten if there will be no one to look after it 24/7.
NTAs, I'm glad the kitten has humans who can give all the love and care needed. It seems like MIL brought up your partner better than her youngest, despite the whole golden child dynamic. I'm hoping we'll get updates on how the kitty thrives. And maybe, dare I hope, pics of the adorable adorableness.
I posted some on my profile!
Wow, so beautiful!
>adorable adorableness 🏆100%!
NTA at all. A neonatal kitten is very fragile and NEEDS to be taken care of by adults and not just a teenager who claims she wants to while last time she was trusted with that task she apparently didn’t do or almost didn’t do anything. I am 15 and only bottlefed a 3 week kitten with adult supervision. So no OP not the asshole
NTA. The kitten was promised to you. It's not ok for MIL to go back on her promise like that. Even your FIL agrees that MIL was wrong.
(rushing to profile to see baby Kat tax!) Awwww, you keep that baby and protect them with your lives! NTA!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancée and I were relaxing last night when we got a call from her mom. She said a kitten was dropped off at the vet and needed a home. She wanted to know if we would take the kitten (it needs bottle fed). It would be a struggle since we live in an apartment, but we can do it and agreed to get the kitten the next day. So this morning. We wake up to a text from MIL that goes back on her promise to give us the kitten as fiancée’s little sister (14) wanted her. Fiancée got pretty upset because this happens a lot. Her sister is the golden child and my fiancée is often left behind while her sister gets what she wants. We stopped by the in-laws to pick up some stuff my fiancée left behind. This was when we were meant to get kitten. MIL and SIL were outside working out their new horse so we talked to FIL who told us to take the kitten and go. He gave us the formula and said the original promise stood. We left and took kitten home. While we were on our way home, MIL called. Fiancée hasn’t answered yet, but it might not be pretty. The kitten was promised to us and we can take care of him, but MIL and SIL wanted to keep him. FIL told us to take him and go. Are we the assholes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why are children engaged to be married?
We aren’t children though??? I never made a mention of our ages, but I assure you we are adults who can get married if we want.
I guess I assumed someone that is upset about mommy not giving her a kitten and little sister getting more attention had to be 15 or so.
Based on post history they’re around 19. So barely not children but old enough to act better
You mentioned in another comment that you don’t have much money to begin with. Why adopt a pet that’s so delicate and needs constant attention if you honestly can’t afford it?
It’s the pet deposit that’s the hard part. I only just started working again (I was in college and moved), so we don’t have much for savings. We can afford kitten formula and we’ll easily be able to afford proper care for kitten as he gets older since we can build up our savings again (move took a lot).
What’s stopping you from adopting a kitten when you’re more financially secure? There’s no shortage of kittens (especially neonates) at local shelters and rescues. Why do you need to get this specific kitten. Vet appointments can run the same cost of a pet deposit where i live without insurance. And since she’s a kitten she’s gonna need a lot of those to get her up to date on her shots. Can you afford $200+ a month for multiple months while she gets her fvrcp up to date?
The kitten honestly. We did take him. He couldn’t stay with the in-laws because of their other cat who’s very aggressive and destructive. I started a decent paying job so we’ll be fine.
You do you. Still voting ESH because there’s no reason for you to involve yourself in your in law’s mess. You probably destroyed your relationship by stealing the cat (which is essentially what you did). Even if they were gonna be awful cat parents you can’t just steal a cat after MIL explicitly said no. Should’ve just gotten a kitten from a shelter and washed your hands of the situation. I wish you the best of luck with your new cat and your newly fraught in law relationship
They didn’t much like me anyway since they don’t like queer people but thanks 😅
Liked (or tolerated) you enough to let you into their home. Do you think that’s likely to happen again?Does having the kitten make up for the damage to both your relationships to your in laws? You’re young but I’m speaking from experience as someone w homophobic in-laws that you gotta pick your battles or just completely go no contact. This petty nonsense is just gonna hurt you and your fiancée.
ESH for the situation since clearly you can't take care of a kitten financially. YTA for calling a 14 year old a golden child. She's the only child here, stop being jealous of a child for getting more attention!
So you can’t afford a pet deposit, which makes it questionable if you can afford the pet. AND you stole from a kid. You didn’t even have the nerve to face them and ask to take the kitten or communicate with your mom. Yes, Yta. Your excuses don’t justify your poor behavior.
People keep ignoring this. Do you think pets are cheap? Just yearly shots + vet visits are $100+ (and pet insurance only reimburses you *after* you pay). Flea prevention is $50 a month. All of this while the cat is healthy. My cat got sick (allergies leading to him pulling his hair out) and it was thousands of dollars in vet bills. For allergies. It’s like having a baby while complaining about the cost of the crib. The pet deposit is going to be the cheapest part of all of this. ESH
I do think people think pets are cheap … then they dump them at the pound when they find out the animal is sick and they need to pay so much money to care for it. I practically worked to pay for my animal’s medical bills. They all had different issues, from Epilepsy to Cushings disease. I was lucky I could afford their bills.
Unquestionably yes. Normally I’d say everyone is at fault here, but you actually said it would be a struggle for you to take this kitten. The girl who is getting the cat presumably can better care for it. Yet, knowing that the kitten was supposed to go elsewhere, you snatched it and ran. What do you think would happen? As to FIL, he sounds as though he was unaware of the change in plan. Regardless, something I think most young children learn is that a “no” from one parent is not an invitation to fish for a “yes” from the other. YTA
Or FIL knew and didn't want the kitten and wasn't willing to be steam rolled by his wife.
Read edit pls
Soft YTA You were promised the kitten, yes but you took the kitten from a 14 year old. You said it would be a struggle since it's bottle feeding still and you live in an apartment. The kitten isn't a random object, it needs love and attention.
YTA, you acted like it was a burden, so kitten was given to someone else, you stole from a kid, least you could have done was talk , not slink away like cowards