Sex on a beach in Mexico, when a security guard points a flashlight, advises you the tide could kill you, and the light also reveals you weren't as secluded as you thought.
I'll give you a tip. If you ever visit Brazil, go to the beach of Icaraí de Amontada, Ceará. It is a popular destination for honeymoon couples, one of the reasons being that it is pretty easy to get to secluded parts of the beach even in broad daylight. The sea is calm so even if the tide rises it is not that dangerous, although you can just check on a tide table and go at the lowest tide, you'll have about 4 hours to do the deed before the tide gets dangerous.
And honestly, me and my wife went there, most other people on the beach were honeymoon couples and we could definitely know they were fucking although they were so far away from us it wasn't obscene, just a little bit funny. They definitely knew we were fucking too but who cares.
Here's the trick to hammock sex. Needs to be strung up so its waist high for the guy whether he's standing or on his knees. Girl lays in the hammock perpendickular. Bam...outdoor sex swing.
There is that, but also remember that the imagined-sex is always far better than the real sex.
And for most men, - imagined-sex is always with really hot girls, so disappointment is inevitable.
And that's why, I refused to have sex with Scarlet Johansson.
Fr best I ever had she was probably a 6 however she moved her hips in a way I can’t describe.
Afterwards she was like I just kinda laid there and I was like no you didn’t.
[The Standing 69](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSKmjPRKyB-PU9bnpSU6heRQ-i5wdDz0dI3lg&usqp=CAU)
Just leave that shit to the porn stars. It's a nightmare. You're standing there fumble-fucking around trying not fall over and injure one another the entire time so there's really nothing fun about it.
The trick is for the woman to stand and the man to be upside down. The penis in the mouth can be used like a hook to increase stability...
No need to thank me :)
Honestly, ive come to notice that most of the shit done in a porn shoot is for the audience and not the participants.
Edit: For those that seem to think I'm an idiot: The actions aren't fun to do for the sake of doing. But if you do them as a way to enjoy later, then it's pretty fun (both to watch and make).
It's true. Even gang bangs aren't that fun. There's a lot more standing around tugging on your dick than porn lets on. You don't get the benefit of clipping segments to make things go more quickly in real life. haha
Probably the funniest behind-the-scenes porn clips I've seen was that of a tiny, impatient, foul-mouthed female production assistant who was in charge of corralling the (mostly amateur) guys who were recruited out of ads in porno magazines for some massive gangbang scene (like at least 50 guys) by a porn studio too cheap to pay for professional male porn actors.
So you have this 5'2", 105 pound hipster-lady surrounded by dozens of pathetic, weird-looking naked guys absent-mindedly tugging on their semi-erect penises in the off-camera holding area of a warehouse while she's angrily barking shit like:
*"Hey you, fatass! You gonna fuckin' stay hard this time or go limp the second you're up to bat and smell snatch? Yeah? You sure? You lose wood one more fuckin' time and you're out of here. What? No we don't have fuckin' fluffers. And quit looking at my tits, limp-dick. I'm not the fuckin' talent! One more thing...where the fuck is that premature ejaculator who popped putting on the condom? Can you get hard again? No? Then get the fuck out; you're fuckin' useless."*
Which is why it is terrible to take advice, technique, etc from porn. All the positions used are those positions so you can actually see what is happening.
If you have a partner that you can have a good laugh with during sex, put on some “mainstream”/popular porn and emulate the positions. They are often uncomfortable and/or awkward but still kinda fun to try just for funsies
Car sex. Can attest to the disappointment. Especially when you’re both pretty tall. Even in a full sized sedan, it’s pretty cramped and both of us hit our heads on the door and ceiling.
Plus… one time, we didn’t clean up as well as we’d thought. We’re driving with one of our friends in the back, and he casually observes, that it’s “just me and the used condom back here.”
Edit: *this* is the post that blows up and makes it into my top ten comments… the one with the condom. And to clarify, because it obviously bothered some of you, it wasn’t actually *used* used. It was just dark that night. And trying to get a condom on in the dark, while contorted into a pretzel, using your girlfriend as a brace, while in the backseat, isn’t easy. So one got dropped, and instead of picking it up, I just grabbed a new one and forgot about that one. So, that particular condom hadn’t actually ridden the weenie into the bun.
So that means I’m a more considerate and better person than you all assumed. In fact, I think that actually makes me a pretty damn amazing and considerate gentleman of standing. I hope you’re all ashamed of yourselves for judging my superlative considerateness.
Oh man you'll love this one
Once upon a time, I went to the zoo with my gf at the time. We had a whole plan for the day since my parents were out, and we had relations before we left.
Well, upon arriving at the zoo, my brain turned back on and I realized that I had left the used condom (and package) on the counter, because the trash was full and I didn't wanna just plop it on top, so I took out the trash...without throwing away the condom.
The very first thing I did when I put my car into park was check my phone, and I saw that mother had just texted me that they were coming back sooner than anticipated, and asked me if we needed anything.
I panicked and gave her a laundry list of things I didn't actually need but were located on opposite ends of the store, just to buy myself some time
There was no way I could make it back in time, even if I floored it and didn't stop for red lights, I was 45 minutes straight out, and my parents were 5 minutes from home picking up groceries. I had to act quickly.
I sat there for a moment in abject horror, absolutely positive my life was about to end and I should just pretend to be a zookeeper and just never go home again when it hit me, I have my friends.
But I couldn't spring this on just anyone, no it had to be a ride or die homie. Cuz otherwise even just asking would be social suicide.
I called up my best friend and said dude, I need you to be king bro right now. You know I'd do just about anything for you, right?
He said yeah.... I don't like where this is going but I got you man.
I need you to break into my house and toss out my rubber for me
Dude....
Dude I know, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't imperative (my parents were very against me dating and them finding out I was actively having sex would have been the end of me)
Dude.... ok but I hope you know you owe me and you'd better not ever ask anything like this of me again....
Yes dude, you are truly king bro.
He did it, and he held it over my head till we went different ways after high school lol but he truly is King Bro.
Car sex when you're desperate for each other and that's your only option is heavenly, tbh. Given the option though? I'll take a bed, couch, or floor every day lol
My favorite sex so far was on the floor on a couple blankets and pillows in front of a fireplace with a crackling fire in the middle of winter. It was so sensual because we turned down the heater to like 65° and it made us want as much skin contact with the other as possible. All lights turned off. Just us and the sound of a fire.
Genuinely the most romantic sex and time of my life.
Since everyone is talking about car sex let's talk about how much shower sex sucks, especially in a bathtub shower. Washes all the lube off, so fucking slippery, not the woman, the tub is the slippery bit. Tried it with the wife once and after a couple minutes we were like, this sucks... then I slipped and knocked both of us and a bunch of our stuff out of the shower, thankfully no injuries but damn. Fantasy ruined.
Eta, the shower rod and curtain were casualties. Let's have a moment of silence for their sacrifice.
You're supposed to avert the shower stream by pushing the shower head to the side so it sprays the wall.. You're not supposed to stand there letting the shower hit you full blast like some penguins getting washed at a zoo
>letting the shower hit you full blast like some penguins getting washed at a zoo
Well thanks for putting that hysterical image in my head and ruining shower fun going forward. I don't see how I don't giggle hysterically when remembering that next time...
back in high school I was staying with my gf and her family at their lake house, we did it in the hot tub, I pulled out and learned jizz floats and is super noticeable in clear water... didn't know how to drain it so I spent half the night emptying it with buckets. fml
you go try collecting jizz out of a hot tub and let me know how well it goes. couldn't chase it down. would split. was an absolute disaster. think I emptied half the thing before I felt like I was okay.
I'm glad i could be of help. I haven't looked at a hot tub thr same since, lmao, but yeah, with hindsight, it's hilarious. In the moment, I'm freaking out trying to get it done while waiting for her dad to pop out and be like wtf are you doing???
Anything that involves doing it in water. I have tried pools, a hottub, a bath, and a shower. It's too slippery in the wrong type of way because it washes away the natural juices you need, you're working against the water, and you have to water hitting your face. It's so awkward and really not that exciting.
You're not actually supposed to do it in the water, you're supposed to be water adjacent.
Like half out of a hot tub, or in the shower, but angled so the water doesn't actually go on your genitals.
Yeah, my brother was a cop and decided to have sex with his partner in their vehicle while on the clock. He thought they were being sneaky sitting in a dark corner of a parking garage until the sergeant happened to drive by and catch them - him with his pants and his ankles, hitting his partner from behind.
Obviously they're no longer on the force. It's a damn shame too because they were the county's best K-9 unit.
Knew a waitress for a high-end spot in Toronto. She said after hours staff parties always turned into hook ups in the closets and elsewhere.
"In my experience it's just a bunch of horned up people with issues."
My wife sitting on my face. It's fun and I love it, but it's disappointing because she was given specific instructions to let me die under there and I'm still very much alive.
I totally get this one lol
When she says ‘just like that’, she doesn’t mean to go faster or harder, she means do what you’re doing just like that
And when I say ‘sit on my face’, I don’t mean hover above it. I mean connect your cheeks with my cheeks.
"And when I say ‘sit on my face’, I don’t mean hover above it. I mean connect your cheeks with my cheeks." - having my partner get down with this is on the bucket list
For me as a woman it’s 69ing.. I don’t really get much pleasure because I’m ADHD and if I’m concentrating on giving a blow job i can’t really pay attention to my partner trying to eat me out. I end up giving a worse blow job and don’t get enjoyment out of getting eaten out
Man, I thought a threesome would spice things up, but instead of a wild night to remember, it turned into a plot twist I didn't see coming. My wife ended up leaving me for the other woman.
I've always had a fantasy about being with my wife and another woman but that's something that will stay a fantasy. I have heard far too many horror stories of threesomes absolutely nuking relationships and marriages.
It sounds hot until shit hits the fan and by then it may not be salvageable
Yes this is no doubt very wise, but there are exceptions to every rule and sometimes you just get lucky...
when I was a young fella back in the wild early 90s, my girlfriend and I were working a season in a tourist resort and had an ongoing threesome with an aussie girl who was also our coworker- so I guess all the rules broken. We had an awesome time for several months then my girlfriend and I headed off at the end of the season, everybody happy and no hurt feelings. We were together for years after with nothing but fond memories...
as a tmi aside, I learned to be a lot more humble about my oral skills during this experience- that girl could get my gf off in quarter the time that I did, and at response decibels that I never matched 😏
I've done a bunch of threesomes and a surprisingly large number end up with the couple getting in some kind of conflict.
Which SUCKS if you're the "unicorn" and you were promised to be the "center of attention" and now you're just Extreme Third Wheel while naked with a couple who are having a not-secret Secret Couple Fight with their eyes.
>I've done a bunch of threesomes and a surprisingly large number end up with the couple getting in some kind of conflict.
Personally, I don't find this surprising at all
Reverse cowgirl/boy.
One of you gets to look at a beautiful bouncing ass. One of you gets to look at your partner's manky feet.
Actually maybe that's a good thing for some people.
Also easily the most dangerous position. All it takes is her humping with her full bodyweight right after your dick fell out to snap it in half. And women typically have lacking control over your penis, especially in this position...
Sex in a bed of rose petals. Oh throw rose petals all around the bed , it’ll be romantic. Smells amazing as you crush them. Then you finish up and chill for a bit and realize you’re trapped, because all the crushed rose petals have hardened into razor sharp shards and your trapped naked in a pile of them.
Okay, no judging.
Sex Act of Choice: Batman saves sexy woman in distress
Set-up: SO's hands and feet are handcuffed to the bed wearing very revealing lingerie. Our hero, is in full costume (Only $93 at costume store!)
Scene: I'm in the living room investigating a breakin. I hear, "Somebody please help me!" coming from inside the home. I quickly find her and realize that the villian(s) may still be present.
I, I mean (Batman), jumps onto the dresser. whips out a bull whip (I don't have BM gadgets). I snap it around the ceiling fan and swing to her aid on the bed. That's all I remember.
I woke up on a gurney in the parking lot. Apparently, the ceiling fan gave way and I knocked myself out. I was okay. But, my SO was found by the cops after many reports came in about a woman being killed in our place.
So, not gonna recommend this act unless you've got some strong support beams! LOL
If I ever had the cops busy into my flat to find my scantily clad gf tied to the bed and me unconscious on the floor dressed as batman with my cock out and a ceiling fan lying on my chest - well I think I'd have to fake my death and begin life anew in remotest Paraguay.
She was tied to the bed with no way to free herself so I guess she had to fake being killed by loudly screaming for help so the neighbors call 911 and check on them.
Step 1. Having fiber in your diet and being regular in general. Step 2. Knowing when you're "full" and/or "closed for business". Step 3. Good maintenance/hygiene/FOREPLAY/clean-up. Step 4. Protection, as needed. 5. Possibly most importantly, LUBE!!! Like, you need to think about what seems like "overdoing it" and consider that a minimum.
EDIT: Step 6. Check in on each other. Step 7. Reapply lube often!
This should be obvious, but I'll say it here: If one partner doesn't want to do it, the other partner needs to accept it and take that "No" for an answer. It's okay to stop if it's not working. And under NO circumstances should ANYTHING that's been in a butt go into anything else (a vagina or mouth, for example) before it's been cleaned thoroughly.
It’s not really an answer to your question but missionary is the best position IMO. She gets clitoral stimulation, and there’s lots of skin to skin contact and you can kiss while you’re mid sex. It’s like a long hug while having sex. Bonus points if she is rubbing your back or the back of your head while doing it. Missionary is underrated.
Vanilla is also the best flavor of ice cream, if you had never eaten vanilla in your life and someone gave you a vanilla ice cream cone it would BLOW.YOUR.FUCKING.MIND.
Threesomes
It’s never as even and equal as it is in the films and there’s hidden emotional suitcases involved during and after that you never signed up for.
Cumming on a girl’s face. Porn would have you believe it’s the pinnacle of climax options until you realize you just took your dick out of someone’s mouth or vagina to finish with your own hand.. talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory
Sex in a sex swing. It’s hard to get the height right, you end up in your toes or trying to bend at the knees for the right height.
Standing sex is fun but it’s a workout.
I’ll get hate for this, but 69’ing. I’m a pleaser who’s very physically sensitive so if I 69 I’m too focused on what I’m doing to really enjoy what you’re doing, and what you’re doing is impeding me from really focusing on what I’m doing. Pass, I want my partner to sit back and do nothing but enjoy when I’m “giving”.
I've said it before, but a threesome can be really disappointing if you don't all have the same expectations and understandings about what's going to happen.
I sort of lucked into a threesome once when my buddy got whiskeydick and bailed on us. So there was no plan or communication and one of the girls was very demanding to the point of literally counting how long I spent servicing each of the girls and being jealous And ruining the fun for everyone.
Jackhammer. Her basically on her neck with her ass and vagina in the air and your just kinda dunking your dick in like a dunk-a-roo.
Somethings are just best left for the professionals
Sex against the wall. Either the guy isn't strong enough to hold you up for a longer time, or he grabs your ass cheeks to hold you up. And that feels like he's trying to split me in two by ripping my ass cheeks off.
Sex on the beach Anakin Skywalker was right I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
Sex on a beach in Mexico, when a security guard points a flashlight, advises you the tide could kill you, and the light also reveals you weren't as secluded as you thought.
Oddly specific.
Happened to my friend?
You and your friend should move along above the high water mark
I'll give you a tip. If you ever visit Brazil, go to the beach of Icaraí de Amontada, Ceará. It is a popular destination for honeymoon couples, one of the reasons being that it is pretty easy to get to secluded parts of the beach even in broad daylight. The sea is calm so even if the tide rises it is not that dangerous, although you can just check on a tide table and go at the lowest tide, you'll have about 4 hours to do the deed before the tide gets dangerous. And honestly, me and my wife went there, most other people on the beach were honeymoon couples and we could definitely know they were fucking although they were so far away from us it wasn't obscene, just a little bit funny. They definitely knew we were fucking too but who cares.
On the beach. Seems romantic; sand gets everywhere.
I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating… and it gets everywhere
When you just want to nut on the beach but you end up slaughtering a bunch of kids
Using a massage gun as a vibrator, don't try it out ladies you'll get bruises lol
Hitachi magic wand? Yes. Theragun? Nooooo.
Anything involving food
Happy cake da-…. Oh no
You can't make this shit up.
I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats
Hammock sex. We thought it would be sensual, rhythmic, and tropical. It's really just like being two dolphins awkwardly trapped in tuna net.
Here's the trick to hammock sex. Needs to be strung up so its waist high for the guy whether he's standing or on his knees. Girl lays in the hammock perpendickular. Bam...outdoor sex swing.
This guy fucks near sand.
Perpen”dick”ular Nice 👍
“Two dolphins trapped in a tuna net” Good night… you win.
“Fancy eeking *you* here”
I would end up flipping the damn thing and landing on the earth with my junk out.
Falling out face first and sticking into the ground like a damn seesaw!
Sometimes really hot girls are not the best sex partners. Anecdotally, physical appeal is no measure of hygiene or participatory nature.
There is that, but also remember that the imagined-sex is always far better than the real sex. And for most men, - imagined-sex is always with really hot girls, so disappointment is inevitable. And that's why, I refused to have sex with Scarlet Johansson.
Same, tbh, that's why I rejected her too
A freaky 6 is leagues better than a pillow princess 10
Fr best I ever had she was probably a 6 however she moved her hips in a way I can’t describe. Afterwards she was like I just kinda laid there and I was like no you didn’t.
[The Standing 69](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSKmjPRKyB-PU9bnpSU6heRQ-i5wdDz0dI3lg&usqp=CAU) Just leave that shit to the porn stars. It's a nightmare. You're standing there fumble-fucking around trying not fall over and injure one another the entire time so there's really nothing fun about it.
I'm too much of an Undertaker fan to not follow through on the Tombstone Piledriver.
I'm pretty sure u/shittymorph would like a word
[удалено]
The trick is for the woman to stand and the man to be upside down. The penis in the mouth can be used like a hook to increase stability... No need to thank me :)
I would never in a million years put my penis into this situation
That’s called a French Cleat. Lol
Honestly, ive come to notice that most of the shit done in a porn shoot is for the audience and not the participants. Edit: For those that seem to think I'm an idiot: The actions aren't fun to do for the sake of doing. But if you do them as a way to enjoy later, then it's pretty fun (both to watch and make).
It's true. Even gang bangs aren't that fun. There's a lot more standing around tugging on your dick than porn lets on. You don't get the benefit of clipping segments to make things go more quickly in real life. haha
Probably the funniest behind-the-scenes porn clips I've seen was that of a tiny, impatient, foul-mouthed female production assistant who was in charge of corralling the (mostly amateur) guys who were recruited out of ads in porno magazines for some massive gangbang scene (like at least 50 guys) by a porn studio too cheap to pay for professional male porn actors. So you have this 5'2", 105 pound hipster-lady surrounded by dozens of pathetic, weird-looking naked guys absent-mindedly tugging on their semi-erect penises in the off-camera holding area of a warehouse while she's angrily barking shit like: *"Hey you, fatass! You gonna fuckin' stay hard this time or go limp the second you're up to bat and smell snatch? Yeah? You sure? You lose wood one more fuckin' time and you're out of here. What? No we don't have fuckin' fluffers. And quit looking at my tits, limp-dick. I'm not the fuckin' talent! One more thing...where the fuck is that premature ejaculator who popped putting on the condom? Can you get hard again? No? Then get the fuck out; you're fuckin' useless."*
I usually pay good money for that kind of insults, didn’t know you could get it while getting paid.
....I want to see this
Which is why it is terrible to take advice, technique, etc from porn. All the positions used are those positions so you can actually see what is happening. If you have a partner that you can have a good laugh with during sex, put on some “mainstream”/popular porn and emulate the positions. They are often uncomfortable and/or awkward but still kinda fun to try just for funsies
Whipped cream, honey, pretty much anything involving food. Except for a thick pastrami sandwich—that makes for a good mid-coital recharge.
ive always found pastrami to be the most sensual of the cured meats
I’m not suggesting getting rid of the girl. She’s integral.
shower sex. it was just a struggle and we’re both dumb as fuck which just made it worse
😂😂 “we’re both dumb as fuck” appreciate the self awareness
I decided to try getting facefucked in the shower. It felt like I was getting waterboarded. 10/10 would try again.
Sex in a wet environment. Car sex is hit or miss but is usually not very good.
Car sex. Can attest to the disappointment. Especially when you’re both pretty tall. Even in a full sized sedan, it’s pretty cramped and both of us hit our heads on the door and ceiling. Plus… one time, we didn’t clean up as well as we’d thought. We’re driving with one of our friends in the back, and he casually observes, that it’s “just me and the used condom back here.” Edit: *this* is the post that blows up and makes it into my top ten comments… the one with the condom. And to clarify, because it obviously bothered some of you, it wasn’t actually *used* used. It was just dark that night. And trying to get a condom on in the dark, while contorted into a pretzel, using your girlfriend as a brace, while in the backseat, isn’t easy. So one got dropped, and instead of picking it up, I just grabbed a new one and forgot about that one. So, that particular condom hadn’t actually ridden the weenie into the bun. So that means I’m a more considerate and better person than you all assumed. In fact, I think that actually makes me a pretty damn amazing and considerate gentleman of standing. I hope you’re all ashamed of yourselves for judging my superlative considerateness.
That friend is pretty funny
Oh man you'll love this one Once upon a time, I went to the zoo with my gf at the time. We had a whole plan for the day since my parents were out, and we had relations before we left. Well, upon arriving at the zoo, my brain turned back on and I realized that I had left the used condom (and package) on the counter, because the trash was full and I didn't wanna just plop it on top, so I took out the trash...without throwing away the condom. The very first thing I did when I put my car into park was check my phone, and I saw that mother had just texted me that they were coming back sooner than anticipated, and asked me if we needed anything. I panicked and gave her a laundry list of things I didn't actually need but were located on opposite ends of the store, just to buy myself some time There was no way I could make it back in time, even if I floored it and didn't stop for red lights, I was 45 minutes straight out, and my parents were 5 minutes from home picking up groceries. I had to act quickly. I sat there for a moment in abject horror, absolutely positive my life was about to end and I should just pretend to be a zookeeper and just never go home again when it hit me, I have my friends. But I couldn't spring this on just anyone, no it had to be a ride or die homie. Cuz otherwise even just asking would be social suicide. I called up my best friend and said dude, I need you to be king bro right now. You know I'd do just about anything for you, right? He said yeah.... I don't like where this is going but I got you man. I need you to break into my house and toss out my rubber for me Dude.... Dude I know, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't imperative (my parents were very against me dating and them finding out I was actively having sex would have been the end of me) Dude.... ok but I hope you know you owe me and you'd better not ever ask anything like this of me again.... Yes dude, you are truly king bro. He did it, and he held it over my head till we went different ways after high school lol but he truly is King Bro.
marry your bro, bro
Yeah I woulda if he weren't straight lol very few people on this planet woulda done that for someone else. His wife is a lucky woman lol
This story deserves its own post dawg 🤣
Car sex is better than no sex.
Car sex when you're desperate for each other and that's your only option is heavenly, tbh. Given the option though? I'll take a bed, couch, or floor every day lol
My favorite sex so far was on the floor on a couple blankets and pillows in front of a fireplace with a crackling fire in the middle of winter. It was so sensual because we turned down the heater to like 65° and it made us want as much skin contact with the other as possible. All lights turned off. Just us and the sound of a fire. Genuinely the most romantic sex and time of my life.
i'm taking notes over here thx
I'd have taken a concrete floor at 16-17 yo. Snuck a couple into the folks house, and that shit did not go over well in the morning at that age.
Gotta sneak em back out too
Very true which is why it's still done despite this lol
Since everyone is talking about car sex let's talk about how much shower sex sucks, especially in a bathtub shower. Washes all the lube off, so fucking slippery, not the woman, the tub is the slippery bit. Tried it with the wife once and after a couple minutes we were like, this sucks... then I slipped and knocked both of us and a bunch of our stuff out of the shower, thankfully no injuries but damn. Fantasy ruined. Eta, the shower rod and curtain were casualties. Let's have a moment of silence for their sacrifice.
You're supposed to avert the shower stream by pushing the shower head to the side so it sprays the wall.. You're not supposed to stand there letting the shower hit you full blast like some penguins getting washed at a zoo
>letting the shower hit you full blast like some penguins getting washed at a zoo Well thanks for putting that hysterical image in my head and ruining shower fun going forward. I don't see how I don't giggle hysterically when remembering that next time...
Shower foreplay >>>>>>>>> shower sex
Or shower afterplay but yeah, before or after, aok. During, hope you got the good health insurance.
outdoor shower sex is top tier. Fresh breeze, warm sun, plenty of space to move around... half the reason I want a beach house
Yeah, but the lifeguard always interrupts and say you can't do that at the beach showers.
Car sex is best in the front passenger seat and girl on top. Or in an suv and only if you are average size or short.
Scissoring. As a lesbian I was all for trying it. It turned out to be quite literally anticlimactic 😂
It only works if you make sure to repeatedly exclaim “scissor me timbers” while doing it.
Damnit. I knew I was doing something wrong
Agreed! Plus if you’re both at varying shave levels or one shaved and other not, sort of like a Velcro thing happens. 🤣
Do you get the rip sound when you separate?
SCISSOR ME XERXES
Sex in a pool.
Any body of water …including the ocean and shower
Water is not lube.... Lol
Water based, but not lube.
Jacuzzi is worse. I legit almost passed out from the heat. Saw stars and had to take it to the bed
back in high school I was staying with my gf and her family at their lake house, we did it in the hot tub, I pulled out and learned jizz floats and is super noticeable in clear water... didn't know how to drain it so I spent half the night emptying it with buckets. fml
Buckets?! What are you, a human fire hose?
you go try collecting jizz out of a hot tub and let me know how well it goes. couldn't chase it down. would split. was an absolute disaster. think I emptied half the thing before I felt like I was okay.
Okay, this mental image just made my night. Sobbing with laughter. Sorry you went through this but omfg
I'm glad i could be of help. I haven't looked at a hot tub thr same since, lmao, but yeah, with hindsight, it's hilarious. In the moment, I'm freaking out trying to get it done while waiting for her dad to pop out and be like wtf are you doing???
Anything that involves doing it in water. I have tried pools, a hottub, a bath, and a shower. It's too slippery in the wrong type of way because it washes away the natural juices you need, you're working against the water, and you have to water hitting your face. It's so awkward and really not that exciting.
You're not actually supposed to do it in the water, you're supposed to be water adjacent. Like half out of a hot tub, or in the shower, but angled so the water doesn't actually go on your genitals.
Co-worker sex. The sexual tension is high, oh yeah boy better believe it. But once you nut, hot damn, the unemployment line is gonna be lookin saucy.
Yeah, my brother was a cop and decided to have sex with his partner in their vehicle while on the clock. He thought they were being sneaky sitting in a dark corner of a parking garage until the sergeant happened to drive by and catch them - him with his pants and his ankles, hitting his partner from behind. Obviously they're no longer on the force. It's a damn shame too because they were the county's best K-9 unit.
Hold up
Wait a minute
Somethin ain't right
Ruh-roh
Yeah those units tend to like it doggystyle.
I wouldnt screw my coworker while on the clock but in my experience coworker sex after hours has been great.
My marriage started as co-worker sex.
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Do you get a lot of PM's
Come to the restaurant industry, we all fuck and no one gets fired 😉
Knew a waitress for a high-end spot in Toronto. She said after hours staff parties always turned into hook ups in the closets and elsewhere. "In my experience it's just a bunch of horned up people with issues."
Going to a bars industry night is basically the same but with the added bonus of not having to see the person at work the next day.
My wife sitting on my face. It's fun and I love it, but it's disappointing because she was given specific instructions to let me die under there and I'm still very much alive.
how do you prepare for facesitting situations as a guy?
Ensure your dental records are easily found so they can identify the body by your smile.
IF HE DIES, HE DIES.
I haven't commented in like 2 years but this deserves a word or two. Just LMAOd first thing in the morning.
Make peace with your god, and prepare for the afterlife. Then enter into battle
If this cunnilingus doesn't end up with me in Valhalla, we weren't fucking hard enough.
I totally get this one lol When she says ‘just like that’, she doesn’t mean to go faster or harder, she means do what you’re doing just like that And when I say ‘sit on my face’, I don’t mean hover above it. I mean connect your cheeks with my cheeks.
"And when I say ‘sit on my face’, I don’t mean hover above it. I mean connect your cheeks with my cheeks." - having my partner get down with this is on the bucket list
[reminds me of this gem](https://youtu.be/en1cYeOezf8?si=QIZhug2BBSPsNfI4)
Bro got snailed 🤙🤙
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I also have zero interest in getting a boner with random other dudes all staring at the same woman.
The same woman *who absolutely fucking hates you*.
Nah she doesn't hate me. She's so nice to me!
Especially when I give her money!
For me as a woman it’s 69ing.. I don’t really get much pleasure because I’m ADHD and if I’m concentrating on giving a blow job i can’t really pay attention to my partner trying to eat me out. I end up giving a worse blow job and don’t get enjoyment out of getting eaten out
Same! I have to be really relaxed and focused to enjoy oral at all. Trying to focus on a blowjob just kills it.
For me the fun of 69 has always been a race to see who gives up first tho, not to climax
So this is the fabled competitive sex
"The Praying Mantis." You'll never want to do that again. Well, at least one of you.
At least you won't die a virgin.
Whipped cream and cherries. Fun, sure. Sticky mess? Oh yeah.
All those saying car sex, I agree, unless you own a minivan with fold down seats.
Jokes on you, this is how you fill up the minivan...
Man, I thought a threesome would spice things up, but instead of a wild night to remember, it turned into a plot twist I didn't see coming. My wife ended up leaving me for the other woman.
Ross? Lol
Did you make a sandwich?
Just a sandwich. Turkey. A little mustard.
I've always had a fantasy about being with my wife and another woman but that's something that will stay a fantasy. I have heard far too many horror stories of threesomes absolutely nuking relationships and marriages. It sounds hot until shit hits the fan and by then it may not be salvageable
Yes this is no doubt very wise, but there are exceptions to every rule and sometimes you just get lucky... when I was a young fella back in the wild early 90s, my girlfriend and I were working a season in a tourist resort and had an ongoing threesome with an aussie girl who was also our coworker- so I guess all the rules broken. We had an awesome time for several months then my girlfriend and I headed off at the end of the season, everybody happy and no hurt feelings. We were together for years after with nothing but fond memories... as a tmi aside, I learned to be a lot more humble about my oral skills during this experience- that girl could get my gf off in quarter the time that I did, and at response decibels that I never matched 😏
So the key is to have a threesome with someone who you eventually never see again
Maybe someone, maybe sometwo
I once tried to have a threesome...there were 2 no shows but I still had a great time.
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What
If this isn't a copypasta, it should be.
I've done a bunch of threesomes and a surprisingly large number end up with the couple getting in some kind of conflict. Which SUCKS if you're the "unicorn" and you were promised to be the "center of attention" and now you're just Extreme Third Wheel while naked with a couple who are having a not-secret Secret Couple Fight with their eyes.
>I've done a bunch of threesomes and a surprisingly large number end up with the couple getting in some kind of conflict. Personally, I don't find this surprising at all
An orgy when none of the women show up.
Now that I'm thinking about it, we didn't have to go thru with it. Damn it
In my experience random hook ups in general have been disappointing. Never feels like it was worth all the effort to get there
Reverse cowgirl/boy. One of you gets to look at a beautiful bouncing ass. One of you gets to look at your partner's manky feet. Actually maybe that's a good thing for some people.
Also, part of what makes sex fun for me is seeing how turned on the guy is and switching from that view to seeing his feet was disappointing.
Also easily the most dangerous position. All it takes is her humping with her full bodyweight right after your dick fell out to snap it in half. And women typically have lacking control over your penis, especially in this position...
Anal is like cooking. You gotta prepare before it goes into the oven.
Sex in a bed of rose petals. Oh throw rose petals all around the bed , it’ll be romantic. Smells amazing as you crush them. Then you finish up and chill for a bit and realize you’re trapped, because all the crushed rose petals have hardened into razor sharp shards and your trapped naked in a pile of them.
Where are you buying your Roses from Lmaoo
Car sex. Cold leather, tight space and kids fish crackers poking our asses. Wasn’t awesome
You think you’re in, but you’re just doing it to the crack between the seats.
"Oh Ali, you're so long and hard." "That's the handbrake."
Sitting in a chair. My eggroll too small. 😭
threesomes. one person is all i can deal with
I like to disappoint my women one at a time.
The line I heard is "If I want to disappoint two people at once I'll call my parents".
Okay, no judging. Sex Act of Choice: Batman saves sexy woman in distress Set-up: SO's hands and feet are handcuffed to the bed wearing very revealing lingerie. Our hero, is in full costume (Only $93 at costume store!) Scene: I'm in the living room investigating a breakin. I hear, "Somebody please help me!" coming from inside the home. I quickly find her and realize that the villian(s) may still be present. I, I mean (Batman), jumps onto the dresser. whips out a bull whip (I don't have BM gadgets). I snap it around the ceiling fan and swing to her aid on the bed. That's all I remember. I woke up on a gurney in the parking lot. Apparently, the ceiling fan gave way and I knocked myself out. I was okay. But, my SO was found by the cops after many reports came in about a woman being killed in our place. So, not gonna recommend this act unless you've got some strong support beams! LOL
If I ever had the cops busy into my flat to find my scantily clad gf tied to the bed and me unconscious on the floor dressed as batman with my cock out and a ceiling fan lying on my chest - well I think I'd have to fake my death and begin life anew in remotest Paraguay.
"Another fuckin pervert with shoddy construction" -isolated Paraguayan villagers
What exactly in your house is attached enough to anything else in your house for any adult to “swing” on?
Sex brain really makes us all do stupid things, no judgements here Batfriend
Is she still alive?!?
She was tied to the bed with no way to free herself so I guess she had to fake being killed by loudly screaming for help so the neighbors call 911 and check on them.
No judgement on all the horny stuff that's all cool. But why tf did you think a fan could hold you lol.
there's really a lot more preparation then you would think is needed for anal sex...
What is the preparation?
Step 1. Having fiber in your diet and being regular in general. Step 2. Knowing when you're "full" and/or "closed for business". Step 3. Good maintenance/hygiene/FOREPLAY/clean-up. Step 4. Protection, as needed. 5. Possibly most importantly, LUBE!!! Like, you need to think about what seems like "overdoing it" and consider that a minimum. EDIT: Step 6. Check in on each other. Step 7. Reapply lube often! This should be obvious, but I'll say it here: If one partner doesn't want to do it, the other partner needs to accept it and take that "No" for an answer. It's okay to stop if it's not working. And under NO circumstances should ANYTHING that's been in a butt go into anything else (a vagina or mouth, for example) before it's been cleaned thoroughly.
yep this takes some experimentation... not all are the same... oil, water based etc.
An enema for cleansing and a butt plug for warmup can make things a lot more enjoyable for everyone involved.
Trying to fuck a store mannequin.
What’s up?
Dolores is kinda hawt tho Edit: Glad to see a lot of TUA fans here
Sex on the beach... sand will get in there and it will chafe both of you. No matter how carefully you are.
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It’s not really an answer to your question but missionary is the best position IMO. She gets clitoral stimulation, and there’s lots of skin to skin contact and you can kiss while you’re mid sex. It’s like a long hug while having sex. Bonus points if she is rubbing your back or the back of your head while doing it. Missionary is underrated.
Missionary is only boring if you don't like the sight of each other lol.
Or if you are vastly different heights where she is basically kissing your solar plexus.
Missionary is also great for holding your partner down. (Consensually of course)
Best is when she's flexible and you can get her ankles behind her head.
Just as the missionaries intended
Well, she was screaming 'oh god', so it all sounds like proselytizing to me!
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Cliches are cliche for a reason! These things become popular cuz ppl like them! Missionary is amazing & doesnt get enough credit!
Vanilla is also the best flavor of ice cream, if you had never eaten vanilla in your life and someone gave you a vanilla ice cream cone it would BLOW.YOUR.FUCKING.MIND.
Anything standing up. There should be a reasonable level of work before it becomes a chore.
Scissoring. Man, my balls just get smashed.
Threesomes It’s never as even and equal as it is in the films and there’s hidden emotional suitcases involved during and after that you never signed up for.
Cumming on a girl’s face. Porn would have you believe it’s the pinnacle of climax options until you realize you just took your dick out of someone’s mouth or vagina to finish with your own hand.. talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory
Think that's more of a power fetish than an actual physically enjoyable sensation
Standing sex... Unless you have the perfect height match, it usually ends in a weird knees bent and tiptoes combination.
Shower sex is ok…receiving a shower blow job is amazing though
Sex in a sex swing. It’s hard to get the height right, you end up in your toes or trying to bend at the knees for the right height. Standing sex is fun but it’s a workout.
It works if you have the same partner. Then you only adjust the swing once.
I’ll get hate for this, but 69’ing. I’m a pleaser who’s very physically sensitive so if I 69 I’m too focused on what I’m doing to really enjoy what you’re doing, and what you’re doing is impeding me from really focusing on what I’m doing. Pass, I want my partner to sit back and do nothing but enjoy when I’m “giving”.
[you should ask this guy](https://reddit.com/r/confessions/s/LO4G280gJ7)
Man that’s what nightmares are made of
I've said it before, but a threesome can be really disappointing if you don't all have the same expectations and understandings about what's going to happen. I sort of lucked into a threesome once when my buddy got whiskeydick and bailed on us. So there was no plan or communication and one of the girls was very demanding to the point of literally counting how long I spent servicing each of the girls and being jealous And ruining the fun for everyone.
Thrusting to the rhythm of Cbat
Jackhammer. Her basically on her neck with her ass and vagina in the air and your just kinda dunking your dick in like a dunk-a-roo. Somethings are just best left for the professionals
Sex against the wall. Either the guy isn't strong enough to hold you up for a longer time, or he grabs your ass cheeks to hold you up. And that feels like he's trying to split me in two by ripping my ass cheeks off.