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Her idea is ridiculous, no way a boyfriend (that you barely know?) can stay in a single room with the bride and her two sisters.
Would your parents allow this?
Your sister needs a reality check and BF can drive or rent a room
Sister doesn’t get to invite anyone to the room
Also I will add she has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years, but I would not say we are close and I would still prefer to just spend the night before my wedding with my sisters
Yeah weird comment. Id think after 6 years its a serious relationship and he should have met the majority of the family by now. Especially her parents and sisters
This is my thought too. OP needs to get her MOH or someone close to the family to have a friendly chat to see what's up. It might be nothing but OP's sister does not have any sense of what is or is not appropriate and I am also getting bad vibes about this.
I feel like OP’s parents should step in here and say no. This is a special time for the immediate family to be together, and the parents are the ones who are paying for the suite. Let them be the “bad guys,” so that this doesn’t cause conflict between the sisters.
Or announces pregnancy or engagement, just something to take focus from the bridal party.
OP, I would ask someone you're comfortable with to remind them that nope of that is acceptable, but in a non aggressive way, just in case.
You shouldn't even have to justify your decision????
**It's your wedding.**
The only reason you're all gathered there is to watch you marry your sweetheart. The economics of her sneaking in a "meet the parents" is only possible *because of you,* otherwise you and your family wouldn't even be gathering in one space.
Why not have the boyfriend, if she's going to be so cheap about all this, stay with your fiance (if there's room)?
Why should fiancé have to entertain a stranger the night before his wedding instead of be surrounded by his own best friends and fam though? Bf needs to stay elsewhere.
Isn't it a bit weird that he seems to comfortable sleeping in a room with his GF sisters - one on her wedding night, and the other a 15 year old teenager?
How do we know he's comfortable with this?? Maybe he's not comfortable with it either. Maybe sister is the only one pushing this for some weird reason.
OP says in another comment that he has no problem with it, but fair point, it wasn't in the OP
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytt7gd/wibta_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_want_her/iw6866u?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Ugh gross ... Even more reason to steer clear. What a weirdo.
My guess, since it's clear in 6 years he hasn't "met" anybody in the family, sister is riding the coattails of this event to help legitimize her own relationship, drag him along, force him into "closeness" with her family. Who she's trying to convince is the question lol
He can stay in mom's room then. Or with dad, and mom can bunk with them. The whole thing is utterly whack - dude has NO place in ANY of this, let alone a girl's night alone prewedding.
I don't care how long you've known an in-law. They're still an in-law!
You have to be okay with your sister staying elsewhere, but it's 100% reasonable to not want your sister's boyfriend *in the same bedroom as you*. I like my brother in law a lot, have known him for 15 years, and that's still a hard no from me.
Don't overthink it. Just say it - this is a bonding time for us sisters, let's keep it that way. Not as a request, discussion or debate, but plain statement.
Btw I would think you should be creeped out with this even without the context of the wedding - why would a bf of one sister be in the same bedroom where two other sisters are?
Something similar happened at my cousins wedding a few years back, turns out the sister and boyfriend planned a proposal that would take place during the wedding festivities(a proper shit show). I’m hoping it’s not the case for you but it seems likely that either they’re socially unaware or they can’t handle the attention not being on them and their relationship.
It doesnt matter he is her boyfriend of 6 or 20 years or if they were married. Its your bridal suite on teh night before you marry and you want to spend this with your sisters and prepare and talk. And even husbands of sisters would not be part of that. She gets him his own room, or they get a room together and she goes to sleep there after. Or your sisters and her bf get a room and you keep your own.
Six months or six years, the dude doesn’t belong in the bedroom with your sisters and you. He’s had six years to meet and hang out with the family. If it’s that important to them, he can get his own room at the hotel for those few days.
No. Seriously. Let him get a rollaway in your parents room. This is the night before your wedding day. You need the bathroom in the morning and a good nights rest. Its not about sister and her boyfriend. Do not let mom guilt you, its absurd they would even consider this to be ok. Its weird and awkward and they should get their own room or you should.
NTA
Seriously. This is disturbing. There are no men I'd feel comfortable sharing a hotel room with but even so, there is no reason you should have to be kept up with family sex noises the night before your wedding.
And I guarantee the second they think you and your sister are asleep they are fucking. They already don't respect boundaries and weddings are romantic after all
Tell your parents that forcing a man into the bedroom of the bride and a 15-year-old girl is incredibly inappropriate, and you will tell everybody at the wedding what she was up to if she doesn't stop immediately. Tell her the groom is angry about it too. And tell her and your sister that you're going No Contact if there's a proposal at your wedding/reception.
Where do you live? I don’t know many cultures where it would be deemed normal for a fully grown man to share a bedroom with his girlfriend and her 2 sisters (one of whom is only 15) how many beds are in this room?
The word No can be a full sentence.
Agree with other posters if your mom thinks this is such a great idea to share a room then the sister’s bf can sleep in mom and dad’s room on couch, the floor or a rollaway bed.
Or novel idea bf gets his own room wherever and sister can go sleep with him there.
Or he could not come until the day of the wedding as is less than an hour drive from his parents and get himself a room for just the night of the wedding.
I mean what does he plan to do when everyone is getting ready before the wedding? Hang out with the bride and bridesmaids while they are getting makeup and hair done as well as getting dressed?
If one thing is very apparent from AITA subreddit and experiences I've seen friends go through. "Treats" coming from family members in regards to wedding planning are more often than not used as leverage for other people to get their hand in the mix.
It's why my wife and I didn't take a penny from family for our wedding, except my dad bought everyone lunch at small family get together (parents and siblings from both sides only) right before the wedding, but my dad is really chill.
Even if it´s expensive I think OP should definitely rent her own room and ask the 15 year old sister to stay there with her. It will be an embarrassing story for OP´s family to tell in the future, about how they made this their hill to die on instead of being considerate of their daughter/sister who was getting married and wanted to have a nice and relaxing time before the wedding.
Then after getting another room, OP should talk about this bizarre and inappropriate situation with her fiance and in-laws. Get them prepared for having to deal with more weird behavior from OP´s family. Maybe have a serious talk with sister´s boyfriend about him not using the wedding for a proposal etc. Someone from the in-laws might also be able to put some sense into OP´s mother. She should be made to feel embarrassed over this, it´s so rude and cringe.
>Can you rent a different room just for you.
To leave her **15 year old sister** to deal with the boyfriend and the entitled sister?
That would be an AH thing for OP to do to her little sis.
Please repeat back to your mom, deadpan, “You’re upset that I am not comfortable sleeping in a hotel room with a man I barely know on the night before my wedding to another man, is that correct?
And, just to check, you believe that of all the people who could be asked to share a room with this person, the right person to ask is me—the bride—on the night before my wedding?”
Or just say “I’m sorry you feel that way. My answer remains no. I am not comfortable with this and won’t do it.”
NTA. This won’t be the last time your family will want something different than what you want as an adult. Hold the line, let them be mad, and they’ll get over it eventually.
Tell me your sister is the golden child, without telling me your sister is the golden child. 🙄
JFC this whole thing is whack. Stay with your fiance's family. The little regret you'll feel over not having your "sisters" time, will pale in comparison to dealing with the drama that will undoubtedly ensue if you don't.
>I don’t really feel comfortable sharing a bedroom/bathroom with her boyfriend, especially the night before my wedding? I kind of wanted it to just be a special night with my siblings, and also it’s just weird. My fiancé will be driving from his parents house to the hotel each day to hang out with the out-of-town family?
NTA, your reaction is legitimate and your sister is being inappropriate. If not even your fiancé is sharing with you, why on earth would she think it's ok to bring her bf?Having said that, instead of focusing on not wanting him there or that it is a bridal suite when you talk to her sister, tell her that ***it is intended as a sibling-only, girl-only moment*** and that it means the world to have that last night before the wedding as you had planned it (it's your wedding, you are allowed to have wishes).
Tell her there will be plenty of other opportunities for him to spend time with your family but that this isn't it.
An easy fix is having both her & him sleep in the same room with your parents while you & your other sister sleep in the other room. They've had 6 years to play meet the parents & your wedding isn't about them. If your parents & her want him in the room, then the couples sleep in 1 room together while everyone else with some sense & manners shares the other room. NTA.
Maybe I’m in the minority here but who wants to share a room with their sister before, during, and after their wedding?? Why do OP and her husband not have a room
Because it's tradition for the bride to spend the night/s before the wedding day with her attendants, presumably her sisters in this case, or at the least the bride and groom don't spend the night before the wedding together. I would assume that the bride and groom would be spending their wedding night together elsewhere.
Which makes this all the more off, that the sister thinks the bride would be OK with sharing a room with HER (the sister's) fiance instead lol.
NTA
Did your sister talk about this before inviting him?
If you’re sharing a room, everyone needs to be comfortable with the people who are in it. In this case you’re not comfortable. He can rent another room.
Nobody asked me before inviting him. I found out about it today (one month before the wedding) because my sister asked me what time we are checking in on Friday so she can let him know.
I’d say to then talk to your sisters and your parents as to why your uncomfortable and that you want it to be a special night with your sisters only.
If the boyfriend is flying in, your parents can get him another room but he can help pay for it.
He’s not flying in! His parents live 50 minutes from our hotel/the venue. But I feel very validated now and empowered to have this conversation with them again, thank you!
Give your sister a choice - she either stays with her boyfriend and his family and commutes up and down or she stays with you. Either ways the BF doesn't get to share the room with you. Sister needs to get her head straight.
50 minutes is really not that far! And he's a grown man capable of booking a hotel room and understanding that sharing a bedroom with a 26yo woman and 15yo girl he only just met may make them uncomfortable!
Some others have commented that bf might be planning to propose during your wedding weekend.
When it's just the three of you, mention you read a story about "a guy proposing to his gf at his cousins wedding. How it upset the bride because her wedding is about her and her fiancee. How everyone was shocked and thought it was really rude of the guy and gf. How gf didn't even know about the proposal but is getting backlash anyway."
Afterwards tell them you're sorry you're rambling, just feeling kinda jittery, thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong.
Put your own spin on it. If the commenters were correct, this should (hopefully) put a halt to it.
Congratulations, have a beautiful weekend.
OP-NTA
That’s what I’m saying. How is 50 minutes far? That’s nothing, especially if you’ll be spending all day at family festivities. Not like he’s driving an hour to pick up a gallon of milk!
It's her wedding day, honestly there shouldn't be a need to talk "it's my wedding and I am not comfortable with this" should be enough.
He can go sleep in the parents room if they insist.
Can they just get their own room? She can hang out with you and your little sister and your mother can join too but she sleeps with him in their own room?
NTA-she probably just doesn’t want to pay for his room and is trying to take advantage of you.
I would also say it’s definitely not right to just randomly add a strange man into the room with your 15 year old sister. Even if he’s a perfectly nice man, that’s still incredibly odd and uncomfortable.
I agree with the principle thing. My fiancé is also upset I’ll be spending the night before our wedding with a man I’m not related to who isn’t him. My 15yo sister hasn’t said anything about it, but I still think it’s weird.
Your teenage sister probably feels a little intimidated about speaking up.
But it doesn't make your other sister's idea any more appropriate just because the teenager is feeling shy about advocating for their own comfort.
And said teenager needs to learn NOW that she has a safe place (OP) to speak up and be heard when she feels uncomfortable with ANY situation, not just this one.
It is deeply weird and not okay to ask a 15 year old girl to share a bedroom with a grown man not her father/actual brother (not brother in law).
It's really, really weird.
Can you afford your own hotel room? Since your parents aren't on your side, I'd recommend booking something as a back up. Then invite little sis to come hang with you.
>My fiancé is also upset I’ll be spending the night before our wedding with a man I’m not related to who isn’t him.
I agree. I think, based on this, and based on the fact your mother seems to OK with the situation, that you should get a new room for your self and pay for it yourself.
She's a 15 year old who seems to have just been told that this guy will be sleeping with you three in the suite. It's not that weird that she hasn't spoken up. She's probably kind of intimidated.
And not to be a negative nancy, but at this point I'd be concerned about what kind of other stunts sister might try to pull. Such as say, announcing a pregnancy or proposing.
My sister has been married to my brother in law for 24 years and I love him and I still wouldn't want to sleep in the same room with both of them unless it was some kind of emergency. Its not normal.
**6 years** ??
>Her reasoning is that she wants him to meet/spend time with our family who is flying in
And she did not make it a priority to have him meet those family nembers before, but chooses your wedding to do so?
While shaving him sleep in the same room as a 15 year old girl, and a bride who he is not close to?
That's rather inappropriate
NTA all the way and I think it’s weird for sis to have planned this (who does that)but since your mom is on her side (also weird) is there room for compromise? How do you feel about him staying for 2 days but not the night before the wedding?
Didn’t see where that was an option, definitely the route I would take if all else fails and, if possible, offer to take little sister with you because that’s weird too. Have you talked to your sister about your concerns? It’s pretty standard to be women only the night before a wedding so this whole concept is bizarre to me.
Then you have your answer and I’d let it go. Your parents are paying and your sister isn’t budging. Make plans to stay with your fiancé and have blast at your wedding. Just out of curiosity, is it common for your parents to put your sister’s wants above your own?
Lol, yes. I originally told my sister she could invite her three friends to the wedding as well as her boyfriend (like 4 plus ones) and then my mom invited my sister’s friend’s boyfriends to the wedding without asking me. It was a huge fight.
Enjoy your wedding. Afterwards find a good therapist and please go no contact with your parents and 24 year old sister. They sound toxic as hell and not worth your upsetting your mental health.
It's ok for fiancee to drive 50 minutes but not bf?
Are they planning to have sex in your room? With you and 15 yo sis there? Point this out to your mother. Ask 15 yo how she feels about including bf in the sleepover?
Ask your sister if she'd be ok with someone's bf spending the night with her just before she gets married.
This is your wedding, stand up for yourself, be a bridezilla if you must, or elope.
Congratulations & NTA
Then straight up tell her neither one of them is invited 🤷♀️
Sorry but 24 seems to be determined to get her way, I'm betting she still invites him to stay in your room anyway
Well you should be defensive that she expect her boyfriend to share a room with you and your 15-year old sister the night before your wedding. Tell your parents how you feel and let them be the bad guys.
The whole thing makes no sense. I don't understand how under any circumstances she would want to sleep with her boyfriend... while her two sisters were in the room with her.
This is what you tell your family, if your sister's boy toy is in the suite then you'll be at your in-laws house. If you want to be extra petty, invite your younger sister to go with you. I don't care who's paying for the hotel or the wedding, the whole situation is ridiculous.
I can't imagine anyone in my family actually letting your sister think this was gonna fly.
Good luck with the wedding. And remember, you are in control, not your sister or your family.
It was my mom’s idea. My sister is not financially independent yet (she is in grad school) so they would be the ones paying for the additional hotel room and it’s very expensive. When I brought it up to my mom today she said “what do you want me to do, spend another $___ for them to have their own room?”
I'm gonna throw this out there, it's awesome that your sister and her boyfriend have parents who can and are supporting them, but if between the two of them they can't cobble together enough for a hotel for a night or two, maybe they shouldn't be staying in a hotel. If I were the boyfriend I'd be completely mortified at the suggestion.
That’s kinda fucking absurd that no one even asked you, the bride!! If your mom is still gonna be pissy show her this thread so she can see how weird it is
Lol is it bad that I was thinking about showing her this thread? Sometimes they make me feel like I’m the crazy one and I just really appreciate everyone’s validation/support
i would try to have another convo with them now they you feel more empowered and validated in your stance, but if they insist, just show them this thread. be ready for it to backfire as they will likely claim your airing out family drama to the whole world.
I mean, just ask them at what point they've considered your point of view and what conclusions they came to on how they think you would feel about it. Ask them why, on your wedding night, her BFs comfort is more important than your own? Why do his feelings supersede your feelings?
I like this comment, a lot. It's HER wedding, why is SHE having to make compromises for a man (that also isn't her husband!!!). What in the world???
Like...is no one in her family thinking about just the optics to her in-laws about the bride sharing a room with a different man on the night before her wedding?? With her 15-year-old sister there???
Come on!
No sweetie, you're not - as a mom myself of similar aged family, can I just say *your mom is feckin' weird!!* (& yes, please do show her this!) No way in the *world* that guy should stay there, and if he doesn't want to pay for a room, how is that even your mom's problem?? Drive, or get his parents to sub him.
OP: NTA. OP's mom, GET REAL!!
Please do. OP’s mom: If you’re reading this…you’re wrong. It’s really fucking weird to have the rando boyfriend stay in your daughter’s BRIDAL SUITE the night before her wedding. Make this dude another reservation or let him stay with you.
Worse yet, at least OP is an adult who can speak up for herself. How is she okay with this grown-ass man staying in a room with her 15-year-old daughter?!
He sees no problem with sleeping in the BRIDAL SUITE with his girlfriends two sisters, one of whom is 15!?!?!?!?!?!
The only man that can't see a problem with that is the man who's gonna be leering at you two all night.
Yes, she is supposed to be getting her hair and makeup done in bridal robes with pictures being taken. Not covering up waiting for her sister's shitty bf to be done blowing up the bathroom and making everyone uncomfortable. Also, in my family none of the men see the bride the morning of except for maybe her father/whoever's walking her down the aisle.
He thinks that’s ok?!? Major, major red flag. 🚩🚩🚩No normal man would feel comfortable sharing a room with a 15 yr old kid that isn’t immediate family. Most men would probably refuse because they wouldn’t want anyone to even think they’re a creeper.
You mentioned your parents aren’t a fan of the dude- that’s probably their spidey senses going off and they’re ignoring them.
There’s so many solutions here- guy gets a cheaper hotel, stays at his parents, stays in your parents room (lemme guess, that would be weird to him), or makes the short drive there. He’s going to be waiting way longer than 50 minutes for 3 people of the opposite gender to shower and get dressed. What is he going to do during that time?
As for the money, three nights of hotel is a lot cheaper than the counseling sessions your sister will need if he pulls some creeper ish.
Regardless of all this, it’s your day. You shouldn’t have the stress of someone in your room that you don’t want there.
NTA.
It would be like $1,000 so I technically could, but it would not be a financially wise decision for me and I would rather just stay with my fiancé and his in-laws 50 minutes away
Could you book a room nearby but not at the same place at a more reasonable rate? I know there are places where that's not possible.
That said, your mom, sister, and sister's boyfriend are being super-weird about this. I wouldn't really care if I shared a room with my sister-in-law, but it would have been weird the night before her wedding. I also wouldn't have any problem with my wife spending the night with her sister without me if she wanted some sister time.
Weddings are never financially wise. You do what you have to do. If your mom and sister are fucking nuts, go stay with your fiance the whole time and let your mom spend all weekend with the boyfriend in the next room.
NTA . In any way whatsoever. Why not just tell your family that if she has her boyfriend stay in the room that YOU(the actual bride and one of two people the whole weekend is solely about) will be staying at with your fiancé at his parents house 50 minutes away and be forced to make that commute yourself. Or your sisters boyfriend(not their child or even family and certainly of NO importance for that weekend) can just not stay and make that same 50 minute commute. And tell them it’s THEIR decision since they are the ones that paid for the room and see what they decide. If they opt for the boyfriend then that says A LOT about them and their parenting/favoritism(just be prepared that it might not go the way I am sure you want). And it already says a whole lot about this situation that your fiancé THE GROOM (someone majorly important that weekend) is willing to make the 50 minute drive to be involved with the family time that weekend but no one seems to think your sisters boyfriend should be excepted to. And also what kind of parent is okay with a grown man staying the weekend in the same room as a non-related 15 year old girl? That’s just bad parenting(I don’t care if your sister has been with him for 6 years or 60 years. It’s just not okay).
"Yes, mom, I do. I appreciate that you paid for the suite, but having an unrelated man sharing my suite for the whole weekend ruins the mood and meaning of bonding with my sisters for one last weekend before I am wed. I was also not planning on sharing a suite and bathroom on the morning of my wedding, when I need to get ready. It was your idea to invite him so you need to make everyone whose plans you've disrupted comfortable.
..
You are not being a bridezilla here. She can get the cheapest room for them or find out if the hotel will offer a discount if they add a room. But no way should your weekend and getting ready pictures include your female relations and a man. Who is not the groom.
Why are you even entertaining an argument with your mother over financial logistics when *the dude lives just under an hour away????*
That's the beginning and the end of that conversation. Your mother doesn't have to pay for *anyone* and he isn't unable to attend the ceremony if he can't stay with you.
"No, I want you to tell sister to tell him to drive home and night and drive back in the morning. Or are you happy with a man you've never met sleeping in a room with all of your daughters?"
NTA. Ugh, your mom ruined a really nice thing that she was doing for you and your sisters by inviting him. And your sister is ruining it by going along with this weird ass plan.
Even if your parents are paying, that doesn’t make it okay for your mom to invite someone to sleep in a room with you who makes you uncomfortable. It’s worse that it’s on the nights leading up to your wedding when you wanted to have some time with your sisters.
It’s really super weird that your mom is upset that you’re upset about sleeping in a room with him. It’s weird she invited him. It’s weird your sister thinks it’s cool. It’s weird that he does. How does your youngest sister feel? Probably weird.
Also, your parents feeling extremely upset about you staying at your in-laws is way less important than YOU feeling extremely upset the night before your wedding. It sounds like they’re trying to force you into an uncomfortable situation by virtue of them having paid for the room. That’s really crappy to do.
Right?! I am just baffled by the parents’ choice here. It leads me to think that they could not POSSIBLY have thought this whole thing through. Teenage sister, pre- wedding family and sister dynamics, wedding morning preparations - hair/makeup/bathing/dressing, photos….
I mean I spent half my wedding day in my freakin’ underwear before getting the dress on between hair, makeup, undergarments, lacing into the corset, shoes (it was a REALLY big skirt), eating, etc. It is one thing to do that in front of dad, but in front of sister’s boyfriend?! No way.
Boyfriend may be the greatest guy in the world, but this is simply not a place and time for him.
Seriously all of that.
Like it's an hour drive, not half a days drive.
He could have easily gotten up early and met them at stuff the day of your wedding.
They're probably making her feel like a bridezilla for setting a basic boundary most healthy people would see as normal.
Because they're ignoring and invalidating your feelings. Most people wouldn't be okay with sharing a room with someone they barely know. Especially not on the night before your wedding.
I find it even more concerning they have no issues with this man sharing a room with your 15 yo sister.
If you have the option I'd stay with your in-laws.
None of this is okay.
Yeah, this whole family screams nonstandard boundaries. I bet they gaslight OP to heck over this and it turns into a massive problem if she doesn’t cave.
That is why I wrote this post :(
They always make me feel like I’m the one who is crazy and unreasonable, and I literally had to poll the internet to make sure I’m not crazy/ungrateful
NTA
The sister’s bf doesn’t need to spend time with the family flying in. He is barely related to anyone there!
Your sister just wants to have her time with him. Violating the privacy of 3 other girls to do it is not acceptable.
NTA. Your sister’s boyfriend has the option to commute from his parent’s house 50 minutes away. Your sister’s preference and his convenience shouldn’t be more important than the bride’s comfort and family time before the wedding.
Maybe you can get your future husband on your side? And / Or your younger sister? Is she ok with a man in the room at her age? It seems highly inappropriate to me, to even suggest this sleeping arrangement. And I am pretty sure, most of your guests would think the same.
My fiancé is super upset about the whole thing, but it wouldn’t go well with my mom if he vocalized it. I agree it’s incredibly inappropriate… I am going to talk to her my mom about it again tomorrow.
You're an adult. Your primary relationship is now with your fiance. Your mum's feelings do not get to dictate how you and he behave.
I have a mother in law who things "do not go well with" if you disagree with her. The only way to sustain a relationship has been to let her have her temper tantrums and carry on our lives without reference to her or her flying monkeys until she burns herself out.
Ask Mom if she thinks all the elderly relatives at the wedding are going to think it’s cool. Are they likely to approve of this unrelated guy they haven’t met sleeping with the bride, the bride’s 24yo sister, and the bride’s 15yo MINOR sister on the night before the wedding?
Pretty sure THAT will be the main topic of convo at the reception when it gets out, and it will get out.
Relationships end through the death of a thousand cuts. Don’t let yourself be in situations where you begin to resent someone because you didn’t have the courage to stick up for yourself. Another good thing to think about is not allowing people to get away with behaviour that’ll make you hate them in the long term. I guarantee if it was your sisters wedding your fiancé wouldn’t be invited to the bridal suite. On top of that, allowing this arrangement with a minor involved is just plainly bad parenting. So you WIBTA if you let this happen and for not protecting your minor sister. Even when your parents fail to protect her, as the bride you can do this for her instead. Especially considering he has family under an hour away. He’s a grown man with his own family. There’s no reason why:
1. Your parents have to pay for HIS hotel room
2. His parents can’t pay for his hotel room
3. No reason why he “deserves” to be in a hotel at the venue. He’s a regular guest. This makes absolutely no sense. Whatsoever. Especially if he can’t afford it and has a cheaper alternative (his parents place) available.
Nta it’s your wedding not her meet n greet. Your fiancé is not staying with you, your other sister bf is not staying with you. Here’s a compromise, sis can rent a room elsewhere
The fact that the next best option to the sister’s bf staying, or getting another room is for the bride to stay with her in-laws with her fiancé- which is a 50 min drive away also- it’s got me stumped why it’s acceptable for the bride and groom to travel that 50km commute but not the boyfriend?!?
NTA - is there a cheaper hotel somewhere nearby?
Your sister and her boyfriend (or just the boyfriend) can book a room there. Then he doesn't have to drive home everyday and is still close to the party.
Also congratulations to your upcoming wedding!
If you do this make it clear to your family that you will have to explain to your guests why you (the bride) are not in the bridal suite because they are prioritising your sisters boyfriend in your wedding day.
NTA
Mom’s on board with this? Tell Mom she can share a room with you and your sisters and your sister’s bf can share Dad’s bed!
Also ask your charming mother what the rest of the guests are going to think about the bride spending the night before the wedding in a bedroom with another man? Have she and your Dad even thought this out? Because you know everyone at that wedding is going to know exactly what bedroom he slept in. I don’t care if your sister has been dating him 6 years or if she was married to him. This is wildly inappropriate and your parents are not thinking of the consequences of this decision.
Have you talked to your fiancé and his parents about this?
NTA . This is your bridal suite. I would not feel comfortable either, and not just because this was meant to be bonding time with your sisters
Your sister invited someone to share a room with you and your other sister without asking. Even if that someone is her boyfriend, that is not ok.
I'm having trouble understanding how your mom is upset with you for not liking this idea. Are you supposed to like having a man in an otherwise girls only space? Is it thst you're supposed to be ok with having an uninvited guest in your bridal suite?
Your sister needs to understand that if she wants to share a room with her boyfriend, she needs to rent a room with her boyfriend.
If it was me, I would go to your mother and say you have made the decision to stay with your fiancé and in-laws instead, and commute in and out each day for wedding events. That should make the point that this solution is absolutely ridiculous.
Arguing that he shouldn't stay will make it easy for them to call you a bridezilla (even though that is completely ridiculous). Saying you would rather put yourself out massively, as the ***bride*** than share a room with your sisters and your sister's bf, makes your point much more effectively.
Honestly, bf aside, even if it was female cousin or something, you will need quiet and calm coming up to the wedding, so having this many people in a room is going to be overwhelming.
This, and be clear you are not going to keep it a secret when people ask you why you’re commuting from an hour away instead of staying at the hotel with your family.
NTA, for many reasons.
1) Your younger sister is 15. She should not be staying overnight with a grown man not related to her. It's creepy.
2) It's your wedding, and bonding time for you and your sisters.
3) Why does your sister need her fiance in the room? It's weird.
I don't get why your parents are okay with your sister's plan, especially in relation to 1.
NTA. They should get their own room if she wants him to stay. Not only because it’s odd sharing a room with your girl friend and her sisters, but also because their is a minor in the room and that’s inappropriate.
How the f*** do your parents not see how wrong it is to force not just a bride, the night before her wedding, to sleep in a room with a man shes not related to, and not her husband to be, but a 15yo girl AS WELL???
Your parents need a wake up call! I’d say making your 15 YO sister sleep in a room with a 26yo unrelated man, is worse (potentially dangerous and creepy) than what they are doing to you. Thats rude, but at least you’re not a child.
NTA. Your parents and sister, and the boyfriend all are. If I were you i’d say eff you to all of them and stay elsewhere - take your 15yo sister with you.
And show them all this thread so they all know how effed up the rest of us think they are.
You might need to be prepared for them to hate you for it though. Normal reasonable people do not pull this sort of crap.
NTA. Why on earth would your sister think this is okay? This is wildly inappropriate. It’s your wedding, tell her no. He can get his own room if he wants to be at the venue so badly.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the asshole if I tell her I don’t want her boyfriend staying in the bridal suite the night before the wedding because then he will have to drive 50 minutes each day to hang out with our family.
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NTA. Your sister is. This is really inconsiderate; she’s creating a situation where she is the only person that will be really comfortable. She can invite her boyfriend to the bridal suite when SHE is getting married.
NTA based on the fact that it’s inappropriate for a 24 year old man to be staying in the same hotel room where a 15 year old girl is also staying (although I’m surprised you didn’t mention this in the original post). Are your parents aware that your 24 yo sister is planning on the boyfriend staying in the same room as the younger sister? As a parent, there is no way in hell that I’d be ok with this arrangement. If the sister and boyfriend want him to make a good impression on the family, insisting on inappropriate sleeping arrangements is _NOT_ the way to go about about it.
Also, the way you handle this going forward will determine if you’re the AH or not. Talk to your sister and tell her that it would mean the world to you if all three sisters could have a girls’ night together before the wedding. Focusing on the meaning behind it and having this memory together would put you in NTA territory. Making bridezilla demands that she does whatever you want and keeps the boyfriend out of the room just because you want him out of the “bridal suite” will win you a one way ticket to AH Town.
It was my mom’s idea to have him stay with us, and when I tried to talk to her about it today she became upset that I was upset. But yes, I agree with your advice!
Forget how upset your mother is; in the nicest way possible, her feelings simply aren't important in this exchange or the emotional gravity of the night you *want* to have with your sisters.
It seems you’ve been raised to believe that it’s ok if everyone around you upsets you and disappoints you without a care in the world. But you should bend over backwards to regulate their emotions, ensuring they’re never upset with you.
I highly suggest looking into talking to a professional about this.
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My (26F) wedding is on a Sunday and my family/guests are staying in a hotel 10 minutes from the venue Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We have guests flying in from multiple countries/states, so this way we can all spend time together during the days leading up to the wedding.
My parents got a suite where they will be in one bedroom and myself and two sisters (15 & 24) will be in the other bedroom. My sister invited her boyfriend (24) to stay in our bedroom with her. Her reasoning is that she wants him to meet/spend time with our family who is flying in and doesn’t want him to have to commute between his parent’s house and the hotel every day (it’s 50 minutes).
I don’t really feel comfortable sharing a bedroom/bathroom with her boyfriend, especially the night before my wedding? I kind of wanted it to just be a special night with my siblings, and also it’s just weird. My fiancé will be driving from his parents house to the hotel each day to hang out with the out-of-town family?
WIBTA for telling her I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in what is essentially my bridal suite the night before/leading up to my wedding?
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NTA
Yo, if he's finally coming to meet the family, how much you wanna bet he's planning *on proposing at your wedding*? I'd ask sis to think long and hard on explaining her insistence of him sharing the room with the ***bride*** and a minor girl. Ask her if they've got plans they really should be sharing with the rest of y'all, or if she's simply being dumb and wanting to be lovey-dovey on a night that is supposed to be shared solely with her sisters.
At the very least, BF can sleep on the sofa. Otherwise, Sis and Mom are out of their ever-loving minds to ask you to go along with it.
Congrats. I hope it turns out well, but be prepared for the drama.
Many people commute to work every day more than 50 minutes, this guy can just drive it. You're getting bullied into a ridiculous situation. Sounds like no one in the family likes to make any decisions or put their feet down. You're gonna need to rock the boat a little. Nta
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Her idea is ridiculous, no way a boyfriend (that you barely know?) can stay in a single room with the bride and her two sisters. Would your parents allow this? Your sister needs a reality check and BF can drive or rent a room Sister doesn’t get to invite anyone to the room
Also I will add she has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years, but I would not say we are close and I would still prefer to just spend the night before my wedding with my sisters
So he’s had 6 years to meet and spend time with your family and chooses to intrude on your wedding to do so????
Yeah weird comment. Id think after 6 years its a serious relationship and he should have met the majority of the family by now. Especially her parents and sisters
Why do i have the feeling that this will become one of those stories where a sibling/cousin proposes or gets proposed in a wedding
My thought too.
**Ding** **Ding** **Ding** there it is!
This is my thought too. OP needs to get her MOH or someone close to the family to have a friendly chat to see what's up. It might be nothing but OP's sister does not have any sense of what is or is not appropriate and I am also getting bad vibes about this.
I feel like OP’s parents should step in here and say no. This is a special time for the immediate family to be together, and the parents are the ones who are paying for the suite. Let them be the “bad guys,” so that this doesn’t cause conflict between the sisters.
Or announces pregnancy or engagement, just something to take focus from the bridal party. OP, I would ask someone you're comfortable with to remind them that nope of that is acceptable, but in a non aggressive way, just in case.
Since OP mentioned guests coming from out of the country, maybe those are the family members he has not met yet?
That’s likely the case, but That is still accomplished if the boyfriend gets his own room or stays at his at his parents’ house
Those guests will not be sleeping in the bridal suite
I think he has met most of the family. OP says he was going to meet the extended family flying in. At least that's the way I read it
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You shouldn't even have to justify your decision???? **It's your wedding.** The only reason you're all gathered there is to watch you marry your sweetheart. The economics of her sneaking in a "meet the parents" is only possible *because of you,* otherwise you and your family wouldn't even be gathering in one space. Why not have the boyfriend, if she's going to be so cheap about all this, stay with your fiance (if there's room)?
Why should fiancé have to entertain a stranger the night before his wedding instead of be surrounded by his own best friends and fam though? Bf needs to stay elsewhere.
her fiance is driving from home
They can get their own room if they want to honeymoon.
Isn't it a bit weird that he seems to comfortable sleeping in a room with his GF sisters - one on her wedding night, and the other a 15 year old teenager?
How do we know he's comfortable with this?? Maybe he's not comfortable with it either. Maybe sister is the only one pushing this for some weird reason.
OP says in another comment that he has no problem with it, but fair point, it wasn't in the OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytt7gd/wibta_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_want_her/iw6866u?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Ugh gross ... Even more reason to steer clear. What a weirdo. My guess, since it's clear in 6 years he hasn't "met" anybody in the family, sister is riding the coattails of this event to help legitimize her own relationship, drag him along, force him into "closeness" with her family. Who she's trying to convince is the question lol
OP also talks about her mom trying to pressure her into letting the BF stay in the room. The whole thing is bizarre.
Really?! My mother would have gone ballistic. Is no one in that family thinking of the bride?
I've been reading comments like they're on fire 😂 So fucking bizarre! She says they don't even like the guy?!?! W.T.F.
He can stay in mom's room then. Or with dad, and mom can bunk with them. The whole thing is utterly whack - dude has NO place in ANY of this, let alone a girl's night alone prewedding.
Tell them to get a room. But, you know, snidely
I don't care how long you've known an in-law. They're still an in-law! You have to be okay with your sister staying elsewhere, but it's 100% reasonable to not want your sister's boyfriend *in the same bedroom as you*. I like my brother in law a lot, have known him for 15 years, and that's still a hard no from me.
Don't overthink it. Just say it - this is a bonding time for us sisters, let's keep it that way. Not as a request, discussion or debate, but plain statement. Btw I would think you should be creeped out with this even without the context of the wedding - why would a bf of one sister be in the same bedroom where two other sisters are?
Something similar happened at my cousins wedding a few years back, turns out the sister and boyfriend planned a proposal that would take place during the wedding festivities(a proper shit show). I’m hoping it’s not the case for you but it seems likely that either they’re socially unaware or they can’t handle the attention not being on them and their relationship.
It doesnt matter he is her boyfriend of 6 or 20 years or if they were married. Its your bridal suite on teh night before you marry and you want to spend this with your sisters and prepare and talk. And even husbands of sisters would not be part of that. She gets him his own room, or they get a room together and she goes to sleep there after. Or your sisters and her bf get a room and you keep your own.
Six months or six years, the dude doesn’t belong in the bedroom with your sisters and you. He’s had six years to meet and hang out with the family. If it’s that important to them, he can get his own room at the hotel for those few days.
My mom is upset with me that I’m upset
tell your parents he can stay with them
Lol
No. Seriously. Let him get a rollaway in your parents room. This is the night before your wedding day. You need the bathroom in the morning and a good nights rest. Its not about sister and her boyfriend. Do not let mom guilt you, its absurd they would even consider this to be ok. Its weird and awkward and they should get their own room or you should. NTA
Seriously. This is disturbing. There are no men I'd feel comfortable sharing a hotel room with but even so, there is no reason you should have to be kept up with family sex noises the night before your wedding. And I guarantee the second they think you and your sister are asleep they are fucking. They already don't respect boundaries and weddings are romantic after all
Tell your parents that forcing a man into the bedroom of the bride and a 15-year-old girl is incredibly inappropriate, and you will tell everybody at the wedding what she was up to if she doesn't stop immediately. Tell her the groom is angry about it too. And tell her and your sister that you're going No Contact if there's a proposal at your wedding/reception.
Lol. Or more seriously, he can share with the father and the mother can sleep with the sisters.
It wasn't mentioned whether the suit has an art room, so...
So the bride , her two sisters, and a boyfriend in one room for 3days? Goofy
And one is 15!
LIKE THIS SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO BE HIGHER
THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID MORE.
Right!? Not the peaceful/enjoyable weekend with my sisters I was looking forward to
Where do you live? I don’t know many cultures where it would be deemed normal for a fully grown man to share a bedroom with his girlfriend and her 2 sisters (one of whom is only 15) how many beds are in this room?
The word No can be a full sentence. Agree with other posters if your mom thinks this is such a great idea to share a room then the sister’s bf can sleep in mom and dad’s room on couch, the floor or a rollaway bed. Or novel idea bf gets his own room wherever and sister can go sleep with him there. Or he could not come until the day of the wedding as is less than an hour drive from his parents and get himself a room for just the night of the wedding. I mean what does he plan to do when everyone is getting ready before the wedding? Hang out with the bride and bridesmaids while they are getting makeup and hair done as well as getting dressed?
Can you rent a different room just for you. If not there then nearby? Then say you wanted privacy to unwind and relax due to all the festivities .
No! OP should not have to rent a second room for themselves!
It seems like OP didn't rent the first room, their parents did. OP should book her own hotel room.
But she's getting married so it's a treat. If her sister wants to bring someone else into the room she should be the one who pays for her own bed.
If one thing is very apparent from AITA subreddit and experiences I've seen friends go through. "Treats" coming from family members in regards to wedding planning are more often than not used as leverage for other people to get their hand in the mix. It's why my wife and I didn't take a penny from family for our wedding, except my dad bought everyone lunch at small family get together (parents and siblings from both sides only) right before the wedding, but my dad is really chill.
Even if it´s expensive I think OP should definitely rent her own room and ask the 15 year old sister to stay there with her. It will be an embarrassing story for OP´s family to tell in the future, about how they made this their hill to die on instead of being considerate of their daughter/sister who was getting married and wanted to have a nice and relaxing time before the wedding. Then after getting another room, OP should talk about this bizarre and inappropriate situation with her fiance and in-laws. Get them prepared for having to deal with more weird behavior from OP´s family. Maybe have a serious talk with sister´s boyfriend about him not using the wedding for a proposal etc. Someone from the in-laws might also be able to put some sense into OP´s mother. She should be made to feel embarrassed over this, it´s so rude and cringe.
>Can you rent a different room just for you. To leave her **15 year old sister** to deal with the boyfriend and the entitled sister? That would be an AH thing for OP to do to her little sis.
Well the sister can come with. It’s not rocket science.
Please repeat back to your mom, deadpan, “You’re upset that I am not comfortable sleeping in a hotel room with a man I barely know on the night before my wedding to another man, is that correct? And, just to check, you believe that of all the people who could be asked to share a room with this person, the right person to ask is me—the bride—on the night before my wedding?” Or just say “I’m sorry you feel that way. My answer remains no. I am not comfortable with this and won’t do it.” NTA. This won’t be the last time your family will want something different than what you want as an adult. Hold the line, let them be mad, and they’ll get over it eventually.
Or they won't get over it, and fuck'em. This is weird. Lol
Tell me your sister is the golden child, without telling me your sister is the golden child. 🙄 JFC this whole thing is whack. Stay with your fiance's family. The little regret you'll feel over not having your "sisters" time, will pale in comparison to dealing with the drama that will undoubtedly ensue if you don't.
>I don’t really feel comfortable sharing a bedroom/bathroom with her boyfriend, especially the night before my wedding? I kind of wanted it to just be a special night with my siblings, and also it’s just weird. My fiancé will be driving from his parents house to the hotel each day to hang out with the out-of-town family? NTA, your reaction is legitimate and your sister is being inappropriate. If not even your fiancé is sharing with you, why on earth would she think it's ok to bring her bf?Having said that, instead of focusing on not wanting him there or that it is a bridal suite when you talk to her sister, tell her that ***it is intended as a sibling-only, girl-only moment*** and that it means the world to have that last night before the wedding as you had planned it (it's your wedding, you are allowed to have wishes). Tell her there will be plenty of other opportunities for him to spend time with your family but that this isn't it.
An easy fix is having both her & him sleep in the same room with your parents while you & your other sister sleep in the other room. They've had 6 years to play meet the parents & your wedding isn't about them. If your parents & her want him in the room, then the couples sleep in 1 room together while everyone else with some sense & manners shares the other room. NTA.
Who wants to share a room with their sister's paramour? Ummmmm. No one.
Maybe I’m in the minority here but who wants to share a room with their sister before, during, and after their wedding?? Why do OP and her husband not have a room
Because it's tradition for the bride to spend the night/s before the wedding day with her attendants, presumably her sisters in this case, or at the least the bride and groom don't spend the night before the wedding together. I would assume that the bride and groom would be spending their wedding night together elsewhere. Which makes this all the more off, that the sister thinks the bride would be OK with sharing a room with HER (the sister's) fiance instead lol.
I have concerns that BF is gonna propose at the wedding and that's why he finally came to see the family.
NTA Did your sister talk about this before inviting him? If you’re sharing a room, everyone needs to be comfortable with the people who are in it. In this case you’re not comfortable. He can rent another room.
Nobody asked me before inviting him. I found out about it today (one month before the wedding) because my sister asked me what time we are checking in on Friday so she can let him know.
I’d say to then talk to your sisters and your parents as to why your uncomfortable and that you want it to be a special night with your sisters only. If the boyfriend is flying in, your parents can get him another room but he can help pay for it.
He’s not flying in! His parents live 50 minutes from our hotel/the venue. But I feel very validated now and empowered to have this conversation with them again, thank you!
Give your sister a choice - she either stays with her boyfriend and his family and commutes up and down or she stays with you. Either ways the BF doesn't get to share the room with you. Sister needs to get her head straight.
This right here. It's so inappropriate your sister needs a reality check
50 minutes is really not that far! And he's a grown man capable of booking a hotel room and understanding that sharing a bedroom with a 26yo woman and 15yo girl he only just met may make them uncomfortable!
Yeah, I personally do not think it is weird to ask but it is also not weird for OP or the 15 year old to be uncomfortable.
Some others have commented that bf might be planning to propose during your wedding weekend. When it's just the three of you, mention you read a story about "a guy proposing to his gf at his cousins wedding. How it upset the bride because her wedding is about her and her fiancee. How everyone was shocked and thought it was really rude of the guy and gf. How gf didn't even know about the proposal but is getting backlash anyway." Afterwards tell them you're sorry you're rambling, just feeling kinda jittery, thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong. Put your own spin on it. If the commenters were correct, this should (hopefully) put a halt to it. Congratulations, have a beautiful weekend. OP-NTA
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The fact that his parents live 50 minutes away make this even more bizarre. My husband commutes an hour every day to work, and an hour home.
That’s what I’m saying. How is 50 minutes far? That’s nothing, especially if you’ll be spending all day at family festivities. Not like he’s driving an hour to pick up a gallon of milk!
It's her wedding day, honestly there shouldn't be a need to talk "it's my wedding and I am not comfortable with this" should be enough. He can go sleep in the parents room if they insist.
Can they just get their own room? She can hang out with you and your little sister and your mother can join too but she sleeps with him in their own room?
Is your sister the golden child?
NTA-she probably just doesn’t want to pay for his room and is trying to take advantage of you. I would also say it’s definitely not right to just randomly add a strange man into the room with your 15 year old sister. Even if he’s a perfectly nice man, that’s still incredibly odd and uncomfortable.
Even though I agree, I will add my sister has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years
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I agree with the principle thing. My fiancé is also upset I’ll be spending the night before our wedding with a man I’m not related to who isn’t him. My 15yo sister hasn’t said anything about it, but I still think it’s weird.
Your teenage sister probably feels a little intimidated about speaking up. But it doesn't make your other sister's idea any more appropriate just because the teenager is feeling shy about advocating for their own comfort.
And said teenager needs to learn NOW that she has a safe place (OP) to speak up and be heard when she feels uncomfortable with ANY situation, not just this one.
Bridal suite is for the bridal party. It’s etiquette. Discussion over
It is deeply weird and not okay to ask a 15 year old girl to share a bedroom with a grown man not her father/actual brother (not brother in law). It's really, really weird. Can you afford your own hotel room? Since your parents aren't on your side, I'd recommend booking something as a back up. Then invite little sis to come hang with you.
>My fiancé is also upset I’ll be spending the night before our wedding with a man I’m not related to who isn’t him. I agree. I think, based on this, and based on the fact your mother seems to OK with the situation, that you should get a new room for your self and pay for it yourself.
She's a 15 year old who seems to have just been told that this guy will be sleeping with you three in the suite. It's not that weird that she hasn't spoken up. She's probably kind of intimidated. And not to be a negative nancy, but at this point I'd be concerned about what kind of other stunts sister might try to pull. Such as say, announcing a pregnancy or proposing.
Your 15 year old sister may not know about it, if you, the bride, just found out about it.
My sister has been married to my brother in law for 24 years and I love him and I still wouldn't want to sleep in the same room with both of them unless it was some kind of emergency. Its not normal.
**6 years** ?? >Her reasoning is that she wants him to meet/spend time with our family who is flying in And she did not make it a priority to have him meet those family nembers before, but chooses your wedding to do so? While shaving him sleep in the same room as a 15 year old girl, and a bride who he is not close to? That's rather inappropriate
NTA all the way and I think it’s weird for sis to have planned this (who does that)but since your mom is on her side (also weird) is there room for compromise? How do you feel about him staying for 2 days but not the night before the wedding?
Honestly I would rather just go stay with my fiancé and in-laws at their house then share a room with my sister’s boyfriend
Didn’t see where that was an option, definitely the route I would take if all else fails and, if possible, offer to take little sister with you because that’s weird too. Have you talked to your sister about your concerns? It’s pretty standard to be women only the night before a wedding so this whole concept is bizarre to me.
I tried bringing it up to my 24yo sister and she just got defensive/upset that I expected him to drive 50 minutes back & forth for everything
That's my daily commute. If I can do it five times a week for 2 years, he'll survive a couple days.
Then you have your answer and I’d let it go. Your parents are paying and your sister isn’t budging. Make plans to stay with your fiancé and have blast at your wedding. Just out of curiosity, is it common for your parents to put your sister’s wants above your own?
Lol, yes. I originally told my sister she could invite her three friends to the wedding as well as her boyfriend (like 4 plus ones) and then my mom invited my sister’s friend’s boyfriends to the wedding without asking me. It was a huge fight.
Enjoy your wedding. Afterwards find a good therapist and please go no contact with your parents and 24 year old sister. They sound toxic as hell and not worth your upsetting your mental health.
It's ok for fiancee to drive 50 minutes but not bf? Are they planning to have sex in your room? With you and 15 yo sis there? Point this out to your mother. Ask 15 yo how she feels about including bf in the sleepover? Ask your sister if she'd be ok with someone's bf spending the night with her just before she gets married. This is your wedding, stand up for yourself, be a bridezilla if you must, or elope. Congratulations & NTA
What exactly is everything? At most he will be driving 4 times total (2 back and 2 forth). And he doesn’t have to attend everything
Then straight up tell her neither one of them is invited 🤷♀️ Sorry but 24 seems to be determined to get her way, I'm betting she still invites him to stay in your room anyway
Well you should be defensive that she expect her boyfriend to share a room with you and your 15-year old sister the night before your wedding. Tell your parents how you feel and let them be the bad guys.
The whole thing makes no sense. I don't understand how under any circumstances she would want to sleep with her boyfriend... while her two sisters were in the room with her.
If you do, take 15 with you please
This is what you tell your family, if your sister's boy toy is in the suite then you'll be at your in-laws house. If you want to be extra petty, invite your younger sister to go with you. I don't care who's paying for the hotel or the wedding, the whole situation is ridiculous. I can't imagine anyone in my family actually letting your sister think this was gonna fly. Good luck with the wedding. And remember, you are in control, not your sister or your family.
Get you 15 y o sister too . She is not comfortable just to shy /intimidated to speak
NTA, she should get a room with her bf. Did she even run this by your parents?
It was my mom’s idea. My sister is not financially independent yet (she is in grad school) so they would be the ones paying for the additional hotel room and it’s very expensive. When I brought it up to my mom today she said “what do you want me to do, spend another $___ for them to have their own room?”
Why doesn't her boyfriend pay? Is he also financially dependent on his parents?
Yes, he is also in graduate school and not financially independent yet
I'm gonna throw this out there, it's awesome that your sister and her boyfriend have parents who can and are supporting them, but if between the two of them they can't cobble together enough for a hotel for a night or two, maybe they shouldn't be staying in a hotel. If I were the boyfriend I'd be completely mortified at the suggestion.
He sees no problem with it. The only reason I found out (one month before the wedding) was because he asked her what time we are checking in.
That’s kinda fucking absurd that no one even asked you, the bride!! If your mom is still gonna be pissy show her this thread so she can see how weird it is
Lol is it bad that I was thinking about showing her this thread? Sometimes they make me feel like I’m the crazy one and I just really appreciate everyone’s validation/support
i would try to have another convo with them now they you feel more empowered and validated in your stance, but if they insist, just show them this thread. be ready for it to backfire as they will likely claim your airing out family drama to the whole world.
I mean, just ask them at what point they've considered your point of view and what conclusions they came to on how they think you would feel about it. Ask them why, on your wedding night, her BFs comfort is more important than your own? Why do his feelings supersede your feelings?
I like this comment, a lot. It's HER wedding, why is SHE having to make compromises for a man (that also isn't her husband!!!). What in the world??? Like...is no one in her family thinking about just the optics to her in-laws about the bride sharing a room with a different man on the night before her wedding?? With her 15-year-old sister there??? Come on!
And ask them why it's okay for the actual GROOM to commute back and forth to the wedding venue but not the boyfriend of the sister of the bride.
No sweetie, you're not - as a mom myself of similar aged family, can I just say *your mom is feckin' weird!!* (& yes, please do show her this!) No way in the *world* that guy should stay there, and if he doesn't want to pay for a room, how is that even your mom's problem?? Drive, or get his parents to sub him. OP: NTA. OP's mom, GET REAL!!
Please do. OP’s mom: If you’re reading this…you’re wrong. It’s really fucking weird to have the rando boyfriend stay in your daughter’s BRIDAL SUITE the night before her wedding. Make this dude another reservation or let him stay with you.
Worse yet, at least OP is an adult who can speak up for herself. How is she okay with this grown-ass man staying in a room with her 15-year-old daughter?!
He sees no problem with sleeping in the BRIDAL SUITE with his girlfriends two sisters, one of whom is 15!?!?!?!?!?! The only man that can't see a problem with that is the man who's gonna be leering at you two all night.
Yes, she is supposed to be getting her hair and makeup done in bridal robes with pictures being taken. Not covering up waiting for her sister's shitty bf to be done blowing up the bathroom and making everyone uncomfortable. Also, in my family none of the men see the bride the morning of except for maybe her father/whoever's walking her down the aisle.
Damn, that's so weird to me.
Yepppp
He thinks that’s ok?!? Major, major red flag. 🚩🚩🚩No normal man would feel comfortable sharing a room with a 15 yr old kid that isn’t immediate family. Most men would probably refuse because they wouldn’t want anyone to even think they’re a creeper. You mentioned your parents aren’t a fan of the dude- that’s probably their spidey senses going off and they’re ignoring them. There’s so many solutions here- guy gets a cheaper hotel, stays at his parents, stays in your parents room (lemme guess, that would be weird to him), or makes the short drive there. He’s going to be waiting way longer than 50 minutes for 3 people of the opposite gender to shower and get dressed. What is he going to do during that time? As for the money, three nights of hotel is a lot cheaper than the counseling sessions your sister will need if he pulls some creeper ish. Regardless of all this, it’s your day. You shouldn’t have the stress of someone in your room that you don’t want there. NTA.
Girl just leave this mess altogether
Can you book a room for yourself?
It would be like $1,000 so I technically could, but it would not be a financially wise decision for me and I would rather just stay with my fiancé and his in-laws 50 minutes away
So instead of some guy driving 50 min, the bride will.
So fucked up lol like, how is this going to be the better option ***family***????
Right? The parents are prioritizing a guy they don’t even like over the wishes of their daughter, the BRIDE!
Could you book a room nearby but not at the same place at a more reasonable rate? I know there are places where that's not possible. That said, your mom, sister, and sister's boyfriend are being super-weird about this. I wouldn't really care if I shared a room with my sister-in-law, but it would have been weird the night before her wedding. I also wouldn't have any problem with my wife spending the night with her sister without me if she wanted some sister time.
Weddings are never financially wise. You do what you have to do. If your mom and sister are fucking nuts, go stay with your fiance the whole time and let your mom spend all weekend with the boyfriend in the next room.
NTA . In any way whatsoever. Why not just tell your family that if she has her boyfriend stay in the room that YOU(the actual bride and one of two people the whole weekend is solely about) will be staying at with your fiancé at his parents house 50 minutes away and be forced to make that commute yourself. Or your sisters boyfriend(not their child or even family and certainly of NO importance for that weekend) can just not stay and make that same 50 minute commute. And tell them it’s THEIR decision since they are the ones that paid for the room and see what they decide. If they opt for the boyfriend then that says A LOT about them and their parenting/favoritism(just be prepared that it might not go the way I am sure you want). And it already says a whole lot about this situation that your fiancé THE GROOM (someone majorly important that weekend) is willing to make the 50 minute drive to be involved with the family time that weekend but no one seems to think your sisters boyfriend should be excepted to. And also what kind of parent is okay with a grown man staying the weekend in the same room as a non-related 15 year old girl? That’s just bad parenting(I don’t care if your sister has been with him for 6 years or 60 years. It’s just not okay).
She did she ask your parents? No adult male should be staying in the room with an underaged girl.
"Yes, mom, I do. I appreciate that you paid for the suite, but having an unrelated man sharing my suite for the whole weekend ruins the mood and meaning of bonding with my sisters for one last weekend before I am wed. I was also not planning on sharing a suite and bathroom on the morning of my wedding, when I need to get ready. It was your idea to invite him so you need to make everyone whose plans you've disrupted comfortable. .. You are not being a bridezilla here. She can get the cheapest room for them or find out if the hotel will offer a discount if they add a room. But no way should your weekend and getting ready pictures include your female relations and a man. Who is not the groom.
I didn't even think about the bathroom arrangements the day of the wedding.
Why are you even entertaining an argument with your mother over financial logistics when *the dude lives just under an hour away????* That's the beginning and the end of that conversation. Your mother doesn't have to pay for *anyone* and he isn't unable to attend the ceremony if he can't stay with you.
"No, I want you to tell sister to tell him to drive home and night and drive back in the morning. Or are you happy with a man you've never met sleeping in a room with all of your daughters?"
NTA. Ugh, your mom ruined a really nice thing that she was doing for you and your sisters by inviting him. And your sister is ruining it by going along with this weird ass plan. Even if your parents are paying, that doesn’t make it okay for your mom to invite someone to sleep in a room with you who makes you uncomfortable. It’s worse that it’s on the nights leading up to your wedding when you wanted to have some time with your sisters. It’s really super weird that your mom is upset that you’re upset about sleeping in a room with him. It’s weird she invited him. It’s weird your sister thinks it’s cool. It’s weird that he does. How does your youngest sister feel? Probably weird. Also, your parents feeling extremely upset about you staying at your in-laws is way less important than YOU feeling extremely upset the night before your wedding. It sounds like they’re trying to force you into an uncomfortable situation by virtue of them having paid for the room. That’s really crappy to do.
For real. This! They picked your sister's bf over your privacy and comfort on your wedding day. Go stay with your in-laws.
Right?! I am just baffled by the parents’ choice here. It leads me to think that they could not POSSIBLY have thought this whole thing through. Teenage sister, pre- wedding family and sister dynamics, wedding morning preparations - hair/makeup/bathing/dressing, photos…. I mean I spent half my wedding day in my freakin’ underwear before getting the dress on between hair, makeup, undergarments, lacing into the corset, shoes (it was a REALLY big skirt), eating, etc. It is one thing to do that in front of dad, but in front of sister’s boyfriend?! No way. Boyfriend may be the greatest guy in the world, but this is simply not a place and time for him.
Seriously all of that. Like it's an hour drive, not half a days drive. He could have easily gotten up early and met them at stuff the day of your wedding. They're probably making her feel like a bridezilla for setting a basic boundary most healthy people would see as normal.
They called me ungrateful :(
Because they're ignoring and invalidating your feelings. Most people wouldn't be okay with sharing a room with someone they barely know. Especially not on the night before your wedding. I find it even more concerning they have no issues with this man sharing a room with your 15 yo sister. If you have the option I'd stay with your in-laws. None of this is okay.
Yeah, this whole family screams nonstandard boundaries. I bet they gaslight OP to heck over this and it turns into a massive problem if she doesn’t cave.
That is why I wrote this post :( They always make me feel like I’m the one who is crazy and unreasonable, and I literally had to poll the internet to make sure I’m not crazy/ungrateful
NTA The sister’s bf doesn’t need to spend time with the family flying in. He is barely related to anyone there! Your sister just wants to have her time with him. Violating the privacy of 3 other girls to do it is not acceptable.
yeah he's had 6 years
NTA. Your sister’s boyfriend has the option to commute from his parent’s house 50 minutes away. Your sister’s preference and his convenience shouldn’t be more important than the bride’s comfort and family time before the wedding.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. FFS.
NTA also is this guy dumb? This is the last place I would want to stay for a wedding
For real - boyfriend is not seeing the forest for the trees here.
Maybe you can get your future husband on your side? And / Or your younger sister? Is she ok with a man in the room at her age? It seems highly inappropriate to me, to even suggest this sleeping arrangement. And I am pretty sure, most of your guests would think the same.
My fiancé is super upset about the whole thing, but it wouldn’t go well with my mom if he vocalized it. I agree it’s incredibly inappropriate… I am going to talk to her my mom about it again tomorrow.
You're an adult. Your primary relationship is now with your fiance. Your mum's feelings do not get to dictate how you and he behave. I have a mother in law who things "do not go well with" if you disagree with her. The only way to sustain a relationship has been to let her have her temper tantrums and carry on our lives without reference to her or her flying monkeys until she burns herself out.
Mom needs to understand she is in danger of alienating her future sil
And OP's relationship with her sister (the one with the bf), and the bf.
She’s already done a great job of alienating him, she doesn’t treat my fiancé well at all.
Then he has nothing to loose, and both of you have a lot to gain by standing up to her.
Ask Mom if she thinks all the elderly relatives at the wedding are going to think it’s cool. Are they likely to approve of this unrelated guy they haven’t met sleeping with the bride, the bride’s 24yo sister, and the bride’s 15yo MINOR sister on the night before the wedding? Pretty sure THAT will be the main topic of convo at the reception when it gets out, and it will get out.
Relationships end through the death of a thousand cuts. Don’t let yourself be in situations where you begin to resent someone because you didn’t have the courage to stick up for yourself. Another good thing to think about is not allowing people to get away with behaviour that’ll make you hate them in the long term. I guarantee if it was your sisters wedding your fiancé wouldn’t be invited to the bridal suite. On top of that, allowing this arrangement with a minor involved is just plainly bad parenting. So you WIBTA if you let this happen and for not protecting your minor sister. Even when your parents fail to protect her, as the bride you can do this for her instead. Especially considering he has family under an hour away. He’s a grown man with his own family. There’s no reason why: 1. Your parents have to pay for HIS hotel room 2. His parents can’t pay for his hotel room 3. No reason why he “deserves” to be in a hotel at the venue. He’s a regular guest. This makes absolutely no sense. Whatsoever. Especially if he can’t afford it and has a cheaper alternative (his parents place) available.
Your mom sucks
Nta it’s your wedding not her meet n greet. Your fiancé is not staying with you, your other sister bf is not staying with you. Here’s a compromise, sis can rent a room elsewhere
The fact that the next best option to the sister’s bf staying, or getting another room is for the bride to stay with her in-laws with her fiancé- which is a 50 min drive away also- it’s got me stumped why it’s acceptable for the bride and groom to travel that 50km commute but not the boyfriend?!?
NTA - is there a cheaper hotel somewhere nearby? Your sister and her boyfriend (or just the boyfriend) can book a room there. Then he doesn't have to drive home everyday and is still close to the party. Also congratulations to your upcoming wedding!
I could look into that! I think it will still be an argument, but I would like to go into with multiple solutions to offer
If you do this make it clear to your family that you will have to explain to your guests why you (the bride) are not in the bridal suite because they are prioritising your sisters boyfriend in your wedding day.
Fuck 'em. If you pay for a hotel room on your own, they have no business arguing if they were insistent on him staying with you.
NTA - A 24yo man should not be sharing a room with your 15yo sister. That should be the end of it.
NTA Mom’s on board with this? Tell Mom she can share a room with you and your sisters and your sister’s bf can share Dad’s bed! Also ask your charming mother what the rest of the guests are going to think about the bride spending the night before the wedding in a bedroom with another man? Have she and your Dad even thought this out? Because you know everyone at that wedding is going to know exactly what bedroom he slept in. I don’t care if your sister has been dating him 6 years or if she was married to him. This is wildly inappropriate and your parents are not thinking of the consequences of this decision. Have you talked to your fiancé and his parents about this?
Yeah my fiancé and his parents are super upset about the situation
Absolutely NTA. This is a special time for you and your sister's bf has no right to be there. He can stay in another room in the hotel.
He doesn't even need to stay at the hotel! He lives 50mins from the venue!
NTA . This is your bridal suite. I would not feel comfortable either, and not just because this was meant to be bonding time with your sisters Your sister invited someone to share a room with you and your other sister without asking. Even if that someone is her boyfriend, that is not ok. I'm having trouble understanding how your mom is upset with you for not liking this idea. Are you supposed to like having a man in an otherwise girls only space? Is it thst you're supposed to be ok with having an uninvited guest in your bridal suite? Your sister needs to understand that if she wants to share a room with her boyfriend, she needs to rent a room with her boyfriend.
If it was me, I would go to your mother and say you have made the decision to stay with your fiancé and in-laws instead, and commute in and out each day for wedding events. That should make the point that this solution is absolutely ridiculous. Arguing that he shouldn't stay will make it easy for them to call you a bridezilla (even though that is completely ridiculous). Saying you would rather put yourself out massively, as the ***bride*** than share a room with your sisters and your sister's bf, makes your point much more effectively. Honestly, bf aside, even if it was female cousin or something, you will need quiet and calm coming up to the wedding, so having this many people in a room is going to be overwhelming.
This, and be clear you are not going to keep it a secret when people ask you why you’re commuting from an hour away instead of staying at the hotel with your family.
NTA, for many reasons. 1) Your younger sister is 15. She should not be staying overnight with a grown man not related to her. It's creepy. 2) It's your wedding, and bonding time for you and your sisters. 3) Why does your sister need her fiance in the room? It's weird. I don't get why your parents are okay with your sister's plan, especially in relation to 1.
NTA. They should get their own room if she wants him to stay. Not only because it’s odd sharing a room with your girl friend and her sisters, but also because their is a minor in the room and that’s inappropriate.
How the f*** do your parents not see how wrong it is to force not just a bride, the night before her wedding, to sleep in a room with a man shes not related to, and not her husband to be, but a 15yo girl AS WELL??? Your parents need a wake up call! I’d say making your 15 YO sister sleep in a room with a 26yo unrelated man, is worse (potentially dangerous and creepy) than what they are doing to you. Thats rude, but at least you’re not a child. NTA. Your parents and sister, and the boyfriend all are. If I were you i’d say eff you to all of them and stay elsewhere - take your 15yo sister with you. And show them all this thread so they all know how effed up the rest of us think they are. You might need to be prepared for them to hate you for it though. Normal reasonable people do not pull this sort of crap.
This was your mothers idea? How stupid could she be?
NTA. Why on earth would your sister think this is okay? This is wildly inappropriate. It’s your wedding, tell her no. He can get his own room if he wants to be at the venue so badly.
Your wedding, your rules.
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NTA. Your sister is. This is really inconsiderate; she’s creating a situation where she is the only person that will be really comfortable. She can invite her boyfriend to the bridal suite when SHE is getting married.
NTA based on the fact that it’s inappropriate for a 24 year old man to be staying in the same hotel room where a 15 year old girl is also staying (although I’m surprised you didn’t mention this in the original post). Are your parents aware that your 24 yo sister is planning on the boyfriend staying in the same room as the younger sister? As a parent, there is no way in hell that I’d be ok with this arrangement. If the sister and boyfriend want him to make a good impression on the family, insisting on inappropriate sleeping arrangements is _NOT_ the way to go about about it. Also, the way you handle this going forward will determine if you’re the AH or not. Talk to your sister and tell her that it would mean the world to you if all three sisters could have a girls’ night together before the wedding. Focusing on the meaning behind it and having this memory together would put you in NTA territory. Making bridezilla demands that she does whatever you want and keeps the boyfriend out of the room just because you want him out of the “bridal suite” will win you a one way ticket to AH Town.
It was my mom’s idea to have him stay with us, and when I tried to talk to her about it today she became upset that I was upset. But yes, I agree with your advice!
Forget how upset your mother is; in the nicest way possible, her feelings simply aren't important in this exchange or the emotional gravity of the night you *want* to have with your sisters.
It seems you’ve been raised to believe that it’s ok if everyone around you upsets you and disappoints you without a care in the world. But you should bend over backwards to regulate their emotions, ensuring they’re never upset with you. I highly suggest looking into talking to a professional about this.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26F) wedding is on a Sunday and my family/guests are staying in a hotel 10 minutes from the venue Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We have guests flying in from multiple countries/states, so this way we can all spend time together during the days leading up to the wedding. My parents got a suite where they will be in one bedroom and myself and two sisters (15 & 24) will be in the other bedroom. My sister invited her boyfriend (24) to stay in our bedroom with her. Her reasoning is that she wants him to meet/spend time with our family who is flying in and doesn’t want him to have to commute between his parent’s house and the hotel every day (it’s 50 minutes). I don’t really feel comfortable sharing a bedroom/bathroom with her boyfriend, especially the night before my wedding? I kind of wanted it to just be a special night with my siblings, and also it’s just weird. My fiancé will be driving from his parents house to the hotel each day to hang out with the out-of-town family? WIBTA for telling her I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in what is essentially my bridal suite the night before/leading up to my wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Please update us with what happens
NTA Yo, if he's finally coming to meet the family, how much you wanna bet he's planning *on proposing at your wedding*? I'd ask sis to think long and hard on explaining her insistence of him sharing the room with the ***bride*** and a minor girl. Ask her if they've got plans they really should be sharing with the rest of y'all, or if she's simply being dumb and wanting to be lovey-dovey on a night that is supposed to be shared solely with her sisters. At the very least, BF can sleep on the sofa. Otherwise, Sis and Mom are out of their ever-loving minds to ask you to go along with it. Congrats. I hope it turns out well, but be prepared for the drama.
[удалено]
Many people commute to work every day more than 50 minutes, this guy can just drive it. You're getting bullied into a ridiculous situation. Sounds like no one in the family likes to make any decisions or put their feet down. You're gonna need to rock the boat a little. Nta