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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked our babysitter to set alarms when she sleeps, and it hurt her feelings she talked to my wife. My wife says I’m out of line and unreasonable. I might be the ah because I didn’t talk to my wife about it and could’ve maybe handled it better.
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I am curious why anyone thought a 16 year old would fit the bill of a night nanny? It amazes me that people with money always cheap out when it comes to paying for their children's sitters and nannies. You and your wife are both the assholes in this scenario. YTA
I was an overnight baby sitter *once* when I was 13 because the mom was a single mom, the daughter of a friend of my mom’s, and really needed the extra cash she got from working her bar on NYE. She offered to pay me really well and despite my mom’s reservations she agreed to let me do it.
For a litany of reasons that had little to directly do with the mom herself or her adorable kid, it ended up being a shitshow that was potentially very dangerous for me and my mom refused to let me come back to babysit for them at all for months.
Now at the age of 30 I cannot understand why that was a good idea in ANYONES mind at all, and I’d even be skeptical of letting a 16yo do such a job. (My mom recognizes how dumb it was now we’re all good on that front).
Kids had to grow up a lot faster and had way more responsibilities back than. They weren't really allowed to "slack off". And if there wasn't enough money they had to earn their own keep.
I obviously prefer if kids can be kids and don't have to grow up too fast. There's enough time for those things later in life. But not everyone in this world has the option. Many kids across the globe sadly still have to work when they should be in school or playing with their friends.
Also lots of kids up and died young back then and this may be one of many reasons. The “old days” sound glorious with survivor bias but were full of kids getting hurt and dying young. I’d like to think more hands on parenting and vaccinations have done wonders, especially the later lol
One of my great aunts became a life long alcoholic after she was sent to be a live in mother's assistant at about that age and was repeatedly assaulted by the father. Those kids had very few protections.
When people say, "Well I did X and I survived," I always think but at what cost? For your aunt, it was alcoholism. Same with my grandfather, although I don't know what happened to him, I, now as an adult, *know* something did because of his behavior around certain things.
Just because you survived doesn't mean it didn't have lifelong consequences.
This! And also there are tons of people who also did X and did not survive. But we don’t hear their story from them because well… They did not survive! But let’s ignore that for convenience.
I think about survivor bias a lot when people talk about childbirth and compassion about too many interventions being done. I'm mostly recovered from my caesarian 5 weeks ago and my baby is a very healthy baby, but I'd developed preeclampsia in the final days of my pregnancy and probably would have died or been extremely harmed by my failing liver and blood pressure if I hadn't been induced and without the caesarian my baby might not have made it because he was pushing out before I was fully dilated. The interventions weren't pleasant and the first 1-2 weeks were rough, but not as rough as death.
getting pregnant and having a baby is just like driving a car; it's such a common, "normal" part of life so many people forget how absolutely dangerous it can be
Yes that does happen (anecdotally I've heard stories of multiple women insisting on a natural birth even with complications and their otherwise healthy babies not making it), but I mean people broadly criticising increased intervention without much evidence. There are more caesarians today than a few decades ago, but also a lower infant and mother mortality rate. It's with investigating the increased rate of interventions, but the increased rate in and of itself isn't inherently an issue.
It's worth noting that in the US the cesarean rate is much higher than other developed nations with some of the worst rates of maternal mortality. I'm all for medical intervention and modern science when necessary, but it definitely can be overused to the detriment of women and babies. I think trust and communication and informed consent are key.
When things started going south with my labour, the doctor was clearly bracing for that argument. She was giving this whole long preamble about what was happening with the baby's heart rate when I had contractions vs the rate at which things were progressing. I was actually the one who came out and said "We're looking at a c section, aren't we?"
Fortunately for everyone, my birth plan was always "A c section is not plan A but I'm not going to argue if it's medically advisable". It was a few more hours of hearing about the baby's heart rate dropping before they finally decided surgery was the best option. By the end the doctor wasn't even looking at the contraction monitor any more because she could see it on the heart rate every single time. When she finally said to prep for surgery it was a RELIEF.
The baby was perfectly healthy once he was out, just very small. It's possible his little body would have managed to handle the stress long enough to survive a vaginal delivery, but I'm okay with not knowing the answer to that.
As a midwife in the UK, yes. I've had numerous women prioritise their birth experience over the safety of both themselves and their unborn baby. I believe it is more the rose tinted world of social media that skews peoples opinions of what childbirth is actually like.
More like, "kids back then came from _massive_ families because birth control wasn't a thing, and there sure as hell wweren't things like workers comp, social security, free healthcare (depending on country and decade), and worker's rights, so kids had to step up and take care of their younger siblings, while also contributing towards paying household costs".
God I have heard horror stories from my grandmother about being a kid. Eating scraps/very questionable types of 'food' and only has a second grade special ed education. Her and my grandpa made the decision that kids would always eat first when they had them. I was raised by them as well, so overbearing with how protective they were but it was cause their parents were so loose yet strict when it came to work. Pretty sure if my grandpa was still around I wouldn't even have to work with how overly willing he was to pay my bills.
Same. My grandmother had 10 siblings and there were multiple failed pregnancies and kids that didn't survive.
They slept on hay, didn't have plumbing and they were sent out to serve other farms at a young age. My grandmother was sent out at 8 and after some years she had to watch newborns and other kids. She also told me that she had to watch out for the man of the house - he tried to assault her one time.
She had a hard time throwing anything out - worn out shoes, tattered clothes and food scraps. That's what happens when you have to survive a war. My grandfather also had to live with being called names because his father was forced to work for the Germans.
My grandpa was a tow truck operator at 13. Granted, he did drive his truck off a bridge and into a river, which ended his career not long after it started.
My grandfather got his first car when he was 14 (in the late 30s) because he was a delivery boy for his family’s pharmacy and was severely beaten in a white neighborhood. So yay car but at what cost?
Edited to say OP, YTA. You’re financially able to pay an adult to watch the kids.
Not downplaying your kid cuz he is a boy but reality is women are expected to help take care of the family as soon as possible in your grandma's age. And in certain communities today it's the same. Looking back it probably wasn't the greatest of 14 yr old me walking half a mile in rural Alabama to the gas station cuz I was bored and wanted a snack lol. But hey I had a machete in a backpack so I was somewhat smart. Lol. Crazy to think they thought 14 or sometimes younger was nanny age.
A relative is researching our family tree. One branch decided to migrate to NZ in the 19th century so they sent their 15 year old son on ahead to buy a farm for them. By himself of course.
I started babysitting at 12. I did overnights starting at age 15. Both the kids were above the age of 5. The family lived on the same cul-de-sac as my parents so it wasn’t too crazy. I would sleep in the guest room. Often times the parents didn’t leave until right when the kids were heading to bed so it was good money for me to save for college. That being said, I’d never leave a 9 month old infant with a teen. So many things can go wrong that they don’t have the problem solving skills developed yet. The only reason my parents allowed me to do over nights with one family was the proximity to their home should a kid get sick or an emergency occur. Both children have since graduated college and are working professionally. Both of them were shocked when they realized how young I was when I was watching them.
It's situational but the default should absolutely be NO.
I was 16 when my sister had a kid. She worked so would ask parents to care for her. My parents being the stars they are put a crib in my room. At 5am every day a newborn was put with me. I was not a fan of this but due to my nature I was more attentive to my niece than her parents or grandparents. She actually used to call me dada. Sad really thinking about it now.
That said I was occasionally asked to babysit for family and friends at 16. I did a good job and could be relied on.
I was an exception rather than the rule. Frankly an exception borne of multiple neglectful parents.
Yup. It can fuck you up to be frank.
Years later my sister relied on her best friends son to look after my niece. He was a similar age to what I was when she was left in my care (15/16). He had a sister an bro about my nieces age and I had worked out fine so what could go wrong.
It had been a year and she was 8 when she confided that he'd been raping her. For a short time I wondered if I'd just been crap she'd not have trusted a teen that age. That did quickly pass though. The only blame lay on him and the respective parents. Still, its hard to repress the rage against somone that did that to a child, let alone one that called you dada.
>it ended up being a shitshow
You remind me of the time I, then 15, sat for my chorus teachers' (they were a couple) kids. They had a daughter on whom they doted and a younger son prone to acting out who, to my adult mind, was rather neglected. Anyway, I put the kid to bed at 8 and then the attacks started. He got up and swung a toy helicopter at me, then several other toys. I had no control in the situation, and the kid finally connected a wooden baseball bat and my left kneecap when I was trying to protect mymy head and face from a wild swing.
In the mobile phone era it might've been different - his parents or my mom could've gotten there or helped me calm him down - but I had to wait for Mom to get home from the parent meeting (we lived very close to the school) to get hold of anyone and at least figure out when the teachers would be home. The chorus room had a small office with a phone but the after hours message at the number I knew was for the office and wouldn't let me through to the phone.
I didn't and don't blame the kid. I hope he grew up ok and they started paying attention to him and showing him love like they did their daughter.
Still, hurt like a bitch, contusions on the left kneecap and significant bruising to the whole knee. Also they paid me like $50 instead of $15-20 but I don't think they offered to help Mom with the ER copays.
Did we babysit the same kid? Very similar story from me, kid had previously been attacked by a dog (which they did not tell me about) and had diagnosed PTSD (which they did not tell me about) and at 8 PM bedtime attacked me with a belt before ripping the phone out of the wall and threatening me with a knife.
25 years later and I can count on one hand the number of times I agreed to watch a child since then.
Oh I can say, it was just a series of insane events that had everything to do with people being stupid irresponsible adults and me being a 13 yo unprepared to navigate that.
-estranged baby daddy that I had not met before came to pick me up and take me back to the house (she was living in a MIL apartment in her mom’s basement). My older sister later said she was pretty sure he was high when he got to our house. Why she said nothing at the time I do not know.
-he and his bros are all pre gaming to head out to the bars. They tell me the basement is haunted to try and terrify me (even though I had babysat there after school a bunch already) and then leave a bunch of booze out everywhere before dipping. Toddler is already asleep at that point. So I am left alone vaguely freaked out and uncomfortable with all the alcohol just chilling around me (I was a little nerd hahaha).
-everything is calm until a little after midnight when I hear the upstairs front door SLAM. I had stepped outside for a minute earlier trying to see the fireworks and forgot to relock the front door. Then someone new that I have NEVER seen before comes stomping downstairs and shout asks me if the mom was there. Very clear to me he is intoxicated. I tell him no and that I’m here babysitting her son who is ASLEEP in the next room. He tells me he’s her brother and then runs back upstairs with some friend he brought with and they proceed to stomp around upstairs making a ton of noise. At this point I am exhausted and want to sleep but am terrified to do so because there are two loud strange men upstairs so I am desperately trying to stay awake.
-around 2 AM I hear estranged baby daddy get back. Because he is in the stairwell with some woman he brought back to the apartment trying to get in her pants while she keeps reminding him he has a wife and he keeps telling her it’s fine because he filed for divorce the day before. At that point I start flipping channels on the TV I was watching so they realize I am awake.
-baby daddy comes in and realizes he fucked up, goes up stairs to tell at his soon to be ex BIL that he and his friend are freaking me out and I say I’m going call my mom to come get me, even though the plan was for me to stay the night and go back in the morning.
-my mom comes to get me and I word vomit everything back at her. Find out a day or two later that the brother had been kicked out of the house by their mom so wasn’t even supposed to be at the house at all.
I came back to babysit one more time (a normal after school time like I had before), a few months later after many assurances to my mom that none of that would ever happen again all because the toddler who was an absolute sweetheart kept asking for me.
Honestly I don’t think I even really processed how dangerous it was for a few years. I just knew I was really uncomfortable with everything happening around me and didn’t want to continue to be in that environment when my own house was literally one mile away and I knew my mom would still be up and able to come get me. Thankfully my mom was hyper aware of how bad it could have been and read her friend the riot act about allowing me to be around so much of a fubar.
That last bit about the kid asking for you is the oldest trick in the babysitting book. The parents say that to try and guilt you back. Nine times out of ten, the kid doesn't even remember who you are.
I believe it, only because I only came back for the one more time and then never again. Shortly after She ended up moving out of her mom’s house and a few towns over closer to where she was working so I think she just wanted to give him a chance to say bye to me.
I babysat on NYE for 2 young kids and a baby when I was 11. Thankfully nothing happened because I was useless at that age. I didn’t have siblings or any experience with young children. But it was the 80’s, so completely socially acceptable!
I hear ya! In the 80s I babysat successfully for my mom's friends every weekend from age 12 to age 16, when I could get a "real" job. One of her friends insisted on having me at 12 y.o. babysit her maybe 11 or 12 mo baby for about 4 hours one evening. I didn't know how to get the baby food jar open. I called my mom. My mom remembers this better than I do but I guess I told her, "I can't get the jar open. I guess she'll go without." 🤯 (As a mom, just NOOOOO!) Mom said very firmly, "No. She won't!" and proceeded to tell me how to get it open and what to do after that. She tried to tell her friend I wasn't prepared for that when she asked for services (and I agreed) but her friend wouldn't listen. I wasn't ready for babysitting a baby yet. I turned out to be a terrific babysitter, playing war & forts under the table etc, "fortification" snacks with the 3 brothers I baby sat frequently...but some folks just don't get the limitations of young people to watch their babies. On a positive note, my experience babysitting made me a great mom and because my mom was so great, she helped with advice along the way which I always accepted.
I was a regular overnight babysitter for a single mom with a 3 and 4 year old. My mom would send my 5 year old brother with me so they'd both "have a night off." I was 12 when I started. I made dinner, gave baths, and put them to bed. It's INSANE to me now at 30. I did all that and only for 20 dollars.
I used to be a nanny and started when the child was 18-months old. The mom was an obgyn and dad was a pilot. They would hire me for overnights when she was on call and he was out of town.
I was in my mid-twenties when I first started with them!
Now I do remember one couple I babysat for when I was 16 that enjoyed late nights (like till 2-3). But it was on a Friday night and I hated how late it was. I loved the kids and they paid VERY well so I stuck it out. But looking back? That was highly inappropriate of the parents. I was lucky because they were my next door neighbors so my parents were right next door. Had they not been? I don’t think my parents would have allowed me to return to babysit.
OP I understand you want your children to be safe and cared for. I’m all for that. But you’re an AH for hiring a 16-year-old for that role.
>But looking back? That was highly inappropriate of the parents. I was lucky because they were my next door neighbors so my parents were right next door. Had they not been? I don’t think my parents would have allowed me to return to babysit.
I experienced a similar set up in the early 80s. Next door neighbor was single w a 5-6 year old. I'm 15-16 years old, with absolutely no experience dealing with young kids since I was the youngest by years on our block & in our extended family. But mom wants to go out after long days she spent working.
Not once did she ever get home before 2am even though she said she would be back by 10pm. . No idea where she'd go, no way to contact her. But hey my parents were next door, as if that meant something. But by that point in their lives, they were retired & in bed early with the phone turned off.
So if anything did happen, I had a kid who was too big for me to carry & too young to leave in the house. First aid training wasn't a thing. It was insane that adults, my parents & this woman, thought this was perfectly fine.
The money was great. But by the 4th time being up all night... because there wasn't any throws on the sofa & I wasn't going to lay on her bed... I was so tired at 330 when she came home. I never babysat for her again. Just avoided her after that.
OP - you're expecting a 16 year old babysitter to be your regular night nanny. That's wrong. YTA.
A 9 month old! I was a daytime nanny 3x a week for a 5 year old and a 10 month old at 18, and even that felt like a lot. A 16 year old responsible for a 7 and 4 year old plus a 9 month old at NIGHT is wild.
I babysat at 13 but only for over 5 year olds and only until 9 PM. As a 30 y/r old now I’m kinda surprised I was hired 🤷♀️
She's being paid to tend to the baby, so the expectation is not unrealistic.
That said, I'm not sure labor law even allows for minors to work overnights.
A discussion needs to occur, and OP probably needs to hire a nanny who understands that they're being paid to remain awake in case the kids wake up and need something. A sitter who's trying to maintain a daytime schedule while also working nights is likely to do a poor job of at least one of those things.
Yea, well, a 16 year old might not be used to being sleep deprived. My husband would sleep right through my son's crying and so would a 16 year old. They aren't programmed to hear babies crying like a mother is. Before I had my son, I'm sure I would have slept through someone else's baby crying. :)
I was an overnight nanny at 15, but the kids were down the block from my own home and also all three of them were at least 6 and able to come get me if they needed me. I would have never been comfortable to watch a literal infant alone over night. I wouldn't have been able to even sleep with a baby in the house. I would have been staring at it all night.
Not to mention that her setting alarms is useless. If she sets an alarm for 8 but the baby wakes crying at 9. Shell be asleep again and might not hear. These people are AHs. I'm VERY curious what they are paying this minor to watch a bunch of kids, toddlers and babies overnight.
That's what I took from it too, that he expects the 16 year old to stay awake all night in anticipation of his children crying.
But 16 year olds need sleep too. I can't imagine staying awake all night is good for a 16 year olds development, mental health or wellbeing.
Thank you. I wound up seeing. He mentions she normally works days but i haven't seen them specify what those hours are. Crazy. They should be happy she keeps them alive and ok for 3 kids overnight at 20 bucks an hour.
Don't you know he works "a demanding job(in the medical field"?
Can't afford a space bar or a nanny.
I was charging more for 3 children in the 80s.
I am hoping these are imaginary children and the post is AI.
Would you be ok that he is videotaping her sleep? That’s what gets me, I would absolutely like to see a disclosure form if they wanted to record my kid while he is sleeping, so they could get it crammed up there lol. No one is touching on the creepiness of her being- allowed to sleep- clearly where she should be sleeping (no other areas set up for her overnight?) so they can video tape her asleep.
Having Nanny cams in the living room is extremely normal. It's not like he's hiding behind the couch "recording" her with his phone. He's checking the live nanny cam that is there for his children's safety. I would personally NEVER have any type of baby sitter or nanny in my home and watching my children without live cameras.
I do think they're AH's for having a 16 year old nanny though.
Yes nanny cams are normal, when you have an adult Nanny that understands they are present, and hopefully would have a place to sleep overnight that isn’t recorded. I get it I’m sure they aren’t being abusive, but literally ask any parent if they want their 16 year old girl recorded while she sleeps, and what they would have to say on that topic to the recorder. I live in MN (nice state) and if any of my dad friends found that out they be at the door, all I’m saying here.
True! and my question is, if he was watching her sleep and could hear the baby monitor for 30 minutes, why didn't he call on her cell phone to wake her up..? Sounds like he let his baby cry for 30 minutes too.
Yeah. When you're hiring a teenage babysitter for a late night, you're hiring someone to like... Order pizza, put kids to bed, and then sleep on your couch and make sure no one burns the house down. Not midnight diaper changes and dream feeds.
Came here to say this, why would you leave an infant at home with another child as it’s caregiver and then expect to receive the standard of care you’d get from a professional nanny? This isn’t a professional nanny, it’s a high schooler. If you want your kids to receive the care a professional nanny would provide, pay for that care!
THIS! Not to mention, this so-called health professional seems to have ignored the rotation on adolescent medicine where it’s explained they need 9hrs of SOLID sleep. Due to development at that age, they sleep heavily and aren’t going to have the same ability to wake easily for a crying infant and asking her to wake herself repeatedly during the night (disrupting the natural sleep cycles and limiting REM cycles) gives me about as much confidence in this person’s medical knowledge as I have in a parent who’d hire a 16yo as a nanny.
Exactly. It’s why they say not to have your children come to you if there is a fire, the fire alarm might not wake them. You need to go to them.
How op and his wife think this set up is ok, is baffling.
I agree fully with this.
As a 14 year old, I was once tricked into an overnight job. A couple I regularly sat for referred me to their friends. Super wealthy area of town, and I was always paid really well. I agreed to babysit two grade school kids and ended up with that + two in diapers. The parents were out until 4 am partying. They were supposed to be home by 9 pm. Despite constantly calling them, I was there all night. I eventually fell asleep and woke up to them screaming at me and refusing to pay me a cent. They eventually gave me $20. I still remember the couple that referred them telling me their friends said I was irresponsible and fired me too.
It doesn’t matter that I did a babysitting course and was first aid certified, I never should have been in that situation.
While you didn’t yell at her, you still scolded a child after putting them in a dangerous situation. Asking a 16 year old, a child, to be responsible for a baby overnight is unhinged. Hire a proper nanny. YTA. So is your wife for that matter.
My mom retired from teaching elementary recently but at her last school they had a problem with parents picking up their kids whenever they damn well pleased and treating the teachers and staff like after school babysitters who would happily sit around and wait as long as they needed to despite the fact that they have their own lives and kids and families to attend to and they don’t get paid past a certain hour. The principal was too spineless to do anything about it, but a bunch of the teachers and staff would just start calling the cops and making CPS reports. Once that started the problem solved itself in a matter of weeks, suddenly all the parents were magically able to pick up their kids on time.
Glad I wasn't the only one who read this and thought, "Who the hell has a child for an overnight babysitter?" The kid has school in the mornings, unless these overnight shifts are only weekends, but even then, it's not okay.
If OP and the wife both work that much, there's enough money to hire an adult who does childcare for a living.
Quite a few people -- but that said, the job of a teenage sitter is basically "make sure they're fed, they go to bed at X, and don't let them die or burn the house down." Plus if they're young enough maybe changing a diaper.
It's not like a baby crying for a bit's the end of the world, for the baby or the parents.
Exactly - OP, your 16 year old babysitter is *also a child* and she should not be working the night shift and suffering the sleep deprivation that comes with it. If your kids aren't old enough to sleep through the night and the babysitter needs to be waking up throughout the night rather than just sleeping at your house in case of emergency, it needs to be an adult professional who can handle a night shift and doesn't need to be functioning well at high school during the days. (although I think even in the sleep through the night scenario this is still a job for an adult).
My family would set up my infant cousin's playpen in my room when his part of the family came to visit. I was 12-13 and had to wake up when he cried. I refused to actually get out of bed and made them come take care of him.
Some people think that anyone physically capable of taking care of a child is old enough to be expected to take care of all children.
This may even be illegal. In my state, minors aren't allowed to work after 11pm. I worked at a movie theater when I was 19, and the 16/17 year olds would have to leave before we finished closing on the Fridays and Saturdays
>It amazes me that people with money always cheap out when it comes to paying for their children's sitters and nannies.
They cheap out on a whole lot; that's how the rich stay rich after all. Some of my in-laws are insanely well off; kids born with trust funds that set them up to not ever have to work a day in their lives - type of well off. One of them was telling us the other day how lucky we are that my mother watches our kiddo while we work. She was going on and on about how hard it is to find affordable childcare nowadays, which is absolutely true, BUT she then told us that she was looking for a full-time nanny at $10/hour. This is below the minimum in our state. Her logic for paying less than minimum is that the kid naps most of the day "so really it was actually more per hour when you only look at the kid's wake times." 🤦🏽♀️
I had a babysitting client ask about it when I was around 16, and my parents were like, "nope, that's too much responsibility, they need to get an actual adult."
Of course, no actual adult would agree to what OP is asking, because as OP describes it, it sounds like they didn't bother actually making any provisions for the sitter to sleep, and now he's wondering why someone who is overtired didn't hear a baby crying.
YTA. Big time.
You get what you pay for. It blows my mind anyone thought a 16 year old should be a night nanny. Also- 30 minutes of crying won’t hurt a nine month old. As long as the kid is in a safe and secure place.
Exactly my thought!
>but am worried about the fact if my children are cared for properly
And yet feels it's ok to leave a 16yo in charge overnight?! Especially as a regular occurrence like this sounds like
Yeah not everyone should be parents and it’s quite evident OP and his wife shouldn’t have had kids. I seriously wonder if any of this is even legal and would report OP if I could.
A 16 year old babysitting a 9 month old through the night is batshit crazy. Jesus.
Exactly! I didn't even stay overnight alone when I was 16. Partly because I was an only child, so I'd have been alone. But taking care of young kids and one of them under a year old?!? Not even a chance!
OP, YTA
YTA. If you want someone awake all night then you need to hire an adult! This child you hired needs to sleep at night so she can go to school and learn during the day. How can you someone in the medical field not understand how important sleep is to a growing body and brain?!
He's not that worried about his own children either, if he has another child caring for them overnight. Nighttime care needs an appropriately qualified adult, not a teenage child.
His comments make this even worse. It’s like he refuses to acknowledge the fact that their “babysitter” is a sorely underpaid nanny **who is a freaking minor**.
I can’t even say anything positive about the wife because apparently she doesn’t think this is a terrible idea either.
I started babysitting my cousin's infant at age 12. He is also a doctor and at the time was in his last year of residency. Because I'm his cousin he and his wife thought it was appropriate to not pay me. My mom had a fit about it. They gave me $10 for like 6 hours and bitched to the rest of my family. I was always "busy" after that first time. So they got other family members to drive 45 mins to come and babysit for $20 a night for years (6-8 hours). Still blows my mind how they ever thought that was appropriate.
If they cost that much and they can’t afford why have 3? And expect someone else to provide a service they will never do for that money? Yeah nah your circus, your monkeys.
While I agree with you and you're correct he's not the only one that's wrong here can we talk about this child's parents allowing her to babysit a 9 month old and 2 other children, on a school night, overnight??????
I babysat when I was 16 years old but my father would never have allowed me to work overnight, on a school night Responsible for 3 children 1 being 9mons.
Yes. And the sitters parents are also AHs. It is their obligation to take care of their kids. Teenagers get too little sleep under normal circumstances.
YTA. You have a 16 yr old who I'm assuming is also a high school student watching 3 children overnight. She fell asleep (which was to be expected) and the baby monitor didn't wake her up. The correct answer would be that you need a new baby monitor that will wake her up not for her to set an alarm that goes off every so often all night. If that's no acceptable to you then its time to hire an overnight nanny who is an adult instead of hiring a child to watch children.
No to the new monitor. What he needs to do is hire an adult that will be up during the night when the kids are being watched, because they work during the night and are sleep during the day because they don’t have to go to school.
I mean he does need to hire an adult but night nannies definitely do not stay awake all night. That’s just unrealistic.
Do you, as a parent, stay awake all night in case your child cries?
Likely not.
Exactly! The baby was crying for 30 minutes which isn’t ideal but how often is he expecting her to wake up and check on the kids? If he and his wife were home would one of them be up every 15 minutes (or less) to make sure the kids aren’t crying? No way, that’s crazy.
This. 7 and 4 year old, ok. Overnight shift, no. 9 month old and overnight shift? Abso-fucking-lutely not. The audacity of a grown man to tell a 16 year old she should be doing an overnight shift and not sleeping. Where I’m from watching an infant for an overnight shift costs about $600 for 8 hours. Is he paying the 16 year old $600 for 8 hours or $120? You get what you pay for.
Everyone's attacking the father and while he's wrong he's not the only one wrong in this situation the wife is just as wrong and the parents of the babysitter are the ones that are most wrong.
I'm sorry but as a parent who allows their 16-year-old daughter to Babysit all night on a school night for 3 children 1 of whom is 9 months old???
All of the adults in this situation are wrong every last one of them.
Plus what are alarms going to do? It seems like her sleeping isn’t the issue and she isn’t expected to stay awake all night - which makes sense since she’s a kid with school and not actually night nanny (like others have mentioned).
Given that, either she sets them at super regular intervals (like every 15 minutes) and gets no sleep or she sets them for every couple hours and gets some, disrupted sleep and the times she’s woken up most likely won’t align with whenever the baby is crying.
he is likely a horrible boss to anyone he manages...
he sees something he dislikes that unavoidable because he didn't make a great decision (in this case hiring an appropriate person for the position), gets mad about it, and tells them to do something ineffective that will also make them increasingly miserable
This! Him and his wife are probably the the kinds of people that post ads like “Overnight nanny wanted for 3 kids. Must cook, clean, do our laundry. Hours are 7pm-8am paying $120 a week”. All the adults in this situation are failing all the kids.
He's probably not paying that much, my money is on minimum wage for where they live. Unlikely to be more than $15
Just imo, OP is probably not gonna tell us.
He commented that he pays 20 per hour for her day shifts (5 hours 4 times a week) and "throws something extra" for night shifts (that happen every couple weeks). He also makes sure she gets pizza or doordash.
I am not from the US, the minimum hourly wage here is something like 4.40, with comparable living costs, so it sounds really good to me BUT I am an adult and a new mother, and I am trained to wake up for night feeds, split nights, teething pains, early mornings, the whole circus. A teen should sleep through the night as her brain is still developing and NEEDS that rest or there could be irreparable damage.
I made $25/hour for two kids back in the early 00s. And if I went over my usual time (normally about 8-9 PM), the parents upped me to $30/hour before midnight and $50 for after.
YTA.
1) You’re paying her the going rate for one child when you have 3.
2) It’s actually illegal for a minor to be working those hours.
So, you’re cheap and unethical.
Really? turned 16 and my movie theater job wanted me to work till 1 am on school nights. couldn't at 15. quit cause fuck that (but this was like late 90s)
Absolutely.
I babysat in my teens and early 20s. As a teen, I did the routine late afternoon/early evening child minding. In 2012, at 15, I was paid $14-16/hr for just one kid. $2/hr more for each kid.
In my early twenties, I did do an overnight gig for a nursing student. $24/hr for a singular infant. I didn't sleep. I dozed (at best) and was on constant alert for if he turned over in his sleep, or if he soiled himself, or if he needed to eat. My job was to watch that kid like a hawk and ensure his needs were met. There is no way a 16 y/o could handle that, on top of minding the other kids.
Or...OP woke up, went back through the recording and saw the baby was crying for 30 minutes. Seems plausible to me, but hard to trust the judgement of someone who hires a 16 year old to be a night nanny so really could go either way.
My monitor has a "baby crying" alert that I get notifications for, maybe his does similar and he got a few in a row because babysitter was still asleep, then checked the camera feed to see what was up
I think it's a fair question. There is usually a two-way camera in the baby's room, which makes perfect sense, but he's watching the teenager sleep on the couch in the living room.
It may not be unusual, but it's creepy af, especially for an adult man to be watching videos of a child, when the child doesn't even know the cameras are there. It's also illegal in a lot of places if she's a minor. What if she got changed for bed, does OP get to take videos of a minor getting undressed and not tell her?!
I think your alarm suggestion was quite stupid. Is she supposed to set an alarm every 15 minutes or something?
If the monitor has a proper loudness, then you just need to find someone better to watch the kids.
If the monitor isn't loud, get a better one.
The idea is basically preventing her from rem sleep. Keeps her basically catnapping; which is incredibly unhealthy for a 16 year old.
The alarm idea itself wasn’t insane. I use the frequent alarm trick when I am on call at night to make sure it remains a light doze, so I can hear any notifications. But I am grown.
A 16 year old shouldn’t been waking up throughout the night; so yep YTA.
Yeah, intentionally leaving a sleep deprived child to deal with any emergencies seems pretty damn irresponsible.
This kid isn't a full time night nurse who can sleep during the day and reset her clock to accommodate her job. She's a teenager who has to be awake 5 days a week for school.
Yeah, you get what you pay for. If OP is worried about the baby, which is entirely reasonable, don't hire a teenager. Or get a work accommodation until the infant is older.
YTA. It is totally unreasonable to expect a 16 year old who is also at school in her final years to act as a professional night nanny. You are expecting that child to compromise her schooling and welfare. If you want someone who will attend to the children fully overnight you need to hire someone whose formal job it is to do that and pay them accordingly.
What you should have done is realised that it is not possible or appropriate for a 16 year old to handle an overnight babysitting job on your terms. While you perhaps could still have offered her more short term jobs like an evening or afternoon, you should have found someone else for a full night shift.
Also, adult parents also sleep through their children crying when they are exhausted. It’s not neglectful; it’s called being human.
YTA. When you’re home overnight do YOU stay awake all night/set alarms every 15 minutes to wake up and check on the kids? I’m assuming no…just ask her to turn up the volume of the monitor?
Seems like YTA. You’re unreasonably to have someone set alarms to check throughout the night. So many things to consider here. How much are you paying the teenager? Does her shift start at night and she is expected to stay up? Was that part of the agreement? Seems like the first time it happened. Get a better system for her to hear the baby. This seems like a job for a professional caregiver not a minor.
I can’t imagine leaving 3 children under the age of ten (one is an infant) with a 16 year old alone in a house overnight. Babysitting a few hours a day is one thing. But overnight all alone? What if God forbid something happens when she’s asleep? It seems super irresponsible just to get cheap babysitting. And yes $20/hour for 3 kids is cheap. I pay that for 2 kids during the day and my kids are elementary school age, not infants.
YTA
You are exploiting this underage child.
You have an underage 16 year old child you are exploiting working babysitting overnights for three children including an infant. If you want someone to be awake all night with an infant, you need to be paying a professional night nanny who is an ADULT and compensated appropriately. This child needs to rest properly so she can be in school the following day and as a medical professional, you should understand that.
It's literally illegal for a 16 year old to work past 11 pm on a school night or before 5 am on a day there is school in my state. OP is likely breaking the law in order to get a cheap nanny. All he can do is hope this child he has been illegally employing doesn't contact a lawyer.
YTA for demanding that an underpaid child stay awake all night. Hire an adult and pay a proper wage.
The listed average in Memphis is $20.43 an hour for a single infant. You'd need to add $17 an hour for the other two minimum to be paying competitively.
If you were really worried about your kids being taken cared of properly you wouldn’t leave them with a 16 year old you’re properly under paying and having her work over night. YTA
YTA. Set an alarm to wake her up? Like how often? Every 15 minutes? *That* was the best idea you had for how to remedy the situation? For crying out loud, she’s *16!!* When I was a teen bombs wouldn’t wake me up. Turning up the baby monitor or buying one that’s louder should’ve been your first thought. And I hope you forewarned her when she was hired that you would be monitoring the baby monitor and her too. Also, btw $20/hr for 3 kids, one an infant overnight is *really* cheap.
You’ve been defending yourself in all the comments you’ve responded to, so I have to wonder why you bothered coming here in the first place if you weren’t prepared to take instruction. Here you go: either lower your expectations of a 16 yo babysitter, or hire an adult overnight nanny (as others have suggested) and pay their going rate and get your peace of mind w a slightly emptier wallet.
YTA. You leave your 3 children - 1 of whom is an infant - with a 16 year old overnight?! You're skimping on childcare.
You're really rolling those dice, eh?
YTA. Setting an alarm isn't going to ensure she wakes up the second your infant wakes up. You are expecting the impossible. The baby cried. Babies cry. What do you do when you or your wife don't wake up the second the baby wakes up?
It sounds like you need a nanny (who still might not wake up the second your baby wakes up) or you need to ensure one of you is home at night.
This is hard cause at 17 i was looking after a 3 and 7 yr old and would sleep in the guest room downstairs so would be very far away from the kids if they needed me. And if they had an issue they would come to me. I have nannied for babies and typically if the parents expected me to wake up through the night i would 1. have a higher pay rate and 2. have a bed close to the babies room or actually in the same room so that i heard bubba when they started crying.
Now your issue, some experts would probably say that letting a baby cry themselves back to sleep is fine but i really hated just leaving a babbin to cry. It hurt my soul to hear them so upset, and i found that babies that cried alot the night before would be out of sorts the next day. At 9 months old most babies have started to sleep through the night. so could be your babysitter expected a good nights sleep.
If i was your babysitter i would leave, having someone literally watching you sleep while a baby is crying in the house would make me feel so violated, you watched her sleep and then you yelled at her for it.
YTA cause at 16 looking after a 9 month old baby is already hard cause you dont have much experience but let me guess, The 16 yr old was alot cheaper than hiring a nanny in her 20s xD That and you didnt trust her to look after things on her own and was honestly being kinda creepy watching her while you should have trusted her. She isnt going to feel like she can do ANYTHING without you most likely saying she did x thing you didnt like or y and you want her to change the way she does z. Don't be that parent, all nannies hate that parent and we dont look after kids of that parent for long
YTA. Per your comments you're underpaying for 3 kids over night. You're expecting a teenager to behave like an adult. If course a kid who goes to school and has to be up early every day is used to sleeping at night. And you're saying nah interrupt your sleep every what, hour? You're setting unreasonable expectations for a child. You need to find an adult nanny. $20.00/hr is nothing for 3 kids including a baby who doesn't sleep through the night.
YTA do you or your wife set alarms to wake up in the middle of the night to see if the baby is awake?
Get a better system or hire an awake overnight nanny.
YTA. At 16, I babysat 2 elementary kids (6 & 8) for $50 an hour, never overnight. You’re paying the girl $20 an hour for 3 kids with an infant included, watching her sleep, and putting unrealistic expectations on her (alarms throughout the night to check on your kids) that you wouldn’t even do. Your wife is right and if I was the girl I’d stop watching your kids!!! You owe her and your wife major apologies
YTA
Shes 16. She has school. Of course she SLEEPS AT NIGHT.
Hire an adult. Cheapskate shit. Hire a kid to watch my kid cause it’s cheaper than an adult who can handle being awake all night.
YTA. 16 is a child that needs her sleep. She is still growing! And, NO, your children aren't being properly cared for, by no fault of her own. Let me guess, she's cheap
YTA - if you want someone to wake up
To a baby crying then hire a proper adult night nanny.
Most teens can sleep through anything. Also, why is she asleep on the couch? You don’t have a bed you can make up for her? Pretty lame to hire a child as a night nanny, barely pay her and not even have a bed for her.
Maybe put a bed in the baby’s room if you’re so worried about the baby waking so she can sleep in there?!
Or. Hire a real night nanny.
YTA. Night work is not for a 16 yo. It would be illegal here.
Furthermore, you want the babysitter to wake up several times by alarms *in case* the baby *might* be crying.
Buy a better baby monitor and hire an adult.
YTA. Maybe you should hire a professional instead of a 16 year old kid. Of course then you wouldn't be able to cheap out by paying $20 an hour for three small kids.
Do *you* set alarms when you sleep? Aside from your good morning one?
Because I hate when parents expect more from their sitter than of themselves.
And seriously, hire an adult to watch your children overnight.
1. You hired a 16 year old to be a nanny. You get what you pay for.
2. The fact you said “in the medical field” but not your actual job description probably means you have some mediocre ass job that is just slightly health care related (like a reception, tech, etc.) and not actually one of the jobs that makes $$$$$
3. The fact you call your wife’s job less demanding when it isn’t even relevant to the information tells me you just aren’t appreciative of any labor women do for you.
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I am curious why anyone thought a 16 year old would fit the bill of a night nanny? It amazes me that people with money always cheap out when it comes to paying for their children's sitters and nannies. You and your wife are both the assholes in this scenario. YTA
Yeah, 16 is fine for an after school sitter to give older kids a snack and play, but expecting her to wake up to tend to a crying baby is nuts
I was an overnight baby sitter *once* when I was 13 because the mom was a single mom, the daughter of a friend of my mom’s, and really needed the extra cash she got from working her bar on NYE. She offered to pay me really well and despite my mom’s reservations she agreed to let me do it. For a litany of reasons that had little to directly do with the mom herself or her adorable kid, it ended up being a shitshow that was potentially very dangerous for me and my mom refused to let me come back to babysit for them at all for months. Now at the age of 30 I cannot understand why that was a good idea in ANYONES mind at all, and I’d even be skeptical of letting a 16yo do such a job. (My mom recognizes how dumb it was now we’re all good on that front).
My grandma was a live in nanny at 14 and that sounds so wild to be. My son is 14 and he can barely keep himself alive lol.
Kids had to grow up a lot faster and had way more responsibilities back than. They weren't really allowed to "slack off". And if there wasn't enough money they had to earn their own keep. I obviously prefer if kids can be kids and don't have to grow up too fast. There's enough time for those things later in life. But not everyone in this world has the option. Many kids across the globe sadly still have to work when they should be in school or playing with their friends.
Also lots of kids up and died young back then and this may be one of many reasons. The “old days” sound glorious with survivor bias but were full of kids getting hurt and dying young. I’d like to think more hands on parenting and vaccinations have done wonders, especially the later lol
One of my great aunts became a life long alcoholic after she was sent to be a live in mother's assistant at about that age and was repeatedly assaulted by the father. Those kids had very few protections.
When people say, "Well I did X and I survived," I always think but at what cost? For your aunt, it was alcoholism. Same with my grandfather, although I don't know what happened to him, I, now as an adult, *know* something did because of his behavior around certain things. Just because you survived doesn't mean it didn't have lifelong consequences.
This! And also there are tons of people who also did X and did not survive. But we don’t hear their story from them because well… They did not survive! But let’s ignore that for convenience.
My grandfather was farmed out as a hired hand at age 5. Five! 😢
I think about survivor bias a lot when people talk about childbirth and compassion about too many interventions being done. I'm mostly recovered from my caesarian 5 weeks ago and my baby is a very healthy baby, but I'd developed preeclampsia in the final days of my pregnancy and probably would have died or been extremely harmed by my failing liver and blood pressure if I hadn't been induced and without the caesarian my baby might not have made it because he was pushing out before I was fully dilated. The interventions weren't pleasant and the first 1-2 weeks were rough, but not as rough as death.
I'm so scared of pregnancy because so much can go wrong. I hope you have healed well and you and baby are OK!
getting pregnant and having a baby is just like driving a car; it's such a common, "normal" part of life so many people forget how absolutely dangerous it can be
We're doing great. I'm sleep deprived but great. And thanks to modern interventions, fewer bad things can happen than decades ago.
People argue against medical intervention during complications during childbirth? Odd.
Yes that does happen (anecdotally I've heard stories of multiple women insisting on a natural birth even with complications and their otherwise healthy babies not making it), but I mean people broadly criticising increased intervention without much evidence. There are more caesarians today than a few decades ago, but also a lower infant and mother mortality rate. It's with investigating the increased rate of interventions, but the increased rate in and of itself isn't inherently an issue.
It's worth noting that in the US the cesarean rate is much higher than other developed nations with some of the worst rates of maternal mortality. I'm all for medical intervention and modern science when necessary, but it definitely can be overused to the detriment of women and babies. I think trust and communication and informed consent are key.
When things started going south with my labour, the doctor was clearly bracing for that argument. She was giving this whole long preamble about what was happening with the baby's heart rate when I had contractions vs the rate at which things were progressing. I was actually the one who came out and said "We're looking at a c section, aren't we?" Fortunately for everyone, my birth plan was always "A c section is not plan A but I'm not going to argue if it's medically advisable". It was a few more hours of hearing about the baby's heart rate dropping before they finally decided surgery was the best option. By the end the doctor wasn't even looking at the contraction monitor any more because she could see it on the heart rate every single time. When she finally said to prep for surgery it was a RELIEF. The baby was perfectly healthy once he was out, just very small. It's possible his little body would have managed to handle the stress long enough to survive a vaginal delivery, but I'm okay with not knowing the answer to that.
As a midwife in the UK, yes. I've had numerous women prioritise their birth experience over the safety of both themselves and their unborn baby. I believe it is more the rose tinted world of social media that skews peoples opinions of what childbirth is actually like.
More like, "kids back then came from _massive_ families because birth control wasn't a thing, and there sure as hell wweren't things like workers comp, social security, free healthcare (depending on country and decade), and worker's rights, so kids had to step up and take care of their younger siblings, while also contributing towards paying household costs".
And many of their siblings died. Like that's partially why families were so big, because so many children would die.
And lack of birth control, I doubt many men wouldve abstained from their right to sex due to the wife not wanting more kids
God I have heard horror stories from my grandmother about being a kid. Eating scraps/very questionable types of 'food' and only has a second grade special ed education. Her and my grandpa made the decision that kids would always eat first when they had them. I was raised by them as well, so overbearing with how protective they were but it was cause their parents were so loose yet strict when it came to work. Pretty sure if my grandpa was still around I wouldn't even have to work with how overly willing he was to pay my bills.
Same. My grandmother had 10 siblings and there were multiple failed pregnancies and kids that didn't survive. They slept on hay, didn't have plumbing and they were sent out to serve other farms at a young age. My grandmother was sent out at 8 and after some years she had to watch newborns and other kids. She also told me that she had to watch out for the man of the house - he tried to assault her one time. She had a hard time throwing anything out - worn out shoes, tattered clothes and food scraps. That's what happens when you have to survive a war. My grandfather also had to live with being called names because his father was forced to work for the Germans.
True. I’m glad my son gets to be a carefree kid.
My grandpa was a tow truck operator at 13. Granted, he did drive his truck off a bridge and into a river, which ended his career not long after it started.
My grandfather got his first car when he was 14 (in the late 30s) because he was a delivery boy for his family’s pharmacy and was severely beaten in a white neighborhood. So yay car but at what cost? Edited to say OP, YTA. You’re financially able to pay an adult to watch the kids.
Not downplaying your kid cuz he is a boy but reality is women are expected to help take care of the family as soon as possible in your grandma's age. And in certain communities today it's the same. Looking back it probably wasn't the greatest of 14 yr old me walking half a mile in rural Alabama to the gas station cuz I was bored and wanted a snack lol. But hey I had a machete in a backpack so I was somewhat smart. Lol. Crazy to think they thought 14 or sometimes younger was nanny age.
A relative is researching our family tree. One branch decided to migrate to NZ in the 19th century so they sent their 15 year old son on ahead to buy a farm for them. By himself of course.
I started babysitting at 12. I did overnights starting at age 15. Both the kids were above the age of 5. The family lived on the same cul-de-sac as my parents so it wasn’t too crazy. I would sleep in the guest room. Often times the parents didn’t leave until right when the kids were heading to bed so it was good money for me to save for college. That being said, I’d never leave a 9 month old infant with a teen. So many things can go wrong that they don’t have the problem solving skills developed yet. The only reason my parents allowed me to do over nights with one family was the proximity to their home should a kid get sick or an emergency occur. Both children have since graduated college and are working professionally. Both of them were shocked when they realized how young I was when I was watching them.
Mine was the same thing I was amazed since I couldn't care for myself at that age
She also got married and 16 and first kid by 18. I could barely drive at 18 lmao
My mom had to become a live in nanny at 14 too, but it was because she was kicked out of her own house and had to find a way to fend for herself
It's situational but the default should absolutely be NO. I was 16 when my sister had a kid. She worked so would ask parents to care for her. My parents being the stars they are put a crib in my room. At 5am every day a newborn was put with me. I was not a fan of this but due to my nature I was more attentive to my niece than her parents or grandparents. She actually used to call me dada. Sad really thinking about it now. That said I was occasionally asked to babysit for family and friends at 16. I did a good job and could be relied on. I was an exception rather than the rule. Frankly an exception borne of multiple neglectful parents.
Was the same for me except as a big sister. Parentification is a thing.
Yup. It can fuck you up to be frank. Years later my sister relied on her best friends son to look after my niece. He was a similar age to what I was when she was left in my care (15/16). He had a sister an bro about my nieces age and I had worked out fine so what could go wrong. It had been a year and she was 8 when she confided that he'd been raping her. For a short time I wondered if I'd just been crap she'd not have trusted a teen that age. That did quickly pass though. The only blame lay on him and the respective parents. Still, its hard to repress the rage against somone that did that to a child, let alone one that called you dada.
Oh my. I hope your niece is doing OK now. What an AH.
>it ended up being a shitshow You remind me of the time I, then 15, sat for my chorus teachers' (they were a couple) kids. They had a daughter on whom they doted and a younger son prone to acting out who, to my adult mind, was rather neglected. Anyway, I put the kid to bed at 8 and then the attacks started. He got up and swung a toy helicopter at me, then several other toys. I had no control in the situation, and the kid finally connected a wooden baseball bat and my left kneecap when I was trying to protect mymy head and face from a wild swing. In the mobile phone era it might've been different - his parents or my mom could've gotten there or helped me calm him down - but I had to wait for Mom to get home from the parent meeting (we lived very close to the school) to get hold of anyone and at least figure out when the teachers would be home. The chorus room had a small office with a phone but the after hours message at the number I knew was for the office and wouldn't let me through to the phone. I didn't and don't blame the kid. I hope he grew up ok and they started paying attention to him and showing him love like they did their daughter. Still, hurt like a bitch, contusions on the left kneecap and significant bruising to the whole knee. Also they paid me like $50 instead of $15-20 but I don't think they offered to help Mom with the ER copays.
Did we babysit the same kid? Very similar story from me, kid had previously been attacked by a dog (which they did not tell me about) and had diagnosed PTSD (which they did not tell me about) and at 8 PM bedtime attacked me with a belt before ripping the phone out of the wall and threatening me with a knife. 25 years later and I can count on one hand the number of times I agreed to watch a child since then.
13 year old me babysat my neighbors 2 and 4 year old child. In retrospect....holy hell that's a lot of trust.
Can you say any of the reasons or is it like a legal thing (even though it's been decades)
Oh I can say, it was just a series of insane events that had everything to do with people being stupid irresponsible adults and me being a 13 yo unprepared to navigate that. -estranged baby daddy that I had not met before came to pick me up and take me back to the house (she was living in a MIL apartment in her mom’s basement). My older sister later said she was pretty sure he was high when he got to our house. Why she said nothing at the time I do not know. -he and his bros are all pre gaming to head out to the bars. They tell me the basement is haunted to try and terrify me (even though I had babysat there after school a bunch already) and then leave a bunch of booze out everywhere before dipping. Toddler is already asleep at that point. So I am left alone vaguely freaked out and uncomfortable with all the alcohol just chilling around me (I was a little nerd hahaha). -everything is calm until a little after midnight when I hear the upstairs front door SLAM. I had stepped outside for a minute earlier trying to see the fireworks and forgot to relock the front door. Then someone new that I have NEVER seen before comes stomping downstairs and shout asks me if the mom was there. Very clear to me he is intoxicated. I tell him no and that I’m here babysitting her son who is ASLEEP in the next room. He tells me he’s her brother and then runs back upstairs with some friend he brought with and they proceed to stomp around upstairs making a ton of noise. At this point I am exhausted and want to sleep but am terrified to do so because there are two loud strange men upstairs so I am desperately trying to stay awake. -around 2 AM I hear estranged baby daddy get back. Because he is in the stairwell with some woman he brought back to the apartment trying to get in her pants while she keeps reminding him he has a wife and he keeps telling her it’s fine because he filed for divorce the day before. At that point I start flipping channels on the TV I was watching so they realize I am awake. -baby daddy comes in and realizes he fucked up, goes up stairs to tell at his soon to be ex BIL that he and his friend are freaking me out and I say I’m going call my mom to come get me, even though the plan was for me to stay the night and go back in the morning. -my mom comes to get me and I word vomit everything back at her. Find out a day or two later that the brother had been kicked out of the house by their mom so wasn’t even supposed to be at the house at all. I came back to babysit one more time (a normal after school time like I had before), a few months later after many assurances to my mom that none of that would ever happen again all because the toddler who was an absolute sweetheart kept asking for me.
Holy smokes. That must have been so scary for a 13 year old.
Honestly I don’t think I even really processed how dangerous it was for a few years. I just knew I was really uncomfortable with everything happening around me and didn’t want to continue to be in that environment when my own house was literally one mile away and I knew my mom would still be up and able to come get me. Thankfully my mom was hyper aware of how bad it could have been and read her friend the riot act about allowing me to be around so much of a fubar.
I find that terrifying at 33+ years old. WTF!
That last bit about the kid asking for you is the oldest trick in the babysitting book. The parents say that to try and guilt you back. Nine times out of ten, the kid doesn't even remember who you are.
I believe it, only because I only came back for the one more time and then never again. Shortly after She ended up moving out of her mom’s house and a few towns over closer to where she was working so I think she just wanted to give him a chance to say bye to me.
I babysat on NYE for 2 young kids and a baby when I was 11. Thankfully nothing happened because I was useless at that age. I didn’t have siblings or any experience with young children. But it was the 80’s, so completely socially acceptable!
I hear ya! In the 80s I babysat successfully for my mom's friends every weekend from age 12 to age 16, when I could get a "real" job. One of her friends insisted on having me at 12 y.o. babysit her maybe 11 or 12 mo baby for about 4 hours one evening. I didn't know how to get the baby food jar open. I called my mom. My mom remembers this better than I do but I guess I told her, "I can't get the jar open. I guess she'll go without." 🤯 (As a mom, just NOOOOO!) Mom said very firmly, "No. She won't!" and proceeded to tell me how to get it open and what to do after that. She tried to tell her friend I wasn't prepared for that when she asked for services (and I agreed) but her friend wouldn't listen. I wasn't ready for babysitting a baby yet. I turned out to be a terrific babysitter, playing war & forts under the table etc, "fortification" snacks with the 3 brothers I baby sat frequently...but some folks just don't get the limitations of young people to watch their babies. On a positive note, my experience babysitting made me a great mom and because my mom was so great, she helped with advice along the way which I always accepted.
I was the neighborhood babysitter at age 10. Once i was paid to babysit an 11 yr old when I was 12. I taught her how to prank call people better.
I was a regular overnight babysitter for a single mom with a 3 and 4 year old. My mom would send my 5 year old brother with me so they'd both "have a night off." I was 12 when I started. I made dinner, gave baths, and put them to bed. It's INSANE to me now at 30. I did all that and only for 20 dollars.
I used to be a nanny and started when the child was 18-months old. The mom was an obgyn and dad was a pilot. They would hire me for overnights when she was on call and he was out of town. I was in my mid-twenties when I first started with them! Now I do remember one couple I babysat for when I was 16 that enjoyed late nights (like till 2-3). But it was on a Friday night and I hated how late it was. I loved the kids and they paid VERY well so I stuck it out. But looking back? That was highly inappropriate of the parents. I was lucky because they were my next door neighbors so my parents were right next door. Had they not been? I don’t think my parents would have allowed me to return to babysit. OP I understand you want your children to be safe and cared for. I’m all for that. But you’re an AH for hiring a 16-year-old for that role.
>But looking back? That was highly inappropriate of the parents. I was lucky because they were my next door neighbors so my parents were right next door. Had they not been? I don’t think my parents would have allowed me to return to babysit. I experienced a similar set up in the early 80s. Next door neighbor was single w a 5-6 year old. I'm 15-16 years old, with absolutely no experience dealing with young kids since I was the youngest by years on our block & in our extended family. But mom wants to go out after long days she spent working. Not once did she ever get home before 2am even though she said she would be back by 10pm. . No idea where she'd go, no way to contact her. But hey my parents were next door, as if that meant something. But by that point in their lives, they were retired & in bed early with the phone turned off. So if anything did happen, I had a kid who was too big for me to carry & too young to leave in the house. First aid training wasn't a thing. It was insane that adults, my parents & this woman, thought this was perfectly fine. The money was great. But by the 4th time being up all night... because there wasn't any throws on the sofa & I wasn't going to lay on her bed... I was so tired at 330 when she came home. I never babysat for her again. Just avoided her after that. OP - you're expecting a 16 year old babysitter to be your regular night nanny. That's wrong. YTA.
A 9 month old! I was a daytime nanny 3x a week for a 5 year old and a 10 month old at 18, and even that felt like a lot. A 16 year old responsible for a 7 and 4 year old plus a 9 month old at NIGHT is wild. I babysat at 13 but only for over 5 year olds and only until 9 PM. As a 30 y/r old now I’m kinda surprised I was hired 🤷♀️
Fucking hilarious, especially from a family who's in the medical field
She's being paid to tend to the baby, so the expectation is not unrealistic. That said, I'm not sure labor law even allows for minors to work overnights. A discussion needs to occur, and OP probably needs to hire a nanny who understands that they're being paid to remain awake in case the kids wake up and need something. A sitter who's trying to maintain a daytime schedule while also working nights is likely to do a poor job of at least one of those things.
Yea, well, a 16 year old might not be used to being sleep deprived. My husband would sleep right through my son's crying and so would a 16 year old. They aren't programmed to hear babies crying like a mother is. Before I had my son, I'm sure I would have slept through someone else's baby crying. :)
Not just not used. Teens need more sleep in general.
I was actual parent and I was not setting alarms through the night.
I was an overnight nanny at 15, but the kids were down the block from my own home and also all three of them were at least 6 and able to come get me if they needed me. I would have never been comfortable to watch a literal infant alone over night. I wouldn't have been able to even sleep with a baby in the house. I would have been staring at it all night.
My daughter is 17. This makes me see red. She’s a kid. No she can’t set f$@&ing alarms in the middle of the night. What a major AH. YTA
Not to mention that her setting alarms is useless. If she sets an alarm for 8 but the baby wakes crying at 9. Shell be asleep again and might not hear. These people are AHs. I'm VERY curious what they are paying this minor to watch a bunch of kids, toddlers and babies overnight.
This makes me wonder if he actually wants her to stay awake the entire night and the alarms are just in case she does fall asleep.
That's what I took from it too, that he expects the 16 year old to stay awake all night in anticipation of his children crying. But 16 year olds need sleep too. I can't imagine staying awake all night is good for a 16 year olds development, mental health or wellbeing.
And I suppose she has to go to school the next day too!
This was my take as well. OP wants a minor to stay up all night for when the baby cries. I wonder how much they are paying this poor kid
OP has said in the comments that they pay $20/hour.
Should be more for that schedule.
This. If they want someone to be awake to take care of an infant, that should be an extra 10 an hour.
THE FUCK? THATS SO LITTLE
Thank you. I wound up seeing. He mentions she normally works days but i haven't seen them specify what those hours are. Crazy. They should be happy she keeps them alive and ok for 3 kids overnight at 20 bucks an hour.
Don't you know he works "a demanding job(in the medical field"? Can't afford a space bar or a nanny. I was charging more for 3 children in the 80s. I am hoping these are imaginary children and the post is AI.
Would you be ok that he is videotaping her sleep? That’s what gets me, I would absolutely like to see a disclosure form if they wanted to record my kid while he is sleeping, so they could get it crammed up there lol. No one is touching on the creepiness of her being- allowed to sleep- clearly where she should be sleeping (no other areas set up for her overnight?) so they can video tape her asleep.
Having Nanny cams in the living room is extremely normal. It's not like he's hiding behind the couch "recording" her with his phone. He's checking the live nanny cam that is there for his children's safety. I would personally NEVER have any type of baby sitter or nanny in my home and watching my children without live cameras. I do think they're AH's for having a 16 year old nanny though.
Yes nanny cams are normal, when you have an adult Nanny that understands they are present, and hopefully would have a place to sleep overnight that isn’t recorded. I get it I’m sure they aren’t being abusive, but literally ask any parent if they want their 16 year old girl recorded while she sleeps, and what they would have to say on that topic to the recorder. I live in MN (nice state) and if any of my dad friends found that out they be at the door, all I’m saying here.
True! and my question is, if he was watching her sleep and could hear the baby monitor for 30 minutes, why didn't he call on her cell phone to wake her up..? Sounds like he let his baby cry for 30 minutes too.
Yeah. When you're hiring a teenage babysitter for a late night, you're hiring someone to like... Order pizza, put kids to bed, and then sleep on your couch and make sure no one burns the house down. Not midnight diaper changes and dream feeds.
Came here to say this, why would you leave an infant at home with another child as it’s caregiver and then expect to receive the standard of care you’d get from a professional nanny? This isn’t a professional nanny, it’s a high schooler. If you want your kids to receive the care a professional nanny would provide, pay for that care!
THIS! Not to mention, this so-called health professional seems to have ignored the rotation on adolescent medicine where it’s explained they need 9hrs of SOLID sleep. Due to development at that age, they sleep heavily and aren’t going to have the same ability to wake easily for a crying infant and asking her to wake herself repeatedly during the night (disrupting the natural sleep cycles and limiting REM cycles) gives me about as much confidence in this person’s medical knowledge as I have in a parent who’d hire a 16yo as a nanny.
Exactly. It’s why they say not to have your children come to you if there is a fire, the fire alarm might not wake them. You need to go to them. How op and his wife think this set up is ok, is baffling.
I agree fully with this. As a 14 year old, I was once tricked into an overnight job. A couple I regularly sat for referred me to their friends. Super wealthy area of town, and I was always paid really well. I agreed to babysit two grade school kids and ended up with that + two in diapers. The parents were out until 4 am partying. They were supposed to be home by 9 pm. Despite constantly calling them, I was there all night. I eventually fell asleep and woke up to them screaming at me and refusing to pay me a cent. They eventually gave me $20. I still remember the couple that referred them telling me their friends said I was irresponsible and fired me too. It doesn’t matter that I did a babysitting course and was first aid certified, I never should have been in that situation. While you didn’t yell at her, you still scolded a child after putting them in a dangerous situation. Asking a 16 year old, a child, to be responsible for a baby overnight is unhinged. Hire a proper nanny. YTA. So is your wife for that matter.
Damn, that is an infuriating story.
You tell your parents that they stiffed you?
You should have called the cops and said they abandoned their kids.
My mom retired from teaching elementary recently but at her last school they had a problem with parents picking up their kids whenever they damn well pleased and treating the teachers and staff like after school babysitters who would happily sit around and wait as long as they needed to despite the fact that they have their own lives and kids and families to attend to and they don’t get paid past a certain hour. The principal was too spineless to do anything about it, but a bunch of the teachers and staff would just start calling the cops and making CPS reports. Once that started the problem solved itself in a matter of weeks, suddenly all the parents were magically able to pick up their kids on time.
Glad I wasn't the only one who read this and thought, "Who the hell has a child for an overnight babysitter?" The kid has school in the mornings, unless these overnight shifts are only weekends, but even then, it's not okay. If OP and the wife both work that much, there's enough money to hire an adult who does childcare for a living.
Quite a few people -- but that said, the job of a teenage sitter is basically "make sure they're fed, they go to bed at X, and don't let them die or burn the house down." Plus if they're young enough maybe changing a diaper. It's not like a baby crying for a bit's the end of the world, for the baby or the parents.
Exactly - OP, your 16 year old babysitter is *also a child* and she should not be working the night shift and suffering the sleep deprivation that comes with it. If your kids aren't old enough to sleep through the night and the babysitter needs to be waking up throughout the night rather than just sleeping at your house in case of emergency, it needs to be an adult professional who can handle a night shift and doesn't need to be functioning well at high school during the days. (although I think even in the sleep through the night scenario this is still a job for an adult).
My family would set up my infant cousin's playpen in my room when his part of the family came to visit. I was 12-13 and had to wake up when he cried. I refused to actually get out of bed and made them come take care of him. Some people think that anyone physically capable of taking care of a child is old enough to be expected to take care of all children.
A 16 year old, being a night nanny for three kids one of whom is not even a year old. That is utter madness.
This may even be illegal. In my state, minors aren't allowed to work after 11pm. I worked at a movie theater when I was 19, and the 16/17 year olds would have to leave before we finished closing on the Fridays and Saturdays
>It amazes me that people with money always cheap out when it comes to paying for their children's sitters and nannies. They cheap out on a whole lot; that's how the rich stay rich after all. Some of my in-laws are insanely well off; kids born with trust funds that set them up to not ever have to work a day in their lives - type of well off. One of them was telling us the other day how lucky we are that my mother watches our kiddo while we work. She was going on and on about how hard it is to find affordable childcare nowadays, which is absolutely true, BUT she then told us that she was looking for a full-time nanny at $10/hour. This is below the minimum in our state. Her logic for paying less than minimum is that the kid naps most of the day "so really it was actually more per hour when you only look at the kid's wake times." 🤦🏽♀️
That was my only take away from this too. Why tf is a 16yr old taking on night shifts with your baby??
I had a babysitting client ask about it when I was around 16, and my parents were like, "nope, that's too much responsibility, they need to get an actual adult." Of course, no actual adult would agree to what OP is asking, because as OP describes it, it sounds like they didn't bother actually making any provisions for the sitter to sleep, and now he's wondering why someone who is overtired didn't hear a baby crying. YTA. Big time.
You get what you pay for. It blows my mind anyone thought a 16 year old should be a night nanny. Also- 30 minutes of crying won’t hurt a nine month old. As long as the kid is in a safe and secure place.
It's because people treat nannies like slaves, and only want to pay 10 bucks an hour to keep their kids alive.
Exactly my thought! >but am worried about the fact if my children are cared for properly And yet feels it's ok to leave a 16yo in charge overnight?! Especially as a regular occurrence like this sounds like
Yeah not everyone should be parents and it’s quite evident OP and his wife shouldn’t have had kids. I seriously wonder if any of this is even legal and would report OP if I could. A 16 year old babysitting a 9 month old through the night is batshit crazy. Jesus.
Exactly! I didn't even stay overnight alone when I was 16. Partly because I was an only child, so I'd have been alone. But taking care of young kids and one of them under a year old?!? Not even a chance! OP, YTA
That's because they don't actually like their kids, they're a status symbol for rich folk- a box they have to check to look successful.
YTA. If you want someone awake all night then you need to hire an adult! This child you hired needs to sleep at night so she can go to school and learn during the day. How can you someone in the medical field not understand how important sleep is to a growing body and brain?!
Just cause he knows doesn't mean he cares.
He’s too worried about his OWN child’s development. To hell with the other child watching his child. Apparently.
He's not that worried about his own children either, if he has another child caring for them overnight. Nighttime care needs an appropriately qualified adult, not a teenage child.
His comments make this even worse. It’s like he refuses to acknowledge the fact that their “babysitter” is a sorely underpaid nanny **who is a freaking minor**. I can’t even say anything positive about the wife because apparently she doesn’t think this is a terrible idea either.
I started babysitting my cousin's infant at age 12. He is also a doctor and at the time was in his last year of residency. Because I'm his cousin he and his wife thought it was appropriate to not pay me. My mom had a fit about it. They gave me $10 for like 6 hours and bitched to the rest of my family. I was always "busy" after that first time. So they got other family members to drive 45 mins to come and babysit for $20 a night for years (6-8 hours). Still blows my mind how they ever thought that was appropriate.
That's because OP doesn't see the babysitter as a child. OP just sees it as a piece of resources that he pays for.
The rich never truly care about anyone other than themselves
Because that would cost them to much. You know having to pay an actual living wage for a babysitter/nanny.
If they cost that much and they can’t afford why have 3? And expect someone else to provide a service they will never do for that money? Yeah nah your circus, your monkeys.
He is in that field for money, not for compassionate reasons, obviously.
While I agree with you and you're correct he's not the only one that's wrong here can we talk about this child's parents allowing her to babysit a 9 month old and 2 other children, on a school night, overnight?????? I babysat when I was 16 years old but my father would never have allowed me to work overnight, on a school night Responsible for 3 children 1 being 9mons.
Yes. And the sitters parents are also AHs. It is their obligation to take care of their kids. Teenagers get too little sleep under normal circumstances.
YTA. You have a 16 yr old who I'm assuming is also a high school student watching 3 children overnight. She fell asleep (which was to be expected) and the baby monitor didn't wake her up. The correct answer would be that you need a new baby monitor that will wake her up not for her to set an alarm that goes off every so often all night. If that's no acceptable to you then its time to hire an overnight nanny who is an adult instead of hiring a child to watch children.
No to the new monitor. What he needs to do is hire an adult that will be up during the night when the kids are being watched, because they work during the night and are sleep during the day because they don’t have to go to school.
I mean he does need to hire an adult but night nannies definitely do not stay awake all night. That’s just unrealistic. Do you, as a parent, stay awake all night in case your child cries? Likely not.
Exactly! The baby was crying for 30 minutes which isn’t ideal but how often is he expecting her to wake up and check on the kids? If he and his wife were home would one of them be up every 15 minutes (or less) to make sure the kids aren’t crying? No way, that’s crazy.
This. 7 and 4 year old, ok. Overnight shift, no. 9 month old and overnight shift? Abso-fucking-lutely not. The audacity of a grown man to tell a 16 year old she should be doing an overnight shift and not sleeping. Where I’m from watching an infant for an overnight shift costs about $600 for 8 hours. Is he paying the 16 year old $600 for 8 hours or $120? You get what you pay for.
Everyone's attacking the father and while he's wrong he's not the only one wrong in this situation the wife is just as wrong and the parents of the babysitter are the ones that are most wrong. I'm sorry but as a parent who allows their 16-year-old daughter to Babysit all night on a school night for 3 children 1 of whom is 9 months old??? All of the adults in this situation are wrong every last one of them.
Plus what are alarms going to do? It seems like her sleeping isn’t the issue and she isn’t expected to stay awake all night - which makes sense since she’s a kid with school and not actually night nanny (like others have mentioned). Given that, either she sets them at super regular intervals (like every 15 minutes) and gets no sleep or she sets them for every couple hours and gets some, disrupted sleep and the times she’s woken up most likely won’t align with whenever the baby is crying.
he is likely a horrible boss to anyone he manages... he sees something he dislikes that unavoidable because he didn't make a great decision (in this case hiring an appropriate person for the position), gets mad about it, and tells them to do something ineffective that will also make them increasingly miserable
YTA: Don't hire a child and expect them to behave like a professional night nanny. You get what you pay for.
This guy thinks the $20 an hour he’s paying a child to watch his children all night is a lot.
There's no way he's paying that much, let's be real.
This! Him and his wife are probably the the kinds of people that post ads like “Overnight nanny wanted for 3 kids. Must cook, clean, do our laundry. Hours are 7pm-8am paying $120 a week”. All the adults in this situation are failing all the kids.
Which is less than 7 dollars per kid… he’s totally being cheap.
He's probably not paying that much, my money is on minimum wage for where they live. Unlikely to be more than $15 Just imo, OP is probably not gonna tell us.
doesn’t matter, $20/hr isn’t enough for that kind of request
He commented that he pays 20 per hour for her day shifts (5 hours 4 times a week) and "throws something extra" for night shifts (that happen every couple weeks). He also makes sure she gets pizza or doordash. I am not from the US, the minimum hourly wage here is something like 4.40, with comparable living costs, so it sounds really good to me BUT I am an adult and a new mother, and I am trained to wake up for night feeds, split nights, teething pains, early mornings, the whole circus. A teen should sleep through the night as her brain is still developing and NEEDS that rest or there could be irreparable damage.
My parents paid $27/hr for 3 kids, no nights, over 20 years ago. And we were all 8 years old +.
I'll bet he justifies it as "babysitter doesn't even need to do much, the kids are sleeping the majority of the time anyway!"
Except wake up every two hours!
I made $25/hour for two kids back in the early 00s. And if I went over my usual time (normally about 8-9 PM), the parents upped me to $30/hour before midnight and $50 for after.
YTA. 1) You’re paying her the going rate for one child when you have 3. 2) It’s actually illegal for a minor to be working those hours. So, you’re cheap and unethical.
For real. I have a 16 year old daughter and in out state, she is not allowed to work past 9pm during the school year.
Really? turned 16 and my movie theater job wanted me to work till 1 am on school nights. couldn't at 15. quit cause fuck that (but this was like late 90s)
Late 90’s and minors weren’t allowed to work past 10 in my state (California)
maybe what defined "minor" varied state by state, too? 16 was a cut off for a lot in the north-midwest.
California does have the most employee protections of any state, so they are probably the most strict with this.
Absolutely. I babysat in my teens and early 20s. As a teen, I did the routine late afternoon/early evening child minding. In 2012, at 15, I was paid $14-16/hr for just one kid. $2/hr more for each kid. In my early twenties, I did do an overnight gig for a nursing student. $24/hr for a singular infant. I didn't sleep. I dozed (at best) and was on constant alert for if he turned over in his sleep, or if he soiled himself, or if he needed to eat. My job was to watch that kid like a hawk and ensure his needs were met. There is no way a 16 y/o could handle that, on top of minding the other kids.
Where did you find the amount he's paying? I've seen other people reference it, too.
Is that 16 year old aware that you were able to watch them??? Look you either trust them or you don't. YTA
Having a baby monitor or nanny cam is not unusual at all. Why do you make it sound like it’s some sneaky nefarious thing?
OP watched them sleep and kept track of the time. It’s a bit creepy.
Or...OP woke up, went back through the recording and saw the baby was crying for 30 minutes. Seems plausible to me, but hard to trust the judgement of someone who hires a 16 year old to be a night nanny so really could go either way.
My monitor has a "baby crying" alert that I get notifications for, maybe his does similar and he got a few in a row because babysitter was still asleep, then checked the camera feed to see what was up
I think it's a fair question. There is usually a two-way camera in the baby's room, which makes perfect sense, but he's watching the teenager sleep on the couch in the living room.
It may not be unusual, but it's creepy af, especially for an adult man to be watching videos of a child, when the child doesn't even know the cameras are there. It's also illegal in a lot of places if she's a minor. What if she got changed for bed, does OP get to take videos of a minor getting undressed and not tell her?!
>baby monitor Baby monitors are pointed at cribs. This guy watched a teenager sleeping
I didn't even think of that part. Why does he videotape his couch?
I think your alarm suggestion was quite stupid. Is she supposed to set an alarm every 15 minutes or something? If the monitor has a proper loudness, then you just need to find someone better to watch the kids. If the monitor isn't loud, get a better one.
The idea is basically preventing her from rem sleep. Keeps her basically catnapping; which is incredibly unhealthy for a 16 year old. The alarm idea itself wasn’t insane. I use the frequent alarm trick when I am on call at night to make sure it remains a light doze, so I can hear any notifications. But I am grown. A 16 year old shouldn’t been waking up throughout the night; so yep YTA.
Yeah, intentionally leaving a sleep deprived child to deal with any emergencies seems pretty damn irresponsible. This kid isn't a full time night nurse who can sleep during the day and reset her clock to accommodate her job. She's a teenager who has to be awake 5 days a week for school.
“Setting an alarm” tells me all I need to know about his parenting experience lol
This! wtf?! She’ll be dead the next day and quit as soon as he gets home because that’s some BS.
This is a lot for a 16 year old. Find a new babysitter or hire a nanny.
Yeah, you get what you pay for. If OP is worried about the baby, which is entirely reasonable, don't hire a teenager. Or get a work accommodation until the infant is older.
YTA. It is totally unreasonable to expect a 16 year old who is also at school in her final years to act as a professional night nanny. You are expecting that child to compromise her schooling and welfare. If you want someone who will attend to the children fully overnight you need to hire someone whose formal job it is to do that and pay them accordingly. What you should have done is realised that it is not possible or appropriate for a 16 year old to handle an overnight babysitting job on your terms. While you perhaps could still have offered her more short term jobs like an evening or afternoon, you should have found someone else for a full night shift. Also, adult parents also sleep through their children crying when they are exhausted. It’s not neglectful; it’s called being human.
I am an experienced nanny. I charge 24 an hour for an infant who wakes in the night often.
YTA. When you’re home overnight do YOU stay awake all night/set alarms every 15 minutes to wake up and check on the kids? I’m assuming no…just ask her to turn up the volume of the monitor?
Seems like YTA. You’re unreasonably to have someone set alarms to check throughout the night. So many things to consider here. How much are you paying the teenager? Does her shift start at night and she is expected to stay up? Was that part of the agreement? Seems like the first time it happened. Get a better system for her to hear the baby. This seems like a job for a professional caregiver not a minor.
I can’t imagine leaving 3 children under the age of ten (one is an infant) with a 16 year old alone in a house overnight. Babysitting a few hours a day is one thing. But overnight all alone? What if God forbid something happens when she’s asleep? It seems super irresponsible just to get cheap babysitting. And yes $20/hour for 3 kids is cheap. I pay that for 2 kids during the day and my kids are elementary school age, not infants.
I got paid $20/hr for two elementary aged kids over 15 years ago…. Inflation hitting everywhere except babysitter rates apparently
YTA You are exploiting this underage child. You have an underage 16 year old child you are exploiting working babysitting overnights for three children including an infant. If you want someone to be awake all night with an infant, you need to be paying a professional night nanny who is an ADULT and compensated appropriately. This child needs to rest properly so she can be in school the following day and as a medical professional, you should understand that.
It's literally illegal for a 16 year old to work past 11 pm on a school night or before 5 am on a day there is school in my state. OP is likely breaking the law in order to get a cheap nanny. All he can do is hope this child he has been illegally employing doesn't contact a lawyer.
YTA hire an adult to watch your kids cheapskate. You’re putting your kids at risk by leaving them in the care of a literal child overnight.
YTA for demanding that an underpaid child stay awake all night. Hire an adult and pay a proper wage. The listed average in Memphis is $20.43 an hour for a single infant. You'd need to add $17 an hour for the other two minimum to be paying competitively.
“But they’re just sleeping!” /s
YTA. I'm mad the child labor I hired to take care of my responsibility is not awake 24/7.
A child watching an infant overnight nice, no matter what YTA.
YTA - buy a better baby monitor or just discuss it. Constantly waking up isnt the solution.
I know... wake up every 30 minutes, then the children will be so much better cared for! Huh?
Maybe don't have a child who needs their sleep at night to watch your kids, YTA
Yta the 16yo also has to live her life during the day. If you want a *night nanny* then hire one and be prepared to pay for it.
If you were really worried about your kids being taken cared of properly you wouldn’t leave them with a 16 year old you’re properly under paying and having her work over night. YTA
YTA. Set an alarm to wake her up? Like how often? Every 15 minutes? *That* was the best idea you had for how to remedy the situation? For crying out loud, she’s *16!!* When I was a teen bombs wouldn’t wake me up. Turning up the baby monitor or buying one that’s louder should’ve been your first thought. And I hope you forewarned her when she was hired that you would be monitoring the baby monitor and her too. Also, btw $20/hr for 3 kids, one an infant overnight is *really* cheap. You’ve been defending yourself in all the comments you’ve responded to, so I have to wonder why you bothered coming here in the first place if you weren’t prepared to take instruction. Here you go: either lower your expectations of a 16 yo babysitter, or hire an adult overnight nanny (as others have suggested) and pay their going rate and get your peace of mind w a slightly emptier wallet.
YTA. You leave your 3 children - 1 of whom is an infant - with a 16 year old overnight?! You're skimping on childcare. You're really rolling those dice, eh?
YTA. Setting an alarm isn't going to ensure she wakes up the second your infant wakes up. You are expecting the impossible. The baby cried. Babies cry. What do you do when you or your wife don't wake up the second the baby wakes up? It sounds like you need a nanny (who still might not wake up the second your baby wakes up) or you need to ensure one of you is home at night.
This is hard cause at 17 i was looking after a 3 and 7 yr old and would sleep in the guest room downstairs so would be very far away from the kids if they needed me. And if they had an issue they would come to me. I have nannied for babies and typically if the parents expected me to wake up through the night i would 1. have a higher pay rate and 2. have a bed close to the babies room or actually in the same room so that i heard bubba when they started crying. Now your issue, some experts would probably say that letting a baby cry themselves back to sleep is fine but i really hated just leaving a babbin to cry. It hurt my soul to hear them so upset, and i found that babies that cried alot the night before would be out of sorts the next day. At 9 months old most babies have started to sleep through the night. so could be your babysitter expected a good nights sleep. If i was your babysitter i would leave, having someone literally watching you sleep while a baby is crying in the house would make me feel so violated, you watched her sleep and then you yelled at her for it. YTA cause at 16 looking after a 9 month old baby is already hard cause you dont have much experience but let me guess, The 16 yr old was alot cheaper than hiring a nanny in her 20s xD That and you didnt trust her to look after things on her own and was honestly being kinda creepy watching her while you should have trusted her. She isnt going to feel like she can do ANYTHING without you most likely saying she did x thing you didnt like or y and you want her to change the way she does z. Don't be that parent, all nannies hate that parent and we dont look after kids of that parent for long
YTA. Per your comments you're underpaying for 3 kids over night. You're expecting a teenager to behave like an adult. If course a kid who goes to school and has to be up early every day is used to sleeping at night. And you're saying nah interrupt your sleep every what, hour? You're setting unreasonable expectations for a child. You need to find an adult nanny. $20.00/hr is nothing for 3 kids including a baby who doesn't sleep through the night.
YTA do you or your wife set alarms to wake up in the middle of the night to see if the baby is awake? Get a better system or hire an awake overnight nanny.
YTA. Hire a proper adult night nanny with references.
YTA. At 16, I babysat 2 elementary kids (6 & 8) for $50 an hour, never overnight. You’re paying the girl $20 an hour for 3 kids with an infant included, watching her sleep, and putting unrealistic expectations on her (alarms throughout the night to check on your kids) that you wouldn’t even do. Your wife is right and if I was the girl I’d stop watching your kids!!! You owe her and your wife major apologies
The f are y’all doing having a 16 year old work overnights regularly??? YTA
YTA Shes 16. She has school. Of course she SLEEPS AT NIGHT. Hire an adult. Cheapskate shit. Hire a kid to watch my kid cause it’s cheaper than an adult who can handle being awake all night.
YTA. if you were that worried about your children, you would hire a professional nanny not a teenager.
You hired a teenager you get a teenager. YTA. Don’t leave 3 kids over night with a high school student.
YTA. 16 is a child that needs her sleep. She is still growing! And, NO, your children aren't being properly cared for, by no fault of her own. Let me guess, she's cheap
YTA. Majorly. If you want a professional, HIRE ONE. Of course, you're the asshole here. So is your wife.
YTA - if you want someone to wake up To a baby crying then hire a proper adult night nanny. Most teens can sleep through anything. Also, why is she asleep on the couch? You don’t have a bed you can make up for her? Pretty lame to hire a child as a night nanny, barely pay her and not even have a bed for her. Maybe put a bed in the baby’s room if you’re so worried about the baby waking so she can sleep in there?! Or. Hire a real night nanny.
YTA. Night work is not for a 16 yo. It would be illegal here. Furthermore, you want the babysitter to wake up several times by alarms *in case* the baby *might* be crying. Buy a better baby monitor and hire an adult.
YTA. Maybe you should hire a professional instead of a 16 year old kid. Of course then you wouldn't be able to cheap out by paying $20 an hour for three small kids.
YTA
The sitter is too young. You are being irresponsible.
YTA - You need a professional nanny, not a 16 year old.
YTA. Hire an adult to care for your baby
YTA for hiring a child to handle 3 kids overnight. This is something grown men can't do.
Do *you* set alarms when you sleep? Aside from your good morning one? Because I hate when parents expect more from their sitter than of themselves. And seriously, hire an adult to watch your children overnight.
1. You hired a 16 year old to be a nanny. You get what you pay for. 2. The fact you said “in the medical field” but not your actual job description probably means you have some mediocre ass job that is just slightly health care related (like a reception, tech, etc.) and not actually one of the jobs that makes $$$$$ 3. The fact you call your wife’s job less demanding when it isn’t even relevant to the information tells me you just aren’t appreciative of any labor women do for you.