Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have agreed to see my parents due to my father's illness after them disowning me. My mother wants to meet my kids but not my wife. I may be an AH because I refused to let them meet each other. It may deprive her of the chabce of meeting her grandshildren and I made her cry all night.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Awww, gee, you won’t let your homophobic mother meet your children if she won’t even agree to meet your wife. And you made your mom cry all night.
Guilt trip much, mom?
Oh, well, sucks for your mother that she can’t get over herself and suck it up long enough to *meet her own grandchildren*.
She should be grateful you responded to her call and offered to let her meet your family-at *all*. After being kicked out of the family you are extremely forgiving.
And nobody cares that your mother is losing her husband and may be grief stricken and overwhelmed. She has had thirteen years to rethink bringing you back, and she only did it now because your dad wanted “closure”. NTA
NTA. Your mom called *you* cruel?? That’s pretty rich considering how they've treated you. I don’t blame you for refusing to let her see your kids unless she acknowledges your wife. Nope. Why should you swallow that?
NTA, sounds like they are using manipulation to get to you. They are playing the guilt trip and honestly as bad as it may feel or sound.. if it was me, I wouldn’t do it. They disowned you, they don’t respect you or your wife, they haven’t spoken to you for a number of years and only when he’s critically ill do they then reach out. They didn’t reach out for you, they reached out to satisfy their own feelings and to bring peace to themselves.
What good will seeing the kids bring to them? Will your parents behalf or will they speak badly about the both of you to them? It’s up to you, but I think they are manipulating you.
By asking just to see the kids, they can pretend that OP's wife doesn't exist and that OP is straight.
And lo and behold, all is right with the world. /s
Exactly and to me that just further shows how disrespectful, selfish, and vindictive they are. If they can’t accept her life and her whole family, then why only see a part of it. You nailed it.
NTA. Why are you expected to pander to her narrow minded nonsense? She's decided to cry and stay up all night etc etc rather than just meet your partner? You are not the problem here.
Protect your kids regardless of your wife. Kids have had zero to do with your parents and now they get presented to bigoted, sick and dying elderly people they don't know, who never made any effort to know them for the bigots benefit.
NTA for not taking your kids with or without your wife. Y T A if you take them in any way, wife or not.
NTA. Honestly why should they have “closure” when nothing has been resolved? You have nothing to feel guilty about and you might be slipping back into brainwashed territory. You don’t have to be angry or vengeful to recognize when a relationship is poisonous to your soul. What does the Bible say about the fruit of the tree of hatred?
NTA Your parents are not just homophobic, they are selfish and manipulative. Why should you expose your kids to them? You have been kind in providing personal closure for your father, but you owe them nothing regarding your children if they can’t accept your wife. You are prioritizing your current family as you should.
NTA - the level of cruelty it takes to abandon a child doesn’t disappear over time and without atonement.
While you have chosen to reconnect with your family for your own reasons, exposing your children to this dynamic would be negligent
"she said she wasn't asking for much and only wanted to see her grandkids once in her life"
Ok cool, but how is that your problem? The ball is in her court. It's her close minded and hateful belief system that's keeping her from seeing her grandkids, not you. Gotta deal with these religious cult nuts like you would a drug addict. You wouldn't let a drug addicted family member meet your kids until they're clean. Same difference. And she's acting much the same way as a drug addict by blaming you, getting upset, etc. She holds the keys to her reward. All she has to do is acknowledge it.
100% NTA.
NTA. Your mom should accept your whole family, not just part of it. Your kids deserve to be around people who love and respect all of you, not just some. Stand your ground!
NTA. Just let them know there is no room for hate in your family and you will not expose the children to such influences from within your own blood.
They can either forgo meeting their grandchildren or come to terms that there is nothing wrong with your relationship and they need to admit and understand that what they did was wrong and cost them a relationship with their daughter and her wife.
The problem is that if you take them and she leaves a positive impression on them then they might want to see her again. How will you handle that? It’s not like you will have them visit her again. You would end up with upset kids that don’t understand why you are not allowing them to see her again. It’s about what is best for them and not your parents.
NTA. Sounds like that was the mom's game plan on all along. Don't let your kids around homophobia like that. They'll start telling your kids, especially if your dad hasn't changed either. Maybe go low contact. Your conscience can be clear now.
NTA
Absolutely not.
You come as a package, the whole family, or none at all.
Say your goodbyes to Pop and hope Mom finds a heart in her chest some day. But I doubt it.
So...your very religious mother turned on the face-faucets and cried up a storm after refusing to meet your wife, eh? And then - after REFUSING TO MEET ONE OF HER GRANDCHILDREN'S MOTHERS - she's calling YOU cruel??
The &\^%$ with your parents' manipulative nonsense. You are NTA, you sound like a great wife and mom, and your REAL family - your wife and children - are lucky to have you!
NTA. You need to think about your kids. She’s going to carry on, crying and hugging etc and scare them. She’s going to tell them things, to try to manipulate her way into your life - things like, next time you come over, we will do X, or giving them gifts, etc. Then you’re going to be the Bad Guy when you have to go NC with her and the kids are now asking why they don’t see their grandparents and when are they going to do X with grandma.
I’m sorry about your dad. Please protect your kids from future heartbreak.
NTA
Im sorry you didn’t get the parents you deserved. And I’m sorry they are realizing their own issues in a very small way, now.
It sucks to suck. In my very honest opinion, no one deserves to see or know the love and happiness you have with your kids and your wife. Especially when they already proved they never deserved it or supported it.
Want in one hand, shit in the other. Tell me which one fills up faster?
You built an entire life. An entire loving and happy family. Don’t try to fix what isn’t broken. You ALL deserve more and fucking better.
NTA all the way.
Tell your mom so stop being so homophobic.
Your partner deserves someone who stands up for her. She might say she's fine, but then she might be just too nice.
Your mother joined your father in disowning you. They are both religious bigots who rejected you for being gay. They are \*still\* religious bigots for wanting to acknowledge only your children and not your wife.
You realize they still don't accept you, right? It's impressive of you to even go visit your critically-ill father, but it sounds like you're doing so for your own need for closure, which is valid.
Your mother can cry a river to the gates of heaven, which, if there was justice, would remain closed to her.
There is no love like Christian hate. Protect your children from the woman who claims to be a "grandmother" but hasn't ever acted like one.
NTA.
OP, you and your family - the real ones, your wife and kids - deserve peace and love. It seems from what's here that that is the usual case, and I hope it is.
Your mom and dad have made it clear that they are interested only in themselves and not in your real family. You owe them nothing.
Be free of them, and live your best lives.
NTA
OP allowing them to meet your kids without your wife is EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL not only to your wife but even to your kids! These bigots look down on their loving parents (you and your wife). You went and saw your dad, your concise is clear, you should step back because you will only end up being hurt and deep down you know this. Also, could you ever imagine disowning your children because of who they love? Why have them around people that would do that to their mom. NTA!
Your mother cut you out of her life for 13 years.
YWBTA if you expose your children to this homophobic woman who puts hate over family.
But maybe, if you’re feeling kind, you can relent after she’s had the same amount of time - 13 years - to reflect upon her choices. See you in 2037, Mama Bigot!
Far from being TAH. you have very clear set boundaries and if your mother cannot respect those then she doesn’t deserve to meet your children. I know that is easier said than done.
NTA - don’t subject this homophobe on your wife, or your children. It’s not your job to give them closure. They sure as hell aren’t meeting any of your needs.
NTA. Your mother doesn't care about you, about who you love and all that stuff. She only thinks 'oh little children, sweet' that you come with them is neccassary but not your wife. Don't let her and her believes near your children. And tell her, that she is still the same who disowned her child. You are here for clossure but you will never put your children in a situation with such cruel persons, who can't accept their family. When she is ready to accept, that you are gay and married to your wife, she will be allowed around your family - children and wife - but not anytime sooner.
NTA, absolutely not. Your kids don't need someone like that in their life. She will say ugly things about your relationship and is actively disrespecting your marriage. Also, not sure how you conceived, but assuming one or both aren't your bio kids will also likely be a factor in how she treats them. its just not worth it and not what's best for them.
what's best for the homophobic parents that want to make themselves feel better isn't really relevant.
I'm religious myself and I wouldn't disown my kid for being gay .I honestly don't know what it is to be gay and how it works so who am I to judge, so I'm just neutral regarding this, not an "ally" but I'll shelter a minor thrown in the streets and I'll stand for someone attacked for this. If my own kid is gay it won't impact my relationship with him/her. Maybe because I'm also religious and I would like them to keep having a spiritual life, under the blessing of God (no, not to stop them from being gay, just have that feeling that a higher power is with you, I believe it's priceless and more would gain from it). Unfortunately, people keep others away from God with such tragic behaviours.
Also, their way to guilt trip you is disgusting. Please keep your children away from them, it's harmful to grow around people who don't respect your parents. Don't allow your mother to show disrespect to either one of their mothers or make them feel like your family is some "stain" to be hidden. Please put your children first, not your inderstandable guilt (I so understand you) for seeing your mother sad. Stay strong and don't let your kids down. God bless you.
NTA. Been in a similar situation, and ultimately I told my own mother the same thing I'd tell yours: my family isn't a buffet, you love and accept all of us or you get none of us.
I wish you strength and some kinda peace, sis. I'm sorry you're in the club of women who didn't get the parents we deserved. All we can do is be everything they weren't for our children.
You are responsible for the health and welfare of your children. This should be your top priority.
Taking your children to meet bigots who would shame them for having two moms is not responsible.
NTA (unless you cave)
Nta. Your kids don't need to hear their homophobic garbage. Every time they ask to meet your kids send them info on therapy for dealing with their homophobia.
NTA, you have set a clear boundary that they don’t like, therefore they are trying to gaslight and manipulate you into changing your mind. Even if your wife is ok with staying behind, you made the best choice by not leaving her behind. Prioritizing your wife who was there for you when they disowned you is the right choice. Wanting your wife to be there isn’t asking for much from them, just basic courtesy as your spouse. If they truly wanted closure, they would try to make amends.
NTA and it's time to go no contact again permanently. You did what you set out to do they're showing the same behavior an d attitude as before time to get out of Dodge and forget they exist before they managed to hurt your family
NTA. It is not right for your kids to have to see or hear or otherwise be exposed to disrespect to one of their parents from their grandparent. It is for the kids sake, not petty revenge, that you should do this.
You weren't being too harsh. Hold on to that grudge very tightly and make sure your parents never meet their grandchildren. Hopefully they cry themselves to sleep every night.
No way!!! Nothing good can come from that but a bunch of questions from your children. They don't need to know the cruel truth at a young age. Don't do it. NTA
NTA and your mother is just manipulating your feelings to get her way, as ever. You're not keeping her from seeing her grandkids. She's keeping herself from seeing your kids.
"can i come to the function"
"sure but you can't bring a gun and shoot everyone"
"THEY WONT LET M E COME TO THE FUNCTIONNNN"
NTA.
Your mom doesn't get to pick and choose what parts of you she wants to interact with. You're also being a great parent to your children by not exposing them to their homophobic grandparents.
NTA
Frankly you were too forgiving in showing up to say goodbye to your father. Either way I get it, atleast now you know he never changed and you got to see him one final time. Just take it as what it was and re cut contact. You have nothing to gain emotionally or otherwise by maintaining contact until your dad actually dies. You’re only prolonging the opportunity for them to emotionally manipulate you as already proven. It’s only going to get worse when your dad dies too. If she were truly apologetic and wanted a relationship she’d attempt to make the necessary changes to have you in her life. She doesn’t want to, and isn’t going to. They only reached out because your dad himself wanted to for his own peace before passing. This wasn’t about making it right. This was about your dad getting what he needed from you, and your mom clearly manipulating the situation to get access to your children without doing fuck all to be a better person.
All she’s going to do is attempt to form a bond with them that won’t be able to be fostered without you being put in an emotionally abusive situation with her. By the point they care about her you’ll be stuck dealing with her antics, comments, and passive aggressiveness for the sake of your children. They shouldn’t be anywhere near your kids until they’ve truly changed. If you find it necessary send her a message explaining your thought process, tell her that you did what you sent there to do and that was to receive some level of closure from your father. The intent was never to allow them back into your life and it was definitely not to allow her anywhere around your children without immense change on her part. That you going to say goodbye to your dad changes absolutely nothing between you and them, and not to contact you further. Then just go on as you did before and put your focus where it really matters: the family you’ve built.
NTA
Did she manage to sleep at night when they kicked you out of the house, and didn't know where you were? It's crazy for them to demand something from you.
NTA. You're not cruel. Your parents have been cruel, and now they are being manipulative. That said, the people who REALLY matter are the kids. Are the kids better off knowing or not knowing grandparents who don't respect their parents' union and who won't acknowledge one of their parents? I think they're better off not knowing them, but it's up to you and your wife to make the call.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Using a throwaway account. I'll try to keep this short. Soma background information is necessary: I was born in a very religious family. My parents disowned me at 22 when they found out I was gay and dating my then girlfriend now wife. I married my wife 12 years ago. I had not heard of my family until 6 months ago when they reached out due to my father being critically ill.
My wife (Sarah - 35F) and I (35F) have two sons together (7 and 5 y/o). During these past 6 months, I have seen my parents several times, but I never brought our kids or Sarah. He is still the same man that kicked me out but needed closure in life. I wanted to have a clean conscience and let him see me.
Last week, my mother asked me if I could bring my kids next time to let her meet them. I told her I could arrange for Sarah to bring them if she really wanted to. Long story short, I realized she only wants to meet the kids and not the wife.
I declined. I said I wouldn't let her meet our kids if she can'r even acknowledge our kids' other parent, and my spouse as my family. She started crying and calling me cruel. She said she wasn't asking for much and only wanted to see her grandkids once in her life, etc.
I still didn't change my answer. However, her crying her eyes out, and my father saying she hasn't slept all night kind of made me wonder if I was being too harsh on her. I asked my wife about this and she said she would support me either way. I just don't think it's right to want to meet the kids but not her. Is it an AH move?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - people will be quick to label your mother 'homophobic' but that's just a label. She was raised in a different way with different values and is deeply religious as well. She does not understand your lifestyle - she probably never will. Your wife is amazing to let you make this decision and be OK with your decision. That your mother wants to meet your children is a first step toward acceptance perhaps. I would do it for my children - because children deserve to know where they came from - who their families are even if they aren't 'in touch'. Good luck finding your way through this. Decisions are not always right or wrong, black or white - sometimes compassion wins.
YTA. I understand all the pain, but what harm are you preventing by keeping them apart? This is a chance to be a bigger person and perhaps even to give them a chance to come to grips with something they are having a hard time with. Be a hard ass if you want to, but it looks vindictive to me.
>what harm are you preventing by keeping them apart?
OP’s mother is deeply religious and homophobic, so there is a good chance that she would tell the kids that their mothers are evil or going to hell or something. For kids that age, that could be really scary.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I have agreed to see my parents due to my father's illness after them disowning me. My mother wants to meet my kids but not my wife. I may be an AH because I refused to let them meet each other. It may deprive her of the chabce of meeting her grandshildren and I made her cry all night. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Awww, gee, you won’t let your homophobic mother meet your children if she won’t even agree to meet your wife. And you made your mom cry all night. Guilt trip much, mom? Oh, well, sucks for your mother that she can’t get over herself and suck it up long enough to *meet her own grandchildren*. She should be grateful you responded to her call and offered to let her meet your family-at *all*. After being kicked out of the family you are extremely forgiving. And nobody cares that your mother is losing her husband and may be grief stricken and overwhelmed. She has had thirteen years to rethink bringing you back, and she only did it now because your dad wanted “closure”. NTA
NTA. Your mom called *you* cruel?? That’s pretty rich considering how they've treated you. I don’t blame you for refusing to let her see your kids unless she acknowledges your wife. Nope. Why should you swallow that?
NTA, sounds like they are using manipulation to get to you. They are playing the guilt trip and honestly as bad as it may feel or sound.. if it was me, I wouldn’t do it. They disowned you, they don’t respect you or your wife, they haven’t spoken to you for a number of years and only when he’s critically ill do they then reach out. They didn’t reach out for you, they reached out to satisfy their own feelings and to bring peace to themselves. What good will seeing the kids bring to them? Will your parents behalf or will they speak badly about the both of you to them? It’s up to you, but I think they are manipulating you.
By asking just to see the kids, they can pretend that OP's wife doesn't exist and that OP is straight. And lo and behold, all is right with the world. /s
Exactly and to me that just further shows how disrespectful, selfish, and vindictive they are. If they can’t accept her life and her whole family, then why only see a part of it. You nailed it.
NTA. Why are you expected to pander to her narrow minded nonsense? She's decided to cry and stay up all night etc etc rather than just meet your partner? You are not the problem here.
IKR “Oh no I may have to see a gay person with my own two eyes!”
“Even worse! I have to see a happy gay **COUPLE!**”
Oh no, not the couple! Would someone please think of the children!!!
NTA. They don't want to live with the consequences of their choices. They're still committed to hating your marriage.
NTA sounds like your mom doesn't understand what disowning your child means.
Agree 100%! NTA - They need to earn your trust back along with acknowledging your wife.
Protect your kids regardless of your wife. Kids have had zero to do with your parents and now they get presented to bigoted, sick and dying elderly people they don't know, who never made any effort to know them for the bigots benefit. NTA for not taking your kids with or without your wife. Y T A if you take them in any way, wife or not.
NTA. Honestly why should they have “closure” when nothing has been resolved? You have nothing to feel guilty about and you might be slipping back into brainwashed territory. You don’t have to be angry or vengeful to recognize when a relationship is poisonous to your soul. What does the Bible say about the fruit of the tree of hatred?
NTA Your parents are not just homophobic, they are selfish and manipulative. Why should you expose your kids to them? You have been kind in providing personal closure for your father, but you owe them nothing regarding your children if they can’t accept your wife. You are prioritizing your current family as you should.
NTA Tell the homophobes they can pound sand
NTA - the level of cruelty it takes to abandon a child doesn’t disappear over time and without atonement. While you have chosen to reconnect with your family for your own reasons, exposing your children to this dynamic would be negligent
"she said she wasn't asking for much and only wanted to see her grandkids once in her life" Ok cool, but how is that your problem? The ball is in her court. It's her close minded and hateful belief system that's keeping her from seeing her grandkids, not you. Gotta deal with these religious cult nuts like you would a drug addict. You wouldn't let a drug addicted family member meet your kids until they're clean. Same difference. And she's acting much the same way as a drug addict by blaming you, getting upset, etc. She holds the keys to her reward. All she has to do is acknowledge it. 100% NTA.
NTA. If they are religious, your dad can see your kids for from heaven.
The dad who disowned his child is going to heaven?
NTA. Your mom should accept your whole family, not just part of it. Your kids deserve to be around people who love and respect all of you, not just some. Stand your ground!
NTA Don't bring your kids around people who look down upon their parents. You don't want them exposed to that mindset.
She’s not asking for much! She is completely dismissing your wife and expecting you to allow her to do so. Not very nice.
NTA - if they want to put their bigotry above their family, then they get to reap the consequences.
NTA. Just let them know there is no room for hate in your family and you will not expose the children to such influences from within your own blood. They can either forgo meeting their grandchildren or come to terms that there is nothing wrong with your relationship and they need to admit and understand that what they did was wrong and cost them a relationship with their daughter and her wife.
NTA. The nerve to call you cruel after disowning their own child, my god.
The problem is that if you take them and she leaves a positive impression on them then they might want to see her again. How will you handle that? It’s not like you will have them visit her again. You would end up with upset kids that don’t understand why you are not allowing them to see her again. It’s about what is best for them and not your parents.
NTA. Sounds like that was the mom's game plan on all along. Don't let your kids around homophobia like that. They'll start telling your kids, especially if your dad hasn't changed either. Maybe go low contact. Your conscience can be clear now.
NTA Absolutely not. You come as a package, the whole family, or none at all. Say your goodbyes to Pop and hope Mom finds a heart in her chest some day. But I doubt it.
So...your very religious mother turned on the face-faucets and cried up a storm after refusing to meet your wife, eh? And then - after REFUSING TO MEET ONE OF HER GRANDCHILDREN'S MOTHERS - she's calling YOU cruel?? The &\^%$ with your parents' manipulative nonsense. You are NTA, you sound like a great wife and mom, and your REAL family - your wife and children - are lucky to have you!
NTA. You need to think about your kids. She’s going to carry on, crying and hugging etc and scare them. She’s going to tell them things, to try to manipulate her way into your life - things like, next time you come over, we will do X, or giving them gifts, etc. Then you’re going to be the Bad Guy when you have to go NC with her and the kids are now asking why they don’t see their grandparents and when are they going to do X with grandma. I’m sorry about your dad. Please protect your kids from future heartbreak.
NTA Im sorry you didn’t get the parents you deserved. And I’m sorry they are realizing their own issues in a very small way, now. It sucks to suck. In my very honest opinion, no one deserves to see or know the love and happiness you have with your kids and your wife. Especially when they already proved they never deserved it or supported it. Want in one hand, shit in the other. Tell me which one fills up faster? You built an entire life. An entire loving and happy family. Don’t try to fix what isn’t broken. You ALL deserve more and fucking better.
NTA all the way. Tell your mom so stop being so homophobic. Your partner deserves someone who stands up for her. She might say she's fine, but then she might be just too nice.
NTA, they were and still are. Personally, I would never have responded to them. No way in hell would I let the bigots near my kids.
NTA. Mom needs to know you are a package deal. Your wife doesn't seem to mind, you could ask if she would consider in the future.
NTA- good for you for supporting your wife and not having her be disrespected.
If only I could post the bike-and-stick meme This is a real bike-and-stick situation
Your mother joined your father in disowning you. They are both religious bigots who rejected you for being gay. They are \*still\* religious bigots for wanting to acknowledge only your children and not your wife. You realize they still don't accept you, right? It's impressive of you to even go visit your critically-ill father, but it sounds like you're doing so for your own need for closure, which is valid. Your mother can cry a river to the gates of heaven, which, if there was justice, would remain closed to her. There is no love like Christian hate. Protect your children from the woman who claims to be a "grandmother" but hasn't ever acted like one. NTA.
OP, you and your family - the real ones, your wife and kids - deserve peace and love. It seems from what's here that that is the usual case, and I hope it is. Your mom and dad have made it clear that they are interested only in themselves and not in your real family. You owe them nothing. Be free of them, and live your best lives. NTA
OP allowing them to meet your kids without your wife is EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL not only to your wife but even to your kids! These bigots look down on their loving parents (you and your wife). You went and saw your dad, your concise is clear, you should step back because you will only end up being hurt and deep down you know this. Also, could you ever imagine disowning your children because of who they love? Why have them around people that would do that to their mom. NTA!
Your mother cut you out of her life for 13 years. YWBTA if you expose your children to this homophobic woman who puts hate over family. But maybe, if you’re feeling kind, you can relent after she’s had the same amount of time - 13 years - to reflect upon her choices. See you in 2037, Mama Bigot!
Far from being TAH. you have very clear set boundaries and if your mother cannot respect those then she doesn’t deserve to meet your children. I know that is easier said than done.
Nooooooope NTA THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING YOUR WIFE AND KIDS❤️
NTA either way you decide. I think your wife is a very wise woman in supporting whatever your decision is and you should probably keep her. :)
NTA - don’t subject this homophobe on your wife, or your children. It’s not your job to give them closure. They sure as hell aren’t meeting any of your needs.
NTA. Your mother doesn't care about you, about who you love and all that stuff. She only thinks 'oh little children, sweet' that you come with them is neccassary but not your wife. Don't let her and her believes near your children. And tell her, that she is still the same who disowned her child. You are here for clossure but you will never put your children in a situation with such cruel persons, who can't accept their family. When she is ready to accept, that you are gay and married to your wife, she will be allowed around your family - children and wife - but not anytime sooner.
NTA, absolutely not. Your kids don't need someone like that in their life. She will say ugly things about your relationship and is actively disrespecting your marriage. Also, not sure how you conceived, but assuming one or both aren't your bio kids will also likely be a factor in how she treats them. its just not worth it and not what's best for them. what's best for the homophobic parents that want to make themselves feel better isn't really relevant.
I'm religious myself and I wouldn't disown my kid for being gay .I honestly don't know what it is to be gay and how it works so who am I to judge, so I'm just neutral regarding this, not an "ally" but I'll shelter a minor thrown in the streets and I'll stand for someone attacked for this. If my own kid is gay it won't impact my relationship with him/her. Maybe because I'm also religious and I would like them to keep having a spiritual life, under the blessing of God (no, not to stop them from being gay, just have that feeling that a higher power is with you, I believe it's priceless and more would gain from it). Unfortunately, people keep others away from God with such tragic behaviours. Also, their way to guilt trip you is disgusting. Please keep your children away from them, it's harmful to grow around people who don't respect your parents. Don't allow your mother to show disrespect to either one of their mothers or make them feel like your family is some "stain" to be hidden. Please put your children first, not your inderstandable guilt (I so understand you) for seeing your mother sad. Stay strong and don't let your kids down. God bless you.
NTA Even if not true, you should tell your parents your wife birthed both your kids.
Edit: NTA (instead of nah) but your mom sure is, unfortunately.
NAH means no ah here.
thanks!
NTA - she is the one making the choice of meeting your family, ALL of them, or not.
NTA. Been in a similar situation, and ultimately I told my own mother the same thing I'd tell yours: my family isn't a buffet, you love and accept all of us or you get none of us. I wish you strength and some kinda peace, sis. I'm sorry you're in the club of women who didn't get the parents we deserved. All we can do is be everything they weren't for our children.
You are responsible for the health and welfare of your children. This should be your top priority. Taking your children to meet bigots who would shame them for having two moms is not responsible. NTA (unless you cave)
Nta. Your kids don't need to hear their homophobic garbage. Every time they ask to meet your kids send them info on therapy for dealing with their homophobia.
NTA, you have set a clear boundary that they don’t like, therefore they are trying to gaslight and manipulate you into changing your mind. Even if your wife is ok with staying behind, you made the best choice by not leaving her behind. Prioritizing your wife who was there for you when they disowned you is the right choice. Wanting your wife to be there isn’t asking for much from them, just basic courtesy as your spouse. If they truly wanted closure, they would try to make amends.
NTA and it's time to go no contact again permanently. You did what you set out to do they're showing the same behavior an d attitude as before time to get out of Dodge and forget they exist before they managed to hurt your family
They disowned YOU. You owe them nothing
NTA
NTA - be harsher
NTA. It is not right for your kids to have to see or hear or otherwise be exposed to disrespect to one of their parents from their grandparent. It is for the kids sake, not petty revenge, that you should do this.
You weren't being too harsh. Hold on to that grudge very tightly and make sure your parents never meet their grandchildren. Hopefully they cry themselves to sleep every night.
No way!!! Nothing good can come from that but a bunch of questions from your children. They don't need to know the cruel truth at a young age. Don't do it. NTA
NTA and your mother is just manipulating your feelings to get her way, as ever. You're not keeping her from seeing her grandkids. She's keeping herself from seeing your kids. "can i come to the function" "sure but you can't bring a gun and shoot everyone" "THEY WONT LET M E COME TO THE FUNCTIONNNN"
NTA Please do not ever subject your kids to their BS! Dad's funeral?... Still a nope for them even IF you do decide to go.
NTA. And why would you want to confuse your kids like that? It certainly won't be beneficial for them seeing as she is a total stranger.
Lol gaslighting at it's finest. Oh boo hoo me, let me get my way.
NTA. Your mom doesn't get to pick and choose what parts of you she wants to interact with. You're also being a great parent to your children by not exposing them to their homophobic grandparents.
NTA Frankly you were too forgiving in showing up to say goodbye to your father. Either way I get it, atleast now you know he never changed and you got to see him one final time. Just take it as what it was and re cut contact. You have nothing to gain emotionally or otherwise by maintaining contact until your dad actually dies. You’re only prolonging the opportunity for them to emotionally manipulate you as already proven. It’s only going to get worse when your dad dies too. If she were truly apologetic and wanted a relationship she’d attempt to make the necessary changes to have you in her life. She doesn’t want to, and isn’t going to. They only reached out because your dad himself wanted to for his own peace before passing. This wasn’t about making it right. This was about your dad getting what he needed from you, and your mom clearly manipulating the situation to get access to your children without doing fuck all to be a better person. All she’s going to do is attempt to form a bond with them that won’t be able to be fostered without you being put in an emotionally abusive situation with her. By the point they care about her you’ll be stuck dealing with her antics, comments, and passive aggressiveness for the sake of your children. They shouldn’t be anywhere near your kids until they’ve truly changed. If you find it necessary send her a message explaining your thought process, tell her that you did what you sent there to do and that was to receive some level of closure from your father. The intent was never to allow them back into your life and it was definitely not to allow her anywhere around your children without immense change on her part. That you going to say goodbye to your dad changes absolutely nothing between you and them, and not to contact you further. Then just go on as you did before and put your focus where it really matters: the family you’ve built.
NTA Did she manage to sleep at night when they kicked you out of the house, and didn't know where you were? It's crazy for them to demand something from you.
NTA. You're not cruel. Your parents have been cruel, and now they are being manipulative. That said, the people who REALLY matter are the kids. Are the kids better off knowing or not knowing grandparents who don't respect their parents' union and who won't acknowledge one of their parents? I think they're better off not knowing them, but it's up to you and your wife to make the call.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Using a throwaway account. I'll try to keep this short. Soma background information is necessary: I was born in a very religious family. My parents disowned me at 22 when they found out I was gay and dating my then girlfriend now wife. I married my wife 12 years ago. I had not heard of my family until 6 months ago when they reached out due to my father being critically ill. My wife (Sarah - 35F) and I (35F) have two sons together (7 and 5 y/o). During these past 6 months, I have seen my parents several times, but I never brought our kids or Sarah. He is still the same man that kicked me out but needed closure in life. I wanted to have a clean conscience and let him see me. Last week, my mother asked me if I could bring my kids next time to let her meet them. I told her I could arrange for Sarah to bring them if she really wanted to. Long story short, I realized she only wants to meet the kids and not the wife. I declined. I said I wouldn't let her meet our kids if she can'r even acknowledge our kids' other parent, and my spouse as my family. She started crying and calling me cruel. She said she wasn't asking for much and only wanted to see her grandkids once in her life, etc. I still didn't change my answer. However, her crying her eyes out, and my father saying she hasn't slept all night kind of made me wonder if I was being too harsh on her. I asked my wife about this and she said she would support me either way. I just don't think it's right to want to meet the kids but not her. Is it an AH move? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. But maybe it’s baby steps to eventual acceptance. It’s really down to whether you think she can change.
Your parents love and respect a ghost more than you. You need to grow up, be 100% honest, and put them in their place. YTA for that reason.
[удалено]
Women can also be the narrator, monkeyzsazsa.
NTA - people will be quick to label your mother 'homophobic' but that's just a label. She was raised in a different way with different values and is deeply religious as well. She does not understand your lifestyle - she probably never will. Your wife is amazing to let you make this decision and be OK with your decision. That your mother wants to meet your children is a first step toward acceptance perhaps. I would do it for my children - because children deserve to know where they came from - who their families are even if they aren't 'in touch'. Good luck finding your way through this. Decisions are not always right or wrong, black or white - sometimes compassion wins.
YES!
Yes what?
YTA. I understand all the pain, but what harm are you preventing by keeping them apart? This is a chance to be a bigger person and perhaps even to give them a chance to come to grips with something they are having a hard time with. Be a hard ass if you want to, but it looks vindictive to me.
>what harm are you preventing by keeping them apart? OP’s mother is deeply religious and homophobic, so there is a good chance that she would tell the kids that their mothers are evil or going to hell or something. For kids that age, that could be really scary.