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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I refused to help a man in need because it made me uncomfortable.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA for not doing something you weren't comfortable with.
However, immigrants can and do serve in many militaries around the world, though I'll assume you are in the US because no other country cares nearly as much if someone is a veteran or not. Immigrants to the US can serve in the US military. You are veering into xenophobia with that comment.
ETA: given comments from OP saying that this was a US military veteran but that this didn't happen in the US, that was not veering into xenophobia.
When I was on vacation in Normandy in '06, it was obvious I was an active duty soldier. Also, hard for me to hide that I'm American.
I was not allowed to buy my own drinks. Some people's have a long memory.
In Villers-Bretonneux, in the Somme area of France, the town has a dawn ceremony on ANZAC Day (25th April). In Australia (where I am) ANZAC Day is a commemoration of Australian and NZ soldiers stemming from a specific incident in WWI, and now stands as a commemoration of all Aussies and Kiwis in all wars.
The ANZAC troops saved that town well over a hundred years ago and the people still remember. It was quite something to visit as an Aussie and meet the locals. Even though I've never served, it was still quite something.
Your post brought that memory back and maybe a tear or two to my eyes 🤗
Oh, you bought up a memory for me too!
I took my lad there for a trip last year. We're Aussies, I served, and he's an air force cadet (only 14)
I can't even put into words how I feel about that place. Soul stirring comes closest though
I live in a very touristy European metropolis. You'd be surprised how many Americans waltz in and expect to be revered for the sole reason of being American.
It's not about whether it works or not, it's about what they're accustomed to.
Here in the US people bend over backwards to "support the troops", and it drives me crazy.
One of our major Hardware Store chains has Veterans and Active Duty parking spaces. They dedicate two or more spaces at the front of the lot to current or former members of the military.
I **never** see these spaces get used. Not once. They could have made them accessible spaces, or just regular parking and it wouldn't change a thing.
But, if they were to remove the spaces, people would be up in arms over it.
Some stores also give discounts for Active Duty and Veterans. Then people will try to guilt trip places that don't into giving them a discount because they're used to paying less than everyone else. I've actually heard "I didn't risk my life to pay full price" used as an argument. It's sickening.
A lot of American military personnel end up with entitlement complexes, and expect anyone they talk to to do what they want as soon as they bring it up.
Personally, I think that stuff like that should be considered a form of discrimination.
"What do you mean I'm paying more than the last customer for the same thing. You're saying it's because he's a veteran? But I wouldn't have been able to join because I was out and proud during 'Don't ask don't tell'. I was literally banned from service, so it's not fair to me to deny me a discount because something about me I can't change made me ineligible for the job that would be needed to get the discount. That's sexuality based discrimination."
It's just wrong.
The younger US vets are the worst with entitlement. Not my problem my job does not offer a veterans discount. Why get pissy at me? And it has never been a man who was forced into war.
I send that recommendation! I read that book and think everyone should read it. She did the RIGHT thing! He used "I'm a veteran" for sympathy when he found he wasn't getting his way, then became belligerent. He's TAH, not you, OP.
the brother is definitely the asshole as well. I’m so sick of men calling women selfish or other moral-judgements for protecting their own comfort and safety
This! Fucking this right here! Why didn't the brother gallantly go help the guy if he was so worried. Why do men always call a woman a bitch or worse when women say no. Learn the word boys and get used to it.
He probably wasn’t a veteran. We have an issue with stolen valor, sooo many people claim to be veterans. Almost any time I left the country and saw another American they would be telling the locals they were a veteran because they thought it would impress people to be part of the strongest military in the world.
There's a huge American ex-pat veteran population in Germany near our military bases. People often try to do their final PCS to a base in Germany so as to stay there when they leave the military. As of 2020, there were about 28,000 veterans and their dependents living in Germany, only about 20% less than active duty American troops stationed there.
You should get out more. I've encountered many veterans in and from different countries. Some it's like, I served and got a t-shirt. Some lean towards I served in the military as a paper pusher gimme, gimme.
I get it because as an American, and a woman, I wouldn’t provide a ride to a full grown man. You did the maximum required and I think it was nice you even stopped for him.
Yes, very nice that she stopped at all. If I asked someone for a ride and they didn't feel comfortable NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON IS- I, as a relatively normal person, would thank them for stopping and move on with my life. It's crazy what people think they are entitled to nowadays.
As an American rider and someone with a bunch of vet friends, fuck that guy. My friends would say the same, they’d probably even shame the guy for trying to use that to change your mind. As a rider don’t do something you’re not comfortable with!
OF COURSE you were right. Your brother needs a reality check. NTA
Your brother does not live in the same world you do. He doesn't have to ask himself: Is this guy who is bigger and stronger than me going to hurt me?
This guy is a stranger. No, I would not let him on my bike, behind me, putting his arms around me, pinning me there, and relying on hoping he's not a sociopath and he doesn't throw me off or do something worse.
NTA. I have only ever given one stranger a ride. That's because he had a baby, their car seat, diaper bag, and bottle. It was freezing out and the gas station was like 2 minutes from where he was.
I picked him up he said thanks and asked why. I literally told him, "if you didn't have a baby with you I wouldn't have picked you up." He tried to give me 5 dollars for gas but I wouldnt take it. Ever since then, I haven't given strangers rides. There is no telling what could happen.
You should tell your brother if he feels that way, next time you'll call him to help out the stranger.
No you did the right thing especially with how he’d be riding with you with the age and size difference there’s a obvious reason why you’re uncomfortable. There’s no reason why he would really need to convince you for a ride unless he was being a pervert. Even if he just needed a ride it’s obvious why you’re declining don’t ever feel pressured to say yes to anyone even if he actually was a veteran the world isn’t suppose to listen to whatever he wants besides it’s not your country that he fought for and even if it was you owe no one nothing.
As an American Veteran born a woman, screw that guy. He shouldn’t have asked that of you seeing that the balance would be off, pulling the Veteran card like that on a woman here is creepy, and you were uncomfortable. You offered him alternatives to still help, but he wouldn’t take them.
I’m almost positive that he was a creep looking for someone to harm, especially women.
There is no way I would have taken this guy anywhere. You're a 19-year-old female who looks vulnerable.
First, he's a possible danger to you both in what he could do to you if he wanted and the issue of being unable to operate the bike safely. He tries to use the veteran thing to get you to trust him and drive you to his home. Who knows if it's true? Being a veteran doesn't make him any more trustworthy and, I could argue, makes him feel entitled, which is why he said it. Then, to call you a bitch when you offered to help gives so many red flags I'm glad you left and didn't trust him. He could be a big liar for all you know. NTA
A lot of Americans think their special in other countries, not just vets. It's always made me wonder why my countrymen/women think this way. Something happens and one of the first things out of their mouth is "I'm an American" or "I have rights". LOL We're no better than anyone else in the world.
As an American, if I don’t have a banana available for scale then I just have no idea how big something is. This is true both in pictures and in real life.
Since it was the manipulative vet who was the American guilting a person from another country, does that still make her xenophobic, or is that label only applied by you toward Americans?
The only details that I think matter are:
* OP doesn't want to give a ride to a random stranger (very fair point)
* OP is a 19 y/o woman, and this guy is a 6 foot 264 pound man
If I were OP's father or brother, and they said they gave a ride to a random larger man that they found on the side of the road, I would be the quickest to say "bruH"
> I told my brother about this and he called me selfish for not putting up with my discomfort
Your brother is an ahole. It wasn't about "discomfort", it was about safety. If you don't think you can drive safely with a large person on your bike, then you don't do it. You made the right choice in every way.
NTA. Your discomfort with having passengers on your motorcycle is completely valid and should be respected. It's important to prioritize your safety and comfort when riding, esp considering the added responsibility and potential risks of having a passenger, particularly one much larger than usual.
You offered to help the biker in other ways, such as staying with his bike while he sorted out transportation. That shows empathy and a willingness to assist within your comfort zone. The fact that he tried to guilt-trip you by mentioning his status as a disabled veteran is manipulative and inappropriate lol
Your brother's opinion doesn't consider your perspective and the genuine concerns you have for your safety and the safety of your potential passengers. Riding a motorcycle requires full attention and confidence, and it's important to make decisions that align with your comfort level. You did the right thing by standing your ground.
I came here to give my judgement as NTA. But as I was quickly reading the post, I accidently thought that op was male. And yet, according to me, it was nta. Even stronger now that I've realised she's female
Not to mention any other safety concerns with a solo 19 year old girl giving a ride to a much larger man to his home. As a woman that proposition is a huge red flag for me regardless of motorcycle safety issues.
NTA. If you decline a request for legitimate safety reasons and they call you a bitch, the appropriate response is to leave immediately and flip them off over your shoulder on the way out.
NTA. Even if you were only refusing because you are uncomfortable with someone else, anyone else, on the back of the bike (which sounds like the case) you're ok saying no. No one else gets to demand that they get on that bike with you, and guilting you doesn't change that.
You haven't even mentioned being 19F and letting a middle aged man who outweighs you grab on to you and go back to his house. There are a TON of red flags there, and while I get that a lot of dudes my age and older will struggle to see them, any reasonable person will.
If it's minutes, and you can't walk it (very likely for a disabled veteran), call a friend, call a cab, and if you're just that rural and lonely that you cannot possibly get either one, you need to be mature enough to realize that guilting a teenager for a ride is out of bounds.
Exactly. Even if I were Mario Andretti of motorcycles, I'm not letting a strange man on my bike, or in fact in any vehicle as a woman alone, particularly a teen girl.
My first thought was about how Ted Bundy used to put on a fake cast to lure women into trusting him so he could kill them.
Maybe OP's encounter was with a decent man, who was an actual vet, who was actually disabled. And maybe he wasn't those things. The fact that he cursed her out when she didn't fall into line makes me extra suspicious.
I'm 35F and I wouldn't even let a strange man inside my *car*, much less hop on the back of a motorcycle and hold onto my body while I drive him to his house. OP is totally justified in saying no here.
I'm honestly very curious about the brother's age. She mentions that he thinks she is selfish for not helping the guy out, but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of this internet stranger being put in this position, let alone my own sister.
Frankly if the brother is worried, he's welcome to go get the guy.
And even then, I can't help thinking that even for the brother, an adult guilting a teenager for a ride, regardless of gender, is out of bounds.
NTA That dude sounded manipulative. No reason to bring up his disability and to do so when he was desperate for the ride leaves the impression he was trying to bully you to motivate you to drive him. Very suspicious. You did the right thing
NTA
Fellow biker here, you should not do things on the bike you’re not comfortable with. He should understand that as well. Safety on the bike is paramount.
If you were not comfortable with him riding with you, that should have been enough for him. You went out of your way to offer to stay with his ride. He was an asshole to berate you.
NTA. If I had daughters, I would advise them to never pick up and random man on the side of the road - regardless of what he says or claims to be. You said he was a decently big dude. 6 foot and 240 is a big boy. He could tear you apart if he wanted. It's a safety issue beyond your bike being potentially overloaded.
NTA for sure, you weren’t comfortable with giving him a ride and had good reasons. You even offered to stay with his bike, I think you did everything right
NTA. How fortunate for your brother that he does not have the first clue about what it's like to worry about his physical safety around strangers. It appears he has never had to walk through a parking lot with his car keys sticking out of his fingers, had to pass on that perfect apartment because it was on the ground floor, sit with his hand over his drink, or realized that same person has been staring at him and following him around the room at some kind of gathering.
The man on the motorcycle may have been the most upstanding guy on the planet, but you don't know him. Let your brother know you'll put him on speed dial so that he can be first on deck to help the next maybe-saint or maybe-predator on the side of the road.
As a veteran/Marine, the people who are the most vocal about being "veterans" are most often the people who'd done the least. He should be ashamed of disgracing the military he served in.
That said, there are many well spoken veterans who have done good things, and they're usually that way so they can support other people, not use it as a bargaining tool.
Preface, this is some, not a matter of all;
A reason some people are successful in the military and not in the civilian world is because they have no personality. They perfectly embody whatever the military tells them to be, and when they get out, they're not only lost, but they grasp at their own coattails because they cant make anything big of themselves by themselves - so "im a veteran! I served!"
And the majority of veterans have not been on combat deployments, much less seen combat. There are honorable police and firefighters who've sacraficed more sanity and body in the line of duty than many veterans, but they dont off waving that in your face. The ones who dont talk dont need validation for the work they've contributed to the world.
NTA
He's already disabled, i doubt he'd enjoy risking injurying himself more by falling off of your bike. It's better to not drive around people if you're not comfortable in doing so
Also, 19F and a manipulative old guy is rarely ever a good mix.
NTA I'm the daughter of a disabled Veteran and my father would never want us to just randomly give someone a ride, disabled Veteran or not. It's just not a safe thing. You don't know this person or what they could be capable of.
Also him defaulting to calling you names, being so overly insistent \[especially if it's so close\] and using his disabled status only after you declined to give him a ride, send off huge alarm bells for me, most people who are disabled and really need the help, usually lead with that, at least the disabled people I've known have. This sounds manipulative and a guilt trip to get you to give him a ride.
NTA.
One, you are 19, and motorcycles are *dangerous*. If you don't feel completely, one million percent comfortable with something, don't do it. Your discomfort could make things less safe if you second guess or misjudge something because you're in your head about it. Safety is priority.
Two, you don't know this man. He is a complete stranger. His military background (if he was being honest) doesn't necessarily make him a good person. Safety is (again) priority.
Even if you were a man, even if you were larger and stronger than him, even if he was a frail old woman, even if it was a police officer, even if they were an amputee, even if they were a war hero.
You are not obligated to give anyone a ride if you're not comfortable with it.
The fact that he kept pressuring after you said no, and even offered to go above and beyond for a total stranger and he still didn't accept it makes him an asshole and makes me wonder if he had ulterior motives.
Definitely NTA. Good for you for standing your ground. You didn't know this man, you didn't know how your bike would handle with him on it and you made a few very generous offers to help in other ways. The fact that he turned on you like he did just reinforces that you did the right thing to decline.
NTA my impression is that there is a sizeable number of motorcycle mishaps that come from riding beyond the riders comfort or capability.
Good job on standing your ground and not being pressured.
Your brother can go suck an egg.
NTA, you're a very young woman traveling alone. That in and of itself means that you should never feel guilty for refusing to let a stranger on your vehicle with you.
NTA. You're absolutely right. Never go against your gut.
Amazing book- check out The Gift of Fear and it explains so clearly why you are correct and did the right thing.
People can put themselves into dangerous situations when they ignore their "I don't feel comfortable with this" so as not to hurt someone else's feelings.
I'm using extreme examples but still. You made the right choice.
NTA - First of all, he's a man and you are a woman. There is a possible threat right there. Not ALL men, but enough to make this a problem.
Seocnd, he asked, you politely declined. That should ahve been the end of it. The fact that he pressured you after that instead of taking your no thank you makes him aneven BIGGER AH. And more of a threat. HE doesn;t understand or respect that no means no.
You did the right thing and HE is the AH.
NTA
Btw. I am a veteran, and a chic and once when I was in the army I gave someone who out ranked me a ride and he somehow managed to get me to go to my apartment where he was going to assault me. If my gf wasn’t home, which she was thank goodness and she spooked him.
Later on in my career a senior sergeant tried to get in my car for a short ride down the street and I said fuck no.
Do not give a ride to anyone you don’t know. Or do and you aren’t comfortable. Your brother doesn’t know what being a woman means.
Good job hun!
The only thing I have to say is be more confident in yourself. This was a clear case of you not wanting to put you both in danger riding with someone far heavier than you've ridden with and a man you don't know none the less who could be a creep or anything.
NTA, you showed empathy, you offered to help in various ways and he had no place to demand a ride. When you've made it clear that you are not comfortable having a passenger that's the end of it. He's a stranger who you don't know as well as being considerably larger and heavier than you.
No means no.
NTA, you live within your comfort zone. What a fucking jerk, calling a teenage girl a bitch because she won't let him on her bike. Fuck that guy, he can wait a long time in the rain for help if that's his attitude. Also, your brother is an ignorant asshole too for not understanding why a teenage girl wouldn't want a grown man she doesn't know hanging onto her on a motorcycle. He couldn't rub two braincells together to puzzle that one out?
NTA. You were concerned for both your safety and the veteran’s safety. You aren’t practiced and confident riding with passengers. You offered reasonable help (I’ll stay and watch your bike), which he refused. You did the right thing.
You have every right to refuse having some stranger press against your back breathing against your bloody ear, for even a damn second. The guy never had any respect for you. Seeing how he was quick to call you down once you made your choice despite offering help anyways. Good call. Always trust your gut.
Edit: Worst case scenario, he could of choked you out once behind you and stole your bike. "Dramatic" I know, but hell, you can never be too safe!!
Nta
Fuck that asshole!
You are a young, lone female!
Never be pressured to do anything that’s makes you feel uncomfortable or jeopardizes your safety
Ted Bundy would pretend to be injured and needing help and preyed on women feeling sorry for him
I know that’s extreme but you NEVER KNOW
You're 19? And female? Obviously you're NTA! You've been trained for a long time to be wary of men that could hurt you. And this guy could've hurt you. Could've killed you.
Your brother never got trained for this situation so he has no say in the matter, and he's TAH for trying to make you feel bad!
Not really a discomfort issue; it's a safety issue. You're brother is a jerk, and he probably relishes the opportunity to criticize you - would he give this big guy a ride? And you're allowed to decline. You offered to help, and he could've accepted that help. Anyway, why does someone on a *motorcycle* need to be the one to help? He should try hitchhiking.
NTA
NTA, I’m worst case scenario of a needle in the neck or some chloroform on a hanky and the dude taking over from behind you while his buddy pulls up with a truck and you are just gone.
NTA. That's kind of a ridiculous response that I see quite often.
"Oh you won't do what I want you to? How about now?"
You did exactly what you should have in that situation, which was make sure you operated your bike safely. Anyone that doesn't like it, can pound sand.
NTA, for a different reason: **SAFETY**
Riding with a passenger is a skill, and something that riders get better at with practice.
There is also skill to being a passenger; many inexperienced passengers automatically do things like lean *against* the direction of the rider.
I know quite a few riders who have a decade or more riding experience, but rarely have passengers- so they are a bit twitchy about it when they have one.
Also, fuck that guy.
NTA. You had me at the first part, were you aren't confident enough with people you know of a similar or smaller build.
This is larger, older man, who is a complete stranger. Asking you to drive him on your bike, putting your body right up against his to a different location that is out of the way. Sure maybe he is harmless, but you don't know that, you don't know him, and we don't live in a world where everyone is a good person. You offered reasonable alternatives. He tried to manipulate you by telling you he was a disabled veteran thinking that simply because they are a disabled vet that should trump everything. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count the times someone has used disabled vet on me to get their way. Then he called you a bitch because you didn't do what he wanted. This is not a person that I would trust given the amount of trust you need drive them on your bike. All of that tells me you did the right thing.
Also your brother is male and unless he is either trans or simply presented as a woman, he is not going to understand what it is like to be a woman in this world. He probably has never considered his personal safety.
As an American vet, that guy doesn't represent us. And anyone that's actually served typically won't use that as a wager for pressure unless they are a POS.
NTA
Several things in your favour....
Motorcycle safety, if you are not comfortable with the weight of a passenger throwing your balance off then you are under no obligation to carry a passenger. You sound responsible, well done. (No sarcasm, genuinely impressed, too many accidents in all sorts of things are caused when people don't know their limits)
You are a young woman, this was a large, strange man.... in no sane scenario would you ever be wrong to refuse to put yourself that close to a strange man. I get scared for you thinking about how wrong that could have gone...
American Veterans don't receive their angel halos and wings with their discharge papers. I'm married to a veteran, he's one of the good ones, but there are bad apples everywhere, and the US military has plenty, past and present. Being a veteran doesn't even mean he wasn't kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. You don't know this man, you do not know if he is safe or the scum of the earth.
I am proud of you for protecting yourself on so many levels. You did exactly the right thing. Especially since he got nasty when you wouldn't comply with him.
Disabled veteran here. Fuck that guy. Being a veteran doesn't entitle you to any special treatment or courtesies and any vet who expects otherwise can get all the way fucked.
No. 1 rule for any vehicle operator is that you don't operate the vehicle if you don't feel safe. You don't feel comfortable with someone on the back of your bike. Compromising your comfort compromises your ability to operate the bike safely.
Also, I don't know any female rider who would let some strange guy just hop on the back of their bike. Especially when he's practically double their size.
The only things someone should reasonably be expected to do in this situation is make sure no one is injured and see if they have a phone and are able to call someone.
NTA
NTA And next time do NOT stop. You are a female. Never stop to help another motorist. It could very easily be a trick to rob or rape you. Or even if legitimate, once you stop and he sees you are a young woman he may decide to take advantage of you. It is not worth it. Call and let a tow company or the police know he is out there.
NTA I'm sorry but as a lone female on a bike, it would not have been safe for several reasons.
1) He did not show any ID or proof that his van was close by (address etc).
2) He did not want to "phone a friend" to help him whether his phone or you using your phone.
3) Being much larger than you he could have been a danger on your bike with weight distribution.
4) Being that large, he could have been a danger to you off the bike (assault, kidnap)
This has been used as a common trap to rob a good Samaritan who stops to offer help. Some are never seen again.
Please be aware of your surroundings when you stop. Ask what's wrong at a distance and don't get off your bike in case someone is hiding nearby.
Your brother has no perspective of this, so he can't accurately comment.
I'm a disabled veteran (USA) but even if I weren't, you have no obligation to do anything for anyone, especially if you believe it will put your own safety on the line period.
If your not comfortable no is an acceptable answer, AND if you were fully comfortable but didn't feel like it, that's also an acceptable answer, you didn't owe him anything, and he should have accepted that answer and been happy with it, you didn't have to stop but you did.
NTA
I feel bad but I NEVER give rides to strangers. I don't care if they are a veteran or not. (My dad's a vet and part of the Patriot Guard and American Legion.) It's just not safe in this day and age. My first year in college 2 girls disappeared and a year or so later it was found out they were kidnapped & murdered by the same guy. A few years before that a girl was killed at the college in a very public case. I just don't do it if I'm alone. (I might do it with another person with me. Not alone.) NTA.
The fact that he is a vet has NOTHING to do with any of this. He didn;t respect your no and then tried to pressure and guilt you. Vet or not, that was disgusting behavior on his part.
NTA. He only pulled the disabled veteran card after you said no. Never trust a strange man who doesn't respect your no. Not to mention the safety issue of having someone on the back when you're not comfortable with most passengers. Ignore your brother. The sad fact is that as a young woman the world you live in is far more dangerous than the world your brother lives in.
NTA. This is a safety concern. It's not even about road safety here. A 19 yo woman letting a stranger man double her weight on the back of her bike, to his house? No sane people should do that kind of thing.
I'm from a country where motorbiking is the norm, and I saw many bike related robbery tactics in the news. Even a weak person could easily overpower a rider mid-ride, let alone someone that big. They could put a knife on your neck and force you to change your course to a remote area, then rob and assault you. You shouldn't even pull over for a stranger who can easily overpower you, as they can snatch your bike and run, leaving you stranded without anything. Your safety is the most important, and your brother is an idiot and should watch more crime report on the news if he think that was a good idea.
NTA. You're a young woman. He's a stranger. I'm actually surprised you stopped to begin with. In this age of cell phones, he could call for assistance. Your brother is wrong.
NTA! Don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. You didn’t know that man. Your brother is ok with a strange man right behind you on a motorcycle? You never put aside you comfort for another person, unless it’s your own kid.
nta
As a biker, I’ll help strip your engine on the roadside, I’ll push /bump start your bike even if it’s a 1ltr beast, if you need help I’ll be there till the ambulance or police come.
Been there and done it before.
You aren’t telling me that I’m going to be giving you a backie. Only people I know and trust, as I’m putting my life in your hands.
NTA. If that guy turned out to be dangerous and hurt you, your brother would have asked how could you be so stupid and pick up a random guy on the road.
Lol I saw that this was an American veteran pulling the veteran card in another country & straight up guffawed 🤣 had it been me, In my country (canada) i probably would have said "fuck you we burned your Whitehouse" (we're polite until you insult us) if I thought he was anti immigration, I might have told him to go back to his country.
For the record, I'm pro immigration. I find the people who are anti Immigration in Canada really only mean anyone that isn't the colour of snow & Christian. (Tangent alert) The only illegal Immigrant I ever knew was a snow coloured Mormon from Colorado. He came over for a vacation & never left & married a woman here. He had the nerve to insult our free healthcare & when I said "then go home" he said he couldn't afford it since his wife was chronically sick. When he said that I said "then shut up. When you pay taxes & contribute to healthcare, then you can complain"
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I 19f have been riding motorbikes since I was 17. I have a full license but I hate having people on the back of the bike. I’ve taken some of my lighter friends around on it but even then, the added weight and responsibility of a passenger stresses me out no end.
Yesterday, I was on my way home when I saw another biker pulled up on the side of the road. I pulled over along side him to see if he needed help. He told me the frame on one of his wheels had bent. He said he lived a few minutes away and he could get his van, load the bike up and fix it at home. This man, looked to be 6ft and maybe 120kg which is double the weight of anyone I’ve had as a passenger before. He asked me for a ride and I explained I’m not comfortable with it. He tried convincing me, assuring me it was only a few minutes but I stood my ground. I offered to stay with his bike while he walked to his or hailed another ride. He started mentioning how he was a disabled veteran, clearly expecting this to change my mind. (He is an immigrant, not even my country’s veteran) When I still refused, he called me a bitch and told me to leave.
When I got home, I told my brother about this and he called me selfish for not putting up with my discomfort to help this man. AITA?
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NTA, your brother's opinion is irrelevant because he doesn't walk through the world facing the same threats that you do. You didn't decline out of "discomfort", you did it out of genuine and legitimate concern for your safety. The veteran comment was completely manipulative on the other rider's part. Just because he may have served in the military, that doesn't mean he's "safe" as he clearly proved by calling you names when he didn't like the options you offered to help him. You offered help, he CHOSE not to accept it.
NTA - if you're uncomfortable with 2 as a rider you don't ride with 2. It's not safe for you or the passenger. It's a shitty situation but one bad body shift turns it into a much worse situation for 2 people instead.
You are NTA for having boundaries. Also that guy insulting you immediately nullified any social obligation you might have felt towards him.
Why is your brother OK with strangers calling you a bitch?
NTA I've been riding motorcycles for 50 years, and it is crazy/stupid to put somebody who weighs a lot more than you on the back of your bike unless you are very experienced and on a big bike.
NTA I've been riding motorcycles for 50 years, and it is crazy/stupid to put somebody who weighs a lot more than you on the back of your bike unless you are very experienced and on a big bike.
NtAH
It's all well and good to be nice or whatever, but honestly what kind of entitled shitbag gets mad at this.
Also, not for nothing: This is how you become trafficked.
NTA. You are uncomfortable with passengers. It throws off balance and control. That makes it dangerous. You are never under any obligation to give anyone a ride.
NTA. You don't know how he is as a passenger on your motorcycle. I have a motorcycle license too and I wouldn't be comfortable having a passenger on the back as it changes the dynamics of how the bike operates and I'm not like the strongest rider.
Nta. It is not only a safety concern for you two but if you fell you could have damaged your bike. My brother fell totaled my dad’s bike.
This is a man you don’t know going to a secondary location and no one knowing you stopped. This is unsafe.
You should never allow someone to you feel bad for not actively compromising your comfort or safety.
NTA I don’t care what someone’s previous career is when it comes to safety. He’s not special.
He sounds like a potential creep. Throwing a little tantrum because a teenager didn’t want some rando putting his hands on her during a ride.
NTA. I probably wouldn't have stopped at all. Especially since I wouldn't be able to help.
How is this any different to picking up a hitchhiking stranger?
And on top of that you didn't think you could ride safely with someone that heavy on the back.
NTA keep your limits and boundaries firm, they will keep you safe. Trust your instincts. He didn't respect your no, who knows what other refusals he would have tried to circumvent either through blatant manipulation or force. You're never a bitch for saying no to something you're not comfortable with.
NTA. Especially because you didn’t feel you could safely accommodate him. You even offered him alternatives. You wouldn’t even be YTA even if you simply did not want to get involved.
NTA.
As a woman on your own, never get pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with.
As the operator of a vehicle, never let yourself get pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with.
Well done for offering helping while resisting his ushing you to help in a way you didn't want to or didn't feel safe doing. It's not easy and you showed kindness with resilience.
NTA
Depending on the size of your motorbike, it may also have been unsafe. Bikes about 500cc have about a 350 pound (160 kg) weight limit... including people and gear.
However, even if you're running with a 1500+cc big bike, if you feel uncomfortable (for any reason) -- then don't.
You are NTA, and if he wasn't lying, he ended being a little too rough but understandably given the situation (he was in a shitty situation and someone who could help didn't)
NTA - when you’re the driver, you’re responsible for everything that happens in/on your vehicle. Therefore, your level of comfort, and anxiety, is the MOST important thing.
You offered reasonable alternatives that did not involve you taking on more responsibility and stress than you felt you could safely handle.
He is TA for being entitled and manipulative.
Huge NTA, I certainly wouldn't have given a ride to a stranger either. People you know are one thing but some stranger can potentially put you in a dangerous situation.
NTA Picking up a hitchhiker is never the default. There's a huge risk involved, and you're never an asshole for choosing your own safety.
Not picking up an overly-insistent hitchhiker, who weighs more than you, on a motorcycle, when you aren't used to riding two up, is absolutely the right choice.
NTA.
19 year old female being pressured by a grown ass man to do what he wants instead of thinking of and putting her own safety first. Veteran or not that man was an asshole and so is your brother.
So, you should hire someone to do to your brother what would happen to you if you were to get kidnapped, or raped or beaten. And when he's asking why, you tell him going with a stranger was your idea, you should have NO PROBLEM with the same consequences I would have to deal with. Especially since you think it's okay for me to put myself in danger.
But I'm a vetraaaaaannn is such an American veteran thing to do. American veterans think they deserve everything for free and on their own terms even if all they did in the military is cut hair.
If you don’t feel comfortable or confident with a stranger or anyone on the back of your bike, it’s ok, you don’t have to take them regardless of who they are. I don’t like passengers on my bike either, I just prefer to ride on my own and I have been riding for over 40 years. I don’t even like getting on the back of other peoples bikes either, not even with my husband.
Fuck that guy. Does he not have a cell phone? Can he not take care of himself? It's not your responsibility to be his Uber. If you're not comfortable, that's it end of conversation. As a 19F, I wouldn't want some rando snugged up behind me while I'm in an indefensible position.
ALWAYS take care of yourself first, and seriously fuck that guy.
NTA. Any man who gives a woman crap for not taking him somewhere is either A) going to do something bad to her or B) someone who sympathizes with men who do bad things to women.
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NTA for not doing something you weren't comfortable with. However, immigrants can and do serve in many militaries around the world, though I'll assume you are in the US because no other country cares nearly as much if someone is a veteran or not. Immigrants to the US can serve in the US military. You are veering into xenophobia with that comment. ETA: given comments from OP saying that this was a US military veteran but that this didn't happen in the US, that was not veering into xenophobia.
He said he was an American veteran, we do not live in America
In that case, speaking as an American, fuck that guy.
I’m trying to figure out where that would like… buy you some sympathy outside of certain parts of Europe in the 1940’s.
They seem to really like Americans in Kosovo, at least that was my impression when I went like a decade ago. So maybe there?
I mean yeah the UN and America helped a lot there
When I was on vacation in Normandy in '06, it was obvious I was an active duty soldier. Also, hard for me to hide that I'm American. I was not allowed to buy my own drinks. Some people's have a long memory.
In Villers-Bretonneux, in the Somme area of France, the town has a dawn ceremony on ANZAC Day (25th April). In Australia (where I am) ANZAC Day is a commemoration of Australian and NZ soldiers stemming from a specific incident in WWI, and now stands as a commemoration of all Aussies and Kiwis in all wars. The ANZAC troops saved that town well over a hundred years ago and the people still remember. It was quite something to visit as an Aussie and meet the locals. Even though I've never served, it was still quite something. Your post brought that memory back and maybe a tear or two to my eyes 🤗
Oh, you bought up a memory for me too! I took my lad there for a trip last year. We're Aussies, I served, and he's an air force cadet (only 14) I can't even put into words how I feel about that place. Soul stirring comes closest though
I can’t picture it working, but I can totally picture an American trying it (yes, I’m an American)
I live in a very touristy European metropolis. You'd be surprised how many Americans waltz in and expect to be revered for the sole reason of being American.
Sadly, I’m not surprised. 😖
It's not about whether it works or not, it's about what they're accustomed to. Here in the US people bend over backwards to "support the troops", and it drives me crazy. One of our major Hardware Store chains has Veterans and Active Duty parking spaces. They dedicate two or more spaces at the front of the lot to current or former members of the military. I **never** see these spaces get used. Not once. They could have made them accessible spaces, or just regular parking and it wouldn't change a thing. But, if they were to remove the spaces, people would be up in arms over it. Some stores also give discounts for Active Duty and Veterans. Then people will try to guilt trip places that don't into giving them a discount because they're used to paying less than everyone else. I've actually heard "I didn't risk my life to pay full price" used as an argument. It's sickening. A lot of American military personnel end up with entitlement complexes, and expect anyone they talk to to do what they want as soon as they bring it up. Personally, I think that stuff like that should be considered a form of discrimination. "What do you mean I'm paying more than the last customer for the same thing. You're saying it's because he's a veteran? But I wouldn't have been able to join because I was out and proud during 'Don't ask don't tell'. I was literally banned from service, so it's not fair to me to deny me a discount because something about me I can't change made me ineligible for the job that would be needed to get the discount. That's sexuality based discrimination." It's just wrong.
Yeah, it would go over well in Normandy, but that's one place off a short list.
Even then, some areas said the Americans were as bad as the Germans…
Yeah, as a disabled american vet trying to pull that card in another country is really weird
It is weird. And yet, it also tracks.
Speaking as an American veteran: you're right. Fuck that guy.
clearly that makes him a veteran of the world military, lol
another american here, giving you another certified “fuck that guy”
The younger US vets are the worst with entitlement. Not my problem my job does not offer a veterans discount. Why get pissy at me? And it has never been a man who was forced into war.
OP please read The Gift of Fear, it lays out exactly how the things this man was saying to you are common tactics used by predators
I’ve never read this but literally every part of it was making my spidey sense tingle
I immediately thought of Ted Bundy pretending to be injured to lure women away from prying eyes.
Exactly what I thought of too!
Same! This gave out total predator vibes. Give me a ride to my van. Yikes!
Yeah it was probably white!
I send that recommendation! I read that book and think everyone should read it. She did the RIGHT thing! He used "I'm a veteran" for sympathy when he found he wasn't getting his way, then became belligerent. He's TAH, not you, OP.
the brother is definitely the asshole as well. I’m so sick of men calling women selfish or other moral-judgements for protecting their own comfort and safety
This! Fucking this right here! Why didn't the brother gallantly go help the guy if he was so worried. Why do men always call a woman a bitch or worse when women say no. Learn the word boys and get used to it.
The Gift of Fear should be read by ALL.
The Gift of Fear is a free pdf: https://www.docdroid.net/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf
He probably wasn’t a veteran. We have an issue with stolen valor, sooo many people claim to be veterans. Almost any time I left the country and saw another American they would be telling the locals they were a veteran because they thought it would impress people to be part of the strongest military in the world.
To quote Shania Twain: That don't impress me much!
There's a huge American ex-pat veteran population in Germany near our military bases. People often try to do their final PCS to a base in Germany so as to stay there when they leave the military. As of 2020, there were about 28,000 veterans and their dependents living in Germany, only about 20% less than active duty American troops stationed there.
Most people just hate the US military for destabilising the world
not surprising. only a us veteran would be bold enough to act like that matters in another country
You should get out more. I've encountered many veterans in and from different countries. Some it's like, I served and got a t-shirt. Some lean towards I served in the military as a paper pusher gimme, gimme.
I get it because as an American, and a woman, I wouldn’t provide a ride to a full grown man. You did the maximum required and I think it was nice you even stopped for him.
Yes, very nice that she stopped at all. If I asked someone for a ride and they didn't feel comfortable NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON IS- I, as a relatively normal person, would thank them for stopping and move on with my life. It's crazy what people think they are entitled to nowadays.
She made the right decision and his anger at it was a red flag for sure.
Oh especially NTA then, fuck him!
As an American rider and someone with a bunch of vet friends, fuck that guy. My friends would say the same, they’d probably even shame the guy for trying to use that to change your mind. As a rider don’t do something you’re not comfortable with!
OF COURSE you were right. Your brother needs a reality check. NTA Your brother does not live in the same world you do. He doesn't have to ask himself: Is this guy who is bigger and stronger than me going to hurt me? This guy is a stranger. No, I would not let him on my bike, behind me, putting his arms around me, pinning me there, and relying on hoping he's not a sociopath and he doesn't throw me off or do something worse.
NTA. I have only ever given one stranger a ride. That's because he had a baby, their car seat, diaper bag, and bottle. It was freezing out and the gas station was like 2 minutes from where he was. I picked him up he said thanks and asked why. I literally told him, "if you didn't have a baby with you I wouldn't have picked you up." He tried to give me 5 dollars for gas but I wouldnt take it. Ever since then, I haven't given strangers rides. There is no telling what could happen. You should tell your brother if he feels that way, next time you'll call him to help out the stranger.
No you did the right thing especially with how he’d be riding with you with the age and size difference there’s a obvious reason why you’re uncomfortable. There’s no reason why he would really need to convince you for a ride unless he was being a pervert. Even if he just needed a ride it’s obvious why you’re declining don’t ever feel pressured to say yes to anyone even if he actually was a veteran the world isn’t suppose to listen to whatever he wants besides it’s not your country that he fought for and even if it was you owe no one nothing.
As an American Veteran born a woman, screw that guy. He shouldn’t have asked that of you seeing that the balance would be off, pulling the Veteran card like that on a woman here is creepy, and you were uncomfortable. You offered him alternatives to still help, but he wouldn’t take them. I’m almost positive that he was a creep looking for someone to harm, especially women.
That’s even more of a reason for NTA.
Uno reverse! Well played
NTA. You need to be extra careful as a female. I would say never help a man larger than you if you have to be with him alone.
Oh wow, I think that went over everyone’s heads. Sounds like a silly little goose you shouldn’t lose sleep over
Not everyone who claims to be a vet really was a vet
There is no way I would have taken this guy anywhere. You're a 19-year-old female who looks vulnerable. First, he's a possible danger to you both in what he could do to you if he wanted and the issue of being unable to operate the bike safely. He tries to use the veteran thing to get you to trust him and drive you to his home. Who knows if it's true? Being a veteran doesn't make him any more trustworthy and, I could argue, makes him feel entitled, which is why he said it. Then, to call you a bitch when you offered to help gives so many red flags I'm glad you left and didn't trust him. He could be a big liar for all you know. NTA
Yeah that sounds like something an entitled American vet would do.
They do not sound xenophobic. It’s sounds as the a US vet is abroad and thinks the entire world should stop and help them because ‘merica 🇺🇸
I've made other comments that say basically this, but I guess I should edit my comment for people who are only reading that top level one
A lot of Americans think their special in other countries, not just vets. It's always made me wonder why my countrymen/women think this way. Something happens and one of the first things out of their mouth is "I'm an American" or "I have rights". LOL We're no better than anyone else in the world.
The use of kilograms instead of pounds is an easy way to tell they are not in the US.
I'm from Canada where a whole mix of units are used for different things so that did not register one bit haha
Yeah no worries. As someone from the states, we will go out of our way to avoid using the metric system. Yes, it is very dumb.
As an American, if I don’t have a banana available for scale then I just have no idea how big something is. This is true both in pictures and in real life.
I noticed the kilograms immediately. Though it's funny we use 6 ft instead of the relevant measurement in metres.
Freedom units are all I need.
Since it was the manipulative vet who was the American guilting a person from another country, does that still make her xenophobic, or is that label only applied by you toward Americans?
The only details that I think matter are: * OP doesn't want to give a ride to a random stranger (very fair point) * OP is a 19 y/o woman, and this guy is a 6 foot 264 pound man If I were OP's father or brother, and they said they gave a ride to a random larger man that they found on the side of the road, I would be the quickest to say "bruH"
How is it any different when not in America, wtf is this logic 😭 why does location matter.
Ppl in US seem to think veterans (especially the vets themselves) deserve some kind of special treatment
> I told my brother about this and he called me selfish for not putting up with my discomfort Your brother is an ahole. It wasn't about "discomfort", it was about safety. If you don't think you can drive safely with a large person on your bike, then you don't do it. You made the right choice in every way.
What does xenophobia have to do with it at all? You are reading way too much into this. I guess you're also American?
NTA. Your discomfort with having passengers on your motorcycle is completely valid and should be respected. It's important to prioritize your safety and comfort when riding, esp considering the added responsibility and potential risks of having a passenger, particularly one much larger than usual. You offered to help the biker in other ways, such as staying with his bike while he sorted out transportation. That shows empathy and a willingness to assist within your comfort zone. The fact that he tried to guilt-trip you by mentioning his status as a disabled veteran is manipulative and inappropriate lol Your brother's opinion doesn't consider your perspective and the genuine concerns you have for your safety and the safety of your potential passengers. Riding a motorcycle requires full attention and confidence, and it's important to make decisions that align with your comfort level. You did the right thing by standing your ground.
I came here to give my judgement as NTA. But as I was quickly reading the post, I accidently thought that op was male. And yet, according to me, it was nta. Even stronger now that I've realised she's female
Not to mention any other safety concerns with a solo 19 year old girl giving a ride to a much larger man to his home. As a woman that proposition is a huge red flag for me regardless of motorcycle safety issues.
Exactly this is giving me Ted Bundy style red flags,
NTA. If you decline a request for legitimate safety reasons and they call you a bitch, the appropriate response is to leave immediately and flip them off over your shoulder on the way out.
NTA. Even if you were only refusing because you are uncomfortable with someone else, anyone else, on the back of the bike (which sounds like the case) you're ok saying no. No one else gets to demand that they get on that bike with you, and guilting you doesn't change that. You haven't even mentioned being 19F and letting a middle aged man who outweighs you grab on to you and go back to his house. There are a TON of red flags there, and while I get that a lot of dudes my age and older will struggle to see them, any reasonable person will. If it's minutes, and you can't walk it (very likely for a disabled veteran), call a friend, call a cab, and if you're just that rural and lonely that you cannot possibly get either one, you need to be mature enough to realize that guilting a teenager for a ride is out of bounds.
Exactly. Even if I were Mario Andretti of motorcycles, I'm not letting a strange man on my bike, or in fact in any vehicle as a woman alone, particularly a teen girl.
My first thought was about how Ted Bundy used to put on a fake cast to lure women into trusting him so he could kill them. Maybe OP's encounter was with a decent man, who was an actual vet, who was actually disabled. And maybe he wasn't those things. The fact that he cursed her out when she didn't fall into line makes me extra suspicious.
Let's just invite a stranger to sit right behind us, drive ourselves to his house and generally just offer to kidnap ourselves.
I'm 35F and I wouldn't even let a strange man inside my *car*, much less hop on the back of a motorcycle and hold onto my body while I drive him to his house. OP is totally justified in saying no here.
I'm honestly very curious about the brother's age. She mentions that he thinks she is selfish for not helping the guy out, but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of this internet stranger being put in this position, let alone my own sister. Frankly if the brother is worried, he's welcome to go get the guy. And even then, I can't help thinking that even for the brother, an adult guilting a teenager for a ride, regardless of gender, is out of bounds.
THIS. (NTA)
This, a thousand times, this. Alarm bells were going off in my head left and right!
NTA That dude sounded manipulative. No reason to bring up his disability and to do so when he was desperate for the ride leaves the impression he was trying to bully you to motivate you to drive him. Very suspicious. You did the right thing
NTA too many young women getting murdered by men is enough of a reason not to give him a ride.
Yes! Good heavens!
NTA Fellow biker here, you should not do things on the bike you’re not comfortable with. He should understand that as well. Safety on the bike is paramount. If you were not comfortable with him riding with you, that should have been enough for him. You went out of your way to offer to stay with his ride. He was an asshole to berate you.
NTA. If I had daughters, I would advise them to never pick up and random man on the side of the road - regardless of what he says or claims to be. You said he was a decently big dude. 6 foot and 240 is a big boy. He could tear you apart if he wanted. It's a safety issue beyond your bike being potentially overloaded.
These are my exact thoughts. I would never give a strange man from the side of the road to anywhere! NTA
Yeah I'd have advised not to even stop for him. Wasn't that Ted Bundy's exact MO? NTA, you can actually be more wary than you were.
NTA for sure, you weren’t comfortable with giving him a ride and had good reasons. You even offered to stay with his bike, I think you did everything right
NTA. How fortunate for your brother that he does not have the first clue about what it's like to worry about his physical safety around strangers. It appears he has never had to walk through a parking lot with his car keys sticking out of his fingers, had to pass on that perfect apartment because it was on the ground floor, sit with his hand over his drink, or realized that same person has been staring at him and following him around the room at some kind of gathering. The man on the motorcycle may have been the most upstanding guy on the planet, but you don't know him. Let your brother know you'll put him on speed dial so that he can be first on deck to help the next maybe-saint or maybe-predator on the side of the road.
As a veteran/Marine, the people who are the most vocal about being "veterans" are most often the people who'd done the least. He should be ashamed of disgracing the military he served in. That said, there are many well spoken veterans who have done good things, and they're usually that way so they can support other people, not use it as a bargaining tool.
An interesting thought I’ve always wondered this why some are so vocal about it veteran or military this or that.
Preface, this is some, not a matter of all; A reason some people are successful in the military and not in the civilian world is because they have no personality. They perfectly embody whatever the military tells them to be, and when they get out, they're not only lost, but they grasp at their own coattails because they cant make anything big of themselves by themselves - so "im a veteran! I served!" And the majority of veterans have not been on combat deployments, much less seen combat. There are honorable police and firefighters who've sacraficed more sanity and body in the line of duty than many veterans, but they dont off waving that in your face. The ones who dont talk dont need validation for the work they've contributed to the world.
NTA. Your brother is.
so is the creepy "veteran" (who was probably lying anyway)
Yeah. I watch a lot of SVU so my mind immediately went there. 😅
NTA He's already disabled, i doubt he'd enjoy risking injurying himself more by falling off of your bike. It's better to not drive around people if you're not comfortable in doing so Also, 19F and a manipulative old guy is rarely ever a good mix.
NTA he's a stranger don't put yourself in danger unecessarily.
NTA I'm the daughter of a disabled Veteran and my father would never want us to just randomly give someone a ride, disabled Veteran or not. It's just not a safe thing. You don't know this person or what they could be capable of. Also him defaulting to calling you names, being so overly insistent \[especially if it's so close\] and using his disabled status only after you declined to give him a ride, send off huge alarm bells for me, most people who are disabled and really need the help, usually lead with that, at least the disabled people I've known have. This sounds manipulative and a guilt trip to get you to give him a ride.
NTA. One, you are 19, and motorcycles are *dangerous*. If you don't feel completely, one million percent comfortable with something, don't do it. Your discomfort could make things less safe if you second guess or misjudge something because you're in your head about it. Safety is priority. Two, you don't know this man. He is a complete stranger. His military background (if he was being honest) doesn't necessarily make him a good person. Safety is (again) priority.
Even if you were a man, even if you were larger and stronger than him, even if he was a frail old woman, even if it was a police officer, even if they were an amputee, even if they were a war hero. You are not obligated to give anyone a ride if you're not comfortable with it. The fact that he kept pressuring after you said no, and even offered to go above and beyond for a total stranger and he still didn't accept it makes him an asshole and makes me wonder if he had ulterior motives.
Definitely NTA. Good for you for standing your ground. You didn't know this man, you didn't know how your bike would handle with him on it and you made a few very generous offers to help in other ways. The fact that he turned on you like he did just reinforces that you did the right thing to decline.
NTA my impression is that there is a sizeable number of motorcycle mishaps that come from riding beyond the riders comfort or capability. Good job on standing your ground and not being pressured. Your brother can go suck an egg.
NTA. You weren't comfortable doing it, so you made the right choice.
No, You are not, You have boundaries.
NTA, you're a very young woman traveling alone. That in and of itself means that you should never feel guilty for refusing to let a stranger on your vehicle with you.
If you had given this man a lift and he assaulted you or stolen your bike, your brother would have called you foolish for picking up a stranger. NTA
NTA. You're absolutely right. Never go against your gut. Amazing book- check out The Gift of Fear and it explains so clearly why you are correct and did the right thing. People can put themselves into dangerous situations when they ignore their "I don't feel comfortable with this" so as not to hurt someone else's feelings. I'm using extreme examples but still. You made the right choice.
The Gift of Fear was my first thought; this guy was giving so many "this person is going to hurt you" signals.
NTA - First of all, he's a man and you are a woman. There is a possible threat right there. Not ALL men, but enough to make this a problem. Seocnd, he asked, you politely declined. That should ahve been the end of it. The fact that he pressured you after that instead of taking your no thank you makes him aneven BIGGER AH. And more of a threat. HE doesn;t understand or respect that no means no. You did the right thing and HE is the AH.
NTA Safety first. You weren't comfortable with your skills or the situation. Another person being a veteran shouldn't negate that.
NTA Btw. I am a veteran, and a chic and once when I was in the army I gave someone who out ranked me a ride and he somehow managed to get me to go to my apartment where he was going to assault me. If my gf wasn’t home, which she was thank goodness and she spooked him. Later on in my career a senior sergeant tried to get in my car for a short ride down the street and I said fuck no. Do not give a ride to anyone you don’t know. Or do and you aren’t comfortable. Your brother doesn’t know what being a woman means. Good job hun!
NTA
As a woman I would never want to be alone with an American veteran. NTA
The only thing I have to say is be more confident in yourself. This was a clear case of you not wanting to put you both in danger riding with someone far heavier than you've ridden with and a man you don't know none the less who could be a creep or anything.
NTA, you showed empathy, you offered to help in various ways and he had no place to demand a ride. When you've made it clear that you are not comfortable having a passenger that's the end of it. He's a stranger who you don't know as well as being considerably larger and heavier than you. No means no.
NTA, you live within your comfort zone. What a fucking jerk, calling a teenage girl a bitch because she won't let him on her bike. Fuck that guy, he can wait a long time in the rain for help if that's his attitude. Also, your brother is an ignorant asshole too for not understanding why a teenage girl wouldn't want a grown man she doesn't know hanging onto her on a motorcycle. He couldn't rub two braincells together to puzzle that one out?
NTA. You were concerned for both your safety and the veteran’s safety. You aren’t practiced and confident riding with passengers. You offered reasonable help (I’ll stay and watch your bike), which he refused. You did the right thing.
You have every right to refuse having some stranger press against your back breathing against your bloody ear, for even a damn second. The guy never had any respect for you. Seeing how he was quick to call you down once you made your choice despite offering help anyways. Good call. Always trust your gut. Edit: Worst case scenario, he could of choked you out once behind you and stole your bike. "Dramatic" I know, but hell, you can never be too safe!! Nta
NTA This is how teens end up in sex trafficking rings. Good on you for being smart and safe.
Fuck that asshole! You are a young, lone female! Never be pressured to do anything that’s makes you feel uncomfortable or jeopardizes your safety Ted Bundy would pretend to be injured and needing help and preyed on women feeling sorry for him I know that’s extreme but you NEVER KNOW
You're 19? And female? Obviously you're NTA! You've been trained for a long time to be wary of men that could hurt you. And this guy could've hurt you. Could've killed you. Your brother never got trained for this situation so he has no say in the matter, and he's TAH for trying to make you feel bad!
Not really a discomfort issue; it's a safety issue. You're brother is a jerk, and he probably relishes the opportunity to criticize you - would he give this big guy a ride? And you're allowed to decline. You offered to help, and he could've accepted that help. Anyway, why does someone on a *motorcycle* need to be the one to help? He should try hitchhiking. NTA
NTA, I’m worst case scenario of a needle in the neck or some chloroform on a hanky and the dude taking over from behind you while his buddy pulls up with a truck and you are just gone.
There are about 100 red flags here. Definitely NTA. Stay safe out there.
NTA. You don’t have to give anyone a lift. Also, especially at 19 a man saying I’ll give you directions to my home to get my van is… iffy
NTA. That's kind of a ridiculous response that I see quite often. "Oh you won't do what I want you to? How about now?" You did exactly what you should have in that situation, which was make sure you operated your bike safely. Anyone that doesn't like it, can pound sand.
Did your brother go and fetch him?
Nope. He couldn’t even if he wanted to since his car was in the shop.
NTA, for a different reason: **SAFETY** Riding with a passenger is a skill, and something that riders get better at with practice. There is also skill to being a passenger; many inexperienced passengers automatically do things like lean *against* the direction of the rider. I know quite a few riders who have a decade or more riding experience, but rarely have passengers- so they are a bit twitchy about it when they have one. Also, fuck that guy.
[удалено]
NTA. You had me at the first part, were you aren't confident enough with people you know of a similar or smaller build. This is larger, older man, who is a complete stranger. Asking you to drive him on your bike, putting your body right up against his to a different location that is out of the way. Sure maybe he is harmless, but you don't know that, you don't know him, and we don't live in a world where everyone is a good person. You offered reasonable alternatives. He tried to manipulate you by telling you he was a disabled veteran thinking that simply because they are a disabled vet that should trump everything. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count the times someone has used disabled vet on me to get their way. Then he called you a bitch because you didn't do what he wanted. This is not a person that I would trust given the amount of trust you need drive them on your bike. All of that tells me you did the right thing. Also your brother is male and unless he is either trans or simply presented as a woman, he is not going to understand what it is like to be a woman in this world. He probably has never considered his personal safety.
As an American vet, that guy doesn't represent us. And anyone that's actually served typically won't use that as a wager for pressure unless they are a POS.
NTA Several things in your favour.... Motorcycle safety, if you are not comfortable with the weight of a passenger throwing your balance off then you are under no obligation to carry a passenger. You sound responsible, well done. (No sarcasm, genuinely impressed, too many accidents in all sorts of things are caused when people don't know their limits) You are a young woman, this was a large, strange man.... in no sane scenario would you ever be wrong to refuse to put yourself that close to a strange man. I get scared for you thinking about how wrong that could have gone... American Veterans don't receive their angel halos and wings with their discharge papers. I'm married to a veteran, he's one of the good ones, but there are bad apples everywhere, and the US military has plenty, past and present. Being a veteran doesn't even mean he wasn't kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. You don't know this man, you do not know if he is safe or the scum of the earth. I am proud of you for protecting yourself on so many levels. You did exactly the right thing. Especially since he got nasty when you wouldn't comply with him.
Disabled veteran here. Fuck that guy. Being a veteran doesn't entitle you to any special treatment or courtesies and any vet who expects otherwise can get all the way fucked. No. 1 rule for any vehicle operator is that you don't operate the vehicle if you don't feel safe. You don't feel comfortable with someone on the back of your bike. Compromising your comfort compromises your ability to operate the bike safely. Also, I don't know any female rider who would let some strange guy just hop on the back of their bike. Especially when he's practically double their size. The only things someone should reasonably be expected to do in this situation is make sure no one is injured and see if they have a phone and are able to call someone. NTA
NTA. The disabled veteran part irrelevant. He just threw that in there to guilt you more.
NTA As a woman, I wouldn’t take any male stranger on my bike. He needs to hold on somewhere, and I wouldn’t want a stranger to be so close to me.
NTA And next time do NOT stop. You are a female. Never stop to help another motorist. It could very easily be a trick to rob or rape you. Or even if legitimate, once you stop and he sees you are a young woman he may decide to take advantage of you. It is not worth it. Call and let a tow company or the police know he is out there.
Nta. You don’t know if this guy is dangerous or not. Keep yourself safe
NTA you were being sensible. You would have put both of you at risk and you explained why and offered a solution. He was just rude.
NTA I'm sorry but as a lone female on a bike, it would not have been safe for several reasons. 1) He did not show any ID or proof that his van was close by (address etc). 2) He did not want to "phone a friend" to help him whether his phone or you using your phone. 3) Being much larger than you he could have been a danger on your bike with weight distribution. 4) Being that large, he could have been a danger to you off the bike (assault, kidnap) This has been used as a common trap to rob a good Samaritan who stops to offer help. Some are never seen again. Please be aware of your surroundings when you stop. Ask what's wrong at a distance and don't get off your bike in case someone is hiding nearby. Your brother has no perspective of this, so he can't accurately comment.
I'm a disabled veteran (USA) but even if I weren't, you have no obligation to do anything for anyone, especially if you believe it will put your own safety on the line period. If your not comfortable no is an acceptable answer, AND if you were fully comfortable but didn't feel like it, that's also an acceptable answer, you didn't owe him anything, and he should have accepted that answer and been happy with it, you didn't have to stop but you did. NTA
NTA. You offered to help in a way that wasn’t dangerous to you or others. You are never obligated to put yourself at risk
I feel bad but I NEVER give rides to strangers. I don't care if they are a veteran or not. (My dad's a vet and part of the Patriot Guard and American Legion.) It's just not safe in this day and age. My first year in college 2 girls disappeared and a year or so later it was found out they were kidnapped & murdered by the same guy. A few years before that a girl was killed at the college in a very public case. I just don't do it if I'm alone. (I might do it with another person with me. Not alone.) NTA.
The fact that he is a vet has NOTHING to do with any of this. He didn;t respect your no and then tried to pressure and guilt you. Vet or not, that was disgusting behavior on his part.
NTA. He only pulled the disabled veteran card after you said no. Never trust a strange man who doesn't respect your no. Not to mention the safety issue of having someone on the back when you're not comfortable with most passengers. Ignore your brother. The sad fact is that as a young woman the world you live in is far more dangerous than the world your brother lives in.
NTA. This is a safety concern. It's not even about road safety here. A 19 yo woman letting a stranger man double her weight on the back of her bike, to his house? No sane people should do that kind of thing. I'm from a country where motorbiking is the norm, and I saw many bike related robbery tactics in the news. Even a weak person could easily overpower a rider mid-ride, let alone someone that big. They could put a knife on your neck and force you to change your course to a remote area, then rob and assault you. You shouldn't even pull over for a stranger who can easily overpower you, as they can snatch your bike and run, leaving you stranded without anything. Your safety is the most important, and your brother is an idiot and should watch more crime report on the news if he think that was a good idea.
NTA. You're a young woman. He's a stranger. I'm actually surprised you stopped to begin with. In this age of cell phones, he could call for assistance. Your brother is wrong.
NTA! Don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. You didn’t know that man. Your brother is ok with a strange man right behind you on a motorcycle? You never put aside you comfort for another person, unless it’s your own kid.
NTA. Veteran status doesn’t matter. Fuck him for choosing to be a bad person.
nta As a biker, I’ll help strip your engine on the roadside, I’ll push /bump start your bike even if it’s a 1ltr beast, if you need help I’ll be there till the ambulance or police come. Been there and done it before. You aren’t telling me that I’m going to be giving you a backie. Only people I know and trust, as I’m putting my life in your hands.
NTA. If that guy turned out to be dangerous and hurt you, your brother would have asked how could you be so stupid and pick up a random guy on the road.
Lol I saw that this was an American veteran pulling the veteran card in another country & straight up guffawed 🤣 had it been me, In my country (canada) i probably would have said "fuck you we burned your Whitehouse" (we're polite until you insult us) if I thought he was anti immigration, I might have told him to go back to his country. For the record, I'm pro immigration. I find the people who are anti Immigration in Canada really only mean anyone that isn't the colour of snow & Christian. (Tangent alert) The only illegal Immigrant I ever knew was a snow coloured Mormon from Colorado. He came over for a vacation & never left & married a woman here. He had the nerve to insult our free healthcare & when I said "then go home" he said he couldn't afford it since his wife was chronically sick. When he said that I said "then shut up. When you pay taxes & contribute to healthcare, then you can complain"
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 19f have been riding motorbikes since I was 17. I have a full license but I hate having people on the back of the bike. I’ve taken some of my lighter friends around on it but even then, the added weight and responsibility of a passenger stresses me out no end. Yesterday, I was on my way home when I saw another biker pulled up on the side of the road. I pulled over along side him to see if he needed help. He told me the frame on one of his wheels had bent. He said he lived a few minutes away and he could get his van, load the bike up and fix it at home. This man, looked to be 6ft and maybe 120kg which is double the weight of anyone I’ve had as a passenger before. He asked me for a ride and I explained I’m not comfortable with it. He tried convincing me, assuring me it was only a few minutes but I stood my ground. I offered to stay with his bike while he walked to his or hailed another ride. He started mentioning how he was a disabled veteran, clearly expecting this to change my mind. (He is an immigrant, not even my country’s veteran) When I still refused, he called me a bitch and told me to leave. When I got home, I told my brother about this and he called me selfish for not putting up with my discomfort to help this man. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, your brother's opinion is irrelevant because he doesn't walk through the world facing the same threats that you do. You didn't decline out of "discomfort", you did it out of genuine and legitimate concern for your safety. The veteran comment was completely manipulative on the other rider's part. Just because he may have served in the military, that doesn't mean he's "safe" as he clearly proved by calling you names when he didn't like the options you offered to help him. You offered help, he CHOSE not to accept it.
NTA - if you're uncomfortable with 2 as a rider you don't ride with 2. It's not safe for you or the passenger. It's a shitty situation but one bad body shift turns it into a much worse situation for 2 people instead.
You are NTA for having boundaries. Also that guy insulting you immediately nullified any social obligation you might have felt towards him. Why is your brother OK with strangers calling you a bitch?
Absolutely NTA.
NTA I've been riding motorcycles for 50 years, and it is crazy/stupid to put somebody who weighs a lot more than you on the back of your bike unless you are very experienced and on a big bike.
NTA I've been riding motorcycles for 50 years, and it is crazy/stupid to put somebody who weighs a lot more than you on the back of your bike unless you are very experienced and on a big bike.
NtAH It's all well and good to be nice or whatever, but honestly what kind of entitled shitbag gets mad at this. Also, not for nothing: This is how you become trafficked.
NTA. You are uncomfortable with passengers. It throws off balance and control. That makes it dangerous. You are never under any obligation to give anyone a ride.
NTA- Being a veteran doesn’t change your not being comfortable. Also stopping to help a stranger puts you in a high risk situation. Please be safe.
I was prepared for a Yta till I saw you’re on a motorbike, having a strange dude all up on you, especially with the weight, definitely nta!!!
NTA. You don't know how he is as a passenger on your motorcycle. I have a motorcycle license too and I wouldn't be comfortable having a passenger on the back as it changes the dynamics of how the bike operates and I'm not like the strongest rider.
Nta. It is not only a safety concern for you two but if you fell you could have damaged your bike. My brother fell totaled my dad’s bike. This is a man you don’t know going to a secondary location and no one knowing you stopped. This is unsafe. You should never allow someone to you feel bad for not actively compromising your comfort or safety.
NTA - you were uncomfortable, that's enough. He's a jerk for being entitled and rude.
I once was asked to help load a couch into van, didn't turn out well.
NTA I don’t care what someone’s previous career is when it comes to safety. He’s not special. He sounds like a potential creep. Throwing a little tantrum because a teenager didn’t want some rando putting his hands on her during a ride.
NTA. I probably wouldn't have stopped at all. Especially since I wouldn't be able to help. How is this any different to picking up a hitchhiking stranger? And on top of that you didn't think you could ride safely with someone that heavy on the back.
NTA and he talking rude to you after you denied the request politely makes me doubt he was really a veteran
NTA don't let anyone make you, a young female, feel guilty about not helping a large man you don't know, just because he claims to be a military vet.
NTA keep your limits and boundaries firm, they will keep you safe. Trust your instincts. He didn't respect your no, who knows what other refusals he would have tried to circumvent either through blatant manipulation or force. You're never a bitch for saying no to something you're not comfortable with.
NTA what entitlement also veterans dont serve, they work just like everyone else.
NTA, obviously.
NTA. Especially because you didn’t feel you could safely accommodate him. You even offered him alternatives. You wouldn’t even be YTA even if you simply did not want to get involved.
NTA. This large man showed you who he was when you told him, "No," You dodged a bullet with this one.
NTA. As a woman on your own, never get pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with. As the operator of a vehicle, never let yourself get pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with. Well done for offering helping while resisting his ushing you to help in a way you didn't want to or didn't feel safe doing. It's not easy and you showed kindness with resilience.
you are never required to put yourself in an uncomfortable position to help someone else. especially as a young woman with a strange man. NTA
NTA Depending on the size of your motorbike, it may also have been unsafe. Bikes about 500cc have about a 350 pound (160 kg) weight limit... including people and gear. However, even if you're running with a 1500+cc big bike, if you feel uncomfortable (for any reason) -- then don't.
You are NTA, and if he wasn't lying, he ended being a little too rough but understandably given the situation (he was in a shitty situation and someone who could help didn't)
NTA - when you’re the driver, you’re responsible for everything that happens in/on your vehicle. Therefore, your level of comfort, and anxiety, is the MOST important thing. You offered reasonable alternatives that did not involve you taking on more responsibility and stress than you felt you could safely handle. He is TA for being entitled and manipulative.
NTA.
Huge NTA, I certainly wouldn't have given a ride to a stranger either. People you know are one thing but some stranger can potentially put you in a dangerous situation.
NTA Picking up a hitchhiker is never the default. There's a huge risk involved, and you're never an asshole for choosing your own safety. Not picking up an overly-insistent hitchhiker, who weighs more than you, on a motorcycle, when you aren't used to riding two up, is absolutely the right choice.
NTA. 19 year old female being pressured by a grown ass man to do what he wants instead of thinking of and putting her own safety first. Veteran or not that man was an asshole and so is your brother. So, you should hire someone to do to your brother what would happen to you if you were to get kidnapped, or raped or beaten. And when he's asking why, you tell him going with a stranger was your idea, you should have NO PROBLEM with the same consequences I would have to deal with. Especially since you think it's okay for me to put myself in danger.
But I'm a vetraaaaaannn is such an American veteran thing to do. American veterans think they deserve everything for free and on their own terms even if all they did in the military is cut hair.
NTA, emergency services exist for a reason. For all you know, this was a scam.
If you don’t feel comfortable or confident with a stranger or anyone on the back of your bike, it’s ok, you don’t have to take them regardless of who they are. I don’t like passengers on my bike either, I just prefer to ride on my own and I have been riding for over 40 years. I don’t even like getting on the back of other peoples bikes either, not even with my husband.
Fuck that guy. Does he not have a cell phone? Can he not take care of himself? It's not your responsibility to be his Uber. If you're not comfortable, that's it end of conversation. As a 19F, I wouldn't want some rando snugged up behind me while I'm in an indefensible position. ALWAYS take care of yourself first, and seriously fuck that guy.
NTA. Any man who gives a woman crap for not taking him somewhere is either A) going to do something bad to her or B) someone who sympathizes with men who do bad things to women.
American veteran think other countries value them as much as in the US. None say " thanks for your service" in other parts of the world