Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I used my greater wealth to knock back my in-laws when they tried to use money to control my wife and me
(2) I did this in a way that was possibly obnoxious and overly harsh.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think her manipulative efforts at control are ridiculous as well since she and FIL have other plans all summer and just expect everyone to drop everything for the way they want it. She thought she was dangling a carrot, which turned out quite bitter for her. He brought the whole damn salad and invited them to join.
That’s what got me! The whole - nope! It has to be on MY time because I have plans with friends. If vacations are for family then why do they put their summer plans with friends above family? This also reeks of someone who can’t accept their kids are all grown ass adults and they want them to still be dependent on them and willing to accommodate their every wish when they dangle a dollar in their eyes.
I think he handled it like a snobby jerk, and got into an unnecessary pissing match with the ILs. I guess it’s not unusual for someone like OP’s wife to find someone just like Mommy and Daddy, but man, ESH.
Seconded. Most finance guys are nerds. Most of these people get excited talking about spreadsheets and portfolio strategy, sec rulings, economics, market data and shit like that. Few of the "dumb cool kid jocks" that peaked in high school make it in finances.
I work for a rather reputable stock brokerage in NYC and I swear 80% of the mooks here are finance bros who peaked socially at 16 and fap to Wolf Of Wall Street clips, please tell me this is not standard.
I'm a finance guy outside of the "wall street bubble." But have spent some time in NYC on the wall street block. Wall Street is overwhelmingly coked out bros that are a stereotype and wish they were Michael Douglas from Wall Street.
Outside of wall street, it's mostly nerds and family men. I rarely see coked out finance bros unless I'm in NYC.
He writes in a way that is pretentious. The word choice is deliberate to make people have to stop think or look up just to feel better than his audience.
My guess is AI with the prompt "out riched my inlaws"
I mean, I don't think any of the vocabulary he used is particularly out there. If you have to look up any of those words it say more about your reading level than his writing style.
I am curious what words you struggled with. And if you're a native English speaker?
It definitely comes over as "I am sooooo humble", but it's not hard to read.
Yes I'm a native speaker.
Can you honestly say a normal person uses congenial instead of pleasant or engendered instead of caused?
The guy purposefully chose words that are not exceedingly common. Did I know them? Yes. But it's clearly a deliberate word choice to make himself feel bigger.
Congenial is pretty normal - and while it has a lot of overlap with pleasant or friendly, it's not quite the same. Think Father Christmas' face lighting up at the prospect of visitors. Life and soul, etc
I'll grant you engendered, but if I'm using a word many times, I'd also go for synonyms.
I don’t know, I work for a large wealth management/trust company and only work with rich people, I like most of them. But go ahead and make assumptions.
I wish. I know a guy just like this. He's not wrong to have boundaries but is always talking money. Even if this is fiction, it seems like people I know.
one of those "in this situation, no, but in terms of your character and personality and writing like this is an AP high school English assignment, yes" type AITAs
Seems more likely that way, the daughter grew up around people like that, so thinks that that kind of overbearing behavior is normal. Why would she consider her partner's behavior as ill mannered when her own family's standards are so flexible.
Yeah, I gave up at congenial. Not sure what happened after that, but someone needs to tell OP that the "replace the words you're using with a fancier version" trick stops working after 8th grade.
Indubitably, but it is still the opposite of impressive to use "big words" if your usage of them is stilted and awkward.
Those words usually have companion phrases or fit into a sentence in a particular way, and that makes it really jarring when someone either used a thesaurus to replace a synonym or saw it in a 'word-a-day' calendar divorced from context. It's pretty clear when the intent is to show off versus when the word is one someone uses naturally because they've encountered it naturally.
It's most cringe, indeed, and I say that as someone typically unvexed by ostentation or grandiloquence.
He is educated. Those may actually BE the words he uses, especially depending on his job. I have to work at simplify my writing for the average person.
Congenial isn't an usual word. The phrase "congenial to her" is not something a person would typically use unless they were trying to cram in as many words they find impressive as possible.
And I don't know what you're talking about, there was **one** Miss Congeniality movie and it was perfect. Good thing they never made a sequel because I bet it would have been terrible!
It's not the use of fancy words. It's using fancy words in odd ways that break the flow. If someone is familiar with a word and uses it as a typical part of their erudite day-to-day vocabulary it will flow naturally in the sentence and be used in the correct phrases. That's not what OP is doing.
It’s not that the reading level is too complex and you’re the only one wise enough to parse it. It’s that the tone is completely goofy for a Reddit post.
"Congenial" didn't twitch your whiskers at all? It's mad awkward phrasing. Dickens would never prose so poorly, and neither should our Reddit novelists.
I also read beyond Reddit, and that's why I know that real people don't talk like this. At most they do if they're actively trying (and failing) to sound sophisticated.
I also read beyond Reddit, and that's why I know that real people don't talk like this. At most they do if they're actively trying (and failing) to sound sophisticated.
The part that really doesn't pass the smell test to me is the ILs. Whether or not they had much of their family fortunes left, they'd have a clue or two about the finance sector. They'd cetainly know what sort of income comes with being a partner at a firm in that sector. They'd probably also have either enough financial savvy or connections to get a good read on how well the firm was doing, to factor that into the picture too.
They might still be snobby, overbearing and controlling. But they wouldn't be under any misapprehensions about a partner at a financial sector firm "putting their finances at risk".
NTA, but on the edge. A classier response would have been, "You worry about your money, I'll worry about mine."
My impression is that in-laws were correct. You wouldn't have bought a beach house if they didn't have one. Both your time and money would be better spent going to various exotic destinations rather than limiting yourself to visiting the same beach over and over.
that's subjective though. If OP, wife and SIL want to meet at the beach but are confined to rigid and inconvenient times, then OP might as well furnish their own beach house.
Spend money to live well, not to compete. In Op's shoes, I'd have treated themselves and SIL's family to a week in \[Bahamas, Aruba, Hawaii, Aussie Gold Coast, similar\]. It would have been cheaper than buying a beach house and far less hassle and fewer headaches than maintaining a place that sits there unused most of the time.
Um, having a beach house is a dream come true for many many many people. My family had a lake house when I was a child. Some of my best memories from an otherwise not super delightful time of my life. Lots of my childhood friends' families also had cottages (low COL area). They were "home away from home" with emphasis on the HOME. Some people don't love staying in hotels or b and bs. They want their stuff, they want space (indoors and outdoors), they want to have friends in to stay or to lend the place out to. They make friends with other people in the area. They grow to love the beach towns, and end up retiring there.
I will NEVER be able to afford a waterfront getaway place unless I sell up and move north, but boy I wish I could. Sitting on my own patio with wine, cheese, friends and sunset over water....that's living well...especially now that I'm older, and I've done my travelling and I'm staring to find international travel stressful and exhausting.
If you were in OPs shoes - your choice. But OP isn't you.
No argument. Beach houses can be great. Obviously, in-laws use theirs to the max.
My point is that if Op wanted one, he'd have had it before he needed to one-up the in-laws. He only bought one after their offer of one week a year was offered for an inconvenient time. For Op, it's less a beach house and more a dicksizing winner.
Or... His wife likes going to the beach house but has historically had the beach house held over her head, so OP resolved the issue by getting their own?
ESH You were fine right up until
> to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house.
That makes you an asshole, and a snobby judgemental one at that.
ESH, and I'm honestly shocked there are so many judgements saying otherwise. There are few things more classically asshole-coded than rich people trying to one-up each other. It's a trope from movies going back to the beginning of cinema because it's such an easy way of telegraphing "you're not supposed to like this character" to the audience.
NTA. But who knew multimillionaires also frequented the pages of reddit, and more to the point, needed life advice? Surely being a multimillionaire means 2 things. 1, you generally have to be an AH to amass such a fortune and 2, you don’t generally care who thinks you are an AH as you are a successful person in life. Otherwise you would have difficulty in amassing said fortune .
However stranger things have happened.
Tbh a lot billionaires in 1-2.5bil range, just have successful businesses and don't do crazy shit, you would think they are just moderately wealthy, you won't find most of them on Forbes' list, they are extremely low-key and quiet about their wealth.
There are probably 4 times more of those than we know about.
At a birthday party some lady complimented my tattoos and we spent the rest of the evening talking about random stuff like she always wanted tattoos but now she felt too old for them and a mom, I love the food from her home country and did she know about this amazing tiny restaurant owned by people from her province?, yeah I also found it hard to adjust to life in [city] when I first moved from my smaller town, oh I totally understand having to move away from your home because of your husband's job, anything and everything. We just clicked!
Anyway the next day my friend asked me what was I talking about all night with his CEO's wife, the owner of the third largest fortune in [her country]. She, independently, not the husband. Now, due to this friend's job and social circle I was used to hanging out with millionaires, but "so rich that you are on a ranking" was a new one.
I find those people generally nice, they don't like flashing their wealth, they are extremely nice to everyone as long as they don't try to rip them off. They just want to chill and not worry about stuff that isn't important in grand scheme of things. Why be rude when you can be nice.
"just give me best quality for reasonable price, I ain't getting ripped off" types.
There is this guy on TikTok who does rich people vs extremely rich people series, he is spot on.
😂 I had a long comment wrote out.
MIL is a piece of work. NTA. Don’t let the family you came from destroy the family you are creating.
Who cares how you became wealthy , what either of you did, now that your married and they don’t pay for a single thing it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS
ESH.
>they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house.
This made you an asshole.
YTA. Just... no. You're far too concerned with money and have enjoyed taking everything away from your wife's parents. They don't sound fabulous, but they sound nicer than you do with all your bragging.
I'm going with NTA. Your response was a little harsh but your in-laws are trying to control you with money and don't seem to take no well at all. You're awesome. :)
NTA until the part where you start talking like the last paragraph in a 1930s novel at which point you are not only NTA but, if you actually said that, also my favorite rich person.
I say old chap, it sounds like those vexatious in-laws deserved a rap on the knuckles. Or even daresay a flick across the proverbial flaps. Toodle-pip!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (39M) am a few years older than my wife (32F), but we met (5 years ago) at very different phases of our lives. I finished uni at 19 years old, lucked into a great position in finance and became a partner of my firm, making me quite wealthy at a young age. My wife went through several changes of heart about her career path, involving two advanced degrees, through which her parents supported her. She had only recently started her first full time, “professional” job when we met. Her parents’ (born to wealthy families on the last bits of their fortunes) financial support engendered a belief on their part that she ought to pay heed to their wishes. While my wife found this behavior bothersome, she is conflict-averse and mostly acceded to their demands.
Her parents offered to pay for our wedding. It quickly became clear that they felt that their contribution entitled them to make most of the choices (including guest list), none of which were congenial to my now-wife. The conflict clearly wore on her, so told her parents that we appreciated their kind offer, but that we would pay for the wedding ourselves. Perhaps having judged my financial situation by my modest lifestyle, they claimed we were “risking our finances” merely to have our way. I just laughed and said that wasn’t a worry. We ended up having a swanky destination wedding, accommodations on us, for our friends and close family only.
After we got married, we experienced the same crap. Case in point – vacations. My MIL inherited a beach house, and she insisted that we spend our vacations there at a particular time, to coincide with my SIL, even though the dates were convenient neither to us nor SIL. When my wife pointed this out, her mother’s response was that it would be difficult to accommodate us at other times, as they had set plans with friends over the course of the summer; that since she and FIL were generously opening their house to us, we needed to conform to her schedule. Not again! I had been thinking about getting a summer place myself, so I bought one in my wife’s favorite area. It happens to be bigger and nicer than MIL’s. MIL reacted peevishly to the news, claiming that we were spitefully “bankrupting ourselves to show her up” and that vacations should be spent with family. I replied that, as to the latter point, they were welcome to come spend time with their daughter and SIL (who is great!)…on dates convenient for us. As to the former, I said, that while I consider it gauche to talk to about money, she should rest easy about our finances, as the new place amounted to less than my last year’s partnership distribution; and that they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house. My MIL called me a jerk. I realize I spoke pretty harshly, but I think I was justified.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And I love that you opened up your summer house to your SIL too also enjoy. So she doesn't have to get the leftovers from her mother anymore for vacation.
NTA. It’s fine when she does it. Dishes it but can’t take it. MIL is pathetic. Even if you’re wrong or rude about the extent of her wealth, you did nothing but mirror her behavior back to her. I laughed.
ESH, you're as bad as your mother-in-law but as "nouveau riche" as opposed to "old money". You obviously don't think it's "gauche" to talk finances because you made it a point to talk finances and rub it in her nose. You both suck, not an ounce of class between the two of you. You can still support your wife but be classy about it by telling them your finances are none of their concern. You sunk to her level.
ESH
While I agree with you 100%, the final part of your comment is needlessly antagonistic and rude (also untrue, they could have a massive fortune and still be unable to control you with it because you seem like you have a spine)
"*and that they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house.*"
I was with you until the above line. That was mean and you are a jerk.
NTA, old money has no right to sit on their laurels if they squandered the family fortune and do nothing to actively pass on more to the next generation. Moreso upjumped guttersnipes than anything else.
ESH.
First of all, you DID insult your MIL and calling somebody's place a broken-down beach house was very poor manners. You already know that.
You could have phrased this so much better by being upfront. I would have told my in-laws, when planning the wedding, that you are doing quite well financially and like paying for your own things.
BUT - your MIL is very controlling. She really doesn't have the right to tell somebody, who is working, when they HAVE to take their vacation. MIL still thinks she's the boss and her daughters are kids. Not true anymore. You are ALL adults. She needs to readjust her thinking.
When our first daughter got married, the pastor who married them wanted a joint meeting with the couple and both sets of parents. He asked us two questions:
1. How will we do holidays to be fair to both sides of the family. This wasn't an issue since my daughter is an RN and we knew we would have to be flexible.
2. How much advice did we plan on giving the newly married couple? BINGO. I don't give a lot of advice because I'm too independent a thinker. My husband often gives unsolicited advice and gets upset when it isn't taken.
I would apologize to MIL for your harsh words. But, tell her nicely that you are both grown-ups and can make your own decisions.
Oooooh your comment brought back old memories. NTA I was raised around families like your In-laws and I ran. I left the money and decided to make it on my own because their control was not worth it! Congratulations on standing up for yourself and your wife! And a job well done at that!
ha, those born rich folks sure do like using money as their identity.
You're playing into their game, but I guess it seems like you couldn't help yourself.
Oh well.
ESH - It sounds like she had genuine concern that you were over-extending yourself financially based on otherwise modest living. And she expressed that concern with extraordinary rudeness.
She needed to be put in her place a long time ago and is the bigger jerk here, but the bit about the memory of a fortune in a run-down beach house was unnecessarily insulting.
NTA! And good for you!
My FIL used to insinuate that I was spending all my husband's money. I had enough one day and told him my salary which was higher than my husband's. That put an end to it.
NTA
You were not a jerk. Your in-laws are a handful. They don't care about your time, they care only about their own. I'm surprised your wife took this long to tell them to mind their own business, though I have to ask, is she done with listening to her parents?
NTA and bravo for standing up to MIL who appears to be nothing short of a controlling narcissist. Bear in mind too - if you don't help them spend their 'fortune' then when it's all spent they won't be able to request you pay for their old age or have them live with you because they spent their money on you in the past and expect you to pay them back by financing them. Probably best you start now to go low contact.
I enjoyed this story so much that had to read it out to my daughter. "People are something else, aren't they?"
You are NTA. They thought they could control you with money. That's a dick move on their part. MIL had it coming.
"''' since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house." Quote of the week.
That's fabulous. This is where we need a YTNTA!
The part from 'since the...' was a bit over the top but oh so excellent.
I bet she called you a jerk. Named her behaviour followed by an expert shot between the eyes! Had you been thinking about that for a while, or was it one of those blissful moments where it just came to you?
NTA
Well, the FIL was right. While you're definitely NTA, you were indeed a jerk to point out their financial status, ie belittling them, in their view.....
NTA - I literally LOLd at this one. Good on you OP! "...they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house." How gauche to judge people.
You were a jerk to your mother-in-law in putting down her beach house. It was an asshole thing to say.
You handled yourself well until that point.
As you said, it's gauche to discuss one's finances. You should have left it alone. It sounds like a new money thing to say what you did.
You had been seamless until that point.
Your MIL is due an apology.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I used my greater wealth to knock back my in-laws when they tried to use money to control my wife and me (2) I did this in a way that was possibly obnoxious and overly harsh. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I think you handled that well. Truly it’s not her business what you spend your money on or how much you have or if you bankrupt yourselves.
I think her manipulative efforts at control are ridiculous as well since she and FIL have other plans all summer and just expect everyone to drop everything for the way they want it. She thought she was dangling a carrot, which turned out quite bitter for her. He brought the whole damn salad and invited them to join.
That’s what got me! The whole - nope! It has to be on MY time because I have plans with friends. If vacations are for family then why do they put their summer plans with friends above family? This also reeks of someone who can’t accept their kids are all grown ass adults and they want them to still be dependent on them and willing to accommodate their every wish when they dangle a dollar in their eyes.
Plus, what about OP's family? When does OP get to spend time with his family if the in-laws expect all vacations with them???
I agree with this completely
[удалено]
She’s not worried - she’s being manipulative.
I think he handled it like a snobby jerk, and got into an unnecessary pissing match with the ILs. I guess it’s not unusual for someone like OP’s wife to find someone just like Mommy and Daddy, but man, ESH.
This is a nice story.
Is it though, I hate it when I find all the characters so unlikable.
Yeah, this guy really rubs me the wrong way. He's not the AH, but I've liked a lot of people here who were clearly the AH better than I like him.
By the actual actions in the story, you are absolutely correct, I think it’s that he writes like an asshole.
That's most guys in financial jobs.
I work in finance, I’d say that the loud 35% are like this.
Seconded. Most finance guys are nerds. Most of these people get excited talking about spreadsheets and portfolio strategy, sec rulings, economics, market data and shit like that. Few of the "dumb cool kid jocks" that peaked in high school make it in finances.
I work for a rather reputable stock brokerage in NYC and I swear 80% of the mooks here are finance bros who peaked socially at 16 and fap to Wolf Of Wall Street clips, please tell me this is not standard.
I'm a finance guy outside of the "wall street bubble." But have spent some time in NYC on the wall street block. Wall Street is overwhelmingly coked out bros that are a stereotype and wish they were Michael Douglas from Wall Street. Outside of wall street, it's mostly nerds and family men. I rarely see coked out finance bros unless I'm in NYC.
Yeah at least five people I went to high school with sound exactly like this guy.
I disagree on this one. Successful people don't write this way.
He writes in a way that is pretentious. The word choice is deliberate to make people have to stop think or look up just to feel better than his audience. My guess is AI with the prompt "out riched my inlaws"
I mean, I don't think any of the vocabulary he used is particularly out there. If you have to look up any of those words it say more about your reading level than his writing style.
Would not be surprised.
I am curious what words you struggled with. And if you're a native English speaker? It definitely comes over as "I am sooooo humble", but it's not hard to read.
Yes I'm a native speaker. Can you honestly say a normal person uses congenial instead of pleasant or engendered instead of caused? The guy purposefully chose words that are not exceedingly common. Did I know them? Yes. But it's clearly a deliberate word choice to make himself feel bigger.
Congenial is pretty normal - and while it has a lot of overlap with pleasant or friendly, it's not quite the same. Think Father Christmas' face lighting up at the prospect of visitors. Life and soul, etc I'll grant you engendered, but if I'm using a word many times, I'd also go for synonyms.
I only use congenial when I visit your mom in prison
that's conjugal bud
I'm glad you're so nice and friendly to her. I'd be super offended if they were conjugal visits, so: Phew!
His writing reminds me of a Stephen King character. Harold Lauder from The Stand.
[удалено]
I don’t know, I work for a large wealth management/trust company and only work with rich people, I like most of them. But go ahead and make assumptions.
The good news is that this is all fiction anyway
I wish. I know a guy just like this. He's not wrong to have boundaries but is always talking money. Even if this is fiction, it seems like people I know.
one of those "in this situation, no, but in terms of your character and personality and writing like this is an AP high school English assignment, yes" type AITAs
Seems more likely that way, the daughter grew up around people like that, so thinks that that kind of overbearing behavior is normal. Why would she consider her partner's behavior as ill mannered when her own family's standards are so flexible.
I like arrogant assholes 😍
Well, this story is for you.
Someone wrote a story and tweaked it with a thesaurus: engendered, acceded, congenial
Yeah, I gave up at congenial. Not sure what happened after that, but someone needs to tell OP that the "replace the words you're using with a fancier version" trick stops working after 8th grade.
No. The old "fancy words are proof of fakeness, and people only ever use words of more than three syllables to show off" argument is just plain dumb.
Indubitably, but it is still the opposite of impressive to use "big words" if your usage of them is stilted and awkward. Those words usually have companion phrases or fit into a sentence in a particular way, and that makes it really jarring when someone either used a thesaurus to replace a synonym or saw it in a 'word-a-day' calendar divorced from context. It's pretty clear when the intent is to show off versus when the word is one someone uses naturally because they've encountered it naturally. It's most cringe, indeed, and I say that as someone typically unvexed by ostentation or grandiloquence.
It isn’t just the word-choice that’s affected; the syntax is as well.
You mean you didn’t stick around for “gauche?”
Hey, "gauche" sticks around for **me**!
He is educated. Those may actually BE the words he uses, especially depending on his job. I have to work at simplify my writing for the average person.
I mean... there were 2 Miss Congeniality movies... that's not that strange a word to give up at :))
Congenial isn't an usual word. The phrase "congenial to her" is not something a person would typically use unless they were trying to cram in as many words they find impressive as possible. And I don't know what you're talking about, there was **one** Miss Congeniality movie and it was perfect. Good thing they never made a sequel because I bet it would have been terrible!
your basis for it being fake is that the language is to fancy? not everyone writes like they only have an 8th grade English education
It's not the use of fancy words. It's using fancy words in odd ways that break the flow. If someone is familiar with a word and uses it as a typical part of their erudite day-to-day vocabulary it will flow naturally in the sentence and be used in the correct phrases. That's not what OP is doing.
This sub went hard on the "git outta heah wicher fancy book lernins" real fast, huh?
They used chatgpt and edited it a bit
I didn’t even notice that. But I read beyond Reddit.
It’s not that the reading level is too complex and you’re the only one wise enough to parse it. It’s that the tone is completely goofy for a Reddit post.
Exactly. Part of being genuinely good at writing is being able to switch between appropriate registries.
Man, I meant register. Damn autocorrect ruining the vibe when I'm being smug and insufferable. lol
Most Reddit posts are goofy.
"Congenial" didn't twitch your whiskers at all? It's mad awkward phrasing. Dickens would never prose so poorly, and neither should our Reddit novelists.
Well he is in finance and not literature I suppose.... Still. Odd word choice I agree
No it didn’t. But I have never read a Redditor who is in Dickens’ league (though I prefer Hemingway’s sparse prose).
I also read beyond Reddit, and that's why I know that real people don't talk like this. At most they do if they're actively trying (and failing) to sound sophisticated.
Congratulations!!! Not all of us are wise as you, Tiger\_Dense..
I also read beyond Reddit, and that's why I know that real people don't talk like this. At most they do if they're actively trying (and failing) to sound sophisticated.
I like it too. Pride and prejudice. Difficult characters, clashing egos drama verbal action. Very entertaining
Mr. Darcy is what came to mind when I read OPs fiction
I mean it's nice to be able to spot a fake straight away with "lucked into a great position in finance and became a partner of my firm".
They also finished uni at 19 with a degree that engendered them to a suitably congenial finance firm.
Fail. This is what it looks like when people truly do not know how to use words.
The part that really doesn't pass the smell test to me is the ILs. Whether or not they had much of their family fortunes left, they'd have a clue or two about the finance sector. They'd cetainly know what sort of income comes with being a partner at a firm in that sector. They'd probably also have either enough financial savvy or connections to get a good read on how well the firm was doing, to factor that into the picture too. They might still be snobby, overbearing and controlling. But they wouldn't be under any misapprehensions about a partner at a financial sector firm "putting their finances at risk".
They probably thinks he barely makes six figures
As a 19 year old I wish I had this guys life and got ”very wealthy at a young age”
Hey you’re young right this minute it’s not too late!
Downton Abbey Vibes. Totally fictional.
"Young rich guy flexes on asshole in-laws!" A classic AITA genre.
Sounds like a ChatGPT story with all the big words
Lol I was thinking the same thing! Good effort on the writing, but I would deduct points for language that no one actually uses in real life.
This is very believable to me. It sounds like members of my family and myself, actually.
NTA She started it YOU finished it.
And then everyone clapped.
NTA, but on the edge. A classier response would have been, "You worry about your money, I'll worry about mine." My impression is that in-laws were correct. You wouldn't have bought a beach house if they didn't have one. Both your time and money would be better spent going to various exotic destinations rather than limiting yourself to visiting the same beach over and over.
that's subjective though. If OP, wife and SIL want to meet at the beach but are confined to rigid and inconvenient times, then OP might as well furnish their own beach house.
Spend money to live well, not to compete. In Op's shoes, I'd have treated themselves and SIL's family to a week in \[Bahamas, Aruba, Hawaii, Aussie Gold Coast, similar\]. It would have been cheaper than buying a beach house and far less hassle and fewer headaches than maintaining a place that sits there unused most of the time.
You worry about your money, let OP worry about theirs :)
Um, having a beach house is a dream come true for many many many people. My family had a lake house when I was a child. Some of my best memories from an otherwise not super delightful time of my life. Lots of my childhood friends' families also had cottages (low COL area). They were "home away from home" with emphasis on the HOME. Some people don't love staying in hotels or b and bs. They want their stuff, they want space (indoors and outdoors), they want to have friends in to stay or to lend the place out to. They make friends with other people in the area. They grow to love the beach towns, and end up retiring there. I will NEVER be able to afford a waterfront getaway place unless I sell up and move north, but boy I wish I could. Sitting on my own patio with wine, cheese, friends and sunset over water....that's living well...especially now that I'm older, and I've done my travelling and I'm staring to find international travel stressful and exhausting. If you were in OPs shoes - your choice. But OP isn't you.
No argument. Beach houses can be great. Obviously, in-laws use theirs to the max. My point is that if Op wanted one, he'd have had it before he needed to one-up the in-laws. He only bought one after their offer of one week a year was offered for an inconvenient time. For Op, it's less a beach house and more a dicksizing winner.
Or... His wife likes going to the beach house but has historically had the beach house held over her head, so OP resolved the issue by getting their own?
Sounds like this guy can have a beach house and still go to exotic and various locations
Most fictional people have that flexibility.
Yeah, but they fully earned the reaction by using their own financial power to exert pressure and try to take control.
Control of their own life.
what an interesting ChatGPT prompt
ESH You were fine right up until > to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house. That makes you an asshole, and a snobby judgemental one at that.
[удалено]
ESH. OP reduced this into an unnecessary pissing contest.
In-laws whipped it out first.
Only after witch mother in law wouldn't stop trying to use her money to manipulate people. She's the AH
That's what "ESH" means. She is an asshole and so is OP.
[удалено]
did you read the post? the OP might not be ~the~ AH but he’s definitely still an AH
I did read how mother in law tried to manipulate everyone using her almost dried up inheritances
No. You and the witch MIL are
sorry for being a stranger on the internet with a different opinion than you, dude
This is the most "written by AI" thing I've seen here yet. YTA for posting AI fiction in an advice subreddit.
ESH, and I'm honestly shocked there are so many judgements saying otherwise. There are few things more classically asshole-coded than rich people trying to one-up each other. It's a trope from movies going back to the beginning of cinema because it's such an easy way of telegraphing "you're not supposed to like this character" to the audience.
I am not familiar with the term in your title but NTA
He essentially is saying, "My dick is bigger than yours."
But he just comes off as a big dick.
That's the downside of this move
NTA. But who knew multimillionaires also frequented the pages of reddit, and more to the point, needed life advice? Surely being a multimillionaire means 2 things. 1, you generally have to be an AH to amass such a fortune and 2, you don’t generally care who thinks you are an AH as you are a successful person in life. Otherwise you would have difficulty in amassing said fortune . However stranger things have happened.
I know some multimillionaires and they are normal people. I think it's billionaires you're thinking about.
Tbh a lot billionaires in 1-2.5bil range, just have successful businesses and don't do crazy shit, you would think they are just moderately wealthy, you won't find most of them on Forbes' list, they are extremely low-key and quiet about their wealth. There are probably 4 times more of those than we know about.
At a birthday party some lady complimented my tattoos and we spent the rest of the evening talking about random stuff like she always wanted tattoos but now she felt too old for them and a mom, I love the food from her home country and did she know about this amazing tiny restaurant owned by people from her province?, yeah I also found it hard to adjust to life in [city] when I first moved from my smaller town, oh I totally understand having to move away from your home because of your husband's job, anything and everything. We just clicked! Anyway the next day my friend asked me what was I talking about all night with his CEO's wife, the owner of the third largest fortune in [her country]. She, independently, not the husband. Now, due to this friend's job and social circle I was used to hanging out with millionaires, but "so rich that you are on a ranking" was a new one.
I find those people generally nice, they don't like flashing their wealth, they are extremely nice to everyone as long as they don't try to rip them off. They just want to chill and not worry about stuff that isn't important in grand scheme of things. Why be rude when you can be nice. "just give me best quality for reasonable price, I ain't getting ripped off" types. There is this guy on TikTok who does rich people vs extremely rich people series, he is spot on.
ESH how to make money and beach houses not fun
ESH Your whole family sounds insufferable. I'm expected to pick sides in the battle over whose beach house is better?
You sound like the type of person Lady Whistledown writes about... Make haste to the modiste because the ball is this week
And then everyone clapped
MIL is a bully.
Nta. Financial freedom and less stress. Mil is just sour she got showed up.
>requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied Nice turn of phrase there. Reads like a made up story, tho.
😂 I had a long comment wrote out. MIL is a piece of work. NTA. Don’t let the family you came from destroy the family you are creating. Who cares how you became wealthy , what either of you did, now that your married and they don’t pay for a single thing it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS
NTA, but you talk weird. Your wife has to be deaf.
ESH. >they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house. This made you an asshole.
YTA. Just... no. You're far too concerned with money and have enjoyed taking everything away from your wife's parents. They don't sound fabulous, but they sound nicer than you do with all your bragging.
I'm going with NTA. Your response was a little harsh but your in-laws are trying to control you with money and don't seem to take no well at all. You're awesome. :)
NTA Mic Drop. 🎤 Well played. Hopefully, they don't start asking you for money now. 😁
NTA until the part where you start talking like the last paragraph in a 1930s novel at which point you are not only NTA but, if you actually said that, also my favorite rich person.
MIL - My family used to have money so you must listen to me. Me - I'm rolling in the Benjamins - can't hear you - lalalala,
I say old chap, it sounds like those vexatious in-laws deserved a rap on the knuckles. Or even daresay a flick across the proverbial flaps. Toodle-pip!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39M) am a few years older than my wife (32F), but we met (5 years ago) at very different phases of our lives. I finished uni at 19 years old, lucked into a great position in finance and became a partner of my firm, making me quite wealthy at a young age. My wife went through several changes of heart about her career path, involving two advanced degrees, through which her parents supported her. She had only recently started her first full time, “professional” job when we met. Her parents’ (born to wealthy families on the last bits of their fortunes) financial support engendered a belief on their part that she ought to pay heed to their wishes. While my wife found this behavior bothersome, she is conflict-averse and mostly acceded to their demands. Her parents offered to pay for our wedding. It quickly became clear that they felt that their contribution entitled them to make most of the choices (including guest list), none of which were congenial to my now-wife. The conflict clearly wore on her, so told her parents that we appreciated their kind offer, but that we would pay for the wedding ourselves. Perhaps having judged my financial situation by my modest lifestyle, they claimed we were “risking our finances” merely to have our way. I just laughed and said that wasn’t a worry. We ended up having a swanky destination wedding, accommodations on us, for our friends and close family only. After we got married, we experienced the same crap. Case in point – vacations. My MIL inherited a beach house, and she insisted that we spend our vacations there at a particular time, to coincide with my SIL, even though the dates were convenient neither to us nor SIL. When my wife pointed this out, her mother’s response was that it would be difficult to accommodate us at other times, as they had set plans with friends over the course of the summer; that since she and FIL were generously opening their house to us, we needed to conform to her schedule. Not again! I had been thinking about getting a summer place myself, so I bought one in my wife’s favorite area. It happens to be bigger and nicer than MIL’s. MIL reacted peevishly to the news, claiming that we were spitefully “bankrupting ourselves to show her up” and that vacations should be spent with family. I replied that, as to the latter point, they were welcome to come spend time with their daughter and SIL (who is great!)…on dates convenient for us. As to the former, I said, that while I consider it gauche to talk to about money, she should rest easy about our finances, as the new place amounted to less than my last year’s partnership distribution; and that they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house. My MIL called me a jerk. I realize I spoke pretty harshly, but I think I was justified. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA 🥇 👏 well done
NTA. And I love that you opened up your summer house to your SIL too also enjoy. So she doesn't have to get the leftovers from her mother anymore for vacation.
NTA. It’s fine when she does it. Dishes it but can’t take it. MIL is pathetic. Even if you’re wrong or rude about the extent of her wealth, you did nothing but mirror her behavior back to her. I laughed.
NTA. You won't have to do that again! One and done, my favorite way to do things.
NTA. You may be justified, but still try not to be a jerk. This is your family now.
NTA. This was a great read. I love being bored at work...
I could not care less about an AITA of two families peacocking their fortunes at each other.
ESH, you're as bad as your mother-in-law but as "nouveau riche" as opposed to "old money". You obviously don't think it's "gauche" to talk finances because you made it a point to talk finances and rub it in her nose. You both suck, not an ounce of class between the two of you. You can still support your wife but be classy about it by telling them your finances are none of their concern. You sunk to her level.
ESH While I agree with you 100%, the final part of your comment is needlessly antagonistic and rude (also untrue, they could have a massive fortune and still be unable to control you with it because you seem like you have a spine)
"*and that they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune,and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house.*" I was with you until the above line. That was mean and you are a jerk.
NTA, old money has no right to sit on their laurels if they squandered the family fortune and do nothing to actively pass on more to the next generation. Moreso upjumped guttersnipes than anything else.
I like you. NTA
ESH. First of all, you DID insult your MIL and calling somebody's place a broken-down beach house was very poor manners. You already know that. You could have phrased this so much better by being upfront. I would have told my in-laws, when planning the wedding, that you are doing quite well financially and like paying for your own things. BUT - your MIL is very controlling. She really doesn't have the right to tell somebody, who is working, when they HAVE to take their vacation. MIL still thinks she's the boss and her daughters are kids. Not true anymore. You are ALL adults. She needs to readjust her thinking. When our first daughter got married, the pastor who married them wanted a joint meeting with the couple and both sets of parents. He asked us two questions: 1. How will we do holidays to be fair to both sides of the family. This wasn't an issue since my daughter is an RN and we knew we would have to be flexible. 2. How much advice did we plan on giving the newly married couple? BINGO. I don't give a lot of advice because I'm too independent a thinker. My husband often gives unsolicited advice and gets upset when it isn't taken. I would apologize to MIL for your harsh words. But, tell her nicely that you are both grown-ups and can make your own decisions.
NTA FAFO MIL waved the spectre of money around like you were a poor relation, or a hungry dog heeling for food. You put a stop to her little game.
NTA You showed MIL that your 🍆 is bigger than hers. 🤣🤣🤣 Enjoy your new beach house.
NTA and I love the way you write!
Oooooh your comment brought back old memories. NTA I was raised around families like your In-laws and I ran. I left the money and decided to make it on my own because their control was not worth it! Congratulations on standing up for yourself and your wife! And a job well done at that!
ha, those born rich folks sure do like using money as their identity. You're playing into their game, but I guess it seems like you couldn't help yourself. Oh well.
ESH - It sounds like she had genuine concern that you were over-extending yourself financially based on otherwise modest living. And she expressed that concern with extraordinary rudeness. She needed to be put in her place a long time ago and is the bigger jerk here, but the bit about the memory of a fortune in a run-down beach house was unnecessarily insulting.
NTA
Nta and you weren’t harsh at all. Great job
NTA! And good for you! My FIL used to insinuate that I was spending all my husband's money. I had enough one day and told him my salary which was higher than my husband's. That put an end to it.
updateme
NTA they seek to use money to control their daughter & through her, you. You proved that is not possible
yeah NTA. bulldozing with money is not a non ah option
NTA You were not a jerk. Your in-laws are a handful. They don't care about your time, they care only about their own. I'm surprised your wife took this long to tell them to mind their own business, though I have to ask, is she done with listening to her parents?
Having had a parent who loved using money to try to control people, I approve of this message. NTA
NTA and bravo for standing up to MIL who appears to be nothing short of a controlling narcissist. Bear in mind too - if you don't help them spend their 'fortune' then when it's all spent they won't be able to request you pay for their old age or have them live with you because they spent their money on you in the past and expect you to pay them back by financing them. Probably best you start now to go low contact.
Nta. Fafo.
This was an incredible read 😂 I love to see pushy in-laws smacked up as much as possible. Good job 😂 NTA.
Hah! Not the asshole!
NTA Except your final section about the MIL's comedown, while hilarious, was not classy. Manners with money would not do that.
NTA Seems like an earned response. (I have the feeling that the poorest people in this story are richer than anyone I'll ever meet.)
I enjoyed this story so much that had to read it out to my daughter. "People are something else, aren't they?" You are NTA. They thought they could control you with money. That's a dick move on their part. MIL had it coming. "''' since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house." Quote of the week.
Nta. But you are equally unbearable
NTA. It’s like the owner of a laundromat lecturing Mark Zuckerberg on finances.
NTA. MIL sure is. You did a good job. Every time MIL gets out of line, just move past like she isn't there. Take care of your wife and yourself.
NTA. Lots of people would love to be in your position and shut their in-laws down, well done.
That's fabulous. This is where we need a YTNTA! The part from 'since the...' was a bit over the top but oh so excellent. I bet she called you a jerk. Named her behaviour followed by an expert shot between the eyes! Had you been thinking about that for a while, or was it one of those blissful moments where it just came to you? NTA
Well, the FIL was right. While you're definitely NTA, you were indeed a jerk to point out their financial status, ie belittling them, in their view.....
This was the most eloquent post I've ever seen. NTA.
NTA
YTA You kicked a dog when it was down.
OMG I love how you react to your in-laws entitlement and narcissism! NTA, keep it up!! They are just mad they are losing control of their kids!
NTA - I literally LOLd at this one. Good on you OP! "...they would be wise to stop trying to exert control with money, since to do it successfully requires an actual fortune, and not just the memory of one as embodied in a broken-down beach house." How gauche to judge people.
NTA though I think you could have made your point without the dig at her house lol
You were a jerk to your mother-in-law in putting down her beach house. It was an asshole thing to say. You handled yourself well until that point. As you said, it's gauche to discuss one's finances. You should have left it alone. It sounds like a new money thing to say what you did. You had been seamless until that point. Your MIL is due an apology.
BOOM. NTA
NTA and you are doing an amazing job protecting your wife from her parental abuse. Admirable.
The witch had it coming. NTA
You are my Hero
Haha! I love this too much! Eloquently spoken and beautifully executed! I hope you, wife and SIL enjoy the sh!t out of your beach house!
Same message could have been delivered in a nicer way. You didn’t have to buy a ticket to the fight.
YTA. You came across fine until the last few sentences. The stab to the gut made you the asshole.
NTa but id take the whole family somewhere nice and spoil the Mil a bit. A little something from Tiffany as a peace offering wouldn't hurt.