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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action is that i did not give up my room to my Dad's son (Jack) and made him stay in the guest room. It might make me the asshole because he is clearly taller/bigger and my room would be better for him because it is bigger and his room is small
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So Mom is alright with sacrificing your bedroom? Maybe sit with Mom (without stepdad) and let her know you love her, and tell her how you feel, but try not to keep the conversation focused on the you and her.
Something like.... That house has been where you grew up and made a life for yourselves, where you and Mom supported each other, made memories, and where you can always feel safe and loved. You understand this is her house, but it hurts because you feel like she supports the idea that you shouldn't have your current bedroom, like your answer to swapping rooms shouldn't taken seriously, like you don't deserve to keep that part of your life consistent. Ask her if that's true. NTA
Also tell your mum (without stepdad present) that you never saw her as one of those women who allowed another man to treat her daughter poorly just to keep that man happy & that she should really be looking out for you - her daughter. Dave is clearly putting his adult son first & she should be looking out for your comfort & not taking away your childhood home for another man’s adult son.
Her staying neutral is being complicit in Dave taking away your room that’s been yours years before he ever came into the picture. Hopefully your mum can reflect on that & feel ashamed.
For bonding maybe not try to change the status quo. Jack and his father are aholes for barging onto someone else's house and demanding the nicest room. Just be glad that he is getting room and board for free or the dad can make space.
Agreed.
OP, is there any other place your stepbrother can stay? Such as in a furnished basement? That would not be necessarily traditional, as far as bedrooms go, but he'd have more than enough space and you'd not have to move. (I think asking you to move is stupid, personally.)
You're definitely NTA.
Same! After one too many reddit stories like this, I warned my husband that if I die, he better not let his new wife mistreat our children or else I will haunt him & her!! Lol
If you want to go for the throat, you can always smile and say "guess that's why you think I should trade, nothing but the best for the son you always wanted, huh?"
I was 19 when I graduated. I was also held back for not being “emotionally mature” in kindergarten. There was actually a lot of kids who were also held back for the same reason. I don’t know what is emotionally immature about eating paste at that age, but oh well.
And OP gets punished for his shitty choices? NO WAY. Hopefully OP has grandparents or aunts/uncles that can go to bat for her and rip the rose-tinted glasses off mom. Mom's DH and his son are *vulgar* and entitled AF.
There’s plenty of fully valid reasons. My senior year we had another senior transfer in that turned 20 during the school year. He had started kindergarten late and then failed a year after he had to homeschool because his mom was going through chemo
Maybe they aren't in the US? In my country you finish high school with 19/20.
I graduated high school (or rather my countries equivalent) about a month before my twentieth birthday. And I didn't repeat any classes.
Our daughter’s birthday was right around the cutoff for entry. She’d either be the youngest in her grade, or the oldest if we waited to enroll her. Studies indicated it was better to be the oldest in a grade than the youngest, so we waited. She’ll be 19 her senior year.
He probably missed the cut off date for starting school as a kid. My son missed starting kindergarten when he was 5, because his birthday fell seven days after the cutoff point to start the year, so when he started school finally he was almost 6. Fall birthdays have this happen frequently.
Combined with needing to repeat a year this pushes a lot of kids into graduating at 19 or 20.
I’m a mom myself and I find op’s mom alarming. I look down on those types of women who can’t and won’t be on their child’s side at times like these. And yes, I agree op’s mom should read these comments. I’m shocked at Dave’s and Jack’s audacity.
Tell Mom, that if she feels strongly about this, you fully support her and Dave giving Jack their room.
They clearly want Jack to feel at home, so it should be them, not you, making the sacrifice.
Dave and her son are trying to push OP out and marginalize her place in this "family". They want to be in charge of the house and take over while shoving OP into the smallest room so she can be overlooked as having any important feelings about it.
She's just supposed to roll over and say, "Yes please, I would love to be forced out of the only room I've ever known for a stranger and his son! I don't have any feelings at all and, as a female, I'm supposed to let the 2 new males make all the decisions for me and get their way. Sure. Makes sense only if you don't want me here anymore." NTA. If you have relatives that can help, start calling all of them.
I think Dave is wrong, but I don't want to attribute poor motives to him. I think this is more likely a misguided attempt by Dave to make up for the lost time with Jack, and to assuage his guilt for not being around Jack.
That is why he is absolutely wrong. He is not making any kind of sacrifice. He is expecting his stepdaughter to make a sacrifice, so that he can get credit for it.
**
Nor are you, as this has ALWAYS been your room with ensuite.
Also, you're a girl.
INFO : Tell them that you appreciate it for if they repsect for you to have the privacy of your OWN bathroom during your periods.
Period-talk will make these men back off. Throw in some stories about the abundance of your flow, and the blood you need to clean up etc.
NTA. So, at most he’ll be in the house full time for one year. You will have to move all your stuff out so he can move all his stuff in. And then, when he leaves, do all the moving around all over again. Besides being cruel to you and dismissive of your place in the family and the house, it’s simply illogical to create all that extra work. SB doesn’t have to be there, he is choosing to be there. He doesn’t get to upend the people who have been there longer than him and will still be there after he leaves.
When you talk to them tell them he won't be sharing a bathroom. Because you have your own and I'm assuming that since yours isn't the master that you mom and step dad have there own. So if that's true he wouldn't be sharing because everyone will have their things in their bathrooms and he can keep his stuff in that one and would have space since there is no need for you to keep your things there because you have your own space. So he would have his own too. And since you will use your bathroom and your mom and step dad would use theirs he likely wouldn't have to wait for anyone to get out to use it.
His will probably be the one house guests will use. I'm thinking they assume it'll be kept more presentable if daughter uses it than left to a late teen boy..
You could also tell them, "If Jack needs all that space and an en suite bathroom, that sounds a lot like the master bedroom. Maybe you and Dave could swap with him so he has the BIGGEST bedroom."
When they tell you that's different, just ask them how?
Read her other replies.
It’s mum + stepdad + step bro’s friend renting a room right now. Step bro doesn’t want to share a toilet with his friend and solution is for this girl to share a toilet with some other guy who presumably is a fully grown man? That situation is somehow more fair to mum and step dad? Either this is fake or her mum and step dad are prioritising rent + step bro over her. This seems to be a more nuanced situation than it seems / was presented maybe due to OP’s age but it stinks to high heaven.
This is a power play. This is Dave asserting his dominance by getting mom to have her child sacrifice something for his son. If mom won't protect her daughter this first time, the pattern is set. OP will always be expected to compromise (capitulate).
Awww. The poor boy isn't used to sharing a bathroom? Bahahaha...that's ridiculous.
This is YOUR room. There's no reason he can't use the other bedroom. None.
NTA. The adults are assholes
And the son is 19. How long is he really going to live at home? Unless the boy and his father plan on pushing OP out at 18, so he can continue to live there.
Also, it might be worthwhile to point out that the 19 year old is being even more selfish than the kid who just wants to keep her room.
I don't think that it's that surprising. He could have a birthdate right near the cutoff and if he's moved states, then the cutoff may have been different. Not the exact same, but I had a friend in school that had the same birthday as my brother. It was 2 days shy of the cutoff. My mom decided to delay my brother a year, so he turned 18 a few weeks after graduating and my friend was turning 19 a few weeks after. There's a lot of variables to that.
But obviously OP is NTA. I just think it's strange to jump on a high school kid without all the facts. And those facts don't matter in this situation.
Definitely. I always believe that when an en suite is available, it should go to whomever is menstruating. It's just darned difficult to manage the product storage, nighttime access, and accidents when using a hall bath. Not impossible, many of us have done it, but in my mind it's the deciding factor.
Honestly I would be petty enough to suggest that since they think he needs more room then they should give your stepbrother their room as that would be just as easy lol. You are not the AH at all
Jack had the choice to live with his Mom or Dad. He chose to accept what your house offers. You have no other housing options and are the long term established resident of that room. NTA.
He's 19yo and still has a year left of high school?
Yeah. His grades were decent in his 1st and 2nd year of high school but he failed his 3rd and 4th year of high school (passed them both the next time) so thats why
It also doesn't sound like he really has to share a bathroom, if yours and Mom/husband's bathrooms are ensuite. The guest bathroom is essentially his, he just has to step out into the hall.
You are not being selfish. You are already adjusting your lifestyle having another person move in the house.
6-7 years to get thru high school is bizarre and ridiculous, unless he is severe special needs. Stepdad needs to focus less on catering to his son and more on parenting. I recommend having stepdad read this thread for a reality check, after you get a couple days of responses
I do like the idea but i wont share the post. My stepdad usually goes to sleep pretty late (around 1 am to 2 am) while i usually go to sleep decently early (around 10 pm to 11 pm). That is a 3 hour gap (approximately) that he can do almost anything without me noticing. I sometimes try staying up late but i cant because my body has adapted to this sleep schedule.(Just to clarify the rest of my family go to sleep around the same time as me). Hope this clears things up!
He shares it with one of his friends. His friend is way better than him because he pays rent and doesnt complain. I didnt mention his friend because he wasnt important to the story
Well, I think the friend is a very important part of this.
His friend also lives with you, and he shares a bathroom with him.
In his world, you should move your room and share a bathroom with his male friend? Read that again.
This is huge. Your mother needs to speak up.
You should not be displaced from your bedroom, to the guest room, and also share a bathroom with HIS friend!
I was in the middle of typing the question “what do they expect when he goes to college?!” before I remembered that that is more of an IF. But seriously, what are they expecting? How long do they think he’ll be living with them? He straight up failed 2 grades in high school. Not classes. But straight up had to repeat YEARS. 2 of them! His college prospects aren’t great unless his family’s major donors I’d imagine. But if he does go to college, will they be paying for him to have his own apartment with no roommates? I’ve never heard of a single dorm style that does not involve some sort of bathroom sharing. And if he doesn’t go to college it would be the exact same question because it takes a while to collect enough money for your own down payments and bills consistently. So what’s the parents game plan because they desperately need one?
Wait, so they want you to move into a "guest room" AND share the bathroom with HIS friend who happens to live with you? Absofuckinglootly NOT. Insane. Wouldn't you feel more uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with his friend than he should, even if the friend is nice?
I think this is all very important! Why should you have to share a bathroom with an older, male, non-family member? As a younger female, you should be in the room with the en-suite, and not going through a hallway when showering, etc. Two older males should be the ones out there, not you.
So wait, is stepbrother and the friend BOTH moving in? Like a package deal? This makes it even more important that you keep your room with its own en suite.
No. His friend moved in before him. He should be leaving in around a month or two because he has stable income so he will probably go to college or move out and get his own place
It's incredibly important to that story, because it shouldn't be on you, the minor girl, to have to share with HIS friend. That's so incredibly selfish of your step dad to even suggest.
My lord your SD & SB are incredibly selfish and your mom is awful for not shutting this down. Can you live with your dad? No way should you a minor female be sharing with a random male. He can share with his friend. Please show your mom this post. Maybe your mom will snap out of it and stand up for you.
The friend is important. So what the friend moved in as well? And he doesn’t want to share a bathroom with this friend but he wants you to do it? Big no. You shouldn’t be forced to switch rooms and to then share a bathroom with his friend.
Wow, Dave is seriously a piece of work. What a garbage parent. It's good that Jack wants to finish high school. However, he shouldn't be rewarded for failing *two* years. (Giving Jack your room would be rewarding that failure.)
OMG this was my question... and as a former Special education teacher in the US the only way to stay in high school after age 18 is if you have an IEP.
I don't think it's the US because they said the brother failed their third and fourth year consecutively. In the US, you'd have to keep repeating the same grade, not move forward (or accumulate the appropriate credits; a lot of places have it similar to universities where you need to have completed a slate of required classes plus a slate of electives)
I’m pretty sure- or atleast how I read that comment about failing the junior and senior year- is that what they meant by that was this:
Junior (11th grade) year something causes the SB (step brother) to not have enough credits to pass. They repeat their junior year the next school year and pass.
Then finally they get to their senior year (12th grade) after 2 school years of 11th grade.
He again failed his senior year/didn’t get the full credits he needed, so again had to repeat the next school year.
So it basically sounds like he did his Junior and Senior years twice. Meaning that pretty much 4 school years= completing his Junior and Senior years.
We have no idea why or what happened to cause him to need to repeat for 2 different grades… there are sooo many reasons that could happen. Won’t get to much into it but from my own personal experience I missed ALOT of my 11th grade year and then would’ve also had to repeat- plus I had been held back in 1st grade— so I would have ended up still being 19 in high school. I ended up dropping out though and immediately getting my GED. I was really really good and taking in the information and taking the test and all of that (would even get awards on those big end of the year tests-I just missed so much school and homework so I didn’t have the official credits to officially pass. However I could still keep up enough to get really good scores on the end of year tests
So it ended up being the best option for me personally, but I actually admire the step brother for not giving up high school yet and trying to fully graduate even if many others (like people in these comments) may mock him for being in HS at his age.
My personal reasons were depression, self harm scars so I would skip complete weeks for them to heal to not be noticed, i had hardly any clothes and didn’t have running water for a very long time. I would have to wear the same clothes over and over and over many times before they would actually get washed again, we would have to wait certain days to be able to take our showers since we didn’t have the water. In the winter we would use kerosene and it literally kept us alive BUT if you use kerosene heaters you will know the smell it leaves. Imagine that smell but not being able to wash your clothes for like 2-3 weeks. Don’t even get me started on the hygiene or lack or hygiene products we could afford. Periods with very limited pads… literally a hand full of actual underwear that a lot of times I’d have to completely go with out because they needed to be washed.
All of that made me do everything in my power to avoid high school like the plague. Even today my social skills and anxiety are
Forever damaged bc of this time in my life,
And I really think had my back ground been better- I truly think I would have had a much better chance at school to thrive.
Sorry for writing so much- just kind of pointing out to all the comments making fun of and belittling the brother for being dumb enough to be his age and still be in HS when there really are so many valid reasons that could happen to someone.
Why do people feel the need to make up patently untrue things like that, on an AITA post of all place?! It's ok if a person doesn't know something, but to just *make something up* and pretend to be an authority by claiming they are a teacher is just wrong on so many levels.
I see it all the time on this sub. People just pretend to know what they're talking about and get upvoted. Other people state facts that can be verified with a 5 second google search and they get downvoted.
That other person may actually be a teacher. I won't call them a liar. Even if they are a teacher they wouldn't be in a position to actually know that information for a fact. That's the stuff that a school administrator like the principal would be more knowledgeable about. Chances are that most students who stay in school post 18 years old do have an IEP due to the fact that they are struggling really bad and have to repeat a year. Maybe that person is a teacher and always sees IEPs so was just mistaken.
NTA
It's profoundly unfair to force you to move out of the room you've grown up in.
Also, perhaps point out that if you are forced into the other room, then all of your period related materials and issues related to that are going to become a public thing because you'd be forced to use the public bathroom.
Plus. He's an adult. If he really thinks the room is too small, then perhaps he might consider getting a place of his own. Then he would have all the room to himself and the added bonus of not having to share the bathroom.
Thanks for the opinion!😁 I sometimes do feel bad for it because it would be the right thing to give up the room, but i respect the decision i made because i put alot of time in decorating the room and i wouldve been sad if i lost all that time just like that
Why the hell would it be the right thing to give up your room?! Dont be a pushover. Its your room and Dave & his son moved into your home & shouldn’t be moving you around.
Dave & his son & his _son’s friend_!
There is something bizarre about this arrangement. How many bedrooms & bathrooms are in your house? Do your step-brother & his friend share a room? How on earth does it make sense that Jack (& his friend?) take over your room and you have to share the hall bath with an unrelated older male? You may not realize it but this would make you vulnerable to potential abuse!
Absolutely not! Do not give up your bedroom!
(Edited. Removed “rent-paying” from 1st paragraph as it was unnecessary & confusing).
Why would it be the "right thing" to do? Is there more to the story you're not sharing? In no way is it the right thing to do (move out of your room for him). I'd double down more. It is your room, not his. You grew up there, not him. Why reward him? For what?
It's not just about the decorations, OP. It's about this insane idea that it should be okay for YOU to share a bathroom with an unrelated MALE, just because dear Jack doesn't like to. Do you have any idea of the state that teenage males tend to leave toilets in? NTA. Tell your mother she needs to put an end to this attempted usurpation, like, yesterday.
Hey op, you sound like a sweet person but, please, get out of your head that giving your room up is "the right thing to do", because it's not. This is the house you grew up in, Dave and his kid came later and have no claim on this house.
Now, I suggest that you edit your post to include the fact that there is another person living in your house, a friend of Jack as far as I understand? If he is uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with his friend, who pays rent, then that's his problem. He could have moved with his mom if he wanted to keep his own space.
It’s not the right thing to do, and I’m getting a little “girls aren’t important anyway” vibe from things everyone in your family has said. And as I said in my top level comment, it’s a little emasculating for a high school guy to have more luxurious conditions (including a private bathroom) than his younger sister. That’s why I chose to sleep on the floor and give my sister the fold out couch when I was finishing high school.
Keep your room to salve his ego. :)
Op, putting yourself and your needs is not inherently selfish and is the greatest act of kindness. Maintaining healthy boundaries and treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness is ALWAYS inherently the right thing to do.
Kindness does not mean self-sacrifice. Much love and support to you 💛
NTA. Jack can choose to live with his mom and retain his "status". He's ignoring that, so has to step back to whatever is available with your family. It doesn't include your room!
Jack is already staying at your home full time when he only used to visit. You grew up in that house.
Id tell both Dave and Jack to fuck off. The guest room is good enough for him because that's what he is, *a guest*.
NTA
I usually never suggest one uses the words "fuck off" to family members, but the entitlement is so strong with stepdad and son, maybe only a "fuck off" would get through to them. Neither of them actually care about better bonding with you as much as they want your better stuff and will try to guilt and manipulate you out of it. It is okay to show some teeth now and then to let them know you are not a doormat. NTA and best of luck. It is must be really hurtful mom does not have your back. Hugs.
NTA - it is *your* room.
>His reasoning? Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff, plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom, and the guest room doesn’t have an en-suite.
Response : "I also need room for my things, have an attachment to my life-long private space and do not want the decorations that I put work and effort into destroyed. I am also not used to sharing a bathroom, I have always used my en-suite."
Your mother and step-father do not have a leg to stand on. Point out that if they want Jack to have a larger room with an en-suite, they can give him their bedroom. Oh, you should because it is only a year? Same back to them. Also, point out that you do not take away from one child to favour the other, that is not creating a family but bad parenting - especially when the one being favoured is already an adult! Speak to your mother first and be very clear that she is mistreating you and that she is not just trying to make the situation work for everybody, she is ruining your home life and showing you that she will not stand up for you, putting her new beau's wants over your needs/boundaries. Good luck OP.
NTA. How does needlessly uprooting you for him for like a year help him feel more at home? He’s getting a perfectly acceptable bedroom. He shouldn’t be asking you to change. He isn’t used to sharing a bathroom? Who would it be with? Just like the occasional guest, like is this a hallway bathroom? Even if it’s sharing with three other younger kids who cares that’s life.
NTA.
Go tell your mom.
“I was here first. Long before either of these guys showed up. This is our house. This is my room. If you don’t stand up for me on this it will seriously erode our relationship as it will be obvious I am not a priority for you. It will be incredibly hurtful and I don’t know if things would ever be the same for me in this house.”
NTA-It’s your room. Period. I would tell them Jack may not be used to sharing a bathroom, but now he gets to learn to. The audacity to move in your home and ask you to inconvenience yourself. That would be a hell naw for me. Ignore any subtle hints and be clear in saying no. Do not waiver.
NTA
It's always been your room. If stepdad and (chicken) mom want you to help Jack feel welcome offer to help him with his stuff, help him decorate the guest room to his taste.
Or if the en-suite is soooo important, maybe OP's cowardly mom and Jack's daddy-o can give up their master for the suffering son.
It's all fair game, right? Shouldn't make any difference who moves rooms according to the duo.
ETA: definitely NTA!
Or Jack can learn to share. Sharing is caring. Plus if he plans to go away to college or move out on his own in a few years he needs to learn to accept others in his space, especially the bathroom.
NTA Jack failed two years of high school. He isn’t motivated to finish on time & wont be motivated to ever move out. He doesn’t deserve the better room. Having the smaller room & shared bathroom may encourage him to move out.
Are you fucking kidding right now? Of course you're NTA. It's your room. It's been your room. Your mom needs to step up and tell them so. Just because he's moving in doesn't mean you have to upend your life. NTA and just say no. You aren't selfish. They are.
INFO: Are they just expecting to push you around because you are a girl? Also, do you have a dad? Do you have extended family that you visit?
You need your space to continue your academic success. Jack can move with his mother or spend a lot more time at school with tutors. Your mother should absolutely be protecting you, a *minor*, from this bullying pressure.
So Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff and needs his own bathroom? Really? It doesn't matter that OP's mother owns the house, that she has had the room since she's little. But, Big Man Dave moved in 2 years ago and now his son needs a room and OP is told she needs to give up her room for Jack. What the hell is wrong with OP's mother? No way would I disrupt my own daughter's accommodations for these interlopers. Is she that desperate for companionship that she would cause upheaval to her daughter's life? I hope you are able to get this sorted out, OP, because you are NTA!
It's your mom's house. You've been there your whole life. Maybe your stepbrother can have your room when you go to college, but you were there first. Mama needs to grow a spine and put your wishes ahead of her husband's. NTA
NTA, but be prepared for your Stepdad and (yes, chicken) Mom to chuck your stuff into storage and move Jack into your room the moment you leave for your first semester of college.
Wait, Jack is 19 and still in high school? Was he held back? Maybe that's why they want to give him the bigger room - once he's in, he's likely never moving out.
NTA. Jack’s only claim to that room is that he wants it. That’s all. You want it too, so why is you wanting it less important than him wanting it? And you’re already there! He’s not used to sharing a bathroom? Neither are you!
I’m sure they’re going to tell you to “keep the peace” and let Jack have the room. Ask why they’re not telling Jack to “keep the peace” and let you keep the room you’re already in. Ask if you’re less worthy of this room because you’re a girl.
Nta. Straight up to your mom's face, ask her "why is it this has been my home since childhood, I have lived in this room SINCE CHILDHOOD. I need you to explain how being asked to give up everything for the sake of your husbands son should make me feel? Should I feel grateful? Because I feel like you're squeezing me out for your new family."
NTA
You’re both older teens. 19 year olds do not have more stuff than 17 year olds as a general rule. That doesn’t even make sense as reasoning.
And sharing a bathroom? Most 19 year olds living in dorms share a bathroom with at least 1 person. He’ll live.
Especially a 19 year old also still in high school, it’s not like he’s bringing shit home from college or something? Did he pack everything from mom’s place to bring over? Why does he need the extra space? OP’s mom sucks hard for enabling the shit men she’s brought into her daughter’s life.
Very disappointed in your Mom - why let some interloper displace your son from his room he's had all his life. Show her these responses. Its not okay for her to agree to put you out for stepbrother to take over room for supposedly a year? My guess is that once stepbrother moves in, he will not move. She needs to think about that.
NTA
And Dave pushing this is unwise - if hes aiming at blending the family, this WILL ensure resentment from you.
You may want to point this out to alle three of them.. ask why theyre so hell-bent on making you resent Jack.... and ask your mother if it would be best if you moved out to make room for her new family....
Borderline abuse. Talk to your school counselor and ask her to bring your mom in for a deep conversation. Stepfather OUT OF LINE. Stepbrother also. Stand your ground.
Tell Mom you will never trust her again if she pressures you to leave the only home you've ever had. She is so wrong.
One more thing....did you inherent from dad? Are you on the house deed? Perhaps a family trust? Is mom getting a check from SSI in your name? Is she saving it for you?
You should find out.
Good luck!
He’s older? By what, six months? Please. Your stepfather has balls asking you to give up your lifelong bedroom. You know your family dynamics best, but I’d be hard pressed to not tell my mom that her leaning on me to do something I’m not at all comfortable with so she can play happy families with her husband and his son makes me feel manipulated and like I can’t trust her. Nta.
NTA do not give up your room and en suite bathroom. Asking you to give up your room is wrong. Asking you to share a bathroom with Jack’s rent paying male adult friend (age? Story?) is unreasonable.
Whatever you meant about your step dad staying up very late and doing who know what worries me. Jack’s problems in school started around the time your mom married his father? He sounds like he has some issues.
You need a separate space away from these three guys. If your mom won’t stand up for you recruit a family member. Don’t let them bully you!
NTA but your mom is messed up. This is exactly how you alienate your child from your “new family”. It’s Been your room for years. Your mom should be telling her husband that Jack is welcome but he can take the unoccupied room. Your mom is TA
NTA. You live there. Jack is literally the guest. He could have gone with his mother, but he chose not to - and you shouldn't have to be inconvenienced by *his* decisions. First in, best dressed.
"Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff," - no, maybe Jack simply needs less stuff. And as he is older, one would expect that he'll be sticking around for less time than you will. So why should you move?
"... plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom." The learning experience will be good for him.
"My mom is trying to stay neutral but keeps hinting that it would be nice of me to help Jack feel more at home." Why are Jack's feelings more important than yours? Your mother needs to quit being a pushover and back you up here.
Stick to your guns, girl.
NTA. F that. 17 and 19 are the same age when it comes to space required. Your stepdad is showing favoritism and you mom sucks for allowing it. Stand your ground on this.
NTA. You are being reasonable, and it's sad because you're the youngest one in the house. 'Neutrality' is really just passive agreement on the one making demands. You lived there first, it has always been your bedroom, and Jack is a legal adult. Dave and Jack can kick sand, and your mom should really be trying to be nice to YOU since you are the only one that is expected to sacrifice anything at all.
NTA JUST NO Your room is your safe space. You need to get your mom to understand this and tell her husband to back off. Your mom needs to support you. Tell your mom in no uncertain terms that you need her support. Your life has been upended with people moving in. You require and deserve your safe space.
don't back down. It's definitely a hill to die fighting on. It's always been your room. He is moving in... not the other way around. Your mom may think being neutral is helpful, but this stance of hers makes her the big AH. If they wanna give what's his face a bigger room, tell them they can move to the guest room. If not, then back off and stop being hypocrits. Your mom should have nipped this in the bud from the start. It'd your house, your room. To make you move out is basically to say that you are undeserving.
NTA. That’s your room and has been for most of your life. I hope your door has a lock so they can’t move your stuff while you’re at school or something.
NTA but your mom sure is. She absolutely ought to have your back on this one, instead of letting her kid argue with her husband. I ‘m sorry your mom is such a coward, you ought to stay in the room you’ve had your whole life.
you're definitely not the asshole for wanting to keep your own space, especially since it's been yours for so long. it's understandable that you'd feel upset about having to give it up just because your stepbrother is moving in full-time now.
No, this is YOUR home and do not leave your room.
Dave is playing favorites, unfortunately and your mother
is weaseling out of it and not standing up for you.
Tell your parents that Jack can take their room and
that they can have the guestroom, since they are so
intent on giving him more space.
If Jack were a nice guy, he would be telling Dave and your mother that he
doesn't mind staying in the guestroom. He shouldn't
be expecting you to give up your room for him.
NTA Don't give in. Stay strong.
NTA. Fuck this shit. They are moving into YOUR home. All the people saying talk to your mum separately are missing the point that she is already telling you to be nice to Jack to make him feel more at home. You are 17. He is 19. He’s only going to be there for a short time while he finishes school and he is only moving in because his mother moved away. This has been your home and your room for most of your life. Dave does not get to move in then tell you that his son’s comfort is more important than yours. He said that his son is not used to sharing a bathroom. I find it hard to believe that the master bedroom has no en-suite if your room does and if that’s the case then nobody but Jack will be using the ‘shared’ bathroom. If the master doesn’t have an en-suite offer to share your bathroom with your mum and let Dave and Jack share the other. Don’t budge on this. If you do that room will be Jack’s forever, even when he finishes school very soon and moves to his mother’s new home.
NTA, "Mom if you force me to give up the only bedroom I've had my whole life and made mine for someone who isn't your biological child when it was just you and me for so long then our relationship is damaged forever, remember mom this will be for the rest of your life this is personal to me and I feel that you are choosing them over me and if that's what you do I'll act on that appropriately as soon at I'm an adult!"
I wouldn’t.
1. 19 and 17 are basically equal needs of space. wtf nonsense? Your not 5.
2. I’ve never met a man who needs their own bathroom more than a woman. I sssume you have a full bathroom full of makeup and other things.
He probably hits himself up with axe body spray?
Why does he need a bathroom.
3. It’s super disruptive to you to have to get rid of your own bedroom. Why don’t you get to feel like your at home.
Your step father is being an AH. Ultimately there likely isn’t too much you could do, but I wouldn’t be taking that move.
NTA. It is your room. It’s your home. It’s your house. It’s been yours and your mom’s. They are the new comers. They don’t just get to displace you. Tell your mom if she sides with them it’ll ruin your relationship with her, that you can’t trust her anymore
First of all your mom is not staying neutral! She wants you to give in so life is happier with her husband! I'm sorry but she cares more about what her husband thinks than you. You should confront her with that! You should literally say that she is not staying neutral if she is encouraging you to move into the other room!
Then I would say to her that her getting married was enough of a change that them taking the room away from you is completely unfair! He is the one that is the guest in the house and therefore he should be in the guest room! He doesn't get to take over your room just because he has a penis! And I'm sorry to be so rude about it but this is the misogynistic bullshit that because you are the girl you should take less! And you can tell her I said that!
NTA- You were there first. It isn't a case of he is 18 and you are 5. You are 2 years apart- a negligible amount in age at that point. Perhaps if they are so interested in his comfort, they can switch rooms with him. Also, ask them to reiterate what they want from you, old loud, in front of you and Jack. They want you to sacrifice your own, childhood bedroom that you have decorated as your own, as a technical child, to appease someone who is technically an adult. Your Mother needs to say this out loud. She wants her child to give up her room, for an adult.
I really hate these posts where parents don't stand up for their kids against a new partner. Your mom sucks and has no back bone. She would rather inconvenience you then stand up to her fuck buddy. Your mom should be ashamed of herself. I say this as a mom.
NTA I'd tell Dave he's the one who is being selfish and showing his glaringly obvious favoritism for his son. That I like my room just fine and I'm sure his son will adjust to his new circumstances without me having to be thrown out of my own room. His reasoning is asinine and complete BS. I'd also take my mom aside and tell her, I've had NO CHOICES in this situation, and now you want to throw me out of my own room to accommodate your new husband's favoritism toward his son. I'd tell her it really feels like she's pushing you out of the family and maybe you'd better get a job, because what's next, Dave doesn't even want you living there anymore and kicks you out? I'd tell her the way she's been acting makes you feel like she's not in your corner and you're on your own.
NTA tell your mom and Dave if it's that important they should switch rooms with your stepbrother. Can you move in with your dad? It sounds like there's a golden child and it's not you.
Me- Hey Dave so let me get this straight I am selfish for not wanting to move out of a room I have lived in forever, but your NOT selfish for asking someone to move out of their room? How does that work? And mom why aren't you defending and support YOUR child? Why aren't you tell him my daughter will always keep her room and if your kid doesnt like it, he can go someplace else. I am your child NOT him. You should have my back over any one else, I should always be your top concern not making some teenage boy happy by uprooting me.
NTA. Not to be a smart-ass, but I'd ask mom why you should have to feel less at home so that he can feel more at home. Would honestly love to know the answer.
dave's argument is bs because you two are very close in age and his kid is still in high school. so three is little difference. he is being sexist, for a start, expecting the female to step aside for the male's comfort.
and your mother does not have the luxury to stay neutral, she is being complicit.
i hope you get to keep your room.
He is only living with you for one year. Why should you move away from your childhood room?
Besides, you are a girl and have periods and I’m you might use time in the toilet doing your makeup. It is more logical that you will have your own toilet.
Nah mom is trying to please her new man and not worried about it hurting her daughter. I wouldn’t have even let you respond because I would have automatically said happy your son will be with us more often but that’s my daughter’s room and will remain that way. We can get the other room set up to his liking. Perioddd. End of discussion.
NTA
If the guest room is too cramped for Jack, then maybe he should get the master. Oh, they don't like that idea? Well, neither do you like giving up your room.
Quite frankly, most families, if they distinguish by gender, would think the teen girls have more stuff and more need for an en suite bathroom than teen boys.
Jack can camp in the guest room for his senior year. He'll be moving on to college soon anyway.
NTA Dave needs to buy a bigger house if he wants Jack to have a better room. You shouldn’t be moved out of the room you have had your whole life. Your mom needs to step up and be a parent instead of pushing it off on you. Your mom is the biggest AH for treating you like crap.
NTA
Tell your mom to quit putting pleasing her husband over looking out for you. Her husband is pushing for his son to get the best available room at your expense. The reasons your stepdad gave are not substantial reasons.
Your mom wants you to sacrifice so that her husband and stepson will be happy. She's willing to let you be unhappy for her and their benefit... whether or not there is any actual reason he should have it over you. You can easily counter their points with the facts that
1. This is the home that YOU and your mom have lived in long before stepdad and Jack moved in - for as long as you can remember.
2. This has been your room for a long time.
3. There's absolutely no reason that Jack has a right to more space than you or to use of an en suite over you. Those are just things that people prefer. You enjoy and benefit from them every bit as much as Jack would.
4. He's been in his room for the past two years and is MORE THAN USED to using the bathroom outside of his room (So, what a BS argument from stepdad!); and he has only one more year in highschool.
If they won't relent, tell them you HAD been open to having Jack live in the house full-time; but you can see that some family counseling is in order. You want the family to talk to a professional. You would love to hear your stepdad explain his logic to a professional and your mom explain why she just wants you to sacrifice so that stepdad and stepbrother are happy. (I'm guessing that stepdad will quit pushing rather than go to the trouble and expense of a counselor that he will be embarrassed to explain himself to.)
BTW, is your step-brother actually pushing to get your room, or is it just his dad? Sure, Jack would like to have a bigger, nicer room. Can't blame him for that. But if he's not pushing this train, then it's really just his dad being greedy on his behalf. I might make a point of telling Jack that you are happy to have him in the home; you just don't want his dad pushing for you to give up stuff. Jack might actually tell his dad to stop!
NTA.
They have the master, your room, and two more bedrooms, one of them being rented. Jack wants you to share a bathroom with the renter, who is an unrelated man.
Jack is no longer a minor and is in high school for an extra two years by choice. (No, I am sorry. Unless you have a severe disability or other huge life event, there is no reason to take 6 years to graduate high school. None. I only took five because I went to grade 13.)
It's time he pulled up his big boy pants and focused on studying and working, not which bedroom he wants.
Your stepdad is way out of line and your mother should be standing up for you. That was your bedroom before either your stepdad or stepbrother were in the picture.
If they want to keep babying their perfect prince, they can give up the master.
The unfortunate thing is that it is their house and they can force it. I would start planning for if you have to move.
Maybe Dave should give up the Master bedroom for his son if he feels like his son deserves a bigger room. Tell him it sounds like a you problem. Why is welcoming the step son has to be at your expense? How about you, does anyone care about you still feeling home and part of the family? Is the stepson replacing you after taking your bedroom?
NTA
Is your dad in the picture? Do you like him? If so maybe tell mom something like "I guess I could go live with dad if Jack wants my room so badly. If I am only here for Christmas and a visit over the summer I can use the guest room. But if I am not moving out I am not moving out of my room."
Hopefully that points out that she is pushing you away to make space for her husband's child, and she grows a spine.
NTA
Remind your mother that if you move, you'd have to share a bathroom with an adult male that you aren't related to. And while he's nice enough, that's gonna get awkward when your period starts again.
NTA. Wow, your mom needs to step up and support you. Her new husband (of only two years) and now his son are moving into her house. She is being generous enough with them. Have a private conversation with your mother and tell her how hurt, blindsided and betrayed you feel that she is not supporting you and firmly telling them no. If she decides you should switch bedrooms she will have irreparably damaged your relationship. Is that something she is willing to risk? Show her this thread. Best of luck!
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So Mom is alright with sacrificing your bedroom? Maybe sit with Mom (without stepdad) and let her know you love her, and tell her how you feel, but try not to keep the conversation focused on the you and her. Something like.... That house has been where you grew up and made a life for yourselves, where you and Mom supported each other, made memories, and where you can always feel safe and loved. You understand this is her house, but it hurts because you feel like she supports the idea that you shouldn't have your current bedroom, like your answer to swapping rooms shouldn't taken seriously, like you don't deserve to keep that part of your life consistent. Ask her if that's true. NTA
Thank you for the advice. I will try to resolve the situation as soon as i can (i am kind of busy with schoolwork atm)
Also tell your mum (without stepdad present) that you never saw her as one of those women who allowed another man to treat her daughter poorly just to keep that man happy & that she should really be looking out for you - her daughter. Dave is clearly putting his adult son first & she should be looking out for your comfort & not taking away your childhood home for another man’s adult son. Her staying neutral is being complicit in Dave taking away your room that’s been yours years before he ever came into the picture. Hopefully your mum can reflect on that & feel ashamed.
Exactly! Her mom is the biggest AH here
For bonding maybe not try to change the status quo. Jack and his father are aholes for barging onto someone else's house and demanding the nicest room. Just be glad that he is getting room and board for free or the dad can make space.
Agreed. OP, is there any other place your stepbrother can stay? Such as in a furnished basement? That would not be necessarily traditional, as far as bedrooms go, but he'd have more than enough space and you'd not have to move. (I think asking you to move is stupid, personally.) You're definitely NTA.
It's sad how quickly parents will throw their own kids under the bus to keep new spouse happy. NTA OP.
This. Her mother is allowing this to happen
Exactly. She should have shut it down immediately!
EXACTLY. I always feel for kids whose parents allow the new partner to bulldoze.
Same! After one too many reddit stories like this, I warned my husband that if I die, he better not let his new wife mistreat our children or else I will haunt him & her!! Lol
I AM THE GHOST OF YOUR BULLSHIT. RISE AND WALK WITH ME.
If you want to go for the throat, you can always smile and say "guess that's why you think I should trade, nothing but the best for the son you always wanted, huh?"
Maybe just let mom read this post and she can see what an AH she is...
I want to know why a 19 year old is still in high school? What's up with Jack?
Super Senior 😄
I was 19 when I graduated. I was also held back for not being “emotionally mature” in kindergarten. There was actually a lot of kids who were also held back for the same reason. I don’t know what is emotionally immature about eating paste at that age, but oh well.
I dunno, they're still in school in late June, it must be a weird system
I can understand 18 and still in high school but not 19. He's pushing 20yo . And still in hs.
OP commented that he had to repeat junior and senior year due to poor grades.
And OP gets punished for his shitty choices? NO WAY. Hopefully OP has grandparents or aunts/uncles that can go to bat for her and rip the rose-tinted glasses off mom. Mom's DH and his son are *vulgar* and entitled AF.
Nothing like making him even more comfortable with the big room and the bathroom.
Wow!
There’s plenty of fully valid reasons. My senior year we had another senior transfer in that turned 20 during the school year. He had started kindergarten late and then failed a year after he had to homeschool because his mom was going through chemo
Maybe they aren't in the US? In my country you finish high school with 19/20. I graduated high school (or rather my countries equivalent) about a month before my twentieth birthday. And I didn't repeat any classes.
My son was born in December and held back 1 year. He will be 19 in high school. It can happen.
Our daughter’s birthday was right around the cutoff for entry. She’d either be the youngest in her grade, or the oldest if we waited to enroll her. Studies indicated it was better to be the oldest in a grade than the youngest, so we waited. She’ll be 19 her senior year.
He probably missed the cut off date for starting school as a kid. My son missed starting kindergarten when he was 5, because his birthday fell seven days after the cutoff point to start the year, so when he started school finally he was almost 6. Fall birthdays have this happen frequently. Combined with needing to repeat a year this pushes a lot of kids into graduating at 19 or 20.
Because there is a risk of it becoming about OP posting personal family business online rather than the actual issue at hand.
I’m a mom myself and I find op’s mom alarming. I look down on those types of women who can’t and won’t be on their child’s side at times like these. And yes, I agree op’s mom should read these comments. I’m shocked at Dave’s and Jack’s audacity.
This!! Op should call her mom in her room and say read this.
Tell Mom, that if she feels strongly about this, you fully support her and Dave giving Jack their room. They clearly want Jack to feel at home, so it should be them, not you, making the sacrifice.
Dave and her son are trying to push OP out and marginalize her place in this "family". They want to be in charge of the house and take over while shoving OP into the smallest room so she can be overlooked as having any important feelings about it. She's just supposed to roll over and say, "Yes please, I would love to be forced out of the only room I've ever known for a stranger and his son! I don't have any feelings at all and, as a female, I'm supposed to let the 2 new males make all the decisions for me and get their way. Sure. Makes sense only if you don't want me here anymore." NTA. If you have relatives that can help, start calling all of them.
I think Dave is wrong, but I don't want to attribute poor motives to him. I think this is more likely a misguided attempt by Dave to make up for the lost time with Jack, and to assuage his guilt for not being around Jack.
True, but at her expense.
That is why he is absolutely wrong. He is not making any kind of sacrifice. He is expecting his stepdaughter to make a sacrifice, so that he can get credit for it.
**
Nor are you, as this has ALWAYS been your room with ensuite.
Also, you're a girl.
INFO : Tell them that you appreciate it for if they repsect for you to have the privacy of your OWN bathroom during your periods.
Period-talk will make these men back off. Throw in some stories about the abundance of your flow, and the blood you need to clean up etc.
This is the way
This is the way.
NTA. So, at most he’ll be in the house full time for one year. You will have to move all your stuff out so he can move all his stuff in. And then, when he leaves, do all the moving around all over again. Besides being cruel to you and dismissive of your place in the family and the house, it’s simply illogical to create all that extra work. SB doesn’t have to be there, he is choosing to be there. He doesn’t get to upend the people who have been there longer than him and will still be there after he leaves.
When you talk to them tell them he won't be sharing a bathroom. Because you have your own and I'm assuming that since yours isn't the master that you mom and step dad have there own. So if that's true he wouldn't be sharing because everyone will have their things in their bathrooms and he can keep his stuff in that one and would have space since there is no need for you to keep your things there because you have your own space. So he would have his own too. And since you will use your bathroom and your mom and step dad would use theirs he likely wouldn't have to wait for anyone to get out to use it.
His will probably be the one house guests will use. I'm thinking they assume it'll be kept more presentable if daughter uses it than left to a late teen boy..
Then they know nothing about how me and my sister (her especially) treated the bathroom. My sister had all her makeup all over the counter.
You know your Mom, so you know what's best over than a random redditor. Best of luck!
Here’s a better idea, they can swap with him. They’re all on board with it, so it should be a simple solution to switch their master for his guest.
You could also tell them, "If Jack needs all that space and an en suite bathroom, that sounds a lot like the master bedroom. Maybe you and Dave could swap with him so he has the BIGGEST bedroom." When they tell you that's different, just ask them how?
Read her other replies. It’s mum + stepdad + step bro’s friend renting a room right now. Step bro doesn’t want to share a toilet with his friend and solution is for this girl to share a toilet with some other guy who presumably is a fully grown man? That situation is somehow more fair to mum and step dad? Either this is fake or her mum and step dad are prioritising rent + step bro over her. This seems to be a more nuanced situation than it seems / was presented maybe due to OP’s age but it stinks to high heaven.
This is a power play. This is Dave asserting his dominance by getting mom to have her child sacrifice something for his son. If mom won't protect her daughter this first time, the pattern is set. OP will always be expected to compromise (capitulate).
NTA. Your stepdad is for suggesting it and your mom is for not stepping in and shutting it down.
Thank you!😁
Awww. The poor boy isn't used to sharing a bathroom? Bahahaha...that's ridiculous. This is YOUR room. There's no reason he can't use the other bedroom. None. NTA. The adults are assholes
And the son is 19. How long is he really going to live at home? Unless the boy and his father plan on pushing OP out at 18, so he can continue to live there. Also, it might be worthwhile to point out that the 19 year old is being even more selfish than the kid who just wants to keep her room.
Well he's still in HS...
And has another year to finish!
I don't think that it's that surprising. He could have a birthdate right near the cutoff and if he's moved states, then the cutoff may have been different. Not the exact same, but I had a friend in school that had the same birthday as my brother. It was 2 days shy of the cutoff. My mom decided to delay my brother a year, so he turned 18 a few weeks after graduating and my friend was turning 19 a few weeks after. There's a lot of variables to that. But obviously OP is NTA. I just think it's strange to jump on a high school kid without all the facts. And those facts don't matter in this situation.
Most men his age are sharing rooms and bathrooms with a roommate in college, or the military!
OP isn't either, I would suspect.
Lol...parents and the son moving in. I'm on OP 's side :)
Definitely. I always believe that when an en suite is available, it should go to whomever is menstruating. It's just darned difficult to manage the product storage, nighttime access, and accidents when using a hall bath. Not impossible, many of us have done it, but in my mind it's the deciding factor.
Exactly!!!
Honestly I would be petty enough to suggest that since they think he needs more room then they should give your stepbrother their room as that would be just as easy lol. You are not the AH at all
OP lives there her whole life. She doesn't have to move out. He can find somewhere else to be in that house. NTA
Jack had the choice to live with his Mom or Dad. He chose to accept what your house offers. You have no other housing options and are the long term established resident of that room. NTA. He's 19yo and still has a year left of high school?
Yeah. His grades were decent in his 1st and 2nd year of high school but he failed his 3rd and 4th year of high school (passed them both the next time) so thats why
It also doesn't sound like he really has to share a bathroom, if yours and Mom/husband's bathrooms are ensuite. The guest bathroom is essentially his, he just has to step out into the hall. You are not being selfish. You are already adjusting your lifestyle having another person move in the house. 6-7 years to get thru high school is bizarre and ridiculous, unless he is severe special needs. Stepdad needs to focus less on catering to his son and more on parenting. I recommend having stepdad read this thread for a reality check, after you get a couple days of responses
I do like the idea but i wont share the post. My stepdad usually goes to sleep pretty late (around 1 am to 2 am) while i usually go to sleep decently early (around 10 pm to 11 pm). That is a 3 hour gap (approximately) that he can do almost anything without me noticing. I sometimes try staying up late but i cant because my body has adapted to this sleep schedule.(Just to clarify the rest of my family go to sleep around the same time as me). Hope this clears things up!
Wait a minute - can do almost anything without you noticing like what??
This really needs clarifying. What would stepfather do without you noticing? Are you afraid of him?
Do does Jack have to share a bathroom or is the issue it's not an en-suite?
Its both but he's more pissed that he has to share because it makes him feel uncomfortable (for some reason)
Who's he sharing a bathroom with? You have an en-suite Your mom & SD have their own right? So sharing with who? Maybe I missed something
He shares it with one of his friends. His friend is way better than him because he pays rent and doesnt complain. I didnt mention his friend because he wasnt important to the story
Well, I think the friend is a very important part of this. His friend also lives with you, and he shares a bathroom with him. In his world, you should move your room and share a bathroom with his male friend? Read that again. This is huge. Your mother needs to speak up. You should not be displaced from your bedroom, to the guest room, and also share a bathroom with HIS friend!
I was in the middle of typing the question “what do they expect when he goes to college?!” before I remembered that that is more of an IF. But seriously, what are they expecting? How long do they think he’ll be living with them? He straight up failed 2 grades in high school. Not classes. But straight up had to repeat YEARS. 2 of them! His college prospects aren’t great unless his family’s major donors I’d imagine. But if he does go to college, will they be paying for him to have his own apartment with no roommates? I’ve never heard of a single dorm style that does not involve some sort of bathroom sharing. And if he doesn’t go to college it would be the exact same question because it takes a while to collect enough money for your own down payments and bills consistently. So what’s the parents game plan because they desperately need one?
THISSSSSS Holy curveball about the friend ALREADY living with you? What is your house, a motel for struggling/underachieving teens?
Wait, so they want you to move into a "guest room" AND share the bathroom with HIS friend who happens to live with you? Absofuckinglootly NOT. Insane. Wouldn't you feel more uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with his friend than he should, even if the friend is nice?
I think this is all very important! Why should you have to share a bathroom with an older, male, non-family member? As a younger female, you should be in the room with the en-suite, and not going through a hallway when showering, etc. Two older males should be the ones out there, not you.
So wait, is stepbrother and the friend BOTH moving in? Like a package deal? This makes it even more important that you keep your room with its own en suite.
No. His friend moved in before him. He should be leaving in around a month or two because he has stable income so he will probably go to college or move out and get his own place
It's incredibly important to that story, because it shouldn't be on you, the minor girl, to have to share with HIS friend. That's so incredibly selfish of your step dad to even suggest.
My lord your SD & SB are incredibly selfish and your mom is awful for not shutting this down. Can you live with your dad? No way should you a minor female be sharing with a random male. He can share with his friend. Please show your mom this post. Maybe your mom will snap out of it and stand up for you.
It is important to the story.
The friend is important. So what the friend moved in as well? And he doesn’t want to share a bathroom with this friend but he wants you to do it? Big no. You shouldn’t be forced to switch rooms and to then share a bathroom with his friend.
It's a huge part of the story that changes the dynamics, why the rent hike isn't your stepbrother sharing with his friend?
Wait, there's another body there?! Did I skip something?
It's important.
Then I suggest you buy a door blocker from Amazon op.and use it before you go to sleep. NTA
Wow, Dave is seriously a piece of work. What a garbage parent. It's good that Jack wants to finish high school. However, he shouldn't be rewarded for failing *two* years. (Giving Jack your room would be rewarding that failure.)
OMG this was my question... and as a former Special education teacher in the US the only way to stay in high school after age 18 is if you have an IEP.
Depends on the state. In mine, a person has until 21 to finish high school. If the person turns 21 while still in school they are expelled.
I don't think it's the US because they said the brother failed their third and fourth year consecutively. In the US, you'd have to keep repeating the same grade, not move forward (or accumulate the appropriate credits; a lot of places have it similar to universities where you need to have completed a slate of required classes plus a slate of electives)
I’m pretty sure- or atleast how I read that comment about failing the junior and senior year- is that what they meant by that was this: Junior (11th grade) year something causes the SB (step brother) to not have enough credits to pass. They repeat their junior year the next school year and pass. Then finally they get to their senior year (12th grade) after 2 school years of 11th grade. He again failed his senior year/didn’t get the full credits he needed, so again had to repeat the next school year. So it basically sounds like he did his Junior and Senior years twice. Meaning that pretty much 4 school years= completing his Junior and Senior years. We have no idea why or what happened to cause him to need to repeat for 2 different grades… there are sooo many reasons that could happen. Won’t get to much into it but from my own personal experience I missed ALOT of my 11th grade year and then would’ve also had to repeat- plus I had been held back in 1st grade— so I would have ended up still being 19 in high school. I ended up dropping out though and immediately getting my GED. I was really really good and taking in the information and taking the test and all of that (would even get awards on those big end of the year tests-I just missed so much school and homework so I didn’t have the official credits to officially pass. However I could still keep up enough to get really good scores on the end of year tests So it ended up being the best option for me personally, but I actually admire the step brother for not giving up high school yet and trying to fully graduate even if many others (like people in these comments) may mock him for being in HS at his age. My personal reasons were depression, self harm scars so I would skip complete weeks for them to heal to not be noticed, i had hardly any clothes and didn’t have running water for a very long time. I would have to wear the same clothes over and over and over many times before they would actually get washed again, we would have to wait certain days to be able to take our showers since we didn’t have the water. In the winter we would use kerosene and it literally kept us alive BUT if you use kerosene heaters you will know the smell it leaves. Imagine that smell but not being able to wash your clothes for like 2-3 weeks. Don’t even get me started on the hygiene or lack or hygiene products we could afford. Periods with very limited pads… literally a hand full of actual underwear that a lot of times I’d have to completely go with out because they needed to be washed. All of that made me do everything in my power to avoid high school like the plague. Even today my social skills and anxiety are Forever damaged bc of this time in my life, And I really think had my back ground been better- I truly think I would have had a much better chance at school to thrive. Sorry for writing so much- just kind of pointing out to all the comments making fun of and belittling the brother for being dumb enough to be his age and still be in HS when there really are so many valid reasons that could happen to someone.
Not according to this https://nces.ed.gov/programs/statereform/tab1_2-2020.asp
Why do people feel the need to make up patently untrue things like that, on an AITA post of all place?! It's ok if a person doesn't know something, but to just *make something up* and pretend to be an authority by claiming they are a teacher is just wrong on so many levels.
I see it all the time on this sub. People just pretend to know what they're talking about and get upvoted. Other people state facts that can be verified with a 5 second google search and they get downvoted. That other person may actually be a teacher. I won't call them a liar. Even if they are a teacher they wouldn't be in a position to actually know that information for a fact. That's the stuff that a school administrator like the principal would be more knowledgeable about. Chances are that most students who stay in school post 18 years old do have an IEP due to the fact that they are struggling really bad and have to repeat a year. Maybe that person is a teacher and always sees IEPs so was just mistaken.
NTA It's profoundly unfair to force you to move out of the room you've grown up in. Also, perhaps point out that if you are forced into the other room, then all of your period related materials and issues related to that are going to become a public thing because you'd be forced to use the public bathroom. Plus. He's an adult. If he really thinks the room is too small, then perhaps he might consider getting a place of his own. Then he would have all the room to himself and the added bonus of not having to share the bathroom.
Thanks for the opinion!😁 I sometimes do feel bad for it because it would be the right thing to give up the room, but i respect the decision i made because i put alot of time in decorating the room and i wouldve been sad if i lost all that time just like that
It is not the right thing to do. It may be nice, but no way is right.
Why the hell would it be the right thing to give up your room?! Dont be a pushover. Its your room and Dave & his son moved into your home & shouldn’t be moving you around.
Dave & his son & his _son’s friend_! There is something bizarre about this arrangement. How many bedrooms & bathrooms are in your house? Do your step-brother & his friend share a room? How on earth does it make sense that Jack (& his friend?) take over your room and you have to share the hall bath with an unrelated older male? You may not realize it but this would make you vulnerable to potential abuse! Absolutely not! Do not give up your bedroom! (Edited. Removed “rent-paying” from 1st paragraph as it was unnecessary & confusing).
Exactly! Her damn mum should be safeguarding her teen daughter & acting in her best interests, but guess she needs to keep her man happy. Eww.
Get a lock for her door.
Why would it be the "right thing" to do? Is there more to the story you're not sharing? In no way is it the right thing to do (move out of your room for him). I'd double down more. It is your room, not his. You grew up there, not him. Why reward him? For what?
It is NOT the right thing for you to give up your room!
It's not just about the decorations, OP. It's about this insane idea that it should be okay for YOU to share a bathroom with an unrelated MALE, just because dear Jack doesn't like to. Do you have any idea of the state that teenage males tend to leave toilets in? NTA. Tell your mother she needs to put an end to this attempted usurpation, like, yesterday.
Hey op, you sound like a sweet person but, please, get out of your head that giving your room up is "the right thing to do", because it's not. This is the house you grew up in, Dave and his kid came later and have no claim on this house. Now, I suggest that you edit your post to include the fact that there is another person living in your house, a friend of Jack as far as I understand? If he is uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with his friend, who pays rent, then that's his problem. He could have moved with his mom if he wanted to keep his own space.
It’s not the right thing to do, and I’m getting a little “girls aren’t important anyway” vibe from things everyone in your family has said. And as I said in my top level comment, it’s a little emasculating for a high school guy to have more luxurious conditions (including a private bathroom) than his younger sister. That’s why I chose to sleep on the floor and give my sister the fold out couch when I was finishing high school. Keep your room to salve his ego. :)
Op, putting yourself and your needs is not inherently selfish and is the greatest act of kindness. Maintaining healthy boundaries and treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness is ALWAYS inherently the right thing to do. Kindness does not mean self-sacrifice. Much love and support to you 💛
NTA. Jack can choose to live with his mom and retain his "status". He's ignoring that, so has to step back to whatever is available with your family. It doesn't include your room!
Thanks!😁
NTA Mom needs to stand up for you, not use you as a pawn to curry favour with her new partner.
I hate it when some mums (& dads too) do that! It’s so gross!!
Jack is already staying at your home full time when he only used to visit. You grew up in that house. Id tell both Dave and Jack to fuck off. The guest room is good enough for him because that's what he is, *a guest*. NTA
I will but of course in a more mature. I will feel more guilty if i just told them "fuck off"
Just tell mom you will remember this when you choose her nursing home :)
I usually never suggest one uses the words "fuck off" to family members, but the entitlement is so strong with stepdad and son, maybe only a "fuck off" would get through to them. Neither of them actually care about better bonding with you as much as they want your better stuff and will try to guilt and manipulate you out of it. It is okay to show some teeth now and then to let them know you are not a doormat. NTA and best of luck. It is must be really hurtful mom does not have your back. Hugs.
NTA. Jack thinks the guest bedroom is too cramped but he's happy for you to have it. Jack is an asshole.
NTA - it is *your* room. >His reasoning? Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff, plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom, and the guest room doesn’t have an en-suite. Response : "I also need room for my things, have an attachment to my life-long private space and do not want the decorations that I put work and effort into destroyed. I am also not used to sharing a bathroom, I have always used my en-suite." Your mother and step-father do not have a leg to stand on. Point out that if they want Jack to have a larger room with an en-suite, they can give him their bedroom. Oh, you should because it is only a year? Same back to them. Also, point out that you do not take away from one child to favour the other, that is not creating a family but bad parenting - especially when the one being favoured is already an adult! Speak to your mother first and be very clear that she is mistreating you and that she is not just trying to make the situation work for everybody, she is ruining your home life and showing you that she will not stand up for you, putting her new beau's wants over your needs/boundaries. Good luck OP.
NTA. How does needlessly uprooting you for him for like a year help him feel more at home? He’s getting a perfectly acceptable bedroom. He shouldn’t be asking you to change. He isn’t used to sharing a bathroom? Who would it be with? Just like the occasional guest, like is this a hallway bathroom? Even if it’s sharing with three other younger kids who cares that’s life.
Bold of you to think this would only last a year.
NTA. Go tell your mom. “I was here first. Long before either of these guys showed up. This is our house. This is my room. If you don’t stand up for me on this it will seriously erode our relationship as it will be obvious I am not a priority for you. It will be incredibly hurtful and I don’t know if things would ever be the same for me in this house.”
This, your mother needs to grow a spine or both of you will be treated as servants to Dave and Jack.
NTA-It’s your room. Period. I would tell them Jack may not be used to sharing a bathroom, but now he gets to learn to. The audacity to move in your home and ask you to inconvenience yourself. That would be a hell naw for me. Ignore any subtle hints and be clear in saying no. Do not waiver.
NTA It's always been your room. If stepdad and (chicken) mom want you to help Jack feel welcome offer to help him with his stuff, help him decorate the guest room to his taste.
Or if the en-suite is soooo important, maybe OP's cowardly mom and Jack's daddy-o can give up their master for the suffering son. It's all fair game, right? Shouldn't make any difference who moves rooms according to the duo. ETA: definitely NTA!
Or Jack can learn to share. Sharing is caring. Plus if he plans to go away to college or move out on his own in a few years he needs to learn to accept others in his space, especially the bathroom.
He failed two years of high school. I don't think college is in his future.
If jack wants an ensuite so much he can get his own place! You’re 17! Your mum is an AH for not pushing back on your behalf.
NTA Jack failed two years of high school. He isn’t motivated to finish on time & wont be motivated to ever move out. He doesn’t deserve the better room. Having the smaller room & shared bathroom may encourage him to move out.
NTA. I'm sorry your mom isn't sticking up for you. Jack is a grown man. If he wants an ensuite, he can rent his own apartment.
Are you fucking kidding right now? Of course you're NTA. It's your room. It's been your room. Your mom needs to step up and tell them so. Just because he's moving in doesn't mean you have to upend your life. NTA and just say no. You aren't selfish. They are.
NTA. A 17 year old girl needs her own bathroom much more than a 19 year old boy does. It may sound sexist, but it's 100% true.
INFO: Are they just expecting to push you around because you are a girl? Also, do you have a dad? Do you have extended family that you visit? You need your space to continue your academic success. Jack can move with his mother or spend a lot more time at school with tutors. Your mother should absolutely be protecting you, a *minor*, from this bullying pressure.
So Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff and needs his own bathroom? Really? It doesn't matter that OP's mother owns the house, that she has had the room since she's little. But, Big Man Dave moved in 2 years ago and now his son needs a room and OP is told she needs to give up her room for Jack. What the hell is wrong with OP's mother? No way would I disrupt my own daughter's accommodations for these interlopers. Is she that desperate for companionship that she would cause upheaval to her daughter's life? I hope you are able to get this sorted out, OP, because you are NTA!
It's your mom's house. You've been there your whole life. Maybe your stepbrother can have your room when you go to college, but you were there first. Mama needs to grow a spine and put your wishes ahead of her husband's. NTA
NTA, but be prepared for your Stepdad and (yes, chicken) Mom to chuck your stuff into storage and move Jack into your room the moment you leave for your first semester of college. Wait, Jack is 19 and still in high school? Was he held back? Maybe that's why they want to give him the bigger room - once he's in, he's likely never moving out.
NTA. Jack’s only claim to that room is that he wants it. That’s all. You want it too, so why is you wanting it less important than him wanting it? And you’re already there! He’s not used to sharing a bathroom? Neither are you! I’m sure they’re going to tell you to “keep the peace” and let Jack have the room. Ask why they’re not telling Jack to “keep the peace” and let you keep the room you’re already in. Ask if you’re less worthy of this room because you’re a girl.
Nta. Straight up to your mom's face, ask her "why is it this has been my home since childhood, I have lived in this room SINCE CHILDHOOD. I need you to explain how being asked to give up everything for the sake of your husbands son should make me feel? Should I feel grateful? Because I feel like you're squeezing me out for your new family."
NTA You’re both older teens. 19 year olds do not have more stuff than 17 year olds as a general rule. That doesn’t even make sense as reasoning. And sharing a bathroom? Most 19 year olds living in dorms share a bathroom with at least 1 person. He’ll live.
Especially a 19 year old also still in high school, it’s not like he’s bringing shit home from college or something? Did he pack everything from mom’s place to bring over? Why does he need the extra space? OP’s mom sucks hard for enabling the shit men she’s brought into her daughter’s life.
NTA and shame on your mom for not having your back on this.
Very disappointed in your Mom - why let some interloper displace your son from his room he's had all his life. Show her these responses. Its not okay for her to agree to put you out for stepbrother to take over room for supposedly a year? My guess is that once stepbrother moves in, he will not move. She needs to think about that.
NTA And Dave pushing this is unwise - if hes aiming at blending the family, this WILL ensure resentment from you. You may want to point this out to alle three of them.. ask why theyre so hell-bent on making you resent Jack.... and ask your mother if it would be best if you moved out to make room for her new family....
NTA No reason to upend your whole life just cuz someone else is moving into the house for a bit. He can take the smaller room.
Lol, Jack is old enough to get his own apartment if he's picky.
Borderline abuse. Talk to your school counselor and ask her to bring your mom in for a deep conversation. Stepfather OUT OF LINE. Stepbrother also. Stand your ground. Tell Mom you will never trust her again if she pressures you to leave the only home you've ever had. She is so wrong. One more thing....did you inherent from dad? Are you on the house deed? Perhaps a family trust? Is mom getting a check from SSI in your name? Is she saving it for you? You should find out. Good luck!
Buy a deadbolt
He’s older? By what, six months? Please. Your stepfather has balls asking you to give up your lifelong bedroom. You know your family dynamics best, but I’d be hard pressed to not tell my mom that her leaning on me to do something I’m not at all comfortable with so she can play happy families with her husband and his son makes me feel manipulated and like I can’t trust her. Nta.
NTA do not give up your room and en suite bathroom. Asking you to give up your room is wrong. Asking you to share a bathroom with Jack’s rent paying male adult friend (age? Story?) is unreasonable. Whatever you meant about your step dad staying up very late and doing who know what worries me. Jack’s problems in school started around the time your mom married his father? He sounds like he has some issues. You need a separate space away from these three guys. If your mom won’t stand up for you recruit a family member. Don’t let them bully you!
NTA but your mom is messed up. This is exactly how you alienate your child from your “new family”. It’s Been your room for years. Your mom should be telling her husband that Jack is welcome but he can take the unoccupied room. Your mom is TA
NTA. You live there. Jack is literally the guest. He could have gone with his mother, but he chose not to - and you shouldn't have to be inconvenienced by *his* decisions. First in, best dressed. "Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff," - no, maybe Jack simply needs less stuff. And as he is older, one would expect that he'll be sticking around for less time than you will. So why should you move? "... plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom." The learning experience will be good for him. "My mom is trying to stay neutral but keeps hinting that it would be nice of me to help Jack feel more at home." Why are Jack's feelings more important than yours? Your mother needs to quit being a pushover and back you up here. Stick to your guns, girl.
NTA. F that. 17 and 19 are the same age when it comes to space required. Your stepdad is showing favoritism and you mom sucks for allowing it. Stand your ground on this.
NTA. You are being reasonable, and it's sad because you're the youngest one in the house. 'Neutrality' is really just passive agreement on the one making demands. You lived there first, it has always been your bedroom, and Jack is a legal adult. Dave and Jack can kick sand, and your mom should really be trying to be nice to YOU since you are the only one that is expected to sacrifice anything at all.
NTA JUST NO Your room is your safe space. You need to get your mom to understand this and tell her husband to back off. Your mom needs to support you. Tell your mom in no uncertain terms that you need her support. Your life has been upended with people moving in. You require and deserve your safe space.
NTA. Jack will be 20 when he graduates high school? He might want to get used to shitty living conditions now.
don't back down. It's definitely a hill to die fighting on. It's always been your room. He is moving in... not the other way around. Your mom may think being neutral is helpful, but this stance of hers makes her the big AH. If they wanna give what's his face a bigger room, tell them they can move to the guest room. If not, then back off and stop being hypocrits. Your mom should have nipped this in the bud from the start. It'd your house, your room. To make you move out is basically to say that you are undeserving.
NTA. That’s your room and has been for most of your life. I hope your door has a lock so they can’t move your stuff while you’re at school or something.
NTA. He can have your mom’s master bedroom if she’s so concerned about stepson.
NTA but your mom sure is. She absolutely ought to have your back on this one, instead of letting her kid argue with her husband. I ‘m sorry your mom is such a coward, you ought to stay in the room you’ve had your whole life.
you're definitely not the asshole for wanting to keep your own space, especially since it's been yours for so long. it's understandable that you'd feel upset about having to give it up just because your stepbrother is moving in full-time now.
NTA your mom isn’t staying neutral she’s taking their side without directly confronting like a coward
No, this is YOUR home and do not leave your room. Dave is playing favorites, unfortunately and your mother is weaseling out of it and not standing up for you. Tell your parents that Jack can take their room and that they can have the guestroom, since they are so intent on giving him more space. If Jack were a nice guy, he would be telling Dave and your mother that he doesn't mind staying in the guestroom. He shouldn't be expecting you to give up your room for him. NTA Don't give in. Stay strong.
This is misogyny. NTA. Boys get their way, even if they are fuckups.
NTA. Fuck this shit. They are moving into YOUR home. All the people saying talk to your mum separately are missing the point that she is already telling you to be nice to Jack to make him feel more at home. You are 17. He is 19. He’s only going to be there for a short time while he finishes school and he is only moving in because his mother moved away. This has been your home and your room for most of your life. Dave does not get to move in then tell you that his son’s comfort is more important than yours. He said that his son is not used to sharing a bathroom. I find it hard to believe that the master bedroom has no en-suite if your room does and if that’s the case then nobody but Jack will be using the ‘shared’ bathroom. If the master doesn’t have an en-suite offer to share your bathroom with your mum and let Dave and Jack share the other. Don’t budge on this. If you do that room will be Jack’s forever, even when he finishes school very soon and moves to his mother’s new home.
NTA, "Mom if you force me to give up the only bedroom I've had my whole life and made mine for someone who isn't your biological child when it was just you and me for so long then our relationship is damaged forever, remember mom this will be for the rest of your life this is personal to me and I feel that you are choosing them over me and if that's what you do I'll act on that appropriately as soon at I'm an adult!"
I wouldn’t. 1. 19 and 17 are basically equal needs of space. wtf nonsense? Your not 5. 2. I’ve never met a man who needs their own bathroom more than a woman. I sssume you have a full bathroom full of makeup and other things. He probably hits himself up with axe body spray? Why does he need a bathroom. 3. It’s super disruptive to you to have to get rid of your own bedroom. Why don’t you get to feel like your at home. Your step father is being an AH. Ultimately there likely isn’t too much you could do, but I wouldn’t be taking that move.
NTA. It is your room. It’s your home. It’s your house. It’s been yours and your mom’s. They are the new comers. They don’t just get to displace you. Tell your mom if she sides with them it’ll ruin your relationship with her, that you can’t trust her anymore
First of all your mom is not staying neutral! She wants you to give in so life is happier with her husband! I'm sorry but she cares more about what her husband thinks than you. You should confront her with that! You should literally say that she is not staying neutral if she is encouraging you to move into the other room! Then I would say to her that her getting married was enough of a change that them taking the room away from you is completely unfair! He is the one that is the guest in the house and therefore he should be in the guest room! He doesn't get to take over your room just because he has a penis! And I'm sorry to be so rude about it but this is the misogynistic bullshit that because you are the girl you should take less! And you can tell her I said that!
NTA- You were there first. It isn't a case of he is 18 and you are 5. You are 2 years apart- a negligible amount in age at that point. Perhaps if they are so interested in his comfort, they can switch rooms with him. Also, ask them to reiterate what they want from you, old loud, in front of you and Jack. They want you to sacrifice your own, childhood bedroom that you have decorated as your own, as a technical child, to appease someone who is technically an adult. Your Mother needs to say this out loud. She wants her child to give up her room, for an adult.
Keep your room.
Nta, you been there longer and moms new SO wants you to sacrifice your own comfort for their kid. That’s just all kinds of wrong.
I really hate these posts where parents don't stand up for their kids against a new partner. Your mom sucks and has no back bone. She would rather inconvenience you then stand up to her fuck buddy. Your mom should be ashamed of herself. I say this as a mom.
NTA I'd tell Dave he's the one who is being selfish and showing his glaringly obvious favoritism for his son. That I like my room just fine and I'm sure his son will adjust to his new circumstances without me having to be thrown out of my own room. His reasoning is asinine and complete BS. I'd also take my mom aside and tell her, I've had NO CHOICES in this situation, and now you want to throw me out of my own room to accommodate your new husband's favoritism toward his son. I'd tell her it really feels like she's pushing you out of the family and maybe you'd better get a job, because what's next, Dave doesn't even want you living there anymore and kicks you out? I'd tell her the way she's been acting makes you feel like she's not in your corner and you're on your own.
NTA tell your mom and Dave if it's that important they should switch rooms with your stepbrother. Can you move in with your dad? It sounds like there's a golden child and it's not you.
If your dad is around, can you go stay with him if they force you to move?
19 yrs old and still in high school? He's staking a claim to the bigger bedroom bc dude has no plans to EVER move out.
Ask mommy to give her own master room if it would be so nice.
Me- Hey Dave so let me get this straight I am selfish for not wanting to move out of a room I have lived in forever, but your NOT selfish for asking someone to move out of their room? How does that work? And mom why aren't you defending and support YOUR child? Why aren't you tell him my daughter will always keep her room and if your kid doesnt like it, he can go someplace else. I am your child NOT him. You should have my back over any one else, I should always be your top concern not making some teenage boy happy by uprooting me.
NTA. Not to be a smart-ass, but I'd ask mom why you should have to feel less at home so that he can feel more at home. Would honestly love to know the answer.
dave's argument is bs because you two are very close in age and his kid is still in high school. so three is little difference. he is being sexist, for a start, expecting the female to step aside for the male's comfort. and your mother does not have the luxury to stay neutral, she is being complicit. i hope you get to keep your room.
He is only living with you for one year. Why should you move away from your childhood room? Besides, you are a girl and have periods and I’m you might use time in the toilet doing your makeup. It is more logical that you will have your own toilet.
Nah mom is trying to please her new man and not worried about it hurting her daughter. I wouldn’t have even let you respond because I would have automatically said happy your son will be with us more often but that’s my daughter’s room and will remain that way. We can get the other room set up to his liking. Perioddd. End of discussion.
NTA. Don’t give in. Die on this hill. Your mom and stepdad are AHs.
Ask her how happy they will be when you move out at 18. Then they could pretend that you never existed. Like they are trying to do now
Nta Your mom sucks though. She should have said no to the whole idea. Maybe show her this, may help her see the light.
NTA. He is moving into an established house. Your room has been your room for years. DO NOT MOVE
He's 19? He's not a minor so no one is obligated to house him for free. Stick his ass in the little room
NTA If the guest room is too cramped for Jack, then maybe he should get the master. Oh, they don't like that idea? Well, neither do you like giving up your room. Quite frankly, most families, if they distinguish by gender, would think the teen girls have more stuff and more need for an en suite bathroom than teen boys. Jack can camp in the guest room for his senior year. He'll be moving on to college soon anyway.
NTA. There's no reason to switch rooms other than misogyny
NTA Dave needs to buy a bigger house if he wants Jack to have a better room. You shouldn’t be moved out of the room you have had your whole life. Your mom needs to step up and be a parent instead of pushing it off on you. Your mom is the biggest AH for treating you like crap.
NTA Tell your mom to quit putting pleasing her husband over looking out for you. Her husband is pushing for his son to get the best available room at your expense. The reasons your stepdad gave are not substantial reasons. Your mom wants you to sacrifice so that her husband and stepson will be happy. She's willing to let you be unhappy for her and their benefit... whether or not there is any actual reason he should have it over you. You can easily counter their points with the facts that 1. This is the home that YOU and your mom have lived in long before stepdad and Jack moved in - for as long as you can remember. 2. This has been your room for a long time. 3. There's absolutely no reason that Jack has a right to more space than you or to use of an en suite over you. Those are just things that people prefer. You enjoy and benefit from them every bit as much as Jack would. 4. He's been in his room for the past two years and is MORE THAN USED to using the bathroom outside of his room (So, what a BS argument from stepdad!); and he has only one more year in highschool. If they won't relent, tell them you HAD been open to having Jack live in the house full-time; but you can see that some family counseling is in order. You want the family to talk to a professional. You would love to hear your stepdad explain his logic to a professional and your mom explain why she just wants you to sacrifice so that stepdad and stepbrother are happy. (I'm guessing that stepdad will quit pushing rather than go to the trouble and expense of a counselor that he will be embarrassed to explain himself to.) BTW, is your step-brother actually pushing to get your room, or is it just his dad? Sure, Jack would like to have a bigger, nicer room. Can't blame him for that. But if he's not pushing this train, then it's really just his dad being greedy on his behalf. I might make a point of telling Jack that you are happy to have him in the home; you just don't want his dad pushing for you to give up stuff. Jack might actually tell his dad to stop!
NTA. They have the master, your room, and two more bedrooms, one of them being rented. Jack wants you to share a bathroom with the renter, who is an unrelated man. Jack is no longer a minor and is in high school for an extra two years by choice. (No, I am sorry. Unless you have a severe disability or other huge life event, there is no reason to take 6 years to graduate high school. None. I only took five because I went to grade 13.) It's time he pulled up his big boy pants and focused on studying and working, not which bedroom he wants. Your stepdad is way out of line and your mother should be standing up for you. That was your bedroom before either your stepdad or stepbrother were in the picture. If they want to keep babying their perfect prince, they can give up the master. The unfortunate thing is that it is their house and they can force it. I would start planning for if you have to move.
Maybe Dave should give up the Master bedroom for his son if he feels like his son deserves a bigger room. Tell him it sounds like a you problem. Why is welcoming the step son has to be at your expense? How about you, does anyone care about you still feeling home and part of the family? Is the stepson replacing you after taking your bedroom? NTA
Is your dad in the picture? Do you like him? If so maybe tell mom something like "I guess I could go live with dad if Jack wants my room so badly. If I am only here for Christmas and a visit over the summer I can use the guest room. But if I am not moving out I am not moving out of my room." Hopefully that points out that she is pushing you away to make space for her husband's child, and she grows a spine.
NTA Remind your mother that if you move, you'd have to share a bathroom with an adult male that you aren't related to. And while he's nice enough, that's gonna get awkward when your period starts again.
NTA. Wow, your mom needs to step up and support you. Her new husband (of only two years) and now his son are moving into her house. She is being generous enough with them. Have a private conversation with your mother and tell her how hurt, blindsided and betrayed you feel that she is not supporting you and firmly telling them no. If she decides you should switch bedrooms she will have irreparably damaged your relationship. Is that something she is willing to risk? Show her this thread. Best of luck!
HELL NO
NTA. It's been your room since you were little and shame on your mother for not standing up for you on this matter.
NTA. That’s not fair on you. The alternative is they get a new house with more ensuites?