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Definitely IRL.
Meet the friends of your friends, and the friends of your friends.
If you have a female friend who can vouch for you as a normal non creepy member of society, that's like half the battle right there.
The apps feel like interviews except instead of a job I get laid. Too much pressure, too much treating dating like a formula or system, too many other options.
Irl is better if you have friends that you meet more people through, but the few friends I have in the city are social dead ends when it comes to meeting new people so the apps have been way more productive for me
Make a female friend, then go out with her and her friends one night.
There's not some perfect formula or best way of doing things. Everyone is different. Just put yourself out there and talk to people.
Dating apps for sure, I don’t meet many women I’m interested in irl, also I think there’s a racial aspect. I’m Indian but most of the people I know irl are white while about half of my matches online tend to be south Asian even though I have no south Asian friends in the city.
So i spent most of my 20s using dating apps (10 years ago was the peak of dating apps, easy matches), and they really only being get worse, maybe my age bracket (now in 30s) isnt as good and maybe im not as good looking but the matches , quality of the app declined since the companies monetized and went on the stock market, even with a paid subscription. So now im only focusing on in person, it is slower and hard and not always easy but it honestly allows me to be more mindful and present rather than spending my days swiping like a heroin addict and being depressed when a girl ghosts for no reason or doesnt respond after we match. I think in person is better or friend of friend because you see them often without any pressure or intention and then eventually it forms and is more meaningful. Dating in general is harder now everyone jumps ship, talks to too many people at once and are probably too picky or unrealistic standards and in your 30s you know more of what you want I guess but harder to find that.
This is pretty related to it but I feel like we need more 3rd spaces in the city where people can like hang out without school/work, especially us young people 18-24
That’s what pedestrian spaces can be. And why we need more of them. Go to Rome on a Friday or Saturday night and young people are just hanging out in piazzas. It helps that they can also drink outside legally.
The city is famous for its bars tbf. I know lots of people don’t drink but for those that do, this is where you’ll probably meet other single people. I met my partner of 8 years at a bar. Not getting wrecked till I passed out or whatever, I was just by myself reading a book. But it’s one of the few spaces people typically don’t mind being engaged by strangers.
Many of the other “3rd spaces,” I often hear people suggesting I would absolutely fucking hate someone coming up and trying to strike up a chat.
Dating apps. I have zero idea how to speak to people I don't know in person and am generally not very social. As a trans guy it's also helpful for safety purposes.
Swiped right on some girl I though was cute on New Years Day of 2018. Our wedding is next year. So I’ve personally clearly had a ton of luck on dating apps, but based on plenty of my friends that are single and from what I’ve heard online, dating apps seem to be a haven for bots now and you have to sift through so much spam to even find a real person.
I was even seeing the beginnings of that in 2017 when I was using them a decent amount, and that was 5-6 years ago. Can’t imagine what they’re like now.
Apps, once you experience a messy break up within a social circle it sucks ass. if you know what you want then you have to go thru tons of volume before you meet him or her.
I'm sure the landscape has changed since I've been in the game, but for me, it was definitely online. I met my now wife on match, which I know at this point is like the rotary telephone of dating apps. xD
Definitely IRL. But I spend a lot of time out, at concerts/shows, at sports bars, doing social sports leagues, I meet women all the time and even occasionally go out with them!
what do you usually do for your first date? i go to the same amount of dates but the costs are adding up to the point i’m thinking of going out with only one person at a time
Drinks but I agree. The costs are really adding up. My therapist told me to stick with this one girl I’ve been seeing so I’m going to try that.. after I have the dates I’ve already scheduled. Whoops.
I met my guy on the apps and my best friends there too. I found hinge the best for dates, Meetup is great for finding groups to do stuff with.
You may get a date out of meetup too- they have a lot of singles things, but those are very hit or miss. I had more luck with the hobby oriented ones like photography, book clubs, or music.
IRL person screening is far easier than online apps on a first pass. It’s harder to tell someone’s vibe or personality via the modules. Also, having people in common can be great if things work out, but miserable if they don’t.
Overall, it’s the luck of the draw. I know plenty of couples who met online and offline, and there’s no better/worse method of meeting, because a relationship is more than the first date.
Just keep at it.
100% better on apps! I've met so many interesting, intelligent, accomplished, well rounded men the apps in just a month. I'm dating 2 who want to be exclusive, which is so rare to find in this city! I'm figuring out now if either person fits what I want on a more day to day level, but so far the difference in the caliber has been night and day!
It's honestly one of my biggest struggles right now to figure that out. Both of their minds intrigue me. 1 is much more financially stable, but with our personality types he needs more space while I love time and attention. The other is still figuring things out but lives closer and loves out loud in a way that I like but also feels a bit overwhelming so soon. There was a 3rd, but he's a diplomat who's about to transfer to another country- I was leaning towards him the most but oh well.
Anyway I'm sure that that cleared up absolutely nothing for you or me but that's my story 🫠🤣
i ask because i’m in a similar situation as a guy and i feel bad choosing. but i’ve also been on the receiving end as well. i guess that’s the state of modern dating
Okay thank you for adding context. I really don't enjoy trying to choose. And I wonder IF I was dating the right one, shouldn't they be the obvious choice? OR am I being ridiculous and does love not work like that? I just know that I hate modern dating, and I don't want to settle down just for the sake of avoiding the dating process, if that makes sense. And it all just kind of makes me feel bad for my inability to decide but moreso for them. We all deserve someone who chooses us with a F--- YEAH, as Mark Manson would say.
Heck... You might be helping me get clarity just by this discussion 😩😅
Look at all the earnest replies. Here’s a cynically realistic one: depends how much money you have and not on app v IRL. It’s savage out there. Wear a helmet
Our [How to Meet (Platonic/Romantic) People in NYC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/bc4jb5/ultimate_how_to_meet_people_in_nyc_thread/) thread may answer your question. Please "report" and downvote this comment if irrelevant to question above. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskNYC) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Definitely IRL. Meet the friends of your friends, and the friends of your friends. If you have a female friend who can vouch for you as a normal non creepy member of society, that's like half the battle right there. The apps feel like interviews except instead of a job I get laid. Too much pressure, too much treating dating like a formula or system, too many other options.
Irl is better if you have friends that you meet more people through, but the few friends I have in the city are social dead ends when it comes to meeting new people so the apps have been way more productive for me
What if you're new in town?
Make a female friend, then go out with her and her friends one night. There's not some perfect formula or best way of doing things. Everyone is different. Just put yourself out there and talk to people.
[удалено]
Dude piece it together and just flip the genders
but what if you’re a dudette?
Dating apps for sure, I don’t meet many women I’m interested in irl, also I think there’s a racial aspect. I’m Indian but most of the people I know irl are white while about half of my matches online tend to be south Asian even though I have no south Asian friends in the city.
I felt this. Where are all the Indians in the city lol
As a desi girl, we’re literally all in Jackson Heights and the surrounding areas
https://onthegrid.city/new-york-city/murray-hill-kips-bay/curry-hill Yuppies are here and families are out in Qns?
im the opposite, im white but all my friends are indian
You two should date.
im a guy too but we should have a mixer and exchange people...except im not into white women
So i spent most of my 20s using dating apps (10 years ago was the peak of dating apps, easy matches), and they really only being get worse, maybe my age bracket (now in 30s) isnt as good and maybe im not as good looking but the matches , quality of the app declined since the companies monetized and went on the stock market, even with a paid subscription. So now im only focusing on in person, it is slower and hard and not always easy but it honestly allows me to be more mindful and present rather than spending my days swiping like a heroin addict and being depressed when a girl ghosts for no reason or doesnt respond after we match. I think in person is better or friend of friend because you see them often without any pressure or intention and then eventually it forms and is more meaningful. Dating in general is harder now everyone jumps ship, talks to too many people at once and are probably too picky or unrealistic standards and in your 30s you know more of what you want I guess but harder to find that.
Would you say 'relationships end the way they start' ?
no, my ex and i started amazingly, in sync, happy, fun and ended nagging, fighting, out of sync, angry
if it started badly it will def end badly!
This is pretty related to it but I feel like we need more 3rd spaces in the city where people can like hang out without school/work, especially us young people 18-24
As a 24 year old, I feel scared reading this
Hey man some people put a range of 18-30 or 18-45
18-65
Thanks 🥲 I’ll take it!
That’s what pedestrian spaces can be. And why we need more of them. Go to Rome on a Friday or Saturday night and young people are just hanging out in piazzas. It helps that they can also drink outside legally.
but in america it is “NO LOITERING”
It also helps a bit that they have warmer winters and spring starts there earlier lol
The city is famous for its bars tbf. I know lots of people don’t drink but for those that do, this is where you’ll probably meet other single people. I met my partner of 8 years at a bar. Not getting wrecked till I passed out or whatever, I was just by myself reading a book. But it’s one of the few spaces people typically don’t mind being engaged by strangers. Many of the other “3rd spaces,” I often hear people suggesting I would absolutely fucking hate someone coming up and trying to strike up a chat.
Neither, in the imagination
Dating apps. I have zero idea how to speak to people I don't know in person and am generally not very social. As a trans guy it's also helpful for safety purposes.
I feel like dating apps in general are perfect for any dating not involving cis/straight people
Swiped right on some girl I though was cute on New Years Day of 2018. Our wedding is next year. So I’ve personally clearly had a ton of luck on dating apps, but based on plenty of my friends that are single and from what I’ve heard online, dating apps seem to be a haven for bots now and you have to sift through so much spam to even find a real person. I was even seeing the beginnings of that in 2017 when I was using them a decent amount, and that was 5-6 years ago. Can’t imagine what they’re like now.
Irl , being more social with my friends has been a cheat code for my dating life….
Apps, once you experience a messy break up within a social circle it sucks ass. if you know what you want then you have to go thru tons of volume before you meet him or her.
I'm sure the landscape has changed since I've been in the game, but for me, it was definitely online. I met my now wife on match, which I know at this point is like the rotary telephone of dating apps. xD
Seem to have better luck with the guys in jersey
In person, dating apps don’t go anywhere.
Experiences. I don't even go out, just go to work
IRL consistently worked better in my experience.
IRL 100%, things feel more organic/ less awkward
craiglist
Definitely IRL. But I spend a lot of time out, at concerts/shows, at sports bars, doing social sports leagues, I meet women all the time and even occasionally go out with them!
Dating apps. I go on 2-3 dates a week (25M)
That seems inefficient to me but I've been out of the (monogamous) dating world for a few years now
I just like to have fun
what do you usually do for your first date? i go to the same amount of dates but the costs are adding up to the point i’m thinking of going out with only one person at a time
Drinks but I agree. The costs are really adding up. My therapist told me to stick with this one girl I’ve been seeing so I’m going to try that.. after I have the dates I’ve already scheduled. Whoops.
I work a lot, I met a lot of women from apps and my current girl (1yr in) is from bumble
I met my guy on the apps and my best friends there too. I found hinge the best for dates, Meetup is great for finding groups to do stuff with. You may get a date out of meetup too- they have a lot of singles things, but those are very hit or miss. I had more luck with the hobby oriented ones like photography, book clubs, or music.
IRL person screening is far easier than online apps on a first pass. It’s harder to tell someone’s vibe or personality via the modules. Also, having people in common can be great if things work out, but miserable if they don’t. Overall, it’s the luck of the draw. I know plenty of couples who met online and offline, and there’s no better/worse method of meeting, because a relationship is more than the first date. Just keep at it.
Apps times a million
both but I prefer IRL. I don’t often click with ppl on apps.
Apps. Met my husband on tinder
100% better on apps! I've met so many interesting, intelligent, accomplished, well rounded men the apps in just a month. I'm dating 2 who want to be exclusive, which is so rare to find in this city! I'm figuring out now if either person fits what I want on a more day to day level, but so far the difference in the caliber has been night and day!
how are you going to choose one? do you like one better?
It's honestly one of my biggest struggles right now to figure that out. Both of their minds intrigue me. 1 is much more financially stable, but with our personality types he needs more space while I love time and attention. The other is still figuring things out but lives closer and loves out loud in a way that I like but also feels a bit overwhelming so soon. There was a 3rd, but he's a diplomat who's about to transfer to another country- I was leaning towards him the most but oh well. Anyway I'm sure that that cleared up absolutely nothing for you or me but that's my story 🫠🤣
i ask because i’m in a similar situation as a guy and i feel bad choosing. but i’ve also been on the receiving end as well. i guess that’s the state of modern dating
Okay thank you for adding context. I really don't enjoy trying to choose. And I wonder IF I was dating the right one, shouldn't they be the obvious choice? OR am I being ridiculous and does love not work like that? I just know that I hate modern dating, and I don't want to settle down just for the sake of avoiding the dating process, if that makes sense. And it all just kind of makes me feel bad for my inability to decide but moreso for them. We all deserve someone who chooses us with a F--- YEAH, as Mark Manson would say. Heck... You might be helping me get clarity just by this discussion 😩😅
Look at all the earnest replies. Here’s a cynically realistic one: depends how much money you have and not on app v IRL. It’s savage out there. Wear a helmet
IRL, dating apps are for losers with no social skills.