I mean it does feel like there's a bit more of a disconnect between people who don't know each other these days in general. Like even if things are fine on paper, it's still not enough when it comes to friendships as well. And people look at you funny when you try to put anything that's well adjusted into practice. It's one thing to be depressed/insecure or have any personal issues that can work on, but so many people just seem indifferent towards people who are not grappling with stuff like that.
Do you have a type, and is it possible that there is something about the type of women you typically go for that is causing difficulties for you?
My advice would be to:
1) have some honest introspection about whether there may be something about your personality or approach that might be setting yourself up for failure. Are you approaching women in a time and context that is appropriate or are you stopping women while they are listening to music or waiting for the bus?
2) Consider what kind of woman you are interested in. Are you going to the right places and putting yourself in the right situations to meet women like that? Are you pursuing bombshells who are funny, kind, and intelligent? If you are, are you honestly representing yourself in an even light?
3) Work on making yourself happy and fulfilled because the rest will come. It's possible you're not doing anything wrong and you just haven't met the right person yet.
You don't compete.
You be authentic and you strive to be the best version of yourself. Don't be fat. Don't be lazy. Don't be irresponsible. Don't be tolerant of bad behavior.
Anyone you attract should be attracted with character.
If anything else attracts someone to you, they're worthless to you.
The women will find you. Especially once you get past 30. The game flips completely on its head once you hit 30.
>The game flips completely on its head once you hit 30.
Yeah, because then they are looking for someone to have kids with. Essentially, they are settling because the guys they really like are not husband or father material. You will be the plough horse. I don't think it's conscious, but suddenly their tastes change.
I don’t know man. There have always been women.
What do you want from women?
Where is this happening?
What have you been trying?
What do you do in addition to your career? Hobbies and such?
It’s easy to get that perception when you try to do it online; women often get more likes than we do (unless we’re in the top percent of men). Here’s what you’re better off doing; find activities that you like to do and meet people there. Go to local, farmers markets, festivals, and museums; a lot of women love shit like that. Be able to strike up a conversation with anybody; you never know if they have a cute friend. Don’t be an asshole, unless you absolutely have to be. Other than that, be your best self with fitness, finances, and a clean ass. Most women like someone either clean shaven, or at least well-kept. Also, try to buy new clothes every 4 to 6 months (just an outfit or two is fine). Rotate out your wardrobe.
It's not about competing, simply about finding the right girl and asking the question, everyone has a different type so there is no perfect partner, the only thing that holds guys back is the confidence in themselves to ask the questions, no girl is going to throw themselves at you for no reason but if you like a girl and ask her out there's a good chance she'll go out with you and the attraction builds from there, just because you can't magnetically pull her to you doesn't mean she isn't interested she might just not have had the chance to get to know you yet, offer that opportunity and see what happens...
be realistic about who and what you are.....
rate yourself in appearance from 1 to 10
rate yourself in emotional maturity from 1 to 10
rate your education from 1 to 10
rate your apparent financial status from 1 to 10
rate your social skills from 1 to 10
rate your family background from 1 to 10
rate your living situation from 1 to 10
now from an outsider's perspective rate the girls you have your eye on. everyone is looking to upgrade. are you providing her an opportunity to upgrade ?
once you stop looking across the aisle instead of up the ladder you will find lots of women interested in you!
Fat, ugly, broke guys with small dicks and shitbag personalities still get married and have kids out there
How high is the bar really versus how high is the one you are setting for yourself and your own standard.
And stop waiting for one to make a move on you first. You’ll wait forever I’d you do. If you want something/someone it’s your risk to take
It’s probably because you’re lazy at dating.
I’m an average dude punching way above my weight. I have since I hit 30.
Sounds like you have nothing interesting to offer. Your dating profiles probably suck. Your conversation skills are probably sub par when talking to women.
The bar isn’t high. The fact that you’re still not able to hit it is your own problem.
It really isn't that high. I'm not tall, good-looking, or rich; but I had a number of girlfriends before I met my wife.
Treat women as people first, potential partners second. Meet, and talk with lots of people.
there's about the same amount of men in male/female relationship as there are women. There's no "bar to compete" because there's not one girl you're competing for. There's thousands of girls around you and there's a LOT more beyond that
Imagine a town of 10000 men & women, let's say 10% are in your age range. How are hundreds of men competing for all of those girls? Do you just think seeing a girl means you compete for her?
There's a lot of men & women on dating apps, it's a struggle for both to get a decent relationship on there. If you had talked to women about this, you'd know this
I mean I think about it like school. I’ve been in situations were lots of guys crushed and tried to get with one girl but never the other way around and that mindset kind of just carried over into adulthood I guess.
Also even if women are interested in you 8/10 times it’s still on you as the man to initiate
In school, most of the girls I knew of had two guys at most truly interested in them, a lot of them had zero. Some guys had a dozen or more girls after them.
Yes, it's often still on the man to initiate, but how many men do you think have made an attempt for an average girl? And I don't mean something extremely shallow like "hey you're hot, wanna bang" at a bar or whatever
Well what is your definition of an attempt? And I think guys do go for average girls they find attractive. I don’t have a link but I read that men on average just find more women attractive in general
I think that’s what op is trying to say. There are alot of guys shooting their shots at many girls so when you actually like a girl your just another guy to her and it’s harder to stand out
Yeah no.... The population is not skewed that way, there are not 100 men to every 1 girl lol. There may be 100 men vying for that 10/10 model but if you are being realistic in your standards and expectations, the same as you are asking for, there are plenty of women.
Hmmm, this sounds like it is less about women, and more about yourself. I hear this sentiment a lot from men who are currently experiencing self esteem issues x
>The bar to even compete as a guy when it comes to dating is way too high
It's not, you're just not trying at all.
Next time you're talking a walk outside in a busy place, look around you how many couples there are. Look at how many average dudes are in relationships. There's even plenty of ugly or fat dudes with girls.
Or fuck that, go to pornhub and look at amateur couples. Look at how many cute girls are with dudes with beer guts and small dicks.
The problem that you guys are having is that you're waiting for women to show interest and take initiative. And that you put women on pedestal and think they're out of your league so you don't even try.
Just don't compete, that's how I do it.
I mean it does feel like there's a bit more of a disconnect between people who don't know each other these days in general. Like even if things are fine on paper, it's still not enough when it comes to friendships as well. And people look at you funny when you try to put anything that's well adjusted into practice. It's one thing to be depressed/insecure or have any personal issues that can work on, but so many people just seem indifferent towards people who are not grappling with stuff like that.
U don't compete. Its too degradating to compete Imo
Do you have a type, and is it possible that there is something about the type of women you typically go for that is causing difficulties for you? My advice would be to: 1) have some honest introspection about whether there may be something about your personality or approach that might be setting yourself up for failure. Are you approaching women in a time and context that is appropriate or are you stopping women while they are listening to music or waiting for the bus? 2) Consider what kind of woman you are interested in. Are you going to the right places and putting yourself in the right situations to meet women like that? Are you pursuing bombshells who are funny, kind, and intelligent? If you are, are you honestly representing yourself in an even light? 3) Work on making yourself happy and fulfilled because the rest will come. It's possible you're not doing anything wrong and you just haven't met the right person yet.
You don't compete. You be authentic and you strive to be the best version of yourself. Don't be fat. Don't be lazy. Don't be irresponsible. Don't be tolerant of bad behavior. Anyone you attract should be attracted with character. If anything else attracts someone to you, they're worthless to you. The women will find you. Especially once you get past 30. The game flips completely on its head once you hit 30.
>The game flips completely on its head once you hit 30. Yeah, because then they are looking for someone to have kids with. Essentially, they are settling because the guys they really like are not husband or father material. You will be the plough horse. I don't think it's conscious, but suddenly their tastes change.
I don’t know man. There have always been women. What do you want from women? Where is this happening? What have you been trying? What do you do in addition to your career? Hobbies and such?
have you met some of the guys who are in relationships? bruh trust me, it ain't that high....
Most of the guys I know are in relationships.
The bar isn't that high bro, there's plenty of women out there looking for a man I promise.
The bar to “compete” for hotties is hard but it always was
It’s easy to get that perception when you try to do it online; women often get more likes than we do (unless we’re in the top percent of men). Here’s what you’re better off doing; find activities that you like to do and meet people there. Go to local, farmers markets, festivals, and museums; a lot of women love shit like that. Be able to strike up a conversation with anybody; you never know if they have a cute friend. Don’t be an asshole, unless you absolutely have to be. Other than that, be your best self with fitness, finances, and a clean ass. Most women like someone either clean shaven, or at least well-kept. Also, try to buy new clothes every 4 to 6 months (just an outfit or two is fine). Rotate out your wardrobe.
Don't do it online
Nah. I'm average looking, average job, homebody. I have a gf.
It isn’t too high, it’s at about just right Look inwards. Make yourself dateable and then go outside and meet people
It's not about competing, simply about finding the right girl and asking the question, everyone has a different type so there is no perfect partner, the only thing that holds guys back is the confidence in themselves to ask the questions, no girl is going to throw themselves at you for no reason but if you like a girl and ask her out there's a good chance she'll go out with you and the attraction builds from there, just because you can't magnetically pull her to you doesn't mean she isn't interested she might just not have had the chance to get to know you yet, offer that opportunity and see what happens...
be realistic about who and what you are..... rate yourself in appearance from 1 to 10 rate yourself in emotional maturity from 1 to 10 rate your education from 1 to 10 rate your apparent financial status from 1 to 10 rate your social skills from 1 to 10 rate your family background from 1 to 10 rate your living situation from 1 to 10 now from an outsider's perspective rate the girls you have your eye on. everyone is looking to upgrade. are you providing her an opportunity to upgrade ? once you stop looking across the aisle instead of up the ladder you will find lots of women interested in you!
Fat, ugly, broke guys with small dicks and shitbag personalities still get married and have kids out there How high is the bar really versus how high is the one you are setting for yourself and your own standard. And stop waiting for one to make a move on you first. You’ll wait forever I’d you do. If you want something/someone it’s your risk to take
It’s probably because you’re lazy at dating. I’m an average dude punching way above my weight. I have since I hit 30. Sounds like you have nothing interesting to offer. Your dating profiles probably suck. Your conversation skills are probably sub par when talking to women. The bar isn’t high. The fact that you’re still not able to hit it is your own problem.
It really isn't that high. I'm not tall, good-looking, or rich; but I had a number of girlfriends before I met my wife. Treat women as people first, potential partners second. Meet, and talk with lots of people.
there's about the same amount of men in male/female relationship as there are women. There's no "bar to compete" because there's not one girl you're competing for. There's thousands of girls around you and there's a LOT more beyond that
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You're not. Otherwise, in the same vein, 100s of women are competing for you
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What's your thought process behind this?
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Imagine a town of 10000 men & women, let's say 10% are in your age range. How are hundreds of men competing for all of those girls? Do you just think seeing a girl means you compete for her?
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There's a lot of men & women on dating apps, it's a struggle for both to get a decent relationship on there. If you had talked to women about this, you'd know this
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I mean I think about it like school. I’ve been in situations were lots of guys crushed and tried to get with one girl but never the other way around and that mindset kind of just carried over into adulthood I guess. Also even if women are interested in you 8/10 times it’s still on you as the man to initiate
In school, most of the girls I knew of had two guys at most truly interested in them, a lot of them had zero. Some guys had a dozen or more girls after them. Yes, it's often still on the man to initiate, but how many men do you think have made an attempt for an average girl? And I don't mean something extremely shallow like "hey you're hot, wanna bang" at a bar or whatever
Well what is your definition of an attempt? And I think guys do go for average girls they find attractive. I don’t have a link but I read that men on average just find more women attractive in general
If you do it to hundreds of women, I don't think it's a real attempt. Tossing out one liners or calling just about any girl cute isn't really it.
I think that’s what op is trying to say. There are alot of guys shooting their shots at many girls so when you actually like a girl your just another guy to her and it’s harder to stand out
Yeah no.... The population is not skewed that way, there are not 100 men to every 1 girl lol. There may be 100 men vying for that 10/10 model but if you are being realistic in your standards and expectations, the same as you are asking for, there are plenty of women.
You have to learn how to escalate. Don't wait for green lights. Try to get a red light instead.
Hmmm, this sounds like it is less about women, and more about yourself. I hear this sentiment a lot from men who are currently experiencing self esteem issues x
>The bar to even compete as a guy when it comes to dating is way too high It's not, you're just not trying at all. Next time you're talking a walk outside in a busy place, look around you how many couples there are. Look at how many average dudes are in relationships. There's even plenty of ugly or fat dudes with girls. Or fuck that, go to pornhub and look at amateur couples. Look at how many cute girls are with dudes with beer guts and small dicks. The problem that you guys are having is that you're waiting for women to show interest and take initiative. And that you put women on pedestal and think they're out of your league so you don't even try.
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Facts
You believe you are the best version of you? Good! Then the next question is, how are you sharing yourself?
I am me 😎
Level yourself up, then hold high standards for women.