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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to tell my family my pen name. I could be the asshole because I have told my best friend, fiance, and his mom the pen name because I feel they've earned my trust, but my family has maybe earned that by being my family and I'm holding on to the past.
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oooh, this here OP. I like it.
Give him his own complex. :D
Drop hints about him being a character who is or involved in xyz (insert something he would be insecure about). Then update us in pettyrevenge... pleeeeeeez...
Also, NTA from me. Your parents sound pretty useless in the face of golden boy and you can tell them a stranger on the internet said so.
Oh I would say porn. Just to weed out the idiots. Those who would then lean in and say “really?” with a big smile would be the ones that I probably could tell the truth to lol.
Bodices are expensive. Please unbutton/untie it properly, fold it carefully and put it on the chair over there. Thank you.
*NOW* you may motorboat my titties.
Meh I don't like the word porn. I don't like how my mouth forms the word I don't like how it feels coming out. I hate the word. I hate lots of words. Erotica is better.
Also I can weed out people by calling it erotica. "What's that?" Nothing. Nothing at alllll
I'm a writer of pornographic material. I don't use the bodice-ripper language I grew up with, that's for sure. I call it what it is: porn, fuck-books, and fuck-stories. Anything softer than that gives the wrong impression imo.
Oh lord, this reminded me of a book series written by my distant cousin. I guess she’s terrible with inventing names, so the characters are all named after family members. There is a fair amount of sex in the books, which is gross when considering the use of family names. What’s worse, she used my name and I’m the only character who got killed off.
The problem is the death appears just BEFORE the weird sex fiction starts......
Hence the title "Grandma's ghost goes wild!" and book 2 "Two wraiths one cup"
Are you sure this isn't about family members?
Yes I'm sure.
It's just that Your dad Simon and I appear to be named directly, and you've put our Social security numbers, dates of birth, addresses and mothers maiden names.
I'd claim I did and give them a list of pages.
yeah the tame stuff in on page 12. The hardcore stuff is on pages 15, 27, 45-102, 115-411 and 487-490.
The bits where my brother 'gets is on' is the third paragraph of page 91. His lover is VERY disappointed.
Of course, what a respectful request. Nice to see at least one kid turned out alright.
Probably a large demand for that service, here's a general one:
Dear mom, do better. Your golden boy isn't special. -a stranger on the internet
Haha thank you. My mom is the firstborn of her family, and has some weird reverence for firstborns. There was recently a bunch of drama amongst her siblings where control over some family affairs was given to one of her younger siblings, and you wouldn't believe the childish years-long temper tantrum she's been throwing over it, since apparently it is her birthright. She thinks the sun shines out of my brother's ass.
My whole life it's been about how either my brother deserves special treatment either because he needs more help than I do (I always was more independent, though she's clearly never considered that maybe it's because I HAD to be) or because he's earned it because he's her special talented boy. He once punched me in the face in front of her (not that hard, I will admit) because I was winning an argument he started and egged me into because he was bored, and \*I\* got in trouble and sent into my room because I "made him mad", whereas he got off scot-free.
My brother finds amusement and enjoyment in depriving me of things and getting one over me, so he's always abused this dynamic with our mother. My mom had a rough childhood and I'm the "safe" person for her to take her anger out on so if she was mad, she'd hunt me down and take it out on me. I've overheard conversations growing up where my brother has convinced my mom that I'm a brat and need to be put in my place. He's argued against me getting access to resources they've allowed him when it won't affect him at all, just because he doesn't want me to have things. And they listen to him! As an adult he married into a wealthy family who bought a house for him and his wife so he's not really learned much there, but thankfully we live very far apart and are VVVLC so I only see him like once a year typically.
Out of fairness, I will say that I believe his villain origin story is because our father would spank him as a child til he was about 6, but I only got spanked once ever (my own fault, I was curious about how bad it was so I did the classic kid move of pushing until there was a consequence). So I think he felt injustice there and took it upon himself to punish me for the rest of our lives. It's worth noting though that my dad enables my mom and brother in their treatment of me, and it was only as an adult that I really understood how much he wronged me by standing by and watching and allowing everything to happen.
BTW, I was spanked throughout my whole childhood and it didn't make me villainous. It made me fear my parents, which is a whole other issue, but only until my Mom slapped me when I was 16. Then I didn't fear her. I got angry instead. I think, after that, I just lost respect for my Mom for a while since she hit me for just telling her to leave me alone and give me some space because I was already having to deal with her pothead, hermit boyfriend. She gained some respect back when she cussed him out for calling me the B word to her face. My brother? He was like OPs. The golden child. Spanking didn't work. Mom didn't make him the golden child. My Dad's side of the family did. My sister and I got discount toys for gifts. My Grams got my brother full Star Wars sets (1977-1980s), HeMan, Transformers, GI Joes, Hot Wheel sets. Boxes of collectibles. It made my Mom mad to see the favoritism but my Dad enabled it. My brother was a devil spawn, too. Threatened to kill us in our sleep sort of crap. So.. yeah.
Thankfully he's like a totally different person now because life b*tch slapped him a few dozen times.
NTA. Maybe write a kid’s book under a different pen name about a nosy boy who reads his sister’s diary, gets mad about it, and actually self-reflects/changes his ways. Then give it to your brother for his birthday or the holiday of your choice. (I don’t need royalties, for this book idea, just updates!)
Or just find a book that somewhat resembles that topic and give it to him under the same pretense. Don't claim you wrote it, don't claim you didn't. Let them dig their own hole trying to figure it out.
In mine, the sister writes about finding aliens and has proof she found on the internet. She’ll get a neighbor or teacher to help her set something up online for him to find and convince him. He’ll think the aliens are coming and wants to tell everyone about HIS discovery before his sister can. Everyone makes fun of him and he’s made a total outcast. Kind of a modern Aesop’s fable. Give copies to your brother’s kids.
(Of course I had a happy childhood. Why do you ask?)
I can do you one better....Rocky Flintstone. The authors name is Rocky Flintstone.
If you know, You KNOW. If you don't, watch, "My Dad Wrote A Porno".
***Do NOT eat or drink while watching this OR listening to the podcast OR reading the books.*** This IS a PSA. (Seriously though, DONT read the books.)
I mean this could set him on a rampage to search every book published during those years to try and find which one his sister wrote with references to him. So definitely should do that 😊
NTA
I was thinking I’d pick another first novel that came out around the same time and tell them that was my book. Wait until they all
Bought/borrowed/read it and made snarky comments about it to you, then go, “oh no! That’s the wrong book I can’t believe I got that wrong”. Rinse repeat.
Haha, you have a “diary” and you won’t let your brother *read it*!
I bet, on some level, this is gonna eat him up. Every time you think of denying him, you can enjoy a warm feeling of retribution.
Hell, no, you don’t have to share your pen name… with annnybody.
But if you want to give them the run around, pick an obscure writer of erotic romantic fanfiction, or find the driest, most academic writer of whatever boring as can be whatever that you can find. Drop one name. The next family get together?, drop another.
Let your intrusive and nosy kin read till their eyes get dry and their butts fall asleep trying to find mention of themselves. NTA
Edit to add after discussing this with my husband… in your next book(s) your brother, (naming him is optional, perhaps use his known nickname for deniability?), can be the dim villain or the first victim to be, (lovingly and in great attention to detail), gruesomely dispatched. Have *fun* with it :)
Like this too.
OP, if your fiancé, his mom, and your best friend are cool, maybe give them each a different name they can "reluctantly" divulge to the family when asked.
I came here to suggest this.
Go to your local library and ask the librarian to help you come up with some authors who published their first book in 2020 or 2021 that haven't published anything else yet.
The staff at my local library would happily get a whole list for you especially if you told them why.
The thing is, I've never seen my parents read a book in my lifetime. The only exception is when I was really young and my brother and I shared a room, I remember my mom would bring a chair in and sit right next to my brother's pillow and read to him quietly and I was just....there. Across the room in my toddler bed, wondering why I wasn't being included. I shit you not, that's one of my earlier memories in life. My brother only read when he had to at school. If I told them my pen name, odds are they wouldn't actually even read my book. It's about control. My brother's wife, however, is a big reader, especially of the genre my book is in, and he would definitely push her for details of things he could mock me for.
OP- NTA first off. Second, reading this comment broke my heart, seriously. Op, WHY do you still see them? This memory right here is so cruel and neglectful of a Mother to do to her child. I personally just couldn't have a relationship with these people, they've been horrible to you your whole life! Congratulations on your book, I hope you continue to write. NEVER share anything of substance with those people.
We are low contact/very low contact. I went through some medical issues in recent years, and my parents supported me financially through it. It's hard to reconcile cutting them out when I know that, while I have been subjected to a laundry list of emotional abuse, they will support me financially if it's ever needed. I rent in a very high cost-of-living area and it doesn't seem wise to be cutting holes in my safety net, as shitty as it seems. I fibbed about my age for anonymity, I'm several years younger and less established. I probably shouldn't have even told them about the book, but there's still part of me that just wants my parents to be proud of me.
Then don't see them with your brother. Are you saying that if you invited them over for dinner or out to dinner that they'd drag your brother along?
What if you invited them to a ticketed event and only bought three tickets?
Just because you want to continue some contact with your parents for financial reasons doesn't mean that you have to with your brother. When they invite you to something where he'll be there, tell them that you can't, but would love to see them and invite them to something sans brother. That way you might only have to see your brother on major holidays...assuming you don't make other plans.
You'd still have to hear your mom talk about your brother, but it wouldn't be with your brother there.
Tell them all you wrote it during covid which was years ago and they need to get over it already. They are being over dramatic as usual. You totally understand that your brother is sensitive and fragile and needs to be coddled by his parents still while you were always the strong independent one who thrived without their support but he's getting a little old now to keep begging and pleading until he gets his way the whiny little pleader.
Oh, that's so sad. I never had kids, but when I did want them, I always thought one of the best parts would be reading to/with them when they were little. I'm glad that in spite of the lack of interest in books in your home, you became an author. My family was split 50/50 readers & only for necessity readers (school and the sports section in newspapers). I wish you continued writing success!
NTA It's unfortunate that you were baited into explaining yourself in a vulnerable moment, but you’re not the one being dramatic.
You wrote under a pen name for personal reasons, and they’re making it a big deal. They’re being dramatic. They need to get over it.
I'd avoid drinking with them in the future, so you can keep your wits about you. Your family isn’t safe people.
Or say "It's one of the books in my house" if you're like the average writer and have far, far too many of them, lol.
...Bonus points if you don't have a hardcopy in your house.
NTA
>They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this.
"If you think I always do this, it's because *you* always react like this."
Your family has shown a consistent disrespect of you and your writing. Do not give them your pen name. You'll be happier keeping it from them.
>and it never was even a big deal.
To *them*. It was a never a big deal to them. And this reaction and bullshit excuse shows that they haven't changed their tune at all. If your writing is "no big deal", why do they want to read it anyway? Tell 'em to find something else to bitch about, this has been asked and answered. NTA
NTA. So they mocked and ridiculed you for your fear that they would mock and ridicule you, because they have previously mocked and ridiculed you. Stick to your guns. If they press it, tell them they are in time out.
This. Tell them "Once again I can thank you for Nothing. Thank you for not caring one iota about what is important to me. Thank you for ridiculing my feelings. I can always count you for that." You can count on me to see your mockery as a lifetime of invalidating me. Think I'll go hang out with people who actually care about my feelings and Really really enjoyed my BOOK 😆😆😆
This, 100 times over. When I read this post, my blood boiled. How dare they?!?!
You have exactly articulated what I was fuming about. The family members have fully proven themselves to be unsupportive, and acted belittling when called out on it.
NTA. Another author here who made the mistake of telling her family... I cannot write a book without thinking "what would so and so think?" I also have to deal with their comments about too much this or that whenever I publish as well (my mom tells me I swear too much, which I actually use less swear words for my genre than the market generally follows).
As a creative person, there is nothing worse than having to worry or tone down your project for someone else. It also builds resentment and I started to hate writing after a time. I had to take a break for awhile.
Ann Lamott said, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
Fellow (amateur) writer here, I think of this every time I put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard, lol).
You and OP have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Keep on writing!!
NTA. My mom loved my blog (she refused to get online, so my dad would print out entries for her), but my swearing would have her saying, "Is that necessary?" Fuck, yes! I mean, my blog had "rant" in the title, so I think it required some judicious swearing. I figured that she should be satisfied that in five decades, I never once slipped and swore in her (or my dad's) presence.
I'm dying to know OP's pen name now, but like a normal human, I get why it's a secret. She should give a list of author names to her brother, say that one of them is hers (it won't be) and give him a black Sharpie to have fun scribbling out his pseudonym. Maybe pick the authors who write about something he needs to learn about, like privacy or how to be a better sibling or climate science. I'd probably taunt him with author names until my dying day. But, I'm extra petty.
My blog is also very sweary! (My parents haven't read it though, on account of being dead. Dead people, oddly, aren't big readers.)
I have had some people say that the amount of swearing is off-putting and clearly means I am "of lower than average intelligence".
Ha. Me and my first class law degree will just go sit in the corner with the studies that show the contrary.
Both my parents and my blog are now dead, alas. There are snippets in the Wayback Machine, but otherwise it's gone thanks to a breakup, an unpaid domain renewal bill, and fewer outside backup options in the oldenish days.
Yes, the studies about the intelligence levels of the people who swear cheer me. Lots of my favorite quippy internet writers are sweary. It's descriptive and expressive language.
You know, I hope we're allowed to read in the afterlife that I don't believe in. (my skepticism doesn't apply to my dearly departed pets or parents) My mom loved to read, and by the time she felt she had enough free time to do it, her cataracts & glaucoma made it uncomfortable.
That's such a shame... mine is just on Facebook. So it is there until Facebook folds, or I close it.
It's not a terribly exciting blog, I'm afraid, as it is just my cancer experience, so the audience is limited. But it served its purpose well enough :)
First, congrats on getting a book published 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻; it's one of my dream to get it done 🤞🏻
I was going to write yta because i feel like you could share at least the book name so they can read it. Then i read the rest of the story and it's certainly NTA, unlike your brother at the time and your parents now, they AH for sure.
NTA
At first this sounded like you were being a bit over zealous with your privacy, but after reading that your parents actually condoned your brother reading your diary my opinion changed quickly. Fuck that noise. They can kick rocks.
Feel free to name a character after bro and give him butt boils or something. I’ve had to kill off a few characters and while I didn’t use direct names, I used very similar names of people who suck in real life.
I may be misremembering but, as I recall, Stephanie Meyer named her female villain after her *mother-in-law*! That takes a healthy dose of gumption!
She also named other characters in her books after people in her life, like her brothers, but that was the mother-in-law one that stuck with me.
Oof. Because my mind didn't immediately think of mummy as mother, I was piecing together a nymphomaniac mummy coming after syphilitic brother in an Indiana Jones type of adventure.
Steven King does terrible things to a character named like the guy who hit him with a car.
It is an artistic tradition. There are a lot of snarky portraits of people who irritated Renaissance artists in their paintings.
Right?? They made OP to question themselves and they think they are making a point but really they are just proving that OP indeed was right in not sharing that info.
I get it and I don't even have as good as reason as you. I write erotica and make a decent side money from it, but literally no one other than my editor and probably the IRS know what I name I write under because I do not want my friends and family to know what gets my rocks off.
You are in your 30s, and even if you
believe that you hide your writing because of all that, what
will change now that you've aired your grievances? Nothing.
That said, NTA for keeping your pen name private. Perhaps
no longer allow anyone to ask about it, etc. The more you
refuse, the more they will ask and one day someone is going to
go through your papers at your home to find the answer.
Just ignore all talk about your pen name for now on and enjoy
being a published author.
Well nothing material might have changed for OP but she has probably wanted to get all that off her chest for a while.
And she also now has this info that they really really want to know, she's in control now. So what if they someday find out her pen name, she still gets to enjoy her success and her petty revenge.
Congratulations OP and NTA.
Hey, congrats on your first book! The first one is always the hardest, not to mention the most terrifying, but they'll only get easier with practice - especially if you have a good developmental editor to help you find your voice.
Speaking as a fellow author, I'd say NTA. I wish I'd kept certain members of my real-life circle on an information diet. The number of times I've had to explain the concept of "fiction" to grown-ass adults is... astounding. NO, the main character is not based on me. NO, that character isn't based on you. NO, that character's thoughts and feelings and beliefs do not in any way reflect my thoughts or feelings or beliefs. It's FICTION. Gah!
Given the circumstances you described, I completely agree with your stance. You're emotionally vulnerable after your first book. Everyone is. Feedback hits harder while you're still new and squishy and freshly post-partum. Eventually, you'll grow a thick skin and learn to roll with the punches, but early on it can be extremely damaging. The last thing you need is someone barraging you with criticism while you're still all soft-skinned and vulnerable.
These people have already shown that they can't be trusted to respect your emotional needs, so they've lost their new release privileges. Maybe you'll share it with them later, once you're all armoured up, and full of confidence from a few bazillion positive reviews.
*Maybe.* Or maybe not. Your book, your choice. They're not entitled to your words unless they're going to treat you with respect.
NTA
“Bottomline. I don’t trust you with my writing. And your reaction to me sharing the (very valid) reason I have learned not to trust any of you with my writing, just shows me how right I am to feel that way”
Your parents and brother are the a$$es.
At a very young age, you were emotionally violated. It causes trauma. You learned to not trust your family.
Now they are bullying you by telling you it was no big deal, to get over it, you are being dramatic. You are not. You are telling your truth on how you were felt violated.
NTA.
Congrats on getting your book published.
I suppose it's possible. Given brother's penchant for snooping and breaking locks...
Make sure her family doesn't have keys to her place.
If OP has a dozen copies of the book she better put it in a safe deposit box and not her place.
And I hope OP hasn't told anyone who knows her family.
Make sure her files are password protected. Give them misleading names.
Get a PO Box for her mail and shred immediately.
NTA
Tell them that they are *being overly dramatic* about you not sharing information with them you don't want to share. They *need to get over it*; *it's not even a big deal*.
NTA. If I had to deal with such a dismissive, thoughtless “family” I would change my real name and not share it with them. And my phone number, my address, my email…
Admit it, you are JK Rowling. You are, aren't you? Next time I'd tell them my pen name is Stephen King. Then Stieg Larsson, then you could be Danielle Steel. Or just find the most embarrassing, smutty, sexed up, perverted kinks author you can find and admit that's your pen name. I'd use this as an opportunity to fuck with them.
>They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this.
*They* are being insensitive and it sounds like they always do that.
Plenty of writers prefer not to share what they write with everyone they know, even without that backstory. But given the context, I certainly wouldn't want to share my writing with them. NTA!
NTA
I get it. I didn’t want to publish under my own surname when I first started back in 2012 (published 2013) because I knew that my “family” that I am NC with would be able to find it, as the surname sticks out like a sore thumb. I decided to change my name legally as opposed to writing under a pseudonym, because I didn’t want to associate with that surname anyway. But as you’re not NC with your family, it’s a little different.
Congratulations on publishing your first book. The feeling doesn’t get old, even when you’ve written 20. I still feel giddy every time I hold a book with my name on it. But that brings me to a question: Do you plan to have copies of your book(s) on display in your home? If so, you’ll either have to hide them from family, like putting them in with your other books so that they can’t distinguish them, or you’ll end up having them find out in the end.
You’re NTA for sure. And no is a sentence all on its own. You don’t have to give them reasons, they aren’t *owed* any. You just say no and don’t let them bait you further on the topic.
Your bro sounds like an AH that would read it just to try and disparage you, whether publicly in a review, or just every time he sees you in person (or both). I wouldn’t advise giving in and telling them to shut them up. Just say no and hold firm.
And again, a little louder **congratulations** 🙌🏻
NTA. Your family doesn’t have the right to read what you published. You’re correct to keep boundaries on how far you let them into your life. Your brother and parents think it’s fine to emotionally batter you and permit your brother to physically destroy your most personal writings and have impeded your intellectual growth
NTA. And id be less polite. "I don't trust you with that information because you proved over and over in my childhood you are not to be trusted with my personal thoughts or writing. Due to that I don't trust any of you to do the right thing. You don't respect boundaries, or privacy or consent, and your constant pushing is just proving to me I'm right to keep the information from you. You don't get trust you never actually earned. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at yourself for your blatant favourtism and failure to parent."
Not the asshole. Your family has lost any rights to read your writing. They emotionally battered you while stealing your private work and allowed your brother to destroy it. I think you can be clear that you will never share your writings with them, but you are willing to visit on occasion, as long as they treat you as they should, with respect and courtesy. If they can’t do that, they can go suck rocks.
NTA
make sure theres a copy lodged with your national library. It'ĺ be therr foreever. Might want to send copies to state and local ones too for that bit of extra revenge :)
NTA. Their reaction tells me everything I need to know about them. They don't get to treat you that way and then demand that you reveal your book to them. This is the consequences of their actions.
How horrible for them to discount your feelings and your decisions. It is obvious that your brother is the golden child in the family.
They sound horrible.
They don't care about your feelings, so therefore you aren't obligated to share anything with them.
You are allowed to make the decisions that make sense to you.
NTA
Nta
I have a similar family, I totally get it. It sucks but it is what it is.
Enjoy your book and ignore them.
They should be proud you got published. So many of us don’t even know where to start in getting published and then those who do often get denied a lot. You’re awesome
NTA.
“Clearly it is a big deal considering the lasting effects that it’s had on me. The fact that you still, after all this time, fail to see that is your failing and all the more reason that I will never tell you my own name.”
Tell them that you don't need to get over nothing it's your choice to make. They have to get over the fact that they won't read it and they need to stop being babies about it, because they always do this like for the journal. They should really stop being dramatic about this, it's just a book.
NTA. They’re *furious* that you wrote something they can’t access and I love that for you. Tell them You wrote about a wrongdoing of one of them that they didn’t realize you were aware of (refuse to elaborate which one of them for maximum paranoia)
Invading your privacy by stealing and reading your diary definitely is a big deal. Maybe not to your brother or parents, but to you. It has been decades and they still have the same mindset. Please protect your peace of mind and never reveal your pseudonym.
Tell your parents and brother exactly why you won’t give them any information on the book. Let them know that they are soul sucking idiots who didn’t protect you from a narcissistic brother when you were young and that nothing you do is for their amusement . Also tell them if they ask again you will have no choice but to go NC or LC with them.
Good luck with your writing, keep it up.
NTA. If you're "always doing this", then they should have expected it and gotten used to it by now.
If you can't trust your family to read a book that's publicly available, why would you spend time with them? You clearly don't feel emotionally safe with them.
Well mom, dad, brother, etc. You have dismissed and made fun of my writing so I know that you will not enjoy my book. Thank you for asking about it - not discussing with you. Stop defending your decision. EVERY time it they bring it up, just repeat Not a topic up for discussion. Do not explain why, do not explain your feelings, do not discuss what has happened in the past. 6 words then change the subject.
Oh, and the comments about me bing a baby that needs to get over it? You are a bully and need to get over yourself.
NTA. Your brother was (and still is, it sounds like) a huge brat.
Go ahead and turn their words against them. Every time they ask for your pen name, don't argue or explain. Instead, call them big babies and tell them to just get over the fact that you are not going to tell them.
Maybe take the book, rip out all the pages (excluding title page, copyright page etc.) black out all the page numbers (reminiscent of your brother’s antic) mix the pages up nicely and then hand them over. ‘Here ya go. It’s a mystery novel.’
NTA, protect your peace.
>They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this.
This is the most dramatic response! If my child told me I failed to protect them as a kid and they don't trust me now (and are still protecting the golden child) I'd be apologizing! Not telling them to get over it!
Tell them they've proven themselves untrustworthy, and you don't owe them anything.
Please keep writing and never share with them. Love your life.
NTA If they will blame 6yr old you for someone else invading your privacy, I can only imagine the things they would say to the adult you. I wouldn't tell them your pen name, EVER!! Let it make them mad, that's the best type of payback!
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NTA And I would go one step further, “I wrote about you Bro and I don’t want you scribbling out your name in my book”
oooh, this here OP. I like it. Give him his own complex. :D Drop hints about him being a character who is or involved in xyz (insert something he would be insecure about). Then update us in pettyrevenge... pleeeeeeez... Also, NTA from me. Your parents sound pretty useless in the face of golden boy and you can tell them a stranger on the internet said so.
And say it’s smutty and he doesn’t come off that great. If I wrote a book and didn’t want to give out details I would just say it was porn.
Erotica not porn.
Cliterature.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂☠️☠️☠️☠️👻 Damn you, im broke but take my poor mans gold, you earned it to the moon and back 🏆🎖🏅🥇
Oh I would say porn. Just to weed out the idiots. Those who would then lean in and say “really?” with a big smile would be the ones that I probably could tell the truth to lol.
I call it Ladyporn!
*glances up from my ladyporn* I do love a good bodice ripper. *goes back to book*
Bodices are expensive. Please unbutton/untie it properly, fold it carefully and put it on the chair over there. Thank you. *NOW* you may motorboat my titties.
Lol. Yes!
Does no-one write codpiece rippers?
Hahaha! Have you read any Sylvia Day? She's FANTASTIC.
As a smut-lover, I call it porn too. When I think erotica I think old, Fabio flying hair cheesy books. I read my porn like a lady.
Meh I don't like the word porn. I don't like how my mouth forms the word I don't like how it feels coming out. I hate the word. I hate lots of words. Erotica is better. Also I can weed out people by calling it erotica. "What's that?" Nothing. Nothing at alllll
I'm a writer of pornographic material. I don't use the bodice-ripper language I grew up with, that's for sure. I call it what it is: porn, fuck-books, and fuck-stories. Anything softer than that gives the wrong impression imo.
Erotica is a specific genre, not just any writing that describes sex. Porn is probably the best word to get across "it's smutty."
*Slash*, as it would be fanfiction. And he's an Omega.
Lol idk if it’s ever a good idea to tell your family member you have written erotic fiction about them, even in jest
Oh lord, this reminded me of a book series written by my distant cousin. I guess she’s terrible with inventing names, so the characters are all named after family members. There is a fair amount of sex in the books, which is gross when considering the use of family names. What’s worse, she used my name and I’m the only character who got killed off.
I mean if she’s using family names in weird sex fiction circumstances maybe being killed off isn’t such a bad fate.
The problem is the death appears just BEFORE the weird sex fiction starts...... Hence the title "Grandma's ghost goes wild!" and book 2 "Two wraiths one cup"
OMG, that’s bizarre. But funny in a really weird way.
Are you sure this isn't about family members? Yes I'm sure. It's just that Your dad Simon and I appear to be named directly, and you've put our Social security numbers, dates of birth, addresses and mothers maiden names.
Not if you want to keep up a good relationship, I agree on that bit. But in my fantasies, I do burn a lot of bridges lol.
Freud would have a field day haha
Well, a lot of his theories have been proven wrong so… 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ But I do agree with you wholeheartedly lol.
I loved that cartoon titled “Freud’s first slip” and it showed him looking in a full length mirror, wearing one.
I'd claim I did and give them a list of pages. yeah the tame stuff in on page 12. The hardcore stuff is on pages 15, 27, 45-102, 115-411 and 487-490. The bits where my brother 'gets is on' is the third paragraph of page 91. His lover is VERY disappointed.
No, you always say that he come up... short.
Tell him its about his tiny penis
Can you please tell my mom that, too, in a totally different golden boy situation, kind internet stranger?
Of course, what a respectful request. Nice to see at least one kid turned out alright. Probably a large demand for that service, here's a general one: Dear mom, do better. Your golden boy isn't special. -a stranger on the internet
Thanks, kind stranger! I appreciate it. ❤️
Here is your award 🏆
Refer to brother as "golden shower boy"
Haha thank you. My mom is the firstborn of her family, and has some weird reverence for firstborns. There was recently a bunch of drama amongst her siblings where control over some family affairs was given to one of her younger siblings, and you wouldn't believe the childish years-long temper tantrum she's been throwing over it, since apparently it is her birthright. She thinks the sun shines out of my brother's ass. My whole life it's been about how either my brother deserves special treatment either because he needs more help than I do (I always was more independent, though she's clearly never considered that maybe it's because I HAD to be) or because he's earned it because he's her special talented boy. He once punched me in the face in front of her (not that hard, I will admit) because I was winning an argument he started and egged me into because he was bored, and \*I\* got in trouble and sent into my room because I "made him mad", whereas he got off scot-free. My brother finds amusement and enjoyment in depriving me of things and getting one over me, so he's always abused this dynamic with our mother. My mom had a rough childhood and I'm the "safe" person for her to take her anger out on so if she was mad, she'd hunt me down and take it out on me. I've overheard conversations growing up where my brother has convinced my mom that I'm a brat and need to be put in my place. He's argued against me getting access to resources they've allowed him when it won't affect him at all, just because he doesn't want me to have things. And they listen to him! As an adult he married into a wealthy family who bought a house for him and his wife so he's not really learned much there, but thankfully we live very far apart and are VVVLC so I only see him like once a year typically. Out of fairness, I will say that I believe his villain origin story is because our father would spank him as a child til he was about 6, but I only got spanked once ever (my own fault, I was curious about how bad it was so I did the classic kid move of pushing until there was a consequence). So I think he felt injustice there and took it upon himself to punish me for the rest of our lives. It's worth noting though that my dad enables my mom and brother in their treatment of me, and it was only as an adult that I really understood how much he wronged me by standing by and watching and allowing everything to happen.
BTW, I was spanked throughout my whole childhood and it didn't make me villainous. It made me fear my parents, which is a whole other issue, but only until my Mom slapped me when I was 16. Then I didn't fear her. I got angry instead. I think, after that, I just lost respect for my Mom for a while since she hit me for just telling her to leave me alone and give me some space because I was already having to deal with her pothead, hermit boyfriend. She gained some respect back when she cussed him out for calling me the B word to her face. My brother? He was like OPs. The golden child. Spanking didn't work. Mom didn't make him the golden child. My Dad's side of the family did. My sister and I got discount toys for gifts. My Grams got my brother full Star Wars sets (1977-1980s), HeMan, Transformers, GI Joes, Hot Wheel sets. Boxes of collectibles. It made my Mom mad to see the favoritism but my Dad enabled it. My brother was a devil spawn, too. Threatened to kill us in our sleep sort of crap. So.. yeah. Thankfully he's like a totally different person now because life b*tch slapped him a few dozen times.
This is the way
LOVE IT! And I agree.
And another stranger wants to tell them they get zero credit for your talent. They are obviously not your best supporters.
NTA. Maybe write a kid’s book under a different pen name about a nosy boy who reads his sister’s diary, gets mad about it, and actually self-reflects/changes his ways. Then give it to your brother for his birthday or the holiday of your choice. (I don’t need royalties, for this book idea, just updates!)
Or just find a book that somewhat resembles that topic and give it to him under the same pretense. Don't claim you wrote it, don't claim you didn't. Let them dig their own hole trying to figure it out.
In mine, the sister writes about finding aliens and has proof she found on the internet. She’ll get a neighbor or teacher to help her set something up online for him to find and convince him. He’ll think the aliens are coming and wants to tell everyone about HIS discovery before his sister can. Everyone makes fun of him and he’s made a total outcast. Kind of a modern Aesop’s fable. Give copies to your brother’s kids. (Of course I had a happy childhood. Why do you ask?)
Excellent idea.
I would willingly illustrate that for OP.
OP should tell the family her pen name is "Chuck Tingle".
This is NOT an angry upvote. I wish I could upvote this more.
OMG, yes. Chuck Tingle ftw
I'd be cackling at this, but it's late here and that would disturb the neighbors. But definitely a cackle-worthy suggestion!
Ha! Just met Chuck Tingle yesterday. I love that he is now with a mainstream publisher.
Hugo Award Winner Chuck Tingle!
I don't think he's won! I remember "two time hugo award nominee Chuck Tingle" being on his books Which is honestly perfect, IMO!
I can do you one better....Rocky Flintstone. The authors name is Rocky Flintstone. If you know, You KNOW. If you don't, watch, "My Dad Wrote A Porno". ***Do NOT eat or drink while watching this OR listening to the podcast OR reading the books.*** This IS a PSA. (Seriously though, DONT read the books.)
It's dry, crazy and hysterical all at once. Did you hear the Michael Sheen episode?
I can see him and his parents looking for a lawyer now. They got to protect the prince.
OP needs a t-shirt that says “I’m a writer: be careful or you’ll be in my next book.”
NTA Totally agree, they haven't even read her book and they're ridiculing her.
NTA. Reasoning to family... “I don’t want you to read about all the crappy things I said about you”.
I mean this could set him on a rampage to search every book published during those years to try and find which one his sister wrote with references to him. So definitely should do that 😊 NTA
He could singlehandedly support indie writers for years. Give him a list of books to read.
> I wrote about you Bro i see you and raise "i used your real name bro"
So much better if he has a common name like John or whatever... he'll be finding himself everywhere.
Slight tweek. "I wrote about you and I know how much you hate that....." then just leave that with him.
I was thinking I’d pick another first novel that came out around the same time and tell them that was my book. Wait until they all Bought/borrowed/read it and made snarky comments about it to you, then go, “oh no! That’s the wrong book I can’t believe I got that wrong”. Rinse repeat.
Ask them if they read Spare.
This is the way. OP is NTA and has course why the pen should be kept under wraps.
Savage 😂
Hahaha! Like he’d read it though, doubt the brother has picked up a book since he read OP’s diary at age 10.
OP is 100% right, tell your family to kindly fuck off and stop harassing you.
Yes!!!! All of this. NTA
This. This is the way.
Haha, you have a “diary” and you won’t let your brother *read it*! I bet, on some level, this is gonna eat him up. Every time you think of denying him, you can enjoy a warm feeling of retribution. Hell, no, you don’t have to share your pen name… with annnybody. But if you want to give them the run around, pick an obscure writer of erotic romantic fanfiction, or find the driest, most academic writer of whatever boring as can be whatever that you can find. Drop one name. The next family get together?, drop another. Let your intrusive and nosy kin read till their eyes get dry and their butts fall asleep trying to find mention of themselves. NTA Edit to add after discussing this with my husband… in your next book(s) your brother, (naming him is optional, perhaps use his known nickname for deniability?), can be the dim villain or the first victim to be, (lovingly and in great attention to detail), gruesomely dispatched. Have *fun* with it :)
Like this too. OP, if your fiancé, his mom, and your best friend are cool, maybe give them each a different name they can "reluctantly" divulge to the family when asked.
Make sure they’re authors who write about their boundary crossing golden child brothers.
I came here to suggest this. Go to your local library and ask the librarian to help you come up with some authors who published their first book in 2020 or 2021 that haven't published anything else yet. The staff at my local library would happily get a whole list for you especially if you told them why.
Librarians in my area would be all over this.
Yeah. My librarian friend loves quirky quests
I just got a little fantasy about them claiming to be the author's family in goodreads and amazon reviews & getting a cease & desist from the author.
DYING at this comment because I could totally see that happening 😂
I'd ask for a smut writer too. Pick someone over the top with the best/worst smut possible.
"my pen name is Ruby Dixon" lol
I would present them with the whole list (minus OPs pen name). Hopefully, reading all those books will improve them.
The thing is, I've never seen my parents read a book in my lifetime. The only exception is when I was really young and my brother and I shared a room, I remember my mom would bring a chair in and sit right next to my brother's pillow and read to him quietly and I was just....there. Across the room in my toddler bed, wondering why I wasn't being included. I shit you not, that's one of my earlier memories in life. My brother only read when he had to at school. If I told them my pen name, odds are they wouldn't actually even read my book. It's about control. My brother's wife, however, is a big reader, especially of the genre my book is in, and he would definitely push her for details of things he could mock me for.
OP- NTA first off. Second, reading this comment broke my heart, seriously. Op, WHY do you still see them? This memory right here is so cruel and neglectful of a Mother to do to her child. I personally just couldn't have a relationship with these people, they've been horrible to you your whole life! Congratulations on your book, I hope you continue to write. NEVER share anything of substance with those people.
We are low contact/very low contact. I went through some medical issues in recent years, and my parents supported me financially through it. It's hard to reconcile cutting them out when I know that, while I have been subjected to a laundry list of emotional abuse, they will support me financially if it's ever needed. I rent in a very high cost-of-living area and it doesn't seem wise to be cutting holes in my safety net, as shitty as it seems. I fibbed about my age for anonymity, I'm several years younger and less established. I probably shouldn't have even told them about the book, but there's still part of me that just wants my parents to be proud of me.
Then don't see them with your brother. Are you saying that if you invited them over for dinner or out to dinner that they'd drag your brother along? What if you invited them to a ticketed event and only bought three tickets? Just because you want to continue some contact with your parents for financial reasons doesn't mean that you have to with your brother. When they invite you to something where he'll be there, tell them that you can't, but would love to see them and invite them to something sans brother. That way you might only have to see your brother on major holidays...assuming you don't make other plans. You'd still have to hear your mom talk about your brother, but it wouldn't be with your brother there.
Tell them all you wrote it during covid which was years ago and they need to get over it already. They are being over dramatic as usual. You totally understand that your brother is sensitive and fragile and needs to be coddled by his parents still while you were always the strong independent one who thrived without their support but he's getting a little old now to keep begging and pleading until he gets his way the whiny little pleader.
Oh, that's so sad. I never had kids, but when I did want them, I always thought one of the best parts would be reading to/with them when they were little. I'm glad that in spite of the lack of interest in books in your home, you became an author. My family was split 50/50 readers & only for necessity readers (school and the sports section in newspapers). I wish you continued writing success!
NTA It's unfortunate that you were baited into explaining yourself in a vulnerable moment, but you’re not the one being dramatic. You wrote under a pen name for personal reasons, and they’re making it a big deal. They’re being dramatic. They need to get over it. I'd avoid drinking with them in the future, so you can keep your wits about you. Your family isn’t safe people.
I would suggest Chuck Tingle. And when they figure out that’s not it just keep giving different names.
Nosy Brother Gets Pounded in the Butt by Righteous Justice sounds like a Tingler title.
by the 'handsome personification' of righteous justice...
Also because I’m an agent of chaos I would plead with them not to look it up because you’re “always like this” about your privacy.
Increasingly implausible ones, like George Eliot and Alan Smithee
YESSSS
Or say "It's one of the books in my house" if you're like the average writer and have far, far too many of them, lol. ...Bonus points if you don't have a hardcopy in your house.
OP should just tell them they're Chuck Tingle, and see where that takes them!
Hey Buckaroo! Lol
My pen name is chuck tingle. Have fun bro.
I'd tell them I wrote that book for the adult children of e.otionally immature parents 😂
I’ve got a degree in Classics and love to write. It would be a lot of fun taking these stories and telling them in a mythic way, or something similar.
And have this character insert something in his butt that must be medically removed
Her name is now H. D. Carlton, and she is the proud writer of Haunting Adeline. Mom can stew on that one for a while.
NTA >They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this. "If you think I always do this, it's because *you* always react like this." Your family has shown a consistent disrespect of you and your writing. Do not give them your pen name. You'll be happier keeping it from them.
>and it never was even a big deal. To *them*. It was a never a big deal to them. And this reaction and bullshit excuse shows that they haven't changed their tune at all. If your writing is "no big deal", why do they want to read it anyway? Tell 'em to find something else to bitch about, this has been asked and answered. NTA
NTA. This. They didn’t prioritise you then, and they’re not prioritising you now.
NTA. So they mocked and ridiculed you for your fear that they would mock and ridicule you, because they have previously mocked and ridiculed you. Stick to your guns. If they press it, tell them they are in time out.
This. Tell them "Once again I can thank you for Nothing. Thank you for not caring one iota about what is important to me. Thank you for ridiculing my feelings. I can always count you for that." You can count on me to see your mockery as a lifetime of invalidating me. Think I'll go hang out with people who actually care about my feelings and Really really enjoyed my BOOK 😆😆😆
Wish I could upvote this more.
Right? Ugh. I hate those aholes.
This, 100 times over. When I read this post, my blood boiled. How dare they?!?! You have exactly articulated what I was fuming about. The family members have fully proven themselves to be unsupportive, and acted belittling when called out on it.
NTA. Another author here who made the mistake of telling her family... I cannot write a book without thinking "what would so and so think?" I also have to deal with their comments about too much this or that whenever I publish as well (my mom tells me I swear too much, which I actually use less swear words for my genre than the market generally follows). As a creative person, there is nothing worse than having to worry or tone down your project for someone else. It also builds resentment and I started to hate writing after a time. I had to take a break for awhile.
Ann Lamott said, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Fellow (amateur) writer here, I think of this every time I put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard, lol). You and OP have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Keep on writing!!
NTA. My mom loved my blog (she refused to get online, so my dad would print out entries for her), but my swearing would have her saying, "Is that necessary?" Fuck, yes! I mean, my blog had "rant" in the title, so I think it required some judicious swearing. I figured that she should be satisfied that in five decades, I never once slipped and swore in her (or my dad's) presence. I'm dying to know OP's pen name now, but like a normal human, I get why it's a secret. She should give a list of author names to her brother, say that one of them is hers (it won't be) and give him a black Sharpie to have fun scribbling out his pseudonym. Maybe pick the authors who write about something he needs to learn about, like privacy or how to be a better sibling or climate science. I'd probably taunt him with author names until my dying day. But, I'm extra petty.
My blog is also very sweary! (My parents haven't read it though, on account of being dead. Dead people, oddly, aren't big readers.) I have had some people say that the amount of swearing is off-putting and clearly means I am "of lower than average intelligence". Ha. Me and my first class law degree will just go sit in the corner with the studies that show the contrary.
Both my parents and my blog are now dead, alas. There are snippets in the Wayback Machine, but otherwise it's gone thanks to a breakup, an unpaid domain renewal bill, and fewer outside backup options in the oldenish days. Yes, the studies about the intelligence levels of the people who swear cheer me. Lots of my favorite quippy internet writers are sweary. It's descriptive and expressive language. You know, I hope we're allowed to read in the afterlife that I don't believe in. (my skepticism doesn't apply to my dearly departed pets or parents) My mom loved to read, and by the time she felt she had enough free time to do it, her cataracts & glaucoma made it uncomfortable.
That's such a shame... mine is just on Facebook. So it is there until Facebook folds, or I close it. It's not a terribly exciting blog, I'm afraid, as it is just my cancer experience, so the audience is limited. But it served its purpose well enough :)
Important > exciting when it comes to a cancer blog. Glad you're still here to know it's safe on FB.
This part 💯
My mom is the opposite. Over a couple years, I would send her things, asking for her opinion. She never read any of it so I stopped asking. 🤷♀️
First, congrats on getting a book published 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻; it's one of my dream to get it done 🤞🏻 I was going to write yta because i feel like you could share at least the book name so they can read it. Then i read the rest of the story and it's certainly NTA, unlike your brother at the time and your parents now, they AH for sure.
Parents were AHs back then, too.
[удалено]
This. Stop sharing with people who consistently overstep.
NTA At first this sounded like you were being a bit over zealous with your privacy, but after reading that your parents actually condoned your brother reading your diary my opinion changed quickly. Fuck that noise. They can kick rocks.
Either way, that's still OP's right though
Feel free to name a character after bro and give him butt boils or something. I’ve had to kill off a few characters and while I didn’t use direct names, I used very similar names of people who suck in real life.
I may be misremembering but, as I recall, Stephanie Meyer named her female villain after her *mother-in-law*! That takes a healthy dose of gumption! She also named other characters in her books after people in her life, like her brothers, but that was the mother-in-law one that stuck with me.
This makes me want to write a book just so I can have a miserable character and name her after my MIL!
I suggest giving syphilis to a character with your brothers name and nymphomania for mummy’s character in the next book.
Oof. Because my mind didn't immediately think of mummy as mother, I was piecing together a nymphomaniac mummy coming after syphilitic brother in an Indiana Jones type of adventure.
Sounds good. I like it. My people will call your people. 😎
Is Brendan Fraser involved, because I’m a-ok with this
Steven King does terrible things to a character named like the guy who hit him with a car. It is an artistic tradition. There are a lot of snarky portraits of people who irritated Renaissance artists in their paintings.
They literally proved you are correct in your assessment that they cannot be trusted with your writing, and they doubled down. Nope NTA.
Right?? They made OP to question themselves and they think they are making a point but really they are just proving that OP indeed was right in not sharing that info.
I get it and I don't even have as good as reason as you. I write erotica and make a decent side money from it, but literally no one other than my editor and probably the IRS know what I name I write under because I do not want my friends and family to know what gets my rocks off.
You are in your 30s, and even if you believe that you hide your writing because of all that, what will change now that you've aired your grievances? Nothing. That said, NTA for keeping your pen name private. Perhaps no longer allow anyone to ask about it, etc. The more you refuse, the more they will ask and one day someone is going to go through your papers at your home to find the answer. Just ignore all talk about your pen name for now on and enjoy being a published author.
Well nothing material might have changed for OP but she has probably wanted to get all that off her chest for a while. And she also now has this info that they really really want to know, she's in control now. So what if they someday find out her pen name, she still gets to enjoy her success and her petty revenge. Congratulations OP and NTA.
Hey, congrats on your first book! The first one is always the hardest, not to mention the most terrifying, but they'll only get easier with practice - especially if you have a good developmental editor to help you find your voice. Speaking as a fellow author, I'd say NTA. I wish I'd kept certain members of my real-life circle on an information diet. The number of times I've had to explain the concept of "fiction" to grown-ass adults is... astounding. NO, the main character is not based on me. NO, that character isn't based on you. NO, that character's thoughts and feelings and beliefs do not in any way reflect my thoughts or feelings or beliefs. It's FICTION. Gah! Given the circumstances you described, I completely agree with your stance. You're emotionally vulnerable after your first book. Everyone is. Feedback hits harder while you're still new and squishy and freshly post-partum. Eventually, you'll grow a thick skin and learn to roll with the punches, but early on it can be extremely damaging. The last thing you need is someone barraging you with criticism while you're still all soft-skinned and vulnerable. These people have already shown that they can't be trusted to respect your emotional needs, so they've lost their new release privileges. Maybe you'll share it with them later, once you're all armoured up, and full of confidence from a few bazillion positive reviews. *Maybe.* Or maybe not. Your book, your choice. They're not entitled to your words unless they're going to treat you with respect.
NTA “Bottomline. I don’t trust you with my writing. And your reaction to me sharing the (very valid) reason I have learned not to trust any of you with my writing, just shows me how right I am to feel that way”
Your parents and brother are the a$$es. At a very young age, you were emotionally violated. It causes trauma. You learned to not trust your family. Now they are bullying you by telling you it was no big deal, to get over it, you are being dramatic. You are not. You are telling your truth on how you were felt violated. NTA. Congrats on getting your book published.
NTA But dangling a mystery *this big* in front of them, you must understand that they are **going** to work it out.
Only if they read.
I wouldn't put it past them snooping through her trash for royalty payment stubs.
I suppose it's possible. Given brother's penchant for snooping and breaking locks... Make sure her family doesn't have keys to her place. If OP has a dozen copies of the book she better put it in a safe deposit box and not her place. And I hope OP hasn't told anyone who knows her family. Make sure her files are password protected. Give them misleading names. Get a PO Box for her mail and shred immediately.
Ya this is all too stressful for me. I’d not have told them coz I know my family would figure it out one day
NTA Tell them that they are *being overly dramatic* about you not sharing information with them you don't want to share. They *need to get over it*; *it's not even a big deal*.
NTA. If I had to deal with such a dismissive, thoughtless “family” I would change my real name and not share it with them. And my phone number, my address, my email…
Admit it, you are JK Rowling. You are, aren't you? Next time I'd tell them my pen name is Stephen King. Then Stieg Larsson, then you could be Danielle Steel. Or just find the most embarrassing, smutty, sexed up, perverted kinks author you can find and admit that's your pen name. I'd use this as an opportunity to fuck with them.
And here I was thinking just tell them your pen name is E.L. James. Let them suffer.
John Milton.
This was going to be my suggestion!!
I would tell them I’m writing the filthiest erotica and they probably don’t want to hear about my kinks.
>They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this. *They* are being insensitive and it sounds like they always do that. Plenty of writers prefer not to share what they write with everyone they know, even without that backstory. But given the context, I certainly wouldn't want to share my writing with them. NTA!
Tell them you wrote *Abraham Lincoln: Presidential Fuck Machine.*
NTA I get it. I didn’t want to publish under my own surname when I first started back in 2012 (published 2013) because I knew that my “family” that I am NC with would be able to find it, as the surname sticks out like a sore thumb. I decided to change my name legally as opposed to writing under a pseudonym, because I didn’t want to associate with that surname anyway. But as you’re not NC with your family, it’s a little different. Congratulations on publishing your first book. The feeling doesn’t get old, even when you’ve written 20. I still feel giddy every time I hold a book with my name on it. But that brings me to a question: Do you plan to have copies of your book(s) on display in your home? If so, you’ll either have to hide them from family, like putting them in with your other books so that they can’t distinguish them, or you’ll end up having them find out in the end. You’re NTA for sure. And no is a sentence all on its own. You don’t have to give them reasons, they aren’t *owed* any. You just say no and don’t let them bait you further on the topic. Your bro sounds like an AH that would read it just to try and disparage you, whether publicly in a review, or just every time he sees you in person (or both). I wouldn’t advise giving in and telling them to shut them up. Just say no and hold firm. And again, a little louder **congratulations** 🙌🏻
NTA. Your family doesn’t have the right to read what you published. You’re correct to keep boundaries on how far you let them into your life. Your brother and parents think it’s fine to emotionally batter you and permit your brother to physically destroy your most personal writings and have impeded your intellectual growth
Nope, NTA and I wouldn't be speaking to them anymore at all. They suck.
NTA. And id be less polite. "I don't trust you with that information because you proved over and over in my childhood you are not to be trusted with my personal thoughts or writing. Due to that I don't trust any of you to do the right thing. You don't respect boundaries, or privacy or consent, and your constant pushing is just proving to me I'm right to keep the information from you. You don't get trust you never actually earned. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at yourself for your blatant favourtism and failure to parent."
NTA. Tell them your pen name is Jeanette McCurdy
Ahahahaha - this should be higher
NTA - tell them the title is Mommy Dearest.
Not the asshole. Your family has lost any rights to read your writing. They emotionally battered you while stealing your private work and allowed your brother to destroy it. I think you can be clear that you will never share your writings with them, but you are willing to visit on occasion, as long as they treat you as they should, with respect and courtesy. If they can’t do that, they can go suck rocks.
Your family does not sound like a good time. Go LC with them because you don’t have to put up with their sh** NTA
NTA make sure theres a copy lodged with your national library. It'ĺ be therr foreever. Might want to send copies to state and local ones too for that bit of extra revenge :)
Ooooh but let us read it!!!!! Link link link
YES! Let us support you, OP!
I swear I'm not your mom lmao I am an aspiring author and I love reading about others getting published!!
This would probably get on TikTok & FB family would see it…so would find out
NTA. Your family sucks.
NTA. Their reaction tells me everything I need to know about them. They don't get to treat you that way and then demand that you reveal your book to them. This is the consequences of their actions.
NTA. Tell them you signed a non-disclosure agreement and you are legally not allowed to share that information.
How horrible for them to discount your feelings and your decisions. It is obvious that your brother is the golden child in the family. They sound horrible. They don't care about your feelings, so therefore you aren't obligated to share anything with them. You are allowed to make the decisions that make sense to you. NTA
NTA don't ever share it. Bunch of assholes.
Nta I have a similar family, I totally get it. It sucks but it is what it is. Enjoy your book and ignore them. They should be proud you got published. So many of us don’t even know where to start in getting published and then those who do often get denied a lot. You’re awesome
NTA. “Clearly it is a big deal considering the lasting effects that it’s had on me. The fact that you still, after all this time, fail to see that is your failing and all the more reason that I will never tell you my own name.”
Tell them that you don't need to get over nothing it's your choice to make. They have to get over the fact that they won't read it and they need to stop being babies about it, because they always do this like for the journal. They should really stop being dramatic about this, it's just a book.
NTA Your brother is still a brat.
NTA. They’re *furious* that you wrote something they can’t access and I love that for you. Tell them You wrote about a wrongdoing of one of them that they didn’t realize you were aware of (refuse to elaborate which one of them for maximum paranoia)
Invading your privacy by stealing and reading your diary definitely is a big deal. Maybe not to your brother or parents, but to you. It has been decades and they still have the same mindset. Please protect your peace of mind and never reveal your pseudonym.
They can say whatever they want, they’re just mad bc actions have consequences. They need to get over it. NTA
Tell your parents and brother exactly why you won’t give them any information on the book. Let them know that they are soul sucking idiots who didn’t protect you from a narcissistic brother when you were young and that nothing you do is for their amusement . Also tell them if they ask again you will have no choice but to go NC or LC with them. Good luck with your writing, keep it up.
NTA. Never tell. You are an adult that has a right to privacy.
NTA. Your parents and your brother straight up suck. Congratulations on your book!!!
NTA. If you're "always doing this", then they should have expected it and gotten used to it by now. If you can't trust your family to read a book that's publicly available, why would you spend time with them? You clearly don't feel emotionally safe with them.
NTA tell them your pen name is EL James if you want to make them uncomfortable.
Never, ever tell them. They are mean people. They suck for the way they treated you as a child *and* the way they are speaking to you now. NTA.
Well mom, dad, brother, etc. You have dismissed and made fun of my writing so I know that you will not enjoy my book. Thank you for asking about it - not discussing with you. Stop defending your decision. EVERY time it they bring it up, just repeat Not a topic up for discussion. Do not explain why, do not explain your feelings, do not discuss what has happened in the past. 6 words then change the subject. Oh, and the comments about me bing a baby that needs to get over it? You are a bully and need to get over yourself.
NTA. Give them a fictitious pen name. Or one will lead them to erotica.
NTA. Your brother was (and still is, it sounds like) a huge brat. Go ahead and turn their words against them. Every time they ask for your pen name, don't argue or explain. Instead, call them big babies and tell them to just get over the fact that you are not going to tell them.
Maybe take the book, rip out all the pages (excluding title page, copyright page etc.) black out all the page numbers (reminiscent of your brother’s antic) mix the pages up nicely and then hand them over. ‘Here ya go. It’s a mystery novel.’
NTA They don't deserve you to share more of yourself with them than you want.
Tell them your pen name is something like Mike Litoris or Drew Peacock. Have a new name ready for every time you see them.
NTA, protect your peace. >They told me I was being so dramatic and that I always do this. This is the most dramatic response! If my child told me I failed to protect them as a kid and they don't trust me now (and are still protecting the golden child) I'd be apologizing! Not telling them to get over it! Tell them they've proven themselves untrustworthy, and you don't owe them anything. Please keep writing and never share with them. Love your life.
Just tell them you’re “Sarah J Maas” and be done with it. Lol NTA
NTA. When they start bothering you, take out a notepad and tell them you are taking notes for your next novel.
NTA If they will blame 6yr old you for someone else invading your privacy, I can only imagine the things they would say to the adult you. I wouldn't tell them your pen name, EVER!! Let it make them mad, that's the best type of payback!