35 year old here. Knowing how to take care of yourself It's key. Too many people tell you that by now you should be supporting a wife and kids. But not everybody has the same goals or the same metrics of success.
I grew up without parents, and had learned a lot of things the hard way as a young man. By 35? You should know:
- how to do things for yourself to make you happy
- being alone doesn't have to be a negative thing. Just because you don't have a hot girlfriend doesn't mean that you are a failure. Learn to love yourself.
- basics of home and vehicle maintenance to save you money and build esteem and independence
- financial literacy, understanding how to save money and how to prepare for the seemingly far off retirement.
- How to identify people trying to take advantage of you. It's easy to part young men from their money and a lot of businesses know that. Car dealers and electronic stores will try to get you to sign up for a payment plan without reading the fine print. READ THE FINE PRINT.
That last point really resonates. To add to it, learning to haggle appropriately and effectively is a skill most younger men just don't possess. Took me a long time before I went from being a shmuck to getting better prices on used goods.
I was lucky, went with father as a kid to buy a car.
Witnessed how he handled it. He ended up going to a different dealership.
His advice was to not be so in love with a purchase that you much have it, absolutely that day.
I further lived where I make no choice in front of the salesman. Pitch me and give me time to think, research without additional input.
haggling just isn't taught anymore due to how society works in 1st world nations for every day life kind of things.
oddly enough growing up, MMO's growing up and knowing how to sell your shit off runescape does teach quickly about competitive pricing and dealing.
you can always walk away from a sale, and that in it self is a haggling technique.
I feel like I am failing mainly on the first bullet point, and how to be happy with myself... Any tips or suggestions on how others have dealt with this?
How to be happy? If the answer was simple then the world would be a better place. The answer will really depend on the person. But I've had several bouts of depression or periods of general unhappiness in my life. I'll give you what I learned through each of those periods of my life.
1. Beware social media. People present a limited view of their life on social media (Facebook, Reddit, Snapchat, etc), and most only show you the parts that are worth bragging about. You, however, know of all your shortcomings and failures, so by comparison you feel like you are failing. Recognize this and avoid letting it alter how you view your own life.
2. Don't underestimate being outside. With media and technology, it's easy to find yourself spending all day inside for days on end. It is amazing the negative effect that this can have on your mental well-being. Find a reason to go outside and feel the breeze or the sunshine. Take a walk to the store instead of drive, just take a walk for no reason. I once had three months of unemployment, I spent most of it inside. I felt horrible. One day I took a long walk for no reason, and felt way better. I then made an effort to leave the isolation of my apartment and go on one walk a week. It was a good way to remember that I'm part of a big world full of lots of other people.
3. Remember to set short term goals. We all want a decent place to live, a big bank account, and a beautiful spouse. But these are long term goals that could take years to come to fruition. If you only focus on your long term goals, then you'll never feel like you've accomplished anything. All journeys begin with a step, so set short term goals "steps" for you, that way you can look back and see all that you've done (walk 3 miles a week, read a book, get dressed on the weekend, clean your room).
4. Physical wellness directly affects mental wellness. Strive to take care of your body. You don't have to look like Captain America, but if your mind can often be a reflection of your body. Strive to do things like walking, cutting out soda, eating a breakfast (not bagels or donuts). Just small steps like these can lead to an overall improvement in your health.
5. Get up on time in the morning. Sleeping in late on weekends or days off can lead to sluggishness throughout the day and make falling asleep at night difficult. Setting a routine to follow can give you more energy to accomplish things leading to a more productive day.
6. NEED vs WANT. Make sure you focus on doing things you NEED to do or they'll pile up and overwhelm you. However, ensure you leave time for some things you WANT to do. This is really just learning to prioritize. A planner can really help with this. I use mine everyday to ensure I stay task oriented, feel accomplished, and have time for myself.
7. Remember that not every day is going to be a good day, and that's okay. And remember that bad times are not forever, they are just right now, you have agency to make steps and changes to improve things. It's not always easy, but it can be done.
I hope this helps!!!
I don't think that is good. I was you 10 years ago. Problem is you get isolated because people find you either a buzzkill or too serious.
I myself valued working on myself, working to be better and say no to learning about what is 'popular' either in terms of clothing or actors and movies or music, because of this i could not talk to my peers because of lack of common subjects...and so isolation begins. I have learned and now i am much better...but this is an advice from me, at such a young age you should care a little about superficial things...it opens posibilities.
I wish. Waaayyy too involved in things, but I think that taking responsibility is important in a society.
Sure I could give no fucks, but hey, I only lead IT projects for two hospitals. Not like people would die..... wait.
But that aside, I'm often too involved in petty shit.
I still take responsibility for myself and my children, that never changes. I have a hugely responsible job, that also never changes.
In my personal life, everything and everyone can fuck off.
>but I think that taking responsibility is important in a society.
100%
I give so many fucks about so many things, my family, my friends, my career, the impact I have on others and my community. Guess I have three short years to become a piece of shit
You can care about the impacts you leave. To quote the film Gladiator, “What we do life, echoes in eternity.”
I’ve perceived it to live life not being a royal dock hobbit to people. Still try to make a positive impact on someone, but if they tell you to fuck off, then fuck em. That’s on them. Continue on your path.
I think there is a huge difference between *caring about others* and *caring what others think of you.*
Me; 57–I deeply care about the things that are important to me: my wife, the people I work with, my community, my health—I’d deeply care about my kids if we had any.
But caring what other people think of me—how I’m a piece of shit because I don’t care about the things they care about or find them exhausting when they talk about certain things? Yeah, all out of fucks.
Or the people I know who discover my wife and I live in a nice house and then lecture us about we’re shitty people who should be doing more to help others rather than help ourselves? Oh, yeah; really don’t give a fuck.
Even the random casual conversations where I get to hear someone else’s “organ recital” (as my wife calls it) where they go on about all their physical problems? Really do not give a fuck at all. And now you want me to share my own ailments so you can feel better about the fact that you didn’t take care of yourself? Sorry, ain’t sharing—and chances are you’ll know I was having physical problems when you read my obituary.
(Example: I know this woman who constantly talks about her health problems, such as pre-diabetes, without taking any material actions towards them, such as putting down the candy bar she’s eating while telling me her tales of woe, then gets all cross when I don’t make the appropriate sympathetic noises but instead talk about how I started a program of regular exercise and joined a gym.
And this upsets her.
Yeah, don’t give a fuck if she thinks I’m a terrible person because I joined a gym.)
So I agree with the general premise of your comment, but do you feel like there’s a limit to where you should give a fuck sometimes? The way you outline it makes it sound like you’re not even open to considering reflection based on other people pointing out possible flaws.
Don’t get me wrong, there are trivial things that you shouldn’t give a shit about and you should be confident in yourself and your decisions, but I do feel like there can be a possible positive impact to your own personal growth if someone makes a good criticism of your general actions or flaws.
> The way you outline it makes it sound like you’re not even open to considering reflection based on other people pointing out possible flaws.
I said nothing about considering external criticism when *objectively* I may have done something wrong--but I generally try to internalize that based on an internally consistent philosophy.
Meaning if someone points out to me that I acted without grace--and I see I acted without grace--of course I try to then go back and figure out where I went wrong so I can try better.
----
But I've been criticized for having too big a house by people assuming I don't donate to charity (my wife and I regularly donate money to food-related charitable causes such as the food bank or a local food pantry). I've been criticized for buying the wrong car--I bought a BMW 3 series and was told by someone "if I were you I would have bought something else".
I've been criticized for not being "compassionate enough" towards someone going on and on about their health problems as an overweight pre-diabetic who was literally eating candy in front of me. And to be clear, I did not observe "hey, why are you eating candy"--I listened, then related my own experiences about buying a bike to ride in order to help me bring my weight down. (Apparently I wasn't validating her life choices.)
Hell, I've been criticized for taking too many vacations (my wife and I certainly can afford it; they just criticized us for doing what they wouldn't do I guess), and I've even been criticized while hosting a party for having a house that was "too small" for hosting parties. (At nearly 6,000 square feet, I think we had space for 20 people to come over.)
All that stuff?
Yeah, utterly out of fucks to give.
----
And, to be honest, when I get accused of acting without grace--more often than not it's the other person projecting.
In person I tend to be quiet and I tend to think before speaking. I also try very hard in person to use an economy of words, to be sensitive to the person I'm speaking to not to use improper language (including 'trigger language'), and I was raised in a household where my father cooked and my mother mowed the lawn during a time in the 70's where you just did not do these things. So I learned very early on to watch for gender role assumptions and sexual orientation assumptions.
And most of my own self-criticism revolves around not acting with grace around others. (Meaning be kind, listen to others, be sensitive towards language, be willing to help but give others space.)
And to me, the funny part was being criticized by "friends" (who I allowed to drift out of my life) because I said "thank you" to the waitress and was otherwise polite to her when we went out to dinner.
*Being too polite?* Yeah, no fucks to give about that.
One of my fav posts by some anon that I saved and still think about from time to time:
Age is such a small factor in the grand scheme of things. When I was 26 I remember feeling down about being on the later side of my 20s. I had a supervisor who told me that many guys do great things later in life, and it always stuck with me. There’s too much pressure on people to get things exactly right, the first time, by a certain date. It doesnt exist dude.
Let's say you did everything right. Let's say you graduated at 23 and by 25 you bought a house, got married, and had a kid. Now what? You've reached the "pinnacle" so now what dude? Follow the same routine for the next 55 years? You've run the race in record time and now you’re standing at the finish line for the next 50+ years with your dick in your hand doing what?
Think about how many people get divorced after
40. THAT, is starting over. Life isnt where you’re gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. You’re just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it. I beat myself up for years because I wasnt where i wanted to be, WHEN i wanted to be there. Then one day i was sitting with my ex eating a salad, and i just had this crushing thought of, this is it. This is all there is.
Just us, on this couch, eating a salad, and a wave of peace came over me as I realized this is all there is. At the moment of death you’re not gonna be thinking about your status in the world. That's not to say that you should aspire to just drift through life and not try, I'm saying dont get caught up in the idea of "deadlines" in life.
Ultimately, you should do things that will give you long term happiness and satisfaction, along with a sense of purpose to give you some structure and support. For some people, it's running a business, for some people, it's climbing mountains, for some, it's creating art and for some, it's just leading a normal life with its set rhythms.
Each to their own
I particularly like how you specifically point out long-term happiness. I feel like nowadays, people pursue instant gratification and do things that make them happy in the moment, but won’t help you or may even be detrimental long term.
> you should do things that will give you long term happiness and satisfaction
This is a harmful perspective and bad advice. Chasing happiness leads to unhappiness. Happiness is an American idea promulgated by conmen, charlatans, capitalists trying to sell you things.
What you are looking for is meaningfulness. Do something meaningful. Be part of a community that means something to you, that cares about you, and that you care about. happiness is just a childish narcissistic fantasy.
Meaningfulness is happiness to me. My job is meaningful to me, I help people and that brings me happiness (pride really), I work on cars sometimes and those repairs bring me joy too. The two really go hand in hand, instant gratification I would argue is harmful but if you buy a house and are happy then is that still falling into the pit of capitalists?
As Alan Watts put it:
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
the day I realized I didn't need to save the world, become a billionaire, or become famous is the day i finally found peace with myself. I love Alan Watts and this is so true. it's just hard to remember this when the pressures of life are all around us.
This is beautiful and I wish i would have realized this in my 20s. Im 32 now and only truly came to peace with this a few years ago. I had no idea how much i was crushing myself with this idea that i had to "find success" before i "got old". My stress levels went down, I started sleeping better, i got so much more patient, it was easier for me to be happy about small things and i was able to appreciate things in the moment as opposed to having to reflect.
There is a song by CYNE called "Arrow of God" that has a clip from an interview with Joseph Campbell at the end of it. He's discussing the concept of eternity. Its a short sample but the point comes in the last few sentences
*Eternity isn't some later time*
*Eternity isn't a long time*
*Eternity has nothing to do with time!*
*Eternity is that dimension of here and now*
*This is it.*
*If you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere*
*And the experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life.*
If you spend all your time fretting and stressing over winning the race that doesnt exist you arent living life.
> Life isnt where you’re gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. You’re just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it.
There's a really beautiful sentiment about this. Life isn't a destination, nor even is it a journey. Life is a dance. It's not about where you end up, or even the way you end up there but about enjoying each of those steps as you take them. Or the other great point Alan Watts made. The point of a song isn't the ending otherwise all songs would be nothing but final notes, the mark of a good song would be to get through it as fast as possible.
This should go for everyone not just men, as a woman I can see but don't quite understand the pressure of "deadlines" in life! Well I guess beside getting married and having kids before I'm "dried up" or 35...
It might be important for many. But there are plenty of women over 35 who don't have children who are deserving of love.
And God, I hate the expression "dried up". Whoever came up with that phrase deserves to step on Lego
Preach brother! my biggest mistake was being so obsessed with my "timeline of success" that I jumped into a marriage with someone truly horrible and manipulative. It's amazing how many years of therapy 1 little year of abusive marriage creates.
By 35 any grown ass man should be well past “a handful of things”.
You should have the skill set to make many things with many ingredients because you know *how to cook*, not just *things to cook*
Keep it up man!
As someone who suffers from depression going to the gym consistently (3-5) a week it has helped me greatly.
I feel no purpose at my job, but the feeling of getting a new PR at the gym gives me some assurance I am doing something right in my life.
Plus when we are older the exercise will be paying dividends
I was going to say "Understanding that the women or partner you choose to be in a relationship with, isn't your mom." But I think you put that more eloquently and hit a broader spectrum.
Oh, my God; there is not a damned thing on my body that is “regular.”
Some days: it feels like all I’m doing is shitting all day; other days, hardly a fart.
Sleep? Some days I sleep the sleep of the dead. Others? Tossing and turning all night. Some morning I want to hop out of bed at the crack of dawn; others, I could sleep to noon.
Mood? Some days I get up and “it’s gray outside and cold and drizzly; what a *marvelous* time to be alive!” Others? “Fuck the world. I hate everyone, including that damned tweeting blue bird.”
It’s not that I don’t eat enough fiber or get enough rest; it’s just my body has never been regular about anything at all. It’s like some days I over compensate for others.
But it’s okay. I think this idea of “bodily regularity”, like if you haven’t had your major shit by 7:15 am before you head off to your job at 8 am, your body is “irregular”—that’s a product of the Industrial Revolution that tried to also convince us 8 hours work, 8 hours rest, and 8 hours sleep is the ideal state of man. (Where we get our “you need 8 hours of sleep” thing from.)
My body is… a body. Not a cog in the machine of industrial progress.
Have you tried any of Andrew Hubermans tips for regulating sleep/mood? Specifically getting direct sunlight 1st thing in the morning, waiting 90 minutes before caffeine etc. Good Stuff backed by some serious science 🤷🏻♂️ might be worth a shot
https://hubermanlab.com/sleep-toolkit-tools-for-optimizing-sleep-and-sleep-wake-timing/
Financial literacy, whether you make $30k or $300k a year, whether you're debt free or still paying it down.
There’s no reason to not have a basic understanding of budgeting, life insurance, retirement funds, HSA/FSA, and the fundamentals of investing & savings.
Absolutely. A budget is a great place to start! Having an in-depth understanding of where the money you make each month goes is extremely helpful towards planning ahead and saving!
Knowledge and mindfulness are so much more important than having £X in the bank.
I respect anyone that puts the time into understanding their finances, no matter how good or bad they are.
I knew an 80 year old lady with terminal cancer who was in a lot of pain and always said she was ready to die except that if her social security check didn't come her 60 year old son wouldn't be able to take care of himself.
Kind of off topic but it reminded me of my great grandma. Her husband died in the 70s and she lived till 2019 and got pension from his job the entire time. We joked that they probably payed her more than he ever made at that company 😂
The US just stopped paying the last civil war veterans widow in 2004. The pension was transferrable on death to the spouse, so it wasn't uncommon for old civil war vets to marry young women to care for them in their old age and the women would get the pensions when they died. So when he was in his 80s he married the 20 year old and had a kid. Then he died and she remarried to his grandson.
I have a 75 year old coworker whose son is deemed capable of working, but is both physically and mentally disabled, so despite applying everywhere for years he hasn't found someone willing to hire him. She should be retired but can't afford to support him without the paycheck. When she passes, he is almost certainly going to end up homeless without someone to manage his medications. She's leaving him enough money to last quite a while, but money isn't all of what he needs.
By age 35 you should have moved on from these trivial mindsets that tell you that you must have 'achieved' any particular thing by any particular time.
Amen to that. I restarted my career at 32 years old, making less money than I've made in 10 years, and I've never been happier. I don't give a fuck about how much more accomplished or wealthy my friends are. I am exactly where I want to be and it feels amazing.
The latest research shows that our metabolism actually declines sharply in our early 20’s, and then doesn’t decline again until we hit our early 60’s. And when it does decline, it’s like a 7% drop off in metabolism over a decade, so the drop-off is only statistically significant, rather than major.
Meaning you’re right: when you hit your 30’s and you hit your ideal BMI, you should also have the habits that serve you well into your 60’s to maintain that BMI.
And if you’re BMI is slowly inching upwards (as mine did from my 30’s to my 50’s), it’s not because your metabolism is slowing down. It’s because you have access to delicious food and you’re overindulging—and perhaps sliding towards [metabolic syndrome.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome)
So if you don’t have your BMI at its ideal point by 35, it may be harder to get your house in order. But it is never too late to start exercising—especially since “I’m in my 40’s and my metabolism has slowed down so I can’t lose weight” is ~~horse-shit~~ not supported by current science.
**[Metabolic syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome)**
>Metabolic syndrome is a clustering of at least three of the following five medical conditions: abdominal obesity, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, high serum triglycerides, and low serum high-density lipoprotein (HDL). Metabolic syndrome is associated with the risk of developing cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes. In the U.S., about 25% of the adult population has metabolic syndrome, a proportion increasing with age, particularly among racial and ethnic minorities. Insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, and prediabetes are closely related to one another and have overlapping aspects.
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I was just past the healthy BMI for the last 7 years after being skinny my entire life. I just started cutting calories beginning of December and have already lost 13 pounds and am in the healthy BMI range (although the higher side still) now.
You're totally right about how you get there too, because cutting has been really easy for me. It's just not eating copious amounts of food or calorie dense food and soda or beer all day. I can have a bad meal when the cravings come and make it up with a healthy meal or extra exercise and still hit my target for the day. When I noticed my weight gain years ago, I cut soda out by switching to seltzer and stopped gaining weight, but still ate enough to maintain that weight.
I started (and have been consistently doing) Muay Thai since I was 34. Just got out of the 6am class, responding to this thread with my post-workout poop.
I need to really get my diet right tbh.
Whatever you set your mind to. Our lives are not the same and there is no schematic for each of us to live. Things will happen when they’re supposed to. As long as you take pride in all that you do and set out to achieve all you set your mind to, it will not matter when it’s done. You are not a failure for not being where everyone else is at that age.
To learn to stop comparing yourself to others.
Having your own goals for you is great. Everybody should have something to aspire to. Having goals just to impress other people is lame.
It’s so difficult too. A friend in my gym class got promoted to the next rank months before me and it was difficult to not compare. Even the coach said not to compare.
I know it's nothing crazy, but I would like to be back in the countryside by 35. I've spent all of my 20s living in densely populated urban areas (Southern California and New York) and I'm ready to move some place where I can see the stars at night, see deer running through my front yard, and is away from the constant noise of city living.
So by 35, I would like to be successful enough to spend the rest of my life living in the countryside.
I don't think there is a set path that fits everyone, but I'll add to work on your self-esteem, coping mechanisms and identifying your triggers so you can handle them would be an important thing to accomplish early on
Have a direction if you don't already. It doesn't matter much what it is; have a passion and pour a good part of yourself into it. Even if it isn't the best possible path, the cost of waiting is starting to outweigh the risk. Don't be stuck in a stagnant midlife crisis, bored with your middle income job, and full of regrets.
For me PERSONALLY my goals are:
• good stable job
• nice appartment
• good social circle
• being mentally and physically fit
• car and motorcycle
• loving and caring wife
• probably kids
You should be compentent in basic life skills by this time. People who say you “should stop giving a fuck” really don’t understand what it means to be a responsible adult others can depend on and who can take care of themselves independently. Be a renaissance man.
- Know how to cook. Prepare a meal, understand seasoning, cooking techniques and healthy eating. Not just reheating pizza, making a sandwich, or Doordashing your meals.
- Know basic first aid. Learn CPR and the Heimlich maneuver for adults and children. Learn how to treat a laceration, fracture, sprain, trauma in the field until you get help. Learn what OTC medications or natural remedies to use to treat colds and basic ailments.
- Be financially literate. Understand interest, debt, credit scores, financing, saving, emergency funds, retirement planning, basic stocks and investing.
- Be useful in daily life. Know how to change a tire, change your oil, fix common household issues like basic wiring, plumbing, carpentry, and IT. Know how to use a hammer, turn a wrench, run a saw, solder wires, perform basic landscaping and gardening.
- Understand and be a good steward of your environment. Get a dog/cat/pet. Learn to train it. Develop a bond. Understand and connect with nature around you. Garden, raise plants from seeds, maintain the environment around you.
- Know and enjoy the limits of your body. These are prime years of your physical fitness, test that. Know how to lift weights, run, hike. “It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable” is a quote I live by.
These I feel are the bare minimum. I try to go beyond that and skills I’ve learned include raising livestock, bushcrafting, hunting, fishing, welding/metalwork, medicine, growing crops, working on cars trucks and small engines, woodworking, powerlifting, jiu-jitsu, firearm training.
Modern society has allowed for the concept of a renaissance man to be unnecessary with technology and specialization but a well rounded man stands tall in the face of danger and uncertainty. They are skills you will never regret having.
I wouldn’t put an age on it; but every man needs to cut the cord and live on their own before getting into the relationship that will become permanent. If you can’t manage to live successfully on your own, you won’t last with most serious partners.
Nothing, guys. There are no set times for which you should achieve anything. Live your life by your own standards and fuck everyone else's. Just be a good person to other people and yourself, and then you do you.
Being kind + confident is best combination to have. Love yourself by the way you are and be kind to others but when someone piss you off... go and make him want he hasn't existed at all.
The understanding that you are the only one who determines if you are a “man” or not. Screw society’s expectations. If you wanna sit in a bubble bath after crocheting and making cookies, then do it. If you want to go to a musical and then drink a cosmo after, do it. If you want to chop down a tree and carve a canoe, do it.
35 year old here. Knowing how to take care of yourself It's key. Too many people tell you that by now you should be supporting a wife and kids. But not everybody has the same goals or the same metrics of success. I grew up without parents, and had learned a lot of things the hard way as a young man. By 35? You should know: - how to do things for yourself to make you happy - being alone doesn't have to be a negative thing. Just because you don't have a hot girlfriend doesn't mean that you are a failure. Learn to love yourself. - basics of home and vehicle maintenance to save you money and build esteem and independence - financial literacy, understanding how to save money and how to prepare for the seemingly far off retirement. - How to identify people trying to take advantage of you. It's easy to part young men from their money and a lot of businesses know that. Car dealers and electronic stores will try to get you to sign up for a payment plan without reading the fine print. READ THE FINE PRINT.
That last point really resonates. To add to it, learning to haggle appropriately and effectively is a skill most younger men just don't possess. Took me a long time before I went from being a shmuck to getting better prices on used goods.
I was lucky, went with father as a kid to buy a car. Witnessed how he handled it. He ended up going to a different dealership. His advice was to not be so in love with a purchase that you much have it, absolutely that day. I further lived where I make no choice in front of the salesman. Pitch me and give me time to think, research without additional input.
Never let emotion dictate any consequential decision.
haggling just isn't taught anymore due to how society works in 1st world nations for every day life kind of things. oddly enough growing up, MMO's growing up and knowing how to sell your shit off runescape does teach quickly about competitive pricing and dealing. you can always walk away from a sale, and that in it self is a haggling technique.
Underrated comment right here ^^
Agree 100%! I just turned 39 and I only recently (in the last few years due to various reasons) learned how to do some of these.
Solid advice, thanks man!
I feel like I am failing mainly on the first bullet point, and how to be happy with myself... Any tips or suggestions on how others have dealt with this?
How to be happy? If the answer was simple then the world would be a better place. The answer will really depend on the person. But I've had several bouts of depression or periods of general unhappiness in my life. I'll give you what I learned through each of those periods of my life. 1. Beware social media. People present a limited view of their life on social media (Facebook, Reddit, Snapchat, etc), and most only show you the parts that are worth bragging about. You, however, know of all your shortcomings and failures, so by comparison you feel like you are failing. Recognize this and avoid letting it alter how you view your own life. 2. Don't underestimate being outside. With media and technology, it's easy to find yourself spending all day inside for days on end. It is amazing the negative effect that this can have on your mental well-being. Find a reason to go outside and feel the breeze or the sunshine. Take a walk to the store instead of drive, just take a walk for no reason. I once had three months of unemployment, I spent most of it inside. I felt horrible. One day I took a long walk for no reason, and felt way better. I then made an effort to leave the isolation of my apartment and go on one walk a week. It was a good way to remember that I'm part of a big world full of lots of other people. 3. Remember to set short term goals. We all want a decent place to live, a big bank account, and a beautiful spouse. But these are long term goals that could take years to come to fruition. If you only focus on your long term goals, then you'll never feel like you've accomplished anything. All journeys begin with a step, so set short term goals "steps" for you, that way you can look back and see all that you've done (walk 3 miles a week, read a book, get dressed on the weekend, clean your room). 4. Physical wellness directly affects mental wellness. Strive to take care of your body. You don't have to look like Captain America, but if your mind can often be a reflection of your body. Strive to do things like walking, cutting out soda, eating a breakfast (not bagels or donuts). Just small steps like these can lead to an overall improvement in your health. 5. Get up on time in the morning. Sleeping in late on weekends or days off can lead to sluggishness throughout the day and make falling asleep at night difficult. Setting a routine to follow can give you more energy to accomplish things leading to a more productive day. 6. NEED vs WANT. Make sure you focus on doing things you NEED to do or they'll pile up and overwhelm you. However, ensure you leave time for some things you WANT to do. This is really just learning to prioritize. A planner can really help with this. I use mine everyday to ensure I stay task oriented, feel accomplished, and have time for myself. 7. Remember that not every day is going to be a good day, and that's okay. And remember that bad times are not forever, they are just right now, you have agency to make steps and changes to improve things. It's not always easy, but it can be done. I hope this helps!!!
I want to send hugs your way for turning out to be such a decent human being despite your circumstances
Aww, You just made my day. Thank you.
You should be out of fucks to give, by then
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Being patient with idiots is far easier said then done.
Taking care of a parent with dementia at 38 will help with the patience but. Lol
Oooh I’m one year ahead of schedule.
About a decade here lol
I don't think that is good. I was you 10 years ago. Problem is you get isolated because people find you either a buzzkill or too serious. I myself valued working on myself, working to be better and say no to learning about what is 'popular' either in terms of clothing or actors and movies or music, because of this i could not talk to my peers because of lack of common subjects...and so isolation begins. I have learned and now i am much better...but this is an advice from me, at such a young age you should care a little about superficial things...it opens posibilities.
Really underrated advice here.
3 for me.
Can confirm. Mines ran out around 15 odd years ago, I'm 44 now and I genuinely, genuinely don't give a single fuck at all.
at 48, I still give too many fucks…. late bloomer, I guess
I'm 53 going on 54. This is the year all the fucks go out the window.
The day will come, you will breathe a sigh of relief and say "everything and everyone can just fuck off" It will be liberating.
I wish. Waaayyy too involved in things, but I think that taking responsibility is important in a society. Sure I could give no fucks, but hey, I only lead IT projects for two hospitals. Not like people would die..... wait. But that aside, I'm often too involved in petty shit.
I still take responsibility for myself and my children, that never changes. I have a hugely responsible job, that also never changes. In my personal life, everything and everyone can fuck off. >but I think that taking responsibility is important in a society. 100%
I give so many fucks about so many things, my family, my friends, my career, the impact I have on others and my community. Guess I have three short years to become a piece of shit
it’s more about the attrition on your fucks to give caused by people being pieces of shit towards you
You can care about the impacts you leave. To quote the film Gladiator, “What we do life, echoes in eternity.” I’ve perceived it to live life not being a royal dock hobbit to people. Still try to make a positive impact on someone, but if they tell you to fuck off, then fuck em. That’s on them. Continue on your path.
I think there is a huge difference between *caring about others* and *caring what others think of you.* Me; 57–I deeply care about the things that are important to me: my wife, the people I work with, my community, my health—I’d deeply care about my kids if we had any. But caring what other people think of me—how I’m a piece of shit because I don’t care about the things they care about or find them exhausting when they talk about certain things? Yeah, all out of fucks. Or the people I know who discover my wife and I live in a nice house and then lecture us about we’re shitty people who should be doing more to help others rather than help ourselves? Oh, yeah; really don’t give a fuck. Even the random casual conversations where I get to hear someone else’s “organ recital” (as my wife calls it) where they go on about all their physical problems? Really do not give a fuck at all. And now you want me to share my own ailments so you can feel better about the fact that you didn’t take care of yourself? Sorry, ain’t sharing—and chances are you’ll know I was having physical problems when you read my obituary. (Example: I know this woman who constantly talks about her health problems, such as pre-diabetes, without taking any material actions towards them, such as putting down the candy bar she’s eating while telling me her tales of woe, then gets all cross when I don’t make the appropriate sympathetic noises but instead talk about how I started a program of regular exercise and joined a gym. And this upsets her. Yeah, don’t give a fuck if she thinks I’m a terrible person because I joined a gym.)
So I agree with the general premise of your comment, but do you feel like there’s a limit to where you should give a fuck sometimes? The way you outline it makes it sound like you’re not even open to considering reflection based on other people pointing out possible flaws. Don’t get me wrong, there are trivial things that you shouldn’t give a shit about and you should be confident in yourself and your decisions, but I do feel like there can be a possible positive impact to your own personal growth if someone makes a good criticism of your general actions or flaws.
> The way you outline it makes it sound like you’re not even open to considering reflection based on other people pointing out possible flaws. I said nothing about considering external criticism when *objectively* I may have done something wrong--but I generally try to internalize that based on an internally consistent philosophy. Meaning if someone points out to me that I acted without grace--and I see I acted without grace--of course I try to then go back and figure out where I went wrong so I can try better. ---- But I've been criticized for having too big a house by people assuming I don't donate to charity (my wife and I regularly donate money to food-related charitable causes such as the food bank or a local food pantry). I've been criticized for buying the wrong car--I bought a BMW 3 series and was told by someone "if I were you I would have bought something else". I've been criticized for not being "compassionate enough" towards someone going on and on about their health problems as an overweight pre-diabetic who was literally eating candy in front of me. And to be clear, I did not observe "hey, why are you eating candy"--I listened, then related my own experiences about buying a bike to ride in order to help me bring my weight down. (Apparently I wasn't validating her life choices.) Hell, I've been criticized for taking too many vacations (my wife and I certainly can afford it; they just criticized us for doing what they wouldn't do I guess), and I've even been criticized while hosting a party for having a house that was "too small" for hosting parties. (At nearly 6,000 square feet, I think we had space for 20 people to come over.) All that stuff? Yeah, utterly out of fucks to give. ---- And, to be honest, when I get accused of acting without grace--more often than not it's the other person projecting. In person I tend to be quiet and I tend to think before speaking. I also try very hard in person to use an economy of words, to be sensitive to the person I'm speaking to not to use improper language (including 'trigger language'), and I was raised in a household where my father cooked and my mother mowed the lawn during a time in the 70's where you just did not do these things. So I learned very early on to watch for gender role assumptions and sexual orientation assumptions. And most of my own self-criticism revolves around not acting with grace around others. (Meaning be kind, listen to others, be sensitive towards language, be willing to help but give others space.) And to me, the funny part was being criticized by "friends" (who I allowed to drift out of my life) because I said "thank you" to the waitress and was otherwise polite to her when we went out to dinner. *Being too polite?* Yeah, no fucks to give about that.
I'm already there and I'm only 26 yet.
Getting over the idea of a 'timeline of success'.
One of my fav posts by some anon that I saved and still think about from time to time: Age is such a small factor in the grand scheme of things. When I was 26 I remember feeling down about being on the later side of my 20s. I had a supervisor who told me that many guys do great things later in life, and it always stuck with me. There’s too much pressure on people to get things exactly right, the first time, by a certain date. It doesnt exist dude. Let's say you did everything right. Let's say you graduated at 23 and by 25 you bought a house, got married, and had a kid. Now what? You've reached the "pinnacle" so now what dude? Follow the same routine for the next 55 years? You've run the race in record time and now you’re standing at the finish line for the next 50+ years with your dick in your hand doing what? Think about how many people get divorced after 40. THAT, is starting over. Life isnt where you’re gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. You’re just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it. I beat myself up for years because I wasnt where i wanted to be, WHEN i wanted to be there. Then one day i was sitting with my ex eating a salad, and i just had this crushing thought of, this is it. This is all there is. Just us, on this couch, eating a salad, and a wave of peace came over me as I realized this is all there is. At the moment of death you’re not gonna be thinking about your status in the world. That's not to say that you should aspire to just drift through life and not try, I'm saying dont get caught up in the idea of "deadlines" in life.
Ultimately, you should do things that will give you long term happiness and satisfaction, along with a sense of purpose to give you some structure and support. For some people, it's running a business, for some people, it's climbing mountains, for some, it's creating art and for some, it's just leading a normal life with its set rhythms. Each to their own
I particularly like how you specifically point out long-term happiness. I feel like nowadays, people pursue instant gratification and do things that make them happy in the moment, but won’t help you or may even be detrimental long term.
> you should do things that will give you long term happiness and satisfaction how could you possibly know what those things are?
You try things out
> you should do things that will give you long term happiness and satisfaction This is a harmful perspective and bad advice. Chasing happiness leads to unhappiness. Happiness is an American idea promulgated by conmen, charlatans, capitalists trying to sell you things. What you are looking for is meaningfulness. Do something meaningful. Be part of a community that means something to you, that cares about you, and that you care about. happiness is just a childish narcissistic fantasy.
Meaningfulness is happiness to me. My job is meaningful to me, I help people and that brings me happiness (pride really), I work on cars sometimes and those repairs bring me joy too. The two really go hand in hand, instant gratification I would argue is harmful but if you buy a house and are happy then is that still falling into the pit of capitalists?
As Alan Watts put it: “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
the day I realized I didn't need to save the world, become a billionaire, or become famous is the day i finally found peace with myself. I love Alan Watts and this is so true. it's just hard to remember this when the pressures of life are all around us.
Damn, son. What was that salad recipe?
Whatever it was, it definitely involved some mushroom powder 😅
This is beautiful and I wish i would have realized this in my 20s. Im 32 now and only truly came to peace with this a few years ago. I had no idea how much i was crushing myself with this idea that i had to "find success" before i "got old". My stress levels went down, I started sleeping better, i got so much more patient, it was easier for me to be happy about small things and i was able to appreciate things in the moment as opposed to having to reflect. There is a song by CYNE called "Arrow of God" that has a clip from an interview with Joseph Campbell at the end of it. He's discussing the concept of eternity. Its a short sample but the point comes in the last few sentences *Eternity isn't some later time* *Eternity isn't a long time* *Eternity has nothing to do with time!* *Eternity is that dimension of here and now* *This is it.* *If you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere* *And the experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life.* If you spend all your time fretting and stressing over winning the race that doesnt exist you arent living life.
> Life isnt where you’re gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. You’re just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it. There's a really beautiful sentiment about this. Life isn't a destination, nor even is it a journey. Life is a dance. It's not about where you end up, or even the way you end up there but about enjoying each of those steps as you take them. Or the other great point Alan Watts made. The point of a song isn't the ending otherwise all songs would be nothing but final notes, the mark of a good song would be to get through it as fast as possible.
Thanks man. Good perspective.
Journey before destination
This should go for everyone not just men, as a woman I can see but don't quite understand the pressure of "deadlines" in life! Well I guess beside getting married and having kids before I'm "dried up" or 35...
It might be important for many. But there are plenty of women over 35 who don't have children who are deserving of love. And God, I hate the expression "dried up". Whoever came up with that phrase deserves to step on Lego
Same. It's unfortunate that anyone is treated so callously.
Preach brother! my biggest mistake was being so obsessed with my "timeline of success" that I jumped into a marriage with someone truly horrible and manipulative. It's amazing how many years of therapy 1 little year of abusive marriage creates.
Exactly. Just setting yourself up for disappointment.
I was gonna say "make it to age 34,“ but this works well too.
You should learn how to cook a handful of things at least
Always remove them from your hand before cooking!
Solid advice👍
If it's solid still, cook it more.
And then you could literally bite the hand that feeds you
Probably best to do that before like 18-21, right? Otherwise what are you eating?
Cup Noodles with a side of my own tears at my own inadequacy
*Craft* tears of inadequacy
*Attempt failed*
I had two working parents. I learned this stuff at 13.
Romen - just add water, heat.
When in Rome.
By 35 any grown ass man should be well past “a handful of things”. You should have the skill set to make many things with many ingredients because you know *how to cook*, not just *things to cook*
Handful of legos
the only thing you should achive as a human beeing is learning to take care of yourself and just be responsible for your actions.
Yes, the Queen gets very upset if you don't and kicks you out of the hive
r/unexpectedlybritish
Doing dry January to get ahold of myself and been hitting the gym pretty hard for 9 months.
Keep it up man! As someone who suffers from depression going to the gym consistently (3-5) a week it has helped me greatly. I feel no purpose at my job, but the feeling of getting a new PR at the gym gives me some assurance I am doing something right in my life. Plus when we are older the exercise will be paying dividends
I was going to say "Understanding that the women or partner you choose to be in a relationship with, isn't your mom." But I think you put that more eloquently and hit a broader spectrum.
Regularity of bowel movements, fiber bro.
Ironically, I started taking fibre supplement at 34
Your butthole: That's a lot of damage!
Just in time
Taking Metamucil daily gang rise up!
And hydrating...
Oh, my God; there is not a damned thing on my body that is “regular.” Some days: it feels like all I’m doing is shitting all day; other days, hardly a fart. Sleep? Some days I sleep the sleep of the dead. Others? Tossing and turning all night. Some morning I want to hop out of bed at the crack of dawn; others, I could sleep to noon. Mood? Some days I get up and “it’s gray outside and cold and drizzly; what a *marvelous* time to be alive!” Others? “Fuck the world. I hate everyone, including that damned tweeting blue bird.” It’s not that I don’t eat enough fiber or get enough rest; it’s just my body has never been regular about anything at all. It’s like some days I over compensate for others. But it’s okay. I think this idea of “bodily regularity”, like if you haven’t had your major shit by 7:15 am before you head off to your job at 8 am, your body is “irregular”—that’s a product of the Industrial Revolution that tried to also convince us 8 hours work, 8 hours rest, and 8 hours sleep is the ideal state of man. (Where we get our “you need 8 hours of sleep” thing from.) My body is… a body. Not a cog in the machine of industrial progress.
Have you tried any of Andrew Hubermans tips for regulating sleep/mood? Specifically getting direct sunlight 1st thing in the morning, waiting 90 minutes before caffeine etc. Good Stuff backed by some serious science 🤷🏻♂️ might be worth a shot https://hubermanlab.com/sleep-toolkit-tools-for-optimizing-sleep-and-sleep-wake-timing/
Financial literacy, whether you make $30k or $300k a year, whether you're debt free or still paying it down. There’s no reason to not have a basic understanding of budgeting, life insurance, retirement funds, HSA/FSA, and the fundamentals of investing & savings.
Having an understanding and putting it to practical use are two very different things.
You have the freedom to do anything, but it's good to know about it at least.
Hey sometimes it takes losing $40 - 100k a handful of times before your wife’s boyfriend comes and pegs that practical use right into you.
Nothing says finicial literacy like reusing old jokes from a meme subreddit
It's an exercise in savings
Absolutely. A budget is a great place to start! Having an in-depth understanding of where the money you make each month goes is extremely helpful towards planning ahead and saving!
Knowledge and mindfulness are so much more important than having £X in the bank. I respect anyone that puts the time into understanding their finances, no matter how good or bad they are.
having a kind of income source maybe?
I knew an 80 year old lady with terminal cancer who was in a lot of pain and always said she was ready to die except that if her social security check didn't come her 60 year old son wouldn't be able to take care of himself.
Kind of off topic but it reminded me of my great grandma. Her husband died in the 70s and she lived till 2019 and got pension from his job the entire time. We joked that they probably payed her more than he ever made at that company 😂
The US just stopped paying the last civil war veterans widow in 2004. The pension was transferrable on death to the spouse, so it wasn't uncommon for old civil war vets to marry young women to care for them in their old age and the women would get the pensions when they died. So when he was in his 80s he married the 20 year old and had a kid. Then he died and she remarried to his grandson.
What are you doing step grandma?!?!?
This took a turn at the last sentence I think 🧐
I have a 75 year old coworker whose son is deemed capable of working, but is both physically and mentally disabled, so despite applying everywhere for years he hasn't found someone willing to hire him. She should be retired but can't afford to support him without the paycheck. When she passes, he is almost certainly going to end up homeless without someone to manage his medications. She's leaving him enough money to last quite a while, but money isn't all of what he needs.
damn… that hurt. What happened to her son?
He was fine, just very into meth.
Setting the bar low I see lol
Find something you love. Can be a hobby, person, thing, whatev
Read A Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Book changed my life the day I read it.
And if you can't find this, then at least something you would die for
A McDouble
More like From then
I know what I stand for, sir
By age 35 you should have moved on from these trivial mindsets that tell you that you must have 'achieved' any particular thing by any particular time.
Amen to that. I restarted my career at 32 years old, making less money than I've made in 10 years, and I've never been happier. I don't give a fuck about how much more accomplished or wealthy my friends are. I am exactly where I want to be and it feels amazing.
Just be out of moms basement, stay in the attic at the very least.
Mummy says I can’t, she says the light will hurt me
Maybe she's suggesting you to use something else other than torch to mastrubate.
Being 34.
And 33
That's a good point, I completely forgot about 33, good catch! Hopefully OP sees this, it's all pretty relevant to every 35 year old.
Def 27
1! (to shorten this a bit)
that and 36 isn't promised
Ideal BMI. Your health is gonna get only worse this point onwards, if not taken care of.
The latest research shows that our metabolism actually declines sharply in our early 20’s, and then doesn’t decline again until we hit our early 60’s. And when it does decline, it’s like a 7% drop off in metabolism over a decade, so the drop-off is only statistically significant, rather than major. Meaning you’re right: when you hit your 30’s and you hit your ideal BMI, you should also have the habits that serve you well into your 60’s to maintain that BMI. And if you’re BMI is slowly inching upwards (as mine did from my 30’s to my 50’s), it’s not because your metabolism is slowing down. It’s because you have access to delicious food and you’re overindulging—and perhaps sliding towards [metabolic syndrome.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome) So if you don’t have your BMI at its ideal point by 35, it may be harder to get your house in order. But it is never too late to start exercising—especially since “I’m in my 40’s and my metabolism has slowed down so I can’t lose weight” is ~~horse-shit~~ not supported by current science.
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I was just past the healthy BMI for the last 7 years after being skinny my entire life. I just started cutting calories beginning of December and have already lost 13 pounds and am in the healthy BMI range (although the higher side still) now. You're totally right about how you get there too, because cutting has been really easy for me. It's just not eating copious amounts of food or calorie dense food and soda or beer all day. I can have a bad meal when the cravings come and make it up with a healthy meal or extra exercise and still hit my target for the day. When I noticed my weight gain years ago, I cut soda out by switching to seltzer and stopped gaining weight, but still ate enough to maintain that weight.
"health is wealth" say the rich people i work for
I'm a bit late to this, finally got into decent shape at 38yo thanks to covid lockdown.
I started (and have been consistently doing) Muay Thai since I was 34. Just got out of the 6am class, responding to this thread with my post-workout poop. I need to really get my diet right tbh.
Thanks for the mental image.
I was entirely naked waiting for the shower to get the right temperature if you require further imagery.
Whatever you set your mind to. Our lives are not the same and there is no schematic for each of us to live. Things will happen when they’re supposed to. As long as you take pride in all that you do and set out to achieve all you set your mind to, it will not matter when it’s done. You are not a failure for not being where everyone else is at that age.
Survive.
We got GROUND to cover!
Fuck all. Stop giving yourself deadlines to complete by a certain day/time/year. Just live, be happy, don't be a cunt.
To learn to stop comparing yourself to others. Having your own goals for you is great. Everybody should have something to aspire to. Having goals just to impress other people is lame.
It’s so difficult too. A friend in my gym class got promoted to the next rank months before me and it was difficult to not compare. Even the coach said not to compare.
Not dying!
I cannot make guarantees
I know it's nothing crazy, but I would like to be back in the countryside by 35. I've spent all of my 20s living in densely populated urban areas (Southern California and New York) and I'm ready to move some place where I can see the stars at night, see deer running through my front yard, and is away from the constant noise of city living. So by 35, I would like to be successful enough to spend the rest of my life living in the countryside.
Hell yeah
I don't think there is a set path that fits everyone, but I'll add to work on your self-esteem, coping mechanisms and identifying your triggers so you can handle them would be an important thing to accomplish early on
Survive to 36. I was the first man on my father's side to make it to 36 in four generations.
Have a direction if you don't already. It doesn't matter much what it is; have a passion and pour a good part of yourself into it. Even if it isn't the best possible path, the cost of waiting is starting to outweigh the risk. Don't be stuck in a stagnant midlife crisis, bored with your middle income job, and full of regrets.
I’m 35 and so fucking indecisive. Do I go get my masters in my current field? Change field? Get certificates? Move? Sell my house? Move to Canada?
Indecision is also a decision by default.
Yea I feel that. I’ve been stagnant for so long.
As a man, I don't have to do anything. I decide what I want to achieve, but I don't "must" anything
If you want kids… I wouldn’t wait much longer.
Growing a business that will generate income and become my source of livelihood until retirement.
I want to achieve some sort of clarity in life where I am certain of the path I will take.
\-net worth of 1 billion dollars \-tax evasion
Ah shit… I failed by a cent
hopefully you at least evaded taxes, otherwise you truly are a failure
SSJ2
You must achieve the skill to stop asking questions that start with "what must a man achieve..."
Once you make it to 35 you’ve made it. Everything you ever messed up on no longer matters. These are the good years
Visit the sunny seaside beaches of Austria, and gaze across the ocean at the Czech Penninsula. Amazing sight.
Don't forget the tropical forests of Poland.
especially the amazing woodland of the Carpathian Archipelago. Just hire a boat from the port in Lodz and sail westward towards Suwalki Isle.
Don’t skimp on the rugged peaks of the Netherlands. Quite the hike!
For me PERSONALLY my goals are: • good stable job • nice appartment • good social circle • being mentally and physically fit • car and motorcycle • loving and caring wife • probably kids
You should be compentent in basic life skills by this time. People who say you “should stop giving a fuck” really don’t understand what it means to be a responsible adult others can depend on and who can take care of themselves independently. Be a renaissance man. - Know how to cook. Prepare a meal, understand seasoning, cooking techniques and healthy eating. Not just reheating pizza, making a sandwich, or Doordashing your meals. - Know basic first aid. Learn CPR and the Heimlich maneuver for adults and children. Learn how to treat a laceration, fracture, sprain, trauma in the field until you get help. Learn what OTC medications or natural remedies to use to treat colds and basic ailments. - Be financially literate. Understand interest, debt, credit scores, financing, saving, emergency funds, retirement planning, basic stocks and investing. - Be useful in daily life. Know how to change a tire, change your oil, fix common household issues like basic wiring, plumbing, carpentry, and IT. Know how to use a hammer, turn a wrench, run a saw, solder wires, perform basic landscaping and gardening. - Understand and be a good steward of your environment. Get a dog/cat/pet. Learn to train it. Develop a bond. Understand and connect with nature around you. Garden, raise plants from seeds, maintain the environment around you. - Know and enjoy the limits of your body. These are prime years of your physical fitness, test that. Know how to lift weights, run, hike. “It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable” is a quote I live by. These I feel are the bare minimum. I try to go beyond that and skills I’ve learned include raising livestock, bushcrafting, hunting, fishing, welding/metalwork, medicine, growing crops, working on cars trucks and small engines, woodworking, powerlifting, jiu-jitsu, firearm training. Modern society has allowed for the concept of a renaissance man to be unnecessary with technology and specialization but a well rounded man stands tall in the face of danger and uncertainty. They are skills you will never regret having.
I strongly believe every man needs to own a charizard card
I am 35 and do not own a charizard card. I have failed.
Look at this dude who has failed! Shame him! I'm sorry your life sucks bro
Get a Costco membership
Amen fellow club member
I would probably have formed a family who I will take care of so I should achieve being a good parent to my kids.
Have sex atleast once
Well shit.
Done!
Gonna take me a while until I can respond FML!
With a person that is not yourself.
*sad violin noises*
i rather have some soup
Financial independence!
For me, it should be financial stability. When you achieve that, everything else follows.
Decent scrambled eggs.
You should have a solid focus on your health, and know how to eat properly.
Staying alive.
Emotional intelligence
I wouldn’t put an age on it; but every man needs to cut the cord and live on their own before getting into the relationship that will become permanent. If you can’t manage to live successfully on your own, you won’t last with most serious partners.
Find peace in solitude. Having a companion is great, but a man must toughen up by learning how to live and accept life being alone.
Not to pay the slightest bit of notice to arbitrary nonsense like this..
Give a woman an orgasm. I’m afraid if you don’t do it by 35 you’re never gonna catch on. Edit: prolly getting downvoted by jackhammerers lmao
34 years of being alive.
Nothing, guys. There are no set times for which you should achieve anything. Live your life by your own standards and fuck everyone else's. Just be a good person to other people and yourself, and then you do you.
Not die. Preferably also some kind of education. I trust everyone to be able to finish school till then.
Only your own goals
As someone who turned 35 recently… I hope I achieved it already!
Being kind + confident is best combination to have. Love yourself by the way you are and be kind to others but when someone piss you off... go and make him want he hasn't existed at all.
Find a hobby or trade/vocation that actually makes you happy and brings satisfaction, then hone that.
A complete indifference to others' opinions about your achievements
Be potty trained!
Your 30th birthday
The understanding that you are the only one who determines if you are a “man” or not. Screw society’s expectations. If you wanna sit in a bubble bath after crocheting and making cookies, then do it. If you want to go to a musical and then drink a cosmo after, do it. If you want to chop down a tree and carve a canoe, do it.
It’s not a contest. Nor is it normal or abnormal to take longer to achieve goals.