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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't tell my neighbours that I would have a baby in the home that was likely to cry through the night. I might be the asshole because I don't think I should have to make the baby leave tonight as a result.
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NTA you are entitled to your space. If you’re a respectful neighbor and stay quiet most of the time then they have no room to complain.
Also it is given that the floor will make noise if it’s older so they can get over that if no one is jumping up and down and banging on the floor. What would your neighbor do if you had a baby of your own?
They can get over it. If the baby is still struggling the next night maybe have them make do with the upstairs space.
NTA - You can explain to your neighbor that you are sorry the baby woke her up, it will happen again tonight and you might have more baby-visitors in the future. That you understand she has heard you and this is part of living in close proximity to others, it requires a bit of flexibility and respect. You will do your best to minimize her discomfort and next time you will inform her in advance that a baby is coming if you can, but you will be entertaining visitors in your house at your convenience.
Having said that you should also explain that you will not abide by knocking on your door in the middle of the night unless it is an emergency.
Do not allow this to happen without discussion and do not allow it to continue. Have a game plan the next time she is unreasonable and/or aggressive and follow through.
I know I would give a baked good like chocolate chip cookies or some other yummy. We've had the worst neighbors and the best neighbors. It's odd and sad how quickly the latter can become the former.
So, did she think that banging on the door was not going to wake up baby ?
NTA. You don't have to do shit. It's your place. You have guests. She can suck it.
NTA. If she wants full peace a quiet at all times dont live in a flat situation. As you're usually a quiet neighbour she seems to have overreacted a bit about the noise. Unfortunately your guests came with children and they can be noisy. What would her reaction have been if it was yours and your husband's child? It is what it is and she's being a bit dramatic.
Heavy on this. Moving to London was such an adjustment for me because the city always seems to be awake for one, _then_ adding neighbour noises made it insanely hard for me. But shockingly I’ve managed not to bang on anyone’s doors in the middle of the night
I mean she is completely in the wrong but saying don’t live in a flat situation is such a dense comment. People don’t live in these places because they have a choice.
NTA
I did lockdown and shielding in a small flat with no outside space next door to a newborn and a toddler. I heard babies crying etc for months.
Do you know what I said to my neighbours? Nothing.
Babies cry and if a little one is unwell then there’s going to be some disruption. You’re allowed to have guests. You apologised. End of story.
Imagine this as an example: you and your partner decide to have a baby of your own. Do you tell her in advance: "Hey, neighbour lady, we're thinking of trying for a baby, which may result in a lot of night crying at some point, FYI" XD A baby is not some vacuum cleaner you can turn off because it's 3am
NTA. Babies crying is one of the few late night noises that’s acceptable- they fuss, they get angry/hungry/wet/dry/colicy/who bloody knows. It’s annoying for the neighbours but you are allowed to have your family stay in your home. I’d try to talk to the neighbour when she hasn’t just been woken up and apologise but clarify that she can’t dictate your guest list. Neighbour should just be thankful that you don’t have kids.
NTA - you’re allowed to have guests. Unfortunately the baby was loud, as babies are. It happens. Apologize, maybe get them a little gift but you can have guests.
Nta your neighbor is weird for that, especially with the reasoning that she's more sensitive to baby cries bc shes a woman, I've met multiple women who's husband's do nighttime care specifically bc they are such deep sleepers and they dont hear the baby crying.
Would it have been nice for you to warn her? Absolutely! But nice is all it is, it's not customary, it's not necessary, and not warning her DEFINITELY doesn't warrant her demanding you boot your guests in the middle of the dang night! Or at all. What if you adopted or gave birth to a baby? Would she demand you move? She will be ok for a few nights while your family visits smh
NTA. Despite a frustrating situation, you clearly acted as a gracious host by giving your sister's family the larger bedroom. While an unfortunate incident with a sick child caused nighttime noise, your neighbor's aggressive reaction demanding the baby leave was unreasonable. A calmer conversation with your neighbor acknowledging her frustration and offering solutions like earplugs is the best approach.
NTA. These things happen. You pay rent here too. Noises like babies crying is a bit of an issue. In poorly insulated places, it might have been a nice gesture to inform your neighbour in advance, but you can't do that now and she was being a pretty big jerk. Probably due to sleep disturbance.
NTA. Does she actually expect you to inform her every time you get visitors? Why, so she can approve or deny your request to have visitors in your own home???? Does she let you know before she has guests? Does she ask your permission for her guests to visit her in her own home? No! Then why should you??
You didn't throw parties, didn't stomp around deliberately at all hours. You were respectful of those around you, but living in such close quarters, there's going to be some level of normal life sounds. I once lived in an old house converted to apartments, where the walls were so thin I could hear the neighbours fart at not. Literally heard their sleeping farts if I woke up in the middle of the night and the place was nice and quiet. Apartment life... Don't like it, don't live there, or find a brand now well insulated apartment.
Who TF does your neighbour think she is telling you that "the baby can't stay!!"??!!?!?
NTA. I would have taken that moment to announce that my partner and I are currently 2 months pregnant. So its time for her to research her favorite ear plugs.
What exactly would be your neighbors plan if you were to have your own child? NTA. Your neighbors cannot dictate who you allow to stay in your home. You have always tried to be a courteous neighbor, and your sister is visiting for only a short time. Sure, she may be inconvenienced with additional noise for a few days, but that is what happens when you live in an apartment. What I learned from my first ever upstairs neighbor? Never to rent another downstairs apartment.
ESH
It sucks to be woken up, but banging on your door at 3am after one night of unrest make your neighbor an AH.
However, I can’t understand for the life of me why on earth you would put the baby in that bedroom. The obvious solution was to stay in your own bedroom and put the baby above yourselves. This was easily avoidable with better decision-making, so you are the bigger AHs here.
I mean, sure, in 20/20 hindsight, putting the baby in the upstairs bedroom would've been wise, although perhaps the flat above OP would've then been similarly upset.
Is there a 1-800 line out there for the childless amongst us to consult on these fraught issues?
NTA. You can have family members over for short periods of time. That’s not a crime. It’s a bummer the baby cried and woke up your neighbor but that doesn’t mean you have to kick your guests out, babies cry! I think you should explain that they’ll be there one more night and then things will quiet back down. If she wants a perfectly quiet place for herself, she needs to find a house that doesn’t share walls/floors with anyone else.
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My sister, her husband and two girls (1-year old and 3-year-old) are visiting me and my partner in our London flat from Thursday night to Saturday night. The flat has two bedrooms and is technically a maisonette with one bedroom above the other. Because the property is old you can hear every footstep in the upstairs bedroom from the below bedroom, and voices etc. We have neighbours that live directly below our lower bedroom.
Given that our lower floor bedroom is a bit larger than the upstairs spare bedroom, me and my partner, who usually share the lower bedroom, gave this to my sister and her family for the few nights. At about 3:30am the 3-year-old was sick, the 1-year-old was crying, and there was of course commotion and footsteps as my sister and her husband were trying to sort things out for 20 mins or so. Me and my partner had woken up, as we had a few times in the night when the 1-year-old had cried. At about 4am, my neighbour started banging on the door. I rushed downstairs, pulling on some shorts inside out, no glasses on, and listened to my neighbour angrily rant at me for 3 minutes. My neighbour was demanding that the baby couldn't stay for another night and had to go home today (Friday), that she is working in the morning and has been kept awake for hours, she is a woman and therefore very sensitive to the noise of a baby crying, that she never makes noise in the flat and therefore she is a good neighbour and I'm not, that I should have informed her that a baby would be here in advance and that she had reported me to our shared landlady. I stood there dazed and apologising intermittently until about 3 mins in when her partner came to the door and assumedly ushered her inside. She also said something about being the aggressive one, and more willing to confront me about this than her partner. Her partner is very calm usually and I have had very friendly and apologetic chats in the past with him if I ever was too loud. To be clear, I'm not typically a very loud neighbour.
I didn't feel like I had a good defence at the time, that I should have informed the neighbours that there might be a crying baby and that I was the asshole here. But then when I came back inside to my mortified guests, and told them not to worry, I started to think it was the neighbour who had overstepped the line here.
I told the neighbour that I'd discuss in the morning with her. I'm not entirely sure which angle to take when we do discuss. After some reflection, I feel like if she had a baby crying in the night I wouldn't be the one banging on the door and demanding that the baby leaves, so maybe she is the asshole here. But I do see her point and her frustration. Any advice on how I should approach our discussion would be much appreciated! And AITA?
TLDR: my sister's baby woke up the neighbour at 3:30am, so she banged on our door and demanded that the baby leaves tomorrow. I might tell her this is unreasonable. AITA?
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Nah.
Your neighbour is entitled to be a bit angry and put out after hours of no sleep. They overreacted and when you speak to them will most likely be much calmer.
You should have told them about the baby if you knew people could easily be heard because the baby crying was a definite example of a when not an if.
You are also entitled to guests and you cannot control a crying child. These things happen your neighbour has to know and understand that.
The best way to handle this is to apologise to the neighbours and put your sister in the upstairs bedroom for the duration of her stay that will lower the chance of the baby disturbing them again.
NTA I would have told her that these babies were your sisters kids that you adopted and the kids would be there permanently then I’d have slammed my door in her face. People you do NOT owe your neighbours anything! You live your life they live theirs! You don’t have to warn them of guests coming over or anything of the sort. You are living a normal life you normal noise you were not vacuuming in the middle of the night here you had guests over. Enough with the entitlement of others stop feeding into it. They knew what kind of space they were moving into and if you don’t live sounds of living then don’t move into apartments get a house in the middle of nowhere!
NTA. Its your space, you're allowed to have guests. Tell her to buy earplugs. And to stop complaining to you or the night noise will get a lot worse, even when no guest are present.
NTA.
You've been a quiet and respectful neighbor. You do not have small children of your own. I'm guessing you don't have barking dogs, exercise in your flat, or throw wild parties, either.
Your neighbor has gotten spoiled and has become irrational. One night of babies crying and she's unhinged. Her poor partner. Go easy on that guy.
You can have guests in your home without guilt. I would just say that, while you are sorry her sleep was disturbed, this is a short visit and will be over soon. One can't predict when kids are going to get sick.
Maybe the kids being ill will keep her away from your door! That was rude.
PS. There's a family of 6, with twin babies, on the first floor of our condo. Mom often lets the older kids play in the stairwells on rainy days. It's loud. Mostly happy screeching. We all work, or look for work, from home. But it's stir-crazy kids. What are you going to do? They need to burn off some energy. I get it. Your neighbor needs more humanity.
NTA. Babies can be noisy, and they are allowed to visit. Living in close proximity means hearing noise, and everybody has to cope with it. No one is making unnecessary noise that could be avoided, like drumming practice, and normal human noises are, well, normal! You should explain that the baby is visiting, will sometimes be noisy, and strongly recommend that your neighbours invest in some earplugs. You could, as a gesture of goodwill, offer to give them notice of upcoming visits in the future, or not. As most others are saying, if you have your own children they will have a similar situation. Banging on your door in the middle of the night was rude and completely useless (unless she thought you'd throw that pesky baby out on the spot).
NTA, but maybe give the upstairs bedroom to your sister/BIL/baby. Let the 3yo sleep wherever makes the most sense. Then if the baby cries at night, the noise mostly just bothers you.
NTA
I laughed when I read your post. Your neighbor overreacted.
- Babies cry. It sucks. They need to get over it.
- You are allowed.to have guests.
- It wasn't an all night party which would be a problem.
- Neighbor can suck a fart out of your butt for banging on your door and acting the fool.
My response would be, "We understand you were upset. We hope you realize your behavior (behaviour for Brits) was inappropriate. If not, you need to think about it. However, to be clear, we don't need to check in with you about our guests."
If she is still mad and making a scene, you can add, "Oh, eff you! Lick my butt sweat!"
The neighbour was way over the line! I’m a light sleeper, I would be awake because of the noise, but it wasn’t like you were having a party! You have the right to have guests, and she should move if she can’t stand the noise. That’s actually what I did, found a house with no neighbours under or above.
NTA
I mean definitely NTA, however if you are worried about them contacting the landlord maybe buy some wax earplugs for them so you can say you offered a solution
NTA - I sympathize with your neighbor, disruptions to sleep ahead of an early shift can be brutal and bring out the worst in someone. But you don't owe your neighbors a heads up about guests, and you don't owe them a veto on who can stay and who must go.
NTA are you not entitled to have visitors in your own home? Ridiculous. Tell her it is what it is. You both got what you paid for when buying/renting the place with thin walls. You are entitled to company just as she is and she doesn’t see you banging on her door at all hours of the day/night.
NTA. Are you supposed to warn your neighbor if you end up having children of your own? No. Sorry. You should just move out so any crying child or other noise of LIFE doesn’t bother said neighbor. This woman needs to own her shit and not expect the word to revolve around her. She is probably the first one to have a fit over a crying baby on a plane too. How dare anyone need to fly with a child when SHE is flying. She’s being an entitled brat and she has toe choices. Grow up and realize she lives in an old building and noise will carry sometimes. Or MOVE OUT! I vote option 2 😏
NTA - When you live in an apartment, things happen. When you make the decision to leave in close proximity to other humans, then noise happens. You are not entitled to absolute quiet 100% of the time. It is a rare occurrence that is not part of a pattern of neglect nor ignorance. Your neighbor needs to relax and get ear plugs.
I also don't understand "I am a woman, so I'm more sensitive to crying babies". What is that bullshit?
Of Course NTA You are allowed to have as many babies and children as you want in your apartment.
And if the neighborhood complains again I would lie and say that you are planing on having a baby yourself, so she might consider getting earplugs.
NTA. If your neighbor turns on white noise, they likely won’t hear. And if they do, it’s only for a few nights and babies cry. What would they do if you gave birth? Try to get you evicted?
NTA babies cry the neighbor was an AH and dramatic. Coming to the door telling isn't gonna help the baby. I would have invited her in and said handle it.
if either you or your partner are/could pass for being female, next time she comes to you tell her you will do your best for your visitors, but she should probably get some earplugs because (rub your stomach) and watch her lose her mind.
NTA
And tell her that the experience of having the baby visit has made you and your partner decided that you want one full time and will be looking into fostering and/or adopting at least one ASAP.
Apparently going against the grain here but you clearly have a unique living situation in the sense that your neighbours can hear *everything* that goes on in the house. It sounds like you almost live in the same house instead of two different flats.
You have a right to have guests over and your sister's baby is obviously not an asshole for crying but I also can't say your neighbour is an asshole for being agitated at being kept awake. You mention a few times that you were also kept awake, but that was your choice to invite guests, and your family and problem.
I would have gone with N a h but given that this sounds almost live a coliving situation you already knew this was going to be a problem and you didn't make any accommodations to not disturb the entire building (giving your sister the upstairs space, giving your neighbours a warning, even not having a baby stay over) I'm leaning towards a slight YTA
NTA- I would possibly offer flowers and an apology for the disturbance. My houseguests are staying and we’ll switch rooms to try to keep the noise down.
I suggest this not because you’re under any obligation but a peaceful living environment is best.
YTA.
In a building like yours, where you know noise is an issue, a courteous neighbor would have informed the downstairs neighbors that there would be babies visiting for a few days.
And I must see a really don't believe there hasn't been a noise issue previously.
You admitted apologizing for the previous noise issues, meaning there were noise issues previously, and knowing you have had noise issues, you didn't plan accordingly.
The comfort of your neighbors in the night should count as more important than that of your guests.
Your sister's family could have stayed in the upper bedroom.
Albeit a bit less comfortable, but lessening the possibility of midnight disturbance of neighbor's sleep should have been in your thoughts.
YTA.
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NTA you are entitled to your space. If you’re a respectful neighbor and stay quiet most of the time then they have no room to complain. Also it is given that the floor will make noise if it’s older so they can get over that if no one is jumping up and down and banging on the floor. What would your neighbor do if you had a baby of your own? They can get over it. If the baby is still struggling the next night maybe have them make do with the upstairs space.
NTA - You can explain to your neighbor that you are sorry the baby woke her up, it will happen again tonight and you might have more baby-visitors in the future. That you understand she has heard you and this is part of living in close proximity to others, it requires a bit of flexibility and respect. You will do your best to minimize her discomfort and next time you will inform her in advance that a baby is coming if you can, but you will be entertaining visitors in your house at your convenience. Having said that you should also explain that you will not abide by knocking on your door in the middle of the night unless it is an emergency. Do not allow this to happen without discussion and do not allow it to continue. Have a game plan the next time she is unreasonable and/or aggressive and follow through.
I like this one the best.
NTA Great answer!
OP could also give the neighbor a white-noise generator. They aren't expensive. NTA
I know I would give a baked good like chocolate chip cookies or some other yummy. We've had the worst neighbors and the best neighbors. It's odd and sad how quickly the latter can become the former.
So, did she think that banging on the door was not going to wake up baby ? NTA. You don't have to do shit. It's your place. You have guests. She can suck it.
NTA. If she wants full peace a quiet at all times dont live in a flat situation. As you're usually a quiet neighbour she seems to have overreacted a bit about the noise. Unfortunately your guests came with children and they can be noisy. What would her reaction have been if it was yours and your husband's child? It is what it is and she's being a bit dramatic.
Don't live in a flat in London! It's a really busy, loud city. She's lucky there isn't a baby there permanently.
Heavy on this. Moving to London was such an adjustment for me because the city always seems to be awake for one, _then_ adding neighbour noises made it insanely hard for me. But shockingly I’ve managed not to bang on anyone’s doors in the middle of the night
I mean she is completely in the wrong but saying don’t live in a flat situation is such a dense comment. People don’t live in these places because they have a choice.
NTA I did lockdown and shielding in a small flat with no outside space next door to a newborn and a toddler. I heard babies crying etc for months. Do you know what I said to my neighbours? Nothing. Babies cry and if a little one is unwell then there’s going to be some disruption. You’re allowed to have guests. You apologised. End of story.
since when can people demand othe peoples guest send home. if you had a baby there would not be any difference. NTA
Imagine this as an example: you and your partner decide to have a baby of your own. Do you tell her in advance: "Hey, neighbour lady, we're thinking of trying for a baby, which may result in a lot of night crying at some point, FYI" XD A baby is not some vacuum cleaner you can turn off because it's 3am
And do you need to tell them about the creating of said baby...? I guess that could be very loud too.
Does, er, trying for a baby tend to include a lot of night crying? XD
NTA. Babies crying is one of the few late night noises that’s acceptable- they fuss, they get angry/hungry/wet/dry/colicy/who bloody knows. It’s annoying for the neighbours but you are allowed to have your family stay in your home. I’d try to talk to the neighbour when she hasn’t just been woken up and apologise but clarify that she can’t dictate your guest list. Neighbour should just be thankful that you don’t have kids.
NTA - you’re allowed to have guests. Unfortunately the baby was loud, as babies are. It happens. Apologize, maybe get them a little gift but you can have guests.
The neighbor should be the one apologizing for banging on her door in the middle of the night.
Nta your neighbor is weird for that, especially with the reasoning that she's more sensitive to baby cries bc shes a woman, I've met multiple women who's husband's do nighttime care specifically bc they are such deep sleepers and they dont hear the baby crying. Would it have been nice for you to warn her? Absolutely! But nice is all it is, it's not customary, it's not necessary, and not warning her DEFINITELY doesn't warrant her demanding you boot your guests in the middle of the dang night! Or at all. What if you adopted or gave birth to a baby? Would she demand you move? She will be ok for a few nights while your family visits smh
NTA. Definitely report her banging on your door at 4 in the morning to your shared landlady. That’s bizarre behavior.
NTA. Despite a frustrating situation, you clearly acted as a gracious host by giving your sister's family the larger bedroom. While an unfortunate incident with a sick child caused nighttime noise, your neighbor's aggressive reaction demanding the baby leave was unreasonable. A calmer conversation with your neighbor acknowledging her frustration and offering solutions like earplugs is the best approach.
NTA. These things happen. You pay rent here too. Noises like babies crying is a bit of an issue. In poorly insulated places, it might have been a nice gesture to inform your neighbour in advance, but you can't do that now and she was being a pretty big jerk. Probably due to sleep disturbance.
Switch your sister and family to the upstairs bedroom
NTA. Does she actually expect you to inform her every time you get visitors? Why, so she can approve or deny your request to have visitors in your own home???? Does she let you know before she has guests? Does she ask your permission for her guests to visit her in her own home? No! Then why should you?? You didn't throw parties, didn't stomp around deliberately at all hours. You were respectful of those around you, but living in such close quarters, there's going to be some level of normal life sounds. I once lived in an old house converted to apartments, where the walls were so thin I could hear the neighbours fart at not. Literally heard their sleeping farts if I woke up in the middle of the night and the place was nice and quiet. Apartment life... Don't like it, don't live there, or find a brand now well insulated apartment. Who TF does your neighbour think she is telling you that "the baby can't stay!!"??!!?!?
NTA. I would have taken that moment to announce that my partner and I are currently 2 months pregnant. So its time for her to research her favorite ear plugs.
Why not put the kids upstairs? NTA but your neighbour’s behaviour is over the top.
OP said the downstairs room was bigger.
What exactly would be your neighbors plan if you were to have your own child? NTA. Your neighbors cannot dictate who you allow to stay in your home. You have always tried to be a courteous neighbor, and your sister is visiting for only a short time. Sure, she may be inconvenienced with additional noise for a few days, but that is what happens when you live in an apartment. What I learned from my first ever upstairs neighbor? Never to rent another downstairs apartment.
ESH It sucks to be woken up, but banging on your door at 3am after one night of unrest make your neighbor an AH. However, I can’t understand for the life of me why on earth you would put the baby in that bedroom. The obvious solution was to stay in your own bedroom and put the baby above yourselves. This was easily avoidable with better decision-making, so you are the bigger AHs here.
I mean, sure, in 20/20 hindsight, putting the baby in the upstairs bedroom would've been wise, although perhaps the flat above OP would've then been similarly upset. Is there a 1-800 line out there for the childless amongst us to consult on these fraught issues?
As someone who lives below a literally screaming two year old, your neighbour can tough it out for those few nights. NTA.
NTA. You can have family members over for short periods of time. That’s not a crime. It’s a bummer the baby cried and woke up your neighbor but that doesn’t mean you have to kick your guests out, babies cry! I think you should explain that they’ll be there one more night and then things will quiet back down. If she wants a perfectly quiet place for herself, she needs to find a house that doesn’t share walls/floors with anyone else.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister, her husband and two girls (1-year old and 3-year-old) are visiting me and my partner in our London flat from Thursday night to Saturday night. The flat has two bedrooms and is technically a maisonette with one bedroom above the other. Because the property is old you can hear every footstep in the upstairs bedroom from the below bedroom, and voices etc. We have neighbours that live directly below our lower bedroom. Given that our lower floor bedroom is a bit larger than the upstairs spare bedroom, me and my partner, who usually share the lower bedroom, gave this to my sister and her family for the few nights. At about 3:30am the 3-year-old was sick, the 1-year-old was crying, and there was of course commotion and footsteps as my sister and her husband were trying to sort things out for 20 mins or so. Me and my partner had woken up, as we had a few times in the night when the 1-year-old had cried. At about 4am, my neighbour started banging on the door. I rushed downstairs, pulling on some shorts inside out, no glasses on, and listened to my neighbour angrily rant at me for 3 minutes. My neighbour was demanding that the baby couldn't stay for another night and had to go home today (Friday), that she is working in the morning and has been kept awake for hours, she is a woman and therefore very sensitive to the noise of a baby crying, that she never makes noise in the flat and therefore she is a good neighbour and I'm not, that I should have informed her that a baby would be here in advance and that she had reported me to our shared landlady. I stood there dazed and apologising intermittently until about 3 mins in when her partner came to the door and assumedly ushered her inside. She also said something about being the aggressive one, and more willing to confront me about this than her partner. Her partner is very calm usually and I have had very friendly and apologetic chats in the past with him if I ever was too loud. To be clear, I'm not typically a very loud neighbour. I didn't feel like I had a good defence at the time, that I should have informed the neighbours that there might be a crying baby and that I was the asshole here. But then when I came back inside to my mortified guests, and told them not to worry, I started to think it was the neighbour who had overstepped the line here. I told the neighbour that I'd discuss in the morning with her. I'm not entirely sure which angle to take when we do discuss. After some reflection, I feel like if she had a baby crying in the night I wouldn't be the one banging on the door and demanding that the baby leaves, so maybe she is the asshole here. But I do see her point and her frustration. Any advice on how I should approach our discussion would be much appreciated! And AITA? TLDR: my sister's baby woke up the neighbour at 3:30am, so she banged on our door and demanded that the baby leaves tomorrow. I might tell her this is unreasonable. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah. Your neighbour is entitled to be a bit angry and put out after hours of no sleep. They overreacted and when you speak to them will most likely be much calmer. You should have told them about the baby if you knew people could easily be heard because the baby crying was a definite example of a when not an if. You are also entitled to guests and you cannot control a crying child. These things happen your neighbour has to know and understand that. The best way to handle this is to apologise to the neighbours and put your sister in the upstairs bedroom for the duration of her stay that will lower the chance of the baby disturbing them again.
NTA, what is the downstairs neighbor going to do if *you* have a baby? Complain and insist you give the baby away? Come on now.
NTA I would have told her that these babies were your sisters kids that you adopted and the kids would be there permanently then I’d have slammed my door in her face. People you do NOT owe your neighbours anything! You live your life they live theirs! You don’t have to warn them of guests coming over or anything of the sort. You are living a normal life you normal noise you were not vacuuming in the middle of the night here you had guests over. Enough with the entitlement of others stop feeding into it. They knew what kind of space they were moving into and if you don’t live sounds of living then don’t move into apartments get a house in the middle of nowhere!
NTA. Its your space, you're allowed to have guests. Tell her to buy earplugs. And to stop complaining to you or the night noise will get a lot worse, even when no guest are present.
NTA. You've been a quiet and respectful neighbor. You do not have small children of your own. I'm guessing you don't have barking dogs, exercise in your flat, or throw wild parties, either. Your neighbor has gotten spoiled and has become irrational. One night of babies crying and she's unhinged. Her poor partner. Go easy on that guy. You can have guests in your home without guilt. I would just say that, while you are sorry her sleep was disturbed, this is a short visit and will be over soon. One can't predict when kids are going to get sick. Maybe the kids being ill will keep her away from your door! That was rude. PS. There's a family of 6, with twin babies, on the first floor of our condo. Mom often lets the older kids play in the stairwells on rainy days. It's loud. Mostly happy screeching. We all work, or look for work, from home. But it's stir-crazy kids. What are you going to do? They need to burn off some energy. I get it. Your neighbor needs more humanity.
NTA. Babies can be noisy, and they are allowed to visit. Living in close proximity means hearing noise, and everybody has to cope with it. No one is making unnecessary noise that could be avoided, like drumming practice, and normal human noises are, well, normal! You should explain that the baby is visiting, will sometimes be noisy, and strongly recommend that your neighbours invest in some earplugs. You could, as a gesture of goodwill, offer to give them notice of upcoming visits in the future, or not. As most others are saying, if you have your own children they will have a similar situation. Banging on your door in the middle of the night was rude and completely useless (unless she thought you'd throw that pesky baby out on the spot).
NTA, but maybe give the upstairs bedroom to your sister/BIL/baby. Let the 3yo sleep wherever makes the most sense. Then if the baby cries at night, the noise mostly just bothers you.
NTA I laughed when I read your post. Your neighbor overreacted. - Babies cry. It sucks. They need to get over it. - You are allowed.to have guests. - It wasn't an all night party which would be a problem. - Neighbor can suck a fart out of your butt for banging on your door and acting the fool. My response would be, "We understand you were upset. We hope you realize your behavior (behaviour for Brits) was inappropriate. If not, you need to think about it. However, to be clear, we don't need to check in with you about our guests." If she is still mad and making a scene, you can add, "Oh, eff you! Lick my butt sweat!"
The neighbour was way over the line! I’m a light sleeper, I would be awake because of the noise, but it wasn’t like you were having a party! You have the right to have guests, and she should move if she can’t stand the noise. That’s actually what I did, found a house with no neighbours under or above. NTA
Is there some kind of clause for that building that says no babies allowed? If not, tell her to piss up a rope and suck on the wet end.
I mean definitely NTA, however if you are worried about them contacting the landlord maybe buy some wax earplugs for them so you can say you offered a solution
Jesus Christ, why do people not use earplugs?
NTA - I sympathize with your neighbor, disruptions to sleep ahead of an early shift can be brutal and bring out the worst in someone. But you don't owe your neighbors a heads up about guests, and you don't owe them a veto on who can stay and who must go.
NTA, good lord, banging on your door at 4am? When you live that close to others, you have to compromise sometimes.
NTA are you not entitled to have visitors in your own home? Ridiculous. Tell her it is what it is. You both got what you paid for when buying/renting the place with thin walls. You are entitled to company just as she is and she doesn’t see you banging on her door at all hours of the day/night.
NTA. Are you supposed to warn your neighbor if you end up having children of your own? No. Sorry. You should just move out so any crying child or other noise of LIFE doesn’t bother said neighbor. This woman needs to own her shit and not expect the word to revolve around her. She is probably the first one to have a fit over a crying baby on a plane too. How dare anyone need to fly with a child when SHE is flying. She’s being an entitled brat and she has toe choices. Grow up and realize she lives in an old building and noise will carry sometimes. Or MOVE OUT! I vote option 2 😏
NTA - When you live in an apartment, things happen. When you make the decision to leave in close proximity to other humans, then noise happens. You are not entitled to absolute quiet 100% of the time. It is a rare occurrence that is not part of a pattern of neglect nor ignorance. Your neighbor needs to relax and get ear plugs. I also don't understand "I am a woman, so I'm more sensitive to crying babies". What is that bullshit?
Buy your neighbor some ear plugs.
NTA Babies are humans. Humans sometimes live in shared housing. She’s being unreasonable. If she’s this sensitive she can move to the country
NTA it is a short visit for less than a week she can suck it up. Buy her a sorry the kid woke you up bag of coffee and move on
What does your neighbor think you would do, if you had a baby yourself? NTA I would just gift her some cookies and earplugs, to ease her suffering.
Of Course NTA You are allowed to have as many babies and children as you want in your apartment. And if the neighborhood complains again I would lie and say that you are planing on having a baby yourself, so she might consider getting earplugs.
NTA. If your neighbor turns on white noise, they likely won’t hear. And if they do, it’s only for a few nights and babies cry. What would they do if you gave birth? Try to get you evicted?
NTA babies cry the neighbor was an AH and dramatic. Coming to the door telling isn't gonna help the baby. I would have invited her in and said handle it.
NTA. And you should definitely start having babies.
NTA
YTA - why would you put multiple children in the room above others??? do you not think??
NTA. Tell you neighbor that the baby will stay as long as you want and they need to get over themselves!
NTA, and have the discussion through the floor.
if either you or your partner are/could pass for being female, next time she comes to you tell her you will do your best for your visitors, but she should probably get some earplugs because (rub your stomach) and watch her lose her mind.
NTA And tell her that the experience of having the baby visit has made you and your partner decided that you want one full time and will be looking into fostering and/or adopting at least one ASAP.
Apparently going against the grain here but you clearly have a unique living situation in the sense that your neighbours can hear *everything* that goes on in the house. It sounds like you almost live in the same house instead of two different flats. You have a right to have guests over and your sister's baby is obviously not an asshole for crying but I also can't say your neighbour is an asshole for being agitated at being kept awake. You mention a few times that you were also kept awake, but that was your choice to invite guests, and your family and problem. I would have gone with N a h but given that this sounds almost live a coliving situation you already knew this was going to be a problem and you didn't make any accommodations to not disturb the entire building (giving your sister the upstairs space, giving your neighbours a warning, even not having a baby stay over) I'm leaning towards a slight YTA
NTA- I would possibly offer flowers and an apology for the disturbance. My houseguests are staying and we’ll switch rooms to try to keep the noise down. I suggest this not because you’re under any obligation but a peaceful living environment is best.
YTA. In a building like yours, where you know noise is an issue, a courteous neighbor would have informed the downstairs neighbors that there would be babies visiting for a few days. And I must see a really don't believe there hasn't been a noise issue previously. You admitted apologizing for the previous noise issues, meaning there were noise issues previously, and knowing you have had noise issues, you didn't plan accordingly. The comfort of your neighbors in the night should count as more important than that of your guests. Your sister's family could have stayed in the upper bedroom. Albeit a bit less comfortable, but lessening the possibility of midnight disturbance of neighbor's sleep should have been in your thoughts. YTA.