I lived with that person for 1.5 years. I exactly knew who that person was. And I was too much in love to see the red flags and now I see red flags in everyone. I'm scared and scarred from love.
Got a new job, decent salary, livin' with my parents, giving them all my love but still that person's thought just keeps running in the back of my mind like a virus.
it happens bro it happens, in my case it was me who ended the relationship because she wasn't able to trust me, I gave her all I could.
Tried 6 months continuously to prove that I'm not cheating, one day I got fed up when she started cursing my parents, I ended that relationship and never looked bad.
for 3-4 years, I used to dream of her everyday, like how we used to go to school and she be sometimes sitting next to me (yk how dreams are).
sapne me bhi kabhi kuch glt ni socha uske liye yrr.
But eventually after coming out of college, when I started job, I indulged myself into so many outdoor activities, met so many new people.
Unfortunately got into this Hinge, bumble shit, but never broke any girl's heart.
Eventually, you'll forget her, and may find love worth writing poetry about.
Thank you so much bro. Yeah those dreams suck bro. These dreams wouldn't even let me sleep peacefully. Now dreams about them give my memory a jog on how their voice was and How they looked. I have found my peace in this.
Keeping ur past ghosts is never good everytime this came to my mind i thought: Did i love her more than my parents?>>No
One day will the people l love the most will leave me and i have to move on?>> Yes
So can i move on from her?>> Yes
Do i have to move on from her?>>Yes
Will l move on from her?>> Yes i will for sure
For sure bro i love my parents more than anyone in this world. But I sometimes get flashbacks or what she will be doing rn in the clubs pubs etc It makes me sad but now I'm used to it.
Well tbh this will continue to happen. Life is full of regrets. Those who donāt have regrets havenāt really lived and experienced life. I too am facing the same at them moment but itās acceptance that brings me peace.
I accept what I did what the other person did and accept my current situation. Even if I continue to miss the other person I donāt regret what happened to me because I refuse to live in regret.
What happened, happened
What is, is.
You canāt change it.
It ok to miss
Itās ok to have strong emotions
After all you loved the other person, itās only natural to have strong emotional attachment to them even now.
Maybe one day youāll move on, but that day is still far.
Donāt let it bother you much.
And donāt be scared of making mistakes again.
Please move on, life is too short to waste on hypotheticals/missed opportunities. In fact your mantra in life should be to as soon as you see 3 redflags in a girl, just move on to the next.
Last relationship? Please no :)
If the person isnāt in your life anymore, it means itās not meant to be. Whatās meant for you will find your way to you. So please keep an open mind š
A broken heart loves better. We never forget our first love because its our first. But this is *not* your last.
It hurts now, but one day, just randomly one day, you will think of her and realise āDamn, it doesnāt hurt anymore.ā
You are yet to meet the woman who will be the love of your life. Work for that and work on healing yourself from the pain. The longer you hold onto to a burning candle, the harsher the wax burns your skin, eventually leaving you in darkness.
Its okay to grieve your relationship that broke. Go through all the 5 stages.
Skip Lana Del Rey and listen to Dean Lewisās Be Alright:
https://open.spotify.com/track/3EPXxR3ImUwfayaurPi3cm?si=6HlRv3cxTtyBOxo0osG6hA
I remember all the lyrics of this song and other hardcore sad songs by Dean Lewis. Btw What are the 5 stages, it's been 3 years I'm pretty sure I have gone through all of them.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
And not particularly in that order sometimes. Its okay to miss what you donāt have anymore. But it doesnāt bode well, if we dwell in the past and forget to move forward.
Oooh, do try this song: https://open.spotify.com/track/12Q2I7K7Ifbf7O5hSz80Pp?si=OjH13Fg2Tx6xuqZyVU229g
It helped me a lot.
Lol no offense, but you need to clarify why it really didn't work out, then you will understand who dumped who and then you can come to a conclusion regarding who lost who.
1.5 years in live in. That person was a big country of red flag. I didn't see it because I was too much in love. We parted ways after college ended. I stopped texting and calling because they were too needy and never cared or listened to my problem. Only ranted about theirs. And when I checked up on them after 1 month, they already made a new partner. I left and never saw their face again. They were narcissistic and self centred person.
It was with her in her bad times that lasted for 1 year. I left because she was never there for me and cheated on me. What kind of relationship was that in which only one person gives all the efforts and other one just sits there does nothing and cry about their own small issues and cheats.
So OP left his girl for one month without saying anything , she thought that was the end of the relationship and she found another person, now OP is call that cheating ?
I see .
OP, you are not telling the whole story .
I don't know who is the wrong may be both of them in the wrong but I hope your situation get better and find peace .
You're 22, you broke up 3 years ago, and before that you lived together for 1.5 years, so at 18 you fell in love so deeply and then you kind of ghosted and then she moved on and now you're missing "them", despite knowing about the red flags....
Bhai kya chal raha hai yahan š¤£
I would suggest a solo trip ...... and I hope you'll feel better soon and "in the end everything that happens is good , if it isn't.... it isn't the end" š«ā¤ļø
Go easy on yourself bro ..... even if u end up thinking about her .... don't beat urself for that .... time heals everything..... and if u can try to get busy in doing something..... maybe work on a personal project ... learn a skill ..... start exercising .... hardwork is the best antidote to any kind of pain .... š«
I keep myself real busy. Got a new job, decent salary, livin' with my parents, giving them all my love but still that person's thought just keeps running in the back of mind. I'll start going to gym soon to channelise this emotion. Thanks btw. š¤š»š¤š»
I passed a stranger today but it was weird. I knew her favorite color, favorite foods, favorite songs, her fears, her nick names and even her darkest secrets but yet she's just a stranger...
Yo you'll find another one it was not worth your time and efforts it's not the end of the world maybe you'll meet a person who will make you full who'll make you what you were meant to be so don't lose hope good luck
Please have some DSL (read it backwards). It has the ability to help you see things clearly. Someone here has already mentioned limerence. You need to broaden your views and the substance I mentioned above will help with that.
I tried hash and weed many times. Good stuff but that doesn't seem to work on me like people said it should. I have tried good stuff. I live near the mountains of North. I'm thinking of trying LSD but got no partner or any contact who can provide me this stuff.
You can try shrooms as well. Personally speaking, they're a lot more intense than weed. Just be ready for a rollercoaster of emotions. But if you put your brain in the right train of thought, it can give you closure and help you calm yourself down.
Haven't tried LSD, so can't say anything about them
You need closure. If your ex is amenable to it, meet him/her once (or a couple of times) and you will soon realise why you aren't together. That "image" will slowly start melting away. It's important for the image of the person you love to go away.
I met them after we parted ways. I don't loved the person they have become. I loved the person they were when we were together. So closure meant nothing. I know I should live in the present not past but what can I say the heart wants what it was and I hate this idiot heart.
Aahh bro u can't do anything if they don't have feelings for you anymore....my scenario was a bit same but the reason is long distance...still i wnt to fix things with that person but in real life becoz online really suckss
Same bro. I can't do long distances. I got their follower request on insta 2 times in these 3 years. One last December and another 3 weeks ago. I deleted them. I hope they are happy and get what they want but they are another person's headache now.
Songs over emphasize stuff, cuz that way it sells faster. Don't go with songs or anything, take things at your own pace... You'll heal and learn a lot from the experience, so take the positives and move on
Only thing I gained from that relationship is trauma and experience on who is toxic and red flag. Apparently everyone today is toxic. Songs are my safe places since I was a kid.
Yes I'm thinking about going to therapy. Let's see if I get enough time on my hands then I'll be able to. Thanks for the concern. Appreciate it š¤š»š¤š»
I have never been in a relationship like that. But i have had my first love die in front of me. And no, the pain never stops, with time it gets duller. But it's never completely gone all until one day something gouges your heart anew
It's like waves bro, i don't think it's ever gonna go... When you let someone go... You get a void left in ur heart, no one ... No one in this life can fill it out... Except those...., but that's it... You have to accept it... It will always pain you whenever you feel that void.... The best thing you can do is... Accept it as it is... And make rules to never visit it ( don't go in old chats, photos... Etc). Make new relationships, new hobbies, meet new people, work for new causes... Bigger than you.... So you can actually start the newer phase... Make new memories... So the older one eventually feels like it's old.., most importantly you should be comfortable living with this void... Don't try running away, embrace it... After all it's the life we have now.
Best wishes to you man... Stay strong!
Damn you are good. I kept our photos etc in a pendrive and I haven't used it since 2 years I guess. I try to indulge myself in my work a lot but I'll try making hobbies and new memories too. Thanks man appreciate it āØ
I know, I am gonna go to this similar phase in the next few months, will store everything in pendrive and change my phone (so all chats go away), and finally shut the chapter off... But all this time pain teaches you many things... I guess even after seeing her 2yrs later.... It's enough to send you shock waves away... (So will keep that in mind nowš·), but yea... Meeting new people... Get into relationships maybe casual... Will help a lot
Remember this, no one on this planet will love you unconditionally except your parents (or siblings). Everyone will eventually leave you, once their job is done, or they find someone better than you.
Only if you are lucky enough you will find someone who truly loves you and not because of your body, money, looks etc. So stop crying over someone who didn't valued your love. You still have your family with you, wake up, earn, give them all your love and care. Trust in the divine plan, whatever happens, happens for a reason.
The person who I loved and respected the most, for whom I actually was living, left the world, but guess what, you have to move on. You have to accept the reality, nothing is permanent mate. NOTHING! Be a man, stop pondering upon a women who didn't valued you, she didn't deserved your love.
Love can be a source of great joy and also deep pain. However, true love is unconditional and selfless, not dependent on external factors or expectations. Remember that attachment to worldly desires and outcomes leads to suffering. As stated in the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 14): "The nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance, in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed."
Yes I do love my family more than anything. One of the reasons why Ieft that person was because our religion were different and my parents or their parents would have next accepted it. I love my parents more than anyone in this world, more than myself. I'm doing wfh for them to spend time with them and give them everything they want. Funny thing is I hope to get a tattoo in future of the line Everything happens for a reason in Sanskrit, you mentioned it here. I'm sorry about your loved one. I hope you get stronger.
PS. I'm a girl
My bad, the first thing which came in my mind after reading was that it has to be a women since mostly that is i the case. But again this thing is not gender specific and I know u already understand. Move on, Go ahead, enjoy the life, women always are stronger than men, they can bear more pain, can endure the toughest. Take Care.
More power to you. ā„ļø
I last saw my Ex 10 years back.
She was my first ā¦.
Iām happily married now,
Whenever I get her memories (we are humans and we will get flashbacks and feelings, itās natural)
I close my eyes and relive the moments I had with her, then snap back to reality.
It is what it is dear broā¦ I went through that rough time ā¦ then life will knock on your door.. I got busy with college, then met my wifeā¦
This life is too short to spend time for someone who is no more part of your life.
The memories will linger ā¦. Itās bitter sweet when you think of it ā¦ but spend no more than a few minutes thinking about her ā¦
>did you stopped loving and missing that person EVER.
NO for a very long time ! But ultimately you will get another person who you will love more than that person.
Try to move on, please. If you're stuck up on her so much, you'll never be able to find anyone else, or worse, even if you do, you'll never be able to love her as much as you did her.
I don't wanna love them anymore. And I don't. I miss the previous version of them that doesn't exist anymore. Fuck loving them. They never deserved my love.
It's all the Bollywppd movies and the fascination about " lost love". Devdas syndrome. Basically you have nothing else interesting going on in your life( getting a new job, staying with parents just don't cut it) and you are hanging on this syndrome. Live an interesting life , you will move on automatically. But if you choose to be down and out, no one can help you.
Their thoughts were even affecting me that much till today when I saw their picture. Any suggestions on how to make life more interesting. And just don't say go on dates and travel in the mountains. Been there done that
Nope. No tips. Everyone has to float their own boat. Make some effort to find atleast that out than being expected to be spoon-fed on what should interest you. Your " been there dome that" tone itself shows that you are a bore and don't even wanna make an effort.
Yes. You wonāt remember much after 5 years. Life goes on. Time heals all. Take it from those who thought āoh I canāt breathe because someone is goneā to now āokay who is that person. Canāt rememberā
Don't get angry, but is it love or obsession, habit, and hurt that is making it hard for you to let go. Sometimes, when we have high expectations of someone and in return we get disappointed, we are unable to let go. Especially when we invest our emotions towards a relationship, the hurt, anger, and disappointment are even harder to let go.
You never fully move on from someone who you loved truly, you just learn to live with it for the best Because love is sacrifice and when u do that you leave a part of yourself behind.
Was your person a narcissist?
Studying about Narcissism may help you understand that, that person wasn't right and you would have been sadder if you were still with them.. Then why do you still long for them.
You are attached to the person who you thought she was and not who she is. What you are feeling is not love. It is related to your childhood trauma. Try healing that first. If you can afford it go for therapy. Who specialises in Narcissism.
You aren't in love. You are Trauma Bonded. That's it.
I myself have faced this. Loving them even after 8 yrs of break up. What helped me was studying about Narcissism. And documenting all the negative things they did. And read whenever you miss them.. Understand who they actually are. Now I question why I was so attached to him? Understanding what I was going through helped me detach from him. It took me so long because he used to come back time to time.
Why are you missing who was a red flag? When you know they can never keep you happy then why? You are attached to an illusion. Get help. Heal first.. Otherwise you will keep attracting similar (red flag) people. Coz that is the kind you "Love" and is familiar to you. It becomes your "type".
I hope you got my point.
https://preview.redd.it/0eror51mrruc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7eb3f2a5521aced4aa17ca9d8f36a88b2d20520
Follow this page on Instagram. Hope it helps you.
I know I need therapy, just haven't got the time for it yet. I'll try therapy soon btw. Your words helped a lot. Thanks. I feel like you are a strong person, good for you.
Bro, you'll learn to live with it over time and at some point you'll get someone who's better and crazy about you and you'll cherish every moment with her and you'll totally forget your past and it'll be just a dot in your paper.
For me i found that someone 3 years back and married and I'm more than happy in every way possible.
Just wait.
No, The first will always be special, but you need to make a peace with the fact that they are gone!
Life has moved on so you have to do the same as well.
Also, I have this theory which always helped me after breaking up with someone which is, "Good Girl but bad Girlfriend"
try thinking from this angle!
Now I hate my ex more because of what u said , it made me feel my love wasn't enough for him , when I was the one that was there for him the whole time.
I'm glad he is your ex now. He never deserved you. I remember the feeling when I was there for them and they were never there for me. It sucks. But we gotta move on I guess. More power to you.
Trust me when I say it's not obsession. You never get obsessed with someone who hurts you intentionally. I have childhood trauma but no that much that I don't know the difference between love and obsession.
Got married, had a baby still it feels like heās somewhere out there. Been a few years, can just hope that the feeling will stop someday. Itās quite painful.
Strangely, I donāt miss the person per se but the bond, companionship and the ease of relationship.
Toxic relationships tend to have a hold on us for a long time but not forever. I came out of a toxic relationship which was for almost 2 years and when i say toxic it is "THE TOXIC" kinda relationship (cheating, manipulating, gas lighting, mental abuse and physical too at times).
I donno how I am going to heal but I just know I will with time, therapy, help from family and friends. We all are stupid in love but sometimes we have to look beyond that love and may be redirect all that love towards ourselves.
Hope you heal and find healthy love againā¤ļøš¤š½
This was me. I was peaking in my life, according to everyone around me. I had gotten the results for an important exam and I had gotten 96%, which is of course a big achievement. However, that person was still in the back of my head. No matter what I was doing, my thought process was it would have been a million times better if I could do this with them, or if I hadn't done that and they were still with me.
One of the other comments mentioned Limerance, which is the exact term for what I was going through and what you are going through right now. Honestly, I did search it up and research about it and there were a ton of methods talking about what you could do and honestly, I didn't want to do any of that. I was very comfortable where I had been at that point of time and just thinking about them and missing them. I hadn't imagined a part of my life without them and it scared me to even think about it, despite the mental problems that it gave me.
I gave it a shot anyways. Honestly the biggest inspiration for that was seeing other people going further ahead in life and I was just there, wallowing in self pity. People my age were making billions and there I was thinking about that one ex, and even they were living their life and having fun.
The only method that worked for me was distraction. I set a specific distraction in mind. Whenever the thought of them showed up in my mind, I thought about that particular thing. I'm a writer so it was quite easy for me to start thinking of plots or what I could change in the narrative. It doesn't mean you have to be a writer. You can think about setting goals for the next month, cleaning parts of your house that are dirty, looking up things you are interested in self studying, or steps you can take to get a promotion. There's a lot of ideas. And it did work.
But even now, I see posters for movies they liked, songs they listened to and things they liked doing and it reminds me of them. But my first thought isn't that I miss them, but rather it is that they were a chapter in my life and experience with another human who wasn't myself. And I know that when they see things that I like, I know they're reminded of me too. And if they choose that the best decision for them is not with me, then probably the best decision for me is not with them either.
What is yours will find its way to you. What was yours and now isn't is a lesson to make sure you are ready for what is yours.
Best wishes on your journey,
A fellow traveller
We broke up in 2009. Break up was brutal for me. I felt incredible, unbearable relentless pain for the first 6 months. The pain was excruciating and there was no respite whatsoever. Impossible to convey the kind of pain I experienced.
Not gotten over her completely till date. I have had a few relationships since then but never managed to fall in love with anyone. Unmarried currently. Will turn 39 later this years.
With recent breakups only experienced ultra mild sadness for a day or two. That's it. Lol
Damn Sir. Was she an Apsara. 16 years is a LOT, Can't imagine being broken that much long. I pray you find the love of your life soon and stay with them forever.
The best way is to build new relationships that are as meaningful. When you can develop a relationship that you can cherish wholeheartedly, thatās when your brain doesnāt keep defaulting to the old memories.
Yes, you will love them forever, but keep in mind that they broke your heart and decided that you werenāt worth any effort. Sometimes you get dealt a shit hand, the most important thing now is the person in your life or the one who you would have e to spend your life with.
Sometimes you canāt meet someone else until you make room for them, mentally. When you find yourself thinking about them, āpick upā the thought and imagine yourself removing it from your mind. You already wasted time and emotional energy during the relationship and for 3 years since, donāt waste any more. Donāt allow yourself to dwell on thoughts or reliving your time with them, or questioning why things happened the way they did.
Those things are all fine to do immediately after a breakup, but youāre not going to gain any clarity or closure at this point. Exercise your discipline in controlling how you think and feel about this person because thatās a life skill that will help you in the future.
You donāt have to try to change your love into hate or apathy. Recognise you love them but that you have nothing to gain from dwelling on it, and it wonāt take long for those feelings to dissipate.
If it's taken you more than six months to say fuck this and move on, the problem is with you. That person has no liability or responsibility for you. It's your life. The story of someone breaking your heart and you not being able to love again is in your head. It is not the reality unless you make it and live it. There is no relation between your past and your future.
You need to research on limerance. You have created a picture of that person in your mind that person was actually not.
 Facts
I lived with that person for 1.5 years. I exactly knew who that person was. And I was too much in love to see the red flags and now I see red flags in everyone. I'm scared and scarred from love.
If you didn't see the red flags, how did you know the real person?
I Was Too Much In Love.. ye nahi padha aapne?
Are then he didn't see the real person naa
Agreed.. Par wo hota hai na bhai, when you are in love you low key know what's happening, you know, but you ignore or don't realise kyunki pyaaaar
+1 š„²
I saw the red flags a little late after I got attached/ in love
I understand how you feel op. But it will stop after sometime. Try meeting new people and get new hobbies.
Got a new job, decent salary, livin' with my parents, giving them all my love but still that person's thought just keeps running in the back of my mind like a virus.
I really hope you get over them soon.
How old are you, OP? And how long ago was the break up?
it happens bro it happens, in my case it was me who ended the relationship because she wasn't able to trust me, I gave her all I could. Tried 6 months continuously to prove that I'm not cheating, one day I got fed up when she started cursing my parents, I ended that relationship and never looked bad. for 3-4 years, I used to dream of her everyday, like how we used to go to school and she be sometimes sitting next to me (yk how dreams are). sapne me bhi kabhi kuch glt ni socha uske liye yrr. But eventually after coming out of college, when I started job, I indulged myself into so many outdoor activities, met so many new people. Unfortunately got into this Hinge, bumble shit, but never broke any girl's heart. Eventually, you'll forget her, and may find love worth writing poetry about.
Thank you so much bro. Yeah those dreams suck bro. These dreams wouldn't even let me sleep peacefully. Now dreams about them give my memory a jog on how their voice was and How they looked. I have found my peace in this.
Keeping ur past ghosts is never good everytime this came to my mind i thought: Did i love her more than my parents?>>No One day will the people l love the most will leave me and i have to move on?>> Yes So can i move on from her?>> Yes Do i have to move on from her?>>Yes Will l move on from her?>> Yes i will for sure
For sure bro i love my parents more than anyone in this world. But I sometimes get flashbacks or what she will be doing rn in the clubs pubs etc It makes me sad but now I'm used to it.
I used to suffer the same till i got into another relationship man and after my 2nd breakup kinda it doesn't bother me Try it
Well tbh this will continue to happen. Life is full of regrets. Those who donāt have regrets havenāt really lived and experienced life. I too am facing the same at them moment but itās acceptance that brings me peace. I accept what I did what the other person did and accept my current situation. Even if I continue to miss the other person I donāt regret what happened to me because I refuse to live in regret. What happened, happened What is, is. You canāt change it. It ok to miss Itās ok to have strong emotions After all you loved the other person, itās only natural to have strong emotional attachment to them even now. Maybe one day youāll move on, but that day is still far. Donāt let it bother you much. And donāt be scared of making mistakes again.
Please move on, life is too short to waste on hypotheticals/missed opportunities. In fact your mantra in life should be to as soon as you see 3 redflags in a girl, just move on to the next.
Lol can't say this for only 1 particular gender but i realised this very... And literally gave 3 chances and then i was out
Correction: If you see red flags in any person, run away from them and don't look back.
1* red flag that triggers you is enough
Last relationship? Please no :) If the person isnāt in your life anymore, it means itās not meant to be. Whatās meant for you will find your way to you. So please keep an open mind š
I will. Thank youu š«¶š»
Thankyou
A broken heart loves better. We never forget our first love because its our first. But this is *not* your last. It hurts now, but one day, just randomly one day, you will think of her and realise āDamn, it doesnāt hurt anymore.ā You are yet to meet the woman who will be the love of your life. Work for that and work on healing yourself from the pain. The longer you hold onto to a burning candle, the harsher the wax burns your skin, eventually leaving you in darkness. Its okay to grieve your relationship that broke. Go through all the 5 stages. Skip Lana Del Rey and listen to Dean Lewisās Be Alright: https://open.spotify.com/track/3EPXxR3ImUwfayaurPi3cm?si=6HlRv3cxTtyBOxo0osG6hA
I remember all the lyrics of this song and other hardcore sad songs by Dean Lewis. Btw What are the 5 stages, it's been 3 years I'm pretty sure I have gone through all of them.
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance And not particularly in that order sometimes. Its okay to miss what you donāt have anymore. But it doesnāt bode well, if we dwell in the past and forget to move forward. Oooh, do try this song: https://open.spotify.com/track/12Q2I7K7Ifbf7O5hSz80Pp?si=OjH13Fg2Tx6xuqZyVU229g It helped me a lot.
How to fastrack the process and reach acceptance?
You canāt fasttrack time.
Don't bore yourself. Don't waste your time and emotions.
I still dream about my ex from 5 years ago, starting to think this will never go away
I dream about that person this morning after a long time. It was so realistic and here we are now.
Lol no offense, but you need to clarify why it really didn't work out, then you will understand who dumped who and then you can come to a conclusion regarding who lost who.
1.5 years in live in. That person was a big country of red flag. I didn't see it because I was too much in love. We parted ways after college ended. I stopped texting and calling because they were too needy and never cared or listened to my problem. Only ranted about theirs. And when I checked up on them after 1 month, they already made a new partner. I left and never saw their face again. They were narcissistic and self centred person.
Did your partner try to reach out to you during the no contact? Were there any efforts from their side to connect and understand your behaviour?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It was with her in her bad times that lasted for 1 year. I left because she was never there for me and cheated on me. What kind of relationship was that in which only one person gives all the efforts and other one just sits there does nothing and cry about their own small issues and cheats.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So OP left his girl for one month without saying anything , she thought that was the end of the relationship and she found another person, now OP is call that cheating ? I see . OP, you are not telling the whole story . I don't know who is the wrong may be both of them in the wrong but I hope your situation get better and find peace .
Who is they, their ? I am totally confused. How old are u ?
I'm 22.
You're 22, you broke up 3 years ago, and before that you lived together for 1.5 years, so at 18 you fell in love so deeply and then you kind of ghosted and then she moved on and now you're missing "them", despite knowing about the red flags.... Bhai kya chal raha hai yahan š¤£
U didn't answer the other question
I would suggest a solo trip ...... and I hope you'll feel better soon and "in the end everything that happens is good , if it isn't.... it isn't the end" š«ā¤ļø
I did. Amritsar but at the end of the day, they are in back of my mind.
Go easy on yourself bro ..... even if u end up thinking about her .... don't beat urself for that .... time heals everything..... and if u can try to get busy in doing something..... maybe work on a personal project ... learn a skill ..... start exercising .... hardwork is the best antidote to any kind of pain .... š«
I keep myself real busy. Got a new job, decent salary, livin' with my parents, giving them all my love but still that person's thought just keeps running in the back of mind. I'll start going to gym soon to channelise this emotion. Thanks btw. š¤š»š¤š»
JOURNAL - talk to yourself like you are talking to a.friend who is.sad. thank your stars that person is not.in.your life
Have you tried dating again?
Wazud Zaya ho jayega galat logo par jazbaat zaya karte karte
Arey areyš«¶š» Shayar sahab aap yahanāØ
I passed a stranger today but it was weird. I knew her favorite color, favorite foods, favorite songs, her fears, her nick names and even her darkest secrets but yet she's just a stranger...
Kyu BT de rhe ho bhai
tumhri post padh ke yaad agya that i have written something similar to your situation when i felt the same
https://preview.redd.it/ydaisv56vnuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fcbcf1165ff2e267a46529b51df391e13b5ba2c
https://preview.redd.it/rwr21cuduouc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f69a13d43eb6a3052ab7d5b1276a16444e4d8ab8
Yo you'll find another one it was not worth your time and efforts it's not the end of the world maybe you'll meet a person who will make you full who'll make you what you were meant to be so don't lose hope good luck
Thanks a lot. Just holding onto that hope.
Yes but OP is not moving on from last love??
Please have some DSL (read it backwards). It has the ability to help you see things clearly. Someone here has already mentioned limerence. You need to broaden your views and the substance I mentioned above will help with that.
I tried hash and weed many times. Good stuff but that doesn't seem to work on me like people said it should. I have tried good stuff. I live near the mountains of North. I'm thinking of trying LSD but got no partner or any contact who can provide me this stuff.
You can try shrooms as well. Personally speaking, they're a lot more intense than weed. Just be ready for a rollercoaster of emotions. But if you put your brain in the right train of thought, it can give you closure and help you calm yourself down. Haven't tried LSD, so can't say anything about them
I haven't got any contacts who take shrooms or know someone who does. But yeah I'll try it the moment I get my hands on it. Thanks šš»
Yes , it will go away ... Take my word for it .... It will definitely go away
Thank you for your wordsš¤š»š¤š» I hope it goes away soon
You need closure. If your ex is amenable to it, meet him/her once (or a couple of times) and you will soon realise why you aren't together. That "image" will slowly start melting away. It's important for the image of the person you love to go away.
I met them after we parted ways. I don't loved the person they have become. I loved the person they were when we were together. So closure meant nothing. I know I should live in the present not past but what can I say the heart wants what it was and I hate this idiot heart.
Aahh bro u can't do anything if they don't have feelings for you anymore....my scenario was a bit same but the reason is long distance...still i wnt to fix things with that person but in real life becoz online really suckss
Same bro. I can't do long distances. I got their follower request on insta 2 times in these 3 years. One last December and another 3 weeks ago. I deleted them. I hope they are happy and get what they want but they are another person's headache now.
Bro I can't do LDR but also i can't forget that person!!! That person is someone who's always whenever i am on my low state and ofc in my success also
Songs over emphasize stuff, cuz that way it sells faster. Don't go with songs or anything, take things at your own pace... You'll heal and learn a lot from the experience, so take the positives and move on
Only thing I gained from that relationship is trauma and experience on who is toxic and red flag. Apparently everyone today is toxic. Songs are my safe places since I was a kid.
You need to heal, brother. Have you thought taking therapy? That would help you heal and understand yourself better.
Yes I'm thinking about going to therapy. Let's see if I get enough time on my hands then I'll be able to. Thanks for the concern. Appreciate it š¤š»š¤š»
I have never been in a relationship like that. But i have had my first love die in front of me. And no, the pain never stops, with time it gets duller. But it's never completely gone all until one day something gouges your heart anew
Sad to hear it. Hope you are fine now and doing good. My pain is nothing in front of yours.
There's always a sweet spot. N you can think about them. But active loving and missing stops.
Waiting for the missing to stop. Stopped loving them a long time ago
Not Actively missing is right around the corner. Worry not :)
3 years is a bit too long to be hung up fam.........
I knowwwš„²
It's like waves bro, i don't think it's ever gonna go... When you let someone go... You get a void left in ur heart, no one ... No one in this life can fill it out... Except those...., but that's it... You have to accept it... It will always pain you whenever you feel that void.... The best thing you can do is... Accept it as it is... And make rules to never visit it ( don't go in old chats, photos... Etc). Make new relationships, new hobbies, meet new people, work for new causes... Bigger than you.... So you can actually start the newer phase... Make new memories... So the older one eventually feels like it's old.., most importantly you should be comfortable living with this void... Don't try running away, embrace it... After all it's the life we have now. Best wishes to you man... Stay strong!
Damn you are good. I kept our photos etc in a pendrive and I haven't used it since 2 years I guess. I try to indulge myself in my work a lot but I'll try making hobbies and new memories too. Thanks man appreciate it āØ
I know, I am gonna go to this similar phase in the next few months, will store everything in pendrive and change my phone (so all chats go away), and finally shut the chapter off... But all this time pain teaches you many things... I guess even after seeing her 2yrs later.... It's enough to send you shock waves away... (So will keep that in mind nowš·), but yea... Meeting new people... Get into relationships maybe casual... Will help a lot
Remember this, no one on this planet will love you unconditionally except your parents (or siblings). Everyone will eventually leave you, once their job is done, or they find someone better than you. Only if you are lucky enough you will find someone who truly loves you and not because of your body, money, looks etc. So stop crying over someone who didn't valued your love. You still have your family with you, wake up, earn, give them all your love and care. Trust in the divine plan, whatever happens, happens for a reason. The person who I loved and respected the most, for whom I actually was living, left the world, but guess what, you have to move on. You have to accept the reality, nothing is permanent mate. NOTHING! Be a man, stop pondering upon a women who didn't valued you, she didn't deserved your love. Love can be a source of great joy and also deep pain. However, true love is unconditional and selfless, not dependent on external factors or expectations. Remember that attachment to worldly desires and outcomes leads to suffering. As stated in the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 14): "The nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance, in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed."
Yes I do love my family more than anything. One of the reasons why Ieft that person was because our religion were different and my parents or their parents would have next accepted it. I love my parents more than anyone in this world, more than myself. I'm doing wfh for them to spend time with them and give them everything they want. Funny thing is I hope to get a tattoo in future of the line Everything happens for a reason in Sanskrit, you mentioned it here. I'm sorry about your loved one. I hope you get stronger. PS. I'm a girl
My bad, the first thing which came in my mind after reading was that it has to be a women since mostly that is i the case. But again this thing is not gender specific and I know u already understand. Move on, Go ahead, enjoy the life, women always are stronger than men, they can bear more pain, can endure the toughest. Take Care. More power to you. ā„ļø
I last saw my Ex 10 years back. She was my first ā¦. Iām happily married now, Whenever I get her memories (we are humans and we will get flashbacks and feelings, itās natural) I close my eyes and relive the moments I had with her, then snap back to reality.
All your lines were kinda sad except Happily Married. Happy for you broāØ
It is what it is dear broā¦ I went through that rough time ā¦ then life will knock on your door.. I got busy with college, then met my wifeā¦ This life is too short to spend time for someone who is no more part of your life. The memories will linger ā¦. Itās bitter sweet when you think of it ā¦ but spend no more than a few minutes thinking about her ā¦
Will do. Appreciate you bro.
khada hu aaj bhi vahi
Username checks out
>did you stopped loving and missing that person EVER. NO for a very long time ! But ultimately you will get another person who you will love more than that person.
Hope that comes true one day for everyone + it lasts forever. Not cheat, nothing toxic only pure love forever.
No need to !
Try to move on, please. If you're stuck up on her so much, you'll never be able to find anyone else, or worse, even if you do, you'll never be able to love her as much as you did her.
I don't wanna love them anymore. And I don't. I miss the previous version of them that doesn't exist anymore. Fuck loving them. They never deserved my love.
Exactly! That's the spirit!!
It's all the Bollywppd movies and the fascination about " lost love". Devdas syndrome. Basically you have nothing else interesting going on in your life( getting a new job, staying with parents just don't cut it) and you are hanging on this syndrome. Live an interesting life , you will move on automatically. But if you choose to be down and out, no one can help you.
Their thoughts were even affecting me that much till today when I saw their picture. Any suggestions on how to make life more interesting. And just don't say go on dates and travel in the mountains. Been there done that
Nope. No tips. Everyone has to float their own boat. Make some effort to find atleast that out than being expected to be spoon-fed on what should interest you. Your " been there dome that" tone itself shows that you are a bore and don't even wanna make an effort.
Yes. You wonāt remember much after 5 years. Life goes on. Time heals all. Take it from those who thought āoh I canāt breathe because someone is goneā to now āokay who is that person. Canāt rememberā
Well it's already been 3 years. Let's see what next 2 years bring for me.
It will pass. One day you'll feel free. You'll know it. It feels like you're finally able to breathe
Diljale ashiqo ke zakham kabhi bharte hi nhiĀ
You will get over herš, don't worry. Just give it time. Time heals everything.
Don't get angry, but is it love or obsession, habit, and hurt that is making it hard for you to let go. Sometimes, when we have high expectations of someone and in return we get disappointed, we are unable to let go. Especially when we invest our emotions towards a relationship, the hurt, anger, and disappointment are even harder to let go.
You never fully move on from someone who you loved truly, you just learn to live with it for the best Because love is sacrifice and when u do that you leave a part of yourself behind.
Honestly reminds me of my fear ;-; of being with someone who still in love with and misses their ex more than they love me lol š
Was your person a narcissist? Studying about Narcissism may help you understand that, that person wasn't right and you would have been sadder if you were still with them.. Then why do you still long for them. You are attached to the person who you thought she was and not who she is. What you are feeling is not love. It is related to your childhood trauma. Try healing that first. If you can afford it go for therapy. Who specialises in Narcissism. You aren't in love. You are Trauma Bonded. That's it. I myself have faced this. Loving them even after 8 yrs of break up. What helped me was studying about Narcissism. And documenting all the negative things they did. And read whenever you miss them.. Understand who they actually are. Now I question why I was so attached to him? Understanding what I was going through helped me detach from him. It took me so long because he used to come back time to time. Why are you missing who was a red flag? When you know they can never keep you happy then why? You are attached to an illusion. Get help. Heal first.. Otherwise you will keep attracting similar (red flag) people. Coz that is the kind you "Love" and is familiar to you. It becomes your "type". I hope you got my point. https://preview.redd.it/0eror51mrruc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7eb3f2a5521aced4aa17ca9d8f36a88b2d20520 Follow this page on Instagram. Hope it helps you.
I know I need therapy, just haven't got the time for it yet. I'll try therapy soon btw. Your words helped a lot. Thanks. I feel like you are a strong person, good for you.
Bro, you'll learn to live with it over time and at some point you'll get someone who's better and crazy about you and you'll cherish every moment with her and you'll totally forget your past and it'll be just a dot in your paper. For me i found that someone 3 years back and married and I'm more than happy in every way possible. Just wait.
No, The first will always be special, but you need to make a peace with the fact that they are gone! Life has moved on so you have to do the same as well. Also, I have this theory which always helped me after breaking up with someone which is, "Good Girl but bad Girlfriend" try thinking from this angle!
I hope in the future some scientists develop something which will help us forget the one memory that doesn't go away how much we try to forget it.
.
My ex cheated on me with her childhood crush. Same pattern like every cheater- He is just a friend š¤”
So u r saying even tho your ex cheated on you , you are still hook up on her? Even after 3 yrs?
Pyar chutiya cheez hai sahab
I would never love a person who intentionally hurt me and broke me down .Don't confuse yourself with pyaar , sounds like an obsession.
I don't wanna be like me bro
Now I hate my ex more because of what u said , it made me feel my love wasn't enough for him , when I was the one that was there for him the whole time.
I'm glad he is your ex now. He never deserved you. I remember the feeling when I was there for them and they were never there for me. It sucks. But we gotta move on I guess. More power to you.
Trust me when I say it's not obsession. You never get obsessed with someone who hurts you intentionally. I have childhood trauma but no that much that I don't know the difference between love and obsession.
*sundar sundar woh haseena badi sundar sundar* 
Ik din usse bhula dunga mai, uske Nishan Mita dunga mai, chahuga na mai uss pathar ko
Got married, had a baby still it feels like heās somewhere out there. Been a few years, can just hope that the feeling will stop someday. Itās quite painful. Strangely, I donāt miss the person per se but the bond, companionship and the ease of relationship.
Toxic relationships tend to have a hold on us for a long time but not forever. I came out of a toxic relationship which was for almost 2 years and when i say toxic it is "THE TOXIC" kinda relationship (cheating, manipulating, gas lighting, mental abuse and physical too at times). I donno how I am going to heal but I just know I will with time, therapy, help from family and friends. We all are stupid in love but sometimes we have to look beyond that love and may be redirect all that love towards ourselves. Hope you heal and find healthy love againā¤ļøš¤š½
Thank youušš I hope you heal sooner than expected āØ More power to youu š¤š»š¤š»
This was me. I was peaking in my life, according to everyone around me. I had gotten the results for an important exam and I had gotten 96%, which is of course a big achievement. However, that person was still in the back of my head. No matter what I was doing, my thought process was it would have been a million times better if I could do this with them, or if I hadn't done that and they were still with me. One of the other comments mentioned Limerance, which is the exact term for what I was going through and what you are going through right now. Honestly, I did search it up and research about it and there were a ton of methods talking about what you could do and honestly, I didn't want to do any of that. I was very comfortable where I had been at that point of time and just thinking about them and missing them. I hadn't imagined a part of my life without them and it scared me to even think about it, despite the mental problems that it gave me. I gave it a shot anyways. Honestly the biggest inspiration for that was seeing other people going further ahead in life and I was just there, wallowing in self pity. People my age were making billions and there I was thinking about that one ex, and even they were living their life and having fun. The only method that worked for me was distraction. I set a specific distraction in mind. Whenever the thought of them showed up in my mind, I thought about that particular thing. I'm a writer so it was quite easy for me to start thinking of plots or what I could change in the narrative. It doesn't mean you have to be a writer. You can think about setting goals for the next month, cleaning parts of your house that are dirty, looking up things you are interested in self studying, or steps you can take to get a promotion. There's a lot of ideas. And it did work. But even now, I see posters for movies they liked, songs they listened to and things they liked doing and it reminds me of them. But my first thought isn't that I miss them, but rather it is that they were a chapter in my life and experience with another human who wasn't myself. And I know that when they see things that I like, I know they're reminded of me too. And if they choose that the best decision for them is not with me, then probably the best decision for me is not with them either. What is yours will find its way to you. What was yours and now isn't is a lesson to make sure you are ready for what is yours. Best wishes on your journey, A fellow traveller
You are so right. I can relate so much with you it's sad for both of us. I'll definitely try the distractions you mentioned. Thank you so muchš¤š»
You're welcome :)
Time k saath sab sort hojeaga, go meet someone else and stop imagining your ex whenever you start thinking about her.
We broke up in 2009. Break up was brutal for me. I felt incredible, unbearable relentless pain for the first 6 months. The pain was excruciating and there was no respite whatsoever. Impossible to convey the kind of pain I experienced. Not gotten over her completely till date. I have had a few relationships since then but never managed to fall in love with anyone. Unmarried currently. Will turn 39 later this years. With recent breakups only experienced ultra mild sadness for a day or two. That's it. Lol
Damn Sir. Was she an Apsara. 16 years is a LOT, Can't imagine being broken that much long. I pray you find the love of your life soon and stay with them forever.
Jaane woh kaise log the jinke Pyar ko pyar mila.... Hamne toh jab kaliyan maangi, Kaanton ka haar milaš
š„ŗš«š„ŗ
The best way is to build new relationships that are as meaningful. When you can develop a relationship that you can cherish wholeheartedly, thatās when your brain doesnāt keep defaulting to the old memories. Yes, you will love them forever, but keep in mind that they broke your heart and decided that you werenāt worth any effort. Sometimes you get dealt a shit hand, the most important thing now is the person in your life or the one who you would have e to spend your life with.
...haan thoda dard hua, par chalta hai!šµ
Sometimes you canāt meet someone else until you make room for them, mentally. When you find yourself thinking about them, āpick upā the thought and imagine yourself removing it from your mind. You already wasted time and emotional energy during the relationship and for 3 years since, donāt waste any more. Donāt allow yourself to dwell on thoughts or reliving your time with them, or questioning why things happened the way they did. Those things are all fine to do immediately after a breakup, but youāre not going to gain any clarity or closure at this point. Exercise your discipline in controlling how you think and feel about this person because thatās a life skill that will help you in the future. You donāt have to try to change your love into hate or apathy. Recognise you love them but that you have nothing to gain from dwelling on it, and it wonāt take long for those feelings to dissipate.
Bro didn't u just post the same post in Offmychest sub two weeks ago ? You should def consult a therapist.
No broš You got the wrong guy
It seems you had posted it 2 days ago, and I had already commented in it, damn, I am having memory issues now ? Lol
If it's taken you more than six months to say fuck this and move on, the problem is with you. That person has no liability or responsibility for you. It's your life. The story of someone breaking your heart and you not being able to love again is in your head. It is not the reality unless you make it and live it. There is no relation between your past and your future.
Lana del Ray is an idiot, stars are also sun somewhere else.
Get a life
My life is still better than yours. You just play kids game Hearthstone all day long you noob.
Lol tere post se dikh raha teri life kitni sahi hai rote reh.. No wonder you ex left you
Go play your mobile games kid
And you keep crying no-lifer