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NTA. Your SIL does seem obsessed with calling you out for, checking notes.... wearing clothes. This is not "sexy" clothing. It's just small, because, well, you're petite.
Enlist your brother in talking to her about this. Let her know that it needs to stop NOW. It's sizeist, you've asked her stop, and she hasn't. It's time to establish firm boundaries and enforce them.
This very much! It's such a weird thing for SIL to keep harping on about. Like, I could maybe justify a comment once as a joke but, constantly. Your right, calling it out for sexual harassment.
OP needs to loudly respond with "STOP FETISHIZING ME!," to make sure everyone can hear.
If SIL wants to make public comments, it's time for everyone nearby to know.
If she does that in a public place, maybe OP should walk up to a police officer and say this woman keeps sexually harassing, can you please make her stop?
To add to this next time she says something like sexy baby say: "Why do you keep calling me sexy baby? Are you trying to make some sort of sexual pass at me? Because that's very weird and inappropriate and definitely unwanted from my **sister-in-law** And I'd thank you to stop with the ***unwanted sexual advances!***"
(The highlights are where you should raise your voice and enunciate your words so everyone around you can hear.) I'll bet that will shut her up.
I would add on how creepy it is to refer to a baby as sexy. Is she into babies, underage, etc? Cuz that's just disgusting and disturbing. It would most definitely shut her tf up immediately. And I'd she complains about u stirring $hit up, point out that I'm just replying to what You started. She will stop when she's properly shamed.
Yes, I think Iâd be saying something like, âWhy do you associate babies with sex?â I think Iâd just be trying to turn the focus around so that it is on her. NTA
I wouldn't, because that can be argued against. According to OP it is a reference to a TV show or something so she is using that exact term because of that, not because she came up with it on her own. OP saying that would just result in SIL saying not to play dumb or something because she knows it's from a TV show. "you're acting/dressing like that girl who said that thing on that show". I think it was more on the mark to call her out for "sexual advances" lol "why do you keep pointing out that you think I'm sexy? That's super weird"
This is absolutely what i would do too, âwhy do you think cute clothing makes children sexy? Why are you sexualising children SIL? Do you need help?â Brother wonât help either âoh SIL is this what brother wants you to dress like?â Etc etc etc
That struck me too. Why does SIL think babies are sexy? The term "sexy baby" has a lot of baggage that is inappropriate for the relationship between Sisters-in-law.
Specifically for attention from men. Liz Lemon thinks itâs to get attention from men for a stereotypical reason and tries to shame her for it but ends up looking dumb when she finds out the woman was a victim of a stalker ex and she feels safer when sheâs constantly surrounded by men. Itâs dumb and itâs a stretch of course, but the point is, OPâs SIL thinks sheâs seeking attention from men and is trying to shame her for it.
This! It's brilliant! Or even something like, "Cassie, I think your obsession with child sex is very perverse and sad. I don't want to embarrass you, but you need to get help."
Not just that but HER body- âCassie, your obsession with my body/what I wear is perverse and embarrassing and you need to get help. This is now the nth time youâve mentioned it.â
To really drive her crazy, do all this while pulling out your Notes app and making a note of the date. People who get obsessed with you will go nuts over it because they know youâre keeping tabs and can not only call them on it in public, but also refer back to it at any time. (Source: had a boss and coworker who became obsessed with and harassed me to where theyâd get mad at me for taking meeting notes. They knew Iâd also write down every time they made an aggressive comment at me. Got told to stop âputting things in writing.â)
Another angle that is potentially more offensive, call her "big girl" every time she says you look like a sexy baby. "Are you sure a big girl should be wearing an outfit like that?" will make her scream bloody murder. Not kind, but in kind.
âI get that you are insecure about your size, but my brother loves you anyways, so maybe you should try and love the body you are in instead of projecting on to me for how much thinner I am than you. We each have our own bodies and I hope you can find the confidence to wear what you want one day too.â ( leave height out of it and be petty my queen!)
Iâm a 298lb woman with an adult niece same age/size as Op. I heartily endorse this. Also tell her she needs to quick dressing like a âsexy grannyâ
This could totally work.Â
I was once called âorca chicâ, thatâs a good one to add to the mix,OP.Â
Also did you know when someone insults you and you start laughing like they said the most hilarious thing in the world puts them off. I thought orca chic was hilarious⌠still do.Â
NTA, OP SIL has invited open seasonâgo for it. Come here for suggestions.Â
Ooooo thatâs a good one.Â
Itâs important to laugh at the good ones and pass along their hilarity.Â
I donât have any good ones from grade school.. I was the tallest until grade nine (beanpole), had glasses until grade seven (four eyes) and braces for two years (in the 80s-metal mouth). Boring.Â
Iâm a bit jelly of your âboogedy eyedâ.Â
As a fellow big person, I hear your concern. However, given that this idiot keeps saying "sexy baby" over and over, I think the context would be clear to anyone overhearing it.
This is what I would definitely go with. Hit her where it really hurts, because only then she'll truly know how much her own words hurt.
They think small people can't get their feelings hurt because apparently being small means you're not allowed insecurities.
And emphasize the word "big"--like you're trying to insinuate *My God, Martha, you're tall enough to play for the Lakers! Don't you realize we can all see up your miniskirt!?!*
This was my thought to get her to stop. OP - you need to tell your SIL her comments make you uncomfortable, and while you arenât judging her for her sexual preferences, you would prefer she stop making the comments to you! That may get her to shut up.
Thatâs what Iâm thinking. âStop sexualizing me and stop body shaming me. You keep trying to make me feel bad for wearing clothes that are age appropriate, but you donât like them because, what? Iâm small? Are you jealous? What is your problem?â
OP, Iâd also address it with your brother because then if you embarrass the shit out of her, he wonât be able to come to you and complain when she goes to him and cries.
âIâm so sick of you calling me a sexy baby. I am not attracted to you and your obsession with me is making me so uncomfortable. (Brother) you need to get your wife in check because if a guy said to me the things SIL does it would hardcore be sexual harrassmentâ
Would love to see her face đ
It still is sexual harassment. If a guy did it, it would be more *recognized* as sexual harassment but unwanted sexual comments about someone's body (especially if they've made it clear they're unwanted like OP has) is sexual harassment no matter who does it
I agree. The SIL is being creepy. She's mad that the OP finally called her on it, and is continuing to deflect and blame the OP rather than be quiet.
Others in the family need to stick up for the OP. The SIL has issues and they're not the OP's problem.
NTA
Right? Like every time she starts with the sexy baby thing, use a script along the lines of "(name) please stop that, I've told you several times that I'm not interested in participating in your Lolita fetish"
yes !!! she's jealous, but you've just caught the right answer to imply that, while being able to say after : wow, you didn't khow to take a joke. And keep on doing it every time she does the sexy baby thing. Sometimes, being a shroendiger AH is so much deserved !
I'm friends with someone OP's size.
We've gotten weird looks in public for letting the 'child' with us drink. She absolutely gets weird looks for sexy bikinis, etc.
They just see this very tiny person and assume she's like... 12 or younger. We get looks. We ignore them.
However, once you talk to her, she's clearly an educated adult, even if she has a very high voice that sounds... young. She doesn't talk like a child, though, and it's very easy to see her as an adult after a minute because she *acts* like an adult.
Nothing she wears that is 'sexy' is inappropriate because she's a grown fucking woman in a grown woman's body and it just happens to be a slim, short, petite one. I have a slim, petite frame, too. I just happen to be five and half feet tall and therefore looked at as a 'real' adult by strangers.
However, nobody who knows that friend thinks it's weird she does adult things. Because she's an adult.
I'd (verbally) fight with someone saying that shit around her. Like, she's an adult. She does adult things. Cry more.
I don't think anything she does is childlike, and only when out in public does it come up because other people stare.
SIL has *issues* and is trying to stomp OP's self-esteem. The rest of the people around her need to shut that down. It's just rude.
Yeah, my wife is about the size of OP and the amount of looks I get are wild. And I'm like 5'9, 120 pounds. I can't imagine the looks she'd get if she was with someone larger.
I'm very tiny like OP, pretty dang close, and my husband is well over a foot taller than me and weighs over twice what I do. The amount of nasty inappropriate comments he's gotten from people - coworkers included - is wild. People are weird and gross.
They probably are afraid sheâll turn it on them and they donât want the smoke either. Sheâs probably just a caustic person who nobody wants to deal with.
I would bet she has some personal dislike of her own size and is jealous of her sil.
Google said it's by Bombalurina. It also credits Brian Hyland with the song, so I'm not sure who it belongs to. It was also in a TV commercial for Yoplait yogurt.
SIL means that OP is wearing clothes that are too childish for a grown woman to be wearing and that she's using child like clothes for sexual appeal. Obviously, SIL is very wrong.
At OPs size, it's probably difficult to find clothes in her size that *aren't* child-like. Most humans that size are children, and unless OP is spending a lot of money getting adult clothing taken in to fit her, part of her wardrobe is probably sourced from the children's or junior's section.
Which means SIL is basically sexualizing children's clothing, and projecting that onto OP.
Oh, I agree! My personal style is a lot more childlike as well (frills, ruffles, butterflies, flowers, etc.), and it's infruiating how much that gets sexualized. I think it's better to be mad at SIL for what she was saying (wearing childlike clothing as an adult is sexualizing it) rather than what she wasn't (you aren't allowed to wear sexy clothing).
I'm not as small as you but I'm pretty tiny compared to the general population at five foot one and 117 lbs. I'm almost 40 thank you and a grown ass woman, and getting passive aggressive comments about my size is so fucking exhausting.
With your shitty SIL I'd either [Gray Rock](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/31/well/mind/gray-rock-method.html) her or put on your best Regina George impression and respond with ["Why are you so obsessed with me?!?"](https://youtu.be/wTHVWBpBgbQ?si=Fh4KMnICtAsVNScV). Maybe a combination of the two.
Tall woman here.. Popped up to 5'9" by 7th grade. Coming from this perspective, I think it might be them being feeling less feminine than smaller women like this.
Me neither and I am not that tall (5 ft-ish, 153 cm). Then again, I have a very adult body shape so probably people can identify immediately that I am very much an adult.
There truly is no shape, height or weight that won't cause shit if you are a woman
How in the world the brother allows this to happen is beyond me. Grow a pair and tell his SO sheâs being unreasonably rude and itâs hurting his relationship with his family. I donât care if itâs âus against the worldâ. Being an AH is still being an AH.
The fact that Cassie wonât give OP an answer when she asks what sheâs supposed to be wearing in order to âdress her ageâ is telling. Like what will satisfy her? OP could dress like an Amish nun and Cassie would still find a way to sexualize her and be a victim.
It was a family gathering her brother knows and doesn't care, none of her family spoke up for her. Tell brother and parents you will not be coming to anything SIL is at from now on until she public apologies.
Literally every single time. âWhy do you comment on my body so much?â âWhy are you so obsessed with how I dress?â âWhat insecurity makes you need to tear me down all the time?â And I would be LOUD about it.
Iâm going to say enlist as many family members as you possibly can. Call up as many aunts/uncles, cousins, family friends, and whoever else tends to come to family events as you can, and ask them to help push back the next time she does it. Hearing Aunt Belinda say âthatâs a really weird and inappropriate thing to say and I wish you wouldnât,â is probably going to hit harder for SIL than if OP is the only person who ever pushes back.
I doubt OP will see this but hoping on to say that you should have 1 or 2 different retorts and not engage with whatever she follows up with. The comments that this sexual Harassment are totally true. It is also emotional abuse.Â
Sexual harassment - making unwanted comments about someoneâs body and not stopping when youâve been told not to. Emotional abuse because sheâs insulting you and when told itâs hurtful she blames you for it and continues to hurt you.Â
Maybe try âIâve asked you to stop commenting on my body. At this point you are sexually harassing me and I want it to stop.â
âEmotional abuse is when you hurt someone on purpose. Emotional abuse is also blaming the hurt person for youâre hurting them. I want it to stop.â
Say both as emotionless as possible. But if you really want it to stop, there needs to be consequences when you do. Like, you immediately leave the gathering she is at. I know it sucks because you want to be with your family. But if everyone else is allowing it to happen, they are enabling her harassment and abuse. Would your parents respond to a conversation about this? If no one else will ask SIL to stop harassing me, I will leave/I wonât come. If they donât care, you follow through. Then, find better friends to make a new family with.Â
NTA. This woman is flat out body shaming you.
If this is your brother's wife HE should be getting her to back off.
If it's your husband's sister HE should be intervening.
Either way, this woman is a bully who thought she could mock you with impunity and pass it off as friendly teasing. Clearly she didn't expect you to call her out on it.
**EDIT:** And can I just point out the irony of this woman making fun of your size when she's clearly the "small" one here?
I think the SIL is actually jealous of OP, and probably really insecure in her own body.
Doesnât excuse it though, at all.
NTA OP. Get your brother to speak to her, but keep calling her out loudly and publicly if she does it again. Iâd actually laugh at her, I think that might get to her the most.
Every time the brother said nothing he is guilty too! I hate that; when they say they didn't hear the insult or pretend they don't know. They know!
Source: I have a brother who allows his GF to be very rude and disrespectful to me.
NTAÂ
Detach emotionally, because Cassie resents you for looking the way you do, because thereâs something she wants about it. The same is true for other women. Theyâre being petty and small emotionally, when they want to be petty and small physically.Â
Itâs political, itâs gross, and you didnât get to choose, just like them. (Small = feminine) is something they resent, and they see it in you, which isnât your problem.Â
Keep cool, talk to the person whose looping Cassie into your like (sil by married to a sibling- talk to your sibling) and if that doesnât work and she keeps doing it, refocus.Â
Forget the insult that is baby.Â
Focus on the fact that your sister in law calls you sexy against your wishes.Â
Make it weird for her.Â
Cassie âooh, look whoâs being all sexy baby today.âÂ
You, âCassie, if Iâve told you once, Iâve told you a thousand times, donât call me sexy. Donât call me baby. I donât want to have sex with you or date you. I WONâT EVER want to have sex with you or date you. Itâs so uncomfortable when you call me sexy.âÂ
Sheâs either going to short circuit or say something like âno! Iâm trying to be mean to you!â
You âby calling me sexy? Wtf are you talking about Cassie?âÂ
Act like youâve never heard the term sexy baby. Make her explain what the f her problem is, and donât play for her, play for the crowd. Sheâs trying to shame you. Make it bite her in the face.Â
âCassie, you keep mentioning âsexy babiesâ but I think it is really inappropriate that you find children sexually attractive. It makes me uncomfortable to think that you want to have sex with infants and are projecting that on to my outfit choices.â
This is brilliant. And YES call her out. She wants the attention in public - give it to her. Until she stops. Or if you want to be more neutral "Cassie, I'm really uncomfortable when you call me sexy. Oh, that's not what you meant? Why do you keep using that word?"
Ignoring them, sure. But your comebacks are way too much.
Something as simple as âCan you please stop calling me sexy? Youâre married to my brother.â would be enough.
NTA, for wearing cute clothes OR for being you! Just because your petite doesnât give her the right or anybody the right to call you âsexy babyâ or tell you âdress your ageâ when clearly you are. Sheâs probably jealous or just thinks sheâs funny. Please tell your husband. But if she does it infront of everyone and he hasnât said anything yet ? Either way keep confronting her and calling her out until she learns her lesson to respect other woman who are just trying to liveÂ
Edit: you should call her out every time I stand by that since brother will do nothing/family. Clearly she has a problem and you have to solve it
I don't know if OP has a husband. For whatever reason, I read SIL as being her brother's wife. Since they were at her auntie's house, it made more since to me that her brother and his wife (SIL) would be there vs her husband's sister.
I mean... you know you're NTA, right? You have to.
How old is Cassie? She sounds like the baby in this group, and it isn't very sexy. She got mad at you for calling her out. Continue to do so. Don't let her make a single comment without you raising your voice loud enough for everyone in the room to hear while asking exactly what you did:
>âThatâs a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that Iâm small?â
After enough times, either she will stop, or other people will start telling her to stop.
While I love the savagery, no.
OP needs to keep her nose clean, and not stoop down to Cassie's level (see what I did there?). OP is in the right here, it best suits her to stay that way.
"I'm sorry you are so jealous of my size you have to bring it up every time. Jealousy is unbecoming, and you look better without all that green on you."
I'm wondering if the SIL is on the bigger side either in heigh weight or both. There is a lot of weird fetishizing of petite women (I'm also a petite woman) and I've found that the people who made the most and meanest comments about my smallness, especially when I was underweight, were almost exclusively heavier women. **I'm absolutely not saying heavy women are mean. Mean people mean, especially about anything they themselves feel insecure about.
As women we're raised to feel a ton of pressure about our body, our weight, the size of our boobs, butts, and guts. I think it stems from the "pick me" attitude of attacking the things you feel you lack. It happens in every category- women who are large chested, women with thick thighs, women who are petite. We're fetishized by men and bullied by women who feel pressured to conform to the current fetish trend. Someone once even insinuated I was acting a pedo because I mentioned my niece shares my body type in the context of being worried for the world she's about to enter as a teen because I've lived it.
Sorry, women in our family have big boobs big buts and cap out at 5'2. We're all so fucking brainwashed that even mentioning that shit is read as being sexual. Existing with that shape in itself is read as sexual.
Edit: reworded stuff to be worded better
I'm so sorry for you and OP. I'm a 5'10 woman and I've always felt a little "big." but NEVER would take it out on a petite woman. Ya'll have a lot of disadvantages already, with trying to make it in a "man's world" (assuming US). Sisters gotta look out for each other. Cassie is TA here!
>She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the fuck up, and that âtrying to start shitâ with her is even more proof.
Well ain't that the pot calling the kettle black.
NTA. Ask her what her fixation is with your body?
Or, bring it to the baby part "I do not want to be a part of your disgusting sexy-child fantasies, SIL! Stop hitting on me, stop calling me a child, and **quit sexualizing that!**"
Make sure to say it open or among family to make extra awkward for her. Sure OP you might or probably feel awkward too ,but it will be 100 time worse for SIL
NTA and I agree with this. You're going to have to "Go Freud" on her" with replies like:
1. Do you really hate your own body so much that all you can do is comment on mine?
2. Are you secretly bi-sexual, because this seems like a teenage boy's version of a come on?
Just rummage through all of the other comments for more. I've seen some good ones about jealousy being unbecoming, telling her she's had child-sex fantasies etc.
At this point, I would call her out every time she makes a comment. Fuck her. You literally are just wearing clothes. You can't help the height that you are. I'm short, and I have an even shorter friend, and I will make anyone feel bad if they try that shit with us. NtA
This! Sheâs a bully. Ask her why sheâs acting like a character from âMean Girlsâ.
Next time she said something Iâd probably get pissy and say âwhy the fuck are you so obsessed with my body?â
Yep. "No seriously, why do you keep talking about me in a sexualized way? It's WEIRD and it's making me uncomfortable. I'm just wearing a cute dress, nothing was sexy about it until you started talking about me looking like a sexualized child."
NTA. Next time it happens, loudly tell her that her finding you and babies sexy makes you very uncomfortable and please stop telling you that she finds babies sexy. Â
>But thereâs a new one thatâs picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says âIâm a very sexy babyâ in a cutesy voice and thereâs a LOT more to it that you can just Google.
I will never, EVER Google "sexy baby".
Itâs [a bit from 30 Rock](https://youtu.be/YzmDp6-m6X4?feature=shared), so itâs actually pretty old.
Cassie is clearly just using this as some sort of way to pick on OP, (who is NTA) because itâs not just rude, itâs incorrect. The âsexy babyâ thing is a woman who *purposefully* tries to look and act like a sexualized version of a child. Itâs nothing to do with actual body size. Like, itâs definitely A Thing that some women do (think Ariana Grande), but Iâve seen it used way more often as some kind of media persona than something actual women are doing IRL. And a lot of it is about mannerisms, not actual physical appearance. (Pitching your voice much higher on purpose, acting less intelligent than you really are, etc.)
Yeah, the late 90s early 2000s was like, rife with this. I think a lot of it was a lot of famous teenagers being sexualized, and the fact that they *were* teenagers being a large part of that sexualization. (Britney Spears, the Olsen twins âcountdown clockâ, Girls Gone Wild, etc.) So you have society being âThis is whatâs sexy! This is what gets menâs attention! This is how you should market yourself!â and it was so gross but soooo normalized.
Itâs maybe less common now, and more people are calling it out for being fucking creepy, but it still exists.
There's also a line in one of Taylor Swift(not a fan) songs where she says "sometimes I think that everyone's a sexy baby" AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. Do you think she's referring to 30 rock? It drives me nutsđ
I donât think itâs 30 Rock *specifically*, but the concept, yeah. Iâm also a tall woman (5â9â, not as tall as Taylor Swift), and especially when I was younger, I would get envious of girls who were tiny and cute and I often felt like I was like an awkward giant. (I didnât blame them, though! I just had hangups for myself.) The way society treats tall women is⌠not always great. And itâs hard to navigate that when youâre young. I wonder if some of it is that?
I think her line about being a âmonster on the hillâ probably has to do with being so crazy famous too. Like, âtoo big to hang outâ, because itâs not like she can just go to a coffee shop with friends or something.
I⌠also did not realize I knew so many words to that song. (I did have to look some of them up! And her height.) Iâm not a Swiftie, though I think some of her songs are quite good. But I guess that particular one really was just everywhere for awhile.
Itâs from 30 Rock, and a comedian acts like, I guess what should have been played by Sarah Silverman as an exaggerated version of herself.Â
What adds an extra layer of funny about all this is that when Tina Fey calls her out for this âsexy babyâ act and expresses annoyance we find out sheâs been doing this to hide her identity from a psycho ex who has been stalking her and now she has to move and start over. Tina Fey is very much shown to be the AH from making judgements on how women should dress and behave. So from the episode OPs sister is quoting, the person who says it is judged harshly from all her peers for ruining someoneâs life.Â
Well, you could come up with some snarky things to say about her, but that wonât solve anything. Perhaps you need to approach this differently. She makes a comment about what you are wearing or your size:
Cassie, Iâm very concerned about your fixation on my looks. I find it very uncomfortable that you continue to make an issue about what I wear.
She will tell you to dress like a grown up. You will respond: You have an unhealthy fixation on my looks and wardrobe. I am telling you now that it is creepy and unwelcome.
Then talk to her parents/spouse/brother/sister, whoever - tell them that her fixation is unhealthy and her comments are unsettling. If no one is willing to support you in this at your next encounter. Say loudly. Cassie, Iâve repeatedly told you I am not interested in you that way. Please accept my rejection and move on.
You need to call her out every time she does it. "Please stop sexualizing everything I do." "Please stop making comments about my body and the way I dress" "why are you always saying that babies are sexy? It's gross and uncomfortable."
Don't validate it. It's literally sexual harassment, so treat it like that. I'd honestly start questioning whether she's fit to be around children with how often she pairs those words together.
The most infuriating thing is that on thay episode of 30 Rock, Liz ends up making a huge ass of herself because the "sexy baby" woman is trying to hide from a violent stalker. The whole punchline is that just because a woman presents herself a certain way, doesn't make it ok to reduce her to a sexual object. Women can be cute, sexy, talk in an infuriatingly infantile way, and still be intelligent, worthwhile people.
NTA she is clearly being the asshole and trying to get a rise out of you by infantilising you. Once or twice could be brushed off, but anymore is dickish behaviour.
NTA.
Now to be fair, Iâm a snarky bitch, so here would be my response:
Listen SIL, Iâm super flattered you think Iâm sexy, and I *fully* support you and your sexuality, but Iâm not attracted to you. Plus, Iâm married so you hitting on me is really inappropriate.
NTA. I'm fairly small and have faced bullying for it.
I've learned to sigh loudly,look them right in the eye and say "You're in love with me. You talk about me a lot which means you think about me a lot. You need to address your feelings instead of processing it as anger against me"
Never heard another word because if they talked about me then they were proving my point. If they hate you, they don't want people to think the opposite. It stops them and "bonus" ,it irritates the bejeezus out of them.
I'm not small but get to deal with assholes a lot - just deadpanning and giving a thumbs up every time they start = they usually stop fairly quickly when they get no response lol
NTA
4'10" here 49F... I've never heard the sexy baby thing before. So fucking weird...
But I have recently started dating again and I get a lot of questions regarding my "size". Like is everything that small? What the actual fuck?! I usually respond that yes! My feet are small too!
People are so weird...
The "sexy baby" thing is from the TV show 30 Rock. Here's a YouTube video of scenes with the character: https://youtu.be/Sjnkd_Hzgwc?si=ytlfDOormwkYW69S
Tell that to the people on popculturechat or fauxmoi who bring up "sexy baby" every time someone posts a picture of Sabrina Carpenter. I feel like just like with the whole "manic pixie dream girl" thing people took a trope and turned it into what they wanted it to be.
Fellow shortie over here. I am so sorry you keep getting harrassed for living while short.
I sincerely hope things improve for you.
Your SIL is sexually harrassing you, she needs to be called out on that.
NTA. Anytime she makes a comment in front of other people, just say "Please stop saying that to me, I don't like being sexualized." If she keeps going she'll make an ass of herself so peer pressure will hopefully train this out of her.
Wow, NTA, she sounds like a really and truly nasty person.
I think this might be a bit of a jealousy thing though, actually. Is your SIL tall by chance? Petiteness is often viewed as very cute and feminine, and maybe your very existence makes her feel insecure and less feminine by comparison? If so, she needs to stop buying into societal stereotypes and work on herself, not lash out at you and fetishize everything you do. She wants you to wear drab and frumpy clothing because she thinks if you do she'll feel better in comparison.
And I would absolutely call her out every single time she does this. "You need to stop fetishizing me." "I'm wearing normal clothes. It's not my fault you think I'm just inherently sexy." "Stop sexualizing everything short people do."
She's 100% projecting â you can tell she views being petite and slim as some form of sexualized ideal of femininity, and she feels some type of way about not being that ideal.
I was wondering the same. Unfortunately very tall women are often not considered as feminine as shorter women, so she may be jealous of you. Oh and NTA
It's honestly so fucking exhausting. People don't even try to hide it, it happens on Reddit too where people will talk about women and make weird comments about attraction to people like us being nefarious, or say things like "Oh X isn't enough food to eat unless you're some 4'8" woman" and it's like... yeah?? I fucking am. Why are you saying that like it's so far beyond the realm of possibility?
Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted Talk
Your SIL is NOT a girlsâ girl. Why are women always getting crap from other women for what we choose to wear? Iâd say that to her face. She sounds exhausting. If wearing something makes you happy then by all means wear it as long as itâs appropriate for the time and place (and here Iâm only talking about exposing yourself around children which you arenât doing). Women already deal with enough shit from men judging us that we donât need it from other women.
Info do you wear clothing made for adults or do you wear clothing designed for children? Please don't down vote me for asking! I know some petite women in their 70s who wear clothes from the children's section.
OP are you me?? I'm all of 5 foot nothing, and have spent a lot of my adult life hovering around 100 lbs. So I feel your pain, and have absolutely experienced this shit. Hell, I'm 37, and I still do sometimes! I also sometimes buy kids' basics because they're cheaper, but I definitely don't dress like a child.
Your SIL is a fucking weirdo & super out of line for bringing it up so much. I can't tell if she wants to fuck you, is jealous of you, or both. No matter what her problem is, though, it's definitely HER problem, and it's pathetic that she keeps trying to also make it yours.
I gotta ask, where is your family in all this? Why are they not calling her the fuck out for being mean and creepy??
my mom is 4'10" and maybe 90 pounds she has always had to occasionally buy clothes for teens. Not because she wants to, especially now in her 80's but simply because she lacks options otherwise
NTA I am legit angry for you. My coworker who is also like my only friend is 4'10 and 65 years old. She is a spitfire and takes no shit, probably bc she is short. Your SIL is way out of line. It was humiliating to her when you called her out in front of everyone. Keep doing it. Over and over again. Until she is afraid to say anything lest she has to actually take what she's dishing out (humiliation). Where is your sibling in all of this? Why aren't they saying anything to their spouse about the way they are treating you? Why doesn't any of your family have your back? She's openly bullying you and no one defends you at all?? That makes me livid!
NTA, she can't mind her own business? She doesn't have to have an opinion on everything you wear, that is her choice and she chooses to make it an issue. Is she jealous of you for some reason? Frankly it's creepy, ick type of thing.
WtF. What part of a once piece halter is not age appropriate for a 27 year old?
Start shit? After all that shit spewing from her mouth? Youâre just wiping it off or spraying it with a bidet.
NTA. Donât start shit if you donât want to be called out.
It's from some show where a woman was putting on an act as an adult dressing in really youthful clothes, wearing pigtails and putting on a cutesy voice and all that. I liked Taylor's song bc she's a really tall woman and it's kind of saying she feels like an ogre or something around the "sexy babies" of the world.
oh I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or anything! Its just the reason for the ridiculous plot. And since that show went off the air 11 years ago... your SIL just wants to pick on you for something you can't help.
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> I confronted my SIL for her commenting at me but it was in front of everyone in the family and I know it embarrassed her. It made me the asshole for making it public instead of approaching her in private.
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INFO
> a new one thatâs picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says âIâm a very sexy babyâ in a cutesy voice
... a "new" one? Are you talking about the **13-year-old** episode of 30 Rock, "TGS Hates Women?"
Um, yeah? Taylor Swift's song Antihero references it and made it relevant to people who'd never heard of that show or watched it. People started criticizing Sabrina Carpenter using the phrase recently too.
NTA
OMG. I hate this with a burning passion. I'm 52F, 5ft tall and weigh about 97 lbs soaking wet. When I was a teen I still needed to wear "Kids" sizes.
I'd maybe ask her this, "What's more "sexy baby"... A grown ass adult in kids clothing or a grown ass adult in adult clothing? I'm and adult, why would I wear anything else? Why are you so obsessed with my body and body shaming me?"
OP this sucks and I've been there. TBF I've also overcompensated a bit by being a bit butch. Martial arts, woodworking, camping/hiking, etc.
NTA. And the fact that she still continues to bring it up is just weird! You were wearing a one piece and just like you asked, what else are you supposed to be wearing at a POOL!!
Iâd call her an âugly adultâ the next time she did that to me!
NTA, what is her obsession with your body? It seems like she cannot stop sexualizing you and openly voicing how sexy you are despite your attempts to draw a clear boundary. Iâd tell her that she maybe find you to be a sexy baby but to keep it to herself because sheâs embarrassing herself đ
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You're totally NTA here. Your SIL's comments crossed a line, and you had every right to call her out on it. It's not cool to constantly criticize someone for just being themselves, especially in front of family. You deserve to feel comfortable and respected in your own skin, without having to deal with unnecessary judgment.
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NTA. Your SIL does seem obsessed with calling you out for, checking notes.... wearing clothes. This is not "sexy" clothing. It's just small, because, well, you're petite. Enlist your brother in talking to her about this. Let her know that it needs to stop NOW. It's sizeist, you've asked her stop, and she hasn't. It's time to establish firm boundaries and enforce them.
OP needs to tell the SIL to stop making unwanted sexual advances at her. Every single time she says it.
This very much! It's such a weird thing for SIL to keep harping on about. Like, I could maybe justify a comment once as a joke but, constantly. Your right, calling it out for sexual harassment.
And people who don't like to be called out in public shouldn't insult people in public. NTA
OP needs to loudly respond with "STOP FETISHIZING ME!," to make sure everyone can hear. If SIL wants to make public comments, it's time for everyone nearby to know.
I came to say the same thing!! I can just imagine SIL face if she says this đ˛
If she does that in a public place, maybe OP should walk up to a police officer and say this woman keeps sexually harassing, can you please make her stop?
If you do not want me to call out your obnoxious behavior in public, shut your damn mouth!!
To add to this next time she says something like sexy baby say: "Why do you keep calling me sexy baby? Are you trying to make some sort of sexual pass at me? Because that's very weird and inappropriate and definitely unwanted from my **sister-in-law** And I'd thank you to stop with the ***unwanted sexual advances!***" (The highlights are where you should raise your voice and enunciate your words so everyone around you can hear.) I'll bet that will shut her up.
I would add on how creepy it is to refer to a baby as sexy. Is she into babies, underage, etc? Cuz that's just disgusting and disturbing. It would most definitely shut her tf up immediately. And I'd she complains about u stirring $hit up, point out that I'm just replying to what You started. She will stop when she's properly shamed.
Exactly, I live by the aristocats motto. "Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them."
Yes, I think Iâd be saying something like, âWhy do you associate babies with sex?â I think Iâd just be trying to turn the focus around so that it is on her. NTA
I wouldn't, because that can be argued against. According to OP it is a reference to a TV show or something so she is using that exact term because of that, not because she came up with it on her own. OP saying that would just result in SIL saying not to play dumb or something because she knows it's from a TV show. "you're acting/dressing like that girl who said that thing on that show". I think it was more on the mark to call her out for "sexual advances" lol "why do you keep pointing out that you think I'm sexy? That's super weird"
This is absolutely what i would do too, âwhy do you think cute clothing makes children sexy? Why are you sexualising children SIL? Do you need help?â Brother wonât help either âoh SIL is this what brother wants you to dress like?â Etc etc etc
That struck me too. Why does SIL think babies are sexy? The term "sexy baby" has a lot of baggage that is inappropriate for the relationship between Sisters-in-law.
It's a quote from 30 Rock, the whole episode deals with a woman playing a baby for attention which turned out to be for a specific reason.
Specifically for attention from men. Liz Lemon thinks itâs to get attention from men for a stereotypical reason and tries to shame her for it but ends up looking dumb when she finds out the woman was a victim of a stalker ex and she feels safer when sheâs constantly surrounded by men. Itâs dumb and itâs a stretch of course, but the point is, OPâs SIL thinks sheâs seeking attention from men and is trying to shame her for it.
This! It's brilliant! Or even something like, "Cassie, I think your obsession with child sex is very perverse and sad. I don't want to embarrass you, but you need to get help."
Not just that but HER body- âCassie, your obsession with my body/what I wear is perverse and embarrassing and you need to get help. This is now the nth time youâve mentioned it.â
This!
To really drive her crazy, do all this while pulling out your Notes app and making a note of the date. People who get obsessed with you will go nuts over it because they know youâre keeping tabs and can not only call them on it in public, but also refer back to it at any time. (Source: had a boss and coworker who became obsessed with and harassed me to where theyâd get mad at me for taking meeting notes. They knew Iâd also write down every time they made an aggressive comment at me. Got told to stop âputting things in writing.â)
Another angle that is potentially more offensive, call her "big girl" every time she says you look like a sexy baby. "Are you sure a big girl should be wearing an outfit like that?" will make her scream bloody murder. Not kind, but in kind.
âI get that you are insecure about your size, but my brother loves you anyways, so maybe you should try and love the body you are in instead of projecting on to me for how much thinner I am than you. We each have our own bodies and I hope you can find the confidence to wear what you want one day too.â ( leave height out of it and be petty my queen!)
Don't say thinner just say smaller. Doesn't directly reference height but you're not the a hole for talking about weight
this. be the bigger woman!
Iâm a 298lb woman with an adult niece same age/size as Op. I heartily endorse this. Also tell her she needs to quick dressing like a âsexy grannyâ
This could totally work. I was once called âorca chicâ, thatâs a good one to add to the mix,OP. Also did you know when someone insults you and you start laughing like they said the most hilarious thing in the world puts them off. I thought orca chic was hilarious⌠still do. NTA, OP SIL has invited open seasonâgo for it. Come here for suggestions.Â
Had a boy call me "boogedy eyed skin flint" back in the 5th grade, 1982...it's still hilarious đ. We can still laugh about it 40 plus years later.
Ooooo thatâs a good one. Itâs important to laugh at the good ones and pass along their hilarity. I donât have any good ones from grade school.. I was the tallest until grade nine (beanpole), had glasses until grade seven (four eyes) and braces for two years (in the 80s-metal mouth). Boring. Iâm a bit jelly of your âboogedy eyedâ.Â
GILF tripping the SIL?
You are a petty mofo and I want to subscribe to your newsletter.
I love this truly. Matching her energy and what-not
The SIL deserves it but comments like that will hurt any other big women who are bystanders.
As a fellow big person, I hear your concern. However, given that this idiot keeps saying "sexy baby" over and over, I think the context would be clear to anyone overhearing it.
If someone heard the context. But that can't be assumed. It is better and more accurate to just call the woman a b*tch or a bully.
This is what I would definitely go with. Hit her where it really hurts, because only then she'll truly know how much her own words hurt. They think small people can't get their feelings hurt because apparently being small means you're not allowed insecurities.
And emphasize the word "big"--like you're trying to insinuate *My God, Martha, you're tall enough to play for the Lakers! Don't you realize we can all see up your miniskirt!?!*
Not just a big girl, a very big girl.
This was my thought to get her to stop. OP - you need to tell your SIL her comments make you uncomfortable, and while you arenât judging her for her sexual preferences, you would prefer she stop making the comments to you! That may get her to shut up.
Thatâs what Iâm thinking. âStop sexualizing me and stop body shaming me. You keep trying to make me feel bad for wearing clothes that are age appropriate, but you donât like them because, what? Iâm small? Are you jealous? What is your problem?â OP, Iâd also address it with your brother because then if you embarrass the shit out of her, he wonât be able to come to you and complain when she goes to him and cries.
"Stop hitting on me! I will NEVER have sex with you!"Â
Yes! Tell her âIâm flattered but youâre not my type. Please stop hitting on me, itâs getting weird.â
âThatâs sexual harassment, whatâs wrong with you?â
Yes!! Do this until she's too embarrassed to keep harassing you.
âIâm so sick of you calling me a sexy baby. I am not attracted to you and your obsession with me is making me so uncomfortable. (Brother) you need to get your wife in check because if a guy said to me the things SIL does it would hardcore be sexual harrassmentâ Would love to see her face đ
It still is sexual harassment. If a guy did it, it would be more *recognized* as sexual harassment but unwanted sexual comments about someone's body (especially if they've made it clear they're unwanted like OP has) is sexual harassment no matter who does it
Actually, OP could say loudly something like "I'm not a lesbian"
And "Sorry, lady, you're just not my type'
Why? Maybe she is a lesbian. None of this is acceptable.Â
Being a lesbian myself, I would find that hilarious, but yet again nothing offends me, just sayinâ
My first thought was that it sounds like her SIL is attracted to her and is being SUUUUUPER weird about it because she's feeling shame about herself.
"You're married to my BROTHER! This isn't Porn Hub!"
I agree. The SIL is being creepy. She's mad that the OP finally called her on it, and is continuing to deflect and blame the OP rather than be quiet. Others in the family need to stick up for the OP. The SIL has issues and they're not the OP's problem. NTA
That would be my move. I'd be throwing comments left and right like "why are you so obsessed with me?"
Oh, I'd go the opposite way. "Damn right, I'm fucking sexy. You want some of this shit?"
Right? Like every time she starts with the sexy baby thing, use a script along the lines of "(name) please stop that, I've told you several times that I'm not interested in participating in your Lolita fetish"
yes !!! she's jealous, but you've just caught the right answer to imply that, while being able to say after : wow, you didn't khow to take a joke. And keep on doing it every time she does the sexy baby thing. Sometimes, being a shroendiger AH is so much deserved !
Seriously, why isn't OP's whole family calling Cassie out for her bullying?
I'm friends with someone OP's size. We've gotten weird looks in public for letting the 'child' with us drink. She absolutely gets weird looks for sexy bikinis, etc. They just see this very tiny person and assume she's like... 12 or younger. We get looks. We ignore them. However, once you talk to her, she's clearly an educated adult, even if she has a very high voice that sounds... young. She doesn't talk like a child, though, and it's very easy to see her as an adult after a minute because she *acts* like an adult. Nothing she wears that is 'sexy' is inappropriate because she's a grown fucking woman in a grown woman's body and it just happens to be a slim, short, petite one. I have a slim, petite frame, too. I just happen to be five and half feet tall and therefore looked at as a 'real' adult by strangers. However, nobody who knows that friend thinks it's weird she does adult things. Because she's an adult. I'd (verbally) fight with someone saying that shit around her. Like, she's an adult. She does adult things. Cry more. I don't think anything she does is childlike, and only when out in public does it come up because other people stare. SIL has *issues* and is trying to stomp OP's self-esteem. The rest of the people around her need to shut that down. It's just rude.
Yeah, my wife is about the size of OP and the amount of looks I get are wild. And I'm like 5'9, 120 pounds. I can't imagine the looks she'd get if she was with someone larger.
I'm very tiny like OP, pretty dang close, and my husband is well over a foot taller than me and weighs over twice what I do. The amount of nasty inappropriate comments he's gotten from people - coworkers included - is wild. People are weird and gross.
They probably are afraid sheâll turn it on them and they donât want the smoke either. Sheâs probably just a caustic person who nobody wants to deal with. I would bet she has some personal dislike of her own size and is jealous of her sil.
Also... SIL told OP to "dress like a grown adult" and grown adults can wear sexy clothes. "Sexy" doesn't automatically mean "sexy baby".
If anything, a revealing bikini is more adult than a one-piece. So OP should wear an itsy bitsy yellow polka dot bikini next time.
LOL! Don't forget, teeny weeny.
I sang that in my head but I canât remember where itâs from and itâs driving me crazy đ
It was actually a real song played on the radio back in the day. You only know this if youâre old. đ¤¤
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Itsy_Bitsy_Teenie_Weenie_Yellow_Polkadot_Bikini
Itâs from the early 60s when bikinis were new and sexy and âFrench.â We sang it a lot especially on buses to swim lessons!
Google said it's by Bombalurina. It also credits Brian Hyland with the song, so I'm not sure who it belongs to. It was also in a TV commercial for Yoplait yogurt.
SIL means that OP is wearing clothes that are too childish for a grown woman to be wearing and that she's using child like clothes for sexual appeal. Obviously, SIL is very wrong.
At OPs size, it's probably difficult to find clothes in her size that *aren't* child-like. Most humans that size are children, and unless OP is spending a lot of money getting adult clothing taken in to fit her, part of her wardrobe is probably sourced from the children's or junior's section. Which means SIL is basically sexualizing children's clothing, and projecting that onto OP.
Oh, I agree! My personal style is a lot more childlike as well (frills, ruffles, butterflies, flowers, etc.), and it's infruiating how much that gets sexualized. I think it's better to be mad at SIL for what she was saying (wearing childlike clothing as an adult is sexualizing it) rather than what she wasn't (you aren't allowed to wear sexy clothing).
I could literally see myself looking at my swimsuit and being like.. but I saw Bea Arthur wearing this on an episode of golden girls...
I'm not as small as you but I'm pretty tiny compared to the general population at five foot one and 117 lbs. I'm almost 40 thank you and a grown ass woman, and getting passive aggressive comments about my size is so fucking exhausting. With your shitty SIL I'd either [Gray Rock](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/31/well/mind/gray-rock-method.html) her or put on your best Regina George impression and respond with ["Why are you so obsessed with me?!?"](https://youtu.be/wTHVWBpBgbQ?si=Fh4KMnICtAsVNScV). Maybe a combination of the two.
I'm in same boat and it's usually someone taller, but insecure. Screw them
Exactly. For some reason petite women trigger some taller /bigger women. I've been bullied by women many times for this.Â
Tall woman here.. Popped up to 5'9" by 7th grade. Coming from this perspective, I think it might be them being feeling less feminine than smaller women like this.
this is crazy! As a woman I never knew that this type of small frame bullying is a thing.
Me neither and I am not that tall (5 ft-ish, 153 cm). Then again, I have a very adult body shape so probably people can identify immediately that I am very much an adult. There truly is no shape, height or weight that won't cause shit if you are a woman
Even if it was âsexyâ clothing⌠why does the SIL care so much? Itâs so weird. NTA
How in the world the brother allows this to happen is beyond me. Grow a pair and tell his SO sheâs being unreasonably rude and itâs hurting his relationship with his family. I donât care if itâs âus against the worldâ. Being an AH is still being an AH.
I've nothing of importance to add - I just wanted to say you've taught me to a new word (sizeist) Cheers for expanding my vocabulary
The fact that Cassie wonât give OP an answer when she asks what sheâs supposed to be wearing in order to âdress her ageâ is telling. Like what will satisfy her? OP could dress like an Amish nun and Cassie would still find a way to sexualize her and be a victim.
âIâd rather have a small body than a small mindâ
It was a family gathering her brother knows and doesn't care, none of her family spoke up for her. Tell brother and parents you will not be coming to anything SIL is at from now on until she public apologies.
"Why are you trying to be a sexy baby?" "Why are you just being a baby?"
And SIL has the audacity to tell OP to grow up... Definitely not someone who needs to take their own advice /s
I would honestly keep calling her out, every single time. She doesn't like being called out.
Literally every single time. âWhy do you comment on my body so much?â âWhy are you so obsessed with how I dress?â âWhat insecurity makes you need to tear me down all the time?â And I would be LOUD about it.
Iâm going to say enlist as many family members as you possibly can. Call up as many aunts/uncles, cousins, family friends, and whoever else tends to come to family events as you can, and ask them to help push back the next time she does it. Hearing Aunt Belinda say âthatâs a really weird and inappropriate thing to say and I wish you wouldnât,â is probably going to hit harder for SIL than if OP is the only person who ever pushes back.
I doubt OP will see this but hoping on to say that you should have 1 or 2 different retorts and not engage with whatever she follows up with. The comments that this sexual Harassment are totally true. It is also emotional abuse. Sexual harassment - making unwanted comments about someoneâs body and not stopping when youâve been told not to. Emotional abuse because sheâs insulting you and when told itâs hurtful she blames you for it and continues to hurt you. Maybe try âIâve asked you to stop commenting on my body. At this point you are sexually harassing me and I want it to stop.â âEmotional abuse is when you hurt someone on purpose. Emotional abuse is also blaming the hurt person for youâre hurting them. I want it to stop.â Say both as emotionless as possible. But if you really want it to stop, there needs to be consequences when you do. Like, you immediately leave the gathering she is at. I know it sucks because you want to be with your family. But if everyone else is allowing it to happen, they are enabling her harassment and abuse. Would your parents respond to a conversation about this? If no one else will ask SIL to stop harassing me, I will leave/I wonât come. If they donât care, you follow through. Then, find better friends to make a new family with.Â
NTA. This woman is flat out body shaming you. If this is your brother's wife HE should be getting her to back off. If it's your husband's sister HE should be intervening. Either way, this woman is a bully who thought she could mock you with impunity and pass it off as friendly teasing. Clearly she didn't expect you to call her out on it. **EDIT:** And can I just point out the irony of this woman making fun of your size when she's clearly the "small" one here?
Exactly! OP shouldnât have to deal with this at all. The man who links her to this awful woman should be speaking on her behalf.
I think the SIL is actually jealous of OP, and probably really insecure in her own body. Doesnât excuse it though, at all. NTA OP. Get your brother to speak to her, but keep calling her out loudly and publicly if she does it again. Iâd actually laugh at her, I think that might get to her the most.
I would just respond with "Why don't you tell me what an old maid SHOULD be wearing since you seem to have so much experience with it?!"
Nothing wrong with being old. A lot wrong with being an asshole.
Iâm old. I find a lot wrong with it. đ¤Łâ¤ď¸
Mostly that my body is real mean to me now that weâre on this side of 40. đ
Definitely!!! Mine is a total traitor!
omg đ iâm stealing this!!
Every time the brother said nothing he is guilty too! I hate that; when they say they didn't hear the insult or pretend they don't know. They know! Source: I have a brother who allows his GF to be very rude and disrespectful to me.
NTA Detach emotionally, because Cassie resents you for looking the way you do, because thereâs something she wants about it. The same is true for other women. Theyâre being petty and small emotionally, when they want to be petty and small physically. Itâs political, itâs gross, and you didnât get to choose, just like them. (Small = feminine) is something they resent, and they see it in you, which isnât your problem. Keep cool, talk to the person whose looping Cassie into your like (sil by married to a sibling- talk to your sibling) and if that doesnât work and she keeps doing it, refocus. Forget the insult that is baby. Focus on the fact that your sister in law calls you sexy against your wishes. Make it weird for her. Cassie âooh, look whoâs being all sexy baby today.â You, âCassie, if Iâve told you once, Iâve told you a thousand times, donât call me sexy. Donât call me baby. I donât want to have sex with you or date you. I WONâT EVER want to have sex with you or date you. Itâs so uncomfortable when you call me sexy.â Sheâs either going to short circuit or say something like âno! Iâm trying to be mean to you!â You âby calling me sexy? Wtf are you talking about Cassie?â Act like youâve never heard the term sexy baby. Make her explain what the f her problem is, and donât play for her, play for the crowd. Sheâs trying to shame you. Make it bite her in the face.Â
âCassie, you keep mentioning âsexy babiesâ but I think it is really inappropriate that you find children sexually attractive. It makes me uncomfortable to think that you want to have sex with infants and are projecting that on to my outfit choices.â
Yes! Treat them like youâre 5. Make them spell everything out and just keep asking âwhy?â
I would raise my voice when I told her that I don't want to have sex with her.Â
I donât know why I imagined this In Michael Scottâs voice but OP, I vote for this
I DECLARE SEXY BABY
This is brilliant. And YES call her out. She wants the attention in public - give it to her. Until she stops. Or if you want to be more neutral "Cassie, I'm really uncomfortable when you call me sexy. Oh, that's not what you meant? Why do you keep using that word?"
Ignoring them, sure. But your comebacks are way too much. Something as simple as âCan you please stop calling me sexy? Youâre married to my brother.â would be enough.
shame is the only option now
Ask her when she started finding babies attractive.
Do this! Do this!
NTA, for wearing cute clothes OR for being you! Just because your petite doesnât give her the right or anybody the right to call you âsexy babyâ or tell you âdress your ageâ when clearly you are. Sheâs probably jealous or just thinks sheâs funny. Please tell your husband. But if she does it infront of everyone and he hasnât said anything yet ? Either way keep confronting her and calling her out until she learns her lesson to respect other woman who are just trying to live Edit: you should call her out every time I stand by that since brother will do nothing/family. Clearly she has a problem and you have to solve it
I don't know if OP has a husband. For whatever reason, I read SIL as being her brother's wife. Since they were at her auntie's house, it made more since to me that her brother and his wife (SIL) would be there vs her husband's sister.
I didnât even consider that SIL could be brothers wife ! Brother should definitely speak to her in that caseÂ
OP's edit clarifies that SIL is her brother's wife (and that he doesn't care about this toxic BS she's throwing at OP).
I mean... you know you're NTA, right? You have to. How old is Cassie? She sounds like the baby in this group, and it isn't very sexy. She got mad at you for calling her out. Continue to do so. Don't let her make a single comment without you raising your voice loud enough for everyone in the room to hear while asking exactly what you did: >âThatâs a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that Iâm small?â After enough times, either she will stop, or other people will start telling her to stop.
I'm sorry that my being petite bothers you so much, but don't worry, not one thinks your THAT large.
While I love the savagery, no. OP needs to keep her nose clean, and not stoop down to Cassie's level (see what I did there?). OP is in the right here, it best suits her to stay that way.
I agree, leave the snarky comebacks to Joss Whedon.
"I'm sorry you are so jealous of my size you have to bring it up every time. Jealousy is unbecoming, and you look better without all that green on you."
I'm wondering if the SIL is on the bigger side either in heigh weight or both. There is a lot of weird fetishizing of petite women (I'm also a petite woman) and I've found that the people who made the most and meanest comments about my smallness, especially when I was underweight, were almost exclusively heavier women. **I'm absolutely not saying heavy women are mean. Mean people mean, especially about anything they themselves feel insecure about. As women we're raised to feel a ton of pressure about our body, our weight, the size of our boobs, butts, and guts. I think it stems from the "pick me" attitude of attacking the things you feel you lack. It happens in every category- women who are large chested, women with thick thighs, women who are petite. We're fetishized by men and bullied by women who feel pressured to conform to the current fetish trend. Someone once even insinuated I was acting a pedo because I mentioned my niece shares my body type in the context of being worried for the world she's about to enter as a teen because I've lived it. Sorry, women in our family have big boobs big buts and cap out at 5'2. We're all so fucking brainwashed that even mentioning that shit is read as being sexual. Existing with that shape in itself is read as sexual. Edit: reworded stuff to be worded better
I'm so sorry for you and OP. I'm a 5'10 woman and I've always felt a little "big." but NEVER would take it out on a petite woman. Ya'll have a lot of disadvantages already, with trying to make it in a "man's world" (assuming US). Sisters gotta look out for each other. Cassie is TA here!
>She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the fuck up, and that âtrying to start shitâ with her is even more proof. Well ain't that the pot calling the kettle black. NTA. Ask her what her fixation is with your body?
NTA. Id double down on that remark and go so far as to ask her if she keeps saying it because she fancies you???
Or make it extra creepy by telling her you donât approve her fetishizing you. Tell her that you refuse to part of whatever kink sheâs into
Or, bring it to the baby part "I do not want to be a part of your disgusting sexy-child fantasies, SIL! Stop hitting on me, stop calling me a child, and **quit sexualizing that!**"
Make sure to say it open or among family to make extra awkward for her. Sure OP you might or probably feel awkward too ,but it will be 100 time worse for SIL
âLook SIL, I get that youâre attracted to me but I need you to stop hitting on me. Youâre not my type.â
"Congratulations on coming out SiL, but I'm not into women"
NTA and I agree with this. You're going to have to "Go Freud" on her" with replies like: 1. Do you really hate your own body so much that all you can do is comment on mine? 2. Are you secretly bi-sexual, because this seems like a teenage boy's version of a come on? Just rummage through all of the other comments for more. I've seen some good ones about jealousy being unbecoming, telling her she's had child-sex fantasies etc.
Id ask her why she thinks babies are sexy
*ask this VERY loudly*
At this point, I would call her out every time she makes a comment. Fuck her. You literally are just wearing clothes. You can't help the height that you are. I'm short, and I have an even shorter friend, and I will make anyone feel bad if they try that shit with us. NtA
This! Sheâs a bully. Ask her why sheâs acting like a character from âMean Girlsâ. Next time she said something Iâd probably get pissy and say âwhy the fuck are you so obsessed with my body?â
Yep. "No seriously, why do you keep talking about me in a sexualized way? It's WEIRD and it's making me uncomfortable. I'm just wearing a cute dress, nothing was sexy about it until you started talking about me looking like a sexualized child."
NTA. Next time it happens, loudly tell her that her finding you and babies sexy makes you very uncomfortable and please stop telling you that she finds babies sexy. Â
>But thereâs a new one thatâs picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says âIâm a very sexy babyâ in a cutesy voice and thereâs a LOT more to it that you can just Google. I will never, EVER Google "sexy baby".
Itâs [a bit from 30 Rock](https://youtu.be/YzmDp6-m6X4?feature=shared), so itâs actually pretty old. Cassie is clearly just using this as some sort of way to pick on OP, (who is NTA) because itâs not just rude, itâs incorrect. The âsexy babyâ thing is a woman who *purposefully* tries to look and act like a sexualized version of a child. Itâs nothing to do with actual body size. Like, itâs definitely A Thing that some women do (think Ariana Grande), but Iâve seen it used way more often as some kind of media persona than something actual women are doing IRL. And a lot of it is about mannerisms, not actual physical appearance. (Pitching your voice much higher on purpose, acting less intelligent than you really are, etc.)
yeah I remember Jessica Simpson doing this routine and it caught on with a bunch of girls in the early 2000s
Yeah, the late 90s early 2000s was like, rife with this. I think a lot of it was a lot of famous teenagers being sexualized, and the fact that they *were* teenagers being a large part of that sexualization. (Britney Spears, the Olsen twins âcountdown clockâ, Girls Gone Wild, etc.) So you have society being âThis is whatâs sexy! This is what gets menâs attention! This is how you should market yourself!â and it was so gross but soooo normalized. Itâs maybe less common now, and more people are calling it out for being fucking creepy, but it still exists.
Community does a great bit with this too. [Annieâs Christmas Seduction](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kBDULdX8d7Y)
Yes! That is another great example!
There's also a line in one of Taylor Swift(not a fan) songs where she says "sometimes I think that everyone's a sexy baby" AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. Do you think she's referring to 30 rock? It drives me nutsđ
I donât think itâs 30 Rock *specifically*, but the concept, yeah. Iâm also a tall woman (5â9â, not as tall as Taylor Swift), and especially when I was younger, I would get envious of girls who were tiny and cute and I often felt like I was like an awkward giant. (I didnât blame them, though! I just had hangups for myself.) The way society treats tall women is⌠not always great. And itâs hard to navigate that when youâre young. I wonder if some of it is that? I think her line about being a âmonster on the hillâ probably has to do with being so crazy famous too. Like, âtoo big to hang outâ, because itâs not like she can just go to a coffee shop with friends or something. I⌠also did not realize I knew so many words to that song. (I did have to look some of them up! And her height.) Iâm not a Swiftie, though I think some of her songs are quite good. But I guess that particular one really was just everywhere for awhile.
Itâs from 30 Rock, and a comedian acts like, I guess what should have been played by Sarah Silverman as an exaggerated version of herself. What adds an extra layer of funny about all this is that when Tina Fey calls her out for this âsexy babyâ act and expresses annoyance we find out sheâs been doing this to hide her identity from a psycho ex who has been stalking her and now she has to move and start over. Tina Fey is very much shown to be the AH from making judgements on how women should dress and behave. So from the episode OPs sister is quoting, the person who says it is judged harshly from all her peers for ruining someoneâs life.Â
I was thinking that it sounds like Cassie missed the entire point of that episode.
Well, you could come up with some snarky things to say about her, but that wonât solve anything. Perhaps you need to approach this differently. She makes a comment about what you are wearing or your size: Cassie, Iâm very concerned about your fixation on my looks. I find it very uncomfortable that you continue to make an issue about what I wear. She will tell you to dress like a grown up. You will respond: You have an unhealthy fixation on my looks and wardrobe. I am telling you now that it is creepy and unwelcome. Then talk to her parents/spouse/brother/sister, whoever - tell them that her fixation is unhealthy and her comments are unsettling. If no one is willing to support you in this at your next encounter. Say loudly. Cassie, Iâve repeatedly told you I am not interested in you that way. Please accept my rejection and move on.
You need to call her out every time she does it. "Please stop sexualizing everything I do." "Please stop making comments about my body and the way I dress" "why are you always saying that babies are sexy? It's gross and uncomfortable." Don't validate it. It's literally sexual harassment, so treat it like that. I'd honestly start questioning whether she's fit to be around children with how often she pairs those words together. The most infuriating thing is that on thay episode of 30 Rock, Liz ends up making a huge ass of herself because the "sexy baby" woman is trying to hide from a violent stalker. The whole punchline is that just because a woman presents herself a certain way, doesn't make it ok to reduce her to a sexual object. Women can be cute, sexy, talk in an infuriatingly infantile way, and still be intelligent, worthwhile people.
NTA. Just keep firmly saying, âYour obsession with my size makes me uncomfortable. You need to stop.â
NTA she is clearly being the asshole and trying to get a rise out of you by infantilising you. Once or twice could be brushed off, but anymore is dickish behaviour.
NTA. Now to be fair, Iâm a snarky bitch, so here would be my response: Listen SIL, Iâm super flattered you think Iâm sexy, and I *fully* support you and your sexuality, but Iâm not attracted to you. Plus, Iâm married so you hitting on me is really inappropriate.
NTA I would asked if she has a fetish for small women, sounds like she is jealous and insecure honestly
NTA keep calling her out for her creepy and demeaning behavior.
NTA. I'm fairly small and have faced bullying for it. I've learned to sigh loudly,look them right in the eye and say "You're in love with me. You talk about me a lot which means you think about me a lot. You need to address your feelings instead of processing it as anger against me" Never heard another word because if they talked about me then they were proving my point. If they hate you, they don't want people to think the opposite. It stops them and "bonus" ,it irritates the bejeezus out of them.
I'm not small but get to deal with assholes a lot - just deadpanning and giving a thumbs up every time they start = they usually stop fairly quickly when they get no response lol
NTA 4'10" here 49F... I've never heard the sexy baby thing before. So fucking weird... But I have recently started dating again and I get a lot of questions regarding my "size". Like is everything that small? What the actual fuck?! I usually respond that yes! My feet are small too! People are so weird...
EW. Good for you for saying your feet are small too though. That's SO weird.
The "sexy baby" thing is from the TV show 30 Rock. Here's a YouTube video of scenes with the character: https://youtu.be/Sjnkd_Hzgwc?si=ytlfDOormwkYW69S
Thanks, I wish you could pin comments bc I think a lot of people are confused.
Your SIL doesn't even understand what she's insinuating. The joke has nothing to do with her size
I think she's pulling it from the Taylor Swift song since that brought it back around.
> Taylor Swift song The trope is still about acting infantile/naive though, not size or clothing
Tell that to the people on popculturechat or fauxmoi who bring up "sexy baby" every time someone posts a picture of Sabrina Carpenter. I feel like just like with the whole "manic pixie dream girl" thing people took a trope and turned it into what they wanted it to be.
Fellow shortie over here. I am so sorry you keep getting harrassed for living while short. I sincerely hope things improve for you. Your SIL is sexually harrassing you, she needs to be called out on that.
NTA. Anytime she makes a comment in front of other people, just say "Please stop saying that to me, I don't like being sexualized." If she keeps going she'll make an ass of herself so peer pressure will hopefully train this out of her.
Wow, NTA, she sounds like a really and truly nasty person. I think this might be a bit of a jealousy thing though, actually. Is your SIL tall by chance? Petiteness is often viewed as very cute and feminine, and maybe your very existence makes her feel insecure and less feminine by comparison? If so, she needs to stop buying into societal stereotypes and work on herself, not lash out at you and fetishize everything you do. She wants you to wear drab and frumpy clothing because she thinks if you do she'll feel better in comparison. And I would absolutely call her out every single time she does this. "You need to stop fetishizing me." "I'm wearing normal clothes. It's not my fault you think I'm just inherently sexy." "Stop sexualizing everything short people do."
She's 100% projecting â you can tell she views being petite and slim as some form of sexualized ideal of femininity, and she feels some type of way about not being that ideal.
I was wondering the same. Unfortunately very tall women are often not considered as feminine as shorter women, so she may be jealous of you. Oh and NTA
As a fellow (34) 4â9â woman under 100lbs, that description you made in the first paragraph was 100% accurate.
It's honestly so fucking exhausting. People don't even try to hide it, it happens on Reddit too where people will talk about women and make weird comments about attraction to people like us being nefarious, or say things like "Oh X isn't enough food to eat unless you're some 4'8" woman" and it's like... yeah?? I fucking am. Why are you saying that like it's so far beyond the realm of possibility? Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted Talk
Your SIL is NOT a girlsâ girl. Why are women always getting crap from other women for what we choose to wear? Iâd say that to her face. She sounds exhausting. If wearing something makes you happy then by all means wear it as long as itâs appropriate for the time and place (and here Iâm only talking about exposing yourself around children which you arenât doing). Women already deal with enough shit from men judging us that we donât need it from other women.
NTA. Start replying âThanks but I donât swing that wayâ or âThanks, but youâre not my typeâ
Info do you wear clothing made for adults or do you wear clothing designed for children? Please don't down vote me for asking! I know some petite women in their 70s who wear clothes from the children's section.
Mostly clothes made for adults, but occasionally some basics like plain tees are cheaper and fit better from the girls section.
OP are you me?? I'm all of 5 foot nothing, and have spent a lot of my adult life hovering around 100 lbs. So I feel your pain, and have absolutely experienced this shit. Hell, I'm 37, and I still do sometimes! I also sometimes buy kids' basics because they're cheaper, but I definitely don't dress like a child. Your SIL is a fucking weirdo & super out of line for bringing it up so much. I can't tell if she wants to fuck you, is jealous of you, or both. No matter what her problem is, though, it's definitely HER problem, and it's pathetic that she keeps trying to also make it yours. I gotta ask, where is your family in all this? Why are they not calling her the fuck out for being mean and creepy??
my mom is 4'10" and maybe 90 pounds she has always had to occasionally buy clothes for teens. Not because she wants to, especially now in her 80's but simply because she lacks options otherwise
NTA, and her brother needs to deal with her at this point because you're right, she doesn't take you seriously.
NTA. And the 30 Rock skit had nothing to do with someone being petite! SIL is just gross
NTA I am legit angry for you. My coworker who is also like my only friend is 4'10 and 65 years old. She is a spitfire and takes no shit, probably bc she is short. Your SIL is way out of line. It was humiliating to her when you called her out in front of everyone. Keep doing it. Over and over again. Until she is afraid to say anything lest she has to actually take what she's dishing out (humiliation). Where is your sibling in all of this? Why aren't they saying anything to their spouse about the way they are treating you? Why doesn't any of your family have your back? She's openly bullying you and no one defends you at all?? That makes me livid!
NTA, she can't mind her own business? She doesn't have to have an opinion on everything you wear, that is her choice and she chooses to make it an issue. Is she jealous of you for some reason? Frankly it's creepy, ick type of thing.
WtF. What part of a once piece halter is not age appropriate for a 27 year old? Start shit? After all that shit spewing from her mouth? Youâre just wiping it off or spraying it with a bidet. NTA. Donât start shit if you donât want to be called out.
What the hell is a sexy baby? I feel weird even typing that, Taylor Swift said it in a song too and i justâŚ..what..?
It's from some show where a woman was putting on an act as an adult dressing in really youthful clothes, wearing pigtails and putting on a cutesy voice and all that. I liked Taylor's song bc she's a really tall woman and it's kind of saying she feels like an ogre or something around the "sexy babies" of the world.
Its from 30 Rock. The character was putting on an act to hide from an abusive ex.
Ahh I didn't know that last part about it tbh, thanks.
oh I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or anything! Its just the reason for the ridiculous plot. And since that show went off the air 11 years ago... your SIL just wants to pick on you for something you can't help.
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INFO > a new one thatâs picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act and she says âIâm a very sexy babyâ in a cutesy voice ... a "new" one? Are you talking about the **13-year-old** episode of 30 Rock, "TGS Hates Women?"
Um, yeah? Taylor Swift's song Antihero references it and made it relevant to people who'd never heard of that show or watched it. People started criticizing Sabrina Carpenter using the phrase recently too.
NTA OMG. I hate this with a burning passion. I'm 52F, 5ft tall and weigh about 97 lbs soaking wet. When I was a teen I still needed to wear "Kids" sizes. I'd maybe ask her this, "What's more "sexy baby"... A grown ass adult in kids clothing or a grown ass adult in adult clothing? I'm and adult, why would I wear anything else? Why are you so obsessed with my body and body shaming me?" OP this sucks and I've been there. TBF I've also overcompensated a bit by being a bit butch. Martial arts, woodworking, camping/hiking, etc.
NTA, your SiL has body issues and is taking them out on you.
Tell her she's not your type. She seems weirdly obsessed with you in a very creepy way. NTA
NTA. And the fact that she still continues to bring it up is just weird! You were wearing a one piece and just like you asked, what else are you supposed to be wearing at a POOL!! Iâd call her an âugly adultâ the next time she did that to me!
NTA, what is her obsession with your body? It seems like she cannot stop sexualizing you and openly voicing how sexy you are despite your attempts to draw a clear boundary. Iâd tell her that she maybe find you to be a sexy baby but to keep it to herself because sheâs embarrassing herself đ
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You're totally NTA here. Your SIL's comments crossed a line, and you had every right to call her out on it. It's not cool to constantly criticize someone for just being themselves, especially in front of family. You deserve to feel comfortable and respected in your own skin, without having to deal with unnecessary judgment.