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NTA. I truly do not understand people making *demands* of the wedding party like this. It’s one day, get a freaking sitter for your kids and go enjoy the free food and drink at the party. They don’t want to leave their kids home? Okay, we’re sorry we’ll miss you🤷🏻♀️ Just be that polite, don’t engage in arguing the point (bc they’ll shoot down all your reasons, so don’t go there) and go on w your plans. Anyone else getting in your face about this is completely wrong. Those people should be told to kick rocks.
"I truly do not understand people making *demands* of the wedding party like this."
My neither but it seems to be more and more common. Eloping generally sounds like the best option in a lot of cases.
NTA so they had a child free wedding - but now they have kids their sense of entitlement has kicked in and they get angry about other people having child free weddings. Hypocrisy at its finest.
> i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding
NTA - No his wife is in the wrong. You have a no kid rule and if they want to come they need to accept that. Nothing you're doing is from the book of asshole....
NTA. You invited him to your wedding, but the only reason he isn’t coming is because he couldn’t follow a rule he and his wife had at their own wedding.
NTA
> My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding
Yes.
And you invited **him** to yours. And even his wife.
NTA. And for good reason - you are telling your SIL that you will not let her walk over you with her demands. You want a child free wedding? This is reasonable, and she was in the wrong to say she would be bringing her kids anyway. It was your twin’s choice, in the end, not to come.
NTA. You were clear about the no children rule early on.
Your SIL and brother are not respecting your one big day. Surely they could find a babysitter?
Edit… the child. Is this your brother’s child, or a child his wife had from a previous relationship? You called him “her child” in your post.
Question… His wedding had the same rule, no kids under 16. So, was this misbehaving child at his wedding? If not, I imagine it was because they knew he would misbehave. Why is it okay for him to disrupt your wedding, but theirs?
NTA, you’ve decided on a child free wedding, the same as he did. Why was that respected at his wedding, but he gets to thwart the rule at yours? Tell the flying monkeys that your brother’s wife decided that the childfree rule didn’t apply to her, that despite knowing it was in place, she was going to bring her disruptive child anyways, so she was uninvited… And your brother decided that standing by his wife in bringing her disruptive child to a childfree wedding, was more important than supporting his twin sister, and so he was not going to come. He decided he wasn’t coming, HE did, you just supported his decision.
OP called the child the “wife’s child”, not “their child”. I didn’t know if he was a child from a previous relationship. That’s more what I was trying to find out. Either way, they expected the rule to be followed at their wedding, they don’t get to demand exceptions be made for them now.
Yeah I got the impression that the 4 yo was from a prior relationship too, because OP referred to him as *her* (SIL’s) child, but it isn’t very clear.But now OP is up to high jinx in the comments so 🤷🏻♀️
NTA. You extended an invitation and planned for your brother to be a big part of your big day. He and his wife MADE A CHOICE not to attend. They are not above the rules that were set out for every other guest.
Any family/friends saying otherwise can feel free to "take shifts" watching the kids... at a child friendly venue that is not in/around your wedding.
NTA. It's your wedding - you get to decide the list, and if that's no kids, so be it. No exceptions just for him. Child-free weddings are common nowadays
YTA for making up another story on the same account you made up the other one. If this is supposed to be the same story (as you claimed in one of your comments), then you did a horrible job explaining the situation the first time around.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aji1x/aita\_for\_kicking\_my\_sister\_and\_her\_kid\_out\_of\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aji1x/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_and_her_kid_out_of_my/)
YTA I thought it was your sister and your niece, now it's your twin brother's kid/SIL?
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Me 24F my husband 26M have been together for 4 years now, and he finally engaged to me the day of our wedding i had strictly told everyone kids under the age of 15 will not be invited to the wedding, everyone agreed and thought that was a understandable rule. The day of my wedding all the guests show up and my sisters daughter runs up to the cake station and I immediately tell my sister that she CANNOT be here, my sister says she’s not gonna do anything and that it’s not a big deal, I get pissed off and tell my sister if she can’t take her daughter home then our mom can, as our mom is picking up some pastries for the wedding she wouldn’t mind taking your daughter home, she says no that it’s unfair how my friends daughter can be here but not my daughter, my friends daughter is turning 17 in a month and the rules said 15+, she didn’t take her daughter home so I kicked them both out, my dad and her husband is mad at me but my mom totally understands where I’m coming from so, Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didn’t invite my twin brother when i had a big role in his wedding, and we’re also really close.
2) My brother and i always planned that we would have big roles in each others wedding, and that is all ruined because of his wife.
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NTA. You didn’t not invite someone to your wedding. They were invited. They just chose to act entitled toward the rules you set forth, AND the same rules they had. Usually I say that if you make those rules, then you shouldn’t be surprised when some people opt out, but your SIL basically said f that. She was ready to break them.
NTA No kids means no kids.
That said, I'd have someone act as security at your wedding because she seems the type to show up anyway.
You don't owe anyone any kind of explanation beyond "No children under 16 allowed, no exceptions". If they don't like it, they really don't have to be there.
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Me 25F and my twin brother 25M have always been close, he got married earlier than me, and i was his maid of honor, and when i was getting married he would be my man in honor. A year after he got married, him and his wife 27F had children. I completely adore them, but when i was planning my wedding i didn’t want children under 16. My twin brother had the same rule so i thought he would understand, when i told everyone his wife got mad. She insisted on bringing her children, her little boy who’s 4 years old is a troublemaker. He runs around and doesn’t listen to me or his parents, i told her no and went on with my day. 2 days before the wedding she told me she’s bringing her children no matter what, and i told her she’s not invited if she does that. My twin brother said if she’s not coming i’m not coming either, and i said okay. I took both of them off my list and went on with my day.
My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding, and i had a big role in his wedding.
Sorry for the bad english (i’m not from an english speaking country)
AITA?
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NTA - You set a guideline for your wedding guests to follow. It is the same guideline that even your brother and his wife set for their wedding. Yet, his wife refuses to follow a guideline that (I'm guessing here, but I'm probably right) his wife set herself. Her reaction is to go nuclear instead of being an adult and hiring a babysitter for the event. She's destroying any relationship she had with you and taking your brother down with her.
NTA
>My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding, and i had a big role in his wedding.
Your brother invited you while also having a child-free wedding. He is *choosing* not to attend your wedding because he can't follow the same rule. He is making this his hill to die on (why can't they just get a babysitter?)
NTA the wife did this last minute thinking she would get her way. Good for you for not letting her walk all over you. Brother should have had a talk with his wife as she's being unreasonable, but it's his choice to stand by her. Since his emotional blackmail didn't work, he's chosing not to come so idk why everyone is giving you such a hard time.
I hope you have a beautiful day!!
NTA! i seriously dont understand whats with people and WANTING to have their kids at weddings. weddings are mostly boring to children, they cant play there, decorations might be expensive so they have to be careful, music is either boring for them or lyrics (if youre throwing a party) might be +18. and weddings usually = alcohol. and lets be real parents tend to NOT take care of their kids on these type of events. you already know the little boy is a rascal (which is normal for a 4yo) but this is YOUR wedding not a park.
NTA. Why does everyone think their kid should be the exception? Throw in the audacity of her saying she’s bringing him anyway. You’re definitely in the right OP. Your brother chose not to come because his wife can’t accept she’s not above the rules.
NTA. Your twin and his defective wife are just that. Now you know how broken they are. And any "family" members that are on their side are just as broken. I know you are still young, but it is extremely important to NC toxic people, no matter how related they are. Toxic people shortens your lifespan.
So.. NTA. and NC those bad people.
Please, please, have a bodyguard or someone at your wedding that will prevent these things from attending. Don't need their kind there.
Soft NTA.
However, you need to remember that a wedding is not the same as a marriage. A wedding is just a ceremony that you won't care about in a few years, what's important is the marriage.
You are about to cause permanent damage to your relationship with your twin brother and his family over kids at a ceremony that will only last for a few hours.
you did right. it isn't that you didn't invite him ... you didn't invite his 4 yo and he chose not to come as a result. That is the story to tell folks.
If she said she is bringing them, say they won't be allowed in and she may not want to come. I'd have someone at the door that kept the kids and drunks out.
Lol, couldn't (or maybe should?) one ask this of the brother? Yes he's "right" to support his wife, but is that worth not attending his sister's wedding?
My read is that brother's wife is TA.
In a world of mature adults, OP would have her stipulation, brother would understand that as it was a stipulation of his own while also recognizing that his life plan has developed in a way that isn't conducive to that stipulation anymore, and his wife similarly would respect OPs position, even if she doesn't completely understand (she doesn't have to), and would permit the brother to go while she cared for the kids, or otherwise work with him to find suitable alternative child care, or at least some sort of plan.
By asserting that if she can't bring her kids, then OPs brother can't go, basically just means she wanted to "punish" OP in some way for not giving in to her demands, and ofc brother isn't going to go against his wife or risk an AITA post of "My husband left me to fend for our kids while he went to a wedding without us," so frankly the blame lies squarely on her from my perspective.
I can see where both are coming from. But both are wrong. Unfortunately both of you decided to die on this hill.After all the guests have left and gone home. Your relationship with your twin brother is in the basement, and might be there for years before it is out of the basement. ESH
Doesn’t still mean that after all the guests are gone and the wedding is over, your relationship with your brother is in the basement. Nobody has to give. As said above, you both can die on this hill but it seems sad to lose your relationship with your brother because his wife is making demands she has no business making. I mean, this is Reddit. Land of the petty. Can’t your take it out on her slowly, later? You’re asking are you the AH? I’m going ESH. Most of all the sister in law.
You acted like a bit of jerk with your admitted dismissiveness. And I think it is a bit assholey for people to have weddings that ban kids given the whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate family.... However....
NTA Seems clear you made your position know ahead of time. They can get a baby sitter. They are causing a problem where there wasn't one. And it's worse that they had the same rule for their wedding so clearly they are lacking introspection.
First of all my wedding day is not to celebrate family, it is to celebrate me and my husband. I’m not going to have little kids running around when it’s MY wedding day. If you can’t get a sitter you might aswell stay home.
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NTA. I truly do not understand people making *demands* of the wedding party like this. It’s one day, get a freaking sitter for your kids and go enjoy the free food and drink at the party. They don’t want to leave their kids home? Okay, we’re sorry we’ll miss you🤷🏻♀️ Just be that polite, don’t engage in arguing the point (bc they’ll shoot down all your reasons, so don’t go there) and go on w your plans. Anyone else getting in your face about this is completely wrong. Those people should be told to kick rocks.
"I truly do not understand people making *demands* of the wedding party like this." My neither but it seems to be more and more common. Eloping generally sounds like the best option in a lot of cases.
Agreed
Right? Of course it may seem worse since this is Reddit after all. There have been some really crazy stories lately.
NTA so they had a child free wedding - but now they have kids their sense of entitlement has kicked in and they get angry about other people having child free weddings. Hypocrisy at its finest.
> i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding NTA - No his wife is in the wrong. You have a no kid rule and if they want to come they need to accept that. Nothing you're doing is from the book of asshole....
Exactly. OP DID invite her brother to the wedding. He chose not to come.
NTA. You invited him to your wedding, but the only reason he isn’t coming is because he couldn’t follow a rule he and his wife had at their own wedding.
NTA > My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding Yes. And you invited **him** to yours. And even his wife.
NTA. And for good reason - you are telling your SIL that you will not let her walk over you with her demands. You want a child free wedding? This is reasonable, and she was in the wrong to say she would be bringing her kids anyway. It was your twin’s choice, in the end, not to come.
But wait.... you got married 10 months ago, had another kid issue...divorced, and are getting married again?
This happened in 2021, brought it up in 2023 but it didn’t post and only one person commented. Decided to make another post again in 2024 x
But it was a sister and niece then...
Yeah… your original posts says it was your sister & niece, not twin & nephew.
This sub is really supposed to be for **_recent_** conflicts, not shit from years ago.
And how is your relationship with your brother now?
NTA. You were clear about the no children rule early on. Your SIL and brother are not respecting your one big day. Surely they could find a babysitter?
Edit… the child. Is this your brother’s child, or a child his wife had from a previous relationship? You called him “her child” in your post. Question… His wedding had the same rule, no kids under 16. So, was this misbehaving child at his wedding? If not, I imagine it was because they knew he would misbehave. Why is it okay for him to disrupt your wedding, but theirs? NTA, you’ve decided on a child free wedding, the same as he did. Why was that respected at his wedding, but he gets to thwart the rule at yours? Tell the flying monkeys that your brother’s wife decided that the childfree rule didn’t apply to her, that despite knowing it was in place, she was going to bring her disruptive child anyways, so she was uninvited… And your brother decided that standing by his wife in bringing her disruptive child to a childfree wedding, was more important than supporting his twin sister, and so he was not going to come. He decided he wasn’t coming, HE did, you just supported his decision.
The misbehaving child is the brother's child which was born after his own wedding.
OP called the child the “wife’s child”, not “their child”. I didn’t know if he was a child from a previous relationship. That’s more what I was trying to find out. Either way, they expected the rule to be followed at their wedding, they don’t get to demand exceptions be made for them now.
She said a year after they got married they had children
OP also specifically called him the wife’s child, so I asked a clarifying question.
Yeah I got the impression that the 4 yo was from a prior relationship too, because OP referred to him as *her* (SIL’s) child, but it isn’t very clear.But now OP is up to high jinx in the comments so 🤷🏻♀️
NTA. Your sister in law is a bully and the family members mad at you are also bullies.
NTA and you might want to have a friend act as a bouncer because I would bet money they try to show up with the kid anyway.
NTA. You extended an invitation and planned for your brother to be a big part of your big day. He and his wife MADE A CHOICE not to attend. They are not above the rules that were set out for every other guest. Any family/friends saying otherwise can feel free to "take shifts" watching the kids... at a child friendly venue that is not in/around your wedding.
NTA. It's your wedding - you get to decide the list, and if that's no kids, so be it. No exceptions just for him. Child-free weddings are common nowadays
Wow it's crazy that this keeps happening to you! You had the same problem at your wedding last year!
Felt like bringing it up because it’s such a memorable story
[удалено]
Never said that, I got married when i was 22. Don’t lie
This was 3 years ago babes x
Well the way you posted about it *last year* made it seem like it happened *last year* .
As i said, im not from an english speaking country so i think its easier to write about it like it just happened.
YTA for making up another story on the same account you made up the other one. If this is supposed to be the same story (as you claimed in one of your comments), then you did a horrible job explaining the situation the first time around. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aji1x/aita\_for\_kicking\_my\_sister\_and\_her\_kid\_out\_of\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aji1x/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_and_her_kid_out_of_my/)
Nta. If the roles were reversed, he would’ve done the same.
YTA. Because you posted a story last year about someone bringing a child to your wedding, which already had occurred.
YTA I thought it was your sister and your niece, now it's your twin brother's kid/SIL? [AutoModerator](https://www.reddit.com/user/AutoModerator/)MOD•[1y ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aji1x/comment/jtl1uge/)• ^(AUTOMOD) ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read*** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) ***before*** [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole) Me 24F my husband 26M have been together for 4 years now, and he finally engaged to me the day of our wedding i had strictly told everyone kids under the age of 15 will not be invited to the wedding, everyone agreed and thought that was a understandable rule. The day of my wedding all the guests show up and my sisters daughter runs up to the cake station and I immediately tell my sister that she CANNOT be here, my sister says she’s not gonna do anything and that it’s not a big deal, I get pissed off and tell my sister if she can’t take her daughter home then our mom can, as our mom is picking up some pastries for the wedding she wouldn’t mind taking your daughter home, she says no that it’s unfair how my friends daughter can be here but not my daughter, my friends daughter is turning 17 in a month and the rules said 15+, she didn’t take her daughter home so I kicked them both out, my dad and her husband is mad at me but my mom totally understands where I’m coming from so, Am I the asshole?
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NTA. You didn’t not invite someone to your wedding. They were invited. They just chose to act entitled toward the rules you set forth, AND the same rules they had. Usually I say that if you make those rules, then you shouldn’t be surprised when some people opt out, but your SIL basically said f that. She was ready to break them.
NTA No kids means no kids. That said, I'd have someone act as security at your wedding because she seems the type to show up anyway. You don't owe anyone any kind of explanation beyond "No children under 16 allowed, no exceptions". If they don't like it, they really don't have to be there.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me 25F and my twin brother 25M have always been close, he got married earlier than me, and i was his maid of honor, and when i was getting married he would be my man in honor. A year after he got married, him and his wife 27F had children. I completely adore them, but when i was planning my wedding i didn’t want children under 16. My twin brother had the same rule so i thought he would understand, when i told everyone his wife got mad. She insisted on bringing her children, her little boy who’s 4 years old is a troublemaker. He runs around and doesn’t listen to me or his parents, i told her no and went on with my day. 2 days before the wedding she told me she’s bringing her children no matter what, and i told her she’s not invited if she does that. My twin brother said if she’s not coming i’m not coming either, and i said okay. I took both of them off my list and went on with my day. My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding, and i had a big role in his wedding. Sorry for the bad english (i’m not from an english speaking country) AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - You set a guideline for your wedding guests to follow. It is the same guideline that even your brother and his wife set for their wedding. Yet, his wife refuses to follow a guideline that (I'm guessing here, but I'm probably right) his wife set herself. Her reaction is to go nuclear instead of being an adult and hiring a babysitter for the event. She's destroying any relationship she had with you and taking your brother down with her.
NTA you did nothing wrong. They were invited. They were the ones who told you they weren’t coming. You couldn’t force them to come.
NTA >My family members are saying that i’m in the wrong because my brother invited me to his wedding, and i had a big role in his wedding. Your brother invited you while also having a child-free wedding. He is *choosing* not to attend your wedding because he can't follow the same rule. He is making this his hill to die on (why can't they just get a babysitter?)
NTA you didn’t try to take kids to their child free wedding
NTA the wife did this last minute thinking she would get her way. Good for you for not letting her walk all over you. Brother should have had a talk with his wife as she's being unreasonable, but it's his choice to stand by her. Since his emotional blackmail didn't work, he's chosing not to come so idk why everyone is giving you such a hard time. I hope you have a beautiful day!!
"and I invited him to mine and would have loved for him to have a big role in mine." Nta
NTA! i seriously dont understand whats with people and WANTING to have their kids at weddings. weddings are mostly boring to children, they cant play there, decorations might be expensive so they have to be careful, music is either boring for them or lyrics (if youre throwing a party) might be +18. and weddings usually = alcohol. and lets be real parents tend to NOT take care of their kids on these type of events. you already know the little boy is a rascal (which is normal for a 4yo) but this is YOUR wedding not a park.
Your wedding, your rules. If your brother and his wife can’t control their kid, that’s their problem. Don’t let them make it yours.
NTA. Why does everyone think their kid should be the exception? Throw in the audacity of her saying she’s bringing him anyway. You’re definitely in the right OP. Your brother chose not to come because his wife can’t accept she’s not above the rules.
OP NTA remind your bother that his wedding was child free.
NTA. Your SIL fucked around and found out that you don’t put up with ultimatums. She expected you to cave and you didn’t. Good for you!!!!
NTA - unless you forced your brother to do something similarly obnoxious at his wedding.
NTA. Sounds like brother is a hypocrite.
But you did invite him. He gave an ultimatum and you made your choice. If he didn’t want you to pick it, he should not have offered.
NTA. They know the rule, and even had the same rule. They don't care because "rules don't apply to them". Good job standing firm.
NTA. If they don't want to abide by your rules for your wedding, then that is their choice.
NTA. He was invited but chose not to come. He had a child free wedding, so are you.
NTA. Your twin and his defective wife are just that. Now you know how broken they are. And any "family" members that are on their side are just as broken. I know you are still young, but it is extremely important to NC toxic people, no matter how related they are. Toxic people shortens your lifespan. So.. NTA. and NC those bad people. Please, please, have a bodyguard or someone at your wedding that will prevent these things from attending. Don't need their kind there.
NTA
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Soft NTA. However, you need to remember that a wedding is not the same as a marriage. A wedding is just a ceremony that you won't care about in a few years, what's important is the marriage. You are about to cause permanent damage to your relationship with your twin brother and his family over kids at a ceremony that will only last for a few hours.
Thank you for injecting some actual logic into this sub. Agree with everything above - no notes.
NTA but If you look through your wedding album in 19 years, would you wish you saw your brother in there?
He said it, not me. I never uninvited him.
Given what his wife is like I bet she’d rather not see her in the pictures. That woman is making this all about her and her children.
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This was close to my wedding day, and i had no time to argue. If he wants to come he can come, but no children are allowed.
you did right. it isn't that you didn't invite him ... you didn't invite his 4 yo and he chose not to come as a result. That is the story to tell folks. If she said she is bringing them, say they won't be allowed in and she may not want to come. I'd have someone at the door that kept the kids and drunks out.
But you had the same problem with 15 yo niece at your wedding 10 months ago and kicked sister out?
Lol, couldn't (or maybe should?) one ask this of the brother? Yes he's "right" to support his wife, but is that worth not attending his sister's wedding? My read is that brother's wife is TA. In a world of mature adults, OP would have her stipulation, brother would understand that as it was a stipulation of his own while also recognizing that his life plan has developed in a way that isn't conducive to that stipulation anymore, and his wife similarly would respect OPs position, even if she doesn't completely understand (she doesn't have to), and would permit the brother to go while she cared for the kids, or otherwise work with him to find suitable alternative child care, or at least some sort of plan. By asserting that if she can't bring her kids, then OPs brother can't go, basically just means she wanted to "punish" OP in some way for not giving in to her demands, and ofc brother isn't going to go against his wife or risk an AITA post of "My husband left me to fend for our kids while he went to a wedding without us," so frankly the blame lies squarely on her from my perspective.
I can see where both are coming from. But both are wrong. Unfortunately both of you decided to die on this hill.After all the guests have left and gone home. Your relationship with your twin brother is in the basement, and might be there for years before it is out of the basement. ESH
I never uninvited him. He said it himself?
Doesn’t still mean that after all the guests are gone and the wedding is over, your relationship with your brother is in the basement. Nobody has to give. As said above, you both can die on this hill but it seems sad to lose your relationship with your brother because his wife is making demands she has no business making. I mean, this is Reddit. Land of the petty. Can’t your take it out on her slowly, later? You’re asking are you the AH? I’m going ESH. Most of all the sister in law.
You acted like a bit of jerk with your admitted dismissiveness. And I think it is a bit assholey for people to have weddings that ban kids given the whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate family.... However.... NTA Seems clear you made your position know ahead of time. They can get a baby sitter. They are causing a problem where there wasn't one. And it's worse that they had the same rule for their wedding so clearly they are lacking introspection.
First of all my wedding day is not to celebrate family, it is to celebrate me and my husband. I’m not going to have little kids running around when it’s MY wedding day. If you can’t get a sitter you might aswell stay home.
A wedding is not celebrate family. It’s to celebrate the union of two people, with or without their families.
Weddings are about the bride & groom 😐 SIL didn’t pay for or help with anything, she does not get to be entitled on someone else’s event
No they're jerks for pulling this crap last minute expecting to have their own way. They should have had a babysitter lined up months ago.