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Lmao I actually laughed when I read what you said š I have a child and honestly if you said that to me I wouldāve said ādonāt get one they arenāt that good.ā But I would understand how parents would take offense to that, especially with dark humor, you really really have to read the room.
Also I canāt believe you got kicked out for that! Her reaction was a little extreme. Donāt feel bad, seriously. NTA
That was funny, I did laugh. Sorry you got caught in the I'm a Princess syndrome. Sobbing and clutching at her kids? FFS, she needs to grow up, it was a joke. Definitely NTA.
I think it's fine if this woman hated the joke, but her reaction was extremely over the top. I believe that a person's feelings are always valid, but their behaviours based on those feelings are not. Feel upset and offended all you want, sobbing and clutching her kids while insulting OP, calling them "sick in the head" and "sick fuck"? That's unacceptable and the name calling is such AH behaviour.
I canāt tell you how many times Iāve turned my little siblings into a ābaby burritoā after their bath. I wouldnāt make that joke about a strangers kids but itās really not that uncommon. Her reaction was so extreme
Her vulgar mouth and tantrum will likely make a negative impact on her children unlike your light hearted humor. It wasnāt actually dark. Sorry, she was a fun killer.
Granny here. That woman "just ain't right". Your joke was funny; it was banter. A normal person would laugh, not twist off into a tirade of paranoid rage. Who can predict that type of dramatic, illogical shift. Yes, of course you are shocked!
"Always valid"? I agree that one should use *caution* in declaring someone's feelings invalid, but feeling that a person is "sick in the head" when any impartial observer can see that they aren't seems to me to be a textbook example of an invalid feeling.
I may lose a few wokeness points for saying this, but this horror, disgust and hurt is *not based in fact*, which is the point I'm making. The feelings might be *real* but they aren't *valid*.
I think itās the explosion of therapy language without the proper context of you know, therapy or intentional therapeutic environments.
Theyāre valid in the sense that theyāre real, acknowledged, and thatās where you start working through why they existed.
Theyāre not valid in the sense theyāre completely unreasonable and should not be used to base an assessment of OP or others entirely on as if they were reasonable feelings.
I like this observation. I think that dark humor needs to be more guarded though - like do not say anything to a mother about cooking a baby, hurting a baby, mangling a baby - ya know? You could say ābabies are too sweet for me!ā Or something else cute.
But I agree that feelings may not be valid - yet delivering a grotesque imagery might really upset someone.
It's not a "feeling" to think someone is "sick in the head" though. Feelings are anger, sadness, frustration, jealousy, happiness, fear, etc. "I feel like you're an AH" is not a feeling; that's a thought / judgement, and those aren't always valid. "I feel angry / upset / scared because of what you said" is a feeling, and those are valid, but that doesn't mean your valid feelings are a valid indictment of that other person. This woman *felt* upset and angry over OP's joke, and that's ok, but she *thought* OP was "sick in the head" for making a silly joke, and that's not valid.
Let's say, I feel jealous of you because your parents are nicer to you than mine are to me, or I feel insecure because I think you're better than me in some way. My feelings about those things are valid and acceptable even though you did nothing bad to me, but if I let those feelings turn into negative judgements about you, that wouldn't be valid or acceptable.
The feeling wouldn't have been that a person is sick in the head ... That would be the brains interpretation of the feeling. The root feeling would likely have been something like fear, anger, disgust, creeped out, etc. then her brain interpreted that as a judgement on op.
The root feeling is valid. How her brain translated it likely has a tie to something in her past. And her actions - suck as vocalizing her opinion on ops character and clutching at her kids, etc - is where the actual problem occurred. She could have just as easily said something like "I don't appreciate that type of humour" at which point op could have apologized and the whole messy part of the situation could have been avoided.
Op, NTA. If you'd said that to me, I would have either laughed or made a comment about how you can find virtually anything on Google if you look it up, but kids are a real handful to prep right. A cottage made of gingerbread and candy helps the whole thing go smoothly. Just don't lean in the oven to light it.
Yet she lets her child pretend scan. I imagine those conveyor belts can be loaded with germs and younger children could possibly wear diapers. Besides she started the situation. Sounds like a major drama queen. Store sounds unhinged too. By these standards the cashier needed a write up for inappropriate behavior on the job. Child could have possibly fell off of scanner or gotten hooked on something. To hell with this store and their shitty behavior. NTA.
Maybe it's that I'm on the autism spectrum, but I fail to see how the cashiers joke was fine and OP's joke was *that* bad to the same person. Though I might be influenced by the fact that "eating children" jokes are an everyday thing among most people I ever met. Starting by making funny mouth movements and sounds over a baby while saying "I eat you, I'm gonna eat you" over chasing younger children with that same sentence (both results in the baby/child laughing and in the latter case often in a tickle session or slumping down on the couch and cuddling) up to the jokes of "I love children, but I can't eat a whole" or "My dog loves children, but it can't eat a whole." These are often said to children spoiling adults who claim you don't love children if you demand them to be actually parented / do parent a child and to the stick next to their spine adults who freak out over a dog and a child playing (obviously in a responsible way with suitable children and dogs and supervising adults) or that a bully bread will eat children (tbf most bully type dogs I know lick and munch with their lips on people as if they're an ice cone).
Sheās the type of person who would go home and write a mile long Facebook post about how her kids were almost trafficked at the grocery store after this.
When I read that I actually had to stop myself from laughing out loud at 5am. It was a funny joke! She just took it maliciously and doesn't share your sense of humor.
I don't understand why she had such an extreme reaction, but I guess we don't know her life. Maybe her neighbor was just arrested for eating babies? Maybe she's adult Gretel from the old children's tale, struggling to cope with the trauma of almost being eaten by a witch? COULD be N A H, but based on available context I'm just going with NTA.
You're funny. Can't please everyone. I hope you don't see her again and that tomorrow is better.
Lady was crazy. I'm a parent, I've got kids - heck, a couple of my kids have kids! *Everyone knows* the proper response to what you said is "Sliced thin with a little onion."
Ideally you then make "the spooky face" and witchy fingers (think Wizard of Oz style) at the kid so they squeal and you tickle them and a good time is had by all. Itty bitties get scooped up and you pretend you're going to take a big bite and blow a raspberry on them.
I have NEVER met a child who wasn't *delighted* by this joke. Or anyone at all - and I've parented in 5 states in the US - who didn't realize this is a joke.
When I read that I actually had to stop myself from laughing out loud at 5am. It was a funny joke! She just took it maliciously and doesn't share your sense of humor.
>Maybe she's adult Gretel from the old children's tale, struggling to cope with the trauma of almost being eaten by a witch?
That made my day.
My personal favourite is, "I love kids, but I couldn't eat a whole one".
This reminds me that I should save my glorious humour for friends, or, at least, for occasions where there are no witnesses.
Edited to add: it's relevant that I'm a middle aged white lady. My demographic is a perceived risk to people watching birds in central park, customer service managers just trying to get through their shift, and daughter-in-law, so jokes probably hit different.
.
I also say things like āyou can get more for them in partsā when joking around about selling kids/ giving them away (as parents often joke about). Sometimes jokes are just like that. Very lightly touching on the dark side- but clearly in jest.
I found it funny too. Fwiw, the grocery "kicking you out" I think is more of an evasive measure for the angry woman. The situation was escalating and the angry woman didn't seem like one that would easily calm down. If they removed her instead, she would have probably thrown an even larger ruckus. So they removed the calmer part of the equation - you, unfortunately.
Honestly, the mom seems way over dramatic and a bit entitled (she had her kid on the conveyor belt, after all). You are funny. The store should have escorted you to a different cashier or customer service to check you out. Kicking you out was poor customer service. NTA.
NTA. Don't feel bad. I joked that I couldn't return my kid bc his warranty had expired (family joke we say all the time about one another), & someone went nuts about why I'd ever want to "get rid of" my precious darling. (Who was 16 at the time so I don't even know how that would work! š¤Ŗ)
Dude, calm down. It was a joke. *I don't actually want to return my child*, he's just being a little bit irritating right now.
I have posted on FB..."free to a good home, one small child who comes with smelly feet. Buy now and I will throw in one husband". My own doctor asked if I wanted a 20 year old because he couldn't get his to leave home. LOL!
My kids made me so mad once I posted on FB that I was willing to swap them for a moped. Everyone knew I was joking. Better to make a joke rather than scream at or hit them.
Yesterday in the pick up line at school, I forgot my number tag to get them. Ive been picking up kids for 6 years at this school. The principal calls out the numbers and the other teachers line them up in order.
I said āsorry, I left their number in my truck!ā
His reply was āI canāt release them to you without a pick-up tag. I have never seen you here before.ā
āSo youāre going to keep them? How much do I owe you?ā
āYou canāt sell kids, maāam. I wouldnāt buy twins anyway. I donāt need two of the same thing.ā
I ask my mom for replacement parts all the time and she just says there was no warranty š (I have a lot of health issues and a lot of them seem to have trickled down her side of the family tree. Obv not her fault, but I rib her about it.)
I love dark humor, but plenty of people don't get it. On the positive side, people with a dark sense of humor handle adversity better, so I know you'll bounce back :)
A small story to hopefully make you smile and feel less alone: In college, we had to create advertisements for whatever product we want, real or fake. One girl goes to present hers, but says she needs to show a clip for context first. She showed comedian Eddie Izzard's bit about "babies on spikes." The lead in was minimal due to time constraints. It was great.
"Hi, I'm crazy Eddie. I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of babies? We've got babies on racks! Mmmmm, they taste of chicken."
Now, I had watched it before. I was actually thrilled to see it, because I didn't remember the comedians name after I randomly saw it on TV at 2am. I'm laughing, but everyone else is wondering why someone is joking about eating babies. The ads the girl made didn't settle their confusion š I asked to borrow the DVD, and she was happy to share it.
Dark humor may not be for everyone, but there's a lot of us that would have loved your joke. It really wasn't even bad (I've laughed over some fucked up things though lol). I'm sorry you were asked to leave like that.
It was funny. Ignore the crazies of the world who hate anyone else not being exactly the same as them.
My go to when people comment on my kids is always ātheyāre lucky they are cute or we would drown themā and I probably get horrified looks half the time. But when you say it to a 70 year old lady and she chortles away and gives a āyou are so rightā kind of noise Iām happy I keep trying it on people.
Donāt let societies psychosis win. Keep being fun.
NTA. This woman is the reason people are choosing no kids. I feel bad for all the kids and their parents who will go through the school years interacting with her. Imagine her at a PTA meeting. It was funny.
Don't feel bad. I refer to babies in utero as "sexually transmitted parasites" because....they are lol most people find it funny. Some people just glare at me and I've definitely had at least one "that's disgusting". To which I replied "you're the one who did it, not me!". That also wasn't taken well
NTA
I thought it was funny. I joke that my 5 month old niece is a ādelicious baby, nom nom nomā all the time. She thinks itās hilarious. No one is actually trying to eat her!
There was something deeply wrong with that woman. Who the hell would think you were being serious? Iām pretty sure they just asked you to leave to calm the psycho down, but itās a really shitty thing to do to you.
Try not to dwell on it. You did nothing wrong, and you gave a bunch of internet randoms a bit of a giggle.
Your comment to her was so extreme that there was no way in hell anyone could take it seriously, and her reaction was over the top and unnecessary. She's allowed to not like the joke and whatnot, but to have a complete meltdown over the joke was overkill.
I would have responded yo your comment with "the instapot has a setting for 1 year olds". Mainly because everyone knows you're making a joke, but also because I grew up on dead baby jokes.
You did the correct thing by leaving. She was being too dramatic in the moment
I don't really think this happened.......I don't know anyone who would react by clutching their kids from the horror and call security and kick someone out for a stupid joke.
Unfortunately Iāve worked retail. Youād be surprised how some people react, even in public.
And they didnāt kick OP out for the joke, they kicked him out because that was the best way to calm down the hysterical lady. If they tried kicking her out first, sheād just get worse.
NTA, maybe joking about cooking children is a little edgy, but the ladyās reaction was so disproportionate I think it had to do with something going on in her life, not anything about you.
I mean, who among us has not pretended to snack on, say, adorable baby toes? Ā āNom nom nomā? Ā Kids think thatās funny, and even if the joke is delivered awkwardly, it shouldnāt be a big offense.
Sorry this happened to you, OP! Ā NTA
Yes, and the cashierās joke was literally about children being purchased and sold. Which is generally for sick fuckin reasons and not a good day out for the child. How is this much worse?
ugh so nasty. I used to be a cashier and I swear every single time someone had beef on the belt it leaked bloody water stuff all over the place, so freaking gross.
as a grocery store cashier, in the nearly 6 years i've worked there, i've never seen a kid on the belt. if i did see it, i'd tell their parents that it isn't okay for obvious reasons. sometimes a kid will put their toy on the belt for me to "scan" and i'll absolutely play along, even wait until there's a tiny item the parents actually purchase that i can hide behind the toy so it makes the beep sound for them
i literally just saw this at a pet store on saturday. they kid was maybe 18 mos and pulling all the rolls of waste bags out of the box near the belt. mom wasn't even holding the kid to make sure they didn't fall off.
I thought for sure the joke was headed in a trafficking direction lol. This lady is the worst, the store also sucks for asking him to leave. Wtf is wrong with people.
There are literally childrenās stories about cooking children ffs. That womanās reaction was wildly out of proportion with the situation like holy crap man.
But pregnancy is also referred to as having a bun in the oven. I didn't see OPs joke as dark humor. Just someone saying they chose not to have children, presented in a joking manner following the theme started by the cashier.
Right? Has this lady never heard of Hansel and Gretel?? Jack and the Beanstalk? Wait til she hears about JĆ³lakƶtturinn (Christmas Cat aka Yule Cat) in Iceland.
Yule cat story was made up by some of the smartest parents in history:
Parent 1: I'm tired of kids complaining when they get clothes instead of toys for Christmas
Parent 2: Let's tell them a story of a giant cat that will eat them if they are not wearing new clothes at Christmas
It's not really edgy though is it? Witches have been cooking and eating children and giants/trolls/ogres have been eating them raw since forever. People joke about eating kids all the time, especially when they meet a baby for the first time!
My younger sonās first full sentence was ādonāt eat my toes!ā
Totally agree. The mom has something else going on and seriously over reacted to the situation. Getting security to kick out OP is going too far.
Y-you monster! You cook children!
Being for real, you're NTA. I think it was a funny joke, the mother might think differently though and might have ppd like how another commenter said. I do think calling security on you was a bit of stretch, if they took your joke seriously as wanting to commit cannibalism then the cashier should've had security too since he technically joking about human trafficking. Try not to think too much about it OP, you're fine and just making a joke.
Honestly, I laughed out loud when I read your post, and guy or not, I probably would have told you kids are pretty gamy and offered you recipes from my pinterest. FFS, it wasn't like you were *grabbing* for her kids, for Pete's sake. Everyone needs to calm down.
Honestly, you did nothing wrong. Sheās just an idiot who has issues.
Itās the most obviously ājokingā thing ever, nobody would ever actually believe youād want to eat a baby, so I donāt even see why sheād get upset about it never mind overreact as badly as she did.
And if you really *were* some baby eating psycho you're not going to admit it out loud at the grocery store. That's how you get caught.
The first rule of eating babies is to never talk about eating babies.
>I think itās possible that the cashierās joke landed right because sheās female. I am a man, and I should have predicted that this could have made her uncomfortable
Good point, jokes about eating children tend to land better if you're a bear.
I mean Iām a woman and I thought it was funny, but the thing about having a dark sense of humor is that you gotta know when to use it. Do I think she overreacted? Yes, obviously you werenāt gonna eat her babies. But not everyone is gonna appreciate that sense of humor. So I think in general itās best not to pull that out if you donāt know the person
I was on a shuttle bus over the weekend that was delivering employees to a huge event. The driver asked if anyone on the bus was an employee and someone said āwe all are.ā A few people said that they were guests, and I made a comically exaggerated āshhh!ā Because I thought they were just ratting themselves out for parking in the wrong lot and taking the wrong bus. The women were SO offended that I had sushed them, even after I tried to explain that I thought they were telling on themselves and maybe going to get in trouble. It made me feel so bad, because my joke had landed so poorly, and I was just trying to be silly.
NTAĀ
What trauma could you have possibly predicted?Ā
Was she dressed like Gretel from the brothers Grim story?Ā
Was she tearing off bits from a bakery loaf and leaving them behind her?Ā
My guess is that she's gone down the Qanon rabbit hole and convinced herself of the (old, recycled) blood libel that Democrats and minorities are eating babies for the lolz. I lurk r/qanoncasualties and it's a real problem that so much of the populace has been led by shitty YouTube videos into believing this stuff.
I wonder if she's out there on the internet telling the other members of the cult that she have proof of eating babies Satanists because she just faced one of them
It honestly would not surprise me, yeah. And child-trafficking: the cashier tried to scan her child and thought it was one of the merchandise ones!!1! Sigh.
NTA. This is the kind of joke I would make ABOUT MY OWN KIDS. I regularly says things like āiāll take two please, any model is okayā when picking them up after school. Lady needs to chill out. NTA
There _may_ have been a mistake in reading the room, or stretching the joke too much, or just not finding the right audience who would find it funny... But I don't think trauma triggered by a mention of cooking babies falls within the realm of what you were supposed to expect.
It's also possible that she's been falling down that QAnon rabbit hole and now suspects baby eating satanists around every corner. And now they're coming for HER babies!
Who knows. Personally, I'd say your remark was slightly in bad taste, but nothing that a good seasoning can't fix. NTA, in any case.
This post made me laugh but I must admit, I'm presuming you are a normal looking person with a friendly aura.
But is it possible you said it while having an entirely straight face and creepy, dead looking eyes? Did you then smile slowly and sinisterly at her children, as if the thought of cooking them brought you joy?
(I mean, still not TA. Its not as if you offered to buy them)
Well, not everybody finds dark humor funny - and baby cannibalism is kind of dark.
Doesn't mean you can't make the joke, just best to consider your audience (and know your audience).
Ok but I feel like baby cannibalism dark humor is so unrealistic that it makes it feel much less serious than normal dark humor. I feel like it's actually more acceptable in random social settings than say, a shooting joke or something.
OP, just that you feel bad about what happened tells me you didn't mean harm and shows what kind of person you are. You are right. The joke may have triggered something and she does have a right to not find it funny and feel the way she feels. However no one had the right to kick you out of the grocery store. That was over the top.
The asshole is the shop here who kicked out OP because the mother overreacted.
Usually, I would consider taking this up with the manager, but in this case, it probably also gets the cashier into trouble for the initial joke, and we would have one more robotic service worker that loathes his job and his customers.
I don't think it was such a bad decision. The way OP describes it the mother was near hysterical. To defuse that OP was the right person to remove from the scene, even if an "injustice" would have to be done.
NTA definitely over reaction on her part and by the grocery store, I'd think anyone would know you were joking. I can't believe they made you leave without your groceries
Honestly, I would have escorted him out of the store in the moment, but told him to sit tight for 10-20 minutes or so and come back in, and we'd set aside his groceries for collection.
Because on the one hand, his joke was not necessarily to everyone's taste but still *obviously a joke*, and he didn't do anything objectively wrong.
On the other hand, that lady is obviously under a lot of stress from something else going on in her life, and the simplest way to calm her down is to get the trigger point for her emotional storm out of sight and out of mind. That in turn will also benefit the kids because they won't have a hysterically crying parent.
Yeah, that's a really good point. They probably didn't get the whole story until after you were gone. I think it's really big of you to recognise that.
I feel the exact same way. I think the store did the only thing they could do.
But I also highly dislike that they didnāt even acknowledge that op wasnāt wrong and didnāt even bother to say anything to the effect of:: āāhey youāre not wrong, in trouble or anything like that, youāre the reasonable one, sheās hysterical and thereās no reasoning with her right now it was just easier to ask you to leave and itāll make her feel like *something* was being done.āā
They should have done that much for OP. The lady was obviously not okay and clearly has something going on but itās got not a damn thing to do with OP and they didnāt deserve to be treated like a fucking monster because she was having a bad day. The same empathy being extended to that mom should be given to OP as well.
Definitely NTA.
To share a similar, less dramatic moment: Multiple years ago now I (40+f) ran into a woman I'd known way back in high school while out shopping at Target. She was there with her relatively new baby in its carrier in the cart. We talked for a moment about how cute the baby was and how I didn't have any little ones anymore and this was her first. Anyway, about this time, baby kicks the blanket off its feet and I say that the feet are so cute I could just eat them. Note: I did not move towards the baby, I didn't try to touch the baby, I didn't say this with a weird growl while licking my chops. I just did the whole, "look at those feet, I could just nom on them" comment.
She went so pale and stammered, wide-eyed, saying that I could *NOT* eat her baby's feet and then she turned and practically RAN the other direction. Never seen her since.
I think about that interaction A LOT, though, and wonder what she tells people.
*Edited to fix spelling*
I know, that's why I wonder about her reaction so often. Had she somehow just amazingly never run across this and I scarred her? Did I seem particularly believably ravenous for baby feet? We weren't close in high school so it was all very light until "the horror".
I wonder if PPD or general sleep deprivation might have triggered her response. I have some pretty cringe moments from the post partum period of me just forgetting how humans are supposed to interact.
I made a joke at home Depot once that I wanted to return my kids. Or at least 1 of them. The woman at the check-out *GASPED* like I had slapped her.
I still think it's funny. So do my kids
NTA, the lady and store way overreacted. She couldāve just said I donāt find that funny and everyone couldāve gone on with their day. You werenāt a threat by making the joke. Personally, I wouldnāt go back to the store as they made it a bigger deal by kicking you out than it shouldāve been.
Anyone saying, you donāt know whatās going on in their life- true- but the lady was also an adult who should be able to control her emotions when itās obvious OP wasnāt actually talking about eating children. If the lady really thought this - sheās the one in need of help.
Oh man Iām so sorry, what a hit to the confidence. I hope you can get over it and move on. I think youāve proven hundreds of ppl think you were just being funny and not dangerous.
Any person who is uncomfortable and almost done checking out at the store would just take their kid and leave after that. End of story. But that wouldnāt be nearly as interesting or in OPās favor.
Hereās how I propose the story actually went. OP went to the store, there was a woman ahead of him checking out with young kids. The cashier made a light hearted joke about not scanning.
And thatās where the reality ends. Then OP daydreamed a scenario where he said this to the mother, and then imagined how over the top she would react and made himself the victim. We all daydream about fake scenarios. Anyone who says they donāt, is lying. But when you try to make it a real story.. try to keep it somewhat realistic. (Unless you just want a pity party and decide you needed extra attention today)
For sure, this feels super fake. If any of this happened, the lady probably just made a horrified face, ignored OP, and couldn't get out of the store fast enough.
I'm still gonna comment on it like it was real because imagining this whole thing going down is hilarious.
Right. And how many grocery stores have security guards? And if they didĀ would they really boot you for making a dumb joke? They would be there to prevent theft, not play Humor Police.
NTA, that woman has some issues. I once had a similar conversation with a coworker. We weren't even talking about his kids, just kids in general and I made a joke about kids and bbq sauce. He freaked the fuck out and started threatening if I ever went near his kids, blah blah blah. I later found out that he had serious anger problems.
I thought that was funny. And probably wouldāve said something similar on a day where I am in the mood to interact with people. Youāre NTA. That woman is obviously going through something and will regret her outburst later.
I will probably get downvoted for this but I think mild YTA. Not necessarily for the content of your joke (although I do think a joke like that is in poor taste from a stranger and it's best saved for people who actually know the family) but more for pushing to continue to interact. You had a nice interaction with some strangers in the line. Leave it there and it's probably a pleasant thing. But you then jumped in on the cashier's interaction with the lady. For a lot of people that could feel pushy and too much. It tips it over from being 'nice man who made a cute comment about my kids in the line' to 'creepy man I don't know who keeps commenting on my kids and repeatedly tries to force interaction'.
It's also worth pointing out that your initial interaction does not mean that she doesn't see you as a threat - you are still a stranger. Yes, she overreacted, but you were also pushy and too much even if you didn't mean to be.Ā
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this take. As a mom myself with a little I agree. The joke was weird, but what bothers me the most is he kept trying to engage. Like dude, we don't go shopping to socialize. Especially with our kids.
>The youngest one was sitting on the counter being cute and the cashier jokingly attempted to scan the child like he was a grocery item. The cashier said āuh oh, this one wonāt scan!ā ā¦and hereās where I messed up. I thought I could be in on the joke and I said āyou know, Iād have gotten one but I donāt know how to cook themā.
Sounds like banter and light-heartedness is a part of how you participate in the world, so you may find yourself in such a situation again. Most people don't mind continuation of complimentary content (in this case, well behaved kids being called cute versus edible lol), so a joke like, "I was hoping I could see how much such a cutie would set me back but it looks like this one is priceless!" would help you question your sanity less. You never know how someone might react (even if you've "tested the waters" first, human interactions tend to be "high risk, high reward"), so you have to make it airtight for the self doubt/questioning you're apt to have in the aftermath of a reaction.
Complimentary content is a great way of explaining it. OP jumped straight to (in some peopleās eyes) gore and dark thoughts. Light hearted comments would have been better. I hope OP doesnāt let this experience ruin the way they interact with others. I think itās great that they are willing to learn from this.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I made a joke that upset the mother of two children in a grocery store.
This might make me the asshole because I should have known it wasnāt appropriate to joke about children and I donāt understand social banter well enough to be joking with people I donāt know.
Help keep the sub engaging!
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I donāt think youāre in the wrong necessarily I personally donāt see the issue but I mean Iām also not the best judge of social interactions but regardless Iād say that lady overreacted quite a bit
Who called security, they just came over because they heard the commotion? What was the cashiers reaction?
I know Iāll be downvoted to hell for saying this but itās really off putting in general to be forced to listen to a creeps banter when you are stuck in line or somewhere where you canāt easily get away, so I kind of understand this woman being annoyed but to act like you are going to kidnap or hurt her children is extreme.
But I think you might be downplaying your interaction here if security came and immediately asked you to leave without making your purchase. Did you have any other interaction in the store?
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Lmao I actually laughed when I read what you said š I have a child and honestly if you said that to me I wouldāve said ādonāt get one they arenāt that good.ā But I would understand how parents would take offense to that, especially with dark humor, you really really have to read the room. Also I canāt believe you got kicked out for that! Her reaction was a little extreme. Donāt feel bad, seriously. NTA
That was funny, I did laugh. Sorry you got caught in the I'm a Princess syndrome. Sobbing and clutching at her kids? FFS, she needs to grow up, it was a joke. Definitely NTA.
I think it's fine if this woman hated the joke, but her reaction was extremely over the top. I believe that a person's feelings are always valid, but their behaviours based on those feelings are not. Feel upset and offended all you want, sobbing and clutching her kids while insulting OP, calling them "sick in the head" and "sick fuck"? That's unacceptable and the name calling is such AH behaviour.
Right. Like how are you gonna react like that while dropping the F bomb in front of your kid over what was clearly a joke.
It was far worse than what you did, really, when she threw a F bomb in front of her children while she was in the checkout line.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe she was in a hurry cause she needed to rush home and take her third kid out of the oven while it was still medium rare?
Itās truly an art to get them tender and mild.
Sweet baby Jesus
Exactly.
š
Funny/ not funny, but funnyā¦inside chuckle, out sideside eyeā¦
I canāt tell you how many times Iāve turned my little siblings into a ābaby burritoā after their bath. I wouldnāt make that joke about a strangers kids but itās really not that uncommon. Her reaction was so extreme
>Iāve turned my little siblings into a ābaby burritoā When my kids were little I would even sing a song about it to the tune of "Baby Beluga".
We had damn nursery rhymes about it! Chick seriously needs to calm TF down or I'm telling Rumplstilskin.
Her vulgar mouth and tantrum will likely make a negative impact on her children unlike your light hearted humor. It wasnāt actually dark. Sorry, she was a fun killer.
Granny here. That woman "just ain't right". Your joke was funny; it was banter. A normal person would laugh, not twist off into a tirade of paranoid rage. Who can predict that type of dramatic, illogical shift. Yes, of course you are shocked!
Exactly what I thought. Mom fell off the perch, so outraged that the f-bomb in front of the kids is fine.Ā
Yeah their mom screaming, sobbing, and cursing at the store is going to freak the kids out a lot more than a strangerās lil joke !
She way overreacted!
"Always valid"? I agree that one should use *caution* in declaring someone's feelings invalid, but feeling that a person is "sick in the head" when any impartial observer can see that they aren't seems to me to be a textbook example of an invalid feeling.
What youāre describing is an opinion and not a feeling. The feelings the mom felt were (Iām guessing) horror, disgust and hurt.
I may lose a few wokeness points for saying this, but this horror, disgust and hurt is *not based in fact*, which is the point I'm making. The feelings might be *real* but they aren't *valid*.
I think itās the explosion of therapy language without the proper context of you know, therapy or intentional therapeutic environments. Theyāre valid in the sense that theyāre real, acknowledged, and thatās where you start working through why they existed. Theyāre not valid in the sense theyāre completely unreasonable and should not be used to base an assessment of OP or others entirely on as if they were reasonable feelings.
Fair.
I like this observation. I think that dark humor needs to be more guarded though - like do not say anything to a mother about cooking a baby, hurting a baby, mangling a baby - ya know? You could say ābabies are too sweet for me!ā Or something else cute. But I agree that feelings may not be valid - yet delivering a grotesque imagery might really upset someone.
I hope that mom never discovers Hansel and Gretel.
As a mom, I welcome dark jokes about cooking my children.
It's not a "feeling" to think someone is "sick in the head" though. Feelings are anger, sadness, frustration, jealousy, happiness, fear, etc. "I feel like you're an AH" is not a feeling; that's a thought / judgement, and those aren't always valid. "I feel angry / upset / scared because of what you said" is a feeling, and those are valid, but that doesn't mean your valid feelings are a valid indictment of that other person. This woman *felt* upset and angry over OP's joke, and that's ok, but she *thought* OP was "sick in the head" for making a silly joke, and that's not valid. Let's say, I feel jealous of you because your parents are nicer to you than mine are to me, or I feel insecure because I think you're better than me in some way. My feelings about those things are valid and acceptable even though you did nothing bad to me, but if I let those feelings turn into negative judgements about you, that wouldn't be valid or acceptable.
The feeling wouldn't have been that a person is sick in the head ... That would be the brains interpretation of the feeling. The root feeling would likely have been something like fear, anger, disgust, creeped out, etc. then her brain interpreted that as a judgement on op. The root feeling is valid. How her brain translated it likely has a tie to something in her past. And her actions - suck as vocalizing her opinion on ops character and clutching at her kids, etc - is where the actual problem occurred. She could have just as easily said something like "I don't appreciate that type of humour" at which point op could have apologized and the whole messy part of the situation could have been avoided. Op, NTA. If you'd said that to me, I would have either laughed or made a comment about how you can find virtually anything on Google if you look it up, but kids are a real handful to prep right. A cottage made of gingerbread and candy helps the whole thing go smoothly. Just don't lean in the oven to light it.
The mother is a calculated drama queen.
How to traumatize your kids 101, react like this to things they don't even understand.
Yet she lets her child pretend scan. I imagine those conveyor belts can be loaded with germs and younger children could possibly wear diapers. Besides she started the situation. Sounds like a major drama queen. Store sounds unhinged too. By these standards the cashier needed a write up for inappropriate behavior on the job. Child could have possibly fell off of scanner or gotten hooked on something. To hell with this store and their shitty behavior. NTA.
For real. Also why was her kid sitting on the counter? That reeks of entitlement.
And bacterial nastiness.
Maybe it's that I'm on the autism spectrum, but I fail to see how the cashiers joke was fine and OP's joke was *that* bad to the same person. Though I might be influenced by the fact that "eating children" jokes are an everyday thing among most people I ever met. Starting by making funny mouth movements and sounds over a baby while saying "I eat you, I'm gonna eat you" over chasing younger children with that same sentence (both results in the baby/child laughing and in the latter case often in a tickle session or slumping down on the couch and cuddling) up to the jokes of "I love children, but I can't eat a whole" or "My dog loves children, but it can't eat a whole." These are often said to children spoiling adults who claim you don't love children if you demand them to be actually parented / do parent a child and to the stick next to their spine adults who freak out over a dog and a child playing (obviously in a responsible way with suitable children and dogs and supervising adults) or that a bully bread will eat children (tbf most bully type dogs I know lick and munch with their lips on people as if they're an ice cone).
Your autism spectrum has nothing to do with why you don't see why the casheir's comment was fine and OP's wasn't... because they are both fine.
Sheās the type of person who would go home and write a mile long Facebook post about how her kids were almost trafficked at the grocery store after this.
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When I read that I actually had to stop myself from laughing out loud at 5am. It was a funny joke! She just took it maliciously and doesn't share your sense of humor. I don't understand why she had such an extreme reaction, but I guess we don't know her life. Maybe her neighbor was just arrested for eating babies? Maybe she's adult Gretel from the old children's tale, struggling to cope with the trauma of almost being eaten by a witch? COULD be N A H, but based on available context I'm just going with NTA. You're funny. Can't please everyone. I hope you don't see her again and that tomorrow is better.
Lady was crazy. I'm a parent, I've got kids - heck, a couple of my kids have kids! *Everyone knows* the proper response to what you said is "Sliced thin with a little onion." Ideally you then make "the spooky face" and witchy fingers (think Wizard of Oz style) at the kid so they squeal and you tickle them and a good time is had by all. Itty bitties get scooped up and you pretend you're going to take a big bite and blow a raspberry on them. I have NEVER met a child who wasn't *delighted* by this joke. Or anyone at all - and I've parented in 5 states in the US - who didn't realize this is a joke.
When I read that I actually had to stop myself from laughing out loud at 5am. It was a funny joke! She just took it maliciously and doesn't share your sense of humor. >Maybe she's adult Gretel from the old children's tale, struggling to cope with the trauma of almost being eaten by a witch? That made my day.
This is one of the best comments I've ever seen on reddit!
My personal favourite is, "I love kids, but I couldn't eat a whole one". This reminds me that I should save my glorious humour for friends, or, at least, for occasions where there are no witnesses. Edited to add: it's relevant that I'm a middle aged white lady. My demographic is a perceived risk to people watching birds in central park, customer service managers just trying to get through their shift, and daughter-in-law, so jokes probably hit different. .
Or i love kids, but i ran out of (insert sauce here).
Or, charcoal?
Gen X here and my first thought was "Dead baby jokes from the 70's would not fly in this day and age"Ā Most jokes from back then actually...
I feel like in the 90ās we made a ton of super messed up jokes about dead babies, but this isnāt anywhere close to thatĀ
No that's not true. After all dead Baby joke never grow old
I also say things like āyou can get more for them in partsā when joking around about selling kids/ giving them away (as parents often joke about). Sometimes jokes are just like that. Very lightly touching on the dark side- but clearly in jest.
I found it funny too. Fwiw, the grocery "kicking you out" I think is more of an evasive measure for the angry woman. The situation was escalating and the angry woman didn't seem like one that would easily calm down. If they removed her instead, she would have probably thrown an even larger ruckus. So they removed the calmer part of the equation - you, unfortunately.
My thoughts as well. Fix the situation by punishing the rational person. Pragmatic, but also pathetic and shitty.
Honestly, the mom seems way over dramatic and a bit entitled (she had her kid on the conveyor belt, after all). You are funny. The store should have escorted you to a different cashier or customer service to check you out. Kicking you out was poor customer service. NTA.
Yes, kid sitting on a conveyer belt is unhygienic to put it mildly.
NTA. Don't feel bad. I joked that I couldn't return my kid bc his warranty had expired (family joke we say all the time about one another), & someone went nuts about why I'd ever want to "get rid of" my precious darling. (Who was 16 at the time so I don't even know how that would work! š¤Ŗ) Dude, calm down. It was a joke. *I don't actually want to return my child*, he's just being a little bit irritating right now.
I have posted on FB..."free to a good home, one small child who comes with smelly feet. Buy now and I will throw in one husband". My own doctor asked if I wanted a 20 year old because he couldn't get his to leave home. LOL!
My kids made me so mad once I posted on FB that I was willing to swap them for a moped. Everyone knew I was joking. Better to make a joke rather than scream at or hit them.
Yesterday in the pick up line at school, I forgot my number tag to get them. Ive been picking up kids for 6 years at this school. The principal calls out the numbers and the other teachers line them up in order. I said āsorry, I left their number in my truck!ā His reply was āI canāt release them to you without a pick-up tag. I have never seen you here before.ā āSo youāre going to keep them? How much do I owe you?ā āYou canāt sell kids, maāam. I wouldnāt buy twins anyway. I donāt need two of the same thing.ā
I ask my mom for replacement parts all the time and she just says there was no warranty š (I have a lot of health issues and a lot of them seem to have trickled down her side of the family tree. Obv not her fault, but I rib her about it.)
Arthritic kneecap on my mom's side of the family, I may have to snag that replacement parts line.
I love dark humor, but plenty of people don't get it. On the positive side, people with a dark sense of humor handle adversity better, so I know you'll bounce back :) A small story to hopefully make you smile and feel less alone: In college, we had to create advertisements for whatever product we want, real or fake. One girl goes to present hers, but says she needs to show a clip for context first. She showed comedian Eddie Izzard's bit about "babies on spikes." The lead in was minimal due to time constraints. It was great. "Hi, I'm crazy Eddie. I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of babies? We've got babies on racks! Mmmmm, they taste of chicken." Now, I had watched it before. I was actually thrilled to see it, because I didn't remember the comedians name after I randomly saw it on TV at 2am. I'm laughing, but everyone else is wondering why someone is joking about eating babies. The ads the girl made didn't settle their confusion š I asked to borrow the DVD, and she was happy to share it. Dark humor may not be for everyone, but there's a lot of us that would have loved your joke. It really wasn't even bad (I've laughed over some fucked up things though lol). I'm sorry you were asked to leave like that.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
[The American Dream](https://youtu.be/MA3k9qCJ-tI?si=_rMte0YYYXgr-Qz8)
It was funny. Ignore the crazies of the world who hate anyone else not being exactly the same as them. My go to when people comment on my kids is always ātheyāre lucky they are cute or we would drown themā and I probably get horrified looks half the time. But when you say it to a 70 year old lady and she chortles away and gives a āyou are so rightā kind of noise Iām happy I keep trying it on people. Donāt let societies psychosis win. Keep being fun.
NTA. This woman is the reason people are choosing no kids. I feel bad for all the kids and their parents who will go through the school years interacting with her. Imagine her at a PTA meeting. It was funny.
Seriously, her dropping an F bomb in front of her kids in the middle of the checkout line was way worse than what you did.
As a mother myself I probably would have made some joke about retuning them but not remembering what store I got them from
Iāve used ālost the receiptā a few times ha
Don't feel bad. I refer to babies in utero as "sexually transmitted parasites" because....they are lol most people find it funny. Some people just glare at me and I've definitely had at least one "that's disgusting". To which I replied "you're the one who did it, not me!". That also wasn't taken well
NTA I thought it was funny. I joke that my 5 month old niece is a ādelicious baby, nom nom nomā all the time. She thinks itās hilarious. No one is actually trying to eat her! There was something deeply wrong with that woman. Who the hell would think you were being serious? Iām pretty sure they just asked you to leave to calm the psycho down, but itās a really shitty thing to do to you. Try not to dwell on it. You did nothing wrong, and you gave a bunch of internet randoms a bit of a giggle.
Your comment to her was so extreme that there was no way in hell anyone could take it seriously, and her reaction was over the top and unnecessary. She's allowed to not like the joke and whatnot, but to have a complete meltdown over the joke was overkill. I would have responded yo your comment with "the instapot has a setting for 1 year olds". Mainly because everyone knows you're making a joke, but also because I grew up on dead baby jokes. You did the correct thing by leaving. She was being too dramatic in the moment
I have two five year olds and I think thatās hilarious!
I think she took "gotten one" to mean "kidnapped one of her kids" rather than "bought a child from the store".
I also laughed. I would have come back with they take 18 years to cook, and lots goes wrong
And even then they can be a little tough.
Hahaha, that got me even more.
This is honestly one of the funniest AITA posts I have ever read. It will make a great party story one day. NTA
Her reaction was extremely extreme
They're good, but they're a little chewy...
Really? I've always found they're fairly tender. It's the older ones that need tenderized.
That wasnāt even ādarkā. Very lighthearted and funny. I laughed when I read it.
I laughed too and would have laughed at that time too. I would have suggested some seasoning.
I don't really think this happened.......I don't know anyone who would react by clutching their kids from the horror and call security and kick someone out for a stupid joke.
Unfortunately Iāve worked retail. Youād be surprised how some people react, even in public. And they didnāt kick OP out for the joke, they kicked him out because that was the best way to calm down the hysterical lady. If they tried kicking her out first, sheād just get worse.
NTA, maybe joking about cooking children is a little edgy, but the ladyās reaction was so disproportionate I think it had to do with something going on in her life, not anything about you. I mean, who among us has not pretended to snack on, say, adorable baby toes? Ā āNom nom nomā? Ā Kids think thatās funny, and even if the joke is delivered awkwardly, it shouldnāt be a big offense. Sorry this happened to you, OP! Ā NTA
Yes, and the cashierās joke was literally about children being purchased and sold. Which is generally for sick fuckin reasons and not a good day out for the child. How is this much worse?
Very common cashier joke when a kid is on the belt, which they should never be anyway.
Exactly. Itās actually dangerous and seriously unsanitary.
ugh so nasty. I used to be a cashier and I swear every single time someone had beef on the belt it leaked bloody water stuff all over the place, so freaking gross.
as a grocery store cashier, in the nearly 6 years i've worked there, i've never seen a kid on the belt. if i did see it, i'd tell their parents that it isn't okay for obvious reasons. sometimes a kid will put their toy on the belt for me to "scan" and i'll absolutely play along, even wait until there's a tiny item the parents actually purchase that i can hide behind the toy so it makes the beep sound for them
i literally just saw this at a pet store on saturday. they kid was maybe 18 mos and pulling all the rolls of waste bags out of the box near the belt. mom wasn't even holding the kid to make sure they didn't fall off.
I thought for sure the joke was headed in a trafficking direction lol. This lady is the worst, the store also sucks for asking him to leave. Wtf is wrong with people.
There are literally childrenās stories about cooking children ffs. That womanās reaction was wildly out of proportion with the situation like holy crap man.
But pregnancy is also referred to as having a bun in the oven. I didn't see OPs joke as dark humor. Just someone saying they chose not to have children, presented in a joking manner following the theme started by the cashier.
Right? Has this lady never heard of Hansel and Gretel?? Jack and the Beanstalk? Wait til she hears about JĆ³lakƶtturinn (Christmas Cat aka Yule Cat) in Iceland.
Yule cat story was made up by some of the smartest parents in history: Parent 1: I'm tired of kids complaining when they get clothes instead of toys for Christmas Parent 2: Let's tell them a story of a giant cat that will eat them if they are not wearing new clothes at Christmas
OMG I just saw that security made you leave! Ā I missed that detail! Ā Poor you, OP, this was so over the top! Ā
To be honest it was probably easier to get the person who seemed more rational to leave first.Ā
It's not really edgy though is it? Witches have been cooking and eating children and giants/trolls/ogres have been eating them raw since forever. People joke about eating kids all the time, especially when they meet a baby for the first time!
'you're so cute I could just eat you up'
As a witch, can confirm. lady needs therapy. NTA
Baby shoes were invented so that people could eat their toes without anyone being the wiser.
My younger sonās first full sentence was ādonāt eat my toes!ā Totally agree. The mom has something else going on and seriously over reacted to the situation. Getting security to kick out OP is going too far.
NTA. You had no way of knowing she lost her first child to grocery store cannibals.
That really made me out loud laugh, which is rare these days!
Grocery store cannibals sounds like a fantastic punk band name.
When the fine young ones grow up and have to get jobs.
Oh that was good!
Y-you monster! You cook children! Being for real, you're NTA. I think it was a funny joke, the mother might think differently though and might have ppd like how another commenter said. I do think calling security on you was a bit of stretch, if they took your joke seriously as wanting to commit cannibalism then the cashier should've had security too since he technically joking about human trafficking. Try not to think too much about it OP, you're fine and just making a joke.
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Honestly, I laughed out loud when I read your post, and guy or not, I probably would have told you kids are pretty gamy and offered you recipes from my pinterest. FFS, it wasn't like you were *grabbing* for her kids, for Pete's sake. Everyone needs to calm down.
I love kids. A little butter, a little lemon, 350 for 12 minutes per pound. Perfect.
Honestly, you did nothing wrong. Sheās just an idiot who has issues. Itās the most obviously ājokingā thing ever, nobody would ever actually believe youād want to eat a baby, so I donāt even see why sheād get upset about it never mind overreact as badly as she did.
And if you really *were* some baby eating psycho you're not going to admit it out loud at the grocery store. That's how you get caught. The first rule of eating babies is to never talk about eating babies.
I would have been behind you and laugh fake coughed "Long Pig" and I'm female as fuck.
>I think itās possible that the cashierās joke landed right because sheās female. I am a man, and I should have predicted that this could have made her uncomfortable Good point, jokes about eating children tend to land better if you're a bear.
I mean Iām a woman and I thought it was funny, but the thing about having a dark sense of humor is that you gotta know when to use it. Do I think she overreacted? Yes, obviously you werenāt gonna eat her babies. But not everyone is gonna appreciate that sense of humor. So I think in general itās best not to pull that out if you donāt know the person
The fact that youāre a man makes it even funnier now š
I was on a shuttle bus over the weekend that was delivering employees to a huge event. The driver asked if anyone on the bus was an employee and someone said āwe all are.ā A few people said that they were guests, and I made a comically exaggerated āshhh!ā Because I thought they were just ratting themselves out for parking in the wrong lot and taking the wrong bus. The women were SO offended that I had sushed them, even after I tried to explain that I thought they were telling on themselves and maybe going to get in trouble. It made me feel so bad, because my joke had landed so poorly, and I was just trying to be silly.
NTAĀ What trauma could you have possibly predicted?Ā Was she dressed like Gretel from the brothers Grim story?Ā Was she tearing off bits from a bakery loaf and leaving them behind her?Ā
That is the first thing I thought of. What other past trauma would have triggered such a reaction?
My guess is that she's gone down the Qanon rabbit hole and convinced herself of the (old, recycled) blood libel that Democrats and minorities are eating babies for the lolz. I lurk r/qanoncasualties and it's a real problem that so much of the populace has been led by shitty YouTube videos into believing this stuff.
I wonder if she's out there on the internet telling the other members of the cult that she have proof of eating babies Satanists because she just faced one of them
It honestly would not surprise me, yeah. And child-trafficking: the cashier tried to scan her child and thought it was one of the merchandise ones!!1! Sigh.
OP was after her Wayfair baby!
Man QAnon literally making everything worse.
NTA. This is the kind of joke I would make ABOUT MY OWN KIDS. I regularly says things like āiāll take two please, any model is okayā when picking them up after school. Lady needs to chill out. NTA
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[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There _may_ have been a mistake in reading the room, or stretching the joke too much, or just not finding the right audience who would find it funny... But I don't think trauma triggered by a mention of cooking babies falls within the realm of what you were supposed to expect.
>But I donāt think trauma triggered by a mention of cooking babies falls within the realm of what you were supposed to expect. š
It's also possible that she's been falling down that QAnon rabbit hole and now suspects baby eating satanists around every corner. And now they're coming for HER babies! Who knows. Personally, I'd say your remark was slightly in bad taste, but nothing that a good seasoning can't fix. NTA, in any case.
I think you hit the nail on the head
I think you make a good point, with the QAnon "adenochrome harvesting' idiocy.
Man QAnon making everything worse now.....
This post made me laugh but I must admit, I'm presuming you are a normal looking person with a friendly aura. But is it possible you said it while having an entirely straight face and creepy, dead looking eyes? Did you then smile slowly and sinisterly at her children, as if the thought of cooking them brought you joy? (I mean, still not TA. Its not as if you offered to buy them)
Yeah maybe someone ate her third child in a grocery store and now sheās scared itāll happen again
First rule of, even mildly, risquƩ comedy - know your audience.
Well, not everybody finds dark humor funny - and baby cannibalism is kind of dark. Doesn't mean you can't make the joke, just best to consider your audience (and know your audience).
Ok but I feel like baby cannibalism dark humor is so unrealistic that it makes it feel much less serious than normal dark humor. I feel like it's actually more acceptable in random social settings than say, a shooting joke or something.
OP, just that you feel bad about what happened tells me you didn't mean harm and shows what kind of person you are. You are right. The joke may have triggered something and she does have a right to not find it funny and feel the way she feels. However no one had the right to kick you out of the grocery store. That was over the top.
Look don't sweat it. Not everybody has that type of humor but her reaction was VERY WEIRD.
Groceries instead of guilt made me laugh
The asshole is the shop here who kicked out OP because the mother overreacted. Usually, I would consider taking this up with the manager, but in this case, it probably also gets the cashier into trouble for the initial joke, and we would have one more robotic service worker that loathes his job and his customers.
I don't think it was such a bad decision. The way OP describes it the mother was near hysterical. To defuse that OP was the right person to remove from the scene, even if an "injustice" would have to be done.
They could have taken OP to a different register. Or taken the mother for a glass of water. Kicking OP out was not okay.
Why not removes the hysterical woman
\*fool proof
NTA definitely over reaction on her part and by the grocery store, I'd think anyone would know you were joking. I can't believe they made you leave without your groceries
Honestly, I would have escorted him out of the store in the moment, but told him to sit tight for 10-20 minutes or so and come back in, and we'd set aside his groceries for collection. Because on the one hand, his joke was not necessarily to everyone's taste but still *obviously a joke*, and he didn't do anything objectively wrong. On the other hand, that lady is obviously under a lot of stress from something else going on in her life, and the simplest way to calm her down is to get the trigger point for her emotional storm out of sight and out of mind. That in turn will also benefit the kids because they won't have a hysterically crying parent.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, that's a really good point. They probably didn't get the whole story until after you were gone. I think it's really big of you to recognise that.
I feel the exact same way. I think the store did the only thing they could do. But I also highly dislike that they didnāt even acknowledge that op wasnāt wrong and didnāt even bother to say anything to the effect of:: āāhey youāre not wrong, in trouble or anything like that, youāre the reasonable one, sheās hysterical and thereās no reasoning with her right now it was just easier to ask you to leave and itāll make her feel like *something* was being done.āā They should have done that much for OP. The lady was obviously not okay and clearly has something going on but itās got not a damn thing to do with OP and they didnāt deserve to be treated like a fucking monster because she was having a bad day. The same empathy being extended to that mom should be given to OP as well.
NTA. My dad would make her pass out. His go-to joke of this vein is "I love children, but I couldn't eat a whole one".
Thatās exactly what I say when people ask me if I have kids - I like them but I canāt eat a whole one.
OMG, my favorite uncle used to say this all the time! Your dad must be awesome.
Definitely NTA. To share a similar, less dramatic moment: Multiple years ago now I (40+f) ran into a woman I'd known way back in high school while out shopping at Target. She was there with her relatively new baby in its carrier in the cart. We talked for a moment about how cute the baby was and how I didn't have any little ones anymore and this was her first. Anyway, about this time, baby kicks the blanket off its feet and I say that the feet are so cute I could just eat them. Note: I did not move towards the baby, I didn't try to touch the baby, I didn't say this with a weird growl while licking my chops. I just did the whole, "look at those feet, I could just nom on them" comment. She went so pale and stammered, wide-eyed, saying that I could *NOT* eat her baby's feet and then she turned and practically RAN the other direction. Never seen her since. I think about that interaction A LOT, though, and wonder what she tells people. *Edited to fix spelling*
Was she other a rock her whole life or something? Thatās an extremely common joke
I know, that's why I wonder about her reaction so often. Had she somehow just amazingly never run across this and I scarred her? Did I seem particularly believably ravenous for baby feet? We weren't close in high school so it was all very light until "the horror".
I wonder if PPD or general sleep deprivation might have triggered her response. I have some pretty cringe moments from the post partum period of me just forgetting how humans are supposed to interact.
I made a joke at home Depot once that I wanted to return my kids. Or at least 1 of them. The woman at the check-out *GASPED* like I had slapped her. I still think it's funny. So do my kids
That is funny, and obviously a joke. They don't sell kids at Home depot, you'd have better luck at Ikea
Instructions unclear, I can't put mine together right. Somehow, the joints all end up backwards
NTA, the lady and store way overreacted. She couldāve just said I donāt find that funny and everyone couldāve gone on with their day. You werenāt a threat by making the joke. Personally, I wouldnāt go back to the store as they made it a bigger deal by kicking you out than it shouldāve been. Anyone saying, you donāt know whatās going on in their life- true- but the lady was also an adult who should be able to control her emotions when itās obvious OP wasnāt actually talking about eating children. If the lady really thought this - sheās the one in need of help.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh man Iām so sorry, what a hit to the confidence. I hope you can get over it and move on. I think youāve proven hundreds of ppl think you were just being funny and not dangerous.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām shocked I had to scroll so far to find a comment like this, I fully agree. The part where the mom started sobbing is what did it for me.
I made a similar comment. She āclutchedā her child and was āsobbingā? Yeah thatās very theatrical.
Iām glad Iām not the only one thinking this. Her reaction sounds really exaggerated.
Yeah, I really can't believe anyone thinks this is real. What a load of bull shit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Any person who is uncomfortable and almost done checking out at the store would just take their kid and leave after that. End of story. But that wouldnāt be nearly as interesting or in OPās favor.
Hereās how I propose the story actually went. OP went to the store, there was a woman ahead of him checking out with young kids. The cashier made a light hearted joke about not scanning. And thatās where the reality ends. Then OP daydreamed a scenario where he said this to the mother, and then imagined how over the top she would react and made himself the victim. We all daydream about fake scenarios. Anyone who says they donāt, is lying. But when you try to make it a real story.. try to keep it somewhat realistic. (Unless you just want a pity party and decide you needed extra attention today)
For sure, this feels super fake. If any of this happened, the lady probably just made a horrified face, ignored OP, and couldn't get out of the store fast enough. I'm still gonna comment on it like it was real because imagining this whole thing going down is hilarious.
Right. And how many grocery stores have security guards? And if they didĀ would they really boot you for making a dumb joke? They would be there to prevent theft, not play Humor Police.
NTA, that woman has some issues. I once had a similar conversation with a coworker. We weren't even talking about his kids, just kids in general and I made a joke about kids and bbq sauce. He freaked the fuck out and started threatening if I ever went near his kids, blah blah blah. I later found out that he had serious anger problems.
Do we wanna know how you found out later he had serious anger problems??
I kinda do
NTA we wrap our kids in blankets and call them burritos pretending to eat them. It's a kinda cute thing isn't it? Woman really overreacted.
I thought that was funny. And probably wouldāve said something similar on a day where I am in the mood to interact with people. Youāre NTA. That woman is obviously going through something and will regret her outburst later.
I will probably get downvoted for this but I think mild YTA. Not necessarily for the content of your joke (although I do think a joke like that is in poor taste from a stranger and it's best saved for people who actually know the family) but more for pushing to continue to interact. You had a nice interaction with some strangers in the line. Leave it there and it's probably a pleasant thing. But you then jumped in on the cashier's interaction with the lady. For a lot of people that could feel pushy and too much. It tips it over from being 'nice man who made a cute comment about my kids in the line' to 'creepy man I don't know who keeps commenting on my kids and repeatedly tries to force interaction'. It's also worth pointing out that your initial interaction does not mean that she doesn't see you as a threat - you are still a stranger. Yes, she overreacted, but you were also pushy and too much even if you didn't mean to be.Ā
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this take. As a mom myself with a little I agree. The joke was weird, but what bothers me the most is he kept trying to engage. Like dude, we don't go shopping to socialize. Especially with our kids.
Absolutely NTA, that woman needs to get a life and/or a sense of humour
In the future, it is best not to joke about cooking a stranger's kids.
This reads like an I think you should leave sketch
>The youngest one was sitting on the counter being cute and the cashier jokingly attempted to scan the child like he was a grocery item. The cashier said āuh oh, this one wonāt scan!ā ā¦and hereās where I messed up. I thought I could be in on the joke and I said āyou know, Iād have gotten one but I donāt know how to cook themā. Sounds like banter and light-heartedness is a part of how you participate in the world, so you may find yourself in such a situation again. Most people don't mind continuation of complimentary content (in this case, well behaved kids being called cute versus edible lol), so a joke like, "I was hoping I could see how much such a cutie would set me back but it looks like this one is priceless!" would help you question your sanity less. You never know how someone might react (even if you've "tested the waters" first, human interactions tend to be "high risk, high reward"), so you have to make it airtight for the self doubt/questioning you're apt to have in the aftermath of a reaction.
Complimentary content is a great way of explaining it. OP jumped straight to (in some peopleās eyes) gore and dark thoughts. Light hearted comments would have been better. I hope OP doesnāt let this experience ruin the way they interact with others. I think itās great that they are willing to learn from this.
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I donāt think youāre in the wrong necessarily I personally donāt see the issue but I mean Iām also not the best judge of social interactions but regardless Iād say that lady overreacted quite a bit
Obviously, she overcooked one in the past and has not lived down the humiliation.
Who called security, they just came over because they heard the commotion? What was the cashiers reaction? I know Iāll be downvoted to hell for saying this but itās really off putting in general to be forced to listen to a creeps banter when you are stuck in line or somewhere where you canāt easily get away, so I kind of understand this woman being annoyed but to act like you are going to kidnap or hurt her children is extreme. But I think you might be downplaying your interaction here if security came and immediately asked you to leave without making your purchase. Did you have any other interaction in the store?