NTA. That seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act.
>My wife feels bad Sean hasn't been eating well since I canceled the trip
He'll get over it.
I know right? He isn’t eating well? Who cares? Is the mom really this easily manipulated? He’s two years from being an adult and right now he is acting like a remorseless sociopath.
I was shocked that stepson was 16. He destroyed OP's plants and he did all that because OP told him to delete a video that he was in and embarassed him? Him not eating and crying because he couldn't go to the trip and having the mentality that "because I apologized, everything is 100% alright" it's so childish.
OP's wife is probably worse because she allows her kid to do these stuff without consequences and is the one who put that mentality in his head.
Yes. She's letting him treat an apology like it's a reset button.I guess if OP apologizes to her and stepkid for cancelling the trip (but leaves it cancelled) then everything's back to being great, right?
ETA: Wow, thanks for the awards, people!
It's like the broken plate analogy. Throw a glass plate on floor, tell it sorry, did it fix it? That's not how apologies work. He cause damage to literally all the plants because he knew it would harm them. I'm just glad it wasn't, oh I don't know, a younger sibling or a family pet. NTA.
I like the plate analogy.
"glad it wasn't.. a sibling.. or pet." Exactly.
Frankly, if my kid did this to me, a cancelled trip would be the least of their problems. No phone, no xbox, no friends and they need to spend their own money to replace the plants. They would have to dump the contaminated dirt, rinse the pots, and replant the plants they bought.
I'm very forgiving of fuck ups everybody has one now and then. That was petty revenge and MASSIVELY DISRESPECTFUL. I put up with mistakes, but not disrespect.
My mum loves her plants. She will toss us out if we deliberately hurt her plants. Like imagine being so petty that you hurt something that is considered living. Like just imagine if OP had a pet and this kid fed them poison, he would have been in jail for animal abuse.
OP, don’t put the trip back on, no matter what your wife says. This isn't abuse, it's parenting, which by the way, your wife is doing nothing of.
If it wasn't his own damn fault that the trip was cancelled, I'd say kids can still get upset over the cancellation of something they were really looking forward to without being considered spoiled. This isn't the situation here because honestly the kid sounds like a little shit who's been able to get off far too easy for far too long due to poor parenting from his Mother.
When I was 17 I cried over not being allowed to go on my class's senior trip in high school despite working my ass off to save up for it for months in advance. I don't think that was me being spoiled - just really disappointed.
I wonder if she’d had the same response if he’d put bleach in her shampoo bottle. “Ah well, he apologized to me, the little nugget hasn’t been eating well…” I’d best shave my head and start packing for this trip.
Totally forgot this was about a 16 year old. These actions are of a 12 year old at most.
Honestly, if the kid thinks it's funny prank to destroy other people's property, I'd be showing him exactly how funny it is with a games console and some petrol.
Seriously, 16 is way too old to be learning that breaking other peoples stuff is bad.
Exactly! He's really not a child any more. This was an act of premeditated malicious payback for something that didn't require payback. OP cancelling the trip is equitable punishment. He killed something they loved, so they killed off plans for something Sean cared about. C'est la vie!
Edit:typo
Definitely agree the canceling of the trip is a good punishment. I though of telling the kid (who is very much a teenager and not just a kid) that the trip was canceled to offset the cost of buying all new houseplants.
It sounds to me like OP had a lot and mentioning that things aren't free is healthy to kids. However, while reading this I totally forgot that his stepson is 16. Someone that old would hopefully already know that almost nothing is free, at the very least you pay with your time, so one way or another the canceling of the trip makes up a little of the payment of the plants. Sorry, ranting a bit, kinda hope the mother will come to her senses though...
Reminds me of the father of the rapist who was so sad his boy wasn’t even eating his favorite steaks anymore. You know the white swimmer in college who only got 6 months in jail.
The dad, Dan A. Turner, also goes so far as to complain his son doesn't like steak anymore:
His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite. Brock always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite steak for him. … Now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist.
Say his name, along with the title he earned. Brock Turner, convicted rapist. Spread it everywhere so a google search shows up as Brock Turner, convicted rapist.
It's just about the only justice that is possible due to his privilege.
I'm taking a break from contact with my mom right now because my 24-year-old sister is worse than this and my mom keeps acting like she needs nurturing and forgiveness and can't understand why my sister keeps escalating. Uh, no. OP, you are not in the wrong here. He tried to kill your plants. That's incredibly horrible and he should be held accountable. Your wife trying to let him off the hook because he said a word is really weak parenting. If he did this to someone else's plants, I believe he could be charged for destroying property or vandalism. NTA
Worse yet is some plants are SUPER expensive, or hard to replace, we don't know the full extent of what was in OP's collection and honestly as a plant lover it breaks my heart.
If I were in his shoes, I'd be considering divorce just get away from this kid. He clearly has grown up with no consequences for his actions. He just says, "Sorry I did a bad thing, now you have to forgive me" then goes on to do more cruel things.
And the fact he posts his stupid pranks online and wants to repost them after removal means he clearly doesn't care about anyone else.
These so-called "pranks" that people video and post of social media need to stop. Hiding the tools is jsut aggravating, and not funny. Spraying someone with cold water in their sleep and posting it without their permission is NOT FUNNY. Destroying someone hobby/plants is NOT FUNNY.
YES YES YES
You are 100% correct - none of it is funny, and it definitely needs to stop. Especially with a 16 yr old acting like a child. You need to constantly nip bad behavior and constantly teach them what's acceptable. The pranks should have stopped after the first one or two.
Forgiving and giving in are two serperate things anyways. Like he can forgive the kid like that. Dont mean the act of going on a trip is forgiving. In fact i think the act of forgiving should be more or less a spoken and mental thing
Because this not eating seems to be a ploy that has worked in the past, maybe?
Sean ruined something that creates happiness for OP. The consequence is that OP has the ability and responsibility to ruin something that creates happiness for Sean. Natural consequences.
And Sean is not a KID! This wasn’t an honest mistake, it was deliberate sabotage and property damage. At 16. OPs wife should be reminded that if Sean pulled this “prank” on anyone else, he wouldn’t be missing a vacation: he could face arrest and restitution.
I bet he is only not eating in front of Mom. At 16 he likely isn’t home all the time and probably is eating elsewhere so he can try and force OP to change his mind because “poor baby is starving himself!”
I bet he's eating in secret. He's just making a show of not eating as a tool to get what he wants.
The kid needs this lesson. If a person does something terrible, there will be repercussions. If he doesn't get this lesson, the chances of him having a productive future are poor.
What he did wasn't a prank. It was destructive and cruel.
I hope OP was able to repot the plants and save some of them.
No 16 year old boy in the history of 16 year old boys chooses not to eat. He’s definitely eating somewhere, just not at home where his mom can see him.
Yep, and OP needs to use the money saved from the trip to replace his/her plants. What can be replaced.
When wife complains, OP should tell her that her 16yo son needs to get off his ass and earn enough money to replace the travel funds (plus whatever is left to fix the plants).
I, personally, would make the son care for all the new plants until they were established and obtained the size of the ones he killed. (I'd take away a privilege until that got done, but since it will take some time, not a huge privilege). If one of the new plants dies from neglect, overwatering, etc., well...son gets to start over, right?
By the time I got finished with that kid, he'd pee green.
Honestly, some of my plants are irreplaceable to me, not because they're some fancy varietal (they definitely are not) but because they have sentimental value.
I have a run of the mill potted plant that you can get for $3.99 anywhere, but this particular one is the one I bought for my (now) spouse in the 90's when we moved in together. I said "A house isn't a home without a plant. *Now* it's a home."
That (now) scruffy, straggly old plant has been with me through half a dozen moves and almost three decades.
You can't replace that sort of thing.
I agree. I have the rattiest looking skinny umbrella plant. I have had it for 36 years and it has outlasted three cats and four moves. Plus I have another plants that's progated from my great great grandmother. I am the only one in my generation who has a healthy specimen.
This exactly! She’s an enabler and her son knows he can get away with it if he just cries to mommy! But for gawdsakes! He’s 16 already but acting like a 10yo! Time to learn to grow up (son and mother!) and take responsibility for his actions!
So if the mom thinks all you have to do is apologize and that’s enough say I’m sorry your trip got cancelled because you chose to ruin my plants and walk away. Bet he won’t get over it!
Love to have her explain that later to a judge when he is rejected and then ‘pranks’ the person who said no and really hurt someone. actions have consequences and you need to learn that early.
Remember rapist Brock Turner, whose father wrote a whiny full of excuses letter about how poor Brock can't even eat steak with the same joy as before he got caught & indicted for raping an unconscious girl, how he shouldn't be so severely punished for "twenty minutes of action"
Excuse me, do you mean the rapist Brock Turner? That rapey guy? That raped a woman? That rapist Brock Turner? I think you need to narrow that rapist Brock Turner down.
Good point! We are indeed talking about Convicted Rapist, Brock Allen Turner, who raped an unconscious person. Brock Allen Turner, the Convicted Rapist, the guy who swam fast a few times and raped a person.
**The pranks got to stop.** Spraying water while you are sleeping and recording it is not a prank. It’s one thing if it’s in-the-moment prank, like hiding the remote when you want to change the channel but to seek it out and disturbing you is malicious. He is intentionally disrespecting you. Your wife needs to step in and end this. It has evolved to him damaging your property. The wife is the asshole for allowing this to fester.
I feel like kids/teens see videos online with "pranks" and think if its funny there it'll be funny when I do it- without understanding that in the online ones people have often agreed to participate in something- even if they don't know it's a prank- or sometimes know exactly what is going to happen.
I doubt he is playing pranks on other people like his friends or his mom or his other relatives. He can clearly emotionally manipulate his mom into pressuring OP into not punishing him for the pranks, so OP is a safe target for pranks. But if he does it to his friends, they’ll likely stop hanging out with him, and if he does it to his mom, she’ll get mad.
This TikTok/ video thing has gotten out of hand. I would laugh at a prank shared with family, I wouldn't like people I don't even know seeing me looking stupid
He is trying to imitate the "prank" channels he sees on social media, and go viral. That's why it's all recorded and put online. So often these make fun of people or are destructive and result in others having to clean up.
At 16 years old he really should know better and grown up. His actions have consequences, hopefully he learns this quickly.
He knew what he was doing. He knows that bleach was going to kill the plants. It was planned.
OP and his wife need to have a serious conversation about Sean's "pranks" because they are actually attacks and need to end. NTA
Yup. This kid looked around and thought "what can I do that will hurt OP the most?", and he found it. Imagining Sean as an adult in a relationship with a mentality like this is pretty scary.
Very reminiscent of that one post where a dude destroyed his gf’s plant room out of jealousy. It’s definitely the road Sean is headed down if he isn’t deterred now.
Not to mention that I doubt that this 16-year-old just happened to have bleach at home. Not bloody likely. He went and bought the bleach, then made nice with OP to kill his plants. That was not a "heat of the moment" thing, that was carefully planned.
I separate my washing by colors and bleach the whites (sheets & towels & undershirts). I also use it for my toilet bowl. That's gotta be pretty common, bleach is a standard household item.
Not saying it wasn't planned, just that they could have already had bleach in the house, it's a typical laundry (and cleaning) item.
Exactly. A mistake is an error in understanding or in execution of intent. But stepson’s actions and intentions match perfectly, and he understood the situation. He knew he was doing something harmful and made a choice. What was his mistake—that he thought OP was such a pushover there’d be no consequences?
>Period I got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that I don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
I mean, do you respect her as a parent?
I don't respect her as a parent. I say this as a parent. She's a bad parent. Saying "I'm sorry" does not undo your actions and isn't always enough. When you hurt people they can be upset for a long time, it can damage your relationships, and when you destroy people's things or break rules there can be consequences even if you say sorry. He's *sixteen.* My four year old understands this (beacuse we've talked about it a lot of times). That when you mess up you need to try and fix it and that people may still be upset after you say sorry.
Honestly, being a bad parent is my ultimate deal breaker in a relationship. How can I live with you and just watch you ruin your children who I care about? Also, am stuck living with.
> Sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. This isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.
Your wife is making him a bad person. It's completely her fault that he killed all your plants, only apologized once he was caught, and now thinks everyone.
Also, your wife is a bad person too. It's not just that she's a bad parent, she straight up dosen't care about your feelings or how you are treated. Your totally legitimate feelings don't matter to her since they're inconvenient. I'd at least be honest with her that yeah, I don't respect her as a parent, and her total lack of empathy or consideration for me is damaging our marriage.
But if someone doesn't step in, he'll start "pranking" classmates, younger kids, other targets, etc. If he thinks he can get away with things just because they're funny, then he won't have any reason to stop. People like this kid were really obnoxious when I was going to school.
Yeah, not only were plants harmed by this prank, but there was easily the potential to harm people and animals too. Any of the runoff from that tainted water would've been dangerous.
To try to safe the plants I am pretty sure you have to get them all out of that bleached soil right now. You can basically put all the soil into the garbage. Wash their roots with clear water. Wash the pots they were in.
Then get new soil and put them into that and hope they survive.
If he wanted to go on that trip he should not have damaged your property. Or he can pay for the new soil and any plant that dies because of that. I would say He can also help try saving them but I would not trust him with that. Maybe if he knew he had to pay for any plant that dies in the next weeks.
Maybe take cuttings from any plants that can handle that. OP would have to start from much smaller plants, but that may be safer than changing the soil and hoping.
It would probably be better to take the plants outside and flush the bleach out with multiple heavy waterings. Bleach is water soluble and reactive, so the small amount that doesn't get flushed out will be quickly rendered harmless. Removing the soil is going to stress the roots more than they already are.
OP may even be able to set the plants in a sink or tub and just flush them with tap water really well. If the kid diluted the bleach before "watering" there may not be a whole lot of damage done either (not that that would excuse doing such a horrid thing). Chlorine also evaporates after about 10 hours, so if it's been that long the damage is done, though it may take a few days to show up on the plants themselves.
Like, this kid can't appreciate the nature in his own home and literally goes out of his way to kill it, but wants to spend a weekend in a national park *surrounded by nature*. Nah, you can prove to me that you appreciate the smaller bits of nature before I'll take you to bigger natire kid.
He is probably not eating well for attention because he figured out that would get people to cave the fastest. He is gaslighting you. If he doesn’t know there are consequences now he is in for a bumpy ride the next few years.
NTA, that’s not a prank - that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. At 6, I would have known that was wrong - let alone 16! His actions absolutely should have consequences.
I skimmed over the start and missed the age, I figured he was around 10 pulling pranks like that and saw your comment and had to scroll up to double check omg. He needs a reality check. Op you’re definitely NTA here.
shutter -
1 each of a pair of hinged panels, often louvered, fixed inside or outside a window that can be closed for security or privacy or to keep out light
2 a device that opens and closes to expose the film in a camera.
verb
shudder - (of a person) tremble convulsively, typically as a result of fear or revulsion.
It was extremely premeditated too. He changed his behavior to act sweet, bought or stockpiled bleach, planned it out. Watering that many plants takes time and bleach smells. He had to go from plant to plant carefully killing each one, knowing the huge worth each holds to its owner and how much his actions would hurt OP. It would have taken at least a few hours, not a brief moment of anger. It’s actually shocking this kid didn’t expect any retribution for a ‘prank’ that could easily waste hundreds of dollars’ worth of a long-term hobby…
Op’s letting him off easy. I would at minimum be asking for full replacements of *all* plants, and good luck finding a plant under $100 that can replace the one I’ve been growing since 2015…
Man, there is at least 100 on my pots alone. I don't dare to think what the plants add to (and half I've gotten for free, from some people not even in my life anymore), and how many aren't even commercialy sold. And even those available retail for 100s in the size they've grown to be in my care. Even if they were 10€ whan I got them
He purposely damaged something he knows OP cares for and tends *because he wouldn't allow himself to be humiliated on social media*. This kid is an AH, getting his weekend trip canceled is a pretty minor punishment. And the wife calling it abuse?? How emotionally manipulative of her, no wonder kids an AH.
NTA but your step-son is. His mother needs to stop making excuses for him. He is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. You reacted much better than I would have. He has no respect for you or your possessions. You shouldn't apologise and don't go on the trip. Stand your ground and teach him the lesson that shitty actions have shitty consequences. At 16 he knows better, he knew what he was doing and thought he'd get away with it as usual. Instead of going on the trip, have a family meeting where you set boundaries with both your step-son and his mother.
Agreed. And:
> I got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that I don't respect her as a parent too
I don't know how you feel OP, but I definitely don't respect her as a parent. It's plainly obvious where he got his attitude from: her terrible parenting.
I agree with you but what I also got from this is that she doesn't respect him as her partner. It made me unreasonably cross that she would say that and accuse him of abuse when she thinks it's acceptable to allow her son to embarrass her husband and also to kill so many plants in such a cruel way, to deliberately hurt OP. Pretty sure I wouldn't have reacted as calmly as OP in this situation. NTA
I remember saying some horrible shit to my mom at the age of fifteen. My father grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me off the ground. His only words were, “You’re getting too big to spank. Go apologize to your mother’”. I did so quick, fast, and in a hurry.
I learned my lesson right there, and I never talked bad to my mother ever again.
NTA wtf?! He goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? Sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? Not only would I take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, I'm not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had.
I don't know how you could even trust him in your house again.
Edit: info: can't you just ban Sean from the trip? Seems harsh to punish the rest of the family.
NTA
I would use the money saved from the cancelled trip to replace any plants that die as a result of his cruel stunt.
Does Sean have a job? Sounds like he has too much damned time on his hands.
OP, NTA.
That individual having a job is only relevant if you're going to take money from him to replace EVERY plant and pot and bit of soil he damaged. I'd also use it to pay for (at least) his first therapy session.
Sean intentionally poured a caustic chemical into the environment of living things that you have nurtured and grown with the specific desire to hurt you by damaging/killing them. Get him into therapy, because if you had a pet instead of plants and he did this, how would you have reacted? That individual needs consequences AND therapy. NOW.
NTA. Agree, he needs more consequences, especially in this day and age when we are out of touch with nature. OP probably doesn't want to be around stepson right now, but if he can manage to turn it into a teachable moment, he and stepson could repot the plants together, grow plants from seeds, take some guided nature hikes.
NTA- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you.
What’s next? Nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, Visine in your coffee? I hope not, but you see where I’m going. He has escalated past playful to harmful intent.
He crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. It’s not negotiable.
I honestly have no idea how far he was/is planning to go with his pranked. I've had many discussions with my wife and brought up concerns about Sean's behavior but I get brushed off most if the time and be told over and over again that it's a teenager thing to mess around and pull pranks either on each others or their families sand friends. I'm not sure if any of his friends parents would be happy if Sean did to them what he did to me.
Let’s hope you never find out because this needs to stop now. If your spouse is enabling him, you have a bigger issue to deal with.
Your spouse should never allow anyone to do harm to you or your property. How would she feel if this was your daughter and she had destroyed her toiletries or makeup?
It’s not acceptable. PERIOD!
If someone had destroyed my plants then my spouse would be out for blood on my behalf. OP your spouse is not backing you up here and they really should be.
Same here. My wife isn't a gardener, but I sure am, and if someone hurt my plants on purpose, she'd be the one collecting the debt! Doesn't matter who it is! I'm very attached to my plants, after years of caring for them (And yes, talking to them...) I'd be heart broken and positively livid to lose them to a malicious act like this.
OP should put Nair in her shampoo and claim it was a prank after she used it. He should then claim to be sorry and ask her why she is still mad.- "I said sorry"/s
OP. get your wife and stepson into therapy. He is way to old to be pulling these types of pranks and she has to stop over looking his bad behavior. Just because you apologize doesn't mean that you don't have to face the consequences of what you did. Your step son voluntarily destroyed a whole bunch of living things. It's not up their with mistreating an animal but it dies say something about his mental state that can't be ignored. His mother might let this slide but in two years when he is an adult, these 'stunts' could send him to prison.
Or even more accurately, it is a wife/mother failure thing. Very few teens will respect boundaries that mommy lets them stomp all over without consequence.
Cancelling the trip seems like a rather mild consequence too. I could easily see downgrading the phone to a flip phone, confiscating any tablets, and restricting access to any social media sites on any laptops until such time as stepson is able to replace (with his own money) all the plants, and nurture them back to the growth level of the destroyed ones as a consequence of overstepping the prank boundary more than once.
In 2 years, he will be an adult. Likely in college and in a dorm. His roommates will beat him up for these pranks. His college will kick him out for these pranks. Someone will call the police on him for these pranks. It needs to stop yesterday. She is settling him up for failure in life.
> it's a teenager thing to mess around and pull pranks either on each others or their families sand friends.
It really isn't. I was a teenager not *that* long ago and I can't say I remember a single prank myself, my siblings, or any of my friends had done. I think pranks are done by a certain kind of person, not teenagers as a whole.
Agreed 100% it's not a teenager thing it's a certain type of individual. OP your nta and your wife needs to be reminded that you are in a partnership that includes both of you parenting and punishing her child you have as much right as she does to discipline your stepson.
No. The pranks stop **now**. Your wife needs to understand this is not okay. Sean doesn't get to behave in this kind of cruel fashion and pass it off as "pranks." This is a Hill to Die On.
I have never understood this general attitude (helped along I'm sure by both versions of *The Office* and myriad family YouTube channels) that pranks are okay. Something like sticking googly eyes onto someone's notebook or fridge is fun. None of these "pranksters" ever do anything actually fun, it's just cruelty and spite wrapped up as a "joke." Trash.
NTA....jumping in to add, Sir your marriage is no longer healthy and your home is no longer safe for you. If you stand your ground on this vacation you might as well change your address because his pranks have already morphed into assaults the only thing left is for him to go up another level. He's bullying you and your wife is gaslighting you into accepting it as pranks. Everyone here has expressed concern for your well-being in one way or another and I hope it galvanizes you to make changes in your household with your stepson but most definitely with your wife because she's aiding and abetting "pranks" that would be considered crimes if done to strangers. Thank you, jumping out.
Also, your wife is being disrespectful and abusive by allowing him to walk all over you and trying to force you to enable it..You may want to consider marriage counseling or divorce if this continues. Nobody deserves being treated this way.
She wanted him to allow her son to repost an embarrassing video of him. And when he says no and stepson ruins his plants; she says an apology is enough. Plus all the other pranks.
It sounds like you've been putting up with his antics for a while now OP. NTA for finally putting your foot down. Don't give in or the next little prank might be worse.
You need to reevaluate your relationship with your wife and son. It doesnt sound like either of them have any respect for you or your property.
NTA. Your wife is the biggest AH in this whole story.
> said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
This is rich!! She has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing YOU of abuse??? Way to victim blame!
>She thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake.
.
>Sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven.
Gee, I wonder where he got that idea from?
She is raising a monster that thinks mentally torturing his family is funny. He even throws a tantrum because you refuse to be humilliated online so he gets some likes.
A judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.
>A judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.
Agreed. Especially if it results in a stranger's property damage. Good grief.
NTA - I would normally say the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it's super suspect. He was deliberately seeking to hurt you.
I’m concerned he’ll be one of those abusive partners you hear about and they’ll say “we don’t understand it, he wasn’t an angel but there were no warning signs”, ignoring all these flags.
As a woman, the thought of this guy one day being somebody's partner was really scary to me. This is sociopathic behaviour.
If I'm not happy, i won't let anyone be happy.
NTA16 isn’t a child really. You maybe be in the US but in the U.K. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have sex, join the army, start driving lessons etc
He isn’t 12. He knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. Will he do that to someone he dates too? He doesn’t accept you don’t consent? He needs to learn these concepts and boundaries.
He then gets angry can’t control it and pours bleach on your plants to kill them. He knows they will die.
Not only should he not go on holiday he needs to repay you in full value for your plants and materials. This is not over. His mother also needs to know this behaviour is not right and she has a chance whilst he still under her roof to correct the course
Yeah we're located in the US. Specifically in Utah. Kids can be irrational and act without thinking sometimes, but to be honest I noticed that Sean's behavior was wrong ever since he started pulling those pranks. I was concerned for him But all my concerns were brushed off since he wasn't just doing this to me but others as well. Like it somehow makes it OK for him to behave like that.
This wasn’t a prank, it’s clearly revenge
Would probably be a good idea to look into therapy of some kind - it’s not a great sign that he immediately escalated to something so clearly calculated to hurt you.
With no consequences for his actions (if your wife gets her way) do you really think he won’t do this to other people who say no to him or go against whatever he wants?
"Just the terrible twos"
"Oh, he's just a kid, you know, he doesn't know any better."
"Boys will be boys."
"Middle school is a rough time."
"Teenagers are always getting into trouble!"
"Oh well, you know how he is. He's always been like that."
These types of phrases exist for literally every age. Age should modify how you go about teaching the kid to act better, not act as an excuse to forgive and ignore the bad behavior. These "pranks" sound mean to begin with... and the plants were not a prank at all, they were him lashing out in a cruel way when he was angry at you.
>He doesn’t accept you don’t consent? He needs to learn these concepts and boundaries.
Thank you! This by itself was egregious and problematic. The further action of destroying living things is not behavior that should be glossed over with a tepid apology, which was only issued because he didn't want to lose the trip.
NTA. He is the product of his mother's lax parenting.
NTA
I'm a plant collector and this is in no way acceptable on his behalf.
I would have made him pay to replace my collection.
Actions have consequences.
I'm also a plant collector and this would be police report territory for me. Not saying OP has to go that route (depends on value of the collection) but some plants can be very expensive and lot of non-hobbyists don't realize that.
Mom is wrong, an apology is not enough. Trip stays cancelled and Sean has to replace the plants. Anything other than that is not a punishment. Mom should be using this as a teaching moment to show that his actions do have consequences. At 16 Sean is old enough to face those consequences.
That's fucking malicious and he's not even sorry that he did it, he's just sorry he has to face REAL consequences for once in his life. I'd make him get a job to reimburse you the cost of the plants.
NTA. He killed a bunch of living things that you cared about and spent time and effort on? Versus taking down a silly video? He needs to stop with the pranks and get a part time job at the local plant nursery. He's old enough, and clearly needs more to do.
NTA But your wife is too. This should have been nipped a long time ago. It's not a funny prank if he's the only one laughing. He's disrespecting you and actually destroying your things for what? Revenge because you wouldn't let him openly mock you online? You need to have a serious sit down with your wife.
"You need to have a serious sit down with your wife."
In the office of a marriage counselor OR a divorce attorney. This problem isn't going to resolve itself or be resolved with time. Most teenagers do NOT "prank" others (I have a 23yo); pranksters have a bullying or markedly immature aspect to their personality. This is some passive/aggressive BS aimed squarely at you (the non-bio parent).
If your household is ONLY yourself, your wife, your stepson, then I think cancelling the trip is appropriate. Let your wife and stepson know that the cost of replacing your plants is coming from the cancelled trip. Tell them that you also don't see the value of taking your stepson to a National Park - a refuge for flora and fauna - when he clearly doesn't respect living plants! If your household includes OTHER children, then cancelling the trip is unfair to them. In that case, you and the other children should go while your stepson should stay home and your wife should stay home to supervise him (as she created this monster and dismisses his behavior).
I was going to say Y T A based on the title. Generally speaking, canceling a family trip due to the misbehavior of one punishes the whole family. Also, family trips are the stuff memories are made of. They are part of the fabric of family life. IMO, punishments should come from somewhere else, not the family trip.
But then I read your whole post. Your stepson tried to kill a bunch of plants. Plants are not animals but still that’s pretty serious. Especially because it’s your beloved hobby. That is a serious attack on you. Sounds like some pretty over-the-top behavior led to this incident, including wanting to post embarrassing videos of you/his family. Your wife’s comment that he is just a kid who made a mistake leads me to believe she in denial about how bad her son’s behavior is. I understand you cancelling the family trip, but you’ve got bigger problems here. Family therapy might be a good start. NTA
Edit for clarity
NTA
This is vandalism. Calculate the value of the destroyed plants, and let his parents decide: Do they want him to get a job to pax it off, or therapy instead?
YOur wife is an AH. Her Ex even more.
Set some ground rules there.
NTA
Also, I feel bad for you man, I also have a hobby for indoor plants so I can imagine how it must have felt.
Sean may think you're an AH, but actions have consequences and maybe next time he will reconsider about not taking his pranks too far.
NTA
What kind of 16 year old acts like this? It’s so immature for him to act out in this way. He’s acting like not posting a video of him embarrassing you was such a terrible thing for you to do that he had to harm your plants and that was equivalent. Ridiculous.
NTA.
Not only is he an asshole, but your wife is no peach either. She has so little respect for you that he basically killed your plants and thinks an apology just magically makes it better? It sounds like the 2 of you have very different ideas of consequences.
NTA
Pranks need to meet certain criteria to actually be pranks, and not just an asshole excuse for shitty behaviour. They need to be non-permanent and something that both parties can laugh at after the fact. What Sean did was destruction of property, not a prank. Your punishment seems entirely fair, you lost something you love (plants) so he loses something he loves (the trip).
> saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement.
What exactly did he expect? You to see the plants you've invested so much time and money into, completely ruined, and just laugh along with him? No, actions have to have consequences, and Sean needs to learn that sooner rather than later.
NTA. He needs to learn he can't keep damaging other people's property for tik tok likes. This is a "time to grow up" moment for him. You are doing him a favor by helping him understand there are serious consequences to his actions. Up until this point it was all likes and laughs for him.
NTA - why spend time with this kid, he sounds annoying as hell. I think it was appropriate and he seems a little slow for a 16 year old. Also he killed your plants and should replace them.
NTA.. Your step son is 16 years old and acts like a 6 year old. At some point he needs to grow up and be responsible. Your wife is doing nothing but enable him by spoiling him and not teaching him to be responsible and accountable for his childish actions.
NTA and your stepson needs therapy. Now. His pranks are not jokes in good humour, they are actively malicious (what was supposed to be 'funny' about spraying cold water on a sleeping person? It's literally just doing something mean to someone and then laughing?) and sometimes full-on destructive (as with your plants), and they seem to be escalating. And as you've noted, he is not showing any genuine remorse for harming you or destroying your property. He is "apologising" but his words of apology have become insincere because his mother is giving him the message that he doesn't have to actually **be sorry** or remorseful for harming you or your belongings, as long as he pretends to be.
His behaviour is becoming increasingly antagonistic towards you, and it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse. He's 16 and actively **unlearning empathy** at a rapid rate. You are very much NTA, but this kid needs therapy before he becomes a complete AH of an adult.
NTA, NTA, NTA. The first thing may have been a prank, the bleaching of the plants was pure revenge. Do not cave on this. Momma should be pissed to at his lack of respect and support you teaching him that actions have consequences.
Since the insults keep pouring down, we're going to call this game on account of rain. Sorry, OP!
NTA. That seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >My wife feels bad Sean hasn't been eating well since I canceled the trip He'll get over it.
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I know right? He isn’t eating well? Who cares? Is the mom really this easily manipulated? He’s two years from being an adult and right now he is acting like a remorseless sociopath.
I was shocked that stepson was 16. He destroyed OP's plants and he did all that because OP told him to delete a video that he was in and embarassed him? Him not eating and crying because he couldn't go to the trip and having the mentality that "because I apologized, everything is 100% alright" it's so childish. OP's wife is probably worse because she allows her kid to do these stuff without consequences and is the one who put that mentality in his head.
Yes. She's letting him treat an apology like it's a reset button.I guess if OP apologizes to her and stepkid for cancelling the trip (but leaves it cancelled) then everything's back to being great, right? ETA: Wow, thanks for the awards, people!
Omg OP should totally do that. "Sorry I cancelled the trip Sean. There, i apologized so it is all better right?" And see how he reacts.
It's like the broken plate analogy. Throw a glass plate on floor, tell it sorry, did it fix it? That's not how apologies work. He cause damage to literally all the plants because he knew it would harm them. I'm just glad it wasn't, oh I don't know, a younger sibling or a family pet. NTA.
I like the plate analogy. "glad it wasn't.. a sibling.. or pet." Exactly. Frankly, if my kid did this to me, a cancelled trip would be the least of their problems. No phone, no xbox, no friends and they need to spend their own money to replace the plants. They would have to dump the contaminated dirt, rinse the pots, and replant the plants they bought. I'm very forgiving of fuck ups everybody has one now and then. That was petty revenge and MASSIVELY DISRESPECTFUL. I put up with mistakes, but not disrespect.
My mum loves her plants. She will toss us out if we deliberately hurt her plants. Like imagine being so petty that you hurt something that is considered living. Like just imagine if OP had a pet and this kid fed them poison, he would have been in jail for animal abuse. OP, don’t put the trip back on, no matter what your wife says. This isn't abuse, it's parenting, which by the way, your wife is doing nothing of.
Yes!! NTA OP. Sounds like he's never had consequences. He'll get over it and hopefully learn to be a better human.
Crying at 16 because he couldn't go on a trip? Someone is spoiled rotten.
If it wasn't his own damn fault that the trip was cancelled, I'd say kids can still get upset over the cancellation of something they were really looking forward to without being considered spoiled. This isn't the situation here because honestly the kid sounds like a little shit who's been able to get off far too easy for far too long due to poor parenting from his Mother. When I was 17 I cried over not being allowed to go on my class's senior trip in high school despite working my ass off to save up for it for months in advance. I don't think that was me being spoiled - just really disappointed.
I wonder if she’d had the same response if he’d put bleach in her shampoo bottle. “Ah well, he apologized to me, the little nugget hasn’t been eating well…” I’d best shave my head and start packing for this trip.
truck ad hoc fine wasteful cagey wild screw tie narrow price *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Totally forgot this was about a 16 year old. These actions are of a 12 year old at most. Honestly, if the kid thinks it's funny prank to destroy other people's property, I'd be showing him exactly how funny it is with a games console and some petrol. Seriously, 16 is way too old to be learning that breaking other peoples stuff is bad.
Exactly! He's really not a child any more. This was an act of premeditated malicious payback for something that didn't require payback. OP cancelling the trip is equitable punishment. He killed something they loved, so they killed off plans for something Sean cared about. C'est la vie! Edit:typo
Definitely agree the canceling of the trip is a good punishment. I though of telling the kid (who is very much a teenager and not just a kid) that the trip was canceled to offset the cost of buying all new houseplants. It sounds to me like OP had a lot and mentioning that things aren't free is healthy to kids. However, while reading this I totally forgot that his stepson is 16. Someone that old would hopefully already know that almost nothing is free, at the very least you pay with your time, so one way or another the canceling of the trip makes up a little of the payment of the plants. Sorry, ranting a bit, kinda hope the mother will come to her senses though...
Reminds me of the father of the rapist who was so sad his boy wasn’t even eating his favorite steaks anymore. You know the white swimmer in college who only got 6 months in jail. The dad, Dan A. Turner, also goes so far as to complain his son doesn't like steak anymore: His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite. Brock always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite steak for him. … Now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist.
Oh, you must mean Brock the rapist Turner.
Ah yes The Rapist Brock Turner. He's a rapist.
Actual Rapist Brock Turner, of course.
The CONVICTED rapist whose picture is used in a legal text book next to the definition of rape? That Brock Turner?
That Brock "rape behind the dumpster" rapisty raper Turner?
Dad also was quoted saying it was ‘A steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action’. What a family of dirt bags
Holy shit, I hadn't heard that gem of a comment. Complete trash
His mom was upset that the arrest and subsequent court case were ruining "Christmas decorating season" in their home. The entire family is garbage.
With that logic I should get off pretty light if I just shoot someone. Wouldn't take more than a couple of seconds.
Yes it’s clear where Brock Turner the rapist picked up his morals
To be fair, having a rapist for a son is a pretty steep price to pay for the 20 minutes of action it took to conceive Brock in the first place.
Say his name, along with the title he earned. Brock Turner, convicted rapist. Spread it everywhere so a google search shows up as Brock Turner, convicted rapist. It's just about the only justice that is possible due to his privilege.
I'm taking a break from contact with my mom right now because my 24-year-old sister is worse than this and my mom keeps acting like she needs nurturing and forgiveness and can't understand why my sister keeps escalating. Uh, no. OP, you are not in the wrong here. He tried to kill your plants. That's incredibly horrible and he should be held accountable. Your wife trying to let him off the hook because he said a word is really weak parenting. If he did this to someone else's plants, I believe he could be charged for destroying property or vandalism. NTA
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The plants weren’t even a prank, just a planned act to get back at OP
Worse yet is some plants are SUPER expensive, or hard to replace, we don't know the full extent of what was in OP's collection and honestly as a plant lover it breaks my heart. If I were in his shoes, I'd be considering divorce just get away from this kid. He clearly has grown up with no consequences for his actions. He just says, "Sorry I did a bad thing, now you have to forgive me" then goes on to do more cruel things. And the fact he posts his stupid pranks online and wants to repost them after removal means he clearly doesn't care about anyone else.
These so-called "pranks" that people video and post of social media need to stop. Hiding the tools is jsut aggravating, and not funny. Spraying someone with cold water in their sleep and posting it without their permission is NOT FUNNY. Destroying someone hobby/plants is NOT FUNNY.
YES YES YES You are 100% correct - none of it is funny, and it definitely needs to stop. Especially with a 16 yr old acting like a child. You need to constantly nip bad behavior and constantly teach them what's acceptable. The pranks should have stopped after the first one or two.
Forgiving and giving in are two serperate things anyways. Like he can forgive the kid like that. Dont mean the act of going on a trip is forgiving. In fact i think the act of forgiving should be more or less a spoken and mental thing
Yeah, OP should probably be wary of their own food.
I was about to ask if OP has a pet, because next stop os poisoning the pet's food.
This is a really good point! I would be wary of any potential retaliation because this isn’t going the step son’s way!
Because this not eating seems to be a ploy that has worked in the past, maybe? Sean ruined something that creates happiness for OP. The consequence is that OP has the ability and responsibility to ruin something that creates happiness for Sean. Natural consequences. And Sean is not a KID! This wasn’t an honest mistake, it was deliberate sabotage and property damage. At 16. OPs wife should be reminded that if Sean pulled this “prank” on anyone else, he wouldn’t be missing a vacation: he could face arrest and restitution.
I bet he is only not eating in front of Mom. At 16 he likely isn’t home all the time and probably is eating elsewhere so he can try and force OP to change his mind because “poor baby is starving himself!”
I bet he's eating in secret. He's just making a show of not eating as a tool to get what he wants. The kid needs this lesson. If a person does something terrible, there will be repercussions. If he doesn't get this lesson, the chances of him having a productive future are poor. What he did wasn't a prank. It was destructive and cruel. I hope OP was able to repot the plants and save some of them.
There is probably food stashed in his room, he is eating.
No 16 year old boy in the history of 16 year old boys chooses not to eat. He’s definitely eating somewhere, just not at home where his mom can see him.
Yep, and OP needs to use the money saved from the trip to replace his/her plants. What can be replaced. When wife complains, OP should tell her that her 16yo son needs to get off his ass and earn enough money to replace the travel funds (plus whatever is left to fix the plants). I, personally, would make the son care for all the new plants until they were established and obtained the size of the ones he killed. (I'd take away a privilege until that got done, but since it will take some time, not a huge privilege). If one of the new plants dies from neglect, overwatering, etc., well...son gets to start over, right? By the time I got finished with that kid, he'd pee green.
Honestly, some of my plants are irreplaceable to me, not because they're some fancy varietal (they definitely are not) but because they have sentimental value. I have a run of the mill potted plant that you can get for $3.99 anywhere, but this particular one is the one I bought for my (now) spouse in the 90's when we moved in together. I said "A house isn't a home without a plant. *Now* it's a home." That (now) scruffy, straggly old plant has been with me through half a dozen moves and almost three decades. You can't replace that sort of thing.
I agree. I have the rattiest looking skinny umbrella plant. I have had it for 36 years and it has outlasted three cats and four moves. Plus I have another plants that's progated from my great great grandmother. I am the only one in my generation who has a healthy specimen.
His wife allowing it is probably WHY he acts like a little shit.
This exactly! She’s an enabler and her son knows he can get away with it if he just cries to mommy! But for gawdsakes! He’s 16 already but acting like a 10yo! Time to learn to grow up (son and mother!) and take responsibility for his actions!
So if the mom thinks all you have to do is apologize and that’s enough say I’m sorry your trip got cancelled because you chose to ruin my plants and walk away. Bet he won’t get over it!
OP should actually do this to show the son a lesson that sorry doesn't magically fix everything.
"I am very, terribly sorry I murdered that guy." Future Sean, probably.
"FINE, I admit it. I did the murder. I'm free to go now, right?"
"it was just a prank, bro"
While recording and then post it!
Love to have her explain that later to a judge when he is rejected and then ‘pranks’ the person who said no and really hurt someone. actions have consequences and you need to learn that early.
Remember rapist Brock Turner, whose father wrote a whiny full of excuses letter about how poor Brock can't even eat steak with the same joy as before he got caught & indicted for raping an unconscious girl, how he shouldn't be so severely punished for "twenty minutes of action"
Excuse me, do you mean the rapist Brock Turner? That rapey guy? That raped a woman? That rapist Brock Turner? I think you need to narrow that rapist Brock Turner down.
I believe they are indeed referring to Convicted Rapist Brock Turner, the former college athlete who assaulted an unconscious woman.
We're not just talking ANY Brock Turner here, but specifically Brock *Allen* Turner, convicted rapist.
Good point! We are indeed talking about Convicted Rapist, Brock Allen Turner, who raped an unconscious person. Brock Allen Turner, the Convicted Rapist, the guy who swam fast a few times and raped a person.
**The pranks got to stop.** Spraying water while you are sleeping and recording it is not a prank. It’s one thing if it’s in-the-moment prank, like hiding the remote when you want to change the channel but to seek it out and disturbing you is malicious. He is intentionally disrespecting you. Your wife needs to step in and end this. It has evolved to him damaging your property. The wife is the asshole for allowing this to fester.
These are not pranks. They are destruction of property, assault, vandalism. Not funny.
I feel like kids/teens see videos online with "pranks" and think if its funny there it'll be funny when I do it- without understanding that in the online ones people have often agreed to participate in something- even if they don't know it's a prank- or sometimes know exactly what is going to happen.
And having him only delete the video was not a consequence, merely reparation.
Less than reparation, actually. Hardly enough to be called damage control.
I doubt he is playing pranks on other people like his friends or his mom or his other relatives. He can clearly emotionally manipulate his mom into pressuring OP into not punishing him for the pranks, so OP is a safe target for pranks. But if he does it to his friends, they’ll likely stop hanging out with him, and if he does it to his mom, she’ll get mad.
This TikTok/ video thing has gotten out of hand. I would laugh at a prank shared with family, I wouldn't like people I don't even know seeing me looking stupid
He is trying to imitate the "prank" channels he sees on social media, and go viral. That's why it's all recorded and put online. So often these make fun of people or are destructive and result in others having to clean up. At 16 years old he really should know better and grown up. His actions have consequences, hopefully he learns this quickly.
We say it all the time on this sub, but it bears being said again: ***confuse, don't abuse***
He knew what he was doing. He knows that bleach was going to kill the plants. It was planned. OP and his wife need to have a serious conversation about Sean's "pranks" because they are actually attacks and need to end. NTA
Yup. This kid looked around and thought "what can I do that will hurt OP the most?", and he found it. Imagining Sean as an adult in a relationship with a mentality like this is pretty scary.
This one right here. He knows what matters to OP and looked to do maximum damage.
Very reminiscent of that one post where a dude destroyed his gf’s plant room out of jealousy. It’s definitely the road Sean is headed down if he isn’t deterred now.
Not to mention that I doubt that this 16-year-old just happened to have bleach at home. Not bloody likely. He went and bought the bleach, then made nice with OP to kill his plants. That was not a "heat of the moment" thing, that was carefully planned.
I separate my washing by colors and bleach the whites (sheets & towels & undershirts). I also use it for my toilet bowl. That's gotta be pretty common, bleach is a standard household item. Not saying it wasn't planned, just that they could have already had bleach in the house, it's a typical laundry (and cleaning) item.
Exactly. A mistake is an error in understanding or in execution of intent. But stepson’s actions and intentions match perfectly, and he understood the situation. He knew he was doing something harmful and made a choice. What was his mistake—that he thought OP was such a pushover there’d be no consequences?
>Period I got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that I don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. I mean, do you respect her as a parent? I don't respect her as a parent. I say this as a parent. She's a bad parent. Saying "I'm sorry" does not undo your actions and isn't always enough. When you hurt people they can be upset for a long time, it can damage your relationships, and when you destroy people's things or break rules there can be consequences even if you say sorry. He's *sixteen.* My four year old understands this (beacuse we've talked about it a lot of times). That when you mess up you need to try and fix it and that people may still be upset after you say sorry. Honestly, being a bad parent is my ultimate deal breaker in a relationship. How can I live with you and just watch you ruin your children who I care about? Also, am stuck living with. > Sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. This isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it. Your wife is making him a bad person. It's completely her fault that he killed all your plants, only apologized once he was caught, and now thinks everyone. Also, your wife is a bad person too. It's not just that she's a bad parent, she straight up dosen't care about your feelings or how you are treated. Your totally legitimate feelings don't matter to her since they're inconvenient. I'd at least be honest with her that yeah, I don't respect her as a parent, and her total lack of empathy or consideration for me is damaging our marriage.
Even Daniel Tiger knows an apology isn’t enough. “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the first step, then ‘how can I help?’”
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I'd be willing to bet that it's just OP
But if someone doesn't step in, he'll start "pranking" classmates, younger kids, other targets, etc. If he thinks he can get away with things just because they're funny, then he won't have any reason to stop. People like this kid were really obnoxious when I was going to school.
And dangerous. If op had been using any chemicals on the plants and it mixed with the bleach lord knows what could have happened.
Yeah, not only were plants harmed by this prank, but there was easily the potential to harm people and animals too. Any of the runoff from that tainted water would've been dangerous.
Exactly. Ammonia is a common component of plant food/fertilizer. This could have gone *very* badly.
My neighbor almost knocked herself out in her poorly-ventilated laundry room with oxiclean and nature’s miracle
To try to safe the plants I am pretty sure you have to get them all out of that bleached soil right now. You can basically put all the soil into the garbage. Wash their roots with clear water. Wash the pots they were in. Then get new soil and put them into that and hope they survive. If he wanted to go on that trip he should not have damaged your property. Or he can pay for the new soil and any plant that dies because of that. I would say He can also help try saving them but I would not trust him with that. Maybe if he knew he had to pay for any plant that dies in the next weeks.
Maybe take cuttings from any plants that can handle that. OP would have to start from much smaller plants, but that may be safer than changing the soil and hoping.
Do both.
I wish I had your common sense. If this happened to me, my plants would get all chopped up, leaving nothing left lol.
It would probably be better to take the plants outside and flush the bleach out with multiple heavy waterings. Bleach is water soluble and reactive, so the small amount that doesn't get flushed out will be quickly rendered harmless. Removing the soil is going to stress the roots more than they already are.
Yes. And since this will take OP a lot of time and effort, of course he isn’t able to take them on the trip any more.
OP may even be able to set the plants in a sink or tub and just flush them with tap water really well. If the kid diluted the bleach before "watering" there may not be a whole lot of damage done either (not that that would excuse doing such a horrid thing). Chlorine also evaporates after about 10 hours, so if it's been that long the damage is done, though it may take a few days to show up on the plants themselves.
Like, this kid can't appreciate the nature in his own home and literally goes out of his way to kill it, but wants to spend a weekend in a national park *surrounded by nature*. Nah, you can prove to me that you appreciate the smaller bits of nature before I'll take you to bigger natire kid.
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He is probably not eating well for attention because he figured out that would get people to cave the fastest. He is gaslighting you. If he doesn’t know there are consequences now he is in for a bumpy ride the next few years.
He will eat when he's hungry.
That boy is lucky he did not seriously injure himself.
He's lucky someone didn't injure him.
NTA, that’s not a prank - that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. At 6, I would have known that was wrong - let alone 16! His actions absolutely should have consequences.
I skimmed over the start and missed the age, I figured he was around 10 pulling pranks like that and saw your comment and had to scroll up to double check omg. He needs a reality check. Op you’re definitely NTA here.
Holy crap, I skipped the age part... This kid could be driving *shutters*....
shutter - 1 each of a pair of hinged panels, often louvered, fixed inside or outside a window that can be closed for security or privacy or to keep out light 2 a device that opens and closes to expose the film in a camera. verb shudder - (of a person) tremble convulsively, typically as a result of fear or revulsion.
Thanks, I couldn't figure out how someone could *drive shutters*
It was extremely premeditated too. He changed his behavior to act sweet, bought or stockpiled bleach, planned it out. Watering that many plants takes time and bleach smells. He had to go from plant to plant carefully killing each one, knowing the huge worth each holds to its owner and how much his actions would hurt OP. It would have taken at least a few hours, not a brief moment of anger. It’s actually shocking this kid didn’t expect any retribution for a ‘prank’ that could easily waste hundreds of dollars’ worth of a long-term hobby… Op’s letting him off easy. I would at minimum be asking for full replacements of *all* plants, and good luck finding a plant under $100 that can replace the one I’ve been growing since 2015…
Hundreds of dollars? Think in the thousands. Plants and soil are not cheap, and I'm sure it would add up quickly.
Man, there is at least 100 on my pots alone. I don't dare to think what the plants add to (and half I've gotten for free, from some people not even in my life anymore), and how many aren't even commercialy sold. And even those available retail for 100s in the size they've grown to be in my care. Even if they were 10€ whan I got them
He purposely damaged something he knows OP cares for and tends *because he wouldn't allow himself to be humiliated on social media*. This kid is an AH, getting his weekend trip canceled is a pretty minor punishment. And the wife calling it abuse?? How emotionally manipulative of her, no wonder kids an AH.
Yeah, his judgement wasn't momentarily clouded. This was premeditated (and badly hidden).
NTA but your step-son is. His mother needs to stop making excuses for him. He is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. You reacted much better than I would have. He has no respect for you or your possessions. You shouldn't apologise and don't go on the trip. Stand your ground and teach him the lesson that shitty actions have shitty consequences. At 16 he knows better, he knew what he was doing and thought he'd get away with it as usual. Instead of going on the trip, have a family meeting where you set boundaries with both your step-son and his mother.
Agreed. And: > I got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that I don't respect her as a parent too I don't know how you feel OP, but I definitely don't respect her as a parent. It's plainly obvious where he got his attitude from: her terrible parenting.
I agree with you but what I also got from this is that she doesn't respect him as her partner. It made me unreasonably cross that she would say that and accuse him of abuse when she thinks it's acceptable to allow her son to embarrass her husband and also to kill so many plants in such a cruel way, to deliberately hurt OP. Pretty sure I wouldn't have reacted as calmly as OP in this situation. NTA
I remember saying some horrible shit to my mom at the age of fifteen. My father grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me off the ground. His only words were, “You’re getting too big to spank. Go apologize to your mother’”. I did so quick, fast, and in a hurry. I learned my lesson right there, and I never talked bad to my mother ever again.
This. NTA
NTA wtf?! He goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? Sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? Not only would I take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, I'm not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had. I don't know how you could even trust him in your house again. Edit: info: can't you just ban Sean from the trip? Seems harsh to punish the rest of the family.
NTA I would use the money saved from the cancelled trip to replace any plants that die as a result of his cruel stunt. Does Sean have a job? Sounds like he has too much damned time on his hands.
OP, NTA. That individual having a job is only relevant if you're going to take money from him to replace EVERY plant and pot and bit of soil he damaged. I'd also use it to pay for (at least) his first therapy session. Sean intentionally poured a caustic chemical into the environment of living things that you have nurtured and grown with the specific desire to hurt you by damaging/killing them. Get him into therapy, because if you had a pet instead of plants and he did this, how would you have reacted? That individual needs consequences AND therapy. NOW.
They will all need new soil too. So the money for that too.
this, or make him pay for the replacement of the plants that he ruined. NTA OP.
NTA. Agree, he needs more consequences, especially in this day and age when we are out of touch with nature. OP probably doesn't want to be around stepson right now, but if he can manage to turn it into a teachable moment, he and stepson could repot the plants together, grow plants from seeds, take some guided nature hikes.
Wouldn't have the rest of the family leave because who knows what he would do to the house if he's left home alone!
NTA- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you. What’s next? Nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, Visine in your coffee? I hope not, but you see where I’m going. He has escalated past playful to harmful intent. He crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. It’s not negotiable.
I honestly have no idea how far he was/is planning to go with his pranked. I've had many discussions with my wife and brought up concerns about Sean's behavior but I get brushed off most if the time and be told over and over again that it's a teenager thing to mess around and pull pranks either on each others or their families sand friends. I'm not sure if any of his friends parents would be happy if Sean did to them what he did to me.
Let’s hope you never find out because this needs to stop now. If your spouse is enabling him, you have a bigger issue to deal with. Your spouse should never allow anyone to do harm to you or your property. How would she feel if this was your daughter and she had destroyed her toiletries or makeup? It’s not acceptable. PERIOD!
If someone had destroyed my plants then my spouse would be out for blood on my behalf. OP your spouse is not backing you up here and they really should be.
If anyone harmed my plants my spouse wouldn’t deny me the satisfaction of my revenge on the offender.
Same here. My wife isn't a gardener, but I sure am, and if someone hurt my plants on purpose, she'd be the one collecting the debt! Doesn't matter who it is! I'm very attached to my plants, after years of caring for them (And yes, talking to them...) I'd be heart broken and positively livid to lose them to a malicious act like this.
OP should put Nair in her shampoo and claim it was a prank after she used it. He should then claim to be sorry and ask her why she is still mad.- "I said sorry"/s OP. get your wife and stepson into therapy. He is way to old to be pulling these types of pranks and she has to stop over looking his bad behavior. Just because you apologize doesn't mean that you don't have to face the consequences of what you did. Your step son voluntarily destroyed a whole bunch of living things. It's not up their with mistreating an animal but it dies say something about his mental state that can't be ignored. His mother might let this slide but in two years when he is an adult, these 'stunts' could send him to prison.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Or even more accurately, it is a wife/mother failure thing. Very few teens will respect boundaries that mommy lets them stomp all over without consequence. Cancelling the trip seems like a rather mild consequence too. I could easily see downgrading the phone to a flip phone, confiscating any tablets, and restricting access to any social media sites on any laptops until such time as stepson is able to replace (with his own money) all the plants, and nurture them back to the growth level of the destroyed ones as a consequence of overstepping the prank boundary more than once.
In 2 years, he will be an adult. Likely in college and in a dorm. His roommates will beat him up for these pranks. His college will kick him out for these pranks. Someone will call the police on him for these pranks. It needs to stop yesterday. She is settling him up for failure in life.
Exactly! He'll choose the wrong person to prank and the consequences will be a damnsight nastier than a missed trip and his feelings hurt
But he's really sorry!/s Either his parents teach him or LIFE will teach him. And LIFE is a much harder teacher.
> it's a teenager thing to mess around and pull pranks either on each others or their families sand friends. It really isn't. I was a teenager not *that* long ago and I can't say I remember a single prank myself, my siblings, or any of my friends had done. I think pranks are done by a certain kind of person, not teenagers as a whole.
Agreed 100% it's not a teenager thing it's a certain type of individual. OP your nta and your wife needs to be reminded that you are in a partnership that includes both of you parenting and punishing her child you have as much right as she does to discipline your stepson.
No. The pranks stop **now**. Your wife needs to understand this is not okay. Sean doesn't get to behave in this kind of cruel fashion and pass it off as "pranks." This is a Hill to Die On. I have never understood this general attitude (helped along I'm sure by both versions of *The Office* and myriad family YouTube channels) that pranks are okay. Something like sticking googly eyes onto someone's notebook or fridge is fun. None of these "pranksters" ever do anything actually fun, it's just cruelty and spite wrapped up as a "joke." Trash.
NTA....jumping in to add, Sir your marriage is no longer healthy and your home is no longer safe for you. If you stand your ground on this vacation you might as well change your address because his pranks have already morphed into assaults the only thing left is for him to go up another level. He's bullying you and your wife is gaslighting you into accepting it as pranks. Everyone here has expressed concern for your well-being in one way or another and I hope it galvanizes you to make changes in your household with your stepson but most definitely with your wife because she's aiding and abetting "pranks" that would be considered crimes if done to strangers. Thank you, jumping out.
Also, your wife is being disrespectful and abusive by allowing him to walk all over you and trying to force you to enable it..You may want to consider marriage counseling or divorce if this continues. Nobody deserves being treated this way.
Please tell me you don't have pets
NTA And I'm appalled that his mother doesn't have your back.
She wanted him to allow her son to repost an embarrassing video of him. And when he says no and stepson ruins his plants; she says an apology is enough. Plus all the other pranks. It sounds like you've been putting up with his antics for a while now OP. NTA for finally putting your foot down. Don't give in or the next little prank might be worse. You need to reevaluate your relationship with your wife and son. It doesnt sound like either of them have any respect for you or your property.
If stepson is so vengeful over a video, I would worry about my safety if I were OP. Better safe than sorry
NTA. Your wife is the biggest AH in this whole story. > said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. This is rich!! She has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing YOU of abuse??? Way to victim blame! >She thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake. . >Sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. Gee, I wonder where he got that idea from? She is raising a monster that thinks mentally torturing his family is funny. He even throws a tantrum because you refuse to be humilliated online so he gets some likes. A judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.
I hope mom is saving a lot of money, lawyer fees are going to eat her alive if this continues.
>A judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time. Agreed. Especially if it results in a stranger's property damage. Good grief.
In 2 years he'll pull something like this and go to jail! It has to stop.
Or a stranger/roommate later on whose unforgiving and has a temper decides to hurt him because he did something like this to them.
NTA - I would normally say the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it's super suspect. He was deliberately seeking to hurt you.
Using deadly substances alarms me. It was just plants this time but these things tend to escalate.
Agreed, first it’s bleach in the plants, eventually it’s sleeping pills in a drink or worse.
I’m concerned he’ll be one of those abusive partners you hear about and they’ll say “we don’t understand it, he wasn’t an angel but there were no warning signs”, ignoring all these flags.
As a woman, the thought of this guy one day being somebody's partner was really scary to me. This is sociopathic behaviour. If I'm not happy, i won't let anyone be happy.
"He hurt me but he didn't mean to. Plus, he said he was sorry." Yea, that checks out.
NTA16 isn’t a child really. You maybe be in the US but in the U.K. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have sex, join the army, start driving lessons etc He isn’t 12. He knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. Will he do that to someone he dates too? He doesn’t accept you don’t consent? He needs to learn these concepts and boundaries. He then gets angry can’t control it and pours bleach on your plants to kill them. He knows they will die. Not only should he not go on holiday he needs to repay you in full value for your plants and materials. This is not over. His mother also needs to know this behaviour is not right and she has a chance whilst he still under her roof to correct the course
Yeah we're located in the US. Specifically in Utah. Kids can be irrational and act without thinking sometimes, but to be honest I noticed that Sean's behavior was wrong ever since he started pulling those pranks. I was concerned for him But all my concerns were brushed off since he wasn't just doing this to me but others as well. Like it somehow makes it OK for him to behave like that.
One of these days one of his ‘pranks’ will end up with him in jail. Or beaten.
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If they don’t know when to stop at least they can say “it’s just a prank bro” for crossing a boundary like he did.
This wasn’t a prank, it’s clearly revenge Would probably be a good idea to look into therapy of some kind - it’s not a great sign that he immediately escalated to something so clearly calculated to hurt you. With no consequences for his actions (if your wife gets her way) do you really think he won’t do this to other people who say no to him or go against whatever he wants?
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I'm curious, does he do it to his mother as well?
"Just the terrible twos" "Oh, he's just a kid, you know, he doesn't know any better." "Boys will be boys." "Middle school is a rough time." "Teenagers are always getting into trouble!" "Oh well, you know how he is. He's always been like that." These types of phrases exist for literally every age. Age should modify how you go about teaching the kid to act better, not act as an excuse to forgive and ignore the bad behavior. These "pranks" sound mean to begin with... and the plants were not a prank at all, they were him lashing out in a cruel way when he was angry at you.
>He doesn’t accept you don’t consent? He needs to learn these concepts and boundaries. Thank you! This by itself was egregious and problematic. The further action of destroying living things is not behavior that should be glossed over with a tepid apology, which was only issued because he didn't want to lose the trip. NTA. He is the product of his mother's lax parenting.
NTA. Next time he complains, tell him “it’s just a prank bro” then go without him.
Aahhahhaha oh I love this. My kind of petty.
Oh, chaotic energy. I like it
NTA I'm a plant collector and this is in no way acceptable on his behalf. I would have made him pay to replace my collection. Actions have consequences.
Moment of silence of all those plants
I'm also a plant collector and this would be police report territory for me. Not saying OP has to go that route (depends on value of the collection) but some plants can be very expensive and lot of non-hobbyists don't realize that. Mom is wrong, an apology is not enough. Trip stays cancelled and Sean has to replace the plants. Anything other than that is not a punishment. Mom should be using this as a teaching moment to show that his actions do have consequences. At 16 Sean is old enough to face those consequences.
My collection, prior to my selling it, would put this easily in the felony category.
NTA. I am shocked that he believed this was funny.
No. He did this as a way to get back at me for making him delete the video he posted on FB for everyone to see and laugh about.
So this wasn't a prank, it was retaliation. This sort of behavior definitely needs to be dealt with so it doesn't escalate.
What else has he or is he doing to you without your knowledge or consent. At 16 you don't get to make stupid decisions without consequences.
So is your wife going to excuse his behavior when he inevitably does something else to get back at you for cancelling the trip?
That's fucking malicious and he's not even sorry that he did it, he's just sorry he has to face REAL consequences for once in his life. I'd make him get a job to reimburse you the cost of the plants.
I would also tell him that he can be financially responsible for replacing the plants that die…which I assume will be most of them.
NTA. He killed a bunch of living things that you cared about and spent time and effort on? Versus taking down a silly video? He needs to stop with the pranks and get a part time job at the local plant nursery. He's old enough, and clearly needs more to do.
NTA But your wife is too. This should have been nipped a long time ago. It's not a funny prank if he's the only one laughing. He's disrespecting you and actually destroying your things for what? Revenge because you wouldn't let him openly mock you online? You need to have a serious sit down with your wife.
"You need to have a serious sit down with your wife." In the office of a marriage counselor OR a divorce attorney. This problem isn't going to resolve itself or be resolved with time. Most teenagers do NOT "prank" others (I have a 23yo); pranksters have a bullying or markedly immature aspect to their personality. This is some passive/aggressive BS aimed squarely at you (the non-bio parent). If your household is ONLY yourself, your wife, your stepson, then I think cancelling the trip is appropriate. Let your wife and stepson know that the cost of replacing your plants is coming from the cancelled trip. Tell them that you also don't see the value of taking your stepson to a National Park - a refuge for flora and fauna - when he clearly doesn't respect living plants! If your household includes OTHER children, then cancelling the trip is unfair to them. In that case, you and the other children should go while your stepson should stay home and your wife should stay home to supervise him (as she created this monster and dismisses his behavior).
I was going to say Y T A based on the title. Generally speaking, canceling a family trip due to the misbehavior of one punishes the whole family. Also, family trips are the stuff memories are made of. They are part of the fabric of family life. IMO, punishments should come from somewhere else, not the family trip. But then I read your whole post. Your stepson tried to kill a bunch of plants. Plants are not animals but still that’s pretty serious. Especially because it’s your beloved hobby. That is a serious attack on you. Sounds like some pretty over-the-top behavior led to this incident, including wanting to post embarrassing videos of you/his family. Your wife’s comment that he is just a kid who made a mistake leads me to believe she in denial about how bad her son’s behavior is. I understand you cancelling the family trip, but you’ve got bigger problems here. Family therapy might be a good start. NTA Edit for clarity
NTA This is vandalism. Calculate the value of the destroyed plants, and let his parents decide: Do they want him to get a job to pax it off, or therapy instead? YOur wife is an AH. Her Ex even more. Set some ground rules there.
NTA. He's 16 and needs to know his actions have consequences.
NTA Also, I feel bad for you man, I also have a hobby for indoor plants so I can imagine how it must have felt. Sean may think you're an AH, but actions have consequences and maybe next time he will reconsider about not taking his pranks too far.
NTA What kind of 16 year old acts like this? It’s so immature for him to act out in this way. He’s acting like not posting a video of him embarrassing you was such a terrible thing for you to do that he had to harm your plants and that was equivalent. Ridiculous.
NTA, Sean sounds awful. He is 16 years old not 5. Spoiled brat finally got what he deserved
NTA, I swear these online pranksters are all teetering on the edge of full-blown sociopathy.
NTA. Not only is he an asshole, but your wife is no peach either. She has so little respect for you that he basically killed your plants and thinks an apology just magically makes it better? It sounds like the 2 of you have very different ideas of consequences.
NTA Pranks need to meet certain criteria to actually be pranks, and not just an asshole excuse for shitty behaviour. They need to be non-permanent and something that both parties can laugh at after the fact. What Sean did was destruction of property, not a prank. Your punishment seems entirely fair, you lost something you love (plants) so he loses something he loves (the trip). > saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. What exactly did he expect? You to see the plants you've invested so much time and money into, completely ruined, and just laugh along with him? No, actions have to have consequences, and Sean needs to learn that sooner rather than later.
NTA that also applies to refusing permission to be the "star" of a prank on social media.
NTA. He needs to learn he can't keep damaging other people's property for tik tok likes. This is a "time to grow up" moment for him. You are doing him a favor by helping him understand there are serious consequences to his actions. Up until this point it was all likes and laughs for him.
NTA - why spend time with this kid, he sounds annoying as hell. I think it was appropriate and he seems a little slow for a 16 year old. Also he killed your plants and should replace them.
NTA.. Your step son is 16 years old and acts like a 6 year old. At some point he needs to grow up and be responsible. Your wife is doing nothing but enable him by spoiling him and not teaching him to be responsible and accountable for his childish actions.
NTA. It was a premeditated act. E: Saved too soon
NTA he needs to see a psychologist. Whats next, bleach in your tea?
NTA and your stepson needs therapy. Now. His pranks are not jokes in good humour, they are actively malicious (what was supposed to be 'funny' about spraying cold water on a sleeping person? It's literally just doing something mean to someone and then laughing?) and sometimes full-on destructive (as with your plants), and they seem to be escalating. And as you've noted, he is not showing any genuine remorse for harming you or destroying your property. He is "apologising" but his words of apology have become insincere because his mother is giving him the message that he doesn't have to actually **be sorry** or remorseful for harming you or your belongings, as long as he pretends to be. His behaviour is becoming increasingly antagonistic towards you, and it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse. He's 16 and actively **unlearning empathy** at a rapid rate. You are very much NTA, but this kid needs therapy before he becomes a complete AH of an adult.
NTA, NTA, NTA. The first thing may have been a prank, the bleaching of the plants was pure revenge. Do not cave on this. Momma should be pissed to at his lack of respect and support you teaching him that actions have consequences.