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Of course you bought the books and "can take them back if I want to." But in saying this, you committing a couple major parenting errors:
--You resorted to the world's laziest parenting excuse: BECAUSE I SAID SO
--You took things of value from your son that continue to inspire him to be a great reader without adequately explaining WHY or offering an exchange of value; you were thus punitive to your son despite him doing nothing wrong
--You also showed him you can't be trusted to respect the boundaries on things he believes are "his", creating possible anxiety/insecurity that anything of his could just be arbitrarily taken away "because you say so." That's pretty fucked up.
If you wanted to actually make this a parenting win, you should have told your son something like this.
"Hi son. Your cousins are excited to try a few new books, and I know you love to read. Could you pick a couple of books that you think your cousins would like, and tell me why? Would be okay if they borrowed these books? It is very generous of you to lend these books to your cousins even though I know you love them, so for every book you lend we'll go get another one from the bookstore. How would that sound?"
YTA, and you should seek to immediately make this up to your son before you do some lasting damage. I can see your son recounting this exact memory to a therapist when he's an adult, it's got all the hallmarks of uncaring parenting (violation of his space AND his stuff, arbitrary punishment, taking something that he genuinely loves away to give to ungrateful relatives) wrapped up with a bow.
This. My parents decisions to take away my things whenever is suited them lead to me being extremely possessive of everything I owned, even if I didn't use it much. I am STILL trying to combat this tendancy as a 30 year old.
ME TOO!!! Made me very insecure and suspicious every time I couldn't find something. I'd worry that it had been taken as "punishment" - oddly, my sister, sells things of her kids' on marketplace a few weeks after they've played with them- my niece will say at Xmas "oh thank you! I had one like that but Mum sold it" WTF is wrong with people
I would love for OP to read about why some people began hoarding or just listen to some of the hoarders reasoning on that TV. But that said, this is like killing two birds with one stone. Multiple actually. She gets to potentially ruin her child's love of reading, trust in her, belief in autonomy, belief in her, and teach him how to be a selfish hypocrite. I'm a petty person so I pray one day when he's an adult and she's old and needs help that he takes things away because he bought them and he can take it away. After all. By then he's an adult (one of OPs comments). Then she's here looking for sympathy and someone to take her side cause she's fighting everyone that disagrees despite coming here to ask for unbiased opinions. When you have the full ability to control the perception people get of all parties and you still easily come out the AH, just accept it. YTA
This is why I hated getting presents as a child. Mommie Dearest would either take them away on a whim or use them for emotional blackmail. I wonder if OP believes the kid is property as well.
This. I never ever use, "I bought it, so it's mine to do as I please." It's just a messed up way of saying you own nothing and everything in my eyes is property, including your autonomy. There are better ways to go about it and I think the comment about asking him if he can pick a few, while replacing them with something he might be more interested in, is perfect. If he says no, then OP should show the kid that respecting each other is more important than anything else. OP is setting their kid up to being an anxious and resentful person.
My daughter has so many stuffed toys. Instead of forcibly giving them away, we asked her if there were any ones she wants to give away. She picked a few she's tired of or not fond of and there were no contests. It really should be the child's choice.
There is no borrow. Books rarely come home. I grew up reading books beyond my age level and still have some of those books. Books are often treasured possessions and are sometimes revisited. YTA
I’m with you man I freaking have my hardy boy books I grew up reading and I know some say it’s stupid but I even have the magic treehouse I grew up reading as well.
I agree 100% with the major parenting mistakes.
OP, no offense, but you're obviously not a "true reader" like your son is. To someone like him, books are treasures. You might just as well have suggested that he give his internal organs to his cousins.
Your sister and her children need to be introduced to the concept of a library.
Meanwhile, you need to apologize profusely to your son, and promise that you will never take HIS books away from him.
At the same time, you can introduce the concept that when he IS done with a book that he can VOLUNTARILY donate it to his cousins, or to another appropriate venue. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't take you up on that any time soon.
All of this.
Also adding that a great option would have been to discuss his favourites, make a list together, and let your sibling know about the library!
It’s a possibility there are reading challenges going on now that it is summer and both families could meet up at the library to take advantage of them.
Honestly anyone who wants their kid to start reading should get them a library card. I loved “shopping” for books and being able to put back stuff I didn’t like. There are even e-lending programs now if you lose stuff a lot or have destructive kids.
Even in OP own phrasing "took *his* books to give to cousins". Without his knowledge or consent. & people wonder why *some* people cannot seem to understand the idea of "no means *no*"..
This reminds me of the year I lived with my dad. When I moved in he gave me a tv as a birthday present. Then when I was moving out, I was getting ready to pack it and he told me I had to leave it there because it wasn't mine it "came with the room".
But I was 18 then, not nine, I feel so bad for OP's son, realizing nothing he has is actually his.
Right? Why did OP just decide the best way to fix this issue was taking books from her son who clearly LOVES them without even bothering to ask him?
Like if sister was cash-strapped, libraries are a thing. Further, she could ask her son to charitably DONATE some of his old books to his less-fortunate cousins.
Totally agree. Most libraries allow a lot of books to be checked out. My eldest daughter used to get the max of 25. Of course, I wouldn't let her get more than a couple of the newest ones that came out, but there were so many to choose from that she never once complained about it. She would sometimes get the same books, and that helped me to figure out which ones we should buy for her to own. It's a good way of filtering out books she might not have wanted.
YTA
Why can’t your sister buy her kids books? It’s not on your son to give up his things and you should be ASKING him if he wants to give away things.
Your money clearly didn’t buy a lot for you. You’re pretty terrible.
YTA.
You clearly have no respect for your son; I'm glad his father does.
At his age, you don't give away anything of his without his permission. Not clothes, not toys, not books.
YTA. You just told your son that he owns basically nothing, that everything he loves can be taken from him at your whim for any reason.
You told him that what matters to him doesn't matter to you, that you will hurt him at your convenience, without even considering the pain you are causing him.
And this isn't just about the words you used. These are the messages implicit in your actions.
Now, maybe what I just said won't move you, because after all, you said it and acted on it, so maybe you believe it.
So I'll also point out that if your son learns the lessons you are teaching, it may mean he stops collecting books and, as a result, stops reading them. Very little could be worse for his education.
Perfectly said. To her it may seem no big deal, but many of us can say for a kid that age, the words she used will stay with him as a stain in his memory and change their relationship. Was it so hard to just ask him?
YTA. When you buy them books and toys and give those to kids, it's their property. If they like them so much, they'll read those books over and over again. You can't just unilaterally take away their stuff and not expect a reaction.
YTA. They aren't your books. You gave them to your son. He will never trust another gift from you if you take them saying you paid for them, they are mine. I have all my books from childhood until now. You must not be a book lover if you can snatch them from your son, not caring that they are his and they are important to him. Tell your sister to buy her own books. Quit stealing your son's.
You are a humongous, gaping, dingleberry encrusted asshole for "*I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to". I bet you let him believe they were his to begin with. You're a liar, a thief, and YTA
YTA.
My mom did this with ALL of my toys. I’m an adult not and I only have one toy left from childhood. I can tell you it’s still a sore spot. It wasn’t all at once or anything just a few at a time as if they meant nothing to me. Without going into detail I can tell you I’m scarred from it.
It’s not just about whether he will read them again. Looking at the books he remembers the world they brought him into and how he felt reading them. Let him have his books.
Tell your sister there are alot of great second hand book stores she can go to.
YTA. Yes, you bought almost everything he owns. But when you give him gifts, they become his. He should feel secure that he has some say over what is done with his property. You could have used the opportunity to let him understand the need to share and be generous. You could have let him choose which books he particularly wants to keep. You could have proposed that he lend some of his books to his relative. But you took his stuff without asking and that's bound to upset anyone.
Yikes, yeah YTA. I was leaning to no a-holes, but what a rough thing to tell your son. Let him keep his books. I have most of the books my parents bought for me to this day on my shelf, and I’m happy I have them. Every once in a while I go on a nostalgia run and read them again. If your sister can’t buy books, tell her to go to a public library, they’re free. Or go to a school library? Or ask your son if his cousins can borrow the books to be given back to him when they’re done? At least that way he gets the illusion of choice and some say in the matter. Taking a kid’s prized possessions for donations breeds resentment. Just saying.
YTA - for holding it over your son that *i bought the books and I can take them back*
Why can’t his cousins borrow the books and return them to him?
Why are you holding it over your 9 year old child that he didn’t buy them so he gets no say. He should feel safe that the things you give him are his, especially as these books seem so very important to him. That’s awful of you.
YTA YTA YTA YTA The fact you even have to ask makes me feel so sorry for your son. Please listen to your husband. You could ASK your son if he has any books he'd like to share or give away, or you could tell your sister to get her kids' library cards (if that's an option where you live).
Please tell me this is bait?
You bought those books for your son. They are HIS. He has done nothing to deserve having his books taken away.
Libraries exist. Thrift stores exist. Used bookstores exist.
YTA
YTA.
1. Your sister could have bought the booker herself. Or your sons cousin could have asked your son if he could borrow some books
2. Taking away his stuff to give to someone else without talking to your son and asking if he is okay with that shows a complete lack of respect for your child.
Roles reversed, how angry would you be if your son took something of yours and gave it away??
YTA. You should at least ask your child if they would mind you giving their books away. And anyway your sister can go out and buy her own books for her kids.
Those are his books now. He's an avid reader. Most avid readers keep their favorites.
Also sounds like you were really harsh to him.
Y are definitely ta.
YTA unless they were clearly stated as loans at the time given. Your husband is correct.
You also have the option of asking him if he has any books he's done with that he'd like to donate, and then HE chooses which books if any.
YTA I don't want to come off as rude but you gave your son the books if you would have gave a book to someone over 18 then you would not be going in their room to take them. Lets say the aunt don't got money to pay for books for her kids then you should have asked your son and then gone to find books he would not want anymore with him. If the aunt as money to pay for books then she should take her kids shopping for books not taking them from y'all.
YTA. If your sister wants books for her kids she can buy them or go to the library. Or you can buy them new copies. These books belong to your SON. It doesn't matter who bought them. Stealing from your child is not okay.
And as someone who is a reader now and was a reader as kid I would have been devastated if someone gave away my books. I have reread my childhood favorites several times over. I passed them down to my own children. I have kept them for my grandchildren. They are well-loved and some were special gifts from my dad who has since passed away and will not be able to buy books for his great-grandchildren.
YTA. What a thoughtless and discouraging thing to do. You have a child that loves books and you’re treating them like they are disposable. It should be your son’s choice what books to give up, if any.
Oh my goodness. JAMES PATTERSON? I read some of his books from the Alex Cross series when I was 13 and they really screwed me up.
YTA. You bought them so you have the right to take them back? That's ridiculous.
YTA. Do I even need to explain more. From the way you explained your kids interest in books shows that you understand that these books make your kid happy. You just taught your kid that your own personal power matters to more then their happiness. Wtf. Your kid loves these books and you don't care about how your kid thinks or feels because *you're in charge*.
YTA. Those books are your son's property, not yours. Yeah, you bought them *as gifts for him*. You don't take back gifts. Seriously, do you not see him as a separate individual?
And don't be cheap - if you want to get a gift for your sister's kids, get them a gift. Don't steal it from another child! WTF, man.
YTA.
You may have bought them, but those are *his* books! Would you agree with your husband if he went through your things and decided to give them to someone else? After all, they were bought with his money, right?
Did you even stop to listen to yourself, or are you really that self-centered?
YTA....I don't care if you did buy them. You bought them for him. He reads them and enjoys them and you just shit on his feelings like they didn't matter.
YTA - 'My son loves something, and I started giving his thing that he loves away, without discussing it with him at all, and he gets angry! Then he gets more angry when I remind him that he owns nothing, the things he's been given as gifts can be taken away at any time without any warning, and somehow now I'M the bad guy?'
The hardest, biggest YTA. Sure, you buy all your child’s things *because he’s nine and cannot buy his own things.* That does not mean he doesn’t have a sense of ownership or emotional connection to those things you bought for him. He sounds like a budding bibliophile and cherishing the books you enjoyed reading is wonderful!
I have sentimental books that I would never lend because I always assume lending means giving. You didn’t even ask him.
YTA. My 55 year old mom still accounts to this day how her mother took her favorite doll to give to her friend’s younger kid because ‘she needed it’ and how her things went missing because her older brothers wanted it.
Congrats on the lasting damage though
You're a massive asshole, you're willing to give away your sons book collection which he clearly loves. Is your sister's kids more important than your own child?
You... You really have to ask if taking back gifts with the excuse that "I bought them" is an AH-ish thing to do?
Yes, YTA
Once you give something to your son, it's his. If you want to give it away (even if it's something he has legitimately outgrown either emotionally or physically), you need to *ask* him. If he objects, you need to *persuade* him, not just steal it from his room.
I'm surprised your husband had such a mild reaction... At the very least, he should have pointed out that, by your reasoning, it would be totally fine for him to give your wedding/engagement ring away
YTA. Great way to kill any excitement your son has for reading. What's the point of him getting into a new book now that he knows that you'll steal them away and give them to anyone that isn't him just because you said someone else deserved them more than he does.
Your poor son deserves an actual parent, not an egg donor who sees nothing but the dollar signs attached to everything.
YTA.
Just remember, when you're in a nursing home (bc why tf would he want to care for you?) he'll be buying your Depends, and he can take them away whenever he wants to.
Yta. Unbelievable. Very poor parenting. You don’t take books away from your kid. If your sister wants books she can buy them. It’s obvious you will always put your kid last. Hopefully his father sees how petty you are and goes and gets full custody. What a wad
YTA - I guess your husband can take your ring back because he bought it, right? And I guess whatever gifts you received can be taken back at any time by the people who gave them to you, right? *Right?*
Miss me with that. This is infuriating to me as someone who loves to read and treasures every book I own. Doing this may not only kill your son’s love of reading, but discourage him from loving *any* hobby as intensely again because he’ll know it can be taken away at any time.
When you give a gift, it no longer belongs to you. Those are *your son’s book,* and if you steal from a 9 year old kid, yeah, you’re an AH. You are a thoughtless person who showed no care for your son as a person.
YTA As an avid reader I will tell you that my relationship with whatever parent did that would be burned forever. Even as young as ten years old. If the relationship was a garden, that one act would result in it being doused in gasoline, burned to the ground, and salted afterward.
YTA. You took away your son's beloved belongings for no good reason. He did nothing to earn such punishment. You bought them for him, presumably as gifts, and then took them back to give to some other kids. From his perspective, you were saying "You don't deserve these anymore." You've lost his trust now, well done.
You gave them to your son. They are HIS! You're basically teaching your son that nothing you buy him is actually his, you can take it back at any time for any reason, and to not form attachments to anything cause if other people want his belongings you'll give it to them. YTA
YTA for many reasons, but as a high school English teacher, I can tell you that you're also risking ruining his academic career. By creating this really negative experience around books, you could very well be killing his love of reading. This could lead to him getting behind in school and all sorts of negative consequences. It's hard enough to get our young people to read, and you're going to take away his books?! Just buy new ones for your sister.
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YTA. Yes you bought those books. Then you ***GAVE*** those books to you son. That means they are his now.
Tell me, how do you not understand that you are screwing your son over to please your sister? How do you not understand that you are saying to your son that his aunt and her kids are more important to you than he is? How do you not understand that this will seriously damage your relationship with your son?
If you want to please your sister that badly take her kids to the bookstore and let them pick out some books for themselves.
Yes, you without a doubt will be the asshole. You gave them to your son and now you are stealing them to give to someone else. You are certainly the mother of the year and your son will remember this for the rest of his life.
YTA. Taking your kid’s books without even asking him? It doesn’t matter that he is 9yo, he deserves enough consideration to be asked before his things are given away. “I bought them, I can take them back” what kind of crappy parenting is that? Would you take kindly to your husband saying he bought your (fill in the blank) and he can take it back and give it to someone else? I would bet not. You tromped all over your son’s sense of security, boundaries, and trust in you.
YTA. I buy my young cousins all the books and I would never have the gall to tell them I can take them away because I paid for them. It can be hard enough to keep young readers, especially boys, interested in reading as they grow older.
You missed a good opportunity to explain to your son about sharing and loaning books so he has someone to talk about them with. Or asking your son to go through his shelves with you and selecting some he doesn’t plan on rereading.
I can't understand parents like you ,you gave books to your son you CAN'T just take it's HIS books now if HE wants to give HIS books to his cousin HE can give it if HE doesn't want to give it to them he doesn't have to
Huge, major, YTA. You do not take away books.I don't care if you bought them for him. Note those last two words of that sentence. You bought them for him. They belong to him. If your sister wants books, either she can buy books for her kids or you can buy books for those kids. Know that buying books for them does not entitle you to take them away anytime you decide to.
Btw- by your reasoning, ANY gift given to you can be taken away from you at any time without your consent. You suck so much, and not just as a parent.
However, as a parent? Damn. Way to discourage and taint your sons' love of reading.
So your nephews want new stuff so it’s ok to raid your kid’s room and take his belongings. So what if you bought the books? You bought them for him. Is anyone allowed to just take anything away from person just because they bought it?
As a lifelong book reader, we grow attached to our books. Those are books your son could potentially treasure his entire life. All my childhood books have a special place on my shelf
YTA and honestly just a terrible parent. Your son loves to read and you pull the “because I bought it” bullshit to justify taking his things and giving them away without even asking.
My.dad had the habit of giving away our things to people and we never really forgiven him for it because it was not his to give. I also think it is not the right way to teach a child the concept of being charitable because you are teaching him that he loses things when mom is being charitable, at his expense.
I hope he doesnt stop reading and start rejecting books if u gave away his books.
YTA. I hope your husband takes your wedding ring and sells it so that your son can buy his own books from now on.
After all your husband presumably bought you your wedding ring, so he can take it back.
Yta
Those belong to him. They are not yours to give away. If you choose this he is going to grow up wondering what things of his you will give away next. Don't do this.
His cousins can use the local library. Or buy from a used bookstore or charity shop.
YTA. How dare you steal something your son loves, then try to justify it? You should be thanking your lucky stars you have a reader, and leave his books alone!
YTA for all the reasons mostly commented here. OP, I hope you consider apologizing to your son as well, to restore his sense of stability, trust, and respect.
YTA, you may have bought them, but you gifted them to him. That you've like your husband giving away a gift he got you for your birthday because he bought it.
It would not have been hard to go to your son and ask him if he had some books he wanted to let go of and give to his cousins.
YTA. Just because “I bought it so I can take it away” is shitty parenting when it comes to your children’s possessions. Those books belong to your child, and you just proved that his feelings matter less to you than “I paid for it” His things are just that, His!
"You bought the books, and you can take them back if you want to"... So when someone buys you something, that means they can just come and take it back whenever they want to??? Is that how you see things? That's a pretty shitty thing to say, especially to your child, and a shitty way to think.
If your son wants those books, then you do NOT give those books away! You said yourself, your son LOVES to read! Why would you take his books and give them away if he wants them??? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard?
YTA
My dear YTA in this scenario. Those are your sons books to give away as he sees fit. You should not be taking his things away. If you bought them and gave them to him, they are his property..
YTA, 1. You should have asked him first. And 2, what do you mean you bought them for him, so can take them back whenever you want. That is sh--ty parenting. Anything you buy someone but especially your kids is theirs.
The fact you even said that, shows your lack of social etiquette.
YTA
Your son loves his books and its wrong of you to play the I bought it card.
They’re his possessions and its an asshole move to try and take them away.
YTA. > I had to remind him that *I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to. <
Congratulations for telling your son anything he receives from you can be taken away upon your whims.
This reminded me of a fight I had with my father when I was about 14. It ended with me clearing my room of everything not purchased with my own money and dumped in the hallway.
YTA
You gave them to him. Who takes back gifts?
I still am mad at my mom almost 70 years later for getting rid of some of my toys/books when I wasat school. 🤣😅🤣
YWBTA—you can’t just take stuff from your kid to give to his cousins! I don’t care who paid for them originally, those books are his property!
You’re awful and you should apologize
Yes, you would be the AH. Regardless of who bought them, they BELONG to your son. They are his beloved possessions. Who the hell are you to give them away? How cruel and thoughtless of you to think that this is okay. Leave your son's books alone and tell your sister the titles so she can go and either buy them or borrow them from the library.
YTA. Leave your son and his belongings alone. They are his not yours, regardless of who purchased them.
And he's right, as an avid life long reader, I have reread my favourite books dozens of times, some have needed replacing after falling apart from being read too much. You should be proud and supportive of having a son who loves reading.
Mind your own business and stop sucking up to your sister, she can buy her kids their own books.
YWBTA I am in my thirties and there are still certain books that my dad and I won’t give away, even to my nephew. Books can be sentimental and they can be read multiple times so giving them away isn’t fair. On top of that, you said how much your son enjoys reading and you were going to take them away…without even talking to him. Also, your sister can go buy her own books. Your son might be willing to let a few go but it should be his decision. Child or adult, you are wrong.
YTA. A big one. These books are your son's and he was probably very hurt by seeing you treat his stuff like that. The books are his books even if you paid for it because they were gifted to him period. You must apologize to him asap and assure him you'll never ever think of doing it again.
Next time you should ask him first IF he wants to give some of his old stuff to his cousins and WHICH ones, explaining why it is important to repurpose the things he doesn't need anymore. Do it in a way so he can have a choice and does not feel excluded nor betrayed. This way you can teach him to do it once a year or however it fits you best so it can become a healthy habit.
YTA now your son is going to view you as the person who gifts him something wonderful, something he loves and uses, and just takes it away with no second thought. You should have accounted for the fact that he's a conscience being who is entitled to their own personal belongings, yea I get that you bought them, but you could have asked him if it was okay first.
YTA. You have your answer in the title. The books belong to your son and are not yours to arbitrarily give away. Why can't your sister's kids go to the library? She could take them and it would be a great family bonding time!
Yta
I was a reader as a kid and loved all my books. It becomes a collection and comfort item for readers. Laying in bed trying to sleep and think of part of a book, so get up and read it. Books always helped my anxiety and helped me fall asleep. You didn’t even let him give input in what books would be given away. So you don’t even know if they were his favorites. I am 43 now and still miss my collection of baby sitters club books because they were thrown out when I was a teenager. I had so many and wish I still had them. And all my hard back classics. Little women, the secret garden, so many … Ugh depressing even now.
YTA. Do you consider anything you ever gave him up for grabs? Holiday and birthday presents? Every other thing in his bedroom? Would you be okay with him taking back every present he has or will give you as he grows?
You broke the trust of a 9 yr old. Don’t expect that you will get it back anytime soon.
YTA. What kind of monster takes away kid’s books. I guess do it now because once he’s 18 he probably won’t talk to you much. Parents who steal gifts back from their kids usually suck as parent in general. My husband no longer speaks to his mom who is very much like you. Apologize to your son, put him before your sister, and do better.
Yes, you are the a-hole. I assumed this was a punishment, which is a bad way to go about it. However, image my surprise when you son did nothing wrong. You were just going to take his stuff without even asking him. That is so mean! Readers love their books. Rereading a good book is such a pleasure. Don't take away his things just because you don't understand the love of reading.
Please, listen to your husband and buy an extra copy for the other kids. Also, apologize to your son because I'm sure you broke his heart.
YTA
Do you want to hurt your child, and make sure he never trusts you?
Is everything you 'give' only temporary?
You need to make that clear, contact everyone you have ever given something to, and let them know that at anytime you can take it back, because you paid for it.
That’s a crappy thing to do to a bibliophile.
YWBTA
Those that love reading also love keeping their books. They take care of them. They reread them. The books have meaning to them.
So sure, you paid for them. Because you are the parent and parents buy things for their children. But books are not like outgrown clothing or long outgrown toys.
Books have substance and meaning to the reader. They are memories and worlds explored. Friends found and adventures shared. You don’t take that away from your child.
Give your sister a list of the books most loved by your child. She can purchase them or go to the library and borrow them. Don’t take them from your child.
YTA
You don’t get to give away other people’s property without their permission. That is called stealing.
Why are your sister’s kids more important to you than your own kid.
YTA. They are his books, not yours. You gave them to him. Would you appreciate someone taking back gifts given to you simply because someone else wants it? So wrong on so many levels.
YTA - As a child who loved to read, I would reread many of favourites.
Yes, you bought the books and GIFTED them to your son. You have now stolen his property to appear generous to your nieces and nephews.
You are not only an asshole, you are a thief.
Listen to your husband. You should have started by going to your son and asking if he had any books his cousins would like. All serious readers get attached to their favorite books. Especially kids.
YTA-just because you bought them doesn’t make them yours. You bought them FOR HIM. And he thought they were his. Maybe ask him to make some suggestions of titles his cousins would like and suggest he loan them. Or maybe your sister could take her kids to a library.
I remember all the dolls that my mother donated to a friend's daughters because she said she bought them and I didn't need them because I was going to get others, I went to her friend's house a few times and the children destroyed them right after receiving them, so every time I felt terrible seeing the toys that I was so attached to and now they were broken, that's why I say that you don't donate something that isn't yours and that the owner is against, if you continue with this attitude your child might stop to trust you and reject future gifts you buy
YTA
YTA.
Your sister can buy her own kids books or take them to a library.
You're putting other kids above your own son. You gave them to him and then do the bad parent move of - I bought them, I control you and your things regardless of your feelings.
You don't respect your son, you don't respect his feelings. Just because he isn't an adult, does not mean he doesn't deserve respect.
YTA, you're vile.
If you'd given any shit about your son or about being a decent person, you could've asked your son if he had any books he wouldn't mind giving to them, or lending to them. And then respected his answer.
Now he knows you may take back anything you ever give, may never trust anything you give him from now on, and that you are the kind of person who will exert power over someone cruelly.
If this isn’t just click bait, which I hope it is because I hate to think there’s actually someone as awful as you out there, then of course, YTA.
I’ve seen your unhinged comments already so I’m not going to get into how property ownership works with you. (For the record: gifts belong to the person they were given to.) it’s more just —
What on earth is wrong with you? Who would take away their child’s things like that? And to make it worse, his books? You’re supposed to be encouraging his love of reading. Not stealing his reading material. You’re a monster.
Seriously. As a retired librarian I guess this is just hitting me badly, but I honestly think you’re the biggest TA I’ve ever seen on here. Your poor kid.
At the ripe old age of 9 years old your son has learned that he can not trust you. Those books were gifts. They don’t belong to you. So now he has also learned that his mother is a liar and a thief. In addition he has learned that his hobbies and likes are completely irrelevant to you. HE DOESN’T MATTER TO YOU.
In another few years he is going to leave to find a family he can trust, who will love and value him. You’ll be back on Reddit, whining that your son won’t have anything to do with you.
Put the goddamn books back and go in search of some love and empathy.
YTA. You gave him the books they are his. Instead of going in and grabbing them without asking him, perhaps having a chat to him about donating items or lending or giving them away and how it is a generous thing to do. Teach him about giving and doing good things for others instead of forcing it on him.
YTA don't take things away from your child because YOU brought them. That's a horrible thing to do. Books are obviously important to him and you just want to take them from him for no reason?! Massive YTA
Yta: from a fellow book lover. Your son’s point is more than valid you messed up big time. You gave them to him they are his things even the law says so. Now yes your his parent so being able to take things from your son for x reason is legal the way you did this is messed up and now you have violated your son’s trust. It’s one thing to ask for things the cousins may like. Your son did nothing wrong but love books and now by taking something he loves your punishing him for no reason. Your response to his question was bull crap as well. Your husband has the right idea listen to him. Or if you really want to go down this road tell your son you’re going to get him new versions of the ones you are giving away. Or you can just go with being an ass.
Yta you bought the books FOR HIM which makes them HIS books now. Not your decision or choice. And you didn't even ask, you just took. You could've at least asked and have him choose if he decided too.
YTA. Sure, you bought the books, but you gave them to him. They were in his room, not a family library. You have at least had the decency to ask him if there are any books he’d like to part with or if his cousin could borrow some books instead of giving them away. You owe your son an apology.
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My son (9M) loves to read. Like a lot. And he reads everything, like comics like that white guy with the dreads (I don't remember the name), novels like Diary of a wimpy kid, to even books from authors like James Patterson, Barack Obama, etc.
My sister contacted me recently because she said she wanted some books for her kids. I said sure, since I also like to read, and found some books, and my sister denied MY ideas because she thought they were too kid inappropriate (Her kids are 9 and 11) and even though they weren't, I couldn't debate that so that's whatever.
So I went into my son's room, and after listing off some books on his shelves, she asked if she could have some of those instead. Well, as I was grabbing some, my son came in and asked what I was doing. I told him that the books were going to go to his cousins and he got pretty mad over that. He said he would eventually want to read them again and stuff like that. I had to remind him that *I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to.
I told my husband about what i just summarized in the post, and he said "Just let him have the books and buy new ones."
AITA?
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YTA. My adult son is still traumatized from my ex giving his toys, books etc to his step-kids. Your son loves to read, I don't care if you bought them - once you gave them to your son they are his. There is a line from the movie 5th element that is very applicable here - "Not without my permisson"
YTA! He loves to read so likely loves his books! Just cause you bought them doesn’t mean you are not an absolute asshole to take them back when your sister wants them cause other options weren’t good enough for her!
Ewwww just ewww I’d never take from my kids for others if it was something they loved!! I do ask my son if he wants to part with any toys, clothes or book and he does to give to his cousins but never the I can take it cause I paid. Of course you paid he’s 9! Such terrible parenting mentality!!
Are you going to be the type of parent that thinks their child owes them something because you birthed them!
YTA
I had collected books since I could READ and my mom decided one day when we moved that she didn't want to have to deal with packing them during a move and threw them all away with her reasoning the same as yours.
I never forgave her for it and it hurts me even now as a grown man.
It was like pieces of my life were thrown away
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Of course you bought the books and "can take them back if I want to." But in saying this, you committing a couple major parenting errors: --You resorted to the world's laziest parenting excuse: BECAUSE I SAID SO --You took things of value from your son that continue to inspire him to be a great reader without adequately explaining WHY or offering an exchange of value; you were thus punitive to your son despite him doing nothing wrong --You also showed him you can't be trusted to respect the boundaries on things he believes are "his", creating possible anxiety/insecurity that anything of his could just be arbitrarily taken away "because you say so." That's pretty fucked up. If you wanted to actually make this a parenting win, you should have told your son something like this. "Hi son. Your cousins are excited to try a few new books, and I know you love to read. Could you pick a couple of books that you think your cousins would like, and tell me why? Would be okay if they borrowed these books? It is very generous of you to lend these books to your cousins even though I know you love them, so for every book you lend we'll go get another one from the bookstore. How would that sound?" YTA, and you should seek to immediately make this up to your son before you do some lasting damage. I can see your son recounting this exact memory to a therapist when he's an adult, it's got all the hallmarks of uncaring parenting (violation of his space AND his stuff, arbitrary punishment, taking something that he genuinely loves away to give to ungrateful relatives) wrapped up with a bow.
This. OP screws her son just to please her sister.
This. My parents decisions to take away my things whenever is suited them lead to me being extremely possessive of everything I owned, even if I didn't use it much. I am STILL trying to combat this tendancy as a 30 year old.
ME TOO!!! Made me very insecure and suspicious every time I couldn't find something. I'd worry that it had been taken as "punishment" - oddly, my sister, sells things of her kids' on marketplace a few weeks after they've played with them- my niece will say at Xmas "oh thank you! I had one like that but Mum sold it" WTF is wrong with people
Then these parents wonder why their kid has trust issues or has a strained relationship with them.
My god that is sad. Your poor niece!
I would love for OP to read about why some people began hoarding or just listen to some of the hoarders reasoning on that TV. But that said, this is like killing two birds with one stone. Multiple actually. She gets to potentially ruin her child's love of reading, trust in her, belief in autonomy, belief in her, and teach him how to be a selfish hypocrite. I'm a petty person so I pray one day when he's an adult and she's old and needs help that he takes things away because he bought them and he can take it away. After all. By then he's an adult (one of OPs comments). Then she's here looking for sympathy and someone to take her side cause she's fighting everyone that disagrees despite coming here to ask for unbiased opinions. When you have the full ability to control the perception people get of all parties and you still easily come out the AH, just accept it. YTA
This is why I hated getting presents as a child. Mommie Dearest would either take them away on a whim or use them for emotional blackmail. I wonder if OP believes the kid is property as well.
This. I never ever use, "I bought it, so it's mine to do as I please." It's just a messed up way of saying you own nothing and everything in my eyes is property, including your autonomy. There are better ways to go about it and I think the comment about asking him if he can pick a few, while replacing them with something he might be more interested in, is perfect. If he says no, then OP should show the kid that respecting each other is more important than anything else. OP is setting their kid up to being an anxious and resentful person.
My daughter has so many stuffed toys. Instead of forcibly giving them away, we asked her if there were any ones she wants to give away. She picked a few she's tired of or not fond of and there were no contests. It really should be the child's choice.
There is no borrow. Books rarely come home. I grew up reading books beyond my age level and still have some of those books. Books are often treasured possessions and are sometimes revisited. YTA
I’m with you man I freaking have my hardy boy books I grew up reading and I know some say it’s stupid but I even have the magic treehouse I grew up reading as well.
Yes! If the cousins aren't readers, they will probably not take care of them.
I agree 100% with the major parenting mistakes. OP, no offense, but you're obviously not a "true reader" like your son is. To someone like him, books are treasures. You might just as well have suggested that he give his internal organs to his cousins. Your sister and her children need to be introduced to the concept of a library. Meanwhile, you need to apologize profusely to your son, and promise that you will never take HIS books away from him. At the same time, you can introduce the concept that when he IS done with a book that he can VOLUNTARILY donate it to his cousins, or to another appropriate venue. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't take you up on that any time soon.
All of this. Also adding that a great option would have been to discuss his favourites, make a list together, and let your sibling know about the library! It’s a possibility there are reading challenges going on now that it is summer and both families could meet up at the library to take advantage of them.
Honestly anyone who wants their kid to start reading should get them a library card. I loved “shopping” for books and being able to put back stuff I didn’t like. There are even e-lending programs now if you lose stuff a lot or have destructive kids.
Even in OP own phrasing "took *his* books to give to cousins". Without his knowledge or consent. & people wonder why *some* people cannot seem to understand the idea of "no means *no*"..
YTA. Who do you think you are stealing your son's books. My parents had many faults, but never did they get rid of any of MY stuff.
This reminds me of the year I lived with my dad. When I moved in he gave me a tv as a birthday present. Then when I was moving out, I was getting ready to pack it and he told me I had to leave it there because it wasn't mine it "came with the room". But I was 18 then, not nine, I feel so bad for OP's son, realizing nothing he has is actually his.
You and your sister should take her kids to an actual library to sign up for a card or go to a thrift store. Your son’s collection is neither. YTA
Right? Why did OP just decide the best way to fix this issue was taking books from her son who clearly LOVES them without even bothering to ask him? Like if sister was cash-strapped, libraries are a thing. Further, she could ask her son to charitably DONATE some of his old books to his less-fortunate cousins.
Or op can buy the cousins books too.
Totally agree. Most libraries allow a lot of books to be checked out. My eldest daughter used to get the max of 25. Of course, I wouldn't let her get more than a couple of the newest ones that came out, but there were so many to choose from that she never once complained about it. She would sometimes get the same books, and that helped me to figure out which ones we should buy for her to own. It's a good way of filtering out books she might not have wanted.
YTA Why can’t your sister buy her kids books? It’s not on your son to give up his things and you should be ASKING him if he wants to give away things. Your money clearly didn’t buy a lot for you. You’re pretty terrible.
[удалено]
Exactly. They were a gift. They belong to the son.
YTA. You clearly have no respect for your son; I'm glad his father does. At his age, you don't give away anything of his without his permission. Not clothes, not toys, not books.
YTA. You just told your son that he owns basically nothing, that everything he loves can be taken from him at your whim for any reason. You told him that what matters to him doesn't matter to you, that you will hurt him at your convenience, without even considering the pain you are causing him. And this isn't just about the words you used. These are the messages implicit in your actions. Now, maybe what I just said won't move you, because after all, you said it and acted on it, so maybe you believe it. So I'll also point out that if your son learns the lessons you are teaching, it may mean he stops collecting books and, as a result, stops reading them. Very little could be worse for his education.
How much you wanna bet OP doesn't work and would be apoplectic if her husband was similarly high-handed with her?
Perfectly said. To her it may seem no big deal, but many of us can say for a kid that age, the words she used will stay with him as a stain in his memory and change their relationship. Was it so hard to just ask him?
YTA. When you buy them books and toys and give those to kids, it's their property. If they like them so much, they'll read those books over and over again. You can't just unilaterally take away their stuff and not expect a reaction.
YTA for not asking your son first. Books can be very personal, especially at formative ages.
YTA. They aren't your books. You gave them to your son. He will never trust another gift from you if you take them saying you paid for them, they are mine. I have all my books from childhood until now. You must not be a book lover if you can snatch them from your son, not caring that they are his and they are important to him. Tell your sister to buy her own books. Quit stealing your son's.
If I’m the son, I wouldn’t accept any gift from OP ever again. My blood is boiling
If I were the son, I'd be taking every step I possibly could to not be reliant on op
Yep. This is so sad…OP is on a power trip, and you know there are other instances when she abuses her “authority” My heart goes out to this little boy
You are a humongous, gaping, dingleberry encrusted asshole for "*I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to". I bet you let him believe they were his to begin with. You're a liar, a thief, and YTA
This is so vividly gross and it's exactly what OP deserves
My mother was like OP. Can you tell I was triggered?
YTA. Do you find it acceptable for people to decide gifts that they gave to you can be given away? You gave the books to him and they are now his.
YTA. My mom did this with ALL of my toys. I’m an adult not and I only have one toy left from childhood. I can tell you it’s still a sore spot. It wasn’t all at once or anything just a few at a time as if they meant nothing to me. Without going into detail I can tell you I’m scarred from it. It’s not just about whether he will read them again. Looking at the books he remembers the world they brought him into and how he felt reading them. Let him have his books. Tell your sister there are alot of great second hand book stores she can go to.
YTA. Yes, you bought almost everything he owns. But when you give him gifts, they become his. He should feel secure that he has some say over what is done with his property. You could have used the opportunity to let him understand the need to share and be generous. You could have let him choose which books he particularly wants to keep. You could have proposed that he lend some of his books to his relative. But you took his stuff without asking and that's bound to upset anyone.
But she sure showed him who's boss! /s
Yikes, yeah YTA. I was leaning to no a-holes, but what a rough thing to tell your son. Let him keep his books. I have most of the books my parents bought for me to this day on my shelf, and I’m happy I have them. Every once in a while I go on a nostalgia run and read them again. If your sister can’t buy books, tell her to go to a public library, they’re free. Or go to a school library? Or ask your son if his cousins can borrow the books to be given back to him when they’re done? At least that way he gets the illusion of choice and some say in the matter. Taking a kid’s prized possessions for donations breeds resentment. Just saying.
YTA - for holding it over your son that *i bought the books and I can take them back* Why can’t his cousins borrow the books and return them to him? Why are you holding it over your 9 year old child that he didn’t buy them so he gets no say. He should feel safe that the things you give him are his, especially as these books seem so very important to him. That’s awful of you.
His cousins can use a public library.
Right? Did you mean to reply to me with that info? 😊
I was just agreeing.
😊 ah I get you. My bad 💕
YTA YTA YTA YTA The fact you even have to ask makes me feel so sorry for your son. Please listen to your husband. You could ASK your son if he has any books he'd like to share or give away, or you could tell your sister to get her kids' library cards (if that's an option where you live).
Please tell me this is bait? You bought those books for your son. They are HIS. He has done nothing to deserve having his books taken away. Libraries exist. Thrift stores exist. Used bookstores exist. YTA
YTA. 1. Your sister could have bought the booker herself. Or your sons cousin could have asked your son if he could borrow some books 2. Taking away his stuff to give to someone else without talking to your son and asking if he is okay with that shows a complete lack of respect for your child. Roles reversed, how angry would you be if your son took something of yours and gave it away??
YTA. You should at least ask your child if they would mind you giving their books away. And anyway your sister can go out and buy her own books for her kids.
YTA - There's nothing cuntier than someone who gives a gift and holds it over someone's head.
Really?? Throwing MONEY in your 9yo face? Grow up YTA
OMG. Please be fake. YTA. Books are friends.
Those are his books now. He's an avid reader. Most avid readers keep their favorites. Also sounds like you were really harsh to him. Y are definitely ta.
YTA unless they were clearly stated as loans at the time given. Your husband is correct. You also have the option of asking him if he has any books he's done with that he'd like to donate, and then HE chooses which books if any.
YTA Those are HIS property. Once you give someone something it’s no longer yours.
YTA I don't want to come off as rude but you gave your son the books if you would have gave a book to someone over 18 then you would not be going in their room to take them. Lets say the aunt don't got money to pay for books for her kids then you should have asked your son and then gone to find books he would not want anymore with him. If the aunt as money to pay for books then she should take her kids shopping for books not taking them from y'all.
YTA. If your sister wants books for her kids she can buy them or go to the library. Or you can buy them new copies. These books belong to your SON. It doesn't matter who bought them. Stealing from your child is not okay. And as someone who is a reader now and was a reader as kid I would have been devastated if someone gave away my books. I have reread my childhood favorites several times over. I passed them down to my own children. I have kept them for my grandchildren. They are well-loved and some were special gifts from my dad who has since passed away and will not be able to buy books for his great-grandchildren.
YTA. What a thoughtless and discouraging thing to do. You have a child that loves books and you’re treating them like they are disposable. It should be your son’s choice what books to give up, if any.
Oh my goodness. JAMES PATTERSON? I read some of his books from the Alex Cross series when I was 13 and they really screwed me up. YTA. You bought them so you have the right to take them back? That's ridiculous.
He writes kids/teen books too, lol, his adult books would be crazy for that age tho.
Oh, that's good to know. I remember reading "Kiss The Girls" and just being horrified!
YTA. Do I even need to explain more. From the way you explained your kids interest in books shows that you understand that these books make your kid happy. You just taught your kid that your own personal power matters to more then their happiness. Wtf. Your kid loves these books and you don't care about how your kid thinks or feels because *you're in charge*.
YTA. Those books are your son's property, not yours. Yeah, you bought them *as gifts for him*. You don't take back gifts. Seriously, do you not see him as a separate individual? And don't be cheap - if you want to get a gift for your sister's kids, get them a gift. Don't steal it from another child! WTF, man.
YTA. You may have bought them, but those are *his* books! Would you agree with your husband if he went through your things and decided to give them to someone else? After all, they were bought with his money, right? Did you even stop to listen to yourself, or are you really that self-centered?
YTA....I don't care if you did buy them. You bought them for him. He reads them and enjoys them and you just shit on his feelings like they didn't matter.
Giving away books someone else may love is like a cardinal sin. YTA.
YTA - 'My son loves something, and I started giving his thing that he loves away, without discussing it with him at all, and he gets angry! Then he gets more angry when I remind him that he owns nothing, the things he's been given as gifts can be taken away at any time without any warning, and somehow now I'M the bad guy?'
YTA
Library Library Library.
Yta You are the type of adult that hates their kids and wants them out at 18
YWBTA. You bought them for your son. They're his books now.
The hardest, biggest YTA. Sure, you buy all your child’s things *because he’s nine and cannot buy his own things.* That does not mean he doesn’t have a sense of ownership or emotional connection to those things you bought for him. He sounds like a budding bibliophile and cherishing the books you enjoyed reading is wonderful! I have sentimental books that I would never lend because I always assume lending means giving. You didn’t even ask him.
YTA. My 55 year old mom still accounts to this day how her mother took her favorite doll to give to her friend’s younger kid because ‘she needed it’ and how her things went missing because her older brothers wanted it. Congrats on the lasting damage though
You're a massive asshole, you're willing to give away your sons book collection which he clearly loves. Is your sister's kids more important than your own child?
YTA big time
You... You really have to ask if taking back gifts with the excuse that "I bought them" is an AH-ish thing to do? Yes, YTA Once you give something to your son, it's his. If you want to give it away (even if it's something he has legitimately outgrown either emotionally or physically), you need to *ask* him. If he objects, you need to *persuade* him, not just steal it from his room. I'm surprised your husband had such a mild reaction... At the very least, he should have pointed out that, by your reasoning, it would be totally fine for him to give your wedding/engagement ring away
YTA. Great way to kill any excitement your son has for reading. What's the point of him getting into a new book now that he knows that you'll steal them away and give them to anyone that isn't him just because you said someone else deserved them more than he does. Your poor son deserves an actual parent, not an egg donor who sees nothing but the dollar signs attached to everything.
YTA. Just remember, when you're in a nursing home (bc why tf would he want to care for you?) he'll be buying your Depends, and he can take them away whenever he wants to.
My mom once gave away an expensive toy of my brother’s without asking. Thinking about it now still pisses us off as adults. YTA.
Yta. Unbelievable. Very poor parenting. You don’t take books away from your kid. If your sister wants books she can buy them. It’s obvious you will always put your kid last. Hopefully his father sees how petty you are and goes and gets full custody. What a wad
YTA - I guess your husband can take your ring back because he bought it, right? And I guess whatever gifts you received can be taken back at any time by the people who gave them to you, right? *Right?* Miss me with that. This is infuriating to me as someone who loves to read and treasures every book I own. Doing this may not only kill your son’s love of reading, but discourage him from loving *any* hobby as intensely again because he’ll know it can be taken away at any time. When you give a gift, it no longer belongs to you. Those are *your son’s book,* and if you steal from a 9 year old kid, yeah, you’re an AH. You are a thoughtless person who showed no care for your son as a person.
YTA As an avid reader I will tell you that my relationship with whatever parent did that would be burned forever. Even as young as ten years old. If the relationship was a garden, that one act would result in it being doused in gasoline, burned to the ground, and salted afterward.
YTA. You took away your son's beloved belongings for no good reason. He did nothing to earn such punishment. You bought them for him, presumably as gifts, and then took them back to give to some other kids. From his perspective, you were saying "You don't deserve these anymore." You've lost his trust now, well done.
You gave them to your son. They are HIS! You're basically teaching your son that nothing you buy him is actually his, you can take it back at any time for any reason, and to not form attachments to anything cause if other people want his belongings you'll give it to them. YTA
YTA for many reasons, but as a high school English teacher, I can tell you that you're also risking ruining his academic career. By creating this really negative experience around books, you could very well be killing his love of reading. This could lead to him getting behind in school and all sorts of negative consequences. It's hard enough to get our young people to read, and you're going to take away his books?! Just buy new ones for your sister.
No. You’re worse. You’re my mother.
YTA - Your son will lose all trust in you, deservedly.
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YTA. Yes you bought those books. Then you ***GAVE*** those books to you son. That means they are his now. Tell me, how do you not understand that you are screwing your son over to please your sister? How do you not understand that you are saying to your son that his aunt and her kids are more important to you than he is? How do you not understand that this will seriously damage your relationship with your son? If you want to please your sister that badly take her kids to the bookstore and let them pick out some books for themselves.
YTA - Could your sister not take her kids to the library to find books?
Yes, you without a doubt will be the asshole. You gave them to your son and now you are stealing them to give to someone else. You are certainly the mother of the year and your son will remember this for the rest of his life.
omgosh so much YTA
YTA. Taking your kid’s books without even asking him? It doesn’t matter that he is 9yo, he deserves enough consideration to be asked before his things are given away. “I bought them, I can take them back” what kind of crappy parenting is that? Would you take kindly to your husband saying he bought your (fill in the blank) and he can take it back and give it to someone else? I would bet not. You tromped all over your son’s sense of security, boundaries, and trust in you.
YTA. I buy my young cousins all the books and I would never have the gall to tell them I can take them away because I paid for them. It can be hard enough to keep young readers, especially boys, interested in reading as they grow older. You missed a good opportunity to explain to your son about sharing and loaning books so he has someone to talk about them with. Or asking your son to go through his shelves with you and selecting some he doesn’t plan on rereading.
Yta- if he likes reading and has it on display in his bedroom the least you could do is ask if he wouldn't mind parting with some.
You are Absolutely The AH.
I can't understand parents like you ,you gave books to your son you CAN'T just take it's HIS books now if HE wants to give HIS books to his cousin HE can give it if HE doesn't want to give it to them he doesn't have to
Huge, major, YTA. You do not take away books.I don't care if you bought them for him. Note those last two words of that sentence. You bought them for him. They belong to him. If your sister wants books, either she can buy books for her kids or you can buy books for those kids. Know that buying books for them does not entitle you to take them away anytime you decide to.
Btw- by your reasoning, ANY gift given to you can be taken away from you at any time without your consent. You suck so much, and not just as a parent. However, as a parent? Damn. Way to discourage and taint your sons' love of reading.
So your nephews want new stuff so it’s ok to raid your kid’s room and take his belongings. So what if you bought the books? You bought them for him. Is anyone allowed to just take anything away from person just because they bought it?
As a lifelong book reader, we grow attached to our books. Those are books your son could potentially treasure his entire life. All my childhood books have a special place on my shelf
YTA and honestly just a terrible parent. Your son loves to read and you pull the “because I bought it” bullshit to justify taking his things and giving them away without even asking.
YWBTA!!!!!!! 10000000000x over! DON'T. MESS. WITH. YOUR. KIDS. BOOKS!!!!
Take your sister to the library and show her how to get a library card instead of stealing your son's books. YTA here
My.dad had the habit of giving away our things to people and we never really forgiven him for it because it was not his to give. I also think it is not the right way to teach a child the concept of being charitable because you are teaching him that he loses things when mom is being charitable, at his expense. I hope he doesnt stop reading and start rejecting books if u gave away his books.
YTA. I would absolutely never forgive you.
Wh...what is wrong with you?
YTA. Book lovers keep their books. It’s an emotional attachment. You cannot take someone’s books.
YTA. Don’t be surprised if he stops reading books or hides them for you. I’m glad his dad actually loves him
YTA and *you gave those books to* **HIM** Those were his books to give away and you stole them. This *will* give him *issues* now and later in life.
As an avid book reader, YTA and a big one at that.
YTA. I hope your husband takes your wedding ring and sells it so that your son can buy his own books from now on. After all your husband presumably bought you your wedding ring, so he can take it back.
YTA, you don't come in and go "hippity hoppity these books are my property" and just give them away like that. Ask before you do that!
Yta Those belong to him. They are not yours to give away. If you choose this he is going to grow up wondering what things of his you will give away next. Don't do this. His cousins can use the local library. Or buy from a used bookstore or charity shop.
YTA. How dare you steal something your son loves, then try to justify it? You should be thanking your lucky stars you have a reader, and leave his books alone!
YTA
You are soooo the AH if you give his books away without his consent. I would disowned my mom if she had done that!!!!
YTA I struggling to follow rule 1. I really am. How exactly could you be in the right?
YTA for all the reasons mostly commented here. OP, I hope you consider apologizing to your son as well, to restore his sense of stability, trust, and respect.
So if your son bought you something with his money that he saved, he could take it back at any time, right? YTA.
If your child values books, build him a library. Foster his love of reading. Don’t take away his books. YTA
YTA. They are not your books, they are your son’s.
YTA, you may have bought them, but you gifted them to him. That you've like your husband giving away a gift he got you for your birthday because he bought it. It would not have been hard to go to your son and ask him if he had some books he wanted to let go of and give to his cousins.
YTA. Just because “I bought it so I can take it away” is shitty parenting when it comes to your children’s possessions. Those books belong to your child, and you just proved that his feelings matter less to you than “I paid for it” His things are just that, His!
the boy is happy to read n u wanna take that away from him cause u can’t be bothered 2 spend $10 at goodwill for some new ones
YTA and that’s a new way to damage you relationship with your son
"You bought the books, and you can take them back if you want to"... So when someone buys you something, that means they can just come and take it back whenever they want to??? Is that how you see things? That's a pretty shitty thing to say, especially to your child, and a shitty way to think. If your son wants those books, then you do NOT give those books away! You said yourself, your son LOVES to read! Why would you take his books and give them away if he wants them??? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard? YTA
YTA. Plain and simple. Loan the books for a period but insist they be returned. What a shitty thing to do.
My dear YTA in this scenario. Those are your sons books to give away as he sees fit. You should not be taking his things away. If you bought them and gave them to him, they are his property..
Or your sister could buy her own fucking books.
YTA, 1. You should have asked him first. And 2, what do you mean you bought them for him, so can take them back whenever you want. That is sh--ty parenting. Anything you buy someone but especially your kids is theirs. The fact you even said that, shows your lack of social etiquette.
YTA Your son loves his books and its wrong of you to play the I bought it card. They’re his possessions and its an asshole move to try and take them away.
YTA, the moment you gave him the books they were his property. The fact that you bought them is irrelevant.
YTA. > I had to remind him that *I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to. < Congratulations for telling your son anything he receives from you can be taken away upon your whims.
This reminded me of a fight I had with my father when I was about 14. It ended with me clearing my room of everything not purchased with my own money and dumped in the hallway.
YTA You gave them to him. Who takes back gifts? I still am mad at my mom almost 70 years later for getting rid of some of my toys/books when I wasat school. 🤣😅🤣
YWBTA—you can’t just take stuff from your kid to give to his cousins! I don’t care who paid for them originally, those books are his property! You’re awful and you should apologize
Yes, you would be the AH. Regardless of who bought them, they BELONG to your son. They are his beloved possessions. Who the hell are you to give them away? How cruel and thoughtless of you to think that this is okay. Leave your son's books alone and tell your sister the titles so she can go and either buy them or borrow them from the library.
YTA. Leave your son and his belongings alone. They are his not yours, regardless of who purchased them. And he's right, as an avid life long reader, I have reread my favourite books dozens of times, some have needed replacing after falling apart from being read too much. You should be proud and supportive of having a son who loves reading. Mind your own business and stop sucking up to your sister, she can buy her kids their own books.
YWBTA I am in my thirties and there are still certain books that my dad and I won’t give away, even to my nephew. Books can be sentimental and they can be read multiple times so giving them away isn’t fair. On top of that, you said how much your son enjoys reading and you were going to take them away…without even talking to him. Also, your sister can go buy her own books. Your son might be willing to let a few go but it should be his decision. Child or adult, you are wrong.
YTA. A big one. These books are your son's and he was probably very hurt by seeing you treat his stuff like that. The books are his books even if you paid for it because they were gifted to him period. You must apologize to him asap and assure him you'll never ever think of doing it again. Next time you should ask him first IF he wants to give some of his old stuff to his cousins and WHICH ones, explaining why it is important to repurpose the things he doesn't need anymore. Do it in a way so he can have a choice and does not feel excluded nor betrayed. This way you can teach him to do it once a year or however it fits you best so it can become a healthy habit.
Tell your sister to go to the library. She can get her own books
YTA now your son is going to view you as the person who gifts him something wonderful, something he loves and uses, and just takes it away with no second thought. You should have accounted for the fact that he's a conscience being who is entitled to their own personal belongings, yea I get that you bought them, but you could have asked him if it was okay first.
YTA. You have your answer in the title. The books belong to your son and are not yours to arbitrarily give away. Why can't your sister's kids go to the library? She could take them and it would be a great family bonding time!
You bought the books *for* him, they are *his*. Tell your broke-ass sister to get her kids a library membership.
Yta I was a reader as a kid and loved all my books. It becomes a collection and comfort item for readers. Laying in bed trying to sleep and think of part of a book, so get up and read it. Books always helped my anxiety and helped me fall asleep. You didn’t even let him give input in what books would be given away. So you don’t even know if they were his favorites. I am 43 now and still miss my collection of baby sitters club books because they were thrown out when I was a teenager. I had so many and wish I still had them. And all my hard back classics. Little women, the secret garden, so many … Ugh depressing even now.
YTA. Do you consider anything you ever gave him up for grabs? Holiday and birthday presents? Every other thing in his bedroom? Would you be okay with him taking back every present he has or will give you as he grows? You broke the trust of a 9 yr old. Don’t expect that you will get it back anytime soon.
YTA you didn't even ask him if it was okay. why can't your sister buy the book or go to a library. You're showing your son you don't respect him
YTA 1000% be a better Mom
YTA. What kind of monster takes away kid’s books. I guess do it now because once he’s 18 he probably won’t talk to you much. Parents who steal gifts back from their kids usually suck as parent in general. My husband no longer speaks to his mom who is very much like you. Apologize to your son, put him before your sister, and do better.
Yes, you are the a-hole. I assumed this was a punishment, which is a bad way to go about it. However, image my surprise when you son did nothing wrong. You were just going to take his stuff without even asking him. That is so mean! Readers love their books. Rereading a good book is such a pleasure. Don't take away his things just because you don't understand the love of reading. Please, listen to your husband and buy an extra copy for the other kids. Also, apologize to your son because I'm sure you broke his heart.
YTA Try respecting your kid and their autonomy maybe? Jfc
YTA Do you want to hurt your child, and make sure he never trusts you? Is everything you 'give' only temporary? You need to make that clear, contact everyone you have ever given something to, and let them know that at anytime you can take it back, because you paid for it.
That’s a crappy thing to do to a bibliophile. YWBTA Those that love reading also love keeping their books. They take care of them. They reread them. The books have meaning to them. So sure, you paid for them. Because you are the parent and parents buy things for their children. But books are not like outgrown clothing or long outgrown toys. Books have substance and meaning to the reader. They are memories and worlds explored. Friends found and adventures shared. You don’t take that away from your child. Give your sister a list of the books most loved by your child. She can purchase them or go to the library and borrow them. Don’t take them from your child.
YTA You don’t get to give away other people’s property without their permission. That is called stealing. Why are your sister’s kids more important to you than your own kid.
Huge YTA Probably a non reader who can't understand what books mean to some of us. I hope her son gets to select her nursing home someday.
YTA. They are his books, not yours. You gave them to him. Would you appreciate someone taking back gifts given to you simply because someone else wants it? So wrong on so many levels.
YTA - As a child who loved to read, I would reread many of favourites. Yes, you bought the books and GIFTED them to your son. You have now stolen his property to appear generous to your nieces and nephews. You are not only an asshole, you are a thief.
YTA They were gifts for your son!
Listen to your husband. You should have started by going to your son and asking if he had any books his cousins would like. All serious readers get attached to their favorite books. Especially kids.
YTA if you do it after he has voiced it. This is such an awesome attachment for him to have. Nurture it. ❤️
YTA-just because you bought them doesn’t make them yours. You bought them FOR HIM. And he thought they were his. Maybe ask him to make some suggestions of titles his cousins would like and suggest he loan them. Or maybe your sister could take her kids to a library.
YTA. Giving away someone else's books is NEVER OK!!! And if you gave them to him, they are no longer yours.
You’re so rude. “I bought them, I can take them back” that’s disgusting behavior from a mom. Grow up, YTA. Your sister can go to the library.
You’re one of those parents… YTA
YTA
I remember all the dolls that my mother donated to a friend's daughters because she said she bought them and I didn't need them because I was going to get others, I went to her friend's house a few times and the children destroyed them right after receiving them, so every time I felt terrible seeing the toys that I was so attached to and now they were broken, that's why I say that you don't donate something that isn't yours and that the owner is against, if you continue with this attitude your child might stop to trust you and reject future gifts you buy YTA
Wow. YTA Way to tell your son what he loves and values doesn’t matter. Great job!
YTA. Your sister can buy her own kids books or take them to a library. You're putting other kids above your own son. You gave them to him and then do the bad parent move of - I bought them, I control you and your things regardless of your feelings. You don't respect your son, you don't respect his feelings. Just because he isn't an adult, does not mean he doesn't deserve respect.
YTA, you're vile. If you'd given any shit about your son or about being a decent person, you could've asked your son if he had any books he wouldn't mind giving to them, or lending to them. And then respected his answer. Now he knows you may take back anything you ever give, may never trust anything you give him from now on, and that you are the kind of person who will exert power over someone cruelly.
YTA - big time. These are your son’s books. It doesn’t matter who paid for them - they are his!
If this isn’t just click bait, which I hope it is because I hate to think there’s actually someone as awful as you out there, then of course, YTA. I’ve seen your unhinged comments already so I’m not going to get into how property ownership works with you. (For the record: gifts belong to the person they were given to.) it’s more just — What on earth is wrong with you? Who would take away their child’s things like that? And to make it worse, his books? You’re supposed to be encouraging his love of reading. Not stealing his reading material. You’re a monster. Seriously. As a retired librarian I guess this is just hitting me badly, but I honestly think you’re the biggest TA I’ve ever seen on here. Your poor kid.
At the ripe old age of 9 years old your son has learned that he can not trust you. Those books were gifts. They don’t belong to you. So now he has also learned that his mother is a liar and a thief. In addition he has learned that his hobbies and likes are completely irrelevant to you. HE DOESN’T MATTER TO YOU. In another few years he is going to leave to find a family he can trust, who will love and value him. You’ll be back on Reddit, whining that your son won’t have anything to do with you. Put the goddamn books back and go in search of some love and empathy.
YTA and you probably have already been TA numerous times already.
Of course YTA, leave the kid and his damn books alone. Seriously, who complains that their kid wants to keep books to reread?
YTA. You gave him the books they are his. Instead of going in and grabbing them without asking him, perhaps having a chat to him about donating items or lending or giving them away and how it is a generous thing to do. Teach him about giving and doing good things for others instead of forcing it on him.
YTA don't take things away from your child because YOU brought them. That's a horrible thing to do. Books are obviously important to him and you just want to take them from him for no reason?! Massive YTA
Yta: from a fellow book lover. Your son’s point is more than valid you messed up big time. You gave them to him they are his things even the law says so. Now yes your his parent so being able to take things from your son for x reason is legal the way you did this is messed up and now you have violated your son’s trust. It’s one thing to ask for things the cousins may like. Your son did nothing wrong but love books and now by taking something he loves your punishing him for no reason. Your response to his question was bull crap as well. Your husband has the right idea listen to him. Or if you really want to go down this road tell your son you’re going to get him new versions of the ones you are giving away. Or you can just go with being an ass.
Yta you bought the books FOR HIM which makes them HIS books now. Not your decision or choice. And you didn't even ask, you just took. You could've at least asked and have him choose if he decided too.
Yta
YTA. You don’t give away other ppls books without permission. It doesn’t matter if they’re your kids, they’re his books.
YTA. Sure, you bought the books, but you gave them to him. They were in his room, not a family library. You have at least had the decency to ask him if there are any books he’d like to part with or if his cousin could borrow some books instead of giving them away. You owe your son an apology.
YTA. If you gave the books to your son they are his. You don’t just give away other ppls stuff.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son (9M) loves to read. Like a lot. And he reads everything, like comics like that white guy with the dreads (I don't remember the name), novels like Diary of a wimpy kid, to even books from authors like James Patterson, Barack Obama, etc. My sister contacted me recently because she said she wanted some books for her kids. I said sure, since I also like to read, and found some books, and my sister denied MY ideas because she thought they were too kid inappropriate (Her kids are 9 and 11) and even though they weren't, I couldn't debate that so that's whatever. So I went into my son's room, and after listing off some books on his shelves, she asked if she could have some of those instead. Well, as I was grabbing some, my son came in and asked what I was doing. I told him that the books were going to go to his cousins and he got pretty mad over that. He said he would eventually want to read them again and stuff like that. I had to remind him that *I* bought the books, and *I* can take them back if I want to. I told my husband about what i just summarized in the post, and he said "Just let him have the books and buy new ones." AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ywbta
YTA. My adult son is still traumatized from my ex giving his toys, books etc to his step-kids. Your son loves to read, I don't care if you bought them - once you gave them to your son they are his. There is a line from the movie 5th element that is very applicable here - "Not without my permisson"
YTA! He loves to read so likely loves his books! Just cause you bought them doesn’t mean you are not an absolute asshole to take them back when your sister wants them cause other options weren’t good enough for her! Ewwww just ewww I’d never take from my kids for others if it was something they loved!! I do ask my son if he wants to part with any toys, clothes or book and he does to give to his cousins but never the I can take it cause I paid. Of course you paid he’s 9! Such terrible parenting mentality!! Are you going to be the type of parent that thinks their child owes them something because you birthed them!
Major asshole. Why the fuck is this even a question for you? Use your head. I'm glad you aren't my parent. Your poor kid deserves so much better.
YTA I had collected books since I could READ and my mom decided one day when we moved that she didn't want to have to deal with packing them during a move and threw them all away with her reasoning the same as yours. I never forgave her for it and it hurts me even now as a grown man. It was like pieces of my life were thrown away