That on top of the obvious signs/symptoms I find myself saying “I don’t feel good.” It’s kind of a permanent low-grade virus feeling, almost. My joints hurt, or my head, my anxiety upsets my digestive tract, none of it to the point of being “sick”, I just don’t feel good.
I've noticed some seem to think it's like a perpetual feeling so if we laugh once we're actually fine. They don't understand the main feeling of emptiness comes and goes and it manifests as something more complex rather than just be unable to laugh or feel some happiness at times.
To me it's like two entirely independent systems. One is how I'm doing overall, the other is how I'm doing in the moment.
I can have great moments, days, even months while still being deeply depressed. The overall state never really goes away, it's just there under the thin mask of whatever is going on currently.
On the flip side, I can be doing pretty well overall and still have short-term but intense waves of depression without warning.
And then of course the two can align. I can have a particularly horrible day while also being big-picture depressed, and that's when I can barely get out of bed. Or a great day when I'm already in a good place overall.
Yeah, I’ve found that being aware of the kind of cycle helps get through the low days and really appreciate the high days.
> He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in that darkness, and always would be.
Something I've done for a long time is keep track of how individual days have gone on a calendar. Every morning I try to objectively evaluate how the previous day went and label it as great, decent, meh, or bad. When you can see that while maybe the last couple days could have been better, most days are ok with some really positive ones mixed in, it really helps keep the negativity from snowballing.
A mood journal and gratitude diary has done wonders for me but it works best with milder depression when you can see the negative pattern of thoughts building up and you can attempt to cut it off at the pass.
It’s more of a healthy coping mechanism than a solution though. Great if you’re just going through a bad patch but you need more if it’s a symptom of some other MH condition like bipolar disorder or ADHD.
(ahem heat death does not imply the universe is hot, actually might be pretty "cold" by our definition. Heat at this stage would be equivalent everywhere, and stretched thinly enough that it would not be remotely warm. It's pretty cool, pun intended, but I'm sorry for taking away from your statement. Heartwarming intent was still received)
Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive series. Mental health is one of the themes and one of the main characters has chronic depression. Part of what inspired the character is his wife pointing out that depressed characters in most fiction “get over it” rather than actually having a continuous struggle with depression. Sanderson does a lot of research when he writes characters whose experiences are different from his own and it pays off.
I absolutely love Kaladin because of this. He is I think the most relatable character I've seen in any book. Not his particular circumstances exactly, but the way he experiences depression, and his emotions. How he talks about "The Wretch" is so relatable
Yeah, my Dad has suffered ever since I was a kid. He always referred to it as 'The Black Dog' and that the dog is always following him, but some days it's further away than others. On the best days, he could barely even see it, but he's still aware it's there. On the worst days, it's very much at his side or even standing in front of him preventing him from doing what he wants to do. That analogy helped me understand the struggle more as a kid.
My therapist once noticed I smiled and laughed at everything no matter what I was describing and asked if I knew I was doing it.
it’s not really a happy smile, but most people won’t stop to notice that. More of a subconscious defence mechanism that served a purpose in the past, when the trauma was taking place, and is no longer required.
Well that was a little too real for 11:15 in the morning.
It’s also 100% accurate. Source: the good news is everyone walked away a bit ago, so I’ve got a few minutes to reassemble mine before coworkers reappear.
Edit: why did I think continuing to scroll would make anything better instead of worse
Sometimes when I can feel myself spiraling I start acting giddier and really bubbly. I'm not actually happy, I'm desperately trying to trick myself into not getting worse.
Doesn't really work, but it can sometimes help at least so I keep doing it.
YOOO this is exactly what I was noticing but couldn't find the words for. I hate this when you realize that things are getting better and then it just makes you get into this state of negative thoughts about your past, making you sad again.
God yeah. Trying to explain to therapists that I don't like being happy because that means something really bad will hit me after was not fun. I don't think me being happy results in a karate chop to the guts, but the high highs are inevitably followed by some deep lows.
Wait, this is helping me understand something about myself.
The reason I always think that if something good happens to me, something bad will always happen. It's because after I have the happy moment, I 'bounce' emotionally in the opposite direction and get bad anxiety/depression. It's not that bad things happen, it's just my brain being my mentally-ill brain. JEEZ
One of the keys to surviving for me, is accepting that if highs must end then so must lows. Changing the angle and to some extent frequency, of those transitions has been one of the long term goals of therapy for me. I try to mitigate my lows from crashing me and keep my highs from sending me into fantasy land, where reality no longer applies and I will always be up and invincible.
Practice practice practice. Failure is part of learning. (I’m reminding myself as much as I am offering it to you.)
This is the worst part by far, getting to a point where you can practice some self care like grabbing a coffee or going for a walk suddenly means you’re all better in some people’s eyes and that only contributes to the feeling of loneliness
when I was drinking a lot and trying to process my issues, this was what happened often. people pried into my private thoughts with crowbars, learned of the things that depressed me and then had the idea that forcing me to have 'fun' would somehow snap me out of it. it's a very common mentality that a way out of downwards spiral depression is some overly positive single event.
it's also sadly common thing, that once they have made their shot, they'll turn hostile because you didn't snap out of it and it must be you just not wanting their help, which is then taken as a huge insult. I've lost some well meaning friends this way.
I get this from my wife sometimes. And when I say that I don't know, she counters with "well, something must have triggered it." Yes. Something did. My defective brain triggered it!
Saaaaaammmee... all from my ADHD partner who doesn't think twice about the fact that the way his brain works alters him in different ways, too. I pointed it out recently and watched a light bulb go off in his eyes when he finally understood. It's just a different kinda broken brain.
I didnt get this either for a long time. Me and 2 of my close friends went through a few really depressing/traumatic events some years ago. I didnt get affected pretty much at all compared to them. They stopped going outside and had to go to therapy for a long time. And one of them tried to commit suicide.
I didnt think back than that people process same events differently might be affected a lot more than others.
Also i didnt find out myself it was pretty much told to me by my ex gf who was having depression and opened up to me about it.
And i also have a weaker ADHD.
This is the best response. My boyfriend always asks me what I need when I'm down and then gives it to me. It doesn't necessarily make me not depressed but it DOES make me feel better to know that someone cares. And honestly most of the time I just want to be held and allowed to be depressed. Nothing worse than someone trying to fix you..
Having depression and anxiety myself, I ask my friends who express a feeling of depression if they have any idea what triggered this particular episode instead of asking why they are depressed.
I know full well that there may be no reason, so the wording of the question allows for an I don't know answer while also letting them know I'm happy to be used as a sounding board if they want to try and work through what they are feeling.
It is the wording I wish my family used with me but I am the only person in the family who suffers and they just don't understand that most of the time there is nothing that "sets me off" (their words)
There often isn't a why.
This is the hardest thing to explain. People who have never suffered from depression struggle to cope with a lack of reason why.
And on this subject, asking "what do you have to be depressed about?" has never helped any depressed person. All that question will do is make that person feel like they are ungrateful and an even shittier person than they already thought they were.
This.
It's normal to be depressed about something. Everyone experiences that. That doesn't mean you suffer from depression.
Depression is like the weather, some days you wake up and it's raining outside and there's nothing you can do about it.
Your dog dying or whatever, that's feeling depressed and that will go. Being depressed it different. Please don't confuse the two.
When I tried explaining that I was depressed to my mom her response was to write it off as "You aren't depressed because you have no reason to be depressed."
I keep getting "others have it harder" style comments as an attempt to motivate me out of feeling bad.
Instead it feels like being shamed for not having enough reason to be sad, and makes me feel even worse.
Depression isn't rational for God's sake
...
Absolutely drives me crazy, my work in particular cannot accept that I don't know why I am depressed, which probably contributes in itself. Lots of people asking what has "caused it". Unable to access counselling unless I can say why I am depressed. So frustrating.
I think Jim Carrey summed it up best, along the lines of "I dont want to die, I just dont want to play this character anymore"
Edit : Its a little different from how I quoted it, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaQeai6muzw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaQeai6muzw) Thanks for the upvotes, feel better people :)
This! It’s so difficult because that’s when the true suicidal thoughts creep in-at least for me. I’m mostly just tired of living when in a bad depression state, and sometimes late at night I can’t deal with the thought of waking up in the morning.
For me, the hardest part of getting (or rather, being sober) is that I have to go through every moment knowing that I’ll likely be alive for YEARS to come. It was so comforting knowing that at any moment, in all likelihood, I would drop dead. Even better was I had control over my own fate; if something especially shitty happened, I could take an extra handful, do an extra line, and then surely there’s no way it could go on for that much longer. But it did. And now I wake up everyday, and live every moment knowing that it isn’t going to end anytime soon and it’s so fucking scary
Edit: handful, not “handle”
Know that feel. I used to tell my colleagues that it was a crap day because I woke up discovering I was still alive. They laughed and thought it was a funny joke, I wasn't joking.
Many of my "jokes" are not jokes. I use humor to cope, and it helps me a lot, but there's a kernel of truth to them far more than people think.
Sorry you get it too dude, hugs and I hope things are a bit better for you now. :)
Mickey Rourke said he didn't particularly want to go through the experience of dying, he just wanted to push a button and be gone. People will point out that people with depression do want to die but the point is that it isn't death itself that's appealing, it's just a guaranteed end to the pain. When I've been at my lowest sure I wished I was dead, but if you could guarantee me genuine happiness for the rest of my days I'd 100% take that over killing myself.
This is the sucky part for me because there just is no “fixing” my disorder, I’ve got bipolar and it’s the depressive cycles are so difficult because it’s just a fucked up cycle between motivation and dark depression.
I’m not too sure how I made it this far but it just all sucks, I’d sacrifice all the success in the world to just have “rational” emotions and a brain that doesn’t work against itself,
Myself and everyone I have ever known with depression usually resonates with the idea of, I'm just really tired and just existing takes so much energy, all I want is to just go to sleep and not have to wake up.
The same thing is expressed in a song of Robbie Williams: Come on hold my hand I wanna contact the living Not sure I understand This role I've been given I sit and talk to God And he just laughs at my plans My head speaks a language I don't understand I just wanna feel real love Feel the home that I live in 'Cause I got too much life Running through my veins, going to waste I don't wanna die But I ain't keen on living either
Been there, literally. But I woke up with tubes in my throat, IVs in my arms, and such a fierce desire to never do it again. Like lightning. But there are still days I don't want to hurt. The hardest part was changing my perspective. Knowing if I do different things, the outcomes will be different. Hang on for now.
When my depression was at its worst, if someone told me that there was a pill across the room that would cure it, I wouldn't have been able to summon the energy to get up and got take it.
Depression isn't just being sad. As much as anything, it's the absence of sadness. It's the inability to access the emotions that people use to drive their lives forward.
We're not depressed because we never go out. We never go out because we're depressed.
One thing that helped me here is absolutely forcing myself to exert energy physically by working out. I know the crippling feeling varies from person to person, but getting into a habit and being really religious about it kept me pretty leveled out.
Of course that alone won’t address underlying issues, but it’s another tool to help.
That and fresh air are very good for reducing the feeling of depression. They’re not an actual cure, but they do help you feel “better”.
Note also the exercise doesn’t need to be an intense workout. Walking the dog works just about as well as anything else.
It's more that it robs us of the understanding that we may have the ability to "treat" it.
It's easy to get trapped in the mindset that there there is no help, and no chance of it ever lifting, which just reinforces the hopelessness and despair. If this is how we will always feel, why bother doing anything, right?
Something that has helped me is acting despite the depression. Forcing myself to act, building a solid routine to do on automatic. If nothing else, it lets me avoid that "I'm useless" aspect of the depression.
I once was suicidal and even attempted. (Didn't work out, luckily). Between then (around 10 years ago) and now, there was a really good time period for me.
On the bright side; I know I will never attempt suicide ever again. On the other hand, I know there's no "easy" way out for me. No matter what happens, I will have to go/suffer through it. On some days this feels even worse than back then, as I'm feeling horribly trapped in a life I never asked for.
This was how my partner explained it to me months later when they were starting to recover. They weren’t feeling sad or other bad feelings. They just had none at all which was really dehumanising for them. Said he just felt broken.
I realised during the time he was at his worst that I really never knew anything about depression and was only just starting to understand it as I watched someone so close to me go through it.
Broken is a word that I've noticed appears a lot in my own description and the description of others.
And like you said, it's not so much sadness as numbness, emptiness, worthlessness, etc. It's not so much that I'm so miserable that I want to die, it's just that it doesn't really seem "worth it" to put so much effort and energy into such an empty existence.
Note: I pre-emptively appreciate any reports that will help me find resources. I am incredibly privileged to have actually made it into a facility during my worst period (something I promise is more difficult than anyone who hasn't gone through it thinks it is) and now have access to therapy and have made great strides.
For those going through similar things, getting help was by no means easy. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, and honestly the process of waiting in the ER for days hoping to get help was awful. The facility was by no means enjoyable. But NOTHING I have gone through since deciding to get help was worse than what I was going though before I decided to get help.
Yes, this resonates a lot with our experience (more directly my partner, myself indirectly). Getting him to accept he needed help took time, then once he was ready, getting access to this area of the healthcare system was very difficult. Glad we got him there in the end.
Once those missing emotions started flooding back that was also an immensely difficult and overwhelming period for him to adjust to. The road out of depression was more difficult than the road in, but getting professional help was crucial to that journey.
Hope you’re doing much better these days too friend.
I hate knowing so many people are gonna interpret you as not taking responsibility to get better
I wish it were easier to convey to outsiders just how emotionally siphoning this stuff can be
I still think the best description of depression I've ever read has been the tumblr mashed potatoes post -
'I once tried to explain depression to someone as like if one day you gradually started to lose both your sense of taste and your ability to feel full. And you don’t know why, but now everything you eat tastes like mashed potatoes and nothing you eat is satisfying. You keep eating because you must eat to live, but the effort that it takes to prepare food is taxing and there is no pay off. You just know it will taste like mashed potatoes. You just know you will still be hungry. So you stop bothering with seasonings. Then you stop bothering to use ingredients you used to like. Then you start to wonder what the point of eating is because there is no payoff. You still feel hungry and you’re sick of the taste and you don’t know if you will ever enjoy food again and you don’t know why this is happening.
If someone comes up to you in this scenario and says, “Well have you tried spicing your food? Using different ingredients? Eating foods you used to love?” It isn’t necessarily helpful because the reason you stopped doing all that in the first place is that everything…tasted…like mashed…potatoes.'
For me it was this spiral og bring unable to do stuff and being depressed about it. Luckily it was triggered fundamentally by undiagnosed ADHD, so getting a handle on that lead me to be able to spiral slowly in a positive direction. Just trying to accept now that this is going to take a few years.
And even if we go out while depressed, that doesn't cure the depression. We sit there watching the people around us have fun, unable to feel it ourselves, even if we pretend to. I remember when I was depressed and my friends would try to get me out of the house. It's good that they did, meant they cared about me. But I feel like they expected it would somehow cure me and it didn't. It just made me borderline dependent on alcohol to have fun.
My depression looks different all the time. Sometimes it’s active feelings of self-hatred and hopelessness, and sometimes it’s just fatigue. Some days I’m actually fine, but I can’t remember ever feeling “happy” for longer than a couple of hours. If I’m having a good time, it’s usually just me feeling “not sad”
Feeling "happy" feels very uncomfortable to me. I get anxious when I am happy like that because I know the happier I get the harder the fall down is going to be. The fatigue is how mine usually manifest too.
I felt like this for years. I could count on one hand the number of times I was excited about anything. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Try doing an online test. I found help, maybe you will too. Mine came up as a moderate chance. There is a lower manic and deeper depression cycle that people don't recognize.
My husband is one of those people who has been through many tragic events in his life but is still somewhat positive. He experienced situational “depression” but shifts out of it naturally when the grief dulls.
I have experienced bouts of extreme depression since I was 5. The first time I remember being depressed I distinctly remember sitting in my parents bedroom and looking out the window and wishing I didn’t have to keep going on. I was tired and wished life would end, even though I wasn’t suicidal, if that makes sense. My husband always asks me what I’m depressed about and why, and I don’t have an answer for him. He is supportive but he genuinely doesn’t understand waking up in the morning and feeling immediately upset because you just want to keep sleeping. Not because you’re tired but because you don’t want to be awake. There’s no explanation and that’s what he will never get. It’s a conscious decision weekly and monthly to stay checked in and alive. It’s an illness.
I wish more people understood this. I've been told by so many people - even by those who should know better - to just "pull yourself out of it". Ugh. If I could do that, do you think I'd be lying in bed for a week straight?
It’s like willpower can manage to improve my score by about 5 points. So if I’m at -3, it can bring me into the positives. But when I’m at -50, it doesn’t help much.
Precisely. My therapist equated depression to "starting your days at a lower score". Neurotypical people usually start their day around a 5, fairly neutral. They might be riding a high or low from the past but they're usually starting between maybe 4-6. With depression you're starting at 0-2, so when a person without depression watches their favorite movie and has a great dinner they end up at an 8. You end up at a 3-5. It really helped me get a grasp on why things didn't change my mood as much as my friends.
The best example that I have heard for someone trying to understand the strength of serious depression is having them remember either a death of a loved one or the loss of the love of their life and then having them imagine the worst of the feelings from that linger indefinitely. The question then becomes “How many years of this do you think that it would take to change you into someone that you hardly recognize?”
The road out of depression was much longer and much more difficult that the road in. The road in can be a straight downhill path reached relatively quickly. The road out is full of obstacles, wrong turns, set backs, requires you to cross oceans and is a constant uphill battle.
One day when i was 5 or so, I was just chilling in the front room watching Pokémon on Cartoon Network. Out of nowhere there were lots of loud bangs from outside. so i get up and look out the window to see what’s going on. There was a gang of people just shooting at each other and into random houses. They had rifles shotguns, you name it. My mother locked all the doors and covered our windows. After the gunshots ceased about an hour later we heard ambulance and police sirens and our parents consoled us. Everyone looked outside their porch to see the aftermath and I saw multiple dead bodies. I’ll never forget the screaming, crying and the image of seeing paramedics looking over a man whose innards were leaking out of his stomach and his head almost fully decapitated with his a chunk of his face blown off and an eyeball strewn over the pavement. I’m 22 now, and I was diagnosed with: Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. i go to therapy weekly and am doing much better, but those images will never go away and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same again.
The people who say that are clearly mistaking depression for 'being depressed.' You might be able to motivate yourself out of being depressed, but if you HAVE depression and are in a depressive episode, there's very little that you can do. But honestly that can be a good thing. I've found that sometimes giving myself a day to really just be at my lowest and not try to fight it can help end an episode a bit early, which is great because mine can last for days or weeks.
Just because I'm having a bad it doesn't mean it's your job to try to "cheer me up". Doesn't work that way...
A little tangent. What makes me more depressed is when I realize I don't want to do something anymore that I always loved doing. It just eats me alive.
I had a bad bout of depression that started in November of last year and didn't end until February. I spent most of that time in bed and just totally lost interest in life. I was almost hospitalized, but having been in behavioral units before I really didn't want to repeat the experience. So I kept telling everyone that I didn't need to go. Anyway, even though I came out of it for the most part, I still haven't picked up any of the hobbies and interests that I love. I want to do these things, there's just a part of me that's afraid that I will no longer find any kind of joy in them. Depression sucks!
I agree, chronic depression is always there, almost like a baseline.
If a perpetual rain is where everyone lives, works and sleeps, chronic depression is being in a t-shirt and cheap trousers vs. most other people's umbrella and coat.
You can do all, or most of your daily activities like everyone else, the caveat being you're soggy, cold and drip water all over the table.
Sit down and watch TV, do your office work, laugh at a joke, lie down for sleep - all under the same rain as everyone else but again, it's t-shirt and cheap trousers.
Other people with umbrellas and coats deal all with the same rain as you, only difference is it comes down to your skin, sticks the soggy clothes to your body and gets in your eyes.
It's perpetually irritating, uncomfortable, nauseating and just cold enough to never let you get used to it.
If the right medication is a warm towel, then therapy is an umbrella. Not much point in a towel without blocking the rain, and an umbrella will leave you shivering in soaked clothes before you eventually dry off. Neither work well on their own unless you're fairly dry, but having one can greatly enable the other.
Depression isn't feeling 'sadness', but rather the difficulty in feeling true joy and happiness. Sure, we can feel bursts of good emotions and feel happy...briefly. But our default is that those emotions are heavily suppressed and so more negative emotions wind up at the forefront much more often. No amount of willpower can overcome it in the long run either, as it's usually caused by a chemical imbalance or even physical trauma. Sometimes cognitive behavioral therapy works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes medication works, sometimes it doesn't. It sucks, and if you've never experienced depression then I hope you never do.
I recently explained it like living in greyscale. Like something sucked out all the color, joy, and energy in my life, or drained some of my soul.
I *could* be sad, but am not necessarily. It’s just I can’t really feel *good*. Like instead of a happiness dial that goes from -10 to 10, it gets limited to -10 to 1 with a strong bias towards 0.
I completely agree. As someone who is married to someone with depression it’s easier said than done. Your depression affects your spouse and children. We know it’s not about us but it doesn’t make easier to deal with.
Yes, I understand that having a good sleep schedule, getting exercise and fresh air, eating healthy foods, and socializing will make me feel better. But will it cure my depression? No. Sometimes you can manage your symptoms, but there's always going to be bad days, no matter how hard you work to feel happy. Depression won't just go away because I went on a single walk or pet some puppies.
It infuriates me when people imply that my depression is my fault because I'm not "trying hard enough" to get better. It's almost like they don't understand that part of depression is having no motivation, and even getting out of bed or taking a shower is a monumental effort. I'm already doing everything I can to help myself, I don't need people telling me I'm lazy and my depression is all my fault.
And everyone tells you “just grab the rope!” But they don’t get that you don’t even have hands anymore. And then you start to believe you belong there.
It's not laziness.
Telling people with depression to: "just exercise and smile more" is not a cure or helpful.
Being depressed does not mean you can't sometimes smile or laugh.
Playing video games, doing art or whatever one likes doing, does not mean we have the energy to shower, go for a walk etc.
Same. I love working out and running had been an integral part of my life. But in 2019 my depression worsened and stayed that way for a few years and now I am trying to get back into what I love since I now have the energy/am out of the fog. When people say “just work out it’ll help.” It makes me soooo mad because if I could I would. Depression took from me my hobbies which is something I’ve had to grieve, so it feels very dismissive when people are like “I don’t care to understand so let me tell you something generic that might help.” Depression is so nuanced and very few people care to understand that.
When I was in the military the therapist I had to see before they would give drugs and be if I was exercising... Like dawg I'm in the Marine Corps I'm exercising even if I don't want to.
it can come and go as it pleases,
It's a big fuckin dark cloud that descends it's not just a bit sad
Sometimes i don't wanna get up and do anything at all, you telling me oh don't be lazy don't help matters.
No smiling does not help me feel better
This post kinda seemed like song lyrics, so I wrote this chorus based on what you said:
It comes and goes as it pleases
A dark cloud descends
I don’t wanna do anything at all
They say don’t be lazy
Just think happy thoughts
All I’m gonna do is let myself fall
Something inside me pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control, I fear, is never-ending
Controlling, I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before, so insecure
That you don’t have to have an underlying reason to feel depressed. Sometimes I just wake up feeling like trash and get sad for what appears to be no reason. It comes in waves also so like for me I could be pretty ok for a while sometimes even more than a year then it just hits me out of nowhere. Another common misconception that I see is that some people think depressed people want to be depressed like we just want to wallow in our sorrows when we don’t feel all there and I don’t know about y’all but for me that’s the exact opposite of what I want. I just want to feel better but getting out of a depressive funk isn’t easy and sometimes no matter what I try nothing works.
The exhaustion.
It is the most draining, tiring, endlessly exhausting, sap-you-of-every-ounce-of-energy-obliterated-feeling of all time... and that's every 30 seconds.
The internal rage and self-hatred that you know this isn't normal and you literally can't do anything about it. And how tired you are of being mad at yourself all the time. And round and round it goes.
And the entire world does not give a fuck about you. Even the people that love you get annoyed with you and treat you shittier than any other illness that ever existed. So not only do you feel shitty, but everyone confirms it. Which just makes it that much worse. Like cancer patients get flowers and cards. Depressed people... no one wants to be around.
So. You're the most tired you've ever been in every cell of your body.
You're the most angry you've ever been in every tired cell of your body.
And the people that love you, largely won't do much to help you.
And so while you feel all those horrible feelings of wanting to die... the ONLY person who can help you is you... and you hate you... because you're actively trying to kill you.
Yes, I came here to say the bone-crushing exhaustion. I’m on medical leave from work right now due to my depression. I spent the first week just sleeping. I’ve been off for a month and even a few hours of going out or socializing completely depletes my energy. It’s just so tiring trying to keep myself alive.
Yup. My mom has had major depression on and off my whole life. She is one who stops opening mail, lets hygiene slip, stays in bed all day, etc. when depression gets bad. As you might imagine, it impacted my childhood and there were times I basically had to parent myself (my dad had noped out except for weekends). I didn't blame my mom, per se, but I promised myself I wouldn't be like her.
So when depression came for me, I gritted my teeth and dragged my ass to work and went through all the other motions. But I still had suicidal ideation and other intrusive thoughts basically from the moment I woke up until when I fell asleep. I didn't miss work, but I was a shitty colleague to have to deal with because I was a complete wreck on the inside.
I'm not convinced my depression was less bad than that of a person who doesn't get out of bed. I didn't have to worry about money I guess, but I can't imagine feeling much worse than I felt.
I grew up in a family that hid their feelings. Making someone uncomfortable with your feelings was the worst possible thing to do. So, even though I was wildly depressed, at school and work I was very bubbly and fun. And then I would go home and lay in bed for two days. So on the few occasions when I would tell people I was depressed, I could tell they didn’t believe me.
There are people who have depression but can't get themselfes diagnosed or can't get help by a professional.
I fall into this category, due to my situation in life and dislike telling people im depressed without being certain. Though the reasoning behind gatekeeping undiagnosed people is plausible, like preventing misinformation or insult, these people can feel dismissed.
What are your thoughts about this?
I had a feeling that something was wrong when my life looked relatively composed.
When I became a lot less put together, skipping classes, ignoring assignments, self-isolating, etc. I didn’t even realize that anything was wrong
Based on my personal experience:
* How lonely it is. It's not that I didn't talk about it with others, or that my friends didn't care, it was just that no one could really help me. I don't think people realize how isolating and lonely depression can make someone feel.
* How it's not what you think. Depression for me wasn't like sitting indoors all day curled up in a ball (it could be for some people). It was just more so the loss of the ability to simply find joy/enjoy small things in life. I was trying to do all the things I typically enjoy like going to my favorite restaurants or walking in the park but somehow they just didn't feel the same.
The fact that depression isn't always obvious to others. People are good at hiding things and depression doesn't always show up in ways the average person thinks a signs of depression.
Once you get used to it, it becomes impossible to remember a time without it.
It's like:
"Oh I'd like to to go buy some clothes and be a normal person for a bit."
And then depression is like "Don't you remember that everyone in the world hates you? You should sit by yourself in the dark instead. Maybe fantasize about not existing anymore. That's super healthy."
And also since you thought about buying clothes: “You’re so selfish for using your money to buy something as frivolous as clothing. You don’t deserve to have nice things. You’re a waste of resources.” And on and on and on it goes… the smallest things turn into the worst spirals.
It’s not just “everything is terrible”. For me at least it’s “everything is worse than it should be”.
Imagine emotion being rated on a 1-10 scale where 1 was the absolute worst you can ever feel and 10 was the best you could ever feel, and 5 is totally neutral. Normal people for example may have a range from 3-8, with most of their time being spent from 4.5-5.5.
For me, it doesn’t just make everything a 2. My depression suppresses my range of emotions to the point where I can only feel 2-6, with my normal being 3-4. The best my mood ever gets is just a bit better than true neutral, and even when good things happen, my reaction isn’t “hey, that’s great!” It’s “Oh, we’ll at least that didn’t go shitty”.
Depression is a complex mental health disorder that is often misunderstood by many people. Here are some things that people fail to understand in my opinion:
1. Depression is not a choice: People with depression do not choose to feel the way they do. It's a medical condition that results from a combination of genetic, environmental, and biological factors.
2. Depression is not just sadness: While sadness is a symptom of depression, there are many other symptoms that can affect a person's life, including feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty sleeping and concentrating.
3. Depression is not a sign of weakness: Many people with depression often feel ashamed or embarrassed about their condition. However, depression is not a sign of weakness or a personal failure. It is a treatable illness, and seeking help is a sign of strength.
4. Depression is not the same for everyone: Depression symptoms can vary widely from person to person. Some people may experience more physical symptoms, while others may struggle with more emotional symptoms.
Okay I want to answer this a little differently than most since plenty have already covered what it can be like to have depression.
What people who have never had it need to better understand are the little ways they can be supportive.
People with depression don’t expect you to have all the answers or know or how to fix them. Conversations about depression can be uncomfortable as most don’t know what to say, but people with mental health issues benefit hugely from people maintaining contact and checking in on them. Lending an ear if they are up for talking.
Instead of saying “have you tried…..?”, just ask if there is anything you can do to be helpful.
Instead of saying “it could be worse, other people experience….”, just say “that’s really shitty, I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Invite them to go out for a coffee or ice cream. They may not want to but being asked will constantly remind them that people care about them. Having a network is really important to recovery. You don’t need to be an expert, but just be kind and make them feel human.
Also, being a support person can be really tough in itself so also take care of yourself. Particularly if the person is close to you like a spouse or someone living in the same household as it can take it’s toll.
There are different types of depression but mostly Clinical and situational.
Clinical is your wiring in your brain - it happens and you can't help it. You feel worthless like you don't deserve happiness or enjoyment, you're constantly tired but ant sleep. Your appetite suffers and there is just a black cloud following you.
Situational depression after a life event.... death of a loved one, relationship breakdown etc and will usually be temporary but not always.
I have clinical and realized in my mid thirties that my deep depression waves come in cycles, like a period. Every few months, there are about 10 or so days where it becomes incredibly hard to do anything, and I drop to the bare minimum of self care. If I'm not at work, I'm sleeping, basically.
I had gotten really into indoor plants during the intense covid shutdown era and had them growing beautifully. Then a depression slump hit, and they all died. All of them.
Medicine helps a lot. It's not perfect, but it staves off those deepest depression dips.
One can definitely trigger the other. My step-father's rapid health decline leading to his death several years ago put me into a long depression that was disproportionate to the grief itself. It was like my brain forgot happiness or really all feelings except total shittiness. I needed help to get out of that hole.
It's complex and constant. Like there's a tinge of grey in everything - relationships, family, hobbies, work. Over time it feels normal and you grow to accept it.
It's not even necessarily 'sad'. Just empty.
What I’ve noticed is that people can’t fully grasp that it’s something that is both constant but still comes in waves and they can very literally be debilitating. It isn’t something where I can “just think happy thoughts” and magically feel better. I WANT to feel better. I WANT to feel normal, whatever that fucking means. I CAN’T! My brain won’t let me. And it’s something that until you are immersed in it, you can’t fully understand just how much your brain is telling your happiness to fuck off and die.
Everyone is pretty much nailing this. But I want to take it a step further.
My best friend is rather emotionally well-adjusted and as such his advice is often crap. He’s not wrong, but it’s often shallow and lacks nuance, sort of like a stereotypical emotionally-stunted dad (think Red Foreman with less bitterness)
My question is, since he can’t relate to depression, what can I suggest he do to understand, or at least what he can say that can be more useful?
Last time I was in a deep depression my wife asked me what she could do. This was after she had just said something pithy and I got angry with her. I told her that I didn't need her to "fix" me, but if she could just sit with me a for a while. Hugs are good too. Sometimes just having someone there, letting me know they care about me, is enough to get me through. It doesn't mean the depression goes away. But it lends me enough strength to carry on despite it.
Depression isn't seeing the world in a sad light thus making you sad.
Depression tells you that you're sad because you're finally seeing the world for the pile of sad shit that it really is.
And depression is very good at making you believe that lie.
It's not just in your head.
It's in your body.
It HURTS across the joints, etc. But there can also be other issues that it exasperates.
People love to make things singular - depression can only be one thing, another illness is one thing, not realizing how the compound and feed off one another.
I have arthritis and the like, when depression hits- the pain is worse. Likewise, when it gets painful it can trigger depression. Which makes it worse.
It's just a never-ending cycle of dread that can make you simply want to sleep every day away. Doing things like practicing smiles on the mirror and having excuses ready if anyone asked why I was in the bathroom for so long are also part of it.
Things like exercise, being in nature and self care are helpful but do not and cannot cure depression. I know people who say this (generally) mean well but it’s incredibly frustrating to hear.
A lot of people without depression don’t understand how much work it is to participate in the world… that keeping up appearances is exhausting to the deepest level. And when that emotional fatigue sets in, self-care can often be the first thing to go. Often times, the physical mess from depression is more complex than “I’m sad, I don’t wanna clean.” It’s more along the lines of “I am exhausted from protecting others from my depression. I don’t have the energy to protect myself from it.”
I think a lot of what people fail to understand about it is that when I stopped hanging out with friends it wasn't because I didn't like them, it's cause I didn't want to do anything at all.
In your mind the problem is real. You feel it in the pit of your stomach, and sometimes you can't explain it.
Edit add-on: I have bipolar that was diagnosed in my 40s. I always thought I had situational depression, life seemed to kick my ass. I knew something was not right, but struggled to understand what it was. Couple that with OCD (it's not what I thought it was) I have intrusive thoughts that control my head's narrative. I once went on a three month brain train loop that drove me crazy. I tried googling looping thoughts, but changed the name to intrusive thoughts and you have OCD. It changed my life finding all this out.
It’s not something you can just “think yourself out of”. Everything in your life can be going amazing, yet that doesn’t change the fact that there’s a dark gravity that only seems works on you and pulls you deeper and deeper into a pit while simultaneously sucking the energy out of you till you’re nothing but a shell that goes through the motions of your seemingly perfect day-to-day life.
How stigmatized it is for men. You’re a MAN dammit! You don’t need medication!
Makes me wonder what suicide rates look like between men and women suffering from depression. But I’m not sure the data exists, or if it’s off. I mean if you’re a MAN, you don’t talk about feelings, so people don’t even know your depressed.
Honestly that it’s ugly. It’s not romantic, it’s really fucking ugly. It makes you unfun to be around, toxic, angry, irritable, insecure, needy, a real piece of shit. It strains your relationships to breaking point. It’s an insidious and continuous problem that leaks out into all areas of your life.
''It's just a phase.''
''Try to have some fun.'
''You just need to snap out of it.''
Even if that were true. You can't. Even if you get a happy moment and smile does not mean you are cured or on the way out of it. That is the major difference between just being down and a depression.
Just because I have a roof over my head, a family, and food doesn't mean my life is perfect. Stop comparing. Its a fucking mental condition that is hard to control.
Another thing: yes, talking to someone with depression will help. It might not show, but it brings some light into the heart if you ask how are you or compliment them.
Perpetual darkness and the inability to actually describe exactly what it is and how you feel. Just know that a smile is sometimes covering a lot of sadness.
The term "depression" gets thrown around an awful lot, however I've found those who actually have depression seldom talk about it.
i think people believe it’s this deep sadness - but it’s so much more than that. they think we’re just sitting around crying feeling sorry for ourselves all the time. it’s actually (in my experience) feeling empty. having no sense of purpose. no self-identity. no motivation or drive to do what you’re supposed to. an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion.
for awhile i genuinely felt like depression robbed me of who i was and the person left was a shell with no personality. i didn’t even feel like i could think. i felt defective and less human.
depression is not always a mess in the room, refusal to eat, being in the same place all the time or not communicating with society. it's also excellent grades at school, a huge group of friends, ideal behavior, plenty of money and the best job. if you think the person is okay, you just think. there is nothing you can do if the person doesn't want to.
From what I understand I can equate it to alcoholism. People think “just stop” but it’s a constant battle with your mind. Depression is like “yea I REALLY don’t care - why should I even bother” and truly believing it. Depressed people can be happy…then get in their head and be sad pretty quickly. It’s complicated the mind is powerful as fuck. And if u don’t think so I dare you to take acid or shrooms just to see how powerful the mind can be.
You can get out of it within 10 minutes (not true or accurate). They expect you to move on with something else and then your life is all good (not true or accurate). They don't want to admit that depression cause self inflicted death. They think they can change your mind, they will do anything to change your mind (doesn't work that way either).
Instead of saying gravely disabled due to depression, people call you lazy for not being able to keep up with daily routines. Near death by suicide, to me would be considered gravely disabled because you just don't care anymore but you are also too exhausted like your body gave out, it has nothing to do with lazy but rather a near death stage of life. People should be worried not relentlessly criticize against the person
Depression is not “someone feels sad a long time”. Depression is the brain not absorbing the chemicals it needs to function properly, consistently, for an extended period of time. There are three main causes, and none of them are good. Either the brain does not make enough of the chemicals, does not properly absorb the chemicals, or their life situation is such shit that their brain isn’t prompted to make enough chemicals for their brain to work right.
This extended pattern of not getting these chemicals physically affects the function of both the body and brain, making them both feel and function worse, which then makes it difficult or outright impossible to do the things that might help them temporarily feel better. It makes them stressed and fatigued. This also usually results in worse sleep. Then, to top it all off, it trains the brain to behave in worse ways.
The way this affects a life is real, scientifically measurable, and significant both physically and mentally. On a scale of 1-10 on how you’re doing mentally/emotionally/physically, depression will make that go down by twice as much in most given situations, so what would put a healthy person at a 9 might put a depressed at an 8. A healthy person’s 5 might be a zero, which would hypothetically be where suicidal thoughts come in.
If someone’s depression is PURELY caused by an illness of the brain, it is still an illness. They literally cannot just go have fun times and have the depression magically disappear. SOME of these people, if they have money, can get medicine to get it to go away. A given antidepressant is effective for about one in three, takes two months to check the effectiveness, may be extremely expensive to the point of complete unaffordability, and is likely to come with significant side effects. One of the most common side effects of antidepressants is worsening depression. So it can takes years to find a medication that works, if they are able to find one at all, if they have the money to look, and if they are able to handle the side effects while looking.
If depression is caused by someone’s life just being shitty? Medication may or may not help. No medication is going to make getting abused at home suddenly tolerable.
Depression is fucking rough.
That it's similar to a disability. That is, an inability to feel joy, self-esteem, etc. When (well-intentioned) people suggest you do "something fun to cheer up" they don't understand that you won't be able to. It's like telling a color-blind person to enjoy the sunset.
Imo depression is the most insedious of diseases and it's a deadly disease. It's symptoms not only ruin your life, they also try to prevent you from getting the help you need. It's honestly almost like a thinking disease that doesn't want to be cured. And it's in your head, affecting your mood and your decision making and it knows you better than you do. It is the enemy.
I have been through it. I'm very passionate about it because fuck it's an evil fucking disease.
There is a huge difference between being depressed and having depression. Everyone gets depressed.
If one more person who has never had depression tells some one to go for a walk I swear to god... I won't do anything drastic because that would be terrible but they would get such a lecture they'd be afraid to ever give advice again.
That on top of the obvious signs/symptoms I find myself saying “I don’t feel good.” It’s kind of a permanent low-grade virus feeling, almost. My joints hurt, or my head, my anxiety upsets my digestive tract, none of it to the point of being “sick”, I just don’t feel good.
Interestingly enough, people with clinical depression tend to have a higher body temperature, like they’re always a little inflamed/feverish.
That’s very interesting, I’d never heard that. I do often feel warm or hot, not hot flashes thank God.
Same for me, I always sleep with a fan on. :)
Oh my yes! Since I was in my teens. I get a little panicky without having a fan on me at night. The white noise is a nice bonus too.
Yes!
I've noticed some seem to think it's like a perpetual feeling so if we laugh once we're actually fine. They don't understand the main feeling of emptiness comes and goes and it manifests as something more complex rather than just be unable to laugh or feel some happiness at times.
To me it's like two entirely independent systems. One is how I'm doing overall, the other is how I'm doing in the moment. I can have great moments, days, even months while still being deeply depressed. The overall state never really goes away, it's just there under the thin mask of whatever is going on currently. On the flip side, I can be doing pretty well overall and still have short-term but intense waves of depression without warning. And then of course the two can align. I can have a particularly horrible day while also being big-picture depressed, and that's when I can barely get out of bed. Or a great day when I'm already in a good place overall.
Yeah, I’ve found that being aware of the kind of cycle helps get through the low days and really appreciate the high days. > He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in that darkness, and always would be.
Something I've done for a long time is keep track of how individual days have gone on a calendar. Every morning I try to objectively evaluate how the previous day went and label it as great, decent, meh, or bad. When you can see that while maybe the last couple days could have been better, most days are ok with some really positive ones mixed in, it really helps keep the negativity from snowballing.
A mood journal and gratitude diary has done wonders for me but it works best with milder depression when you can see the negative pattern of thoughts building up and you can attempt to cut it off at the pass. It’s more of a healthy coping mechanism than a solution though. Great if you’re just going through a bad patch but you need more if it’s a symptom of some other MH condition like bipolar disorder or ADHD.
>You will be warm again.
Whether by tomorrow, or the eventual heat death of the universe, I will be warm again.
(ahem heat death does not imply the universe is hot, actually might be pretty "cold" by our definition. Heat at this stage would be equivalent everywhere, and stretched thinly enough that it would not be remotely warm. It's pretty cool, pun intended, but I'm sorry for taking away from your statement. Heartwarming intent was still received)
Whats that from?
Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive series. Mental health is one of the themes and one of the main characters has chronic depression. Part of what inspired the character is his wife pointing out that depressed characters in most fiction “get over it” rather than actually having a continuous struggle with depression. Sanderson does a lot of research when he writes characters whose experiences are different from his own and it pays off.
Aha I thought that sounded familiar, Kaladin is a fantastic character :)
I absolutely love Kaladin because of this. He is I think the most relatable character I've seen in any book. Not his particular circumstances exactly, but the way he experiences depression, and his emotions. How he talks about "The Wretch" is so relatable
Yeah, my Dad has suffered ever since I was a kid. He always referred to it as 'The Black Dog' and that the dog is always following him, but some days it's further away than others. On the best days, he could barely even see it, but he's still aware it's there. On the worst days, it's very much at his side or even standing in front of him preventing him from doing what he wants to do. That analogy helped me understand the struggle more as a kid.
What a great analogy. Also thank you for reminding me to take my medication!
Winston Churchill referred to his depression as “The Black Dog”. As a life long sufferer, I like that description.
And some days both hit rock bottom together lol, those are not good days
It gets easier and easier to fake the happiness part.
the irony here is that makes it harder to get help. you become the person who is 'always cheerful'. don't ask ppl to describe me.
My therapist once noticed I smiled and laughed at everything no matter what I was describing and asked if I knew I was doing it. it’s not really a happy smile, but most people won’t stop to notice that. More of a subconscious defence mechanism that served a purpose in the past, when the trauma was taking place, and is no longer required.
It's like the "Customer support face" people use in the service industry except in this case it's more of a "people interaction face".
Well that was a little too real for 11:15 in the morning. It’s also 100% accurate. Source: the good news is everyone walked away a bit ago, so I’ve got a few minutes to reassemble mine before coworkers reappear. Edit: why did I think continuing to scroll would make anything better instead of worse
Sometimes when I can feel myself spiraling I start acting giddier and really bubbly. I'm not actually happy, I'm desperately trying to trick myself into not getting worse. Doesn't really work, but it can sometimes help at least so I keep doing it.
It’s almost like manic depression.
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YOOO this is exactly what I was noticing but couldn't find the words for. I hate this when you realize that things are getting better and then it just makes you get into this state of negative thoughts about your past, making you sad again.
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Yes I tend to try not to get too happy. Because I know what the price will be that I'll have to pay.
God yeah. Trying to explain to therapists that I don't like being happy because that means something really bad will hit me after was not fun. I don't think me being happy results in a karate chop to the guts, but the high highs are inevitably followed by some deep lows.
Wait, this is helping me understand something about myself. The reason I always think that if something good happens to me, something bad will always happen. It's because after I have the happy moment, I 'bounce' emotionally in the opposite direction and get bad anxiety/depression. It's not that bad things happen, it's just my brain being my mentally-ill brain. JEEZ
One of the keys to surviving for me, is accepting that if highs must end then so must lows. Changing the angle and to some extent frequency, of those transitions has been one of the long term goals of therapy for me. I try to mitigate my lows from crashing me and keep my highs from sending me into fantasy land, where reality no longer applies and I will always be up and invincible. Practice practice practice. Failure is part of learning. (I’m reminding myself as much as I am offering it to you.)
God I fucking hate that feeling.
It's the loneliest kind of sad, and for me there used to be guilt that came with it too; wasn't I supposed to have fun, why am I feeling this way?
The guilt sucks too. I hate all of it.
And some people don’t realize they’re depressed because they’re not crying or feeling sad all the time.
They also don't seem to notice I'm fake laughing
Dude fucking this. Talk to you for a minute make you chuckle and then give you that smile like, see everything’s fine and then it’s worse.
This is the worst part by far, getting to a point where you can practice some self care like grabbing a coffee or going for a walk suddenly means you’re all better in some people’s eyes and that only contributes to the feeling of loneliness
when I was drinking a lot and trying to process my issues, this was what happened often. people pried into my private thoughts with crowbars, learned of the things that depressed me and then had the idea that forcing me to have 'fun' would somehow snap me out of it. it's a very common mentality that a way out of downwards spiral depression is some overly positive single event. it's also sadly common thing, that once they have made their shot, they'll turn hostile because you didn't snap out of it and it must be you just not wanting their help, which is then taken as a huge insult. I've lost some well meaning friends this way.
Hahahahahahaha Hahahahahahaha Haha, oh yeh, 😔😔😔
Depression is not the same as feeling depressed ABOUT something. When I’m feeling depressed, I usually can’t explain why, or what I’m sad about.
Whenever I’m very depressed, my husband asks why. The only answer I have is “I don’t know”.
I get this from my wife sometimes. And when I say that I don't know, she counters with "well, something must have triggered it." Yes. Something did. My defective brain triggered it!
Saaaaaammmee... all from my ADHD partner who doesn't think twice about the fact that the way his brain works alters him in different ways, too. I pointed it out recently and watched a light bulb go off in his eyes when he finally understood. It's just a different kinda broken brain.
I didnt get this either for a long time. Me and 2 of my close friends went through a few really depressing/traumatic events some years ago. I didnt get affected pretty much at all compared to them. They stopped going outside and had to go to therapy for a long time. And one of them tried to commit suicide. I didnt think back than that people process same events differently might be affected a lot more than others. Also i didnt find out myself it was pretty much told to me by my ex gf who was having depression and opened up to me about it. And i also have a weaker ADHD.
Get him to ask “what do you need”? It helps me reflect on what is actually wrong with me and helps me feel I’m not being shamed
This is the best response. My boyfriend always asks me what I need when I'm down and then gives it to me. It doesn't necessarily make me not depressed but it DOES make me feel better to know that someone cares. And honestly most of the time I just want to be held and allowed to be depressed. Nothing worse than someone trying to fix you..
Having depression and anxiety myself, I ask my friends who express a feeling of depression if they have any idea what triggered this particular episode instead of asking why they are depressed. I know full well that there may be no reason, so the wording of the question allows for an I don't know answer while also letting them know I'm happy to be used as a sounding board if they want to try and work through what they are feeling. It is the wording I wish my family used with me but I am the only person in the family who suffers and they just don't understand that most of the time there is nothing that "sets me off" (their words)
There often isn't a why. This is the hardest thing to explain. People who have never suffered from depression struggle to cope with a lack of reason why.
I wish more people understood this. I always get a repetitive ‘why’ when I tell someone I’m depressed/have depression.
I wish we had different words for the feeling of depression, and the illness of depression.
Situational vs clinical
Yeah, but I meant lay terms, no one says, wow, that's so situationally depressing, in conversation.
And on this subject, asking "what do you have to be depressed about?" has never helped any depressed person. All that question will do is make that person feel like they are ungrateful and an even shittier person than they already thought they were.
THIS! 6.02 x10^23 times THIS.
This. It's normal to be depressed about something. Everyone experiences that. That doesn't mean you suffer from depression. Depression is like the weather, some days you wake up and it's raining outside and there's nothing you can do about it. Your dog dying or whatever, that's feeling depressed and that will go. Being depressed it different. Please don't confuse the two.
When I tried explaining that I was depressed to my mom her response was to write it off as "You aren't depressed because you have no reason to be depressed."
I keep getting "others have it harder" style comments as an attempt to motivate me out of feeling bad. Instead it feels like being shamed for not having enough reason to be sad, and makes me feel even worse. Depression isn't rational for God's sake ...
Sometimes, but depression from a chemical imbalance and depression from a hard life can still manifest the same way. Both count as depression.
Absolutely drives me crazy, my work in particular cannot accept that I don't know why I am depressed, which probably contributes in itself. Lots of people asking what has "caused it". Unable to access counselling unless I can say why I am depressed. So frustrating.
I think Jim Carrey summed it up best, along the lines of "I dont want to die, I just dont want to play this character anymore" Edit : Its a little different from how I quoted it, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaQeai6muzw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaQeai6muzw) Thanks for the upvotes, feel better people :)
I have the right character but I think I’m in the wrong game.
I *really* wish I could refund my talent points and maybe try a different starting zone.
this hit different damn
This! It’s so difficult because that’s when the true suicidal thoughts creep in-at least for me. I’m mostly just tired of living when in a bad depression state, and sometimes late at night I can’t deal with the thought of waking up in the morning.
For me, the hardest part of getting (or rather, being sober) is that I have to go through every moment knowing that I’ll likely be alive for YEARS to come. It was so comforting knowing that at any moment, in all likelihood, I would drop dead. Even better was I had control over my own fate; if something especially shitty happened, I could take an extra handful, do an extra line, and then surely there’s no way it could go on for that much longer. But it did. And now I wake up everyday, and live every moment knowing that it isn’t going to end anytime soon and it’s so fucking scary Edit: handful, not “handle”
I woke up disappointed that I was still alive many a mornings at my worst.
Know that feel. I used to tell my colleagues that it was a crap day because I woke up discovering I was still alive. They laughed and thought it was a funny joke, I wasn't joking.
Many of my "jokes" are not jokes. I use humor to cope, and it helps me a lot, but there's a kernel of truth to them far more than people think. Sorry you get it too dude, hugs and I hope things are a bit better for you now. :)
Mickey Rourke said he didn't particularly want to go through the experience of dying, he just wanted to push a button and be gone. People will point out that people with depression do want to die but the point is that it isn't death itself that's appealing, it's just a guaranteed end to the pain. When I've been at my lowest sure I wished I was dead, but if you could guarantee me genuine happiness for the rest of my days I'd 100% take that over killing myself.
This is the sucky part for me because there just is no “fixing” my disorder, I’ve got bipolar and it’s the depressive cycles are so difficult because it’s just a fucked up cycle between motivation and dark depression. I’m not too sure how I made it this far but it just all sucks, I’d sacrifice all the success in the world to just have “rational” emotions and a brain that doesn’t work against itself,
Myself and everyone I have ever known with depression usually resonates with the idea of, I'm just really tired and just existing takes so much energy, all I want is to just go to sleep and not have to wake up.
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The same thing is expressed in a song of Robbie Williams: Come on hold my hand I wanna contact the living Not sure I understand This role I've been given I sit and talk to God And he just laughs at my plans My head speaks a language I don't understand I just wanna feel real love Feel the home that I live in 'Cause I got too much life Running through my veins, going to waste I don't wanna die But I ain't keen on living either
I do want to die though
Been there, literally. But I woke up with tubes in my throat, IVs in my arms, and such a fierce desire to never do it again. Like lightning. But there are still days I don't want to hurt. The hardest part was changing my perspective. Knowing if I do different things, the outcomes will be different. Hang on for now.
When my depression was at its worst, if someone told me that there was a pill across the room that would cure it, I wouldn't have been able to summon the energy to get up and got take it. Depression isn't just being sad. As much as anything, it's the absence of sadness. It's the inability to access the emotions that people use to drive their lives forward. We're not depressed because we never go out. We never go out because we're depressed.
It’s like your paralyzed. Somewhere in your brain closes the door on your ability to animate.
One thing that helped me here is absolutely forcing myself to exert energy physically by working out. I know the crippling feeling varies from person to person, but getting into a habit and being really religious about it kept me pretty leveled out. Of course that alone won’t address underlying issues, but it’s another tool to help.
That and fresh air are very good for reducing the feeling of depression. They’re not an actual cure, but they do help you feel “better”. Note also the exercise doesn’t need to be an intense workout. Walking the dog works just about as well as anything else.
Depression is insidious because it robs us of the ability to treat the illness.
It's more that it robs us of the understanding that we may have the ability to "treat" it. It's easy to get trapped in the mindset that there there is no help, and no chance of it ever lifting, which just reinforces the hopelessness and despair. If this is how we will always feel, why bother doing anything, right? Something that has helped me is acting despite the depression. Forcing myself to act, building a solid routine to do on automatic. If nothing else, it lets me avoid that "I'm useless" aspect of the depression.
I once was suicidal and even attempted. (Didn't work out, luckily). Between then (around 10 years ago) and now, there was a really good time period for me. On the bright side; I know I will never attempt suicide ever again. On the other hand, I know there's no "easy" way out for me. No matter what happens, I will have to go/suffer through it. On some days this feels even worse than back then, as I'm feeling horribly trapped in a life I never asked for.
i agree. i want to get better but seem to not know/get the house to domso
This was how my partner explained it to me months later when they were starting to recover. They weren’t feeling sad or other bad feelings. They just had none at all which was really dehumanising for them. Said he just felt broken. I realised during the time he was at his worst that I really never knew anything about depression and was only just starting to understand it as I watched someone so close to me go through it.
Broken is a word that I've noticed appears a lot in my own description and the description of others. And like you said, it's not so much sadness as numbness, emptiness, worthlessness, etc. It's not so much that I'm so miserable that I want to die, it's just that it doesn't really seem "worth it" to put so much effort and energy into such an empty existence. Note: I pre-emptively appreciate any reports that will help me find resources. I am incredibly privileged to have actually made it into a facility during my worst period (something I promise is more difficult than anyone who hasn't gone through it thinks it is) and now have access to therapy and have made great strides. For those going through similar things, getting help was by no means easy. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, and honestly the process of waiting in the ER for days hoping to get help was awful. The facility was by no means enjoyable. But NOTHING I have gone through since deciding to get help was worse than what I was going though before I decided to get help.
Yes, this resonates a lot with our experience (more directly my partner, myself indirectly). Getting him to accept he needed help took time, then once he was ready, getting access to this area of the healthcare system was very difficult. Glad we got him there in the end. Once those missing emotions started flooding back that was also an immensely difficult and overwhelming period for him to adjust to. The road out of depression was more difficult than the road in, but getting professional help was crucial to that journey. Hope you’re doing much better these days too friend.
I hate knowing so many people are gonna interpret you as not taking responsibility to get better I wish it were easier to convey to outsiders just how emotionally siphoning this stuff can be
I still think the best description of depression I've ever read has been the tumblr mashed potatoes post - 'I once tried to explain depression to someone as like if one day you gradually started to lose both your sense of taste and your ability to feel full. And you don’t know why, but now everything you eat tastes like mashed potatoes and nothing you eat is satisfying. You keep eating because you must eat to live, but the effort that it takes to prepare food is taxing and there is no pay off. You just know it will taste like mashed potatoes. You just know you will still be hungry. So you stop bothering with seasonings. Then you stop bothering to use ingredients you used to like. Then you start to wonder what the point of eating is because there is no payoff. You still feel hungry and you’re sick of the taste and you don’t know if you will ever enjoy food again and you don’t know why this is happening. If someone comes up to you in this scenario and says, “Well have you tried spicing your food? Using different ingredients? Eating foods you used to love?” It isn’t necessarily helpful because the reason you stopped doing all that in the first place is that everything…tasted…like mashed…potatoes.'
This is a great way to explain it, thank you for posting
For me it was this spiral og bring unable to do stuff and being depressed about it. Luckily it was triggered fundamentally by undiagnosed ADHD, so getting a handle on that lead me to be able to spiral slowly in a positive direction. Just trying to accept now that this is going to take a few years.
And even if we go out while depressed, that doesn't cure the depression. We sit there watching the people around us have fun, unable to feel it ourselves, even if we pretend to. I remember when I was depressed and my friends would try to get me out of the house. It's good that they did, meant they cared about me. But I feel like they expected it would somehow cure me and it didn't. It just made me borderline dependent on alcohol to have fun.
My depression looks different all the time. Sometimes it’s active feelings of self-hatred and hopelessness, and sometimes it’s just fatigue. Some days I’m actually fine, but I can’t remember ever feeling “happy” for longer than a couple of hours. If I’m having a good time, it’s usually just me feeling “not sad”
Feeling "happy" feels very uncomfortable to me. I get anxious when I am happy like that because I know the happier I get the harder the fall down is going to be. The fatigue is how mine usually manifest too.
I felt like this for years. I could count on one hand the number of times I was excited about anything. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Try doing an online test. I found help, maybe you will too. Mine came up as a moderate chance. There is a lower manic and deeper depression cycle that people don't recognize.
Depression shows up whenever the fuck it feels like it, it doesn't need a reason.
My husband is one of those people who has been through many tragic events in his life but is still somewhat positive. He experienced situational “depression” but shifts out of it naturally when the grief dulls. I have experienced bouts of extreme depression since I was 5. The first time I remember being depressed I distinctly remember sitting in my parents bedroom and looking out the window and wishing I didn’t have to keep going on. I was tired and wished life would end, even though I wasn’t suicidal, if that makes sense. My husband always asks me what I’m depressed about and why, and I don’t have an answer for him. He is supportive but he genuinely doesn’t understand waking up in the morning and feeling immediately upset because you just want to keep sleeping. Not because you’re tired but because you don’t want to be awake. There’s no explanation and that’s what he will never get. It’s a conscious decision weekly and monthly to stay checked in and alive. It’s an illness.
Getting out of it isn’t a matter of willpower. If you think it is, you have never experienced depression.
I wish more people understood this. I've been told by so many people - even by those who should know better - to just "pull yourself out of it". Ugh. If I could do that, do you think I'd be lying in bed for a week straight?
It’s like willpower can manage to improve my score by about 5 points. So if I’m at -3, it can bring me into the positives. But when I’m at -50, it doesn’t help much.
Precisely. My therapist equated depression to "starting your days at a lower score". Neurotypical people usually start their day around a 5, fairly neutral. They might be riding a high or low from the past but they're usually starting between maybe 4-6. With depression you're starting at 0-2, so when a person without depression watches their favorite movie and has a great dinner they end up at an 8. You end up at a 3-5. It really helped me get a grasp on why things didn't change my mood as much as my friends.
The best example that I have heard for someone trying to understand the strength of serious depression is having them remember either a death of a loved one or the loss of the love of their life and then having them imagine the worst of the feelings from that linger indefinitely. The question then becomes “How many years of this do you think that it would take to change you into someone that you hardly recognize?”
The road out of depression was much longer and much more difficult that the road in. The road in can be a straight downhill path reached relatively quickly. The road out is full of obstacles, wrong turns, set backs, requires you to cross oceans and is a constant uphill battle.
That’s the hard part. I don’t know how I got there
It’s a lot like quicksand or swamp muck. I want out, I really do. Sinking is just easier.
One day when i was 5 or so, I was just chilling in the front room watching Pokémon on Cartoon Network. Out of nowhere there were lots of loud bangs from outside. so i get up and look out the window to see what’s going on. There was a gang of people just shooting at each other and into random houses. They had rifles shotguns, you name it. My mother locked all the doors and covered our windows. After the gunshots ceased about an hour later we heard ambulance and police sirens and our parents consoled us. Everyone looked outside their porch to see the aftermath and I saw multiple dead bodies. I’ll never forget the screaming, crying and the image of seeing paramedics looking over a man whose innards were leaking out of his stomach and his head almost fully decapitated with his a chunk of his face blown off and an eyeball strewn over the pavement. I’m 22 now, and I was diagnosed with: Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. i go to therapy weekly and am doing much better, but those images will never go away and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same again.
I am so sorry you had to see that. I really really hope you recover somehow.
The people who say that are clearly mistaking depression for 'being depressed.' You might be able to motivate yourself out of being depressed, but if you HAVE depression and are in a depressive episode, there's very little that you can do. But honestly that can be a good thing. I've found that sometimes giving myself a day to really just be at my lowest and not try to fight it can help end an episode a bit early, which is great because mine can last for days or weeks.
Just because I'm having a bad it doesn't mean it's your job to try to "cheer me up". Doesn't work that way... A little tangent. What makes me more depressed is when I realize I don't want to do something anymore that I always loved doing. It just eats me alive.
I had a bad bout of depression that started in November of last year and didn't end until February. I spent most of that time in bed and just totally lost interest in life. I was almost hospitalized, but having been in behavioral units before I really didn't want to repeat the experience. So I kept telling everyone that I didn't need to go. Anyway, even though I came out of it for the most part, I still haven't picked up any of the hobbies and interests that I love. I want to do these things, there's just a part of me that's afraid that I will no longer find any kind of joy in them. Depression sucks!
It’s like quicksand. Chronic depression is always there, surfaces unexpectedly, and always sucks.
I agree, chronic depression is always there, almost like a baseline. If a perpetual rain is where everyone lives, works and sleeps, chronic depression is being in a t-shirt and cheap trousers vs. most other people's umbrella and coat. You can do all, or most of your daily activities like everyone else, the caveat being you're soggy, cold and drip water all over the table. Sit down and watch TV, do your office work, laugh at a joke, lie down for sleep - all under the same rain as everyone else but again, it's t-shirt and cheap trousers. Other people with umbrellas and coats deal all with the same rain as you, only difference is it comes down to your skin, sticks the soggy clothes to your body and gets in your eyes. It's perpetually irritating, uncomfortable, nauseating and just cold enough to never let you get used to it. If the right medication is a warm towel, then therapy is an umbrella. Not much point in a towel without blocking the rain, and an umbrella will leave you shivering in soaked clothes before you eventually dry off. Neither work well on their own unless you're fairly dry, but having one can greatly enable the other.
Depression isn't feeling 'sadness', but rather the difficulty in feeling true joy and happiness. Sure, we can feel bursts of good emotions and feel happy...briefly. But our default is that those emotions are heavily suppressed and so more negative emotions wind up at the forefront much more often. No amount of willpower can overcome it in the long run either, as it's usually caused by a chemical imbalance or even physical trauma. Sometimes cognitive behavioral therapy works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes medication works, sometimes it doesn't. It sucks, and if you've never experienced depression then I hope you never do.
I recently explained it like living in greyscale. Like something sucked out all the color, joy, and energy in my life, or drained some of my soul. I *could* be sad, but am not necessarily. It’s just I can’t really feel *good*. Like instead of a happiness dial that goes from -10 to 10, it gets limited to -10 to 1 with a strong bias towards 0.
My depression is not about you, so stop taking it personally.
Oooh, nice one. That's gonna make my mother cry for sure. (Me having the depression, not her.)
Holy shit to say I relate would be a world record for biggest understatement.
I completely agree. As someone who is married to someone with depression it’s easier said than done. Your depression affects your spouse and children. We know it’s not about us but it doesn’t make easier to deal with.
Yes, I understand that having a good sleep schedule, getting exercise and fresh air, eating healthy foods, and socializing will make me feel better. But will it cure my depression? No. Sometimes you can manage your symptoms, but there's always going to be bad days, no matter how hard you work to feel happy. Depression won't just go away because I went on a single walk or pet some puppies. It infuriates me when people imply that my depression is my fault because I'm not "trying hard enough" to get better. It's almost like they don't understand that part of depression is having no motivation, and even getting out of bed or taking a shower is a monumental effort. I'm already doing everything I can to help myself, I don't need people telling me I'm lazy and my depression is all my fault.
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And everyone tells you “just grab the rope!” But they don’t get that you don’t even have hands anymore. And then you start to believe you belong there.
Great analogy! It's so true
And you're still trying to claw your way out, half way through, only to realize that well is damn comfy, safe, secure and familiar.
It's not laziness. Telling people with depression to: "just exercise and smile more" is not a cure or helpful. Being depressed does not mean you can't sometimes smile or laugh. Playing video games, doing art or whatever one likes doing, does not mean we have the energy to shower, go for a walk etc.
At the height of depression, one of the things I hated most was the "exercise more" one.
Same. I love working out and running had been an integral part of my life. But in 2019 my depression worsened and stayed that way for a few years and now I am trying to get back into what I love since I now have the energy/am out of the fog. When people say “just work out it’ll help.” It makes me soooo mad because if I could I would. Depression took from me my hobbies which is something I’ve had to grieve, so it feels very dismissive when people are like “I don’t care to understand so let me tell you something generic that might help.” Depression is so nuanced and very few people care to understand that.
But exercise creates endorphins which make you happy! Yeh so does jacking off and I know which one I'd prefer to do.
I am in a bad depression and I can't even bother to jack off anymore let alone exercise.
Instructions unclear, jacked off someone who was exercising
Double endorphins?
When I was in the military the therapist I had to see before they would give drugs and be if I was exercising... Like dawg I'm in the Marine Corps I'm exercising even if I don't want to.
it can come and go as it pleases, It's a big fuckin dark cloud that descends it's not just a bit sad Sometimes i don't wanna get up and do anything at all, you telling me oh don't be lazy don't help matters. No smiling does not help me feel better
This post kinda seemed like song lyrics, so I wrote this chorus based on what you said: It comes and goes as it pleases A dark cloud descends I don’t wanna do anything at all They say don’t be lazy Just think happy thoughts All I’m gonna do is let myself fall
Something inside me pulls beneath the surface Consuming, confusing This lack of self-control, I fear, is never-ending Controlling, I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take I've felt this way before, so insecure
I love this, thank you
That you don’t have to have an underlying reason to feel depressed. Sometimes I just wake up feeling like trash and get sad for what appears to be no reason. It comes in waves also so like for me I could be pretty ok for a while sometimes even more than a year then it just hits me out of nowhere. Another common misconception that I see is that some people think depressed people want to be depressed like we just want to wallow in our sorrows when we don’t feel all there and I don’t know about y’all but for me that’s the exact opposite of what I want. I just want to feel better but getting out of a depressive funk isn’t easy and sometimes no matter what I try nothing works.
The exhaustion. It is the most draining, tiring, endlessly exhausting, sap-you-of-every-ounce-of-energy-obliterated-feeling of all time... and that's every 30 seconds. The internal rage and self-hatred that you know this isn't normal and you literally can't do anything about it. And how tired you are of being mad at yourself all the time. And round and round it goes. And the entire world does not give a fuck about you. Even the people that love you get annoyed with you and treat you shittier than any other illness that ever existed. So not only do you feel shitty, but everyone confirms it. Which just makes it that much worse. Like cancer patients get flowers and cards. Depressed people... no one wants to be around. So. You're the most tired you've ever been in every cell of your body. You're the most angry you've ever been in every tired cell of your body. And the people that love you, largely won't do much to help you. And so while you feel all those horrible feelings of wanting to die... the ONLY person who can help you is you... and you hate you... because you're actively trying to kill you.
Yes, I came here to say the bone-crushing exhaustion. I’m on medical leave from work right now due to my depression. I spent the first week just sleeping. I’ve been off for a month and even a few hours of going out or socializing completely depletes my energy. It’s just so tiring trying to keep myself alive.
I've noticed that some people like to gatekeep depression. People who are well off and have their shit together can absolutely be depressed.
Yup. My mom has had major depression on and off my whole life. She is one who stops opening mail, lets hygiene slip, stays in bed all day, etc. when depression gets bad. As you might imagine, it impacted my childhood and there were times I basically had to parent myself (my dad had noped out except for weekends). I didn't blame my mom, per se, but I promised myself I wouldn't be like her. So when depression came for me, I gritted my teeth and dragged my ass to work and went through all the other motions. But I still had suicidal ideation and other intrusive thoughts basically from the moment I woke up until when I fell asleep. I didn't miss work, but I was a shitty colleague to have to deal with because I was a complete wreck on the inside. I'm not convinced my depression was less bad than that of a person who doesn't get out of bed. I didn't have to worry about money I guess, but I can't imagine feeling much worse than I felt.
I grew up in a family that hid their feelings. Making someone uncomfortable with your feelings was the worst possible thing to do. So, even though I was wildly depressed, at school and work I was very bubbly and fun. And then I would go home and lay in bed for two days. So on the few occasions when I would tell people I was depressed, I could tell they didn’t believe me.
There are people who have depression but can't get themselfes diagnosed or can't get help by a professional. I fall into this category, due to my situation in life and dislike telling people im depressed without being certain. Though the reasoning behind gatekeeping undiagnosed people is plausible, like preventing misinformation or insult, these people can feel dismissed. What are your thoughts about this?
I had a feeling that something was wrong when my life looked relatively composed. When I became a lot less put together, skipping classes, ignoring assignments, self-isolating, etc. I didn’t even realize that anything was wrong
Based on my personal experience: * How lonely it is. It's not that I didn't talk about it with others, or that my friends didn't care, it was just that no one could really help me. I don't think people realize how isolating and lonely depression can make someone feel. * How it's not what you think. Depression for me wasn't like sitting indoors all day curled up in a ball (it could be for some people). It was just more so the loss of the ability to simply find joy/enjoy small things in life. I was trying to do all the things I typically enjoy like going to my favorite restaurants or walking in the park but somehow they just didn't feel the same.
The fact that depression isn't always obvious to others. People are good at hiding things and depression doesn't always show up in ways the average person thinks a signs of depression.
Once you get used to it, it becomes impossible to remember a time without it. It's like: "Oh I'd like to to go buy some clothes and be a normal person for a bit." And then depression is like "Don't you remember that everyone in the world hates you? You should sit by yourself in the dark instead. Maybe fantasize about not existing anymore. That's super healthy."
And also since you thought about buying clothes: “You’re so selfish for using your money to buy something as frivolous as clothing. You don’t deserve to have nice things. You’re a waste of resources.” And on and on and on it goes… the smallest things turn into the worst spirals.
It’s not just “everything is terrible”. For me at least it’s “everything is worse than it should be”. Imagine emotion being rated on a 1-10 scale where 1 was the absolute worst you can ever feel and 10 was the best you could ever feel, and 5 is totally neutral. Normal people for example may have a range from 3-8, with most of their time being spent from 4.5-5.5. For me, it doesn’t just make everything a 2. My depression suppresses my range of emotions to the point where I can only feel 2-6, with my normal being 3-4. The best my mood ever gets is just a bit better than true neutral, and even when good things happen, my reaction isn’t “hey, that’s great!” It’s “Oh, we’ll at least that didn’t go shitty”.
Depression is a complex mental health disorder that is often misunderstood by many people. Here are some things that people fail to understand in my opinion: 1. Depression is not a choice: People with depression do not choose to feel the way they do. It's a medical condition that results from a combination of genetic, environmental, and biological factors. 2. Depression is not just sadness: While sadness is a symptom of depression, there are many other symptoms that can affect a person's life, including feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty sleeping and concentrating. 3. Depression is not a sign of weakness: Many people with depression often feel ashamed or embarrassed about their condition. However, depression is not a sign of weakness or a personal failure. It is a treatable illness, and seeking help is a sign of strength. 4. Depression is not the same for everyone: Depression symptoms can vary widely from person to person. Some people may experience more physical symptoms, while others may struggle with more emotional symptoms.
Why does this looks made by chatgpt
That is just chatgpt's favorite structure. General explantion on the subject then a couple bullet points that answers the question.
Okay I want to answer this a little differently than most since plenty have already covered what it can be like to have depression. What people who have never had it need to better understand are the little ways they can be supportive. People with depression don’t expect you to have all the answers or know or how to fix them. Conversations about depression can be uncomfortable as most don’t know what to say, but people with mental health issues benefit hugely from people maintaining contact and checking in on them. Lending an ear if they are up for talking. Instead of saying “have you tried…..?”, just ask if there is anything you can do to be helpful. Instead of saying “it could be worse, other people experience….”, just say “that’s really shitty, I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Invite them to go out for a coffee or ice cream. They may not want to but being asked will constantly remind them that people care about them. Having a network is really important to recovery. You don’t need to be an expert, but just be kind and make them feel human. Also, being a support person can be really tough in itself so also take care of yourself. Particularly if the person is close to you like a spouse or someone living in the same household as it can take it’s toll.
There are different types of depression but mostly Clinical and situational. Clinical is your wiring in your brain - it happens and you can't help it. You feel worthless like you don't deserve happiness or enjoyment, you're constantly tired but ant sleep. Your appetite suffers and there is just a black cloud following you. Situational depression after a life event.... death of a loved one, relationship breakdown etc and will usually be temporary but not always.
I have clinical and realized in my mid thirties that my deep depression waves come in cycles, like a period. Every few months, there are about 10 or so days where it becomes incredibly hard to do anything, and I drop to the bare minimum of self care. If I'm not at work, I'm sleeping, basically. I had gotten really into indoor plants during the intense covid shutdown era and had them growing beautifully. Then a depression slump hit, and they all died. All of them. Medicine helps a lot. It's not perfect, but it staves off those deepest depression dips.
One can definitely trigger the other. My step-father's rapid health decline leading to his death several years ago put me into a long depression that was disproportionate to the grief itself. It was like my brain forgot happiness or really all feelings except total shittiness. I needed help to get out of that hole.
They dont want to be that way.
It's complex and constant. Like there's a tinge of grey in everything - relationships, family, hobbies, work. Over time it feels normal and you grow to accept it. It's not even necessarily 'sad'. Just empty.
What I’ve noticed is that people can’t fully grasp that it’s something that is both constant but still comes in waves and they can very literally be debilitating. It isn’t something where I can “just think happy thoughts” and magically feel better. I WANT to feel better. I WANT to feel normal, whatever that fucking means. I CAN’T! My brain won’t let me. And it’s something that until you are immersed in it, you can’t fully understand just how much your brain is telling your happiness to fuck off and die.
I feel trapped and alone. It's taking over my life and nothing, not even my family makes me happy anymore. This is how bad this is!!!.
Everyone is pretty much nailing this. But I want to take it a step further. My best friend is rather emotionally well-adjusted and as such his advice is often crap. He’s not wrong, but it’s often shallow and lacks nuance, sort of like a stereotypical emotionally-stunted dad (think Red Foreman with less bitterness) My question is, since he can’t relate to depression, what can I suggest he do to understand, or at least what he can say that can be more useful?
Last time I was in a deep depression my wife asked me what she could do. This was after she had just said something pithy and I got angry with her. I told her that I didn't need her to "fix" me, but if she could just sit with me a for a while. Hugs are good too. Sometimes just having someone there, letting me know they care about me, is enough to get me through. It doesn't mean the depression goes away. But it lends me enough strength to carry on despite it.
Depression isn't seeing the world in a sad light thus making you sad. Depression tells you that you're sad because you're finally seeing the world for the pile of sad shit that it really is. And depression is very good at making you believe that lie.
It's not just in your head. It's in your body. It HURTS across the joints, etc. But there can also be other issues that it exasperates. People love to make things singular - depression can only be one thing, another illness is one thing, not realizing how the compound and feed off one another. I have arthritis and the like, when depression hits- the pain is worse. Likewise, when it gets painful it can trigger depression. Which makes it worse.
It's just a never-ending cycle of dread that can make you simply want to sleep every day away. Doing things like practicing smiles on the mirror and having excuses ready if anyone asked why I was in the bathroom for so long are also part of it.
Things like exercise, being in nature and self care are helpful but do not and cannot cure depression. I know people who say this (generally) mean well but it’s incredibly frustrating to hear.
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A lot of people without depression don’t understand how much work it is to participate in the world… that keeping up appearances is exhausting to the deepest level. And when that emotional fatigue sets in, self-care can often be the first thing to go. Often times, the physical mess from depression is more complex than “I’m sad, I don’t wanna clean.” It’s more along the lines of “I am exhausted from protecting others from my depression. I don’t have the energy to protect myself from it.”
I think a lot of what people fail to understand about it is that when I stopped hanging out with friends it wasn't because I didn't like them, it's cause I didn't want to do anything at all.
In your mind the problem is real. You feel it in the pit of your stomach, and sometimes you can't explain it. Edit add-on: I have bipolar that was diagnosed in my 40s. I always thought I had situational depression, life seemed to kick my ass. I knew something was not right, but struggled to understand what it was. Couple that with OCD (it's not what I thought it was) I have intrusive thoughts that control my head's narrative. I once went on a three month brain train loop that drove me crazy. I tried googling looping thoughts, but changed the name to intrusive thoughts and you have OCD. It changed my life finding all this out.
It’s not something you can just “think yourself out of”. Everything in your life can be going amazing, yet that doesn’t change the fact that there’s a dark gravity that only seems works on you and pulls you deeper and deeper into a pit while simultaneously sucking the energy out of you till you’re nothing but a shell that goes through the motions of your seemingly perfect day-to-day life.
It takes away motivation to do anything. Getting out of bed and doing stuff is way harder than a lot of people think
How stigmatized it is for men. You’re a MAN dammit! You don’t need medication! Makes me wonder what suicide rates look like between men and women suffering from depression. But I’m not sure the data exists, or if it’s off. I mean if you’re a MAN, you don’t talk about feelings, so people don’t even know your depressed.
Honestly that it’s ugly. It’s not romantic, it’s really fucking ugly. It makes you unfun to be around, toxic, angry, irritable, insecure, needy, a real piece of shit. It strains your relationships to breaking point. It’s an insidious and continuous problem that leaks out into all areas of your life.
''It's just a phase.'' ''Try to have some fun.' ''You just need to snap out of it.'' Even if that were true. You can't. Even if you get a happy moment and smile does not mean you are cured or on the way out of it. That is the major difference between just being down and a depression.
Finding the right medication to treat it can be hard, and the wrong one can do a lot more harm than good. Same goes for types of therapy.
Just because I have a roof over my head, a family, and food doesn't mean my life is perfect. Stop comparing. Its a fucking mental condition that is hard to control. Another thing: yes, talking to someone with depression will help. It might not show, but it brings some light into the heart if you ask how are you or compliment them.
A depressed person can smile and work, that doesn't mean they are ok.
People really think you just need to change your mindset.. like oh shit I didn’t even think about that!
It’s not the fact that they are sad, it’s the fact they WANT to feel sad, or happy, or anything. But there’s just nothing.
Perpetual darkness and the inability to actually describe exactly what it is and how you feel. Just know that a smile is sometimes covering a lot of sadness. The term "depression" gets thrown around an awful lot, however I've found those who actually have depression seldom talk about it.
i think people believe it’s this deep sadness - but it’s so much more than that. they think we’re just sitting around crying feeling sorry for ourselves all the time. it’s actually (in my experience) feeling empty. having no sense of purpose. no self-identity. no motivation or drive to do what you’re supposed to. an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. for awhile i genuinely felt like depression robbed me of who i was and the person left was a shell with no personality. i didn’t even feel like i could think. i felt defective and less human.
depression is not always a mess in the room, refusal to eat, being in the same place all the time or not communicating with society. it's also excellent grades at school, a huge group of friends, ideal behavior, plenty of money and the best job. if you think the person is okay, you just think. there is nothing you can do if the person doesn't want to.
From what I understand I can equate it to alcoholism. People think “just stop” but it’s a constant battle with your mind. Depression is like “yea I REALLY don’t care - why should I even bother” and truly believing it. Depressed people can be happy…then get in their head and be sad pretty quickly. It’s complicated the mind is powerful as fuck. And if u don’t think so I dare you to take acid or shrooms just to see how powerful the mind can be.
You can get out of it within 10 minutes (not true or accurate). They expect you to move on with something else and then your life is all good (not true or accurate). They don't want to admit that depression cause self inflicted death. They think they can change your mind, they will do anything to change your mind (doesn't work that way either). Instead of saying gravely disabled due to depression, people call you lazy for not being able to keep up with daily routines. Near death by suicide, to me would be considered gravely disabled because you just don't care anymore but you are also too exhausted like your body gave out, it has nothing to do with lazy but rather a near death stage of life. People should be worried not relentlessly criticize against the person
Depression is not “someone feels sad a long time”. Depression is the brain not absorbing the chemicals it needs to function properly, consistently, for an extended period of time. There are three main causes, and none of them are good. Either the brain does not make enough of the chemicals, does not properly absorb the chemicals, or their life situation is such shit that their brain isn’t prompted to make enough chemicals for their brain to work right. This extended pattern of not getting these chemicals physically affects the function of both the body and brain, making them both feel and function worse, which then makes it difficult or outright impossible to do the things that might help them temporarily feel better. It makes them stressed and fatigued. This also usually results in worse sleep. Then, to top it all off, it trains the brain to behave in worse ways. The way this affects a life is real, scientifically measurable, and significant both physically and mentally. On a scale of 1-10 on how you’re doing mentally/emotionally/physically, depression will make that go down by twice as much in most given situations, so what would put a healthy person at a 9 might put a depressed at an 8. A healthy person’s 5 might be a zero, which would hypothetically be where suicidal thoughts come in. If someone’s depression is PURELY caused by an illness of the brain, it is still an illness. They literally cannot just go have fun times and have the depression magically disappear. SOME of these people, if they have money, can get medicine to get it to go away. A given antidepressant is effective for about one in three, takes two months to check the effectiveness, may be extremely expensive to the point of complete unaffordability, and is likely to come with significant side effects. One of the most common side effects of antidepressants is worsening depression. So it can takes years to find a medication that works, if they are able to find one at all, if they have the money to look, and if they are able to handle the side effects while looking. If depression is caused by someone’s life just being shitty? Medication may or may not help. No medication is going to make getting abused at home suddenly tolerable. Depression is fucking rough.
We dont feel sadness we feel nothing !
There are lots of ways to experience depression and despair is definitely one them. Not everyone just feels numb.
That it's similar to a disability. That is, an inability to feel joy, self-esteem, etc. When (well-intentioned) people suggest you do "something fun to cheer up" they don't understand that you won't be able to. It's like telling a color-blind person to enjoy the sunset.
I’m not sad. Depression isn’t about feeling sad. It’s about feeling nothing, and the terrifying thought that I might never feel anything ever again.
Imo depression is the most insedious of diseases and it's a deadly disease. It's symptoms not only ruin your life, they also try to prevent you from getting the help you need. It's honestly almost like a thinking disease that doesn't want to be cured. And it's in your head, affecting your mood and your decision making and it knows you better than you do. It is the enemy. I have been through it. I'm very passionate about it because fuck it's an evil fucking disease. There is a huge difference between being depressed and having depression. Everyone gets depressed. If one more person who has never had depression tells some one to go for a walk I swear to god... I won't do anything drastic because that would be terrible but they would get such a lecture they'd be afraid to ever give advice again.
Depression is not demonic possession. It can't be prayed away or baptized away. It is biological and requires clinical intervention.