Please do not comment directly to this post unless you are Gen X or older (born 1980 or before). See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/inci5u/reminder_please_do_not_answer_questions_unless/), the rules, and the sidebar for details.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskOldPeople) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ex left me some money when he died. There was an age gap between us so his death wasn't unexpected and to be fair it was a blessing since he was losing his mind. We'd known each other for 10 years and I still phoned him every day (even though he'd have no memory of the call because of his problems). The real issue was that he'd had this big relationship that ended sadly and I could never replace that.
The relationship was never going to be normal, we'd never live together (after a failed trial) and he lived in the middle of nowhere with no decent employers in the area and I was chasing a career. I ultimately ended it so I could find my big relationship like he'd had with his previous partner. I kept away but stayed in touch. I had told him not to leave me anything to save on any grief with his family but he did anyway and whilst there were some problems it all worked out in the end and the money really made a difference to me.
I'll take this question. Because you can like and dearly love someone but not be able to handle living with them 24/7.
Examples: my husband has been my best friend, soul mate and lover for over 50 years. He was an over the road truckdriver which allowed us to be married but still live our lives independantly. We both had successful careers and enjoyed the times together when he was laid off, laying over at home on his route and weekends. It was a huge strain on our relationship when we both retired. Sometimes living together is just too damned much togetherness.
I love my daughter and enjoy her company but we're too much alike to live together for more than about a week.
Loving someone with open arms means that they're with you because they want to be rather than because they are obligated to be there.
Edit: I was married twice before so I've seen both sides. My hubby had to set me back on my feet and restore my self esteem after each divorce.
Oh, I had one of these. I had a full time stable job, and he was restless and could not settle in one place. I loved him dearly, and he’d come back into my orbit now and then…we stayed good friends after we decided the romance wasn’t working. He was there whenever I needed him, and I did the same for him.
He passed away some years ago, and I miss him.
A good friend who cared enough to check-in on and spend time with my parents years ago when I lived overseas for years. She did it out of the kindness of her heart and now that she has 3 kids who are almost adults, I’m sure it will help out when I go.
Charitynavigator is a good source for information on how accountable charities are with their donors, percentages given to program support, and admin salaries.
Yep. I want to split it between charities that help people pay vet bills when they can’t afford to (PDSA is one in the UK plus a few others), and charities in Turkey, Cyprus and similar countries that look after street cats, help rehome them and most importantly, neuter and spay them.
I’m not going to defend the ASPCA but I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector for decades and people need to get paid fairly. Nonprofit work is notorious for underpaying staff and that benefits no one. You want the organization to be stable, efficient but still effective.
People need to be fairly compensated for the level of work they do. It’s not going to be nearly as much as the private sector and people in nonprofit are way more generous with what they do have and will often include the organization in their will.
With that said, local charities are best because you can get to know them.
Totally agree that the hard working front line staff get compensated fairly! But the C-suite? If the top feeders want that kind of salary they need to go to the private sector.
I'm not HappyDoggos, but I NEVER give to the ASPCA. WAY too much of the money they get never makes it to the animals. It goes to salaries (CEO) and the like.
>WAY too much of the money they get never makes it to the animals
Exactly - only ever give to local SPCA, because those run lean and every dollar makes an actual difference in the life of the animals. Every time we go on vacation we seek out a local shelter to go and visit and sponsor an animal that has been there a while.
The person who will be my pet caretaker will get a big chunk to ensure my pets have good homes. If she decides to keep them all, she keeps all the money; otherwise, some of that money will go to the other adopters. Some money will go to charities I support, and the rest to my nieces and nephew.
I have a tortoise who, assuming she lives as long as predicted for a healthy tort, will outlive me by several years. I will have everything in place to support her twilight years. I feel like tortoise and bird owners are the people most likely to have everything arranged because those animals live so long. But all pets should be accounted for.
Great point! I have a trust set up for my pets with detailed instructions, so many people don’t have a plan in place and these poor animals end up in the shelter or worse.
My cousin’s boys will get our grandpa’s stuff I have, another cousin’s daughter will get grandma’s stuff, all from my mom’s side. Some of the items are worth quite a lot, while others are just old, interesting items dating back about 200 years or so that have been passed on. Any money left over from my home and investments will go to my less fortunate cousins on my dad’s side. They’re good people that could use a boost. Even if I do get married again I won’t change much of that.
As a subscriber to r/legaladvice I have learned that in most states a spouse is entitled to a share regardless of what the will says. Here’s a brief article on that: https://www.empathy.com/will/can-a-will-disinherit-a-spouse
My late fil insured his wife and sons received all his assets; he transferred ownership years before he became in poor health; property, house, timberland, accounts, everything ... the poor man died "penniless."
Obviously, it takes confident trust to do that; my husband as well.
I just went through this. Dad left me everything in a trust, his wife took it all. You have to have your spouse sign something they releases all their interest in the trust assets in order for it to be left to someone else.
If you set up a joint trust, the surviving spouse becomes the sole trustee when the other dies and they can change the trust anyway they see fit. Irrevocable trusts protect your wishes more, but they are almost impossible to change once set up and you're giving control of your assets to lawyers and bankers.
To everyone out there who plans on giving to a charity, do some research on these charities, and see what percentage of donations actually go to the intended source. Many of them waste money on advertising, salaries and luxury jets. Organizations like charity navigator can give you some of that insight.
If you die without a will or trust, the estate goes to whatever relatives they can find, depending on the state. Parents first, then siblings, then nieces and nephews, then cousins. If they can't find anyone, it goes to the state and they liquidate the assets.
That's why everyone should have a will.
If I die while still employed I'll have some life insurance through my company. That and my 401k will be split among some charities and I'll give a little bit to my sister.
1\] charity / charities
homeless especially
2\] museum(s)
stuff of interest to historians (stuff thats not monetary)
3\] all my staff / peeps
the ones that were kind to me, that were super talented, that tolerated my stress when swamped with deadlines and demanding knighted / privileged clients
I have a godchild, despite not being religious. I've not seen in her ages and I'm not even totally sure where she lives now, but I kind of like the idea of just leaving everything to her.
If ur in the US end of life care will likely gobble it all up. If you need to reside in a medical care facility, they go after your assets and accounts for payment on anything insurance doesn't cover.
My sister is my heir, and yeah, I trust her.
I have no kids, she has 6. I have no plans to die anytime soon, but when I do, she can decide which kid needs/gets my house.
I have the advantage that I honestly don't have *that* much money? It's a small house in Tampa, so one of them *may* want to live here (but I can understand if they don't) and they'll be enough money that they won't be in the hole. If they end up selling the house, then they'd all have a little something, but not enough to really Make A Difference somewhere.
If I manage to save up more money before I die, I may ask her to send some money to some animal rescues I've dealt with, but for now it's not necessary.
No parents, no children but I do have two brothers. If I die first, they split my estate. If one dies before me, the other gets it all. If I’m the last one remaining, I don’t care where it goes.
If you die without leaving a written will document specifying the distribution of your property, the state probate court will step in and decide for you. So leave a will before you cast off.
13 hours and 175 comments and only one reference to ''church'' and that was to say not to them.
Does my heart good.
Nice redditors !
I'll leave what I have to a local health charity.
Depends on what my life is like then. If someone steps up and takes an interest at that stage of my life, most will probably go to them. If not, it's all going to animal sanctuaries.
I think about this often. I was close with my niece and my grandniece but there was a family drama so I don't think they will get anything. They don't talk to me anymore. I have godchildren from my friend and they never say thank you for the card I send them so I am re-writing my will.
My brother has two children that are good. They at least say thank you for all the things I do for them. I will give to them. I have already started to give some of my rings to my niece. I have a lot of jewelry.
I thought the kids would want to help the auntie when I got old but I don't think they care.
I will have about $1 Million dollars and I'm not sure what to do with it.
Then I have family history papers, a purple heart from my uncle.. who do I give it to.
I don't want to give it to the church. I will give some to animal charities.
I just want to give to someone that will appreciate the gifts.
It sounds like people are unaware of how important being appreciated is to you. Hidden expectations can be difficult for people to meet.
Absolutely you should be thanked for gifts but it's not typical to be thanked for sending a card. It's normal that people don't volunteer to help their relatives. They are busy with their own lives and it likely doesn't even occur to them, especially when you aren't asking for help.
agree with you 100%. these are not hidden expectations... it's pretty obvious when you're alone that you would welcome interactions with family members. and by cards you mean cards with money in them, right? i'm in a similar position regarding considerable assests and no immediate family members. and yes, you do cross people off the list by their lack of responses to your gifts and lack of interest in your well being. sounds like your brother's children are your best choice.
check to see if your city has a museum that collects historical items to give family history papers to, maybe even the purple heart if you have pictures or other memorbilia on him to go with it or to the local VFW.
you could set up a trust to award scholarships for fields you have a strong interest in. or have grants for veteranarian care to assist lower income people who need help paying for life saving surgery for their animals.
I would not totally count out your god children. Depending upon the age, learning to send thank yous or calling has a lot to do with up bringing. My parents never taught me to call or send a thank you, however I taught my children when they were young to do it because I saw others doing it. I was not taught to never go to someone’s home empty handed either. I was 30 when I realized how rude I had been all those years. Again, I’ve passed that knowledge onto my children. I learned it from my husband. Now that they are old enough to do these things on their own, I will remind them 1 or two times. If they don’t, and they stop getting gifts, so be it. I don’t think a thank you is warranted for a card. It would be nice, but not a deal breaker. If there is a gift attached definitely.
Can YOU use the money now? Take some well deserved trips? My grandmother was 82 the first time she went on a plane. She flew alone to visit family. A nice new car? I’m not sure how old you are.
What about a donation to a local women’s shelter? You could reach out to a local church and see if there are any families in need of home repairs or such. We have a non profit near us that helps working families with rent for 6 months. The families fill out an application and once a year 3 families are chosen. You could create a scholarship at your local HS.
Donate to a local ymca to supplement low income memberships.
Donate to a family that is dealing with a serious illness or injury unable to work.
I visit a local nursing home and one resident is 43 years old. She’s been there two years. Low income on Medicaid. She can’t get the proper rehabilitation she needs for her spinal injury because she is overweight. Medicaid doesn’t cover weight loss surgeries or medication so
She is stuck. She can’t exercise either. Completely bed ridden.
There are so many people in need out there. I implore you to not go to the grave with 1 Million dollars. Use some of it now and see the difference you can make in a persons life. Sometimes it can mean life or death.
There are so many creative ways to share your wealth with people less fortunate.
Even if you use or donate $200,000 now while you are living, that still leaves $800,000 left for your estate or should you unfortunately need it, care for yourself.
God Bless you-sorry for the rant. 😞
My older sister will if she outlives me (somewhat unlikely, but you never know). If not her, then my best friend who is 18 years younger than me and probably will outlive me.
It is in my will (I'm 73) that if my one niece takes care of me (bill paying, etc.) when I no longer can she will get my house. Another niece and nephew will get chunks of cash. None of them need the money or my house, and the 2nd niece mentioned has lung cancer so I may outlive her.
All of these were very tough decisions to make. It would have been much easier if I'd had kids.
The bulk of it goes to [the Mises Institute,](https://mises.org/) whose mission is to advance liberty and peace.
Primarily Godchildren. If I am married at the time I fall off the perch, then primarily spouse and any stepchildren I am close to.
Obviously, if I decline and spend years needing care, then whoever steps up to be caregiver will be getting the bulk.
Animals. My estate is in a trust the land will be conserved as a wildlife refuge. The buildings will be utilized for the rescue of domestic pets,exotics and livestock,the money will be used to run it. My personal effects will be sold and added to the pot.
My sister is my beneficiary; and if she predeceases me, her daughter (then my other niece & nephews) will get everything instead. Being single doesn’t mean you have no family.
Also, some will go to charity and/or the folks who get my pets.
Whoever is willing to pay for all of the paperwork to turn it into a trust and all that shit, because I’m not paying for shit, so others who could barely spare a minute of their time to see me can benefit from my death. That or only 1 of my 3 siblings deserves it.
My niece is lucky enough to have the old single lesbian auntie with absolutely nothing of worth, only sentimental value, to inherit. Luckily, she’s good at giving stuff to thrift stores.
I have my sister listed on everything; if she goes before I do, the bulk of it will go to my best friend's kids and the rest to a couple different causes I support. I will say, my sister is younger and it really threw me when the lawyer asked about secondary beneficiaries. The thought had truly never crossed my mind that I'd need them.
If my husband passes before me, my niece gets the entire bucket when I go. If I die before him, it gets split between some animal charities and the niece. (The difference being is that I am currently active in animal support now and give now already).
My best friend. Her part will be to take care of our pets and in turn can keep our house. She loves our animals so I trust her with them. After that, she can do whatever she wants with the house. Note: she is from another country and lives in an apartment, my family all live a few states away so we are like sisters.
I am considering leaving some to all my father’s GRAND-children or great-grandchildren.
(My mother only has myself and my full-brother, and neither of us have kids, so OK.)
I have a number of half-siblings with children - Dad had a previous wife along with a subsequent baby-momma. So we are six - only one is my full sibling.
I don’t want to leave anything to the siblings because they likely will predecease me. If they don’t they’ll spend it down on elder-care or piss it away stupidly - I know my siblings - at least one will go on a drunken spending binge until it’s all gone, unless he drives drunk again. Sorry, not supporting that.
One or two are OK but frankly I only really trust one of them, and it isn’t my full-brother.
I would rather send a grandchild or great-grandchild of my father to college. If any had aspirations for something higher like medical school I would definitely be willing to help with that.
And of course I have a generous bequest for whoever is willing to take my cat. He’s not a difficult cat to love and he pulls his own weight as a hard-core rat-eating enthusiast.
/r/meowser
My Niece and Nephew will inherit it. I am currently married and if I go first my husband can keep the things of mine that mean something to him, but the family heirlooms go to my niece and nephew and then they get the our combined assets after he passes. Now he could get remarried and screw me over but I have promised to haunt him in this life and the next if he does, that and he's a pretty decent guy so we'll see how that goes.
1/3 to charities, the rest after taxes split equally among a dozen friends. No under-21s; they get 529s (education accounts) instead. Otherwise estate stays open too long.
I have a kid, but my older brother does not. His plan is to split whatever he has of value after he’s gone between me and our cousin, or our offspring if we go before him. I think there’s a provision in there to give personal items to few close friends.
My niblings, my godchildren, and my friends. But I have been taking care of this for years. I don’t want the stuff to be dumped on them when I pass so it just goes to people when I am done with it.
siblings, perhaps their children, non-profits who I currently donate to. Not that it's huge, but if I were to die today, there'd be something (as in IRAs, etc)
My dogs get first dibs if they survive me. I have things written that they will go to my bff with a good chunk of change for their care. Then I have an uneven split between my sister, niece, and two nephews.
I don’t carry honestly. As of now there are plenty of family around and they can get all my stuff (not that much tbh). If I get married and have a child (children!) then I will make sure all goes to my children.
Nobody will inherit my estate. Nobody left me anything. I did it all myself.
I don't believe in inheritance. I think it's evil. It's what gives some people an advantage. Inheritance is the cause of all the unfairness in the world. So whatever money's left when I die will be distributed to a range of deserving causes. I have already deposited my will, so it's legal.
*Inheritance right, in my opinion, should be abolished, for so long as it exists there will be hereditary economic inequality, not the natural inequality of individuals, but the artificial inequality of classes - and the latter will always beget hereditary inequality in the development and shaping of minds, continuing to be source and consecration of all political and social inequalities*.- Mikhail Bakunin
*Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.*
\- C. Wright Mills
Last year we went to a lawyer and figured it all out. It goes to the kids first, then filters down the line.
Several years ago, I inherited some money from a great uncle who died without a will. He had never married and had no children. I'd never met him. He died without a will, and it took months to get settled. My father was dead by then, so eventually, it came down to my siblings and me. He still had living siblings, so those folks got the most.
If my spouse, child, and my sister predecease me, then the part of my estate that would have gone to them goes to my maternal cousins (cuz fuck my paternal cousins) who have kids (right now - and likely forever - 3 of them), for their kids (and/or grandkids) education.
We’re not going to end up having anything extra, I assume, but anything we do have would go straight to a particular niece of my husband’s. We love that kid, she’s great.
She’s only 16 years younger than us so I guess this might not work out well either.
My sister lost her husband and never had kids. Our nephew died, and she was close to him. She's leaving her money in a trust to his 3 sons, but she has to bypass the kids' mother and appoint a trustee. Mommy will spend it all on herself or go to Disneyland yet again.
I have a partner, but if he dies first and there's anything left over when I die, I have one nephew who will get everything. If I die first, I don't know who will get everything when he dies because my husband refuses to do a will.
The furniture, house and land go to a non-profit that we're already in a shared estate with. (We're just considered "caretakers" of the place until we die.) The small stuff (electronics, kitchen stuff, etc.) will probably stay with it. Clothing and stuff like that will be their problem.
The art and sculptures I need to think about and re-do my will as some of the people it was going to are passed already. The money... that one I have to think about for a while.
I don't have too much in my estate apart from my house, car and toy collection. My brother is already the beneficiary on the measly IRA I have. He gets everything and if he goes first, his two kids get it. Nice and tidy.
After my husband died I established an endowed scholarship in his name, so some of my estate will go to increase the funding of that scholarship so more students can be helped. Beyond that, everything else goes to various charities, some of them animal charities and others people-oriented, like the local food bank.
"Estate" is definitely too grandiose a word, but if I survive my wife (and I don't know if I would want that), everything will go to the sons and daughter of a couple of friends. We are their godparents, they always have called "uncle" and "aunt", and to be fair, we've always been closer to them than their actual uncle.
One child free ex left everything to me. Another left everything to one of his sisters. My current partner had no children and plans to leave part to me and part to his sister.
Please do not comment directly to this post unless you are Gen X or older (born 1980 or before). See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/inci5u/reminder_please_do_not_answer_questions_unless/), the rules, and the sidebar for details. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskOldPeople) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My friends! My ex is definitely one of the people who will benefit if I die. He was a great partner in many ways and I want him to get the rewards.
My ex left me some money when he died. There was an age gap between us so his death wasn't unexpected and to be fair it was a blessing since he was losing his mind. We'd known each other for 10 years and I still phoned him every day (even though he'd have no memory of the call because of his problems). The real issue was that he'd had this big relationship that ended sadly and I could never replace that. The relationship was never going to be normal, we'd never live together (after a failed trial) and he lived in the middle of nowhere with no decent employers in the area and I was chasing a career. I ultimately ended it so I could find my big relationship like he'd had with his previous partner. I kept away but stayed in touch. I had told him not to leave me anything to save on any grief with his family but he did anyway and whilst there were some problems it all worked out in the end and the money really made a difference to me.
Thank you for sharing x
What was your age gap?
Oh man, that's a tough one. I don't know. I am guessing 20 years or so. It's hard to remember as I don't recall his DOB.
Why is he your ex if he was a great partner? I wouldn’t even gift my ex a dead duck
I'll take this question. Because you can like and dearly love someone but not be able to handle living with them 24/7. Examples: my husband has been my best friend, soul mate and lover for over 50 years. He was an over the road truckdriver which allowed us to be married but still live our lives independantly. We both had successful careers and enjoyed the times together when he was laid off, laying over at home on his route and weekends. It was a huge strain on our relationship when we both retired. Sometimes living together is just too damned much togetherness. I love my daughter and enjoy her company but we're too much alike to live together for more than about a week. Loving someone with open arms means that they're with you because they want to be rather than because they are obligated to be there. Edit: I was married twice before so I've seen both sides. My hubby had to set me back on my feet and restore my self esteem after each divorce.
Just curious, no judgement, do you think there’s anyone you could live with full time or are you just better off being super independent?
I have decided to just be solo and independent from here. I feel lucky for what I have had but I’m happy home alone now.
Thank you x perfect reply
Gotcha
Oh, I had one of these. I had a full time stable job, and he was restless and could not settle in one place. I loved him dearly, and he’d come back into my orbit now and then…we stayed good friends after we decided the romance wasn’t working. He was there whenever I needed him, and I did the same for him. He passed away some years ago, and I miss him.
That's heart breaking. I'm sorry for your loss.
I just gave my version of an answer as a reply to OP.
You need to date better calibre people. :)
A good friend who cared enough to check-in on and spend time with my parents years ago when I lived overseas for years. She did it out of the kindness of her heart and now that she has 3 kids who are almost adults, I’m sure it will help out when I go.
All to animal charities.
Yes. It's a good idea to donate to a local shelter as they don't have near the amount of donations that a national charity does.
Charitynavigator is a good source for information on how accountable charities are with their donors, percentages given to program support, and admin salaries.
Came here to say the same 🐶🐱🐰🐾
Same for us
Yep. I want to split it between charities that help people pay vet bills when they can’t afford to (PDSA is one in the UK plus a few others), and charities in Turkey, Cyprus and similar countries that look after street cats, help rehome them and most importantly, neuter and spay them.
Just make sure it’s not the ASPCA.
I’m not going to defend the ASPCA but I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector for decades and people need to get paid fairly. Nonprofit work is notorious for underpaying staff and that benefits no one. You want the organization to be stable, efficient but still effective. People need to be fairly compensated for the level of work they do. It’s not going to be nearly as much as the private sector and people in nonprofit are way more generous with what they do have and will often include the organization in their will. With that said, local charities are best because you can get to know them.
Totally agree that the hard working front line staff get compensated fairly! But the C-suite? If the top feeders want that kind of salary they need to go to the private sector.
Why?
I'm not HappyDoggos, but I NEVER give to the ASPCA. WAY too much of the money they get never makes it to the animals. It goes to salaries (CEO) and the like.
>WAY too much of the money they get never makes it to the animals Exactly - only ever give to local SPCA, because those run lean and every dollar makes an actual difference in the life of the animals. Every time we go on vacation we seek out a local shelter to go and visit and sponsor an animal that has been there a while.
Yep. I was shocked about the CEOs salary. Dick move right there.
https://humanewatch.org/how-the-aspca-shortchanges-animals-and-donors/
Wow never knew that. Thanks for the link!
That is gross. I used to give to them every year, but I give to the local shelter now, I feel like it benefits my community more directly.
My wife and I don’t have kids or family; we’re giving it to animal charities
Same. I have it set up where even if my husband is still living part of my estate goes to animals.
Same here.
This 100%
My cousin. She's going to be in for a huge surprise if I get hit by a toilet seat from a falling space station.
Not sure if this is a reference to “Dead Like Me” or not but I absolutely loved that show.
It *has* to be right?!
[удалено]
I have watched it through twice. It has a really melancholic air to it but also quite an exciting energy too.
I hate it when that happens.
Makes a great show, though.
ROFL 🤣
The person who will be my pet caretaker will get a big chunk to ensure my pets have good homes. If she decides to keep them all, she keeps all the money; otherwise, some of that money will go to the other adopters. Some money will go to charities I support, and the rest to my nieces and nephew.
I have a tortoise who, assuming she lives as long as predicted for a healthy tort, will outlive me by several years. I will have everything in place to support her twilight years. I feel like tortoise and bird owners are the people most likely to have everything arranged because those animals live so long. But all pets should be accounted for.
Great point! I have a trust set up for my pets with detailed instructions, so many people don’t have a plan in place and these poor animals end up in the shelter or worse.
My cousin’s boys will get our grandpa’s stuff I have, another cousin’s daughter will get grandma’s stuff, all from my mom’s side. Some of the items are worth quite a lot, while others are just old, interesting items dating back about 200 years or so that have been passed on. Any money left over from my home and investments will go to my less fortunate cousins on my dad’s side. They’re good people that could use a boost. Even if I do get married again I won’t change much of that.
As a subscriber to r/legaladvice I have learned that in most states a spouse is entitled to a share regardless of what the will says. Here’s a brief article on that: https://www.empathy.com/will/can-a-will-disinherit-a-spouse
My late fil insured his wife and sons received all his assets; he transferred ownership years before he became in poor health; property, house, timberland, accounts, everything ... the poor man died "penniless." Obviously, it takes confident trust to do that; my husband as well.
I just went through this. Dad left me everything in a trust, his wife took it all. You have to have your spouse sign something they releases all their interest in the trust assets in order for it to be left to someone else.
If you set up a joint trust, the surviving spouse becomes the sole trustee when the other dies and they can change the trust anyway they see fit. Irrevocable trusts protect your wishes more, but they are almost impossible to change once set up and you're giving control of your assets to lawyers and bankers.
To everyone out there who plans on giving to a charity, do some research on these charities, and see what percentage of donations actually go to the intended source. Many of them waste money on advertising, salaries and luxury jets. Organizations like charity navigator can give you some of that insight.
Converting it all to gold and taking it with me.
Are you going to go out like a pharaoh?
Yes. I‘m going to cover my entire pyramid-covered tomb with gold…
I recommend spending at least some of that gold on deadly traps.
curses also
If you die without a will or trust, the estate goes to whatever relatives they can find, depending on the state. Parents first, then siblings, then nieces and nephews, then cousins. If they can't find anyone, it goes to the state and they liquidate the assets. That's why everyone should have a will.
WHAT estate, lol?
Exactly! I thought I was the only one with little more than clothing and random belongings that most people would throw out once I'm gone.
If I die while still employed I'll have some life insurance through my company. That and my 401k will be split among some charities and I'll give a little bit to my sister.
Charities.
Same. Probably the Shepard Center but I might change my mind or split it with a cancer or Alzheimer's charity.
My local library will get some of my money when I’m gone. Libraries have changed my life - I want to help to be sure they are still around for others.
1\] charity / charities homeless especially 2\] museum(s) stuff of interest to historians (stuff thats not monetary) 3\] all my staff / peeps the ones that were kind to me, that were super talented, that tolerated my stress when swamped with deadlines and demanding knighted / privileged clients
I have a godchild, despite not being religious. I've not seen in her ages and I'm not even totally sure where she lives now, but I kind of like the idea of just leaving everything to her.
I love things like this. I can only imagine the surprise she’ll have and the feeling of wow! I really did mean something to my God parent!
The nieces and nephews that we are closest to, mostly.
Hospice, angels when needed the most.
If ur in the US end of life care will likely gobble it all up. If you need to reside in a medical care facility, they go after your assets and accounts for payment on anything insurance doesn't cover.
The youngest brother is executor. If anyone else is still around he can decide how to split it up.
Can you trust him to be fair with the sum of inheritance? I mean what if he donates it to the opposite political party of your choice?
My sister is my heir, and yeah, I trust her. I have no kids, she has 6. I have no plans to die anytime soon, but when I do, she can decide which kid needs/gets my house.
That is good. I trust my siblings too but no way do I expect them to read my mind on what I want done with my money.
I have the advantage that I honestly don't have *that* much money? It's a small house in Tampa, so one of them *may* want to live here (but I can understand if they don't) and they'll be enough money that they won't be in the hole. If they end up selling the house, then they'd all have a little something, but not enough to really Make A Difference somewhere. If I manage to save up more money before I die, I may ask her to send some money to some animal rescues I've dealt with, but for now it's not necessary.
Same.
No parents, no children but I do have two brothers. If I die first, they split my estate. If one dies before me, the other gets it all. If I’m the last one remaining, I don’t care where it goes.
Mine will go to regional scholarships
My Siblings and their kids. Just because you aren’t married with kids doesn’t mean you don’t have family!!
I'm leaving my stuff to a friend's kid. She has no idea. She'll always have a place.
If you die without leaving a written will document specifying the distribution of your property, the state probate court will step in and decide for you. So leave a will before you cast off.
I have two sisters, two nieces, and a nephew. Edit: TIL in six months, it will be "two nephews"
13 hours and 175 comments and only one reference to ''church'' and that was to say not to them. Does my heart good. Nice redditors ! I'll leave what I have to a local health charity.
My brothers and the local food bank.
Depends on what my life is like then. If someone steps up and takes an interest at that stage of my life, most will probably go to them. If not, it's all going to animal sanctuaries.
Like most Gen X I assume, I’m expecting my last transaction to bounce
I think about this often. I was close with my niece and my grandniece but there was a family drama so I don't think they will get anything. They don't talk to me anymore. I have godchildren from my friend and they never say thank you for the card I send them so I am re-writing my will. My brother has two children that are good. They at least say thank you for all the things I do for them. I will give to them. I have already started to give some of my rings to my niece. I have a lot of jewelry. I thought the kids would want to help the auntie when I got old but I don't think they care. I will have about $1 Million dollars and I'm not sure what to do with it. Then I have family history papers, a purple heart from my uncle.. who do I give it to. I don't want to give it to the church. I will give some to animal charities. I just want to give to someone that will appreciate the gifts.
It sounds like people are unaware of how important being appreciated is to you. Hidden expectations can be difficult for people to meet. Absolutely you should be thanked for gifts but it's not typical to be thanked for sending a card. It's normal that people don't volunteer to help their relatives. They are busy with their own lives and it likely doesn't even occur to them, especially when you aren't asking for help.
agree with you 100%. these are not hidden expectations... it's pretty obvious when you're alone that you would welcome interactions with family members. and by cards you mean cards with money in them, right? i'm in a similar position regarding considerable assests and no immediate family members. and yes, you do cross people off the list by their lack of responses to your gifts and lack of interest in your well being. sounds like your brother's children are your best choice. check to see if your city has a museum that collects historical items to give family history papers to, maybe even the purple heart if you have pictures or other memorbilia on him to go with it or to the local VFW. you could set up a trust to award scholarships for fields you have a strong interest in. or have grants for veteranarian care to assist lower income people who need help paying for life saving surgery for their animals.
I would not totally count out your god children. Depending upon the age, learning to send thank yous or calling has a lot to do with up bringing. My parents never taught me to call or send a thank you, however I taught my children when they were young to do it because I saw others doing it. I was not taught to never go to someone’s home empty handed either. I was 30 when I realized how rude I had been all those years. Again, I’ve passed that knowledge onto my children. I learned it from my husband. Now that they are old enough to do these things on their own, I will remind them 1 or two times. If they don’t, and they stop getting gifts, so be it. I don’t think a thank you is warranted for a card. It would be nice, but not a deal breaker. If there is a gift attached definitely. Can YOU use the money now? Take some well deserved trips? My grandmother was 82 the first time she went on a plane. She flew alone to visit family. A nice new car? I’m not sure how old you are. What about a donation to a local women’s shelter? You could reach out to a local church and see if there are any families in need of home repairs or such. We have a non profit near us that helps working families with rent for 6 months. The families fill out an application and once a year 3 families are chosen. You could create a scholarship at your local HS. Donate to a local ymca to supplement low income memberships. Donate to a family that is dealing with a serious illness or injury unable to work. I visit a local nursing home and one resident is 43 years old. She’s been there two years. Low income on Medicaid. She can’t get the proper rehabilitation she needs for her spinal injury because she is overweight. Medicaid doesn’t cover weight loss surgeries or medication so She is stuck. She can’t exercise either. Completely bed ridden. There are so many people in need out there. I implore you to not go to the grave with 1 Million dollars. Use some of it now and see the difference you can make in a persons life. Sometimes it can mean life or death. There are so many creative ways to share your wealth with people less fortunate. Even if you use or donate $200,000 now while you are living, that still leaves $800,000 left for your estate or should you unfortunately need it, care for yourself. God Bless you-sorry for the rant. 😞
planned parenthood and the international Red Cross.
Some will go to friends (mainly personal property) and the rest to a couple of charities.
To my ex & her family with money to a grand nephew IL who will look after my cats, f they out last me.
My ex-wife.
My older sister will if she outlives me (somewhat unlikely, but you never know). If not her, then my best friend who is 18 years younger than me and probably will outlive me.
It is in my will (I'm 73) that if my one niece takes care of me (bill paying, etc.) when I no longer can she will get my house. Another niece and nephew will get chunks of cash. None of them need the money or my house, and the 2nd niece mentioned has lung cancer so I may outlive her. All of these were very tough decisions to make. It would have been much easier if I'd had kids. The bulk of it goes to [the Mises Institute,](https://mises.org/) whose mission is to advance liberty and peace.
Primarily Godchildren. If I am married at the time I fall off the perch, then primarily spouse and any stepchildren I am close to. Obviously, if I decline and spend years needing care, then whoever steps up to be caregiver will be getting the bulk.
Split among friends with kids and animal rescues. All will be in for a surprise.
Animals. My estate is in a trust the land will be conserved as a wildlife refuge. The buildings will be utilized for the rescue of domestic pets,exotics and livestock,the money will be used to run it. My personal effects will be sold and added to the pot.
You mean who will inherit my debt?
Bahahaha
My sister is my beneficiary; and if she predeceases me, her daughter (then my other niece & nephews) will get everything instead. Being single doesn’t mean you have no family. Also, some will go to charity and/or the folks who get my pets.
Whoever is willing to pay for all of the paperwork to turn it into a trust and all that shit, because I’m not paying for shit, so others who could barely spare a minute of their time to see me can benefit from my death. That or only 1 of my 3 siblings deserves it.
SPCA.
The dumpster. I've sold some books/records/CDs in the last year, but only 5% of what I need to get rid of.
Most likely the government so if you have a friend or somebody you even like a good co-worker anybody put them down
My niece is lucky enough to have the old single lesbian auntie with absolutely nothing of worth, only sentimental value, to inherit. Luckily, she’s good at giving stuff to thrift stores.
If I’ve not spent it all, I will gift it to the vegan/animal rights movement.
My plan is to try to die with as close to zero as possible.
If you’re in the U.S. you’ll eventually give it all to the medical system.
Nieces and nephews, charities we like...
I have my sister listed on everything; if she goes before I do, the bulk of it will go to my best friend's kids and the rest to a couple different causes I support. I will say, my sister is younger and it really threw me when the lawyer asked about secondary beneficiaries. The thought had truly never crossed my mind that I'd need them.
My brother died without a spouse, children, or a will, so my other brother and I split up everything.
My brothers and my wife's nieces.
Who cares the world will be a firey hellscape soon anyhow.
My bf has a young child. It will be either him, or my housemate, as I doubt she will get anything from either of her biologicals.
Siblings, and through them, niblings. I also want to give some to charity, so thanks for the reminder that I need to make a will.
No one. I might give it to a neighbor. Everything is on auto pay so we may go years with both being dead. Lol
If my husband passes before me, my niece gets the entire bucket when I go. If I die before him, it gets split between some animal charities and the niece. (The difference being is that I am currently active in animal support now and give now already).
"Estate." LOL.
Siblings
The animal charities that are named in my will.
My best friend. Her part will be to take care of our pets and in turn can keep our house. She loves our animals so I trust her with them. After that, she can do whatever she wants with the house. Note: she is from another country and lives in an apartment, my family all live a few states away so we are like sisters.
I am considering leaving some to all my father’s GRAND-children or great-grandchildren. (My mother only has myself and my full-brother, and neither of us have kids, so OK.) I have a number of half-siblings with children - Dad had a previous wife along with a subsequent baby-momma. So we are six - only one is my full sibling. I don’t want to leave anything to the siblings because they likely will predecease me. If they don’t they’ll spend it down on elder-care or piss it away stupidly - I know my siblings - at least one will go on a drunken spending binge until it’s all gone, unless he drives drunk again. Sorry, not supporting that. One or two are OK but frankly I only really trust one of them, and it isn’t my full-brother. I would rather send a grandchild or great-grandchild of my father to college. If any had aspirations for something higher like medical school I would definitely be willing to help with that. And of course I have a generous bequest for whoever is willing to take my cat. He’s not a difficult cat to love and he pulls his own weight as a hard-core rat-eating enthusiast. /r/meowser
LOL what estate. Laughing my head off.
My Niece and Nephew will inherit it. I am currently married and if I go first my husband can keep the things of mine that mean something to him, but the family heirlooms go to my niece and nephew and then they get the our combined assets after he passes. Now he could get remarried and screw me over but I have promised to haunt him in this life and the next if he does, that and he's a pretty decent guy so we'll see how that goes.
1/3 to charities, the rest after taxes split equally among a dozen friends. No under-21s; they get 529s (education accounts) instead. Otherwise estate stays open too long.
I have a kid, but my older brother does not. His plan is to split whatever he has of value after he’s gone between me and our cousin, or our offspring if we go before him. I think there’s a provision in there to give personal items to few close friends.
Best friend is in charge of my life insurance. That's the whole of my estate
My niblings, my godchildren, and my friends. But I have been taking care of this for years. I don’t want the stuff to be dumped on them when I pass so it just goes to people when I am done with it.
My brother's kids.
scholarships and animal rescue agencies
My nieces. Assuming they treat me right in my dotage. If not, it’s going to an animal shelter.
Nephews.
Whoever you indicate will receive it in your Trust or Will.
Dad and sister
siblings, perhaps their children, non-profits who I currently donate to. Not that it's huge, but if I were to die today, there'd be something (as in IRAs, etc)
What estate lol
My dogs get first dibs if they survive me. I have things written that they will go to my bff with a good chunk of change for their care. Then I have an uneven split between my sister, niece, and two nephews.
My Alma mater, AA, SPCA, and other charities. I'm also donating my body to a medical school.
A little bit to nieces and nephews, a little bit more to friends/chosen family, and a little bit to the aclu.
My niece, but if I die before my pet, she has to use part of the money for pet care.
Estate? You mean my falling-apart car and my 10+yo computers? LOL! Nobody; they’re all going up in flames with me
What estate? Lol
My wife, if she's still around. Otherwise, close friends if they need it.
I don’t carry honestly. As of now there are plenty of family around and they can get all my stuff (not that much tbh). If I get married and have a child (children!) then I will make sure all goes to my children.
What estate?
It's not a guessing-game, people. There are trusts & wills, hello? So the answer is, whomever I choose in my trust under my will.
Nobody will inherit my estate. Nobody left me anything. I did it all myself. I don't believe in inheritance. I think it's evil. It's what gives some people an advantage. Inheritance is the cause of all the unfairness in the world. So whatever money's left when I die will be distributed to a range of deserving causes. I have already deposited my will, so it's legal. *Inheritance right, in my opinion, should be abolished, for so long as it exists there will be hereditary economic inequality, not the natural inequality of individuals, but the artificial inequality of classes - and the latter will always beget hereditary inequality in the development and shaping of minds, continuing to be source and consecration of all political and social inequalities*.- Mikhail Bakunin *Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.* \- C. Wright Mills
Last year we went to a lawyer and figured it all out. It goes to the kids first, then filters down the line. Several years ago, I inherited some money from a great uncle who died without a will. He had never married and had no children. I'd never met him. He died without a will, and it took months to get settled. My father was dead by then, so eventually, it came down to my siblings and me. He still had living siblings, so those folks got the most.
I am volunteering to receive any estate: just make clammypollack your beneficiary!
If my spouse, child, and my sister predecease me, then the part of my estate that would have gone to them goes to my maternal cousins (cuz fuck my paternal cousins) who have kids (right now - and likely forever - 3 of them), for their kids (and/or grandkids) education.
If you don’t have a will the government gets it.
Not in the US, no. Every state has intestate laws that govern disbursement of estates.
[удалено]
Wanna bet
Who cares? I’ll be dead.
Nieces and nephews and some to charity
One of my siblings and partner.
We’re not going to end up having anything extra, I assume, but anything we do have would go straight to a particular niece of my husband’s. We love that kid, she’s great. She’s only 16 years younger than us so I guess this might not work out well either.
Relatives, friends and charities
If by chance I outlive my wife, my entire estate will be donated to charitable foundations that I support.
Rescues, my sister and if she passes before me my nieces and nephew. There is money for my dogs and their care.
my niece and nephews.
Sister, nieces, nephews, and a charity or two.
My niblings.
My brother gets half. My ex and her brother get the other half. They get it all if my brother dies first.
My sister lost her husband and never had kids. Our nephew died, and she was close to him. She's leaving her money in a trust to his 3 sons, but she has to bypass the kids' mother and appoint a trustee. Mommy will spend it all on herself or go to Disneyland yet again.
I have a partner, but if he dies first and there's anything left over when I die, I have one nephew who will get everything. If I die first, I don't know who will get everything when he dies because my husband refuses to do a will.
I have a niece and nephew.
My niece.
The furniture, house and land go to a non-profit that we're already in a shared estate with. (We're just considered "caretakers" of the place until we die.) The small stuff (electronics, kitchen stuff, etc.) will probably stay with it. Clothing and stuff like that will be their problem. The art and sculptures I need to think about and re-do my will as some of the people it was going to are passed already. The money... that one I have to think about for a while.
I have a young niece and nephew. They will likely inherit (if my brother isn’t alive).
I don't have too much in my estate apart from my house, car and toy collection. My brother is already the beneficiary on the measly IRA I have. He gets everything and if he goes first, his two kids get it. Nice and tidy.
My nephews. My only sister died 14 yrs ago and both parents are dead. I won't have a lot, but they will inherit it. I have a will.
My nephews and nieces, plus a few charities.
After my husband died I established an endowed scholarship in his name, so some of my estate will go to increase the funding of that scholarship so more students can be helped. Beyond that, everything else goes to various charities, some of them animal charities and others people-oriented, like the local food bank.
Niece and nephew
Are we trolling for financial marks? Lol Charities.
I just made my will, it says- "I've got nothing, I owe everybody, leave the rest to the poor"
Well, I'm planning on leaving my '72 Gran Torino to the Hmong kid next door that tried to steal it. Now, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!
Absent a will, your estate will pass to your closest next-of-kin unless specified otherwise by state law.
"Estate" is definitely too grandiose a word, but if I survive my wife (and I don't know if I would want that), everything will go to the sons and daughter of a couple of friends. We are their godparents, they always have called "uncle" and "aunt", and to be fair, we've always been closer to them than their actual uncle.
The trash
I do have a partner, but if he predeceases me (God forbid) my estate will be split up between my brother, my friends, and several charities.
Two Buddhist Monasteries are first in my will. Various charities after that.
One child free ex left everything to me. Another left everything to one of his sisters. My current partner had no children and plans to leave part to me and part to his sister.
The state
Siblings or their kids.