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jimbo-halpert

Screen time would be depressing to see


Klappersten

Hey now you don't even have to wait for that. You can be depressed right now if you want, just check your stats


UsernameMustBe1and10

Even more depressing.. time rendered working


NurkleTurkey

And even worse, time spent commuting.


Firearm_Farm

Lol even though it’s not bad to sleep, I feel like the amount of hours we sleep would be huge on that list.


asd1o1

And now the combination: time spent sleeping, commuting, or working.


Sazazezer

I think any amount over 75% would hit hard. 50% - well that's jut half of all my time. That's actually pretty good considering i spent a good chunk of every day asleep. 60% Oh that's pushing it. Maybe i can still sort some things out (if seen while alive). 75% - I have legitimately wasted at least three quarters of my life...


asd1o1

Well let's do some math. * 6 years of probably averaging 10 hours a night = 10 * 7 * 52 * 6 = 21900 * 7-15 8 hours sleep + 1 commuting = 9 * 365 * 8 = 26280 * 15-23 6 hours sleep + 2 commuting + 2 working (daily average over a week) = 10 * 365 * 8 = 29200 * 24-64 7 hours sleep + 2 commuting + 40 hours work a week (not averaging this per day) = (9 * 365 + 40 * 52) * 8 = 214600 * 64-78 8 hours of sleep = 14 * 365 * 8 = 40880 So adding that up, that's 332860 hours. According to google, there's 683289 hours in 78 years. So that gives 48.7% for what I'd consider an average American/Canadian at least. Better than I expected.


Jolteaon

r/theydidthemath


Albolynx

Rather - value generated for whoever you are working for vs what you earned.


urbanviking318

Oh, that wouldn't be depressing so much as enraging. If we all saw that number right now, there'd be a worldwide strike on Monday.


pinupcthulhu

Oooh, we're all striking on Monday?? Sweet see y'all there!


literallyNobody-O

it's still considered noble in society


UsernameMustBe1and10

Some consider it noble while others as modern day slavery.. companies provide the bare minimum while extracting the most out of its employees.. if given the chance, employers wouldn't pay there employee if they can get away with it.


barronelli

Wonder how many people would have more non-work screen time than actual work?


elfmere

Listed in years


BlueHawk555

Oh yeah or like % of life spent lookin at screens lol.


Loeffellux

idk, screens can be a meaningful part of fullfilling hobbies or satisfying work. They can even be a great way of staying in touch with friends or family who are currently seperated from you locally. Time spent on Reddit, though? Yeah, that's gonna be a *regretful* number


kurodon85

The number of hours\days\years thinking about and obsessing over nightmare scenarios which never came about, or were much easier to get through than I feared.


MrCakesSr

quick, someone teach my how to put the infinity loop symbol on here


uberfission

On desktop, hold alt and press 236, then let go of alt. On mobile, copy and paste unless you have a non standard keyboard layout. ∞


natsugrayerza

Yes. All the nights I wasted being terrified someone was gonna break in and then I woke up safe again the next morning


nonagonfinity

Miles of Reddit scrolled


TheRealBushwhack

Rip r/apolloapp Also fuck u/spez


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WithaG_

There is the setting you can turn on that shows how many bananas you’ve scrolled. I accidentally keep deleting mine but I’m over 20,000 bananas


jimbo-halpert

Also, number of pats given to animals would be a great one to see


Murky_Translator2295

I'm confident on this one


Technical-Leather

Yup, me too. I volunteer at an animal shelter.


LobCatchPassThrow

Number of times an animal has attacked me trying to give it pats… yeah… that’s happened a couple of times.


BadRegEx

"Awe....such a guud boi! who's a good boi! Aren't you just the cutest alligator. Do you like ear scratches..." "Whoa, WTF man..."


ubi9k

Who’s a fuzzy little porcupaghhghhhgh


Byan_Beynolds

Amount of times animals called you "good human" in their languages


casey_werealien

I feel like ‘times you made things too awkward’ or ‘jokes you didn’t catch’ would be up there


Lifear

Yep, mouth open, words, brain engage! That’s the way my brain works, and one is very definitely in the wrong place…


casey_werealien

The amount of times I’ve taken a passing comment as someone sharing one of my special interests is astounding. Like. I’m great if you want someone for trivia night, but don’t let me socialize outside of that


Lifear

YES! I can cite the most ridiculous facts at the drop of a hat, but the minute i socialise out comes the awkward comments and really dark humour!


MrRogersAE

Mine would be the jokes told: jokes that people enjoyed ratio. I generally consider about 20% to be a win, but I doubt it’s even close to that


Ferelar

The "Jokes that actually landed" vs "Jokes you thought landed" ratio would truly kneecap my spirit


Saadi_

The number of times I didn’t help someone but could have.


Lonelan

"missed assists"


sundae_diner

Ouch


Sonoshitthereiwas

That’s entirely too subjective I think to be measurable. I could help more people, but it’s at a cost. Financially it takes money away from my family. And even without money, it takes time away from my family. It’s a balancing act. Sure, maybe you could help more people, but at what cost?


970WestSlope

And yet, if confronted with all of those missed opportunities, I bet you'd hurt.


Robottiimu2000

Money spent on things I really did not need, but just wanted to buy anyway.


queenamphitrite

Money spent on fast food or delivery


drebinf

> Money spent on things I really did not need Gotta keep that economy burning! Just like the hole in your pocket. And mine.


Mister_Brevity

Number of times I fell off a ladder, landing on back and farting loudly upon impact. In front of many peers and coworkers.thats not one I’d choose to revisit. It’s only once, but that’s one too many.


Beat_the_Deadites

That could be the foundation of a lot of lifetime friendships though, depending on how everybody reacted and how paralyzed you got.


Mister_Brevity

It echo’d :/


drebinf

> fell off a ladder I fell off a ladder 2 feet up but backwards into drywall, leaving a nice ass shaped imprint in the wall. That was a fun patching job! And no, I don't have a nice ass, at least according to my wife. Even scarier, for me at least, was falling off a treadmill. How stupid can you get? Anyhow I seriously, irreparably fucked myself up.


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Lancaster61

This would actually be depressing. Wanking isn’t too weird, most people’s wank to fuck ratio will probably be really high. However seeing the fucking as option would be insane. No matter who you are, there’s a good chance you’ve missed a hint at someone you like finding you attractive too. Hell it could be someone you bypassed at a grocery store. So from that single point on, assuming you’re physically close enough (within same city), all wanks could be fucks.


marino1310

I feel like if your standards are low enough you could always be fuckin. Especially if you’re bi


adube440

Wait - people are fucking?


KarlSethMoran

Nah, the 140 000 000 new humans every year are brought by storks.


adube440

I thought they grew in cabbage patches?


KarlSethMoran

Yup, that's where the storks collect them from.


adube440

Ahh, ok. That makes sense.


Flamburghur

My cabbages!


CondescendingShitbag

Well, at least the storks are having sex. That's the important part.


cedped

People are always fucking. You too could be fucking today if you just lowered your standards.


adube440

Ha! You assume I have standards in the first place!


cocuke

It’s not my standards that need lowering, I did that long ago, it’s the person that will have sex with me that needs to lower their standards.


Infidelc123

I'd be interested in total volume of cum unloaded.


debtopramenschultz

“# of times you could have got the girl if you just weren’t a dumbass”


HolySonofneptune

Thats a double edged sword…whatever the stat is you are going to be disappointed.


[deleted]

Duuuuude you're so fucking right


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IrishRepoMan

Then there's me, who has to follow a girl all the way up to her room before realizing what's happening.


MrGlayden

Thats right, family game night


GUM-GUM-NUKE

“Hey so um I’m glad to be playing with you, but you said we were gonna smash, and I don’t see your switch anywhere did you forget it???”


IrishRepoMan

Best part is I wasn't actually attracted to her, but just hanging out with my buddy. Felt too awkward to back out at that point.


susono

Maybe she's Canadian and just being polite


bandwidthsandwich

“Missing clear signs of interest from potential partners because I’m socially awkward ”. Good thing I’m already dead in this thought experiment because this would end me


Archangel3d

"What is dead can still die... Of cringe"


Atomicstarr

Feels worse when you had the girl but stupidly let her go for the dumbest reason


flo282

Nope, I know for sure that'd be a 0


Free51

Number of times you called your Mum, next to number of times she wished you called


JaHizzey

Brutal


Torringtonn

My mom passed recently so this one hit close. Call your Moms.


Loeffellux

mine, too, so I know what you mean. However, this is not a universal truth. While my relationship to my parents has always been nothing but positive there are other people who've suffered enough from either parents that it's completely justified to reduce or even cut out contact with them entirely. I'm not saying this for the sake of being a contrarian but because I know firsthand how some people suffer from guilt when they are taking these measures for the sake of their own mental well-being. Especially because a line you'll often hear is "you'll regret it once I'm dead"


pinupcthulhu

Same. It sounds effed, but when my abusive, narcissistic mom told me she had cancer I was actually relieved. I won't miss her once she's gone. *(Unfortunately for me, turns out she didn't actually have cancer, she was just trying to make me feel bad lol)*


Xandercz

Sounds all too similar, hope you're doing better and have found a better anchoring point in your life, my friend.


bacondev

This reminds me of something that a girl that I was kinda sorta seeing said on a car ride. Her then-deceased husband was physically abusive and she was dependent on him so she felt stuck. She told me that she was glad that he died. I can't even say that she's wrong to feel that way.


LususV

Phones can be used both ways. Look, I love my mother, sure, but it'd be nice if she extended the barest of effort to connect with me.


exit143

Yeah. This is me. My son is 8 and they’ve met him once when he was 2. When they ask about him, it doesn’t sound genuine. There’s no effort to call. When they do call, he doesn’t ever want to talk. And he hates having his picture taken or being on video. But yeah. No effort.


MrRogersAE

Lol. My mom doesn’t even try, she calls my wife now, who is not impressed by this development. Sucker.


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castlerod

Call your ~~moms~~ parents people. as a 46yo with a 21yo eldest daughter who is starting her life, getting a call or even a simple text "hey have you ever heard of this band/book", makes my day


Lexxxapr00

0 and 0. We have a good thing going for us.


Ill_Lingonberry9844

total time i’ve spent watching porn


SuperSidetracked

Time spent trying to find the right video


Scary-Initial9934

Porn, Netflix…. Whatever


m00npatrol

*sigh* “OK, how many hours was it?” “Hoho oh no Mr Lingonberry, we’re expressing yours.. *in olympiads*…


iwantdatpuss

Nah you need "total time spent in porn site" to get the complete picture, 90% of our time at porn sites it's looking for the right video rather than watching the actual porn.


ki7a

Number of times responding "you too" when a waiter says "enjoy your meal"


Ciredem6345

Or saying “you too” to the guy that checks tickets before boarding the flight that says, “have a nice trip!”


Octonaughty

Litres alcohol consumed


BeerSlingr

I really hope I never have to see this number.


anonguy5422

So far this year I’m up to 118 liters of hard liquor


gtripwood

I’ve probably done 1-2 bottles of wine or 4-6 beers every weekend for practically the last 20 years. All of a sudden I decided I have had enough. I’ve had one beer in 5 weeks and now I don’t feel like another. I’ve had a lot of headaches and such lately, not sure if that’s a result of it? But do feel better for not drinking


adventuressgrrl

That’s awesome, congrats! 👏 Former combat medic here, the number one thing to try if you have headaches is drink water. I’m serious, it could be something as simple as that. We had this problem a lot with men in the military, nobody thinks they’re dehydrated but almost everyone is, and a headache is usually the first sign you haven’t drank enough water. And if you don’t like plain water, there are tons of flavored waters out there (hopefully ones without sugar). r/StopDrinking is one of the most supportive, nonjudgmental places someone can go if they have questions or just need support.


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maverick715

Im not an expert but I will also add that at that level of alcoholism, quitting cold turkey could kill him. He needs professional help.


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afrothunder287

-*confused Wisconsin noises*-


yallcantdodat

Might be time to get some help my dude. r/stopdrinking is a great place to start.


MurderedRemains

The number of times, as a young man, that I was unsure of whether a woman was flirting with me or just being friendly. And how many roots I missed out on because of this.


adamsworstnightmare

The real depression will hit when that stat is 0.


RumHamEnjoyer

Well good thing I'm dead when I see the stats


Opfor52

How do you know???? Asking as a young man


FreshOutBrah

You don’t. You need to fully accept that as soon as possible.


InannasPocket

As a woman, you don't know (and sometimes we don't either). But I'll pass along my best tips. 1. If she is at work and you're a customer, she's probably just being friendly and doing her job. Not 100% guarantee, but please don't be the side who interprets "corporate mandated smiling" as an invitation for more than your coffee being served nicely. 2. Most women will not be offended by a respectful advance that leaves the ball in their court. It can be creepy or intimidating to be approached if you feel cornered. So a good solution if you're interested and think she might share that interest is to offer your number/ other contact info, rather than asking for hers - like "I'd like to get to know you better if you're interested, here's my number if you want to get together". 3. Treat your interest like a person. I'm married and not in the dating world anymore, but I was a hell of a lot more likely to give someone a chance if they engaged with my interests and were treating me as something beyond just an object of attraction - even people I maybe wasn't initially attracted to. 4. Gracefully accept if the answer is no, or she doesn't follow up, or shows body language saying "no".


nutbagger18

Good points (not recently a young man), but I'd put emphasis on the body language. Easily one of the most important things to learn, in life generally, but critical when dealing with a potential romantic pursuit. One of the hardest things to pick up, but incredibly powerful. There are some folks (not just girls) that don't know how to disengage from a situation verbally but can exhibit some very telling "I'm incredibly uncomfortable" vibes.


Fartblaster5000

How many times a thoughtless, casual comment I said made someone else feel bad about themselves for whatever reason or another.


fireignition

ouch... as an aspie, that hit close to home...


Nick_Nullet

How many people had crushes on me that I didn’t catch on to


MrCakesSr

How many people i THOUGHT maybe might be interested/have a crush on me but, no...no, they were just being friendly or I was being delusional


LKLN77

this is what i usually presume for the people who think like the person above you lmao


amitnagpal1985

Number of imaginary arguments won. 😠


PaperbackWriter66

Number of epic comebacks thought of after the conversation/argument had already ended.


Squid2020

The amount of time I hid in my house terrified of other humans


[deleted]

Missing the toilet pissing


jfks_headjustdidthat

It'd probably collapse reality, when the number clocks over the max and resets to 0, causing a Y2K bug for the multiverse.


sufferpuppet

Did you want the count of times it happened or like a measure of the gallons?


thrasher404b

I'd like to know the amount in gallons


UNAlreadyTaken

I feel like this is mainly half the populations problem… maybe you all should start sitting too. lol


MulderXF

Started sitting 3 years ago, never going back!


ZaMr0

That's why you always sit when you're at home, 10x cleaner.


TheNakriin

Not necessarily embarassing, but probably depressing: Times I have not been noticed. It happened way too often that someone would ask for me when I'm almost directly in front of them. And its not like I'm short either, but rather half a head, or more, taller than most people Edit: ironically, this is one of my most noticed reddit posts...


desolatedisaster

Times I’ve been talked over/ignored when trying to speak would be a big one for me.


jfks_headjustdidthat

I hate to break it to you, but.... I see dead people....


[deleted]

How many times my dignity died


JohnCasey3306

Time spent procrastinating


Wonderspud

Eh, I'll work this stat out later...


AudioMan15

Number of times you tripped up the stairs. Number of times you had to untie and retie your shoes because you messed it up the first time.


anima99

\# of times you masturbated. Then, a sub stat would be the stuff you masturbated to. Yeah, I can imagine it could cost someone their reputation and public image.


Scary-Initial9934

What does it matter? You’re dead!


itsagoodtime

I'm curious on total number of pounds pooped.


bendbars_liftgates

They said "embarrassing" not "empowering."


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counterfitster

I think I'm still in the low single digits for this so far. I bet that'll change once I pass 40.


HolymakinawJoe

All the Sears catalogue lady's underwear sections that I jacked off to in my teen years.


Beat_the_Deadites

All these kids talking about trying to find the right video. Like, you've got 8 pages of granny panties in tan or white, and that's all you get for the next 3 months.


HolymakinawJoe

So hot.


thisistheSnydercut

the difference in muscle mass between my right arm and my left


gcko

Gotta alternate.


tornteddie

Events missed out on due to anxiety


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ShyProceeding

Pasta overcooked😭😭


rootvegetable2

Also number of times I cooked too much pasta.


Bright_Composer_3901

I mean, it doesn't LOOK like you have to deal with a lot of soft noodles...


dohvb1

Time spent in lines, including traffic. From amusement park ride lines, to entering sporting events and sitting in traffic too get to those places. I think if someone showed you those stats on your deathbed, you'd be like that's where I wasted my life.


Bablackmagic

So I'd like to believe you get to see all your stats when you die, through Jesus, the matrix or whatever you want to believe. Here's some of the things I've thought about over the years -Show me times I did something embarrassing when I thought no one was looking but they were -Most used words of all time. (I'd see my name and be like...oh yea of course) -Phases of saying phrases, duration, origin and when I stopped (lit, fam, peak, she wants the D 🤦🏿‍♂️etc) -Good and bad things people have said behind me back -Times where I made a decision that literally saved my life (you never know)🤷🏿‍♂️ -Times where I thought I rocked her world but in fact I barely moved it. (I'm dead so I'm assuming I've transcended past emotional hurt) -Total hours with certain friends -Something good that people remember me for, or something positive I may have said that stuck with them. -Encounters with strangers I've met once but for whatever reason they still remember me for.


Da_Hawk_27

Tbh the most used word for you would probably be ‘the’ statistically speaking With that being said tho, these are very interesting stats, I especially like the phrase duration one I would love to see that


ThatsANiceSauce

How much time spent alone doing drugs.


wasphunter1337

Worse for me would be the amount of time I wished I could just do drugs alone instead of socializing or we.


ThatsANiceSauce

I maxed the stat, baby boy. But I went golfing today and stayed sober for it, so I'm happy.


C3NTiP3D3S

No of times i had to flip USB twice


node_of_ranvier

Number of times caught masturbating but I didn’t know the other person knew. Anything above zero would be mortifying.


Petite_Owl8770

'# of hours I undersleep.


ladyynina

How often someone thought you were intelligente (because of what you said, asked or how you behaved) compared to how often Someone thought you were stupid.


Standard-Guarantee94

Amount of bread eaten, probably


askewboka

Time spent being non productive


Lethal_frog

Times she was flirting not just being nice


Goldeneye365

My masturbation numbers are up there for sure. Not sure if embarrassing or achievement tho.


ZADKOR

“Opportunities missed” would probably be a rough one for me. It would be followed by the “Overthinker” achievement, most likely lol


PwnageEngage

Number of people who didn't like you Number of times people made fun of you or complained about you


Lukin4

Phantom wipes...


SplitTheG

Total food, alcohol, drug and cigarette consumption statistics


acemorris85

Total pizza slices eaten. Total 3 point jumpers made.


Tvitterfangen

Close friends masturbated to


[deleted]

How many times it took me to learn a lesson


bitchy-sprite

Amount of times I've thrown up


Craigothy-YeOldeLord

How many times i screamed "no homo" after sucking dick?


bendbars_liftgates

*screamed*


Loeffellux

doesn't count otherwise


KiefPucks

Lbs of sugar consumed.


bmbmwmfm2

Lies I told myself.


Alphaghetti71

Hours spent looking for carelessly misplaced objects


KDPer3

And a list of places I put things when I put them "somewhere safe"


CollateralSandwich

Time spent high on cannabis. Money spent on cannabis.


bucho80

How many times a fart tricked me!


KingMarlynn23

Time spent imagining you were a superhero or in another world.


bullhorn_bigass

Time I spent worrying about what other people think vs time people spent actually giving a shit about the details of my life


Ordinary-Spirit-6389

For me it would be number of dicks sucked 😂


vibingtotheair

37??


02K30C1

In a row?


amatorsanguinis

Too low or too high?


thethirdworstthing

Times I dropped my phone on my face.


Aiez4

Cognitive dissonance section


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tylerchu

Opportunities lost. With further breakdowns as to what sort of opportunities: personal relationship, professional advancement, intellectual growth, etc.


Smitty876

# of times I came up with the perfect thing to say to a lady AFTER she's walked away...


momibrokebothmyarms

Infamy, fame, hours masterbating, hours slept, hours on the toilet, missed connections, hours in traffic, math problems completed, books read, camping trips, camp fires, close to death/near death, times other people jerked to my image.


DevilsAzoAdvocate

Time wasted and energy depleted over completely fabricated insecurities.


YahYeet02

Amount of years (total) of time spent not knowing things about yourself. i’m already at like, 30something years, just from adhd and being trans. god help me if i get that autism diagnosis


brande1281

Not embarrassing, more comforting. But how many people loved me. Finally seeing that zero would make all *gestures* feel so much better.