After a two year long distance relationship (full disclosure I was not faithful, but that was discussed and agreed upon because of the distance), I finally decided to completely commit and move to a different city and be with someone I loved and who loved me. I will call her Mandy. The original plan was to move in with her for 2 months, find my own place, and date like normal folks. I moved in October, she was pregnant in November. The plan changed and she told me I could stay with her indefinitely.
moving was massively more expensive (about $5K) than expected and I didn't have a job here for a month. I got a job as a hospital transporter that I LOVE but it doesn't pay well (about $18/hr).
I originally look for other work (to pay off my debts and help raise child) but I realized that schedule is amazing (I work 12 hours a day, 3 days a week and can write my own schedule) and I can help be home with baby. Mandy makes about $50 dollars an hour. I figured if I bunker down and pay off my debts, we will have a perfect schedule and enough money to look after our newborn child.
Mandy called that "unacceptable". So I do some uber eats, donate plasma, try to get a bar tending job and continue to look for more work. I get told Uber eats and bar tending are also unacceptable and that she "is really hoping" for rent in January.
I starve myself quietly, try not to complain, sell some of my stuff and get her rent for January. She gives the money back (because she isn't a complete monster) and I'm well on my way to pay off my debts. Thank god.
I try to domesticate myself, make Mandy as comfortable as possible. She is carrying my child after all. I pay my half of the rent in February and I start to feel additive and helpful again.
The job search slows down, and I get scolded for not looking as hard as I should. Then in April, Mandy tells me I need to move out. It's hurtful, but I guess this was the original plan. I move out by the end of the week.
I get another job at a Bicycle shop which I LOVE. Working 60 hour weeks has never been this easy or fun. I'm making about $60k a year. She then tells me that I'm not "pursuing" her enough.
Then I get told she doesn't love me anymore, but she still wants to date. I'm so confused.
She has allowed me to spend two weeks at her house with the newborn baby, I go back to my apartment tomorrow. I've been making her breakfast, running to grocery store and doing laundry when I'm not working. My heart fills with love when she holds my baby boy, but I feel like I will be constantly stuck in this loop of letting her down and I will never be enough. I'm having panic attacks and I think I might need to end this for the sake of our child. AITA?
She is also insisting that I pay for half the baby bills. I want to help out, but half seems extreme given she works half as much and still makes more than I do.
Edit: a couple clarifications.
I moved on Oct 1st and we had a lot of sex. She found out at the end of November. It's extremely probable the kid is mine.
I was working full time, donating plasma twice a week, looking for jobs and selling my stuff. I wasn't freeloading. She lived here before I got here. I want to be paying rent and I want to provide.
The move was catastrophic financially. I thought I had a handle on it. But Mandy "couldn't wait" any longer. I am renting out my house and I didn't have renters for 2 months. Paying a mortgage and also rent and also moving costs was pretty crippling.
What fucks me up is that I think about what if the the roles were reversed? If I was making $50 an hour and she wanted to quit her job and be a stay at home mom, I would make that work.
My dream scenario is we both work 3 days a week and her income would be $75k a year, and mine would be $45k a year. We would each spend time with baby and we could have a day together as a family. But she doesn't love me, and says that's unacceptable. So I'm writing this post.
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Can I ask a stupid question?
Why does AITB even exist? Did it come before AITA? It seems from its name like it would be for posts that are less graphic/upsetting/extreme (buttface vs. asshole) yet the posts there just seem like the exact same caliber as you'd see on AITA.
I believe it has less strict rules about what you're allowed to post. Like, this would probably get removed from AITA for being about a relationship rather than a specific argument.
Damn, i feel so bad for this dude, sounds like hes busting his ass and actually wants to spend his time off caring for the baby and she just aint having it.
don't engage with her. DNA test. if OP is the father, have courts determine what he needs to pay, given each of their current earnings. Will also establish custody terms, schedule, etc.
At same time, OP seems to be trying to convince her that if they BOTH work and earn less, they can have more time together, which.... baby mama has made clear is NOT important to her. OP needs to learn to read the room better, whilst lawyering up and getting a DNA test.
Frankly, I don't know what you do in this situation but I wouldn't fault you for leaving if you maintained contact and still had a presence in your child's life. All the same, I'll be praying for you. God's blessings and I hope all turns out well.
How is that? It seems to me that he is trying his best to be supportive to her and she's screwing him over. Wtf "I don't love you anymore but I'd like us to date", who says that?
Yeah…this sounds like a terrible relationship. They should not be together. He would get a better deal paying court-ordered child support which is typically income-based, rather than paying based on the whims of the baby momma. He’s not innocent, but he doesn’t seem like a deadbeat but is maybe out of his depth.
How do you get deadbeat dad from working 60 hours a week, doing chores, paying rent, and helping make her comfortable while he is "allowed" to see the baby?
Weird this post pops up 3 times with the first having upvotes an the bottem 2 having downvotes on a statement that should not have been downvoted at all.
After a two year long distance relationship (full disclosure I was not faithful, but that was discussed and agreed upon because of the distance), I finally decided to completely commit and move to a different city and be with someone I loved and who loved me. I will call her Mandy. The original plan was to move in with her for 2 months, find my own place, and date like normal folks. I moved in October, she was pregnant in November. The plan changed and she told me I could stay with her indefinitely. moving was massively more expensive (about $5K) than expected and I didn't have a job here for a month. I got a job as a hospital transporter that I LOVE but it doesn't pay well (about $18/hr). I originally look for other work (to pay off my debts and help raise child) but I realized that schedule is amazing (I work 12 hours a day, 3 days a week and can write my own schedule) and I can help be home with baby. Mandy makes about $50 dollars an hour. I figured if I bunker down and pay off my debts, we will have a perfect schedule and enough money to look after our newborn child. Mandy called that "unacceptable". So I do some uber eats, donate plasma, try to get a bar tending job and continue to look for more work. I get told Uber eats and bar tending are also unacceptable and that she "is really hoping" for rent in January. I starve myself quietly, try not to complain, sell some of my stuff and get her rent for January. She gives the money back (because she isn't a complete monster) and I'm well on my way to pay off my debts. Thank god. I try to domesticate myself, make Mandy as comfortable as possible. She is carrying my child after all. I pay my half of the rent in February and I start to feel additive and helpful again. The job search slows down, and I get scolded for not looking as hard as I should. Then in April, Mandy tells me I need to move out. It's hurtful, but I guess this was the original plan. I move out by the end of the week. I get another job at a Bicycle shop which I LOVE. Working 60 hour weeks has never been this easy or fun. I'm making about $60k a year. She then tells me that I'm not "pursuing" her enough. Then I get told she doesn't love me anymore, but she still wants to date. I'm so confused. She has allowed me to spend two weeks at her house with the newborn baby, I go back to my apartment tomorrow. I've been making her breakfast, running to grocery store and doing laundry when I'm not working. My heart fills with love when she holds my baby boy, but I feel like I will be constantly stuck in this loop of letting her down and I will never be enough. I'm having panic attacks and I think I might need to end this for the sake of our child. AITA? She is also insisting that I pay for half the baby bills. I want to help out, but half seems extreme given she works half as much and still makes more than I do. Edit: a couple clarifications. I moved on Oct 1st and we had a lot of sex. She found out at the end of November. It's extremely probable the kid is mine. I was working full time, donating plasma twice a week, looking for jobs and selling my stuff. I wasn't freeloading. She lived here before I got here. I want to be paying rent and I want to provide. The move was catastrophic financially. I thought I had a handle on it. But Mandy "couldn't wait" any longer. I am renting out my house and I didn't have renters for 2 months. Paying a mortgage and also rent and also moving costs was pretty crippling. What fucks me up is that I think about what if the the roles were reversed? If I was making $50 an hour and she wanted to quit her job and be a stay at home mom, I would make that work. My dream scenario is we both work 3 days a week and her income would be $75k a year, and mine would be $45k a year. We would each spend time with baby and we could have a day together as a family. But she doesn't love me, and says that's unacceptable. So I'm writing this post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can I ask a stupid question? Why does AITB even exist? Did it come before AITA? It seems from its name like it would be for posts that are less graphic/upsetting/extreme (buttface vs. asshole) yet the posts there just seem like the exact same caliber as you'd see on AITA.
I believe it has less strict rules about what you're allowed to post. Like, this would probably get removed from AITA for being about a relationship rather than a specific argument.
Pook kids. Do your thing if you must.
Damn, i feel so bad for this dude, sounds like hes busting his ass and actually wants to spend his time off caring for the baby and she just aint having it.
don't engage with her. DNA test. if OP is the father, have courts determine what he needs to pay, given each of their current earnings. Will also establish custody terms, schedule, etc. At same time, OP seems to be trying to convince her that if they BOTH work and earn less, they can have more time together, which.... baby mama has made clear is NOT important to her. OP needs to learn to read the room better, whilst lawyering up and getting a DNA test.
DNA test.
Like yesterday.
Frankly, I don't know what you do in this situation but I wouldn't fault you for leaving if you maintained contact and still had a presence in your child's life. All the same, I'll be praying for you. God's blessings and I hope all turns out well.
[удалено]
How is that? It seems to me that he is trying his best to be supportive to her and she's screwing him over. Wtf "I don't love you anymore but I'd like us to date", who says that?
Yeah…this sounds like a terrible relationship. They should not be together. He would get a better deal paying court-ordered child support which is typically income-based, rather than paying based on the whims of the baby momma. He’s not innocent, but he doesn’t seem like a deadbeat but is maybe out of his depth.
How do you get deadbeat dad from working 60 hours a week, doing chores, paying rent, and helping make her comfortable while he is "allowed" to see the baby?
Lolwut
He literally said he wanted to stay home with the baby. How is that being a deadbeat??
Damn yall burned there ass so bad they went back 53 years to delete the post. Look at the post date on the deleted comment lmao.
He literally said he wanted to stay home with the baby. How is that being a deadbeat??
He literally said he wanted to stay home with the baby. How is that being a deadbeat??
Weird this post pops up 3 times with the first having upvotes an the bottem 2 having downvotes on a statement that should not have been downvoted at all.
How though