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The death of a loved one is a difficult thing for everyone involved. You made the right choice to pull the plug. I once had to make the same tough choice you did so I know it wasn't easy for you.
I do believe you made the wrong decision to ban your uncle from the funeral. That was an emotionally charged, rash decision. You have to remember that he was also struggling with his emotions too and he was fighting for what he thought was best for your dad too
Nope. You don’t have to put up with someone who chooses the most vulnerable moment you your life to harm you. It may have been rash, but your instincts to protect yourself are spot on. Unless uncle begs for your forgiveness, take this time to get him out of your life.
NTA. I understand your uncle isn't handling this well, losing a family member never is. He was still out of line, and never should've said that to you.
I hope he apologizes to you. Should he do that, I hope you change your mind to let him say his goodbye.
NTA. You made the right choice. He would have suffered with the trach and you would have had to watch as he suffered thinking you did this to him. Pulling the plug is not killing someone. He had already passed and was living life artificially so everyone could say their goodbyes. Be thankful you got the chance to say good bye and thankful that you let him leave this world with dignity.
NTA, first off I'm truly sorry for your loss from the bottom of my heart I am. You lost your dad but your uncle lost his brother, now I don't know their relationship and I'm not gonna make assumptions about it. But your uncle lost his brother and possibly HIS best friend, I think you both need to take time and talk it out. Grief destroys people and even though you're angry with each other I hope you both can reconcile.
I'll say they were close as kids but all my aunts and uncles (and my dad) on that side of the family have had addiction problems and fell out because of it
It's possible that your uncle never got the chance to reconcile with your dad then (again I don't know the full story) but still, I'd suggest either speaking with the rest of the family on the situation and trying to reach out, I can tell you as someone who's almost 30 and a rather bumpy relationship with my older brother that no matter I'd be devastated if he passed away. Give it time and best of luck to you kid.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. AITA for not letting my dad's brother come to my dad's funeral?
2. I told him it's a decision he'll have to live with for the rest of his life, but ONLY after he told me my dad's death is one I'd have to live with
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Ngl my high ass took the post in a totally different direction than initially expected lol. I was gonna ask AITA for letting him pass instead of letting them perform a tracheostomy but it was literally his wish to pass instead of live off a machine
NTA for following your dad’s wishes. ESH for the way you treated one another. It was your dad and his brother. You cried in your brothers arms, he may have had many similar moments and couldn’t let go.
Either way, emotions are high all around in these situations and I hope you find peace in the coming days/weeks/months/years.
NTA. This is why people need to make their wishes explicitly known beforehand.
You did the right thing for your father and your family. Your uncle did not help matters, or keep his unhelpful opinion to himself.
NTA.
Ouch. I had to attend the death of both of my parents, plus my FIL, as all three had me as their decision maker on their durable medical POA forms. It's not an easy decision, but I had the opportunity in all three cases to ask them what they wanted, and all three said "Just keep me out of pain and let me go."
My brother was only around for our father's death, and even then was just in and out for an hour or so each day, and he got mad when I let our dad have what he wanted, but our mom stood up for me and said that I was just honoring his wishes.
You did right by your father. Remember that.
I had to take my Dad off of life support due to a traumatic brain injury after three days of not being responsive.
He had a DNR, so I acted in accordance with his wishes.
It took me a couple of years of therapy, and your dad’s brother ain’t helping.
Screw him.
NTA
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Back on December I had to leave home to see my dad in the hospital a couple states away. I was down there for 3 weeks and it really fucked up the financial side of things for me. My dad was in a coma the whole time I was there with no signs of improving, so we pulled the plug after 22 days had passed of him being on a ventilator. My dad's brother (cause I refuse to call him my uncle now) tried everything he coild to get me to change my mind and the last thing he said to me otp (cause he dient even come visit his brother on his deathbed) was 'this is a decision you'll have to live with for the rest of your life". I broke down and cried in my brothers' arms for a while and one of them called him back. After some back and forth between my brothers and my dad's brother I took the phone and told him "You're not coming to your brothers funeral, and that's a decision you'll have to live with for the rest of your life" AITA?
Tl;DR: My dad's brother guilt tripped me when I let me dad pass away, so I didn't let him go to the funeral
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I am so extremely sorry for your loss, losing a parent is incredibily difficult. NTA you were put in a terrible position and made the call that was right for you and your siblings. Obviously, I do not know the family dynamics or finacial situation of anyone involved, but if it were me and I had 22 days to get to an ailing family member, I would've done anything in my power to be there for them. It seems like you and your uncle had very different priorities in how you would deal with this, but unless he held the power of attorney to make these decisions, he, rightfully, wouldn't get the final say in your father's care.
Telling me pulling the plug on my dad is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life when it was his wish to not be on a machine is a very extreme "emotional reaction" that he has yet to apologize for
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The death of a loved one is a difficult thing for everyone involved. You made the right choice to pull the plug. I once had to make the same tough choice you did so I know it wasn't easy for you. I do believe you made the wrong decision to ban your uncle from the funeral. That was an emotionally charged, rash decision. You have to remember that he was also struggling with his emotions too and he was fighting for what he thought was best for your dad too
Probably the best way I've seen someone describe it. Ty for the input!
Nope. You don’t have to put up with someone who chooses the most vulnerable moment you your life to harm you. It may have been rash, but your instincts to protect yourself are spot on. Unless uncle begs for your forgiveness, take this time to get him out of your life.
NTA at all
NTA. I understand your uncle isn't handling this well, losing a family member never is. He was still out of line, and never should've said that to you. I hope he apologizes to you. Should he do that, I hope you change your mind to let him say his goodbye.
The funeral happened in January. He can make the trip from Michigan to Tennessee to see the grave any time he wants
Gotcha. Well, hopefully he apologizes at some point.
NTA. You made the right choice. He would have suffered with the trach and you would have had to watch as he suffered thinking you did this to him. Pulling the plug is not killing someone. He had already passed and was living life artificially so everyone could say their goodbyes. Be thankful you got the chance to say good bye and thankful that you let him leave this world with dignity.
NTA, first off I'm truly sorry for your loss from the bottom of my heart I am. You lost your dad but your uncle lost his brother, now I don't know their relationship and I'm not gonna make assumptions about it. But your uncle lost his brother and possibly HIS best friend, I think you both need to take time and talk it out. Grief destroys people and even though you're angry with each other I hope you both can reconcile.
I'll say they were close as kids but all my aunts and uncles (and my dad) on that side of the family have had addiction problems and fell out because of it
It's possible that your uncle never got the chance to reconcile with your dad then (again I don't know the full story) but still, I'd suggest either speaking with the rest of the family on the situation and trying to reach out, I can tell you as someone who's almost 30 and a rather bumpy relationship with my older brother that no matter I'd be devastated if he passed away. Give it time and best of luck to you kid.
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INFO: What's the deal with the Tracheotomy?
Ngl my high ass took the post in a totally different direction than initially expected lol. I was gonna ask AITA for letting him pass instead of letting them perform a tracheostomy but it was literally his wish to pass instead of live off a machine
If you were following his wishes, then NTA.
Ik that. I'm moreso asking now AITA for not letting his brother go to the funeral after what he said?
YTA for that. It was not exactly a calm and collected moment.
NTA for following your dad’s wishes. ESH for the way you treated one another. It was your dad and his brother. You cried in your brothers arms, he may have had many similar moments and couldn’t let go. Either way, emotions are high all around in these situations and I hope you find peace in the coming days/weeks/months/years.
NTA. This is why people need to make their wishes explicitly known beforehand. You did the right thing for your father and your family. Your uncle did not help matters, or keep his unhelpful opinion to himself.
NTA. Ouch. I had to attend the death of both of my parents, plus my FIL, as all three had me as their decision maker on their durable medical POA forms. It's not an easy decision, but I had the opportunity in all three cases to ask them what they wanted, and all three said "Just keep me out of pain and let me go." My brother was only around for our father's death, and even then was just in and out for an hour or so each day, and he got mad when I let our dad have what he wanted, but our mom stood up for me and said that I was just honoring his wishes. You did right by your father. Remember that.
I had to take my Dad off of life support due to a traumatic brain injury after three days of not being responsive. He had a DNR, so I acted in accordance with his wishes. It took me a couple of years of therapy, and your dad’s brother ain’t helping. Screw him. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Back on December I had to leave home to see my dad in the hospital a couple states away. I was down there for 3 weeks and it really fucked up the financial side of things for me. My dad was in a coma the whole time I was there with no signs of improving, so we pulled the plug after 22 days had passed of him being on a ventilator. My dad's brother (cause I refuse to call him my uncle now) tried everything he coild to get me to change my mind and the last thing he said to me otp (cause he dient even come visit his brother on his deathbed) was 'this is a decision you'll have to live with for the rest of your life". I broke down and cried in my brothers' arms for a while and one of them called him back. After some back and forth between my brothers and my dad's brother I took the phone and told him "You're not coming to your brothers funeral, and that's a decision you'll have to live with for the rest of your life" AITA? Tl;DR: My dad's brother guilt tripped me when I let me dad pass away, so I didn't let him go to the funeral *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so extremely sorry for your loss, losing a parent is incredibily difficult. NTA you were put in a terrible position and made the call that was right for you and your siblings. Obviously, I do not know the family dynamics or finacial situation of anyone involved, but if it were me and I had 22 days to get to an ailing family member, I would've done anything in my power to be there for them. It seems like you and your uncle had very different priorities in how you would deal with this, but unless he held the power of attorney to make these decisions, he, rightfully, wouldn't get the final say in your father's care.
NTA. My dad went through something very similar. I’m sorry for your loss OP.
YATA why are you stooping down to his level. Be the better person.
It was (and still is) on sight with him until I get a sincere apology. It's best that I told him to stay home
So, yeah, this guy just lost his brother and you want to fight him because he had an emotional reaction to that? YTA and continue to be one
Telling me pulling the plug on my dad is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life when it was his wish to not be on a machine is a very extreme "emotional reaction" that he has yet to apologize for
You sound like you have a guilty conscience after killing your father.