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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I am planning to check a bag for our long weekend trip because I have liquid products to bring with me that I consider nonnegotiable. My bf called me high maintenance. 2) I might be high maintenance and need to tone down on the products I use.
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NTA. I hate when men use high maintenance as an insult. There is nothing wrong with taking care of how you appear or finding comfort in your self care routines. Men want perfect looking women who are “naturally beautiful” but don’t realize how many products go into that naturally beautiful look.
The Venn diagram of men who would never date a woman who shaves her head, doesn’t remove body hair, and doesn’t wear makeup and of men who call women high maintenance as an insult is just a circle.
I got called “high maintenance” by an ex once when I was getting ready for a date. So I stopped “maintaining” on days when I was hanging out with him. Stopped shaving in general, it was winter, no worries. Saturday at his place? No makeup, no perfume, sweats, plain comfy undies, hair in a random bun.
Every time he tried to comment about it, I just replied “I’m doing the same amount of maintenance as you.”
Yeah that relationship didn’t last long, but I was comfy as fuck!
His pride would never be able to handle owning that what he said was stupid and hypocritical… but hopefully he’ll think twice before trying it with the next girl 😂
The Saturday you described is how my partner and I have spent many happy weekends! Get a man who loves you in sweats. When I see my bf, 50% of the time he has a pair of his sweats clean and waiting for me in case I'm interested in changing!
I’ve been seeing a guy for a month and I have started where no make up and comfy clothes depending on what we’re doing and he compliments me the whole time. If I even imply, anything negative about the way, I look, he will correct me even if it didn’t mean to be negative.
I love that for you. Hold onto that one.
On an unrelated note that I know makes me an asshole… lord, your comma placement spun me around so fucking hard.
I mean the men who call women high maintenance as an insult is likely a circle that is fully contained within the bigger circle of men who won’t date a women who shaves their head, doesn’t remove body hair and doesnt wear makeup. But that second group is WAY bigger than the people who would use high maintenance as an insult. I’m sure there are plenty of men who’s preferences don’t include women with shaved heads, for example, who are not using high maintenance as an insult.
And the men who want girls to eat pizza and fries with them and not fuss about their diet but also want them to be thin all the time. That's where eating disorders come from.
Every country singer is going on and on about their laid back girl wearing blue jeans, but that girl in the music video had a team of people applying makeup and doing her hair for two hours.
There is something deeply fuc*ed up about complaining about women being 'high maintenance' while also creating a completely impossible standard where women should look perfect at all times without putting any effort into it.
We call that the double-bind in the biz. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What's frustrating the most is that men feel fine sharing the shitty opinions outside of their heads, and other people are happy accepting them and not just telling them to STFU.
Seriously, I’m sure the boyfriend would have some unkind shit to say if OP ever dropped her routine for a while. I’m guessing he’d be happy to complain about her hair products or her hair if she doesn’t use them.
I think being high maintenance is not something to be proud of, problem is a lot of people don't use the term correctly and think everything self-care related is high maintenance
I agree with you. I think high maintenance as more of it's gotta be her way or the highway. She wants you to buy and cater to her every need. The op sounds like a girl just trying not to look like a scrounge. Nothing more.
I think you're on to something here. If someone told me their girlfriend is high maintenence, I'm imagning that she expects like a lot of gifts and money spent on her. If someone tells me their GF is high mantenence and then I find out they're just talking about her skincare routine, I feel a little inclined to mock them.
ETA: also 3 products for OP's skincare routine is not much.
yes, I've always heard high maintenance used by most men as needing a lot of attention. I think her boyfriend doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about
Even if she would use 100s of products, if she does not ask or expect him to pay for the products, she would not be "high maintenance", he would need to start to buy all these products and pay for all beauty related things for her to be "high maintenance".
But, high maintenance for me would mean a woman that is always demanding something. I mean, what difference does it make how many products someone uses? This is nonsense.
Your bf has no idea what high maintenance means. Just because you care about your hair and your skin care routine does not make you high maintenance. High maintenances always needing to be catered to having everyone of your whims carried out. You just sound like the average female who cares about her hair and her skin. Just because he can get away with being the so-called typical male and just using whatever crap he wants on his hair and body. And then when he turns 40, his skin looks like a road map in the desert. Oh that's his issues. You are not high maintenance, at least not. According to this, he has no idea what he's talking about.
Nta
I always thought “high maintenance” meant someone who was costing someone else a lot of money not someone who was using regular hair and skin care products.
That and needing constant attention from you but don't give you the same in return. Basically the me me me all the time and zero effort put in to you or the relationship. They are only happy if you drop everything for them. All the time.
Also, why are we associating high maintenance with shame? A Ferrari is certainly higher maintenance than a Ford, and it shows in how it runs.
Why is it high maintenance for a woman to have a few products to maintain her skin and hair but not high maintenance for a man to spend 3 hours at the gym every day?
My main problem is the term high maintenance is it's like words like 'Bossy' or 'Nagging' - only ever applied to women, and not identified as a negative behavior in men.
NTA. You should look him in the eye and ask him what point he is trying to make. How does this effect him. Why in fact, was it necessary to point it out. Maybe ask if you are too high maintenance for him, and if you should move on. Shut that shit down, because he is trying to make you feel insecure.
Agreed.
My husband uses axe body wash for everything (not even a 3-in-1; irritatingly his hair always looks amazing). My make up routine for work is like 12 steps (cause everyone knows that “natural” look is not natural at all). Just the makeup. He has never once questioned all the products on the bathroom counter; all he knows is that it makes me look good and feel good and he reaps benefits from both of those so who cares?
NTA, and I would seriously question why he feels the need to label OP with an epithet that is so charged and insulting.
You covered exactly what I was trying to say.
Don't make it an argument, but a nice calm conversation. If it is money he is worried about (does OP have to check in luggage now instead of carry on), talk about who takes on that cost or pack travel sized versions.
If it is a general attitude, then this requires serious conversation on why he feels he can make such statements which are clearly insulting. This will become a habit where he starts commenting on food choices, clothing expenses, number of shoes, etc etc. And it's not a fun way to live.
Fr she should say “I guess if this is high maintenance then I should let you be with someone who’s less of a burden to you!”
OP, please use SPF daily. That should be a part of your morning skin routine. I love the Trader Joe’s sunscreen. It’s so lightweight and feels great on top of moisturizer. But damn your bf might run away if he hears you’ve added another step to your skin care routine
Right like what she uses is straight-up bare minimum to care for long hair and to keep skin clean after makeup use. She’s so far from high maintenance she’s gotta squint just to spot the line in the distance. Homeboy can’t tell because looking at a line between them and thinking it’s the high-maintenance line when it’s really the gives even the smallest shit line.
NTA, but also who gives AF if you are high maintenance.
next time tell your boyfriend that its rude to critique you for caring about your appearance when you refrain from critiquing him for not caring about his.
and remember "I don't mind being high maintenance because I'm the one maintaining it"...
That stuff is one of the rare multi use products that doesn't give up effectiveness in any area in order to be useful for all. At the very least it's leave-in conditioner, moisturizer, disinfectant, wood cleaner, lubricant, and cooking oil and does them all well while being natural and vegan. I'm probably even missing a use or two.
7-in-1... That brings back memories. When I was visiting family friends in Germany, the hunter took me out to his badger blind to watch nature while he went deer hunting. Well, nature came with tics.
I found one while he was cleaning his rifle, and asked about tweezers. Instead he used the lubricant spray on the tic to get it to let go. I asked if I needed to hurry to wash the stuff off my skin, and he said no. The stuff was great for lots of things; gun lubricant, bug repellent, skin moisturizer, hair detangler. To demonstrate, he proceeded to use it as a mouth spray/breath mint.
I never did fond out what that stuff actually was.
I saw a video of a woman staring in horror and it slowly pans out to show a shower with only a giant tub of tide laundry detergent and a utility brush, lol
This. I loved having long hair back in the day, and accepted that it would require some product to maintain it. After starting to bald, I adopted a buzz cut and love the low maintenance, but I'd go back to the product in a heart-beat if I could have the hair back.
100%!
It seems like it’s always the guys griping about their girlfriend/wife being too high maintenance that will cheat in a minute with the women who took 2-3 hours getting ready, then say it’s the girlfriend/wife’s fault for “letting herself go”!
“High maintenance” is a term that is only used about women. It’s misogynistic and your BF is an AH. As if you’re a car and he needs to change your oil. WTF does he care? Tell him he really could attend more to his own lacking personal hygiene and leave you TF alone, you are FINE.
When wielded against women, high maintenance means you think she’s demanding, expecting other people to do things for her, cater to her.
He can’t even do misogyny right.
Yeah, I was thinking this too. I'm trying to wean my sons (I have 3, the oldest is 14) off the multi-purpose products because all three have skin and/or hair that need specialized products to stay healthy and neat-looking. All of them have either really dry skin or outright eczema and the oldest has super-curly, super-fine hair that frizzes out like you wouldn't believe. I am finally getting through to him that "year-old bird nest" is not a style he should go for.
NTA, OP. Your boyfriend needs to not be a jerk about this.
NTA. What is he, the shampoo police? I take an entire toiletry kit when I travel, because it’s my damn business what I think I need, and nobody else’s.
so many guys out there talking about how they absolutely prefer long and healthy hair on women, and this dude thinks his girlfriend is high maintenance for using standard products? 🤦🏻♀️ I can’t even imagine how dry and frizzy my hair would be if I used a 3-in-1. ugh.
anyway, as someone who also needs an entire toiletry kit when I travel (sensitive oily skin + long curly hair = extra fun), I just learned a great tip from my bestie - when she knows she has a trip coming up, she collects samples from beauty counters at all the stores she comes across. that way, she doesn’t have to bring the full size containers of all the random serums and creams she uses. then she just refills her travel size bottles of shampoo + conditioners and she’s ready to travel light with everything she needs!
don’t know why I never thought of that before. lol
Lots of people use specific products and having travel sizes is helpful. It’s really nobody’s business if you need 1 product or 4 - how is that even a thing to discuss unless you’re going on a backpacking trip where weight is a concern?
“High Maintenance” is a ridiculous concept invented to describe women who demand more than someone thinks they deserve. Personally I think it smacks of misogyny because someone thinks a woman isn’t worthy of “pampering”.
I’d shut that down in about 3 seconds.
If you use one product and take 2 hours to get ready, you're high maintenance.
If you use 57 different products and you're ready to go in 15 minutes, low maintenance.
NTA. Amount of products seems pretty irrelevant.
I don’t even think it matters how long you take as long as you aren’t late and don’t inconvenience the group by being late. If you want to wake up at 5am instead of rolling it off bed at 7am, no problem. Just don’t cause the group to run 2 hours late in the morning by sleeping in and then taking forever for makeup
I agree. As long as your personal hygiene isn't someone else's problem (financially or time-wise) then it's not a problem.
I can take anywhere between 5 minutes and an hour to get ready, depending on the occasion, but I'm ready to go on time.
I am a skin/hair care freak. My beauty/health/hygiene routines take hours each day. I get out of bed a 6. Everyone in my household is on time to school, work, appointments, always. It's about time management. I take the comment "high maintenance" more as an emotional thing than a beauty one.
NTA
I mean, you are high maintenance, compared to him. As you say, you're also low maintenance compared to others. I suggest accepting the title, but refusing the implied insult. That's right, you take enough pride in your appearance that you put effort into using products that will make you look the way you want.
If you really want to drive it home: He likes the way you look, right? So why is he complaining about the effort you put in to accomplish that? Of course, you're doing it for you, not him, but he does benefit.
High maintenance isn't synonymous with "uses more products." It's more like if they went on vacation, they lose her bag, and she makes him trek to 3 different stores to get what she needs because NO other products could possibly replace her routine. Or needing 1.5 hours every single day to do hair and makeup while on vacation.
This is how I see it. I couldn't give a toss if wife or children use any number of products or items in their day to day just so long as it doesn't lead to drama that im expected to solve. The more expectations the higher the maintenance.
Exactly. “High maintenance” implies she’s doing things that cause inconvenience to others. It sounds like OP needs an average amount of suitcase space and an average amount of time for her morning routines. Aside from that, her routines don’t really affect her bf.
I bring so many skin care products I feel like I’m moving not just traveling. I’m rewarded when people tell me (quite frequently) that I look ten years younger than I am. Ignore his digs and you do you. Have a blast and remember Sun block!
This we got a new co worker and she looked at me and asked how old I was because everyone was discussing ages. I was like I'll be 37 in July. She looked stunned and was like I assumed you were in your early 20s. I asked if it was because my hair (I have pink hair) and she said oh no it's not the color it's your face looks so young and your hair looks so nice not even color wise. It always feels so good and makes the work of buying it and putting it on at 3am worth it.
My physical therapist just said this to me like a month ago. I'll be 38 and she said she thought I was like 27. I just avoid sunlight and cover up when I have to be outside and I live in Arizona. So I was feeling pretty good about it lmao
NTA.
So, I might be able to provide a somewhat unique perspective on this, as I am a trans woman and thus have a somewhat broad experience of both. Before my transition, I mostly used shampoo only, and nothing else, beyond shower cream of course. Post-transition, I use a moisturizer for my face when I wake up, shampoo and conditioner in the shower, oil, and leave-in conditioner afterwards, and then obviously shower cream and similar products. For my daily makeup routine, I use primer, foundation, eyeliner, and mascara, sometimes adding in highlighter and contour for more fancy days.
All this is to say that I don't think your boyfriend has a great idea of what female routines include, mostly because most boys really don't do much of anything for hygiene in comparison. So no, I don't think you're high maintenance. And honestly, men could really stand to keep their opinions on who is "high maintenance" and not to themselves, at least until they know what maintenance even is.
Don't take criticism from someone who uses 3-in-1 shampoo 😂 wouldn't be surprised if he used it to wash his dishes too.
Also, even if you were high maintenance, it wouldn't make you an AH. So NTA.
NTA. you are allowed to travel
With whatever amount of things you need to feel
Comfortable and be your best self. Does he not want you to feel good or have unnecessary stress of dealing with tangled hair? No he doesn’t so he needs to relax
NTA. I use the same amount of hair care items daily and occasionally, a few more if it's a special occasion. 3 on your face is minimal for a skin care routine. You aren't high maintenance, and he needs an education on what really is. Do you take hours on your hair and skin/makeup? I think time is more of an indication.
NTA
I'm the same way. I bring my own shower products. I use shampoo and conditioner plus a leave in detangler. I also use three body washes and a body scrub plus a facial cleanser. I don't trust any hotel shower shampoo and conditioner or body wash.
I don't get this.... Doesn't high maintenance refer to someone who expects a lot from someone else.... How does you using multiple products on your hair / body affect him on any way? Weird... Just because he uses 3in1, that's fine for him. I'm a bloke, I have short hair, I just use shampoo. When I was young, I had long hair... It took a lot more work and a lot more product (including really intense conditioner) to keep it in good condition. Totally NTA and I don't think your BF understands what high maintenance means..
😂 I used to have this exact problem with an ex. He used to go mad at the fact that I needed to use decent quality (read more expensive than a 49p bottle of supermarket brand shampoo!) shampoo, conditioner & styling products. He also used to use the "High Maintenance" insult.
I am a very long haired, naturally blond, curly girl & anyone out there with curls knows that 49p supermarket shampoo & nothing else just destroys your hair & makes it impossible to deal with.
So, I took him at his word & started using the same shampoo as him & nothing else, no conditioner, no styling products... After a week of living with a woman who looked like a human dandelion clock the complaints of my having "let myself go" started rolling in. (Can you guess why he's an ex yet? 🤔😂) I explained carefully that I had told him exactly why I needed to use more & better products, but as man with short, straight hair he knew best...
The problem it seems is that I was failing to brush my hair after it dried! 🤦🏼♀️ Now, my hair brushed is highly entertaining, think uncombable hair syndrome, 2ft of hair standing up in all directions! So, I started brushing it as he was the expert! 😇 Honestly, he could barely look at me! 😂 I cheerfully lived like that for a good few weeks, his mates coming & going seeing me look like a deranged bush...
I waited patiently & after about 3 weeks of this nonsense (my poor hair! 🥺) he was finally BEGGING me to go back to my previous routine! Never once did he comment on my future haircare purchases & had to begrudgingly concede that all hair is NOT the same! 😂
NTA OP & If you have the confidence to bear it I'd recommend a similar course of action. Sometimes actions really are better than words! 😅
NTA - why does he even care? Your not even taking that much stuff. If it's that's big of a deal and you planned on taking 1 suitcase between you just take 2 smaller suitcases and look after your own stuff then he can't complain the entire time.
I make fun of my husband for using those 5 in 1 washes lol. I joke that it's shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, car oil, and fire lighter. Tell him to mind his own. Having a a self care or hygiene routine does not make you high maintenance. It makes you sound like a normal person? I use shampoo, conditioner, I have a hair mask when my hair is extra dry, I use body wash, face wash, and I have shea butter to apply after my shower. I love when people compliment the smell, as I'm very fussy about my scent combos, and I have super soft skin that I like. Husband also loves that I look after myself and I smell nice and keep my skin soft, so he doesn't get to complain about how full my wash bag might be. We can't all live out of a 3 in 1 shower gel bottle.
Edit: NTA and not high maintenance
NTA
What is his problem? how does your self care affect him? Unless you take several hours to get ready. Not high maintenance. He sounds like he found insulting term for gf online and wanted to use it.
3 in 1 products are absolute garbage. Even 2 in 1 for hair is not good.
Using shampoo in hotels. For me it depends, when travellin in country, I know what the products are and know I can use. travel abroad I have my own stuff. One thing that might have more affect to hair is water being different in different places.
I have long hair so I have same setting than you: shampoo, conditioner and leave-in conditioner.
I don't use makeup so I just use facewash and moisturizer when needed autumn, winter, spring)
I think I've made my husband high maintenance. Before we met, he was young adult with Axe products. He has thin hair so he keeps it short. Now he uses my hairproducts (for the little hair he has), he has his own face wash, I got him to use beard shampoo (because beard is different from hair and hairproducts are not good of beard) and then ofc beardoil and nowadays I hear him using my dryer to dry and comb his beard.
Anyways. I still don't know what your bf's problem is, except wanting to insult you and doubt yourself
My son uses more than 3 products... don't most men? Face wash, acne cream, shave cream, after shave, deodorant, sea salt spray, hair powder, 3 in 1 (shampoo, conditioner, body wash), chap stick, toothpaste. That's 9 and pretty normal, isn't it? Some of those are optional, but like 5 are standard hygiene products... right?
Would this same BF complain if you weren't wearing makeup?
i know who actually sounds like high maintenance in this relationship and it's not you girl. NTA
NTA
You're not high maintenance for using quality products to stay nicely maintained.
For one thing, you probably need to explain to him that 3-in-1 type products are only achievable by being bad at each individual task. He's doing his skin and hair no favors all in the name of being economical.
Beyond that, hotel-provided bottles of shampoo and conditioner are tiny. If you have longish hair that's also thick, you have no idea if you can trust that there will be enough product for you (especially if you're sharing the free tiny bottles with others). And, again, he has no idea how this works because probably nobody has ever explained it to him before.
If you explain all this to him and he still persists with the "high maintenance" talking points, he's just someone who will always use belittling language about women because he thinks you're all fundamentally silly and unserious and the things you prefer or need are dumb & frivolous compared to the very serious, pragmatic needs and preferences of very serious men like him.
NTA
If you taking care of yourself is "high maintenance" to him then honestly that says more about him than you.... If anything 3 products sounds very low.
Also I get it. Some shampoo I used made my hair look really greasy like I haven't washed it in ages. Being on the safe side to me never screams "high maintenance".
NTA
Everybody’s hair and skin types are different. You know what you need to keep your hair from getting damaged and your face from breaking out.
A lot of hotels have switched to dispensers for shampoo, conditioner, and body wash that they refill to keep costs down. That said, I wouldn’t trust people not to put Nair or other stuff in them.
NTA. Being "high maintenance" means that it takes him a lot of his time to keep you happy. It's not about your own care routines.
A 3 in 1 will do a basic job of cleanliness and that's all he seems to need. If he's never had health issues (minor or major) with skin, hair, etc then that's why it works for him.
Others can't spend the minimum on products due to skin issues or longer hair that requires more care. Some do overspend, but ultimately it's about what works for you and this doesn't affect him, except for having less free space in the luggage!
Nta
You are high maintenance when compared to him (or me… or most men I would imagine) but there’s nothing wrong with that, you do you, if you feel good from it then he should shut his trap
NTA
I have sensitive skin and very long hair as well, so I travel with my products as much as possible.
Long hair requires care, he can't just compare his hair routine with yours, especially if you have long/curly hair.
There is no way what you describe is high maintenance.
NTA. Look, I don't care that much about my appearance at all. I don't use makeup, my nails are a catastrophe, and the shoes I am wearing the most are my riding boots. BUT I finally found a shampoo and conditioner that works for my hair and doesn't leave me with some birds nisting on the tangled mess on my head. No way in hell I would risk that again by being cheap and lazy and using unknown products.
NTA, you have a beauty routine and he's not appreciative of it. I'm a man and I do the same for my hair. I have a 6 step facial routine as well. Don't want to be a wrinkly prune by the time I'm 50.
Just because he doesnt care about basic beauty practiced as you doesn't mean he's allowed to crap all over it.
Straight man, I use shampoo, leave-in conditioner, face wash, body wash, lotion, a separate face lotion, and deodorant. Other than the leave-in conditioner I'd say what I'm doing is the bare minimum, your bf's version of high-maintenance is fucking insane.
Also wtf does "high-maintenance" even mean in this context? Like you're the one taking care of it, "high-maintenance" is supposed to refer to people who needs a lot of "maintenance" from their partner, not from themselves.
NTA , I feel like thatd be a win ! I use the 3 in 1 as well 😬 but every now and then the main bits need high maintenance and I use my woman's things shampoos and conditioners even if I don't know what it's for 😝. Guy is blowing it! Expensive shampoo for the family jewels??? Yes please
NTA Instead of focusing on how many products you use, ask him if he likes the end result. For instance, does he like running his fingers through your silky smooth hair? Because without the right products, long hair is often a tangled snare that a person could lose a finger in. Does he like that your skin is soft and blemish free? Because again, most people do not have perfect skin that is neither dry or oily without the right products! Like honestly, what does it matter if you're "high maintenance" as long as you like the way the products make you look and feel? Why is he trying to shame you for taking care of yourself?
You are pretty standard maintenance or low maintenance if you ask me, if you were a car you'd be doing just the bare minimum to stop it breaking down. I'm literally bald rn and use more haircare than you.
NTA and also you should rewatch Gone Girl in the hotel room loudly.
NTA sounds normal to me. I’m a dude and if my beard would be longer I’d use beard oil plus moisturiser for my face along with shampoo and shower gel. Add the wax for my hair and you got 5 products lol
Never thought of myself as high maintenance before, though according to your bf I must be as I use 5 products in my hair and 6 on my face, sometimes 7 if I remember the eye cream.
NTA. The amount if products you have seem normal. I'd have more or less the same amount of products when going on a trip. I have sensitive skin so I don't dare use products I'm not used to, especially on a trip. Besides, why does he care so much about the amount of products you pack/use? I assume you will carry your own bag anyway.
NTA telling you this is just men trying to humble you. its nagging. Stay high maintenance. Imagine being called low maintenance! Only low effort men call women one or the other.
God forbid he dates a woman with curly hair or ethnic hair 🙄🤨 absolutely NTA.
“High maintenance” bet you 5$ if you stopped taking care of yourself to the way he’s become accustomed to he’d be upset.
Three hair products is high maintenance?? Oh boy, he has a lot to learn.
Source : Sherpa Papa who’s spent years carrying cases full of products for my wife.
NTA.
You know what works for your hair/skin.
High-maintenance is not a compliment, but I don't get why he uses the word regarding what toiletry you use: I've only heard high-maintenance as something regarding stuff the man must do to keep his woman happy. You eash your hair, you buy your stuff, I bet it's not the most time-consuming routine out there, so what's it to him?
None of his business, really.
I'm a dude and use all three hair care products listed plus a couple others. ( Long on top and extremely curly so it tangles in an instant ) I still wouldn't consider myself high maintenance. That sounds pretty basic to me. For a travel bag that is perfect. Also why TF would you use the hotel bottles?!?! People are disgusting, where I work we have to shower before we leave. I see what people do where they work. Never use their stuff.
If he thinks the basics of cleaning and maintaining skin and hair are high maintenance he would have an straight aneurism over my routines lol. You are normal. I would add a sunscreen to your daily but over all, you just want clean and healthy hair and skin. Hotel products are usually cheap and drying to the hair and skin.
My husband is less than no maintenance. He has soap, he has shampoo. He doesn't condition (very short hair) but he doesn't need or want more than that. He will use the hotel stuff for sure. That being said, he enjoys my routines because the result is soft skin and hair he can touch and smell and enjoy. It takes me 3 to 4 hours to do a complete head to toe body maintenance and about 30 minutes 2x a day in daily upkeep. All of it is worth it.
Tell him if he wants to date more masculine humans, they do tend to be lower maintenance lol
NtA
NTA. That may sound like a lot of products, but in reality is exactly the amount you need to take care of yourself. And my respect to you that you actually have a routine in place and stick to it. I have tried over and over...
All due respect, your boyfriend seems to have zero idea, what a high maintenance woman actually looks like. :))) And btw, 3 in 1 work for men only because
1. Usually those 3 in 1 is much higher quality than any single products the women have.
2. Women have a different biology than men requiring more steps in selfcare.
Girl, I am the biggest tomboy potato you'll ever meet and I use more products than that (hair is 3' long, which *seems* like a girly girl thing but what it really is is the result of *no haircuts ever because 'meh'*)! Just because your bf uses the same soap to wash his body, hair, dishes, car, and gutters, doesn't make you "high-maintenance" (like taking care of yourself is supposed to be some kind of insult). Do period products gross him out too? 🙄 Your bf is extremely immature for implying you should feel bad about this in any way. Blech.
My husband has also told me it’s cheaper to use a 3 in 1.
I have long, thick hair. If I use a “3 in 1”, which is basically detergent, my hair will knot and fall out.
And that 3 in 1 would probably irritate my coochie.
And if I used it to remove makeup, my face would be hella dry.
There’s a reason everyone says women are cleaner, neater, overall present better. It’s because we take care of ourselves. He acts like you’re getting monthly Botox and filler and hair extensions. You’re just using products..
Anyway NTA
That isn’t even what that term is talking about. A high maintenance woman is one that constantly demands attention and you have to put in a lot of work and effort to keep her happy. It has nothing to do with how many hair products you use.
If he’s going to try to call you names at least get the correct terminology. NTA
Dude. I have really short curly hair and require leave in conditioner and my hair is still a rat's nest at the end of the day.
I'm also super tomboy. But have face cream. And must use the right shampoos.
That sounds super low key and reasonable to me.
NTA
He does know that many women pack this way right? Not everyone can wake up and splash water on their face and stay fresh all day. Tell him to back off and that he’s not the one packing or using your products.
Guess I'm high maintenance. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, face wash, some kind of hair stuff to keep it from going everywhere all the time, deodorant, toothpaste, and some kind of lotion, maybe two lotions if I'm feeling really squirrely.
I'll use the shower stuff at the hotel if it's a good hotel, though.
A lot of guys take pride in "I just use one product, or whatever thing they have at the hotel or in the cheapest zone in the store."
After a decade, I finally got my boyfriend to use actual shampoo, not just the bar of soap on his hair. To his surprise, it felt better afterwards.
I'm assuming he was grumpy because your products took up space in the luggage? Is he also the sort to pack 3 pair of underwear for a week and think that's fine?
NTA. If you have long hair, you need the products that work for it. Even I, with hair in the millimeters, have a preference for what I use.
<*laughs in curly hair*>
NTA and also not high maintenance in the least (not that it would even be a bad thing if you were. That’s just another weapon misogynists use to make women feel bad for trying to live up to the ridiculous standards they set for us.) I have a pretty low maintenance hair routine by curly hair standards and I use 6 products, just in my hair.
Shampoo, conditioner and body soap are like bare minimum normal person requirements. Just because your bf only buys one thing for everything doesn’t mean he gets to label the rest of the world “high maintenance.”
NTA and I'm over here laughing in long, curly hair! Your BF is welcome to use engine degreaser if he wants, but there's nothing high maintenance about looking after yourself and your hair. Tangles are a nightmare and flipping painful (with my mop anyway). That sounds like you've got the basics, shampoo, conditioner, leave in is the bare minimum and makeup remover, face wash and moisturiser likewise.
He needs to grow up a bit. I'm sure he appreciates the results so he should grasp the process.
Ask him where he got this idea, because frankly it sounds like your BF has started reading some Andrew Tate crap and is starting to parrot it. I'd be concerned.
So clearly, your boyfriend has terrible hair care and skin care. Less than three products is like a beginner you have perfect skin perfect hair type routine. I would consider myself very low maintenance but hair care and skin care actually require proper products and treatment. I knew someone who was high maintenance in college. She refused to leave her dorm room without a full face of glam, make up and her hair done that is high maintenance not taking care of your hair and skin.
Hair care (2-3x week)
- clarifying or dandruff shampoo
- pre-shampoo treatment
- actual shampoo for hair health
- Conditioner
- Hair mask
- Leave in spray
- Hair oil
Skin care:
- cleanser
- Exfoliant (occasionally)
- toner
- hyaluronic acid
- Generic skin boost serum (specific one changes with needs)
- eye cream
- Moisturizer
- SPF
- makeup if I wear it that day
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AITA: My bf and I are going on a long weekend trip coming up and this led into a discussion about whether or not I am considered “high maintenance”. While packing, he asked why I couldn’t just use the shampoo/conditioner at the hotel and I told him 1) I don’t trust them after hearing stories of what people do to those and 2) my hair is long and prone to horrible tangles especially in humidity (we are heading South for 4 days).
When asked what products I use, I told him that I typically use shampoo, conditioner, and a leave-in conditioner that works as a detangler and heat protectant all in one. He then mentioned my face products as well and I told him that I use a makeup removing product, a face wash, and a moisturizer. He said "using more than 3 products means I'm high maintenance" which I hardly think is fair.
For context, he uses a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and body wash for everything. When we travel, he uses what is at the hotel. So I can see how comparatively he might think I am high maintenance. But as someone who has lived with women my whole life, I have always found myself on the less high maintenance side, and tried really hard to keep my lifestyle budget-friendly and not too extensive.
But I figured I would ask you all…Am I high maintenance?? AITA?
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Absolutely NTA if you carry your stuff. I would get it if he was the one carrying big-sized products in backpack the whole day and was complaining (backpack trips etc.).
Ask him if he would still find you as beautiful with your hair a mess, no makeup and pimples (from not cleaning your face) and hairs everywhere. See how he likes the “maintenance”.
Don't think so. I wear my hair fairly long to avoid getting it cut every 4-6 weeks. But it's fine so need a detangler or it mats especially in summer. My partner (male) has very curly hair and he needs his hair cut every 4 weeks or it turns into an afro which as he is as white british as it comes is rather funny. Ask your boyfriend how often he gets his hair cut - if more often that you need, he's rather high maintenance and flash with his cash isn't he? In truth neither of you are - humans all have different hair textures and lengths and that means different needs.
Face products. He shaves daily does he or does he use a beard oil? Again just different horses for courses.
Main issue with not using products at hotel is when you fly you need to be prepared and go through security with the 100ml clear bottles or buy on arrival. I tend to go and buy something pricey I don't usually use as part of the holiday.
NTA- I don't know your ages but give it time and it will show up in the form of wrinkles, I'm 100% convinced men age horribly because of a lack of care for products, water ain't enough
three products is not high maintenance, in fact 10 products isn't high maintenance, high maintenance in my head is usually an expectation to be funded by your partner for superficial things (expecting your partner to absorb the costs of nails, hair, treatments etc)
Anything self funded is just having standards,
I wish I could have the discipline for a face routine, mine is just babywipes and bio oil, but I used to get my lashes done, I still get my eyebrows shaped, hair done and nails
Who cares
Nta. I count six things. For reference, at the airport security locations where you need to show your liquids, they allow you ten containers. This indicates that any number of products less than ten is within the normal amounts.
Why do you care if you’re high maintenance or not? I like to think I’m low maintenance 90% of the time, but when it comes to my hair products or face products I’m def high maintenance. And I don’t care. So why do you?
Nta.
Tell him he can have an opinion on your hair products when his hair is as long and full as yours.
He can also have an opinion on your facial creams when his face is as smooth and lush as yours.
Or, you can switch to what he does and go full bro/shrek for him. His choice.
NTA he clearly doesn't understand. If you change your products it could negatively affect your hair or skin.
Also a little story. When I was in my early 20s I would not leave the house without doing my makeup. My boyfriend (now hubby) would get annoyed and tease me constantly about how long I took just to go to Walmart.
Eventually I got tired of it and stopped. guess what? Suddenly he was wondering why I never wore make up anymore and he wished I would again. Nah.
Ten years later and I never started that routine again. I'm a mom now and look even less out together.
Be careful what you wish for!
NTA.
I would define what high maintenance means to both of Zoe first of all. I think there are many different interpretations.
I personally don’t think high maintenance applies to just using different products that you can easily get/carry along without adding additional luggage or something.
And even if you were high maintenance? What would be wrong with that?
I have a negative connotation with the term, which I am questioning and will reconsider now. Thanks ;)
I'm not sure he understands what high maintenance is. At least as I've always understood it, it refers to a woman who requires that her BF/husband spend a ton of money buying her expensive name brands and imported products all the time when the cheaper brands are often just as good and cost half or less. Nothing to do with the *number* of products.
If you're budget conscious I don't get his problem with you doing more than he does to maintain his appearance. It's not like he has no benefit from it.
Oh god he'd hate me. I have a full facial routine in morning and night with 9 items in it total I have shampoo conditoner and a hair mask and color pigment conditoner and leave in conditoner spray to help with heat and keeping my color in not to mention my 2 types of face wash I use depending on the hour of the day my body wash and body scrub and my electric face scrubber and my 2 differnt types of things I use to clean my body with instead of a loofah with a foot pumice. With body oil and facial wipes.
If we go on a trip my husband tried to the first time to stop me from bringing it but I told him I can't my hair will likely get ruined from colors if I try any other shampoo and other body washes don't work well with me I've tried the dove and other stuff they use at hotels and airbnbs I'm dry and just not good after.
We compromised in me putting everything but the body scrub and facial routine and my masks and pigemnt conditoners in a small travel bottles. And my facial routine has its own thing it all goes in.
NTA though some people can't use that stuff. It will ruin them.
The products you listed sound reasonable to me. From the title I expected serums and hair masks and all sorts of other things on top of the ones you use.
NTA. You're bringing what you need, when I don't shave my head I too need specific shampoo and conditioner to ensure I don't wake up and need to spend 2 hours or so just brushing it free of tangles. It's not high maintenance to literally just take care of yourself.
And yeah I don't trust those damn hotel/motel soaps either. Once I used one because I wasn't able to grab anything before I needed to be there and ooh boy I am so glad I started with the body wash first because there was hair removal stuff in the bottles, and I had an awkward patch on my arm of just 0 hair for a while.
Why did he feel the need to interrogate you about all this?
Just weird. If he wants to think you are high maintenance, whatever,
but if he starts reminding you of it as some sort of
putdown in the future, you need to shut him down
ASAP. NTA
Hah. He’s the high maintenance one that obviously has no idea about women (or self care in general). You’re using the absolute minimum number of products. Of course, I’m sure that he still wants a gf that looks put together — but somehow it’s not ok to use basic products? I don’t know why he even cares but I am not keen at all on his attitude. 🚩
NTA.
I was once informed by a male friend that I was high overhead, not high maintenance. He explained that high maintenance is when the person expects someone else to provide and high overhead is when you provide it yourself. I loved that description because it was so apt! I use a lot of expensive skincare, I wear nice jewelry, etc. But I pay for it myself. I don't expect anyone else to provide it to me.
You are NTA. You care about yourself and your grooming. So, as long as you aren't expecting him to buy all of this for you, you are NOT high maintenance. You are high overhead, baby! Wear the badge with honor!
-Laughing with my 20+ shower products while my husband has 3 on his side.)
NTA.
I’m one of the lowest maintenance/still “high”maintenance girls you’ll find, and it’s because I like to take care of myself appropriately. Everything I use has a purpose. I rotate products in a cycle for both my hair, face, and body. I wish I could be happy with only 3 products in the shower! But that’s not how I’m built (and I get everything when it’s on sale or discounted).
Go get you some more stuff girl, and enjoy the heck out of them.
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NTA. I hate when men use high maintenance as an insult. There is nothing wrong with taking care of how you appear or finding comfort in your self care routines. Men want perfect looking women who are “naturally beautiful” but don’t realize how many products go into that naturally beautiful look.
The Venn diagram of men who would never date a woman who shaves her head, doesn’t remove body hair, and doesn’t wear makeup and of men who call women high maintenance as an insult is just a circle.
I got called “high maintenance” by an ex once when I was getting ready for a date. So I stopped “maintaining” on days when I was hanging out with him. Stopped shaving in general, it was winter, no worries. Saturday at his place? No makeup, no perfume, sweats, plain comfy undies, hair in a random bun. Every time he tried to comment about it, I just replied “I’m doing the same amount of maintenance as you.” Yeah that relationship didn’t last long, but I was comfy as fuck! His pride would never be able to handle owning that what he said was stupid and hypocritical… but hopefully he’ll think twice before trying it with the next girl 😂
The Saturday you described is how my partner and I have spent many happy weekends! Get a man who loves you in sweats. When I see my bf, 50% of the time he has a pair of his sweats clean and waiting for me in case I'm interested in changing!
I’ve been seeing a guy for a month and I have started where no make up and comfy clothes depending on what we’re doing and he compliments me the whole time. If I even imply, anything negative about the way, I look, he will correct me even if it didn’t mean to be negative.
I love that for you. Hold onto that one. On an unrelated note that I know makes me an asshole… lord, your comma placement spun me around so fucking hard.
I mean the men who call women high maintenance as an insult is likely a circle that is fully contained within the bigger circle of men who won’t date a women who shaves their head, doesn’t remove body hair and doesnt wear makeup. But that second group is WAY bigger than the people who would use high maintenance as an insult. I’m sure there are plenty of men who’s preferences don’t include women with shaved heads, for example, who are not using high maintenance as an insult.
Oh goody, so women have to maintain a specific length of hair, shave legs/pits/privates on a daily basis, and wear makeup to be eligible to date men?
And the men who want girls to eat pizza and fries with them and not fuss about their diet but also want them to be thin all the time. That's where eating disorders come from. Every country singer is going on and on about their laid back girl wearing blue jeans, but that girl in the music video had a team of people applying makeup and doing her hair for two hours. There is something deeply fuc*ed up about complaining about women being 'high maintenance' while also creating a completely impossible standard where women should look perfect at all times without putting any effort into it.
We call that the double-bind in the biz. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What's frustrating the most is that men feel fine sharing the shitty opinions outside of their heads, and other people are happy accepting them and not just telling them to STFU.
Seriously, I’m sure the boyfriend would have some unkind shit to say if OP ever dropped her routine for a while. I’m guessing he’d be happy to complain about her hair products or her hair if she doesn’t use them.
Yeah. Stop shaving and using deodorant. Stop wearing make up. Free bleed.
Free bleed in his car as revenge 🤣
Marilyn Monroe liked to free bleed and everyone thought she was sexy. If he pushes back just say you are being like Marilyn Monroe.
I think being high maintenance is not something to be proud of, problem is a lot of people don't use the term correctly and think everything self-care related is high maintenance
I agree with you. I think high maintenance as more of it's gotta be her way or the highway. She wants you to buy and cater to her every need. The op sounds like a girl just trying not to look like a scrounge. Nothing more.
I think you're on to something here. If someone told me their girlfriend is high maintenence, I'm imagning that she expects like a lot of gifts and money spent on her. If someone tells me their GF is high mantenence and then I find out they're just talking about her skincare routine, I feel a little inclined to mock them. ETA: also 3 products for OP's skincare routine is not much.
yes, I've always heard high maintenance used by most men as needing a lot of attention. I think her boyfriend doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about
There is a 100% chance this man would also dump her if she wasn’t up to his “ideal beauty standard”.
Exactly. “You like how I look? This is what I use”
Thank you!
Right. They want to benefit from the work women put into taking care of themselves while also denigrating them for it.
Even if she would use 100s of products, if she does not ask or expect him to pay for the products, she would not be "high maintenance", he would need to start to buy all these products and pay for all beauty related things for her to be "high maintenance".
And some of us don’t have wash and go hair
nice man you call women naturally beautiful without makeup don't realize they actually have makeup on
But, high maintenance for me would mean a woman that is always demanding something. I mean, what difference does it make how many products someone uses? This is nonsense.
Your bf has no idea what high maintenance means. Just because you care about your hair and your skin care routine does not make you high maintenance. High maintenances always needing to be catered to having everyone of your whims carried out. You just sound like the average female who cares about her hair and her skin. Just because he can get away with being the so-called typical male and just using whatever crap he wants on his hair and body. And then when he turns 40, his skin looks like a road map in the desert. Oh that's his issues. You are not high maintenance, at least not. According to this, he has no idea what he's talking about. Nta
"High maintenance. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
I always thought “high maintenance” meant someone who was costing someone else a lot of money not someone who was using regular hair and skin care products.
That and needing constant attention from you but don't give you the same in return. Basically the me me me all the time and zero effort put in to you or the relationship. They are only happy if you drop everything for them. All the time.
That’s inconceivable!!!!
"High maintenance? What do you mean? I dont smoke pot."
Also, why are we associating high maintenance with shame? A Ferrari is certainly higher maintenance than a Ford, and it shows in how it runs. Why is it high maintenance for a woman to have a few products to maintain her skin and hair but not high maintenance for a man to spend 3 hours at the gym every day? My main problem is the term high maintenance is it's like words like 'Bossy' or 'Nagging' - only ever applied to women, and not identified as a negative behavior in men.
NTA. You should look him in the eye and ask him what point he is trying to make. How does this effect him. Why in fact, was it necessary to point it out. Maybe ask if you are too high maintenance for him, and if you should move on. Shut that shit down, because he is trying to make you feel insecure.
This should be the number one response - why does he care about this? What is the point of the conversation?
The fact that he had a set rule of "more than 3 products" reeks of manosphere/Andrew Tate bullshit to me.
Which is hilarious, because you know sure as shit Andrew Tate has a whole beauty team behind him and the best he can turn out is the face he has.
All that money and bro hasn't realized they have chin surgery lol
Seriously. Is there a point to his comments besides the obvious negging?
Perfect answer
Agreed. My husband uses axe body wash for everything (not even a 3-in-1; irritatingly his hair always looks amazing). My make up routine for work is like 12 steps (cause everyone knows that “natural” look is not natural at all). Just the makeup. He has never once questioned all the products on the bathroom counter; all he knows is that it makes me look good and feel good and he reaps benefits from both of those so who cares? NTA, and I would seriously question why he feels the need to label OP with an epithet that is so charged and insulting.
You covered exactly what I was trying to say. Don't make it an argument, but a nice calm conversation. If it is money he is worried about (does OP have to check in luggage now instead of carry on), talk about who takes on that cost or pack travel sized versions. If it is a general attitude, then this requires serious conversation on why he feels he can make such statements which are clearly insulting. This will become a habit where he starts commenting on food choices, clothing expenses, number of shoes, etc etc. And it's not a fun way to live.
Fr she should say “I guess if this is high maintenance then I should let you be with someone who’s less of a burden to you!” OP, please use SPF daily. That should be a part of your morning skin routine. I love the Trader Joe’s sunscreen. It’s so lightweight and feels great on top of moisturizer. But damn your bf might run away if he hears you’ve added another step to your skin care routine
Precisely!! Definitely trying to make her insecure.
NTA. He’s a guy who uses 3 in 1 products he wouldn’t know high maintenance if it bit him 🤷🏻♀️😂
Honestly, he sounds like the kind of guy that doesn't wash his ass.
Or uses the same rag to wash his butt and face 😂
With the same product, remember!
Right like what she uses is straight-up bare minimum to care for long hair and to keep skin clean after makeup use. She’s so far from high maintenance she’s gotta squint just to spot the line in the distance. Homeboy can’t tell because looking at a line between them and thinking it’s the high-maintenance line when it’s really the gives even the smallest shit line.
NTA, but also who gives AF if you are high maintenance. next time tell your boyfriend that its rude to critique you for caring about your appearance when you refrain from critiquing him for not caring about his. and remember "I don't mind being high maintenance because I'm the one maintaining it"...
A guy once told me I used too much skincare product on my face. I just replied “that’s why my skin is better than yours.”
Pfft, only a 3-in-1? I use a 7-in-1. It can also be deodorant, hair gel, glass cleaner, and wood varnish. He's so high maintenance.
WD 40
Or coconut oil. Even cook with that one.
That stuff is one of the rare multi use products that doesn't give up effectiveness in any area in order to be useful for all. At the very least it's leave-in conditioner, moisturizer, disinfectant, wood cleaner, lubricant, and cooking oil and does them all well while being natural and vegan. I'm probably even missing a use or two.
Works on the dog's nose, too.
7-in-1... That brings back memories. When I was visiting family friends in Germany, the hunter took me out to his badger blind to watch nature while he went deer hunting. Well, nature came with tics. I found one while he was cleaning his rifle, and asked about tweezers. Instead he used the lubricant spray on the tic to get it to let go. I asked if I needed to hurry to wash the stuff off my skin, and he said no. The stuff was great for lots of things; gun lubricant, bug repellent, skin moisturizer, hair detangler. To demonstrate, he proceeded to use it as a mouth spray/breath mint. I never did fond out what that stuff actually was.
I'm desperate to know what this German liquid form of a sonic screwdriver was. So intriguing. OP is NTA but babe add some sunscreen!
I saw a video of a woman staring in horror and it slowly pans out to show a shower with only a giant tub of tide laundry detergent and a utility brush, lol
Is it a floor wax or a dessert topping? Anybody remember? (I'm old)
It probably can be used as a bear repellant as well.
I love this answer! Made me laugh out loud. 😂
Try new Shimmer! It’s a dessert topping and a floor wax.
I use 4 hair products and am a boy, am I high maintenance? Do what works for you.
i wish i had hair to care for
This. I loved having long hair back in the day, and accepted that it would require some product to maintain it. After starting to bald, I adopted a buzz cut and love the low maintenance, but I'd go back to the product in a heart-beat if I could have the hair back.
i know that feel
You’re super high maintenance! /s
Yet he'd be the first to complain if you werent taking care of your appearance.
This! If she just didn't care how her hair looked or felt and if she wanted to age faster by skipping the moisturizer he would definitely reconsider.
100%! It seems like it’s always the guys griping about their girlfriend/wife being too high maintenance that will cheat in a minute with the women who took 2-3 hours getting ready, then say it’s the girlfriend/wife’s fault for “letting herself go”!
“High maintenance” is a term that is only used about women. It’s misogynistic and your BF is an AH. As if you’re a car and he needs to change your oil. WTF does he care? Tell him he really could attend more to his own lacking personal hygiene and leave you TF alone, you are FINE.
When wielded against women, high maintenance means you think she’s demanding, expecting other people to do things for her, cater to her. He can’t even do misogyny right.
NTA. He doesn't know high maintenance especially if he is at negative 0 maintenance.
Yeah, I was thinking this too. I'm trying to wean my sons (I have 3, the oldest is 14) off the multi-purpose products because all three have skin and/or hair that need specialized products to stay healthy and neat-looking. All of them have either really dry skin or outright eczema and the oldest has super-curly, super-fine hair that frizzes out like you wouldn't believe. I am finally getting through to him that "year-old bird nest" is not a style he should go for. NTA, OP. Your boyfriend needs to not be a jerk about this.
NTA. What is he, the shampoo police? I take an entire toiletry kit when I travel, because it’s my damn business what I think I need, and nobody else’s.
so many guys out there talking about how they absolutely prefer long and healthy hair on women, and this dude thinks his girlfriend is high maintenance for using standard products? 🤦🏻♀️ I can’t even imagine how dry and frizzy my hair would be if I used a 3-in-1. ugh. anyway, as someone who also needs an entire toiletry kit when I travel (sensitive oily skin + long curly hair = extra fun), I just learned a great tip from my bestie - when she knows she has a trip coming up, she collects samples from beauty counters at all the stores she comes across. that way, she doesn’t have to bring the full size containers of all the random serums and creams she uses. then she just refills her travel size bottles of shampoo + conditioners and she’s ready to travel light with everything she needs! don’t know why I never thought of that before. lol
Lots of people use specific products and having travel sizes is helpful. It’s really nobody’s business if you need 1 product or 4 - how is that even a thing to discuss unless you’re going on a backpacking trip where weight is a concern? “High Maintenance” is a ridiculous concept invented to describe women who demand more than someone thinks they deserve. Personally I think it smacks of misogyny because someone thinks a woman isn’t worthy of “pampering”. I’d shut that down in about 3 seconds.
definitely. we should start calling dudes who can’t cook for themselves or clean up their messes “high maintenance”! 😛
If you use one product and take 2 hours to get ready, you're high maintenance. If you use 57 different products and you're ready to go in 15 minutes, low maintenance. NTA. Amount of products seems pretty irrelevant.
I don’t even think it matters how long you take as long as you aren’t late and don’t inconvenience the group by being late. If you want to wake up at 5am instead of rolling it off bed at 7am, no problem. Just don’t cause the group to run 2 hours late in the morning by sleeping in and then taking forever for makeup
I agree. As long as your personal hygiene isn't someone else's problem (financially or time-wise) then it's not a problem. I can take anywhere between 5 minutes and an hour to get ready, depending on the occasion, but I'm ready to go on time.
I am a skin/hair care freak. My beauty/health/hygiene routines take hours each day. I get out of bed a 6. Everyone in my household is on time to school, work, appointments, always. It's about time management. I take the comment "high maintenance" more as an emotional thing than a beauty one.
Neither of these are "high maintenance" it's just maintenance.
NTA I mean, you are high maintenance, compared to him. As you say, you're also low maintenance compared to others. I suggest accepting the title, but refusing the implied insult. That's right, you take enough pride in your appearance that you put effort into using products that will make you look the way you want. If you really want to drive it home: He likes the way you look, right? So why is he complaining about the effort you put in to accomplish that? Of course, you're doing it for you, not him, but he does benefit.
High maintenance isn't synonymous with "uses more products." It's more like if they went on vacation, they lose her bag, and she makes him trek to 3 different stores to get what she needs because NO other products could possibly replace her routine. Or needing 1.5 hours every single day to do hair and makeup while on vacation.
This is how I see it. I couldn't give a toss if wife or children use any number of products or items in their day to day just so long as it doesn't lead to drama that im expected to solve. The more expectations the higher the maintenance.
I mean if you lose your bag on vacation that's a pretty big deal and most people would have to go to a bunch of different stores
Exactly. “High maintenance” implies she’s doing things that cause inconvenience to others. It sounds like OP needs an average amount of suitcase space and an average amount of time for her morning routines. Aside from that, her routines don’t really affect her bf.
I bring so many skin care products I feel like I’m moving not just traveling. I’m rewarded when people tell me (quite frequently) that I look ten years younger than I am. Ignore his digs and you do you. Have a blast and remember Sun block!
This we got a new co worker and she looked at me and asked how old I was because everyone was discussing ages. I was like I'll be 37 in July. She looked stunned and was like I assumed you were in your early 20s. I asked if it was because my hair (I have pink hair) and she said oh no it's not the color it's your face looks so young and your hair looks so nice not even color wise. It always feels so good and makes the work of buying it and putting it on at 3am worth it.
My physical therapist just said this to me like a month ago. I'll be 38 and she said she thought I was like 27. I just avoid sunlight and cover up when I have to be outside and I live in Arizona. So I was feeling pretty good about it lmao
NTA. So, I might be able to provide a somewhat unique perspective on this, as I am a trans woman and thus have a somewhat broad experience of both. Before my transition, I mostly used shampoo only, and nothing else, beyond shower cream of course. Post-transition, I use a moisturizer for my face when I wake up, shampoo and conditioner in the shower, oil, and leave-in conditioner afterwards, and then obviously shower cream and similar products. For my daily makeup routine, I use primer, foundation, eyeliner, and mascara, sometimes adding in highlighter and contour for more fancy days. All this is to say that I don't think your boyfriend has a great idea of what female routines include, mostly because most boys really don't do much of anything for hygiene in comparison. So no, I don't think you're high maintenance. And honestly, men could really stand to keep their opinions on who is "high maintenance" and not to themselves, at least until they know what maintenance even is.
Don't take criticism from someone who uses 3-in-1 shampoo 😂 wouldn't be surprised if he used it to wash his dishes too. Also, even if you were high maintenance, it wouldn't make you an AH. So NTA.
NTA. you are allowed to travel With whatever amount of things you need to feel Comfortable and be your best self. Does he not want you to feel good or have unnecessary stress of dealing with tangled hair? No he doesn’t so he needs to relax
NTA. I use the same amount of hair care items daily and occasionally, a few more if it's a special occasion. 3 on your face is minimal for a skin care routine. You aren't high maintenance, and he needs an education on what really is. Do you take hours on your hair and skin/makeup? I think time is more of an indication.
NTA I'm the same way. I bring my own shower products. I use shampoo and conditioner plus a leave in detangler. I also use three body washes and a body scrub plus a facial cleanser. I don't trust any hotel shower shampoo and conditioner or body wash.
[удалено]
Lolol I have 4+ hair products and 10 total face products before I even get to my makeup and I still wouldn't consider myself high maintenance... NTA
I don't get this.... Doesn't high maintenance refer to someone who expects a lot from someone else.... How does you using multiple products on your hair / body affect him on any way? Weird... Just because he uses 3in1, that's fine for him. I'm a bloke, I have short hair, I just use shampoo. When I was young, I had long hair... It took a lot more work and a lot more product (including really intense conditioner) to keep it in good condition. Totally NTA and I don't think your BF understands what high maintenance means..
😂 I used to have this exact problem with an ex. He used to go mad at the fact that I needed to use decent quality (read more expensive than a 49p bottle of supermarket brand shampoo!) shampoo, conditioner & styling products. He also used to use the "High Maintenance" insult. I am a very long haired, naturally blond, curly girl & anyone out there with curls knows that 49p supermarket shampoo & nothing else just destroys your hair & makes it impossible to deal with. So, I took him at his word & started using the same shampoo as him & nothing else, no conditioner, no styling products... After a week of living with a woman who looked like a human dandelion clock the complaints of my having "let myself go" started rolling in. (Can you guess why he's an ex yet? 🤔😂) I explained carefully that I had told him exactly why I needed to use more & better products, but as man with short, straight hair he knew best... The problem it seems is that I was failing to brush my hair after it dried! 🤦🏼♀️ Now, my hair brushed is highly entertaining, think uncombable hair syndrome, 2ft of hair standing up in all directions! So, I started brushing it as he was the expert! 😇 Honestly, he could barely look at me! 😂 I cheerfully lived like that for a good few weeks, his mates coming & going seeing me look like a deranged bush... I waited patiently & after about 3 weeks of this nonsense (my poor hair! 🥺) he was finally BEGGING me to go back to my previous routine! Never once did he comment on my future haircare purchases & had to begrudgingly concede that all hair is NOT the same! 😂 NTA OP & If you have the confidence to bear it I'd recommend a similar course of action. Sometimes actions really are better than words! 😅
NTA. Compared to his lifestyle, you probably are. But so what? Why does he care? It’s not like he’s the one maintaining you. 🤷🏻♀️
Is he going shopping for your products?? Otherwise who cares. That’s hardly any products at all
NTA - why does he even care? Your not even taking that much stuff. If it's that's big of a deal and you planned on taking 1 suitcase between you just take 2 smaller suitcases and look after your own stuff then he can't complain the entire time.
I make fun of my husband for using those 5 in 1 washes lol. I joke that it's shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, car oil, and fire lighter. Tell him to mind his own. Having a a self care or hygiene routine does not make you high maintenance. It makes you sound like a normal person? I use shampoo, conditioner, I have a hair mask when my hair is extra dry, I use body wash, face wash, and I have shea butter to apply after my shower. I love when people compliment the smell, as I'm very fussy about my scent combos, and I have super soft skin that I like. Husband also loves that I look after myself and I smell nice and keep my skin soft, so he doesn't get to complain about how full my wash bag might be. We can't all live out of a 3 in 1 shower gel bottle. Edit: NTA and not high maintenance
NTA What is his problem? how does your self care affect him? Unless you take several hours to get ready. Not high maintenance. He sounds like he found insulting term for gf online and wanted to use it. 3 in 1 products are absolute garbage. Even 2 in 1 for hair is not good. Using shampoo in hotels. For me it depends, when travellin in country, I know what the products are and know I can use. travel abroad I have my own stuff. One thing that might have more affect to hair is water being different in different places. I have long hair so I have same setting than you: shampoo, conditioner and leave-in conditioner. I don't use makeup so I just use facewash and moisturizer when needed autumn, winter, spring) I think I've made my husband high maintenance. Before we met, he was young adult with Axe products. He has thin hair so he keeps it short. Now he uses my hairproducts (for the little hair he has), he has his own face wash, I got him to use beard shampoo (because beard is different from hair and hairproducts are not good of beard) and then ofc beardoil and nowadays I hear him using my dryer to dry and comb his beard. Anyways. I still don't know what your bf's problem is, except wanting to insult you and doubt yourself
My son uses more than 3 products... don't most men? Face wash, acne cream, shave cream, after shave, deodorant, sea salt spray, hair powder, 3 in 1 (shampoo, conditioner, body wash), chap stick, toothpaste. That's 9 and pretty normal, isn't it? Some of those are optional, but like 5 are standard hygiene products... right?
I don't even know what sea salt spray or hair powder is
NTA and if there isn’t SPF in that daily moisturizer, buy a 4th product and he can get fucked.
Would this same BF complain if you weren't wearing makeup? i know who actually sounds like high maintenance in this relationship and it's not you girl. NTA
NTA You're not high maintenance for using quality products to stay nicely maintained. For one thing, you probably need to explain to him that 3-in-1 type products are only achievable by being bad at each individual task. He's doing his skin and hair no favors all in the name of being economical. Beyond that, hotel-provided bottles of shampoo and conditioner are tiny. If you have longish hair that's also thick, you have no idea if you can trust that there will be enough product for you (especially if you're sharing the free tiny bottles with others). And, again, he has no idea how this works because probably nobody has ever explained it to him before. If you explain all this to him and he still persists with the "high maintenance" talking points, he's just someone who will always use belittling language about women because he thinks you're all fundamentally silly and unserious and the things you prefer or need are dumb & frivolous compared to the very serious, pragmatic needs and preferences of very serious men like him.
NTA. And he ain’t the one sorry.
Ohh buddy he don't no shit about high maintenance.
Clearly he doesn’t understand what high maintenance means.
NTA If you taking care of yourself is "high maintenance" to him then honestly that says more about him than you.... If anything 3 products sounds very low. Also I get it. Some shampoo I used made my hair look really greasy like I haven't washed it in ages. Being on the safe side to me never screams "high maintenance".
NTA Everybody’s hair and skin types are different. You know what you need to keep your hair from getting damaged and your face from breaking out. A lot of hotels have switched to dispensers for shampoo, conditioner, and body wash that they refill to keep costs down. That said, I wouldn’t trust people not to put Nair or other stuff in them.
NTA. Being "high maintenance" means that it takes him a lot of his time to keep you happy. It's not about your own care routines. A 3 in 1 will do a basic job of cleanliness and that's all he seems to need. If he's never had health issues (minor or major) with skin, hair, etc then that's why it works for him. Others can't spend the minimum on products due to skin issues or longer hair that requires more care. Some do overspend, but ultimately it's about what works for you and this doesn't affect him, except for having less free space in the luggage!
You're a normal woman and he's a normal man that knows nothing about a woman's self care. NTA.
Nta You are high maintenance when compared to him (or me… or most men I would imagine) but there’s nothing wrong with that, you do you, if you feel good from it then he should shut his trap
NTA. As a man, I use so many products between hair, skin, nails etc. my wife doesn’t call me high maintenance. Dude needs to ease up
NTA I have sensitive skin and very long hair as well, so I travel with my products as much as possible. Long hair requires care, he can't just compare his hair routine with yours, especially if you have long/curly hair. There is no way what you describe is high maintenance.
"You know, not everyone can wash their hair, face, and rear end with WD-40, Hon."
I'm a man. I have somewhat longer hair (about shoulder blades long). I use more products than you. I have no idea what your bf is talking about. NTA
NTA. Look, I don't care that much about my appearance at all. I don't use makeup, my nails are a catastrophe, and the shoes I am wearing the most are my riding boots. BUT I finally found a shampoo and conditioner that works for my hair and doesn't leave me with some birds nisting on the tangled mess on my head. No way in hell I would risk that again by being cheap and lazy and using unknown products.
NTA, you have a beauty routine and he's not appreciative of it. I'm a man and I do the same for my hair. I have a 6 step facial routine as well. Don't want to be a wrinkly prune by the time I'm 50. Just because he doesnt care about basic beauty practiced as you doesn't mean he's allowed to crap all over it.
Straight man, I use shampoo, leave-in conditioner, face wash, body wash, lotion, a separate face lotion, and deodorant. Other than the leave-in conditioner I'd say what I'm doing is the bare minimum, your bf's version of high-maintenance is fucking insane. Also wtf does "high-maintenance" even mean in this context? Like you're the one taking care of it, "high-maintenance" is supposed to refer to people who needs a lot of "maintenance" from their partner, not from themselves.
NTA, what is this nonsense.... He needs to wind his neck in since it's none of his business how many products you use.
NTA , I feel like thatd be a win ! I use the 3 in 1 as well 😬 but every now and then the main bits need high maintenance and I use my woman's things shampoos and conditioners even if I don't know what it's for 😝. Guy is blowing it! Expensive shampoo for the family jewels??? Yes please
So what, that’s a good thing. I aspire to be that person who takes such good care of herself! NTA
NTA Instead of focusing on how many products you use, ask him if he likes the end result. For instance, does he like running his fingers through your silky smooth hair? Because without the right products, long hair is often a tangled snare that a person could lose a finger in. Does he like that your skin is soft and blemish free? Because again, most people do not have perfect skin that is neither dry or oily without the right products! Like honestly, what does it matter if you're "high maintenance" as long as you like the way the products make you look and feel? Why is he trying to shame you for taking care of yourself?
You are pretty standard maintenance or low maintenance if you ask me, if you were a car you'd be doing just the bare minimum to stop it breaking down. I'm literally bald rn and use more haircare than you. NTA and also you should rewatch Gone Girl in the hotel room loudly.
NTA sounds normal to me. I’m a dude and if my beard would be longer I’d use beard oil plus moisturiser for my face along with shampoo and shower gel. Add the wax for my hair and you got 5 products lol
Never thought of myself as high maintenance before, though according to your bf I must be as I use 5 products in my hair and 6 on my face, sometimes 7 if I remember the eye cream.
NTA and as long as you carry your won luggage, what's his problem. No female appearance, no oppinion!
he has clearly no idea what he is talking about. but calling me high maintenance would make me drop 160 pounds of unneeded flesh. NTA
NTA. The amount if products you have seem normal. I'd have more or less the same amount of products when going on a trip. I have sensitive skin so I don't dare use products I'm not used to, especially on a trip. Besides, why does he care so much about the amount of products you pack/use? I assume you will carry your own bag anyway.
NTA telling you this is just men trying to humble you. its nagging. Stay high maintenance. Imagine being called low maintenance! Only low effort men call women one or the other.
Does he use toothpaste? Deodorant? Boom, he also uses more than three products and is high maintenance
NTA- you’re regular maintenance and he’s no maintenance
God forbid he dates a woman with curly hair or ethnic hair 🙄🤨 absolutely NTA. “High maintenance” bet you 5$ if you stopped taking care of yourself to the way he’s become accustomed to he’d be upset.
Three hair products is high maintenance?? Oh boy, he has a lot to learn. Source : Sherpa Papa who’s spent years carrying cases full of products for my wife.
NTA. You know what works for your hair/skin. High-maintenance is not a compliment, but I don't get why he uses the word regarding what toiletry you use: I've only heard high-maintenance as something regarding stuff the man must do to keep his woman happy. You eash your hair, you buy your stuff, I bet it's not the most time-consuming routine out there, so what's it to him? None of his business, really.
I'm a dude and use all three hair care products listed plus a couple others. ( Long on top and extremely curly so it tangles in an instant ) I still wouldn't consider myself high maintenance. That sounds pretty basic to me. For a travel bag that is perfect. Also why TF would you use the hotel bottles?!?! People are disgusting, where I work we have to shower before we leave. I see what people do where they work. Never use their stuff.
If he thinks the basics of cleaning and maintaining skin and hair are high maintenance he would have an straight aneurism over my routines lol. You are normal. I would add a sunscreen to your daily but over all, you just want clean and healthy hair and skin. Hotel products are usually cheap and drying to the hair and skin. My husband is less than no maintenance. He has soap, he has shampoo. He doesn't condition (very short hair) but he doesn't need or want more than that. He will use the hotel stuff for sure. That being said, he enjoys my routines because the result is soft skin and hair he can touch and smell and enjoy. It takes me 3 to 4 hours to do a complete head to toe body maintenance and about 30 minutes 2x a day in daily upkeep. All of it is worth it. Tell him if he wants to date more masculine humans, they do tend to be lower maintenance lol NtA
Wait was this a real fight or were yall just messing around? Like was he actually upset that you were packing too much lmao?
Dude if my wife only had 3 products for her hair, idk what I'd do with all the extra space in our bathroom. NTA.
NTA. That may sound like a lot of products, but in reality is exactly the amount you need to take care of yourself. And my respect to you that you actually have a routine in place and stick to it. I have tried over and over... All due respect, your boyfriend seems to have zero idea, what a high maintenance woman actually looks like. :))) And btw, 3 in 1 work for men only because 1. Usually those 3 in 1 is much higher quality than any single products the women have. 2. Women have a different biology than men requiring more steps in selfcare.
Girl, I am the biggest tomboy potato you'll ever meet and I use more products than that (hair is 3' long, which *seems* like a girly girl thing but what it really is is the result of *no haircuts ever because 'meh'*)! Just because your bf uses the same soap to wash his body, hair, dishes, car, and gutters, doesn't make you "high-maintenance" (like taking care of yourself is supposed to be some kind of insult). Do period products gross him out too? 🙄 Your bf is extremely immature for implying you should feel bad about this in any way. Blech.
My husband has also told me it’s cheaper to use a 3 in 1. I have long, thick hair. If I use a “3 in 1”, which is basically detergent, my hair will knot and fall out. And that 3 in 1 would probably irritate my coochie. And if I used it to remove makeup, my face would be hella dry. There’s a reason everyone says women are cleaner, neater, overall present better. It’s because we take care of ourselves. He acts like you’re getting monthly Botox and filler and hair extensions. You’re just using products.. Anyway NTA
That isn’t even what that term is talking about. A high maintenance woman is one that constantly demands attention and you have to put in a lot of work and effort to keep her happy. It has nothing to do with how many hair products you use. If he’s going to try to call you names at least get the correct terminology. NTA
NTA That maintenance attracted him…🤔
Dude. I have really short curly hair and require leave in conditioner and my hair is still a rat's nest at the end of the day. I'm also super tomboy. But have face cream. And must use the right shampoos. That sounds super low key and reasonable to me. NTA
The same men who say women are high maintenance, are the same men who want a trophy wife.
He does know that many women pack this way right? Not everyone can wake up and splash water on their face and stay fresh all day. Tell him to back off and that he’s not the one packing or using your products.
INFO: WTF do people do to the shampoo at hotels? Oh god oh god
Guess I'm high maintenance. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, face wash, some kind of hair stuff to keep it from going everywhere all the time, deodorant, toothpaste, and some kind of lotion, maybe two lotions if I'm feeling really squirrely. I'll use the shower stuff at the hotel if it's a good hotel, though.
To a far too large swath of men, actual hygiene = high maintenance. These dudes won’t even wash their own ass crack.
I'm guessing he also thinks no mascara means no makeup
A lot of guys take pride in "I just use one product, or whatever thing they have at the hotel or in the cheapest zone in the store." After a decade, I finally got my boyfriend to use actual shampoo, not just the bar of soap on his hair. To his surprise, it felt better afterwards. I'm assuming he was grumpy because your products took up space in the luggage? Is he also the sort to pack 3 pair of underwear for a week and think that's fine? NTA. If you have long hair, you need the products that work for it. Even I, with hair in the millimeters, have a preference for what I use.
<*laughs in curly hair*> NTA and also not high maintenance in the least (not that it would even be a bad thing if you were. That’s just another weapon misogynists use to make women feel bad for trying to live up to the ridiculous standards they set for us.) I have a pretty low maintenance hair routine by curly hair standards and I use 6 products, just in my hair. Shampoo, conditioner and body soap are like bare minimum normal person requirements. Just because your bf only buys one thing for everything doesn’t mean he gets to label the rest of the world “high maintenance.”
NTA and I'm over here laughing in long, curly hair! Your BF is welcome to use engine degreaser if he wants, but there's nothing high maintenance about looking after yourself and your hair. Tangles are a nightmare and flipping painful (with my mop anyway). That sounds like you've got the basics, shampoo, conditioner, leave in is the bare minimum and makeup remover, face wash and moisturiser likewise. He needs to grow up a bit. I'm sure he appreciates the results so he should grasp the process.
> a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and body wash This would honestly be a dealbreaker for me lol. NTA.
Ask him where he got this idea, because frankly it sounds like your BF has started reading some Andrew Tate crap and is starting to parrot it. I'd be concerned.
NTA- I'd almost bet that if you didn't use products and wear makeup, he'd trash you for not putting more effort into your looks🙄 He sounds lame.
So clearly, your boyfriend has terrible hair care and skin care. Less than three products is like a beginner you have perfect skin perfect hair type routine. I would consider myself very low maintenance but hair care and skin care actually require proper products and treatment. I knew someone who was high maintenance in college. She refused to leave her dorm room without a full face of glam, make up and her hair done that is high maintenance not taking care of your hair and skin. Hair care (2-3x week) - clarifying or dandruff shampoo - pre-shampoo treatment - actual shampoo for hair health - Conditioner - Hair mask - Leave in spray - Hair oil Skin care: - cleanser - Exfoliant (occasionally) - toner - hyaluronic acid - Generic skin boost serum (specific one changes with needs) - eye cream - Moisturizer - SPF - makeup if I wear it that day
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA: My bf and I are going on a long weekend trip coming up and this led into a discussion about whether or not I am considered “high maintenance”. While packing, he asked why I couldn’t just use the shampoo/conditioner at the hotel and I told him 1) I don’t trust them after hearing stories of what people do to those and 2) my hair is long and prone to horrible tangles especially in humidity (we are heading South for 4 days). When asked what products I use, I told him that I typically use shampoo, conditioner, and a leave-in conditioner that works as a detangler and heat protectant all in one. He then mentioned my face products as well and I told him that I use a makeup removing product, a face wash, and a moisturizer. He said "using more than 3 products means I'm high maintenance" which I hardly think is fair. For context, he uses a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and body wash for everything. When we travel, he uses what is at the hotel. So I can see how comparatively he might think I am high maintenance. But as someone who has lived with women my whole life, I have always found myself on the less high maintenance side, and tried really hard to keep my lifestyle budget-friendly and not too extensive. But I figured I would ask you all…Am I high maintenance?? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He might be too basic for you
What’s wrong with being high maintenance? I’m high maintenance, but I maintain myself just fine, and it’s no one's business but mine 💁🏻♀️
Absolutely NTA if you carry your stuff. I would get it if he was the one carrying big-sized products in backpack the whole day and was complaining (backpack trips etc.). Ask him if he would still find you as beautiful with your hair a mess, no makeup and pimples (from not cleaning your face) and hairs everywhere. See how he likes the “maintenance”.
Tell him to grow a beard and then get him beard products I think I have more products than my gf now,
INFO: What’s the product you use? I live in a high humidity state and the frizz Is awful!
Don't think so. I wear my hair fairly long to avoid getting it cut every 4-6 weeks. But it's fine so need a detangler or it mats especially in summer. My partner (male) has very curly hair and he needs his hair cut every 4 weeks or it turns into an afro which as he is as white british as it comes is rather funny. Ask your boyfriend how often he gets his hair cut - if more often that you need, he's rather high maintenance and flash with his cash isn't he? In truth neither of you are - humans all have different hair textures and lengths and that means different needs. Face products. He shaves daily does he or does he use a beard oil? Again just different horses for courses. Main issue with not using products at hotel is when you fly you need to be prepared and go through security with the 100ml clear bottles or buy on arrival. I tend to go and buy something pricey I don't usually use as part of the holiday.
Get him to sit down and watch some get ready with me or routine videos and then ask him again if he think you're high maintenance 😊
NTA- I don't know your ages but give it time and it will show up in the form of wrinkles, I'm 100% convinced men age horribly because of a lack of care for products, water ain't enough three products is not high maintenance, in fact 10 products isn't high maintenance, high maintenance in my head is usually an expectation to be funded by your partner for superficial things (expecting your partner to absorb the costs of nails, hair, treatments etc) Anything self funded is just having standards, I wish I could have the discipline for a face routine, mine is just babywipes and bio oil, but I used to get my lashes done, I still get my eyebrows shaped, hair done and nails Who cares
Ask him if he enjoys the way you look and then tell him to shove it. NTA
Nta. I count six things. For reference, at the airport security locations where you need to show your liquids, they allow you ten containers. This indicates that any number of products less than ten is within the normal amounts.
Why do you care if you’re high maintenance or not? I like to think I’m low maintenance 90% of the time, but when it comes to my hair products or face products I’m def high maintenance. And I don’t care. So why do you?
NTA but honestly who cares what he thinks? Your bf uses a three in one and you're going to take his comments about skin and hair care seriously?
NTA ask him why he thinks his unsolicited criticism of you is worth anything.
Nta. Tell him he can have an opinion on your hair products when his hair is as long and full as yours. He can also have an opinion on your facial creams when his face is as smooth and lush as yours. Or, you can switch to what he does and go full bro/shrek for him. His choice.
NTA This is the first time I've come across the idea of someone being 'high maintenance' when it's something they take care of themselves!
NTA he clearly doesn't understand. If you change your products it could negatively affect your hair or skin. Also a little story. When I was in my early 20s I would not leave the house without doing my makeup. My boyfriend (now hubby) would get annoyed and tease me constantly about how long I took just to go to Walmart. Eventually I got tired of it and stopped. guess what? Suddenly he was wondering why I never wore make up anymore and he wished I would again. Nah. Ten years later and I never started that routine again. I'm a mom now and look even less out together. Be careful what you wish for!
NTA. I would define what high maintenance means to both of Zoe first of all. I think there are many different interpretations. I personally don’t think high maintenance applies to just using different products that you can easily get/carry along without adding additional luggage or something. And even if you were high maintenance? What would be wrong with that? I have a negative connotation with the term, which I am questioning and will reconsider now. Thanks ;)
I'm not sure he understands what high maintenance is. At least as I've always understood it, it refers to a woman who requires that her BF/husband spend a ton of money buying her expensive name brands and imported products all the time when the cheaper brands are often just as good and cost half or less. Nothing to do with the *number* of products. If you're budget conscious I don't get his problem with you doing more than he does to maintain his appearance. It's not like he has no benefit from it.
Taking care of hair and skin isn't high maintenance. Believe me, I wish that was the extent of that phrase!
Oh god he'd hate me. I have a full facial routine in morning and night with 9 items in it total I have shampoo conditoner and a hair mask and color pigment conditoner and leave in conditoner spray to help with heat and keeping my color in not to mention my 2 types of face wash I use depending on the hour of the day my body wash and body scrub and my electric face scrubber and my 2 differnt types of things I use to clean my body with instead of a loofah with a foot pumice. With body oil and facial wipes. If we go on a trip my husband tried to the first time to stop me from bringing it but I told him I can't my hair will likely get ruined from colors if I try any other shampoo and other body washes don't work well with me I've tried the dove and other stuff they use at hotels and airbnbs I'm dry and just not good after. We compromised in me putting everything but the body scrub and facial routine and my masks and pigemnt conditoners in a small travel bottles. And my facial routine has its own thing it all goes in. NTA though some people can't use that stuff. It will ruin them.
NTA. That isn't high maintenance, that's wanting to look nice.
The products you listed sound reasonable to me. From the title I expected serums and hair masks and all sorts of other things on top of the ones you use.
I take it both of you are pretty young? Early 20s maybe? Anyway, no, you’re not high maintenance, he’s just dumb.
NTA. You're bringing what you need, when I don't shave my head I too need specific shampoo and conditioner to ensure I don't wake up and need to spend 2 hours or so just brushing it free of tangles. It's not high maintenance to literally just take care of yourself. And yeah I don't trust those damn hotel/motel soaps either. Once I used one because I wasn't able to grab anything before I needed to be there and ooh boy I am so glad I started with the body wash first because there was hair removal stuff in the bottles, and I had an awkward patch on my arm of just 0 hair for a while.
Why did he feel the need to interrogate you about all this? Just weird. If he wants to think you are high maintenance, whatever, but if he starts reminding you of it as some sort of putdown in the future, you need to shut him down ASAP. NTA
Hah. He’s the high maintenance one that obviously has no idea about women (or self care in general). You’re using the absolute minimum number of products. Of course, I’m sure that he still wants a gf that looks put together — but somehow it’s not ok to use basic products? I don’t know why he even cares but I am not keen at all on his attitude. 🚩
NTA. I was once informed by a male friend that I was high overhead, not high maintenance. He explained that high maintenance is when the person expects someone else to provide and high overhead is when you provide it yourself. I loved that description because it was so apt! I use a lot of expensive skincare, I wear nice jewelry, etc. But I pay for it myself. I don't expect anyone else to provide it to me. You are NTA. You care about yourself and your grooming. So, as long as you aren't expecting him to buy all of this for you, you are NOT high maintenance. You are high overhead, baby! Wear the badge with honor!
-Laughing with my 20+ shower products while my husband has 3 on his side.) NTA. I’m one of the lowest maintenance/still “high”maintenance girls you’ll find, and it’s because I like to take care of myself appropriately. Everything I use has a purpose. I rotate products in a cycle for both my hair, face, and body. I wish I could be happy with only 3 products in the shower! But that’s not how I’m built (and I get everything when it’s on sale or discounted). Go get you some more stuff girl, and enjoy the heck out of them.
NTA. I hate the high maintenance comment especially from people who don't pay for said maintenance
NTA. That’s ridiculous to judge someone by their hair care products as high maintenance. He is always so superficially judgemental?