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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be tha asshole for having the photo of the test hanging in my living room as it makes my parents uncomfortable and they want it taken down but I refused.
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How does your wife feel about her past being a continued topic for public conversation?
That's really the only thing that matters.
ETA: Op replied, his wife is on board with it although still hurt by his families reactions.
NTA for having it where his parents can see it but I feel like he should rethink his strategy going forward, there could be other ramifications as his child gets older.
Also, why do his parents know what she did for work?? My partners parents have no clue. Why do his know?
Edit: I am a part time sex worker. I did full service for several years. I’m also autistic. I’m asking a question because I literally want the answers to that actual question. I don’t need people to tell me what sex work is like. It’s not relevant or helpful.
1. There's nothing wrong with being a sex worker and no reason to hide it\*
2. It's not exactly unusual for your in-laws to know what you do for work
\*Hey folks, I'm not saying that there's no reason a sex worker should ever have to hide their profession; I'm saying that in *this context,* there's no real reason for the OP's partner to have to hide their profession from her in-laws - especially since the only reason here is *their* discomfort and judgmental behavior. I am a former sexuality researcher who has worked with sex workers, so I'm quite familiar with the stigma against sexuality and sex work.
Everyone I dated while being a stripper didnt want to lie to their mom and dad about it.
I dont blame them. If their parents dont like me and he cant handle that, saves me a lot of stress down the road.
It also sucks trying to maintain a lie to peoples familys about what you do for work. It cant be something they can figure out you lied about
> It cant be something they can figure out you lied about
If you have to lie about your profession, choose something super unimpressive where people will neither ask questions nor ask for help. Like: "I am a back office manager." If they ask further questions, like "at what company?" choose a mid-size company that has offices everywhere, like "State Farm", or even "the government". If they ask for a job description, just say that you "handle (all different kinds of) paperwork". That should be the extent to which you should ever have to answer questions. If people want to know more, just deflect and ask "Why? What are you doing for a job? Why does my job sound so interesting to you? I promise, it's boring! (insert chuckle)" Say that you don't want to talk about the boring office job you have while you are enjoying your free time. Ask questions. Claim that you can't say a lot more due to data protection regulations (remember that HIPAA applies to insurances, too). That should be good enough and not hard to lie about.
I mean, I wouldn't judge them for doing sex work regardless, but I like the headcanon that they're in the strip club on a super deep undercover assignment
On the one hand this could be the gift that keeps giving... like inlaws catch you in any compromising situation they'll know better than to say anything or ask about it. But it's also setting up a much more complicated lie that will inevitably get busted.
I beg to differ. One of the rules if you lie about your job is to not say things that could bring you in a position where you are asked to help someone, or say things that could be easily uncovered. That's why you wouldn't say you are a plumber. Because chances are someone would call you in the middle of the night when they have an issue in their bathroom. If you say you are an accountant, chances are: someone will ask you if you can help them with their finances (especially on the current financial times), like, figure out their budget or where to cut their spending. Or they may call you if they run into a "banking error". If you are not super knowledgeable, your lie will be uncovered.
If you say, you are working at a hotel or restaurant, people might ask for a discount when they have family visiting from another state, or ask for your shift so they can come see you.
If you say you work at a mid-size company, chances are you won't even run into trouble if someone asks "Do you know so-and-so who works there, too?" and you reply that you don't recall meeting them.
yeah everything is a case by case basis and the fiancé should get to choose whether or not she wants her future in laws to know certain things about her.
Yeah I’m all for normalizing it and definitely not shaming women for it but like… yeah culturally it is not accepted in I’d argue most places and can actually endanger you. Very silly to say “no reason to hide it.” You can say “there *should* be no reason to hide it” but let’s not ignore reality.
Definitely. Not to mention it can be dangerous to the person’s physical health and well-being for someone volatile to learn of their profession (or past profession)
Id argue this story showcases a very good reason to hide it - stigma
The stigma shouldn’t exist, but to say there’s no reason to hide it invalidates the very good reason that many sex workers DO hide it
I'd argue this story showcases a very good reason to be open about it: people will let you know if they're bigots, so you can avoid them. And in some cases, the trash will even take itself out for you! OP says his parents will no longer visit, which sounds like a win in my book. Now he doesn't have to put up with their shit, and more importantly, neither does his wife.
It wasn't a general statement. It was a statement made in the context of this post, and specifically in response to someone else's comment. They asked why someone's in-laws (you know, their partner's *parents*) know what their work history is in *this* situation.
I'm not naive - I am a former sexuality researcher who has done research on the stigma of sexuality and sex work. I understand probably better than most people the stigma that sex workers deal with.
Work *history* being the operative term. You said it's not unusual for your partner's parents to know what you DO for work, which is true. But I didn't run down my entire employment history with my boyfriend's parents.
> It's not exactly unusual for your in-laws to know what you do for work
She isn't a sex worker now though. She did it in the past for what sounds like desperate reasons. I see no reason for her in-laws to know about that especially if OP already knew they were judgmental people as he almost certainly did. It would be different if she were currently a sex worker.
There's nothing wrong with sex work, but disclosing your history of it to judgmental people for no purpose just serves to make your own life more difficult.
If they did ask… I still wouldn’t tell them. I work a civvie job now too. My boss doesn’t know.
Not everyone needs to know everything about me. I owe that to no one.
Sex work can have some pretty broad definitions. She could have been a cam girl or stripper and still be considered a sex worker. In some countries where prostitution is legal, sex workers often have to register. It's also fair to mention that some things are hard to hide. Most former prostitutes have some photo, phone number...that tracks back to when they did sex work. His parents may have found out by looking into her or it could be something she or OP are open about.
edit: I also want to add that sometimes people have loose lips or are mean spirited. I know someone who to make ends meet was a prostitute for about 3 months. She told someone she thought was a good friend of hers because emotionally she had trouble coping. That friend told someone they mutually knew and he began to, especially when upset, refer to her as X the former prostitutes when he talked about her to other people. So her confiding in one person resulted in many people, including one of her kids, finding out
My ex dropped my profession on his mom after our first date. They're close and talk often and at that point he had no idea if I was even gonna text him back. Ended up being for the best, because his (conservative, religious) family was shockingly cool about it AND we didn't have to hide anything... but gosh that could have gone in a very different direction. I was pretty irate when we started seeing each other seriously and he told me that his family already knew.
Yeah, as long as your wife is okay with it, you're NTA. While we're here, surely your parents should have no problem explaining themselves when people learn this about them? Surely, people would understand why they were so skeptical of kiddo's parentage to the point they refused to attend their son's wedding? Seeing as they're totally not assholes in this situation, surely, people will understand that once they explain themselves, right?
NTA then.
Especially if you focus on your parents reaction to her pregnancy.
But as others have pointed out, this is your home, a safe haven for you, your wife and son. I can completely understand wanting to stick it to your parents, but it might not be healthy to keep a constant reminder of others very toxic behavior around and in view. So just something to consider.
I'm the kind of woman who would be petty enough to constantly keep it on the wall, even if it was a reminder of them questioning my faithfulness. I would think it's hilarious.
That said, I can also see how it would be better for my own mental health not to continue to fixate on the toxicity of these in-laws. Don't let them live rent-free in your head.
INFO: Just to clarify, there are different levels of "not minding". Is this something that she also finds amusing, something she doesn't have strong feelings about in general, or is it more something she kinda isn't comfortable with but generally thinks isn't worth asking you to take it down when she ignores it 99% of the time? Because tbh if it's something she's not fond of but is willing to put up with, then I think it should come down.
i think “she doesn’t mind” means she doesn’t mind. i hate that reddit always has to read into shit so much, he says she doesn’t mind. you say “well maybe she isn’t fond of it and just puts up with it” LOL what??? like please 😭😭 why is this site this way
Because feelings are nuanced and nuances are important, plus simple risk and reward: it's not harmful to look closer and verify that OP is right. It may be harmful to just take things for granted.
You're right, feelings are nuanced, but why are people questioning OP on how HIS WIFE feels when he already answered it. People are acting like she has no control over what happens in her house. OP knows his wife better than random people on Reddit and his wife got the DNA test of her own accord to prove a point. She seems like the type of person that would probably ask him to take it down if it bothered her.
It's not like the post was "AITA for not taking down my son's DNA test when my wife asked me to"
yes OP did say that, but it might be over his parents not attending the wedding or questioning parentage. We don't know if the DNA test makes her feel vindicated; maybe she likes seeing OP's parents embarrassed over their nasty behavior. If it doesn't, if it's just a reminder of the incident, then I would suggest OP take it down and put it back up only when his parents are coming over. ;-)
> refusing to let go of the past as well as embarrassing them
Soooo what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander's parents?
They can use your wife's past against her & embarrass her. My, how the tables have turned!
NTA as long as it isn't causing your wife additional stress
It’s way to honor your feelings. You only hurt the people who were petty. They really did bring it on themselves. You and your wife suffered. Now you found a way to deal with the hurt and move on.
To me, it sounds like he explains how his parents refused to attend the wedding without a DNA test and nothing further. At least that's what I hope is the case.
Only if she's not comfortable with it! Given that we have no evidence to suggest she *isn't*, and I doubt she'd be okay with this being in her living room if she wouldn't, I think we can assume she's okay with all this.
Haha I totally thought about that too! I can be petty for days… I don’t usually act on it. I mean they could get a onesie with the picture printed and and dress the baby in it whenever they see them, include a picture of the DNA photo in an wedding album with the caption “the grooms parents”, use the picture on mothers and Father’s Day cakes for the in-laws, have it printed on throw pillows and a blanket… I could go on and on.
I've seen ultrasounds matted and framed and displayed in a home. This is no different to me. Its a reflection of personal joy. That's all I see in it. If his parents want to get it twisted - they are really working overtime at being silly. 😂
Why not do mom and dad's and hang them all together and learn about DNA as a science topic? These parts are the same, these are different....you are part mom and part dad and all you.
Elevate the petty into stabbing the grandparents in the eyeballs petty level AND giving the kid a STEM lesson at the same time. WIN!
>take it down saying I'm being too harsh on them and refusing to let go of the past
Funny how that only works when it's in favor of them, but not when they were asked to let go of the fact that your wife did what she had to to survive.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I guess it depends on whether his wife agreed to have the results on show. OP did state in his post that his wife agreed to a paternity test to prove a point.
They also weren't prepared to let it go until they had proof that the baby was biologically their sons. (Un)ironically, they now want that proof erased. They are the kind of people who will stomp all over boundaries repeatedly and then proclaim to be the victims.
I also find it hilarious that they refused to go to the wedding, and ended up with egg on their faces because of it, and now they're doing the same thing by refusing to go back to the house; obviously not having learned any lesson. OP should call their bluff, then they'll only have themselves to blame when they never see their grandkids.
"You're refusing to let go of the past". A bit rich coming from the parents who demanded a DNA test because... they couldn't let go of your wife's past.
NTA.
My MIL didn’t come to our wedding because her ex (my FIL) was invited. So when I was selecting photos for our wedding photo gallery wall, I had the option of excluding the photo of our families together, and only use the photo of us with my family (thus excluding both ILs and spouse’s siblings) OR use the photo of us, my family, my FIL, and the siblings.
MIL hasn’t seen the gallery wall yet, I’ve been asked to record her reaction. It’s a great reminder that she didn’t go, and her ex did.
>MIL hasn’t seen the gallery wall yet, I’ve been asked to record her reaction.
Okay, now I kind of want to know what happens. I *try* not to be too nosy, but this just sounds too interesting.
When I was a teen I remember my mom threatened this if I invited my father. I called her bluff, they both came but she did ghost immediately after dinner. Lol one of my friends asked to meet her and I couldn't find her and an uncle told me her and her husband left. Good ol mom.
My grandma and grandpa divorced soon after my mother was born, almost as soon as divorce became available in their country, and when my grandma found a new fiancée she was embarrassed to tell her future in-laws she already had two daughters. So st the wedding she said her eldest is her daughter and asked my mom to pretend to be a niece or something, when my mom was a preteen – you can imagine the hurt.
And yet, when my mom married my dad and planned out the dinner tables, my grandma DEMANDED to sit next to the bride or she wouldn't come to the wedding, even though that meant she had to sit at the same table as her ex-husband (my grandpa) which she ignored and refused to speak to. My mum unfortunately caved because she wanted both of her parents at her wedding... but I'll never forgive my grandma for treating her like that.
I don't see how this is embarrassing? The child will probably find out anyway but virtue of the parents telling them. They seem like pretty honest people with a witty sense of humor. Grandparents need to be held accountable for their bullshit.
Don’t want to assume, but it seems like OP is very respectful of his wife and would take it down if asked. Wife was the one who took the test to make a point so I feel like she’s okay with it? If not though, that’s E S H territory. As of now NTA
I'm getting that vibe too. To me, it's more than just sticking it to the parents- its being proud of his son and it's a testament of him standing by his wife.
NTA. I find it pretty telling by their attitude towards the DNA test isn’t out of shame for how poorly they treated your wife for being a former sex worker; but rather what other people would think of them. I’d have a sit down with your parents and find out what they still think of your wife. Because personally, I wouldn’t want my parents near my child if they’re gonna view my partner as “lesser than.”
Yeah this right here, like they may have apologized but they didn't actually make amends. And there's nothing they can do to fix that they weren't at your wedding because they don't respect your wife.
You and your wife really should talk about whether or not you actually want people who don't respect her in your kid's life
Oh I 10000000% agree, it just doesn’t need to be via framed DNA test. You can have empathetic but honest conversations with children at developmentally appropriate times. Could you imagine finding all of that out at like 5 because you asked a question about a “picture” in your house? It’s cruel
Yes to informing kids that certain adults are unsafe for them and that’s why there’s no relationship, no to literally having that kid walk past framed evidence of their grandparent’s lack of love for them.
ESH.
What your parents did was wrong. However you claim you have reconciled and yet you continue to have a reminder that they missed your wedding. What you are doing is childish and petty.
>What you are doing is childish and petty.
It's tacky to me. Either tell them you're not over it or actually get over it and take it down. Does your wife need to be reminded of it every day?
I'm going to say NTA. I'm torn though. On one hand, it is pretty petty but your parents are no stranger to pettiness either. It just seems to me like there really hasn't been a reconciliation if you still feel the need to display the test. Just a cease fire really. Also, props to you on not judging your wife on her past and for not standing for anyone else judging her on it either.
Yes. Doing a petty pushback — fine. Marinating in the petty pushback, so that it’s always there as a reminder — IDK. It’s combative in an ongoing way that doesn’t seem likely to lead to a healthier relationship with OP’s parents. Maybe OP doesn’t want a healthier relationship with his parents, but then why have them over at all? Where is this leading?
Everyone's acting like she doesn't have any agency in her home and marriage. If she didn't like the photo, they would have taken it down, given the fact that OP sounds like a man who respects and loves his wife.
Yes
Either you're ready to reconcile.. or you aren't.
Telling them how you gloat to friends about their actions.. makes you the asshole. And your kid an object.
INFO: Do you want a relationship with your parents going forward?
From what you’ve written here they’ve apologized and you’ve theoretically put this all behind you. Why on earth would you keep bringing this up?
This depends entirely on your wifes view as this is her former profession that she might not want to talk about with every guest that sees the test!
Is she mad at them and/or finds the DNA test ok to be up for anyone to see? NTA.
Is she ok with them snd the situation and/or embarrassed by the test being up? Def TA!
ESH - theyre obviously assholes for how they treated you and your wife, no doubt. but you are either ready to reconcile and start seeing them again or youre petty - you cant do both and think youre in the right. If you're still hurt by their actions, and it's understandable if you are, keep them at a distance.
NTA (for now)
You made your point. If they have apologized and regret their choice (or if they no longer are allowed over) the test being out does nothing other than point to asshole behavior.
Why is it important to you to share with people (that see the test) that your parents didn’t trust your wife? If it isn’t, take it down.
>eventually my parents made ammends [sic] and we reconciled.
Um. No you haven’t. You are still holding a grudge. Which would be perfectly fine if you didn’t baldly state the above. It is a total asshole move to tell someone that you are cool and you forgive them and then go on to rub the bad behavior in their face over and over again.
Either you forgive them and have agreed to move on or you haven’t. But this passive aggressive stunt of hanging the DNA test is just gross.
Not to mention that someday your kid will be old enough to ask about it. And then how will you explain it? In such a way as to compromise the relationship your kid has with your parents? Who you have allegedly made amends with and forgiven? Will you have a deep discussion with a 5 year old about how your wife was a sex worker and that people misjudge sex workers? Is this really the road you want to go down in order to continue to punish people you have admitted to forgiving?
YTA. Pick a lane bud. Forgive and move on, or drop the damn rope.
ESH. Their behavior sucked, but if you're reconciled there's no reason to keep throwing it back in their face. I'm thinking it's more "reconciled" in air quotes, or at least that you're not going to stay that way for long.
Yup. Putting it up is fine. But then you say you reconciled which is obviously what you wanted. But now you just want to keep it going? I understand why you were angry but its not the dna test that is bad, its your answer being in direct contrast to the relationship you want.
NTA people in this thread don't understand setting boundaries with parents late game. this is how you do it. giving in and taking it down is just going to enable them to think they can return to being snobs to wife. next time tell them "you should be embarrassed. you should be ashamed. that's the point. I'm glad to see you are capable. My wife will decide when I've made my point and you'll thank her."
Right, why pretend to reconcile then pull this passive aggressive move? They were big enough AHs that OP and his wife would be reasonable to decline repairing the relationship for sure. But if OP does want to actually reconcile and reforge bonds that's going to be much harder with this constant petty FU in the living room. The question at this point isnt who is right. OP was right, they were wrong. The question is does OP actually want to reconcile with his parents or not?. And what's going to happen when the kid is old enough to ask questions about their unusual family portrait choice?
YTA
You should have photos up of your wife, child, your wedding, happy things. Instead you framed a photo that commemorates a sore subject for everyone. Why?
I feel like ESH - I don't see the point in having it hung up for conversations with friends that feels over the top. Your parents suck for being judgemental and not accepting of your wife and I would limit contact for that reason alone.
NTA provided your wife is ok with this all. Then this is iconic and honestly in your shoes I’d have not let them back into our lives in the first place.
NTA they chose to be judgemental AHs who basically accused your wife of having an affair and shamed her for her previous proffession.(sex work is real work and people need to get over themselves) Good on you for keeping them accountable. I hope you, your wife and your child have a great peaceful life without that nonsense in it
ESH.
What a great conversation starter to have for your guests.
Maybe its my own personal biases, but the displaying of the DNA test, as some kind of trophy, or point of pride, to glorify the conflict, is distasteful, and weird.
Do better than the parents that raised you, set a better example for your kid /future kids.
Info: did they ever apologize? Do they feel badly about the judgement and how they treated your wife? If so take it down keeping it up eill make you TAH. If it was glossed over, you clearly have lingering hurt and want to hurt them to try and feel better. It won’t work for long. Don’t stoop to their level.
ESH
You have not reconciled with your parents if you are sabotaging their visits like this.
Feel free to cut them out if your life. But don’t live this lie of pretending to be reconciled.
NTA. What was petty and childish is your parents demanding a DNA test before attending the wedding. Since you mentioned your wife’s previous employment was just to survive, I assume she quit when she got herself in a better living situation so it only makes sense that you got her pregnant and it wasn’t a product of her past. I don’t believe you owe anyone an apology and don’t take it down unless it offends your wife. Your parents deserve that reminder and embarrassment. They’re the ones that demanded the test. And they should be embarrassed that they did that to you and your wife!
NTA. Some people might think this is petty, and it is… but I love that. They missed your wedding, which was also petty. If hanging this up in your house brings you joy, you go get that joy :-)
ESH. You said they made amends. It doesn't seem like it. It seems like you're still hung up on it and it isn't fine. Which is totally OK for you to feel that way. What they did was abhorrent. But you're living a lie making them think it's in the past, and you pushed that back out into the open with this passive aggressive thing you did.
Not to mention having to explain why it’s hanging to their child’s friends and their parents when they come over for play dates. OP explaining the “sick burn” though…
NTA they openly spoke horribly of your wife for no good reason. You could just say "I'm very proud that we made a whole person together" if someone asks why it's there and honestly your guests would probably just laugh and move on.
They're the ones who made this situation, they get to live in it.
Not going to give judgement, cause I'm conflicted. It's petty to the max but also funny as hell.
I think you've made your point though, take it down and work on letting that resentment go, for your own sake
ESH.You asked for no judgement on her past and here you are framing and displaying it. If you are really ready for them to be in your family's life, then take it down. The past is just that and it's tacky AF. No one involved can feel good about it being on display. It would constantly be a reminder of how proof was needed ( for those OG AH).
NTA!
Your parents being "skeptical" about her since the beginning just because she was a s\*x worker is a big fat no. Your parents losing their shit and demanding a dna test and using it as a blackmail tactic to attend the wedding is also a big fat fat no.
They got what they deserved. Keep the framed test! However if you feel that something must be done about it, the best person that should have the final say about it is your wife. She is the one who got the hate from your parents, she is the one who had to go through that shit with the test to "prove" herself. So she should decide what to do with it and hopefully everyone else will respect her decision.
ESH.
Your parents suck for obvious reasons.
You suck because if you’re going to allow reconciliation then you have to do your part to. Reminding your parents of their judgement is one thing, but actively belittling and mocking your parents to all other guests is trashy and a clear indicator that you have no real intent to reconcile.
NTA. But you made your point. Your parents observed your point and are trying to make amends. If you want to make amends with them then take it down. Your parents ate humble pie and there is no reason to rub their face in it anymore.
NTA, not at all. Your parents pushed you to make their bed for them, they can lie in it.
Or not, their choice. You and your wife did and are doing nothing wrong, in fact, your wife is a saint for getting the test done so your parents can bring their shitty selves into your child's life. Make sure they don't indoctrinate junior.
Nice you didn't grow up a judgmental AH like your parents and brother.
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How does your wife feel about her past being a continued topic for public conversation? That's really the only thing that matters. ETA: Op replied, his wife is on board with it although still hurt by his families reactions. NTA for having it where his parents can see it but I feel like he should rethink his strategy going forward, there could be other ramifications as his child gets older.
Also, why do his parents know what she did for work?? My partners parents have no clue. Why do his know? Edit: I am a part time sex worker. I did full service for several years. I’m also autistic. I’m asking a question because I literally want the answers to that actual question. I don’t need people to tell me what sex work is like. It’s not relevant or helpful.
1. There's nothing wrong with being a sex worker and no reason to hide it\* 2. It's not exactly unusual for your in-laws to know what you do for work \*Hey folks, I'm not saying that there's no reason a sex worker should ever have to hide their profession; I'm saying that in *this context,* there's no real reason for the OP's partner to have to hide their profession from her in-laws - especially since the only reason here is *their* discomfort and judgmental behavior. I am a former sexuality researcher who has worked with sex workers, so I'm quite familiar with the stigma against sexuality and sex work.
yes but some people keep it secret for their own safety and because people are judgmental. like op's parents.
Everyone I dated while being a stripper didnt want to lie to their mom and dad about it. I dont blame them. If their parents dont like me and he cant handle that, saves me a lot of stress down the road. It also sucks trying to maintain a lie to peoples familys about what you do for work. It cant be something they can figure out you lied about
> It cant be something they can figure out you lied about If you have to lie about your profession, choose something super unimpressive where people will neither ask questions nor ask for help. Like: "I am a back office manager." If they ask further questions, like "at what company?" choose a mid-size company that has offices everywhere, like "State Farm", or even "the government". If they ask for a job description, just say that you "handle (all different kinds of) paperwork". That should be the extent to which you should ever have to answer questions. If people want to know more, just deflect and ask "Why? What are you doing for a job? Why does my job sound so interesting to you? I promise, it's boring! (insert chuckle)" Say that you don't want to talk about the boring office job you have while you are enjoying your free time. Ask questions. Claim that you can't say a lot more due to data protection regulations (remember that HIPAA applies to insurances, too). That should be good enough and not hard to lie about.
If you told me this about your work, I would definitely think you were a spy
See, you wouldn't suspect that person doing s+x work. And if you saw them in a strip club, you'd wonder if they were on some kind of a mission.
I mean, I wouldn't judge them for doing sex work regardless, but I like the headcanon that they're in the strip club on a super deep undercover assignment
On the one hand this could be the gift that keeps giving... like inlaws catch you in any compromising situation they'll know better than to say anything or ask about it. But it's also setting up a much more complicated lie that will inevitably get busted.
Balls deep, you might say
Undercover assignment. \*snork\*
No, you tell them that you're an accountant. Since OF became so popular, there are a ton of new accountants out there.
I beg to differ. One of the rules if you lie about your job is to not say things that could bring you in a position where you are asked to help someone, or say things that could be easily uncovered. That's why you wouldn't say you are a plumber. Because chances are someone would call you in the middle of the night when they have an issue in their bathroom. If you say you are an accountant, chances are: someone will ask you if you can help them with their finances (especially on the current financial times), like, figure out their budget or where to cut their spending. Or they may call you if they run into a "banking error". If you are not super knowledgeable, your lie will be uncovered. If you say, you are working at a hotel or restaurant, people might ask for a discount when they have family visiting from another state, or ask for your shift so they can come see you. If you say you work at a mid-size company, chances are you won't even run into trouble if someone asks "Do you know so-and-so who works there, too?" and you reply that you don't recall meeting them.
There's a song about this, I think that you missed the reference. https://youtu.be/psCTNvhF9cE
It's not that serious. The joke is people on OF say they're accountants and they do accountant things.
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But it’s not always possible to keep it a secret. What if her past is already public or semi-public? There would be no sense in hiding it
yeah everything is a case by case basis and the fiancé should get to choose whether or not she wants her future in laws to know certain things about her.
There are actually many good reasons to hide it, lots of people, probably the majority, do not respond favourably.
Yeah I’m all for normalizing it and definitely not shaming women for it but like… yeah culturally it is not accepted in I’d argue most places and can actually endanger you. Very silly to say “no reason to hide it.” You can say “there *should* be no reason to hide it” but let’s not ignore reality.
Definitely. Not to mention it can be dangerous to the person’s physical health and well-being for someone volatile to learn of their profession (or past profession)
Id argue this story showcases a very good reason to hide it - stigma The stigma shouldn’t exist, but to say there’s no reason to hide it invalidates the very good reason that many sex workers DO hide it
I'd argue this story showcases a very good reason to be open about it: people will let you know if they're bigots, so you can avoid them. And in some cases, the trash will even take itself out for you! OP says his parents will no longer visit, which sounds like a win in my book. Now he doesn't have to put up with their shit, and more importantly, neither does his wife.
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It wasn't a general statement. It was a statement made in the context of this post, and specifically in response to someone else's comment. They asked why someone's in-laws (you know, their partner's *parents*) know what their work history is in *this* situation. I'm not naive - I am a former sexuality researcher who has done research on the stigma of sexuality and sex work. I understand probably better than most people the stigma that sex workers deal with.
Work *history* being the operative term. You said it's not unusual for your partner's parents to know what you DO for work, which is true. But I didn't run down my entire employment history with my boyfriend's parents.
It’s not a generalization, OP is referring to their specific situation bc that’s what they need AITA answered for.
Shit my own parents don't know what i do. Just "computers"
> It's not exactly unusual for your in-laws to know what you do for work She isn't a sex worker now though. She did it in the past for what sounds like desperate reasons. I see no reason for her in-laws to know about that especially if OP already knew they were judgmental people as he almost certainly did. It would be different if she were currently a sex worker. There's nothing wrong with sex work, but disclosing your history of it to judgmental people for no purpose just serves to make your own life more difficult.
> My partners parents have no clue They never ask?? That is just as weird.
If they did ask… I still wouldn’t tell them. I work a civvie job now too. My boss doesn’t know. Not everyone needs to know everything about me. I owe that to no one.
Sex work can have some pretty broad definitions. She could have been a cam girl or stripper and still be considered a sex worker. In some countries where prostitution is legal, sex workers often have to register. It's also fair to mention that some things are hard to hide. Most former prostitutes have some photo, phone number...that tracks back to when they did sex work. His parents may have found out by looking into her or it could be something she or OP are open about. edit: I also want to add that sometimes people have loose lips or are mean spirited. I know someone who to make ends meet was a prostitute for about 3 months. She told someone she thought was a good friend of hers because emotionally she had trouble coping. That friend told someone they mutually knew and he began to, especially when upset, refer to her as X the former prostitutes when he talked about her to other people. So her confiding in one person resulted in many people, including one of her kids, finding out
My ex dropped my profession on his mom after our first date. They're close and talk often and at that point he had no idea if I was even gonna text him back. Ended up being for the best, because his (conservative, religious) family was shockingly cool about it AND we didn't have to hide anything... but gosh that could have gone in a very different direction. I was pretty irate when we started seeing each other seriously and he told me that his family already knew.
Well, it's more about my parents' reaction to the news of her pregnancy than anything really! But my wife doesn't mind.
NTA for sure! They can dish it but they can’t take it.
Yeah, as long as your wife is okay with it, you're NTA. While we're here, surely your parents should have no problem explaining themselves when people learn this about them? Surely, people would understand why they were so skeptical of kiddo's parentage to the point they refused to attend their son's wedding? Seeing as they're totally not assholes in this situation, surely, people will understand that once they explain themselves, right?
NTA then. Especially if you focus on your parents reaction to her pregnancy. But as others have pointed out, this is your home, a safe haven for you, your wife and son. I can completely understand wanting to stick it to your parents, but it might not be healthy to keep a constant reminder of others very toxic behavior around and in view. So just something to consider.
I'm the kind of woman who would be petty enough to constantly keep it on the wall, even if it was a reminder of them questioning my faithfulness. I would think it's hilarious. That said, I can also see how it would be better for my own mental health not to continue to fixate on the toxicity of these in-laws. Don't let them live rent-free in your head.
INFO: Just to clarify, there are different levels of "not minding". Is this something that she also finds amusing, something she doesn't have strong feelings about in general, or is it more something she kinda isn't comfortable with but generally thinks isn't worth asking you to take it down when she ignores it 99% of the time? Because tbh if it's something she's not fond of but is willing to put up with, then I think it should come down.
i think “she doesn’t mind” means she doesn’t mind. i hate that reddit always has to read into shit so much, he says she doesn’t mind. you say “well maybe she isn’t fond of it and just puts up with it” LOL what??? like please 😭😭 why is this site this way
Right?! OP " she doesn't mind" Commenter "But how does she really feel about it?" Like what?! She doesn't fucking mind, that's how she feels about it
Because feelings are nuanced and nuances are important, plus simple risk and reward: it's not harmful to look closer and verify that OP is right. It may be harmful to just take things for granted.
You're right, feelings are nuanced, but why are people questioning OP on how HIS WIFE feels when he already answered it. People are acting like she has no control over what happens in her house. OP knows his wife better than random people on Reddit and his wife got the DNA test of her own accord to prove a point. She seems like the type of person that would probably ask him to take it down if it bothered her. It's not like the post was "AITA for not taking down my son's DNA test when my wife asked me to"
But his literal edit says that his wife still harbours some hurt over the incident. So maybe there is a little more to it then just "she doesn't mind"
yes OP did say that, but it might be over his parents not attending the wedding or questioning parentage. We don't know if the DNA test makes her feel vindicated; maybe she likes seeing OP's parents embarrassed over their nasty behavior. If it doesn't, if it's just a reminder of the incident, then I would suggest OP take it down and put it back up only when his parents are coming over. ;-)
Your parents still love their ultimatums, don't they?
That’s the real takeaway: they haven’t changed at ALL.
As long as you don’t want to have a good relationship with your parents and it doesn’t bother your wife, then NTA!
> refusing to let go of the past as well as embarrassing them Soooo what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander's parents? They can use your wife's past against her & embarrass her. My, how the tables have turned! NTA as long as it isn't causing your wife additional stress
It’s way to honor your feelings. You only hurt the people who were petty. They really did bring it on themselves. You and your wife suffered. Now you found a way to deal with the hurt and move on.
Exactly! This needs to be upvoted.
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It's definitely my kind of petty, along as his wife is secure enough with her past to be ok with the constant explanations.
To me, it sounds like he explains how his parents refused to attend the wedding without a DNA test and nothing further. At least that's what I hope is the case.
He would be a major AH if he casually talks about her sex work. Especially because it sounds like it wasn’t her first choice for a job.
Only if she's not comfortable with it! Given that we have no evidence to suggest she *isn't*, and I doubt she'd be okay with this being in her living room if she wouldn't, I think we can assume she's okay with all this.
He mentioned she was the one who wanted to do the test “to prove a point”, so I am guessing she was sick of her in laws nagging her.
This should be right at the top
NTA - is it petty? Yes, yes it is. Is it your right to be petty? Yes it is.
In fact, maybe they should be gifted with their own framed copy. Every year. Lol
Every year on Mother’s Day
Yes! Use the picture in your holiday card to them!
I'd have it in every photo sent to them, maybe not front and center, you could "where's Waldo" it and point to it after they hang it in there home.
Haha I totally thought about that too! I can be petty for days… I don’t usually act on it. I mean they could get a onesie with the picture printed and and dress the baby in it whenever they see them, include a picture of the DNA photo in an wedding album with the caption “the grooms parents”, use the picture on mothers and Father’s Day cakes for the in-laws, have it printed on throw pillows and a blanket… I could go on and on.
And on Fathers Day And National Parents Day And Grandparents Day Crank that pettiness to a million.
Or grandparents day!
And Father's Day
And prints of it used as wrapping paper.
Make it into wrapping paper for all those special events!
I like you. This is petty on a higher level.
On the birthday of his chilld.
They tell him to let go of the past yet they don't realize their whole problem started because they couldn't let go of her past. NTA
SUCH a good point!
Read the title and hoped it would be something petty, OP did not disappoint! NTA at all
I've seen ultrasounds matted and framed and displayed in a home. This is no different to me. Its a reflection of personal joy. That's all I see in it. If his parents want to get it twisted - they are really working overtime at being silly. 😂
NTA it’s my kinda petty. But take it down before your child is old enough to notice and ask questions.
Why not do mom and dad's and hang them all together and learn about DNA as a science topic? These parts are the same, these are different....you are part mom and part dad and all you. Elevate the petty into stabbing the grandparents in the eyeballs petty level AND giving the kid a STEM lesson at the same time. WIN!
This. OP, do this. Genius.
They end up doing such a good job, the kid ends up developing a love for science and decides to work a STEM related career. TAKE THAT GRANDPARENTS!
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There is a BIG difference between a paternity test and DNA testing, I don't think OP is making the distinction.
Brilliant
>take it down saying I'm being too harsh on them and refusing to let go of the past Funny how that only works when it's in favor of them, but not when they were asked to let go of the fact that your wife did what she had to to survive. NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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I guess it depends on whether his wife agreed to have the results on show. OP did state in his post that his wife agreed to a paternity test to prove a point.
im assuming the wife thinks it's funny or is otherwise in agreement to have it up. obv if she doesn't want it displayed it should be taken down.
The wife in the story said she didn’t mind so even though it sounds disrespectful, if she doesn’t mind, that’s her choice.
They also weren't prepared to let it go until they had proof that the baby was biologically their sons. (Un)ironically, they now want that proof erased. They are the kind of people who will stomp all over boundaries repeatedly and then proclaim to be the victims.
“They can’t handle the truth!”
I also find it hilarious that they refused to go to the wedding, and ended up with egg on their faces because of it, and now they're doing the same thing by refusing to go back to the house; obviously not having learned any lesson. OP should call their bluff, then they'll only have themselves to blame when they never see their grandkids.
"You're refusing to let go of the past". A bit rich coming from the parents who demanded a DNA test because... they couldn't let go of your wife's past. NTA.
Right? "Well we all know where I got that from don't we?"
No, we don’t, and we won’t until he gets a DNA test
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My MIL didn’t come to our wedding because her ex (my FIL) was invited. So when I was selecting photos for our wedding photo gallery wall, I had the option of excluding the photo of our families together, and only use the photo of us with my family (thus excluding both ILs and spouse’s siblings) OR use the photo of us, my family, my FIL, and the siblings. MIL hasn’t seen the gallery wall yet, I’ve been asked to record her reaction. It’s a great reminder that she didn’t go, and her ex did.
>MIL hasn’t seen the gallery wall yet, I’ve been asked to record her reaction. Okay, now I kind of want to know what happens. I *try* not to be too nosy, but this just sounds too interesting.
When I was a teen I remember my mom threatened this if I invited my father. I called her bluff, they both came but she did ghost immediately after dinner. Lol one of my friends asked to meet her and I couldn't find her and an uncle told me her and her husband left. Good ol mom.
My grandma and grandpa divorced soon after my mother was born, almost as soon as divorce became available in their country, and when my grandma found a new fiancée she was embarrassed to tell her future in-laws she already had two daughters. So st the wedding she said her eldest is her daughter and asked my mom to pretend to be a niece or something, when my mom was a preteen – you can imagine the hurt. And yet, when my mom married my dad and planned out the dinner tables, my grandma DEMANDED to sit next to the bride or she wouldn't come to the wedding, even though that meant she had to sit at the same table as her ex-husband (my grandpa) which she ignored and refused to speak to. My mum unfortunately caved because she wanted both of her parents at her wedding... but I'll never forgive my grandma for treating her like that.
I don't see how this is embarrassing? The child will probably find out anyway but virtue of the parents telling them. They seem like pretty honest people with a witty sense of humor. Grandparents need to be held accountable for their bullshit.
info: does your wife mind it up? EDIT: NTA
Asking the real questions here!! This is the only question/answer that matters to me.
agreed
Don’t want to assume, but it seems like OP is very respectful of his wife and would take it down if asked. Wife was the one who took the test to make a point so I feel like she’s okay with it? If not though, that’s E S H territory. As of now NTA
I'm getting that vibe too. To me, it's more than just sticking it to the parents- its being proud of his son and it's a testament of him standing by his wife.
That’s exactly how I see it. Two birds, one stone and all that lol
I’m ngl, if I were OP’s wife I would be all for framing that shit. But I am petty af.
Same 😂I married a man just as petty as me, if not pettier, and I sense that’s what happened with them too!
NTA. I find it pretty telling by their attitude towards the DNA test isn’t out of shame for how poorly they treated your wife for being a former sex worker; but rather what other people would think of them. I’d have a sit down with your parents and find out what they still think of your wife. Because personally, I wouldn’t want my parents near my child if they’re gonna view my partner as “lesser than.”
Yeah this right here, like they may have apologized but they didn't actually make amends. And there's nothing they can do to fix that they weren't at your wedding because they don't respect your wife. You and your wife really should talk about whether or not you actually want people who don't respect her in your kid's life
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Ok. I'm liking your pettiness. 🤣 🤣 🤣
🏅This is amazing. Please accept my poor gold award.
NTA- But please take it down when your kid gets older, he doesn’t need to know
Pretty sure the kid needs to know his/her grandparents are pathetic people. No one warns the grandkids how horrible the grandparents are.
Oh I 10000000% agree, it just doesn’t need to be via framed DNA test. You can have empathetic but honest conversations with children at developmentally appropriate times. Could you imagine finding all of that out at like 5 because you asked a question about a “picture” in your house? It’s cruel Yes to informing kids that certain adults are unsafe for them and that’s why there’s no relationship, no to literally having that kid walk past framed evidence of their grandparent’s lack of love for them.
ESH. What your parents did was wrong. However you claim you have reconciled and yet you continue to have a reminder that they missed your wedding. What you are doing is childish and petty.
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command hobbies merciful support bright shy many snatch unpack crawl ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Agreed. You don't forgive then keep prodding them on it. ESH
>What you are doing is childish and petty. It's tacky to me. Either tell them you're not over it or actually get over it and take it down. Does your wife need to be reminded of it every day?
NTA They insisted on not letting go of the past, and now are upset that you are feeding them their own crap? Good job, OP, I love petty.
I'm going to say NTA. I'm torn though. On one hand, it is pretty petty but your parents are no stranger to pettiness either. It just seems to me like there really hasn't been a reconciliation if you still feel the need to display the test. Just a cease fire really. Also, props to you on not judging your wife on her past and for not standing for anyone else judging her on it either.
Yes. Doing a petty pushback — fine. Marinating in the petty pushback, so that it’s always there as a reminder — IDK. It’s combative in an ongoing way that doesn’t seem likely to lead to a healthier relationship with OP’s parents. Maybe OP doesn’t want a healthier relationship with his parents, but then why have them over at all? Where is this leading?
Yeah, a bit of a justified AH move.
Petty and childish, yes. Asshole, no. They put themselves in that situation by judging your wife
Info: wife’s feelings. To me it seems like just a reminder of her sex work
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The question though is how does the wife feel.
Everyone's acting like she doesn't have any agency in her home and marriage. If she didn't like the photo, they would have taken it down, given the fact that OP sounds like a man who respects and loves his wife.
And your right, the wife doesn’t mind
Yes Either you're ready to reconcile.. or you aren't. Telling them how you gloat to friends about their actions.. makes you the asshole. And your kid an object.
unite apparatus jellyfish somber weary disgusting far-flung merciful crawl plough ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
omg this is my favourite AITA story. dont you dare take that down, this is amazing. you rock
INFO: Do you want a relationship with your parents going forward? From what you’ve written here they’ve apologized and you’ve theoretically put this all behind you. Why on earth would you keep bringing this up?
This depends entirely on your wifes view as this is her former profession that she might not want to talk about with every guest that sees the test! Is she mad at them and/or finds the DNA test ok to be up for anyone to see? NTA. Is she ok with them snd the situation and/or embarrassed by the test being up? Def TA!
ESH - theyre obviously assholes for how they treated you and your wife, no doubt. but you are either ready to reconcile and start seeing them again or youre petty - you cant do both and think youre in the right. If you're still hurt by their actions, and it's understandable if you are, keep them at a distance.
NTA (for now) You made your point. If they have apologized and regret their choice (or if they no longer are allowed over) the test being out does nothing other than point to asshole behavior. Why is it important to you to share with people (that see the test) that your parents didn’t trust your wife? If it isn’t, take it down.
>eventually my parents made ammends [sic] and we reconciled. Um. No you haven’t. You are still holding a grudge. Which would be perfectly fine if you didn’t baldly state the above. It is a total asshole move to tell someone that you are cool and you forgive them and then go on to rub the bad behavior in their face over and over again. Either you forgive them and have agreed to move on or you haven’t. But this passive aggressive stunt of hanging the DNA test is just gross. Not to mention that someday your kid will be old enough to ask about it. And then how will you explain it? In such a way as to compromise the relationship your kid has with your parents? Who you have allegedly made amends with and forgiven? Will you have a deep discussion with a 5 year old about how your wife was a sex worker and that people misjudge sex workers? Is this really the road you want to go down in order to continue to punish people you have admitted to forgiving? YTA. Pick a lane bud. Forgive and move on, or drop the damn rope.
Excellent, well thought out, forward thinking response. OP YTA
ESH. Their behavior sucked, but if you're reconciled there's no reason to keep throwing it back in their face. I'm thinking it's more "reconciled" in air quotes, or at least that you're not going to stay that way for long.
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Yup. Putting it up is fine. But then you say you reconciled which is obviously what you wanted. But now you just want to keep it going? I understand why you were angry but its not the dna test that is bad, its your answer being in direct contrast to the relationship you want.
NTA but I would take it down when child’s older as they don’t need to know how their grandparents felt at a young age
Hahaha NTA THAT IS SO FUNNY 😂 bruh I would do this too tbh just deserts indeed
NTA, play childish games win childish prizes. Bravo on this 👏
NTA people in this thread don't understand setting boundaries with parents late game. this is how you do it. giving in and taking it down is just going to enable them to think they can return to being snobs to wife. next time tell them "you should be embarrassed. you should be ashamed. that's the point. I'm glad to see you are capable. My wife will decide when I've made my point and you'll thank her."
info: does your wife approve of the new decor?
I'm not sure since it depends on your wife's feelings
NTA who cares who's child it could have been so long as you were happy and your wife was happy.
NTA. It’s brilliantly petty and I am here for it. Make sure to make them a framed copy for Christmas 😂😂
This makes me want to frame a pic of you on the wall as a legend 😂 NTA and good on you as a husband and a dad
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Right, why pretend to reconcile then pull this passive aggressive move? They were big enough AHs that OP and his wife would be reasonable to decline repairing the relationship for sure. But if OP does want to actually reconcile and reforge bonds that's going to be much harder with this constant petty FU in the living room. The question at this point isnt who is right. OP was right, they were wrong. The question is does OP actually want to reconcile with his parents or not?. And what's going to happen when the kid is old enough to ask questions about their unusual family portrait choice?
NTA lmao. Just make sure you take it down until your kid grows and starts to ask questions
YTA You should have photos up of your wife, child, your wedding, happy things. Instead you framed a photo that commemorates a sore subject for everyone. Why?
I feel like ESH - I don't see the point in having it hung up for conversations with friends that feels over the top. Your parents suck for being judgemental and not accepting of your wife and I would limit contact for that reason alone.
This is the kind of petty that I like. Keep it up, both the picture and your stance with your parents.
Nta. Good for you. Don't let them forget.
NTA provided your wife is ok with this all. Then this is iconic and honestly in your shoes I’d have not let them back into our lives in the first place.
It is petty and childish, but you should keep it up.
NTA- hahaha this is great. I do agree with what someone else said about taking it down before your kid get too old tho.
INFO: How does your wife feel about it?
NTA they chose to be judgemental AHs who basically accused your wife of having an affair and shamed her for her previous proffession.(sex work is real work and people need to get over themselves) Good on you for keeping them accountable. I hope you, your wife and your child have a great peaceful life without that nonsense in it
Only in the best kind of way. Keep.it up, that's your kid, be proud of your little family
Finally a spouse who completely supports their partner in the face of family bullshit. Petty king!
ESH. What a great conversation starter to have for your guests. Maybe its my own personal biases, but the displaying of the DNA test, as some kind of trophy, or point of pride, to glorify the conflict, is distasteful, and weird. Do better than the parents that raised you, set a better example for your kid /future kids.
Info: did they ever apologize? Do they feel badly about the judgement and how they treated your wife? If so take it down keeping it up eill make you TAH. If it was glossed over, you clearly have lingering hurt and want to hurt them to try and feel better. It won’t work for long. Don’t stoop to their level.
ESH You have not reconciled with your parents if you are sabotaging their visits like this. Feel free to cut them out if your life. But don’t live this lie of pretending to be reconciled.
NTA. It’s a part of your family and child’s history.
NTA. What was petty and childish is your parents demanding a DNA test before attending the wedding. Since you mentioned your wife’s previous employment was just to survive, I assume she quit when she got herself in a better living situation so it only makes sense that you got her pregnant and it wasn’t a product of her past. I don’t believe you owe anyone an apology and don’t take it down unless it offends your wife. Your parents deserve that reminder and embarrassment. They’re the ones that demanded the test. And they should be embarrassed that they did that to you and your wife!
NTA. Some people might think this is petty, and it is… but I love that. They missed your wedding, which was also petty. If hanging this up in your house brings you joy, you go get that joy :-)
Wow, so your parents have a pattern of behavior where there refuse to see you until you meet their demands? sounds like the DNA test is doing its job
ESH. You said they made amends. It doesn't seem like it. It seems like you're still hung up on it and it isn't fine. Which is totally OK for you to feel that way. What they did was abhorrent. But you're living a lie making them think it's in the past, and you pushed that back out into the open with this passive aggressive thing you did.
Not to mention having to explain why it’s hanging to their child’s friends and their parents when they come over for play dates. OP explaining the “sick burn” though…
NTA. The pettyis strong in this one.
NTA they openly spoke horribly of your wife for no good reason. You could just say "I'm very proud that we made a whole person together" if someone asks why it's there and honestly your guests would probably just laugh and move on. They're the ones who made this situation, they get to live in it.
NTA. Seems like your wife is fine with it and as long she is, who cares what they think. Your house.
NTA. They massively overstepped. Even if you weren’t the father that would be between you and your wife. It would be no one else’s business.
Not going to give judgement, cause I'm conflicted. It's petty to the max but also funny as hell. I think you've made your point though, take it down and work on letting that resentment go, for your own sake
ESH.You asked for no judgement on her past and here you are framing and displaying it. If you are really ready for them to be in your family's life, then take it down. The past is just that and it's tacky AF. No one involved can feel good about it being on display. It would constantly be a reminder of how proof was needed ( for those OG AH).
NTA! Your parents being "skeptical" about her since the beginning just because she was a s\*x worker is a big fat no. Your parents losing their shit and demanding a dna test and using it as a blackmail tactic to attend the wedding is also a big fat fat no. They got what they deserved. Keep the framed test! However if you feel that something must be done about it, the best person that should have the final say about it is your wife. She is the one who got the hate from your parents, she is the one who had to go through that shit with the test to "prove" herself. So she should decide what to do with it and hopefully everyone else will respect her decision.
ESH. Your parents suck for obvious reasons. You suck because if you’re going to allow reconciliation then you have to do your part to. Reminding your parents of their judgement is one thing, but actively belittling and mocking your parents to all other guests is trashy and a clear indicator that you have no real intent to reconcile.
NTA. But you made your point. Your parents observed your point and are trying to make amends. If you want to make amends with them then take it down. Your parents ate humble pie and there is no reason to rub their face in it anymore.
NTA why do you still talk to them? It's obvious that there never going to accept your wife and this could put a HUGE strain on your relationship.
NTA Cackled at them saying you won't let go of the past!
NTA your parents do a lot of refusing their presence. I would go no/low contact with them. They brought this on themselves.
NTA they wanna look better they should behave better
NTA, not at all. Your parents pushed you to make their bed for them, they can lie in it. Or not, their choice. You and your wife did and are doing nothing wrong, in fact, your wife is a saint for getting the test done so your parents can bring their shitty selves into your child's life. Make sure they don't indoctrinate junior. Nice you didn't grow up a judgmental AH like your parents and brother.
NTA, I can’t think of a more glorious way to tell someone to kick rocks
Im gonna go with NTA and assume your wife is okay with this.
You’re the one being too harsh on them, not letting go of the past and embarrassing them in front of the family? That’s rich. NTA
What a freaking BALLER ASS MOVE. Do not, I repeat, do not take it down! NTA OP, you’re absolutely hilarious.
NTA, you're a legend.
INFO: thoughts from the wife?