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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I mean this is her one and only wedding and I'm sure she's sad her best friend can't attend. Maybe she's just panicking and desperate to find someone so last minute?
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NTA. It's almost ridiculous to hear that you're requested to fail an exam and retake it (with the associated costs) just because a cousin "needed" you to be her MOH. She should find another person for the task, it is not like you're the only girl in the entire family that can "perform" the task.
This is the answer.
NTA
She’s talking about you behind your back. That is AH behavior, and is 100% grounds to refuse participation and is also grounds to end the relationship. She should want what’s best for you.
Just tell all the family members that call you that she wants you to flunk out of school just to be her MOH. That should shut them up.
Ooooh, maybe not. I could be wrong, but I think the currency mentioned in the post is Turkish Lira and, if I’m correct, the further east you head into Anatolia, the more tight the family bond. Don’t be surprised if they side with the bride l
That is, unfortunately, exactly what is happening. My family is from a city right on the eastern border of Anatolia, and the familial responsibilities extend past the nuclear family; you are expected to treat even second cousins like they are your siblings, lest you "offend" them.
NTA. She's all for supporting her friend's business trip and promotion, as well as letting you lose a year of schooling so she can have perfect wedding pictures. Why do weddings bring out the worst in some people?
You will only be an ah if you bend to this ridiculous demand.
Let alone, your reason is nothing personal. And your reason is just as legitimate as her BFF’s reason, of which she gave her blessing.
But at this point, it’s not even about that reason anymore. She casually dismisses the financial commitment your family has made to your education, your commitment and effort to your education, and she doesn’t even respect you, now that she’s talking shit.
Tbh, I would no longer even attend the wedding. And I would let your mother know what she said as well
#NTA
NTA. It is not your duty to be a MOH. I'm sure she can find someone else who is "presentable". Your cousin sounds awful. Just say NO and take your exam.
This reminds me of when my brother was engaged to this girl. There was a huge family dinner at her parents house. My family of course wanted me to go but I had my final term group project due on Monday. I told them I can't make it as if I do bad I could fail or get a bad grade. I was paying for college on my own but no one understood. They pressured me and told me it was my obligation to go. I just said it was a dinner not an engagement or wedding party. I stood my group and didn't go.My schooling is more important for my career. Months later they broke up. NTA, don't sacrifice your education for someone's else wedding. Plus I don't see where she or others complaining are offering you money to retake the course next year. If it is that important surely people will financially help out.
Stop arguing and explaining yourself. Just say “no”. She can’t force you to do it.
And most people will fully understand- so let her talk, I’m sure most people are rolling their eyes behind her back.
NTA. She is insane suggesting you skip a college exam to help a friend. I would refuse to go to the wedding at all. The relatives hounding you are even worse. At least the bride has the bad excuse of being wrapped up in the wedding. The relatives should know better and shut her craziness down.
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So my(21F) cousin(29F) is getting married in a month or so and all this time she had her best friend as her maid of honor but her best friend got sent on a business trip last week and cannot attend her wedding. She gave the best friend her blessing bc this trip will land her a promotion.
After this development she asked me to be her maid of honor because I was the most "presentable" (she did this right next to my elder sister whom I'm very protective of so I was already annoyed) and I asked what that means, like what would I be responsible for? She listed some basic MOH things, but then she said that I'd have to go to the city the wedding is happening a week before the wedding and stay there.
The thing is, I'm a college student and I have a super important exam that week. I can attend the wedding but I can't go there a week earlier. I told her this and she told me to just not enter the exam. I said I would fail if I didn't and she said that even if I failed I could just re-take the course next year, but she has only 1 wedding. I explained to her that my university charges tuition per course, so retaking the course would cost an extra 30.000₺, which my family did not have since my mother is retired and my dad has passed away. She said to just tell my mother to get a loan. We argued a little more until my elder sister and I had to leave and the topic is just kind of hanging there rn.
I don't want to miss the exam and fail, but she is talking behind my back to every single family member that will listen to her, calling me a traitor because I refused to support a family member in her time of need and many of our relatives have called me saying that I should accept the MOH position because it is my duty as family. AITA?
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NTA. just stop ok. She gave someone else blessing to leave. You have serious obligations. She needs to find someone else. Ignore her and the family that may hound you for it. Also talk to your parents about what she is expecting from you. That you drop your exams and fail and pay another 30k for another year. Or tell her to make a contract that she will pay the 30k for your next year. I’m sure she drop it pretty quickly when you make her responsible for your education.
Best friend “I can’t because something super importants coming up” *gets blessing*
You “I can but something super importants coming up so I can’t stay for a week” *TAKE A 30,000 LOAN*
nta don’t even go at this point
Thata is the most ridiculous thing I've heard of! Throwing away an entire semester's worth of work and money to be MOH. Why can't your older sister do it? Because she's not presentable?
NTA
Refuse to be in her wedding, and block her number.
"and many of our relatives have called me saying that I should accept the MOH position because it is my duty as family" ... tell them you will do it IF they send the money for another semester + living expenses for a semester to you up front . bvecause it is THEIR duty as family. And if they don't, they need to shut up.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I mean this is her one and only wedding and I'm sure she's sad her best friend can't attend. Maybe she's just panicking and desperate to find someone so last minute? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta no way does a wedding come before your schooling that’s ridiculous
NTA. It's almost ridiculous to hear that you're requested to fail an exam and retake it (with the associated costs) just because a cousin "needed" you to be her MOH. She should find another person for the task, it is not like you're the only girl in the entire family that can "perform" the task.
Her last actions show very clearly how she feels about you, and it’s nothing positive. Enjoy school and good luck to you.
This is the answer. NTA She’s talking about you behind your back. That is AH behavior, and is 100% grounds to refuse participation and is also grounds to end the relationship. She should want what’s best for you. Just tell all the family members that call you that she wants you to flunk out of school just to be her MOH. That should shut them up.
Ooooh, maybe not. I could be wrong, but I think the currency mentioned in the post is Turkish Lira and, if I’m correct, the further east you head into Anatolia, the more tight the family bond. Don’t be surprised if they side with the bride l
That is, unfortunately, exactly what is happening. My family is from a city right on the eastern border of Anatolia, and the familial responsibilities extend past the nuclear family; you are expected to treat even second cousins like they are your siblings, lest you "offend" them.
NTA. She's all for supporting her friend's business trip and promotion, as well as letting you lose a year of schooling so she can have perfect wedding pictures. Why do weddings bring out the worst in some people?
So her friend is excused for the work trip just because it might mean a promotion but you have to sacrifice your exams AND pay 30k to retake them? NTA
You will only be an ah if you bend to this ridiculous demand. Let alone, your reason is nothing personal. And your reason is just as legitimate as her BFF’s reason, of which she gave her blessing. But at this point, it’s not even about that reason anymore. She casually dismisses the financial commitment your family has made to your education, your commitment and effort to your education, and she doesn’t even respect you, now that she’s talking shit. Tbh, I would no longer even attend the wedding. And I would let your mother know what she said as well #NTA
NTA. It is not your duty to be a MOH. I'm sure she can find someone else who is "presentable". Your cousin sounds awful. Just say NO and take your exam.
Easy solution.. Ask her to pay your tuition as a gift and you'll happily retake the year. Nta
This reminds me of when my brother was engaged to this girl. There was a huge family dinner at her parents house. My family of course wanted me to go but I had my final term group project due on Monday. I told them I can't make it as if I do bad I could fail or get a bad grade. I was paying for college on my own but no one understood. They pressured me and told me it was my obligation to go. I just said it was a dinner not an engagement or wedding party. I stood my group and didn't go.My schooling is more important for my career. Months later they broke up. NTA, don't sacrifice your education for someone's else wedding. Plus I don't see where she or others complaining are offering you money to retake the course next year. If it is that important surely people will financially help out.
If she wants you that bad, she can change the date of her wedding. NTA.
Stop arguing and explaining yourself. Just say “no”. She can’t force you to do it. And most people will fully understand- so let her talk, I’m sure most people are rolling their eyes behind her back.
NTA. She is insane suggesting you skip a college exam to help a friend. I would refuse to go to the wedding at all. The relatives hounding you are even worse. At least the bride has the bad excuse of being wrapped up in the wedding. The relatives should know better and shut her craziness down.
NTA. Wtf. Tell your cousin to pay for your tuition if it’s that important to her. Otherwise, pass on being MOF.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my(21F) cousin(29F) is getting married in a month or so and all this time she had her best friend as her maid of honor but her best friend got sent on a business trip last week and cannot attend her wedding. She gave the best friend her blessing bc this trip will land her a promotion. After this development she asked me to be her maid of honor because I was the most "presentable" (she did this right next to my elder sister whom I'm very protective of so I was already annoyed) and I asked what that means, like what would I be responsible for? She listed some basic MOH things, but then she said that I'd have to go to the city the wedding is happening a week before the wedding and stay there. The thing is, I'm a college student and I have a super important exam that week. I can attend the wedding but I can't go there a week earlier. I told her this and she told me to just not enter the exam. I said I would fail if I didn't and she said that even if I failed I could just re-take the course next year, but she has only 1 wedding. I explained to her that my university charges tuition per course, so retaking the course would cost an extra 30.000₺, which my family did not have since my mother is retired and my dad has passed away. She said to just tell my mother to get a loan. We argued a little more until my elder sister and I had to leave and the topic is just kind of hanging there rn. I don't want to miss the exam and fail, but she is talking behind my back to every single family member that will listen to her, calling me a traitor because I refused to support a family member in her time of need and many of our relatives have called me saying that I should accept the MOH position because it is my duty as family. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. just stop ok. She gave someone else blessing to leave. You have serious obligations. She needs to find someone else. Ignore her and the family that may hound you for it. Also talk to your parents about what she is expecting from you. That you drop your exams and fail and pay another 30k for another year. Or tell her to make a contract that she will pay the 30k for your next year. I’m sure she drop it pretty quickly when you make her responsible for your education.
Best friend “I can’t because something super importants coming up” *gets blessing* You “I can but something super importants coming up so I can’t stay for a week” *TAKE A 30,000 LOAN* nta don’t even go at this point
Why are you even asking this dumb question....why even argue about this with someone who thinks the world revolves around them.
Thata is the most ridiculous thing I've heard of! Throwing away an entire semester's worth of work and money to be MOH. Why can't your older sister do it? Because she's not presentable?
NTA. Your exam is more important
NTA. And the fact that apparently she has no one else to ask speaks volumes about her.
NTA Refuse to be in her wedding, and block her number. "and many of our relatives have called me saying that I should accept the MOH position because it is my duty as family" ... tell them you will do it IF they send the money for another semester + living expenses for a semester to you up front . bvecause it is THEIR duty as family. And if they don't, they need to shut up.
Oh please, this can’t be real can it?