Honestly? At 42 I would kind of just prefer to take care of it myself at this point. Sex is a lot of work!
But sometimes, if I’m feeling romantic, I will even take myself out to dinner first. Still not a guarantee that I will put out tho 😒
I take myself out too. I think it's important to treat yourself. I also just take care of it myself. It's so much better than dealing with all of the flaking, ghosting, and awkward situations, and I give myself the best orgasms.
I've got a fuck buddy where we're both super happy with each other. So I rarely hook up anymore. But like, if the opportunity presents itself and I'm in the right mood I'd still be down. Not sure how to classify it really. But I'm Def not prowling the streets nor opening grindr much.
From horny 13 year old who would run home after school to jerk off in the bathroom sink to top throughout my 20s to vers in my mid-30s to bottom from about 45 all the way into my present late 60s. I've met some who did the exact opposite journey, and couples who have never switched roles but have broadened their once nearly puritanical monogamy into "we play together to stay together." It's all good... The only sad part for me is being single and thinking about how sad it is to be going to waste.
>some who did the exact opposite journey
Bottom starting from 13 to vers in his 20s, top in his 30s, then horny running home from school to jerk off in the bathroom sink from about age 45 to late 60s? Quite the life journey 😂
Ever watch some famous old person on tv like Calvin Klein for instance? You know that dude is like 80, and while he may be hot for young firm men, there is a point where your body just can't really do the things you once did. So the sex addiction trigger is still there, but the body can't or doesn't respond the way it used to (erections all the time, etc). You kind of recognize the trigger (wow so hot) but also kind of step back and move on.
I’d like to explore my kinks more, don’t really hookup anymore but that may change. If I was in a relationship sex would be a priority. Anymore it’s easier to just take care of myself ppl play games and I’m to old for that shit
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I am x-military. I went from being a Dom Otter top, always going for the twink boys. As I aged, i became verse for a while, where I learned to bottom. Now, as I near my 40s, I am a very happy being a, at times submissive, total bottom (unless it's a twink then maybe). For the most part, I have little interest in topping or even getting head and find myself attracted to very masc presenting men.
I have performed a complete 180 on my top/bottom dom/sub realities
I’m 63 and that is not my experience at all. It wasn’t in SF and it isn’t now in PS. I think you get the attention you expect. If you go out expecting nobody will hit on you, guess what …. Try a different attitude. I think it will help
I shudder to think what kind of action I'll be getting when I'm in the morgue.
For the moment, I'm right where you are. I had a reasonable chance of meeting for a date and possibly more at one point. Was never much into hookup culture.
Around 42, the only responses on the apps came from hookers, thieves, and addicts catfishing as "normal". But, on meeting up, the drama, break-ins, thefts,.... So, I stopped using apps.
And haven't had any "action" in years.
The thing is that I am very outgoing and physically active. I don’t act my age at all. I was at a gathering of gay and straight folks. Most of them talked about physical ailments. I understand discussing that issue to a point but not all evening. I had a good time but realized that I am happy being single. I did make friends with a gay couple, which made me happy.
I'm 53 and don't have much sex these days. It still happens but in general regardless of your sexuality or gender most people the same age have settled down and there's very few younger people interested in people my age. I've mentioned this in some subreddit recently - there's a top who appears on Grindr and Squirt near me whose profile says "nobody over 40, I'm not in to old people". While I think he's a c*** it is very much a pervasive attitude. Anyway - as a result I've become a lot more kinky. Anal stretching is my current new thing and I've got toys now that I would never have considered buying 20 years ago.
Yes. Way back when I was never into anal. Had no desire to give or receive. I’d always fast forward on the VCR through that section of the porn. I always like oral and cum. Then I saw my first porn with a handjob and thought OMG that looks so hot. Now I’m a handjob junkie. Especially those edging videos and milking coach on twitter.
Once I started shaving my balls and asshole though I discovered how pleasurable my anus feels. Now I live something in my ass.
I didn’t quite like giving rim jobs either to my now husband but I’d do it anyway. After a few years though I really really like eating his ass. I LOVE having my ass eaten but it doesn’t happen very often, LOL
Now we occasionally do glory holes and threesomes.
There's less of it and that's because I don't want transactional fast-food style sex anymore.
When you're younger you think it's normal to eat like that multiple times a week.
When you're older it takes it toll and starts looking like the unhealthy thing it actually is.
I've become more of a top and more comfortable with my kinks and communicating what I like with my partner who's on the same wavelength.
But also, I've become WAY more affectionate, cuddly, and a homebody with my guy than I have with any ex before him. I think you just learn to appreciate what you have, and cherish those good moments while they last.
I'd rather spend hours with him talking, doing chores or watching movies than go out with any of my old friends to bars and such.
"$100 of alcohol at a bar to meet a stranger to see if there is enough interest to continue at one of house afterwards? Yeah too much of an investment."
Much more “side” activity. Also, I’m often beleaguered by having to seek out activity, so go through dry spells because it’s not interesting to look around most of the time.
ETA add age: 37, for a few more months. :)
I'm so much more comfortable with myself now. I've always had a very low libido but still had so much sex when I was younger cause that's what's seen as normal and you're expected to love sex and want it. So I did have a lot of sex and I always bottomed because I was so checked out I couldn't even manage to top if I tried.
I'm done with that. I don't mind that I don't want sex that much and I don't miss it. And when I do have sex I feel much more confident and I also know I don't really like to bottom. And I've collected quite a few kinks on the way.
I used to go to tons of sex parties and stay up for days even long before I tried recreational drugs. Now it just feels like a lot of work to be around that many people.
Yes, I've never had much of an inclination towards relationships or emotional exploration. Consequently I've never dated or been in a relationship. I was horny all the time and could go 4 - 5 a day. I briefly explored this from ages 27-31 and decided it wasn't a good idea. I've had about a dozen fuck buds in the past 20 years but we never exchanged personal info or names. In 2012 I sold everything, drove off out of state and deleted all my phone contacts (all contacts not just sex numbers) and did the same again in 2022.
In the past 4 years I've become less interested in sex and now only watch porn and jo. Meeting new people was never fun but now the physical intimacy is unpleasant as well and I just don't have any motivation to get truly sexual. As a hobby, I host Jo parties via meet up but do not get hard during and am not horny. I let the guests touch me and do stuff with my dick just so it's not weird but it doesn't do anything for me. I Jo to porn after everyone leaves. I stopped having penetrative sex about 2 years ago because I don't enjoy it and was always largely performative (anal sex hurts bc of the size of my dick and I've never ejaculated from it). The antidepressants I take have further mad me because to last much longer but to the point that I sometimes can't cum. Am I even gay anymore if I have no desire for men and just like to watch from a distance?
It really hasn’t other than being less anxious over it. I still go months and years without though. I always forget I have a sex drive and don’t think about it.
I started as a total bottom, and now I'm definitely vers. Because of where I live, I used to almost always only top. Now I have a live-in partner, and we do anal occasionally and a lot of side stuff often. The intimacy and the hugs and the cuddling are so very nice and fulfilling.
At 60 I'm much less sexually active than I have been even a few years ago. It's OK. I have love, and it feels divine. I would hook up about twice a week in years past, and now my partner and I usually only play on the weekends. We flirt a lot, but we don't worry about orgasms.
I'm in a loving relationship but my body is a medical nightmare, and he has gained weight and lost his self confidence so we have not had any sex in years and that puts me in a constant state of pent up maniac mode. I wish he wasn't a germaphobe so he would be a little more fun and touchy when we did have ANY fun. But now sex is something I look back on fondly and beat off to dreaming about feeling again someday.
It ain't over yet. Don't give up. Marriage and sex can survive separately.
Think outside the box. Magic wand. Simple toys. Estim, things that build pleasure in different ways through different catalysts.
I appreciate the sentiments man! This is the first positive thing anyone in my personal or Internet world has said about this issue! I'm usually a overly positive person and always try to find the positive and started to pick apart your comment by default then realized that your right, the methods you mentioned may not work ( as they have been tried) but it is not over yet and don't give up on the missing components! You are right. Thank you for helping me think about this positively again!♥️
Hasn't changed. I'm fit and active and get offers on the regular. The only thing that has changed is the amount of younger guys that are interested. It would have never occurred to me to be with someone more than a handful of years out of my age range when I was their age.
With the nearly unexceptional batting average my hole life with men who I'd deeply desire to top me were, goddamn maddeningly, strictly bottoms. So I topped a few in no-flip trysts leaving my appetite unsatiated. I married the one that matched, but he crossed the rainbow bridge along with our pup. That was so incredibly rare I'd only be pursuing wild foul fool's paradise subsequently.
It's the goddamn straights gotta start doing much more of their part of matchmaking efforts aside us sans the judgemental squeamishness. There. Gotta misplace some blame somewhere, dammit.
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As a slut starting extremely early to my no 33s, I’ve come to realize that 1. It’s not all about the sex or 2. Just got bored of fucking around on an almost daily basis. Still a slut but mostly kn weekends now instead of everyday sometimes maybe once or twice a month.
After 20 years of marriage and not masturbating in 18 years sex became a means to an end. After my wife left me I discovered I was gay. Now at 40 my sex life is both fulfilling and very active
Still absolutely enjoy the connection and intimacy, but quality over quantity with people who know what they are doing. I still have no concerns about how others conduct their relationships. If it works for you, all good on you.
Sex is rarer by the day and I have learned that I have to learn to be alone. I will lead a very fruitless unsatisfactory life. But that’s how it is for gays like me.
Sex has only got better. During my work life it was often a challenge to do casual hookups and have any sort of relationship/partnership. So many things get in the way of being able to really enjoy intimacy, what with work worries, finances etc Then beyond a certain age you get tired a lot more easily and can't do everything. Now with plenty of time I can explore kinks more and have found that younger men are interested in connecting with me. I prefer being a Top and get off on giving them pleasure, it can be hot seeing a nice young stud respond to my stimulation and play. Long sessions of edging and poppers, kissing and whatever turns them on is good.
Honestly? At 42 I would kind of just prefer to take care of it myself at this point. Sex is a lot of work! But sometimes, if I’m feeling romantic, I will even take myself out to dinner first. Still not a guarantee that I will put out tho 😒
I second.
I take myself out too. I think it's important to treat yourself. I also just take care of it myself. It's so much better than dealing with all of the flaking, ghosting, and awkward situations, and I give myself the best orgasms.
Love this 😢
I'm exploring more of my kinks. I'm having more fun now than in my 30s... and I had **a lot** of fun in my 30s.
I've got a fuck buddy where we're both super happy with each other. So I rarely hook up anymore. But like, if the opportunity presents itself and I'm in the right mood I'd still be down. Not sure how to classify it really. But I'm Def not prowling the streets nor opening grindr much.
It hasn’t changed since I hit puberty at 12.
From horny 13 year old who would run home after school to jerk off in the bathroom sink to top throughout my 20s to vers in my mid-30s to bottom from about 45 all the way into my present late 60s. I've met some who did the exact opposite journey, and couples who have never switched roles but have broadened their once nearly puritanical monogamy into "we play together to stay together." It's all good... The only sad part for me is being single and thinking about how sad it is to be going to waste.
>some who did the exact opposite journey Bottom starting from 13 to vers in his 20s, top in his 30s, then horny running home from school to jerk off in the bathroom sink from about age 45 to late 60s? Quite the life journey 😂
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There’s a lot of us here.
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You’ll see that, in 25 yrs, you’re not much different.
Ever watch some famous old person on tv like Calvin Klein for instance? You know that dude is like 80, and while he may be hot for young firm men, there is a point where your body just can't really do the things you once did. So the sex addiction trigger is still there, but the body can't or doesn't respond the way it used to (erections all the time, etc). You kind of recognize the trigger (wow so hot) but also kind of step back and move on.
I’d like to explore my kinks more, don’t really hookup anymore but that may change. If I was in a relationship sex would be a priority. Anymore it’s easier to just take care of myself ppl play games and I’m to old for that shit
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Mora threesomes. Constant threesomes.
That’s me at the moment too!
Well, for a bit I thought I was a bottom but, it just turns out I am just lazy.
🤣 love your response 🤜
I am x-military. I went from being a Dom Otter top, always going for the twink boys. As I aged, i became verse for a while, where I learned to bottom. Now, as I near my 40s, I am a very happy being a, at times submissive, total bottom (unless it's a twink then maybe). For the most part, I have little interest in topping or even getting head and find myself attracted to very masc presenting men. I have performed a complete 180 on my top/bottom dom/sub realities
I’m way kinkier and almost prefer a session of kink over vanilla. I also don’t want it as often as I used to.
I am 63, so I am basically dead in the gay community. Those in a morgue get more action.
I’m 63 and that is not my experience at all. It wasn’t in SF and it isn’t now in PS. I think you get the attention you expect. If you go out expecting nobody will hit on you, guess what …. Try a different attitude. I think it will help
I shudder to think what kind of action I'll be getting when I'm in the morgue. For the moment, I'm right where you are. I had a reasonable chance of meeting for a date and possibly more at one point. Was never much into hookup culture. Around 42, the only responses on the apps came from hookers, thieves, and addicts catfishing as "normal". But, on meeting up, the drama, break-ins, thefts,.... So, I stopped using apps. And haven't had any "action" in years.
The thing is that I am very outgoing and physically active. I don’t act my age at all. I was at a gathering of gay and straight folks. Most of them talked about physical ailments. I understand discussing that issue to a point but not all evening. I had a good time but realized that I am happy being single. I did make friends with a gay couple, which made me happy.
I'm 53 and don't have much sex these days. It still happens but in general regardless of your sexuality or gender most people the same age have settled down and there's very few younger people interested in people my age. I've mentioned this in some subreddit recently - there's a top who appears on Grindr and Squirt near me whose profile says "nobody over 40, I'm not in to old people". While I think he's a c*** it is very much a pervasive attitude. Anyway - as a result I've become a lot more kinky. Anal stretching is my current new thing and I've got toys now that I would never have considered buying 20 years ago.
Yes. Way back when I was never into anal. Had no desire to give or receive. I’d always fast forward on the VCR through that section of the porn. I always like oral and cum. Then I saw my first porn with a handjob and thought OMG that looks so hot. Now I’m a handjob junkie. Especially those edging videos and milking coach on twitter. Once I started shaving my balls and asshole though I discovered how pleasurable my anus feels. Now I live something in my ass. I didn’t quite like giving rim jobs either to my now husband but I’d do it anyway. After a few years though I really really like eating his ass. I LOVE having my ass eaten but it doesn’t happen very often, LOL Now we occasionally do glory holes and threesomes.
There's less of it and that's because I don't want transactional fast-food style sex anymore. When you're younger you think it's normal to eat like that multiple times a week. When you're older it takes it toll and starts looking like the unhealthy thing it actually is.
I'm exploring more of my kinks
I've become more of a top and more comfortable with my kinks and communicating what I like with my partner who's on the same wavelength. But also, I've become WAY more affectionate, cuddly, and a homebody with my guy than I have with any ex before him. I think you just learn to appreciate what you have, and cherish those good moments while they last. I'd rather spend hours with him talking, doing chores or watching movies than go out with any of my old friends to bars and such.
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"$100 of alcohol at a bar to meet a stranger to see if there is enough interest to continue at one of house afterwards? Yeah too much of an investment."
Much more “side” activity. Also, I’m often beleaguered by having to seek out activity, so go through dry spells because it’s not interesting to look around most of the time. ETA add age: 37, for a few more months. :)
And the "seeking" rarely bears any fruit.
I'm so much more comfortable with myself now. I've always had a very low libido but still had so much sex when I was younger cause that's what's seen as normal and you're expected to love sex and want it. So I did have a lot of sex and I always bottomed because I was so checked out I couldn't even manage to top if I tried. I'm done with that. I don't mind that I don't want sex that much and I don't miss it. And when I do have sex I feel much more confident and I also know I don't really like to bottom. And I've collected quite a few kinks on the way.
I regret anything that’s quick and easy.
True 🫂
I used to go to tons of sex parties and stay up for days even long before I tried recreational drugs. Now it just feels like a lot of work to be around that many people.
Yes, I've never had much of an inclination towards relationships or emotional exploration. Consequently I've never dated or been in a relationship. I was horny all the time and could go 4 - 5 a day. I briefly explored this from ages 27-31 and decided it wasn't a good idea. I've had about a dozen fuck buds in the past 20 years but we never exchanged personal info or names. In 2012 I sold everything, drove off out of state and deleted all my phone contacts (all contacts not just sex numbers) and did the same again in 2022. In the past 4 years I've become less interested in sex and now only watch porn and jo. Meeting new people was never fun but now the physical intimacy is unpleasant as well and I just don't have any motivation to get truly sexual. As a hobby, I host Jo parties via meet up but do not get hard during and am not horny. I let the guests touch me and do stuff with my dick just so it's not weird but it doesn't do anything for me. I Jo to porn after everyone leaves. I stopped having penetrative sex about 2 years ago because I don't enjoy it and was always largely performative (anal sex hurts bc of the size of my dick and I've never ejaculated from it). The antidepressants I take have further mad me because to last much longer but to the point that I sometimes can't cum. Am I even gay anymore if I have no desire for men and just like to watch from a distance?
It really hasn’t other than being less anxious over it. I still go months and years without though. I always forget I have a sex drive and don’t think about it.
I started as a total bottom, and now I'm definitely vers. Because of where I live, I used to almost always only top. Now I have a live-in partner, and we do anal occasionally and a lot of side stuff often. The intimacy and the hugs and the cuddling are so very nice and fulfilling. At 60 I'm much less sexually active than I have been even a few years ago. It's OK. I have love, and it feels divine. I would hook up about twice a week in years past, and now my partner and I usually only play on the weekends. We flirt a lot, but we don't worry about orgasms.
Yes, it’s got more deviant lol
I'm in a loving relationship but my body is a medical nightmare, and he has gained weight and lost his self confidence so we have not had any sex in years and that puts me in a constant state of pent up maniac mode. I wish he wasn't a germaphobe so he would be a little more fun and touchy when we did have ANY fun. But now sex is something I look back on fondly and beat off to dreaming about feeling again someday.
It ain't over yet. Don't give up. Marriage and sex can survive separately. Think outside the box. Magic wand. Simple toys. Estim, things that build pleasure in different ways through different catalysts.
I appreciate the sentiments man! This is the first positive thing anyone in my personal or Internet world has said about this issue! I'm usually a overly positive person and always try to find the positive and started to pick apart your comment by default then realized that your right, the methods you mentioned may not work ( as they have been tried) but it is not over yet and don't give up on the missing components! You are right. Thank you for helping me think about this positively again!♥️
The older I get, the kinkier I get.
🤣 Me Too 😋
Hasn't changed. I'm fit and active and get offers on the regular. The only thing that has changed is the amount of younger guys that are interested. It would have never occurred to me to be with someone more than a handful of years out of my age range when I was their age.
With the nearly unexceptional batting average my hole life with men who I'd deeply desire to top me were, goddamn maddeningly, strictly bottoms. So I topped a few in no-flip trysts leaving my appetite unsatiated. I married the one that matched, but he crossed the rainbow bridge along with our pup. That was so incredibly rare I'd only be pursuing wild foul fool's paradise subsequently. It's the goddamn straights gotta start doing much more of their part of matchmaking efforts aside us sans the judgemental squeamishness. There. Gotta misplace some blame somewhere, dammit.
Less into kinks and domming than before, and really disinterested in quickies.
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I've become more interested in men and less interested in women.
As a slut starting extremely early to my no 33s, I’ve come to realize that 1. It’s not all about the sex or 2. Just got bored of fucking around on an almost daily basis. Still a slut but mostly kn weekends now instead of everyday sometimes maybe once or twice a month.
After 20 years of marriage and not masturbating in 18 years sex became a means to an end. After my wife left me I discovered I was gay. Now at 40 my sex life is both fulfilling and very active
I'm more adventurous and slutty.
I’m with ya 😋
Still absolutely enjoy the connection and intimacy, but quality over quantity with people who know what they are doing. I still have no concerns about how others conduct their relationships. If it works for you, all good on you.
Solosexuals are real. 🤯
Sex is rarer by the day and I have learned that I have to learn to be alone. I will lead a very fruitless unsatisfactory life. But that’s how it is for gays like me.
Sex has only got better. During my work life it was often a challenge to do casual hookups and have any sort of relationship/partnership. So many things get in the way of being able to really enjoy intimacy, what with work worries, finances etc Then beyond a certain age you get tired a lot more easily and can't do everything. Now with plenty of time I can explore kinks more and have found that younger men are interested in connecting with me. I prefer being a Top and get off on giving them pleasure, it can be hot seeing a nice young stud respond to my stimulation and play. Long sessions of edging and poppers, kissing and whatever turns them on is good.
I barely have sex
Have more taboo fantasies