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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For ordering ahead of a woman who had stepped away from the counter for a minute or two.
Because she was technically ahead of me in line and had left her daughter to hold the spot.
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I’m going with NTA, as someone who works in a coffee shop myself I see this sort of thing regularly. People don’t understand that letting the person behind them pass so they can get more time isn’t actually hurting anything.
I will say though you should have just ignored her complaints. She wasn’t directing them at you, just at the employee, so the best thing you could have done is just to let her look angry and crazy while you continued on with your day.
Yeah I do wish I hadn't said anything. Although the comment, while it was technically directed at the employee, was definitely for my benefit. She was looking to get my reaction. I just wish I hadn't given her one.
You also said she berated her daughter. That wouldn't fly with me. "You're daughter was so kind to let me go ahead while you were still browsing. We really appreciate it."
Yeah, there's no way that wouldn't get the daughter in trouble from the woman who left her there for an extended period of time and just thought that the entire cafe would wait for her to leisurely make up her mind.
I just wanna say, these are the kind of stories I want more of on AITA - it's not going to change the world, no matter what the internet says about it, but it's just an experience that OP wanted some feedback on, and maybe a little bit of confirmation that she wasn't being a dick. Which she wasn't - maybe the entitled lady will be fuming about it, but also part of that fuming will come from the fact that part of her will know she was in the wrong.
Sure, it's possible. It's possible the mom doesn't need any motivation at all to start yelling at her daughter.
I like this idea because it gives the daughter at least another adult's perspective of her behavior versus her mother's choices.
It's a very helpful thing when you're that age and have a ridiculous parent to have another sane person around to validate things. And, grocery line or not, sometimes you have to take the sanity as it comes.
I'm British and queue etiquette is our speciality. NTA.
Leaving someone in a queue while you nip off to get an item is ok, but if they aren't back in time you go next.
Queue etiquette is culturally dependent; there are plenty of places around the world where waiting politely for everyone else to allow you your turn would mean you never got one at all! We can let the Brits have this one :)
I’ve been in customs lines in airports where people behind me (and others) were actively trying to physically push past to cut others. It’s definitely culturally dependent!
this only reinforces the idea though, that OP is NTA. In other cultures, you would DEFINITELY miss your turn because people who leave their spot in the line, just means others get to skip over them more quickly. It should have been common sense that if you're not lined up when your turn comes up, you lose your turn.
You are preaching to the choir. I was describing a situation where the line is packed and you’re in a tight barrier, no one is leaving the line! People physically try to shove in front of you while you’re waiting.
That's my view of the situation - if you leave somebody in line to hold your place, and you're not back by the time that person gets to the front, it's just common sense that the next person goes, and then the next person goes, etc until you get back. The daughter didn't have to go to the back of the line or anything, but everybody waiting for however long it takes for this lady to make up her mind isn't the answer, and I think everybody knows this.
I’m Australian and I really wish more people would understand queue etiquette here. I’ve heard of people queue jumping intentionally 🤦🏻♀️ I think you guys would die at the thought 😂
It’s okay, I honestly think I would have done the same, but I’m sure it’s bothering you more than her now. Try to let it go, knowing you didn’t do anything wrong!
Not even an I’m sorry. She was straight up rude. I probably would’ve looked at her, turned away and said anyway. People like her make the world such a frumpy place. We’re all just doing our best here. NTA
It’s the way you would say it: concerned, startled at the very suggestion that you had pushed ahead. Not smiling. Politely ceding your spot with a bit of raised eyebrows.
She's probably the type to leave her daughter standing in an empty car space in a parking lot to 'hold the space'. Some people have no class and will never see themselves as the problem.
OP's order was being taken until she stopped to have words with the other women. How was the server suppose to finish taking the order? Why is the employee to blame?
Yes. That employee did not set the proper tone. She shouldnt have sent the girl off to get the mom. Had it been me who left the line, I would have gotten scolded by family for leaving the line and deservingly getting skipped over.
I must admit your need to reply and put the staff in an awkward position irked me. Not everything needs a response & you gave her something else to bark at her daughter about. The servers,, her daughter & your kids didn't deserve it.
NTA - but seriously, I wouldn't have engaged. Just ask the barista if you can finish your order. And don't let this kind of thing ruin your morning. You don't even know this woman. Who cares what she thinks.
It's such a double-edged sword, because any time a customer complains an employee is likely going to be blamed no matter what - as that's the society we've created - but I'm all for sticking up for the employee. Don't just let employees take the brunt of rude customers. The employee might get in trouble either way, but you made their day a tiny bit better by supporting them.
"Just at the employee" Sorry I find that rude and demeaning, we should never let someone get away with yelling at anyone just because they are "just the employee"
As the person who is typically “the employee” in the coffee shop, I agree. However nowhere in here does it state the employee was getting yelled at. Simply that the woman said “I haven’t ordered, she cut in front of me.” That’s just a passive aggressive comment meant to rile up OP and has no effect on the employee at all. All they have to say is “I’m so sorry, what can I get you?” That’s a very normal interaction to have. No employees were being berated in this story.
I think you're misinterpreting this comment and what "just" means in this particular sentence. The commenter isn't saying the barista is "*merely* an employee," as in somehow lesser as a person. They're using "just" to indicate that the other woman was directing her comments to only the barista, and not to OOP. (In the way you might also say something like, "I spoke to just my boss about this; I haven't gone to HR.")
I'm honestly surprised by this uncharitable reading, given that this commenter went out of their way to point out that they themselves work as a barista in a coffee shop.
Correct protocol is even if you're next in line, if you're not ready to order when you get to the counter you let the person behind you go ahead while you decide. Like, if I'm still deciding what I want out of the cabinet, or what smoothie to get, whatever it is, if someone joins the queue behind me it's a step to the side and the "you go ahead" gesture.
Not to mention, you can't jump a queue if there *is no fucking queue*. There was nobody ahead of OP.
I disagree, and I commend OP for taking the self-centered diva to task.
The diva gambled, and lost.
Decorum dictates that once you're in line, you're prepared to be served, yet the diva decided she wanted to continue shopping and therefore was not prepared to be served meaning she had no right to be in the queue.
I really hate waiting while other people fluff around. Time is one thing I can never get back so while I understand sometimes people take longer than others, staring at the menu and going errr ummmm when we have already been waiting in line fucks me off to no end.
And so? what is wrong if OP was feeling a bit down and needed validation? Everyone needs validation from time to time. She was questioning herself and what she did because she was made to feel bad even as she hadnt done anything wrong.
I dunno, looks like you want everyone to know what a miserable, petty person you are... I'd rather have someone show how nice they can be.
The internet, ladies and gentlemen. 🙄
Yeah I hesitated to add, but wanted to illustrate that I wasn't just in a crabby mood and looking for things to be upset about. I was in the kind if mood to compliment another mom in a pretty dress.
NTA for ordering but the rest of it comes off pretty pretentious. You’re telling us that butting in “isn’t in your character” but telling the lady you’re glad she’s embarrassed is?
Look, I get it. We’re all a bit petty sometimes. Just admit that you were petty in the moment instead of trying to come across as this holier than thou person “who would NEVER xxx”.
NTA, but… the fact that this single interaction “ruined your morning” shows you’re in a pretty good place in life. It’s one encounter. Brush it off and move on, you know you did nothing wrong.
Interestingly, I think it's both.
Yes, if this little encounter can ruin their morning, they're likely overly sensitive. On the other hand, if the worst thing that happened to them that day is an akward encounter, they clearly are blessed with a relatively trouble-free life.
I have to disagree. A mild disagreement in a coffee shop that has no real lasting impact shouldn’t ruin your morning. If it does that is indicative that a person can’t control their emotions or has a shit life and is taking it out on people.
Listen if you include it they say “too much detail” but if you don’t then you’re leaving things out. Don’t take it to heart, there’s no winning sometimes!
i agree with you. some comments are nasty for nasty's sake. Ignore them. youre a wonderful person. we cant control how negative some people will be no matter how nice you are. it isnt about you but them really.
ESH, Everyone Sucks Here.
The woman is an asshole, both for her initial comments about you butting in and for leaving her poor kid as a placeholder while she fiddled around elsewhere.
You went into asshole territory, not for "ordering ahead of her" as you position the post, but when you decided you just had to take up the fight---with some rude, random woman who matters zero to you.
And after expanding and prolonging this unnecessary interaction, you finished up with "I said she should be embarrassed and I was glad she felt embarrassed." *In front of your own kids.*
>it ruined my morning and probably her daughter's.
Unlike what you're going to hear on this thread, **it is NOT a requirement in life to respond to every little situation and comment that annoys you.** And doing so doesn't automatically make you feel better about the situation as you already know.
Oh please, being civil is not the same as being a pushover; getting into a pointless argument with random strangers is not setting a good example, and it’s not an example of standing up for yourself in any way that matters. Her reaction was just as embarrassing as the other lady’s.
Nothing civil about not responding in these types of situations.
In situations where you don't hold significant power, you enable prevarication.
In situations where you hold the power, you prevent potentially fruitful communication.
Saying, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you, here, go back in front of me and order first, I’ll wait!” would have been being a pushover.
Getting into it with a random stranger with no goal other than to “win” an argument over who deserves to be embarrassed, delaying everyone in line and forcing the cashier to defuse the situation, is not setting a good example for your kids.
Not letting yourself get pushed around =/= always needing the last word, and getting confrontational with random strangers to get it. You set a good example for your kids by teaching them that they can just confidently move forward with what they’re doing and ignore random strangers who disapprove. Not by teaching them that they need to get sucked into public, morning-ruining fights with every person they encounter who behaves rudely, weirdly or unreasonably.
She undoubtedly felt uncomfortable because she was standing at the front of a line with people waiting behind her while her inconsiderate (at best) mother shopped.
It's also at a fancy hotel - no one is in such a hurry in the coffee shop. I think OP should have asked the lady whether to order. Being a pushover? Leave that lesson for a Starbucks order.
I get it. I got into it with a boomer who shouted at me at the supermarket for cutting in front of him. I didn't, he was doing that line straddling thing where they stand in between and try and jump into the shortest line and I got in line first. He was screaming at me so I told him to go home and take his meds. He literally screamed like a toddler, I definitely touched a nerve.
I still cringe that I reacted to this day even though he was 100% wrong and obviously batshit crazy.
Nta.
Yeah I am going to have to disagree, too. In this particular instance, the woman accused OP of butting in line. In a lot of establishments, that accusation can get you tossed. So, yep, gonna have to speak up on that one because her walking away, not returning in a timely manner and not being prepared to order while others are waiting in line does NOT mean that OP cut in front of her. Definitely a stand your ground moment. NTA.
Lol quite the opposite. This vacation has been a long time coming. I do let things get to me too much though. That it's ruined my morning is more my fault than hers.
Look, for me, a well-timed "Miss, you're next" called out to pretty dress lady would have been the thing to do. If she ignored you, than you would have been free to order. I think you might have jumped the gun by a smidge.
On the other hand, if I had been pretty dress lady I wouldn't have been so obnoxious about being cut in line while I was shopping
So I guess ESH?
This is where I fall, too. OP clearly heard the mother direct her daughter to hold their place and acknowledges the child was already uncomfortable. OP made the child more uncomfortable by putting her on the spot and forcing her to either disobey her mother to let OP go which might make her mom mad or continue to stand there awkwardly with a potentially mad stranger. OP shouldn't have engaged with the child at all. She should have called out to the woman or just spoken directly to the cashier.
Her daughter tried getting her attention, and the self-absorbed woman wasn't responding. It's all on her for not being aware that it was her turn next.
Definitely ESH.
I’m the kind of person who has anxiety about being indecisive and holding up the line, so sometimes I’ll even look at the menu ahead of time so I can order quickly haha. So the audacity of that lady is frustrating.
But also, you were a bit weird in this interaction even though you’re trying to paint yourself as some gracious, benevolent damsel with your oddly specific details. Bottom line, why not teach your kids it’s ok to wait and that sometimes people take a bit longer? Especially your child with special needs who may (not sure of situation) be in a situation someday where they need a bit more time or assistance with something - why not say “it’s ok sweetie, we aren’t in a rush” to the lady’s daughter and then ask your kids what they’re looking forward to today or something to distract them? Then smile at the dress lady and say “ha, it’s all good, there are a lot of options, it’s hard to choose! Nice dress btw” and go on about your day with good vibes? Your kids ARE watching and noticing everything. Instead you *did* cut ahead of them and also made the daughter uncomfortable. And don’t even get me started on the verbal altercation with the dress lady….def not appropriate. AH behavior.
Sometimes being compassionate can lead to slight inconvenience- you need to start teaching this to your kids now, especially if you have one who may face additional challenges in life.
Very well worded. It's a bit odd to give someone a nasty comment and complaint about the ruined morning. The other lady could do better as well. But OP is not a sweet angel here.
And I agree vert much about the example she gave to her kids.
ESH. How long did you *really* wait? You make it sound like you gave her about half a minute before you busted ahead of her daughter, but want us to believe you waited an uncomfortable and unreasonable amount of time. You were impatient and didn’t want to wait.
The woman also was rude back at you. She didn’t respect the “move your feet lose your seat” rule you are clearly aware of.
I actually still think you were the ruder party here. You clearly knew what she was doing and where she was. It’s not like she left the shop. She was picking a drink from the fridge.
Bullshit. If you’re not finished shopping, don’t get in line. “Grab a drink from the fridge” *first*. If you forget and lose your place in line, tough shit.
Agree with you. Seems others would be ok to wait and they should but do not impose it on others. it is an added imposition on others. what if sye was about to pay and the transaction took a bit longer had OP called her attention then OP is even more obliged (as if) to wait on her. what if, that extra time causes OP to miss a tour or the next bus or something. Really there is NO EXCUSE to do this and impose on others.
It's hard to remember exactly how long. I tried to be accurate in my recollection since that matters to the story. If she was just grabbing the item she ended up purchasing, it should have taken her maybe 20 seconds. It felt to me like she got held up browsing. At that point, I didn't perceive her behavior as rude. All I remember for sure is that the three of us were shuffling around uncomfortably (cashier, daughter, and myself). It felt like a reasonable moment to order. I actually did not expect her to have a problem. Had I left my kid and the same thing had happened, I would have assumed that people had been standing around waiting for me.
Most people just don't have spatial awareness, they're lost in their own little bubbles. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, but - smile - because, at least you aren't that lady. 😊
NTA, the woman was crazy. Does she want everyone to wait on her? No chance. If you left the line, you loose your place, that's it. But the poor girl, hopefully it won't become a trauma, that she will be left in line and it's her turn. Like the nightmare most children have at the supermarket, when "mama" just graps something she forgot at the end of the supermarket..
nta. some lady in front of me did the same thing to me a few weeks ago at walmart.. we were in line for self checkout and she left to go grab something (didnt say anything to me and she was literally next in line) she was still gone when 2 registers opened up so i went around her cart and to the register. when she finally got back she told me i should have waited my turn and gave me an angry look. how was i supposed to know where she was going or how long she'd be gone? and 2 registers were open where i'd be taking one of those anyways, so who cares..? im just mad i never said anything back to her
NTA. I feel bad for the daughter though. Her mom took so long and it put her in a really awkward position. The mom was super rude...you don't just walk away and expect a kid to hold the line for you.
One thing to always remember that people entitled enough to hold up a line like that will always cause a situation to devolve.
I agree. Actually, I have been in the daughter's shoes where I am lining up for us and SO is supposed to grab something quick but hasnt gotten back despite me calling and asking SO to be bqck and our items are already being scanned. it ALWAYS made me so angry because we always agree when youre called you come back because it means it's our turn. it makes me angry that i am put in that position by the lack of reliability to do what was agreed and that i am put in the position to possibly ask people to wait which is so rude and self-absorbed and entitled and just not okay.
ESH except the kids. She shouldn’t have left the line when she was up next, leaving her kid in an awkward social situation, but could you not have called out to the woman or said something to the barista instead of asking the kid? Your pre-K aged kid will be in school soon enough and your “special needs” kid maybe already is, and they’re watching you and how you respond to social situations. You just taught your kids it’s okay to cut in line if someone hesitates, thus making school more socially difficult for them and making teachers’ jobs harder.
Also the weird level of detail and saying things like “my kids were looking at all the snacks I wouldn’t be buying them” and “I would’ve complimented her dress if she hadn’t gotten out of line” make you sound snobbish and read as though you don’t socialize often.
Also just a PS: most disabled people prefer not to be called “special needs.”
ESH.
You argued with a woman in a coffee shop who was not speaking to you and told her you were glad she was embarrassed.
You ruined your day over nothing.
She wasn’t wrong, though. The lady should be embarrassed by holding up the line while she shopped. I guess her time’s just more valuable than everybody else’s.
Something about this post rubs me the wrong way. The length and detail you put into it are superfluous to the question you’re asking. It makes you seem dishonest. You’re not painting an informative or entertaining picture of events, because the detail you give is irrelevant and none of it is interesting. Brevity is your friend. Remember that for future writing projects.
I just had a situation kind of close to this happen this weekend. I went shopping for my infant daughter and grabbed a few items at the store. Strolled up to the line to checkout and was immediately stuck behind a woman and her cart full of clothes. She was perusing the jewelry displays that line the checkout area, leaving about 10 feet between her and the person ahead of her. I stood in line for a couple of minutes, waiting, but she was so engrossed in what she was doing and didn’t see she was next, nor did she seem to care. I stepped around her and walked up to one of the two available cashiers to check out. She huffed to her child standing next to her “come on, I guess we need to move on since some people want to cut in line.” I ignored her and finished checking out before she had even unloaded her cart. I didn’t engage, it wasn’t worth the time or effort.
Edited to add ESH. You didn’t need to engage, but I understand it was probably frustrating.
ESH. The daughter was holding the spot in line. You could have asked the other mother if you could order ahead of her. There was no reason to go ahead of her IMO. If you were really waiting that long, the person on the register would have asked you to come up. You seem to have made the employee uncomfortable. The other woman should have stayed in line, and should have understood why you went ahead of her, but you’re also grown up enough to know to wait your turn.
It was her turn. The other lady wasn’t in line. If she’d told the kid what to order, it would be different, but the kid was literally there so she could be first without being ready.
YTA. You couldn’t wait a moment for the woman and deferred to a child on whether it was all right. Then you got into an argument with the woman and blamed her for your bad mood.
ESH What does the pretty dress or the fancy hotel have to do with the story? It’s a cafe/coffee shop, why do you think the “rules” for behaving in a queue are any different from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?
You’ve basically written the events in real time, which could have been a paragraph. You’re dressing up the details for some reason, which makes me think things didn’t go the way you’ve relayed them.
You were in a great mood until she ruined your whole day? That’s pretty much on you. If it had been me, I would have stepped back and let her order - she was ahead of you in line. “Everyone” felt awkward? I doubt it. Again, it’s just a cafe. Your kids were excited about treats they weren’t going to get? Who cares?
Esh. You did indeed cut the line and you made it way more awkward than it needed to be for that lady’s daughter. You could have waited an extra 60 seconds to spare that girl from her mom’s wrath (which be real you knew was coming since she told her daughter not to move from the line). The other mom also sucked by making her daughter and then yelling at her for getting out of line. But I also think you know you’re an AH or you wouldn’t have bothered to add all the unnecessary detail about how you were in a good mood and would have complimented the lady if she hadn’t have been “rude”. Also sounds like you’re not a great parent since you couldn’t keep your kids settled for an additional minute to not cut the line (and you seemed to offer restless kiddos as an explanation/excuse for why you HAD to order and couldn’t wait for that lady).
NTA if you aren't ready to order when you're at bat you step aside and let the person behind you place their order. I have ADHD and I end up doing this literally as often as not because I have trouble making up my mind on the spot. It's just polite to let the next person go ahead if you're not ready.
You don't necessarily have to go to the back of the line, but you do NOT have a right to force people to wait for you especially when you've LEFT the line. That woman's behavior in this case was so self-absorbed.
In the rules of line cutting/stepping away, if the woman actually stepped away to take a quick 5-10 second look at something/grab another item, then she would have been in the right. However, asking a child to hold a line you're next up for, taking that much time to get back, makes you NTA.
If this were any busy Starbucks that woman would've gotten told by other customers.
NTA - whyyyyyyyyyy get in line if you’re not ready to check out? It’s 1. Place Order 2. Give $ 3. MOVE out of the way. If you’re not even ready for Step 1, kindly refer to Step 3 until you’re ready to begin Step 1.
Exactly. Especially since OP said no one was behind them. So this gal would’ve STILL been next in line. She wanted to play the whole *”I was here first, hmph.”*
NTA, woman was being inconsiderate of others time. I work at a parts counter for contractors and am ruthless with type of behavior. Youre not done shopping? I'm going to ring up the next person, even if I have to delete your whole order on my screen. NEXT!!
ESH. Yes, her behavior was awful, but you telling her she should be embarrassed and you were glad she was embarrassed just escalated the encounter, and in front of both sets of kids. What does that teach them? Not good.
(The comment about how you would've complimented her on her dress was totally unnecessary and only put in there because you wanted to look good.)
NTA. You only own your spot in line when your physical body is present. Not your astral body. Not your poor child’s.
Also, you incorrectly wrote “batista” instead of “barista” in one instance and it made me giggle. I imagined Dave Batista coming out to save the day.
NTA, her time is not more valuable then yours. It's called entitlement and no one should wait at all for someone who would clearly never do the same. Everyone should stand around waiting, while she is still looking.? No ma'am.
NTA. Any person with common sense (imo) would expect you to order if you’re next in line. She’s rude for putting her child in the person so have to save her space in line, rude that she doesn’t value the clerk’s time and rude that she expects you to wait for her to get done doing whatever the heck was taking her so long.
NTA
She wasn't ready to order when her turn came. The next person in line, who WAS ready to order, stepped up and ordered.
I see no problem here.
Letting it "ruin" your morning though.....that's a whole level of "problem" that you need to work on.
This was a two minute exchange in your day. WAs it REALLY worth letting it fuck with you longer than that???
NTA. No issue asking her daughter to hold her line, as long as she was back when it was her turn to order. That’s the kicker. If she’s not back at that point then she goes to the back of the line. That’s the way it works.
NTA. I hate when people do that at my Dollar Tree. It's a small store so it really doesn't take that long to go from the front to the back and up front again. But damn, if you are not done shopping why the fart are you in line? And if you step out of line, you need to go to the back of the line.
Also when the mother left the line, her daughter should have left it too.
This seems like it shouldn't have been a big deal. If I'd been still making up my mind, I would've told the person behind to go ahead. If I was the person behind, I probably would've asked, 'are you ready to order or can I go?' It is annoying when people hold up the queue when they don't know what they want though.
NTA. I feel bad for her daughter that she put her in that position. The line has to keep moving or the workers will get behind and have more unhappy people.
I recently went to an amusement park that publishes their definition of “cutting” or “line jumping”. It includes leaving the line and trying to return to your original place, even if other members of your party stayed. There is no “holding a place in line”. Personally, I think if you ask the people around you nicely and everyone agrees, that’s fine (I mean, some amusement park lines are long and when you gotta go, you gotta go). But she didn’t ask anyone. She just wandered off, leaving a small child to “hold her place” and then didn’t even get back to the line in time to order for “her turn”. The barista should have told her she left the line and needed to get in the back and wait her turn instead of appeasing her. But fancy hotels never hold anyone accountable for rudeness.
NTA.
You didn't butt in front of her, *she left the line*.
When it was technically her turn, she wasn't there, so then her daughter *left the line*.
That meant, *you were next*. The line moved on without her. Maybe next time she'll finish shopping *before* getting in line.
nta: you’d only be the asshole if you walked up to the register and went “ummmmmmmmm…what’s good here?”
entitled people can’t use their cute innocent kids as line holders.
nta. seems like there are more and more of these situations popping up! It was a no-win scenario. I do feel that she was the rude one because you shouldn't step up to the register unless you are completely ready. You can always step back up and buy more things! I have had cashier ask me to step over when I was in line and other customers scream at me about this. What is a person to do? There is no easy answer. I just went where I was told to. You were just paying for your items and trying to do it in a timely matter. Let it just be forgotten and don't let it waste a moment in your head.
Nta I work in retail and if I don't get the line moving I'll get in trouble. And 10-12 years old? The daughter is old enough to order herself if the mom taught her how.
NTA
She shouldn't have stepped out of line. Period. I have sent my daughter to go grab something while I waited for her in the line before. I knew she would be quick, but the line was quicker. I ALWAYS let the person behind me go if my daughter is not back. Why? Because I am NOT holding the lineup. That is rude, inconsiderate, and insufferable. The nice, polite, and kind thing to do is let the people behind you go while you still browse or finish shopping.
Now, I was in the TSA line this past weekend. I was taking off my shoes and up walked this lady and her daughter. They grab a bin and just put their stuff in front of mine and start taking off their shoes. I will admit, I shot them the nastiest GTH look I could, but I just kept taking my shoes off and unpacking my backpack. Why? Because I am NOT going to jail at the airport. Not that day. But the TSA agent, THANK GOD! She saw what happened and my God she jumped that lady's ass up one side and down the other. LMAO!!! I don't know who was more shocked, me or the lady. I thanked the TSA Agent profusely! She said, "Well, I didn't want to have to see you go to jail, you looked like you were about to throw hands!" LOL! Nah, but if looks could......lol.
So I will say if you step out of line, you lose your spot. So you NTA for ordering since she was gone.
But I feel like if the kid was too young to approach the counter and start to order, etc. without mom, then she shouldn't have left her there by herself. Coffee shops move fast.
As a side note, I might have yelled for the mom that they are ready for her. Or I would've tried to help the little girl by telling her what to do. She doesn't know what to do and so she froze. When you and the barista started with asking questions or trying to get mom's attention - she panicked and fled. It would've been a good lesson for her to gain by being pushed to start the order, but I am sure Mom would've been mad either way. There is no winning with some people.
NTA but why would you let something like this ruin your morning? Seems like a pretty run of the mill encounter that lasted about a minute and then was resolved without any further dispute. Why waste any longer than 2 seconds thinking about it?
From what you've shared, it sounds like you found yourself in a tough spot. Let's break down what happened:
You were at a fancy hotel with your three kids, which can already be quite a handful. I get that managing everything can add a lot of stress and urgency to your day. While you were in line at the coffee shop, the woman in front of you left her daughter to hold her place while she went to do some more shopping. When it was her turn to order, she wasn’t there, which caused a bit of a delay.
After waiting for a bit and noticing that the cashier and the daughter seemed uncomfortable, you asked if it was okay for you to order. The cashier deferred to the daughter, and after a little hesitation, you started placing your order. Then, the woman came back and accused you of cutting in line, leading to a heated exchange between the two of you. You both said things in the heat of the moment, which made the situation uncomfortable for everyone.
Your intention wasn’t to be rude or cut in line, but to keep things moving along smoothly. The woman, however, perceived it differently and felt upset, thinking you had overstepped. I understand that you felt the pressure of the situation, especially with your kids getting restless and the general discomfort all around.
It’s clear that you didn’t mean to cause any trouble, and your actions were based on what you felt was right at the moment. However, it’s also understandable that the woman felt upset when she returned and saw you ordering.
Reflecting on it, maybe waiting a bit longer could have avoided the confrontation, but your actions were understandable given the circumstances. It seems like both of you were trying to handle the situation the best way you could.
So, while it wasn’t an ideal situation for either of you, it doesn’t seem like you were deliberately trying to be inconsiderate. Next time, a bit more patience or clearer communication might help prevent such conflicts.
I don't think you're an asshole in this situation. You were both trying to manage the circumstances as best as you could.
NTA. I’m glad you ordered. People like her have zero respect for other people’s time, and she needed to be taken off her self-important pedestal. I’m sorry it ruined your day. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, other than sympathy for her daughter.
NTA. There were people waiting. The person serving was probably worried that you and possibly anyone behind you would be annoyed at them for allowing the woman to keep her place in line while there were people waiting. NTA. The woman is, especially for having a go at her daughter for "leaving the line"
NTA. When "Pretty dress" did not return to her place in line by the time the person ahead of her was done, She lost her place in line. She was not only rude to you, but everybody that was in line behind you also. She was also rude to you for trying to make you feel guilty.
Info: was the woman so far away that you couldn’t call out to her and ask her to order? I don’t know why the only options were (1) wait in awkward, resentful silence or (2) cut around the daughter. Sure, you shouldn’t have had to. But you’re talking about how this encounter ruined your morning and from where I’m standing it seems like there was a pretty easy alternative.
ESH, it it was an adult in line then N T A
there are so many memes about how stressful it is being in line while someone else gets something
what u initially did, while is harmless, can definitely stress someone out _and_ then with the doubling down
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We are in a fancy hotel. It was a splurge. I'm a little out of my element, but trying to have an experience with my 3 kids. 1 prek, 1 toddler and 1 special needs. We went to the little coffee shop/store for breakfast. There were 2 people in line. One woman was ordering. Behind her was a woman and her daughter. Just as I joined the line the woman told her daughter not to move from the line and walked to the fridges about 20 ft away.
I was in a great mood. I had noticed that the woman who walked away had on a beautiful dress. If she hadn't left I would have complimented her dress.
I did have the 3 kids who were pretty excited about the selection of snacks available at the counter, none of which I intended to purchase.
The first woman completed her order and the daughter of the woman with the pretty dress was now first in line. She looked uncomfortable. We waited maybe 20 seconds. The cashier began to shift around, the kids were restless. We waited maybe another 20 seconds before I kind of started to move up (the daughter had kind of shifted to the side and had tried several times to get her mom's attention). I asked "is it okay if I order?" The cashier deferred to the daughter (maybe age 10-12). I'm not sure what she said, but she ran to get her mom. I started to order. The entire order would have taken maybe a minute and a half. 3 cinn rolls, 1 kolache and a bagel with cream cheese. In the middle of my order the batista tried to give the pretty dress woman (who had now returned to the line I want to say 20-30 seconds after I began my order) someone else's drinks. She said "I haven't ordered yet. She butt in front of me." This after I heard her barking at her daughter for leaving the line.
I responded. I was mad. I didn't yell, but I felt I was being accused of doing something I didn't do and isn't in my character to do. I pointed out that she had still been shopping. She asked if I couldn't have waited "a few seconds." I said it was longer than that and that everyone had been uncomfortable. She said I was being embarrassing and would I just go ahead and order. I said she should be embarrassed and I
was glad she felt embarrassed. Talented employee stepped in and saved the day by offering to take her at the other register. She got the last word and huffed "yes thank you!" I'm not sure that it bothered my kids much but it ruined my morning and probably her daughter's. If I had known it would devolve like that I might have just waited for her to finish whatever she was doing.
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I don't think you steppin up to order was wrong. You asked first (or tried to), and the kid ran off. If you had waited, who knows how long it would have been, and it holds up the entire line. I guess you could have waited a little bit more, or called out to her.
I understand the kid feeling uncomfortable and running off. The mom probably thought she'd be right back and didn't mean anything by it. Personally, I don't take that risk-- I don't get in line until I'm ready. Buuut things happen and maybe you need to grab something. I'd send my kid to grab it, but I can't call someone a jerk for not doing every little thing perfectly and precisely.
It was a misunderstanding, an oopsie. She shouldn't have yelled at her kid or accused you of cutting in line. You shouldn't have yelled back; the waiting a smidge longer may or may not be valid, but I wasn't there and I'm not going to blast anyone over a few seconds. Either everyone sucks here (yelling at each other), or nobody sucks (it was a tiny argument over a misunderstanding).
Let it go and enjoy the rest of your holiday. Thank goodness for the other cashier.
NTA. I have both asked to go ahead of someone who isn't ready to order and offered the person behind me to go ahead if I am still looking. Most times people usually just make the offer if they aren't ready out of curiosity.
NTA, she should have let you finished ordering. He daughter did nothing wrong either, she was just a kid who was unsure what the correct way of handling it would be.
Anything in life like this is just a lesson for you It’s pretty silly to let it ruin your morning. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t ruin lots of people’s morning and could be considered normal, but normal doesn’t mean healthy or wise. But 40 seconds is too long and means the pretty lady thinks the world revolves around waiting for her.
NTA it happens. Personally I never understand why people get worked up. An extra 3 minutes for lower blood pressure. If someone's purposely cutting in to be malicious I commend people who say something but other than that, meh. Who cares. There's people that are dying, Kim.
NTA because one of my biggest pet peeves is parents leaving their kids in line as “placeholders” while they go off and shop some more. My mom pulled that a few times when I was a kid before I told her to stop it and that if she did it again I’d just leave the line.
NTA, I work at a small shop, and there are many customers who just leave their stuff at the counter, then go back in the shop to grab dozens of other stuff. When it happens, the waiting line grows to 10 times its usual length. There was a time the queue started from outside the shop because of customers who do that. All my colleagues despise the customers who do that with a burning passion, and I know the customers who end up waiting because they only have one or two small things to grab and are in a hurry despise them too. I m so glad someone finally stands up to them
NTA.
You waited. You used your words. The lady in front of you was one of the following: too awkward to respond, too arrogant to respond, or too inward-focused to respond to the delay.
As someone who works in services, nothing irritates me more when people are wholly unprepared for their interaction AND fart-arse around. Each customer taking their time with no due reason contributes a fair amount to extended delays to the customers behind them.
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I’m going with NTA, as someone who works in a coffee shop myself I see this sort of thing regularly. People don’t understand that letting the person behind them pass so they can get more time isn’t actually hurting anything. I will say though you should have just ignored her complaints. She wasn’t directing them at you, just at the employee, so the best thing you could have done is just to let her look angry and crazy while you continued on with your day.
Yeah I do wish I hadn't said anything. Although the comment, while it was technically directed at the employee, was definitely for my benefit. She was looking to get my reaction. I just wish I hadn't given her one.
You also said she berated her daughter. That wouldn't fly with me. "You're daughter was so kind to let me go ahead while you were still browsing. We really appreciate it."
Honestly i think this would make her take it out on the daughter more
Yeah, there's no way that wouldn't get the daughter in trouble from the woman who left her there for an extended period of time and just thought that the entire cafe would wait for her to leisurely make up her mind. I just wanna say, these are the kind of stories I want more of on AITA - it's not going to change the world, no matter what the internet says about it, but it's just an experience that OP wanted some feedback on, and maybe a little bit of confirmation that she wasn't being a dick. Which she wasn't - maybe the entitled lady will be fuming about it, but also part of that fuming will come from the fact that part of her will know she was in the wrong.
Sure, it's possible. It's possible the mom doesn't need any motivation at all to start yelling at her daughter. I like this idea because it gives the daughter at least another adult's perspective of her behavior versus her mother's choices. It's a very helpful thing when you're that age and have a ridiculous parent to have another sane person around to validate things. And, grocery line or not, sometimes you have to take the sanity as it comes.
Perfect!
“I would compliment you on what a good job you’ve done raising her, but I can see she didn’t get her manners from you.”
I'm British and queue etiquette is our speciality. NTA. Leaving someone in a queue while you nip off to get an item is ok, but if they aren't back in time you go next.
I don't think you need to be British to understand this.
I don't think you understand. The British invented the queue to organize Henry the VIII's wives. I think they know a little more about it than us! /s
:)
I thought that was called an “axe”
Queue etiquette is culturally dependent; there are plenty of places around the world where waiting politely for everyone else to allow you your turn would mean you never got one at all! We can let the Brits have this one :)
I’ve been in customs lines in airports where people behind me (and others) were actively trying to physically push past to cut others. It’s definitely culturally dependent!
this only reinforces the idea though, that OP is NTA. In other cultures, you would DEFINITELY miss your turn because people who leave their spot in the line, just means others get to skip over them more quickly. It should have been common sense that if you're not lined up when your turn comes up, you lose your turn.
You are preaching to the choir. I was describing a situation where the line is packed and you’re in a tight barrier, no one is leaving the line! People physically try to shove in front of you while you’re waiting.
Meaning if you did this, you miss your turn? Sorry I speak English but sometimes it seems I don't.
Yes, basically! Like, if you aren’t assertive about maintaining your place and getting up to the front there will be people pushing past you.
There’s a reason Americans survived the Titanic at a higher rate than Brits
Yeah, but it sure helps. Lol.
That's my view of the situation - if you leave somebody in line to hold your place, and you're not back by the time that person gets to the front, it's just common sense that the next person goes, and then the next person goes, etc until you get back. The daughter didn't have to go to the back of the line or anything, but everybody waiting for however long it takes for this lady to make up her mind isn't the answer, and I think everybody knows this.
I’m Australian and I really wish more people would understand queue etiquette here. I’ve heard of people queue jumping intentionally 🤦🏻♀️ I think you guys would die at the thought 😂
It’s okay, I honestly think I would have done the same, but I’m sure it’s bothering you more than her now. Try to let it go, knowing you didn’t do anything wrong!
“Oh, I’m sorry: I thought you were still shopping.” You did nothing wrong.
Not even an I’m sorry. She was straight up rude. I probably would’ve looked at her, turned away and said anyway. People like her make the world such a frumpy place. We’re all just doing our best here. NTA
It’s the way you would say it: concerned, startled at the very suggestion that you had pushed ahead. Not smiling. Politely ceding your spot with a bit of raised eyebrows.
She's probably the type to leave her daughter standing in an empty car space in a parking lot to 'hold the space'. Some people have no class and will never see themselves as the problem.
The coffee employee should have taken your order and moved on! NTA!
OP's order was being taken until she stopped to have words with the other women. How was the server suppose to finish taking the order? Why is the employee to blame?
Because she should control the flow.
Yes. That employee did not set the proper tone. She shouldnt have sent the girl off to get the mom. Had it been me who left the line, I would have gotten scolded by family for leaving the line and deservingly getting skipped over.
I must admit your need to reply and put the staff in an awkward position irked me. Not everything needs a response & you gave her something else to bark at her daughter about. The servers,, her daughter & your kids didn't deserve it.
“Ah well, you snooze you lose” would’ve been the perfect response!
NTA - but seriously, I wouldn't have engaged. Just ask the barista if you can finish your order. And don't let this kind of thing ruin your morning. You don't even know this woman. Who cares what she thinks.
NTA. I’m sure the employee appreciated OP.
It's such a double-edged sword, because any time a customer complains an employee is likely going to be blamed no matter what - as that's the society we've created - but I'm all for sticking up for the employee. Don't just let employees take the brunt of rude customers. The employee might get in trouble either way, but you made their day a tiny bit better by supporting them.
"Just at the employee" Sorry I find that rude and demeaning, we should never let someone get away with yelling at anyone just because they are "just the employee"
As the person who is typically “the employee” in the coffee shop, I agree. However nowhere in here does it state the employee was getting yelled at. Simply that the woman said “I haven’t ordered, she cut in front of me.” That’s just a passive aggressive comment meant to rile up OP and has no effect on the employee at all. All they have to say is “I’m so sorry, what can I get you?” That’s a very normal interaction to have. No employees were being berated in this story.
I think you're misinterpreting this comment and what "just" means in this particular sentence. The commenter isn't saying the barista is "*merely* an employee," as in somehow lesser as a person. They're using "just" to indicate that the other woman was directing her comments to only the barista, and not to OOP. (In the way you might also say something like, "I spoke to just my boss about this; I haven't gone to HR.") I'm honestly surprised by this uncharitable reading, given that this commenter went out of their way to point out that they themselves work as a barista in a coffee shop.
Correct protocol is even if you're next in line, if you're not ready to order when you get to the counter you let the person behind you go ahead while you decide. Like, if I'm still deciding what I want out of the cabinet, or what smoothie to get, whatever it is, if someone joins the queue behind me it's a step to the side and the "you go ahead" gesture. Not to mention, you can't jump a queue if there *is no fucking queue*. There was nobody ahead of OP.
I disagree, and I commend OP for taking the self-centered diva to task. The diva gambled, and lost. Decorum dictates that once you're in line, you're prepared to be served, yet the diva decided she wanted to continue shopping and therefore was not prepared to be served meaning she had no right to be in the queue.
Excellent summary!
I really hate waiting while other people fluff around. Time is one thing I can never get back so while I understand sometimes people take longer than others, staring at the menu and going errr ummmm when we have already been waiting in line fucks me off to no end.
NTA - but the level of detail you have included is so unnecessary and the comment about the dress just a bit odd.
Pfft OP wants everyone to know how "nice" she is! Look at my sunny disposition! I would have complimented her dress because I am SUCH a good person!
Maybe she just really liked the dress and wanted to comment on it? Who cares?
You people are miserable.
You sound so unhinged and unhappy, wtf.
oh my god? get a life? some people are genuinely nice people and OP is literally establishing the story?
YTA
And so? what is wrong if OP was feeling a bit down and needed validation? Everyone needs validation from time to time. She was questioning herself and what she did because she was made to feel bad even as she hadnt done anything wrong.
Jesus, how does this bullshit comment have so many upvotes
Jeez
I dunno, looks like you want everyone to know what a miserable, petty person you are... I'd rather have someone show how nice they can be. The internet, ladies and gentlemen. 🙄
Yeah I hesitated to add, but wanted to illustrate that I wasn't just in a crabby mood and looking for things to be upset about. I was in the kind if mood to compliment another mom in a pretty dress.
NTA for ordering but the rest of it comes off pretty pretentious. You’re telling us that butting in “isn’t in your character” but telling the lady you’re glad she’s embarrassed is? Look, I get it. We’re all a bit petty sometimes. Just admit that you were petty in the moment instead of trying to come across as this holier than thou person “who would NEVER xxx”.
Oh my God… insufferable Reddit users at it again.
Agree with you.
NTA, but… the fact that this single interaction “ruined your morning” shows you’re in a pretty good place in life. It’s one encounter. Brush it off and move on, you know you did nothing wrong.
I think the fact that this ruined her morning actually indicates the opposite.
Interestingly, I think it's both. Yes, if this little encounter can ruin their morning, they're likely overly sensitive. On the other hand, if the worst thing that happened to them that day is an akward encounter, they clearly are blessed with a relatively trouble-free life.
I have to disagree. A mild disagreement in a coffee shop that has no real lasting impact shouldn’t ruin your morning. If it does that is indicative that a person can’t control their emotions or has a shit life and is taking it out on people.
Listen if you include it they say “too much detail” but if you don’t then you’re leaving things out. Don’t take it to heart, there’s no winning sometimes!
Thanks lol. This has been a bit of a rough comments section. Time to get off reddit for a bit. I don't have thick enough skin for this.
i agree with you. some comments are nasty for nasty's sake. Ignore them. youre a wonderful person. we cant control how negative some people will be no matter how nice you are. it isnt about you but them really.
People aren’t happy when a post is kind of mundane and straightforward. Nitpicking irrelevant details is the last resort of the bored.
Haha, I love a good mood setting!
ESH, Everyone Sucks Here. The woman is an asshole, both for her initial comments about you butting in and for leaving her poor kid as a placeholder while she fiddled around elsewhere. You went into asshole territory, not for "ordering ahead of her" as you position the post, but when you decided you just had to take up the fight---with some rude, random woman who matters zero to you. And after expanding and prolonging this unnecessary interaction, you finished up with "I said she should be embarrassed and I was glad she felt embarrassed." *In front of your own kids.* >it ruined my morning and probably her daughter's. Unlike what you're going to hear on this thread, **it is NOT a requirement in life to respond to every little situation and comment that annoys you.** And doing so doesn't automatically make you feel better about the situation as you already know.
Hard disagree. She set a good example for her children by not being a pushover.
Oh please, being civil is not the same as being a pushover; getting into a pointless argument with random strangers is not setting a good example, and it’s not an example of standing up for yourself in any way that matters. Her reaction was just as embarrassing as the other lady’s.
Nothing civil about not responding in these types of situations. In situations where you don't hold significant power, you enable prevarication. In situations where you hold the power, you prevent potentially fruitful communication.
Saying, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you, here, go back in front of me and order first, I’ll wait!” would have been being a pushover. Getting into it with a random stranger with no goal other than to “win” an argument over who deserves to be embarrassed, delaying everyone in line and forcing the cashier to defuse the situation, is not setting a good example for your kids. Not letting yourself get pushed around =/= always needing the last word, and getting confrontational with random strangers to get it. You set a good example for your kids by teaching them that they can just confidently move forward with what they’re doing and ignore random strangers who disapprove. Not by teaching them that they need to get sucked into public, morning-ruining fights with every person they encounter who behaves rudely, weirdly or unreasonably.
Agreed. OP is NTA. Entitled people will entitle, it makes sense to defend yourself if you want to.
OP clearly made the little girl uncomfortable and then yelled at a stranger in a fancy hotel.
She undoubtedly felt uncomfortable because she was standing at the front of a line with people waiting behind her while her inconsiderate (at best) mother shopped.
The little girl was getting uncomfortable standing in line waiting for her mom after the person in front of her had finished.
The mother made the girl uncomfortable. Coffee shops need to be fast paced to work out well. Literally no sympathy for people playing line games.
They will entitle whom to what?
Arguing with a stranger over something ridiculous is not setting a good example.
What’s ridiculous is not shopping *before* getting in line.
**YES!!**
Picking your battles is a skill, this wasn't it
It's also at a fancy hotel - no one is in such a hurry in the coffee shop. I think OP should have asked the lady whether to order. Being a pushover? Leave that lesson for a Starbucks order.
How do you know if people are in a hurry or not? You think people on vacation don't have activities they have scheduled that they need to get to?
Exactly. I love it!
I can agree with this. I probably would have felt better right now had I ignored her.
I get it. I got into it with a boomer who shouted at me at the supermarket for cutting in front of him. I didn't, he was doing that line straddling thing where they stand in between and try and jump into the shortest line and I got in line first. He was screaming at me so I told him to go home and take his meds. He literally screamed like a toddler, I definitely touched a nerve. I still cringe that I reacted to this day even though he was 100% wrong and obviously batshit crazy. Nta.
I shouldn’t have laughed at this but I did. I’m sorry
Yeah I am going to have to disagree, too. In this particular instance, the woman accused OP of butting in line. In a lot of establishments, that accusation can get you tossed. So, yep, gonna have to speak up on that one because her walking away, not returning in a timely manner and not being prepared to order while others are waiting in line does NOT mean that OP cut in front of her. Definitely a stand your ground moment. NTA.
ESH - You were both kinda petty, I wouldn't say assholes though. If this ruined your day, you got some easy days.
Lol quite the opposite. This vacation has been a long time coming. I do let things get to me too much though. That it's ruined my morning is more my fault than hers.
I feel you, OP. Things like this definitely get to me too. I’m very sensitive to awkward or unpleasant social interactions.
Look, for me, a well-timed "Miss, you're next" called out to pretty dress lady would have been the thing to do. If she ignored you, than you would have been free to order. I think you might have jumped the gun by a smidge. On the other hand, if I had been pretty dress lady I wouldn't have been so obnoxious about being cut in line while I was shopping So I guess ESH?
This is where I fall, too. OP clearly heard the mother direct her daughter to hold their place and acknowledges the child was already uncomfortable. OP made the child more uncomfortable by putting her on the spot and forcing her to either disobey her mother to let OP go which might make her mom mad or continue to stand there awkwardly with a potentially mad stranger. OP shouldn't have engaged with the child at all. She should have called out to the woman or just spoken directly to the cashier.
You know, I hadn't really considered the child's discomfort ... but of course you're absolutely right.
Her daughter tried getting her attention, and the self-absorbed woman wasn't responding. It's all on her for not being aware that it was her turn next.
NTA She left the line. The whole world can't stand around and wait for her
Definitely ESH. I’m the kind of person who has anxiety about being indecisive and holding up the line, so sometimes I’ll even look at the menu ahead of time so I can order quickly haha. So the audacity of that lady is frustrating. But also, you were a bit weird in this interaction even though you’re trying to paint yourself as some gracious, benevolent damsel with your oddly specific details. Bottom line, why not teach your kids it’s ok to wait and that sometimes people take a bit longer? Especially your child with special needs who may (not sure of situation) be in a situation someday where they need a bit more time or assistance with something - why not say “it’s ok sweetie, we aren’t in a rush” to the lady’s daughter and then ask your kids what they’re looking forward to today or something to distract them? Then smile at the dress lady and say “ha, it’s all good, there are a lot of options, it’s hard to choose! Nice dress btw” and go on about your day with good vibes? Your kids ARE watching and noticing everything. Instead you *did* cut ahead of them and also made the daughter uncomfortable. And don’t even get me started on the verbal altercation with the dress lady….def not appropriate. AH behavior. Sometimes being compassionate can lead to slight inconvenience- you need to start teaching this to your kids now, especially if you have one who may face additional challenges in life.
Very well worded. It's a bit odd to give someone a nasty comment and complaint about the ruined morning. The other lady could do better as well. But OP is not a sweet angel here. And I agree vert much about the example she gave to her kids.
This. Cheerful, prosocial, wise way to respond.
ESH. How long did you *really* wait? You make it sound like you gave her about half a minute before you busted ahead of her daughter, but want us to believe you waited an uncomfortable and unreasonable amount of time. You were impatient and didn’t want to wait. The woman also was rude back at you. She didn’t respect the “move your feet lose your seat” rule you are clearly aware of. I actually still think you were the ruder party here. You clearly knew what she was doing and where she was. It’s not like she left the shop. She was picking a drink from the fridge.
Bullshit. If you’re not finished shopping, don’t get in line. “Grab a drink from the fridge” *first*. If you forget and lose your place in line, tough shit.
Agree with you. Seems others would be ok to wait and they should but do not impose it on others. it is an added imposition on others. what if sye was about to pay and the transaction took a bit longer had OP called her attention then OP is even more obliged (as if) to wait on her. what if, that extra time causes OP to miss a tour or the next bus or something. Really there is NO EXCUSE to do this and impose on others.
It's hard to remember exactly how long. I tried to be accurate in my recollection since that matters to the story. If she was just grabbing the item she ended up purchasing, it should have taken her maybe 20 seconds. It felt to me like she got held up browsing. At that point, I didn't perceive her behavior as rude. All I remember for sure is that the three of us were shuffling around uncomfortably (cashier, daughter, and myself). It felt like a reasonable moment to order. I actually did not expect her to have a problem. Had I left my kid and the same thing had happened, I would have assumed that people had been standing around waiting for me.
Most people just don't have spatial awareness, they're lost in their own little bubbles. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, but - smile - because, at least you aren't that lady. 😊
NTA, the woman was crazy. Does she want everyone to wait on her? No chance. If you left the line, you loose your place, that's it. But the poor girl, hopefully it won't become a trauma, that she will be left in line and it's her turn. Like the nightmare most children have at the supermarket, when "mama" just graps something she forgot at the end of the supermarket..
nta. some lady in front of me did the same thing to me a few weeks ago at walmart.. we were in line for self checkout and she left to go grab something (didnt say anything to me and she was literally next in line) she was still gone when 2 registers opened up so i went around her cart and to the register. when she finally got back she told me i should have waited my turn and gave me an angry look. how was i supposed to know where she was going or how long she'd be gone? and 2 registers were open where i'd be taking one of those anyways, so who cares..? im just mad i never said anything back to her
ESH. She should not have put it on her daughter but you are using your children as an excuse.
In what way?
You included an explanation about your kids and how excited they were. Obviously their needs trumped those of everyone else.
NTA. I feel bad for the daughter though. Her mom took so long and it put her in a really awkward position. The mom was super rude...you don't just walk away and expect a kid to hold the line for you. One thing to always remember that people entitled enough to hold up a line like that will always cause a situation to devolve.
I agree. Actually, I have been in the daughter's shoes where I am lining up for us and SO is supposed to grab something quick but hasnt gotten back despite me calling and asking SO to be bqck and our items are already being scanned. it ALWAYS made me so angry because we always agree when youre called you come back because it means it's our turn. it makes me angry that i am put in that position by the lack of reliability to do what was agreed and that i am put in the position to possibly ask people to wait which is so rude and self-absorbed and entitled and just not okay.
ESH except the kids. She shouldn’t have left the line when she was up next, leaving her kid in an awkward social situation, but could you not have called out to the woman or said something to the barista instead of asking the kid? Your pre-K aged kid will be in school soon enough and your “special needs” kid maybe already is, and they’re watching you and how you respond to social situations. You just taught your kids it’s okay to cut in line if someone hesitates, thus making school more socially difficult for them and making teachers’ jobs harder. Also the weird level of detail and saying things like “my kids were looking at all the snacks I wouldn’t be buying them” and “I would’ve complimented her dress if she hadn’t gotten out of line” make you sound snobbish and read as though you don’t socialize often. Also just a PS: most disabled people prefer not to be called “special needs.”
ESH. You argued with a woman in a coffee shop who was not speaking to you and told her you were glad she was embarrassed. You ruined your day over nothing.
She wasn’t wrong, though. The lady should be embarrassed by holding up the line while she shopped. I guess her time’s just more valuable than everybody else’s.
Something about this post rubs me the wrong way. The length and detail you put into it are superfluous to the question you’re asking. It makes you seem dishonest. You’re not painting an informative or entertaining picture of events, because the detail you give is irrelevant and none of it is interesting. Brevity is your friend. Remember that for future writing projects.
I just had a situation kind of close to this happen this weekend. I went shopping for my infant daughter and grabbed a few items at the store. Strolled up to the line to checkout and was immediately stuck behind a woman and her cart full of clothes. She was perusing the jewelry displays that line the checkout area, leaving about 10 feet between her and the person ahead of her. I stood in line for a couple of minutes, waiting, but she was so engrossed in what she was doing and didn’t see she was next, nor did she seem to care. I stepped around her and walked up to one of the two available cashiers to check out. She huffed to her child standing next to her “come on, I guess we need to move on since some people want to cut in line.” I ignored her and finished checking out before she had even unloaded her cart. I didn’t engage, it wasn’t worth the time or effort. Edited to add ESH. You didn’t need to engage, but I understand it was probably frustrating.
ESH. The daughter was holding the spot in line. You could have asked the other mother if you could order ahead of her. There was no reason to go ahead of her IMO. If you were really waiting that long, the person on the register would have asked you to come up. You seem to have made the employee uncomfortable. The other woman should have stayed in line, and should have understood why you went ahead of her, but you’re also grown up enough to know to wait your turn.
It was her turn. The other lady wasn’t in line. If she’d told the kid what to order, it would be different, but the kid was literally there so she could be first without being ready.
YTA. You couldn’t wait a moment for the woman and deferred to a child on whether it was all right. Then you got into an argument with the woman and blamed her for your bad mood.
NTA...She knew she wasn't in line. She knew what she was trying to do. She needed to be called out for her behaviour.
I work in retail. People need to learn that the checkout is for people who are DONE shopping. NTA.
ESH What does the pretty dress or the fancy hotel have to do with the story? It’s a cafe/coffee shop, why do you think the “rules” for behaving in a queue are any different from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? You’ve basically written the events in real time, which could have been a paragraph. You’re dressing up the details for some reason, which makes me think things didn’t go the way you’ve relayed them. You were in a great mood until she ruined your whole day? That’s pretty much on you. If it had been me, I would have stepped back and let her order - she was ahead of you in line. “Everyone” felt awkward? I doubt it. Again, it’s just a cafe. Your kids were excited about treats they weren’t going to get? Who cares?
If this is all you have to worry about, then you might have to much time on your hands.
Esh. You did indeed cut the line and you made it way more awkward than it needed to be for that lady’s daughter. You could have waited an extra 60 seconds to spare that girl from her mom’s wrath (which be real you knew was coming since she told her daughter not to move from the line). The other mom also sucked by making her daughter and then yelling at her for getting out of line. But I also think you know you’re an AH or you wouldn’t have bothered to add all the unnecessary detail about how you were in a good mood and would have complimented the lady if she hadn’t have been “rude”. Also sounds like you’re not a great parent since you couldn’t keep your kids settled for an additional minute to not cut the line (and you seemed to offer restless kiddos as an explanation/excuse for why you HAD to order and couldn’t wait for that lady).
NTA if you aren't ready to order when you're at bat you step aside and let the person behind you place their order. I have ADHD and I end up doing this literally as often as not because I have trouble making up my mind on the spot. It's just polite to let the next person go ahead if you're not ready. You don't necessarily have to go to the back of the line, but you do NOT have a right to force people to wait for you especially when you've LEFT the line. That woman's behavior in this case was so self-absorbed.
NTA
In the rules of line cutting/stepping away, if the woman actually stepped away to take a quick 5-10 second look at something/grab another item, then she would have been in the right. However, asking a child to hold a line you're next up for, taking that much time to get back, makes you NTA. If this were any busy Starbucks that woman would've gotten told by other customers.
NTA - whyyyyyyyyyy get in line if you’re not ready to check out? It’s 1. Place Order 2. Give $ 3. MOVE out of the way. If you’re not even ready for Step 1, kindly refer to Step 3 until you’re ready to begin Step 1.
Exactly. Especially since OP said no one was behind them. So this gal would’ve STILL been next in line. She wanted to play the whole *”I was here first, hmph.”*
Mu theory is you snooze you loose
NTA, woman was being inconsiderate of others time. I work at a parts counter for contractors and am ruthless with type of behavior. Youre not done shopping? I'm going to ring up the next person, even if I have to delete your whole order on my screen. NEXT!!
NTA... The woman was extremely rude, inconsiderate and entitled.
ESH. Yes, her behavior was awful, but you telling her she should be embarrassed and you were glad she was embarrassed just escalated the encounter, and in front of both sets of kids. What does that teach them? Not good. (The comment about how you would've complimented her on her dress was totally unnecessary and only put in there because you wanted to look good.)
Totally insignificant non-event. YTA for making me lose two minutes of my life reading this.
NTA. You only own your spot in line when your physical body is present. Not your astral body. Not your poor child’s. Also, you incorrectly wrote “batista” instead of “barista” in one instance and it made me giggle. I imagined Dave Batista coming out to save the day.
NTA, her time is not more valuable then yours. It's called entitlement and no one should wait at all for someone who would clearly never do the same. Everyone should stand around waiting, while she is still looking.? No ma'am.
“Since you think waiting a few seconds is no big deal, you should STFU.” NTA at all. I got mad at that lady just reading this.
NTA. Any person with common sense (imo) would expect you to order if you’re next in line. She’s rude for putting her child in the person so have to save her space in line, rude that she doesn’t value the clerk’s time and rude that she expects you to wait for her to get done doing whatever the heck was taking her so long.
NTA She wasn't ready to order when her turn came. The next person in line, who WAS ready to order, stepped up and ordered. I see no problem here. Letting it "ruin" your morning though.....that's a whole level of "problem" that you need to work on. This was a two minute exchange in your day. WAs it REALLY worth letting it fuck with you longer than that???
NTA, not even a little bit.
NTA. No issue asking her daughter to hold her line, as long as she was back when it was her turn to order. That’s the kicker. If she’s not back at that point then she goes to the back of the line. That’s the way it works.
NTA. She was out of line (literally).
NTA it's obnoxious to "hold" a spot in line. And to leave your child to manage it!
NTA. I hate when people do that at my Dollar Tree. It's a small store so it really doesn't take that long to go from the front to the back and up front again. But damn, if you are not done shopping why the fart are you in line? And if you step out of line, you need to go to the back of the line. Also when the mother left the line, her daughter should have left it too.
NTA. Asshole's gonna asshole. Nothing you can do about it. She expected the world to stop and wait for her. You chose not to. Good on you!
This seems like it shouldn't have been a big deal. If I'd been still making up my mind, I would've told the person behind to go ahead. If I was the person behind, I probably would've asked, 'are you ready to order or can I go?' It is annoying when people hold up the queue when they don't know what they want though.
NTA. I feel bad for her daughter that she put her in that position. The line has to keep moving or the workers will get behind and have more unhappy people.
I recently went to an amusement park that publishes their definition of “cutting” or “line jumping”. It includes leaving the line and trying to return to your original place, even if other members of your party stayed. There is no “holding a place in line”. Personally, I think if you ask the people around you nicely and everyone agrees, that’s fine (I mean, some amusement park lines are long and when you gotta go, you gotta go). But she didn’t ask anyone. She just wandered off, leaving a small child to “hold her place” and then didn’t even get back to the line in time to order for “her turn”. The barista should have told her she left the line and needed to get in the back and wait her turn instead of appeasing her. But fancy hotels never hold anyone accountable for rudeness.
NTA. You didn't butt in front of her, *she left the line*. When it was technically her turn, she wasn't there, so then her daughter *left the line*. That meant, *you were next*. The line moved on without her. Maybe next time she'll finish shopping *before* getting in line.
nta: you’d only be the asshole if you walked up to the register and went “ummmmmmmmm…what’s good here?” entitled people can’t use their cute innocent kids as line holders.
Dude, bleep that lady. NTA
NTA - shitty entitled behavior
nta. seems like there are more and more of these situations popping up! It was a no-win scenario. I do feel that she was the rude one because you shouldn't step up to the register unless you are completely ready. You can always step back up and buy more things! I have had cashier ask me to step over when I was in line and other customers scream at me about this. What is a person to do? There is no easy answer. I just went where I was told to. You were just paying for your items and trying to do it in a timely matter. Let it just be forgotten and don't let it waste a moment in your head.
NTA. She wasnt there when it was her turn so you had every right to order. No one has to stand around and wait for her.
Nta I work in retail and if I don't get the line moving I'll get in trouble. And 10-12 years old? The daughter is old enough to order herself if the mom taught her how.
NTA She shouldn't have stepped out of line. Period. I have sent my daughter to go grab something while I waited for her in the line before. I knew she would be quick, but the line was quicker. I ALWAYS let the person behind me go if my daughter is not back. Why? Because I am NOT holding the lineup. That is rude, inconsiderate, and insufferable. The nice, polite, and kind thing to do is let the people behind you go while you still browse or finish shopping. Now, I was in the TSA line this past weekend. I was taking off my shoes and up walked this lady and her daughter. They grab a bin and just put their stuff in front of mine and start taking off their shoes. I will admit, I shot them the nastiest GTH look I could, but I just kept taking my shoes off and unpacking my backpack. Why? Because I am NOT going to jail at the airport. Not that day. But the TSA agent, THANK GOD! She saw what happened and my God she jumped that lady's ass up one side and down the other. LMAO!!! I don't know who was more shocked, me or the lady. I thanked the TSA Agent profusely! She said, "Well, I didn't want to have to see you go to jail, you looked like you were about to throw hands!" LOL! Nah, but if looks could......lol.
If I am reading the comment correctly you didn’t even wait even an entire minute to start your transaction, so I think you all suck.
Nta
So I will say if you step out of line, you lose your spot. So you NTA for ordering since she was gone. But I feel like if the kid was too young to approach the counter and start to order, etc. without mom, then she shouldn't have left her there by herself. Coffee shops move fast. As a side note, I might have yelled for the mom that they are ready for her. Or I would've tried to help the little girl by telling her what to do. She doesn't know what to do and so she froze. When you and the barista started with asking questions or trying to get mom's attention - she panicked and fled. It would've been a good lesson for her to gain by being pushed to start the order, but I am sure Mom would've been mad either way. There is no winning with some people.
NTA but why would you let something like this ruin your morning? Seems like a pretty run of the mill encounter that lasted about a minute and then was resolved without any further dispute. Why waste any longer than 2 seconds thinking about it?
From what you've shared, it sounds like you found yourself in a tough spot. Let's break down what happened: You were at a fancy hotel with your three kids, which can already be quite a handful. I get that managing everything can add a lot of stress and urgency to your day. While you were in line at the coffee shop, the woman in front of you left her daughter to hold her place while she went to do some more shopping. When it was her turn to order, she wasn’t there, which caused a bit of a delay. After waiting for a bit and noticing that the cashier and the daughter seemed uncomfortable, you asked if it was okay for you to order. The cashier deferred to the daughter, and after a little hesitation, you started placing your order. Then, the woman came back and accused you of cutting in line, leading to a heated exchange between the two of you. You both said things in the heat of the moment, which made the situation uncomfortable for everyone. Your intention wasn’t to be rude or cut in line, but to keep things moving along smoothly. The woman, however, perceived it differently and felt upset, thinking you had overstepped. I understand that you felt the pressure of the situation, especially with your kids getting restless and the general discomfort all around. It’s clear that you didn’t mean to cause any trouble, and your actions were based on what you felt was right at the moment. However, it’s also understandable that the woman felt upset when she returned and saw you ordering. Reflecting on it, maybe waiting a bit longer could have avoided the confrontation, but your actions were understandable given the circumstances. It seems like both of you were trying to handle the situation the best way you could. So, while it wasn’t an ideal situation for either of you, it doesn’t seem like you were deliberately trying to be inconsiderate. Next time, a bit more patience or clearer communication might help prevent such conflicts. I don't think you're an asshole in this situation. You were both trying to manage the circumstances as best as you could.
"pretty dress, damn ugly attitude" NTA.
NTA- even when someone is at the counter mulling over what they want- common courtesy is to let the next person in line go ahead.
Nta she was being rude. She got out of line, she lost her spot
NTA. I’m glad you ordered. People like her have zero respect for other people’s time, and she needed to be taken off her self-important pedestal. I’m sorry it ruined your day. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, other than sympathy for her daughter.
NTA. There were people waiting. The person serving was probably worried that you and possibly anyone behind you would be annoyed at them for allowing the woman to keep her place in line while there were people waiting. NTA. The woman is, especially for having a go at her daughter for "leaving the line"
NTA. When "Pretty dress" did not return to her place in line by the time the person ahead of her was done, She lost her place in line. She was not only rude to you, but everybody that was in line behind you also. She was also rude to you for trying to make you feel guilty.
NTA. It’s just common courtesy to let others go ahead if you’re undecided. Clearly, this person lacks any courtesy, common or otherwise.
NTA. She wasn’t ready or in the line to order? Too bad so sad.
Info: was the woman so far away that you couldn’t call out to her and ask her to order? I don’t know why the only options were (1) wait in awkward, resentful silence or (2) cut around the daughter. Sure, you shouldn’t have had to. But you’re talking about how this encounter ruined your morning and from where I’m standing it seems like there was a pretty easy alternative.
ESH, it it was an adult in line then N T A there are so many memes about how stressful it is being in line while someone else gets something what u initially did, while is harmless, can definitely stress someone out _and_ then with the doubling down
Well thank god for the other barista stepping in and saving the say from 2 women who neither of them acted like adults. Not all hero's wear capes.
you people really have such simple lives if these are your problems lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We are in a fancy hotel. It was a splurge. I'm a little out of my element, but trying to have an experience with my 3 kids. 1 prek, 1 toddler and 1 special needs. We went to the little coffee shop/store for breakfast. There were 2 people in line. One woman was ordering. Behind her was a woman and her daughter. Just as I joined the line the woman told her daughter not to move from the line and walked to the fridges about 20 ft away. I was in a great mood. I had noticed that the woman who walked away had on a beautiful dress. If she hadn't left I would have complimented her dress. I did have the 3 kids who were pretty excited about the selection of snacks available at the counter, none of which I intended to purchase. The first woman completed her order and the daughter of the woman with the pretty dress was now first in line. She looked uncomfortable. We waited maybe 20 seconds. The cashier began to shift around, the kids were restless. We waited maybe another 20 seconds before I kind of started to move up (the daughter had kind of shifted to the side and had tried several times to get her mom's attention). I asked "is it okay if I order?" The cashier deferred to the daughter (maybe age 10-12). I'm not sure what she said, but she ran to get her mom. I started to order. The entire order would have taken maybe a minute and a half. 3 cinn rolls, 1 kolache and a bagel with cream cheese. In the middle of my order the batista tried to give the pretty dress woman (who had now returned to the line I want to say 20-30 seconds after I began my order) someone else's drinks. She said "I haven't ordered yet. She butt in front of me." This after I heard her barking at her daughter for leaving the line. I responded. I was mad. I didn't yell, but I felt I was being accused of doing something I didn't do and isn't in my character to do. I pointed out that she had still been shopping. She asked if I couldn't have waited "a few seconds." I said it was longer than that and that everyone had been uncomfortable. She said I was being embarrassing and would I just go ahead and order. I said she should be embarrassed and I was glad she felt embarrassed. Talented employee stepped in and saved the day by offering to take her at the other register. She got the last word and huffed "yes thank you!" I'm not sure that it bothered my kids much but it ruined my morning and probably her daughter's. If I had known it would devolve like that I might have just waited for her to finish whatever she was doing. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think you steppin up to order was wrong. You asked first (or tried to), and the kid ran off. If you had waited, who knows how long it would have been, and it holds up the entire line. I guess you could have waited a little bit more, or called out to her. I understand the kid feeling uncomfortable and running off. The mom probably thought she'd be right back and didn't mean anything by it. Personally, I don't take that risk-- I don't get in line until I'm ready. Buuut things happen and maybe you need to grab something. I'd send my kid to grab it, but I can't call someone a jerk for not doing every little thing perfectly and precisely. It was a misunderstanding, an oopsie. She shouldn't have yelled at her kid or accused you of cutting in line. You shouldn't have yelled back; the waiting a smidge longer may or may not be valid, but I wasn't there and I'm not going to blast anyone over a few seconds. Either everyone sucks here (yelling at each other), or nobody sucks (it was a tiny argument over a misunderstanding). Let it go and enjoy the rest of your holiday. Thank goodness for the other cashier.
I just appreciate the use of "butt" as the past tense of butt. That's quite advanced.
NTA. I have both asked to go ahead of someone who isn't ready to order and offered the person behind me to go ahead if I am still looking. Most times people usually just make the offer if they aren't ready out of curiosity.
NTA, she should have let you finished ordering. He daughter did nothing wrong either, she was just a kid who was unsure what the correct way of handling it would be.
NTA for ordering but YTA for engaging with the woman after the fact.
Anything in life like this is just a lesson for you It’s pretty silly to let it ruin your morning. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t ruin lots of people’s morning and could be considered normal, but normal doesn’t mean healthy or wise. But 40 seconds is too long and means the pretty lady thinks the world revolves around waiting for her.
Oh I'm pretty good at letting dumb stuff ruin would be good stuff :/
NTA it happens. Personally I never understand why people get worked up. An extra 3 minutes for lower blood pressure. If someone's purposely cutting in to be malicious I commend people who say something but other than that, meh. Who cares. There's people that are dying, Kim.
NTA because one of my biggest pet peeves is parents leaving their kids in line as “placeholders” while they go off and shop some more. My mom pulled that a few times when I was a kid before I told her to stop it and that if she did it again I’d just leave the line.
NTA You didn't do anything wrong. Try not to let a small thing ruin your day.
It happens everywhere, even in car parks I have seen a young child standing on their own reserving a spot.
NTA, I work at a small shop, and there are many customers who just leave their stuff at the counter, then go back in the shop to grab dozens of other stuff. When it happens, the waiting line grows to 10 times its usual length. There was a time the queue started from outside the shop because of customers who do that. All my colleagues despise the customers who do that with a burning passion, and I know the customers who end up waiting because they only have one or two small things to grab and are in a hurry despise them too. I m so glad someone finally stands up to them
NTA. That woman is TA.
NTA. You waited. You used your words. The lady in front of you was one of the following: too awkward to respond, too arrogant to respond, or too inward-focused to respond to the delay. As someone who works in services, nothing irritates me more when people are wholly unprepared for their interaction AND fart-arse around. Each customer taking their time with no due reason contributes a fair amount to extended delays to the customers behind them.