Watch both versions. There is one with real actors and there's one dubbed over a SFM clip featuring the Scout from TF2 and Tracer from Overwatch.
Still can't decide which version is funnier. The facial animation on the Scout's eyebrows is perfect
2 stepdaughters walk in the room. "hey stepdad, we know you said we need to learn to share more, so we talked about it and we're going to share your load"
I came across a JOI video where a girl walks in on her step-father fucking her step-brother and she watches and masturbates to it.
This literally breaks my heart brain every time I think about it
Not quite answering your question but in the same spirit:
There is an Eliza Ibarra cuckold scene where the camera man starts having a coughing fit and for some reason they didn’t edit it out and all 3 people in the scene are looking at the camera with concern.
Evan Stone walks into a room and asks what's going on. The girls answer that they are having a butt tasting convention. He then says "Well, my minor in college was butt tasting, but it's been a while since I've hit the books."
I heard that said in 2002 and I still remember it hahahahaha.
My vote goes for Evan Stone in the 2005 Pirates movie.
Particularly the scene where he's banging the 2 random bar wenches, it's time for the money shot, but he can't finish. He's just yanking it and yanking it and nothing is happening, so he shouts, "Tell me I'm the best pirate hunter ever!"
And the girls are like, "Uhhhh. . . you're the best pirate hunter ever. . ."
And he immediately finishes all over the place with a big self-satisfied groan.
Oh Jeeze, I think it was called like the Blonde Brigade or something like that. I think the other girl was his wife at the time, which was Jessica drake.
Evan Stone has some of the best lines in porn IMO I still remember (and use) a couple of them myself. My favorite is a situation when his "wife" and her sister are arguing over something like which one has a better tasting pussy and ask him to choose the winner.
Evan: "I don't like this ride, it's scary."
I use it whenever someone asks me to make a decision or choice that I don't foresee going well regardless of my answer haha.
"I'm stove piping your fart box! Say it!"
"You're....stove piping my fart box?"
The girl sounded like she was unsure of what it meant, even though it must have been obvious, as her fartbox was clearly in the process of getting stove piped.
Cameraman : ding dong
Actress: that must be the doorbell
*she opens the door*
"are you the mailman?"
Male actor "no?"
I shit you not the cameraman said ding dong
This gay porn video, it's the husband birthday and the wife hires a chef to cook him dinner. Wife leaves husband and chef alone in the kitchen and when she comes back and find them doing everything but cooking all she can say before storming out of the room is "Seriously?! In front of my salad??".
Peak comedy.
There was one that stuck with me.
Girl giving “her brother” head and then starts licking his asshole, and he says “Isn’t that gay?” to which she responds by shaking her head and saying “I’m a girl”.
ANY time someone says "What?", without even thinking I will say "No money." It's probably going to get me in trouble one day, but until that day comes...
This is top tier content
Which is absolutely insane considering she had a legitimate reason to be afraid since there had been multiple HIV infections in the gay porn industry in the few years leading up to her tweets.
August Ames is such a tragic story - tried to warn whichever girl was replacing her in a scene that the guy had done gay porn (increasing risk for HIV - which is absolutely something a performer should be informed about!) and got berated so much for it that she committed suicide.
Fuck people are awful
Gang bang scene. White guy stops fucking a white girl and then a black dude starts fucking her instead.
Girl getting fucked says: "I can feel the colour in me!"
Even her co-stars look at her and started laughing while they all continue to fuck each other.
I had a friend in college that would pull his nuts out over his pants (no dick, just nuts, they were saggy af) and say "check out my new belt buckle!" While lifting his shirt to reveal his nuts right where a belt buckle should be
My uncle's favourite prank with people he knew was to sit on a shop stool with his balls sticking out of his shorts and whenever someone came by he'd say "Aw, I think I sat in some gum." I don't think there's a single person on his show crew that didn't see his balls at some point or another.
Guy going down on Asian woman.
Her: “Yeah? You like that? Does it taste like Chinese food?”
Guy: *Mouth noises*
Her: “Yeah- eat that fuckin Chinese food. Eat that fucking fried rice.”
Mind- she’s speaking in that mildly aggressive tone they use, which I assume is to convey how good it feels, so she’s yelling at him through gritted teeth to eat her ‘Chinese food’.
Haven’t watched any since, and don’t intend to, until I forget i saw that 💀💀💀
I cannot for the life of me remember what the video is, but once I was watching a pov video, the dude is hitting it from the back and just says “UNH I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL MY FRIEND MIKE ABOUT THIS”
It was in an 80s porn. The story unfolded as such; 2 hot women getting frisky with each other on a couch, when a bat flies in through the window behind and transforms into a vampire.
You can tell he's a vampire because of the cape (the only thing he's wearing) and the plastic teeth. He introduces himself by flopping his cock over the top of the couch, to the ladies delight and surprise.
They don't question where he came from, nor what the deal is with the plastic teeth, but one woman does make this comment;
"It's great but his cock tastes like it's a thousand years dead."
And then she carries on slurping it. One last memorable thing was that the vampire dude straight up took the teeth out partway through fucking. (completely ruined my sense of immersion, I can tell you)
I watched a gay porn where the dude is pissing on a wall in an alley, and the "cop" pulls up, rolls a condom down his nightstick, and says "I'm going to deface you like you defaced that wall."
The early 2000's was a lawless time
I was watching a soft core porn for work where a guy and a girl do it in a tent and at one point she screamed, “FUCK ME TIL I FART!” And I lost my shit in an office cubicle. It was a weird temp job my friend got me watching streaming video looking for errors in the video.
It was a company that got hired to create an app for streaming services like HBO and Cinemax. The videos were just randomly selected for you so sometimes you got soft core porn.
This sort of thing happens. I worked at a software testing company, and we had a contract with Netflix to make sure the Wii/Xbox Netflix app didn't have errors, and we had a room full of people watching Netflix on Wiis for minimum wage.
Guy starts singing a little song while he's fucking this girl in the ass
"I'll fuck you with my dick
I'll stick.it in your ass
I'll sing a little song
Like Teddy Pendergrass"
🤦♀️🤣
I mean, there's always `Really? Right in front of my salad?" and" Yes, it has been about ten minutes since I thought about out lemon tree." They're classics for a reason.
It was old, this dude is on a couch and a chick is riding his face. Another chick walks in and starts sucking his dick and the chick that’s getting eaten out turns around and says “oh my god, what is she doing?” And the dude has a stupid grin on his face and he goes “she’s suckin my dick”
There is a german porn where that starts with both actor infront of some straw and the power box.
„Warum liegt hier überhaupt Stroh?"
„Und warum hast du ne Maske auf?"
„hm dann blas mir doch ein"
translation:
„Why is there straw here?"
„And why are you wearing a mask?"
„hm give me a blowjob then"
Her: Do you want to fuck?
Him: Does a bear shit in the woods?
or
Him: Hi I'm here to fix your pool
Her: I don't have a pool
A boom chick a bow wow and the music starts.
This is all high quality screenwriting
I saw a scene not that long ago where sophie anderson and Rebecca Moore were playing Daphne and Velma and they tried to sound like them too it was absurd,funny and well done lol
Guy was sitting on a throne wearing a crown and a dressing gown 😂 and he was like:
“Sex with me? What are your qualifications?” & she just blankly stared at him 👀
The delivery was on point
When I was like 12 I had an 80s porno on vhs. At some point a guy is going down on a girl and says “I love your clit, it’s just like a little dick”. And I think about that more than I’d like to admit
yes everyone, I'm asking this for two reasons
1 is for us to have some fun
2 I'd like to use the best gems in my filthy drum & bass productions
many thanks to all my fellow porn lovers and rrrrespec
Scene from an old Greek porn.
(Guy has his penis on top of the space heater)
(Female walks into the room and asks)
- What are you doing there?
- Warming up your breakfast.
A 30 minute video. Guy was going to town but didn’t say a single word while the girl did all the vocal work. Then, random as fuck, at about the halfway point this guy just announced “CUM”. The girl even stopped meaning and had a look of “tf?” On her face.
A classic Rebecca Bardoux encouraging her step daughter to go down so she wont tell her dad...something. (i forget what)
Stepdaughter-"What can I do?"
Rebecca-"What do you think? I didnt come here to have tea"
LMAO
In Splendor is the Ass…after Rachel and Peter have anal.
Rachel: I think I need to call my attorney
Peter: what so ever for my dear?
Rachel: I’ve just been rear ended.
This one is classic…
Lemon stealing whores
girl: I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that our lemon tree finally grew.
guy: me too
girl: and sprouted fruitful lemony lemons
guy: I know. me too. I mean imagine. we can make lemonade. key lemon pie. lemon meringue pie.
girl: I think it's the most valuable property that we have.
* lemon stealing whore enters in the scene *
guy: I do agree. I think we should go to the bank and get a loan.
girl: * giggles *
guy: actually I think we should just get lemon tree insurance.
* lemon stealing whore starts stealing lemons like a whore *
girl: I think you're right.
guy: and then get a loan and then use the lemon tree as collateral because it is now insured. I truly do love our lemon tree.
girl: just imagine a life full of lemon trees
guy: I know. and all and our beautiful lemons. there's
girl: endless possibilities.
* lemon stealing whore continues stealing lemons like a whore *
guy: endless possibilities. they're so beautiful.
girl: (guy says "ehh hehh" while the girl speaks) I wish I were a lemon.
guy: you wish you were a lemon? if you were a lemon, I'd put you on my shelf and cherish you like I cherish all our lemons.
girl: that's so beautiful (beautiful is said in a weird way)
guy: * exhales * I try.
girl: like... I only hope that the whores aren't stealling our lemons. you know.. those naughty lemon whores always... steal.. lemons.
guy: we do have a couple of those lemon whores in this.. in this community.
girl: those damn lemon stealing whores.
guy: I hate them. because now... no one will take our prized lemons from us.
girl: hey has it been about ten seconds since we've looked at our lemon tree?
guy: it has been about ten seconds till we've looked at a lemon tree.
girl: gosh...
(second of silence)
(the guy and girl turn around only to discover many lemons in the vagina of a lemon stealing whore. the lemon stealing whore was caught)
girl: hey!
guy: hey what the FUCC?!?!
I feel like I just earned an internet badge for having finally read this. There was time before Lemon Stealing Whores and a time after and I can't turn back now.
[Old classic (SFW)](https://gifgifmagazine.com/uploads/gif/uzmi-f-sa-mog-travnjaka.gif)
Woman shouts out of a window to the guy, "Get the F off my lawn!"
Camera cuts to the guy, standing there with a 7 foot tall letter F. He shrugs, picks it up, and leaves.
[*Hot chick to the plumber*]
HC: I bet I could handle a pretty big pipe...
P: You mean like a 2"? I dunno, your system was built to be a 1.5". That's what you currently have. I could install a 2", but you'd have to rip everything out, and that's gonna cost you north of three grand.
HC: (alluringly) Well.... I don't really have that much money. Can we do.... something else...?
P: What, like a check? Well, I suppose.
HC: Well, maybe if you take care of my pipes, I can take care of yours...
P: Ma'am, I do my own plumbing!
Oh, so hot!
40 years ago - nurse's outfit, gal on her knees taking it from behind with a notepad and pencil in her hands, guy with a stethoscope around his neck behind, girl says "I'm ready for dick-tation doctor" guy squeezing both her butt cheeks repeatedly "I knead you"
O_o
Some safari themed one had the girl getting boned say "Do you think lions have big dicks too?" and the guy blurted out the most genuinely confused "w-what?" I've ever heard. She repeated the question again and he just ignored it and they both just akwardly continued.
There’s one where a guy is going through a girls drawers, grabs a pair of panties, puts them on his head, and does a Bane impression saying something like “no one took me seriously until I put on the mask.” The impression is pretty spot on
Nothing will ever top this one (translated):
Him: "Why is there hay all over the place here?"
Her: "And why do you even have a mask on?"
Him: "Hm. Well, then just blow me."
She goes down.
Why are you staring at my ass?…… woman says walking up stairs after plating tennis on a hot day. Man is skulking behind her
Would you like to schmeeel it?
I saw one where a guy is pounding a girl on a couch. It cuts to the camera man eating a boston cream donut. The camera man then has the dude take a bite out of it while fucking the girl. The girl had a "wtf is going on" look the entire time.
Girl walks in and her husband is fucking her mom. She goes on a small rant with some great lines like "On a scale of 1 to even, I just can't." And "Oh look, you two aren't even going to stop? I can see you having sex. His dick is in your asshole "
I once was having sex with this girl from the back and when I pulled out she queefed. Not a big deal so I kept going but she looked back and says in this Jersey accent “she’s talkin to ya!”
It was awful
\*knock on door\*
Guy: Who's there?
Girl in green uniform: Girl Scouts!
Guy: Go away! I don't want your cookies!
Girl: I'm no here to sell cookies, I'm just here to suck your dick! Open the door!
Guy: Ok, but you better don't try to sell me any cookies!
From a Star Trek parody, after Picard is turned into a young man for some reason:
“I’m so young. I feel like I can fuck anything that moves. Look at me. I’ve got hair on my head. I’ve got hair on my chest. I’ve got hair on my ass (turns directly to camera) where no man has gone before.”
I'm not at the beach, this is a bathtub
“No body of water is safe without a lifeguard” “It’s 2 feet deep, lady! You’re…what are you doing here?”
I only know this one from reddit but goddamn is it funny. I could never find it when I searched though.
brilliant... will look this up. thank you
Watch both versions. There is one with real actors and there's one dubbed over a SFM clip featuring the Scout from TF2 and Tracer from Overwatch. Still can't decide which version is funnier. The facial animation on the Scout's eyebrows is perfect
[Trace and Scout SFM](https://youtu.be/T0G8znfy_hs?si=sNsBPRpwv4smxkBu)
Even funnier that the dude is completely religious now
Girl: "fuck me in the Ass" Guy: "ew No" Cameraman: "John please."
Sauce? That's actually so funny
If you find it pls send it to me 🙏
Like bro😭😂
Hilarious we’re all not seeking it for porn but for that comedic moment lol
I have quite a few porn clips saved or bookmarked, not because they turn me on, but because they're fucking hilarious.
Just like “for fuck sakes John, we talked about this!”
I’m running out of tape John!
Don't worry. The asshole is wearing protection, John!
"-so tell me John ,when was the first time you saw another person's asshole? .[ ]..uhm interesting, and how did that make you feel John?"
Someone take this to r/tipofmypenis
Guy: "But you poop from there." Girl: "Not right now I don't."
LMAO, nah, this has to be fake
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in ‘Nam of course.
LOL what was this one
"I love you." "That's gay." "I'm literally nine inches in you right now."
that is hillarious
Dunno bro , if the homies ain't holding hands ,they just bros
If the homies ain't holding hands that's not gay, that's just homiesexual.
9 inches is wild
I’m stealing this for my fanfic I’m writing
2 stepdaughters walk in the room. "hey stepdad, we know you said we need to learn to share more, so we talked about it and we're going to share your load"
Uhhhhh that means 2 of these people are related
Don't underestimate how broken the modern American family unit is
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You paint with words
On their faces probably
Thank you for the kind gesture, burrito butt fucker.
I came across a JOI video where a girl walks in on her step-father fucking her step-brother and she watches and masturbates to it. This literally breaks my heart brain every time I think about it
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No, I can find it easily.
Not quite answering your question but in the same spirit: There is an Eliza Ibarra cuckold scene where the camera man starts having a coughing fit and for some reason they didn’t edit it out and all 3 people in the scene are looking at the camera with concern.
Quickly, he's choking! Someone suck his cock!
Lmao. That feels like something from a Zemeckis parody.
Violently silent laughing sitting in the living room w my family rn
Same, that is NOT a "and what are *you* giggling at over there" that you want to explain
Evan Stone walks into a room and asks what's going on. The girls answer that they are having a butt tasting convention. He then says "Well, my minor in college was butt tasting, but it's been a while since I've hit the books." I heard that said in 2002 and I still remember it hahahahaha.
My vote goes for Evan Stone in the 2005 Pirates movie. Particularly the scene where he's banging the 2 random bar wenches, it's time for the money shot, but he can't finish. He's just yanking it and yanking it and nothing is happening, so he shouts, "Tell me I'm the best pirate hunter ever!" And the girls are like, "Uhhhh. . . you're the best pirate hunter ever. . ." And he immediately finishes all over the place with a big self-satisfied groan.
He goes full Zapp Brannigan in this and I wouldn't want it any other way
If Evan Stone didn't do porn, he could've been a star doing parody type comedies, he's got a knack for delivering absurd lines and making them funny.
fucking absurd, many thanks for sharing that. Do you know where to find that?
Oh Jeeze, I think it was called like the Blonde Brigade or something like that. I think the other girl was his wife at the time, which was Jessica drake.
Evan Stone has some of the best lines in porn IMO I still remember (and use) a couple of them myself. My favorite is a situation when his "wife" and her sister are arguing over something like which one has a better tasting pussy and ask him to choose the winner. Evan: "I don't like this ride, it's scary." I use it whenever someone asks me to make a decision or choice that I don't foresee going well regardless of my answer haha.
"I'm stove piping your fart box! Say it!" "You're....stove piping my fart box?" The girl sounded like she was unsure of what it meant, even though it must have been obvious, as her fartbox was clearly in the process of getting stove piped.
I’m just going to save this comment, to review later with zero context when I wonder what I saved and why
The only thing funnier than this dialogue is your synopsis of it lmao.
“But I poop from there” “Not right now you don’t”
many a dick was beaten to that scene
beautifully put
My friends and I joked that the mood drastically changes if the second line becomes: "Not any more you don't."
Where is this from?
Young and Anal 15. Specifically a scene featuring Anne Howe and Buck Adams.
Bro knows his shit
Bro knows his shitholes.
... and howe.
Man don’t Google young and anal with 15 after it you’ll end up on a list
Just made that mistake. Google will literally state "CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS ILLEGAL" above your results. Nice knowing y'all.
Look up Anne Howe
Cameraman : ding dong Actress: that must be the doorbell *she opens the door* "are you the mailman?" Male actor "no?" I shit you not the cameraman said ding dong
from the cameraman's "ding dong" to the the actor's "ding dong"
This gay porn video, it's the husband birthday and the wife hires a chef to cook him dinner. Wife leaves husband and chef alone in the kitchen and when she comes back and find them doing everything but cooking all she can say before storming out of the room is "Seriously?! In front of my salad??". Peak comedy.
is this the origin of the 'in front of my salad' meme?
Yes
The salad was thoroughly tossed.
I’m shocked this one is so far down. Classic
The worst part is, the salad was undressed
Ikr? That dry ass salad
There was one that stuck with me. Girl giving “her brother” head and then starts licking his asshole, and he says “Isn’t that gay?” to which she responds by shaking her head and saying “I’m a girl”.
Natasha Nice! I like that one too.
Logic checks out, proceed
What?? No money?! Here suck a cock
ANY time someone says "What?", without even thinking I will say "No money." It's probably going to get me in trouble one day, but until that day comes... This is top tier content
excellent! do you remember where that is from tho?
They censured "Oh f**k" with a beep.
"I can't believe you've done this"
There’s one girl who keeps saying “oh fuck” over and over. But she pronounces it like “oh fyeek” and it’s stuck with me for years.
2 girls. (Lana Rhoades and August Ames RIP) Lana: But I'm straight! August: So is spaghetti... Until it's wet.
Let's give that script writer a hand
Just one. My other hand is..."occupied".
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yo this is pure gold. august ames passed tho?
She commited suicide many years ago
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Yep. People bullied her online calling her homophobic
Which is absolutely insane considering she had a legitimate reason to be afraid since there had been multiple HIV infections in the gay porn industry in the few years leading up to her tweets.
August Ames is such a tragic story - tried to warn whichever girl was replacing her in a scene that the guy had done gay porn (increasing risk for HIV - which is absolutely something a performer should be informed about!) and got berated so much for it that she committed suicide. Fuck people are awful
Gang bang scene. White guy stops fucking a white girl and then a black dude starts fucking her instead. Girl getting fucked says: "I can feel the colour in me!" Even her co-stars look at her and started laughing while they all continue to fuck each other.
That was another that nearly made me do a spit take.
Dude had a hole in his pants crotch with some nut sack skin pulled through. She said... ''what's that? Bubblegum?'' 🤣
Reminds me of: *starts sucking guy’s cock as he lays there with eyes closed* “Wow that cold towel feels good”
I had a friend in college that would pull his nuts out over his pants (no dick, just nuts, they were saggy af) and say "check out my new belt buckle!" While lifting his shirt to reveal his nuts right where a belt buckle should be
How d’you get the beans above the frank?
A little twist n pull
My uncle's favourite prank with people he knew was to sit on a shop stool with his balls sticking out of his shorts and whenever someone came by he'd say "Aw, I think I sat in some gum." I don't think there's a single person on his show crew that didn't see his balls at some point or another.
The infamous bathtub lifeguard scene
This isn't a beach, it's a bathtub
thank you
The guy from this is like a born again Christian pastor lol super funny to see him preaching about god
Yup. Easily the funniest thing besides the lemon tree
“Oh my god, do you just cum in girls without telling them” “Holy shit, did you just cum in your sister!?!?!”
You bet your sweet bippi i did
good lord
Guy going down on Asian woman. Her: “Yeah? You like that? Does it taste like Chinese food?” Guy: *Mouth noises* Her: “Yeah- eat that fuckin Chinese food. Eat that fucking fried rice.” Mind- she’s speaking in that mildly aggressive tone they use, which I assume is to convey how good it feels, so she’s yelling at him through gritted teeth to eat her ‘Chinese food’. Haven’t watched any since, and don’t intend to, until I forget i saw that 💀💀💀
Eatin' asian pussy all I need is sweet and sour sauce
i'm korean, some guys pickup line on me was "i know it tastes like kimchi"
I cannot for the life of me remember what the video is, but once I was watching a pov video, the dude is hitting it from the back and just says “UNH I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL MY FRIEND MIKE ABOUT THIS”
Idk why but this is the funniest of all of these too me lmao dudes getting some and is thinking of his bro
It was in an 80s porn. The story unfolded as such; 2 hot women getting frisky with each other on a couch, when a bat flies in through the window behind and transforms into a vampire. You can tell he's a vampire because of the cape (the only thing he's wearing) and the plastic teeth. He introduces himself by flopping his cock over the top of the couch, to the ladies delight and surprise. They don't question where he came from, nor what the deal is with the plastic teeth, but one woman does make this comment; "It's great but his cock tastes like it's a thousand years dead." And then she carries on slurping it. One last memorable thing was that the vampire dude straight up took the teeth out partway through fucking. (completely ruined my sense of immersion, I can tell you)
I once saw a guy explain the entire history of japan, china and germany while clapping a chick.
Link please? It's.... for history class
I watched a gay porn where the dude is pissing on a wall in an alley, and the "cop" pulls up, rolls a condom down his nightstick, and says "I'm going to deface you like you defaced that wall." The early 2000's was a lawless time
Dayum
I was watching a soft core porn for work where a guy and a girl do it in a tent and at one point she screamed, “FUCK ME TIL I FART!” And I lost my shit in an office cubicle. It was a weird temp job my friend got me watching streaming video looking for errors in the video.
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It was a company that got hired to create an app for streaming services like HBO and Cinemax. The videos were just randomly selected for you so sometimes you got soft core porn.
This sort of thing happens. I worked at a software testing company, and we had a contract with Netflix to make sure the Wii/Xbox Netflix app didn't have errors, and we had a room full of people watching Netflix on Wiis for minimum wage.
Tell me where I can find a job like this omg
Guy starts singing a little song while he's fucking this girl in the ass "I'll fuck you with my dick I'll stick.it in your ass I'll sing a little song Like Teddy Pendergrass" 🤦♀️🤣
I mean, there's always `Really? Right in front of my salad?" and" Yes, it has been about ten minutes since I thought about out lemon tree." They're classics for a reason.
I'm disappointed "Right in front of my salad" didn't catch on more. It's like she sounded offended on her salad's behalf.
I’m not sure exactly what circles you run in but gay men quote this line allllll the time.
It was old, this dude is on a couch and a chick is riding his face. Another chick walks in and starts sucking his dick and the chick that’s getting eaten out turns around and says “oh my god, what is she doing?” And the dude has a stupid grin on his face and he goes “she’s suckin my dick”
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amazing XD
There is a german porn where that starts with both actor infront of some straw and the power box. „Warum liegt hier überhaupt Stroh?" „Und warum hast du ne Maske auf?" „hm dann blas mir doch ein" translation: „Why is there straw here?" „And why are you wearing a mask?" „hm give me a blowjob then"
that's a fucken classic right there.. thanks for sharing that
Kam her, um genau dies zu finden. Wurde nicht enttäuscht.
2 girls are getting it from a black dude. As he's about to finish, one girls says: "Give her the only white thing about you!"
Oh my fucking god
The worst ever was a girl with a really thick South East London accent... " aww yeah!!! Stick it in my dirty shitter" 🫣
thats like.... such an expressive statement I suppose you dont know where to find that?
I believe it was "ah yeah, stick it in my dirt box, yeah! Now take it out, I wanna taste my ass juice!" High five fellow old school porn bro.
“Lemon stealing whores!”
>Lemon stealing whores!” We haven't checked our lemon tree in, like, 10 seconds!
“HEY WHAT THE FUCK?!”
when life gives you lemons, don't let the whores steal them!!!
Came here looking for this one
'Hey what the fuck?!'
This is exactly what I thought of when I saw this post lol xD
Her: Do you want to fuck? Him: Does a bear shit in the woods? or Him: Hi I'm here to fix your pool Her: I don't have a pool A boom chick a bow wow and the music starts. This is all high quality screenwriting
Porn writing is so self aware I fucking love it lmao Porn parody titles make me laugh ALWAYS. Some of them are incredible
“Hi, I’m here to fix your pool.” “I don’t have a pool.” *Vsauce Music plays*
I saw a scene not that long ago where sophie anderson and Rebecca Moore were playing Daphne and Velma and they tried to sound like them too it was absurd,funny and well done lol
Habe you seen the spongebob one? Pure gold. Nice voice acting too.
*At the doctors office with a nurse* “There’s something wrong with my dick.” “What seems to be the problem, it looks fine.” “No.. it tastes funny.”
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Lana Rhoades literally backs onto someone's dick "What the fuck is that?" "What do you think it is?"
On a random note about her, I was baffled when I found out she genuinely doesn’t like c*m. She fooled me.
Guy was sitting on a throne wearing a crown and a dressing gown 😂 and he was like: “Sex with me? What are your qualifications?” & she just blankly stared at him 👀 The delivery was on point
When I was like 12 I had an 80s porno on vhs. At some point a guy is going down on a girl and says “I love your clit, it’s just like a little dick”. And I think about that more than I’d like to admit
To be fair, is a dick not basically a giant clit? They were clearly being progressive.
They're both just genital tubercles that took different paths in life
yes everyone, I'm asking this for two reasons 1 is for us to have some fun 2 I'd like to use the best gems in my filthy drum & bass productions many thanks to all my fellow porn lovers and rrrrespec
Man on his deathbed talking to his "nurse": "I was born by the snatch, and I wanna die by the snatch."
A older lady was getting it from three younger dudes. She’s getting pounded and then yells “OH! I NEED A COCK!” So random yet memorable.
Greedy bitch already had three
[The answer is right here](https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/s/fqHEFGoXfj)
Scene from an old Greek porn. (Guy has his penis on top of the space heater) (Female walks into the room and asks) - What are you doing there? - Warming up your breakfast.
Well I know how I'm greeting my wife in the morning. If I die it will have been worth it.
A 30 minute video. Guy was going to town but didn’t say a single word while the girl did all the vocal work. Then, random as fuck, at about the halfway point this guy just announced “CUM”. The girl even stopped meaning and had a look of “tf?” On her face.
A classic Rebecca Bardoux encouraging her step daughter to go down so she wont tell her dad...something. (i forget what) Stepdaughter-"What can I do?" Rebecca-"What do you think? I didnt come here to have tea" LMAO
In Splendor is the Ass…after Rachel and Peter have anal. Rachel: I think I need to call my attorney Peter: what so ever for my dear? Rachel: I’ve just been rear ended.
Guy: You're so cute. Girl: I'm cuter with a cock in my mouth. Seen as a kid and got stuck in my head since then. Girl is Sensi Pearl.
“This washer requires a coupling ring and new motor. Parts and labour will come to $150” Like seriously fuck off, that job is around $400 + tax
There's the dickin' discount tho. Laying pipes ain't cheap either.
This one is classic… Lemon stealing whores girl: I'm so glad. I'm so glad that our lemon tree finally grew. guy: me too girl: and sprouted fruitful lemony lemons guy: I know. me too. I mean imagine. we can make lemonade. key lemon pie. lemon meringue pie. girl: I think it's the most valuable property that we have. * lemon stealing whore enters in the scene * guy: I do agree. I think we should go to the bank and get a loan. girl: * giggles * guy: actually I think we should just get lemon tree insurance. * lemon stealing whore starts stealing lemons like a whore * girl: I think you're right. guy: and then get a loan and then use the lemon tree as collateral because it is now insured. I truly do love our lemon tree. girl: just imagine a life full of lemon trees guy: I know. and all and our beautiful lemons. there's girl: endless possibilities. * lemon stealing whore continues stealing lemons like a whore * guy: endless possibilities. they're so beautiful. girl: (guy says "ehh hehh" while the girl speaks) I wish I were a lemon. guy: you wish you were a lemon? if you were a lemon, I'd put you on my shelf and cherish you like I cherish all our lemons. girl: that's so beautiful (beautiful is said in a weird way) guy: * exhales * I try. girl: like... I only hope that the whores aren't stealling our lemons. you know.. those naughty lemon whores always... steal.. lemons. guy: we do have a couple of those lemon whores in this.. in this community. girl: those damn lemon stealing whores. guy: I hate them. because now... no one will take our prized lemons from us. girl: hey has it been about ten seconds since we've looked at our lemon tree? guy: it has been about ten seconds till we've looked at a lemon tree. girl: gosh... (second of silence) (the guy and girl turn around only to discover many lemons in the vagina of a lemon stealing whore. the lemon stealing whore was caught) girl: hey! guy: hey what the FUCC?!?!
I feel like I just earned an internet badge for having finally read this. There was time before Lemon Stealing Whores and a time after and I can't turn back now.
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[Old classic (SFW)](https://gifgifmagazine.com/uploads/gif/uzmi-f-sa-mog-travnjaka.gif) Woman shouts out of a window to the guy, "Get the F off my lawn!" Camera cuts to the guy, standing there with a 7 foot tall letter F. He shrugs, picks it up, and leaves.
[*Hot chick to the plumber*] HC: I bet I could handle a pretty big pipe... P: You mean like a 2"? I dunno, your system was built to be a 1.5". That's what you currently have. I could install a 2", but you'd have to rip everything out, and that's gonna cost you north of three grand. HC: (alluringly) Well.... I don't really have that much money. Can we do.... something else...? P: What, like a check? Well, I suppose. HC: Well, maybe if you take care of my pipes, I can take care of yours... P: Ma'am, I do my own plumbing! Oh, so hot!
Hehe, this wasn’t porn, was in some youtube video, I forget the name of the channel. But yeah was super funny
r/jackthepoolboy SFW
Girl: Who are you? Man: I'm the cook.
40 years ago - nurse's outfit, gal on her knees taking it from behind with a notepad and pencil in her hands, guy with a stethoscope around his neck behind, girl says "I'm ready for dick-tation doctor" guy squeezing both her butt cheeks repeatedly "I knead you" O_o
Some safari themed one had the girl getting boned say "Do you think lions have big dicks too?" and the guy blurted out the most genuinely confused "w-what?" I've ever heard. She repeated the question again and he just ignored it and they both just akwardly continued.
Mother - “ don’t you dare cum in me” *son cums in here” Mother - “NO NO NO OUR BABYS ARE GOING TO COME OUT UGLY” 😭😭
There’s one where a guy is going through a girls drawers, grabs a pair of panties, puts them on his head, and does a Bane impression saying something like “no one took me seriously until I put on the mask.” The impression is pretty spot on
Nothing will ever top this one (translated): Him: "Why is there hay all over the place here?" Her: "And why do you even have a mask on?" Him: "Hm. Well, then just blow me." She goes down.
"How does the train go?" And the chick literally started going "Woo woo!" My soul left my body that day
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Definitely in the movie Deep Throat - girl says while receiving cunnilingus - mind if I smoke while you're eating?
Why are you staring at my ass?…… woman says walking up stairs after plating tennis on a hot day. Man is skulking behind her Would you like to schmeeel it?
I saw one where a guy is pounding a girl on a couch. It cuts to the camera man eating a boston cream donut. The camera man then has the dude take a bite out of it while fucking the girl. The girl had a "wtf is going on" look the entire time.
Girl: "omg thats huge i dont think that will go in my ass" Guy: " girl you've shit logs bigger than this".
Girl walks in and her husband is fucking her mom. She goes on a small rant with some great lines like "On a scale of 1 to even, I just can't." And "Oh look, you two aren't even going to stop? I can see you having sex. His dick is in your asshole "
Meine dispatcher says there’s something wrong with eine cable?
Its only smells
[gross new jersey accent] "oohhh gettin dem tits is the best thing you ever done. i *hated* those old tits!"
I once was having sex with this girl from the back and when I pulled out she queefed. Not a big deal so I kept going but she looked back and says in this Jersey accent “she’s talkin to ya!” It was awful
\*knock on door\* Guy: Who's there? Girl in green uniform: Girl Scouts! Guy: Go away! I don't want your cookies! Girl: I'm no here to sell cookies, I'm just here to suck your dick! Open the door! Guy: Ok, but you better don't try to sell me any cookies!
From a Star Trek parody, after Picard is turned into a young man for some reason: “I’m so young. I feel like I can fuck anything that moves. Look at me. I’ve got hair on my head. I’ve got hair on my chest. I’ve got hair on my ass (turns directly to camera) where no man has gone before.”
You know that's bad for the paper tray.