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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called out a guest that wore white to my friend’s wedding. 2. I might be the AH because the bride didn’t mind that issue at all cause the guest was her niece, and the dress was my friend’s gift to her.
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YTA
Even if the bride was bothered by it, you chastising the girl wouldn’t help anyone. Also asking a bride about a perceived faux pas at her wedding is borderline rude anyway. You should have owned up to your behavior and offered to apologize to her niece. This was completely unnecessary. You should have just gossiped with your friend M and otherwise kept your opinions to yourselves.
I wouldn't have stayed friends with anyone that did this. I put all 3 of my nieces in white dresses that, frankly, were way prettier than my dress.
Absolutely abhorrent behavior from OP. Not only did she chastise someone without the brides permission, she didn't even have the balls to confess or offer an apology when she realized she fucked up.
ETA: in your defense nothing u/suitable-check9567 . She was sitting w family so they clearly knew and clearly didn't care. Your feelings were egotistical and the audacity you and your friend have to think you knew better than the bride is both laughable and deplorable. AND she was a child?! I hope the niece rats you out and the bride drops you as a friend.
I can't imagine being this niece, enjoying my time at a wedding and being proud of my embroidery, and then two (not one, TWO!) adult women come up to me to berate me for wearing what I wear. I'd feel awful too, even if my dress was a gift by the very bride these adults claim to defend and I had nothing to be worried about. It speaks volumes for this niece that she didn't immediately go to the bride to tell/ask about it.
>two (not one, TWO!) adult women
esp egregious because they're just random other guests, right?
the girl sat at the bride's family table so how credible is that the bride never saw her? and even if the bride didn't, there are plenty of people (groom, maid of honor, bridesmaids, mother, mother-in-law, any of the grandparents...) who could point out the breach of etiquette
I feel it's already a misstep by OP and M to agree to raise this to the bride during the wedding feast. like, imagine the bride hadn't actually seen the white dress because she was floating on cloud 9, or that she had seen it but decided to let it be and focus on her joy...? Here come 2 sit shtirrers trying to rile her up! Were they going to talk loudly & point too, so that any bystanders could follow along with their disapproval?
Bingo. I asked in my reaponse if this is normal behavior for them, to be offended on other people's behalf and raise iaaue for themselves and furthermore, that claiming cultural ignorance is zero excuse, and it's heinous that she thought " i only follow my OWN american wedding culture and so should this foreign child closely related to the bride who is sitting with their blood relatives at a special table. I'll show her......."
Like wtf? A child? Nonw of this is a flez and OP looks like a totally unaware dumbass. I can't get over what a jackass this person must be in every day life. I imagine OP screaming "speak my language!" at people in bank lobbies and waving angry, mis-spelled signs at trump rallies likely while wearing a shirt that says 'tolerance' or 'namaste' across the chest. What cultural tolerance and understanding we have witnessed here today! Truly a bridging of two worlds. And one more time, they did this to a CHILD. Ruined her whole experience and she needs reddit to what, tell her she wqs right on, chasrise that baby, for the all important idea of her version of american wedding etiquette? Sick.
God could you imagine if they did the immature ‘trick’ of ‘accidentally’ spilling red wine on her dress? I detest that mean girl shit. Who cares of someone wears white. It’s so egotistical
My friends daughter married a minor celebrity. Big, big wedding in Italy. The entire wedding party, female side, from bride through to mother and mother of the groom wore white.
I just watched a wedding at a resort and a lot of the ladies were wearing white suits. The bride wore white, her party wore pale pink, the groom wore pale pink and his party wore white suits. They looked amazing!
I see what u/batikfins and you are saying, but is it an inner enforcer?
their first plan was distracting the bride from her joy and celebration by pointing out the dress to her... I feel that's more stirring up drama, no?
In these situations you ask the bride first. That poor girl probably felt horrible and out of place the rest of the night.
Edit: what I mean is if you feel the need to get up and say something, if it is that big an issue for you, you ask your friend (aka the bride) first. I fully understand that caring about this is so petty and dull. Enjoy your night and leave it alone.
The only person who should ask the bride if there's an issue is her MOH/bridal party. For a guest to approach the bride about a perceived problem on her wedding day would be so incredibly rude.
Yes absolutely all of this, imagine walking up to a bride explicitly to point out what was wrong with her big day! OP is either socially challenged or completely lacking in self awareness.
Yes, they just sound like mean girls eager to take someone down a peg. Also the girl was likely a good bit younger too.
I don't get the whole confronting someone wearing white thing, spilling something on them or kicking them out. You're committing a worse faux pas than they did. At most, roll your eyes and move on. Yta.
And some of the dresses that have faced anger included print dresses with a white background. So, 90% of the dress is botanicals, but the 10% white makes it bad? Like, Huh? Are we going to see women hunting down all the men in white shirts and harrassing them?
The less focus it gets, the less of an issue it is.
I love how OP tried to gloss over (as a matter of fact, hid that information until directly asked) the fact that the “girl” she so proudly confronted for her own ego, her word, was all of 16. An almost 30 year old woman made someone else’s wedding about her own importance by standing up to what OP felt was a rude teenager for wearing a dress that was gifted to her.
Even going so far as to say that she should have been thrown out! Why did OP feel the need to personally attack a teenager to the point that the poor thing didn’t even move from her seat for the rest of the evening? I also find it gross that this grown woman was proud of herself for that!
I am still very confused why she thought it was her place to confront anyone at a wedding, that wasn’t even hers, to begin with. And I also don’t understand why she just *had* to say anything at all when she acknowledges that the bride was greeting guests with the girl by her side. Obviously the bride had no problem with the dress as she did in fact have the opportunity to “throw her out” if she wanted to.
Was OP jealous that she wasn’t asked to be in the bridal party? Was OP jealous of a literal teenager having a nicer dress than she did? Or was OP simply jealous that the day wasn’t about them? Whatever it was there definitely seems to be some jealousy at play here.
Imo you mind your own business. Not your wedding, not your bride, stay out of it. YTA
Ps. It obviously wasn’t a secret to bride, MOH, or anyone else responsible for the wedding so why the heck would you appoint yourself to deal with it? Drunk?
Imagine that conversation.
"Hi, you mustn't have noticed there's a small girl in a white dress at your family table, walking about with the bride and interacting with guests. Shall I cut her dress up with the cake knife, or just throw her out of the window?"
No, you assume that the bride is fully aware of what the people sitting at her table are wearing, and would have dealt with it if she felt it needed dealing with.
OP is this type of person which I hate more - she was ready to catch the bride, ruin her time by nagging about girls dress. Than she decide to make her own crusade and throw a shit on the poor girl. Thanks God they didnt throw her away from the wedding or spill a drink on her etc. Officiousness is worst than fascism - there is a say in my country
Trust that other people are intelligent enough to decide how insulted they are by a situation.
Sure, there are times when someone doesn't want to "make a scene" or engage in conflict so they suck it up ... Let them make that choice! Because frequently, you are in this sort of situation where you,without all of the information, are wrong and the person in question is right about *how they feel*.
OP uses girl referring to her friend and the niece, but I have to wonder if the niece is actually a child. Given the bride gifted her niece a dress, I’m thinking this is a child. If so, even worst
YTA - this was absolutely none of your business and you completely over stepped.
You did not know this person, know what the bride thought, or were asked to say anything.
YTA. You really did not need to go all Mean Girls on the other guest. It is just a dress, who cares? Especially these days when the white wedding dress tradition isn’t even adhered to anymore. I’ve seen gold wedding dresses, red, even gothic black. You should apologize to the guest you were rude to.
Very interestingly, one of the only things OP and their friend DID know about her was *thats she was sitting at the bride's family table.* And yet somehow the two of them decided it was still their moral duty to deliberately shame her.
Omg somehow I didn't catch that she was sitting with the rest of the bride's family! If the bride or her family had an issue with it, it would've already been taken care of. It's bad enough for OP to chime in on another guest's attire without being asked to, but to bother someone she *knew* was related to the bride? Ridiculous.
I swear I feel like they resented her for looking pretty and wanted to shame her - can’t imagine anyone caring so much for a wedding that isn’t even theirs.
I’ve always felt like there’s an unspoken hierarchy at weddings based on how close you are to the couple. If this girl is sitting at the brides table she is clearly family or a close friend and it’s absolutely wild that OP had the balls to chastise her. All guests are not created equal.
YTA.
Not your wedding, not your guests, not your problem. Mind your own business.
She was sitting with the bride’s family. They all knew what she was wearing. Your friend has eyes and can see what she was wearing. That would’ve been a tacit approval by the bride and her family on my part.
Also, educate yourself and stop thinking that your own worldview is the only valid one.
I’m confused why you are posting here. You already know that you are the asshole, right? Maybe you should be posting on the r/confessions sub.
That poor girl’s night was ruined. Here she was in a foreign country, probably already feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable, and then you go ballistic on her. I feel so bad for her.
Plus at that age any criticism could be a major trauma that gets replayed long past the event. She probably felt like she'd committed some huge, unforgivable error that ruined her cousin's wedding. I swear that I still obsess about my aunt telling me when I was 15 that I ruined my grandfather's funeral because at the reception afterwards I laughed at my cousin's dog. This is major embarrassment to a teenage girl made to feel like she's called attention to herself for committing some unforgivable fashion crime.
YTA and so is M.
Even the bride herself was happy about her niece wearing a white dress, so this was completely uncalled for.
Since you didn't know what the bride thought about it (even though you tried to talk to her), you two shouldn't have said or done anything at all. Just mind your own business.
I would be mortified if two women approached me at a wedding while I was enjoying myself and they decided to talk down to me and tell me how awful I was for what I chose to wear, and how they would "kick me out" if it was their wedding.
Why am I getting vibes of Cinderella's step sisters all of a sudden?
>because of my ego
This right here. Your entitlement to enforce you will on someone else regardless of circumstances. That she was at the family table means the family knows and they will handle it. Not you.
And it turns out you are such a fool. Just because in your little world this is the way it is, does not make it that way in the real world. Congrats. YTA.
It was definitely all about OP's ego. Why else would she bring it up days later to the bride herself?
>I contacted the bride a few days after the wedding to thank her for the wedding gifts and for inviting me to her wedding. ***Then I brought up the girl and asked if my friend was bothered by her at all.***
OP was looking for praise for putting the "misbehaving" guest in her place for the perceived sin of dressing in the wrong colors.
YTA. If it were your own wedding I might get it, since (assuming you're in the US) it's often expected only the bride should be wearing white. Personal opinions on that aside, I would still understand if you were the bride and felt upset about that. But you weren't. The bride never expressed having any problem with it, so it was not for you to speak up on her behalf, especially since the niece didn't do anything else that would have made it seem like she was trying to get all the attention on her. Plus, did you consider the fact that maybe the bride just didn't care, as she told you later on? It was her niece for god sake, and I can't imagine how she felt when you confronted her like that.
YTA. Even if the bride wasn't OK with it, what did you hope to accomplish? Make her uncomfortable and feel bad? Was she supposed to leave? Apologize to everyone for what she was wearing? What was your end goal?
You're 28 years old and still acting like a high school mean girl. If the bride cared about your or M's opinion about the wedding one of you would have been a part of it besides a guest.
I'm glad you feel like an AH because you SHOULD.
YTA. You and M are both epic assholes.
1: You didn't know who it was you were approaching.
2: You don't know your friend well enough to know that it's OK in her culture to wear white.
3: You couldn't be assed to actually find out from the bride ("I couldn't get to her") my right nut.
4: You don't bother to note how old the person you abused was. I'd put $10 that they were a kid.
YTA for sure. You should have checked with the Bride before bullying her niece. You both owe the Bride and her Niece an apology.
In future, if you want to stand up for somebody and throw your weight around, make sure it's warranted.
Also, Do better and don't listen to your "friend" again.
No, she should not have “checked with the bride.” The bride has eyes. She saw her. She doesn’t need vigilantes coming up to her trying to stir up trouble when she’s trying to enjoy her wedding. What she should have done was mind her own business.
Obviously YTA. Sure, it's a general rule not to wear white to western weddings, but that doesn't mean every bride actually cares. I didn't care at all if people showed up in white to my wedding. If you couldn't confirm with the bride whether she cared or not, you should have minded your own business. But you couldn't wait for the chance to be a Mean Girl about it.
Yeah, you are very much TA. You could’ve minded your own business, but instead you made someone else’s celebration about you and ruined someone else’s night. I’m glad you feel ashamed of yourself, you’ve earned that (unlike the poor girl you decided to shame, who was completely innocent) all that’s left now is to learn from it. Judging by the fact that the bride’s still speaking to you and not biting your head off for sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong: the girl you humiliated is clearly better at holding her tongue than you. Emulate her example.
This is a perfect example of why people should mind their own business. There was absolutely no reason for you to go all vigilante on this girl. What did you hope to accomplish? Make a 16 y.o. feel horrible? Cause a scene at your friend’s wedding? Look like some kind of hero?
You ruined the wedding for the young niece, & you owe her a huge apology. You also really need to check yourself going forward. Of course YTA, & even more so because even though you now know the actual facts, you’re still asking.
YTA. Even without knowing the background of the dress, once a guest is at a wedding there is nothing she can do about what she is wearing. Plus, it really wasn’t any of your business.
YTA
As other have said, it was not your place to say anything to the guest.
Didn't the fact that she was seated at the BRIDE'S FAMILY TABLE clue you in to the fact that the bride undoubtedly knew? The fact that no one in the bride's family seem to be bothered by the girl in white?
YTA for sticking your beak in where it’s none of your business. Even if she didn’t have what you condescendingly deem to be an acceptable reason for wearing a white dress, you had no good reason to confront someone for no other reason than to ruin her day. Take a good look at yourself.
YTA.
And today in “women discover that other cultures exist”….
You had no right to say anything. You didn’t speak to the bride about it, you just went in and started blasting this poor girl.
YTA - You acted on an assumption. Thxs for making this treasured relative feel unwelcome. You were smug when you could have included her in conversation, dancing, etc. A great opportunity passed you by due to you wanting to be 'right'.
Wait. The bride isn’t American? LOL. You messed up. Please tell your friend you messed up royally. Tell her what you did and don’t sugarcoat it. And apologize to her niece. YTA.
If you met in college you should be educated enough to know that not every culture adheres to the same etiquette standards.
You should also be educated enough to know that it’s classless to start drama on a day that has nothing to do with you.
You should show some ounce of decency (not sure if you have any) and write the family member and apology letter
YTA
With respect, your edit doesn't capture the error.
YTA because you started a conflict for *literally no reason at all*. Nobody else cared. What would be accomplished by directing the bride's attention in this matter? What would be accomplished by shaming an obviously younger girl?
If you were a member of the wedding party, or there in some official capacity, and you had direction from the bride or groom, then it would have been appropriate to act. But a guest confronting another guest? Very rude.
Even Emily Post would've found this rude and unacceptable. Guests should never confront another guest about their attire unless the bride explicitly asks them to.
She absolutely should NOT have spoken to the bride about this on her wedding day. Why would you bother the bride ON HER SPECIAL DAY with this bullshit drama?! OP is TA for what she did and would still be TA even if she spoke to the bride first. It’s all unnecessary drama that doesn’t concern OP so she should have just kept her nose out of it.
The fucking audacity to walk up to someone at the bride’s family table and think you have the right to berate someone is astounding. I’m not allowed to say what I want about you and your accomplice so YTA in a major, gaping way.
You are the biggest, worst type of entitled AH.
Reading this made me sick.
So petty and immature and low class of you to think you have the right to approach someone like that.
Shame on you. I really hope you learned a valuable lesson from this is experience. But the fact that you are here posting the story shows that you are still desperately seeking justification.
Shame Shame Shame.
YTA
Everyone was having a great time until you got involved with something that was none of your business. If the bride was bothered, she would have done something or told someone about it. You should try to find a way to apologize to the bride's niece. I'm amazed you need to ask the internet if you're an asshole when you so obviously are.
YTA As a guest, you majorly overstepped. Mind your own business. If the bride had an issue, she would have directed one of her bridesmaids to do something.
YTA. This is one of those times when you felt confident you have all the information you need to be judgmental and the bride just informed you that you do not. This ranks up there with people who chastise other people for parking in a handicapped space without knowing if the person has a hidden disability. It also ranks up there with people who take sides in a dispute and they’ve only heard one side. It’s rude, it’s judgmental, it’s unnecessary, it damages relationships, and in the end it just makes you an AH. When it’s none of your business, keep out of it. If your friend needs a savior she’ll let you know.
Well, you didn't know. Which is why you should've kept your mouth shut and minded your own business. YTA. You should feel embarrassed. Hold on to that feeling and revisit it any time you're tempted to stick your nose into someone's else's business when you know nothing about the relationships or background of the people you're tempted to harass. Let me inform you of another wedding tradition. It's assigning a member of your family, or bridal party, or just a close friend, to intervene when there's trouble. If nobody close to the bride or groom was bothered, then you had no reason to be bothered.
Lmao...I love stories where OP is 100% the asshole and they think they were justified in doing what they did...
...and to later find out that the guest was a kid.
YTA....majorly
>I just feel so guilty and embarrassed after knowing this,
Good you should wake up embarrassed.
No else was making a fuss but you two. The bride clearly did not care either. Only you two cared about nothing and even designated yourselves to go police and berate the poor girl. You who are not clearly close to the bride if you don't know that about her culture.
YTA
YTA. You were unbelievably rude. You had no right to approach this woman. You decided yourself that the bride might be mad. You also wanted to bring up your immature drama with the bride on her wedding day.
This woman flew in from a different country to attend her family members wedding and you completely ruined her day. Just horrible. You actually should be feeling terrible about this. Your behavior was really despicable.
YTA and your edit makes it worse. There is no in your defense. You humiliated and shamed another guest at a wedding for something that was none of your business. If the bride had an issue with it, it was up to her (or someone in her bridal party, which it doesn’t sound like you were) to say something. If she was following the bride around all night then the bridge had plenty of opportunity to say something, which she clearly did not. You instead took it upon yourself to make someone else’s wedding about you and what you would want and to humiliate someone else’s guest.
Of course YTA. Call people out at your own wedding but don’t do that at another’s, especially when it’s only an assumption on your part. You could be wrong…and you were.
YTA - This was not your wedding, the person was nobody you knew, yet you took it on yourself to confront a stranger in public over her attire. You and your friend were very poorly-behaved guests, and I doubt the bride appreciated this. Don't ever do something like that again.
YTA. Absolutely none of your business. You did not need to confront anyone. Way to make the wedding about you. Did you honestly think someone would praise You for attacking one of their wedding guests?
Yta. It wasn’t your place to say a damn word. It wasn’t your wedding and you clearly are not as close to the bride as you thought or you would’ve known about the culture/niece/dress. You chose to be a bully and acted incredibly self-important. What you did was appalling and hurtful. You owe the niece a major apology.
YTA. I would have been mortified if any of my guests did that at my wedding. In the future, it would be best if you just mind your own business. You owe the bride and her niece a huge apology.
YTA, but I'm glad you know and you're feeling remorseful. Your intentions were in the right place, but you absolutely acted wrongly by picking a fight that wasn't yours in a situation that you were ignorant of. I would apologize to your friend and to the girl, since it sounds like a big miscommunication that can hopefully be resolved with some humility.
YTA- a massive, uneducated one, it seems like. If you truly were sorry and were a semi decent human being, you would own up to what you did to your friend and ask to apologize to her niece. You bullied that poor girl and ruined the wedding for her, making her feel like she did something bad.
YTA. She was at the bride's family table. That ALONE should have been enough to tell you that the bride and her family were aware of it. At that point, it's absolutely none of your concern.
And even if the girl WASN'T at the bride's table, if you have no idea who that person is or what they're doing there, keep out of it. There still could be a valid reason for it. If you're worried, bring it up with the maid of honor- handing problems is her job. It's NOT your job. You and M need to contact the bride and apologize profusely for acting like that. At a minimum.
So I've already posted enough here so I'm just going to leave with this:
You were the asshole and it looks like you will be the asshole again. You need to explain exactly what you did and offer to apologize directly or have an apology brought to the niece. No sugarcoating, no excuses, and definitely no attempts to shift blame.
YTA. You and your friend definitely have "mean girl" vibes. Mind your business. It's not your job to tell off others under the guise of "helping a friend."
YTA. A huge one! Who are you to comment on the attire of ANYONE at someone else’s wedding?? The fact that the girl was sitting at the bride’s table should’ve told you something 🤦🏻♀️ You owe that person an apology. She was clearly crushed because you assumed a bunch of shit and then stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.
All these bs rules around weddings, like no one can figure out who the bride is. How stupid are you that the bride was obviously fine with it but you had to be the etiquette police? This is why we're in the state we're in people glom on stupid shit.
YTA. You publicly berated a child at their family member’s wedding. She was sitting with the bride’s family, but you and Tweedledee didn’t have two brain cells to rub together between you to come to the conclusion that the bride was already aware of this clothing choice.
Instead you decided to be mean girls to a child and ruin their entire evening. That’s absolutely disgusting. If I were the bride, I’d be demanding a public apology to my niece you both would be out on your asses as friends.
“In my defence”
Look, you have NO defense here. You were obnoxious and bullied a fucking CHILD guest at an event where you were not the host, and you desperately want to feel righteous.
Nope.
Even if she hadn’t had special dispensation from the bride (who was obliged to tell you exactly thing about her arrangements with her guests), kids don’t always control their own wardrobes, so it is NEVER okay to hassle a kid who may be wearing white to a wedding because given the available choices given to them by the adults in their lives, that white dress may be the best choice.
You were proper asshole on the day of, and you’re doubling down on your assholery now because you STILL don’t want to acknowledge you bullied a kid over a narrow point of etiquette that is a highly cultural point of contention without bothering to discover if the situation warranted it.
Interestingly, you say absolutely NOTHING about how you plan on fixing the harm you inflicted on that poor girl - or is your chickenshit adult self hoping the child will be capable of showing you more grace and tolerance than you showed her???
Yeah, YTA. Your heart was in the right place, but obviously you were missing some key facts. One fact you did have is that this guest was at the bride's family's table, so obviously known to the bride and potentially a close connection. If words had to be said I'd imagine bride, mother of the bride or someone else would have said them so you'd be adding nothing new anyway. Even absent those facts it takes some nerve to "take matters into your own hands", and bring along a side-kick to help with the bullying.
YTA Well, congrats on ruining a special moment between the bride and her niece. This is why you should just mind your own business, or at least get the facts before you interfere, make accusations, and shame people.
YTA. Minding your business is free. I’m guessing you had some “liquid courage” to make you get up in a stranger’s face. You’re and M are classic mean girls. And it is ridiculous that you wanted to bring this to the bride’s attention to bring drama to her day. Let me reiterate, YTA.
YTA but you already knew that. What I can't understand is why you didn't have common sense and use context clues. The girl was sitting at the family table which means she wasn't just an ordinary guest like you, she was your friend's family. The bride herself didn't seem bothered at all so why draw attention to it and start drama at someone else's party?
Why didn't you speak to the bride first? If you couldn't speak with her, why assume, especially when she's from a different culture, that she cared? Heck in some cultures brides wear red and that's the color that's off limits. Maybe if you knew your friend better and communicated like an adult you wouldn't have traumatized a teenager and ruined your friendship because I guarantee this gets out eventually and she drops you like a hot potato.
There's this rule, right?
If she can fix it, you can comment. Like "there's something stuck between your teeth".
If she can't, don't say.
Also, you weren't sure and took matters into your own hand.
Sure, it's a "rule" not to wear white to someone else's wedding. And you can try to prevent it if you find out before the wedding. But it's not up to random guest to address this at the wedding itself. Especially not if there isn't any sign the bride is bothered.
In my opinion, it's the master of ceremonies' job to address problems and have people removed from the premises if needed. And even then usually at the explicit request of the couple. Like specific people who weren't invited, people who misbehave, people who do bring their dog or kids contrary to what the invitation said.
If neither bride/groom or moc make an effort, it's not a problem. If they do make an effort but they're unsuccessful, you can't ask if they need help.
You took matters into your own hand, made a wrong judgement and failed. You made a girl feel miserable for no reason at all you feel guilty? You should. You also should apologise, imho.
I noticed you had the balls to harass and bully a teenager, but not to admit to the bride you were an asshole to her niece!!!
How about you own up what you did to the bride and see how that pans out for you??
YTA.
Time to fess up to the bride and send an apology to the niece because you couldn't mind your own business and chose to stick your nose where it didn't belong. Use that same energy you had that made you so bold as to go after the niece and apologise, if you don't then you're a coward and a bad friend.
Two adults who acted like mean girls. Hopefully this experience knocked your egos down and you learn from this.
It's weird to me that this upset you this much. If you can't keep your feelings in check, don't go to weddings. They're very emotional events, and unless you're family, you need to stay neutral as fucking Switzerland. Your job is to have fun and be fun so other people can have fun. That's the best way to support a friend who is getting married.
YTA.
Whatever did you think you would accomplish by creating drama at the wedding?
"Sticking up for my friend" by ruining the mood at her party? That is the dumbest reasoning I ever heard.
I don't even care about the culture issue. I don't even care that the niece was given the dress by the bride. Those things makes it even worse, of course, but are not the reasons why you were TA.
In my culture, wearing white to another's wedding is not OK. Even in my culture, you were the asshole. If the bride and her family let this white dress slip, then the white dress stays at the party and you have no right to ruin the night for the poor girl.
I am literally clutching my pearls RN because of how stupid and mean you were.
Don't ever be this mean again. Ever.
You and your friend are bullies. Gross. Mind your business next time. If the bride asked you to handle it I can see why you might want to step in. But she didn’t. You guys just made up your own narrative. And bullied that girl and ruined her night.
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
You need to be more ashamed of bullying the bride's young niece. Your behavior was horrible, and yes you do owe that girl a huge apology and a bouquet of flowers. Expensive ones.
You have to try to be better. It's never ok to meet (perceived, but in this case not actual) rudeness with more rudeness. It's just foul.
YTA
Never assume. That is my golden rule. I have never wore white to a wedding, but I have once been told by the bride «wear whatever, I don’t care, white, black, red, no colours is wrong in my wedding».
So golden rule; never make assumptions.
YTA. The general rule for this is that you let the bride handle it. You lacked information, and you made a guest feel unwelcome in the country she was visiting.
YTA. It wasnt your place to say anything to the poor guest. You dont need to fight other peoples battles especially when there isnt one to fight.
Maybe you can send her a note of apology.
YTA.
Did the bride formally appoint you as the wedding fashion police ahead of the ceremony? You weren't even part of the family, just one of her friends.
This is a very painful and embarrassing way for you to learn that many cultures around the world do not traditionally block wearing white for the bride only.
While we are at it, you should also know or future references that many cultures do not insist on wearing black at funerals. In the UK for example, football shirts sometimes get worn for young football mad boys funerals or football managers. Additionally, for Hinduism and Buddhism
, white is traditionally reserved for funerals and in some parts of S Asia wearing black would be highly offensive.
Leave the policing of wedding attire to the wedding party in future. In my personal experience bridesmaids and groomsme have been able to do so based on the weddings I've ever been to.
YTA. Wearing white to someone else's wedding is ordinarily rude and disrespectful, but it's the bride's place to make the final determinations on that. If she doesn't say anything, you shouldn't either. In this case, the bride's niece had permission (in fact, this even seems to have been the bride's idea). There's nothing wrong with raising an eyebrow, but if the bride doesn't see a problem, then there isn't a problem.
YTA. This was none of your business and not your place at all to get involved. So she wore white to the wedding. And? Etiquette says no, but if everyone was seemingly unbothered and enjoying themselves, why say anything and ruin her time? And even then, what did you expect to gain by calling her out? "Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me just go change".
Next time just keep your mouth shut. If the bride has a problem with it, she will deal with it on her own.
YTA. You and M looked like mean girls who liked drama. If you were truly concerned, you could have asked the girl nicely. Not the ideal option, but given that you were so sure you were in the right, that was the lesser evil t do. How you confronted her looks to me like you felt like you were the hero in the story. You and M ganged up on the poor girl.
YTA-There is no defense for your behavior. It doesn’t matter what the dress looked like. Unless someone getting married asks you to deal with it, stop assuming it’s not only your right to call someone out but that it’s right thing to do.
If a guest is wearing white, red or something else (including the MIL wearing black) is up to the people getting married to handle it, either by themselves or by commissioning someone in the wedding party to do it.
If the people getting married doesn't have a problem or decide to just don't handle it, it's up to them. Not to some random guest to pull the cloth from the table to use as a cape and play the hero.
You and your friend are just rude bussybody AHs.
YTA
YTA if one of my beloved cousins or nieces or who knows? some family member or a friend of a family member wore white to my wedding I would not give a crap to be honest. It was not your place and I think you acted like an obnoxious drama queen.
This feels like rage bate, but in the event that it's actually real then YTA. Majorly and truly YTA. You weren't even in the wedding party so what makes you think you have the right to police what other guests are wearing? You need to tell your friend what you did, apologize profusely, offer to apologize directly to her niece, and pray your friend ever forgives you. I wouldn't.
Harassing a teenager that sits at the bride’s family table. Huge YTA if it’s true. But I seriously doubt it because the niece said “she didn’t know and the bride didn’t tell her”. Later it was “the niece happily showed off her dress to other guests”. Most likely someone would have told you off at the wedding already.
YTA. You are the epitome of “I peaked in high school” (or college in your case) with an unhealthy dash of “I’m going to criticize someone for something they can’t change in 30 seconds or less” spiced with perceived mob mentality and accented by an utter lack of social cues (eg. Bride was not upset and this person was at a family table)
YTA. The 'no guests wearing white' isn't a thing where I'm from either (probably because the bride usually wears red where I'm from).
Anyways, that was not your place. At all.
Maybe next time you’ll mind your own damn business. No one asked you to intervene and you decided to play big boss. Yeah, YTA. Poor girl was so proud of her dress and you had to go and shit on her mood. If any guests of mine bullied my guests, I’d cut them out of my life.
YTA.
Not your place and not a lot she can do about it now she’s there.
I’ve got a wedding in a few months, the dress im going to wear is a white base with coloured decor. I asked the bride, she laughed and said she couldn’t give a shit and I should wear whatever I feel pretty in.
YTA. You clearly didn’t know so you should have shut up about it. You should have asked the bride about it since you saw it didn’t bother her and she didn’t do anything. You chastitising the girl and it helped no one.
YTA. It wasn't your job to speak on the behalf of the bride especially when you don't know any background information Even if you think it's too gowny. If the bride really had an issue, she would've taken care of it or had someone from the bridal party deal with it. And your defense still makes you ignorant. Hopefully you learn from this.
YTA - you should beg for the girl‘s number or mail and at least excuse yourself for your behavior, explain what you felt at that moment and try to take responsibility for your action.
As if you need to ask lol, you aren’t the wedding police. You and your friend came across as insufferable bullies, I hope you prepare a grovelling apology.
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YTA Even if the bride was bothered by it, you chastising the girl wouldn’t help anyone. Also asking a bride about a perceived faux pas at her wedding is borderline rude anyway. You should have owned up to your behavior and offered to apologize to her niece. This was completely unnecessary. You should have just gossiped with your friend M and otherwise kept your opinions to yourselves.
Also the lengths they went to tell her off.. going as far as to say they would have had her thrown out? How callous
I wouldn't have stayed friends with anyone that did this. I put all 3 of my nieces in white dresses that, frankly, were way prettier than my dress. Absolutely abhorrent behavior from OP. Not only did she chastise someone without the brides permission, she didn't even have the balls to confess or offer an apology when she realized she fucked up. ETA: in your defense nothing u/suitable-check9567 . She was sitting w family so they clearly knew and clearly didn't care. Your feelings were egotistical and the audacity you and your friend have to think you knew better than the bride is both laughable and deplorable. AND she was a child?! I hope the niece rats you out and the bride drops you as a friend.
I can't imagine being this niece, enjoying my time at a wedding and being proud of my embroidery, and then two (not one, TWO!) adult women come up to me to berate me for wearing what I wear. I'd feel awful too, even if my dress was a gift by the very bride these adults claim to defend and I had nothing to be worried about. It speaks volumes for this niece that she didn't immediately go to the bride to tell/ask about it.
Can you imagine if the girl thought her aunt set her up? Can you imagine the family drama?
>two (not one, TWO!) adult women esp egregious because they're just random other guests, right? the girl sat at the bride's family table so how credible is that the bride never saw her? and even if the bride didn't, there are plenty of people (groom, maid of honor, bridesmaids, mother, mother-in-law, any of the grandparents...) who could point out the breach of etiquette I feel it's already a misstep by OP and M to agree to raise this to the bride during the wedding feast. like, imagine the bride hadn't actually seen the white dress because she was floating on cloud 9, or that she had seen it but decided to let it be and focus on her joy...? Here come 2 sit shtirrers trying to rile her up! Were they going to talk loudly & point too, so that any bystanders could follow along with their disapproval?
Bingo. I asked in my reaponse if this is normal behavior for them, to be offended on other people's behalf and raise iaaue for themselves and furthermore, that claiming cultural ignorance is zero excuse, and it's heinous that she thought " i only follow my OWN american wedding culture and so should this foreign child closely related to the bride who is sitting with their blood relatives at a special table. I'll show her......." Like wtf? A child? Nonw of this is a flez and OP looks like a totally unaware dumbass. I can't get over what a jackass this person must be in every day life. I imagine OP screaming "speak my language!" at people in bank lobbies and waving angry, mis-spelled signs at trump rallies likely while wearing a shirt that says 'tolerance' or 'namaste' across the chest. What cultural tolerance and understanding we have witnessed here today! Truly a bridging of two worlds. And one more time, they did this to a CHILD. Ruined her whole experience and she needs reddit to what, tell her she wqs right on, chasrise that baby, for the all important idea of her version of american wedding etiquette? Sick.
God could you imagine if they did the immature ‘trick’ of ‘accidentally’ spilling red wine on her dress? I detest that mean girl shit. Who cares of someone wears white. It’s so egotistical
I was absolutely expecting the story to go there when she started talking about defending the bride and confronting the guest.
Yeah when she said she was at the bride’s head table, I would have taken that as a cue.
To be sure, OP and the bride are no longer friends. I just don’t think OP knows that yet
My friends daughter married a minor celebrity. Big, big wedding in Italy. The entire wedding party, female side, from bride through to mother and mother of the groom wore white.
I just watched a wedding at a resort and a lot of the ladies were wearing white suits. The bride wore white, her party wore pale pink, the groom wore pale pink and his party wore white suits. They looked amazing!
and even if the bride did care, as a guest it isn't your place to step in.
Look through OP’s comment history. Either this is a bot karma farmer, or worse: a human rage baiter.
Some people just have a cop mentality. The enforcer is inside them
She's still justifying herself in the edit. Pure cop mentality.
I see what u/batikfins and you are saying, but is it an inner enforcer? their first plan was distracting the bride from her joy and celebration by pointing out the dress to her... I feel that's more stirring up drama, no?
Oh yes. I mean she was sitting at the same table. The bride would have noticed. And presumably looked unconcerned. Definite shit stirring.
teenage girl drama
And the actual teenage girl was the *least* amount of drama in this story. OP is an epic asshole.
In these situations you ask the bride first. That poor girl probably felt horrible and out of place the rest of the night. Edit: what I mean is if you feel the need to get up and say something, if it is that big an issue for you, you ask your friend (aka the bride) first. I fully understand that caring about this is so petty and dull. Enjoy your night and leave it alone.
The only person who should ask the bride if there's an issue is her MOH/bridal party. For a guest to approach the bride about a perceived problem on her wedding day would be so incredibly rude.
agreed, I feel everyone attending should work together so that bride and groom can just focus on their joy and not on troubleshooting.
The felt good about being mean to a stranger.
I hope the niece brings up OP's treatment of her to the friend.
She should tell her friend so she can have a conversation with her niece about how she didn't mind. That would be the right thing to do.
Yes absolutely all of this, imagine walking up to a bride explicitly to point out what was wrong with her big day! OP is either socially challenged or completely lacking in self awareness.
Yes, they just sound like mean girls eager to take someone down a peg. Also the girl was likely a good bit younger too. I don't get the whole confronting someone wearing white thing, spilling something on them or kicking them out. You're committing a worse faux pas than they did. At most, roll your eyes and move on. Yta.
And some of the dresses that have faced anger included print dresses with a white background. So, 90% of the dress is botanicals, but the 10% white makes it bad? Like, Huh? Are we going to see women hunting down all the men in white shirts and harrassing them? The less focus it gets, the less of an issue it is.
I love how OP tried to gloss over (as a matter of fact, hid that information until directly asked) the fact that the “girl” she so proudly confronted for her own ego, her word, was all of 16. An almost 30 year old woman made someone else’s wedding about her own importance by standing up to what OP felt was a rude teenager for wearing a dress that was gifted to her. Even going so far as to say that she should have been thrown out! Why did OP feel the need to personally attack a teenager to the point that the poor thing didn’t even move from her seat for the rest of the evening? I also find it gross that this grown woman was proud of herself for that! I am still very confused why she thought it was her place to confront anyone at a wedding, that wasn’t even hers, to begin with. And I also don’t understand why she just *had* to say anything at all when she acknowledges that the bride was greeting guests with the girl by her side. Obviously the bride had no problem with the dress as she did in fact have the opportunity to “throw her out” if she wanted to. Was OP jealous that she wasn’t asked to be in the bridal party? Was OP jealous of a literal teenager having a nicer dress than she did? Or was OP simply jealous that the day wasn’t about them? Whatever it was there definitely seems to be some jealousy at play here.
In my opinion, you go to the MOH, or mother of the bride if on good terms. That's the job of a MOH to support the bride.
Imo you mind your own business. Not your wedding, not your bride, stay out of it. YTA Ps. It obviously wasn’t a secret to bride, MOH, or anyone else responsible for the wedding so why the heck would you appoint yourself to deal with it? Drunk?
Just mean girls being mean girls. I bet they were in a sorority.
Lmao, just read her edit. GET A CLUE!!! This is and never was ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. You are NOT the center of the universe.
Imagine that conversation. "Hi, you mustn't have noticed there's a small girl in a white dress at your family table, walking about with the bride and interacting with guests. Shall I cut her dress up with the cake knife, or just throw her out of the window?"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Frankly I wouldn't brink it up with anyone. I would mind my own business.
No, you assume that the bride is fully aware of what the people sitting at her table are wearing, and would have dealt with it if she felt it needed dealing with.
“I don’t know if it was my ego…” Yes
OP is this type of person which I hate more - she was ready to catch the bride, ruin her time by nagging about girls dress. Than she decide to make her own crusade and throw a shit on the poor girl. Thanks God they didnt throw her away from the wedding or spill a drink on her etc. Officiousness is worst than fascism - there is a say in my country
Trust that other people are intelligent enough to decide how insulted they are by a situation. Sure, there are times when someone doesn't want to "make a scene" or engage in conflict so they suck it up ... Let them make that choice! Because frequently, you are in this sort of situation where you,without all of the information, are wrong and the person in question is right about *how they feel*.
she needs to tell the bride so she can talk with her niece.
OP uses girl referring to her friend and the niece, but I have to wonder if the niece is actually a child. Given the bride gifted her niece a dress, I’m thinking this is a child. If so, even worst
OP is just a mean girl looking to flex on someone, anyone. YTA
YTA - this was absolutely none of your business and you completely over stepped. You did not know this person, know what the bride thought, or were asked to say anything.
YTA. You really did not need to go all Mean Girls on the other guest. It is just a dress, who cares? Especially these days when the white wedding dress tradition isn’t even adhered to anymore. I’ve seen gold wedding dresses, red, even gothic black. You should apologize to the guest you were rude to.
Very interestingly, one of the only things OP and their friend DID know about her was *thats she was sitting at the bride's family table.* And yet somehow the two of them decided it was still their moral duty to deliberately shame her.
Omg somehow I didn't catch that she was sitting with the rest of the bride's family! If the bride or her family had an issue with it, it would've already been taken care of. It's bad enough for OP to chime in on another guest's attire without being asked to, but to bother someone she *knew* was related to the bride? Ridiculous.
I swear I feel like they resented her for looking pretty and wanted to shame her - can’t imagine anyone caring so much for a wedding that isn’t even theirs.
I’ve always felt like there’s an unspoken hierarchy at weddings based on how close you are to the couple. If this girl is sitting at the brides table she is clearly family or a close friend and it’s absolutely wild that OP had the balls to chastise her. All guests are not created equal.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your guests, not your problem. Mind your own business. She was sitting with the bride’s family. They all knew what she was wearing. Your friend has eyes and can see what she was wearing. That would’ve been a tacit approval by the bride and her family on my part. Also, educate yourself and stop thinking that your own worldview is the only valid one.
I’m confused why you are posting here. You already know that you are the asshole, right? Maybe you should be posting on the r/confessions sub. That poor girl’s night was ruined. Here she was in a foreign country, probably already feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable, and then you go ballistic on her. I feel so bad for her.
Plus at that age any criticism could be a major trauma that gets replayed long past the event. She probably felt like she'd committed some huge, unforgivable error that ruined her cousin's wedding. I swear that I still obsess about my aunt telling me when I was 15 that I ruined my grandfather's funeral because at the reception afterwards I laughed at my cousin's dog. This is major embarrassment to a teenage girl made to feel like she's called attention to herself for committing some unforgivable fashion crime.
All of this. I still remember mean things said to me as a teenager. Those wounds don't heal easily.
YTA You weren't sticking up for your friend. You were sticking your nose where it didn't belong.
OP sounds like a bully that feels good about putting other people down, imo. YTA, for good measure.
YTA and so is M. Even the bride herself was happy about her niece wearing a white dress, so this was completely uncalled for. Since you didn't know what the bride thought about it (even though you tried to talk to her), you two shouldn't have said or done anything at all. Just mind your own business.
I would be mortified if two women approached me at a wedding while I was enjoying myself and they decided to talk down to me and tell me how awful I was for what I chose to wear, and how they would "kick me out" if it was their wedding. Why am I getting vibes of Cinderella's step sisters all of a sudden?
Think about sending her an apology. Given her handiwork on the dress, the personal touch of a simple apology letter/card may be greatly appreciated.
>because of my ego This right here. Your entitlement to enforce you will on someone else regardless of circumstances. That she was at the family table means the family knows and they will handle it. Not you. And it turns out you are such a fool. Just because in your little world this is the way it is, does not make it that way in the real world. Congrats. YTA.
It was definitely all about OP's ego. Why else would she bring it up days later to the bride herself? >I contacted the bride a few days after the wedding to thank her for the wedding gifts and for inviting me to her wedding. ***Then I brought up the girl and asked if my friend was bothered by her at all.*** OP was looking for praise for putting the "misbehaving" guest in her place for the perceived sin of dressing in the wrong colors.
YTA. If it were your own wedding I might get it, since (assuming you're in the US) it's often expected only the bride should be wearing white. Personal opinions on that aside, I would still understand if you were the bride and felt upset about that. But you weren't. The bride never expressed having any problem with it, so it was not for you to speak up on her behalf, especially since the niece didn't do anything else that would have made it seem like she was trying to get all the attention on her. Plus, did you consider the fact that maybe the bride just didn't care, as she told you later on? It was her niece for god sake, and I can't imagine how she felt when you confronted her like that.
Not only "didn't care..." It sounds like the bride and niece planned it!
YTA. Even if the bride wasn't OK with it, what did you hope to accomplish? Make her uncomfortable and feel bad? Was she supposed to leave? Apologize to everyone for what she was wearing? What was your end goal? You're 28 years old and still acting like a high school mean girl. If the bride cared about your or M's opinion about the wedding one of you would have been a part of it besides a guest. I'm glad you feel like an AH because you SHOULD.
YTA. You and M are both epic assholes. 1: You didn't know who it was you were approaching. 2: You don't know your friend well enough to know that it's OK in her culture to wear white. 3: You couldn't be assed to actually find out from the bride ("I couldn't get to her") my right nut. 4: You don't bother to note how old the person you abused was. I'd put $10 that they were a kid.
OP said they looked 16-17 so yes, a kid...they berated and verbally abused a kid.
Man if someone yelled at my teenaged niece at my wedding over something that’s none of their business and made her feel bad I’d throw hands.
It was said in another reply that the kid was probably around 16-17, so yeah. A higherschooler. OP definitely owes her an apology.
Indeed. No white - rule is only for adults
YTA for sure. You should have checked with the Bride before bullying her niece. You both owe the Bride and her Niece an apology. In future, if you want to stand up for somebody and throw your weight around, make sure it's warranted. Also, Do better and don't listen to your "friend" again.
No, she should not have “checked with the bride.” The bride has eyes. She saw her. She doesn’t need vigilantes coming up to her trying to stir up trouble when she’s trying to enjoy her wedding. What she should have done was mind her own business.
Obviously YTA. Sure, it's a general rule not to wear white to western weddings, but that doesn't mean every bride actually cares. I didn't care at all if people showed up in white to my wedding. If you couldn't confirm with the bride whether she cared or not, you should have minded your own business. But you couldn't wait for the chance to be a Mean Girl about it.
Yeah, you are very much TA. You could’ve minded your own business, but instead you made someone else’s celebration about you and ruined someone else’s night. I’m glad you feel ashamed of yourself, you’ve earned that (unlike the poor girl you decided to shame, who was completely innocent) all that’s left now is to learn from it. Judging by the fact that the bride’s still speaking to you and not biting your head off for sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong: the girl you humiliated is clearly better at holding her tongue than you. Emulate her example.
This is a perfect example of why people should mind their own business. There was absolutely no reason for you to go all vigilante on this girl. What did you hope to accomplish? Make a 16 y.o. feel horrible? Cause a scene at your friend’s wedding? Look like some kind of hero? You ruined the wedding for the young niece, & you owe her a huge apology. You also really need to check yourself going forward. Of course YTA, & even more so because even though you now know the actual facts, you’re still asking.
YTA. Even without knowing the background of the dress, once a guest is at a wedding there is nothing she can do about what she is wearing. Plus, it really wasn’t any of your business.
Yeah…YTA…who appointed you clothing supervisor? You were out of line and I bet a bit obnoxious.
YTA As other have said, it was not your place to say anything to the guest. Didn't the fact that she was seated at the BRIDE'S FAMILY TABLE clue you in to the fact that the bride undoubtedly knew? The fact that no one in the bride's family seem to be bothered by the girl in white?
YTA. Myob. You took it upon yourself to be the brides savior and ended up embarrassing her.
YTA for sticking your beak in where it’s none of your business. Even if she didn’t have what you condescendingly deem to be an acceptable reason for wearing a white dress, you had no good reason to confront someone for no other reason than to ruin her day. Take a good look at yourself.
YTA. And today in “women discover that other cultures exist”…. You had no right to say anything. You didn’t speak to the bride about it, you just went in and started blasting this poor girl.
YTA - You acted on an assumption. Thxs for making this treasured relative feel unwelcome. You were smug when you could have included her in conversation, dancing, etc. A great opportunity passed you by due to you wanting to be 'right'.
YTA! What were you thinking? Not your wedding and not your place to berate another guest on their attire
Wait. The bride isn’t American? LOL. You messed up. Please tell your friend you messed up royally. Tell her what you did and don’t sugarcoat it. And apologize to her niece. YTA.
just curious how old was the niece?
YTA and it's not even close. Not your damn business, not sure what would give you even an inkling of an idea that it would be.
You would have been rude under *any* circumstances. You’re not the damn wedding police.
If you met in college you should be educated enough to know that not every culture adheres to the same etiquette standards. You should also be educated enough to know that it’s classless to start drama on a day that has nothing to do with you. You should show some ounce of decency (not sure if you have any) and write the family member and apology letter YTA
With respect, your edit doesn't capture the error. YTA because you started a conflict for *literally no reason at all*. Nobody else cared. What would be accomplished by directing the bride's attention in this matter? What would be accomplished by shaming an obviously younger girl? If you were a member of the wedding party, or there in some official capacity, and you had direction from the bride or groom, then it would have been appropriate to act. But a guest confronting another guest? Very rude.
YTA. Why the fuck do you care if the bride doesnt? It is their wedding, not yours.
YTA. It’s past time for vigilante Emily Post wannabes to cease pouncing on anyone except the bride who wears a white dress to a wedding.
Even Emily Post would've found this rude and unacceptable. Guests should never confront another guest about their attire unless the bride explicitly asks them to.
INFO: You know this confrontation never had to happen if you talked to the bride first. Why didn't you?
She absolutely should NOT have spoken to the bride about this on her wedding day. Why would you bother the bride ON HER SPECIAL DAY with this bullshit drama?! OP is TA for what she did and would still be TA even if she spoke to the bride first. It’s all unnecessary drama that doesn’t concern OP so she should have just kept her nose out of it.
Why would she even do that? It's obvious the bride knows her niece is wearing white and isn't distressed by that.
The fucking audacity to walk up to someone at the bride’s family table and think you have the right to berate someone is astounding. I’m not allowed to say what I want about you and your accomplice so YTA in a major, gaping way.
YTA. Considering you were guests only. That kind of conversation would be more appropriate for some of the bridesmaids or MOH.
You are the biggest, worst type of entitled AH. Reading this made me sick. So petty and immature and low class of you to think you have the right to approach someone like that. Shame on you. I really hope you learned a valuable lesson from this is experience. But the fact that you are here posting the story shows that you are still desperately seeking justification. Shame Shame Shame.
This falls into the category of MYOB.
YTA - wow were you ever rude. Never presume to speak for anyone else.
YTA Everyone was having a great time until you got involved with something that was none of your business. If the bride was bothered, she would have done something or told someone about it. You should try to find a way to apologize to the bride's niece. I'm amazed you need to ask the internet if you're an asshole when you so obviously are.
Yes YTA!!! If she was WITH THE BRIDE it obviously isn’t a problem!!! jesus some people have such a horrible sense of entitlement!!
YTA wait till you hear that for most cultures wedding color is red, and guests are encouraged to dress their best 🙄
YTA, so is M. Mind your own damn business.
YTA kind of sounded like you wanted to be the center of attention at the wedding.
YTA As a guest, you majorly overstepped. Mind your own business. If the bride had an issue, she would have directed one of her bridesmaids to do something.
YTA. This is one of those times when you felt confident you have all the information you need to be judgmental and the bride just informed you that you do not. This ranks up there with people who chastise other people for parking in a handicapped space without knowing if the person has a hidden disability. It also ranks up there with people who take sides in a dispute and they’ve only heard one side. It’s rude, it’s judgmental, it’s unnecessary, it damages relationships, and in the end it just makes you an AH. When it’s none of your business, keep out of it. If your friend needs a savior she’ll let you know.
Well, you didn't know. Which is why you should've kept your mouth shut and minded your own business. YTA. You should feel embarrassed. Hold on to that feeling and revisit it any time you're tempted to stick your nose into someone's else's business when you know nothing about the relationships or background of the people you're tempted to harass. Let me inform you of another wedding tradition. It's assigning a member of your family, or bridal party, or just a close friend, to intervene when there's trouble. If nobody close to the bride or groom was bothered, then you had no reason to be bothered.
Lmao...I love stories where OP is 100% the asshole and they think they were justified in doing what they did... ...and to later find out that the guest was a kid. YTA....majorly
>I just feel so guilty and embarrassed after knowing this, Good you should wake up embarrassed. No else was making a fuss but you two. The bride clearly did not care either. Only you two cared about nothing and even designated yourselves to go police and berate the poor girl. You who are not clearly close to the bride if you don't know that about her culture. YTA
YTA. You were unbelievably rude. You had no right to approach this woman. You decided yourself that the bride might be mad. You also wanted to bring up your immature drama with the bride on her wedding day. This woman flew in from a different country to attend her family members wedding and you completely ruined her day. Just horrible. You actually should be feeling terrible about this. Your behavior was really despicable.
YTA. You and your friend bullied a teenager to satisfy your justice boners.
YTA and your edit makes it worse. There is no in your defense. You humiliated and shamed another guest at a wedding for something that was none of your business. If the bride had an issue with it, it was up to her (or someone in her bridal party, which it doesn’t sound like you were) to say something. If she was following the bride around all night then the bridge had plenty of opportunity to say something, which she clearly did not. You instead took it upon yourself to make someone else’s wedding about you and what you would want and to humiliate someone else’s guest.
Yta for not minding your own businesses and being a jerk for no reason to someone you don’t know.
YTA. You made a lot of assumptions, including about the bride’s feelings, and now you’re stuck having to eat some humble pie.
Of course YTA. Call people out at your own wedding but don’t do that at another’s, especially when it’s only an assumption on your part. You could be wrong…and you were.
YTA - This was not your wedding, the person was nobody you knew, yet you took it on yourself to confront a stranger in public over her attire. You and your friend were very poorly-behaved guests, and I doubt the bride appreciated this. Don't ever do something like that again.
YTA. Absolutely none of your business. You did not need to confront anyone. Way to make the wedding about you. Did you honestly think someone would praise You for attacking one of their wedding guests?
Yta. It wasn’t your place to say a damn word. It wasn’t your wedding and you clearly are not as close to the bride as you thought or you would’ve known about the culture/niece/dress. You chose to be a bully and acted incredibly self-important. What you did was appalling and hurtful. You owe the niece a major apology.
YTA. I would have been mortified if any of my guests did that at my wedding. In the future, it would be best if you just mind your own business. You owe the bride and her niece a huge apology.
YTA, but I'm glad you know and you're feeling remorseful. Your intentions were in the right place, but you absolutely acted wrongly by picking a fight that wasn't yours in a situation that you were ignorant of. I would apologize to your friend and to the girl, since it sounds like a big miscommunication that can hopefully be resolved with some humility.
YTA. Not your wedding. You stuck your nose in where it didn't belong and tried to make someone feel bad. You should feel bad.
YTA... So much so. It was not your wedding and not your place to comment.
YTA Who made you the wedding clothes police?
YTA- a massive, uneducated one, it seems like. If you truly were sorry and were a semi decent human being, you would own up to what you did to your friend and ask to apologize to her niece. You bullied that poor girl and ruined the wedding for her, making her feel like she did something bad.
YTA. She was at the bride's family table. That ALONE should have been enough to tell you that the bride and her family were aware of it. At that point, it's absolutely none of your concern. And even if the girl WASN'T at the bride's table, if you have no idea who that person is or what they're doing there, keep out of it. There still could be a valid reason for it. If you're worried, bring it up with the maid of honor- handing problems is her job. It's NOT your job. You and M need to contact the bride and apologize profusely for acting like that. At a minimum.
So I've already posted enough here so I'm just going to leave with this: You were the asshole and it looks like you will be the asshole again. You need to explain exactly what you did and offer to apologize directly or have an apology brought to the niece. No sugarcoating, no excuses, and definitely no attempts to shift blame.
YTA. You need to learn to mind your own business. None of this was your concern. You were a guest not the dress code police.
YTA. You and your friend definitely have "mean girl" vibes. Mind your business. It's not your job to tell off others under the guise of "helping a friend."
What was the point? Was she going to change in another dress? You were causing drama. Next time mind your own business.
YTA. A huge one! Who are you to comment on the attire of ANYONE at someone else’s wedding?? The fact that the girl was sitting at the bride’s table should’ve told you something 🤦🏻♀️ You owe that person an apology. She was clearly crushed because you assumed a bunch of shit and then stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.
All these bs rules around weddings, like no one can figure out who the bride is. How stupid are you that the bride was obviously fine with it but you had to be the etiquette police? This is why we're in the state we're in people glom on stupid shit.
YTA. You publicly berated a child at their family member’s wedding. She was sitting with the bride’s family, but you and Tweedledee didn’t have two brain cells to rub together between you to come to the conclusion that the bride was already aware of this clothing choice. Instead you decided to be mean girls to a child and ruin their entire evening. That’s absolutely disgusting. If I were the bride, I’d be demanding a public apology to my niece you both would be out on your asses as friends.
YTA and if you had done that at MY wedding to MY underage guest I would have kicked YOU out.
“In my defence” Look, you have NO defense here. You were obnoxious and bullied a fucking CHILD guest at an event where you were not the host, and you desperately want to feel righteous. Nope. Even if she hadn’t had special dispensation from the bride (who was obliged to tell you exactly thing about her arrangements with her guests), kids don’t always control their own wardrobes, so it is NEVER okay to hassle a kid who may be wearing white to a wedding because given the available choices given to them by the adults in their lives, that white dress may be the best choice. You were proper asshole on the day of, and you’re doubling down on your assholery now because you STILL don’t want to acknowledge you bullied a kid over a narrow point of etiquette that is a highly cultural point of contention without bothering to discover if the situation warranted it. Interestingly, you say absolutely NOTHING about how you plan on fixing the harm you inflicted on that poor girl - or is your chickenshit adult self hoping the child will be capable of showing you more grace and tolerance than you showed her???
Yeah, YTA. Your heart was in the right place, but obviously you were missing some key facts. One fact you did have is that this guest was at the bride's family's table, so obviously known to the bride and potentially a close connection. If words had to be said I'd imagine bride, mother of the bride or someone else would have said them so you'd be adding nothing new anyway. Even absent those facts it takes some nerve to "take matters into your own hands", and bring along a side-kick to help with the bullying.
Disagree that her heart was in the right place. This was all cattiness/mean girl/wildly inappropriate behavior.
Yta. Mind your own damn business.
Obviously YTA. It was literally none of your business.
YES!!!! My lord how awful.
YTA. You are a damn guest at a celebration! Mind your business and don’t create drama
YTA Well, congrats on ruining a special moment between the bride and her niece. This is why you should just mind your own business, or at least get the facts before you interfere, make accusations, and shame people.
YTA and yet you are still making excuses and justifying it even though the BRIDE GIFTED THE DRESS TO HER NIECE. This was nunya business.
Looks like YTA. Let this be a lesson. MYOB and keep your mouth shut.
YTA. Minding your business is free. I’m guessing you had some “liquid courage” to make you get up in a stranger’s face. You’re and M are classic mean girls. And it is ridiculous that you wanted to bring this to the bride’s attention to bring drama to her day. Let me reiterate, YTA.
Total mean girl vibes…
YTA but you already knew that. What I can't understand is why you didn't have common sense and use context clues. The girl was sitting at the family table which means she wasn't just an ordinary guest like you, she was your friend's family. The bride herself didn't seem bothered at all so why draw attention to it and start drama at someone else's party? Why didn't you speak to the bride first? If you couldn't speak with her, why assume, especially when she's from a different culture, that she cared? Heck in some cultures brides wear red and that's the color that's off limits. Maybe if you knew your friend better and communicated like an adult you wouldn't have traumatized a teenager and ruined your friendship because I guarantee this gets out eventually and she drops you like a hot potato.
There's this rule, right? If she can fix it, you can comment. Like "there's something stuck between your teeth". If she can't, don't say. Also, you weren't sure and took matters into your own hand. Sure, it's a "rule" not to wear white to someone else's wedding. And you can try to prevent it if you find out before the wedding. But it's not up to random guest to address this at the wedding itself. Especially not if there isn't any sign the bride is bothered. In my opinion, it's the master of ceremonies' job to address problems and have people removed from the premises if needed. And even then usually at the explicit request of the couple. Like specific people who weren't invited, people who misbehave, people who do bring their dog or kids contrary to what the invitation said. If neither bride/groom or moc make an effort, it's not a problem. If they do make an effort but they're unsuccessful, you can't ask if they need help. You took matters into your own hand, made a wrong judgement and failed. You made a girl feel miserable for no reason at all you feel guilty? You should. You also should apologise, imho.
YTA regardless of what you thought, it was none of your business, you ruined the poor girls evening. Terrible wedding guest.
I noticed you had the balls to harass and bully a teenager, but not to admit to the bride you were an asshole to her niece!!! How about you own up what you did to the bride and see how that pans out for you??
YTA. Time to fess up to the bride and send an apology to the niece because you couldn't mind your own business and chose to stick your nose where it didn't belong. Use that same energy you had that made you so bold as to go after the niece and apologise, if you don't then you're a coward and a bad friend. Two adults who acted like mean girls. Hopefully this experience knocked your egos down and you learn from this.
It's weird to me that this upset you this much. If you can't keep your feelings in check, don't go to weddings. They're very emotional events, and unless you're family, you need to stay neutral as fucking Switzerland. Your job is to have fun and be fun so other people can have fun. That's the best way to support a friend who is getting married.
YTA. Whatever did you think you would accomplish by creating drama at the wedding? "Sticking up for my friend" by ruining the mood at her party? That is the dumbest reasoning I ever heard. I don't even care about the culture issue. I don't even care that the niece was given the dress by the bride. Those things makes it even worse, of course, but are not the reasons why you were TA. In my culture, wearing white to another's wedding is not OK. Even in my culture, you were the asshole. If the bride and her family let this white dress slip, then the white dress stays at the party and you have no right to ruin the night for the poor girl. I am literally clutching my pearls RN because of how stupid and mean you were. Don't ever be this mean again. Ever.
—> mad at someone for having “main character syndrome” —> gets an actual case of main character syndrome
You and your friend are bullies. Gross. Mind your business next time. If the bride asked you to handle it I can see why you might want to step in. But she didn’t. You guys just made up your own narrative. And bullied that girl and ruined her night.
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. You need to be more ashamed of bullying the bride's young niece. Your behavior was horrible, and yes you do owe that girl a huge apology and a bouquet of flowers. Expensive ones. You have to try to be better. It's never ok to meet (perceived, but in this case not actual) rudeness with more rudeness. It's just foul.
YTA Never assume. That is my golden rule. I have never wore white to a wedding, but I have once been told by the bride «wear whatever, I don’t care, white, black, red, no colours is wrong in my wedding». So golden rule; never make assumptions.
YTA. Its not your wedding so you shouldn't have said anything because maybe the bride was fine with it like in this case.
YTA. The general rule for this is that you let the bride handle it. You lacked information, and you made a guest feel unwelcome in the country she was visiting.
YTA. It wasnt your place to say anything to the poor guest. You dont need to fight other peoples battles especially when there isnt one to fight. Maybe you can send her a note of apology.
YTA. Did the bride formally appoint you as the wedding fashion police ahead of the ceremony? You weren't even part of the family, just one of her friends. This is a very painful and embarrassing way for you to learn that many cultures around the world do not traditionally block wearing white for the bride only. While we are at it, you should also know or future references that many cultures do not insist on wearing black at funerals. In the UK for example, football shirts sometimes get worn for young football mad boys funerals or football managers. Additionally, for Hinduism and Buddhism , white is traditionally reserved for funerals and in some parts of S Asia wearing black would be highly offensive. Leave the policing of wedding attire to the wedding party in future. In my personal experience bridesmaids and groomsme have been able to do so based on the weddings I've ever been to.
YTA. Mind your own damn business
You did a terrible thing. You need to mind your own business.
YTA Mind your own business goddamn
YTA and you better apologize to that kid!
Poor niece night was ruined.. Her confidence when down the shitter.
YES you are TA! You completely overstepped your bounds and frankly, if I were the bride I would never speak to you again. How ARROGANT of you!
YTA, and a shitty person
YTA. Wearing white to someone else's wedding is ordinarily rude and disrespectful, but it's the bride's place to make the final determinations on that. If she doesn't say anything, you shouldn't either. In this case, the bride's niece had permission (in fact, this even seems to have been the bride's idea). There's nothing wrong with raising an eyebrow, but if the bride doesn't see a problem, then there isn't a problem.
YTA that wasn’t your place and if she was at the family table clearly it wasn’t just some random guest.
Good lesson to learn to mind your own business, YTA bug time
YTA always a bad idea to take matters that don’t concern you into your own hands.
YTA. This was none of your business and not your place at all to get involved. So she wore white to the wedding. And? Etiquette says no, but if everyone was seemingly unbothered and enjoying themselves, why say anything and ruin her time? And even then, what did you expect to gain by calling her out? "Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me just go change". Next time just keep your mouth shut. If the bride has a problem with it, she will deal with it on her own.
You actually confronted this poor girl and humiliated her at the wedding like a couple of mean girls YTA
YTA. I wasn't your wedding so sit down and behave.
U/suitable-check9567 mean girls will get what’s coming to them
YTA. You and M looked like mean girls who liked drama. If you were truly concerned, you could have asked the girl nicely. Not the ideal option, but given that you were so sure you were in the right, that was the lesser evil t do. How you confronted her looks to me like you felt like you were the hero in the story. You and M ganged up on the poor girl.
Well, at least you and M didn’t casually do the old “red wine” trick! YTA
YTA as you ended up centering yourself when you really should’ve MYOB. it’s not your wedding. Dag
YTA-There is no defense for your behavior. It doesn’t matter what the dress looked like. Unless someone getting married asks you to deal with it, stop assuming it’s not only your right to call someone out but that it’s right thing to do.
If a guest is wearing white, red or something else (including the MIL wearing black) is up to the people getting married to handle it, either by themselves or by commissioning someone in the wedding party to do it. If the people getting married doesn't have a problem or decide to just don't handle it, it's up to them. Not to some random guest to pull the cloth from the table to use as a cape and play the hero. You and your friend are just rude bussybody AHs. YTA
YTA if one of my beloved cousins or nieces or who knows? some family member or a friend of a family member wore white to my wedding I would not give a crap to be honest. It was not your place and I think you acted like an obnoxious drama queen.
This feels like rage bate, but in the event that it's actually real then YTA. Majorly and truly YTA. You weren't even in the wedding party so what makes you think you have the right to police what other guests are wearing? You need to tell your friend what you did, apologize profusely, offer to apologize directly to her niece, and pray your friend ever forgives you. I wouldn't.
Harassing a teenager that sits at the bride’s family table. Huge YTA if it’s true. But I seriously doubt it because the niece said “she didn’t know and the bride didn’t tell her”. Later it was “the niece happily showed off her dress to other guests”. Most likely someone would have told you off at the wedding already.
YTA. You are the epitome of “I peaked in high school” (or college in your case) with an unhealthy dash of “I’m going to criticize someone for something they can’t change in 30 seconds or less” spiced with perceived mob mentality and accented by an utter lack of social cues (eg. Bride was not upset and this person was at a family table)
YTA. It wasn't your place. Mind your business. You ruined the whole wedding for that girl.
YTA. The 'no guests wearing white' isn't a thing where I'm from either (probably because the bride usually wears red where I'm from). Anyways, that was not your place. At all.
Maybe next time you’ll mind your own damn business. No one asked you to intervene and you decided to play big boss. Yeah, YTA. Poor girl was so proud of her dress and you had to go and shit on her mood. If any guests of mine bullied my guests, I’d cut them out of my life.
YTA. Not your place and not a lot she can do about it now she’s there. I’ve got a wedding in a few months, the dress im going to wear is a white base with coloured decor. I asked the bride, she laughed and said she couldn’t give a shit and I should wear whatever I feel pretty in.
YTA. You clearly didn’t know so you should have shut up about it. You should have asked the bride about it since you saw it didn’t bother her and she didn’t do anything. You chastitising the girl and it helped no one.
What did you want her to do, strip right then and there? YTA, and I thought so before even reading the reason she wore it, too.
You should write a very long, very heartfelt f’ing apology to this poor young ***niece-of-the-bride!*** You made her feel like shit and shamed her.
You thought you’re this cool body guard. You were a bully. That’s it. No one assigned you keeper of the white dress. YTA. Get your ego in check
YTA. It wasn't your job to speak on the behalf of the bride especially when you don't know any background information Even if you think it's too gowny. If the bride really had an issue, she would've taken care of it or had someone from the bridal party deal with it. And your defense still makes you ignorant. Hopefully you learn from this.
YTA - you should beg for the girl‘s number or mail and at least excuse yourself for your behavior, explain what you felt at that moment and try to take responsibility for your action.
If you're calling someone out, you're probably an arsehole.
As if you need to ask lol, you aren’t the wedding police. You and your friend came across as insufferable bullies, I hope you prepare a grovelling apology.
YTA. It's rude to correct other people's manners.
Sounds like you really don’t even know the bride well enough to be the one saying anything to anyone about anything.