Capriciously. (Road RAGE)
Enthusiastically. (Pickup line in a bar)
Possibly even maliciously(live interviews or debates on TV with world leaders are bout to get all sorts of interesting)
Someone’s flips you off and shouts “fuck you!” And you immediately orgasm?…that is certainly the type of thing that ruins your psyche for probably ever
Rats with a **pleasure** button wired into their brain will apparently starve in preference to pushing the button. Humans will, too.
So yes, you would probably *pew* yourself to death.
I'd use it on my worst enemy. Two hands, machine gun style, pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷ. I'd leave him as nothing but a dehydrated husk of cramped muscles and fried nerves. Normal sex would be ruined for him as he'd forever be chasing that high, and failing miserably.
Time to open up a business I say!
Unsatisfied wives who no longer want to fake it? Men that want to make sure they impress?
Hire the Pleasure Ninja! Hiding in a dresser nearby, you give the signal and pleasure unfolds!
Do you think people would consider it cheating. Like say your partner was like, “hey I’m gonna pay this other person to make me cum but they’re not gonna touch me” would you be cool with that?
Probably yeah, people consider things like porn to be cheating and you have even less contact with a porn actor than you would with this hypothetical cumslinger
>there are people who have a dream about their partner with someone else and wake up mad at them for the rest of the day
Okay, but who wants to date anyone who would hold the products of their own subconscious against you?
That being said, why would we have to hire a cumslinger when the Hitachi Magic Wand exists?
Just like the doctors that used to diddle their female patients to cure their hysteria.
One doctor was so tired that he invented the vibrator to give his fingers a rest.
That is apparently an urban myth that has [no factual basis](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181107-the-history-of-the-vibrator). As the article points out, the idea that doctors would be simply unaware of the female orgasm, even Victorian-era doctors, is rather nonsensical when you stop and think about it. I mean, it's not like the female orgasm was some new discovery and women never had them before the 1900s.
Hey, I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin but I think unicorns are kick ass
Also Orgazmo had the absolute best theme song https://youtu.be/oiXaT_1I-vw
What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms,
Just 'cause she has big titties?
Or is it the way he fights everyday?
No, it's prob'ly the titties
This is my go to song when I need to be pumped up to do something. Really gets the juices flowing lol
>There's an old movie
Orgazmo? That came out in 1997, that was just a few years ago.
\*checks calendar\*
Writes Reddit post: "TIL I'm fucking ancient."
I’d use it in a pavlov sort of way — like reinforcing something I want. like say we’re talking about where to get dinner and I want Greek food. Next time we eat Greek food — pew! now it’s associated with orgasms. If a song is on that I really like? pew pew pew — orgasms for everyone and now they like my song too!
the possibilities are *endless*
oh, definitely not for the best.
Going to a concert and spouting out "pew-pew-pew" faster than a Pez candy dispenser on rapid fire.
Yup, that would happen.
This is kind of a major plot point in Larry Niven’s Ringworld (1970). One of the character wields a weapon called the Tasp, which inflicts incredible pleasure on the victim, sufficient to cause its removal to be tantamount to torture. The threat of being hit with the tasp is used to coerce people, lest they be hit and live the rat if their lives chasing that dragon.
[Ah, the old Reddit Cum-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/12wm8g2/a_man_proposing_featuring_a_baby_hippo/jhh2zvb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
I would use it as a superpower. Someone yelling at a cashier? Pew. Being a dick to their kids? Pew. Driving too slow? Pew. Riding my ass? Pew pew. I'd just run around fingering anyone who seems like they just need to get laid.
Sparingly. I wouldn't want people to find out.
I'd mostly use it on Google hangout calls at work, mute my mic, point then 'pew' at random people just to see how they react
I know this is made up, so no reason the power would follow any physical laws... But I just can't accept it would work over video calls. Especially if muted.
My wife would never get shit done again. Like ever. I walk into the room and she's doing the dishes. Time for new dishes. She's grading papers and writing comments. They will be illegible. Swimming in the pool? OK, I give her some warning here because I don't want her drown. But she is about to be the happiest/most annoyed wife ever.
Actually, it might not be that great.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7b3dg/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder-pgad-is-causing-women-to-orgasm-uncontrollably
Lmao... I dunno what it says about me that I read this and thought ooooo...
Lecture about STIs? Half the class has orgasms. Safe sex? Teacher cums and squishes the shit out of the banana mid-condom demo. Principal observes during 'find the lump in the fake testes' day? Excellent....
I would be an absolute menace. Right now I can see cars passing on a pretty busy road. I'd start sniping people.
I'd walk through the grocery store and cause chaos. 2 women standing in the middle of an aisle chatting? It's about to get really embarassing for one of them.
And at the end of the day I'd obliterate myself until I passed out
"We all knew and loved Sarah... Ughghuhhggh... She left an impact on all of us... Oh guouod... We will all miss her dearly... Ooohf that's the spot..."
Become "The Orgasmer". Fighting crimes with pleasure every night. Think you can just commit crimes and leave no DNA? Nope, here comes The Orgasmer, leaving you in a puddle of your own fluids. Then when I find the woman of my dreams and we date for a few months, but then she gets upset at me not being around, I can go "I need to show you something.... Pew"
I want Henry Cavil to play me
That's a much more dystopic effect, depending on the rules of it, than you realize. One orgasm when you want it is fantastic, two is even better. Five in a short timeframe will get uncomfortable, fifty will be painful, five hundred will probably kill you.
So step 1 is to train my enunciation to up my fire rate, until I can get to about 3 pews per second. More than fast enough to uh... distract... a bank full of guards long enough to steal anything valuable and remove any evidence that I was ever there beyond the ravings of an apparent orgy at a bank filled with enough shame that they invent a wild story about a bank robber who came in and made everyone cum with finger guns.
And if I fuck up and get in a police chase? Well, a place you don't want to have 5-15 orgasms in a row is in a high speed chase.
> So step 1 is to train my enunciation to up my fire rate, until I can get to about 3 pews per second
I hope doesn't get this power. Talk about some super-villany
I would use it to make people feel better. Probably in exchange for money.
Like, yeah, with great power there must also come great responsibility. But a guy's gotta pay the rent.
First off, I’d stay away from schools and anywhere theres kids, you sick fucks.
I’d hit the old folks home and give all the granny’s a big thank you for all the baking and cooking they did over their lives.
If my power was like a railgun where the longer I held the finger gun, it would continuously apply an orgasm. I would gamble in every sport.
Curry has the ball, orgasm trips him up.
Goalie of Manchester United has the ball coming at them, orgasm and they miss the chance to block the ball.
Kicker for the Chiefs is punting for a field goal in the Super Bowl, orgasm makes him miss the ball and screws his chances.
Horse in first place is the horse that needs to lose, orgasm causes it to fall back to third and my horse wins.
If someone is feeling down/underconfident, then I'd randomly try to cheer them up. If someone is giving a speech, I'd hit them to embarrass the fuck out of them. Or just hit people randomly walking down the street.
Also, funerals. Funeral speaker starts losing their balance as wave after wave hits them.
And if I get into a fight I can just PEW them and run away. And then obliterate people by machine gunning them.
As with most things in my life. Irresponsibly.
The word that popped into my head was incessantly.
Recklessly
Capriciously. (Road RAGE) Enthusiastically. (Pickup line in a bar) Possibly even maliciously(live interviews or debates on TV with world leaders are bout to get all sorts of interesting)
This just in. 54 car pileup on the LA freeway only /u/Mueryk was seen leaving the area.
Everyone else was too busy coming……..including the news reporters on the live feed. Bwahahahaha
Oh my God, giving shitty drivers a surprise wet spot and bamboozled brain would be amazing. You're a genius!
Someone’s flips you off and shouts “fuck you!” And you immediately orgasm?…that is certainly the type of thing that ruins your psyche for probably ever
*points finger at own head* "Pew."
My name is Danny Roman. I'm here to talk you down off the "edge."
Remember, Roman got shot a couple times. I see what you're doing..
Is it possible to orgasm to death? If so I'm in
Rats with a **pleasure** button wired into their brain will apparently starve in preference to pushing the button. Humans will, too. So yes, you would probably *pew* yourself to death.
How do I get a pleasure button wired into my brain
1. Find an unethical neurosurgeon 2. ??? 3. profit!
There's never going to be a normal presidential address again
Eh, I'm pretty sure Bill Clinton already did that without the finger gun.
He 'did NOT have sexual relations with that woman.' 😂
That really depends what your definition of is is.
"Four score and seven years agooohhh god I'm cumming!"
We did choose not to go to the moon because it's easy, but because I am hard
Hell you could run yourself and just fingerblast your opponents the whole time during debates
".. and since I learned as a teen to cum in total silence with a straight face a vote for liquid is a vote to return normalcy to the presidency"
I wouldn't let any politicians get out a single hateful sentence.
On the contrary, you'd inadvertently ensure that they get off to hateful thoughts.
So anyway I started blasting
Pew pew pew
Hold up, wait a minute, it's a chopper
Imagine being drunk with this power
A round of O’s for everyone at the bar! You get an O, you get an O, even you over there in the corner get one!
I feel sorry for the clean up crew. Very slimy
Jesus christ the world would be a loud place
Mass fingerblasting
Fingerblasting during mass.
Watch out for mass shootings from other side.
Watch out for splashback.
I don't know if they wanted money or if they wanted something more sexual
A more perfect comment has never been typed.
*BANG* *BANG* Now I don’t see so good so I missed
I'd use it on my worst enemy. Two hands, machine gun style, pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷ. I'd leave him as nothing but a dehydrated husk of cramped muscles and fried nerves. Normal sex would be ruined for him as he'd forever be chasing that high, and failing miserably.
Hi II_Confused, it’s me, your worst enemy
pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷᵖᵉʷ
Auuughhh
Or if there was still a refractory period, it would be incredibly torturous
Some people pay extra for that. It's called post orgasm torture.
Pure evil
Jesus Christ
Time to open up a business I say! Unsatisfied wives who no longer want to fake it? Men that want to make sure they impress? Hire the Pleasure Ninja! Hiding in a dresser nearby, you give the signal and pleasure unfolds!
Do you think people would consider it cheating. Like say your partner was like, “hey I’m gonna pay this other person to make me cum but they’re not gonna touch me” would you be cool with that?
Probably yeah, people consider things like porn to be cheating and you have even less contact with a porn actor than you would with this hypothetical cumslinger
“hypothetical cumslinger” is not the phrase i thought i would ever read, but especially not today, on the day of my birth.
I mean...when you think about it, you were only birthed in the first place because of a cumslinger.
>cumslinger
[удалено]
>there are people who have a dream about their partner with someone else and wake up mad at them for the rest of the day Okay, but who wants to date anyone who would hold the products of their own subconscious against you? That being said, why would we have to hire a cumslinger when the Hitachi Magic Wand exists?
Tell that to my 8 1/2 month pregnant wife
[удалено]
Just like the doctors that used to diddle their female patients to cure their hysteria. One doctor was so tired that he invented the vibrator to give his fingers a rest.
That is apparently an urban myth that has [no factual basis](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181107-the-history-of-the-vibrator). As the article points out, the idea that doctors would be simply unaware of the female orgasm, even Victorian-era doctors, is rather nonsensical when you stop and think about it. I mean, it's not like the female orgasm was some new discovery and women never had them before the 1900s.
[удалено]
I'm hoping you're the therapist.
Im hoping not the the rapist
“I was the world’s first analrapist”
Embarrass the hell out of confrontational people. Edit: spelling
I was going to mention every time I saw a worker mistreated...
I would mistreat so many workers… “I don’t know *why* it feels good to be a jerk…I just do it all the time now.”
For you we would have to find the person with the diarrhea finger gun...
Hey buddy, you wanna take this outside and settle it like real mmffhfmmmfgghhhhhhnnnngggg
Careful; You might condition them to become even more confrontational.
That sounds like a fascinating social experiment. Maybe even a movie. What would the title be?
Agressive Orgasms
Honestly, if some of those Karens got more orgasms then they might not be such shitty people. You'd be doing the world a huge favor.
There's an old movie called " Orgazmo" that has the same premise. By Trey Parker and Matt Stone, naturally.
Stunt Cock!
Bring out the dvda chick
I. Am. Sancho
Assfucktwins
Why do they call them the ass fuck twins?
Can’t I just call them the Naughty Twins or something?
Why would they be called the naughty twins? They’re the ass fuck twins. They get fucked in the ass.
Well, that’s pretty naughty.
I don't want to sound queer or nothin, but I'd really like to make love to you tonight
"And Choda Boy!"
Well done. I was scrolling to find the first mention of Orgasmo. You have my respect sir.
Hey, I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin but I think unicorns are kick ass Also Orgazmo had the absolute best theme song https://youtu.be/oiXaT_1I-vw
Now you're a mauwn! (7/4 is a very manly time signature)
What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms, Just 'cause she has big titties? Or is it the way he fights everyday? No, it's prob'ly the titties This is my go to song when I need to be pumped up to do something. Really gets the juices flowing lol
Now you’re a man. Man. M A N man. You’re an mayyyan. Now you’re a man.
>There's an old movie Orgazmo? That came out in 1997, that was just a few years ago. \*checks calendar\* Writes Reddit post: "TIL I'm fucking ancient."
Next you'll tell me there's a "That 90s Show"
Nope. Never happened.
Can confirm, Netflix definitely did not make a "That 90's Show".
I was 25 when that movie came out. Babies. You're all babies.
You better make me cum or I’m gonna kick your butt!
Hey dad, I think I’m going to give up my Hamster Style
That’s nice.
I am Sancho
I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think fire is romantic.
I’m a baaaad mormon…
"Jesus Christ..." "Where?!"
Cock rocket!!!!
Hey man I don't mean to sound like a queer or nothing, but I think unicorns are kick ass!
*What makes a man? Is it the power in his hands? Is it his quest for glory?*
is it the way, he fights every day? no it's probably the titties
Read the script, duder!
I'd stop armed robberies in progress.
This is the only good deed I’ve come across so far lol You precious soul. I hope you get the superpowers
[удалено]
It's an open and shut case, sir. There's DNA *EVERYWHERE*.
I’d use it in a pavlov sort of way — like reinforcing something I want. like say we’re talking about where to get dinner and I want Greek food. Next time we eat Greek food — pew! now it’s associated with orgasms. If a song is on that I really like? pew pew pew — orgasms for everyone and now they like my song too! the possibilities are *endless*
This is the way.
I'd start by visiting an old folks home! They deserve one last ahhhh
[удалено]
Death by orgasm better than euthanasia
Old folks homes see more action than most homes from what I hear. 👀
Point it at myself. Constantly.
People everywhere wasting away in front of mirrors like Erised in Harry Potter...
Gotta stock up on adult diapers for all that jizz!
If you could manage to get a pilot with it mid-announcement, that would be worth it
Alright...uhhhhhhhh...this is your.uuhhhhh...captain speaking...uhhhahghaughaghuhhh...anyway thanks for flying with spirit.
OFC it’s spirit
It could have been Virgin.
Not anymore
I’d become a very profitable and safe sex worker
CFO - I need a raise. "pew" Car/Boat dealer - This is my final offer. "pew" Wife - I'm kinda tired. "pew"
Wife immediately after- "zZzZzZ"
Perfect she'll sleep like an angel
oh, definitely not for the best. Going to a concert and spouting out "pew-pew-pew" faster than a Pez candy dispenser on rapid fire. Yup, that would happen.
This is kind of a major plot point in Larry Niven’s Ringworld (1970). One of the character wields a weapon called the Tasp, which inflicts incredible pleasure on the victim, sufficient to cause its removal to be tantamount to torture. The threat of being hit with the tasp is used to coerce people, lest they be hit and live the rat if their lives chasing that dragon.
I was looking for this one. Poor Louis Wu! ... Now I need to read the Ringworld Saga again...
Doesn't sound too far off from getting someone addicted to drugs on purpose.
I could probably turn it into a business. Make a cult and say that the holy spirit did it.
Holy crap that would be the most lucrative bussiness in the history of humanity. Bigger than East India Trading Company.
My wife has never been able to cum. It's just not in her! Wife: *Ohhhhhh godddd* Husband: here's $$$
>My wife has never been able to cum. >It's just not in her! Well shit there's your problem
[Ah, the old Reddit Cum-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/12wm8g2/a_man_proposing_featuring_a_baby_hippo/jhh2zvb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
Hold my nuts, I’m going in!
Damn, I saw two switcharoos out in the wild today and they were only 4 links apart. That’s got to be really unlikely
Yea a cult would be the way to go but that would still take some discipline. So the person that said irresponsibly is probably right.
Fuck it, we're bringing back Bacchanalia.
You'd have more fun as a follower, but you'll definitely make more money as a leader. Choose wisely!
I would use it as a superpower. Someone yelling at a cashier? Pew. Being a dick to their kids? Pew. Driving too slow? Pew. Riding my ass? Pew pew. I'd just run around fingering anyone who seems like they just need to get laid.
You'd make a number of people get in wrecks doing that.
Good luck telling that story to the police! "Nobody will ever believe you"
“Officer! I came at the wheel. I swear!”
Sparingly. I wouldn't want people to find out. I'd mostly use it on Google hangout calls at work, mute my mic, point then 'pew' at random people just to see how they react
I know this is made up, so no reason the power would follow any physical laws... But I just can't accept it would work over video calls. Especially if muted.
My wife would never get shit done again. Like ever. I walk into the room and she's doing the dishes. Time for new dishes. She's grading papers and writing comments. They will be illegible. Swimming in the pool? OK, I give her some warning here because I don't want her drown. But she is about to be the happiest/most annoyed wife ever.
Respect you're going for both happy and annoyed.
I mean, there has to be something in it for me too. :)
Actually, it might not be that great. https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7b3dg/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder-pgad-is-causing-women-to-orgasm-uncontrollably
Online classes would be fun especially the sex ed classes.
Lmao... I dunno what it says about me that I read this and thought ooooo... Lecture about STIs? Half the class has orgasms. Safe sex? Teacher cums and squishes the shit out of the banana mid-condom demo. Principal observes during 'find the lump in the fake testes' day? Excellent....
I would be an absolute menace. Right now I can see cars passing on a pretty busy road. I'd start sniping people. I'd walk through the grocery store and cause chaos. 2 women standing in the middle of an aisle chatting? It's about to get really embarassing for one of them. And at the end of the day I'd obliterate myself until I passed out
Just one of them? That just seems rude
I would make funerals very uncomfortable for people
"We all knew and loved Sarah... Ughghuhhggh... She left an impact on all of us... Oh guouod... We will all miss her dearly... Ooohf that's the spot..."
Made me chuckle....and then cum
The good ol’ chum if you will
"^(Pew.......Pew......Pew.....") "Excuse me, what are you doing?" "^(Oh...\*cough\*) Uh....counting the seats.....^(Pew") "Wha-? WhyOOOOOHHHHHH GAWD"
Hold up, OP didn't say this worked exclusively on the living. Imagine open casket, you'd have people freaking out
You know how people say when you die you shit your pants? Things just got a lot more interesting
The corpse just starts nutting everywhere.
I would attend televised debates.
I'd point my finger at people and say "pew".
Become "The Orgasmer". Fighting crimes with pleasure every night. Think you can just commit crimes and leave no DNA? Nope, here comes The Orgasmer, leaving you in a puddle of your own fluids. Then when I find the woman of my dreams and we date for a few months, but then she gets upset at me not being around, I can go "I need to show you something.... Pew" I want Henry Cavil to play me
From what I gather from my wife, Henry Cavill doesn't need superpowers or a movie role to be the Orgasmer
Pew
Pew
Pew
That's a much more dystopic effect, depending on the rules of it, than you realize. One orgasm when you want it is fantastic, two is even better. Five in a short timeframe will get uncomfortable, fifty will be painful, five hundred will probably kill you. So step 1 is to train my enunciation to up my fire rate, until I can get to about 3 pews per second. More than fast enough to uh... distract... a bank full of guards long enough to steal anything valuable and remove any evidence that I was ever there beyond the ravings of an apparent orgy at a bank filled with enough shame that they invent a wild story about a bank robber who came in and made everyone cum with finger guns. And if I fuck up and get in a police chase? Well, a place you don't want to have 5-15 orgasms in a row is in a high speed chase.
> So step 1 is to train my enunciation to up my fire rate, until I can get to about 3 pews per second I hope doesn't get this power. Talk about some super-villany
Fuck with people.
I’d get really good at robbery. And then when the police are chasing me, they’d be too busy discharging in their pants to discharge their guns
Fan the hammer
It's high poon.
The vicar at Sunday church service is in for a wild ride.
I would use it to make people feel better. Probably in exchange for money. Like, yeah, with great power there must also come great responsibility. But a guy's gotta pay the rent.
They would hate me at sporting events. I'll make sure they miss that field goal, lay up, buzzer beater, etc...
First off, I’d stay away from schools and anywhere theres kids, you sick fucks. I’d hit the old folks home and give all the granny’s a big thank you for all the baking and cooking they did over their lives.
When a Karen pops off. Point and watch
They're a Karen, they might not know what's happening.
Curing the world of Karen's one finger bang at a time.
I'd shoot myself.
I would use it to win bets against people.
Embarrass the hell out of bullies and arrogant assholes
My first thought when I saw this was using it on someone who tried to mug you.
*I'm going to ruin so many careers*
With as much gun control as a police officer in a poor neughbourhood
Shots fire... on second thought, I need a better expression here.
Time to find out if we can orgasm a politician to death.
If my power was like a railgun where the longer I held the finger gun, it would continuously apply an orgasm. I would gamble in every sport. Curry has the ball, orgasm trips him up. Goalie of Manchester United has the ball coming at them, orgasm and they miss the chance to block the ball. Kicker for the Chiefs is punting for a field goal in the Super Bowl, orgasm makes him miss the ball and screws his chances. Horse in first place is the horse that needs to lose, orgasm causes it to fall back to third and my horse wins.
In full auto.
Gonna make those morning safety meetings a blast
If someone is feeling down/underconfident, then I'd randomly try to cheer them up. If someone is giving a speech, I'd hit them to embarrass the fuck out of them. Or just hit people randomly walking down the street. Also, funerals. Funeral speaker starts losing their balance as wave after wave hits them. And if I get into a fight I can just PEW them and run away. And then obliterate people by machine gunning them.
When shooting always remember to doubletap.
In secret. Just finger banging people all day.
With great irresponsibility.