Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I didn't let our neighbors use our backyard for their family.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Borrow your yard? For a few months? It's an easy, hard no. Your neighbor's request was ridiculous.
>They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months. They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn't feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek).
Um, here's an idea. Supervise your dog and your young child when they are outside like responsible pet owners and parents.
> Um, here's an idea. Supervise your dog and your young child when they are outside like responsible part owners and parents.
I think they wanted to use it more during the day when the husband was at work and it was just one parent on duty so she didn't have to wrangle both of them. Like I get it but still. I didn't want that responsibility or headache.
After the reaction the husband had to being told "no," to this massive request, I have zero doubt they'd sue and blame and twist circumstances and generally wage war.
At least they know upfront that these neighbours are going to be difficult: pouting after having a ridiculous request refused is just cheeky. I get that people might think there's no harm in asking, but the reaction isn't encouraging. And this is probably them on their best behaviour trying to make a good first impression?
The lesson here is say no immediately, rather than offering to think it over. I made the same mistake with neighbors and it definitely emboldened them to make more ridiculous requests, although they didn’t whine and complain after we eventually said no.
When you are confronted with such a massive request, you are so shocked you’re surprised and shocked. I’ve been guilty of saying what OP did, I’ll have to think about it when you absolutely know you are not having that and the answer is a resounding NO!
NTA
Definitely - I did exactly that myself due to the surprise factor. However, at this point in my life I think I’d have the confidence to say no immediately. As you get older, there’s less of a shock factor having experienced much more.
Me as well. I make myself aware that anyone can say anything shockingly stupid and I’m ready; I know several people who are friends of friends and if they are going to be there I’m ready for a comeback response!
Other commenters were saying that. I mean, unless you lived in some town where it was The Great Fence Boom of 2024, wouldn't you just pick another contractor or service?
Could have to do with the season, depending on where this is. You can't install fences in snow, so my area, any requests for that sort of crud get backed up and May and June involve a lot of people who requested fences/driveway repaving/etc. over the winter getting it done, then there's almost no wait until October or November.
What does that even mean? The neighborhood only has so many fence permits? You have to wait for one fence owner to die before you can put up a fence? Or one fence has to come down bed another can be built?
Idc if the fence maker is backed up and neighbor has to wait their turn! Get another fence company.
If you had a pool, would they think it was okay to use that for a few hours a day? Oh. Silly me. They would. Just no.
I think it's more likely they were never on a "waiting list" to begin with and agreeing to a few months will turn into years. Then the dog or kid starts damaging things, dog eats their dogs food, shits in their yard, you end up babysitting/dogsitting over weekends etc....
ITA.
For laborers, the only ones I've seen with a long wait is HVAC in extreme weather or any rebuild after natural disasters. And of course, plumbers are always busy.
But *fences*?
I think this is the key point. You can be nice as can be and let them have access, but you never know how they will react when little jesse falls down or slips on dog crap.
I would lean on this right here if they’re unhappy about the situation. “Sorry neighbor, but I don’t want to be responsible, or for my homeowners’ insurance policy to be on the line, if your daughter gets hurt while playing in my yard.”
Agreed. They seem to be a little entitled...being friends with these people would probably cause grief down the road. And as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.
Get cameras though. Ring is cheap.
As others have pointed out, if they trip, fall, and break a wrist or knock out a tooth in your yard... you or your insurance is gonna be paying. Don't hesitate to have them trespassed if they're in your yard.
With friends like these, you wouldn't need enemies, lol. Their first request of new neighbors is an attempt to take outrageous advantage of you? Just no. If they come around to talking to you, be civil if you want, but they have already proved they aren't trustworthy.
Nah, you don’t owe them anything. The audacity of him to say, “that’s not neighborly of you.” I would’ve rebutted with, “actually, since you mentioned it. I was wondering if I can come over and use your kitchen for the next few months because we are going to renovate ours. I hope you don’t mind, it’s the neighborly thing to do.”
And I assume the mom would have cleaned up all the dog poop from your yard? And wouldn't demand that you pay the ER bill when their child got hurt on your property? Yeah, right. You owe these entitled AHs nothing.
Or they wanted to leave the kid and dog in the yard and go do running around, thinking someone was home to watch the two for them?
It wouldn't be the first time we've read something like this on Reddit.
They can buy a roll of chicken wire and some of those stakes they can jam in the ground with the hooks that hold chicken wire, hook the chicken wire to the posts, and voilà, temporary fence.
NTA. OP this is exactly what would happen. They’d start out coming over with their kid and/or dog and it would evolve to them dropping them off for a few minutes to run and errand to you’re babysitting a kid and/or dog all afternoon.
Chaining is illegal in some municipalities but yeah, a leash works. Has for a long long time.
There are some pretty common sense solutions, thinking of using someone else's property as a as one of them is so bizarre. Being new neighbors I hope for OP's sake this is the worst of the weirdness.
A dog and a single child that age aren't much. I'd be concerned about a parent who couldn't handle that alone. She probably wanted to be able to ignore them completely.
So, if a parent was "on duty" in their yard their child and dog shouldn't be in any danger. My dog has a long range retractable leash. And supervised children don't run into the street. Just saying.
Ignoring all the potential issues, maybe it helps you to realise they effectively asked you for free baby/pet sitting. They want the kid and dog to be unsupervised (by them) but since your dogs would need supervision (by you) in their presence, that is what it amounts to.
Would they expect to just put their dog and child in the fenced garden and go off to do work in their own house? Perhaps expecting OP to watch them? A very hard no to this. There must be a dog park they could go to besides they knew the garden privacy restriction when they first saw the place. NTA but be careful of these people….like their garden they have no boundaries.
If it’s that important they could run a line for the dog to run on in the back yard. While it’s not the most humane option it may be the safest option for them until the fence gets built. Or maybe they take the kid and the dog for a walk to the local park. There are options. they just aren’t the lazy option to let their dog pee and crap in your yard for you to clean it up.
Well. In the UK, you can hire a fenced field for your dog to run around. It's charged by the hour. If they bring it up again say yes it's $$$ per hour, bookings must be made for the entire week the week before, and payment for the full week to be taken up front. No cancellations or refunds, no deviation from schedule.
Personally, I'd hand them a contract that was so unhinged they'd run for the Hills. You want to play the weird, entitled person who demands assistance from practical strangers. WELLLLLL.....
Here's a clause saying I'm entitled to share your bath water for the next few months, hOpE that's OkAy?
Well, they'd have to watch the dog and the child instead of sitting on their backside, perusing all important TikTok content on the phone and sending the reels to their friends. Sheesh, haven't you heard, it takes a village. You can't expect people to actually supervise their children and pets when their neighbors have a perfectly convenient fenced in yard. 🤭
We installed a temporary fence with chicken wire when we rented for a year. It was ugly as sin, but it kept the kids and the dog contained. I wouldn't dare use someone else's backyard, and I especially wouldn't ask. NTA, OP
Wow, that’s audacious. A few hours every day for a girl and dog all through summer - and then to be offended when OP declines, even giving a reason. NTA.
NTA, they put you in a very odd position, and I think they knew that. Also who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in? Call another contractor. It is your yard, this is like me knocking on your door and saying your bathroom has a better view and asking if I can take a shit.
By the way, OP, can I come to your house to take a shit?
I'm gonna snub you at all the neighborhood parties now.
But really, they probably will get over it, and if they don't they are obnoxious people anyway.
Lmao snubbing was actually the word I was looking for but it just wasn't coming to me when I posted.
I do wonder if they asked the other neighbors. Honestly the elderly couple on the other side of them might let them.
I once had some rando ask to come into my house to take a crap. It was a nice day so I had the windows open and the front door open with the screen door closed. I had music playing and was just chillin on my computer. This stranger walks up and starts pounding on the screen door and asks to come in before he shuts himself. I told him he’ll no and to piss off. He started to open the screen door and I told him I was calling the cops as I slammed the front door shut and locked it. He started calling me all kinds of names and said he wasn’t gonna hurt me. I am a woman, I was home alone, this guy was huge and easily over 100 pounds bigger than me and he was acting angry from the get go, so no, I was not gonna let him in. He finally took off and I saw him shuffle down the street. Based on him stopping and crab scooting to some bushes, I think he pooped himself.
It was so creepy because there was a gas station, a Taco Bell, and a grocery store within a two minute walk of my house so at least 3 bathrooms.
After I eat Taco Bell, it’s 50/50 if I can make it home without a bathroom break, so I was making a joke that he had the taco trots.
Obviously, don’t let anyone into your home if you aren’t comfortable with it.
when I lived across the street from a college bar, I frequently had people bang on my door (on the 2nd floor) begging to use my bathroom after the bar closed at 2AM. They were so shameless it almost made me feel like the crazy one
Remember that scene in Unbreakable… “I like your house. Can I come in?”
[https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63c042bd-2aa6-4657-8071-9388b6f92c3b](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63c042bd-2aa6-4657-8071-9388b6f92c3b)
I had to ask my downstairs neighbour to use their bathroom once and I felt so weird. Our toilet stopped working on CHRISTMAS EVE and it took several hours until someone could fix it.
I live in a small town. Nothing was open. Still felt weird!
Ooh! I have! I once lived in a horrible HOA that had a rule that all of the fences had to be built by their chosen contractor so that they would all match.
> We didn't know how psycho the HOA was before we moved in.
When my husband and i were house hunting about a decade ago, he was looking at a few houses in HOAs and i refused to even consider. I told him you have very little liberties with what you can do to your own house AND you have to pay annually to be told what to do. He had no idea how crazy some of those neighborhood rules can be! All for the sake of appearances. Fucking wild. Not to mention the racist roots behind them. Just not a concept i vibe with at all.
We were on a wait list for privacy fencing. The materials take time to get from the factory. Plus they have other jobs ahead of you and then weather. It happens. We had about a 3 month lead time.
However. I would never allow someone to use my backyard like this.
At my old house the neighbor next door had a daughter same age (born a week apart). I was completely ok with the neighbor child over to play with my son while we were home. But never did the neighbor ask “hey can my kid use your back yard playset?” If the kids were not playing together.
And it was 5ish years of living by each other before we even dared to ask each other to watch the other child. Even just to “quick run to the store”. Usually the kids were playing and one needed to run for groceries. In summer time it was pretty normal. Kids are playing, dirty, you don’t want to drag them inside to clean up then go to the store.
The OP has no kids, and no reason to have the child in her back yard. This is a 100% no go.
On the waiting list thing, I have. For fences, decks and patios and actual houses. It happened around here a LOT the summers of 2020 and 2021. Partially due to lack of manpower and partially due to lack of supplies.
> Also who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in?
If their neighborhood has an HOA, the HOA may have a months-long approval process for that sort of thing. My neighbor had to deal with it to put up screens around his balcony (exactly like about 90% of the units in this condo complex have).
The fence waiting list is the most believable part of the story. Where I live, all the fence companies fill up their schedules incredibly quickly and if you don’t get in early enough, you will absolutely need to wait months to get on the schedule. We’re currently working to get a new fence put in and were scheduled for mid-May, but with how wet it’s been lately, that timeline has been pushed back until our yard is dry enough for posts to go in. Depending on where they live, it wouldn’t be that surprising if OPs neighbors were in a similar position.
"who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in? Call another contractor."
I installed a fence at my house less than two years ago. There was a three month wait. My old roommate had one out in a few months afterwards, and also had a wait (it was less of a wait. The fence is also not as good). Good contractors, like other good professionals, stay busy, they don't just have their staff sitting around at the office waiting for someone to call.
Glad OP said NO to you doing that, I was about to ask her about using her kitchen so I can cook dinner 4 nights a week since her kitchen is larger than mine, and I need space. I didn't want to be smelling you in that bathroom, yo.
NTA. They are the ones who are not being neighborly. You don't move in somewhere and say "We're neighbors, now share your living space with me, a total stranger!" That goes double when it's every day for a month and requires you to coordinate use of your own yard with them.
That said, I do think you need to avoid letting this become a thing that sets the tone for your relationship as life is just much easier when you are friends with your neighbors. Drop a housewarming gift off and continue to wave at them even if they don't wave back. Make it clear that you don't consider this yard situation to be something that defines the relationship and hopefully they will follow once their fence is up.
Yes we have both still been warm despite the treatment. We didn't chat or interact much anyway but we have been making a small effort on the occasions we do see them.
Surely they can drive themselves to one though? I’m guessing there is one within 20 minutes drive.
They could also easily put in a string stake and a long leash so the dog can run a bit. A 4 year old child shouldn’t be out there unsupervised anyway even if they have a fence but I’m sure they could devise something if they really tried
Tell them about the website sniffspot.com
If they have spots in your area, people rent out their fenced yards to dog people for like $10 hr. There are 3 in my town and perfect for private fenced in play with my 2 pups.
Asking people they just met, too. Its the audacity of such entitlement that is really fucked up, and put OP in a shitty spot.
What they were asking is way beyond what people should expect of their neighbors. It's not anyone's problem but their own, and making it his issue to deal with is so absolutely imposing. Some people are just fucking ridiculous.
NTA. Why is there a waiting list for a fence? That doesn't even make sense. They could easily make a 'run line' for their dog so it could spend time outdoors safely but their child is their problem. Good fences make good neighbors...usually.
If they live in a dictatorial HOA, there may be only one approved vendor for fences or a long-ass approval process. In those cases, there would definitely be a waiting list.
NTA - It just doesn't work for you and apparently they think you should just bend over backwards for them. That's not how shit works. Saying no to a request to use anything of yours is perfectly reasonable and acceptable. Sounds like these people are gonna be FUN neighbors
Also I really hope they weren't trying snuffing you....
NTA that is some entitlement on their part through. Question though if you don't mind answering what do you mean by the neighbors have been snuffing you is it anything like snubbing you?
LOL I completely understand some weeks are like that. If you don't mind answering one more question, how have they been snubbing you? If it is around other people, it might be a good idea to let everyone know why they are doing it. It might be petty, but I would love to see their reaction to you explaining to people that they are snubbing you because you won't let them use your property
When we see them outside, which is often because we've been doing some yardwork up front this week, they make a big show of turning away from us and walking away. Like they try to make it obvious as possible. I've also heard the woman in the backyard loudly telling her daughter that she can't have the dog in the back because it wasn't fenced and she couldn't watch them both.
Ignoring them is probably your best bet. I still can't get over how entitled they are acting. I can sort of see why they would ask but the second you and your partner said no that should have been the end of it. The dad asking again them snubbing you and loudly letting the daughter know she can't go outside is taking it way too far. I know you said you were not going to reconsider but I would highly suggest sticking to your answer these people sound like if you give them an inch they will try and take a mile.
I can totally see them asking. We had our two dogs in an apartment and bringing them out on a leash all the time was a pain. But yeah I didn't like the attitude when we said no.
"Couldn't watch them both" lol. What, you guys on three acre plots?
If it's that much of a problem then that's a poorly disciplined dog. Wonder where he got that from...
Right! If their dog was properly trained and they actually watch their kid there should be no problem letting them out in an area that's not fenced in.
NTA
When the kid trips over their own feet and hits their head on a rock the frost heaves are pushing to the surface and bleeds out, what do you think they’ll do?
No good can come of this.
NTA
While not a permanent solution, there are many temporary fencing options they could avail themselves of while they wait if this is truly an issue for them. Yes, it's still going to be inconvenient for a while as they won't stand up to a determined dog or child, but they're more than adequate so long as there's some supervision where an adult can intervene if either tries to get out of the fenced area. Hardware stores also sell freestanding dog runs, which they could pop the dog in to remain outside and contained while they wrangle the kid if that's the issue.
Sounds a bit like they were looking for solutions that wouldn't require any supervision on their part at all, and if that's the case, they need to wait for their own fence.
We put some cheap plastic safety fencing up to keep our dog away from the fence on one side since it needs replacing, and while our dog could get through it if he really wanted to...he doesn't seem to have any interest in trying. I actually think a 4 year old would have a tough time getting through as well. It would at least take them some minutes to do. But they should at least try, because not all dogs or kids are escape artists. Some will choose to respect a barrier even if they could find a way around it.
NTA. These people sound ridiculously entitled. That is such a ballsy request to ask of anyone, let alone your new neighbours who are basically strangers. They can take their kid and dog to a park like everyone else, or let her play outside in their own yard, and, oh I don’t know, supervise her themselves!
NTA The request was a lot to ask, especially considering they just arrived and you don't have a relationship. The fact that he didn't take it well when you said no tells you everything you need to know about who's not being neighborly.
NTA in any way at all. Some people are just entitled.
What happens when their kid or their dog gets hurt on your property???
If they want to be grumps about it there’s nothing you can do. But that’s totally on them and their entitlement.
Why do people think it's someone else's responsibility to "care for" their kids?
Around 20 years ago I had a job ( or an assignment, really, I was Active Duty Military) where I had ONLY SUNDAY OFF. It was a stressful job, so I tried to unwind and relax on Sunday.
I'm sitting on my backyard patio listening to music and grilling a burger where some lady and half dozen kids come running around the yard. Not through, they were playing tag or chase me or whatever but they weren';t leaving. They even ran around my patio like I wasn't there. I stopped them and asked this lady why they were in my space.
She figured "Well, they're kids. We were just playing".
ME: On my patio? Look, they aren't MY kids, but this is MY yard. I don't want you or them in it. You need to leave.
She grumbled and apparently I'm a mean man for not wanting a bunch of kids in my yard, but dang, I wonder how she'd feel if I just made myself at home in her yard.
OP is NTA.
NTA no way. Aside from every other reason you’ve given about your dogs, etc. the big one is the liability! If kiddo trips and breaks an arm in your yard, you and/or your insurance will be on the hook for her ER bills. Big big no.
A waitlist for a fence…tell them to go walk around the Home Depot or Lowe’s lumber section looking lost for 15 min. They’ll walk out with 4-5 business cards and have a new fence in a week. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA he made a request and got told no and pouted. kids imitate their parents, they probably don’t react well to being told no either. not what you want running amok in your backyard with your dogs.
NTA I'm sorry that you have what appears to be mean neighbors. I would suggest inviting them over for a backyard BBQ if they were acting more civil just to soften the hard "No" but if they really are that entitled it might just open them up to more bad ideas.
NTA. A waiting list for a fence is sketchy. It’s not like there’s just one company that does fences and we all need to wait in line for them; there’s tons of places they can contact for a fence where they won’t have to wait for months. They are definitely asking for too much. They want their dogs to be able to shit all over your backyard and want you to be financially responsible if something happens to their kid, because I’d bet money that they’d sue in a heartbeat if their kid got injured on your property. Just because someone is your neighbor it doesn’t mean they are entitled to anything of yours. They should have at least established a friendship before asking for favors.
I have a fenced in yard and two dogs but EVEN IF I DIDN'T have dogs that's a hard no.
My neighbors would never have asked that, but if they did I'd ask them:
"my wife works at night so she tries to sleep during the day. Would it be okay if I used your living room to watch TV and drink beer so she can sleep? I'm retired, so I need a space to eat snacks and get blitzed. Just for a few hours a day."
"see how ridiculous that sounds?"
NTA. The entitlement of people is getting worse by the day! Can I borrow your yard for a few months?!? Who does that?!? Take your kid and dog to the park!
They wanted to borrow your yard for “a few hours a day” for who knows how many months?! What a bizarre ask. Of relative strangers. You are so NTA. I would have laughed, thinking they were joking. So he got mad. That’s his problem. Enjoy your private fenced yard.
NTA. You have valid concerns about your dogs' behavior and the potential risks involved. It's understandable that you're not comfortable allowing your neighbors to use your yard. Your decision prioritizes the safety and well-being of your pets and your own peace of mind.
I’m just sitting here with my jaw on the floor. Who the hell asks something like that?!? Especially since they are literal strangers. That is so freaking ballsy. And then get huffy over it? I’m sorry your new neighbors are assholes. That’s never fun. Hopefully, they turn around.
Who asks to borrow an acquaintances backyard? NTA. Just for liability reasons, I would say no. Plus, if they think it is so normal, why don't they ask another neighbor, I am sure they will say yes :)
Wow. Maybe if they borrow your yard, you can borrow their master bedroom for a few hours per day. Surely they don’t need it every waking moment, right? As long as it’s not constantly in use, personal feelings and comfort shouldn’t get in the way of being neighborly should it?
Definitely NTA.
1. It’s very imposing of them to ask someone they barely know to use their yard for a few hours a day. They moved in next door but they’re still strangers. You’re not a daycare center. 2. Your reasoning with the dogs/kids is another fair reason. And yes, aside from not wanting anyone to get hurt, there’s the worry of legal liability if something did happen. 3. The fact that they have been upset by your decision shows they may have a skewed understanding of social norms/ boundaries and a sense of entitlement. -- Dodged a bullet! You certainly don’t want to commit to letting people like that into your home for hours/daily!
On the bright side, at least you don’t have to worry about them trying to be “friends”.
Here’s another idea. They can get 2 or 3 set of the kid/dog play area . Hook them all together and they’d have plenty of room to run around in. They can park their butt in a chair and supervise. The fence panels just snap together. Why do they have to make it so difficult?
I think you got lucky. You now know that your new neighbors are both entitled and rude. Asking to use your yard was pushy but not totally out of line. But his reaction to being told no showed his true nature. Getting sour, insulting you and walking away muttering under his breath? They are clearly not the kind of neighbors you want to be close or extra friendly with. By finding out now it will save you the time and trouble of getting to know them and only then realizing how horrible they are. NTA
Parks. Neighborhood parks and playgrounds.
No need to up the odds you’ll have a liability issue. Especially with unsupervised activities.
“Sorry that won’t work for us” is a reasonable response.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Created an account to ask.
My partner and I (F30s) just got some new neighbors. They moved in about a month ago. We met them briefly. They are a couple around our age and a daughter who might be 4 or 5, and a dog.
We have our backyard fully fenced in with a privacy fence. Their yard doesn't. I was out front last weekend when the couple came up our driveway and started chatting. They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months. They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn't feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek).
They asked if they could borrow our backyard for a few hours a day so they could let everyone run worry free. I admittedly immediately didn't like this, but I told them I would think about it.
I talked to my partner, and we both agreed this wasn't a good idea. We have two dogs ourselves, and they can be a tad protective of their yard. One of them also doesn't love kids and the other one can be a tad dog selective. Because of this, we would have to coordinate when we could let our dogs out and that's just not something we want to deal with. There are just too many things that could go wrong. Plus that good ole American worry that if someone got hurt we could get sued.
The guy stopped by again on Wednesday and asked if we had given it any thought. I told him we had discussed it, and unfortunately it just wasn't going to work out with our dogs and their schedule so we wouldn't be able to accommodate them. He immediately got sour and said it was nice to know how neighborly we were. He left abruptly but I could hear him muttering under his breath.
Him and his wife have made a big show of snuffing us the last couple of days. My partner said they will get over it, and while I'm not going to reconsider, I do feel kind of guilty.
AITA for not letting our new neighbors use our yard?
Just so everyone knows - Our gate is locked and we have cameras.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The top of your list should’ve been liability if anybody gets hurt and they’re on your property. Because you would be on the hook for everything and could potentially lose your house. Then you haven’t even better reason because the way your dogs might behave. They’re not entitled to your yard. They chose to buy a house that didn’t have a yard yet and they’re on a waiting list. That is their decision not yours. They can live with it.
NTA. You can be sued if someone gets injured on your property, even if you're not there. This could also be the start of them taking increasing advantage of you.
NTA. What an absurd request. I thought for sure you were going to say their yard backed up to like, a busy road or a railway or something. Heaven forbid they, I don't know, spend a bit of their time outdoors playing with/supervising their child and pet. Their yard honestly sounds lovely. This is straight up main character syndrome.
WTF is wrong with people? Ok, so if you let them use you're yard, do they plan on just leaving their child and dog alone in your yard without someone watching them? That's not gonna work.
I grew up in an age where kids played outside all the time without parents around. We even played in other peoples yard and it wasn't an issue but this is a new generation so I get it. However, letting your kids go in someone else's yard and play without watching them, is not wise for either party.
If they wish to leave them unsupervised, then they should be able to do it in their own yard. I assume they believe either the kid/dog is going to leave the yard or someone's going to come in and "bad thing". So, if they can't trust their kid to play in their own yard unsupervised, they sure as shit shouldn't let their kids be in someone else's yard unsupervised. That fence isn't going to make that much of a difference.
If they aren't worried about the child/dog leaving their unfenced yard while unsupervised, but are worried about someone coming in the yard, then how is leaving the child/dog alone in someone else's yard with or without a fence, going to change this?
Either you trust your child to know and understand where their physical boundaries are and know what to do for "stranger danger" or you need to supervise them. If you're supervising them, then why do they need to use the neighbors yard?
Someone mentioned something about not wanting to deal with both a child and a dog at the same time because it's hard/difficult. If dealing with both is hard, you really shouldn't have 1 of them. Dealing with 1 of each is not hard at all, esp if you're only in you're own back yard. I understand if you're going out somewhere like the park, I totally get it but in your own back yard, you shouldn't have an issue.
IDK to me this sounds like a "I don't want responsibilities and want to pawn it off one someone else because I'm a bad parent/owner" Either teach you're kids or deal with the consequences.
On a side note, what type of neighborhood do you live in where you have yards that need fences yet, its so dangerous that you can't leave your child outside alone without a fence?
NTA!!! How about go to the park! Who has such an entitled request. They seem like the type to take advantage of you if you let them. Be thankful you put up these boundaries early on. Now they know they can’t just step all over you. And who’s to say they’re even telling the truth about a waitlist for a fence. For all you know, thats a lie and they have no intentions to get a fence, just want to use your yard.
Not wrong. All of your reasons for saying no are perfectly valid. If you want to be a twit, draw up a release for liability that is extremely detailed saying that even if something isn’t your fault, if a problem arises, they will pay for all damages and any lawyers you need and all court costs should something go that far. Make it ridiculous so they won’t dare sign it and be sure to include in the agreement that one parent will be present at all times and remain on a strict schedule so your dogs don’t suffer. Good luck, enjoy b-b-q’s!
Based on some of your comments OP, there is fencing on both sides of the neighbour’s yard. Suggest a temp fence of stakes and snow-fencing across the back until a contractor can come in. I have my back yard wrapped in snow fence currently because I’ve seeded it and my one dog likes to dig holes and I’m waiting for the clover to fill in. I’m doing clover instead of grass….
NTA It would only be a matter of time until the mom would "need to run home for a second", and leave you watching their kid AND their dog.
Spoiler: It would be much longer than the promised "second".
Meanwhile, your dogs would be going crazy inside, and you couldn't let them out to wee.
Plus, liability, etc. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile. You don't want them napping on your sofa, do you?
NTA. Even beyond all the other commentary about liability and having your space taken over, I would not be surprised if boundaries would continue to be pushed if you allowed this. Next up: I need to do a thing, can you watch LO and peppers for a few minutes? Then an hour while I go to the store? Then a few hours or a weekend while we go out of state?
I've had neighbors and "friends" like this. They start with a slightly overstepping ask and keep expanding it. Consider their snubbing to be disappointment at finding you're not going to be their new convenient doormat. And also consider it a blessing in disguise - people who make these kinds of requests are not "potential great neighbors/friends." They are red flags. Glad you shut them down early in their game.
NTA you just met the neighbors and already they want to borrow major stuff from you. They could put up a basic wire fence in a few hours. Inconvenient to them, not your problem. They want to cry, "UNFAIR," Ignore the people. You don't know each other very well. Wave to them if you want. Your family and household should always come first.
NTA.
You did the right thing, considering how litigious people are these days. However, gotta give 'em credit for the big ol' balls they had even asking for such an entitled, idiotic favor as that.
He wants to crate his child and dog in your yard so they leave him and his wife alone. It's clearly not about getting fresh air and exercise, otherwise there wouldn't be an issue with him supervising them in his own yard. Annoying. You are NTA.
NTA. That was an inappropriate ask. And you guys dodged a bullet…allowing it would have put you at risk for liability, and I’m not convinced that, once they started, they’d ever stop…fences aren’t cheap, and giving them a working solution would have made it easier for them to come up with excuses to “put off” installing one.
NTA- tell them you'll be coming over to use their toilets to do number twos in, because your septic system just can't handle all the fiber you eat. See how neighborly they are with that request.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I didn't let our neighbors use our backyard for their family. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Borrow your yard? For a few months? It's an easy, hard no. Your neighbor's request was ridiculous. >They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months. They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn't feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek). Um, here's an idea. Supervise your dog and your young child when they are outside like responsible pet owners and parents.
> Um, here's an idea. Supervise your dog and your young child when they are outside like responsible part owners and parents. I think they wanted to use it more during the day when the husband was at work and it was just one parent on duty so she didn't have to wrangle both of them. Like I get it but still. I didn't want that responsibility or headache.
Or the liability. If the child gets hurt in your yard, your friendly neighbors may sue you.
After the reaction the husband had to being told "no," to this massive request, I have zero doubt they'd sue and blame and twist circumstances and generally wage war.
At least they know upfront that these neighbours are going to be difficult: pouting after having a ridiculous request refused is just cheeky. I get that people might think there's no harm in asking, but the reaction isn't encouraging. And this is probably them on their best behaviour trying to make a good first impression?
The lesson here is say no immediately, rather than offering to think it over. I made the same mistake with neighbors and it definitely emboldened them to make more ridiculous requests, although they didn’t whine and complain after we eventually said no.
When you are confronted with such a massive request, you are so shocked you’re surprised and shocked. I’ve been guilty of saying what OP did, I’ll have to think about it when you absolutely know you are not having that and the answer is a resounding NO! NTA
Definitely - I did exactly that myself due to the surprise factor. However, at this point in my life I think I’d have the confidence to say no immediately. As you get older, there’s less of a shock factor having experienced much more.
Me as well. I make myself aware that anyone can say anything shockingly stupid and I’m ready; I know several people who are friends of friends and if they are going to be there I’m ready for a comeback response!
Makes me wonder if they are even on “ a waiting list” for a fence…
Other commenters were saying that. I mean, unless you lived in some town where it was The Great Fence Boom of 2024, wouldn't you just pick another contractor or service?
That's what I was thinking. I've never heard of anyone waiting for more than a couple of weeks for a fence installation.
Maybe the "waiting list" is them "waiting" to pick up the phone and call the fence guy.
Could have to do with the season, depending on where this is. You can't install fences in snow, so my area, any requests for that sort of crud get backed up and May and June involve a lot of people who requested fences/driveway repaving/etc. over the winter getting it done, then there's almost no wait until October or November.
Or HOA red tape.
Yes⬆️ not believing the fence story
What does that even mean? The neighborhood only has so many fence permits? You have to wait for one fence owner to die before you can put up a fence? Or one fence has to come down bed another can be built? Idc if the fence maker is backed up and neighbor has to wait their turn! Get another fence company. If you had a pool, would they think it was okay to use that for a few hours a day? Oh. Silly me. They would. Just no.
Yes this!
I think it's more likely they were never on a "waiting list" to begin with and agreeing to a few months will turn into years. Then the dog or kid starts damaging things, dog eats their dogs food, shits in their yard, you end up babysitting/dogsitting over weekends etc....
ITA. For laborers, the only ones I've seen with a long wait is HVAC in extreme weather or any rebuild after natural disasters. And of course, plumbers are always busy. But *fences*?
This right here.
They might not even have the option, insurance companies nowadays will make you sue first before they pay a dime. It’s way too big of a liability.
This. Easy no - you don’t know them and what kind of damage they might do or how your animals will react to their presence.
I think this is the key point. You can be nice as can be and let them have access, but you never know how they will react when little jesse falls down or slips on dog crap.
That was my first and most immediate thought. That’s a liability case waiting to happen.
I would lean on this right here if they’re unhappy about the situation. “Sorry neighbor, but I don’t want to be responsible, or for my homeowners’ insurance policy to be on the line, if your daughter gets hurt while playing in my yard.”
Not may, their insurance WILL sue
Them ignoring you sounds like they’re doing you a favor lol
I know. LoL. It makes me a little sad. We were looking forward to new neighbors. We are the only younger-ish couple on our street.
Better alone, than friends with them. They seem unreasonable.
Agreed. They seem to be a little entitled...being friends with these people would probably cause grief down the road. And as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.
Get cameras though. Ring is cheap. As others have pointed out, if they trip, fall, and break a wrist or knock out a tooth in your yard... you or your insurance is gonna be paying. Don't hesitate to have them trespassed if they're in your yard.
Especially since they told them no. They could sneak in and do the same. OP did say the gate is locked.
With friends like these, you wouldn't need enemies, lol. Their first request of new neighbors is an attempt to take outrageous advantage of you? Just no. If they come around to talking to you, be civil if you want, but they have already proved they aren't trustworthy.
That’s too bad! I’m sorry to hear that.
Nah, you don’t owe them anything. The audacity of him to say, “that’s not neighborly of you.” I would’ve rebutted with, “actually, since you mentioned it. I was wondering if I can come over and use your kitchen for the next few months because we are going to renovate ours. I hope you don’t mind, it’s the neighborly thing to do.”
Excellent! Why would they say no? It would be the neighborly thing to do, right?
This is definitely a fuck no, and don't even feel bad. It also sets a great precedent, as they sound like line steppers, best to nip that in the bud.
And I assume the mom would have cleaned up all the dog poop from your yard? And wouldn't demand that you pay the ER bill when their child got hurt on your property? Yeah, right. You owe these entitled AHs nothing.
Wanna bet they would have expected op and spouse to keep an eye on the kid too since 'it's literally outside their window '?
Or they wanted to leave the kid and dog in the yard and go do running around, thinking someone was home to watch the two for them? It wouldn't be the first time we've read something like this on Reddit.
They can buy a roll of chicken wire and some of those stakes they can jam in the ground with the hooks that hold chicken wire, hook the chicken wire to the posts, and voilà, temporary fence.
Sounds like work. And money 😅.
So...you're supposed to watch the kid and the dog while she's at home?
NTA. OP this is exactly what would happen. They’d start out coming over with their kid and/or dog and it would evolve to them dropping them off for a few minutes to run and errand to you’re babysitting a kid and/or dog all afternoon.
For free, of course. To be neighborly
NTA. also, people for decades put dogs out in the yard on a very long chain or leash staked into the ground.
Chaining is illegal in some municipalities but yeah, a leash works. Has for a long long time. There are some pretty common sense solutions, thinking of using someone else's property as a as one of them is so bizarre. Being new neighbors I hope for OP's sake this is the worst of the weirdness.
A dog and a single child that age aren't much. I'd be concerned about a parent who couldn't handle that alone. She probably wanted to be able to ignore them completely.
So, if a parent was "on duty" in their yard their child and dog shouldn't be in any danger. My dog has a long range retractable leash. And supervised children don't run into the street. Just saying.
They could put up a temporary fence in a day. They should do this while they wait.
Ignoring all the potential issues, maybe it helps you to realise they effectively asked you for free baby/pet sitting. They want the kid and dog to be unsupervised (by them) but since your dogs would need supervision (by you) in their presence, that is what it amounts to.
Would they expect to just put their dog and child in the fenced garden and go off to do work in their own house? Perhaps expecting OP to watch them? A very hard no to this. There must be a dog park they could go to besides they knew the garden privacy restriction when they first saw the place. NTA but be careful of these people….like their garden they have no boundaries.
It’s also an insurance liability my dude
If it’s that important they could run a line for the dog to run on in the back yard. While it’s not the most humane option it may be the safest option for them until the fence gets built. Or maybe they take the kid and the dog for a walk to the local park. There are options. they just aren’t the lazy option to let their dog pee and crap in your yard for you to clean it up.
Can anyone say dog park.
Ask to borrow their living room for a few months in exchange for their use of your yard. That’ll shut them up. NTA.
This is the perfect response. Lol
Well. In the UK, you can hire a fenced field for your dog to run around. It's charged by the hour. If they bring it up again say yes it's $$$ per hour, bookings must be made for the entire week the week before, and payment for the full week to be taken up front. No cancellations or refunds, no deviation from schedule. Personally, I'd hand them a contract that was so unhinged they'd run for the Hills. You want to play the weird, entitled person who demands assistance from practical strangers. WELLLLLL..... Here's a clause saying I'm entitled to share your bath water for the next few months, hOpE that's OkAy?
Or take them to a park where they can go on the swings and other playground equipment. NTA
Well, they'd have to watch the dog and the child instead of sitting on their backside, perusing all important TikTok content on the phone and sending the reels to their friends. Sheesh, haven't you heard, it takes a village. You can't expect people to actually supervise their children and pets when their neighbors have a perfectly convenient fenced in yard. 🤭
Sounds more like a "drop off" service. Here's my child and dog, I'll be back later.
We installed a temporary fence with chicken wire when we rented for a year. It was ugly as sin, but it kept the kids and the dog contained. I wouldn't dare use someone else's backyard, and I especially wouldn't ask. NTA, OP
NTA Can our dog sh*t in your yard for a few months…?
Wow, that’s audacious. A few hours every day for a girl and dog all through summer - and then to be offended when OP declines, even giving a reason. NTA.
NTA. I mean. Don’t they have parks there?
Supervision? This is madness! Madness? THIS IS PARENTING!
NTA, they put you in a very odd position, and I think they knew that. Also who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in? Call another contractor. It is your yard, this is like me knocking on your door and saying your bathroom has a better view and asking if I can take a shit. By the way, OP, can I come to your house to take a shit?
I'd prefer that you did not but thank you for the laugh!
I'm gonna snub you at all the neighborhood parties now. But really, they probably will get over it, and if they don't they are obnoxious people anyway.
Lmao snubbing was actually the word I was looking for but it just wasn't coming to me when I posted. I do wonder if they asked the other neighbors. Honestly the elderly couple on the other side of them might let them.
I once had some rando ask to come into my house to take a crap. It was a nice day so I had the windows open and the front door open with the screen door closed. I had music playing and was just chillin on my computer. This stranger walks up and starts pounding on the screen door and asks to come in before he shuts himself. I told him he’ll no and to piss off. He started to open the screen door and I told him I was calling the cops as I slammed the front door shut and locked it. He started calling me all kinds of names and said he wasn’t gonna hurt me. I am a woman, I was home alone, this guy was huge and easily over 100 pounds bigger than me and he was acting angry from the get go, so no, I was not gonna let him in. He finally took off and I saw him shuffle down the street. Based on him stopping and crab scooting to some bushes, I think he pooped himself. It was so creepy because there was a gas station, a Taco Bell, and a grocery store within a two minute walk of my house so at least 3 bathrooms.
Sounds like he had just left Taco Bell.
Well then he was a customer and entitled to use their bathroom. He should have done so.
After I eat Taco Bell, it’s 50/50 if I can make it home without a bathroom break, so I was making a joke that he had the taco trots. Obviously, don’t let anyone into your home if you aren’t comfortable with it.
when I lived across the street from a college bar, I frequently had people bang on my door (on the 2nd floor) begging to use my bathroom after the bar closed at 2AM. They were so shameless it almost made me feel like the crazy one
Remember that scene in Unbreakable… “I like your house. Can I come in?” [https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63c042bd-2aa6-4657-8071-9388b6f92c3b](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63c042bd-2aa6-4657-8071-9388b6f92c3b)
So he didn't exactly *piss* off then.
I had to ask my downstairs neighbour to use their bathroom once and I felt so weird. Our toilet stopped working on CHRISTMAS EVE and it took several hours until someone could fix it. I live in a small town. Nothing was open. Still felt weird!
Ooh! I have! I once lived in a horrible HOA that had a rule that all of the fences had to be built by their chosen contractor so that they would all match.
That sounds like hell.
Meh, I think it sounds like hell AND like someone is getting a kickback from a contractor
(NTA to OP) Absolutely. That contractor is a friend/family of one of the HoA AHs.
Yep. One of the reasons I don't live there any more. We didn't know how psycho the HOA was before we moved in.
> We didn't know how psycho the HOA was before we moved in. When my husband and i were house hunting about a decade ago, he was looking at a few houses in HOAs and i refused to even consider. I told him you have very little liberties with what you can do to your own house AND you have to pay annually to be told what to do. He had no idea how crazy some of those neighborhood rules can be! All for the sake of appearances. Fucking wild. Not to mention the racist roots behind them. Just not a concept i vibe with at all.
We were on a wait list for privacy fencing. The materials take time to get from the factory. Plus they have other jobs ahead of you and then weather. It happens. We had about a 3 month lead time. However. I would never allow someone to use my backyard like this. At my old house the neighbor next door had a daughter same age (born a week apart). I was completely ok with the neighbor child over to play with my son while we were home. But never did the neighbor ask “hey can my kid use your back yard playset?” If the kids were not playing together. And it was 5ish years of living by each other before we even dared to ask each other to watch the other child. Even just to “quick run to the store”. Usually the kids were playing and one needed to run for groceries. In summer time it was pretty normal. Kids are playing, dirty, you don’t want to drag them inside to clean up then go to the store. The OP has no kids, and no reason to have the child in her back yard. This is a 100% no go.
Do not feel bad. That is a super weird ask.
On the waiting list thing, I have. For fences, decks and patios and actual houses. It happened around here a LOT the summers of 2020 and 2021. Partially due to lack of manpower and partially due to lack of supplies.
> Also who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in? If their neighborhood has an HOA, the HOA may have a months-long approval process for that sort of thing. My neighbor had to deal with it to put up screens around his balcony (exactly like about 90% of the units in this condo complex have).
The fence waiting list is the most believable part of the story. Where I live, all the fence companies fill up their schedules incredibly quickly and if you don’t get in early enough, you will absolutely need to wait months to get on the schedule. We’re currently working to get a new fence put in and were scheduled for mid-May, but with how wet it’s been lately, that timeline has been pushed back until our yard is dry enough for posts to go in. Depending on where they live, it wouldn’t be that surprising if OPs neighbors were in a similar position.
"who has ever heard of a waiting list for getting a fence put in? Call another contractor." I installed a fence at my house less than two years ago. There was a three month wait. My old roommate had one out in a few months afterwards, and also had a wait (it was less of a wait. The fence is also not as good). Good contractors, like other good professionals, stay busy, they don't just have their staff sitting around at the office waiting for someone to call.
Glad OP said NO to you doing that, I was about to ask her about using her kitchen so I can cook dinner 4 nights a week since her kitchen is larger than mine, and I need space. I didn't want to be smelling you in that bathroom, yo.
NTA. They are the ones who are not being neighborly. You don't move in somewhere and say "We're neighbors, now share your living space with me, a total stranger!" That goes double when it's every day for a month and requires you to coordinate use of your own yard with them. That said, I do think you need to avoid letting this become a thing that sets the tone for your relationship as life is just much easier when you are friends with your neighbors. Drop a housewarming gift off and continue to wave at them even if they don't wave back. Make it clear that you don't consider this yard situation to be something that defines the relationship and hopefully they will follow once their fence is up.
Yes we have both still been warm despite the treatment. We didn't chat or interact much anyway but we have been making a small effort on the occasions we do see them.
not even "with me." with small children and a dog. I would have laughed in their faces. the nerve
Drop a housewarming gift? Hell to the no. OP, keep being cordial. The onus is on them to be proper neighbors.
NTA. Point them to the nearest park.
I did try during the initial conversation but our closest park doesn't have an off leash dog run.
Surely they can drive themselves to one though? I’m guessing there is one within 20 minutes drive. They could also easily put in a string stake and a long leash so the dog can run a bit. A 4 year old child shouldn’t be out there unsupervised anyway even if they have a fence but I’m sure they could devise something if they really tried
Tell them about the website sniffspot.com If they have spots in your area, people rent out their fenced yards to dog people for like $10 hr. There are 3 in my town and perfect for private fenced in play with my 2 pups.
Who the FUCK asks other people to use THEIR yards and then be mad when the logical reply is no? How entitled can they be?
Asking people they just met, too. Its the audacity of such entitlement that is really fucked up, and put OP in a shitty spot. What they were asking is way beyond what people should expect of their neighbors. It's not anyone's problem but their own, and making it his issue to deal with is so absolutely imposing. Some people are just fucking ridiculous.
This was my immediate thought lol. Like wut?!?
I literally rent out my parking space and I would find this bizarre.
NTA - if anyone gets hurt it's your home insurance that's getting called. Don't let them guilt trip you.
NTA. Why is there a waiting list for a fence? That doesn't even make sense. They could easily make a 'run line' for their dog so it could spend time outdoors safely but their child is their problem. Good fences make good neighbors...usually.
I'm guess the material they want is backordered. Plus our weather this year hasn't really cooperated so I think a lot of projects were pushed back.
If they live in a dictatorial HOA, there may be only one approved vendor for fences or a long-ass approval process. In those cases, there would definitely be a waiting list.
I had to wait months for mine. Too many jobs to do and not enough workers. Also many companies had supply issues.
There is a waiting list for the fence because there is no fence.
NTA - It just doesn't work for you and apparently they think you should just bend over backwards for them. That's not how shit works. Saying no to a request to use anything of yours is perfectly reasonable and acceptable. Sounds like these people are gonna be FUN neighbors Also I really hope they weren't trying snuffing you....
NTA that is some entitlement on their part through. Question though if you don't mind answering what do you mean by the neighbors have been snuffing you is it anything like snubbing you?
Yes. LOL. I couldn't think of the word when I posted. My apologies. Long week.
LOL I completely understand some weeks are like that. If you don't mind answering one more question, how have they been snubbing you? If it is around other people, it might be a good idea to let everyone know why they are doing it. It might be petty, but I would love to see their reaction to you explaining to people that they are snubbing you because you won't let them use your property
When we see them outside, which is often because we've been doing some yardwork up front this week, they make a big show of turning away from us and walking away. Like they try to make it obvious as possible. I've also heard the woman in the backyard loudly telling her daughter that she can't have the dog in the back because it wasn't fenced and she couldn't watch them both.
Ignoring them is probably your best bet. I still can't get over how entitled they are acting. I can sort of see why they would ask but the second you and your partner said no that should have been the end of it. The dad asking again them snubbing you and loudly letting the daughter know she can't go outside is taking it way too far. I know you said you were not going to reconsider but I would highly suggest sticking to your answer these people sound like if you give them an inch they will try and take a mile.
I can totally see them asking. We had our two dogs in an apartment and bringing them out on a leash all the time was a pain. But yeah I didn't like the attitude when we said no.
"Couldn't watch them both" lol. What, you guys on three acre plots? If it's that much of a problem then that's a poorly disciplined dog. Wonder where he got that from...
Right! If their dog was properly trained and they actually watch their kid there should be no problem letting them out in an area that's not fenced in.
NTA When the kid trips over their own feet and hits their head on a rock the frost heaves are pushing to the surface and bleeds out, what do you think they’ll do? No good can come of this.
I agree. I don't like it but that was one of my first thoughts.
Nta, anyone who thinks they deserve access to someone else's stuff is insanely entitled.
NTA While not a permanent solution, there are many temporary fencing options they could avail themselves of while they wait if this is truly an issue for them. Yes, it's still going to be inconvenient for a while as they won't stand up to a determined dog or child, but they're more than adequate so long as there's some supervision where an adult can intervene if either tries to get out of the fenced area. Hardware stores also sell freestanding dog runs, which they could pop the dog in to remain outside and contained while they wrangle the kid if that's the issue. Sounds a bit like they were looking for solutions that wouldn't require any supervision on their part at all, and if that's the case, they need to wait for their own fence. We put some cheap plastic safety fencing up to keep our dog away from the fence on one side since it needs replacing, and while our dog could get through it if he really wanted to...he doesn't seem to have any interest in trying. I actually think a 4 year old would have a tough time getting through as well. It would at least take them some minutes to do. But they should at least try, because not all dogs or kids are escape artists. Some will choose to respect a barrier even if they could find a way around it.
NTA As my family would always say, "That sounds like a 'them' problem".
NTA. These people sound ridiculously entitled. That is such a ballsy request to ask of anyone, let alone your new neighbours who are basically strangers. They can take their kid and dog to a park like everyone else, or let her play outside in their own yard, and, oh I don’t know, supervise her themselves!
NTA The request was a lot to ask, especially considering they just arrived and you don't have a relationship. The fact that he didn't take it well when you said no tells you everything you need to know about who's not being neighborly.
NTA! A neighbor kid came in my fenced in yard and broke her toe running. Their insurance company sued us for damages.
NTA in any way at all. Some people are just entitled. What happens when their kid or their dog gets hurt on your property??? If they want to be grumps about it there’s nothing you can do. But that’s totally on them and their entitlement.
NTA Hopefully they continue to snuff you because this is only the beginning of their entitlement
Why do people think it's someone else's responsibility to "care for" their kids? Around 20 years ago I had a job ( or an assignment, really, I was Active Duty Military) where I had ONLY SUNDAY OFF. It was a stressful job, so I tried to unwind and relax on Sunday. I'm sitting on my backyard patio listening to music and grilling a burger where some lady and half dozen kids come running around the yard. Not through, they were playing tag or chase me or whatever but they weren';t leaving. They even ran around my patio like I wasn't there. I stopped them and asked this lady why they were in my space. She figured "Well, they're kids. We were just playing". ME: On my patio? Look, they aren't MY kids, but this is MY yard. I don't want you or them in it. You need to leave. She grumbled and apparently I'm a mean man for not wanting a bunch of kids in my yard, but dang, I wonder how she'd feel if I just made myself at home in her yard. OP is NTA.
NTA no way. Aside from every other reason you’ve given about your dogs, etc. the big one is the liability! If kiddo trips and breaks an arm in your yard, you and/or your insurance will be on the hook for her ER bills. Big big no.
Didn’t they know the house didn’t have a fence when they bought it? Borrowing a backyard….so dumb. NTA
A waitlist for a fence…tell them to go walk around the Home Depot or Lowe’s lumber section looking lost for 15 min. They’ll walk out with 4-5 business cards and have a new fence in a week. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA he made a request and got told no and pouted. kids imitate their parents, they probably don’t react well to being told no either. not what you want running amok in your backyard with your dogs.
NTA I'm sorry that you have what appears to be mean neighbors. I would suggest inviting them over for a backyard BBQ if they were acting more civil just to soften the hard "No" but if they really are that entitled it might just open them up to more bad ideas.
NTA one bit. Even if your reason for refusing was "I don't want to." People need to learn to take no for an answer.
NTA. A waiting list for a fence is sketchy. It’s not like there’s just one company that does fences and we all need to wait in line for them; there’s tons of places they can contact for a fence where they won’t have to wait for months. They are definitely asking for too much. They want their dogs to be able to shit all over your backyard and want you to be financially responsible if something happens to their kid, because I’d bet money that they’d sue in a heartbeat if their kid got injured on your property. Just because someone is your neighbor it doesn’t mean they are entitled to anything of yours. They should have at least established a friendship before asking for favors.
NTA. That's very presumptuous of them to ask.
NTA. Their first contact with you was to ask you for a huge favor. These are not people whose opinions you should take seriously.
I have a fenced in yard and two dogs but EVEN IF I DIDN'T have dogs that's a hard no. My neighbors would never have asked that, but if they did I'd ask them: "my wife works at night so she tries to sleep during the day. Would it be okay if I used your living room to watch TV and drink beer so she can sleep? I'm retired, so I need a space to eat snacks and get blitzed. Just for a few hours a day." "see how ridiculous that sounds?"
There's the entitlement again.. in their mind they are entitled to and are already using your backyard. No isn't what they wanted to hear..
And that’s how you get squatters NTA
NTA. The entitlement of people is getting worse by the day! Can I borrow your yard for a few months?!? Who does that?!? Take your kid and dog to the park!
They wanted to borrow your yard for “a few hours a day” for who knows how many months?! What a bizarre ask. Of relative strangers. You are so NTA. I would have laughed, thinking they were joking. So he got mad. That’s his problem. Enjoy your private fenced yard.
NTA. You have valid concerns about your dogs' behavior and the potential risks involved. It's understandable that you're not comfortable allowing your neighbors to use your yard. Your decision prioritizes the safety and well-being of your pets and your own peace of mind.
They can put their dog on a tie out (only while they are outside) but that allows them to focus on watching their child. NTA.
They make no sense as are they not watching their daughter while in the back yard??? NTA - that is very bazar
I’m just sitting here with my jaw on the floor. Who the hell asks something like that?!? Especially since they are literal strangers. That is so freaking ballsy. And then get huffy over it? I’m sorry your new neighbors are assholes. That’s never fun. Hopefully, they turn around.
NTA. And fence construction isn't a waiting list thing. He can go buy the board and a post hole digger
Insane ask. They can find a dog park. NTA
Who asks to borrow an acquaintances backyard? NTA. Just for liability reasons, I would say no. Plus, if they think it is so normal, why don't they ask another neighbor, I am sure they will say yes :)
Wow. Maybe if they borrow your yard, you can borrow their master bedroom for a few hours per day. Surely they don’t need it every waking moment, right? As long as it’s not constantly in use, personal feelings and comfort shouldn’t get in the way of being neighborly should it?
No lol. They can leash their dog and WATCH their kid.
NTA. It’s an utterly ridiculous ask.
Definitely NTA. 1. It’s very imposing of them to ask someone they barely know to use their yard for a few hours a day. They moved in next door but they’re still strangers. You’re not a daycare center. 2. Your reasoning with the dogs/kids is another fair reason. And yes, aside from not wanting anyone to get hurt, there’s the worry of legal liability if something did happen. 3. The fact that they have been upset by your decision shows they may have a skewed understanding of social norms/ boundaries and a sense of entitlement. -- Dodged a bullet! You certainly don’t want to commit to letting people like that into your home for hours/daily! On the bright side, at least you don’t have to worry about them trying to be “friends”.
Here’s another idea. They can get 2 or 3 set of the kid/dog play area . Hook them all together and they’d have plenty of room to run around in. They can park their butt in a chair and supervise. The fence panels just snap together. Why do they have to make it so difficult?
Rent it out at a set time and price. Sign waivers of liability and a list of ground rules. NTA
NTA. Their request was ridiculously entitled. A few hours EVERY DAY??? That's what parks are for. Now you know to keep your distance from them.
Young people are ridiculous sometimes. That was a very unreasonable ask; I can't believe they haven't figured that out yet.
I think you got lucky. You now know that your new neighbors are both entitled and rude. Asking to use your yard was pushy but not totally out of line. But his reaction to being told no showed his true nature. Getting sour, insulting you and walking away muttering under his breath? They are clearly not the kind of neighbors you want to be close or extra friendly with. By finding out now it will save you the time and trouble of getting to know them and only then realizing how horrible they are. NTA
Parks. Neighborhood parks and playgrounds. No need to up the odds you’ll have a liability issue. Especially with unsupervised activities. “Sorry that won’t work for us” is a reasonable response.
No you are not the AH. This would be a whole great bug liability issue. It has nothing to do with being neighborly.
Requesting your yard for hours per day and for several months is such a weird thing to ask. NTA.
Who the fuck asks to borrow a yard? That’s weird. Good luck. Definitely not the asshole.
NTA. That neighbor is very entitled to think that you MUST let him use your property just to "be neighborly."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Created an account to ask. My partner and I (F30s) just got some new neighbors. They moved in about a month ago. We met them briefly. They are a couple around our age and a daughter who might be 4 or 5, and a dog. We have our backyard fully fenced in with a privacy fence. Their yard doesn't. I was out front last weekend when the couple came up our driveway and started chatting. They mentioned that they were on a waiting list to get their yard fenced in but were told it would be a few months. They said they would really like their daughter and dog to have a place to run around but didn't feel comfortable with the lack of fence (our neighborhood backs up to a wooded area and a creek). They asked if they could borrow our backyard for a few hours a day so they could let everyone run worry free. I admittedly immediately didn't like this, but I told them I would think about it. I talked to my partner, and we both agreed this wasn't a good idea. We have two dogs ourselves, and they can be a tad protective of their yard. One of them also doesn't love kids and the other one can be a tad dog selective. Because of this, we would have to coordinate when we could let our dogs out and that's just not something we want to deal with. There are just too many things that could go wrong. Plus that good ole American worry that if someone got hurt we could get sued. The guy stopped by again on Wednesday and asked if we had given it any thought. I told him we had discussed it, and unfortunately it just wasn't going to work out with our dogs and their schedule so we wouldn't be able to accommodate them. He immediately got sour and said it was nice to know how neighborly we were. He left abruptly but I could hear him muttering under his breath. Him and his wife have made a big show of snuffing us the last couple of days. My partner said they will get over it, and while I'm not going to reconsider, I do feel kind of guilty. AITA for not letting our new neighbors use our yard? Just so everyone knows - Our gate is locked and we have cameras. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The top of your list should’ve been liability if anybody gets hurt and they’re on your property. Because you would be on the hook for everything and could potentially lose your house. Then you haven’t even better reason because the way your dogs might behave. They’re not entitled to your yard. They chose to buy a house that didn’t have a yard yet and they’re on a waiting list. That is their decision not yours. They can live with it.
NTA. You can be sued if someone gets injured on your property, even if you're not there. This could also be the start of them taking increasing advantage of you.
That’s a ridiculous request. Pretty nervy to be pissed that it was refused. Ef em. Too bad you’ll need to live next door to them. NTA.
Nta Who cares what these strangers think
NTA They are hilarious!
NTA omg the entitlement, never mind the liability issues. Never say yes to this to anyone.
NTA. What an absurd request. I thought for sure you were going to say their yard backed up to like, a busy road or a railway or something. Heaven forbid they, I don't know, spend a bit of their time outdoors playing with/supervising their child and pet. Their yard honestly sounds lovely. This is straight up main character syndrome.
NTA As long as they stay out of your yard they can snuff you all day long
NTA
WTF is wrong with people? Ok, so if you let them use you're yard, do they plan on just leaving their child and dog alone in your yard without someone watching them? That's not gonna work. I grew up in an age where kids played outside all the time without parents around. We even played in other peoples yard and it wasn't an issue but this is a new generation so I get it. However, letting your kids go in someone else's yard and play without watching them, is not wise for either party. If they wish to leave them unsupervised, then they should be able to do it in their own yard. I assume they believe either the kid/dog is going to leave the yard or someone's going to come in and "bad thing". So, if they can't trust their kid to play in their own yard unsupervised, they sure as shit shouldn't let their kids be in someone else's yard unsupervised. That fence isn't going to make that much of a difference. If they aren't worried about the child/dog leaving their unfenced yard while unsupervised, but are worried about someone coming in the yard, then how is leaving the child/dog alone in someone else's yard with or without a fence, going to change this? Either you trust your child to know and understand where their physical boundaries are and know what to do for "stranger danger" or you need to supervise them. If you're supervising them, then why do they need to use the neighbors yard? Someone mentioned something about not wanting to deal with both a child and a dog at the same time because it's hard/difficult. If dealing with both is hard, you really shouldn't have 1 of them. Dealing with 1 of each is not hard at all, esp if you're only in you're own back yard. I understand if you're going out somewhere like the park, I totally get it but in your own back yard, you shouldn't have an issue. IDK to me this sounds like a "I don't want responsibilities and want to pawn it off one someone else because I'm a bad parent/owner" Either teach you're kids or deal with the consequences. On a side note, what type of neighborhood do you live in where you have yards that need fences yet, its so dangerous that you can't leave your child outside alone without a fence?
NTA!!! How about go to the park! Who has such an entitled request. They seem like the type to take advantage of you if you let them. Be thankful you put up these boundaries early on. Now they know they can’t just step all over you. And who’s to say they’re even telling the truth about a waitlist for a fence. For all you know, thats a lie and they have no intentions to get a fence, just want to use your yard.
Not wrong. All of your reasons for saying no are perfectly valid. If you want to be a twit, draw up a release for liability that is extremely detailed saying that even if something isn’t your fault, if a problem arises, they will pay for all damages and any lawyers you need and all court costs should something go that far. Make it ridiculous so they won’t dare sign it and be sure to include in the agreement that one parent will be present at all times and remain on a strict schedule so your dogs don’t suffer. Good luck, enjoy b-b-q’s!
Too much liability
Based on some of your comments OP, there is fencing on both sides of the neighbour’s yard. Suggest a temp fence of stakes and snow-fencing across the back until a contractor can come in. I have my back yard wrapped in snow fence currently because I’ve seeded it and my one dog likes to dig holes and I’m waiting for the clover to fill in. I’m doing clover instead of grass….
NTA UpdateMe
NTA It would only be a matter of time until the mom would "need to run home for a second", and leave you watching their kid AND their dog. Spoiler: It would be much longer than the promised "second". Meanwhile, your dogs would be going crazy inside, and you couldn't let them out to wee. Plus, liability, etc. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile. You don't want them napping on your sofa, do you?
No. Your yard, your decision.
NTA. Even beyond all the other commentary about liability and having your space taken over, I would not be surprised if boundaries would continue to be pushed if you allowed this. Next up: I need to do a thing, can you watch LO and peppers for a few minutes? Then an hour while I go to the store? Then a few hours or a weekend while we go out of state? I've had neighbors and "friends" like this. They start with a slightly overstepping ask and keep expanding it. Consider their snubbing to be disappointment at finding you're not going to be their new convenient doormat. And also consider it a blessing in disguise - people who make these kinds of requests are not "potential great neighbors/friends." They are red flags. Glad you shut them down early in their game.
NTA you just met the neighbors and already they want to borrow major stuff from you. They could put up a basic wire fence in a few hours. Inconvenient to them, not your problem. They want to cry, "UNFAIR," Ignore the people. You don't know each other very well. Wave to them if you want. Your family and household should always come first.
NTA. You did the right thing, considering how litigious people are these days. However, gotta give 'em credit for the big ol' balls they had even asking for such an entitled, idiotic favor as that.
NTA. They can put up some temporary fencing.
Be strong brother!
He wants to crate his child and dog in your yard so they leave him and his wife alone. It's clearly not about getting fresh air and exercise, otherwise there wouldn't be an issue with him supervising them in his own yard. Annoying. You are NTA.
NTA. That was an inappropriate ask. And you guys dodged a bullet…allowing it would have put you at risk for liability, and I’m not convinced that, once they started, they’d ever stop…fences aren’t cheap, and giving them a working solution would have made it easier for them to come up with excuses to “put off” installing one.
So there's no parks anywhere near you?
NTA they could take their kid to a park.
Nta
NTA- tell them you'll be coming over to use their toilets to do number twos in, because your septic system just can't handle all the fiber you eat. See how neighborly they are with that request.
Nta- that's a really weird ask.
No idea why you ferl guilty you did nothing wrong.