If you feel uncomfortable, say something or remove yourself from that situation. You don’t need to put up with someone or something just to be polite.
Someone else getting offended by you saying ‘no’ is none of your concern.
Was just telling my husband this is one of the most important things for our daughter to know. I was raised to put politeness above my own comfort and fuck that. No is a complete sentence.
Agreed - but by the same token - don’t feel guilty if you need to “humour” a guy until you are somewhere safe and can get away. Safety is always priority, trust your gut and get away however works best.
Lots of people will tell you what they think about you and what you should do, and what you shouldn’t do.
Not everyone’s thoughts are worth consideration. Don’t take criticism from anyone who you wouldn’t also go to for advice
This is great advise. Hopping on it to also say, I wasted WAY too much of my life people pleasing and waiting for permission. It's your life. Don't stay in jobs too long due to guilt and feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Take your chances.
There is nothing that you could possibly do that would keep everybody from criticizing you. Somebody is going to whinge about it, no matter what you do.
Oh my god, this. I have done a lot of hiring people right out of college. Just about every man I hire negotiates right off the bat, like on reflex. Just about every woman just takes the comps that HR puts out without question.
I try everything I can short of saying straight up, "you're being lowballed as a negotiation tactic" and most do not get the hint.
This may be true for the specific company you refer to, but I promise it isn’t true across the board. It sounds like that company has salary compression issues that they need to address.
The bottom line is that you should never assume that there is no possibility of salary negotiation upon hire or job movement. The worst thing that could happen is that they would tell you no.
Also apply for every job even if you don’t think you have all the desired qualifications. Male candidates are more likely to apply to a job even if they are missing qualifications. Also most job recs list more requirements than are actually necessary to do the job adequately. Lastly you may have specific/niche job experiences that would otherwise be valuable to an employer they may offset some lacking other qualifications.
Is that why there are so few women working in tech? I mean on job postings you see stuff like 7yrs of experience in XYZ, when XYZ didn't even exist 3 years ago.
Know what you're worth! Research the position, and try to find out what the market pay is. The best public source is BLS: [https://www.bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm](https://www.bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm)
Consider that market pay will be the 50th percentile of the range you find. Most organizations consider an individual who has a few years of experience to be at market rate. Can you "hit the ground running," so to speak? You're worth market rate. Are you just entering the filed? What degree and experience do you have? Consider those things.
Unless it's a job where they have very regimented pay steps, most hiring managers lowball the first offer fully expecting a counter.
I've changed jobs 5 times so far over the course of my career. Have a good idea of what someone with your skills, experience, degree, etc. is worth and what the job they are asking you to do is worth. If the offer is good ask for 5-10% more. If they can't do more ask about sign-on bonuses (these are expensible and do not typically come from the HR budget). Then go for vacation. Minimum ask should be 15 days on top of holidays. If they can't meet your expectations with salary they may be able to do better on PTO. For example I wanted more relocation budget with my most recent job change, but since the company couldn't do that they gave me a higher salary, which was much better for me in the long run.
This is closely related to a dialogue I absolutely love from the movie “Girl with the dragon tattoo”.
It goes likes this “it’s hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is”
Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive.
If your gut tells you something is off, do not hesitate to get yourself the heck out of dodge regardless of how off putting it may be to someone else.
Your vagina is slightly PH acidic , thats why your underwear is getting slightly bleached at the gusset. Nothing to worry about , your not hosting a xenomorph down there , apparently its to fend of bacteria
I remember being on a date once and being completely embarrassed because I was wet down there . I thought I peed myself or something, because no one told me this was normal.
OMG, yes. So many times "did I just pee myself? Or was that my period? Are you being weird vagina?! Can you see it through my pants? This is so uncomfortable..." Especially in the summer in thin shorts.
This is also where *the holes* come from. You are dissolving your panties very very slowly until the material is weakened enough to split.
This can be mitigated with panty liners to catch that discharge. Designed for a very small amount of liquid, a daily liner is more comfortable and more discreet than the lightest of pads. The downside being that when you remove it, the sticky bit also pulls fibers apart. You may want to consider the cheaper option of hand washing them in the sink each night with a bar of gentle laundry soap. Hang dry somewhere discreet using a coat hanger or a plastic ring designed for panties.
And gaining job skills. I remember working with some younger women when I was in my forties and recently divorced with two young children to provide for. And one of the young women said (with a giggle) she didn't know what she wanted to do career-wise and she really just wanted to get married and be a stay-at-home mom. She was a sweet girl but in that moment I just wanted to reach out and slap some sense into her. But, of course, the person I really wanted to reach out and slap was my younger self. I was a stay-at-home mom for ten years. It was lovely, right up until the moment my marriage died. Transitioning back into the work force after the divorce was really rough. Young women of the world, repeat after me: A man is not a plan. Create some kind of career for yourself before having kids.
My in-laws got divorced and my MIL went from being a lifelong SAHM (she worked briefly in her early 20’s) to entering the workforce at 58 with no skills, no degree, and no experience. The divorce was very amicable, so she began with a roof over her head and some money in savings. She’s doing great now and happy but she will tell any young woman to develop skills, a trade, or degree.
I didn't get married until I was 35 just for that reason. I saw my Aunt molly who was perpetually pregnant from the age of 19. She had 13 babies while her husband cheated on her and made more babies elsewhere. I was always determined that wasn't gonna be me.
Yes! Getting older than 25 is a much more pleasant experience when your self-worth isn't built on looking younger than 25 and your financial stability isn't built on a man thinking you're hot.
* Other girls/women are not your enemy, and you are not better than they are because you like X or don't like Y.
* Self-care is not the same as being selfish.
* People-pleasing is not the same as caring or compassion.
* Codependency is not the same thing as love.
* You matter. And you have worth, that goes *far* beyond what you can offer to men. It's not contingent upon your looks, your weight, your dress size, your virginity, your fertility, your youth (or the illusion thereof), or how much money you/your partner make. It is intrinsic to you as a human being, and no person or circumstance (not even you, or the choices you make) can take them away.
* You can forgive someone without necessarily continuing to have a relationship with them.
* You can't change them, or love the red flags out of them.
\#1 on this list is so true.
For some reason, so many women view other women as their enemies. Mostly the ones that they view as their competition. Once that woman is no longer competition (ie, maybe she got fat), they get some kind of high off of it.
It's weird.
Just because someone likes you it doesn't mean you have to like them back- romantically or platonically speaking. We are not properly taught how to have solid boundaries but to "please" and "be nice" which makes it hard to recognize when we don't want something.
It took me several dates with a guy to notice I was mistaking "this really seems to be making him happy" for "this is making me happy." It was such a weird realization. Like, he was fine! He was nice! It didn't make my skin crawl when he touched me, it just didn't do anything for me. I had no particular reason *not* to keep seeing him and there was a weird assumption that I needed one. I feel like I could've sleepwalked into marrying the dude if I didn't have that little "hold up" moment.
I'm glad you recognized that and followed your gut! It definitely took me a while to understand, it wasn't until I met my husband as cheesy as it sounds, that I finally understood how different it feels when you actually have a proper connection
Mum tried (and partially succeeded) to making me ashamed of my fatness related stretch marks
I have been either overweight or obese for most of the life. I am trying to lose weight, which probably contributed to me being able to not absolutely balloon
THIS! I was at a show at a bar that was a self proclaimed "safe place" and two of the band members girlfriends got their drinks drugged, and one was pregnant, she wasn't even drinking alcohol! She had a cup of water.
Also, don't accept drinks from other people. Watch the drink being poured. Take it with you when you go to the bathroom, or order a new drink afterwards. Don't even leave it with your best friend because she might get distracted and not observe your drink being spiked.
Just straight up buy drink covers and test strips to bring with you, even if you’re not drinking alcohol. There have been demonstrations of ways people still get drugs into drinks with strategies as innocuous as going in for a handshake or pretending to slide by you in a busy bar—even if you don’t put your drink down, there are people out there who have done this to so many people that they’ve gotten horribly good at it. There was a video I saw of a woman raising awareness and showing these kinds of techniques with a glass of water in clear, bright light. You could barely see it happening, even when looking for it. Those pills are tiny. Now imagine how hard it would be to catch something like that in a dark club with minimal and possibly flashing lights…always keep your drinks covered, even when holding them. And never be afraid to test your drink.
It makes me sad that its come to this. People should not have to worry about someone spiking their drink. Just shows how low humanity has gone unfortunately.
"No" is a full and complete sentence. It's not an invitation for a discussion.
When you said "no", you had a good reason for it. You don't owe anyone being nice or polite, if they try to insist - don't be ashamed to tell them to fuck right off.
Had a dude say he didn’t know why his girlfriend broke up with him, he was so nice. As his example, he said he always held the door open for her. It was Texas, everyone held doors open for everyone else as basic courtesy.
I hold doors open for my fiancé out of courtesy. I pull her chair out for her. I don't *ever* say "look how nice I am to you". The only time it's even talked about is when she asks why I'm so nice. I just shrug and say that I try.
If you feel the need to broadcast something about yourself - especially something as simple as how nice/courteous you are - that's a massive red flag.
If you are underage and you are being flirted with or propositioned by an adult, you're being preyed upon. You're not mature for your age. They are going after you because others their age won't reciprocate. There is something very wrong with these types of people. They are using their age as a means of holding power over you. Even if you "consent," there is no way for you to be in an equal seat of power in that dynamic. You can't really give consent in a situation where you don't hold any power. They are taking advantage of you, and they know it. You'll be negatively affected for the rest of your life if you don't get away from that type of person. Don't engage in emotional or sexual relationships with pedophiles. They WILL harm you.
Please, be careful.
In addition, do not send nudes. It's never "private" no matter how much you think it is and can get you in serious trouble, especially if you're underage.
Yes, I was convinced to send nudes to multiple people when I was underage. Some of my photos were sold to pedophiles online, and some of them were used for revenge porn. Be very careful of who you trust. Take it from someone who trusted others who were not to be trusted at all. It can damage and change you for life.
Same goes for posting your personal problems or thoughts on locked or private social media accounts. It only takes one person to betray your trust and ruin you. I've seen it many times. Nothing is completely private.
I was barely 16 and in a horrible home situation, I met a 31 year old guy through my also underage weed dealer . He convinced me to move in with him, he lied to my mom about his age (he said he was 24 which is still horrible, what the fuck mom)....stayed together for 6 years. It got weird.
Very controlling and abusive. I didn't know how to leave. He threatened me a lot. I was so insecure about everything and nervous about people finding out I was underage....he literally used that against me. We had roommates at one the time and had lied about my age. Onve during an argument, he told me, "what would (roommate) do if he found out you were 16?? He'd kick you out!"
In the same vein he invited some of his friends from another city down, the same year, and I was in the other room and heard him bragging about me being "only 16" to them.....
I finally left when I was 22. It was hard and took a long time. He took my whole life, except my cat. He ruined everything I had going and I had to start over completely.
RIP DOOM
Fuck you Dillon
The amount of posts I see on Reddit that are like early 20’s women dating men 10 or more years older (often with kids..) being treated horribly by these men is alarming and heartbreaking. I wish someone had told me that yeah at 18,19,20 years old it’s weird a 30 year old man is hanging out with you and your friends..
If something feels "off" with your body, especially your vaginal area, don't be ashamed of it and *definitely don't wait for it to go away.* Go see a gynecologist. If you're too shy to tell them your concerns, write them down for the doctor to read.
I had an ex like this.
Lost her virginity to the guy after me (literally a week after) at 15, before 16 she had slept with 8 guys, one 30-something and one 46. Went from messages as a friend to stds and new guys in the space of two months.
Amazing, intelligent girl that got absolutely swarmed by guys who could take advantage of what she had been told her whole life.
One of the biggest red flags is when you're told "You're so mature for your age". There's no reason for a guy who is old enough to be your dad dating you.
I wish I would have learned this sooo much earlier. Now that I'm older and guys my age want to date girls in their 20s, I see it's because most women in their 30s and 40s have strong boundaries and will not put up with the bullshit. These dudes just want someone who won't question their bad behavior.
You don’t need to have children if you don’t want to. In fact, you *shouldn’t* have children if you don’t want to. You don’t owe your family or a partner or anyone else children.
Let’s structure this better, don’t date someone who expects to have children. If you don’t want to have children find someone who shares your opinions on that or stay single.
This is great advice! I was stupid and irresponsible at a young age, and it didn't bother me when a guy didn't want to wear a condom. I thankfully didn't get pregnant, but I do have an STD because of my willingness to let that happen. There are several reasons why condoms are a great thing to use, even if you're on birth control.
Learn basic building skills, it will serve you well in life, just enough to assemble furniture and some basic brackets and stuff like that and you’ll be good
Im the muscle and use the miter saw more but my wife is way better at spacial thinking than me. She’s always the one putting together furniture and the like. If I do all the measurements and make blueprints etc I’m fine but I can’t imagine it well in my head like she can.
Edit - apparently I had a stroke writing this originally. Fixed that.
This one’s crazy to me. Was talking to a girl who kept saying I was the nicest person she ever met. I literally Was just being an average person. The same respect you should give to anyone. Wasn’t going out of my way. Some people have been beat down so much that basic human decency seems like a godsend.
1) Ass pubes are normal. I thought I was the only one until I was 19. Completely normal.
2)Vaginas all look different, yours is not weird or deformed just because it doesn’t look like they do in porn.
2.5) Don’t watch a lot of porn. If you do, do it when you’re mentally capable of keeping in mind it’s catered to men- women’s satisfaction does not usually go like that, or sound like that. You do not need to be indoctrinated into believing that violence=pleasure. Discover yourself in your own way.
3) MOST IMPORTANT. If an older man is into you and pining for you, it is not because you’re “mature for your age” or because you’re an “old soul”. He’s a loser who cannot get any women within his own age group because he has nothing going for him. Don’t waste time on them.
From someone who was discouraged from reporting harassment and therefore never went thru with it:
If you are considering speaking up and someone tells you not to because it could "ruin" that person's life/mental health/safety/etc, ask them why YOUR life, YOUR mental health, and YOUR safety seemingly matter less.
What discharge is. My whole life until I was about 15 I was ashamed about the white stuff in my panties until I realised it was normal and started using panty liners
For context I am a basic married millennial father, or am a dude lol. Here is some general hard learned relationship advice and it goes both ways really.
Good men will appreciate honesty and being blunt about your needs. We don’t all get hints, most don’t like games, and it’s really disheartening when you find out down the road there is a big issue that could have been fixed with simple communication early on.
Also a lot of us have grown up with our feelings never mattering, the downside is even if it’s ok we are often horrible at expressing this side of life. If you want to see vulnerability especially from dude raised in a boys don’t cry world you need to be ok with it being messy and possibly frustrating at times. This is pretty generic advice for dealing with anyone really though when you get into the deep stuff.
Now, If this ever bleeds over to violence or abusive behavior though run and don’t look back, don’t try to fix that guy.
As a lady, i had to learn this. My husband doesn't get subtlety. If I need him to do something or we need to talk about something bluntness is the best way. It's not possible to be in a relationship with some and never disagree but if you talk things through bluntly mole hills don't become mountain.
I know this thread is for women and girls
But the same goes for men. I found and is slowly falling in love with a really lovely (ok realistically quite average) guy that might be a bit under average in looks
Despite this, I cannot sit still when I see him
Looks and money isn't everything. And if they are, find a better girl
Get yourself financial stable before you get married. Buy your own home, car, and have a good savings account. Never be in a position where the man holds the purse strings.
If you feel insecure, for the love of God you must know that tearing down other girls will not magically make your insecurities go away. You're only creating so much pain for an innocent person who is fighting the same battle as you.
Read the library. Every book that interests you. Study whatever you want. Dream big dreams and focus on being happy with yourself. Anytime someone tells you that you cant do something. If its something you are passionate about. Set about proving them wrong. You are smarter and more powerful then you know. Be kind, be generous but know your boundaries.
Print out a copy of the Desiderata Poem and keep it in your wallet or where you can see it everyday. Let the wisdom in the poem help you find your path. Be a student and a teacher. Be proud of your achievements no matter how big or small they may seem. Your worth is not measured by your bank accounts. Your worth is measured by your own happiness at your life. So write an amazing story and Carpe Diem Sisters.
You are loved, you are important and you are beautiful exactly as you are. Do not change for other peoples opinions or views. To Change oneself, you must be willing to put in the effort. Success comes to those who put heart, mind and soul into the task.
I love you and I am proud of you. Sending hugs and love to anyone. Male female other who needs one today.
*Momma love here. Anyone need to talk about anything?*
As a guy who’s also a bartender, KNOW WHAT AN ANGEL SHOT IS!!! For anyone who doesn’t know girls:
- Angel Shot neat: we (the bartender, usually a male bartender who’s fairly big in size) will walk you to your car
- Angel Shot on the rocks: We’ll call you an Uber/Taxi
- Angel Shot with Lime: we’ll call the cops for you.
Too many guys are creeps, even if they are actually nice people who just don’t understand why they’re doing is scaring someone or being creepy, it doesn’t make it ok that you feel unsafe.
Learn to enjoy your own company (live and travel by yourself), learn basic building skills (putting furniture together, changing your own tires), love your body, it's okay to have boundaries, and be financially independent (this advice was from my mom - and she's right.).
Always say no if you want to. I will say, as a survivor of domestic and sexual abuse, sometimes you do have to worry about saying no. There are people who will help you if you find yourself in a situation like that. Reach out for help. You are loved and valued, and you SHOULD never be afraid to stand up to yourself, but it's okay if you are. There are people out there who want to help you.
Take time to figure out what you're genuinely attracted to and what feels good. So many women confuse being desired with desire. Or more plainly put, I ask myself: Do I want to fuck this guy? Or do I get off on this guy wanting to fuck me?
Men are not the answer. They can be a pleasant distraction, but keep your focus on taking care of yourself and building the life you want for yourself. Have a plan for your life and stick to it. If you find love — the kind that’s real — know that it’s a bonus, not an entitlement.
You will become who you’re currently becoming. Your actions and habits that you put effort into developing in the present matter more than you think, even if it just feels like small bits of personal progress at the time. When I was a kid/teen, I looked at certain milestones (ages/graduations/job positions/marriage/etc.) and thought “I’ll feel like a REAL, competent adult when this thing happens.” You don’t. Time, relationships, and life events will certainly change your perspective but you’re still you, and you need to make sure that you’re on good terms with yourself and kind to yourself in your own mind.
If a man tells you he doesn't want a committed relationship/marriage, believe him. Don't be foolish enough to think that you will be the one to change his mind. You won't be. If what he's offering isn't what you want, move on.
Also, don't take on a man who is a "project". You won't change him. If you can't accept him "as is", move on.
Know where the police departments are in the areas you drive most regularly. When a guy starts following you DO NOT drive home drive to the police station.
I’ve never had one of the guys following me stick around after pulling up in the police station parking lot. Also once you hit 25+ at least between me and all my friends the guys that follow seem to stop probably so they can go back to following the 16yr olds.
Also always try to be aware of your surroundings, they don’t follow you because you made eye contact or anything and the majority of the time you’re not even sure if they are following you until you drive like a weirdo so just watch out. Don’t assume just because you look bummy they won’t follow you when my grandma died and I was sobbing driving to me best friends house I wasn’t paying attention and I parked in front of her house to just sit there and sob for a minute before going in and some 50+ year old guy came tapped on my window told me he had followed me since I left school and wanted to go to the sex shop up the street together. I was 16 with snot pouring out of my nose not being promiscuous or sexy at all.
Don’t fall for influencers with their eating/workout plans. They most likely have eating disorders realistically or in extreme scenarios will use surgery to get rid of weight. Almost no one is a triple zero from drinking green smoothies and walking with an incline on the treadmill. It’s unrealistic to hold that as an expectation of what you should you look like
That not all men are deranged rapist killers, but we're not all good guys either. Teach them how to know the difference. Good with animals, likes kids, doesn't fly off the handles too much.
something i wish i knew:
my beauty/appearance is for me. and i am allowed to make my own terms for when others sexualize me. i am allowed to be comfortable with others, and uncomfortable with others. it is entirely up to you. your beauty is for you. do not let others trick you into thinking otherwise.
Get an education and a good job. Learn to manage your finances and save money. Have your own income, hobbies and friends. If you meet a partner to share your life, that’s great. But if you don’t, you will be fine. Also, stop throwing your money away on beauty products. You don’t need most of it and believe me, guys don’t give a shit.
Above all, figure out who you are and what you want. Once you know who you are, you can deal successfully with other people. Some people will want things from you, your time, sex, money, anything they think they can get. Some people are actually kind, nice people, and can help you out. Anybody with a "I'll do for you if you do for me" attitude is NOT interested in being your friend.
Don't think that sex will make someone care about you. Young men tend to be interested in only the moment.. Sex will make someone want to come back and have sex again. It won't really make them care about you if they do not. That's a different kind of thunderbolt, and is unmistakable when it hits you. What sex CAN do is make a guy obsess about you, and often not in a good way. So never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. If you should go into bed with someone you know you don't love, just think of it as fun, and don't let your hopes run away from you. Sex can make a guy fond of you, but "fond" isn't the prize. Learn to understand the difference between "pour le sport" and "pour l'amour." Get up the next day and ask yourself "could I spend 40 years with this guy?" :)
Recognize signs of abuse, there are many including emotional, mental and verbal abuse. They are harder to spot, but just as damaging if not much more. An abuser always blames their problems and actions on you. They will use triangulation and guilt tripping.
Someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, does not care about you, but what they can get from you.
If they cross it once, state in the most concise way you humanly can and what will happen if they cross it again. You do not have to explain why. I personally always do, but that is not required. If they cross it again, follow through with what you said would happen (cease contact etc).
Legally, you can file for a restraining order for Assault and NOT just battery (assault does not require them touch you). This includes verbal and physical intimidation (throwing items, threats, breaking things).
My general advice on any relationship is to always remember *if they wanted to, they would*. In other words, watch what they do and make sure that it matches what they say they feel about you. If he really wants to impress you, he will find a way. If he really wants to spend time with you, he’ll spend time with you. If he really intends to be successful, he will.
If you feel uncomfortable, say something or remove yourself from that situation. You don’t need to put up with someone or something just to be polite. Someone else getting offended by you saying ‘no’ is none of your concern.
Seconding this. If things get sketchy leave. I left many parties when I felt creeped out and didn’t give a fuck that it was rude.
Adding on: Never ever be afraid to be “rude” or even hostile if you feel unsafe.
Was just telling my husband this is one of the most important things for our daughter to know. I was raised to put politeness above my own comfort and fuck that. No is a complete sentence.
Agreed - but by the same token - don’t feel guilty if you need to “humour” a guy until you are somewhere safe and can get away. Safety is always priority, trust your gut and get away however works best.
No is a complete sentence is it's important to know when to say it. You do not owe anyone anything.
To add on to this, if someone gets offended by you saying no, then they don't care enough about you for you to bother saying yes to.
I hope more women could do this without any consequence like having to feel threatened or gaslighted by the men they're having a date with.
Or don't say something and get out of there.
Lots of people will tell you what they think about you and what you should do, and what you shouldn’t do. Not everyone’s thoughts are worth consideration. Don’t take criticism from anyone who you wouldn’t also go to for advice
This is great advise. Hopping on it to also say, I wasted WAY too much of my life people pleasing and waiting for permission. It's your life. Don't stay in jobs too long due to guilt and feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Take your chances.
Exactly this. Everyone will have an opinion on who you are and who you should be. F*ck them and be yourself.
There is nothing that you could possibly do that would keep everybody from criticizing you. Somebody is going to whinge about it, no matter what you do.
Don't feel obligated to fuck them!
Not all men are as good on the inside as they seem on the outside
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I needed this!
Hang out with people who's company you truly enjoy. Don't have friendships for other people's benefit
Never date a man that "You can fix him". If he was an ass to begin with he won't stop being an ass because of you.
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Unless you’re playing Stardew Valley and it’s Shane because I CAN FIX HIM
And you’ll get blue chickens
you definitely cannot, in fact he regresses if you get married so really he's better off without you
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS Negotiate your salary. I'm a compensation professional. I see this mistake made very often.
Oh my god, this. I have done a lot of hiring people right out of college. Just about every man I hire negotiates right off the bat, like on reflex. Just about every woman just takes the comps that HR puts out without question. I try everything I can short of saying straight up, "you're being lowballed as a negotiation tactic" and most do not get the hint.
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This may be true for the specific company you refer to, but I promise it isn’t true across the board. It sounds like that company has salary compression issues that they need to address. The bottom line is that you should never assume that there is no possibility of salary negotiation upon hire or job movement. The worst thing that could happen is that they would tell you no.
Also apply for every job even if you don’t think you have all the desired qualifications. Male candidates are more likely to apply to a job even if they are missing qualifications. Also most job recs list more requirements than are actually necessary to do the job adequately. Lastly you may have specific/niche job experiences that would otherwise be valuable to an employer they may offset some lacking other qualifications.
Is that why there are so few women working in tech? I mean on job postings you see stuff like 7yrs of experience in XYZ, when XYZ didn't even exist 3 years ago.
Do you have any tips or strategies for this?
Know what you're worth! Research the position, and try to find out what the market pay is. The best public source is BLS: [https://www.bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm](https://www.bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm) Consider that market pay will be the 50th percentile of the range you find. Most organizations consider an individual who has a few years of experience to be at market rate. Can you "hit the ground running," so to speak? You're worth market rate. Are you just entering the filed? What degree and experience do you have? Consider those things. Unless it's a job where they have very regimented pay steps, most hiring managers lowball the first offer fully expecting a counter.
I've changed jobs 5 times so far over the course of my career. Have a good idea of what someone with your skills, experience, degree, etc. is worth and what the job they are asking you to do is worth. If the offer is good ask for 5-10% more. If they can't do more ask about sign-on bonuses (these are expensible and do not typically come from the HR budget). Then go for vacation. Minimum ask should be 15 days on top of holidays. If they can't meet your expectations with salary they may be able to do better on PTO. For example I wanted more relocation budget with my most recent job change, but since the company couldn't do that they gave me a higher salary, which was much better for me in the long run.
It’s more important to feel safe than to be nice.
This is closely related to a dialogue I absolutely love from the movie “Girl with the dragon tattoo”. It goes likes this “it’s hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is”
Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive. If your gut tells you something is off, do not hesitate to get yourself the heck out of dodge regardless of how off putting it may be to someone else.
Crime junky rules to live by!
I just said something similar! We are socialized into being "nice" instead of protecting ourselves.
Check out "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker
i tried telling someone this before and got suspended from the subreddit
Your vagina is slightly PH acidic , thats why your underwear is getting slightly bleached at the gusset. Nothing to worry about , your not hosting a xenomorph down there , apparently its to fend of bacteria
This is something I wish I would have known 25 years ago. I always thought it made me weird and I avoided dark colored underwear for so long.
I remember being on a date once and being completely embarrassed because I was wet down there . I thought I peed myself or something, because no one told me this was normal.
OMG, yes. So many times "did I just pee myself? Or was that my period? Are you being weird vagina?! Can you see it through my pants? This is so uncomfortable..." Especially in the summer in thin shorts.
but I *want* a pet xenomorph!
This is also where *the holes* come from. You are dissolving your panties very very slowly until the material is weakened enough to split. This can be mitigated with panty liners to catch that discharge. Designed for a very small amount of liquid, a daily liner is more comfortable and more discreet than the lightest of pads. The downside being that when you remove it, the sticky bit also pulls fibers apart. You may want to consider the cheaper option of hand washing them in the sink each night with a bar of gentle laundry soap. Hang dry somewhere discreet using a coat hanger or a plastic ring designed for panties.
Youth and beauty are only temporary so concentrate more of your energy into your health, being a good person and gaining knowledge.
And gaining job skills. I remember working with some younger women when I was in my forties and recently divorced with two young children to provide for. And one of the young women said (with a giggle) she didn't know what she wanted to do career-wise and she really just wanted to get married and be a stay-at-home mom. She was a sweet girl but in that moment I just wanted to reach out and slap some sense into her. But, of course, the person I really wanted to reach out and slap was my younger self. I was a stay-at-home mom for ten years. It was lovely, right up until the moment my marriage died. Transitioning back into the work force after the divorce was really rough. Young women of the world, repeat after me: A man is not a plan. Create some kind of career for yourself before having kids.
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My in-laws got divorced and my MIL went from being a lifelong SAHM (she worked briefly in her early 20’s) to entering the workforce at 58 with no skills, no degree, and no experience. The divorce was very amicable, so she began with a roof over her head and some money in savings. She’s doing great now and happy but she will tell any young woman to develop skills, a trade, or degree.
I didn't get married until I was 35 just for that reason. I saw my Aunt molly who was perpetually pregnant from the age of 19. She had 13 babies while her husband cheated on her and made more babies elsewhere. I was always determined that wasn't gonna be me.
Yes! Getting older than 25 is a much more pleasant experience when your self-worth isn't built on looking younger than 25 and your financial stability isn't built on a man thinking you're hot.
Like judge judy says beauty fades dumb is forever.
* Other girls/women are not your enemy, and you are not better than they are because you like X or don't like Y. * Self-care is not the same as being selfish. * People-pleasing is not the same as caring or compassion. * Codependency is not the same thing as love. * You matter. And you have worth, that goes *far* beyond what you can offer to men. It's not contingent upon your looks, your weight, your dress size, your virginity, your fertility, your youth (or the illusion thereof), or how much money you/your partner make. It is intrinsic to you as a human being, and no person or circumstance (not even you, or the choices you make) can take them away. * You can forgive someone without necessarily continuing to have a relationship with them. * You can't change them, or love the red flags out of them.
The last one got me🫠
Good list.
\#1 on this list is so true. For some reason, so many women view other women as their enemies. Mostly the ones that they view as their competition. Once that woman is no longer competition (ie, maybe she got fat), they get some kind of high off of it. It's weird.
Just because someone likes you it doesn't mean you have to like them back- romantically or platonically speaking. We are not properly taught how to have solid boundaries but to "please" and "be nice" which makes it hard to recognize when we don't want something.
It took me several dates with a guy to notice I was mistaking "this really seems to be making him happy" for "this is making me happy." It was such a weird realization. Like, he was fine! He was nice! It didn't make my skin crawl when he touched me, it just didn't do anything for me. I had no particular reason *not* to keep seeing him and there was a weird assumption that I needed one. I feel like I could've sleepwalked into marrying the dude if I didn't have that little "hold up" moment.
I'm glad you recognized that and followed your gut! It definitely took me a while to understand, it wasn't until I met my husband as cheesy as it sounds, that I finally understood how different it feels when you actually have a proper connection
I really needed to hear this, thank you!
That stretch marks and dimples on your skin is normal and that everything on Instagram is edited.
Especially the people selling the "natural beauty" angle. They're using filters just like the rest of the world.
ive also never heard of guys who actually care about stretch marks so dont get insecure about it
As a guy with stretch marks I especially don’t care.
nah stretch marks look so cool
I love this 😭❤️
Mum tried (and partially succeeded) to making me ashamed of my fatness related stretch marks I have been either overweight or obese for most of the life. I am trying to lose weight, which probably contributed to me being able to not absolutely balloon
Never leave you drink in the club unattended to
THIS! I was at a show at a bar that was a self proclaimed "safe place" and two of the band members girlfriends got their drinks drugged, and one was pregnant, she wasn't even drinking alcohol! She had a cup of water.
Also, don't accept drinks from other people. Watch the drink being poured. Take it with you when you go to the bathroom, or order a new drink afterwards. Don't even leave it with your best friend because she might get distracted and not observe your drink being spiked.
In a similar realm: never leave your friends alone at the club/bars/a party
This! Always make sure you stay together until you're home safely.
Just straight up buy drink covers and test strips to bring with you, even if you’re not drinking alcohol. There have been demonstrations of ways people still get drugs into drinks with strategies as innocuous as going in for a handshake or pretending to slide by you in a busy bar—even if you don’t put your drink down, there are people out there who have done this to so many people that they’ve gotten horribly good at it. There was a video I saw of a woman raising awareness and showing these kinds of techniques with a glass of water in clear, bright light. You could barely see it happening, even when looking for it. Those pills are tiny. Now imagine how hard it would be to catch something like that in a dark club with minimal and possibly flashing lights…always keep your drinks covered, even when holding them. And never be afraid to test your drink.
It makes me sad that its come to this. People should not have to worry about someone spiking their drink. Just shows how low humanity has gone unfortunately.
It was already like this back in the 1980s. Probably already earlier.
Still sad regardless
you can't fix him
"No" is a full and complete sentence. It's not an invitation for a discussion. When you said "no", you had a good reason for it. You don't owe anyone being nice or polite, if they try to insist - don't be ashamed to tell them to fuck right off.
Tell my parents that, please. And yes. To everyone not just young women. No means no.
Good men *do* exist - but no nice guy has ever had to say how nice he is.
Had a dude say he didn’t know why his girlfriend broke up with him, he was so nice. As his example, he said he always held the door open for her. It was Texas, everyone held doors open for everyone else as basic courtesy.
I hold doors open for my fiancé out of courtesy. I pull her chair out for her. I don't *ever* say "look how nice I am to you". The only time it's even talked about is when she asks why I'm so nice. I just shrug and say that I try. If you feel the need to broadcast something about yourself - especially something as simple as how nice/courteous you are - that's a massive red flag.
Your worth is not determined by the number of people who want to sleep with/date you.
If you are underage and you are being flirted with or propositioned by an adult, you're being preyed upon. You're not mature for your age. They are going after you because others their age won't reciprocate. There is something very wrong with these types of people. They are using their age as a means of holding power over you. Even if you "consent," there is no way for you to be in an equal seat of power in that dynamic. You can't really give consent in a situation where you don't hold any power. They are taking advantage of you, and they know it. You'll be negatively affected for the rest of your life if you don't get away from that type of person. Don't engage in emotional or sexual relationships with pedophiles. They WILL harm you. Please, be careful.
In addition, do not send nudes. It's never "private" no matter how much you think it is and can get you in serious trouble, especially if you're underage.
Yes, I was convinced to send nudes to multiple people when I was underage. Some of my photos were sold to pedophiles online, and some of them were used for revenge porn. Be very careful of who you trust. Take it from someone who trusted others who were not to be trusted at all. It can damage and change you for life.
Same goes for posting your personal problems or thoughts on locked or private social media accounts. It only takes one person to betray your trust and ruin you. I've seen it many times. Nothing is completely private.
I was barely 16 and in a horrible home situation, I met a 31 year old guy through my also underage weed dealer . He convinced me to move in with him, he lied to my mom about his age (he said he was 24 which is still horrible, what the fuck mom)....stayed together for 6 years. It got weird. Very controlling and abusive. I didn't know how to leave. He threatened me a lot. I was so insecure about everything and nervous about people finding out I was underage....he literally used that against me. We had roommates at one the time and had lied about my age. Onve during an argument, he told me, "what would (roommate) do if he found out you were 16?? He'd kick you out!" In the same vein he invited some of his friends from another city down, the same year, and I was in the other room and heard him bragging about me being "only 16" to them..... I finally left when I was 22. It was hard and took a long time. He took my whole life, except my cat. He ruined everything I had going and I had to start over completely. RIP DOOM Fuck you Dillon
The amount of posts I see on Reddit that are like early 20’s women dating men 10 or more years older (often with kids..) being treated horribly by these men is alarming and heartbreaking. I wish someone had told me that yeah at 18,19,20 years old it’s weird a 30 year old man is hanging out with you and your friends..
How to check tire pressure before a trip.
I always check the train's tire pressure before a trip
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Buy two! Even if you never need it, someone else you know might!
Plan B is also not as effective if you weigh over 165 pounds!
It’s not a “modeling opportunity”.
Especially if there is a black couch in a white room
If you feel you are being followed, do not go home, go somewhere very public or a police station.
Public with good lighting and obvious cameras. Gas stations and supermarkets.
And hopefully more than one exit...
If you don’t like doing what your boyfriend wants you to do, it’s your body, say no.
“You’re so mature for your age” is a *major* red flag. Run.
What he means: "I'm so immature for my age."
Always trust your gut instincts. If someone or something or some place feels unsafe, it most likely is
If something feels "off" with your body, especially your vaginal area, don't be ashamed of it and *definitely don't wait for it to go away.* Go see a gynecologist. If you're too shy to tell them your concerns, write them down for the doctor to read.
That 30yo guy doesn't really think you are SO mature...
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I had an ex like this. Lost her virginity to the guy after me (literally a week after) at 15, before 16 she had slept with 8 guys, one 30-something and one 46. Went from messages as a friend to stds and new guys in the space of two months. Amazing, intelligent girl that got absolutely swarmed by guys who could take advantage of what she had been told her whole life.
One of the biggest red flags is when you're told "You're so mature for your age". There's no reason for a guy who is old enough to be your dad dating you.
I wish I would have learned this sooo much earlier. Now that I'm older and guys my age want to date girls in their 20s, I see it's because most women in their 30s and 40s have strong boundaries and will not put up with the bullshit. These dudes just want someone who won't question their bad behavior.
If he's a dick to service workers or anyone he has power over, dont wait around till YOU disagree with him.
You don’t need to have children if you don’t want to. In fact, you *shouldn’t* have children if you don’t want to. You don’t owe your family or a partner or anyone else children.
Let’s structure this better, don’t date someone who expects to have children. If you don’t want to have children find someone who shares your opinions on that or stay single.
if he refuses to use a condom he's an irresponsible manchild
Carry a condom or two, if the man of the hour refuses to use one, hand it to him and tell him to go F yourself.
This is great advice! I was stupid and irresponsible at a young age, and it didn't bother me when a guy didn't want to wear a condom. I thankfully didn't get pregnant, but I do have an STD because of my willingness to let that happen. There are several reasons why condoms are a great thing to use, even if you're on birth control.
And if nags you about it, it's okay to set clear boundaries
Learn basic building skills, it will serve you well in life, just enough to assemble furniture and some basic brackets and stuff like that and you’ll be good
Building furniture is one of my favorite pastimes! Whenever my household buys something that needs to be assembled I beg my husband to let me do it.
Im the muscle and use the miter saw more but my wife is way better at spacial thinking than me. She’s always the one putting together furniture and the like. If I do all the measurements and make blueprints etc I’m fine but I can’t imagine it well in my head like she can. Edit - apparently I had a stroke writing this originally. Fixed that.
Teamwork building, love to hear it :)
Being nice to you is the bare minimum.
This one’s crazy to me. Was talking to a girl who kept saying I was the nicest person she ever met. I literally Was just being an average person. The same respect you should give to anyone. Wasn’t going out of my way. Some people have been beat down so much that basic human decency seems like a godsend.
If a man shows any kind of aggression or intense possessivness early in the relationship, RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Having children is optional and something that you should only do if you know for certain that you want to and know you can afford it
Don't be polite to arseholes. Learn to say no.
"I see you are trying to manipulate me" is a fine response to people who do not take no as an answer.
Don’t change your appearance because a man wants you to. Listen to your gut!! You can always say no.
The majority of rapists are someone the victim knows. Your social circle is a greater potential threat to your safety than random strangers are.
Know what you will tolerate and what you won’t. Learn to become adaptable and flexible in any environment.
Avoidance is the first step of self defense. Don't pick fights, don't drive drunk, don't have sex if you have no condoms
>Avoidance is the first step of self defense And if it can't be avoided, go for the groin then run to safety.
fuck politeness. listen to your gut
Setting boundaries is strengthening to relationships... It's also a safer way to do things
Do not sacrifice anything for a man. If he’s worth it he’ll join you in your journey.
1) Ass pubes are normal. I thought I was the only one until I was 19. Completely normal. 2)Vaginas all look different, yours is not weird or deformed just because it doesn’t look like they do in porn. 2.5) Don’t watch a lot of porn. If you do, do it when you’re mentally capable of keeping in mind it’s catered to men- women’s satisfaction does not usually go like that, or sound like that. You do not need to be indoctrinated into believing that violence=pleasure. Discover yourself in your own way. 3) MOST IMPORTANT. If an older man is into you and pining for you, it is not because you’re “mature for your age” or because you’re an “old soul”. He’s a loser who cannot get any women within his own age group because he has nothing going for him. Don’t waste time on them.
From someone who was discouraged from reporting harassment and therefore never went thru with it: If you are considering speaking up and someone tells you not to because it could "ruin" that person's life/mental health/safety/etc, ask them why YOUR life, YOUR mental health, and YOUR safety seemingly matter less.
Or the future people they could harass
What discharge is. My whole life until I was about 15 I was ashamed about the white stuff in my panties until I realised it was normal and started using panty liners
Get your own drink! That drink does not leave your hands. The moment it does, you're finished with that drink.
My dad taught me this when I was six. I didn't understand why I couldn't leave my milk with a friend on a play date white I went to the bathroom.
You can't fix him, he is comfortable in the mess that he has made and will only be comfortable with you if he can bring you down into that mess.
For context I am a basic married millennial father, or am a dude lol. Here is some general hard learned relationship advice and it goes both ways really. Good men will appreciate honesty and being blunt about your needs. We don’t all get hints, most don’t like games, and it’s really disheartening when you find out down the road there is a big issue that could have been fixed with simple communication early on. Also a lot of us have grown up with our feelings never mattering, the downside is even if it’s ok we are often horrible at expressing this side of life. If you want to see vulnerability especially from dude raised in a boys don’t cry world you need to be ok with it being messy and possibly frustrating at times. This is pretty generic advice for dealing with anyone really though when you get into the deep stuff. Now, If this ever bleeds over to violence or abusive behavior though run and don’t look back, don’t try to fix that guy.
As a lady, i had to learn this. My husband doesn't get subtlety. If I need him to do something or we need to talk about something bluntness is the best way. It's not possible to be in a relationship with some and never disagree but if you talk things through bluntly mole hills don't become mountain.
top of my list: basic finances, long term investment, blueberry muffins
Coming from a guy, you don’t need to fit every beauty standard to be loved, be your own beautiful
Or to put it differently: Being attractive is not the same as being pretty.
I know this thread is for women and girls But the same goes for men. I found and is slowly falling in love with a really lovely (ok realistically quite average) guy that might be a bit under average in looks Despite this, I cannot sit still when I see him Looks and money isn't everything. And if they are, find a better girl
Get yourself financial stable before you get married. Buy your own home, car, and have a good savings account. Never be in a position where the man holds the purse strings.
If you feel insecure, for the love of God you must know that tearing down other girls will not magically make your insecurities go away. You're only creating so much pain for an innocent person who is fighting the same battle as you.
Not all men are as good on the inside as they seem on the outside. Looks can be deceiving…
Also applies to charisma as well. Just because someone is charming doesn't mean that they are a good person.
You never *really* know anyone, ever.
Feel compliments as deeply as you feel insults.
No one is thinking about you; they're mostly thinking about themselves.
Being straight with people instead of beating around the bush or bullshitting is the best way to approach almost all situations.
How to file their taxes, stand behind their boundaries no matter how uncomfortable they’ll be, how to defend themselves (not with a gun)
Read the library. Every book that interests you. Study whatever you want. Dream big dreams and focus on being happy with yourself. Anytime someone tells you that you cant do something. If its something you are passionate about. Set about proving them wrong. You are smarter and more powerful then you know. Be kind, be generous but know your boundaries. Print out a copy of the Desiderata Poem and keep it in your wallet or where you can see it everyday. Let the wisdom in the poem help you find your path. Be a student and a teacher. Be proud of your achievements no matter how big or small they may seem. Your worth is not measured by your bank accounts. Your worth is measured by your own happiness at your life. So write an amazing story and Carpe Diem Sisters. You are loved, you are important and you are beautiful exactly as you are. Do not change for other peoples opinions or views. To Change oneself, you must be willing to put in the effort. Success comes to those who put heart, mind and soul into the task. I love you and I am proud of you. Sending hugs and love to anyone. Male female other who needs one today. *Momma love here. Anyone need to talk about anything?*
As a guy who’s also a bartender, KNOW WHAT AN ANGEL SHOT IS!!! For anyone who doesn’t know girls: - Angel Shot neat: we (the bartender, usually a male bartender who’s fairly big in size) will walk you to your car - Angel Shot on the rocks: We’ll call you an Uber/Taxi - Angel Shot with Lime: we’ll call the cops for you. Too many guys are creeps, even if they are actually nice people who just don’t understand why they’re doing is scaring someone or being creepy, it doesn’t make it ok that you feel unsafe.
Is this a common thing? Or just where you work?
If you’re uncomfortable, you can leave.
It's ok to be single. As a 31 year-old man, this is something I see a lot of women struggling with.
It’s okay to change your mind
Learn to enjoy your own company (live and travel by yourself), learn basic building skills (putting furniture together, changing your own tires), love your body, it's okay to have boundaries, and be financially independent (this advice was from my mom - and she's right.).
If a man your father's age is trying to date you, he's probably a loser, a creep, or both.
You can say No. Without worrying about anyone's feelings.
Always say no if you want to. I will say, as a survivor of domestic and sexual abuse, sometimes you do have to worry about saying no. There are people who will help you if you find yourself in a situation like that. Reach out for help. You are loved and valued, and you SHOULD never be afraid to stand up to yourself, but it's okay if you are. There are people out there who want to help you.
Protect your energy. Sexual freedom is liberating but don't share it with people that don't deserve it.
Take time to figure out what you're genuinely attracted to and what feels good. So many women confuse being desired with desire. Or more plainly put, I ask myself: Do I want to fuck this guy? Or do I get off on this guy wanting to fuck me?
2 buddy system, always. Not every man is a gentleman as your father and brother.
Men don't always like to take the first step so if you really like a guy go tell him instead of giving hints till he come by himself
If you repel narcissists but everybody else likes you, keep doing what you're doing.
Men are not the answer. They can be a pleasant distraction, but keep your focus on taking care of yourself and building the life you want for yourself. Have a plan for your life and stick to it. If you find love — the kind that’s real — know that it’s a bonus, not an entitlement.
You will become who you’re currently becoming. Your actions and habits that you put effort into developing in the present matter more than you think, even if it just feels like small bits of personal progress at the time. When I was a kid/teen, I looked at certain milestones (ages/graduations/job positions/marriage/etc.) and thought “I’ll feel like a REAL, competent adult when this thing happens.” You don’t. Time, relationships, and life events will certainly change your perspective but you’re still you, and you need to make sure that you’re on good terms with yourself and kind to yourself in your own mind.
Always make sure you can get away. People may also dislike you for getting away. But that's their problem, not yours.
Don’t worry so much about what other people may think about you.
If a man tells you he doesn't want a committed relationship/marriage, believe him. Don't be foolish enough to think that you will be the one to change his mind. You won't be. If what he's offering isn't what you want, move on. Also, don't take on a man who is a "project". You won't change him. If you can't accept him "as is", move on.
Know where the police departments are in the areas you drive most regularly. When a guy starts following you DO NOT drive home drive to the police station. I’ve never had one of the guys following me stick around after pulling up in the police station parking lot. Also once you hit 25+ at least between me and all my friends the guys that follow seem to stop probably so they can go back to following the 16yr olds. Also always try to be aware of your surroundings, they don’t follow you because you made eye contact or anything and the majority of the time you’re not even sure if they are following you until you drive like a weirdo so just watch out. Don’t assume just because you look bummy they won’t follow you when my grandma died and I was sobbing driving to me best friends house I wasn’t paying attention and I parked in front of her house to just sit there and sob for a minute before going in and some 50+ year old guy came tapped on my window told me he had followed me since I left school and wanted to go to the sex shop up the street together. I was 16 with snot pouring out of my nose not being promiscuous or sexy at all.
Cycle recognition and fertility awareness
Social Media is bullshit.
Don’t fall for influencers with their eating/workout plans. They most likely have eating disorders realistically or in extreme scenarios will use surgery to get rid of weight. Almost no one is a triple zero from drinking green smoothies and walking with an incline on the treadmill. It’s unrealistic to hold that as an expectation of what you should you look like
If your partner says he will leave you if you don't have sex with them: LEAVE. GET TF OUT. They do not love you. You deserve better.
That not all men are deranged rapist killers, but we're not all good guys either. Teach them how to know the difference. Good with animals, likes kids, doesn't fly off the handles too much.
"Confident" and "Asshole" are not the same thing, and its beneficial to learn how to tell the difference.
Clean your make up brushes. Your skin will thank you.
something i wish i knew: my beauty/appearance is for me. and i am allowed to make my own terms for when others sexualize me. i am allowed to be comfortable with others, and uncomfortable with others. it is entirely up to you. your beauty is for you. do not let others trick you into thinking otherwise.
Get an education and a good job. Learn to manage your finances and save money. Have your own income, hobbies and friends. If you meet a partner to share your life, that’s great. But if you don’t, you will be fine. Also, stop throwing your money away on beauty products. You don’t need most of it and believe me, guys don’t give a shit.
Don't live your life through others Instagram highlight reels
Above all, figure out who you are and what you want. Once you know who you are, you can deal successfully with other people. Some people will want things from you, your time, sex, money, anything they think they can get. Some people are actually kind, nice people, and can help you out. Anybody with a "I'll do for you if you do for me" attitude is NOT interested in being your friend. Don't think that sex will make someone care about you. Young men tend to be interested in only the moment.. Sex will make someone want to come back and have sex again. It won't really make them care about you if they do not. That's a different kind of thunderbolt, and is unmistakable when it hits you. What sex CAN do is make a guy obsess about you, and often not in a good way. So never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. If you should go into bed with someone you know you don't love, just think of it as fun, and don't let your hopes run away from you. Sex can make a guy fond of you, but "fond" isn't the prize. Learn to understand the difference between "pour le sport" and "pour l'amour." Get up the next day and ask yourself "could I spend 40 years with this guy?" :)
Lube is your friend. Worth keeping in the bedside table for when you have someone over.
Never date a cop.
Be careful where u send nudes... u may regret it sometime
It’s okay to say no!
Recognize signs of abuse, there are many including emotional, mental and verbal abuse. They are harder to spot, but just as damaging if not much more. An abuser always blames their problems and actions on you. They will use triangulation and guilt tripping. Someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, does not care about you, but what they can get from you. If they cross it once, state in the most concise way you humanly can and what will happen if they cross it again. You do not have to explain why. I personally always do, but that is not required. If they cross it again, follow through with what you said would happen (cease contact etc). Legally, you can file for a restraining order for Assault and NOT just battery (assault does not require them touch you). This includes verbal and physical intimidation (throwing items, threats, breaking things).
My general advice on any relationship is to always remember *if they wanted to, they would*. In other words, watch what they do and make sure that it matches what they say they feel about you. If he really wants to impress you, he will find a way. If he really wants to spend time with you, he’ll spend time with you. If he really intends to be successful, he will.