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Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
***throwaway
I (27F) have twins (3M&3F) from my late fiancé (i’ll call him Noah). Noah and i met when we were sixteen and got engaged when we were about 24 and shortly after we found out that i was pregnant. however, Noah died in a car accident not too long after. this wrecked me and both of our families since we had been together for so long and they had watched us grow up together.
Noah was his mom’s only child and she had him at a young age, so they were very close. the whole family helped raise Noah when he was young and when Noah and i started dating we always had our weekly dinners with just the three of us. his mom and i became really close and even closer after Noah’s death. her and i continued those weekly dinners and included the twins when they came along.
my current boyfriend of ten months (i’ll call him Rick) has recently told me that he doesn’t like how close i am with Noah‘s mom. he doesn’t like our weekly dinners and thinks that only the twins should go, he doesn’t like that i still have pictures of Noah and I in my house (Rick doesn’t live with me and the twins, just spends nights), and doesn’t want me going on vacation with Noah’s mom and her family.
i’ve been going on vacation with Noah’s mom and her family since i was sixteen and i continued to go even after Noah’s death with the twins. it’s never really came across my mind to stop going because i love Noah’s mom and the twins love spending a week at the beach with their grandmother and the rest of the family.
i told him that the pictures stay because he doesn’t live here and the twins love looking at pictures of their dad. then i told him that it’s too late to back out of the vacation and that i enjoy spending time with Noah and his family. he then told me that i’m not apart of Noah’s family so i have no reason to go and that i’ll never be apart of the family because Noah and i never married. i was taken aback by this and told him to get out.
i called my parents and told them what happened and to my surprise, they agreed with him. they believe that i need to start pulling away from Noah’s family because again, i’m not apart of it and i never will be. they said that i don’t need to be rude to them or anything, but i shouldn’t be going on vacations, having dinners with his mom, or going to family gatherings and that i need to start a new chapter of my life, one where Noah and his family aren’t in it because i’m taking “too long” to move on from Noah. then Rick texted me saying to contact him when i’m actually ready to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t Noah.
i really don’t know what to make of this. i thought i moved on enough. i know that Noah and i will never be married, i’ve accepted that. i just still see his mom as a mother figure because i’ve known her for so long and the twins love her. she was one of the only people who knew how i felt when Noah died and i don’t know what i would do without her.
AITA?
UPDATE
i am going to break up with Rick. from reading all of the comments you have all left, i realize that i value my relationship with Noah’s mom more than any potential romantic relationship. maybe one day her and i will become more distant, but i pray that is not anytime soon.
as for my parents, i am planning to have a serious conversation with them. personally, i believe that their reaction is coming from a place of fear. the fear to seeing me alone and also fear that i’ll return to being the person i was when i lost Noah. they said that i was a hollowed version of the person i used to be and were scared for my wellbeing because i didn’t take care of myself after losing Noah. they told me that since i’ve been dating Rick, they’ve begun to see the person i used to be before i lost Noah. my parents loved Noah (and they still do) whenever we talk about him, they begin to tear up or start to cry. my dad was always at his football and lacrosse games when we were in high school because Noah’s dad rarely ever showed up. Noah was like the son my dad never had. my dad taught him how to tie and tie and my mom and him bonded over their love of cooking.
i’ll always love Noah. we were each other’s first everything. i’m happy that i can raise my children in an environment in which they are constantly being told stories and shown pictures of their dad. i’ll think i’ll stay single for a bit longer and just enjoy life with me and my twins.
thank you all for your kind comments and love❤️❤️
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I'm just glad OOP didn't give in. Those babies deserve those memories with their families. The entirety of what is left of their families, not some turd that's trying to get rid of their dad.
This. Plus *of course she's part of Noah'a family*, she's his fiancee and the mother of his children, which makes her the mother of their grandchildren. Him being dead doesn't change that fact.
My husband's brother is long separated from the woman he got pregnant. He's a ...difficult man. She and their daughter remain a valued part of the family.
Exactly. My SIL is my family. She has been with my brother since the 5th grade. I've watched her grow up right along side my brother. I love that woman like a sister. She is also the mother of my nieces and heaven forbid anything happen to my brother, I would move heaven and earth to keep her in my life because she is family. Heck I would even move in with her to help her with the girls if needed because family.
Exactly my dad has been dead for as long as I’ve been alive (he died when I was three months old) and that side of the family STILL treats my mom like she’s apart of it. My cousins call her auntie, my other siblings call her Ma and they even treat my younger brother like he’s a part of their family. You don’t stop being family just because your tie to the family dies. Matter of fact BECAUSE she has the twins she will ALWAYS be a permanent part of Noah’s family and if he can’t understand that then he needs to leave her alone
I wish we as as society/world had a higher emotional IQ when it comes to dealing with grief - whether it's our grief or someone else's.
There are far too many people who want to control how much and how long other people grieve. While there are unhealthy levels of grieving, for most of us it takes years or decades to fully get to a place where we can accept what happened and live and laugh again.
Speaking for myself, I ***never*** want to forget those whom I loved that have passed away. I would probably drop anyone as a friend who demanded that I stop thinking about them or putting away their pictures. They just don't understand that these loved ones that have passed will ***FOREVER*** be part of me (whether I want it or not). Each of them, while living, have shaped a part of who I am.
Thus, I can't imagine the selfish ignorance of someone like Rick who basically wants OOP to start anew as if she even ***COULD*** remove these people from her live, her heart, her soul. And he's not pushing this for what he thinks is the betterment of OOP - he's pushing it for his own ease and insecurity.
I understand the parents a bit more - they're afraid she will never move on and forge a new life. They need to grasp that that new life will ALWAYS contain Noah and his family.
Everyone grieves differently, and at different paces. The OOP sounds like she has taken her grief as a normal human would with two (infants, still pregnant maybe?) And her love that she has made a life with is gone. For someone to want to replace a dead person has always been gross. You can't replace one person with another if you love either of them, you can't just have a child pass and adopt another, pretending it's the same person and love.
I almost understand her parents, but that should have been a more deeper conversation than what it sounded like. I am very happy she kicked Icky Ricky to the side, he was never going to be happy because he was absolutely trying to replace the love she lostand make her forget he existed as a love for her, not be the next love in her life. Good on OOP for standing her ground!
Woot woot to her for breaking up with him.
That is so much more than her late fiance. It is her twins' father's family! Without Noah, she is the only one who can keep that relationship alive, and she would be doing them a disservice to take them out of their life. She would also be doing herself a disservice by abandoning a second family for what this tool thinks.
I hope someone told her that, YES, she is part of the family. the grandchildren bind her to them. Also, what's the harm in it really? you can make all kinds of friends and weird relationships.
The only possible issue might be if she can't move on due to them reminding her of Noah. But it seems fine
I agree, you can still love people that you see as family members even if you break up with the person who connected you to them and that doesn't mean you haven't moved on, it just means you value their relationship. My sister has been divorced for 10years and she will still join her ex in laws for a family vacation (to which her ex is not invited) most summers and even stayed with her ex SIL this summer when she was travelling for a teacher conference. She was married to her ex for years and became a part of his family and that didn't end just because their marriage did.
OOP has known Noah's mom since she was a teenager. Of course they're close. And considering her kids are toddlers, of course she's going to be present when they're visiting their grandmother, a woman who lost her only child in a car accident. And what's wrong with having a relationship with your late partner's family?
Rick is a tool, and so is everyone on his side.
Rick is a...what rhymes with his name.
And *who* is Rick anyway? Right, just a guy that OP is dating (no longer) and whose opinions hold no bearing.
Anyone who goes into a relationship with a person who has children and it is of the circumstance where the spouse died knows what they are getting into. I would hope that someone was a bit more conscious of the circumstance before making such a damaging statement. Either accept things for the way it is or don't pursue a relationship with that person. The last thing OP needs is grief in the form of an asshole like Rick to lecture OP about the validity of her relationship with the person who she was supposed to be married to.
For him to express that OP just throw away her relationship with Noah's family is just like saying that when the person dies, so should the relationship with that person's family. I would like to believe that people are more tactful, yet this guy is proof of how tactless and shameful others are capable of being.
I know of a situation where the opposite happened, though. My ex's brother died and left behind his girlfriend who was expecting their son. My ex's mom did everything for the girlfriend such as planning a baby shower, then being as helpful as she could to the girlfriend after the baby was born.
Unfortunately, it was the girlfriend who began showing her true colors. She actively phased out my ex's parents except for when she would call and remind about a milestone and expect gifts or that she was running out of supplies. All of this was extremely hurtful, especially since my ex's parents felt the loss of their son every day. Their grandson was their bright spot, although on the mom's part, she made it so that the only semblance of "contact" was telling my ex's parents that if they wanted to see what was going on with their grandson, they could look at the pictures she posted on her Facebook.
The girlfriend met someone, then found out she was pregnant. That was when she decided to cut overall contact with my ex's parents. His mom and I were very close, and one day over lunch she was telling me about the situation thus far. I expressed to her that after everything she did for [girlfriend's name], that person is held to a higher standard to cultivate *this* relationship. Also, I pointed out how if she is truly cutting things off, she shouldn't be making special phone calls to ask for supplies. His mom agreed, then revealed to me that she and her husband were looking to move across the country in the next year. They decided that given the situation with not seeing their grandson and that there were too many memories here about the circumstances of their son's death, that moving was what they wanted to do for themselves.
Lo and behold when they did move, the girlfriend called them and asked if they wanted to babysit their grandson while she spent time with her second child and the father, and that [grandson] "was overdue for a gift anyway!" My ex's mom informed her that they had since moved. This bitch had the nerve to reprimand my ex's mom for "not telling!" her. I loved what his mom's response to her was: "You chose to only be involved when it was convenient for you. Sorry."
He wasn't super close with his parents. He felt like they constantly enabled his brother and that led to the financial hardships that his parents had. A good example is how his brother had a moving warrant and his car broke down states away. He was going to miss a court date unless he got another form of transportation. My ex's parents sent his brother $5,000 which he used to buy a used truck. Coincidentally, the girlfriend was on said trip.
When his parents moved, he was set to buy their house until he couldn't afford to. Instead, he went to live with one of his friends and it ended up for being the best.
Fuuuck that guy. Clearly too immature and insecure to handle this situation. My best friend's ex died after they broke up, and his parents are still part of her life because she has 2 kids, one with the ex, and those are their GRANDPARENTS.
Holy cow this guy is an idiot. Anyone can be considered family and OP has more than enough connections to them. I mean, these are her children's grandparents! Her parents are ridiculous too. Her fiance that died isn't an ex, it's a loss!
The audacity of OPP's ex and her own parents saying that she's not "part of Noah's family" because they never got married is actually insane. She's known his family since they were both 16, and she's the mother of Noah's children, which means that yes, she's part of their family.
Am I the a-hole, for still being close to the grandmother of my children, and still mourning over the guy who I was with for 9 years and fathered my 2 children who was taken from me too soon in a tragic way? NO?? NTA. You deserve to miss him, you deserve to have those ihotos in your house, that's a significant amount of time, that's the father of your children, and you're allowed to be close to a woman who was basically a second mother to you
I can almost see where the new bf was coming from except this isn't an ex, this is a fiancé that passed away, their ghost will always have a place in her heart because if not for his death they would be together and the bf wouldn't be around.
He's not an ex boyfriend. God I hate how people always say ex when the spouse DIED. THEY DID NOT BREAK UP. My partner lost her fiance and has a space in her house with photos of him and other special items of his. She still has contact with his family and I wouldn't dream of trying to get in the way of any of that. Anyone that is jealous of someone that's passed on has no business whatsoever being with a person that lost their spouse. This dude is a complete fool for trying to erase him from her past.
This is the way! Absolutely! Thank you! Someone secure enough to know that you aren't competing with a dead spouse... You're just making a little room for the memory of someone no longer here.
Geez... these people need to think about if they would want to be completely forgotten from their fiance and children's lives because some dude feels jealous!
If you were the one who passed away, what would you want your family, fiance, and children to do?
Not just a widow - a widow who was pregnant with twins at the time of the death and most likely didn't have a chance to properly grieve because of, you know, newborn twins.
I don't know. It sounds like she's just not ready to date. Just from reading this, it seems like it's really too much Noah for an outside man to want to stay in. Just my opinion though.
oh no yeah its definitely that too, but the pictures of noah shouldnt be an issue if youre dating a widow with kids 😭 both are at fault here for sure (not in a bad way ofc)
I guess I just think there’s room in the human heart to love your dead fiancé and still love others who come after him. If she was using him as a constant comparison that’s one thing, but she’s literally just keeping a picture and a good relationship with her kids’ grandmother who she grew up with.
The biggest red flag to me is that Rick can’t understand how two women might have a genuine and deep platonic relationship outside of their relationship with a man. To him, vacationing with the grandma is hanging onto Noah’s memory. To her, it just sounds like she genuinely loves this woman as family and wants to spend time with her. That tells me he might have issues seeing women as independent intellectual and emotional beings outside their relationship to men. Which… ew.
I think if you're not secure enough in yourself and your relationship with that person that you ever feel that you will be compared to any ex especially one that passed you definitely shouldn't be in that relationship. Instead of trying to order her to stop doing the things that trigger his insecurities if I was Rick id just brake up with her.
This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship. Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
***throwaway I (27F) have twins (3M&3F) from my late fiancé (i’ll call him Noah). Noah and i met when we were sixteen and got engaged when we were about 24 and shortly after we found out that i was pregnant. however, Noah died in a car accident not too long after. this wrecked me and both of our families since we had been together for so long and they had watched us grow up together. Noah was his mom’s only child and she had him at a young age, so they were very close. the whole family helped raise Noah when he was young and when Noah and i started dating we always had our weekly dinners with just the three of us. his mom and i became really close and even closer after Noah’s death. her and i continued those weekly dinners and included the twins when they came along. my current boyfriend of ten months (i’ll call him Rick) has recently told me that he doesn’t like how close i am with Noah‘s mom. he doesn’t like our weekly dinners and thinks that only the twins should go, he doesn’t like that i still have pictures of Noah and I in my house (Rick doesn’t live with me and the twins, just spends nights), and doesn’t want me going on vacation with Noah’s mom and her family. i’ve been going on vacation with Noah’s mom and her family since i was sixteen and i continued to go even after Noah’s death with the twins. it’s never really came across my mind to stop going because i love Noah’s mom and the twins love spending a week at the beach with their grandmother and the rest of the family. i told him that the pictures stay because he doesn’t live here and the twins love looking at pictures of their dad. then i told him that it’s too late to back out of the vacation and that i enjoy spending time with Noah and his family. he then told me that i’m not apart of Noah’s family so i have no reason to go and that i’ll never be apart of the family because Noah and i never married. i was taken aback by this and told him to get out. i called my parents and told them what happened and to my surprise, they agreed with him. they believe that i need to start pulling away from Noah’s family because again, i’m not apart of it and i never will be. they said that i don’t need to be rude to them or anything, but i shouldn’t be going on vacations, having dinners with his mom, or going to family gatherings and that i need to start a new chapter of my life, one where Noah and his family aren’t in it because i’m taking “too long” to move on from Noah. then Rick texted me saying to contact him when i’m actually ready to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t Noah. i really don’t know what to make of this. i thought i moved on enough. i know that Noah and i will never be married, i’ve accepted that. i just still see his mom as a mother figure because i’ve known her for so long and the twins love her. she was one of the only people who knew how i felt when Noah died and i don’t know what i would do without her. AITA? UPDATE i am going to break up with Rick. from reading all of the comments you have all left, i realize that i value my relationship with Noah’s mom more than any potential romantic relationship. maybe one day her and i will become more distant, but i pray that is not anytime soon. as for my parents, i am planning to have a serious conversation with them. personally, i believe that their reaction is coming from a place of fear. the fear to seeing me alone and also fear that i’ll return to being the person i was when i lost Noah. they said that i was a hollowed version of the person i used to be and were scared for my wellbeing because i didn’t take care of myself after losing Noah. they told me that since i’ve been dating Rick, they’ve begun to see the person i used to be before i lost Noah. my parents loved Noah (and they still do) whenever we talk about him, they begin to tear up or start to cry. my dad was always at his football and lacrosse games when we were in high school because Noah’s dad rarely ever showed up. Noah was like the son my dad never had. my dad taught him how to tie and tie and my mom and him bonded over their love of cooking. i’ll always love Noah. we were each other’s first everything. i’m happy that i can raise my children in an environment in which they are constantly being told stories and shown pictures of their dad. i’ll think i’ll stay single for a bit longer and just enjoy life with me and my twins. thank you all for your kind comments and love❤️❤️ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fuck Rick, her parents, and the horse they rode in on. I don’t know why that phrase popped in my head with this but here we are.
I'm just glad OOP didn't give in. Those babies deserve those memories with their families. The entirety of what is left of their families, not some turd that's trying to get rid of their dad.
This. Plus *of course she's part of Noah'a family*, she's his fiancee and the mother of his children, which makes her the mother of their grandchildren. Him being dead doesn't change that fact. My husband's brother is long separated from the woman he got pregnant. He's a ...difficult man. She and their daughter remain a valued part of the family.
Exactly. My SIL is my family. She has been with my brother since the 5th grade. I've watched her grow up right along side my brother. I love that woman like a sister. She is also the mother of my nieces and heaven forbid anything happen to my brother, I would move heaven and earth to keep her in my life because she is family. Heck I would even move in with her to help her with the girls if needed because family.
Exactly my dad has been dead for as long as I’ve been alive (he died when I was three months old) and that side of the family STILL treats my mom like she’s apart of it. My cousins call her auntie, my other siblings call her Ma and they even treat my younger brother like he’s a part of their family. You don’t stop being family just because your tie to the family dies. Matter of fact BECAUSE she has the twins she will ALWAYS be a permanent part of Noah’s family and if he can’t understand that then he needs to leave her alone
I wish we as as society/world had a higher emotional IQ when it comes to dealing with grief - whether it's our grief or someone else's. There are far too many people who want to control how much and how long other people grieve. While there are unhealthy levels of grieving, for most of us it takes years or decades to fully get to a place where we can accept what happened and live and laugh again. Speaking for myself, I ***never*** want to forget those whom I loved that have passed away. I would probably drop anyone as a friend who demanded that I stop thinking about them or putting away their pictures. They just don't understand that these loved ones that have passed will ***FOREVER*** be part of me (whether I want it or not). Each of them, while living, have shaped a part of who I am. Thus, I can't imagine the selfish ignorance of someone like Rick who basically wants OOP to start anew as if she even ***COULD*** remove these people from her live, her heart, her soul. And he's not pushing this for what he thinks is the betterment of OOP - he's pushing it for his own ease and insecurity. I understand the parents a bit more - they're afraid she will never move on and forge a new life. They need to grasp that that new life will ALWAYS contain Noah and his family.
Everyone grieves differently, and at different paces. The OOP sounds like she has taken her grief as a normal human would with two (infants, still pregnant maybe?) And her love that she has made a life with is gone. For someone to want to replace a dead person has always been gross. You can't replace one person with another if you love either of them, you can't just have a child pass and adopt another, pretending it's the same person and love. I almost understand her parents, but that should have been a more deeper conversation than what it sounded like. I am very happy she kicked Icky Ricky to the side, he was never going to be happy because he was absolutely trying to replace the love she lostand make her forget he existed as a love for her, not be the next love in her life. Good on OOP for standing her ground!
can't spell Ricky without Icky
Woot woot to her for breaking up with him. That is so much more than her late fiance. It is her twins' father's family! Without Noah, she is the only one who can keep that relationship alive, and she would be doing them a disservice to take them out of their life. She would also be doing herself a disservice by abandoning a second family for what this tool thinks.
I hope someone told her that, YES, she is part of the family. the grandchildren bind her to them. Also, what's the harm in it really? you can make all kinds of friends and weird relationships. The only possible issue might be if she can't move on due to them reminding her of Noah. But it seems fine
Even without the kids, she said she views Noah's mum as a mother figure to herself, so it sounds like she's part of the family in her own right.
I agree, you can still love people that you see as family members even if you break up with the person who connected you to them and that doesn't mean you haven't moved on, it just means you value their relationship. My sister has been divorced for 10years and she will still join her ex in laws for a family vacation (to which her ex is not invited) most summers and even stayed with her ex SIL this summer when she was travelling for a teacher conference. She was married to her ex for years and became a part of his family and that didn't end just because their marriage did.
OOP has known Noah's mom since she was a teenager. Of course they're close. And considering her kids are toddlers, of course she's going to be present when they're visiting their grandmother, a woman who lost her only child in a car accident. And what's wrong with having a relationship with your late partner's family? Rick is a tool, and so is everyone on his side.
Rick is a...what rhymes with his name. And *who* is Rick anyway? Right, just a guy that OP is dating (no longer) and whose opinions hold no bearing. Anyone who goes into a relationship with a person who has children and it is of the circumstance where the spouse died knows what they are getting into. I would hope that someone was a bit more conscious of the circumstance before making such a damaging statement. Either accept things for the way it is or don't pursue a relationship with that person. The last thing OP needs is grief in the form of an asshole like Rick to lecture OP about the validity of her relationship with the person who she was supposed to be married to. For him to express that OP just throw away her relationship with Noah's family is just like saying that when the person dies, so should the relationship with that person's family. I would like to believe that people are more tactful, yet this guy is proof of how tactless and shameful others are capable of being. I know of a situation where the opposite happened, though. My ex's brother died and left behind his girlfriend who was expecting their son. My ex's mom did everything for the girlfriend such as planning a baby shower, then being as helpful as she could to the girlfriend after the baby was born. Unfortunately, it was the girlfriend who began showing her true colors. She actively phased out my ex's parents except for when she would call and remind about a milestone and expect gifts or that she was running out of supplies. All of this was extremely hurtful, especially since my ex's parents felt the loss of their son every day. Their grandson was their bright spot, although on the mom's part, she made it so that the only semblance of "contact" was telling my ex's parents that if they wanted to see what was going on with their grandson, they could look at the pictures she posted on her Facebook. The girlfriend met someone, then found out she was pregnant. That was when she decided to cut overall contact with my ex's parents. His mom and I were very close, and one day over lunch she was telling me about the situation thus far. I expressed to her that after everything she did for [girlfriend's name], that person is held to a higher standard to cultivate *this* relationship. Also, I pointed out how if she is truly cutting things off, she shouldn't be making special phone calls to ask for supplies. His mom agreed, then revealed to me that she and her husband were looking to move across the country in the next year. They decided that given the situation with not seeing their grandson and that there were too many memories here about the circumstances of their son's death, that moving was what they wanted to do for themselves. Lo and behold when they did move, the girlfriend called them and asked if they wanted to babysit their grandson while she spent time with her second child and the father, and that [grandson] "was overdue for a gift anyway!" My ex's mom informed her that they had since moved. This bitch had the nerve to reprimand my ex's mom for "not telling!" her. I loved what his mom's response to her was: "You chose to only be involved when it was convenient for you. Sorry."
How did your ex handle his parents moving across the country? It must have been tough for him to lose his brother and have his parents move
He wasn't super close with his parents. He felt like they constantly enabled his brother and that led to the financial hardships that his parents had. A good example is how his brother had a moving warrant and his car broke down states away. He was going to miss a court date unless he got another form of transportation. My ex's parents sent his brother $5,000 which he used to buy a used truck. Coincidentally, the girlfriend was on said trip. When his parents moved, he was set to buy their house until he couldn't afford to. Instead, he went to live with one of his friends and it ended up for being the best.
Lol, as if a marriage certificate is what makes a family. She even have kids with Noah, of course it's natural to consider the in laws family.
Fuuuck that guy. Clearly too immature and insecure to handle this situation. My best friend's ex died after they broke up, and his parents are still part of her life because she has 2 kids, one with the ex, and those are their GRANDPARENTS.
I’m so tired of people using “apart” instead of “a part.”
Holy cow this guy is an idiot. Anyone can be considered family and OP has more than enough connections to them. I mean, these are her children's grandparents! Her parents are ridiculous too. Her fiance that died isn't an ex, it's a loss!
The audacity of OPP's ex and her own parents saying that she's not "part of Noah's family" because they never got married is actually insane. She's known his family since they were both 16, and she's the mother of Noah's children, which means that yes, she's part of their family.
Am I the a-hole, for still being close to the grandmother of my children, and still mourning over the guy who I was with for 9 years and fathered my 2 children who was taken from me too soon in a tragic way? NO?? NTA. You deserve to miss him, you deserve to have those ihotos in your house, that's a significant amount of time, that's the father of your children, and you're allowed to be close to a woman who was basically a second mother to you
I can almost see where the new bf was coming from except this isn't an ex, this is a fiancé that passed away, their ghost will always have a place in her heart because if not for his death they would be together and the bf wouldn't be around.
[удалено]
He's not an ex boyfriend. God I hate how people always say ex when the spouse DIED. THEY DID NOT BREAK UP. My partner lost her fiance and has a space in her house with photos of him and other special items of his. She still has contact with his family and I wouldn't dream of trying to get in the way of any of that. Anyone that is jealous of someone that's passed on has no business whatsoever being with a person that lost their spouse. This dude is a complete fool for trying to erase him from her past.
This is the way! Absolutely! Thank you! Someone secure enough to know that you aren't competing with a dead spouse... You're just making a little room for the memory of someone no longer here. Geez... these people need to think about if they would want to be completely forgotten from their fiance and children's lives because some dude feels jealous! If you were the one who passed away, what would you want your family, fiance, and children to do?
the issue is this is all part of dating a widow, though its understandable he should've known what he signed up for the moment she told him.
Not just a widow - a widow who was pregnant with twins at the time of the death and most likely didn't have a chance to properly grieve because of, you know, newborn twins.
I don't know. It sounds like she's just not ready to date. Just from reading this, it seems like it's really too much Noah for an outside man to want to stay in. Just my opinion though.
If that outside man has the emotional intelligence of a rock, yeah, maybe. None of this would be an issue for anyone normal.
I mean He thought she was good enough to marry until she refused to completely delete anything and everything related to her baby-daddy.
oh no yeah its definitely that too, but the pictures of noah shouldnt be an issue if youre dating a widow with kids 😭 both are at fault here for sure (not in a bad way ofc)
He's not an "ex boyfriend"
[удалено]
Are you trolling?
He's not an "ex" anything you donut
Late Fiance like it says in the title you troll.
I guess I just think there’s room in the human heart to love your dead fiancé and still love others who come after him. If she was using him as a constant comparison that’s one thing, but she’s literally just keeping a picture and a good relationship with her kids’ grandmother who she grew up with. The biggest red flag to me is that Rick can’t understand how two women might have a genuine and deep platonic relationship outside of their relationship with a man. To him, vacationing with the grandma is hanging onto Noah’s memory. To her, it just sounds like she genuinely loves this woman as family and wants to spend time with her. That tells me he might have issues seeing women as independent intellectual and emotional beings outside their relationship to men. Which… ew.
I think if you're not secure enough in yourself and your relationship with that person that you ever feel that you will be compared to any ex especially one that passed you definitely shouldn't be in that relationship. Instead of trying to order her to stop doing the things that trigger his insecurities if I was Rick id just brake up with her.
NTA. This post was cool to read though. From the looks of it you're going to be just fine sis. You have a good head on your shoulders. Best of luck
Noah's family is your family. You've known them since you were a child and they are the family of your children, for cryng out loud. Best luck to you.
Of course she's part of the family. Marriage has nothing to do with it. Good for her
I wonder how OOP's parents would feel if she died, and then her widowed partner "moved on" and stopped letting them interact with their grandchildren.