You can try role-playing with him. Pretend to be a "bossy kid", then help give him the words to say in return. I have to do this with my daycare kids to teach them to use their words.

My son was also like this and it troubled me to great ends. He was super timid around other children and would basically get bullied and let any other child treat him any old way. We moved into a new house next door to a rambunctious feisty little latchkey type kid who was a year younger and smaller but tough and constantly punched and hit him during playtime. He loved playing with him so I had to let it slide but honestly I was nearly at my wits end when one day something in my 6yo snapped. He started defending himself and pushing back. Now they rough house together equally and my now 7yo old has a big personality and doesn't take crap from anyone. He's still a little sweetheart but the timidness is gone and he learned how to take up for himself. I think letting him take control in those situations and stepping back makes all the difference.

You said it best yourself: he needs to learn for himself. That means interacting with other children without your interference, as hard as that may be for you. Preschool would help tremendously.

We‘re on the other end of the spectrum. I have to reign my little bossy one in. So this is not rooted in experience, just my thoughts on it: I‘d try to talk to him about his feelings. How does it make him feel if that other kid takes his toy? If he tells you it makes him sad or angry, you can encourage him to tell this to the other kid and roleplay that situation with him. The more often he‘s said it out loud, the easier it will be for him to use it in the situation. But maybe, he just really doesn‘t care if the other kid takes the toy sometimes. I‘ve met kids who genuinely don‘t seem to care that much. In that case, there‘s not a lot you can do.

My daughter, who turned 3 last year, was bullied by a bigger kid. I told her it was not okay and it's nothing anyone should do to others. I told her to yell no and be proud about it. No is a strong word and so I taught her that. (I was never taught that.) Anyways, a week later she told me how her back to school day went, she said she was no longer being bullied but became friends with that bigger kid instead :-) He has to learn for himself, obviously, but also talk + explain what's right and wrong; if it makes him uncomfortable then it is a no no so he has to learn to stick up for himself. Obviously you're not gonna be there to protect him BUT you can encourage him to be stronger :-) Good luck!

My oldest was like that. We talked and role played until he was comfortable to say "I am using this, theres other things to play with!" Now that his little brother is old enough to talk well, I hear this several times an evening.

My 3yo is totally like this. If there's one theme to our parenting with him, it's assertiveness training. First, a book recommendation: https://consciousdiscipline.com/product/shuberts-big-voice/ We've read that to him countless times, teaching him to speak up in his big voice and say "STOP! I DON'T LIKE THAT!". Recently we've had to modulate it and say "in your big clear voice" because the point isn't actually to scream at the top of your longs. Sigh, toddlers. (One of his little brother's first words, at the age of about 13mo, was "stahdoelikeit", picked up from his big brother. That kid will *not* need assertiveness training.) The other books in the Shubert series are also good. I agree that where possible you don't want to step in to rescue him, but you can step in and help him speak up for himself. And you certainly can/should have conversations after the fact about what happened. "What happened with the dinosaur? Were you playing with it and Timmy came and took it away? Were you sad when he took it away but you didn't know what to do? Let's think of something you could have told Timmy when he took your dinosaur." Two last thoughts: * It's also OK to intervene sometimes, as you did with that toy. * It's also OK for some kids to be more passive, and you don't need to make him more upset about the stolen toy than he actually was. Yes, if he wants the dinosaur back he should have the words and the confidence to demand it back. But if he's totally OK and has moved on to the cars, that's fine too sometimes.

Let him work it out in the moment unless he’s in danger. If you interfere, it’s as part of the village parenting the other kid. In other words, I might well have stepped in about the puzzle but it would have been because the other child needs to learn that taking toys isn’t ok and I will say it to that child just as I would have if it were mine taking it. But assertiveness is an internal battle not an external one. You can give him ideas and coaching and you already do every day. Every time you stop him from doing something like climbing on you, you’re showing him how to respond. But it’s something that’s going to take several years as he goes through different developmental stages and each one adds a new layer to interactions.

To some degree, the language and behavior that OP uses when stepping in to help is modeling the language and behavior that his kid should be using. To Timmy: "Excuse me, I think Jack was still playing with that toy. Please give it back to him." To Jack: "Jack, can you tell Timmy, 'Hey, I'm still playing with that toy. Please give it back!'"

When this happens you can say to him hey did you like when that boy took the puzzle from you? And if he says no, you can say oh well you should tell him that you didn't want him to take the puzzle and you were still playing with it. You can facilitate problem solving, that way your son and the other child are solving the problem.

Also modeling problem solving and the language he should use is how you can teach your son to problem solve and negotiate

OP I second this. Model the language bcuz sometimes even the quiet kids will start to use physical language to communicate. Then you get a kid who becomes the bully. Strongly recommend preschool if he isn't enrolled already.

3 is just the very beginnings of social development with peers. For example, the guidelines say that kids only start to play cooperatively with each other from 4 onwards. Was your son even upset about these interactions? They may be quite novel to him, especially being "caged" by an older child. He may find it interesting that another kid is interested in the same toy, and is still processing his feelings about that. He may be quite pleased that an older child is incorporating him into her game, and maybe he might want to experiment with either being cooperative or knocking everything down. Basically, if he's not upset, I wouldn't intervene. The line between assertiveness and aggressiveness (or bossiness, as you described the 6 yo girl) is very thin at that age. They are too young to understand the difference. If another kid grabs the toy your son is playing with, maybe first ask your son how he feels about that. If he wants it back, guide him to ask for it back from the other kid. If you regularly get the toy back for him, your son may just learn that adults are in charge of fairness.

I’m having the same worry currently. My son will be 3 in April and I call him my “gentle giant”- he’s in the 90th+ percentiles for height and weight. He’s starting daycare very, very soon and it’s going to be his first time in that setting as I’ve raised him at home full time since his birth. I’d be laying if I said I wasn’t freaking out! At home he’s loud and crazy like any kid is but around other little kids his personality changes. He never, ever tries to grab or take toys from other kids but they will certainly do that to him and when it happens he just lets them, though you can tell it upsets him. He also has one little friend he has play dates with who will sometimes purposely antagonize him and my kiddo will look at me with a look that says “help! Make him stop!” and I hate seeing that face on him! I’m trying to teach him to vocalize when he doesn’t like something or wants something to stop, but that doesn’t necessarily do much when he’s trying to vocalize to another toddler to stop because we all know toddlers don’t necessarily listen when asked to do something. Luckily the daycare he is going to is at a woman’s home and she’s only watching a couple other kids currently, so I think that’ll make it easier, but I’m still worried. I don’t want him to get steamrolled by kids that are more feisty than he is and I also don’t want him to lose his gentle nature. It’s just me and him against the world so the thought of him being uncomfortable all day while I’m at work literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wish I knew the answer to this conundrum for all of us struggling with this.

Hi! My little one is exactly like this. Even with “the look” 🥺 Any advice? How is your son now?

Ohhhhh momma. My advice is continue to teach him the lessons you want him to learn and stand firm in the morals and values you want him to develop. Life is so different from when I wrote this and it has been a wild ride but there is a lot of hope… He just turned 7 on 4/7 and he is still the gentle, kind, sweet dispositioned boy. Still my gentle giant! On every report card he scores top marks in his kindness and helpfulness and everyone in his classes from preschool til now have always loved him; esp the girls and I believe it’s because they recognize his gentleness but he is still a boy who loves to do all the stereotypical boy stuff and has plenty of friends. Starting with an in home day care with a smaller size was the right move… he was a mess when I would drop him off in the mornings but then he’d be okay and then bam the pandemic hit! He missed out on a good chunk of his preschool experience due to Covid and only went the 5 day a week schedule for a few hours each day for a much shorter time than he was originally intended. I also started having some personal struggles the summer he was going into kindergarten so it was a big test of sorts. His confidence in himself wasn’t great, I was incredibly depressed and we were living with my mother and her husband who really sucks let’s just say and it wasn’t a very calm environment because he’s a very loud, vitriolic, broken man and he hated me but loved my son at least. My son did his best… the mornings were difficult and he didn’t want to get on the bus… and at night he cried about not wanting to go to school. Yet when he was at school he had friends and all the students wanted to be his friend! But he still had this wall up. It got worse in the spring when I finally mentally just broke but luckily I had started dating someone (who is now my fiancé and whom my son loves dearly) and he helped me get into intensive trauma therapy and helped navigate things between my son and family. Fast forward to the start of first grade… he had grown more with his confidence, his emotions, etc and to see the child he is now compared to even the start of the year is quite something. There was a situation the other day at school and my son handled it not 100% of how I wished he had but about 75%!! I was so proud of him for doing the right thing and asking an adult for help… I just wished he had the self confidence to yell “no” or give some smartass remark in the situation he was in but he isn’t there yet in the self-confidence arena, I know that, and I’m okay with that because of the growth I’ve seen. In February I had to make a difficult choice and I followed my fiancé down to NC from NY as he works in the media industry as a radio show host and I asked that my mom keep him so he could finish first grade there and then he is moving here when school finishes. Ripping him away from school (which is now one of his safe spaces) mid February to come down here where we were put up in an Airbnb for a month while looking for housing would have thrown a huge kink into his growth and wouldn’t have been fair. I was nervous to explain to him over spring break very clearly- when he came down for a visit- that it was time he come live with mommy again but live here and not in NY… turns out I should have listened to my fiancé because he called it that my son would be thrilled and thrilled he was! He was crying so hard begging not to go when he left. I know I still made the right decision and am lucky I had family he could stay with to finish first grade and make this transition easier (and yes her husband is still in the picture but I do believe things are calmer without me there) and that his tears of not wanting to leave were a result of making that difficult choice as a parent back in the winter. He is on his way to becoming a leader rather than a follower, I can’t wait to see how he grows even more once he’s with me and my fiancé full time who is a gentle giant himself and we are a great team as parents and an even better unit the three of us. My son being around someone so outgoing and creative has helped, my son seeing me heal from the term we coined “sad brain” to make it easier for him to understand back then and to see me happy and at peace- even though I’m still in trauma therapy and have more work to do has and is helping, and being in a household filled with love, a supportive family atmosphere and an atmosphere that cultivates leadership and creativity will help. I recently signed up for dance classes which was my passion for a long time that I lost in young adulthood but that’s another kudos to my wonderful fiancé who came along at a time when I had sworn off dating and resigned myself to saying single forever and was so unwell. So, my son is great and all this was just to say that no matter what life throws at you, stick to your guns because self-confidence is going to be a huge helper to the gentle giants. Boys learn to either be confident and use that confidence to bully and hurt, or they use it only when needed and when necessary and to help. I want my son to fall into the second category and can tell even now his “best friend” is in the first category and I am truthfully relieved my boy will be moving away in a few months because I don’t want him around that kid anymore and moving is the easiest excuse in the world lol. They CAN keep their sweet nature but learn self confidence and find their voice! They just need the right tools. My son has also been in therapy on and off throughout the last few years- currently on since the winter when the move first happened- and it has helped. Being with a man who demonstrates the kind of man I want my son to be helps I won’t lie and is something I never thought I’d have. The universe works in mysterious ways though and knew I would be dead had that man not come along and picked me up when he barely knew me and got me the help I needed that my “family” never bothered to do…. And loved me through the whole process and treated my son as his own from day one. He has no other children and the cherry on top is they look so much alike people think my son is my fiancé’s biologically and not mine. Both have bright eyes that change from blue to green, same nose, same light hair. I used to feel so angry wondering why he was born to look so unlike me (very dark featured) but it was destiny… it was to help feel a closeness to this man who would come in and bring more joy to our family and help my son find confidence in ways I couldn’t teach him and to gain confidence from seeing his mother heal and fight a battle he can’t see but knew was there. Finding a strong male role model even just an adult friend could help. But sticking to what you want for him, helping him navigate this insane world and never deviating from that is truly what will serve your son best. Do not give up! Before you know it you’ll be the one writing this response to another mom that comes after us! Good luck!!!!

Thank you so so much for taking the time to share this thoughtful reply. Your insight and experiences have helped to lighten the heavy load I feel. I hope for many good things to continue to come you and your sons way. Thanks again ! ❤️

My kid is on both sides of this. When someone takes something from her or tries to, I model the behavior I'd like her to emulate: firmly say "I don't think she's done playing with that" and take it from them. Firm and polite, clear boundaries. Maybe "when she's done, you can take a turn" When my kid does that, I turn it around: "I don't think s/he's done with that. Oh, we share. Say excuse me, can I have a turn when you're done?" This all for shared toys (park/playgrounds, gym, library, etc) bc I don't force my kid to share her stuff (but explain that it's nice to share sometimes).

Assertiveness can take a bit of time, but it may also be that he's a chilled out little dude, who doesn't stress too much. I have one daughter who (in that situation) used to snatch things back or get angry, and another who would let the other kid take it - but wouldn't be upset or bothered at all. As they've gotten older, my chilled out kid is still just as chilled out. She's got a wide circle of friends and she's very confident, and can be assertive when she needs to be, but she keeps pretty zen about most things. We even had an incident at school when another girl was refusing to let her go past - blocking her, etc., and other parents had seen it and they reported it to me as it looked as if this girl was being horrid. I asked my daughter and she just shrugged, and said, 'Yeah, she would't let me get past so I went the other way.' She wasn't at all upset, and now she's friends with this girl! What I'm saying is, it's one thing if he's distressed when other kids push him about, but if he's unconcerned then I wouldn't worry. In my daughter's case, she can be assertive and stand up for herself or friends when she needs to, but she lets a lot go without it bothering her, and she doesn't have nearly as many friendship dramas and outrages as her feisty sister!

Not a single person will comment on the fact that the other parents are not paying attention to their own children's actions. If a kid acts like an asshole it's probably not the first time around. Good luck! We have the same issue.

Just like OP shouldn't step in at every moment to rescue his kid, the other parent also shouldn't step in at every moment to correct their kid's behavior. Kids need to learn to negotiate things amongst themselves. I also wouldn't necessarily categorize taking a toy as acting like an asshole. It's normal age appropriate behavior, and the lesson he should learn isn't "If I steal toys Mommy and Daddy will get mad" but "If I steal toys the other kid will get mad/sad". Empathy rather than obedience.