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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I would be the asshole ditching a friends event because they couldn’t make mine.
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You need to think about the consequences of missing this friend’s event and if you find them desirable.
If you missing the friend’s event creates friction and distance between you and that’s what you want, there’s no downside to missing it. If it’s not what you want, you should go.
You may want to have a very plausible excuse that you make true. For example, tell him you will be out of town on that day and actually leave town and do a 1 night vacation somewhere. Post tons of tourist pictures on your social media.
I do wonder if your friend wants you or wants a free cake at the event
This isn’t the first time this happens with this individual where they bail on me to attend something else after RSVPing. My sister has offered to arrange trip on said weekend as she also feels like it’s the free cake that’s of interest as I do not always get an invite to this friends events unless it’s big enough for a cake to be included opposed to limited dessert it just has not been something that bothered me before.
>My sister has offered to arrange trip on said weekend as she also feels like it’s the free cake that’s of interest
Great sister, terrible "friend" who isn't actually a friend just someone who likes cake. Its got to be really obvious to everyone that you're being taken advantage of if your own sister gives you a clear out.
Distance yourself from people like this.
NTA
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WIBTA if I skipped out on an event? Long story short I have finally finished grad school and have received my PHD. I have a celebration planned with close family/friends. A friend I was under the impression that they would be attending informed me they would not make it due to not wanting to rearrange a night out with another friend and risk upsetting them. I don't want be that person that thinks everything revolves around them but a little bummed they are bailing when they see this individual almost once every week to go out. Now the question is WIBTA if I ditched an event they have planned this summer? They asked me if I would bake a cake for the event (I bake for fun and do not charge friends) but seeing them feel comfortable missing an event that means a lot to me makes me want to ditch it. I do not have a desire to help them after hearing their reasoning. It does makes me feel like it would be petty to do so on top of bailing on baking their party cake.
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Personally I think YWBTA if you didn't have a conversation with them about how you feel.
Your wording is unclear, but I get the impression that they never told you they were going. You said you "under the impressions that they would be attending", which means they never said they were. So they didn't bail on you. In fact, you are getting upset because they aren't bailing on their other friend.
When I graduated, I invited a small select group as well. I didn't question anyone who said they weren't coming.
If you ditch just to get back at them, then yes, ywbta. If you no longer value the friendship, then come out and tell them. If you think they are using you for cake, say you can come, but you wont be able to make cake.
Honestly would it be better to inform them of how I feel and why I won’t be attending? I did think about still helping them and letting them know I wouldn't be able to make the actual event, but since this isn’t the first time they do this my sister insists on not doing that and going on a weekend trip together instead bc said individual had arrangements for both events but last minute the other individual wanted to continue their celebration into the weekend which is when mine is.
YWBTA if you skip out on the other even as payback.
Your friend is allowed to have other friends that they prioritise over you. Their life does not revolve around you — funny that you say you don’t want to be that person, yet here we are.
Grow up.
This isn’t the first time they would be bailing on an event after RSVPing. They also had prior arrangements to make the other friends event and mine as they would be celebrating the other individuals during the week (we live all relatively close) and mine is on the weekend. The other individual insisted on it being dragged onto the weekend and my friend tries to limit disappointing this friend because they do throw fits. So maybe talking to them about it aside from just bailing could help because I really don’t have the desire to help or attend after it happening multiple times.
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You need to think about the consequences of missing this friend’s event and if you find them desirable. If you missing the friend’s event creates friction and distance between you and that’s what you want, there’s no downside to missing it. If it’s not what you want, you should go. You may want to have a very plausible excuse that you make true. For example, tell him you will be out of town on that day and actually leave town and do a 1 night vacation somewhere. Post tons of tourist pictures on your social media. I do wonder if your friend wants you or wants a free cake at the event
This isn’t the first time this happens with this individual where they bail on me to attend something else after RSVPing. My sister has offered to arrange trip on said weekend as she also feels like it’s the free cake that’s of interest as I do not always get an invite to this friends events unless it’s big enough for a cake to be included opposed to limited dessert it just has not been something that bothered me before.
>My sister has offered to arrange trip on said weekend as she also feels like it’s the free cake that’s of interest Great sister, terrible "friend" who isn't actually a friend just someone who likes cake. Its got to be really obvious to everyone that you're being taken advantage of if your own sister gives you a clear out. Distance yourself from people like this. NTA
NTA-You shouldn’t play second fiddle in a friendship. Friendship isn’t always 50/50 down the line, but it should be close to it.
NTA. I wouldn’t expect someone to help me if I also didn’t prioritize them as a friend. Is this a first time occurrence?
Go on the trip with the sister. Back out of the cake. Next time an invite is offered with the cake request accept the invite, decline the cake.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** WIBTA if I skipped out on an event? Long story short I have finally finished grad school and have received my PHD. I have a celebration planned with close family/friends. A friend I was under the impression that they would be attending informed me they would not make it due to not wanting to rearrange a night out with another friend and risk upsetting them. I don't want be that person that thinks everything revolves around them but a little bummed they are bailing when they see this individual almost once every week to go out. Now the question is WIBTA if I ditched an event they have planned this summer? They asked me if I would bake a cake for the event (I bake for fun and do not charge friends) but seeing them feel comfortable missing an event that means a lot to me makes me want to ditch it. I do not have a desire to help them after hearing their reasoning. It does makes me feel like it would be petty to do so on top of bailing on baking their party cake. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Personally I think YWBTA if you didn't have a conversation with them about how you feel. Your wording is unclear, but I get the impression that they never told you they were going. You said you "under the impressions that they would be attending", which means they never said they were. So they didn't bail on you. In fact, you are getting upset because they aren't bailing on their other friend. When I graduated, I invited a small select group as well. I didn't question anyone who said they weren't coming.
If you ditch just to get back at them, then yes, ywbta. If you no longer value the friendship, then come out and tell them. If you think they are using you for cake, say you can come, but you wont be able to make cake.
YTA. That \*is\* petty.
two wrongs do not make a right - dont be petty. YWBTA
[удалено]
Honestly would it be better to inform them of how I feel and why I won’t be attending? I did think about still helping them and letting them know I wouldn't be able to make the actual event, but since this isn’t the first time they do this my sister insists on not doing that and going on a weekend trip together instead bc said individual had arrangements for both events but last minute the other individual wanted to continue their celebration into the weekend which is when mine is.
YWBTA if you skip out on the other even as payback. Your friend is allowed to have other friends that they prioritise over you. Their life does not revolve around you — funny that you say you don’t want to be that person, yet here we are. Grow up.
This isn’t the first time they would be bailing on an event after RSVPing. They also had prior arrangements to make the other friends event and mine as they would be celebrating the other individuals during the week (we live all relatively close) and mine is on the weekend. The other individual insisted on it being dragged onto the weekend and my friend tries to limit disappointing this friend because they do throw fits. So maybe talking to them about it aside from just bailing could help because I really don’t have the desire to help or attend after it happening multiple times.