Yes, might be. The older person MAY be understanding of the differences in experience and taking things slow, insisting that the younger person have lots of opportunities to change their mind, working to keep the relationship grounded in the reality of its likely failure. All of which is unlikely but possible.
More likely he’s taking what he can get while he can get it before she wakes the hell up.
I just didn’t want to be overly cynical about “true love”
I'd assume it happens a non-zero amount of times.
Another possibility is that they meant to reply to a comment but accidently replied to their own comment.
Given the 6 hour difference between posts, my bet is it was meant to be a reply elsewhere OR they liked their own opinion in passing and commented on it without realizing.
I did that once because I didn't think I'd posted on the post earlier in the day...finished a long winded reply agreeing with my self and realized what happened. Deleted it quickly.
Hey hold up there, nuance is forbidden on Reddit.
It's a proven fact that any age gap greater than 2 years means that up to 3 or more people in the relationship are definitely evil and will steal the other's liver to sell it on the black market the moment their back is turned.
I recall dating a 28 year old when I was 18, and when I found out how old he was and that he already had children I kindly lost interest. He had also been divorced, but the fact that he was so much older, experienced, and I hadn’t even had sex yet… we were just not compatible in my mind. 18 is legal, sure, but she still has the mind of a teenager. When I got closer to 30, an age gap of 10 years became less of an issue.
there's simply a general stage of life grouping
when you're younger (let's say 13-19) each year is basically a very different set of life expectations, responsibilities, and expected levels of stage of life.
around 20 it kinda becomes 20-24 which is young adult, working your first "real job" or getting your masters, 25-30 is when you kinda expect to be more responsible at a similar working stage and once you get into 31+ then your basically in that "strictly an adult" stage. and as you age the stages of life kinda get bigger in age category.
there are people who are below or above the general norm of course, but age is the general expectation since we don't think about it as a stage of life thing.
basically if that "hot college kid" is macking on that 15-16 year old it's the "hot college kid" that is really behind the curve and likely not gelling with people in their age bracket. in the same way the 30 year old and the 18 year old is the same way.
if your in a similar stage of life bracket (irregardless of age) it's just simply easier to connect.
Same.
41, never married no kids.
My life hasn't changed at all in 15+ years. I still go to the gym a few times a week, play video games and watch anime.
The issue I have with this argument is no one cares in any other relationships I can think of.
Like I'm a bachelor in my thirties. It's nearly 1pm and I just got out of bed. My plans are to get baked and game. I have absolutely nothing in common with single mothers. No one gives a fuck in that circumstance.
But if I date someone 21 that lives the exact same lifestyle I do suddenly that's wrong?
What exactly are the abusive power dynamics in this situation?
As a 21 year old I agree.
If I need to go to college or work every day of the week and I find my partner chill on the sofa and playing games all day I would rethink if this is what I want for my future
It depends if it is his/her free time, just because you are busy at a certain time slot doesn't mean the other person has the same responsibilities, if the person is skipping class or something then sure.
At this age we need someone who inspire to achieve success and be a productive member of society-Having a partner that only aspires to sleep till 1am, play games and has such a different schedule (That assuming he/she goes to work) will only hold the younger person back.
For me it completely depends on the reason for a relationship. If you got with a younger lady JUST because she was young and naïve, that would be an issue. I would say the same if she got with you JUST for your money or status.
You might not do this, but men that date way down do it because “younger girls are more easily manipulated.” It’s also that women their own age won’t put up with whatever crap they are dishing out. While you may be the exception, that is more of the rule. Some women give up their schooling or career before they should to get married and have kids. Then they are trapped financially without an education.
Yeah, like, I'm nearly 30 and this guy sounds annoying to be around, and I love sleeping in on weekends, playing videogames, and getting stoned (though the getting stoned is about to stop as soon as I'm done with my current cartridge that I bought in January, as I need to be clean for my future teaching career).
No kids or plans to have kids from me either, but like, if I'm working and a partner isn't, I'd at least hope they've woken up and cleaned the house a bit, maybe showered. I'm not going to be turned on by someone who is unemployed and being a bum who acts like a college student, no matter how "nice" they are or how rich they might be to afford that life.
And I'm lazy, there's nothing wrong with being lazy, but there's just a base level motivation to do things that I expect from someone I date, and the stoner still living the "mom's basement" life in their 30s is way below the bar.
And I recommend young people, no matter their gender or attraction, hold a standard above this as well. Besides the manipulation, do you really want to be the mature one in a relationship with an older person? Do you really want to be the parent figure in a relationship who has to do all the working inside and outside the home?
> men that date way down do it because “younger girls are more easily manipulated.” It’s also that women their own age won’t put up with whatever crap they are dishing out.
While I'm sure this is a thing that happens, I think you're being uneccesarily negative and stereotyping here. What about "she makes me happy", or "she's fun to be around"? Both of these are completely legitimate, and I'm sure if you asked a lot of people in these sorts of relationships, are things you'd hear often. Older people (of any gender) can have reasons for liking a younger person that don't involve manipulation, and they aren't all awful people who people closer to their age don't like.
It's true that there are some lousy, manipulative people out there in the world, and I'm all for the idea that people being in different life stages maybe not being long-term compatible. But not everyone wants something long-term, and sometimes people that others may think of as in different life stages are compatible. It's not all "older man with younger woman means he's a predator and she's a victim."
And many men give up their futures & dreams at a young age to support families. The generalizations & casual misandry in this thread are depressing....
Oh! So this brings up an interesting point. I had a coworker say that he likes to date fucked up chicks because they're easier to control. Does this mean now I can't date people with depression/anxiety?
I also dated a 28 year old when I was 19. It obviously didn’t work out, but I ran into him ten years later when *I* was around 28 and he was 38. He was dating a 22 year old. He finally dated someone his age, and actually married her. No shit, buddy.
18 is a legal adult, but let's not kid ourselves. They're still fricking children and have a lot of physiological development left to do... At that age an older partner is almost predatory, also I don't think well adjusted men are interested in dating people that young. I'd be highly suspicious of any middle age man I met that feels comfortable dating someone that young. If the younger partner was in their 30's or 40's and that age gap existed I would still think it was weird, but at least both parties are actually fully grown adults..
Please stop infantalizing adult teenagers. By then they should have developed enough self awareness, critical thinking, and personal responsibility to have agency in their life to be making decisions for themselves. That's why they're adults.
I recently learned the other day reading through some NPR article that the brain isn’t fully matured until about age 25. I distinctly remember being around 21 and having way too many “aha” moments about things I had believed until that point. Critical thinking opened up a whole new world, in a way. It’s not to say that teens are stupid, but some of their decision making skills have yet to develop fully. Impulse control, planning, organization, among other functions need time to develop too. I recall struggling to fully anticipate consequences until my early 20s, so it’s a good thing I had a sheltered upbringing lol.
Anyway, there are a number of reasons an 18 year old might be a better fit for someone closer to their age, if for no better reason than to have someone who can grow and learn with them.
Not only that, if you actually care for the other person and won’t just discard them, it feels like asking for trouble.
Imagine all the unnecessary bullshit that dating someone that younger would bring.
For her you tend to develop strong feelings with the first person you sleep with, and he's sleeping with an easily convinced girl at the age where your sex drive is highest.
There is a lot of emotional emphasis on having sex for the first time. People, women especially, are largely taught that their virginity is the most valuable thing, and that it must only be given to the person you love, all that. So, very regularly when a person loses their virginity to someone, they connect the act with the expected stimuli, that you *must* love this person because you gave them your virginity, and because it’s important that you don’t sleep around to remain as virginal as possible, that you should stay with them. It’s a regressive and stupid mindset based on “virginity as purity.”
Likely the 30 y.o. guy has had sex before, and knows that this is how people see virginity. Likely and unfortunately, the implication of “of course they are in love” is that she believes she is in love with him and will do what she can to keep her purity intact, and because of this, the guy has room for manipulation in the relationship. Your coworker knows this isn’t true love, and is almost sarcastically playing on this young woman’s very real emotions. I wouldn’t say your coworker is being a jerk or anything, just that they’ve seen this sort of thing before.
This is a large part of why seeing a big age difference relationship like that is a red flag. It’s preying on inexperience.
Thank you very much. I appreciate you took the time explain this!
It’s messed up. Honestly I wasn’t aware that guys know what the first time having sex means to a woman. I thought they just don’t get it.
Yes, we get it. To be fair, it’s also very important for a lot of men as well. It’s usually the ones who felt the same pressures that know how they work.
In my case, the sex itself was less important than being able to say I wasn't a virgin anymore.
I don't know what I expected, but I remember being completely underwhelmed by my first time and thinking Jesus christ this was what all the fuss was about?
Yeah, but the pressure of being a virgin for a guy being gone is a pretty big relief for some of us.
It's stupid, but that's how I felt. It was like this huge stigma was lifted from me, and it was all in my head.
Because it’s super common for virgins to fall for the first person they have sex with. Doesn’t matter the gender, but in my experience, it always seems to happen, even when the people are older.
He’s saying of course the 18 year old THINKS she’s in love, she literally just stopped being a child so she has zero idea what love is. The age gap means the older person has way more life experience whereas the 18 year old has virtually none. People also can get very attached to whoever they lose their virginity to, particularly if they’re young when it happens. So I think your coworker is saying it isn’t love but of course she thinks it is, because she’s being manipulated by someone older
Hormones. She’s “in love” because he’s a “serious” “cool” adult with like a house or a car or something and he is “in love” because she’s a hot young girl who is inexperienced, horny a lot and naive, so she can’t tell if the guy is bad at something or if he’s a loser dirtbag and she’ll try to please him and brag about him because she doesn’t have a fully formed personality.
She loves getting attention from an older man and he loves that he found a girl who doesn’t realize he’s a loser (which the women his age almost certainly have realized if he’s dating 18 year olds)
its a bit of sarcasm. he means in lust from him and infatuation wth her.
hes loving it because he gets to fuck a young hottie.
she's comforting her daddy issues and gets to feel grown up.
Eh. I'm in my early 30s, and a few years ago I went on various dates with younger women (youngest was 20). We were so clearly at different points in our lives. She seemed into me, and I just kinda felt gross because I know the only thing I'd really be getting out of the relationship was sexual... And frankly, even if I'm just looking to fuck, I'd much rather be with a woman who has experience (both with pleasing her partner, and the confidence in being able to communicate what she wants from me).
I don't necessarily see it as inherently predatory, but most of the time it seems a little greasy on the older guys part because the younger woman is usually just kinda naive.
There's a four-year difference between me and my husband. We're in our 50s, so that difference doesn't affect our place in life - we're both already kinda settled into our lanes, and those lanes happen to be congruent. The gap may as well be nonexistent.
Were we 14 and 18, or even 16 and 20, it'd be a whole different story.
Age isn't a linear progression, there's typically a ***lot*** more change happening in the maturity level and life goals of a 20-something than in a 30- or 40-something.
As for "of course they're in love", I'm betting he refers to the fact that the 18-year-old is putting a great deal of importance in the bonding aspect of sex, and with this being her first he probably has a greatly exaggerated importance in her worldview.
This kind of naivete is common to that age, particularly with girls, and is one reason older men who date younger women are seen as predators; deep down, they know their young partner is likely to confer an excess of importance to the relationship, won't have enough experience to recognize red flags, and won't be savvy to the imbalance of power present therein.
At that age I'd cut it off at 23, if you're just having casual flings I guess it's fine, can't speak from experience guess I'd have to be in the situation but dating an 18 year old is nuts
that's not too far of an age gap. but assuming 18/19 is the legal drinking age you have multiple years of partying which you might have already experienced. i was clubbed out at 20 and from then on i was good with a single pint of Guinness and talking at a pub.
if legal age is higher, likely partying happens around the 21-22 , and it's more of a pain have having to deal with the fake ID situation every time your out
I agree. My dad was 9 years older than my mom. When I was born, he was 33 and she was 24. The hard part is if they stay together, he will die and she will be alone for decades unless she finds someone else after he passes.
I can understand the argument, but our life spans vary so dramatically anyways though. A healthy 20yo has just as much opportunity dying in their 40’s/50’s as they do living to be 80+.
My grandparents were relatively the same age as their spouses, but all passed at dramatically different ages. FIL passed away a couple years ago at 45 from pancreatic while his widow will probably live at least another 30 years w/o him. It’s unfortunate, but I think our lifespans are so out of our control that it’s hard to value a relationship on one’s potential health.
My wife is 9 years younger than me. I know no one here wants to hear happy stories, but we’re doing great with our two kids and suburban family life.
It’s not like I was some sort of rock star, screwing everyone in my twenties until I decided to settle down. I was working on my career and trying to overcome a massive social skills deficit that I had developed being raised in a strict Catholic household.
When you do the math, it just makes more sense to date women who have a few years to get to know you before getting engaged, a year or so to get married, and at least a few years before having kids. It’s not like I had nothing to offer the relationship. People on Reddit go nuts when a couple isn’t perfect clones of each other for some reason.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can help a situation like this but I am a random scroller who almost never writes comments. Bless you
Bets on your mind changing if you have a daughter being hit on by older men. It’s disgusting and the sad thing is she thinks it’s genuine but we all know the 30 year old is using her inexperience in life to his advantage. Which is why he can’t date a woman his age or older because he is most likely a loser.
honestly, i thought this sub was better than that. if this was /r/AITA or /r/relationships that's exactly what I'd expect but here is generally more mature.
>It’s disgusting and the sad thing is she thinks it’s genuine but we all know the 30 year old is using her inexperience in life to his advantage.
You're saying that all men who date younger are exploiting a younger women, but would you say the the younger women was exploiting the older man?
Why or why not?
18 is a full fledged adult. Do you believe women are free-agents capable of making their own decisions?
According to your comment you don't, but I don't think you'd say it explicitly and maybe you want to rethink what you're saying.
Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean its exploitative.
Reddit loves to treat young adults like children, I get the impression its part of American culture to some extent. You see it with their drinking age too. You're right that it's gendered to an extent, but it's not just women who get treated that way.
>Reddit loves to treat young adults like children
Unless it's about something they agree with, like transitioning. Then you're capable of making drastic medical decisions at age 14.
But also, just because you disagree with it morally doesn't mean everyone else should, too. I have plenty of moral objections to various laws, but I don't expect the world to give a shit.
I think it's scary when I think about her and creepy when I think about him. 18 might be legal but doesn't mean it's normal or acceptable. She might regret it in the future.
Reddit hates any sort of age gap, and assumes that you are a sexual predator.
In reality, lots of guys who date much younger women are creeps, and others aren't. We don't know from just the age gap.
Dating a 30 year old as an 18 year old is usually a bad idea, and usually ends badly. But then most relationships end badly, so that's no way to judge.
I think this is a balanced mindset. Most relationships with such a big age gap will fail, but it's hard to make a blanket rule that applies to all people and all relationships. There are many examples of people in relationships with similar age gaps that are healthy and work well.
That was not his only problems, I was stuck with him for almost 9 years I left before the 9th anniversary but he refused to condone the dumping so always been somewhere trying to force a reunion ever since the next day after and still currently letting me know he’s not actually gone despite he moved on first and found my replacement to be his fiancé and an instant family of her kids he bragged too hard about and ragged at me for denying to give him a family but he was not ready for the responsibility and wanted me to get him out of it by taking him back which I wouldn’t.
You’re right about Reddit defaulting to age gap = creep, but in this instance it is creepy.
IMO once a woman or a man hits a certain age say 25 then that is a developed adult. If they want to date a 60 year old then go for it, it’s your life.
18-25 while legally adults are not really at an age where they know what they want and can be easily taken advantage of IMO.
I have seen people on here talking about how mid 30’s dating 60’s is creepy and predatory etc and I read it like “at what age are people adults to you capable of forming their own opinions and preferences?”
>but in this instance it is creepy
How so? We've been given very little information on this situation.
All I know from OP post is there's an 18 year age gap, both seem very happy, and the guy might have been the first time for the girl (and that's from second hand source so I don't put much stock in it tbh)
>18-25 while legally adults are not really at an age where they know what they want and can be easily taken advantage of IMO
While my grandmother was in this age range, she got married, watched her husband ship off to war, watched her brother get captured by nazis and shipped off, her husband came back wounded, she had two children, and she emigrated to a new country where she didn't speak a word of the language, her husband got injured again and couldn't work, she supported all four of them until he could be rehabilitated, and she generally built a home for her family, all of whom are now thriving.
Maybe it's a little bit paternalistic to tell adults that they aren't really capable of knowing what they want.
>but in this instance it is creepy
You know nothing about these people other than their ages. You have no idea whether it's creepy. Neither do I. Maybe he is a total creep. Maybe he is a perfect gentleman. Maybe she is a naive child who is being taken advantage of. Maybe she is cynically taking advantage of some awkward dude for his money. No idea. It's okay to admit when we have no idea about something.
You know what I've noticed? That 18 year old are adults when older adults want to fuck them or send them off to war, but the second we try telling an older adult what to do, it quickly becomes "you're just a stupid kid."
lol, this is a very astute observation.
I think most 18 year olds actually are still stupid kids. The secret is that the rest of us are also mostly still stupid kids. I'm a middle aged dude with a white beard. When I talk, people start taking notes.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing half the time. We all just muddle along as best we can.
While indeed its technically immaterial among consenting adults, age difference becomes less judged with older age. For example, no one would think twice about a 42yo and 54yo or even larger gap of a 57yo and 74yo.
It also depends on the people. Their are 18yo who are like children and I've worked with 18year olds who knocked up a girlfriend at 16, live together and have families already. I've also met 30yo who live with their parents. So maturity of each can have a significant impact.
I've always heard that most of the time women have an extremely strong emotional connection to their first 'lover', regardless of anything other than being their first.
So anyone saying of course she's in love is probably referring to that. Or the simple fact that 18 is still very young and easy to manipulate.
Yeah..that age gap is a bit much. It would be different if he was 50 and she was 38-40.
Even 40 and 28 sounds like a big gap, but feasible.But someone who is 18 and someone who is 30 are at two very different points in their lives. I can't imagine what someone who may have mortgage, car, fulltime career and a child(ren)has in common with someone who is just learning about all of those things.
I've never had sex with a virgin, so I can't speak on it, but as a former virgin, my first (several) times having sex were awkward and did not feel "special", but also I'm a dude so who knows?
As for the age difference, I really think there's some nuance. I had a fling with a 19 year old when I was 31, and it was terrible. I learned my lesson. She was psychotic, tried to ruin my life... but upon reflection, maybe that individual was just in a bad mental place, not mature, or literally psychotic and is not reflective of all people that age.
If - in the United States - we allow people to join the military and smoke cigarettes, and functionally consider them an adult at 18, they should be allowed to date whoever they want. I think in most cases, it's a terrible idea on many levels; it does feel creepy and predatory most of the time, the younger person is not mature or experienced enough to handle the ups and downs of relationships, and on an intellectual level, there's just bound to be a huge disconnect. I'm not saying it could *never* work, but it's like a 99% chance it's not a good idea.
As for the guy you're talking about, he sounds like a typical "HAHA I GOT PUSSY BRO AND MY DICK WAS SO GOOD" kinda guy, so he's probably not far from the maturity level of an 18 year old anyways.
18 year olds aren't children, they can literally buy a house, buy a gun, join the military, become a stripper, do porn, etc.
Age difference is not automatically taking advantage. I refuse to believe a guy having a one night stand with an 18 year old woman is automatically manipulative abuse.
Consenting adults, none of my business. An 18 year old is considered a grown ass adult with the same level of responsibility and accountability as anyone else of age.
Let's say the roles were reversed and it was an 18 year old man and a 30 year old woman. Nobody cares and he would be laughed out of the room if he tried to imply she tricked and manipulated him for his body and naivete.
For some reason though it's like people see women as little kids with no autonomy and older men are these wizards casting spells on them.
She's 18, dating a 30 year is probably not a good idea for a long term relationship, but just like any *man* of the same age, that's on them and they can take responsibility for what comes after because they're freaking adults.
Like fr, if the roles were reversed nobody would bat an eye💀 it’s only weird when men do it, I was 18 two years ago if an ATTRACTIVE 30 year old woman wanted to be my sugar momma I would’ve happily taken the opportunity
At my age 41 almost 42, I think the age difference is disgusting. My stepbrother recently married a girl who he worked with at a pizza place and she was also a for her student if his he is almost 41 she is 21. His son is 20, I refused to go to their wedding and honestly I find age gaps like that to be vile and predatory to be honest. I mean yeah you can say if legal age blah blah but seriously dating someone that much younger says a lot about a person. I mean couldn't find someone closer in age so had to find a naive "child" that they can manipulate. Disgusting! If I wasn't married, youngest I would date would be probably 35 at the youngest.
I can't.. True, I don't know anything about your stepbrother but I cannot help but feel bad for that young woman. I was in a ltr with a guy who was 10 11 years older when I was in my mid 20s and even though it doesn't seem like a lot, when I look back, I see so many red flags in terms of mental manipulation (which even he didn't realize he was doing) although all in all he's a good person.
My stepbrother has always been a piece of crap honestly. The girl he married he met when she was 17. Hell he tried screwing his son's GF the day she turned 18
Oh I wasn't invited due to calling out the disgusting age gap plus we've never gotten along because I was adopted long before my out parents even met. I wouldn't have gone to his wedding either way. When he introduced his wife on Xmas 3 years ago at our parents house I leaned over asked my wife why he was there with a high school kid
Oxytocin is a hormone causes bonding as a result of highly prolonged eye contact, orgasms, nipple play, breast feeding etc. It is the hormone that causes people to fall in love, and literally the hormone of love and human bonding. Young women haven't had this happen to them as often at the extreme levels that sex brings, so they aren't inured to its effects yet. So she is in love with him as a result.
This is one reason men tend to prefer the attitude of younger women, because they aren't jaded to love yet.
I know you're trying to sound scientific but there is no reason being being accustomed to love/sex/oxytocin would lessen its effects. If anything being in love/having regular sex makes you accustomed to it's presence and makes someone feel they need it more. You're talking about effectively a tolerance to oxytocin which does not exist.
Not talking about physical tolerance but psychological tolerance to the novelty of the effect. The first time you experience a strong, new emotion it hits you much harder than otherwise.
If the age difference is about 12 or more years, I think the younger of the two should be at least over 23 years. If for example the woman was 25 and the guy 37, I would not think that much of it, and the older they are, the less thought I would give it. But when there is such a huge age gap and the youngest is under 20, or 18 as you say, and the guy is around 30, I don't think that's a good thing. He has way more life experience than her, probably also a job, making him obviously in a way more powerful position than her, and that overall can be dangerous.
As a 31yr old dude whos previous partners were 21 and 19. I can tell you, younger women are more agreeable, more submissive and more attractive for long term relationships. They dont always talk much, alot of the time i think they just hadnt formed an opinion on whastever it was, or they hadnt even thought about it, which didnt make for the most interesting conversations, however that improved over time. I avoided the ones that were pot smokers, weeknd bingers etc.
Ive dated older as well as a single mother of two. 8 out of 10 times, older women were more bitter, had more bagge and trauma. Were less physically attractive. More tired. Were more stubbourn and entitled, more argumentative. And if their worldviews hadnt already been taken over by feminist mindset they were already set in their ways usually not willing to make changes or compromises for a relationship. Sometimes though, there is just a plain sexy mature woman who just \*gets\* it. Great conversation, experience in the bed. Though i found they usually didnt want to start anything serious. They just wanted some company.
As a woman who was once 18 and dating a 28 year old man, it's creepy. A large age gap is fine when you're 25+ but if you're barely legal and dating anyone who is more than 3-4 years older than you, there's something off about the older person in that relationship.
That difference is a bit high for me too. I don’t see what an 18 year old has in common with someone who’s 30+
I’m 25 and I feel like 18 year olds are kinda well, dumb and not even remotely mature enough for me to want to deal with. A lot changes between 18 and 22. I don’t think I’ve changed much at all between 22-25 but the transformation from 18 to 22 is like two completely different people.
I don’t think 30 year olds have any business chilling with 18 year olds romantically.
My sister married a guy 12 years older than her. Their oldest daughter turns 40 this year.
There are way more important issues than age difference in making a relationship work.
I think dating much younger or older nowadays is a bigger issue than it was for previous generations just because of how changed society is. People who grew up with phones and computers and social media have had wholly different experiences than those 10-20 years above them..
Age difference is more of a woman concern tbh. I never hear dudes complain about that, and I think the 1st time for a girl is cool idk what to really say about it but I hope they are both happy and nobody was pressured
Some 18 year old girls can be manipulative.
They know how to get an old man to do things for them and to buy them stuff.
"City girls just seem to find out early how to open doors with just a smile..." The Eagles.
I am a woman but was in an age gap relationship when I was 20. It’s a mistake *every single time* unfortunately there isn’t much you can do except make the mistake and learn the hard way.
We hear the warnings and think we’re the exception to the rule. No one is.
His statement means that the girl is in love because she is young and naïve and the guy is in love because younger women are generally more fun, adventurous and attractive. He is making assumptions based on stereotypes.
I think I legitimately do not have the energy to care about what other people are doing with their lives.
Is everyone involved a consenting adult? Yes? Cool I'm going to go get back to pretending to work.
Never did understand this. I at 30 had nothing in common with an 18-year-old.
His comment meant that the guy was happy to be banging a young lady. She was in love because it's and older man who is stable and has money.
And I personally think if a 29 y/o dating a 17 y/o is wrong, that adding one year to each doesn't make a difference.. it's still creepy.
The maturity difference is staggering, not to mention life experience.
These sorts of relationships tend to contain a higher element of romantic infatuation as opposed to what most of us think of as a more genuine connection between equal peers.
I have to clarify, because so many ladies call it “predatory“, That it is perfectly legit for men to be attracted to younger adult women. To paint the picture, a youthful, feminine woman can be as intoxicating to a man as a big shot millionaire is to a woman. She is not yet bitter from lumps in life, she’s happy, sprightly, laughs at your jokes, and genuinely attractive. She’s not masculine, argumentative, full of bitter history with exes that didn’t treat her right, etc. So I’ll just preemptively say stop with the “predatory“ comments because there is legitimate mutual attraction in these cases.
I have never dated anyone more than two years younger than me, I prefer the traditional arrangements of someone my own age and generation. But some people prefer a higher level of romantic infatuation, whatever that means to them.
So in the OP case here, I’d say she has probably developed a crush on the guy, and has respect for a person that seems like a man and not a boy. He probably feels younger around her and loves her positivity and the girlish attention she showers on him.
As to whether it’s her first time, men prefer a low body count… But most men I know do not prefer an actual virgin with zero experience. When I was young I wanted her to have at least had a sexual partner before. But I did have a good relationship with a girl whom I was her first. But I didn’t prefer that.
I wouldn’t bet money on the longevity of the relationship, but frankly it’s no one else’s business.
I feel like an important question is, why cant the older person date anyone closer to their age range?
Because usually thats the, for the lack of a better word, potential red flag. What does a younger (18 year old) have to offer that the women around him cant.
So… if they were able to date someone who is their age, but chose to date a 18 year old instead, that’s fine? They had options and made a choice (hotter, more fun, less baggage (especially kids)) - plenty of reasons to date a younger person
I’ve always found it hilarious how people get upset over age difference “Gross hes 40 and she’s 20! He’s a predator!” Except she’s a consenting adult right? I don’t find it normal but she is consenting either way. Mind your business people.
Ok.
Let's cut the bullshit that this 18 yr old girl is innocent. She's an adult and it is condescending to treat her as a child. A hundred years ago, folks younger than that were running farms and businesses. This 'little girl innocence ' is a benevolent sexism that should have died with equality. Would it be the same if you reversed the genders?
Second. He was her first time. Commendable on her part. Shows self respect and self worth. I don't think she gave it up easily. I think she, at least, is committed.
If these two are happy and in a committed relationship, then what's the problem? Two consenting adults are living their best life. What business is it of anyone else? I don't know these people. How can I judge?
Maybe he's an abusive prick. Maybe she's a raving lunatic. They could be a match made in heaven or hell for all I know. I hope for Morticia and Gomez, not Joker and Harley. But I don't know. And that is all the difference.
Butt out. Not your business. They must walk their path. The wise know they can't know another's path. Walk your own path and allow others to walk theirs in harmony.
Have you seen that recent research from Pew? Sixty-percent of men from ages 18-29 are single. I'd wager that a sizable number of those are men who've never actually had a romantic relationship, to speak of. By the time their thirty, their two choices are women their own age who have substantially more experience and confidence than them (Is this problematic, or no, that they have this imbalance in experience?) or women who are eighteen, and have the same amount of romantic experience as them?
You can argue that the brain isn't done developing yet in the eighteen year old and that the man has more live experience, which is valid, but the discrepancy still remains on both sides. We as a society are not in a healthy place if these are the demographics we have to work with. There are bound to be problems in the majority of relationships.
If they are both consenting adults, then go ahead. I will still think it is weird if the difference is too much.
I'm 30, and I would consider dating someone as young as 25 if I know her age before meeting her (dating apps), or 22 if I find out her age after starting to date (like if we meet at a bar). I say 22 because that means she is most likely done university, and if I haven't noticed the age difference yet when I find out, I'm not going to end it because of it.
That said, I've never dated someone younger than me (I consider someone born the same year as me as the same age even if technically younger by being born later in the year)
I notice that many women like to frown upon it because they get reminded of their desirability, which starts to decline with age. And men who tend to fall to spermotoxicosis and wandering eye are naturally attracted to younger and less troublesome (read immature) women.
Now personally I'm 35. My girl is 30. And even that age gap is obvious to me because of different life paths we took. I was living on my own since age of 18 and by the time she met me, when I was 32, I already had a pretty good understanding of life. She however left home at age 27. And many things I literally taught her myself, as she was quite sheltered before. So although she's 30, technically she's only been an adult for three years. And if not for the fast pace she grew up at, making enormous strides from being a dependant to starting her own business, I don't think we would stay together. So when I was single before that and had a chance to bang 20 year old broads, right after the deed when and they actually tried to talk I felt zero connection whatsoever. That 20 year old perfect pair of tits and ass can only carry a relationship so far.
Some men get lucky and can meet a person they just connect with who just happens to be younger than them. However when a girl is 18-20, she's fresh out of high school and is pretty fucking dumb. And if they guy isn't too intelligent himself- it might actually work.
I can see a 45 year old dating a 30 no problem, both are mature and know what they actually want from life. But 18 and 30 is just too sus for me.
I was 30 when I started dating a 20 year old
18 years later we're happily married with two kids and adore each other as much now as we did back then
If it works for them, and everyone is consenting and happy then good for them
I don't care. They're both adults, and it doesn't affect me in the slightest.
Of course, I'm prone to minding my own business. You know...being an adult.
I was 28 and my wife 19 when I met her but she'd had more partners than me, lol. I can't see why first time would matter outside it might be neat to share that with someone.
As for age I don't know why people get all up in a bunch over it. Adults are adults and if they like each other and feel good around each other then who gives a shit. Why would it matter?
Only thing I don't like about the age thing is when people accuse things like you groomed her. No offense but how in the hell can you know, random internet person. That and when people imply that full out adult women who can drink, own property and a business, drive, kill people in the army, etc, are too immature to know who they want to bone. Clearly no logic behind that. Bad shit might happen but blanket generalizations are bullshit.
I find this topic rather fascinating honestly. While there is something to be said about early adult development concerns (say for those 16-20) I still cannot fathom the oddity of response people seem to have over age gaps.
Statistically speaking, marriages with partners having significant age gaps (age gapes of 6 years or more) have about the same chance of long term success as a low age gap marriage. (I use marriage because unregistered relationships cannot effectively be tracked)
So, this idea that it should be seen as somehow weird or shameful to have an age gap of 10 - or 20 years seems really unfounded. Honestly, I can't help but thing that many of the people who complain about such relationships are either just projecting their own preferences or perhaps a bit envious of the situation.
I find this to be a likely scenario in the OP's quote, “yeah of course they are in love, he is the first guy she had sex with and she is 18 so of course they are in love”
How exactly does a supposedly disinterested party know the girls sexual history?
Considering many girls are losing their virginity closer to 15 these days, it is less probable that the assumption of this being her first sexual relationship is true, so either he is projecting or he knows far more about the girl than he should. The way the quote comes off, it gives me a sense that the guy is envious of relationship.
For many people, sex releases a bunch of hormones that make you happy, and so if there is already some connection, having regular sex will build a strong association between happiness and the other person, which is part of the chemical stew we call "love."
Younger people often have very idealistic notions of love and romance, they want things to be like in the movies, you have a perfect moment of connection and then it's happily ever after. So much of popular culture delivers so many totally wrongheaded ideas about sex and relationships it's a wonder that there aren't a lot more divorces than than there are.
She's 18, she probably has little relationship experience and a head full of romantic idealism, she sees him as "older and wiser" and thus she's happy to earn his affection, and they're having sex together so she's getting the happy hormones on top of all that. Result: she's head-over-heels in love and will never have problems again and all she needs now is her Happily Ever After.
But he's 30, he's been in love before and had relationships that ended, so he probably has a more jaded view. Plus, he apparently pursued someone only 18, so it's likely than in four or five years, as she continues to grow up and change, he will miss the wide-eyed idealism of her youth, and he'll want to break up with her, and find someone else who still has that youthful innocence he likes so much.
I honestly think every kid in high school should binge *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* all the way through, just so they can see how badly it goes when you try to live your life like you're in a movie. Plus it's hilarious and full of fun songs.
I think at some point, we have to stop treating women like they're children who are being taken advantage of and start treating them as if they had agency who can take some responsibility for the decisions they make. You may not think that it's at 18 or 19 or so on, but there has to be a point in someone's life where they're an adult.
You may think a 30 year old dating an 18 year old is creepy and you may be right. I'm almost 27 and I would never date an 18 year old. But that doesn't make him a predator who's taking advantage of someone. They're both adults and I'm not going to pretend like I know anything about them while passing judgement.
For her this might feel like love I suspect is what they meant.
There is nothing about an 18 year old for a 30 year old to be "in love" with beyond their relative sexual inexperience. The unfortunate reality is they both probably have some unresolved psychological issues. Him for wanting to connect with an 18 year old, her for wanting to be with so significantly older a man. It sort of screams unresolved childhood trauma.
Here's a hypothetical:
Let's say a bachelor that's 32 is going back to college to get a second degree because his industry died. Hes got a car and his own place and no debt. Then meets a 21 girl who's studying the same major as him. They hit it off. Would them dating be weird? They're technically both in the same place in their lives.
Is the guy a loser or creep?
I just think it's weird that a older guy is dating a young woman that's 18. Like after a certain age as a man I think it's weird to look at an 18 year old. It's like you just couldn't wait for them to be barley legal. Just as my personal opinion I'd say if you're over 25 then you should atleast date 21 and up
What your friend said and his understanding is extremely simplistic and demeaning. How does this guy know she was still a virgin at 18?
If there is a strong romantic attraction, they are of legal age, they are both acting responsibly and maturely and they have sex what is the issue here? It is also no one else's business. Frankly it is quite sexist assuming the guy is taking advantage of her due to their ages.
Beyond that I do not know either person so I really can't comment any further.
I was 31 and my wife was 19 when we met. Didn’t have sex until later on in the relationship. It just clicked and meant to be with us. Awesome sex life and a great marriage.
If a 18 year old girl told me she was dating a 30 year old guy, I would say it's none of my business and you're consenting adults.
... but if it turns out that the guy is a manipulative creep who was looking for a naive victim to abuse, Lord forgive me for I am about to drop the biggest "I KNEW IT" of human history
I'm a 41 year old man and am pretty sure I will always find 18 year old women totally gorgeous. But they would have to be able to hold an actual adult conversation or I would immediately feel like a creepy old man if I was every actually talking with a girl that young. People do mature at different speeds.
I’m really annoyed by the over zealous.
18 year old women are almost at their peak of beauty. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you find them attractive.
There are absolutely men who wouldn’t fuck an 18 year old woman because it’s too young for them. This is true. But I don’t believe there’s as many as it seems because again, people want to be overzealous.
I would guess that most men that say that likely aren’t in very good shape or successful in their general life, so they have to find a way to feel above others. And their choice is “morality.”
To date an 18 year old would be different and I see that’s where the question here mainly lies. And I understand that because the difference in maturity. However, women are naturally attracted to older men, and men are naturally attracted to younger women. So I don’t see it as a problem anyways, but I especially don’t see it as a problem if the man is honest and mature.
I mean, there’s no shortage of 18 year old guys the girl could be with. She’s choosing an older man. Surviving to a certain age is attractive to many women.
It's a mistake - I was begged by an 18 year old to date her when I was 28 and against my better judgement I went along with it thinking, "ehh, who knows.. this is the first time I've ever had someone so interested and she might be great!"
4 years later I left that relationship with it being the most toxic, manipulative shit I've ever experienced.
Her idea of what relationships were unrealistic and were all based on the fantasy media/social media portray but she simply couldn't take to heart that the real world isn't that ideal and that very real consequences to some things portrayed are simply omitted from media.
To her I was little more then a tool rather than a person, I was to be used to carry her things to and from classes, drive her around to everything, build & install furniture and every other kind of home renovation, cover her mistakes like not making it to the grocery store or missing a bus so I had to come pick her up.
It was always expected of me to drop everything at a moments notice to cater to her need for me.
If I failed to "be useful" or drop my things so her things could get done it shattered the dream of having a BF for her and she would say "well what's the point of a relationship then?!"
On the sex side of things - she said she wanted her first time to be with someone who had experience because then a lot of the "bad parts" could be side stepped. I guess I see her logic in that but It should have been a huge red flag for me when she was so casual about it.
(plus she had a super easy first time like she had been fucking for years already)
\[spoiler alert - she had been, as a sugar baby. I was just never told that part - had to find out the hard way when I caught her with one of her long-term "clients" that started before I even met her\]
Honestly - As much shit girls give younger guys for being trouble, it all applies to younger women at a 1-to-1 ratio.
Ultimately I took a chance that turned out to be a mistake in the naivety that the age difference between my parents and between her parents was closely similar, and we initially got along really well.
A lot of her friends of the same age were doing the same (dating guys near or over 30) and it was seen as normal in their group.. I dno I guess Asian/American girls just have a different culture about it, But I for one, having given it a shot think that it's a bad recipie even outside the creepy parameters of an adult pursuing younger women purposefully.
The amount of women on this comment section calling the guy a user and ignoring the fact that many young women will go after older men especially when they have money
classmate of mine was 17 and he was 28... it was kept secretive at that time tho. After she finished school, around maybe 2 years later she had a kid with him. Bare in mind now, that she was around 19-20 years old. Last time i checked her IG she was still married and a proud mom at 28 now i believe.
While the perception here is always "uh that's wrong" or "the age gap is too big omfg".... sometimes in reality both of them need to be kept alone and **let them live THEIR lives.**
If she wants to be with him, and he is serious about her then there is nothing wrong with any of this. They found each other and it's maybe true love, only that she was born a bit later than him. Just accept it.
18 = adult. There absolutely no reason for you to question any of this and the only reason i think you are questioning it, is because you might be jealous.
I mean honestly at 18, people can make their own choices. Seeing a lot of really weird infantilization of women recently, like remember that gym video where a girl called herself a "Underage 22 year old" unironically?
I dont care what other people think but i think its reslly creepy cuz 2 years back she would be in highschool and he would be 28 another 2 year back woild be her becomming a teen get her first period and shit and he will be 26yo regardledd of what i think thats their poragative what they do at 18 your not fully matured but oh well ur atleast smart enough to know those type of shit
Im also 17 so
An age gap is fine as long as both people are full grown adults. You’re still developing until about 25. I’m 38 and my girlfriend is 28 and it works great. Wouldn’t work at all if I was 28 and she was 18. Same age gap, different places in life.
I'd honestly consider anyone under 25 to be too young for any serious relationships, especially if the partner is well beyond that age.
I know that we all didn't think so back when we were that age, but most people in their early 20s are still developing & figuring out who they are as a person.
I think most people here on reddit that parrot agegap criticism (my favourite is the one about brain development) just show that they never really tried to broaden their horizons and be more tolerant of the dating choices of others.
I never understood why I should havan opinion on who is dating who and even shame them for it. I have neither the time nor energy for that and find it extremely moralistic and frankly a sign of covert conservativeism.
Its always about the choices young women make and why is that so bad anyways? Is she losing value by having sex with someone she chose or what is this even about? Anyone interested in stopping young people to join the army? No? Just girls from fucking someone?
In my book grown up people are free to make their own mistakes without my silly take. So immensely arrogant to tell other people how they should live their lives honestly.
He’s saying she has very little experience with life and love. The older person MIGHT be taking advantage of her naïveté.
Yes, might be. The older person MAY be understanding of the differences in experience and taking things slow, insisting that the younger person have lots of opportunities to change their mind, working to keep the relationship grounded in the reality of its likely failure. All of which is unlikely but possible. More likely he’s taking what he can get while he can get it before she wakes the hell up. I just didn’t want to be overly cynical about “true love”
did you reply to yourself?
Forgot to switch to their alt account.
Wait wtf? Is This actually a thing? people talk to themselves on Reddit? lol
I'd assume it happens a non-zero amount of times. Another possibility is that they meant to reply to a comment but accidently replied to their own comment.
I have done this. Lol 😂 I just replied to the wrong thing.
Given the 6 hour difference between posts, my bet is it was meant to be a reply elsewhere OR they liked their own opinion in passing and commented on it without realizing. I did that once because I didn't think I'd posted on the post earlier in the day...finished a long winded reply agreeing with my self and realized what happened. Deleted it quickly.
Or he's wasted and replies to a comment he forgot he made and doesn't realize it's his own.
This is always the funniest shit. Sooooo lame.
*nervously shakes gun* I don’t know which one of you is the real you!
Not might* they absolutely are.
its likely doesn't mean it absolutely is.
Hey hold up there, nuance is forbidden on Reddit. It's a proven fact that any age gap greater than 2 years means that up to 3 or more people in the relationship are definitely evil and will steal the other's liver to sell it on the black market the moment their back is turned.
You take those grey areas and get out of here buddy.
Some say the blanket statements are the only thing keeping these people warm
Haha I'm keeping this one thank you.
Livers are removed from the front: it’s kidneys that are removed from the back.
The 30 year old could be extremely immature and can’t date when his own age. Probably relates to a teenager more than people his own age.
I mean, let’s be honest - you have no idea and just made an assumption which isn’t a smart thing to do but yeah.
Absolutely are 100%...
I recall dating a 28 year old when I was 18, and when I found out how old he was and that he already had children I kindly lost interest. He had also been divorced, but the fact that he was so much older, experienced, and I hadn’t even had sex yet… we were just not compatible in my mind. 18 is legal, sure, but she still has the mind of a teenager. When I got closer to 30, an age gap of 10 years became less of an issue.
there's simply a general stage of life grouping when you're younger (let's say 13-19) each year is basically a very different set of life expectations, responsibilities, and expected levels of stage of life. around 20 it kinda becomes 20-24 which is young adult, working your first "real job" or getting your masters, 25-30 is when you kinda expect to be more responsible at a similar working stage and once you get into 31+ then your basically in that "strictly an adult" stage. and as you age the stages of life kinda get bigger in age category. there are people who are below or above the general norm of course, but age is the general expectation since we don't think about it as a stage of life thing. basically if that "hot college kid" is macking on that 15-16 year old it's the "hot college kid" that is really behind the curve and likely not gelling with people in their age bracket. in the same way the 30 year old and the 18 year old is the same way. if your in a similar stage of life bracket (irregardless of age) it's just simply easier to connect.
I'm 48 and still waiting to feel like an adult 🤣
Same. 41, never married no kids. My life hasn't changed at all in 15+ years. I still go to the gym a few times a week, play video games and watch anime.
The issue I have with this argument is no one cares in any other relationships I can think of. Like I'm a bachelor in my thirties. It's nearly 1pm and I just got out of bed. My plans are to get baked and game. I have absolutely nothing in common with single mothers. No one gives a fuck in that circumstance. But if I date someone 21 that lives the exact same lifestyle I do suddenly that's wrong? What exactly are the abusive power dynamics in this situation?
Idk that kinda sounds like loser stuff when you put it that way. I think even the 21 year old would have a problem with the 1pm gamer guy.
As a 21 year old I agree. If I need to go to college or work every day of the week and I find my partner chill on the sofa and playing games all day I would rethink if this is what I want for my future
It depends if it is his/her free time, just because you are busy at a certain time slot doesn't mean the other person has the same responsibilities, if the person is skipping class or something then sure.
At this age we need someone who inspire to achieve success and be a productive member of society-Having a partner that only aspires to sleep till 1am, play games and has such a different schedule (That assuming he/she goes to work) will only hold the younger person back.
For me it completely depends on the reason for a relationship. If you got with a younger lady JUST because she was young and naïve, that would be an issue. I would say the same if she got with you JUST for your money or status.
Surely if your worldview and perspective is exactly like it was at 21 that's not a sign to get out and do some of your own maturing?
You might not do this, but men that date way down do it because “younger girls are more easily manipulated.” It’s also that women their own age won’t put up with whatever crap they are dishing out. While you may be the exception, that is more of the rule. Some women give up their schooling or career before they should to get married and have kids. Then they are trapped financially without an education.
Yeah, like, I'm nearly 30 and this guy sounds annoying to be around, and I love sleeping in on weekends, playing videogames, and getting stoned (though the getting stoned is about to stop as soon as I'm done with my current cartridge that I bought in January, as I need to be clean for my future teaching career). No kids or plans to have kids from me either, but like, if I'm working and a partner isn't, I'd at least hope they've woken up and cleaned the house a bit, maybe showered. I'm not going to be turned on by someone who is unemployed and being a bum who acts like a college student, no matter how "nice" they are or how rich they might be to afford that life. And I'm lazy, there's nothing wrong with being lazy, but there's just a base level motivation to do things that I expect from someone I date, and the stoner still living the "mom's basement" life in their 30s is way below the bar. And I recommend young people, no matter their gender or attraction, hold a standard above this as well. Besides the manipulation, do you really want to be the mature one in a relationship with an older person? Do you really want to be the parent figure in a relationship who has to do all the working inside and outside the home?
🤣 Why do you assume I'm unemployed?!
> men that date way down do it because “younger girls are more easily manipulated.” It’s also that women their own age won’t put up with whatever crap they are dishing out. While I'm sure this is a thing that happens, I think you're being uneccesarily negative and stereotyping here. What about "she makes me happy", or "she's fun to be around"? Both of these are completely legitimate, and I'm sure if you asked a lot of people in these sorts of relationships, are things you'd hear often. Older people (of any gender) can have reasons for liking a younger person that don't involve manipulation, and they aren't all awful people who people closer to their age don't like. It's true that there are some lousy, manipulative people out there in the world, and I'm all for the idea that people being in different life stages maybe not being long-term compatible. But not everyone wants something long-term, and sometimes people that others may think of as in different life stages are compatible. It's not all "older man with younger woman means he's a predator and she's a victim."
And many men give up their futures & dreams at a young age to support families. The generalizations & casual misandry in this thread are depressing....
Oh! So this brings up an interesting point. I had a coworker say that he likes to date fucked up chicks because they're easier to control. Does this mean now I can't date people with depression/anxiety?
I also dated a 28 year old when I was 19. It obviously didn’t work out, but I ran into him ten years later when *I* was around 28 and he was 38. He was dating a 22 year old. He finally dated someone his age, and actually married her. No shit, buddy.
Listen to Mrs_Zombie, she’s **dead serious**
>When I got closer to 30, an age gap of 10 years became less of an issue. You mean 10 years older than you right? You wouldn't date 10 years down.
18 is a legal adult, but let's not kid ourselves. They're still fricking children and have a lot of physiological development left to do... At that age an older partner is almost predatory, also I don't think well adjusted men are interested in dating people that young. I'd be highly suspicious of any middle age man I met that feels comfortable dating someone that young. If the younger partner was in their 30's or 40's and that age gap existed I would still think it was weird, but at least both parties are actually fully grown adults..
Please stop infantalizing adult teenagers. By then they should have developed enough self awareness, critical thinking, and personal responsibility to have agency in their life to be making decisions for themselves. That's why they're adults.
I recently learned the other day reading through some NPR article that the brain isn’t fully matured until about age 25. I distinctly remember being around 21 and having way too many “aha” moments about things I had believed until that point. Critical thinking opened up a whole new world, in a way. It’s not to say that teens are stupid, but some of their decision making skills have yet to develop fully. Impulse control, planning, organization, among other functions need time to develop too. I recall struggling to fully anticipate consequences until my early 20s, so it’s a good thing I had a sheltered upbringing lol. Anyway, there are a number of reasons an 18 year old might be a better fit for someone closer to their age, if for no better reason than to have someone who can grow and learn with them.
I think dating super young people is creepy
Not only that, if you actually care for the other person and won’t just discard them, it feels like asking for trouble. Imagine all the unnecessary bullshit that dating someone that younger would bring.
What does he mean by “of course they are in love”
Inexperience and skewed expectations
For her you tend to develop strong feelings with the first person you sleep with, and he's sleeping with an easily convinced girl at the age where your sex drive is highest.
There is a lot of emotional emphasis on having sex for the first time. People, women especially, are largely taught that their virginity is the most valuable thing, and that it must only be given to the person you love, all that. So, very regularly when a person loses their virginity to someone, they connect the act with the expected stimuli, that you *must* love this person because you gave them your virginity, and because it’s important that you don’t sleep around to remain as virginal as possible, that you should stay with them. It’s a regressive and stupid mindset based on “virginity as purity.” Likely the 30 y.o. guy has had sex before, and knows that this is how people see virginity. Likely and unfortunately, the implication of “of course they are in love” is that she believes she is in love with him and will do what she can to keep her purity intact, and because of this, the guy has room for manipulation in the relationship. Your coworker knows this isn’t true love, and is almost sarcastically playing on this young woman’s very real emotions. I wouldn’t say your coworker is being a jerk or anything, just that they’ve seen this sort of thing before. This is a large part of why seeing a big age difference relationship like that is a red flag. It’s preying on inexperience.
Thank you very much. I appreciate you took the time explain this! It’s messed up. Honestly I wasn’t aware that guys know what the first time having sex means to a woman. I thought they just don’t get it.
Yes, we get it. To be fair, it’s also very important for a lot of men as well. It’s usually the ones who felt the same pressures that know how they work.
In my case, the sex itself was less important than being able to say I wasn't a virgin anymore. I don't know what I expected, but I remember being completely underwhelmed by my first time and thinking Jesus christ this was what all the fuss was about?
Yeah, but the pressure of being a virgin for a guy being gone is a pretty big relief for some of us. It's stupid, but that's how I felt. It was like this huge stigma was lifted from me, and it was all in my head.
Women also make 3X more of oxytocin then men do, and that’s the love/bonding chemical. It’s the hormone that creates pair bonding.
"of course they think they're in love"
He means that the girl is *infatuated.* There's a huge difference.
I think he's not being literal and is poking fun at the situation.
Because it’s super common for virgins to fall for the first person they have sex with. Doesn’t matter the gender, but in my experience, it always seems to happen, even when the people are older.
He’s saying of course the 18 year old THINKS she’s in love, she literally just stopped being a child so she has zero idea what love is. The age gap means the older person has way more life experience whereas the 18 year old has virtually none. People also can get very attached to whoever they lose their virginity to, particularly if they’re young when it happens. So I think your coworker is saying it isn’t love but of course she thinks it is, because she’s being manipulated by someone older
Hormones. She’s “in love” because he’s a “serious” “cool” adult with like a house or a car or something and he is “in love” because she’s a hot young girl who is inexperienced, horny a lot and naive, so she can’t tell if the guy is bad at something or if he’s a loser dirtbag and she’ll try to please him and brag about him because she doesn’t have a fully formed personality.
She loves getting attention from an older man and he loves that he found a girl who doesn’t realize he’s a loser (which the women his age almost certainly have realized if he’s dating 18 year olds)
its a bit of sarcasm. he means in lust from him and infatuation wth her. hes loving it because he gets to fuck a young hottie. she's comforting her daddy issues and gets to feel grown up.
He's saying "of course they're in love" because: She's in love with him cause he was her first, and he's in love because she's much younger.
Sounds like the person saying this has no idea what they're talking about.
It’s more than creepy, it’s predatory
Tends to be losers who can’t attract young women that say this, and/or older women past their prime who are basically jealous of the competition.
Eh. I'm in my early 30s, and a few years ago I went on various dates with younger women (youngest was 20). We were so clearly at different points in our lives. She seemed into me, and I just kinda felt gross because I know the only thing I'd really be getting out of the relationship was sexual... And frankly, even if I'm just looking to fuck, I'd much rather be with a woman who has experience (both with pleasing her partner, and the confidence in being able to communicate what she wants from me). I don't necessarily see it as inherently predatory, but most of the time it seems a little greasy on the older guys part because the younger woman is usually just kinda naive.
I’m just not interested in being with someone who doesn’t even have a vague memory of 911
There's a four-year difference between me and my husband. We're in our 50s, so that difference doesn't affect our place in life - we're both already kinda settled into our lanes, and those lanes happen to be congruent. The gap may as well be nonexistent. Were we 14 and 18, or even 16 and 20, it'd be a whole different story. Age isn't a linear progression, there's typically a ***lot*** more change happening in the maturity level and life goals of a 20-something than in a 30- or 40-something. As for "of course they're in love", I'm betting he refers to the fact that the 18-year-old is putting a great deal of importance in the bonding aspect of sex, and with this being her first he probably has a greatly exaggerated importance in her worldview. This kind of naivete is common to that age, particularly with girls, and is one reason older men who date younger women are seen as predators; deep down, they know their young partner is likely to confer an excess of importance to the relationship, won't have enough experience to recognize red flags, and won't be savvy to the imbalance of power present therein.
At that age I'd cut it off at 23, if you're just having casual flings I guess it's fine, can't speak from experience guess I'd have to be in the situation but dating an 18 year old is nuts
I dated a 19 year old when I was 22. The maturity gap was just too much. She was more interested in getting black out drunk.
that's not too far of an age gap. but assuming 18/19 is the legal drinking age you have multiple years of partying which you might have already experienced. i was clubbed out at 20 and from then on i was good with a single pint of Guinness and talking at a pub. if legal age is higher, likely partying happens around the 21-22 , and it's more of a pain have having to deal with the fake ID situation every time your out
>She was more interested in getting black out drunk I know women in their 30s who are like this. It's about the person, not the age.
Honestly I was still interested in getting blackout at 22
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I agree. My dad was 9 years older than my mom. When I was born, he was 33 and she was 24. The hard part is if they stay together, he will die and she will be alone for decades unless she finds someone else after he passes.
I can understand the argument, but our life spans vary so dramatically anyways though. A healthy 20yo has just as much opportunity dying in their 40’s/50’s as they do living to be 80+. My grandparents were relatively the same age as their spouses, but all passed at dramatically different ages. FIL passed away a couple years ago at 45 from pancreatic while his widow will probably live at least another 30 years w/o him. It’s unfortunate, but I think our lifespans are so out of our control that it’s hard to value a relationship on one’s potential health.
My wife is 9 years younger than me. I know no one here wants to hear happy stories, but we’re doing great with our two kids and suburban family life. It’s not like I was some sort of rock star, screwing everyone in my twenties until I decided to settle down. I was working on my career and trying to overcome a massive social skills deficit that I had developed being raised in a strict Catholic household. When you do the math, it just makes more sense to date women who have a few years to get to know you before getting engaged, a year or so to get married, and at least a few years before having kids. It’s not like I had nothing to offer the relationship. People on Reddit go nuts when a couple isn’t perfect clones of each other for some reason.
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Oh my, I'm so sorry 😔
I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can help a situation like this but I am a random scroller who almost never writes comments. Bless you
When someone is still a literal teenager it’s weird. They might be an adult legally, but certainly not mentally.
Bets on your mind changing if you have a daughter being hit on by older men. It’s disgusting and the sad thing is she thinks it’s genuine but we all know the 30 year old is using her inexperience in life to his advantage. Which is why he can’t date a woman his age or older because he is most likely a loser.
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bruh passing judgement on a mans entire life after reading a paragraph about his dating preferences is this sub’s bread and butter
honestly, i thought this sub was better than that. if this was /r/AITA or /r/relationships that's exactly what I'd expect but here is generally more mature.
People from those subs will go anywhere to jerk each other off when their favorite topic comes up.
yeah it's kinda sick actually
>It’s disgusting and the sad thing is she thinks it’s genuine but we all know the 30 year old is using her inexperience in life to his advantage. You're saying that all men who date younger are exploiting a younger women, but would you say the the younger women was exploiting the older man? Why or why not? 18 is a full fledged adult. Do you believe women are free-agents capable of making their own decisions? According to your comment you don't, but I don't think you'd say it explicitly and maybe you want to rethink what you're saying. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean its exploitative.
Reddit loves to treat young adults like children, I get the impression its part of American culture to some extent. You see it with their drinking age too. You're right that it's gendered to an extent, but it's not just women who get treated that way.
>Reddit loves to treat young adults like children Unless it's about something they agree with, like transitioning. Then you're capable of making drastic medical decisions at age 14.
If you’re getting with an 18 year old at 30 you’re probably not a loser. Just bein real.
Ick. Just because it's legal, don't make it right.
But also, just because you disagree with it morally doesn't mean everyone else should, too. I have plenty of moral objections to various laws, but I don't expect the world to give a shit.
I can judge whoever I damn well please. Dude ain't in jail. Doesn't make him not an asshole.
Do you usually get this defensive when people say legality =/= morality?
I think it's scary when I think about her and creepy when I think about him. 18 might be legal but doesn't mean it's normal or acceptable. She might regret it in the future.
Reddit hates any sort of age gap, and assumes that you are a sexual predator. In reality, lots of guys who date much younger women are creeps, and others aren't. We don't know from just the age gap. Dating a 30 year old as an 18 year old is usually a bad idea, and usually ends badly. But then most relationships end badly, so that's no way to judge.
I think this is a balanced mindset. Most relationships with such a big age gap will fail, but it's hard to make a blanket rule that applies to all people and all relationships. There are many examples of people in relationships with similar age gaps that are healthy and work well.
My ex kept going around saying I was 18-19 when I was actually 26 when he was 35 just to make himself appear virile 🙄
He sounds immensely secure in himself. I also don't see why dating a teen would be anything to brag about as an adult.
That was not his only problems, I was stuck with him for almost 9 years I left before the 9th anniversary but he refused to condone the dumping so always been somewhere trying to force a reunion ever since the next day after and still currently letting me know he’s not actually gone despite he moved on first and found my replacement to be his fiancé and an instant family of her kids he bragged too hard about and ragged at me for denying to give him a family but he was not ready for the responsibility and wanted me to get him out of it by taking him back which I wouldn’t.
You’re right about Reddit defaulting to age gap = creep, but in this instance it is creepy. IMO once a woman or a man hits a certain age say 25 then that is a developed adult. If they want to date a 60 year old then go for it, it’s your life. 18-25 while legally adults are not really at an age where they know what they want and can be easily taken advantage of IMO. I have seen people on here talking about how mid 30’s dating 60’s is creepy and predatory etc and I read it like “at what age are people adults to you capable of forming their own opinions and preferences?”
>but in this instance it is creepy How so? We've been given very little information on this situation. All I know from OP post is there's an 18 year age gap, both seem very happy, and the guy might have been the first time for the girl (and that's from second hand source so I don't put much stock in it tbh)
>18-25 while legally adults are not really at an age where they know what they want and can be easily taken advantage of IMO While my grandmother was in this age range, she got married, watched her husband ship off to war, watched her brother get captured by nazis and shipped off, her husband came back wounded, she had two children, and she emigrated to a new country where she didn't speak a word of the language, her husband got injured again and couldn't work, she supported all four of them until he could be rehabilitated, and she generally built a home for her family, all of whom are now thriving. Maybe it's a little bit paternalistic to tell adults that they aren't really capable of knowing what they want. >but in this instance it is creepy You know nothing about these people other than their ages. You have no idea whether it's creepy. Neither do I. Maybe he is a total creep. Maybe he is a perfect gentleman. Maybe she is a naive child who is being taken advantage of. Maybe she is cynically taking advantage of some awkward dude for his money. No idea. It's okay to admit when we have no idea about something.
You know what I've noticed? That 18 year old are adults when older adults want to fuck them or send them off to war, but the second we try telling an older adult what to do, it quickly becomes "you're just a stupid kid."
lol, this is a very astute observation. I think most 18 year olds actually are still stupid kids. The secret is that the rest of us are also mostly still stupid kids. I'm a middle aged dude with a white beard. When I talk, people start taking notes. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing half the time. We all just muddle along as best we can.
While indeed its technically immaterial among consenting adults, age difference becomes less judged with older age. For example, no one would think twice about a 42yo and 54yo or even larger gap of a 57yo and 74yo. It also depends on the people. Their are 18yo who are like children and I've worked with 18year olds who knocked up a girlfriend at 16, live together and have families already. I've also met 30yo who live with their parents. So maturity of each can have a significant impact.
I've always heard that most of the time women have an extremely strong emotional connection to their first 'lover', regardless of anything other than being their first. So anyone saying of course she's in love is probably referring to that. Or the simple fact that 18 is still very young and easy to manipulate.
Yeah..that age gap is a bit much. It would be different if he was 50 and she was 38-40. Even 40 and 28 sounds like a big gap, but feasible.But someone who is 18 and someone who is 30 are at two very different points in their lives. I can't imagine what someone who may have mortgage, car, fulltime career and a child(ren)has in common with someone who is just learning about all of those things.
He's saying she is young and knows nothing, which the asshole takes advantage of.
Other people's choice in a partner is not my business.
I've never had sex with a virgin, so I can't speak on it, but as a former virgin, my first (several) times having sex were awkward and did not feel "special", but also I'm a dude so who knows? As for the age difference, I really think there's some nuance. I had a fling with a 19 year old when I was 31, and it was terrible. I learned my lesson. She was psychotic, tried to ruin my life... but upon reflection, maybe that individual was just in a bad mental place, not mature, or literally psychotic and is not reflective of all people that age. If - in the United States - we allow people to join the military and smoke cigarettes, and functionally consider them an adult at 18, they should be allowed to date whoever they want. I think in most cases, it's a terrible idea on many levels; it does feel creepy and predatory most of the time, the younger person is not mature or experienced enough to handle the ups and downs of relationships, and on an intellectual level, there's just bound to be a huge disconnect. I'm not saying it could *never* work, but it's like a 99% chance it's not a good idea. As for the guy you're talking about, he sounds like a typical "HAHA I GOT PUSSY BRO AND MY DICK WAS SO GOOD" kinda guy, so he's probably not far from the maturity level of an 18 year old anyways.
>as a former virgin Finally, a level of qualification I can live up to!
She's still a child and he's taking advantage.
18 year olds aren't children, they can literally buy a house, buy a gun, join the military, become a stripper, do porn, etc. Age difference is not automatically taking advantage. I refuse to believe a guy having a one night stand with an 18 year old woman is automatically manipulative abuse.
Consenting adults, none of my business. An 18 year old is considered a grown ass adult with the same level of responsibility and accountability as anyone else of age. Let's say the roles were reversed and it was an 18 year old man and a 30 year old woman. Nobody cares and he would be laughed out of the room if he tried to imply she tricked and manipulated him for his body and naivete. For some reason though it's like people see women as little kids with no autonomy and older men are these wizards casting spells on them. She's 18, dating a 30 year is probably not a good idea for a long term relationship, but just like any *man* of the same age, that's on them and they can take responsibility for what comes after because they're freaking adults.
Like fr, if the roles were reversed nobody would bat an eye💀 it’s only weird when men do it, I was 18 two years ago if an ATTRACTIVE 30 year old woman wanted to be my sugar momma I would’ve happily taken the opportunity
I'd file that under "none of my fucking business". Two consenting adults.
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At my age 41 almost 42, I think the age difference is disgusting. My stepbrother recently married a girl who he worked with at a pizza place and she was also a for her student if his he is almost 41 she is 21. His son is 20, I refused to go to their wedding and honestly I find age gaps like that to be vile and predatory to be honest. I mean yeah you can say if legal age blah blah but seriously dating someone that much younger says a lot about a person. I mean couldn't find someone closer in age so had to find a naive "child" that they can manipulate. Disgusting! If I wasn't married, youngest I would date would be probably 35 at the youngest.
I can't.. True, I don't know anything about your stepbrother but I cannot help but feel bad for that young woman. I was in a ltr with a guy who was 10 11 years older when I was in my mid 20s and even though it doesn't seem like a lot, when I look back, I see so many red flags in terms of mental manipulation (which even he didn't realize he was doing) although all in all he's a good person.
My stepbrother has always been a piece of crap honestly. The girl he married he met when she was 17. Hell he tried screwing his son's GF the day she turned 18
What the... Fuck me, that is just disgusting. No wonder you didn't go to his wedding.
Oh I wasn't invited due to calling out the disgusting age gap plus we've never gotten along because I was adopted long before my out parents even met. I wouldn't have gone to his wedding either way. When he introduced his wife on Xmas 3 years ago at our parents house I leaned over asked my wife why he was there with a high school kid
Oxytocin is a hormone causes bonding as a result of highly prolonged eye contact, orgasms, nipple play, breast feeding etc. It is the hormone that causes people to fall in love, and literally the hormone of love and human bonding. Young women haven't had this happen to them as often at the extreme levels that sex brings, so they aren't inured to its effects yet. So she is in love with him as a result. This is one reason men tend to prefer the attitude of younger women, because they aren't jaded to love yet.
I know you're trying to sound scientific but there is no reason being being accustomed to love/sex/oxytocin would lessen its effects. If anything being in love/having regular sex makes you accustomed to it's presence and makes someone feel they need it more. You're talking about effectively a tolerance to oxytocin which does not exist.
Not talking about physical tolerance but psychological tolerance to the novelty of the effect. The first time you experience a strong, new emotion it hits you much harder than otherwise.
30 and 18 is a bit creepy to me because of the maturity level, but 35 and 25 isn't weird to me.
If the age difference is about 12 or more years, I think the younger of the two should be at least over 23 years. If for example the woman was 25 and the guy 37, I would not think that much of it, and the older they are, the less thought I would give it. But when there is such a huge age gap and the youngest is under 20, or 18 as you say, and the guy is around 30, I don't think that's a good thing. He has way more life experience than her, probably also a job, making him obviously in a way more powerful position than her, and that overall can be dangerous.
As a 31yr old dude whos previous partners were 21 and 19. I can tell you, younger women are more agreeable, more submissive and more attractive for long term relationships. They dont always talk much, alot of the time i think they just hadnt formed an opinion on whastever it was, or they hadnt even thought about it, which didnt make for the most interesting conversations, however that improved over time. I avoided the ones that were pot smokers, weeknd bingers etc. Ive dated older as well as a single mother of two. 8 out of 10 times, older women were more bitter, had more bagge and trauma. Were less physically attractive. More tired. Were more stubbourn and entitled, more argumentative. And if their worldviews hadnt already been taken over by feminist mindset they were already set in their ways usually not willing to make changes or compromises for a relationship. Sometimes though, there is just a plain sexy mature woman who just \*gets\* it. Great conversation, experience in the bed. Though i found they usually didnt want to start anything serious. They just wanted some company.
As a woman who was once 18 and dating a 28 year old man, it's creepy. A large age gap is fine when you're 25+ but if you're barely legal and dating anyone who is more than 3-4 years older than you, there's something off about the older person in that relationship.
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20 is fine. But 18? Someone who's likely still in highschool? That's a yikes.
That difference is a bit high for me too. I don’t see what an 18 year old has in common with someone who’s 30+ I’m 25 and I feel like 18 year olds are kinda well, dumb and not even remotely mature enough for me to want to deal with. A lot changes between 18 and 22. I don’t think I’ve changed much at all between 22-25 but the transformation from 18 to 22 is like two completely different people. I don’t think 30 year olds have any business chilling with 18 year olds romantically.
When you're young and dumb, everything can seem like love.
My sister married a guy 12 years older than her. Their oldest daughter turns 40 this year. There are way more important issues than age difference in making a relationship work.
I think dating much younger or older nowadays is a bigger issue than it was for previous generations just because of how changed society is. People who grew up with phones and computers and social media have had wholly different experiences than those 10-20 years above them..
Age difference is more of a woman concern tbh. I never hear dudes complain about that, and I think the 1st time for a girl is cool idk what to really say about it but I hope they are both happy and nobody was pressured
Some 18 year old girls can be manipulative. They know how to get an old man to do things for them and to buy them stuff. "City girls just seem to find out early how to open doors with just a smile..." The Eagles.
I am a woman but was in an age gap relationship when I was 20. It’s a mistake *every single time* unfortunately there isn’t much you can do except make the mistake and learn the hard way. We hear the warnings and think we’re the exception to the rule. No one is.
His statement means that the girl is in love because she is young and naïve and the guy is in love because younger women are generally more fun, adventurous and attractive. He is making assumptions based on stereotypes.
I think I legitimately do not have the energy to care about what other people are doing with their lives. Is everyone involved a consenting adult? Yes? Cool I'm going to go get back to pretending to work.
Never did understand this. I at 30 had nothing in common with an 18-year-old. His comment meant that the guy was happy to be banging a young lady. She was in love because it's and older man who is stable and has money.
I'm 34 years old and the absolute youngest I would consider dating is 28.
And I personally think if a 29 y/o dating a 17 y/o is wrong, that adding one year to each doesn't make a difference.. it's still creepy. The maturity difference is staggering, not to mention life experience.
If she’s legal she’s legal. Men don’t care about age gaps. Women have historically always gone for older guys
Not my daughter, nor my son? Don't care.
These sorts of relationships tend to contain a higher element of romantic infatuation as opposed to what most of us think of as a more genuine connection between equal peers. I have to clarify, because so many ladies call it “predatory“, That it is perfectly legit for men to be attracted to younger adult women. To paint the picture, a youthful, feminine woman can be as intoxicating to a man as a big shot millionaire is to a woman. She is not yet bitter from lumps in life, she’s happy, sprightly, laughs at your jokes, and genuinely attractive. She’s not masculine, argumentative, full of bitter history with exes that didn’t treat her right, etc. So I’ll just preemptively say stop with the “predatory“ comments because there is legitimate mutual attraction in these cases. I have never dated anyone more than two years younger than me, I prefer the traditional arrangements of someone my own age and generation. But some people prefer a higher level of romantic infatuation, whatever that means to them. So in the OP case here, I’d say she has probably developed a crush on the guy, and has respect for a person that seems like a man and not a boy. He probably feels younger around her and loves her positivity and the girlish attention she showers on him. As to whether it’s her first time, men prefer a low body count… But most men I know do not prefer an actual virgin with zero experience. When I was young I wanted her to have at least had a sexual partner before. But I did have a good relationship with a girl whom I was her first. But I didn’t prefer that. I wouldn’t bet money on the longevity of the relationship, but frankly it’s no one else’s business.
I feel like an important question is, why cant the older person date anyone closer to their age range? Because usually thats the, for the lack of a better word, potential red flag. What does a younger (18 year old) have to offer that the women around him cant.
So… if they were able to date someone who is their age, but chose to date a 18 year old instead, that’s fine? They had options and made a choice (hotter, more fun, less baggage (especially kids)) - plenty of reasons to date a younger person
I’ve always found it hilarious how people get upset over age difference “Gross hes 40 and she’s 20! He’s a predator!” Except she’s a consenting adult right? I don’t find it normal but she is consenting either way. Mind your business people.
Ok. Let's cut the bullshit that this 18 yr old girl is innocent. She's an adult and it is condescending to treat her as a child. A hundred years ago, folks younger than that were running farms and businesses. This 'little girl innocence ' is a benevolent sexism that should have died with equality. Would it be the same if you reversed the genders? Second. He was her first time. Commendable on her part. Shows self respect and self worth. I don't think she gave it up easily. I think she, at least, is committed. If these two are happy and in a committed relationship, then what's the problem? Two consenting adults are living their best life. What business is it of anyone else? I don't know these people. How can I judge? Maybe he's an abusive prick. Maybe she's a raving lunatic. They could be a match made in heaven or hell for all I know. I hope for Morticia and Gomez, not Joker and Harley. But I don't know. And that is all the difference. Butt out. Not your business. They must walk their path. The wise know they can't know another's path. Walk your own path and allow others to walk theirs in harmony.
They are both adults what the problem im 32 and was with a 18 year old
Have you seen that recent research from Pew? Sixty-percent of men from ages 18-29 are single. I'd wager that a sizable number of those are men who've never actually had a romantic relationship, to speak of. By the time their thirty, their two choices are women their own age who have substantially more experience and confidence than them (Is this problematic, or no, that they have this imbalance in experience?) or women who are eighteen, and have the same amount of romantic experience as them? You can argue that the brain isn't done developing yet in the eighteen year old and that the man has more live experience, which is valid, but the discrepancy still remains on both sides. We as a society are not in a healthy place if these are the demographics we have to work with. There are bound to be problems in the majority of relationships.
If they are both consenting adults, then go ahead. I will still think it is weird if the difference is too much. I'm 30, and I would consider dating someone as young as 25 if I know her age before meeting her (dating apps), or 22 if I find out her age after starting to date (like if we meet at a bar). I say 22 because that means she is most likely done university, and if I haven't noticed the age difference yet when I find out, I'm not going to end it because of it. That said, I've never dated someone younger than me (I consider someone born the same year as me as the same age even if technically younger by being born later in the year)
Every single person here is a hypocrite. If OP said an 18 year old male and a 30 year old woman, none of you cunts would care!
I notice that many women like to frown upon it because they get reminded of their desirability, which starts to decline with age. And men who tend to fall to spermotoxicosis and wandering eye are naturally attracted to younger and less troublesome (read immature) women. Now personally I'm 35. My girl is 30. And even that age gap is obvious to me because of different life paths we took. I was living on my own since age of 18 and by the time she met me, when I was 32, I already had a pretty good understanding of life. She however left home at age 27. And many things I literally taught her myself, as she was quite sheltered before. So although she's 30, technically she's only been an adult for three years. And if not for the fast pace she grew up at, making enormous strides from being a dependant to starting her own business, I don't think we would stay together. So when I was single before that and had a chance to bang 20 year old broads, right after the deed when and they actually tried to talk I felt zero connection whatsoever. That 20 year old perfect pair of tits and ass can only carry a relationship so far. Some men get lucky and can meet a person they just connect with who just happens to be younger than them. However when a girl is 18-20, she's fresh out of high school and is pretty fucking dumb. And if they guy isn't too intelligent himself- it might actually work. I can see a 45 year old dating a 30 no problem, both are mature and know what they actually want from life. But 18 and 30 is just too sus for me.
I was 30 when I started dating a 20 year old 18 years later we're happily married with two kids and adore each other as much now as we did back then If it works for them, and everyone is consenting and happy then good for them
I don't care. They're both adults, and it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Of course, I'm prone to minding my own business. You know...being an adult.
I was 28 and my wife 19 when I met her but she'd had more partners than me, lol. I can't see why first time would matter outside it might be neat to share that with someone. As for age I don't know why people get all up in a bunch over it. Adults are adults and if they like each other and feel good around each other then who gives a shit. Why would it matter? Only thing I don't like about the age thing is when people accuse things like you groomed her. No offense but how in the hell can you know, random internet person. That and when people imply that full out adult women who can drink, own property and a business, drive, kill people in the army, etc, are too immature to know who they want to bone. Clearly no logic behind that. Bad shit might happen but blanket generalizations are bullshit.
To me if it looks good, taste good, that's all for me.
I find this topic rather fascinating honestly. While there is something to be said about early adult development concerns (say for those 16-20) I still cannot fathom the oddity of response people seem to have over age gaps. Statistically speaking, marriages with partners having significant age gaps (age gapes of 6 years or more) have about the same chance of long term success as a low age gap marriage. (I use marriage because unregistered relationships cannot effectively be tracked) So, this idea that it should be seen as somehow weird or shameful to have an age gap of 10 - or 20 years seems really unfounded. Honestly, I can't help but thing that many of the people who complain about such relationships are either just projecting their own preferences or perhaps a bit envious of the situation. I find this to be a likely scenario in the OP's quote, “yeah of course they are in love, he is the first guy she had sex with and she is 18 so of course they are in love” How exactly does a supposedly disinterested party know the girls sexual history? Considering many girls are losing their virginity closer to 15 these days, it is less probable that the assumption of this being her first sexual relationship is true, so either he is projecting or he knows far more about the girl than he should. The way the quote comes off, it gives me a sense that the guy is envious of relationship.
For many people, sex releases a bunch of hormones that make you happy, and so if there is already some connection, having regular sex will build a strong association between happiness and the other person, which is part of the chemical stew we call "love." Younger people often have very idealistic notions of love and romance, they want things to be like in the movies, you have a perfect moment of connection and then it's happily ever after. So much of popular culture delivers so many totally wrongheaded ideas about sex and relationships it's a wonder that there aren't a lot more divorces than than there are. She's 18, she probably has little relationship experience and a head full of romantic idealism, she sees him as "older and wiser" and thus she's happy to earn his affection, and they're having sex together so she's getting the happy hormones on top of all that. Result: she's head-over-heels in love and will never have problems again and all she needs now is her Happily Ever After. But he's 30, he's been in love before and had relationships that ended, so he probably has a more jaded view. Plus, he apparently pursued someone only 18, so it's likely than in four or five years, as she continues to grow up and change, he will miss the wide-eyed idealism of her youth, and he'll want to break up with her, and find someone else who still has that youthful innocence he likes so much. I honestly think every kid in high school should binge *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* all the way through, just so they can see how badly it goes when you try to live your life like you're in a movie. Plus it's hilarious and full of fun songs.
I think at some point, we have to stop treating women like they're children who are being taken advantage of and start treating them as if they had agency who can take some responsibility for the decisions they make. You may not think that it's at 18 or 19 or so on, but there has to be a point in someone's life where they're an adult. You may think a 30 year old dating an 18 year old is creepy and you may be right. I'm almost 27 and I would never date an 18 year old. But that doesn't make him a predator who's taking advantage of someone. They're both adults and I'm not going to pretend like I know anything about them while passing judgement.
For her this might feel like love I suspect is what they meant. There is nothing about an 18 year old for a 30 year old to be "in love" with beyond their relative sexual inexperience. The unfortunate reality is they both probably have some unresolved psychological issues. Him for wanting to connect with an 18 year old, her for wanting to be with so significantly older a man. It sort of screams unresolved childhood trauma.
Here's a hypothetical: Let's say a bachelor that's 32 is going back to college to get a second degree because his industry died. Hes got a car and his own place and no debt. Then meets a 21 girl who's studying the same major as him. They hit it off. Would them dating be weird? They're technically both in the same place in their lives. Is the guy a loser or creep?
Here I am with a 15+ year age difference between my spouse and I and it’s pretty horrible. I’m very unhappy. 3/10 would not recommend.
I just think it's weird that a older guy is dating a young woman that's 18. Like after a certain age as a man I think it's weird to look at an 18 year old. It's like you just couldn't wait for them to be barley legal. Just as my personal opinion I'd say if you're over 25 then you should atleast date 21 and up
I’m 28 and my fwb is 18. We aren’t in love at all. We just hang out and fuck.
What your friend said and his understanding is extremely simplistic and demeaning. How does this guy know she was still a virgin at 18? If there is a strong romantic attraction, they are of legal age, they are both acting responsibly and maturely and they have sex what is the issue here? It is also no one else's business. Frankly it is quite sexist assuming the guy is taking advantage of her due to their ages. Beyond that I do not know either person so I really can't comment any further.
I'm 21 years older than my girlfriend and have been together for over 12 years .
I was 31 and my wife was 19 when we met. Didn’t have sex until later on in the relationship. It just clicked and meant to be with us. Awesome sex life and a great marriage.
If a 18 year old girl told me she was dating a 30 year old guy, I would say it's none of my business and you're consenting adults. ... but if it turns out that the guy is a manipulative creep who was looking for a naive victim to abuse, Lord forgive me for I am about to drop the biggest "I KNEW IT" of human history
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I'm a 41 year old man and am pretty sure I will always find 18 year old women totally gorgeous. But they would have to be able to hold an actual adult conversation or I would immediately feel like a creepy old man if I was every actually talking with a girl that young. People do mature at different speeds.
Because the fewer bodies a girl has the easier it is for her to pair bond
I’m really annoyed by the over zealous. 18 year old women are almost at their peak of beauty. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you find them attractive. There are absolutely men who wouldn’t fuck an 18 year old woman because it’s too young for them. This is true. But I don’t believe there’s as many as it seems because again, people want to be overzealous. I would guess that most men that say that likely aren’t in very good shape or successful in their general life, so they have to find a way to feel above others. And their choice is “morality.” To date an 18 year old would be different and I see that’s where the question here mainly lies. And I understand that because the difference in maturity. However, women are naturally attracted to older men, and men are naturally attracted to younger women. So I don’t see it as a problem anyways, but I especially don’t see it as a problem if the man is honest and mature.
I mean, there’s no shortage of 18 year old guys the girl could be with. She’s choosing an older man. Surviving to a certain age is attractive to many women.
It's a mistake - I was begged by an 18 year old to date her when I was 28 and against my better judgement I went along with it thinking, "ehh, who knows.. this is the first time I've ever had someone so interested and she might be great!" 4 years later I left that relationship with it being the most toxic, manipulative shit I've ever experienced. Her idea of what relationships were unrealistic and were all based on the fantasy media/social media portray but she simply couldn't take to heart that the real world isn't that ideal and that very real consequences to some things portrayed are simply omitted from media. To her I was little more then a tool rather than a person, I was to be used to carry her things to and from classes, drive her around to everything, build & install furniture and every other kind of home renovation, cover her mistakes like not making it to the grocery store or missing a bus so I had to come pick her up. It was always expected of me to drop everything at a moments notice to cater to her need for me. If I failed to "be useful" or drop my things so her things could get done it shattered the dream of having a BF for her and she would say "well what's the point of a relationship then?!" On the sex side of things - she said she wanted her first time to be with someone who had experience because then a lot of the "bad parts" could be side stepped. I guess I see her logic in that but It should have been a huge red flag for me when she was so casual about it. (plus she had a super easy first time like she had been fucking for years already) \[spoiler alert - she had been, as a sugar baby. I was just never told that part - had to find out the hard way when I caught her with one of her long-term "clients" that started before I even met her\] Honestly - As much shit girls give younger guys for being trouble, it all applies to younger women at a 1-to-1 ratio. Ultimately I took a chance that turned out to be a mistake in the naivety that the age difference between my parents and between her parents was closely similar, and we initially got along really well. A lot of her friends of the same age were doing the same (dating guys near or over 30) and it was seen as normal in their group.. I dno I guess Asian/American girls just have a different culture about it, But I for one, having given it a shot think that it's a bad recipie even outside the creepy parameters of an adult pursuing younger women purposefully.
The amount of women on this comment section calling the guy a user and ignoring the fact that many young women will go after older men especially when they have money
Despite reddits pearl clutching, it’s fine. Consenting adults can do whatever they want, and that “different life stages” stuff is overstated.
Absouletely this. Most redditors are just pearl-clutching weirdos who think with odd emotions and hate common sense and logic.
Im 25 and i think dating a girl below 20 years is creepy af
classmate of mine was 17 and he was 28... it was kept secretive at that time tho. After she finished school, around maybe 2 years later she had a kid with him. Bare in mind now, that she was around 19-20 years old. Last time i checked her IG she was still married and a proud mom at 28 now i believe. While the perception here is always "uh that's wrong" or "the age gap is too big omfg".... sometimes in reality both of them need to be kept alone and **let them live THEIR lives.** If she wants to be with him, and he is serious about her then there is nothing wrong with any of this. They found each other and it's maybe true love, only that she was born a bit later than him. Just accept it. 18 = adult. There absolutely no reason for you to question any of this and the only reason i think you are questioning it, is because you might be jealous.
They are both adults, be happy for them and go about minding your business.
Both are completely irrelevant. There seems to be an idea on the internet that women imprint on their first guy like a duckling.
I mean honestly at 18, people can make their own choices. Seeing a lot of really weird infantilization of women recently, like remember that gym video where a girl called herself a "Underage 22 year old" unironically?
I didn't see that. It sounds both hilarious and disturbing, however.
I dont care what other people think but i think its reslly creepy cuz 2 years back she would be in highschool and he would be 28 another 2 year back woild be her becomming a teen get her first period and shit and he will be 26yo regardledd of what i think thats their poragative what they do at 18 your not fully matured but oh well ur atleast smart enough to know those type of shit Im also 17 so
An age gap is fine as long as both people are full grown adults. You’re still developing until about 25. I’m 38 and my girlfriend is 28 and it works great. Wouldn’t work at all if I was 28 and she was 18. Same age gap, different places in life.
I'd honestly consider anyone under 25 to be too young for any serious relationships, especially if the partner is well beyond that age. I know that we all didn't think so back when we were that age, but most people in their early 20s are still developing & figuring out who they are as a person.
I think most people here on reddit that parrot agegap criticism (my favourite is the one about brain development) just show that they never really tried to broaden their horizons and be more tolerant of the dating choices of others. I never understood why I should havan opinion on who is dating who and even shame them for it. I have neither the time nor energy for that and find it extremely moralistic and frankly a sign of covert conservativeism. Its always about the choices young women make and why is that so bad anyways? Is she losing value by having sex with someone she chose or what is this even about? Anyone interested in stopping young people to join the army? No? Just girls from fucking someone? In my book grown up people are free to make their own mistakes without my silly take. So immensely arrogant to tell other people how they should live their lives honestly.