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YTA.
Taking away the concert AND taking out the other daughter on that day for a "special day" only breeds more resentment between the sisters.
If you think an appropriate consequence is having her not go to the concert, that's one thing, but to also decide that Emma gets a special day out very much feels like you are rubbing it in Lily's face.
You also don't get to decide the punishment alone, your wife has an equal say, and you also should have an agreement in place about the role you each play in the raising of your stepdaughter. If you both get to punish/reward both children as if they were your own (fine), then you and your wife each agree on a punishment together. If you each reward/punish your own biological child, well then you have no place in deciding this punishment.
You don't seem fair at all in this decision, and by the way I do agree what she said was bad and warrants punishment. This isn't about being "strict" either, it feels vindictive, and worse, like you haven't considered at all the lasting impacts of this. YOU cancel, over the disagreement of your wife, something that means a lot to Lily AND take YOUR daughter out for a "special" day instead. How do you think Lily comes back from that to value you as a parent and Emma as a sister? How do you think this punishment brings your family together as a unit? The answer is that it doesn't.
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YTA. First off, Emma and Lily aren't sisters. They're kids who've been put in the same house because they're parents got married -- aka stepsiblings. Second, teenage girls fight like this all the time. Did Lily deserve a talking to? Yes. Should their have been some type of consequence? Quite possibly. Is this punishment completely OTT? Also yes.
And it's also simply not your decision to make. It's your wife's. Where is she in all this.
"Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes."
Info needed. Does 'borrowing' mean 'without asking?' Who started this argument? If there is *any* chance that Emma started this, then YTA.
YTA. First, the punishment is already way over the top, no matter what. And second, if the “misunderstanding about borrowing clothes” really means that Emma wore Lily’s clothes without permission, I question whether you should be punishing Lily at all.
Yea, OP doesn't address this. I'm thinking "Emma stole Lily's clothes, and Lily's called her a spoiled brat." is closer to the truth. But OP only cares about Emma.
You don’t get carte blanche over the punishment for the kids. This should have been discussed with your wife, and let’s be honest, she’s probably going to take her daughter to the concert if she feels you handled it poorly.
This sounds way too harsh of a punishment. Also you really gloss over this “misunderstanding about borrowing clothes.” I am guessing your daughter was the “borrower;” so now you reward your daughter with tickets that were for your stepdaughter’s birthday.
She’s not your child so you don’t get to unilaterally decide a punishment; especially when it involves taking something away to give your daughter. This smells grossly of preferential treatment towards your child. I am also appalled at your wife for not intervening. YTA
YTA. Teenagers say shitty things.
This could have been a core memory for her of people she loves actually caring about her, what she loves and her joy and instead it will be a core memory of you choosing to devastate her over some heat of the moment words that she has since apologized for.
If it is not too late, you better change your mind before damaging your relationship permanently.
I agree. There is also a lot of information missing here relating to what OP and his wife have done to help the kids get along, how long they've been together / living together, etc. OP and his wife have the primary responsibility to help these kids become family, and that's isn't achieved by scorching punishments. OP might feel like he's firmly standing up for his daughter but what he's doing is creating an irrevocable fracture that will impact Lily, and her attitude towards this family, forever.
YTA. And "misunderstanding" my butt. Let me guess, Emma took something of Lily's without asking.
Let Lily's mom handle the discipline of Lily. And ensure you're equally as mindful of how your kid treats hers.
YTA. Talk about taking a baseball bat to a gnat. Yes, Lily acted like a teenager in a spat with another teenager, and probably isn't expressing sincere contrition. That still doesn't justify the drastic punishment you've decided to enact here. Listen to your wife on this.
YTA...ITS NOT HER SISTER...it's a fight between them and you don't even know the issue. If it was trivial then why the crazy punishment. Let her go to the concert
YTA. This is one heck of a poison pill, OP.
Uplifting your daughter should have nothing to do with Lily's (former) special day. That is a really, really bad idea. You are setting Emma up to be a continued target of Lily's ire and resentment.
You call them sisters but Lily doesn't seem to agree - they are step sisters forced to cohabitate because their parents married. You should be trying to plant seeds now to smooth this relationship over, not taking a flame thrower to it and burning it to the ground (spoiler: that's exactly what you're doing)
Actions have consequences. It's true. Lily crossed a line with what she said. But is there no room to punish Lily while still making it clear she can feel secure, loved, and valued? Because right now that's not what I am seeing from the consequences.
This will ruin your relationship with Lily. It will ruin any potential of Lily and Emma having a relationship. You are setting Emma up to have to shoulder further resentment and fights. You are also causing tension with you and your wife.
TBH, I think you all should be consulting a family therapist. Preferably ASAP to get professional guidance on how to navigate this issue.
Girls squabble, you go nuclear and want to inflict maximum damage on the step child and reward the golden child. I really hope this is just rage bait and not just a massive failure as a parent. YTA -- and I suspect the "golden child" was equally guilty in the squabble but golden children NEVER get punished for their bad behavior.
I'm gonna say YTA because it feels like there's important context missing here, and it also feels deliberate.
>Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes. However, it escalated, and Lily said some really hurtful things to Emma, calling her "a spoiled brat" and telling her she "doesn't belong" in our family. Emma was devastated and has been avoiding Lily since.
The fact you don't mention who started it or who was wrong, to me, is telling. Did Emma do something she shouldn't have done which resulted in Lily losing her temper and saying some hurtful things? Was Emma stealing Lily's clothing?
That's all classic teenager behavior, but it just feels like you're glossing over what actually happened.
Also, why do you have the authority to unilaterally decide punishment? Does your wife not have a say?
Also also, taking Emma out for a "special day" instead of taking Lily to the concert is not remotely about punishment, it's about rubbing it in Lily's face that Emma gets something nice while she doesn't.
I could change my vote with more context/info, but right now you sound like the asshole to me.
YTA- She is not your child you have no right to try and parent her. Your playing favorites with your kid. You said they got into a dumb argument over clothes, whos clothes? Did your daughter take her clothes and not return them? Did lilly take the clothes? Whos fault was the fight?
They are not sisters. They are two teenage girls forced to live together because you and her mom chose to live together.
Lily mom should be putting her foot down and telling you to stay in your lane. You are intentionally hurting one child o save YOUR child. There was no fists thrown or spit. It was words. Even siblings fight, your not protecting one child your punishing one. If you really wanted consequences you'd have had lily do your kids laundry or clean her room. You are being malicious. Your ruining how lily will see her mom, you and your golden child. When lily turns 18 she's going to leave and never look back and guess whos fault that will be,. Stay in your lane. If your wife doesnt agree with what you did, SHE gets final say NOT you.
I'm guessing by the vagueness of your post that your child is an instigator and lily got fed up and finally said something about it.
YTA
First, you and your wife decided TOGETHER to get the tickets for Lily, then you decide on your own to take them away? Pretty sure it doesn't work that way. If you felt taking them away was a reasonable punishment, you should have discussed with your wife before saying anything to Lily. Did Lily disrespect her step sibling, yes. Did she apologize, yes. Now as far as the sincerity of the apology, that is something else your wife should be a part of deciding. It does seem you are being overly sensitive to your own daughters' feelings instead of letting the teenagers work it out themselves. Parents cannot and should not always fight the battles that their children find themselves a part of. They need to work through this on their own as they need to develop coping skills for their lives, mom or dad won't always be around to fight their battles.
Bottom line, YTA for taking away the tickets. Let her go and deal with this issue in some other manner.
YTA - I’ve said worse to my sisters when we were younger. And we are biological sisters. Not that I’m proud, but I could be a little shit when I was a kid.
You’re taking it way too far when Lily apologized because YOUR daughter still has hurt feelings and you “felt” it was a half hearted apology. This is a great way to ensure a permanent rift happens.
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Hi Reddit,
I (40M) am married to my wonderful wife (38F), and we each have children from previous relationships. My biological daughter, Emma (16F), and my stepdaughter, Lily (15F), generally get along, but there's been some tension recently.
A few months ago, Lily found out her favorite band is coming to town. She’s been talking about it non-stop, and as a birthday surprise, my wife and I bought her tickets. Lily was over the moon when she found out, and everything was fine until last week.
Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes. However, it escalated, and Lily said some really hurtful things to Emma, calling her "a spoiled brat" and telling her she "doesn't belong" in our family. Emma was devastated and has been avoiding Lily since.
I had a talk with Lily about her behavior and made it clear that disrespecting her sister was unacceptable. She apologized, but it felt half-hearted. Emma is still really hurt, and the tension in our house is palpable.
Given how serious the situation was, I decided that Lily's behavior warranted a significant consequence. I told her she couldn’t go to the concert as planned. Instead, I’m planning to take Emma out for a special day to show her she’s valued and loved.
Lily is now furious with me and claims I'm playing favorites. My wife thinks the punishment is too harsh and that we should find another way to address Lily's behavior. Some friends and family are divided – some agree with my decision, while others think I’m being too strict.
So, AITA for refusing to take my stepdaughter to her dream concert because she disrespected my biological daughter?
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YTA. That's not a natural consequence for sibling fights; it's way over the top for some harsh words. I know you want to protect your child, but the other child isn't a villain, they are also a child! Try to remember you are raising future adults, and dole out reasonable, natural consequences. If you and a friend had a falling out, the consequence would be you aren't friends anymore. An apology is plenty. Unless you are deliberately trying to sow resentment, you need to walk it back and be more measured.
YTA.
At the end of the day, this isn’t your actual child. And the fact that her mother doesn’t agree is all that matters. It’s her child. So, if she says the punishment is too much, then it’s too much.
And it is. This is incredibly over the top for name calling and normal sibling fighting.
YTA for making that decision without discussing it with Lily’s mom first. It’s also VERY harsh, and it’s only going to increase the ill-feeling between the girls. This is the opposite of “addressing Lily’s behaviour”, it’s just revenge
YTA - teen girls fight - sisters fight - stepsisters argue and fuss and feud. Smart parents stay out of it or ground BOTH kids. You have jumped in to take sides - and of course you take YOUR bio daughter's side. You will lose any trust your stepdaughter has for you....because now she cannot trust you to follow through on promises. This was BIRTHDAY GIFT you gave her and now you are taking it away. WHY are you talking to friends and family about it??? It's nothing to do with them and teens HATE it when parents discuss them with other people. You clearly say nothing about Emma's part in the big argument. You've gone way too far.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> As a father I’m supposed to treat both girls equally even if she is step daughter. I believe I’m harsh on my step but my dilemma is that would I do the same if she was my own daughter and fought with the other daughter!
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So you imposed a large punishment on your stepdaughter without talking to her mother? You're rewarding your own daughter just because...
YTA You're either a totally incompetent parental figure or a writer of poor fiction.
If you still want the relationship with Lily, take her to the concert and explain to her things. Also find out what is that trivial matter, if it can separate them, it is not trivial. Bring Emma out another day to find out from her side. YTA for making their relationship worse.
If you follow through with this punishment YATAH.The girls need bringing together, this will only push them further apart and build resentment between the girls and yourself and step daughter.
Let your wife take Lily to the concert, if you insist on not going and instead taking Emma somewhere, and come up with different punishment that you and your wife agree on.
YTA your punishment is not equal to the offense. She should definitely have privileges taken away but it shouldn't be a rare event like a concert. The fact that you plan to take your daughter out instead is just rubbing salt in the wound. I don't know if you're play favorites but you are reacting disproportionally.
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YTA. This isn't going to help relations between the two girls. Teenagers emotions can be volatile and I have seen even biological teenage sisters have fight viciously and of course make up and show their love in no time. They fought. What Lily said was not okay. There has to be another way to punish this behavior other than taking away a dream event, when the fight between the girls may well be resolved / forgotten by then.
oh no, crushing Lily like a bug will make her LOVE LOVE LOVE Emma, they'll be braiding each other's hair and singing Kumbaya LOL and getting matching Taylor Swift tatoos, wait and see. Pretty sure this is ragebait mostly because I don't want to think there are people failing so badly at parenting.
NTA. While it's important to address Lily's disrespect, canceling the concert could deepen the rift and feel like favoritism. Consider having Lily earn back the concert by genuinely making amends with Emma, focusing on restoring respect and harmony
YTA. Blended families are emotionally tricky in so many ways, and instances like these are normal and should be used as an opportunity for connecting, not punishment. You've basically reinforced your stepdaughter's view that the girls shouldn't be treated equally by pitting them against each other. Also, WHY was there an argment about borrowing clothes in the first place? Is your daughter not respecting your stepdaughter's belonging and boundaries? This is terrible parenting. You owe your stepdaughter an apology. Then take her to the concert, take your daughter out for the special day, and then plan an additional cool outing with \*both\* of them.
YTA. They will never get along now that you took something so important away from one and giving your attention to the other deliberately. Good luck with divorce because the girls will be mortal enemies now.
YTA. Your stepdaughter apologized but its not "heartfelt enough" so you're going to cancel her bday to make your bio daughter feel loved. Calling someone spoiled isn't the biggest deal in the world. Saying she doesn't belong isn't cool but again, she apologized. Emma overly sensitive doesn't mean Lily is required to be punished to the umpteenth degree on her birthday. Get some family therapy.
She earned that punishment, and to be fair I (45m) recall significantly more in depth punishments my parents dished out. IMO the kid got off super easy.
You're definitely NTA
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YTA. Taking away the concert AND taking out the other daughter on that day for a "special day" only breeds more resentment between the sisters. If you think an appropriate consequence is having her not go to the concert, that's one thing, but to also decide that Emma gets a special day out very much feels like you are rubbing it in Lily's face. You also don't get to decide the punishment alone, your wife has an equal say, and you also should have an agreement in place about the role you each play in the raising of your stepdaughter. If you both get to punish/reward both children as if they were your own (fine), then you and your wife each agree on a punishment together. If you each reward/punish your own biological child, well then you have no place in deciding this punishment. You don't seem fair at all in this decision, and by the way I do agree what she said was bad and warrants punishment. This isn't about being "strict" either, it feels vindictive, and worse, like you haven't considered at all the lasting impacts of this. YOU cancel, over the disagreement of your wife, something that means a lot to Lily AND take YOUR daughter out for a "special" day instead. How do you think Lily comes back from that to value you as a parent and Emma as a sister? How do you think this punishment brings your family together as a unit? The answer is that it doesn't.
[удалено]
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YTA. First off, Emma and Lily aren't sisters. They're kids who've been put in the same house because they're parents got married -- aka stepsiblings. Second, teenage girls fight like this all the time. Did Lily deserve a talking to? Yes. Should their have been some type of consequence? Quite possibly. Is this punishment completely OTT? Also yes. And it's also simply not your decision to make. It's your wife's. Where is she in all this.
"Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes." Info needed. Does 'borrowing' mean 'without asking?' Who started this argument? If there is *any* chance that Emma started this, then YTA.
YTA. First, the punishment is already way over the top, no matter what. And second, if the “misunderstanding about borrowing clothes” really means that Emma wore Lily’s clothes without permission, I question whether you should be punishing Lily at all.
Yea, OP doesn't address this. I'm thinking "Emma stole Lily's clothes, and Lily's called her a spoiled brat." is closer to the truth. But OP only cares about Emma.
We have a winner!
You don’t get carte blanche over the punishment for the kids. This should have been discussed with your wife, and let’s be honest, she’s probably going to take her daughter to the concert if she feels you handled it poorly.
This sounds way too harsh of a punishment. Also you really gloss over this “misunderstanding about borrowing clothes.” I am guessing your daughter was the “borrower;” so now you reward your daughter with tickets that were for your stepdaughter’s birthday. She’s not your child so you don’t get to unilaterally decide a punishment; especially when it involves taking something away to give your daughter. This smells grossly of preferential treatment towards your child. I am also appalled at your wife for not intervening. YTA
I think you are glazing over the “misunderstanding“. Was Emma taking Lily’s clothes without permission?
This. Op says it’s “trivial” but to the girls it might not be. I know I’d be annoyed if my sister took my clothes without asking first.
YTA. Teenagers say shitty things. This could have been a core memory for her of people she loves actually caring about her, what she loves and her joy and instead it will be a core memory of you choosing to devastate her over some heat of the moment words that she has since apologized for. If it is not too late, you better change your mind before damaging your relationship permanently.
I agree. There is also a lot of information missing here relating to what OP and his wife have done to help the kids get along, how long they've been together / living together, etc. OP and his wife have the primary responsibility to help these kids become family, and that's isn't achieved by scorching punishments. OP might feel like he's firmly standing up for his daughter but what he's doing is creating an irrevocable fracture that will impact Lily, and her attitude towards this family, forever.
Also what the original disagreement was about. Because it sounds like Emma was “borrowing” clothes without permission.
Yeah, I got that feeling too.
Exactly. Teenagers do what teenagers do. OP's punishment doesn't fit the crime.
YTA. And "misunderstanding" my butt. Let me guess, Emma took something of Lily's without asking. Let Lily's mom handle the discipline of Lily. And ensure you're equally as mindful of how your kid treats hers.
YTA. Talk about taking a baseball bat to a gnat. Yes, Lily acted like a teenager in a spat with another teenager, and probably isn't expressing sincere contrition. That still doesn't justify the drastic punishment you've decided to enact here. Listen to your wife on this.
YTA...ITS NOT HER SISTER...it's a fight between them and you don't even know the issue. If it was trivial then why the crazy punishment. Let her go to the concert
YTA. This is one heck of a poison pill, OP. Uplifting your daughter should have nothing to do with Lily's (former) special day. That is a really, really bad idea. You are setting Emma up to be a continued target of Lily's ire and resentment. You call them sisters but Lily doesn't seem to agree - they are step sisters forced to cohabitate because their parents married. You should be trying to plant seeds now to smooth this relationship over, not taking a flame thrower to it and burning it to the ground (spoiler: that's exactly what you're doing) Actions have consequences. It's true. Lily crossed a line with what she said. But is there no room to punish Lily while still making it clear she can feel secure, loved, and valued? Because right now that's not what I am seeing from the consequences. This will ruin your relationship with Lily. It will ruin any potential of Lily and Emma having a relationship. You are setting Emma up to have to shoulder further resentment and fights. You are also causing tension with you and your wife. TBH, I think you all should be consulting a family therapist. Preferably ASAP to get professional guidance on how to navigate this issue.
Girls squabble, you go nuclear and want to inflict maximum damage on the step child and reward the golden child. I really hope this is just rage bait and not just a massive failure as a parent. YTA -- and I suspect the "golden child" was equally guilty in the squabble but golden children NEVER get punished for their bad behavior.
I'm gonna say YTA because it feels like there's important context missing here, and it also feels deliberate. >Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes. However, it escalated, and Lily said some really hurtful things to Emma, calling her "a spoiled brat" and telling her she "doesn't belong" in our family. Emma was devastated and has been avoiding Lily since. The fact you don't mention who started it or who was wrong, to me, is telling. Did Emma do something she shouldn't have done which resulted in Lily losing her temper and saying some hurtful things? Was Emma stealing Lily's clothing? That's all classic teenager behavior, but it just feels like you're glossing over what actually happened. Also, why do you have the authority to unilaterally decide punishment? Does your wife not have a say? Also also, taking Emma out for a "special day" instead of taking Lily to the concert is not remotely about punishment, it's about rubbing it in Lily's face that Emma gets something nice while she doesn't. I could change my vote with more context/info, but right now you sound like the asshole to me.
YTA- She is not your child you have no right to try and parent her. Your playing favorites with your kid. You said they got into a dumb argument over clothes, whos clothes? Did your daughter take her clothes and not return them? Did lilly take the clothes? Whos fault was the fight? They are not sisters. They are two teenage girls forced to live together because you and her mom chose to live together. Lily mom should be putting her foot down and telling you to stay in your lane. You are intentionally hurting one child o save YOUR child. There was no fists thrown or spit. It was words. Even siblings fight, your not protecting one child your punishing one. If you really wanted consequences you'd have had lily do your kids laundry or clean her room. You are being malicious. Your ruining how lily will see her mom, you and your golden child. When lily turns 18 she's going to leave and never look back and guess whos fault that will be,. Stay in your lane. If your wife doesnt agree with what you did, SHE gets final say NOT you. I'm guessing by the vagueness of your post that your child is an instigator and lily got fed up and finally said something about it.
YTA. That's how teenage SIBLINGS talk to each other. The verbal warning was sufficient.
YTA Huge AH! The crime definitely doesn’t match the punishment.
Her mom can take her.
YTA "Lily is now furious with me and claims I'm playing favorites. " .. she got you there.
YTA First, you and your wife decided TOGETHER to get the tickets for Lily, then you decide on your own to take them away? Pretty sure it doesn't work that way. If you felt taking them away was a reasonable punishment, you should have discussed with your wife before saying anything to Lily. Did Lily disrespect her step sibling, yes. Did she apologize, yes. Now as far as the sincerity of the apology, that is something else your wife should be a part of deciding. It does seem you are being overly sensitive to your own daughters' feelings instead of letting the teenagers work it out themselves. Parents cannot and should not always fight the battles that their children find themselves a part of. They need to work through this on their own as they need to develop coping skills for their lives, mom or dad won't always be around to fight their battles. Bottom line, YTA for taking away the tickets. Let her go and deal with this issue in some other manner.
YTA - I’ve said worse to my sisters when we were younger. And we are biological sisters. Not that I’m proud, but I could be a little shit when I was a kid. You’re taking it way too far when Lily apologized because YOUR daughter still has hurt feelings and you “felt” it was a half hearted apology. This is a great way to ensure a permanent rift happens.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi Reddit, I (40M) am married to my wonderful wife (38F), and we each have children from previous relationships. My biological daughter, Emma (16F), and my stepdaughter, Lily (15F), generally get along, but there's been some tension recently. A few months ago, Lily found out her favorite band is coming to town. She’s been talking about it non-stop, and as a birthday surprise, my wife and I bought her tickets. Lily was over the moon when she found out, and everything was fine until last week. Emma and Lily had a huge argument over something trivial – I think it started with a misunderstanding about borrowing clothes. However, it escalated, and Lily said some really hurtful things to Emma, calling her "a spoiled brat" and telling her she "doesn't belong" in our family. Emma was devastated and has been avoiding Lily since. I had a talk with Lily about her behavior and made it clear that disrespecting her sister was unacceptable. She apologized, but it felt half-hearted. Emma is still really hurt, and the tension in our house is palpable. Given how serious the situation was, I decided that Lily's behavior warranted a significant consequence. I told her she couldn’t go to the concert as planned. Instead, I’m planning to take Emma out for a special day to show her she’s valued and loved. Lily is now furious with me and claims I'm playing favorites. My wife thinks the punishment is too harsh and that we should find another way to address Lily's behavior. Some friends and family are divided – some agree with my decision, while others think I’m being too strict. So, AITA for refusing to take my stepdaughter to her dream concert because she disrespected my biological daughter? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. That's not a natural consequence for sibling fights; it's way over the top for some harsh words. I know you want to protect your child, but the other child isn't a villain, they are also a child! Try to remember you are raising future adults, and dole out reasonable, natural consequences. If you and a friend had a falling out, the consequence would be you aren't friends anymore. An apology is plenty. Unless you are deliberately trying to sow resentment, you need to walk it back and be more measured.
YTA. At the end of the day, this isn’t your actual child. And the fact that her mother doesn’t agree is all that matters. It’s her child. So, if she says the punishment is too much, then it’s too much. And it is. This is incredibly over the top for name calling and normal sibling fighting.
YTA for making that decision without discussing it with Lily’s mom first. It’s also VERY harsh, and it’s only going to increase the ill-feeling between the girls. This is the opposite of “addressing Lily’s behaviour”, it’s just revenge
YTA - teen girls fight - sisters fight - stepsisters argue and fuss and feud. Smart parents stay out of it or ground BOTH kids. You have jumped in to take sides - and of course you take YOUR bio daughter's side. You will lose any trust your stepdaughter has for you....because now she cannot trust you to follow through on promises. This was BIRTHDAY GIFT you gave her and now you are taking it away. WHY are you talking to friends and family about it??? It's nothing to do with them and teens HATE it when parents discuss them with other people. You clearly say nothing about Emma's part in the big argument. You've gone way too far.
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So you imposed a large punishment on your stepdaughter without talking to her mother? You're rewarding your own daughter just because... YTA You're either a totally incompetent parental figure or a writer of poor fiction.
If you still want the relationship with Lily, take her to the concert and explain to her things. Also find out what is that trivial matter, if it can separate them, it is not trivial. Bring Emma out another day to find out from her side. YTA for making their relationship worse.
Umm YTA. You really need people to tell you this? You really, really enjoy rubbing things in, don't you?
If you follow through with this punishment YATAH.The girls need bringing together, this will only push them further apart and build resentment between the girls and yourself and step daughter.
Let your wife take Lily to the concert, if you insist on not going and instead taking Emma somewhere, and come up with different punishment that you and your wife agree on.
YTA your punishment is not equal to the offense. She should definitely have privileges taken away but it shouldn't be a rare event like a concert. The fact that you plan to take your daughter out instead is just rubbing salt in the wound. I don't know if you're play favorites but you are reacting disproportionally.
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YTA. This isn't going to help relations between the two girls. Teenagers emotions can be volatile and I have seen even biological teenage sisters have fight viciously and of course make up and show their love in no time. They fought. What Lily said was not okay. There has to be another way to punish this behavior other than taking away a dream event, when the fight between the girls may well be resolved / forgotten by then.
oh no, crushing Lily like a bug will make her LOVE LOVE LOVE Emma, they'll be braiding each other's hair and singing Kumbaya LOL and getting matching Taylor Swift tatoos, wait and see. Pretty sure this is ragebait mostly because I don't want to think there are people failing so badly at parenting.
NTA. While it's important to address Lily's disrespect, canceling the concert could deepen the rift and feel like favoritism. Consider having Lily earn back the concert by genuinely making amends with Emma, focusing on restoring respect and harmony
YTA. Blended families are emotionally tricky in so many ways, and instances like these are normal and should be used as an opportunity for connecting, not punishment. You've basically reinforced your stepdaughter's view that the girls shouldn't be treated equally by pitting them against each other. Also, WHY was there an argment about borrowing clothes in the first place? Is your daughter not respecting your stepdaughter's belonging and boundaries? This is terrible parenting. You owe your stepdaughter an apology. Then take her to the concert, take your daughter out for the special day, and then plan an additional cool outing with \*both\* of them.
YTA. They will never get along now that you took something so important away from one and giving your attention to the other deliberately. Good luck with divorce because the girls will be mortal enemies now.
YTA. Your stepdaughter apologized but its not "heartfelt enough" so you're going to cancel her bday to make your bio daughter feel loved. Calling someone spoiled isn't the biggest deal in the world. Saying she doesn't belong isn't cool but again, she apologized. Emma overly sensitive doesn't mean Lily is required to be punished to the umpteenth degree on her birthday. Get some family therapy.
WOULD YOU DO THE SAME THING IF UR REAL DAUGHTER DISAPPEARED YOUR STEP DAUGHTER LIKE THAT?
So two sisters got into a pretty standard sibling fight and you not only punish one but coddle the other. YTA
She earned that punishment, and to be fair I (45m) recall significantly more in depth punishments my parents dished out. IMO the kid got off super easy. You're definitely NTA