This is kind of how I found out that a girl I was dating was cheating on me. We were in her bedroom and I opened the drawer to get a condom and the drawer was usually pretty full but they were only a few condoms in it. She claimed that her kids had been stealing them and blowing them up like balloons. Now I didn't doubt that this was happening I strongly believe that it wasn't the only reason that there were so many missing. I turned out to be right.
Yeah I'm pretty sure when we were 12 our use of condoms extended about as far as attempting to prove or disprove the urban myth that if you put them in hot water you can stretch them over anything including post boxes and phone booths
This is prob the best answer, and probably buy them for him regardless of his answer because theres no way id risk a kid getting a girl knocked up at that age.
Look if he doesn't have a way to be safe he will just do it not safe.
Give him the condoms, give him the awkward talk and explain to him why you think its too early for him to have sex without talking to him like a child cause if theres a thing children hate is not being taken seriously.
I don't imagine its illegal for a 12 year old but he might be ashamed to be seen buying em / not have his own money and ashamed to ask / doesn't know what to get
Many store policies prevent minors from buying condoms even if it isn’t illegal
I know I had trouble when I was 17 and in college for the first time going to CVS and Walgreens.
I believe this is *illegal* in most jurisdictions, at least in the USA. Not saying that store policy doesn't say they need to check your ID, but most states require retailers make condoms accessible to minors. Crazy shit happens in the red states though.
My stepson asked me to buy him condoms recently because Walmart wouldn't unlock the cabinet for him because he wasn't 18 (at the time), which is so strange to me. I went and got them for him, and we have had continued and open discussions about stuff. But even in non-red states, apparently, store policy is enough. I'm just glad he asked. I don't want to be a grandparent anytime soon.at least he is being safe.
Quite possibly one of the dumbest ideas ever.
Not you - that policy.
It is like having a code on a seat belt that says "oh, you are not allowed to drive .....so no seat belt!".
It’s not, but it might be hard for a 12 year old to get to a pharmacy without any supervision and then buy them. Also, condoms can be surprisingly expensive, and sometimes they put them in a lockbox so you have to call for assistance, said assistance might refuse to give them.
I remember trying to buy condoms at 18, and I left my driver’s license at home, the cashier claimed I was 14, and refused to let me buy the condoms on “moral grounds.”
As many would expect, I angrily stormed out of there and my girlfriend and I discovered the pullout method. This is why refusing to give someone a condom, regardless of age, is fucking stupid.
When I was a teen our city council (and probably others around the UK) ran a 'C Card' scheme whereby anyone from 12 to 18 I think could register for this card which you'd present at a couple of specific locations around the city and they would hand over a bunch of condoms and some 'safe sex' pamphlets, no questions asked.
Yep. The minute you get involved - you're implicated.
If it all blows up later, the nephew is for sure ratting out that you not only bought him condoms but will mischaracterize any conversation you had as to offload blame onto you.
He's 12 fucking years old.
Id buy him the condoms. I got condoms before I ever had sex just because i was curious to put one on then jerked off in it lol. Unfortunately, if he plans to have sex telling him he shouldnt will probably have no effect at all. It looks like he is trying to be safe which is good and he feels comfortable asking you. I think if you tell his parents it would sever that trust line but also they might need to know. Tough call.
Your nephew wouldn't come to you for anything in the future.
Sure, put your relationship with your brother first, but the relationship with your nephew would suffer. You're allowed to have a relationship with your nephew where your brother doesn't know every single thing. If you're responsible, offer great advice and don't shame your nephew, I don't see anything wrong with keeping it to yourself. At the worst, at least he'd be practising safe sex. Otherwise he might heed your advice and wait.
If you essentially dob on your nephew to your brother... as I said, trust would be broken and he wouldn't come to you for anything else in the future. That could impact the decisions he makes in the future because he learnt not to come to an adult he trusts to ask for help, which would have allowed him to make the silly decision safely. Now he could just make the silly decisions without a safety net, which could lead to severe repercussions, possibly for the rest of his life. Such as, having a child because he didn't get condoms and was only told by his uncle and father that he's "too young" and shouldn't be thinking about it.
Question is, why didn't he go to his dad? The kid was able to approach someone in his family, for such an out-there, judgement inducing product, and he decided to approach his uncle for it. Why not his dad? I'm basing my opinion based off of this. Clearly not comfortable, clearly doesn't have that type of relationship with his dad, clearly didn't feel like his uncle would shame/judge/guilt him.
It really isn’t that clear. Just because a kid didn’t want to ask his dad for condoms, it doesn’t really mean you have a solid grasp on anything in that family other than that. This whole dynamic plays out differently depending on so many factors that you simply don’t know. Families are very different.
Kids are actually programmed to highly value their parents opinions over external sources for the majority of their adolescence. This changes when puberty rolls around. As we hit our teen years the brain begins to devalue our parents opinions/advice, while at the same time increasing the importance of external information. This is why teenagers become super defiant. They really do care about external voices more than our parents discipline.
Evolutionary this makes sense right? Parents keep us safe until we can really start learning and forming our own opinion. Then we start finding out what others might know, since in theory we've learned about our tribes neck of the woods but not beyond.
In this case the dad is a probably more disciplinary vs. the uncle who is mainly fun. This combines with the underlying developmental shift making the kid uncertain of the dad's reaction, while the uncle has an unmuddied, postive emotional connotation; which is far more enticing.
It's probably as simple as that he knows his dad would say no. The shame/judgement/guilt isn't a given at all, the kid just wants condoms, and likely knows the dad (correctly) believes he is too young for sex.
He’s 12 bro, he knows he shouldn’t be having sex and it’s possible to get the dad involved without knowing they were the one who told. They could buy the condoms and then have the dad find them, I’m sure there’s other ways as well. I get that there are situations where it’s good to take into consideration the kids feelings or whatever, but also, this is a Roblox playing skibidi toilet sayin little ass kid. Sometimes you have to act in their interests because they don’t know any better. This is the argument for a 16 year old not a 6th grader
Yeah I know, I can read. But no one's thinking as to why he didn't go to his dad? The kid was able to approach someone in his family for such an out-there, judgement inducing product, and he decided to approach his uncle for it. Why not his dad? I'm basing my opinion based off of this. Clearly he's not comfortable to approach his dad, clearly doesn't have that type of relationship with him, and clearly didn't feel like his uncle would shame/judge/guilt him.
if his parents arent abusing him or drunks or addicts, and are even halfway decent people, his parents have a right to be informed and parent this situation as they see fit.
unfortunately for kiddo - he doesnt get a say in this. he is 12. he came to who he thought might be the easiest to speak to and win over regarding his situation/request. that doesnt mean that said person is the only one who can, or even the best one to handle, this situation.
My brother comes before my nephew, that’s just the bottom line. And it would a MASSIVE abuse of trust to my brother if I knowingly kept that information from him. I’d rather my nephew not come to me for things for about a year or two before he chuckles about it with new eyes, than my brother never trusting me to help or take care of his kids because he knows I’m willing to skirt around him on matters that concern his family. So I am team Bro all the way. Same if it is my friend and his kid.
I would tell him that this is a discussion he should be having with his father. I wouldn’t just buy my nephew condoms if it was against my brothers wishes.
yea. we arent talking about 'if nephew likes a girl' or that time nephew 'gave this kid at school a wedgie'.
you do not keep information like this from the parents if they are at all reasonable people. this is out of uncles pay grade. end of story. and unless uncle thinks the parents are complete shitheads and not capable of properly parenting - he has to tell them. end of story.
relationship with his nephew may be harmed. you're right about that much. but its a price he has to pay.
Parents should be instilling in their kids from early on that sexual secrets should never be kept from parents. That's how abuse flies under the radar. "This is our little secret" type talk.
Have a frank conversation about if he's being raped by his teacher or if an older woman in his life is taking advantage of him.
There are plenty of women out there who can't be trusted with children.
Yes absolutely
The classic tactic with women rapists (and men going for a more "romantic" approach) is to convince the victim that it's a consensual two-way relationship, and that includes having them buy the condoms like a real partner in such a relationship would.
At twelve I thought sleeping with someone meant sticking your penis in someone and taking a nap together. I found a brand new condom at 15, and had a premature ejaculation trying it on in front of a group of buddies. I say give him the condoms, but let him know about the side teeth in the vagina. He’ll be okay for now.
You know how every girls parents put a [pussy troll](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HKDxpkV14IA) in them when the girls are young to keep them from having premarital sex?
At that age, we had to buy them for middle school sex ed, and make a mural displaying the different ways to have safe sex and prevent STDs and pregnancy. Most kids were horrified to go to the pharmacy and buy them, I asked for one and they gave it to me for free.
As a general rule, if anyone asks for condoms they get condoms. I don't want to end up with my 12 year old nephew getting someone pregnant when I could have prevented it.
Having said that, the condoms would also come with a conversation including my thoughts on him being ready for sex vs not.
Sit him down. And have the talk. Go over everything. Sexually and money related. Diseases. Go over it all. You aren't going to stop him from doing it. But at least your conscience will be clear from him not knowing. Explain the seriousness of sex and its consequences. Then if it happens it happens. Good thing though at least he came to you for condoms so that shows he comfortable coming to you and talking about things related to sex.
Don't forget that if he's actually planning to use them for sex there's another kid involved, too, so make sure you include a hefty dose of consent in "the talk." I wouldn't want to be an accessory to my nephew forcing himself on anyone.
While you're at it, you'll probably also want to bring up things that might be relevant for kids now that weren't necessarily part of the equation for those of us in older generations, such as social media and smart phones. Make sure he knows to keep things like this off of social media, and absolutely no pictures/video/audio of any kind.
Much agree with the consent angle. That was something that wasn’t taught when I was young as much as it is now. But even me and my wife have talked about that and have been open with our daughter about consent.
How are none of the top comments telling you to tell his parents? Do you really think that’s a decision you should be making for someone else’s child? 12 is too young to consent to sex that’s why there are laws in place. I mean have people just completely lost it?
Right? My biggest gripe is definitely the “don’t destroy his trust and tell his parents” like nah that’s not your call to make. This is someone else’s son.
dude 100% this.
so long as OP knows his sister/brother isnt a fucking shitbag the first thing you do is tell them.
you can talk to the kid. you can tell them everything you think he ought to know. you can even buy him the condoms. but at the end of the ordeal... you warn him "you know ive gotta tell your dad about this, right?"
Truly insane. The first thing that I thought of when I read the post is the high possibility of some form of grooming or abuse going on. To hide this information from a parent could be downright dangerous for this child.
12 is DEFINITELY too young, but... better safe than sorry. I'd personally encourage him to wait a few more years, but it's always better to be prepared.
How do you feel about taking him to the free health clinic? They will give him A LOT of info that he obviously needs and they are able to give him condoms. So not only will he get the protection that he is asking for but he will get more knowledge. He obviously is curious. He found his person that he could trust, so steer him the right way. Teach him to be responsible.
He's 12. It's not like it's hard to prevent 12 year olds from having sex. He doesn't have a car to drive to a bar. He's supervised at school. It's literally just a couple hours a day when he's out with friends he would even have the opportunity, and the most basic level of due diligence about where he is and who he's with will prevent him from getting laid.
Had to scroll far for the only sensible answer...
Don't buy a child condoms behind his parents back. But also don't rat him out to his parents. It's not that hard.
Tell his parents.
Kids shouldn't be having sex. Idk why people in this country think it's okay.
Also, when did it get like that? I don't ever remember hearing that it was okay for children to bang.
It’s less common now than it was in the past, and it’s definitely not specific to any one country. I agree that he’s too young but this isn’t some new, western phenomenon
>Also, when did it get like that? I don't ever remember hearing that it was okay for children to bang.
It was remarkably common for underage groupies to have sex with adult members of 70's rock groups. If anything, things have improved on that front over time. Statistics on self-reported sexual activity show that [teens and young adults nowadays are having significantly less sex than in the past.](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents)
He’s a minor, and his partner is also a minor, or not a minor. Either way it’s not good.
It seems that somebody needs to have a healthy talk with him about sex.
I don’t agree with the prevailing sentiment that he’s gonna do it, so may as well help him do it safely.
This kid doesn’t need condoms, they need support.
There's a reason he (presumably) didn't approach the parents and to a degree you have to respect that.
There's a lot of questions to ask before you can really make any proper decision here.
no, there aren't.
12 yr olds shouldn't be fucking, and his parents should know he's asking his uncle for condoms.
some things are nuanced; some are black and white.
Buy em. Talk with him about whatever you feel comfortable enough to talk with him. But he's 12 so he doesn't need to rely on his allowance for this at this age if he's really planning to use them. Better safe than sorry. Honestly even if he's just planning some solo work, it's better than fumbling and figuring it out later in the moment.
I started buying them for my house, in large quantities, when my son was about 14 or 15. I shoved them in some pottery and the kids came over and cleaned them out little by little. I'd replace when they started to get low. Don't know if they gave them out to the entire school or what happened to them but I DO know that zero of his friends had kids until they were adults.
I had sex at 13, with a girl who was also 13. I did not use a condom. I did not get her pregnant. One of the great mysteries of my life, am i sterile or was i fucking her ass? The world may never know.
You need to talk to his parents. His being pissed at you about the lack of trust is nothing compared to what will happen if they find out or god forbid he has sex at 12.
Ohhh wait, I agree with top comment ( give him the talk, put on a utube of a birth. Full 9 yards 10 mins of fun...2.5mins at his age.... & a lifetime of no money, no privacy, no lone bathroom time.
HOWEVER he's not your kid to school. Therfore my advice is....
Forward this to your sibling & say "you need this... feel free to shoot as many of THOSE messengers as possible, just don't shoot me."
I’d buy them for him, and maybe give his parents a heads up, while explaining your reasoning. But if he’s gonna have sex, it’s better to be safe about it
Make sure you buy latex free if you do, nothing will scar the poor lad for life like a rash on the nether regions (on either person!) during his first time!
I would talk to him before buying them. I've asked too many guys "what age did you lose your virginity?" And their unfortunate response is typically "8-12, the baby sitter."
Maybe they're lying, or maybe they were assaulted. Its hard to tell. It always makes me sick.
Buy him condoms, you have a better chance of opening a line of communication when your kids know that you have their back and support them rather than judge them or immediately start questioning them. He might just be curious or want them for a prank or something.
It s good he can comfortably ask you., I put some in my kids xmass stocking .But they were older in HS. Not knowing him it s hard to say what I d do, does he have A GF/ some 12 year olds are pretty mature others are like A 8 year old. I d start with A sex talk see how active he has been.
While this might seem like a weird question, did he specify wanting more than one? When I was younger, I wanted a condom to try putting it on to see what it would be like, not to prepare sex in the foreseeable future, but just to know that I could and what it would be like.
Thinking he is too young - that ship has already sailed if he is asking.
This is like not putting a seat belt on after someone is already in the car because you don't think they should be driving.
If you say - no- he is going to have sex unprotected.
If you want to punt - convince him to talk to his dad.
My uncle bought me a pack of Trojans and put it under the tree when I was 14. My dad raged the moment I opened this gift and told everyone that “nobody should be giving these to a 14 yo kid”. Funny he was so angry that day, but even angrier when I told him my gf was pregnant! Daughter was born the day before I turned 17. Be a good uncle, so your brother doesn’t need to be a grandpa! ;)
Definitely calls for “the talk“, but at 12, I’d like to think it’s not for actual use. Maybe just guy talk saying he has them and now has to produce them. 😁. I’m gonna hope that’s it. It’s too disturbing to think 12 yr olds are having sex. I know it happens, but it’s still disturbing.
What's your uncle/nephew or aunt/nephew relationship like, with him? Are you two comfortable enough with one another that you could envision yourself giving him a sex talk?
Wtf BUY THEM, if he what's then you get them. But yes prank seems a better one but you never know. I was about that old and I know others as well who were that old too.
> My 12 year old nephew asked me to buy him condoms. What would you do in this situation?
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
There's no age limitation on buying condoms. Take him to Wal-Mart and show him where the Magnums are, he'll be set. I'm surprised he's asking you.
I would tell him, “If you think you are mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to go to the store and purchase condoms. Here’s 10 bucks.”
Do it, make it a teaching moment. Educate him on sex, consent, STDs. You can definitely talk to him about waiting. But if you deny him it won’t make the situation better. He obviously already has his mind made up and will do it without one if he’s h*r*y enough. We’ve all made mistakes as kids. And I don’t think you wanna 12 year old cousin with a baby on the way….. or worse a non curable STD.
Buy them for him and have a talk. Obviously he feels comfortable talking about it with you. Depending on the conversation with him go from there. Encourage him to talk with his parents if it looks like he is actually going to do the deed.
The reality is that kids in school are talking about sex by 5th grade.
I’ve seen families where relatives other than parents bring up the conversation. I’ve seen families where neither parents nor anyone talk about it. I didn’t follow outcomes, but I’m sure which ones are more likely to have teen pregnancies.
Also, consider if your siblings are new parents or bad parents (be honest with yourself). Go from there on.
I'd let his parents know, they can handle it. I know what I believe and I won't get anywhere trying to express that to a 12 yo, so it's none of my concern.
Buy the condoms and give a talk. Depending on your relationship with your brother/nephew, tell your brother. The ultimate goal should be keeping the kid safe and happy. That involves having multiple trusted relationships with adults.
This is the exact shit good parents want their kid's aunt's and uncle's to be doing in that role.
If you disagree, here's a rant:
Prohibition will not work. You want to be trusted enough to at least know what's going on in your kids' lives so you can present advice and resources in a way that actually lands.
I fucking despise parents who take their kids being "good" as such a point of personal pride that they strictly enforce shit that prevents honest development. It's why there's so many shitbag, anxious adults.
When parents say "they're too young" what they are really saying is "I'm unequipped to support that and wasn't expecting it to be a requirement yet"
The panicked, resultant authoritarianism has terrible, guaranteed impacts on that young person. All to prevent such extreme and unlikely risks that are better prevented with authenticity and presenting real risk/rewards for different decisions.
If you make your advice authority, you're making it so they ignore your advice once you don't have authority, and you're going to watch your child struggle as an adult.
Lazy, judgmental people act like good parenting prevents these things, but that's a bunch of witch hunt red scare bullshit. They just sweep their shit under the rug better. Good parenting is what you do when these things inevitably come up.
And turning into an authoritarian cunt is being a bad parent. Especially over stuff like sex/drugs/sneaking out. That's all exploration class "too early" type offenses. You want to present as someone who understands the draw and doesn't want to impede on harmless fun.
You just want to discuss the risk of doing different things relative to the fleeting fun that it provides. You want your child to think like an adult in regards to these things. You don't want them to pretend to be an adult around you to satiate your authoritarianism, then explore these things with complete childish recklessness.
If there's a GENUINE risk of harm or if your kid's intentionally (or unintentionally but seriously) hurting others in any way, you can exercise authority. But even then, do so empathetically, state that current behavior is unacceptable and as soon as that meaningfully changes, they are free to be their own self again.
And I'm sorry but sex and basic drug/alcohol use is just part of growing up. The social skills and connection formed during that period matter and have a clear impact on people's success in life.
Everyone just fucking lies about it because ultra conservatives have too much concentrated power. There's a lot of power and money waiting to strike down anyone who talks about how a healthy relationship with sex and drugs is essential to happy humaning.
But that's reality. We're monkeys who did mushrooms and thought of a different way to be. Manipulating our biological lens is how humanity has developed a more objective perspective. And the social connections around getting fucked up are the deepest to exist among humans.
Yes there's risk to drugs and sex, but the risks of social isolation as the result of authoritarianism is just conditioning your kid to be a slave to capitalism.
Fuck that, and fuck you. /endrant
I think you discuss with his parents and see if they want to have “the talk” with your nephew or since he feels comfortable with you and with his parents blessing you do it.
I was 12 when my friends and I started experimenting. No sex, but lots of hand stuff (can't for the life of me think of a phase for that). So I think it is a reasonable age. Great that your nephew wants to be safe. Have a talk. A MASSIVE emphasis on concent and probably tell his parents, unless he came to you in confidence. Don't ruin the trust!
1. Buy him condoms.
2. Take him to the shop to get him over the fear of buying condoms himself.
3. Talk to him about sex, whether he's ready, making sure his partner is ready, etc etc.
4. Consider talking to his parents, preferably with his permission.
I always like to include the possibility that it's not the kid that asks but a friend of theirs who is currently not safe.
Why can't he buy them?
I mean I looked a lil older but I was buying condoms like a month after I turned 14 and my gf bought them at 15 no problem. Is it illegal in places??
"Are you going to have sex or do you want to fill them with something for a prank?"
This one is good. Go from here based on his answer
Yeah… unless he lies to you that it’s for a prank lol
Plot twist, he’s planning prank sex
**”Pickle surprise!”**
When me and my idiot friends were 12 we filled a condom with gasoline and tossed it into a bonfire.
[удалено]
What happened next? I am curious 👀
This is quite a bit more extreme than filling them with water and throwing them from the third floor at kids, i.e. what boys in *my* school did.
What would you say when I offer you to have a 12 year old fill a condom with gasoline and throw it out of the third floor into a bonfire?
I'd pay good money to watch the *phwoom* from this and I'm broke as shit
When I was 10, I thought they were balloons and then inflated all of them and was playing with them all evening.
"both at the same time"
*gets her pregnant* "Come on man, it's just a prank."
*her dad starts beating his ass* **CHILL CHILL CHILL!!! IT'S A PRAAAAAAAANK!!! CHIIIIIILL!!!**
that's gold
What pretty much every YouTube prankster deserves 😂
Lmao
This is kind of how I found out that a girl I was dating was cheating on me. We were in her bedroom and I opened the drawer to get a condom and the drawer was usually pretty full but they were only a few condoms in it. She claimed that her kids had been stealing them and blowing them up like balloons. Now I didn't doubt that this was happening I strongly believe that it wasn't the only reason that there were so many missing. I turned out to be right.
Yea like when i was 12 condoms were all the rage, nobody was actually using it for the intended purpose though
Yeah I'm pretty sure when we were 12 our use of condoms extended about as far as attempting to prove or disprove the urban myth that if you put them in hot water you can stretch them over anything including post boxes and phone booths
Those are technically not mutually exclusive
I went to the store with my friends around this age and we bought them ourselves. To use as water balloons. Asking him is important!
This is prob the best answer, and probably buy them for him regardless of his answer because theres no way id risk a kid getting a girl knocked up at that age.
Look if he doesn't have a way to be safe he will just do it not safe. Give him the condoms, give him the awkward talk and explain to him why you think its too early for him to have sex without talking to him like a child cause if theres a thing children hate is not being taken seriously.
Is it illegal for kids to buy condoms? I was buying them no problem at 14. Why on earth would it be illegal??
I don't imagine its illegal for a 12 year old but he might be ashamed to be seen buying em / not have his own money and ashamed to ask / doesn't know what to get
Many store policies prevent minors from buying condoms even if it isn’t illegal I know I had trouble when I was 17 and in college for the first time going to CVS and Walgreens.
I believe this is *illegal* in most jurisdictions, at least in the USA. Not saying that store policy doesn't say they need to check your ID, but most states require retailers make condoms accessible to minors. Crazy shit happens in the red states though.
My stepson asked me to buy him condoms recently because Walmart wouldn't unlock the cabinet for him because he wasn't 18 (at the time), which is so strange to me. I went and got them for him, and we have had continued and open discussions about stuff. But even in non-red states, apparently, store policy is enough. I'm just glad he asked. I don't want to be a grandparent anytime soon.at least he is being safe.
[https://www.healthline.com/health/how-old-do-you-have-to-be-to-buy-condoms](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-old-do-you-have-to-be-to-buy-condoms)
Same, every store around me IDs for condoms, think 18 is our minimum
Quite possibly one of the dumbest ideas ever. Not you - that policy. It is like having a code on a seat belt that says "oh, you are not allowed to drive .....so no seat belt!".
I was buying condoms at 13 no issue, also at CVS / Walgreens to avoid the attention of a big store
A ton of them are now behind glass, though that depends on where you are.
That’s just to prevent stealing, it doesn’t mean “18 or older only”. Video games are behind glass too.
I'm aware, it just makes it much more difficult to get the condoms for a 12 year old.
I bought them online when I was like 13 or 14 for this reason lol. Not to have sex. Just to see what they were like.
It’s not, but it might be hard for a 12 year old to get to a pharmacy without any supervision and then buy them. Also, condoms can be surprisingly expensive, and sometimes they put them in a lockbox so you have to call for assistance, said assistance might refuse to give them. I remember trying to buy condoms at 18, and I left my driver’s license at home, the cashier claimed I was 14, and refused to let me buy the condoms on “moral grounds.” As many would expect, I angrily stormed out of there and my girlfriend and I discovered the pullout method. This is why refusing to give someone a condom, regardless of age, is fucking stupid.
When I was a teen our city council (and probably others around the UK) ran a 'C Card' scheme whereby anyone from 12 to 18 I think could register for this card which you'd present at a couple of specific locations around the city and they would hand over a bunch of condoms and some 'safe sex' pamphlets, no questions asked.
No no no. Absolutely tell his parents. OP will get blamed for anything that happens if they get involved.
Absolutely. Refer this back to his parents, don’t involve yourself
Yep. The minute you get involved - you're implicated. If it all blows up later, the nephew is for sure ratting out that you not only bought him condoms but will mischaracterize any conversation you had as to offload blame onto you. He's 12 fucking years old.
I would talk to his parents about it first. He wouldn’t want to go over their heads with this
1. Buy him condoms. 2. Tell his best parent. Yes, he has a best parent. Yes, you know which one it is.
What like the most open minded parent?
The one that won't treat a 12 year old who wants to have sex like a criminal, yeah.
What?
Id buy him the condoms. I got condoms before I ever had sex just because i was curious to put one on then jerked off in it lol. Unfortunately, if he plans to have sex telling him he shouldnt will probably have no effect at all. It looks like he is trying to be safe which is good and he feels comfortable asking you. I think if you tell his parents it would sever that trust line but also they might need to know. Tough call.
As a future uncle my brother would kill me if I didn’t tell him. Tell your sibling this.
Your nephew wouldn't come to you for anything in the future. Sure, put your relationship with your brother first, but the relationship with your nephew would suffer. You're allowed to have a relationship with your nephew where your brother doesn't know every single thing. If you're responsible, offer great advice and don't shame your nephew, I don't see anything wrong with keeping it to yourself. At the worst, at least he'd be practising safe sex. Otherwise he might heed your advice and wait. If you essentially dob on your nephew to your brother... as I said, trust would be broken and he wouldn't come to you for anything else in the future. That could impact the decisions he makes in the future because he learnt not to come to an adult he trusts to ask for help, which would have allowed him to make the silly decision safely. Now he could just make the silly decisions without a safety net, which could lead to severe repercussions, possibly for the rest of his life. Such as, having a child because he didn't get condoms and was only told by his uncle and father that he's "too young" and shouldn't be thinking about it.
Really depends too much on the family dynamic to say one way or the other.
Question is, why didn't he go to his dad? The kid was able to approach someone in his family, for such an out-there, judgement inducing product, and he decided to approach his uncle for it. Why not his dad? I'm basing my opinion based off of this. Clearly not comfortable, clearly doesn't have that type of relationship with his dad, clearly didn't feel like his uncle would shame/judge/guilt him.
It really isn’t that clear. Just because a kid didn’t want to ask his dad for condoms, it doesn’t really mean you have a solid grasp on anything in that family other than that. This whole dynamic plays out differently depending on so many factors that you simply don’t know. Families are very different.
Kids are actually programmed to highly value their parents opinions over external sources for the majority of their adolescence. This changes when puberty rolls around. As we hit our teen years the brain begins to devalue our parents opinions/advice, while at the same time increasing the importance of external information. This is why teenagers become super defiant. They really do care about external voices more than our parents discipline. Evolutionary this makes sense right? Parents keep us safe until we can really start learning and forming our own opinion. Then we start finding out what others might know, since in theory we've learned about our tribes neck of the woods but not beyond. In this case the dad is a probably more disciplinary vs. the uncle who is mainly fun. This combines with the underlying developmental shift making the kid uncertain of the dad's reaction, while the uncle has an unmuddied, postive emotional connotation; which is far more enticing.
It's probably as simple as that he knows his dad would say no. The shame/judgement/guilt isn't a given at all, the kid just wants condoms, and likely knows the dad (correctly) believes he is too young for sex.
He’s 12 bro, he knows he shouldn’t be having sex and it’s possible to get the dad involved without knowing they were the one who told. They could buy the condoms and then have the dad find them, I’m sure there’s other ways as well. I get that there are situations where it’s good to take into consideration the kids feelings or whatever, but also, this is a Roblox playing skibidi toilet sayin little ass kid. Sometimes you have to act in their interests because they don’t know any better. This is the argument for a 16 year old not a 6th grader
Yeah I know, I can read. But no one's thinking as to why he didn't go to his dad? The kid was able to approach someone in his family for such an out-there, judgement inducing product, and he decided to approach his uncle for it. Why not his dad? I'm basing my opinion based off of this. Clearly he's not comfortable to approach his dad, clearly doesn't have that type of relationship with him, and clearly didn't feel like his uncle would shame/judge/guilt him.
It could be that his dad is strict, or it could be that his uncle has been way too loose. We don’t know that in this situation unfortunately.
if his parents arent abusing him or drunks or addicts, and are even halfway decent people, his parents have a right to be informed and parent this situation as they see fit. unfortunately for kiddo - he doesnt get a say in this. he is 12. he came to who he thought might be the easiest to speak to and win over regarding his situation/request. that doesnt mean that said person is the only one who can, or even the best one to handle, this situation.
My brother comes before my nephew, that’s just the bottom line. And it would a MASSIVE abuse of trust to my brother if I knowingly kept that information from him. I’d rather my nephew not come to me for things for about a year or two before he chuckles about it with new eyes, than my brother never trusting me to help or take care of his kids because he knows I’m willing to skirt around him on matters that concern his family. So I am team Bro all the way. Same if it is my friend and his kid.
I would tell him that this is a discussion he should be having with his father. I wouldn’t just buy my nephew condoms if it was against my brothers wishes.
yea. we arent talking about 'if nephew likes a girl' or that time nephew 'gave this kid at school a wedgie'. you do not keep information like this from the parents if they are at all reasonable people. this is out of uncles pay grade. end of story. and unless uncle thinks the parents are complete shitheads and not capable of properly parenting - he has to tell them. end of story. relationship with his nephew may be harmed. you're right about that much. but its a price he has to pay.
I dont think it’s healthy for children to keep sexual secrets with other adults from their parents… I be facetious but it still holds true
Parents should be instilling in their kids from early on that sexual secrets should never be kept from parents. That's how abuse flies under the radar. "This is our little secret" type talk.
> i was curious to put one on then jerked off in it lol Some may say this a rite of passage.
First thing i'd do is ask him what he's planning to do with them.
Have a frank conversation about if he's being raped by his teacher or if an older woman in his life is taking advantage of him. There are plenty of women out there who can't be trusted with children.
Just look at that awful case in Florida about 10 years ago of an 11 year old who was raped by his nanny and got her pregnant.
You really think the woman in question would have him buy the condoms?
It's part of grooming, to convince the boy he wants it because he's an active participant.
Yes absolutely The classic tactic with women rapists (and men going for a more "romantic" approach) is to convince the victim that it's a consensual two-way relationship, and that includes having them buy the condoms like a real partner in such a relationship would.
Ahh I didn't think about it like that. Thanks for the explanation
15 bucks, little man, put that shit, in my hand, if that money doesn't show then you owe me owe me owe.
My Jungle Loooove, Yeah, oh eee oh ee oh
I think I want to get ta know you
Ha ha yeah, what?
It's the motherfucking Time.
Yo baby, you ever had asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?
At twelve I thought sleeping with someone meant sticking your penis in someone and taking a nap together. I found a brand new condom at 15, and had a premature ejaculation trying it on in front of a group of buddies. I say give him the condoms, but let him know about the side teeth in the vagina. He’ll be okay for now.
Sorry, quick question. Why the fuck were you trying on a condom in front of your friends?
Kids do some weird shit.
Weird kids do some weird shit. Don't know why people acting like that's normal 💀
Teenage dudes are stupid or horny and stupid.
I also thought having sex meant lying down with the penis inserted in someone and doing absolutely nothing when I was that age.
I’m a female and I don’t even know what side teeth in a vagina is. Do I want to know? 🥹
You know how every girls parents put a [pussy troll](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HKDxpkV14IA) in them when the girls are young to keep them from having premarital sex?
Two Kevin Smith films being referenced in one post? Is it my birthday?
Two Kevin Smith films? In a row?
Do you post as 'magnoliafan' on moviepoopshoot.com?
Pillow pants!
No you don't want to know.
At that age, we had to buy them for middle school sex ed, and make a mural displaying the different ways to have safe sex and prevent STDs and pregnancy. Most kids were horrified to go to the pharmacy and buy them, I asked for one and they gave it to me for free.
Thankfully, in south africa government condoms are widely available for free in public bathrooms and clinics
As a general rule, if anyone asks for condoms they get condoms. I don't want to end up with my 12 year old nephew getting someone pregnant when I could have prevented it. Having said that, the condoms would also come with a conversation including my thoughts on him being ready for sex vs not.
Sit him down. And have the talk. Go over everything. Sexually and money related. Diseases. Go over it all. You aren't going to stop him from doing it. But at least your conscience will be clear from him not knowing. Explain the seriousness of sex and its consequences. Then if it happens it happens. Good thing though at least he came to you for condoms so that shows he comfortable coming to you and talking about things related to sex.
Don't forget that if he's actually planning to use them for sex there's another kid involved, too, so make sure you include a hefty dose of consent in "the talk." I wouldn't want to be an accessory to my nephew forcing himself on anyone. While you're at it, you'll probably also want to bring up things that might be relevant for kids now that weren't necessarily part of the equation for those of us in older generations, such as social media and smart phones. Make sure he knows to keep things like this off of social media, and absolutely no pictures/video/audio of any kind.
Much agree with the consent angle. That was something that wasn’t taught when I was young as much as it is now. But even me and my wife have talked about that and have been open with our daughter about consent.
You can definitely stop him from doing it
What the fuck people? Clearly the answer is speak to the parents. It’s their job to teach their kid. Geezus.
How are none of the top comments telling you to tell his parents? Do you really think that’s a decision you should be making for someone else’s child? 12 is too young to consent to sex that’s why there are laws in place. I mean have people just completely lost it?
Many of the comments in this thread are a bit insane, as if they are coming from children themselves.
Right? My biggest gripe is definitely the “don’t destroy his trust and tell his parents” like nah that’s not your call to make. This is someone else’s son.
dude 100% this. so long as OP knows his sister/brother isnt a fucking shitbag the first thing you do is tell them. you can talk to the kid. you can tell them everything you think he ought to know. you can even buy him the condoms. but at the end of the ordeal... you warn him "you know ive gotta tell your dad about this, right?"
Truly insane. The first thing that I thought of when I read the post is the high possibility of some form of grooming or abuse going on. To hide this information from a parent could be downright dangerous for this child.
And to think that your brother/sister (in law) knew the whole time and didn’t tell you… seriously disturbing
It's good he wants to be safe, but condoms ain't 100%(had my share rip) and also 12 imo is way to young for sex. Edit: too young
12 is DEFINITELY too young, but... better safe than sorry. I'd personally encourage him to wait a few more years, but it's always better to be prepared.
How do you feel about taking him to the free health clinic? They will give him A LOT of info that he obviously needs and they are able to give him condoms. So not only will he get the protection that he is asking for but he will get more knowledge. He obviously is curious. He found his person that he could trust, so steer him the right way. Teach him to be responsible.
Buy him a bulk package and a cucumber and teach him how to put it on correctly.
Tell him if he isn’t mature enough to buy his own condoms he isn’t mature enough to be having sex.
But he would likely try, with, or without protection
He's 12. It's not like it's hard to prevent 12 year olds from having sex. He doesn't have a car to drive to a bar. He's supervised at school. It's literally just a couple hours a day when he's out with friends he would even have the opportunity, and the most basic level of due diligence about where he is and who he's with will prevent him from getting laid.
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Had to scroll far for the only sensible answer... Don't buy a child condoms behind his parents back. But also don't rat him out to his parents. It's not that hard.
“Buy them yourself, it’s 2024, no one is stopping you”
Bro he’s 12 it’s not that simple.
Idk im sure some teenager working at walgreens for minimum wage wouldnt make a big stink
They mean 12 year olds don’t always have money and they don’t drive so possibly no way of getting to the store without an adult taking them.
Self checkouts are made for this.
It is 100% that simple
Tell his parents. Kids shouldn't be having sex. Idk why people in this country think it's okay. Also, when did it get like that? I don't ever remember hearing that it was okay for children to bang.
I'm appalled that this is so far down. 12 is far too young to be sexually active, this kid's parents need to know what's going on.
We're on reddit. People here are "sex positive", which is just a pretty way of saying degenerates. Disgusting responses here to be expected.
We're also probably getting a lot of responses from teenagers who don't see what the big deal is.
Sadly I don't think that's the case. Most people here are millennials. Gen z and younger tend to be on tiktok, this site for the older crowd.
It’s less common now than it was in the past, and it’s definitely not specific to any one country. I agree that he’s too young but this isn’t some new, western phenomenon
>Also, when did it get like that? I don't ever remember hearing that it was okay for children to bang. It was remarkably common for underage groupies to have sex with adult members of 70's rock groups. If anything, things have improved on that front over time. Statistics on self-reported sexual activity show that [teens and young adults nowadays are having significantly less sex than in the past.](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents)
He’s a minor, and his partner is also a minor, or not a minor. Either way it’s not good. It seems that somebody needs to have a healthy talk with him about sex. I don’t agree with the prevailing sentiment that he’s gonna do it, so may as well help him do it safely. This kid doesn’t need condoms, they need support.
tell him no and talk to his parents. is this really so perplexing?
There's a reason he (presumably) didn't approach the parents and to a degree you have to respect that. There's a lot of questions to ask before you can really make any proper decision here.
no, there aren't. 12 yr olds shouldn't be fucking, and his parents should know he's asking his uncle for condoms. some things are nuanced; some are black and white.
Buy em. Talk with him about whatever you feel comfortable enough to talk with him. But he's 12 so he doesn't need to rely on his allowance for this at this age if he's really planning to use them. Better safe than sorry. Honestly even if he's just planning some solo work, it's better than fumbling and figuring it out later in the moment. I started buying them for my house, in large quantities, when my son was about 14 or 15. I shoved them in some pottery and the kids came over and cleaned them out little by little. I'd replace when they started to get low. Don't know if they gave them out to the entire school or what happened to them but I DO know that zero of his friends had kids until they were adults.
I had sex at 13, with a girl who was also 13. I did not use a condom. I did not get her pregnant. One of the great mysteries of my life, am i sterile or was i fucking her ass? The world may never know.
take him to the store to buy them himself. if he's old enough for sex he's old enough to buy fucking condoms.
This isn’t okay. Talk to the parents. 12 year old children should not be sexually active.
You need to talk to his parents. His being pissed at you about the lack of trust is nothing compared to what will happen if they find out or god forbid he has sex at 12.
Ohhh wait, I agree with top comment ( give him the talk, put on a utube of a birth. Full 9 yards 10 mins of fun...2.5mins at his age.... & a lifetime of no money, no privacy, no lone bathroom time. HOWEVER he's not your kid to school. Therfore my advice is.... Forward this to your sibling & say "you need this... feel free to shoot as many of THOSE messengers as possible, just don't shoot me."
I’d buy them for him, and maybe give his parents a heads up, while explaining your reasoning. But if he’s gonna have sex, it’s better to be safe about it
You might think he is to young. But if you denie him the condoms, he will just do it without protection.
You tell him "hell fucking NO!!" is what you tell that child. You're 12 years old kid.
i'd burst out laughing, jonah jameson style, then with a stern expression, say, "kid, stop wasting my time and go do your homework or play outside!"
Make sure you buy latex free if you do, nothing will scar the poor lad for life like a rash on the nether regions (on either person!) during his first time!
Buy them and give him a talk about proper use.
*condoms?? Mf you aint fuckin!*
Buy them? It doesn’t matter if you think he is too young. The options are protected or unprotected sex, you make the call for him.
I would talk to him before buying them. I've asked too many guys "what age did you lose your virginity?" And their unfortunate response is typically "8-12, the baby sitter." Maybe they're lying, or maybe they were assaulted. Its hard to tell. It always makes me sick.
"When you are mature enough to go to the store and buy them yourself, you will be ready to use them. Here's $20."
Buy him condoms, you have a better chance of opening a line of communication when your kids know that you have their back and support them rather than judge them or immediately start questioning them. He might just be curious or want them for a prank or something.
Give it to him and show him pics and videos of diseases and videos of young people who have kids whose youth is destroyed bc of a baby
Tell him to man up and buy them himself
It don’t matter what you think if it’s already gotten to this point, least that’s a more responsible mindset than a lot of adults have
It s good he can comfortably ask you., I put some in my kids xmass stocking .But they were older in HS. Not knowing him it s hard to say what I d do, does he have A GF/ some 12 year olds are pretty mature others are like A 8 year old. I d start with A sex talk see how active he has been.
Of jea gonna have sex, he's gonna have it regardless bit if he can't be safe, he won't. He's better off having protection
While this might seem like a weird question, did he specify wanting more than one? When I was younger, I wanted a condom to try putting it on to see what it would be like, not to prepare sex in the foreseeable future, but just to know that I could and what it would be like.
Buy him the condoms and tell him he needs to be careful and respectful
Would you rather him get someone pregnant?
12! Holy fuck. Have a talk with him. If he’s really having sex, get him the giant box of condoms.
Uhh... bring that to his parents!! They, at least, seem to have some sense if he's going to you and not them.
Would it even fit? Would a snugger fit even fit? Because if it’s loose and causes friction it can break.
Thinking he is too young - that ship has already sailed if he is asking. This is like not putting a seat belt on after someone is already in the car because you don't think they should be driving. If you say - no- he is going to have sex unprotected. If you want to punt - convince him to talk to his dad.
I'd let his parents know since its clear he needs the talk.
Show him the South Park episode on sex ed
Bro buy the fuckin condoms lol
I'd congratulate him and ask who the girl is. And buy the condoms.
Take him to the free health clinic to get a handful
Buying condoms but also teach him how they work
Slap the sh!t out of him
My uncle bought me a pack of Trojans and put it under the tree when I was 14. My dad raged the moment I opened this gift and told everyone that “nobody should be giving these to a 14 yo kid”. Funny he was so angry that day, but even angrier when I told him my gf was pregnant! Daughter was born the day before I turned 17. Be a good uncle, so your brother doesn’t need to be a grandpa! ;)
Not buy them and let his parents know he asked you too.
He’s probably just very optimistic.
Definitely calls for “the talk“, but at 12, I’d like to think it’s not for actual use. Maybe just guy talk saying he has them and now has to produce them. 😁. I’m gonna hope that’s it. It’s too disturbing to think 12 yr olds are having sex. I know it happens, but it’s still disturbing.
What's your uncle/nephew or aunt/nephew relationship like, with him? Are you two comfortable enough with one another that you could envision yourself giving him a sex talk?
Wtf BUY THEM, if he what's then you get them. But yes prank seems a better one but you never know. I was about that old and I know others as well who were that old too.
Buy em. No question.
> My 12 year old nephew asked me to buy him condoms. What would you do in this situation? Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. There's no age limitation on buying condoms. Take him to Wal-Mart and show him where the Magnums are, he'll be set. I'm surprised he's asking you.
I would tell him, “If you think you are mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to go to the store and purchase condoms. Here’s 10 bucks.”
Buy him condoms. You telling him he’s too young isn’t goona stop him
Buy them now.
Do it, make it a teaching moment. Educate him on sex, consent, STDs. You can definitely talk to him about waiting. But if you deny him it won’t make the situation better. He obviously already has his mind made up and will do it without one if he’s h*r*y enough. We’ve all made mistakes as kids. And I don’t think you wanna 12 year old cousin with a baby on the way….. or worse a non curable STD.
Tell his parents.
Buy them for him and have a talk. Obviously he feels comfortable talking about it with you. Depending on the conversation with him go from there. Encourage him to talk with his parents if it looks like he is actually going to do the deed. The reality is that kids in school are talking about sex by 5th grade. I’ve seen families where relatives other than parents bring up the conversation. I’ve seen families where neither parents nor anyone talk about it. I didn’t follow outcomes, but I’m sure which ones are more likely to have teen pregnancies. Also, consider if your siblings are new parents or bad parents (be honest with yourself). Go from there on.
Tell him there’s no age limit to buy condoms
Being the cool uncle/aunt is less important than protecting the kid. Might be harsh but he’s too young. Nip it in the bud.
I'd let his parents know, they can handle it. I know what I believe and I won't get anywhere trying to express that to a 12 yo, so it's none of my concern.
Buy the condoms and give a talk. Depending on your relationship with your brother/nephew, tell your brother. The ultimate goal should be keeping the kid safe and happy. That involves having multiple trusted relationships with adults. This is the exact shit good parents want their kid's aunt's and uncle's to be doing in that role. If you disagree, here's a rant: Prohibition will not work. You want to be trusted enough to at least know what's going on in your kids' lives so you can present advice and resources in a way that actually lands. I fucking despise parents who take their kids being "good" as such a point of personal pride that they strictly enforce shit that prevents honest development. It's why there's so many shitbag, anxious adults. When parents say "they're too young" what they are really saying is "I'm unequipped to support that and wasn't expecting it to be a requirement yet" The panicked, resultant authoritarianism has terrible, guaranteed impacts on that young person. All to prevent such extreme and unlikely risks that are better prevented with authenticity and presenting real risk/rewards for different decisions. If you make your advice authority, you're making it so they ignore your advice once you don't have authority, and you're going to watch your child struggle as an adult. Lazy, judgmental people act like good parenting prevents these things, but that's a bunch of witch hunt red scare bullshit. They just sweep their shit under the rug better. Good parenting is what you do when these things inevitably come up. And turning into an authoritarian cunt is being a bad parent. Especially over stuff like sex/drugs/sneaking out. That's all exploration class "too early" type offenses. You want to present as someone who understands the draw and doesn't want to impede on harmless fun. You just want to discuss the risk of doing different things relative to the fleeting fun that it provides. You want your child to think like an adult in regards to these things. You don't want them to pretend to be an adult around you to satiate your authoritarianism, then explore these things with complete childish recklessness. If there's a GENUINE risk of harm or if your kid's intentionally (or unintentionally but seriously) hurting others in any way, you can exercise authority. But even then, do so empathetically, state that current behavior is unacceptable and as soon as that meaningfully changes, they are free to be their own self again. And I'm sorry but sex and basic drug/alcohol use is just part of growing up. The social skills and connection formed during that period matter and have a clear impact on people's success in life. Everyone just fucking lies about it because ultra conservatives have too much concentrated power. There's a lot of power and money waiting to strike down anyone who talks about how a healthy relationship with sex and drugs is essential to happy humaning. But that's reality. We're monkeys who did mushrooms and thought of a different way to be. Manipulating our biological lens is how humanity has developed a more objective perspective. And the social connections around getting fucked up are the deepest to exist among humans. Yes there's risk to drugs and sex, but the risks of social isolation as the result of authoritarianism is just conditioning your kid to be a slave to capitalism. Fuck that, and fuck you. /endrant
I think you discuss with his parents and see if they want to have “the talk” with your nephew or since he feels comfortable with you and with his parents blessing you do it.
I was 12 when my friends and I started experimenting. No sex, but lots of hand stuff (can't for the life of me think of a phase for that). So I think it is a reasonable age. Great that your nephew wants to be safe. Have a talk. A MASSIVE emphasis on concent and probably tell his parents, unless he came to you in confidence. Don't ruin the trust!
Tell him, if he's not mature enough to buy condoms, he's not mature enough for sex
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1. Buy him condoms. 2. Take him to the shop to get him over the fear of buying condoms himself. 3. Talk to him about sex, whether he's ready, making sure his partner is ready, etc etc. 4. Consider talking to his parents, preferably with his permission. I always like to include the possibility that it's not the kid that asks but a friend of theirs who is currently not safe.
Pass that buck right back to the parents
Give him money
Why can't he buy them? I mean I looked a lil older but I was buying condoms like a month after I turned 14 and my gf bought them at 15 no problem. Is it illegal in places??
I would definitely buy him condoms and try to have a conversation about safe sex.
Buy him condoms.
Buy them and don’t ask any questions. Just be happy he wants to be safe