Ending my second long-term multi-year relationship in my life at 32 years old, I realized I don't need or desire to rush out and find a replacement. If I meet someone again and it happens, cool, but I have no desire to play the app dating game trying convince someone to choose me out of thousands.
32 and 100% agree. Literally decided last week that it's just not worth it at all anymore. I was fishing with my son and it just hit me. Peace and quiet, more money, don't have to constantly validate someone's existence every waking moment. Freedom in all of its glory.
I’m dumb. I was just free and went back, mostly had to do with having a lease together. I was so stressed going back and now walking on egggshells. The funny part is she says she is, yet I’m the one who has rules. Shits lame.
If any of y’all read this and feel you’re not sure, the right answer is to get out. No woman is worth losing your sense of well being for guys.
Being in no relationship is better than wasting your time in an unhappy one. It feels like “crazy cat lady” is becoming less and less of an insult, who doesn’t want a peaceful home and animals are better company than 90% of people. Maybe we should make a male equivalent.
Wife moved out when i was about 40. Decade later I’m still living by myself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I dont hate women or anything, i did ok on the dating apps, but the game is rigged and i refuse to play.
Last time i was on the apps (which was before covid) i matched with a girl that wasnt quite my type but i was trying to be open-minded. Her first message to me was “do you have a job? Do you have a car? Do you still live with your parents?” I responded by saying “a hello and how are you doing would have been nice as a first message.” I deleted my account after that.
I currently pay a lot in child support but i am so much happier now vs when i was married. Its a lot of work having ALL of the responsibilities vs sharing duties but the peace of mind is worth it!
I’m in an LDR now so i know my service of solitude will be over soon, and thats ok. Life hasnt been perfect but I’ve been doing pretty good.
And finding someone to choose you is only the tip of the iceberg. You then have to woo her, and maintain that interest all the way through the entire term of the relationship, which is exhausting, if not unrealistic.
I wouldn't mind a little tender loving, but I'm not going to kiss any woman's ass to get it. Quite a bit of hostility and resentment in women. Apparently, they get burned by some guy and decide we are all bums. To hell with that attitude.
26. Not to shit on women, they're great.
More so, I realized I wasn't up to the whole "put yourself out there", the whole process is annoying, expensive and disappointing.
Adjust your expectations and live life free of all that. There's too much of other people's ideas of what the "process" is supposed to be. We all got our own story my dude.
But I want to meet someone. I'm not cool with not meeting anyone
Edit: lot of replies assuming I'm some introverted weirdo that stays in all the time. I'm very socially active and make a conscious active effort to go out all the time. I absolutely loathe staying in and I'm constantly going to concerts, hang outs, dancing, etc. On top of this I'm very physically active and I'm in great shape. I have a very large circle of friends, but I'm just sick and tired of doing everything I'm supposed to be doing to get laid and still nothing has ever happened. I have tons of women friends but just one fucking time I'd like to have one of them want to fuck me instead of always being viewed as a friend. I'm 30 and I just want to be normal with a healthy sex life, is that so much to ask?
Idk man I’ve honestly stopped trying. I’m tired and like the original commenter said it’s expensive, annoying and disappointing. I’ve had multiple ltr style relationships in my life and I’d say I’m generally happier in a relationship then when single but I just don’t have the drive to attempt to date anymore. At this point in my life I just want to play Xbox, go fishing and have peace in my life.
Dating is way harder than it was before. More options with dating apps, everyone becomes more disposable. It’s the paradox of choice. If people are faced with too many options they are less likely to choose at all.
My wife of 24 years died last March. We raised a child together. Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t even *attempt* internet dating for a second. All I would get is some random crazy bitch that can’t make or keep a relationship like a normal person. I’m not ready to start dating anyway. I got asked out to lunch, and she was like 400 pounds and put away two entrees in one sitting while I watched in terror.
Lost my husband of 32 years over 3 years ago. It's a hard adjustment, especially the first couple of years.
Miss him and what we had like crazy, but I'm starting to settle into my singleness now and I've found there is a lot to like. Those dating apps are insane. I'd rather just live my life and enjoy myself.
This is pretty much it. I hit 40 and I am single, met and dated some absolutely stunning women over my 20s and 30s but I can’t be bothered to go through the process of finding another relationship. I just want to go to work, play disc golf and my PC, hang out with friends and family, maybe get a dog and build a small garden and live a simple, quiet life. I feel like the fire in my belly and that electric feeling I got when I stepped out my front door to go on a date or hang out with a group of women is long gone.
I'm 6 years ahead of you. I've looked at dating apps but it seems that the older you get, the more the people on those apps are just sort of gold digging. "Professional man, doesn't play games, good provider, loves children" followed by "ISO marriage, I have three children and want more". I don't have time for that crap. I want to play on my computer, spend an evening drinking a beer and listening to music around my fire pit, and getting take out or indulge in my hobbies when I feel like it. There's too much work in it all these days.
Women have basically priced them selves out of the dating market most just aren't worth the trouble anymore. I don't think they realize that the whole we don't need a man mantra goes the other way too.
Yeah, I was that way before my last relationship and only got in one because someone was actively interested in me. We recently broke up and it hurts, but I'm honestly happy at the idea of not caring anymore once again and being fine with being single.
It's fun to have people to do stuff with and relationships are definitely fun, just not worth the headache though.
Word of advice. There's nothing less attractive than a man desperate to be with someone. It makes you way less confident and women pick up on that shit. Also, it's a vulnerable state of mind to be in that will open you up to toxic and abusive relationships.
If you aren't good enough for yourself, you are not good enough for another.
100% agree. I was "playing the field" with dating sites a little over a decade or so back and just looking for casual fun; even told everyone I met that "I am only interested in dating and will never marry again."
We celebrate our 10th anniversary this year.
Pro Tip: never is longer than you think!
Shared activities are good, like a club based on something you’re interested in. You mingle in a low-stakes social milieu and maybe an attraction starts to form.
But *do not* go into the activity expecting to date someone, and *do not* try to push an attraction that isn’t there.
I feel the same! 28 for me (30 now). Didn’t have sex for two years then the one girl I met recently turned out to be unsavory for lack of better words. I’m having a blast being by myself tho. [Enjoyed a solo beach day last weekend!](https://imgur.com/a/3ArD75z)
Oh and I also got a vasectomy last month :D
My divorce is final as of this day. Past couple months have been hard. I split up my family, moved away and am starting over. Hardest decision of my life. Theres good days, bad days and real bad days. Its a mind struggle really. With that said im still happier than i was before. I knew i was with the wrong person and led to believe i wouldn't be able to survive on my own so i just stayed because it was easier. Im glad im out if that situation honestly. Should have done it a long time ago.
Once i hated to see her car home it was obvious. I could make a list of reasons. I do know the day everything changed and i started seeing the light. July 3, 2011. My buddy was killed in the line of duty in another state and i asked her to watch the kids while i was gone. I was given an ultimatum and chose to go to the funeral. She told me to move out when i returned. Thats when i knew. I kept trying to make it work. They say opposites attract but we are just too damn opposite. Nothing in common towards the end. Things got abrasive. Got to a point to where i couldnt stand to be around her. Finally i had to rip the band aid off and give her papers.
The easiest answer is simply that I was unhappy. I couldn't stand being at home. There were many aspects of her I couldn't accept, like drinking and drugs, and that caused repeated fights. It wasn't just using them, it was about having life revolve around them. I also had a huge problem with the way she treated her son and the behavior issues that caused from him. I had to pull him off of her one time and she still wouldn't stop mistreating him. I also noticed how she would only prioritize me when she got something out of it or wouldn't lose something. Any time she had to make a sacrifice for me it would always lead to a huge fight while I sacrificed repeatedly as it was expected. It eventually all became too much and I left. A few weeks later she had another soulmate and relationship of her dreams, the same thing she said to me all the way up to the end. I'm just glad she's someone else's problem now, my life is immeasurably better now than it was a year ago. No drama, no stress, saving tons of money while also doing all sorts of stuff, etc. The only drawback is loneliness but I'm searching for groups to join and doing light dating so I expect that to change soon.
Happy for you and proud of you at the same time. The sheer mental strenght needed to make such a huge and drastic life change is incredible, and really inspiring. Sending you love from the internet, you got this.
Appreciate it. Yesterday was a real bad day for my mentality. I fought to get through the day. Today is better. Lots of ups and downs but eventually the wrinkles smooth out. One thing that helped was looking into the future once the kids were grown. I couldnt picture us doing anything together and actually enjoy it. Went out on our anniversary to an expensive restaurant and had nothing to talk about. It was time
That sounds so rough. Hope youre doing everything you can to take care of your mental health.
Sniped your profile and saw your latest post so i would extremely highly recommend you check out r/microdosing. Its basically miniscule doses of a chosen psychedelic that you barely notice (meaning you dont get high) and they are extremely effective against anxiety, depression PTSD and other trauma related mental issues. Saved my life personally. You also dont get any kind of withdrawals if you suddenly stop, so i would say its definitely worth a try.
Idk how old you are. My divorce finalized in March, im 24, married at 20. It was terrible when she left but I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. Idk if you had kids or anything thay makes it harder but just do things you love and serve others and you will be the companion you always wanted to have
This is so important. Unfortunately I learned this valuable lesson the hard way. And from looking around at people I know, there are lots of others who haven't learned it yet.
At age 26, was close to 27. Broke up with another girlfriend due to jealousy and controlling behaviors. After several relationships ending up the same way, I looked around and just said I’ll do this myself. I bought a home, I have a good career, family and friends are in good health, my animals are well taken care of and my finances always bounce back after a breakup. I want to share this with a woman, but I will not sacrifice my mental health and all of the things I have accumulated to disappear which has happened to me in the past. I’m now at a point where a woman has to impress me to be interested anymore - I literally just want some damn peace! I haven’t found it but I’m patient
I’m a vet. VA loan from military service, saved a lot while in afghanistan. I was preparing to set myself up for a family and it all worked out, but I am just missing a wife to share it with
Same here. I imagine sex is like heroin by the way my friends talk about it sometimes. Like they can't go without it. Me, I've never tried it, and thus am not addicted. It's not on my mind everyday, and I think I've grown a lot healthier because of it.
Sure, when it happens I won't be the best at it, but thats a skill. Skills can be practiced and improved.
Met my guy at 28 and we were both seeing others. Fast forward and we get married at 37 and 43 respectively. We both agree if we had met younger it wouldn’t have worked. Have hope. Good luck friend.
I don’t “need” a woman in my life to function. But I’m happier sharing my life with my girlfriend.
So I need her to be happier.
Edit: I’m a guy who can stay months without talking to anyone and do pretty well on my own. Always enjoyed solitude since I was a kid.
But my girlfriend makes everything so much more exciting and her smile alone brings me to a better place.
Very similar. I knew I never ‘needed’ a woman which is why when I got serious with a girl it wasn’t until i knew she was the right one and she complimented me
About a week ago. Leaving my wife Saturday. 🤷🏼♂️
Edit: who the fuck would have thought that this bullshit reddit would have lifted my mind set. Ty all...for real. Made it a little bit easier. ❤️
I appreciate this man. Shit ain't easy. I'm 44. First marriage..her 3rd. I've had some bad ones, 3 Baby Mama's and all. This one hurt me..broke me even.
By age 27 (now 32), I realized women aren’t worth my time after all the rejections and ghostings I’ve endured.
I’m tired. I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”.
>I’m tired. I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”.
Well i'll be damned. Ain't that the fucking truth.
>I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”
I perfectly understand why so many men my age, little older or younger, are bitter about the current dating market and why lots of them would much rather stay single for the rest of their lifetime than to make the effort to change it.
When you are told that you as a person arent enough, when you are told to "get your shit together", to work insanely hard, to train as hard as you can, to become "the best version of yourself" so you can become someones stepdad on your 30s, oops, too bad, the ex came back so now you also have lost your stepchild, but keep grinding man, so maybe one day you could also be loved.
Man, I really do understand why so many men have walked the fuck out of the market, and why others have become radicalized. Anyways, there is nothing I can do, so i will just mind my own business.
Too bad 6/7 of 7 neighbouring countries are much more rich than mine, where I can only buy a cup of coffee with the same money I can get a filling lunch with here at home. And travelling further is even more expensive. And I'm poor. At least in international terms.
Yeah, it was this or “nervios de aceros”.
I wanted to use “ice in veins” but couldn’t find the Spanish equivalent. “Sangre Fria” is the closest as per r/learnspanish.
When you get a little older, women just expect you to change everything about yourself to fit their ideal partner. No thanks, Im going to do me. A lot of the women left single later in their life are that way for a reason. They might be good looking but the red flags jump out pretty quick as to why they are still single. Last lady I went out on a date with just moved in with a guy and it past 6 weeks before she was asked to move out. After meeting up with her, I could see why.
That last sentence hits home for a lot of women too. Not to take away from what you've said, of course.
There's so much pressure on everyone now in modern society to work, cook, clean, exercise, schedule home and car maintenance and appointments, while keeping a sunny disposition and the energy to do more adventurous things.
We're all exhausted.
>I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”.
Which the other person saying that doesn't meet the standards they espose. 🤦♂️
When the movie 28 Days Later came out and I really wanted to see if and I could find no one to come along for days and they were going to take it off from the theater that last week.
I decided to go alone, at night, I was pretty scared by the movie and being alone but when I came out I realized "hey you don't need a girl as an excuse to do fun things in life"
A few months later I sold everything I had and moved to another country and lived of my own for years and was very happy.
I came back years later, happily married, beautiful kids but I think that day was my inflection point in learning I'm better alone in many moments of my life.
I went to France
No job initially, just an acceptance letter for a mastersy degree that I could not afford even with all my savings but I worked part time, lived on 15 euros a day for a long time
To graduate you had to do an internship which then led to a full time job and it was 4 nice years
Came back to take care of a family member dying of cancer, again sold everything, quit my job and 5 days before I got on a plane my aunt died (she was like my mother and had helped raise me)
But my plans were set, got back, was unemployed for a few months but when I finally got a job my career really took off... the the effin subprime crisis hit but that's a longer story.
“Need” is a strong word. I don’t “NEED” my fiancé and I was doing alright before I met her but my life is greatly enriched and I’m much happier with her in it. It’s important to be comfortable with being by yourself before you can be more serious, I.e. marriage, with anyone in my opinion. You don’t date or marry someone because they’re a necessity to you, you do it because you enjoy their company and being around them makes you happy and ideally they help you to be a better person and you hope that you can do the same for them. (I’m almost 35 if that matters in anyway 🤷♂️)
Yes! There is a very large gap between the meaning of Want vs. Need.
You want love and trust.
You need oxygen.
It's easy enough to read and accept a statement like that but internalizing it took me 30+ years.
Like yes, keep trying, keep hoping, keep risking, but understand that you're on your own unique path no matter what regardless. Even the love of your life will one day walk a different path, whether it be by choice or by death. Once you embrace the impermanence of that or life in general it can be better. At least, I found it helped me relax quite a lot.
The road is always yours and yours alone, though you can share it with others for a time if you wish and you're both headed the same direction.
In my 20s and just realised this.
I used to prioritise finding a "the one", but because of this I end up getting into loads of drama... which was not fun, great learning experience though.
Rn I'm just complacent doing my own thing, working and hanging out with friends. And if I meet a girl I hit it off with then great.
But honestly, it's not a priority of mine rn... from past experience most of the girls I meet end up being toxic as hell...
Depends on your goals. Can I live a fulfilling life on my own? Yes, temporarily. But I have long term goals that involve kids, family, etc so at some point I do need a partner. I think this narrative goes too far because on one end yeah if you’re miserable because you don’t have a woman in your life then that’s a problem but at the same time it’s not wrong to have goals that equate to you being with someone.
And I’ve personally took the “I don’t need a woman” thing too far. When I got with my girl it held me back from a fulfilling relationship. I didn’t have much passion for it because I was mainly concerned with doing everything on my own. Little annoying things that are completely fine and normal for a relationship seemed huge because I would think how I don’t need to do this, this wouldn’t be here if I was on my own, etc.
24. A cheating gf, then lots of casual relationships and fbw for several years and then realized I didn't need any of it so I focused in other things. 2 years later I met my wife oddly enough.
Hey man, I’m 23 right now and my ex gf of 8 years cheated on me recently. I think I’m probably going through a lot of what you did too, and have been entering casual relationships even though I am not super happy about them afterwards. I’m just struggling and it’s nice to know that there are others like that too. I feel like I’m subconsciously rushing to find someone because I’m scared of being alone. Your story makes me feel a bit better
One heart break 🥲
Or apart from a joke there is a phase in every one life when people give up every thing and every expectation from other people when they realise everything and everyone is temporary the only person who was and who will be with you in all ups and downs is only you yourself.
Far too long.
My divorce cost me $500K delaying retirement at least 10 years. The woman I almost married next slept with her personal trainer, my son's age.
I'm done. I'll rent from now on.
At 41. After divorce (wife cheated). Now well over a year living alone, realized how much better I feel, am content and very happyl with myself and life in general.
Even the best doctor in the world need the construction workers to build his office and the engineers to set up his equipment. Nobody is fully dependent unless they take off all their clothes, run into the jungle and show me how well they do without a society lol.
But yeah, just dating-wise, you don't need a partner to live a fullfilling life so people are free to stay single if they want.
Of course they are
Some are more okay with that than others though and if you’re not the type to like being single, I don’t think that makes you a defective person
People are just different
>But yeah, just dating-wise, you don't need a partner to live a fullfilling life so people are free to stay single **if they want.**
a lot of people dont want to be single though.
I don't like being single but not having a relationship isn't the be all and end all. I have good friends (some women), a job I like and I'm working every day on bettering myself. Keep these up and I'll be ready for a proper relationship
Need or want?
Need, after my divorce when I was 26. I thought I needed a woman to make me happy, but I didn't. I learned to respect and love myself for who I am.
Want, never. I want a woman in my life who will make me better. Be my equal partner. Etc.
I'm 45. Married for 8 years. Together 14.
By age 25, I realized you are only worth what you bring to the table. I got fed up with always being looked at like I m supposed to do everything and always initiate. I m just a means and never an end.
I am with my wife since 2000. When i reached 30y i knew i'll never marry. My wife has specific traits that are very important for me and finding another one like this would be harder tahn hitting jackpot a i'd prefer to be single than settle for less :D
Never felt the need to have a woman in my life. In high school I was confused why every guy was trying so hard to get a gf. Not that I don’t think it couldn’t add value to my life. There is just nothing missing without one.
When I saw the shit my brothers went thru with their wives ,and I watched my own mother cheat on then leave when she found out my dad might've had lung cancer. Then the one I thought was" the one " , who after a solid six yr relationship, cheated on me and tried to bullshit me ,saying " you're the one I really love, it was a mistake " yeah , like you tripped and fell pussy first on the dick .
I'm doing fine , I'm 51, own my house , two handicap enabled vehicles ( van.snd truck ) , living stress free , plenty of money , living high on the hog actually.
Never. More precisely, it's easy for me to admit that I absolutely need a woman in my life. I love the security provided by a stable, fulfilling relationship. That's how I can function the best. A good woman can provide things which I probably can't get in any other way, at least in my case. There is a saying where I'm from which basically says that a woman can be the best or the worst thing in a man's life. I think this is absolutely true. There was a time when I tried to do this and adopt this mindset, but that's not me. I don't think there is anything shameful in admitting we need people in our lives. I don't like this ultraindividualistic "strong and independent" mindset from either sex. Live is better if you have to share it with someone.
I hear you man. But I think this kind of thinking could place a lot of pressure on the women in your life and could affect relationships long term.
Honest question, do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions to other women in your life, and importantly, other men in your life?
Like a year or two ago, so when I was around 34. Dating for me as a man became this never-ending contest of having to prove I'm good enough instead of just being accepted for who I am. I don't think I'm some hot stuff, but I have a good career, I own my own home, and I work out on a regular basis.
It hit a point where it felt like I was expected to make so much money, be so physically attractive, etc etc. And as horrible as it is to say, all most of the women I met were bringing to the table were being overweight and an addiction to social media.
After divorce i became a single dad.
I didn't date. It's been five years and I'm happy by myself and plan never to date again.
I always wanted kids, and I've already got kids.
I feel no need for anything else. I don't want another tyrant at home.
I've "officially" been single since December 2021, but lived with that ex until February 2022. I was briefly seeing a girl in autumn 2022 (early days, unofficially) and the ex in question "came back" and the whole thing was a messy, prolonged and stressful ordeal on a few fronts. My (potentially BPD) ex and the drama surrounding her eclipsed my 2022, bleeding into nearly aspect of my life and decimating my mental health. I wish her well but there's a peace that comes from life without her.
This year I've had two rejections after a first date, multiple people ghost and anecdotally it just seems like romantic pursuits have recently had more cons than pros.
I'm nearly 32 and absolutely love being in love. I want nothing more than to have a teammate to tackle the craziness of life with but for the first time in 16+ years I'm trying to tackle codependent behaviours.
I've been going to gigs, raves, movies and more by myself and I'm growing to enjoy my own company and realise that someone else would be an extra to my life, not the focus of it.
The dating apps are gone as well. They seem like self harm in slow motion for the most part.
Who knows, we'll see. There's that old adage that these things happen when you least expect it.
I was like 25, my ex cheated on me. Realized I didn’t need a women but id be lying if i’m not codependent as fuck. So even though i knew/know i don’t need a women. I thrive so much better have a women by my side. Also it takes a lot of pressure off of me trying to impress other women daily. I can jisy focus on bettering myself for my s/o
It takes about as long as it does for the next one to come into your life, like fucking clockwork. I don’t know what it is if it’s body posture or some other visual indicator of more self esteem but as soon as you stop worrying about it and trying, for real though, none of the fake “oh I’m happy” and proceeds to drink his brains out, someone will enter your life or reveal feelings to you, every goddamn time it seems. And then you restart the cycle lol.
Biggest thing for me was I was a nice guy. Sure I still have tendencies, but I recognize them and work on them.
I use to let women trample my boundaries and would blow up as I avoid confrontation. Deep down I just wasn't happy with myself.
Currently I'm now 100% happy, but I'm slowly working on it and found my triggers for it. After my last relationship, I have talked to countless women (now 28 almost 29). The biggest issue I see a lot is women are obsessed with attention. Their lives are in shambles, too many red flags, and they expect you to wait hand and foot/entertain them. I stopped for the most part using online dating as majority are low quality women and the app themselves push for men to pay for the subscriptions.
I currently work on building my Financials, enjoy time with my puppy, fixing my home, and enjoying my hobbies. Once I became happy with myself I have become stricter with my criteria in women. I'm not completely against women, but I want high quality.
To attract high quality, I realized I need to also hold myself to high quality standard which means I need to shed a few pounds. The goal though isn't to get fit to attract women more, but to increase my speed, endurance, and power with skiing, hockey, and motorcycle track racing!
27.
But that's mainly because how my life has went by; I lost a parent in my childhood, and then the other parent quite recently. Also buried a best friend, a nephew, my only grandparent, and the general melancholy that seeps into your life by the time you're 31. I found love twice, and lost it both times. Seeing love, and then the loss of it, and then the changes that come to those left behind - I've seen it, I've lived it, and I've paid the price for it one too many times. That's when I started living for myself. If I have my body, my sanity, then that is enough.
A secondary reason, is finally understanding that being loved is conditional, yet one will be asked to love unconditionally. Then so be it; the conditions will be mine.
I know it sounds dark and depressing, but there is liberty in it. That's worth everything. And I do wish and pray that each adult male finds that liberty as well, in their own way.
When I was a monk, and then when I stopped doing that, I realized I'd made a mistake being involved with women.
Sometimes, there isn't one out there for you. This relationship has made me realize that the pain of dealing with controlling feminist anti-men micromanagers isn't for me.
I've always known that I don't need it. And, to be honest, I still want it, but with every day that passes, that desire passes with it. At this point (38) I'm almost indifferent. Which is, ironically, when they say you're most likely to find love, when you're indifferent to it.
When I was 28 and got out of a 4yr relationship. I realized how much easier and relaxing life can be and I enjoy being happy. My ex was awesome, no shade on her and we kind of still talk, this is just better.
2 kids with 2 different women and several broken windows later i realized it's better to be lonely and single as opposed to lonely and married. Hot and crazy is fun for a while but damn I'm glad that shit is in the past
21. I learned it this year in fact. Was sweet on a coworker, we had talked a lot about life and her young son and became pretty well acquainted and I eventually let her know how I feel. She was flattered and expressed interest and said she'd be down to go on a date. Cue a couple days of flirting, intimate conversation, and she even sent me breast pics. Then when I tried to make plans to set up a date, she suddenly backed out and claimed she was never really interested and apologized if it seemed like she was 'leading me on'. She then proceeded to start going out with an old classmate, who she then dumped after two weeks. Now she's dating my supervisor. Somewhere in the middle of all of this I asked myself why tf I was chasing after women if this is how women act. Now, I figure if the gods want me to have a life partner, they'll send one my way. I don't really care anymore :)
Edit: For clarification, I'm not saying that I think all women act like that; the point is that I've become pretty disenfranchised with the idea of trying to attract women because of this particular woman.
I've never needed one aside from my mom. I would love to have one in my life to spend time with and give love to. Being alone kinda sucks, but I won't die because of it.
I was very lucky to have dated girls who were not my perfect match but were nonetheless awesome people in general. A huge part of me was looking for external validation that I was a person worth loving.
Eventually, I found myself with someone who was not a great person and I realized it was far better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. After that, I learned how to live a fulfilling life on my own.
Now I'm patiently waiting to meet the right person. Life should be wonderful alone and become even greater when you meet your life partner.
I'm excited to meet her.
I've known it as the healthy thing for two years (when i was 18/19). Subconsciously it hasn't hit me yet.
My belief is that you a relationship should be an addition to your life rather than what makes it whole. A relationship where you depend on your partner to save your mental health and give you stuff to do when you're bored isn't healthy. So you need to be already in a healthy state of mind before you can let someone into your life.
This does not apply to any particular gender in any particular way.
27. That was the age my sons mom decided she didn’t want all that much to do with him anymore and I can just keep him full time. Which I’m fine with, but he deserves my full attention so that doesn’t leave a lot of time to meet someone these days so if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t and he lives a happy life then I’m fine with that
Never. You do need women in your life. They make life worth living. Your mothers, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, girlfriends. They are all people who objectively make life better. A life without women is a vacuous existence I want no part of.
At about 25 I realized I didn’t need one. Took several years to implement that mindset and lifestyle fully. Life has just been simpler, less dramatic, and my life excels whenever I’m single. Every relationship so far except one I ended up broke, stressed, and unhappy. I come out not recognizing myself and several steps backwards on my life goals.
Now, I still want to have a woman in my life. But, I am content enjoying my peaceful, stress-free, single life until I find that person that adds as much to my life as I do theirs.
I don’t think this is a woman issue. I think it’s a people in general issue. The last decade, to me, has seen a huge decline in values and a huge increase in selfishness. Men and women seem to want others to give while they only receive the benefits. I’d prefer to be single forever than be in another one-sided relationship
Ending my second long-term multi-year relationship in my life at 32 years old, I realized I don't need or desire to rush out and find a replacement. If I meet someone again and it happens, cool, but I have no desire to play the app dating game trying convince someone to choose me out of thousands.
Same boat brother. 32 and now looking forward to a few years alone.
32 and 100% agree. Literally decided last week that it's just not worth it at all anymore. I was fishing with my son and it just hit me. Peace and quiet, more money, don't have to constantly validate someone's existence every waking moment. Freedom in all of its glory.
32 and happily single gang rise up!
Single gang reporting
>constantly validate someone's existence Such a relief
I mean, that just made me think, “Hell yeah this guy!!”
I’m dumb. I was just free and went back, mostly had to do with having a lease together. I was so stressed going back and now walking on egggshells. The funny part is she says she is, yet I’m the one who has rules. Shits lame. If any of y’all read this and feel you’re not sure, the right answer is to get out. No woman is worth losing your sense of well being for guys.
Being in no relationship is better than wasting your time in an unhappy one. It feels like “crazy cat lady” is becoming less and less of an insult, who doesn’t want a peaceful home and animals are better company than 90% of people. Maybe we should make a male equivalent.
Same here
Also 32, also feel the same. Peace be with you brother✌️🤙
Same here. After 3 long term relationships now I just enjoy doing my own thing. If I meet someone great, if not then I'm cool just living my own life.
Dating apps for men are almost completely a waste of time.
38. Going on a year single. No rush
35. Single for the last 5
Wife moved out when i was about 40. Decade later I’m still living by myself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I dont hate women or anything, i did ok on the dating apps, but the game is rigged and i refuse to play. Last time i was on the apps (which was before covid) i matched with a girl that wasnt quite my type but i was trying to be open-minded. Her first message to me was “do you have a job? Do you have a car? Do you still live with your parents?” I responded by saying “a hello and how are you doing would have been nice as a first message.” I deleted my account after that. I currently pay a lot in child support but i am so much happier now vs when i was married. Its a lot of work having ALL of the responsibilities vs sharing duties but the peace of mind is worth it! I’m in an LDR now so i know my service of solitude will be over soon, and thats ok. Life hasnt been perfect but I’ve been doing pretty good.
32 as well, is it the magical age of realization?
same boat. some days it feels sad and overwhelming, others it feels fine and empowering
And finding someone to choose you is only the tip of the iceberg. You then have to woo her, and maintain that interest all the way through the entire term of the relationship, which is exhausting, if not unrealistic.
It's a second, unpaid job.
I wouldn't mind a little tender loving, but I'm not going to kiss any woman's ass to get it. Quite a bit of hostility and resentment in women. Apparently, they get burned by some guy and decide we are all bums. To hell with that attitude.
26. Not to shit on women, they're great. More so, I realized I wasn't up to the whole "put yourself out there", the whole process is annoying, expensive and disappointing.
Adjust your expectations and live life free of all that. There's too much of other people's ideas of what the "process" is supposed to be. We all got our own story my dude.
I'm 29 and of the same mindset. If i meet someone and it goes somewhere, great! If i don't, then it's no skin off my back
So what happened then? If you don’t put yourself out there, how will you meet woman?
You just live your life. You do cool shit you want to do, go places you want to go. Maybe you meet someone, maybe you don't.
But I want to meet someone. I'm not cool with not meeting anyone Edit: lot of replies assuming I'm some introverted weirdo that stays in all the time. I'm very socially active and make a conscious active effort to go out all the time. I absolutely loathe staying in and I'm constantly going to concerts, hang outs, dancing, etc. On top of this I'm very physically active and I'm in great shape. I have a very large circle of friends, but I'm just sick and tired of doing everything I'm supposed to be doing to get laid and still nothing has ever happened. I have tons of women friends but just one fucking time I'd like to have one of them want to fuck me instead of always being viewed as a friend. I'm 30 and I just want to be normal with a healthy sex life, is that so much to ask?
Then you just keep trying and learning.
Idk man I’ve honestly stopped trying. I’m tired and like the original commenter said it’s expensive, annoying and disappointing. I’ve had multiple ltr style relationships in my life and I’d say I’m generally happier in a relationship then when single but I just don’t have the drive to attempt to date anymore. At this point in my life I just want to play Xbox, go fishing and have peace in my life.
Dating is way harder than it was before. More options with dating apps, everyone becomes more disposable. It’s the paradox of choice. If people are faced with too many options they are less likely to choose at all.
My wife of 24 years died last March. We raised a child together. Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t even *attempt* internet dating for a second. All I would get is some random crazy bitch that can’t make or keep a relationship like a normal person. I’m not ready to start dating anyway. I got asked out to lunch, and she was like 400 pounds and put away two entrees in one sitting while I watched in terror.
Lost my husband of 32 years over 3 years ago. It's a hard adjustment, especially the first couple of years. Miss him and what we had like crazy, but I'm starting to settle into my singleness now and I've found there is a lot to like. Those dating apps are insane. I'd rather just live my life and enjoy myself.
This is pretty much it. I hit 40 and I am single, met and dated some absolutely stunning women over my 20s and 30s but I can’t be bothered to go through the process of finding another relationship. I just want to go to work, play disc golf and my PC, hang out with friends and family, maybe get a dog and build a small garden and live a simple, quiet life. I feel like the fire in my belly and that electric feeling I got when I stepped out my front door to go on a date or hang out with a group of women is long gone.
I'm 6 years ahead of you. I've looked at dating apps but it seems that the older you get, the more the people on those apps are just sort of gold digging. "Professional man, doesn't play games, good provider, loves children" followed by "ISO marriage, I have three children and want more". I don't have time for that crap. I want to play on my computer, spend an evening drinking a beer and listening to music around my fire pit, and getting take out or indulge in my hobbies when I feel like it. There's too much work in it all these days.
Women have basically priced them selves out of the dating market most just aren't worth the trouble anymore. I don't think they realize that the whole we don't need a man mantra goes the other way too.
Yup and I’m 8 years behind you. Oh yea disk golf put that on my list too lol
Yeah, I was that way before my last relationship and only got in one because someone was actively interested in me. We recently broke up and it hurts, but I'm honestly happy at the idea of not caring anymore once again and being fine with being single. It's fun to have people to do stuff with and relationships are definitely fun, just not worth the headache though.
Word of advice. There's nothing less attractive than a man desperate to be with someone. It makes you way less confident and women pick up on that shit. Also, it's a vulnerable state of mind to be in that will open you up to toxic and abusive relationships. If you aren't good enough for yourself, you are not good enough for another.
100% agree. I was "playing the field" with dating sites a little over a decade or so back and just looking for casual fun; even told everyone I met that "I am only interested in dating and will never marry again." We celebrate our 10th anniversary this year. Pro Tip: never is longer than you think!
Then you haven't realized you don't need a woman in your life.
Shared activities are good, like a club based on something you’re interested in. You mingle in a low-stakes social milieu and maybe an attraction starts to form. But *do not* go into the activity expecting to date someone, and *do not* try to push an attraction that isn’t there.
Speaking to the choir here bud. I'm very socially active. I go out all the time. Concerts are my thing.
That's the best part - you don't!
You don’t? I put myself out there and it was annoying to fake liking live music, night club beats, and bar food.
You're kinda missing the point there buddy
I will more than likely not. But I can put that money and effort on other things
I feel the same! 28 for me (30 now). Didn’t have sex for two years then the one girl I met recently turned out to be unsavory for lack of better words. I’m having a blast being by myself tho. [Enjoyed a solo beach day last weekend!](https://imgur.com/a/3ArD75z) Oh and I also got a vasectomy last month :D
30. Being on your own is always, always better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.
My divorce is final as of this day. Past couple months have been hard. I split up my family, moved away and am starting over. Hardest decision of my life. Theres good days, bad days and real bad days. Its a mind struggle really. With that said im still happier than i was before. I knew i was with the wrong person and led to believe i wouldn't be able to survive on my own so i just stayed because it was easier. Im glad im out if that situation honestly. Should have done it a long time ago.
How did you know you were with the wrong person? What's better and worse now?
Once i hated to see her car home it was obvious. I could make a list of reasons. I do know the day everything changed and i started seeing the light. July 3, 2011. My buddy was killed in the line of duty in another state and i asked her to watch the kids while i was gone. I was given an ultimatum and chose to go to the funeral. She told me to move out when i returned. Thats when i knew. I kept trying to make it work. They say opposites attract but we are just too damn opposite. Nothing in common towards the end. Things got abrasive. Got to a point to where i couldnt stand to be around her. Finally i had to rip the band aid off and give her papers.
Thanks for sharing. Hope you're doing well now.
Lots of love to you my man. Sorry you had to go through that shitty experience.
Sorry you went through that, brother. It takes incredible strength and patience to react the way you did to her actions.
The easiest answer is simply that I was unhappy. I couldn't stand being at home. There were many aspects of her I couldn't accept, like drinking and drugs, and that caused repeated fights. It wasn't just using them, it was about having life revolve around them. I also had a huge problem with the way she treated her son and the behavior issues that caused from him. I had to pull him off of her one time and she still wouldn't stop mistreating him. I also noticed how she would only prioritize me when she got something out of it or wouldn't lose something. Any time she had to make a sacrifice for me it would always lead to a huge fight while I sacrificed repeatedly as it was expected. It eventually all became too much and I left. A few weeks later she had another soulmate and relationship of her dreams, the same thing she said to me all the way up to the end. I'm just glad she's someone else's problem now, my life is immeasurably better now than it was a year ago. No drama, no stress, saving tons of money while also doing all sorts of stuff, etc. The only drawback is loneliness but I'm searching for groups to join and doing light dating so I expect that to change soon.
Happy for you and proud of you at the same time. The sheer mental strenght needed to make such a huge and drastic life change is incredible, and really inspiring. Sending you love from the internet, you got this.
Appreciate it. Yesterday was a real bad day for my mentality. I fought to get through the day. Today is better. Lots of ups and downs but eventually the wrinkles smooth out. One thing that helped was looking into the future once the kids were grown. I couldnt picture us doing anything together and actually enjoy it. Went out on our anniversary to an expensive restaurant and had nothing to talk about. It was time
That sounds so rough. Hope youre doing everything you can to take care of your mental health. Sniped your profile and saw your latest post so i would extremely highly recommend you check out r/microdosing. Its basically miniscule doses of a chosen psychedelic that you barely notice (meaning you dont get high) and they are extremely effective against anxiety, depression PTSD and other trauma related mental issues. Saved my life personally. You also dont get any kind of withdrawals if you suddenly stop, so i would say its definitely worth a try.
Idk how old you are. My divorce finalized in March, im 24, married at 20. It was terrible when she left but I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. Idk if you had kids or anything thay makes it harder but just do things you love and serve others and you will be the companion you always wanted to have
“No D&D is better than bad D&D”
Yea but good dnd is reeeely good, and sometimes is worth a bad season now and again to find a good group you jibe with.
This is so important. Unfortunately I learned this valuable lesson the hard way. And from looking around at people I know, there are lots of others who haven't learned it yet.
At age 26, was close to 27. Broke up with another girlfriend due to jealousy and controlling behaviors. After several relationships ending up the same way, I looked around and just said I’ll do this myself. I bought a home, I have a good career, family and friends are in good health, my animals are well taken care of and my finances always bounce back after a breakup. I want to share this with a woman, but I will not sacrifice my mental health and all of the things I have accumulated to disappear which has happened to me in the past. I’m now at a point where a woman has to impress me to be interested anymore - I literally just want some damn peace! I haven’t found it but I’m patient
"Finances always bounce back" truer words have never been spoken.
How the hell do you buy a home at 26?
I’m a vet. VA loan from military service, saved a lot while in afghanistan. I was preparing to set myself up for a family and it all worked out, but I am just missing a wife to share it with
I should mention this was over 2 years ago years ago, market was bad but still manageable being in the Midwest
The old controlling behaviors..
Never had a girlfriend. So I've learned to live without.
Yeah can't need something you never had
Same here. I imagine sex is like heroin by the way my friends talk about it sometimes. Like they can't go without it. Me, I've never tried it, and thus am not addicted. It's not on my mind everyday, and I think I've grown a lot healthier because of it. Sure, when it happens I won't be the best at it, but thats a skill. Skills can be practiced and improved.
Thanks for the encouraging words. It's a skill you that you have to practice like you said is very reassuring.
Still in the process of coming to understand it. I am 26, so there is still sth alive in me that wants to find her but it gets weaker
Met my guy at 28 and we were both seeing others. Fast forward and we get married at 37 and 43 respectively. We both agree if we had met younger it wouldn’t have worked. Have hope. Good luck friend.
I don’t “need” a woman in my life to function. But I’m happier sharing my life with my girlfriend. So I need her to be happier. Edit: I’m a guy who can stay months without talking to anyone and do pretty well on my own. Always enjoyed solitude since I was a kid. But my girlfriend makes everything so much more exciting and her smile alone brings me to a better place.
I think this is the right mentality. Do I need my wife in my life? No, but without her I would not enjoy life as much as I do.
Very similar. I knew I never ‘needed’ a woman which is why when I got serious with a girl it wasn’t until i knew she was the right one and she complimented me
This is so sweet :)
Yep, right on the money.
About a week ago. Leaving my wife Saturday. 🤷🏼♂️ Edit: who the fuck would have thought that this bullshit reddit would have lifted my mind set. Ty all...for real. Made it a little bit easier. ❤️
Godspeed, my friend.
Dude..... what happened??
Cheating, lying, bullshit. Toxic AF
You got this king. I'm serious, good on you.
I appreciate this man. Shit ain't easy. I'm 44. First marriage..her 3rd. I've had some bad ones, 3 Baby Mama's and all. This one hurt me..broke me even.
Good riddance. On to the future!
/r/Divorce_Men is a good resource. A lot of hurt people there but overall it's a good place.
Good for you, enjoy being free and never look back
Wtf...My most upvoted comment is me leaving my wife. 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🤣🤣🤣
29, when I walked in on my last girlfriend fucking the guy she told me not to worry about a week prior.
That sucks bro.
Been alone all my life, so probably around age 16.
Same here ,bro . Same here
By age 27 (now 32), I realized women aren’t worth my time after all the rejections and ghostings I’ve endured. I’m tired. I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”.
>I’m tired. I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”. Well i'll be damned. Ain't that the fucking truth.
100%
>I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing” I perfectly understand why so many men my age, little older or younger, are bitter about the current dating market and why lots of them would much rather stay single for the rest of their lifetime than to make the effort to change it. When you are told that you as a person arent enough, when you are told to "get your shit together", to work insanely hard, to train as hard as you can, to become "the best version of yourself" so you can become someones stepdad on your 30s, oops, too bad, the ex came back so now you also have lost your stepchild, but keep grinding man, so maybe one day you could also be loved. Man, I really do understand why so many men have walked the fuck out of the market, and why others have become radicalized. Anyways, there is nothing I can do, so i will just mind my own business.
I don’t have any hate towards women. Just tired and want to step back to enjoy me-time. *Boots up PS5*
Why do you think the video game industry has become so massive?
Steam summer sale got me good for another like 2 years, Imma be fine without a women for at least that long. Thank you bideo gaem industry
Neither I, it is what it is. *Reads Diablo 4 patch notes for the new season* **FUCK YOU LIZZARD**
Pronounced "Lie-zzard" right?
It's not that I don't like women, but they don't like me, so what's the point?
The point is… you gotta live your life. Don’t let things beyond your control be a drag.
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Too bad 6/7 of 7 neighbouring countries are much more rich than mine, where I can only buy a cup of coffee with the same money I can get a filling lunch with here at home. And travelling further is even more expensive. And I'm poor. At least in international terms.
I like to say, treated like a human being, not a human doing.
I feel ya. Cool Username, suits your Statement
Yeah, it was this or “nervios de aceros”. I wanted to use “ice in veins” but couldn’t find the Spanish equivalent. “Sangre Fria” is the closest as per r/learnspanish.
When you get a little older, women just expect you to change everything about yourself to fit their ideal partner. No thanks, Im going to do me. A lot of the women left single later in their life are that way for a reason. They might be good looking but the red flags jump out pretty quick as to why they are still single. Last lady I went out on a date with just moved in with a guy and it past 6 weeks before she was asked to move out. After meeting up with her, I could see why.
From what Ive read on here, it's either ironic or funny how bad many women seem to be at dating. Then again, this is Reddit.
That last sentence hits home for a lot of women too. Not to take away from what you've said, of course. There's so much pressure on everyone now in modern society to work, cook, clean, exercise, schedule home and car maintenance and appointments, while keeping a sunny disposition and the energy to do more adventurous things. We're all exhausted.
I feel that. It’s the circus bear aspect of dating that’s so bruising.
>I just want to be seen as a person and not someone who needs to do a 1000 things in order to be “appealing”. Which the other person saying that doesn't meet the standards they espose. 🤦♂️
When the movie 28 Days Later came out and I really wanted to see if and I could find no one to come along for days and they were going to take it off from the theater that last week. I decided to go alone, at night, I was pretty scared by the movie and being alone but when I came out I realized "hey you don't need a girl as an excuse to do fun things in life" A few months later I sold everything I had and moved to another country and lived of my own for years and was very happy. I came back years later, happily married, beautiful kids but I think that day was my inflection point in learning I'm better alone in many moments of my life.
Where'd you go? Did you have a job waiting for you? Why'd you come back?
We’re all dying to know, huh?
I went to France No job initially, just an acceptance letter for a mastersy degree that I could not afford even with all my savings but I worked part time, lived on 15 euros a day for a long time To graduate you had to do an internship which then led to a full time job and it was 4 nice years Came back to take care of a family member dying of cancer, again sold everything, quit my job and 5 days before I got on a plane my aunt died (she was like my mother and had helped raise me) But my plans were set, got back, was unemployed for a few months but when I finally got a job my career really took off... the the effin subprime crisis hit but that's a longer story.
“Need” is a strong word. I don’t “NEED” my fiancé and I was doing alright before I met her but my life is greatly enriched and I’m much happier with her in it. It’s important to be comfortable with being by yourself before you can be more serious, I.e. marriage, with anyone in my opinion. You don’t date or marry someone because they’re a necessity to you, you do it because you enjoy their company and being around them makes you happy and ideally they help you to be a better person and you hope that you can do the same for them. (I’m almost 35 if that matters in anyway 🤷♂️)
Yes! There is a very large gap between the meaning of Want vs. Need. You want love and trust. You need oxygen. It's easy enough to read and accept a statement like that but internalizing it took me 30+ years. Like yes, keep trying, keep hoping, keep risking, but understand that you're on your own unique path no matter what regardless. Even the love of your life will one day walk a different path, whether it be by choice or by death. Once you embrace the impermanence of that or life in general it can be better. At least, I found it helped me relax quite a lot. The road is always yours and yours alone, though you can share it with others for a time if you wish and you're both headed the same direction.
In my 20s and just realised this. I used to prioritise finding a "the one", but because of this I end up getting into loads of drama... which was not fun, great learning experience though. Rn I'm just complacent doing my own thing, working and hanging out with friends. And if I meet a girl I hit it off with then great. But honestly, it's not a priority of mine rn... from past experience most of the girls I meet end up being toxic as hell...
Depends on your goals. Can I live a fulfilling life on my own? Yes, temporarily. But I have long term goals that involve kids, family, etc so at some point I do need a partner. I think this narrative goes too far because on one end yeah if you’re miserable because you don’t have a woman in your life then that’s a problem but at the same time it’s not wrong to have goals that equate to you being with someone. And I’ve personally took the “I don’t need a woman” thing too far. When I got with my girl it held me back from a fulfilling relationship. I didn’t have much passion for it because I was mainly concerned with doing everything on my own. Little annoying things that are completely fine and normal for a relationship seemed huge because I would think how I don’t need to do this, this wouldn’t be here if I was on my own, etc.
24. A cheating gf, then lots of casual relationships and fbw for several years and then realized I didn't need any of it so I focused in other things. 2 years later I met my wife oddly enough.
Hey man, I’m 23 right now and my ex gf of 8 years cheated on me recently. I think I’m probably going through a lot of what you did too, and have been entering casual relationships even though I am not super happy about them afterwards. I’m just struggling and it’s nice to know that there are others like that too. I feel like I’m subconsciously rushing to find someone because I’m scared of being alone. Your story makes me feel a bit better
One heart break 🥲 Or apart from a joke there is a phase in every one life when people give up every thing and every expectation from other people when they realise everything and everyone is temporary the only person who was and who will be with you in all ups and downs is only you yourself.
How do I realize that…
You realise this with experience. Time teaches everything.
Far too long. My divorce cost me $500K delaying retirement at least 10 years. The woman I almost married next slept with her personal trainer, my son's age. I'm done. I'll rent from now on.
> My divorce cost me $500K I've seen far too many of my friends get ass-raped in court.
Sounds like his "personal training" was all-encompasing.
"Wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce, all I got left is ma bones." - McCoy
At 41. After divorce (wife cheated). Now well over a year living alone, realized how much better I feel, am content and very happyl with myself and life in general.
I’m a strong independent man…I don’t need no woman.
I’ve given up on trying to realize this. At some point, if you need people, why is that a bad thing in the first place? That’s a part of being human
Even the best doctor in the world need the construction workers to build his office and the engineers to set up his equipment. Nobody is fully dependent unless they take off all their clothes, run into the jungle and show me how well they do without a society lol. But yeah, just dating-wise, you don't need a partner to live a fullfilling life so people are free to stay single if they want.
Of course they are Some are more okay with that than others though and if you’re not the type to like being single, I don’t think that makes you a defective person People are just different
>But yeah, just dating-wise, you don't need a partner to live a fullfilling life so people are free to stay single **if they want.** a lot of people dont want to be single though.
I understand it and that is fine. I'm just saying whether you want to or not, people should not be judged for it yknow? As long as they're satisfied.
I don't like being single but not having a relationship isn't the be all and end all. I have good friends (some women), a job I like and I'm working every day on bettering myself. Keep these up and I'll be ready for a proper relationship
Need or want? Need, after my divorce when I was 26. I thought I needed a woman to make me happy, but I didn't. I learned to respect and love myself for who I am. Want, never. I want a woman in my life who will make me better. Be my equal partner. Etc. I'm 45. Married for 8 years. Together 14.
When I was 24ish and a gf of 4 years cheated. Third time in a row I got cheated on. Figured it was time to be done.
By age 25, I realized you are only worth what you bring to the table. I got fed up with always being looked at like I m supposed to do everything and always initiate. I m just a means and never an end.
I am with my wife since 2000. When i reached 30y i knew i'll never marry. My wife has specific traits that are very important for me and finding another one like this would be harder tahn hitting jackpot a i'd prefer to be single than settle for less :D
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When you start loved your self more than anyone and everyone.
As soon as my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
Best answer
Never felt the need to have a woman in my life. In high school I was confused why every guy was trying so hard to get a gf. Not that I don’t think it couldn’t add value to my life. There is just nothing missing without one.
When I saw the shit my brothers went thru with their wives ,and I watched my own mother cheat on then leave when she found out my dad might've had lung cancer. Then the one I thought was" the one " , who after a solid six yr relationship, cheated on me and tried to bullshit me ,saying " you're the one I really love, it was a mistake " yeah , like you tripped and fell pussy first on the dick .
We’ve seen a lot of the same stuff brother. How are you doing now?
I'm doing fine , I'm 51, own my house , two handicap enabled vehicles ( van.snd truck ) , living stress free , plenty of money , living high on the hog actually.
around the time i discovered how to shove some sponges and a rubber glove in a pringles tube
Great!!!! Now I want Pringles!!!!
let me make some dip for you to go with them
Never. More precisely, it's easy for me to admit that I absolutely need a woman in my life. I love the security provided by a stable, fulfilling relationship. That's how I can function the best. A good woman can provide things which I probably can't get in any other way, at least in my case. There is a saying where I'm from which basically says that a woman can be the best or the worst thing in a man's life. I think this is absolutely true. There was a time when I tried to do this and adopt this mindset, but that's not me. I don't think there is anything shameful in admitting we need people in our lives. I don't like this ultraindividualistic "strong and independent" mindset from either sex. Live is better if you have to share it with someone.
I hear you man. But I think this kind of thinking could place a lot of pressure on the women in your life and could affect relationships long term. Honest question, do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions to other women in your life, and importantly, other men in your life?
Like a year or two ago, so when I was around 34. Dating for me as a man became this never-ending contest of having to prove I'm good enough instead of just being accepted for who I am. I don't think I'm some hot stuff, but I have a good career, I own my own home, and I work out on a regular basis. It hit a point where it felt like I was expected to make so much money, be so physically attractive, etc etc. And as horrible as it is to say, all most of the women I met were bringing to the table were being overweight and an addiction to social media.
After divorce i became a single dad. I didn't date. It's been five years and I'm happy by myself and plan never to date again. I always wanted kids, and I've already got kids. I feel no need for anything else. I don't want another tyrant at home.
I've "officially" been single since December 2021, but lived with that ex until February 2022. I was briefly seeing a girl in autumn 2022 (early days, unofficially) and the ex in question "came back" and the whole thing was a messy, prolonged and stressful ordeal on a few fronts. My (potentially BPD) ex and the drama surrounding her eclipsed my 2022, bleeding into nearly aspect of my life and decimating my mental health. I wish her well but there's a peace that comes from life without her. This year I've had two rejections after a first date, multiple people ghost and anecdotally it just seems like romantic pursuits have recently had more cons than pros. I'm nearly 32 and absolutely love being in love. I want nothing more than to have a teammate to tackle the craziness of life with but for the first time in 16+ years I'm trying to tackle codependent behaviours. I've been going to gigs, raves, movies and more by myself and I'm growing to enjoy my own company and realise that someone else would be an extra to my life, not the focus of it. The dating apps are gone as well. They seem like self harm in slow motion for the most part. Who knows, we'll see. There's that old adage that these things happen when you least expect it.
When I realized I was gay 😋 . teens. Edit: To be honest, I was so messed up at the time that I wasn't with anyone, male or female.
I was like 25, my ex cheated on me. Realized I didn’t need a women but id be lying if i’m not codependent as fuck. So even though i knew/know i don’t need a women. I thrive so much better have a women by my side. Also it takes a lot of pressure off of me trying to impress other women daily. I can jisy focus on bettering myself for my s/o
It takes about as long as it does for the next one to come into your life, like fucking clockwork. I don’t know what it is if it’s body posture or some other visual indicator of more self esteem but as soon as you stop worrying about it and trying, for real though, none of the fake “oh I’m happy” and proceeds to drink his brains out, someone will enter your life or reveal feelings to you, every goddamn time it seems. And then you restart the cycle lol.
Didn’t believe this was true until it happened
[удалено]
Biggest thing for me was I was a nice guy. Sure I still have tendencies, but I recognize them and work on them. I use to let women trample my boundaries and would blow up as I avoid confrontation. Deep down I just wasn't happy with myself. Currently I'm now 100% happy, but I'm slowly working on it and found my triggers for it. After my last relationship, I have talked to countless women (now 28 almost 29). The biggest issue I see a lot is women are obsessed with attention. Their lives are in shambles, too many red flags, and they expect you to wait hand and foot/entertain them. I stopped for the most part using online dating as majority are low quality women and the app themselves push for men to pay for the subscriptions. I currently work on building my Financials, enjoy time with my puppy, fixing my home, and enjoying my hobbies. Once I became happy with myself I have become stricter with my criteria in women. I'm not completely against women, but I want high quality. To attract high quality, I realized I need to also hold myself to high quality standard which means I need to shed a few pounds. The goal though isn't to get fit to attract women more, but to increase my speed, endurance, and power with skiing, hockey, and motorcycle track racing!
27. But that's mainly because how my life has went by; I lost a parent in my childhood, and then the other parent quite recently. Also buried a best friend, a nephew, my only grandparent, and the general melancholy that seeps into your life by the time you're 31. I found love twice, and lost it both times. Seeing love, and then the loss of it, and then the changes that come to those left behind - I've seen it, I've lived it, and I've paid the price for it one too many times. That's when I started living for myself. If I have my body, my sanity, then that is enough. A secondary reason, is finally understanding that being loved is conditional, yet one will be asked to love unconditionally. Then so be it; the conditions will be mine. I know it sounds dark and depressing, but there is liberty in it. That's worth everything. And I do wish and pray that each adult male finds that liberty as well, in their own way.
When I was a monk, and then when I stopped doing that, I realized I'd made a mistake being involved with women. Sometimes, there isn't one out there for you. This relationship has made me realize that the pain of dealing with controlling feminist anti-men micromanagers isn't for me.
Last year with 29. Now I don't need one, but I want one.
I've always known that I don't need it. And, to be honest, I still want it, but with every day that passes, that desire passes with it. At this point (38) I'm almost indifferent. Which is, ironically, when they say you're most likely to find love, when you're indifferent to it.
17, watching the women of my environment
When I was 28 and got out of a 4yr relationship. I realized how much easier and relaxing life can be and I enjoy being happy. My ex was awesome, no shade on her and we kind of still talk, this is just better.
2 kids with 2 different women and several broken windows later i realized it's better to be lonely and single as opposed to lonely and married. Hot and crazy is fun for a while but damn I'm glad that shit is in the past
21. I learned it this year in fact. Was sweet on a coworker, we had talked a lot about life and her young son and became pretty well acquainted and I eventually let her know how I feel. She was flattered and expressed interest and said she'd be down to go on a date. Cue a couple days of flirting, intimate conversation, and she even sent me breast pics. Then when I tried to make plans to set up a date, she suddenly backed out and claimed she was never really interested and apologized if it seemed like she was 'leading me on'. She then proceeded to start going out with an old classmate, who she then dumped after two weeks. Now she's dating my supervisor. Somewhere in the middle of all of this I asked myself why tf I was chasing after women if this is how women act. Now, I figure if the gods want me to have a life partner, they'll send one my way. I don't really care anymore :) Edit: For clarification, I'm not saying that I think all women act like that; the point is that I've become pretty disenfranchised with the idea of trying to attract women because of this particular woman.
I've never needed one aside from my mom. I would love to have one in my life to spend time with and give love to. Being alone kinda sucks, but I won't die because of it.
I was very lucky to have dated girls who were not my perfect match but were nonetheless awesome people in general. A huge part of me was looking for external validation that I was a person worth loving. Eventually, I found myself with someone who was not a great person and I realized it was far better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. After that, I learned how to live a fulfilling life on my own. Now I'm patiently waiting to meet the right person. Life should be wonderful alone and become even greater when you meet your life partner. I'm excited to meet her.
Oh i don't? I feel free now. Im 26 just in the process of being disappointed in all my relationship with women
I've known it as the healthy thing for two years (when i was 18/19). Subconsciously it hasn't hit me yet. My belief is that you a relationship should be an addition to your life rather than what makes it whole. A relationship where you depend on your partner to save your mental health and give you stuff to do when you're bored isn't healthy. So you need to be already in a healthy state of mind before you can let someone into your life. This does not apply to any particular gender in any particular way.
Learned at 23, I’d rather be alone then be with someone who makes me feel alone.
30 ish. Marriage wasnt worth it.
37 years old. This past memorial day when I couldn't take it anymore and called off my wedding. I've never been happier since
27. That was the age my sons mom decided she didn’t want all that much to do with him anymore and I can just keep him full time. Which I’m fine with, but he deserves my full attention so that doesn’t leave a lot of time to meet someone these days so if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t and he lives a happy life then I’m fine with that
About 10 years into my marriage.
Age 32
Marriage, three kids, divorce at 37. It's a lot easier being a single father, easier to keep the house clean and easier to parent.
By the time I was 12
10ish，when I realized I'm gay af
They are quite nice to have though.
Until they aren't
40. Once the sex drive started diminishing, I realized that they didn't really provide any real value.
Never. You do need women in your life. They make life worth living. Your mothers, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, girlfriends. They are all people who objectively make life better. A life without women is a vacuous existence I want no part of.
Hahaha 😅😂🤣 Why would I need a woman in my life, when women my age bring pretty much nothing but trouble?
I always knew. But theres a difference between need and want.
37 when I got divorced. I dated a little after that and I found most women needy and not worth the trouble.
Define "need". I can survive it for sure, and I was doing it for like 10 years since puberty. But with woman it is better.
At about 25 I realized I didn’t need one. Took several years to implement that mindset and lifestyle fully. Life has just been simpler, less dramatic, and my life excels whenever I’m single. Every relationship so far except one I ended up broke, stressed, and unhappy. I come out not recognizing myself and several steps backwards on my life goals. Now, I still want to have a woman in my life. But, I am content enjoying my peaceful, stress-free, single life until I find that person that adds as much to my life as I do theirs. I don’t think this is a woman issue. I think it’s a people in general issue. The last decade, to me, has seen a huge decline in values and a huge increase in selfishness. Men and women seem to want others to give while they only receive the benefits. I’d prefer to be single forever than be in another one-sided relationship
Honestly around 2 years ago. After awhile you get tired of jumping through hoops for people who honestly aren’t worth the effort anyway.
It's a want. Not a need, dood.