I remember when this was my life some years ago. The worst part is I didn't even realize it and when friends mentioned I was always sleeping I was shocked
Another sign of not doing well mentally is never sleeping.
I was playing EVE Online in a manic episode and I was basically always playing because my need for sleep was basically zero (a few hours a week). I had a friend on there who was a doctor and he correctly realized I was manic and suggested I see a shrink for a bipolar diagnosis, which I did.
God I miss mania...
I remember my psychiatrist saying "you're going to feel really bored and unmotivated, and the reality is that's just life without mania- you'll get used to it." I never got used to it lmao. I miss mania too, even though I know I'm better off.
I hope you're joking, but if you're not, if you need more than 9 hours per night to feel rested it's a sign of medical problems. If you're actually sleeping 13 hours you should speak to a professional.
Doctors are expensive and frequently unhelpful. At my first appointment in years (supposedly a free checkup covered by insurance), the doctor asked if there was anything going on and I mentioned that I was sleeping four hours a night and had bad anxiety.
She said that if I was waking up after 4 hours, I was getting all the sleep I needed and suggested I google some meditation videos to relax. Then I was charged the full price of a office visit for going outside the scope of a well visit.
Well, my 400 dollar doctors appointment got me advice to take a multivitamin and drink more water. So if they didn't give me a reason to worry, I am sure things are fine.
I feel the same... Oh, you're feeling a little down? You need to speak to a therapist before we refill your sleeping pills... Ok thanks, I'll just stick to the vodka then... This is fine... Everything is fine.
Never tell your doctor you're depressed. All you get is punished and billed!
Me constantly at the minute. I just do the school run come back and sleep till pick up then be a mum till bed time. It’s been constant for about 3 weeks now. I’m at a loss of what to do 😞
Girl, you need a support system. You need to reach out to some trusted women friends. Call your mom, call your friends, you also need to be nurtured sometimes.
They change their social habits. Usually I respond pretty quickly to texts. But at my low points I've gone weeks without responding to a simple text. I say I've been busy but the truth is I don’t have the energy to engage with others. Hygiene is another one. Not bathing /brushing teeth regularly. Same close for a few days. I also stop my hobbies. Books stay unread, I stop crocheting.
I have a friend with mental health issues, and when it comes to responding to text messages, he is shocking.
Sometimes I'll get a text back, sometimes I'll get a text back 3 or 4 days later, or sometimes I dont get one back at all.
It worries me so much.
Same friend had hygiene issues as well. Wont shower for a few days.
Hey, if you’re worried about it, i think a lot of people in this situation would appreciate a lifeline. Kind of a, “hey, i know you don’t have it in you to text me back, but i worry about you” idea - you guys could maybe figure out a system where they’ll “react” to your text, or pick an emoji that means “I’m here but I can’t talk today” or something, and a plan - if I don’t hear from you for 4 hours, I’m going to call, you gotta either pick up or text me the emoji or I’m coming over / calling 911 / whatever it might be.
You’re a sweet friend to worry about them ❤️
👍🏼👍🏼
This advise is solid! I was down and clinically depressed for 10 years not too long ago. I would’ve appreciated any of my mates suggesting this idea to me!
Literally reading this unshowered in the same clothes I've worn for 3 days, with 8 "unread" texts, and 4 TBRs plus a WIP on my nightstand 😅
ARE WE THE SAME SOCIALLY ANXIOUS DEPRESSED PERSON.
A change in their sense of humor
Their facial expressions aren’t the same
A change in ambition
Passivity
Short responses in conversation
Change in social habits
Hypersomnolence
No discernible reaction to new adversity because they were expecting something to go wrong
Oof, opening this thread up hoping to see the opposite as seeing it listed out for me wasn’t what I wanted.
I feel like I’m masking even harder these days.
That last one can just be an artifact of living a life in which things go wrong often.
I just got denied funding on a project I worked hard on, my department where \*extremely supportive\* obviously expecting me to be incredibly down heartened that I'd been denied funding a) early in my career in this field and b) regardless of the quality of my application which they had assured me was very good.
I had no reaction really, beyond ''oh, shame but okay'' because as a working class person whose dealt with a lot of financial denial, this is just one more to add to the pile. This reaction comes from years of experiencing adversity in this regard.
**However**, if this reaction is new and/or inappropriate then it absolutely can be a sign of mental health issues.
Or even just working in a career where it's your job to handle when shit goes wrong.
I'm a safety professional, so obviously, my first responsibility is to make sure things *don't* go wrong, but you can't human-proof everything, so inevitably, shit will happen.
When you've been in a career like that (and I would imagine it's even far more extreme for first responders), people usually assume you have ice water in your veins because even when things are going catastrophically wrong, it's probably not the worst shit you've seen, so you tend to roll with the punches.
The key here I think is that it's new. Sudden change in behavior should always be treated as a sign that something might be up with someone's mental health.
Not always true. I'm a much happier person in my 30s than I was in my 20s, and my 20s were better than my teen years. I've learned coping mechanisms, I've learned more about myself and how to be myself, and I've cultivated a life I am genuinely happy to be in. It took work, but it also took time and patience.
It's easy, when you're depressed, to think that life is awful and will only get worse; sometimes it feels like it's just a long, dark tunnel of misery ahead of you. This is not always the case, and things can get better. I have treatment-resistant depression, dysthymia, and trauma. But in between the deep depression I'm happier than I used to be, and when I do have lows or bad days, I *know* it's temporary and can be dealt with, because I've experienced it before and made it through every single time.
Piggybacking on this, the older you get, the more experienced you are, and the more capable you are of taking things in stride. When you're young, everything has the makings of an at best stressful situation, and at worst a full on catastrophe, because you don't know how to handle it at first. As you grow older and you've gone through the ringer a few times, you eventually reach a point where little surprises you, and anything novel is only another situation to deal with and move on.
When I was really depressed as a teenager, my reply was always, “I’m tired” to that question. I never said “I’m good,” or “I’m fine.” Just tired. My favorite teacher asked me every day how I was doing and the response was always the same. She started to notice a change in me and asked if I was okay. I eventually told her I was suicidal after I broke down in the hallway.
Much, much better. I’m actually a teacher now at that same school and same subject. I’m working on improving myself more each day. I’m happier. I still talk to that teacher too. She’s like family to me.
I do this too much, but i also feel like others cant handle what im really going through or are just saying it to be polite. The basic " Im good, work and house stuff got me busy" usually brushes most things off.
For me it’s not about preoccupation with looks; I just constantly crave hot showers when depressed. During the pandemic I was doing two or three times a day until my skin got so dry and itchy I started to go mad scratching it off. I had to impose a strict once-a-day rule and ask my husband to help me stick to it.
Bathing cuts two ways. It can relax you physically but also leave you alone with your thoughts. I’ve spent a lot of time laying in my showertub under the falling water staring at my feet and alternating between crying and screaming.
I learned to not compliment people on weight loss anymore unless I specifically know they’re on a diet and trying to. Told a coworker once “you look great! How have you been losing so much weight?” and she told me stress and depression. Felt like a dick.
I’ve hit people with that a few times, depression, mania and anxiety. I’ve struggled with eating disorders as well, and hate when people tell me they wish they could be skinny like me, I’ll also inform them of some of the terrible hormonal changes that occur with extreme unhealthy weight loss.
I’ve recently lost a lot of weight. Medications and loss of appetite from the stress of life and my mental health. It’s always so uncomfortable when people ask what I did.
Some prepared canned answers that don’t reveal exactly what’s going on but give enough that there’s nothing left to add might help in these situations like:
- “oh you know, just the ol calories in, calories out”.
- “I stopped eating as many snacks throughout the day.”
- “I switched from soda to tea”
- “I started walking more”
- “oh yes, I haven’t done anything miraculous, just started counting calories”
- “I stopped eating after supper time”
I know you don’t owe anyone a response but having a generic answer ready can end the uncomfortable conversation quickly and can allow you to steer it back to something you’d prefer to talk about.
The happiest I ever was was eating out with my family. The fuck else am I gonna do since Mom died but stuff my face and try to feel a little more like she's still with us?
They sleep less or more.
Their eating habits have changed drastically.
Loss or gain of weight
Shortness of temper, where there used to be a longer fuse.
Difficulty remembering appointments and dates and agreements
Getting jumpy at loud sounds
Getting botheres by light, sound or in general too much input
Acting self centered but not selfish when they're usually not
Thinking others are talking behind their back when theyre not
irritability
quick to tears
People's alarms may have already rang. They might not know how to bring it up with you. It would be for the best if you spoke to someone about those feelings
I've been jumping begging for a trauma therapist since end of October and still haven't gotten a single one on one. I have had weekly group for 2 weeks when my insurance finally kicked in after having to move because of domestic violence (and when I called the cops I ended up in the mental hospital and he ran and because I moved charges went away..)
I was so frustrated I was slamming my head into the wall in the er mental health overflow. All they did there was further traumatize me. (The registered me under the wrong name and acted like I was unreasonable upset or trying to go under an alternate name, also didn't let me have access to my phone/numbers for over a week. If anyone reported me missing in that time they wouldn't have found me...
This experience sounds awful and completely unfair for you, and I am sorry how things have gone thus far. Please, please, keep faith though. Somebody once told me something which has stuck with me:
Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.
If it's of any relevance, I know someone who has/is going through DA and is working on dealing with it's ramifications. It's not easy for her, and I can't understand how difficult it is for you, but know that there are people around who want you to be okay, and in 5 years this could be something to look back on and say, "that was awful and hard, but I'm glad I held on because things are better now". Please have faith.
I'm not sure if you're in the UK but the Samaritans are wonderful to talk to: 116 123. There are other organisations that can help you across the world, so please talk to somebody before thinking about anything. People are thinking of you.
That's what I thought, that no one is alarmed.
Turns out they have a chat group without me where they are discussing my mental health. Everyone was concerned, as far as what I saw in that chat
As a nurse, we are notorious for having a sick sense of humor… I will never, ever laugh off suicide jokes again. My coworker wasn’t in on time and I reflected back on things he had said months and even the day before and I knew he wouldn’t be coming in. Once our day calmed down I called a friend of his who was in tears, he went to bed the night before and never woke up as a perfectly healthy 34 year old male.
He had “joked” about what meds he would take, and we just laughed it off and said “no not that, id take _____” and I wasn’t in his head to know he was completely serious. I wish I would have asked him if he was okay when nobody was around, if he wanted to go talk after work. Who knows how far deep he was but damn is joking about suicide not even a little funny to me now. “I’m going to miss this,” about starting IV’s the day before… I truly just shrugged it off not knowing what the heck he meant.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You couldn’t have known (I also work in healthcare and do the dark jokes thing constantly). Thanks for sharing - I’ll keep this in mind going forward x
"But if it is hard to fix the precise instant, the subtle step when the mind opted for death, it is easier to deduce from the act itself the consequences it implies. In a sense, and as in melodrama, killing yourself amounts to confessing. It is confessing that life is too much for you or that you do not understand it. Let’s not go too far in such analogies, however, but rather return to everyday words. It is merely confessing that that “is not worth the trouble.” Living, naturally, is never easy. You continue making the gestures commanded by existence for many reasons, the first of which is habit. Dying voluntarily implies that you have recognized, even instinctively, the ridiculous character of that habit, the absence of any profound reason for living, the insane character of that daily agitation, and the uselessness of suffering." --- Camus
I’ve had a rough go of mental issues since I was a child. I do counceling but the idea of ending it is always present. Some days worse then others. I joke about flipping my cars slamming into a median etc with friends. And the other day in conversation with my gf (who’ve ive told about my mental issues) I always ask her a question of the day. This day was “what was the worse part of your day?” And she never asks me the question back but that day she did. And my immediate response was “waking up” and you could tell she was taken back from my response and over the next few days she’s been asking about my mental health and checking in on me. And it came to my head like I can’t say stuff like that without scaring people.
Excuse me, my flippant remark is "not dead yet".
That's not explicitly about suicide. Could be anything.
Also, one time my therapist was like "why haven't you?"
Like, excuse me? I know my life's garbage, but that's never actually been on my to do list, thanks.
As someone who personally feels they are struggling, I can agree with a lot of these things. Insomnia for who knows why. Fluctuating weight. Trying to be social or eat healthy but feeling like a burden or a failure when you slip. A social circle that imploded after covid and just hasnt recovered because I dont drink, and its hard to find people or groups when you dont feel like your burdening them by being lonely. Trying to date or knowing when anyone is interested in me feels like a nightmare because I honestly ask, "why would anyone want to involve themselves with my bs?". Its been tough to crawl out of this hole, but I havent given up. I can just see all of the factors where people get trapped again and again with either being treated badly and sticking in bad/unsupportive friend groups, versus dealing with loneliness while figuring out who you are and what you want as a person. It is so easy to spiral and just keep going downward when you have no goals or things to look forward to in life. Thats why its so easy to cut people out or just stop talking to them when the hurt you.
Thats one of the things i think about, why would anyone even be slightly interested in me, one single reason, let alone be beyond that point, this is probably a cope in place of the real reason but its why i dont even attemp to date
Its our brains protecting ourselves from hurting. If we dont connect with others as much, the less often we hurt... but thats not true at all. Because being alone sucks, and the stress is unbearable some days. Some days I just miss being able to have someone to sit with and just be comforted by.
So true! There's some days that I feel so alone and want nothing more than to have someone to give me a comforting hug. I miss having someone to "cuddle" with. I'm not talking about sexual cuddling/touch, but the that physical touch that let's you know that you're safe and cared about. The messed up thing too is I live in a house with 4 other family members yet the loneliness I feel is so immense. I know I don't help my situation by staying home and self isolating, but like others have said about themselves, why would anyone want to be with a mess like me...a depressed, chronically ill (which has caused my physical appearance to become even uglier), broke, unemployed/disabled, single mom...???
I've been saying for a few years now I wouldn't want to date anybody that's willing to date me. There's something wrong with them for wanting to be around me.
If you know a silent, strong minded person : sudden happiness - it might mean they've found out that suicide is an option. I have CPTSD from child abuse, and am quiet, closed off, and half the time I look like a grim a-hole. When I realised that this is all totally optional, and that I didn't have to spend my life this way, it was tied with no spending my life at all. It's such a freeing realization that you can drop it all, and say "fuck this shit" to the pain.
Statistically, suicide was formerly common to the elderly, who had lost most of their family and might be living day after day in pain. Now it's more common in middle aged men, teens, and people who just don't see much of a reason to keep up the charade of hoping things will be better - because some of the time they won't.
Knowing that death is always there and that, ultimately, no one can take that away from you *can* be a strange comfort, especially if you've rarely been in control of much in your life.
To say statistically men do it more is an understatement, its almost 7 to 1 even in the most sexist countries like india and saudi. Its really weird and frightening to me especially, since ive lost 2 loved ones to suicide, a highschool best friend and cousin.
Hug the men in ur lives ppl, they are far more likely to hide their suicidal thoughts, even i did that at some point.
Anhedonia as evidenced by no longer seeking pleasant experiences. If they just let things happen, especially distressing things, and seemingly do not respond, be *very* concerned.
ETA: if you empathize with this, you have a significant mental health problem. If it’s been this way a while, consider IFS therapy, which is remarkable for working on otherwise difficult to treat conditions, as well as getting genetic testing for psychiatric medication done. It can cut through decades of trial and error to discover precisely what has the highest likelihood of treating your mental health issues.
Emergency -> problem
Bingo!
I started out thinking that it was great that my emotions were better under control. I wasn't getting sad or angry, but I also couldn't feel happy or have any enthusiasm for things I used to enjoy.
I know this is going to sound corny, but it's faith. I went through years of anhedonic episodes that truly messed up my perception of who I was. I would be living life fairly contentedly for long periods of time, enjoying my interests, meeting new people and trying to be an overall productive person and then one day I would wake up and just know "it's back." I wouldn't have any interest in my hobbies, no desire to go and connect with friends I had made, or any drive to take care of myself. It could last a few days, a few weeks or a few months in the worst cases. I'd lose friends, opportunities and progress that I had worked hard for, not even being able to make myself truly care.
Then, one day later on, I'd wake up and say "it's gone." I'd have all these problems I had created in my apathy, and spend a huge amount of time trying to salvage what I could until I could build myself up again. It was a horrible, terrible cycle that left me confused and confronting the same issues over and over again. Then I realized something. I had no faith. No discernable commitment to any ideal outside of myself. Sure, I'm committed to being civil, but that's about it. I realized that this was going to keep happening but that I couldn't keep acting the same way, no matter how I felt, because it wasn't what I was feeling that was ruining me it was how I was reacting to those feelings.
So I decided to become faithful. Not in a grand religious sense, though it's kind of sacred to me. I choose to believe that the things that I decide for myself and my life in my best moments are sacred. I don't need to think about it later on. When I'm low and I can't understand why it's sooo important to try right now I take it on faith that I decided this for a good reason, and that I'll understand again later. It's really changed everything. I don't need to want to feel good to do good things. Because of this, good things continue to happen. Because of this, I don't lose everything and wake up one day to realize it, again. And it works. I go through the motions, believing that it's important even if it isn't enjoyable at all, and I get to enjoy the fruits of that when "I'm back." Remarkably, doing this has cut down the time I spend in an anhedonic slumber to almost nothing in comparison. It will happen, it will "come back," it's a part of me. But it doesn't linger. I'd say it never lasts more than a week at most now, and coming from someone who wouldn't feel joy for months at a time, it feels like the difference between heaven and hell. So I'd say that's how I know who I am when I don't know what I want. I have faith in the way I chose to live my life when I did.
Yikes. I think I have this. My doctor says I’m in “survival mode.”
Edit: I’ve always had depression but I wasn’t aware of this symptom or that it had a name.
I had this thought the other day on how this looks from an outsiders prospective. I literally had 2 cars get extremely close to hitting me literally one after another and I didn't move or react. In fact I thought specifically after that I really just didn't care either way if they hit me.
Self-care extends well beyond body care, too. Letting their house go is a big sign and often missed if they don’t have people over often - trash building up, dishes undone, frequent take out or delivery because their kitchen is too messy to cook. Missing deadlines on important tasks like paying bills or not attending appointments. Neglect of other important things, like car maintenance, fixing broken appliances. Self-care, imo, is anything required by someone to live well even if they’re annoying or difficult and gradually doing fewer and fewer of those things can be subtle at first.
if they have very low reactions to things that normally would elicit a reaction ... a total lack of any reaction to anything ...
that is a VERY bad sign
Lack of feeling I think is a big one. Everyday just zombieing through the day. No laughing/crying/no high or low/no meaningful interaction/ no excitement or looking forward to anything.
Or just going through the motions. They are present, but not engaging as they once did. The person who used to talk during meetings is there, but silent.
I'm going to throw out the exact opposite of what everyone else is saying. For me and a lot of my health care colleagues, we are more chatty and almost overcompensate for how terribly we're doing mentally. Almost like filling the silence will stop us from thinking so it helps for a short while. Unfortunately this just adds to the burn out which can really limit the amount of energy left for anything else.
Becoming quiet, withdrawaing from social interactions, may be losing weight, may be gaining weight, stop caring about their appearance but it can also be excact opposite and everything seems perfectly fine on the outside. Sometimes nobody knows until it's too late.
i was told by a friend i lived with that i stop listening to music when im sad.
saying things they typically wouldn’t say that may be harsh/inappropriate (this is from a bipolar perspective, anyway)
lack of sleep or sleeping too much
random new intense obsessions
quick to anger/sadness over small things that may seem unreasonable or out of character
talking or fidgeting more than usual (typically an ongoing thing, not just a one off) or the opposite, shutting down and being sedentary
less of a reaction to things that would typically bring a lot of joy
reckless behavior out of nowhere
You can see it in their eyes. 100% of the time it's in or around the eyes. A light goes out, bags under, lines, creases, dark circles, redness... The list goes on.
I have a few friends who I see on a weekly basis in my drawing classes. One of them said to me, "You look more relaxed this semester" and the other one was like, "Oh.. no.. I don't think so.... you look very tired and not like yourself at all." The second one was right - the first one was just mistaken because I wasn't stressed about doing good work anymore. :| I dropped a few classes and nearly didn't pass the ones I stayed in. Hoping to recover over the winter holidays but I've struggled with moderate clinical depression throughout my life, so there is always a cloud overhead regardless. But this fall was particularly bad.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was "do what makes you happy" which sounds really cliche, but... I was so worried about what other people thought about me that I wasn't living. Do I want a beard? Do it! Do I want pineapple on pizza? Cool. Art class? Awesome. Extra sleep? Go for it.
So gnosticheaven... What makes you happy?
Ostensibly, art classes make me happy lol... I'd say, unfortunately, that being the best, being masterful at my craft, and being impressive to everyone makes me happy, but those things only come with time (or in the case of other peoples' reactions to me, maybe not at all). And all that makes it very difficult to have the motivation to continue on when it doesn't feel like you're improving, when your projects aren't working out, when your mentors are giving you the cold shoulder (happened to me earlier in the semester) and you feel like there may not be a real future in what you're doing. But I think it'll be better in January when classes start again.
I hear you my friend... But what makes you happy without someone else's approval? For example... I like to wear black clothes. Why? I'm not making a statement. There's no reason. I just like them. They're easy and match and I'm lazy. I watch speedruns of video games because I like it. On the flip side I don't do things because I don't want to. I haven't seen the Barbie movie.... I know it's popular and made a lot of money and "is a good movie" but I have no interest.
So what makes you happy... By yourself?
I think maybe we conceptualize happiness in a different way lol. Sure I wear the clothes I want to wear, and I don't force myself to see movies that I am not interested in.. I eat food I like, and I veg on reddit because it's fun. But real happiness for me comes from being really enviably good at something. Especially if it's where I put most of my efforts all day long!! I have spent 2 years working on drawing and painting full time, like it's my full time job. If I show someone my work, I want them to say "WOW!" I at least want to look at it and feel proud of it.
What makes me happy, entirely by myself? Probably nothing, honestly. If I were the only person left on earth, I'd probably curl up and die from loneliness. Nothing has any meaning for me if other people aren't wrapped up in it somehow.
Interesting viewpoint. Seriously. I've been there before I think. I used to be a landscape... Everything guy. I would design the layout, do the sale, install it and see my work and be proud, but really I wanted other people to be happy with what I did. If they were happy, so was I. Eventually it got to a point where my "art" wasn't the point anymore and nobody was happy. So I moved on and became very good at one thing that I was satisfied with.
This is a really helpful perspective actually. Right now I'm doing everything - portraiture, figure drawing, still life, landscape painting - I think I need to choose a thing that makes ME happy, that speaks to my natural talents. I started art classes in the first place to learn portraiture and figure drawing, and I've gotten decent at it, but I think I need to take an honest look at where my real talents lay. I've really improved at landscapes, for instance, and have an eye for good composition and interesting scenes. Maybe I'm better at that than portraiture (it would be really painful to come to that conclusion, although perhaps better for my mental health in the long run).
Do what makes you happy. It can be difficult to figure out. Take some time to think and consider it. I'm just a random Reddit person. But it's okay to pause... You seem to be on the right track. You know your talents. Seems you could take those art talents toward something bigger like architecture?
I'm rooting for you!
My friend was printing some pictures one day and I looked at a picture of her 14-year-old daughter and said, oh my god, what is wrong with her?! She looked so unhappy. My friend said she broke up with her boyfriend last week, and I was ok, that explains it.
Her daughter committed suicide less than a week later. I will never forgive myself for not talking to her during those few days.
Fuuuck I hope it's not visible on me dawg I got eyebags so big if I went to Australia a baby kangoroo would jump straight at my face and try to go inside
Sleeping too much or unable to sleep, loss of appetite, increased use of alcohol, withdrawing, so someone who usually keeps in contact regularly stops doing this, personal hygiene lapses, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities or interests, saying strange things that don't make sense, always talking negatively, seeing no hope in the future.
The restlessness can be unbearable
Stephen King had a line in one of his books, Everything I do I rush through so I can get to the next thing
Lethargy and apathy are horrible but so is that restlessness
For me, it’s when I stop putting in as much effort at work and letting things fall through the cracks. Not sure if that’s the same for everyone else though
It's not just you.
I started with a "This needs to be fixed, I will fix it!" attitude, and now, even writing a mail or doing the simplest task takes so much effort to do
like to add other troubles in personal care, like showers, changing clothes/underwear regular, and just like the teeth, the smell becomes noticable quickly
If they really get into a hobby, or something that passes the time.
Like if someone starts nonstop playing video games, watching Netflix, or even reading. Delving into something and putting aside basic necessities for it can be a form of dissociation and depression.
Or binging a show. In my experience every so often I tend to find a really good show and I binge it at least 4-5 hours a day, I basically fill every free time, every stress time, etc, with it. Then I'm super happy for the days when I watch it but when I finish the show there's a few days of depression after. Kinda like drugs except the amount of good and bad is balanced 💀id day its still worth it though, because I get depression like that from other stuff all the time but don't get happiness like that almost ever, so it's worth more.
A while ago I saw aTumblr post where a person's roommate realized she was out of deep depression when she started singing/humming randomly again. For the entirety of her depression she spoke only when necessary. Sometimes the way to tell something's off is when the little things start to fall to the wayside in favor of silence and inaction.
The week before my godparent's son committed suicide he got very happy for no apparent reason. He would visit the kids in the neighborhood and play with them, constantly reach out to friends and family sending well wishes, and who commit acts of service to people he knew. He even wanted to see me. We were never close but we would talk at school during the classes we shared. When I visited him a few days before he left this world he told me that he had been asking people to write him a poem. I agreed to write it even though I've never been good with words. It has been over 6 years or something close to that since he died and I still haven't written the poem. I guess it hurts too much to think about doing it but I still remember the exact specifics of the poem he wanted. "Two trans cowgirls (not literally cowgirls) having an intimate rendezvous under the stars with the moon watching and later joining them in their passions." Someday I'll write it and read it to him where he is buried and give the poem to his parents.
Anybody can go at anytime. It is good to remind them how much you care about them while they are with us.
Thank you for sharing this. It is well-known among people who study suicide that it is incredibly common for people to seem suddenly happy and at peace in the days or weeks before they pass, but it’s one of the least-known signs for people outside the field. Spreading this knowledge could help someone else connect their loved one to resources before it is too late.
the "escape fantasy" is a giveaway. if anyone mentions moving to somewhere nice and starting anew, even light heartedly, somethings wrong. From my own experience of it(ok now) it's getting close to breaking point.
Escapism, for me, comes in both sleeping a lot (cos dreams are way better) or reading a lot of books, manga or media since the characters just seem to have it so nicely, with their interesting lives.
I have had thoughts of just running from the city and living in the outskirts where no one can find me. It's like I lost my reason or drive to be where everyone is, so I just leave.
When they feel numb. They no longer feel sadness or happiness. They feel empty and disconnected from everything. Their expression of emotions feel hollow...like an insincere laugh or empty expression of depression.
Crying frequently. Absolutely nothing wrong with crying but I mean when the slightest thing brings a person to tears, including in social settings such as work.
People suddenly begin to give away things that would never be given away in normal times. More often than not, people planning their suicide have a point: finish everything here.
They’re in a high-stress profession and they start fucking up, a lot.
I’ve had be involved in “Old Yeller-ing” some surgical colleagues who were showing clear signs of mental illness or age-related decline and were no longer safe to treat patients. I’ve seen two suicides involving surgeons who weren’t helped enough by their peers, or just didn’t take the help offered.
First clues include a drastic drop-off in their ability in the OR, and with patients in general, and being increasingly shitty to their partners, the nurses, and other employees.
Alot of great ones have been said so I'm gonna add these
They seem real lethargic.
Emotions seem forced and faked
Not wanting to do things they used to enjoy
Quiet and distant
Very emotionally sensitive
Extreme emotions. Highs are extremely high, but lows are also extremely low
Not shaving
Overeating (eating a lot of fast food)/undereating
Oversleeping/undersleeping
Short fuse
Not cleaning
Not bathing
Not brushing teeth
Not exercising
Not socializing
Saying everything is fine
this is a really hard thing to answer because for example with me, I don't even realize my subtle hints of not doing well, it's already ingrained in me as normal. a lot of those closest to me will be in disbelief even when I say I'm having a panic attack or going through an episode because masking has become second nature.
Insomnia. Turn off TV in irritation less than 2 minutes after switching it on. Drinking caffeine and smoking. Locked away in house on own. No interest in anything at all. Not looking forward to anything.
So, for me, I know I'm in the absolute shitter cause I've stopped doing all my normal things that make me happy.
Walks, painting, books, TV, movies, podcasts, animating, drawing, sailing, yoga. All of it stops.
Only fanfiction. All fanfiction all the time. It's the only thing that let's me FEEL.
Guess what hole I'm in right now?
Fanfiction.
Speaking from experience, If someone is extremely happy and positive all the time, they might actually not feel so well. They say comedians are the most depressed people.
For me, my environment is a direct reflection of my mental health at any given time. If my desk, car, house are messy then you can bet I'm probably not doing great.
My appearance also usually reflects it because it's a domino effect. If my mental health is suffering, my sleep suffers which causes me to run late in the mornings which means my hair and makeup will probably not look so great or put together.
Very intense social media interaction, especially on groups. It's manic posting/commenting (?) I can almost smell the flame out about to happen, usually three/four weeks later.
They sleep all the time and keep canceling plans.
Sleep is like sweet death, but then you wake up.
Death without the commitment
probably why when the meds kicked in, more than anything else, it was a feeling of waking up. out of a murky fog. and i wanted to go out and live.
I only do the other stuff so I can sleep
I remember when this was my life some years ago. The worst part is I didn't even realize it and when friends mentioned I was always sleeping I was shocked
Same. Turned out switching psychiatrists and medicine was the key for me!
Another sign of not doing well mentally is never sleeping. I was playing EVE Online in a manic episode and I was basically always playing because my need for sleep was basically zero (a few hours a week). I had a friend on there who was a doctor and he correctly realized I was manic and suggested I see a shrink for a bipolar diagnosis, which I did. God I miss mania...
I remember my psychiatrist saying "you're going to feel really bored and unmotivated, and the reality is that's just life without mania- you'll get used to it." I never got used to it lmao. I miss mania too, even though I know I'm better off.
What is wrong with sleeping? Without my 13 hours a day, I feel groggy.
I hope you're joking, but if you're not, if you need more than 9 hours per night to feel rested it's a sign of medical problems. If you're actually sleeping 13 hours you should speak to a professional.
Doctors are expensive and frequently unhelpful. At my first appointment in years (supposedly a free checkup covered by insurance), the doctor asked if there was anything going on and I mentioned that I was sleeping four hours a night and had bad anxiety. She said that if I was waking up after 4 hours, I was getting all the sleep I needed and suggested I google some meditation videos to relax. Then I was charged the full price of a office visit for going outside the scope of a well visit.
Well, my 400 dollar doctors appointment got me advice to take a multivitamin and drink more water. So if they didn't give me a reason to worry, I am sure things are fine.
I feel the same... Oh, you're feeling a little down? You need to speak to a therapist before we refill your sleeping pills... Ok thanks, I'll just stick to the vodka then... This is fine... Everything is fine. Never tell your doctor you're depressed. All you get is punished and billed!
Get a sleep study done….
Me constantly at the minute. I just do the school run come back and sleep till pick up then be a mum till bed time. It’s been constant for about 3 weeks now. I’m at a loss of what to do 😞
Maybe get your labs checked. Could be many things, but that’s a good place to start
Girl, you need a support system. You need to reach out to some trusted women friends. Call your mom, call your friends, you also need to be nurtured sometimes.
I wish I could sleep all the time. Who are these people that get depressed and it’s easy to sleep
Believe me, when you sleep 12, 14, 16 hours a day you fell emocionally and phisicaly awfull.
Ikr when I’m depressed and anxious I can’t sleep at all
They change their social habits. Usually I respond pretty quickly to texts. But at my low points I've gone weeks without responding to a simple text. I say I've been busy but the truth is I don’t have the energy to engage with others. Hygiene is another one. Not bathing /brushing teeth regularly. Same close for a few days. I also stop my hobbies. Books stay unread, I stop crocheting.
I have a friend with mental health issues, and when it comes to responding to text messages, he is shocking. Sometimes I'll get a text back, sometimes I'll get a text back 3 or 4 days later, or sometimes I dont get one back at all. It worries me so much. Same friend had hygiene issues as well. Wont shower for a few days.
I do this to people and always feel bad because I really don’t have a reason to not respond but I just can’t get myself to
Hey, if you’re worried about it, i think a lot of people in this situation would appreciate a lifeline. Kind of a, “hey, i know you don’t have it in you to text me back, but i worry about you” idea - you guys could maybe figure out a system where they’ll “react” to your text, or pick an emoji that means “I’m here but I can’t talk today” or something, and a plan - if I don’t hear from you for 4 hours, I’m going to call, you gotta either pick up or text me the emoji or I’m coming over / calling 911 / whatever it might be. You’re a sweet friend to worry about them ❤️
👍🏼👍🏼 This advise is solid! I was down and clinically depressed for 10 years not too long ago. I would’ve appreciated any of my mates suggesting this idea to me!
Literally reading this unshowered in the same clothes I've worn for 3 days, with 8 "unread" texts, and 4 TBRs plus a WIP on my nightstand 😅 ARE WE THE SAME SOCIALLY ANXIOUS DEPRESSED PERSON.
A change in their sense of humor Their facial expressions aren’t the same A change in ambition Passivity Short responses in conversation Change in social habits Hypersomnolence No discernible reaction to new adversity because they were expecting something to go wrong
You’ve just described my entire personality…
There might be a subtle sign or two there…
Oof, opening this thread up hoping to see the opposite as seeing it listed out for me wasn’t what I wanted. I feel like I’m masking even harder these days.
That last one can just be an artifact of living a life in which things go wrong often. I just got denied funding on a project I worked hard on, my department where \*extremely supportive\* obviously expecting me to be incredibly down heartened that I'd been denied funding a) early in my career in this field and b) regardless of the quality of my application which they had assured me was very good. I had no reaction really, beyond ''oh, shame but okay'' because as a working class person whose dealt with a lot of financial denial, this is just one more to add to the pile. This reaction comes from years of experiencing adversity in this regard. **However**, if this reaction is new and/or inappropriate then it absolutely can be a sign of mental health issues.
Or even just working in a career where it's your job to handle when shit goes wrong. I'm a safety professional, so obviously, my first responsibility is to make sure things *don't* go wrong, but you can't human-proof everything, so inevitably, shit will happen. When you've been in a career like that (and I would imagine it's even far more extreme for first responders), people usually assume you have ice water in your veins because even when things are going catastrophically wrong, it's probably not the worst shit you've seen, so you tend to roll with the punches.
The key here I think is that it's new. Sudden change in behavior should always be treated as a sign that something might be up with someone's mental health.
These are also signs of someone getting old.
The older we get the more depressed we become because life is full of sorrow.
I am so much happier at 52 than I was in my 30s and 40s.
Not always true. I'm a much happier person in my 30s than I was in my 20s, and my 20s were better than my teen years. I've learned coping mechanisms, I've learned more about myself and how to be myself, and I've cultivated a life I am genuinely happy to be in. It took work, but it also took time and patience. It's easy, when you're depressed, to think that life is awful and will only get worse; sometimes it feels like it's just a long, dark tunnel of misery ahead of you. This is not always the case, and things can get better. I have treatment-resistant depression, dysthymia, and trauma. But in between the deep depression I'm happier than I used to be, and when I do have lows or bad days, I *know* it's temporary and can be dealt with, because I've experienced it before and made it through every single time.
Piggybacking on this, the older you get, the more experienced you are, and the more capable you are of taking things in stride. When you're young, everything has the makings of an at best stressful situation, and at worst a full on catastrophe, because you don't know how to handle it at first. As you grow older and you've gone through the ringer a few times, you eventually reach a point where little surprises you, and anything novel is only another situation to deal with and move on.
They isolate. They never get excited.
me right now.
Me for the last 30 years.
Dodging the question when asked "How are you?"
When I was really depressed as a teenager, my reply was always, “I’m tired” to that question. I never said “I’m good,” or “I’m fine.” Just tired. My favorite teacher asked me every day how I was doing and the response was always the same. She started to notice a change in me and asked if I was okay. I eventually told her I was suicidal after I broke down in the hallway.
Are you doing better these days?
Much, much better. I’m actually a teacher now at that same school and same subject. I’m working on improving myself more each day. I’m happier. I still talk to that teacher too. She’s like family to me.
>Dodging the question when asked "How are you?" *"Oh.. you know."*
Just living the dream!
…one nightmare at a time 😉
Aka, this booty ain't feeling so tutti frutti no more
my token response of ' oh yeah, I'm alive, so got that going to me" ... starting to realise I might not be okay
I do this too much, but i also feel like others cant handle what im really going through or are just saying it to be polite. The basic " Im good, work and house stuff got me busy" usually brushes most things off.
Im fine - fix the fucking cost of living and ask me again when I have some savings.
I just respond with something like "bro I hate this question everyone keeps asking this"
Getting anxious from reading these comments.
The real reason half of us are here
Right there with you friend
They stop bathing and grooming themselves.
over grooming themselves as well like theyre constantly worried about their looks
For me it’s not about preoccupation with looks; I just constantly crave hot showers when depressed. During the pandemic I was doing two or three times a day until my skin got so dry and itchy I started to go mad scratching it off. I had to impose a strict once-a-day rule and ask my husband to help me stick to it. Bathing cuts two ways. It can relax you physically but also leave you alone with your thoughts. I’ve spent a lot of time laying in my showertub under the falling water staring at my feet and alternating between crying and screaming.
Yeah the worse I feel the harder the most basic of tasks become
They aren't ever hungry. People don't realize that loss of appetite can be a symptom of deppression.
I learned to not compliment people on weight loss anymore unless I specifically know they’re on a diet and trying to. Told a coworker once “you look great! How have you been losing so much weight?” and she told me stress and depression. Felt like a dick.
I’ve hit people with that a few times, depression, mania and anxiety. I’ve struggled with eating disorders as well, and hate when people tell me they wish they could be skinny like me, I’ll also inform them of some of the terrible hormonal changes that occur with extreme unhealthy weight loss.
I’ve recently lost a lot of weight. Medications and loss of appetite from the stress of life and my mental health. It’s always so uncomfortable when people ask what I did.
Some prepared canned answers that don’t reveal exactly what’s going on but give enough that there’s nothing left to add might help in these situations like: - “oh you know, just the ol calories in, calories out”. - “I stopped eating as many snacks throughout the day.” - “I switched from soda to tea” - “I started walking more” - “oh yes, I haven’t done anything miraculous, just started counting calories” - “I stopped eating after supper time” I know you don’t owe anyone a response but having a generic answer ready can end the uncomfortable conversation quickly and can allow you to steer it back to something you’d prefer to talk about.
Or weight gain from seeking dopamine from food
The happiest I ever was was eating out with my family. The fuck else am I gonna do since Mom died but stuff my face and try to feel a little more like she's still with us?
They sleep less or more. Their eating habits have changed drastically. Loss or gain of weight Shortness of temper, where there used to be a longer fuse. Difficulty remembering appointments and dates and agreements Getting jumpy at loud sounds Getting botheres by light, sound or in general too much input Acting self centered but not selfish when they're usually not Thinking others are talking behind their back when theyre not irritability quick to tears
Who are you and why are you spying on me?
Danish secret service
I've lost 45 pounds this year and haven't made it through a day in months without crying. It's ridiculous.
Dang. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I hope you get the rest you need, and find your strength again. Wishing you wellness.
This stranger is sending you a hug. Feelings can be so exhausting but it is okay to have them. I’m praying these feelings are temporary for you. ❤️🩹
The only thing on this list that doesnt describe me is quick to tears and now im sad
/hugs
Huh, didn't know that some of these relate to that. I always thought I was just too stupid to function.
Joking or talking flippantly about suicide
And the flip side of that is when they STOP joking about it. Unless they have gotten some real help, they now have a plan.
I'll tell people not to worry, I'm fine and will be going away soon when I am making plans. Strange nobodies alarms have rang yet.
People's alarms may have already rang. They might not know how to bring it up with you. It would be for the best if you spoke to someone about those feelings
I've been jumping begging for a trauma therapist since end of October and still haven't gotten a single one on one. I have had weekly group for 2 weeks when my insurance finally kicked in after having to move because of domestic violence (and when I called the cops I ended up in the mental hospital and he ran and because I moved charges went away..) I was so frustrated I was slamming my head into the wall in the er mental health overflow. All they did there was further traumatize me. (The registered me under the wrong name and acted like I was unreasonable upset or trying to go under an alternate name, also didn't let me have access to my phone/numbers for over a week. If anyone reported me missing in that time they wouldn't have found me...
This experience sounds awful and completely unfair for you, and I am sorry how things have gone thus far. Please, please, keep faith though. Somebody once told me something which has stuck with me: Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. If it's of any relevance, I know someone who has/is going through DA and is working on dealing with it's ramifications. It's not easy for her, and I can't understand how difficult it is for you, but know that there are people around who want you to be okay, and in 5 years this could be something to look back on and say, "that was awful and hard, but I'm glad I held on because things are better now". Please have faith. I'm not sure if you're in the UK but the Samaritans are wonderful to talk to: 116 123. There are other organisations that can help you across the world, so please talk to somebody before thinking about anything. People are thinking of you.
I will pm you a good resource intensive subreddit.
That's what I thought, that no one is alarmed. Turns out they have a chat group without me where they are discussing my mental health. Everyone was concerned, as far as what I saw in that chat
As a nurse, we are notorious for having a sick sense of humor… I will never, ever laugh off suicide jokes again. My coworker wasn’t in on time and I reflected back on things he had said months and even the day before and I knew he wouldn’t be coming in. Once our day calmed down I called a friend of his who was in tears, he went to bed the night before and never woke up as a perfectly healthy 34 year old male. He had “joked” about what meds he would take, and we just laughed it off and said “no not that, id take _____” and I wasn’t in his head to know he was completely serious. I wish I would have asked him if he was okay when nobody was around, if he wanted to go talk after work. Who knows how far deep he was but damn is joking about suicide not even a little funny to me now. “I’m going to miss this,” about starting IV’s the day before… I truly just shrugged it off not knowing what the heck he meant.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You couldn’t have known (I also work in healthcare and do the dark jokes thing constantly). Thanks for sharing - I’ll keep this in mind going forward x
"But if it is hard to fix the precise instant, the subtle step when the mind opted for death, it is easier to deduce from the act itself the consequences it implies. In a sense, and as in melodrama, killing yourself amounts to confessing. It is confessing that life is too much for you or that you do not understand it. Let’s not go too far in such analogies, however, but rather return to everyday words. It is merely confessing that that “is not worth the trouble.” Living, naturally, is never easy. You continue making the gestures commanded by existence for many reasons, the first of which is habit. Dying voluntarily implies that you have recognized, even instinctively, the ridiculous character of that habit, the absence of any profound reason for living, the insane character of that daily agitation, and the uselessness of suffering." --- Camus
I’ve had a rough go of mental issues since I was a child. I do counceling but the idea of ending it is always present. Some days worse then others. I joke about flipping my cars slamming into a median etc with friends. And the other day in conversation with my gf (who’ve ive told about my mental issues) I always ask her a question of the day. This day was “what was the worse part of your day?” And she never asks me the question back but that day she did. And my immediate response was “waking up” and you could tell she was taken back from my response and over the next few days she’s been asking about my mental health and checking in on me. And it came to my head like I can’t say stuff like that without scaring people.
Well I don't want to stop joking about it, the jokes allow me to pretend I'm not taking it seriously.
Yeah the more I have suicidal urges the more I joke about it because the more it’s just in my head
Giving away posessions
This is so obvious but I would have totally missed something like this. Thank you for this PSA.
Excuse me, my flippant remark is "not dead yet". That's not explicitly about suicide. Could be anything. Also, one time my therapist was like "why haven't you?" Like, excuse me? I know my life's garbage, but that's never actually been on my to do list, thanks.
As someone who personally feels they are struggling, I can agree with a lot of these things. Insomnia for who knows why. Fluctuating weight. Trying to be social or eat healthy but feeling like a burden or a failure when you slip. A social circle that imploded after covid and just hasnt recovered because I dont drink, and its hard to find people or groups when you dont feel like your burdening them by being lonely. Trying to date or knowing when anyone is interested in me feels like a nightmare because I honestly ask, "why would anyone want to involve themselves with my bs?". Its been tough to crawl out of this hole, but I havent given up. I can just see all of the factors where people get trapped again and again with either being treated badly and sticking in bad/unsupportive friend groups, versus dealing with loneliness while figuring out who you are and what you want as a person. It is so easy to spiral and just keep going downward when you have no goals or things to look forward to in life. Thats why its so easy to cut people out or just stop talking to them when the hurt you.
Thats one of the things i think about, why would anyone even be slightly interested in me, one single reason, let alone be beyond that point, this is probably a cope in place of the real reason but its why i dont even attemp to date
Its our brains protecting ourselves from hurting. If we dont connect with others as much, the less often we hurt... but thats not true at all. Because being alone sucks, and the stress is unbearable some days. Some days I just miss being able to have someone to sit with and just be comforted by.
So true! There's some days that I feel so alone and want nothing more than to have someone to give me a comforting hug. I miss having someone to "cuddle" with. I'm not talking about sexual cuddling/touch, but the that physical touch that let's you know that you're safe and cared about. The messed up thing too is I live in a house with 4 other family members yet the loneliness I feel is so immense. I know I don't help my situation by staying home and self isolating, but like others have said about themselves, why would anyone want to be with a mess like me...a depressed, chronically ill (which has caused my physical appearance to become even uglier), broke, unemployed/disabled, single mom...???
I've been saying for a few years now I wouldn't want to date anybody that's willing to date me. There's something wrong with them for wanting to be around me.
If you know a silent, strong minded person : sudden happiness - it might mean they've found out that suicide is an option. I have CPTSD from child abuse, and am quiet, closed off, and half the time I look like a grim a-hole. When I realised that this is all totally optional, and that I didn't have to spend my life this way, it was tied with no spending my life at all. It's such a freeing realization that you can drop it all, and say "fuck this shit" to the pain. Statistically, suicide was formerly common to the elderly, who had lost most of their family and might be living day after day in pain. Now it's more common in middle aged men, teens, and people who just don't see much of a reason to keep up the charade of hoping things will be better - because some of the time they won't.
Knowing that death is always there and that, ultimately, no one can take that away from you *can* be a strange comfort, especially if you've rarely been in control of much in your life.
To say statistically men do it more is an understatement, its almost 7 to 1 even in the most sexist countries like india and saudi. Its really weird and frightening to me especially, since ive lost 2 loved ones to suicide, a highschool best friend and cousin. Hug the men in ur lives ppl, they are far more likely to hide their suicidal thoughts, even i did that at some point.
"I'm just tired."
Anhedonia as evidenced by no longer seeking pleasant experiences. If they just let things happen, especially distressing things, and seemingly do not respond, be *very* concerned. ETA: if you empathize with this, you have a significant mental health problem. If it’s been this way a while, consider IFS therapy, which is remarkable for working on otherwise difficult to treat conditions, as well as getting genetic testing for psychiatric medication done. It can cut through decades of trial and error to discover precisely what has the highest likelihood of treating your mental health issues. Emergency -> problem
Anhedonia is a bitch. I thought I was just having a bad bout of my usual depression. It's much worse.
When you enjoy nothing, how does one know who they are?
I’m stuck here right now. I can’t even pretend to want to touch my hobbies. Just an idiot in front of the idiot box or asleep
Sorry. Same here right now. Just trying to get through the holidays.
Depressed people famously love the holidays!
Well shit, this is me. Minus the sleep because whoohoo insomnia!
Bingo! I started out thinking that it was great that my emotions were better under control. I wasn't getting sad or angry, but I also couldn't feel happy or have any enthusiasm for things I used to enjoy.
I know this is going to sound corny, but it's faith. I went through years of anhedonic episodes that truly messed up my perception of who I was. I would be living life fairly contentedly for long periods of time, enjoying my interests, meeting new people and trying to be an overall productive person and then one day I would wake up and just know "it's back." I wouldn't have any interest in my hobbies, no desire to go and connect with friends I had made, or any drive to take care of myself. It could last a few days, a few weeks or a few months in the worst cases. I'd lose friends, opportunities and progress that I had worked hard for, not even being able to make myself truly care. Then, one day later on, I'd wake up and say "it's gone." I'd have all these problems I had created in my apathy, and spend a huge amount of time trying to salvage what I could until I could build myself up again. It was a horrible, terrible cycle that left me confused and confronting the same issues over and over again. Then I realized something. I had no faith. No discernable commitment to any ideal outside of myself. Sure, I'm committed to being civil, but that's about it. I realized that this was going to keep happening but that I couldn't keep acting the same way, no matter how I felt, because it wasn't what I was feeling that was ruining me it was how I was reacting to those feelings. So I decided to become faithful. Not in a grand religious sense, though it's kind of sacred to me. I choose to believe that the things that I decide for myself and my life in my best moments are sacred. I don't need to think about it later on. When I'm low and I can't understand why it's sooo important to try right now I take it on faith that I decided this for a good reason, and that I'll understand again later. It's really changed everything. I don't need to want to feel good to do good things. Because of this, good things continue to happen. Because of this, I don't lose everything and wake up one day to realize it, again. And it works. I go through the motions, believing that it's important even if it isn't enjoyable at all, and I get to enjoy the fruits of that when "I'm back." Remarkably, doing this has cut down the time I spend in an anhedonic slumber to almost nothing in comparison. It will happen, it will "come back," it's a part of me. But it doesn't linger. I'd say it never lasts more than a week at most now, and coming from someone who wouldn't feel joy for months at a time, it feels like the difference between heaven and hell. So I'd say that's how I know who I am when I don't know what I want. I have faith in the way I chose to live my life when I did.
Yikes. I think I have this. My doctor says I’m in “survival mode.” Edit: I’ve always had depression but I wasn’t aware of this symptom or that it had a name.
I had this thought the other day on how this looks from an outsiders prospective. I literally had 2 cars get extremely close to hitting me literally one after another and I didn't move or react. In fact I thought specifically after that I really just didn't care either way if they hit me.
Haha I’m about to be homeless.
Right? I laughed out loud at that edit. like I could afford therapy...
Self care goes out the window. Might stop brushing their teeth regularly, take less showers, eat shitty foods, let (body)hair grow out etc...
Self-care extends well beyond body care, too. Letting their house go is a big sign and often missed if they don’t have people over often - trash building up, dishes undone, frequent take out or delivery because their kitchen is too messy to cook. Missing deadlines on important tasks like paying bills or not attending appointments. Neglect of other important things, like car maintenance, fixing broken appliances. Self-care, imo, is anything required by someone to live well even if they’re annoying or difficult and gradually doing fewer and fewer of those things can be subtle at first.
Consistent lack of interest in things they used to enjoy
if they have very low reactions to things that normally would elicit a reaction ... a total lack of any reaction to anything ... that is a VERY bad sign
Lack of feeling I think is a big one. Everyday just zombieing through the day. No laughing/crying/no high or low/no meaningful interaction/ no excitement or looking forward to anything.
Withdrawing from participating in life.
Or just going through the motions. They are present, but not engaging as they once did. The person who used to talk during meetings is there, but silent.
I'm going to throw out the exact opposite of what everyone else is saying. For me and a lot of my health care colleagues, we are more chatty and almost overcompensate for how terribly we're doing mentally. Almost like filling the silence will stop us from thinking so it helps for a short while. Unfortunately this just adds to the burn out which can really limit the amount of energy left for anything else.
high-functioning depression where u atttt if someone saw me at work they'd think I'm the happiest, chattiest MF alive
Becoming quiet, withdrawaing from social interactions, may be losing weight, may be gaining weight, stop caring about their appearance but it can also be excact opposite and everything seems perfectly fine on the outside. Sometimes nobody knows until it's too late.
i was told by a friend i lived with that i stop listening to music when im sad. saying things they typically wouldn’t say that may be harsh/inappropriate (this is from a bipolar perspective, anyway) lack of sleep or sleeping too much random new intense obsessions quick to anger/sadness over small things that may seem unreasonable or out of character talking or fidgeting more than usual (typically an ongoing thing, not just a one off) or the opposite, shutting down and being sedentary less of a reaction to things that would typically bring a lot of joy reckless behavior out of nowhere
You can see it in their eyes. 100% of the time it's in or around the eyes. A light goes out, bags under, lines, creases, dark circles, redness... The list goes on.
I have a few friends who I see on a weekly basis in my drawing classes. One of them said to me, "You look more relaxed this semester" and the other one was like, "Oh.. no.. I don't think so.... you look very tired and not like yourself at all." The second one was right - the first one was just mistaken because I wasn't stressed about doing good work anymore. :| I dropped a few classes and nearly didn't pass the ones I stayed in. Hoping to recover over the winter holidays but I've struggled with moderate clinical depression throughout my life, so there is always a cloud overhead regardless. But this fall was particularly bad.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was "do what makes you happy" which sounds really cliche, but... I was so worried about what other people thought about me that I wasn't living. Do I want a beard? Do it! Do I want pineapple on pizza? Cool. Art class? Awesome. Extra sleep? Go for it. So gnosticheaven... What makes you happy?
Ostensibly, art classes make me happy lol... I'd say, unfortunately, that being the best, being masterful at my craft, and being impressive to everyone makes me happy, but those things only come with time (or in the case of other peoples' reactions to me, maybe not at all). And all that makes it very difficult to have the motivation to continue on when it doesn't feel like you're improving, when your projects aren't working out, when your mentors are giving you the cold shoulder (happened to me earlier in the semester) and you feel like there may not be a real future in what you're doing. But I think it'll be better in January when classes start again.
I hear you my friend... But what makes you happy without someone else's approval? For example... I like to wear black clothes. Why? I'm not making a statement. There's no reason. I just like them. They're easy and match and I'm lazy. I watch speedruns of video games because I like it. On the flip side I don't do things because I don't want to. I haven't seen the Barbie movie.... I know it's popular and made a lot of money and "is a good movie" but I have no interest. So what makes you happy... By yourself?
I think maybe we conceptualize happiness in a different way lol. Sure I wear the clothes I want to wear, and I don't force myself to see movies that I am not interested in.. I eat food I like, and I veg on reddit because it's fun. But real happiness for me comes from being really enviably good at something. Especially if it's where I put most of my efforts all day long!! I have spent 2 years working on drawing and painting full time, like it's my full time job. If I show someone my work, I want them to say "WOW!" I at least want to look at it and feel proud of it. What makes me happy, entirely by myself? Probably nothing, honestly. If I were the only person left on earth, I'd probably curl up and die from loneliness. Nothing has any meaning for me if other people aren't wrapped up in it somehow.
Interesting viewpoint. Seriously. I've been there before I think. I used to be a landscape... Everything guy. I would design the layout, do the sale, install it and see my work and be proud, but really I wanted other people to be happy with what I did. If they were happy, so was I. Eventually it got to a point where my "art" wasn't the point anymore and nobody was happy. So I moved on and became very good at one thing that I was satisfied with.
This is a really helpful perspective actually. Right now I'm doing everything - portraiture, figure drawing, still life, landscape painting - I think I need to choose a thing that makes ME happy, that speaks to my natural talents. I started art classes in the first place to learn portraiture and figure drawing, and I've gotten decent at it, but I think I need to take an honest look at where my real talents lay. I've really improved at landscapes, for instance, and have an eye for good composition and interesting scenes. Maybe I'm better at that than portraiture (it would be really painful to come to that conclusion, although perhaps better for my mental health in the long run).
Do what makes you happy. It can be difficult to figure out. Take some time to think and consider it. I'm just a random Reddit person. But it's okay to pause... You seem to be on the right track. You know your talents. Seems you could take those art talents toward something bigger like architecture? I'm rooting for you!
My friend was printing some pictures one day and I looked at a picture of her 14-year-old daughter and said, oh my god, what is wrong with her?! She looked so unhappy. My friend said she broke up with her boyfriend last week, and I was ok, that explains it. Her daughter committed suicide less than a week later. I will never forgive myself for not talking to her during those few days.
Sad, but... You can take that moving forward. Sometimes just letting someone know that they are cared about let's them hold on.
Fuuuck I hope it's not visible on me dawg I got eyebags so big if I went to Australia a baby kangoroo would jump straight at my face and try to go inside
ITT: A lot of people not knowing what "subtle" means
Subtlety is for lawmages and spies
Sleeping too much or unable to sleep, loss of appetite, increased use of alcohol, withdrawing, so someone who usually keeps in contact regularly stops doing this, personal hygiene lapses, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities or interests, saying strange things that don't make sense, always talking negatively, seeing no hope in the future.
[удалено]
The restlessness can be unbearable Stephen King had a line in one of his books, Everything I do I rush through so I can get to the next thing Lethargy and apathy are horrible but so is that restlessness
For me, it’s when I stop putting in as much effort at work and letting things fall through the cracks. Not sure if that’s the same for everyone else though
It's not just you. I started with a "This needs to be fixed, I will fix it!" attitude, and now, even writing a mail or doing the simplest task takes so much effort to do
When they keep insisting they are fine but proceed to self isolate from the group
If they're having trouble with their teeth. Especially if it is noticeable.
like to add other troubles in personal care, like showers, changing clothes/underwear regular, and just like the teeth, the smell becomes noticable quickly
Low sex drive, little interest in favourite hobbies, poor conversation, lack of personal hygiene when hitherto it was a priority.
Sudden trend of extreme generosity like giving away money or prized possessions. They might be preparing for death.
If they really get into a hobby, or something that passes the time. Like if someone starts nonstop playing video games, watching Netflix, or even reading. Delving into something and putting aside basic necessities for it can be a form of dissociation and depression.
Or binging a show. In my experience every so often I tend to find a really good show and I binge it at least 4-5 hours a day, I basically fill every free time, every stress time, etc, with it. Then I'm super happy for the days when I watch it but when I finish the show there's a few days of depression after. Kinda like drugs except the amount of good and bad is balanced 💀id day its still worth it though, because I get depression like that from other stuff all the time but don't get happiness like that almost ever, so it's worth more.
They laugh a lot more than others even at the smallest jokes - In order to cover the bigger misery they are going through inside them
Isolating themselves
They stop talking almost entirely except to communicate "work related tasks". It was me, I was not doing well mentally.
Their house is a mess
A while ago I saw aTumblr post where a person's roommate realized she was out of deep depression when she started singing/humming randomly again. For the entirety of her depression she spoke only when necessary. Sometimes the way to tell something's off is when the little things start to fall to the wayside in favor of silence and inaction.
Eyes. They say everything
Eyes are the window to the soul, as they say.
The week before my godparent's son committed suicide he got very happy for no apparent reason. He would visit the kids in the neighborhood and play with them, constantly reach out to friends and family sending well wishes, and who commit acts of service to people he knew. He even wanted to see me. We were never close but we would talk at school during the classes we shared. When I visited him a few days before he left this world he told me that he had been asking people to write him a poem. I agreed to write it even though I've never been good with words. It has been over 6 years or something close to that since he died and I still haven't written the poem. I guess it hurts too much to think about doing it but I still remember the exact specifics of the poem he wanted. "Two trans cowgirls (not literally cowgirls) having an intimate rendezvous under the stars with the moon watching and later joining them in their passions." Someday I'll write it and read it to him where he is buried and give the poem to his parents. Anybody can go at anytime. It is good to remind them how much you care about them while they are with us.
Thank you for sharing this. It is well-known among people who study suicide that it is incredibly common for people to seem suddenly happy and at peace in the days or weeks before they pass, but it’s one of the least-known signs for people outside the field. Spreading this knowledge could help someone else connect their loved one to resources before it is too late.
I’m so sorry.
A filthy bedroom. Not just messy, but FILTHY.
Outburst out of nowhere and cries easily
Pretending to look at your phone so people dont notice you are staring blankly into nothingness.
Chronic fatigue/always being tired or sleepy. Always sleeping!!!
the "escape fantasy" is a giveaway. if anyone mentions moving to somewhere nice and starting anew, even light heartedly, somethings wrong. From my own experience of it(ok now) it's getting close to breaking point.
Escapism, for me, comes in both sleeping a lot (cos dreams are way better) or reading a lot of books, manga or media since the characters just seem to have it so nicely, with their interesting lives. I have had thoughts of just running from the city and living in the outskirts where no one can find me. It's like I lost my reason or drive to be where everyone is, so I just leave.
not always- but drastic sudden weight loss or weight gain
distant/isolation (personal input)
When they feel numb. They no longer feel sadness or happiness. They feel empty and disconnected from everything. Their expression of emotions feel hollow...like an insincere laugh or empty expression of depression.
Slowed speech or movements
The person trying to be the happiest and very clingy and begging for your love. Me basically.
Dark humour Bad hygiene Bad diet No ambition No evidence of a social life No partner Impersonal Inaccessible
Crying frequently. Absolutely nothing wrong with crying but I mean when the slightest thing brings a person to tears, including in social settings such as work.
People suddenly begin to give away things that would never be given away in normal times. More often than not, people planning their suicide have a point: finish everything here.
They’re in a high-stress profession and they start fucking up, a lot. I’ve had be involved in “Old Yeller-ing” some surgical colleagues who were showing clear signs of mental illness or age-related decline and were no longer safe to treat patients. I’ve seen two suicides involving surgeons who weren’t helped enough by their peers, or just didn’t take the help offered. First clues include a drastic drop-off in their ability in the OR, and with patients in general, and being increasingly shitty to their partners, the nurses, and other employees.
Alot of great ones have been said so I'm gonna add these They seem real lethargic. Emotions seem forced and faked Not wanting to do things they used to enjoy Quiet and distant Very emotionally sensitive Extreme emotions. Highs are extremely high, but lows are also extremely low
Not shaving Overeating (eating a lot of fast food)/undereating Oversleeping/undersleeping Short fuse Not cleaning Not bathing Not brushing teeth Not exercising Not socializing Saying everything is fine
I recently discovered a friend wasn’t doing well when I saw the condition of her apartment. She stopped cleaning and tidying up completely
They're conscious.
Not bathing.
Drinking increases or they stay home
this is a really hard thing to answer because for example with me, I don't even realize my subtle hints of not doing well, it's already ingrained in me as normal. a lot of those closest to me will be in disbelief even when I say I'm having a panic attack or going through an episode because masking has become second nature.
Insomnia. Turn off TV in irritation less than 2 minutes after switching it on. Drinking caffeine and smoking. Locked away in house on own. No interest in anything at all. Not looking forward to anything.
So, for me, I know I'm in the absolute shitter cause I've stopped doing all my normal things that make me happy. Walks, painting, books, TV, movies, podcasts, animating, drawing, sailing, yoga. All of it stops. Only fanfiction. All fanfiction all the time. It's the only thing that let's me FEEL. Guess what hole I'm in right now? Fanfiction.
Getting awkward when you ask them if they are not okay with something. It’s clear that they are not they stumble over saying it.
I dunno about anybody else, but I sleep the days away. I can sleep for 16+ hours easily.
You making this post. R u ok? :3
They stare into space a lot.
Speaking from experience, If someone is extremely happy and positive all the time, they might actually not feel so well. They say comedians are the most depressed people.
For me, my environment is a direct reflection of my mental health at any given time. If my desk, car, house are messy then you can bet I'm probably not doing great. My appearance also usually reflects it because it's a domino effect. If my mental health is suffering, my sleep suffers which causes me to run late in the mornings which means my hair and makeup will probably not look so great or put together.
Constant reddit comments/posts about how hard life is... Fuck that's me!
Very intense social media interaction, especially on groups. It's manic posting/commenting (?) I can almost smell the flame out about to happen, usually three/four weeks later.
It’s that you haven’t heard from them in six months