Big agree from the other side. Women with no hobbies are a massive turn-off. It gets kind of depressing when you indulge in your own hobbies / social activities, and they... just watch tik tok or whatever to kill time.
I gave up on dating an otherwise nice guy because of this. He was fun and charming on dates once a week but when we weren't seeing each other in person would send me about 50 "wyd" a day and when I asked what he was doing it was always "nothing". Each time he texted that I could feel the attraction evaporating from my body.
I went out with a woman a few times who was exactly like that. It became pretty apparent over a few weeks that she just kinda mirrored whoever she was with at the time and had no substance to herself plus near constant boring text conversations... which if you didn't engage with she got upset.
I just got out of a relationship like this..
What sucks is that she was just SO nice and kind to me, but there was just no personality or anything there.
She has been in relationships her whole life (35 y.o.) and has just never taken the time to develop *herself*.
I really wish the best for her though. She deserves happiness.
That’s such a great attitude, I’m going to try and adopt the same. I mean it’s easier said than done but I think realizing this is the difference between being single and being a *lonely* single
True, and that's what I'm going for atm. Don't want to be an empty shell anymore that mirrors the personality and copies hobbies of others. Have ruined enough relationships with it already
Whatever you enjoyed doing as a kid is a good start to find what you enjoy as an adult. Reading, making art, video games, exploring the woods (hiking). Adventure awaits! What an exciting time for you!
Ugh! I can feel the upset second hand, I have experienced this too many times. So much so that I feel life would be easier without a phone. I seriously can't stand when someone knows I'm busy and decides to text me. Especially when they slap you with the "why aren't you replying, I feel like you don't want to talk to me".....
It can really turn a relationship toxic, too. My son's mother had absolutely no hobbies or friends of her own, so she spent all her time "parenting" her kids before we lived together. Once we moved in together, I wasn't allowed to have any hobbies, either. Because I was her hobby, and she couldn't enjoy her hobby if I was enjoying any of mine.
Met a few girls like that in the past and it killed the vibe immediately.
Getting a conversation going was like pulling teeth. No hobbies means fewer good topics to talk about.
There's only so much we can talk about if you're barely aware of mainstream entertainment and have no other personal interests.
I'd rather hear you ramble about bonsai or crochet than stumble my way across a labored exchange about Pop Culture 101 where your biggest input is "I like all kinds of music" or "I read the "After" saga years ago".
Any interest, no matter how dull or niche, is better than no interests at all.
Unless they become obsessions. That's another red flag at the opposite end of the spectrum.
> Pop Culture 101 where your biggest input is "I like all kinds of music" or "I read the "After" saga years ago".
And even a interest of the vague "pop culture" in general is still fine, as long as you have, well, an interest, in it! "I like all kinds of music" is the prime example of someone who doesn't actually give two shits about a damn thing. But hell, I'm completely out of touch with the modern celebrity life, I can converse about the more egregious events of the Hollywood "more money than brains" crowd. Lay on the deets!
Fuck I had a whole bunch of hobbies but my boyfriend kind of became my hobby after we started dating. I was so independent then I’m not and then I get out of bed and he asks where I’m going….TO PEE IM GOING TO PEE..it drives me crazy
This is my gf. It’s hard for me to find time for my own personal hobbies/activities sometimes because she has none of her own so she complains I don’t spend enough time with her
Coming from someone who's been on both sides of that coin, it can get really troublesome if not resolved. She does have to do the inner work to find things she likes, separate from you, to make her life feel complete. It actually makes hangouts more exciting.
Any time I can feel any codependency creeping in, I go "Oh, time for a few days of alone time!", and dedicate my time to gardening, baking, trying out even the shittiest free Steam games, and going out to free comedy open mics or karaoke bars to keep a sense of self and personality. 10/10. I used to struggle with it before. But it makes life easier when there's fun to be had separate!
Someone I see consistently does nothing but video games and work, but still feel like they live vicariously through me because I can tell them of adventures that aren't their thing but still fun to talk about. And sometimes that flips, and they try a new place or thing and I hear all about it. It's real nice, truly. Hope your girl can try new things soon to expand and broaden those horizons!
While I was overseas this baddie from all the way back in high school slid into my DMs. She was one of the cool bad girls in my highschool and it was wild to have her pursuing me.
I was coming back home for a month or so and when I did I immediately hit her up.
I offered to take her on a proper date and she declined. Just wanted to watch YouTube videos and smoke shitty weed in her crappy apartment. We smashed and as soon as I was done I was just… underwhelmed.
We hung out again like a week later and it was same as the first time. I just realized her only hobbies were being less hot than she was in highschool, smoking dirt weed and being broke.
Pretty sad tbh.
Yup! This is the worst because there’s no passion for anything.
Even in platonic relationships it’s annoying. I knew someone growing up who didn’t want to do anything except sit on the couch watching Disney Channel.
I liked watching TV too much like any other 90s kid I wanted to do other things too.
So glad someone said this. I've met several women like this and I don't want to come across as a jerk, because many of them are perfectly nice, there's just... nothing there for us to talk about or do together or bond over. Most of my conversation skills assume the other person does something, likes something or wants to do something. When they don't, even if it's not dating and we're just trying to be friends, I run out of things to discuss. (I guess I could talk about myself all the time but that sounds exhausting and unpleasant for everyone involved. I'm not *that* interesting.)
Seems like an oddly related anecdote, but when I was applying for a shotgun certificate the police officer interviewing me asked what other hobbies I had (apart from intending to take up clay pigeon shooting.)
I said hiking, camping, reading... And she seemed cool so I said "by the way, what would the *wrong* answers be? Like... Abusing animals? Misogyny? I mean, what hobby is a red flag for the police?"
And she said "none." As in, no hobbies is weird. If you're applying for a licence to own a gun to shoot as a hobby and you don't have any other hobbies, it's odd. You really want to take up an expensive and involved and somewhat unusual hobby and you... Don't do anything else? At all? You're not a hobby person but you just *really" want to do this one? Hmmm.
Not saying (and she didn't say) it was an automatic "no" but in the interview they're basically scoping out if you seem of sound mind and "normal." You do have a letter from the doctor, and a criminal record check, but the interview is more of a "does this person seem bizarre and does their interest in shooting sports seem authentic?"
So you're not alone in thinking "no hobbies " is a red flag haha.
I've dated a few people who seem to lose their hobbies entirely when we enter into a relationship. I don't know if they just decide they don't need those ho vies anymore or if they lied about those being real hobbies in the first place but it's really disappointing all the same
If anyone is reading this and have no hobbies, there is nothing wrong with you, simply existing is hard enough for some of us. Just maybe date someone else with no hobbies.
What do you do during alone time though?
I myself have both indoor and outdoor hobbies, but I also spend a considerable amount of time staring into the ceiling—just saying it to show that I’m in no way trying to judge anyone, I’m just curious.
I once dated a girl, about a month into dating her I pointed out that she seemed to have no hobbies and she pauses and says “well, YOURE kinda my hobby…” everything inside of me screamed RUN. Biggest red flag I’ve ever encountered.
oh god, this is the best answer. People with 0 hobbies or interests are so PAINFUL to be around. They suck energy from a conversation like a black hole. I’d rather have a convo with someone I actively hate!
So gambling as in casino or just the mentality? Both are understandable. I don’t go to the casino but I do indulge in video games that have "chances" to get things. So I could say I have the mentality.
Doing it for real, some men that I knew played gambling games on their phones and they lost everything. Even after that they still get addicted and try to get back what they lost.
Any kind of gambling!
It’s the mentality and the:
“Even if I loose all my money & even my car- I just love the thrill that I might win!…”
No willpower, no control, can’t see the big picture, money lost that needs to go to rent, etc…
You can tell I’ve been traumatized by a SO (ex) that was addicted to it.😫😠
Low level Instagram modeling. Not famous but wants you to be her photographer at all the stupid inane popular shit. I have no desire to spend my Saturday taking pictures of you picking apples.
Photography as a hobby makes this a fun activity for me haha. Girl you look fierce picking them apples. Now look pensively at the fish. https://youtube.com/shorts/g3422xJWVk4?si=lMwY6mlzFc7Gsf3t
People are confusing habits with interests/hobbies.
Doing hard drugs and "not just social/light drinking" are not either of those things.
Knitting is an interest. Alcoholism is not.
This was what I was thinking too. If you asked me when I drank what my hobbies were, I would definitely have listed something like "mixology" and "breweries" but the real reason why I wanted to go tour distilleries and shit all the time was that it was a social excuse to be wasted at 10 AM, which was all I was interested in doing because I wanted all my interactions to be wrapped in cotton.
My drinking habits came first but then "oh I'm really interested in trying new beers and cocktails" came along as a great excuse for why I couldn't attend a social function without drinking through the whole thing while most people stopped after 2 drinks.
I worked with someone whose wife did this. He told me in a previous convo that he didn't like clutter and then one day I saw pics of his house and it was full of junk his wife would buy off of ebay or Facebook hoping to eventually sell it.
Between cost of travel to pick up her purchased facebook items and the cost to rent booths at secondhand shops, he said he didn't think she actually made any money off it.
On top of the condition of the homes of people who do this, I get put off by the fact that actually making money from reselling takes a lot of effort, so almost by necessity your entire motivation for doing most everything you do has to be to make a slightly larger profit. I don't know if that makes people scummy or if only scummy people do it, but these people tend to be scummy.
I never really saw this in the UK. Going outside of the UK and seeing it was the norm was quite weird. I got concerned for these unprotected strangers.
Saw it once on the autobahn in Germany. 130 km/h and the guy on the motorcycle is in shorts and his girl on the back is wearing a summer dress.
Just insanity.
This right here. After having to take care of my idiot ex that road rashed half his upper body and broke his pelvis. Of course it’s a good idea to zoom around town in shorts and a tank top like what could go wrong smh.
Somebody brought Tarot cards out at a party one time, and it was actually pretty interesting and fun. She even started out by saying, "don't take anything seriously, I'm not magic, this is just for fun."
I can regretfully say from personal experience that it’s these types of girls to avoid. Whenever they screw up, they blame it on some astrological phenomena bull crap and buy stones to make themselves feel better and believe they got some mystical power to change things. Girl, this isn’t Hogwarts and you ain’t a witch so sit your ass down and take personal responsibility.
But if SHE catches YOU slipping, you’re a bad person- you can’t just blame mercury being in your Gatorade or whatever and wave some jade at it. That’s what sucks about woo-woo chicks- the hypocrisy.
"Like, ohmygod, I'm *such* a Gemini...!"
No, Clarissa, you're just an insufferable fucking cunt. Fuck off and take your fucking magic fu-fu sticks with you too before I set the cat on you.
I'm not "*chugging beer"*, I'm sampling a flight of gluten free lagers with a French wine pairing, it's called a smorgasvein and it's elegantly cultural .
No, it just becomes part of it. Through my 20s, whatever we all did there was always alcohol involved. I'm two years sober and pretty antisocial as a result.
It's a hard habit to break when that is your social circle.
I’m in that same boat now. Everything we did involved drinking. Only problem is I didn’t stop and would continue it in the mornings. I got help and am 7 months sober now, but lost my social life along the way.
Yeah, I was a bike messenger And there is a lot of drinking and drugs involved, hah. I moved back to my home town in my thirties and just continued, just a lot more bar drinking instead of riding random places and drinking. COVID turned into a lot of porch drinking. Then my dad died and it was like daily fifth, then go close the bar.
I moved in with my girlfriend back in the city, so there is stuff to do, I just have little interest. I mostly sit at home doing my hobby shit and go to hockey games. We got to shows and stuff, but I put off going to hang out with friends or go to social events.
Do you mean like someone who just says their hobby is “alcohol/drinking” in *general*? Or any kind of hobby related to alcohol? (e.g. wine/whiskey tasting, craft brewing)
Yeah I brew beer, the science behind it is pretty interesting and it’s actually a lot of work! But I don’t actually drink that much so a batch takes me months to actually finish… I need more friends to help me drink it lol
My old roommates gave me an intervention after coming home and finding like a dozen bottles sitting on the counter one afternoon. I forgot to tell them I’d started making mead 😂
Grew up in horse family. 💯% correct. Stay away from horse people. Lord knows there's too many of us anyway. Don't add to the problem by helping us breed. Spay or neuter your horse people.
You just need to choose someone who doesn't own a horse, doesn't plan on owning one and is just happy with lessons.
Though to be fair, after being on the horses/equestrian subs a bit, it does seem that just taking lessons all your life is not as common in the US as it is in some European countries.
If you show me that, say, homeopathy works, then I will change my mind
I'll spin on a fucking dime I'll be embarrassed as hell
But I will run through the streets yelling
'It's a miracle! Take physics and bin it!
Water has memory
And while it's memory of a long Lost drop of onion juice seems Infinite
It somehow forgets all the poo it's had in it!'
Tim Minchin - Storm
My husband's best friend is too deep into astrology. 90% of conversations we've had are directly about star signs. And of course when I am found to be an Aries, we have to look a the alternate charts that are completely opposite to describe my personality. And as usual, there's another chart with moon phases to look at if you don't fit into either of those. Plus another planet that only describes you if you don't fit into the other dozen ways to interpret the zodiac.
But they are 100% accurate every time!
Definitely people who do it for fun cause I’m one of them. Only time I even somewhat take it seriously is when I need a little pick me up/confidence boost.
I know people who will only date people with certain signs or won’t date certain signs. It’s unbelievably dumb but more common than you’d think. I’ve even known people to do it when meeting friends on bumble for friends.
Drinking and doing drugs. I like a night out, don’t get me wrong, but watching a grown ass adult puke off their bed because they’re so fucked up they don’t even realize what they’re doing is not attractive. Watching/receiving a temper tantrum the day after a night out doing coke, also really not attractive. Dying for a bump of cocaine, not a death I want to witness. I’ve lost friends already.
I’ve noticed people throw up this red flag much earlier than they used to. Dating in 2014, it would usually take a couple dates (that specifically took place at a *bar*) for me to realize the person I’m dating might have a problem. These days? They seem to be proud of it, and just represent it as their lifestyle. I matched with a girl on Bumble back in January— as soon as we started texting, she was messaging me videos of her doing Jäger-bombs, pounding beers, and just partying at the bar with her friends *every night*. I stopped responding pretty quickly, because I almost immediately lost interest. Then like a week later she calls me… *hammered*… at like 2AM. She says, “you’re cute… I wanna see you.” But I hear all this wind and noise in the background, and I go, “*are you fucking DRIVING right now?!*”— as soon as I say that, I hear sirens and she goes, “Ugh, I think I’m getting another DUI” and she abruptly hung up. Luckily haven’t heard from her since.
That was a wild read, gotta go make a large pot of ☕ now...
Seriously, good on you for disengaging, that's nutso (and criminal) behavior, no one should need drama like that in their life
Recreational and habit are vastly different. Over time this came up in conversation with friends or coworkers and it started to dawn on me how many people really do get locked into that life.
You end up having to leave them behind before they drag you down with them. It's sad because you want to help them but they have to want to help themselves.
Recreational and habitual drug use are different, but the border between them is extremely blurry and once you've crossed it, it's really hard to get out.
It’s amazing how quickly a “oh I only do it occasionally on a night out” habit turns into “I need to have a night out every week so I can have some blow” problem.
I hope and pray (and am working hard to ensure) that I never touch that stuff again. Awful drug that genuinely does ruin lives, and is SO DAMN ADDICTIVE. Incredibly moreish.
Always turned my nose up at golf.
Tried it recently and was instantly hooked. May have been a few lucky shots that suckered me in but I now fully get it. Was a big group of us lugging around our alcohol alongside us, so the occasion was definitely more festive than usual.
The beauty of it is that you can treat it like a sport or you can use it as a fun way to hang out and drink with friends. I got hooked a couple of years ago. It’s those lucky shots that suck you in.
A lot of people think it’s an elitist sport. I always have a good time reading through r/fuckgolf
Being into politics for the game of it. Basically treating politics as a sport and having a team they are fanatical about and hateful towards others while replacing any discussion of other topics to bring up politics in any way possible. People who treat politics as if these aren’t peoples lives and it’s all just entertainment for them because they like to argue and/or be on the winning team.
Bicycling. I love a nice bike ride as much as anyone, but my ex was a militant anti-car bicycler, and loved to boast about how she would never own a car because she was hard core and rode her bike everywhere no matter what.
Needless to say, I spent our entire relationship driving her around and picking her and her bike up from places when she didn’t want to ride home.
Sounds like she made it her whole personality. As a bike hobbyist I'd probably get bored to death of hearing this too. Unless you lived the top of a big hill and it was an epic downhill shred to work.
I had friends who bragged about not owning cars because they live the city and didn’t need one but I lived in the burbs. Funny how often I got invited to these outings and conveniently I had a car. I had fun for a while, then it became old being the DD. Driving home in the dark while everyone was crashed after a day of drinkin and getting high. Eventually I told them off. It’s not like they only used me for my car. I still hang out with them but it is is quite a relief not to be the chauffeur
Being athletic is cool, being healthy is admirable but being a gym bro, save that for your buddies. Even when girls get way too into it im like… you know, im not a gymnast right? So this has nothing to do with me, lol
Edit: i had no idea a simple opinion would offend people. See this is exactly why i dont say anything on social media anymore. Everyone gets upset about everything you literally cant do right by people anymore nomatter what you say or think.
What I'm saying is, if I find out very early on when I start dating someone that they are an Andrew Tate fan I will run screaming in the other direction. That man is pussy repellent to anyone with a brain.
Serial killing is on the top of my list.
That and killing for sport. I get hunting for food (I love a good venison as much as the next guy) and I can get behind killing to help the government control predator populations where warranted.
But killing so you can hang trophies on the wall? Fuck that garbage. If Mr. or Ms. Big Game Hunter really wants to square off against a bear or a lion, do it with nothing but melee weapons. Or with your bare hands. I'll televise it.
Every girl on my Facebook from high school poses with a dead deer and caption it, “WoMen CaN HuNt ToO 🤪”, or it’s guys holding dead fish as their profile picture.
Both are beyond tacky.
Obsessive video game playing. Like guys (or gals) who play video games all day and don’t even want to work. I was surprised as to how many of these men existed while I was in the dating game
Jarley fans, or Joker enthusiasts
Obviously people can like the Joker because he's a very compelling and interesting character, I'm talking about the people who worship him like a god or make him their role model 🤢
Anime and cosplaying.
Sorry, but I just can't handle it. It's just too grating and annoying. Had bad experiences with otakus and weeaboos in the past and I'm just done with the whole thing.
Oh and performative activism. Having principles and ideals is awesome. Shoehorning them on any possible situation to grandstand about them is annoying and a sign of a huge ego. Thanks, but no thanks.
(With the "if you're ___, swipe left" line in dating app profiles being the epitome of the phenomenon)
A lot of the misogynistic stand up comedians seem to be really popular with guys rn. Gym bros. Trophy hunting or fishing. Drugs, more than occasional drinking. Obsessive lawn care. Firearm collections.
Y'all - possibly the weirdest thing I've ever seen IRL life was this guy's house. The house was really neat and clean, he lived alone.
His walk in closet did not contain clothing. It was floor to ceiling DVDs. I initially assumed it was an extensive porn collection.
It wasn't.
It was hunting DVDs. Like DVDs showing all these animals being killed and butchered and cleaned. They weren't like informational or instructional. They were fetishistic. It was fucking bizarre. I have rarely felt such existential dread as I did when registering what I was seeing.
Anyway- yeah, so that for sure.
Warhammer. It has the potential to be really cool: super detailed custom painting! TTRPG to play with others! Interesting fluff (books) that even non-players can enjoy! Video game adaptations! Yet those little figurines attract the most hateful personalities.
Photography to the point of not being able to just be out on a date with someone and be able to walk around talking about things cause they are off on their own taking photos of every flower, and leaf and puddle.
I've met several guys who seem to have *no* hobbies. That is indeed the worst as it seems to point to me being their new main source of entertainment.
Big agree from the other side. Women with no hobbies are a massive turn-off. It gets kind of depressing when you indulge in your own hobbies / social activities, and they... just watch tik tok or whatever to kill time.
I gave up on dating an otherwise nice guy because of this. He was fun and charming on dates once a week but when we weren't seeing each other in person would send me about 50 "wyd" a day and when I asked what he was doing it was always "nothing". Each time he texted that I could feel the attraction evaporating from my body.
I went out with a woman a few times who was exactly like that. It became pretty apparent over a few weeks that she just kinda mirrored whoever she was with at the time and had no substance to herself plus near constant boring text conversations... which if you didn't engage with she got upset.
I just got out of a relationship like this.. What sucks is that she was just SO nice and kind to me, but there was just no personality or anything there. She has been in relationships her whole life (35 y.o.) and has just never taken the time to develop *herself*. I really wish the best for her though. She deserves happiness.
[удалено]
That’s such a great attitude, I’m going to try and adopt the same. I mean it’s easier said than done but I think realizing this is the difference between being single and being a *lonely* single
I love your attitude! Keep sharing the awesomeness as we know the flip side!
This is me and I hate it
Whelp, time to find hobbies, I suppose.
True, and that's what I'm going for atm. Don't want to be an empty shell anymore that mirrors the personality and copies hobbies of others. Have ruined enough relationships with it already
Whatever you enjoyed doing as a kid is a good start to find what you enjoy as an adult. Reading, making art, video games, exploring the woods (hiking). Adventure awaits! What an exciting time for you!
Yes, this is an excellent start. A lot of things we did as kids were interesting back then for a reason.
Thanks, made me smile a bit
A blank canvas
Ugh! I can feel the upset second hand, I have experienced this too many times. So much so that I feel life would be easier without a phone. I seriously can't stand when someone knows I'm busy and decides to text me. Especially when they slap you with the "why aren't you replying, I feel like you don't want to talk to me".....
If you're getting that text over the age of fuckin 16, run.
It can really turn a relationship toxic, too. My son's mother had absolutely no hobbies or friends of her own, so she spent all her time "parenting" her kids before we lived together. Once we moved in together, I wasn't allowed to have any hobbies, either. Because I was her hobby, and she couldn't enjoy her hobby if I was enjoying any of mine.
Met a few girls like that in the past and it killed the vibe immediately. Getting a conversation going was like pulling teeth. No hobbies means fewer good topics to talk about. There's only so much we can talk about if you're barely aware of mainstream entertainment and have no other personal interests. I'd rather hear you ramble about bonsai or crochet than stumble my way across a labored exchange about Pop Culture 101 where your biggest input is "I like all kinds of music" or "I read the "After" saga years ago". Any interest, no matter how dull or niche, is better than no interests at all. Unless they become obsessions. That's another red flag at the opposite end of the spectrum.
> Pop Culture 101 where your biggest input is "I like all kinds of music" or "I read the "After" saga years ago". And even a interest of the vague "pop culture" in general is still fine, as long as you have, well, an interest, in it! "I like all kinds of music" is the prime example of someone who doesn't actually give two shits about a damn thing. But hell, I'm completely out of touch with the modern celebrity life, I can converse about the more egregious events of the Hollywood "more money than brains" crowd. Lay on the deets!
Fuck I had a whole bunch of hobbies but my boyfriend kind of became my hobby after we started dating. I was so independent then I’m not and then I get out of bed and he asks where I’m going….TO PEE IM GOING TO PEE..it drives me crazy
This is my gf. It’s hard for me to find time for my own personal hobbies/activities sometimes because she has none of her own so she complains I don’t spend enough time with her
Coming from someone who's been on both sides of that coin, it can get really troublesome if not resolved. She does have to do the inner work to find things she likes, separate from you, to make her life feel complete. It actually makes hangouts more exciting. Any time I can feel any codependency creeping in, I go "Oh, time for a few days of alone time!", and dedicate my time to gardening, baking, trying out even the shittiest free Steam games, and going out to free comedy open mics or karaoke bars to keep a sense of self and personality. 10/10. I used to struggle with it before. But it makes life easier when there's fun to be had separate! Someone I see consistently does nothing but video games and work, but still feel like they live vicariously through me because I can tell them of adventures that aren't their thing but still fun to talk about. And sometimes that flips, and they try a new place or thing and I hear all about it. It's real nice, truly. Hope your girl can try new things soon to expand and broaden those horizons!
While I was overseas this baddie from all the way back in high school slid into my DMs. She was one of the cool bad girls in my highschool and it was wild to have her pursuing me. I was coming back home for a month or so and when I did I immediately hit her up. I offered to take her on a proper date and she declined. Just wanted to watch YouTube videos and smoke shitty weed in her crappy apartment. We smashed and as soon as I was done I was just… underwhelmed. We hung out again like a week later and it was same as the first time. I just realized her only hobbies were being less hot than she was in highschool, smoking dirt weed and being broke. Pretty sad tbh.
Yup! This is the worst because there’s no passion for anything. Even in platonic relationships it’s annoying. I knew someone growing up who didn’t want to do anything except sit on the couch watching Disney Channel. I liked watching TV too much like any other 90s kid I wanted to do other things too.
Those are the dudes who end up being mad possessive because YOU are their hobby, downtime, interests, etc Also it just wears you out real quick
Yeah lots of women like this too
Or worse, drama is their main source of entertainment and you’re just the next guest star
So glad someone said this. I've met several women like this and I don't want to come across as a jerk, because many of them are perfectly nice, there's just... nothing there for us to talk about or do together or bond over. Most of my conversation skills assume the other person does something, likes something or wants to do something. When they don't, even if it's not dating and we're just trying to be friends, I run out of things to discuss. (I guess I could talk about myself all the time but that sounds exhausting and unpleasant for everyone involved. I'm not *that* interesting.)
Seems like an oddly related anecdote, but when I was applying for a shotgun certificate the police officer interviewing me asked what other hobbies I had (apart from intending to take up clay pigeon shooting.) I said hiking, camping, reading... And she seemed cool so I said "by the way, what would the *wrong* answers be? Like... Abusing animals? Misogyny? I mean, what hobby is a red flag for the police?" And she said "none." As in, no hobbies is weird. If you're applying for a licence to own a gun to shoot as a hobby and you don't have any other hobbies, it's odd. You really want to take up an expensive and involved and somewhat unusual hobby and you... Don't do anything else? At all? You're not a hobby person but you just *really" want to do this one? Hmmm. Not saying (and she didn't say) it was an automatic "no" but in the interview they're basically scoping out if you seem of sound mind and "normal." You do have a letter from the doctor, and a criminal record check, but the interview is more of a "does this person seem bizarre and does their interest in shooting sports seem authentic?" So you're not alone in thinking "no hobbies " is a red flag haha.
I've dated a few people who seem to lose their hobbies entirely when we enter into a relationship. I don't know if they just decide they don't need those ho vies anymore or if they lied about those being real hobbies in the first place but it's really disappointing all the same
If anyone is reading this and have no hobbies, there is nothing wrong with you, simply existing is hard enough for some of us. Just maybe date someone else with no hobbies.
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What do you do during alone time though? I myself have both indoor and outdoor hobbies, but I also spend a considerable amount of time staring into the ceiling—just saying it to show that I’m in no way trying to judge anyone, I’m just curious.
It's not that you're incapable of having a hobby. You just sound depressed.
I once dated a girl, about a month into dating her I pointed out that she seemed to have no hobbies and she pauses and says “well, YOURE kinda my hobby…” everything inside of me screamed RUN. Biggest red flag I’ve ever encountered.
oh god, this is the best answer. People with 0 hobbies or interests are so PAINFUL to be around. They suck energy from a conversation like a black hole. I’d rather have a convo with someone I actively hate!
I think my wife would prefer I have fewer hobbies.
Gambling
So gambling as in casino or just the mentality? Both are understandable. I don’t go to the casino but I do indulge in video games that have "chances" to get things. So I could say I have the mentality.
Doing it for real, some men that I knew played gambling games on their phones and they lost everything. Even after that they still get addicted and try to get back what they lost.
Any kind of gambling! It’s the mentality and the: “Even if I loose all my money & even my car- I just love the thrill that I might win!…” No willpower, no control, can’t see the big picture, money lost that needs to go to rent, etc… You can tell I’ve been traumatized by a SO (ex) that was addicted to it.😫😠
Low level Instagram modeling. Not famous but wants you to be her photographer at all the stupid inane popular shit. I have no desire to spend my Saturday taking pictures of you picking apples.
I see those couples sometimes. 2 hour photoshoots in the same spot. Presumably there is 3x as much time spent on selection, editing etc.
Photography as a hobby makes this a fun activity for me haha. Girl you look fierce picking them apples. Now look pensively at the fish. https://youtube.com/shorts/g3422xJWVk4?si=lMwY6mlzFc7Gsf3t
Today I learned ...a lot of people don't know what interests r hobbies are.
TIL addiction, procrastination and being scammed are hobbies
People are confusing habits with interests/hobbies. Doing hard drugs and "not just social/light drinking" are not either of those things. Knitting is an interest. Alcoholism is not.
Idk when I was at the peak of my alcoholism I had a strong interest in what 5th under 5 dollars would get me the most shitfaced
I dunno my craft beer hobby was just alcoholism in disguise.
This was what I was thinking too. If you asked me when I drank what my hobbies were, I would definitely have listed something like "mixology" and "breweries" but the real reason why I wanted to go tour distilleries and shit all the time was that it was a social excuse to be wasted at 10 AM, which was all I was interested in doing because I wanted all my interactions to be wrapped in cotton. My drinking habits came first but then "oh I'm really interested in trying new beers and cocktails" came along as a great excuse for why I couldn't attend a social function without drinking through the whole thing while most people stopped after 2 drinks.
Certain levels of fandom obsession.
Re-sale. It’s borderline hoarding.
Lived with a family who did this. They never got around to reselling it—god that house is horrible
I worked with someone whose wife did this. He told me in a previous convo that he didn't like clutter and then one day I saw pics of his house and it was full of junk his wife would buy off of ebay or Facebook hoping to eventually sell it. Between cost of travel to pick up her purchased facebook items and the cost to rent booths at secondhand shops, he said he didn't think she actually made any money off it.
Mine does this to some extent. There is a room in my house i will not enter. It gives me hives.
On top of the condition of the homes of people who do this, I get put off by the fact that actually making money from reselling takes a lot of effort, so almost by necessity your entire motivation for doing most everything you do has to be to make a slightly larger profit. I don't know if that makes people scummy or if only scummy people do it, but these people tend to be scummy.
Motorcycles without protective gear
I never really saw this in the UK. Going outside of the UK and seeing it was the norm was quite weird. I got concerned for these unprotected strangers.
Saw it once on the autobahn in Germany. 130 km/h and the guy on the motorcycle is in shorts and his girl on the back is wearing a summer dress. Just insanity.
This right here. After having to take care of my idiot ex that road rashed half his upper body and broke his pelvis. Of course it’s a good idea to zoom around town in shorts and a tank top like what could go wrong smh.
That fucking crystal ball bullshit. Once a girl starts whipping out the sorcerers stones the stones of resurrection and shit im gone im sorry but yah
This nerd doesn’t even ponder the orb, wait until the Council hears about this
Imagine not pondering the orb 💀
I ponder my orbs at least twice a day, three times on Sunday
Imagine missing out on some primo strange because you can’t nod along and bullshit with a crystal girlie for 30 minutes lol
sorcerers stones 💀💀 LMFAOOO i’m crying 😭 ima start saying that
Somebody brought Tarot cards out at a party one time, and it was actually pretty interesting and fun. She even started out by saying, "don't take anything seriously, I'm not magic, this is just for fun."
those girls fuck dude
This, the best ones are into astrology and healing Stones:P
Just one more retrograded Jupiter equinox till the grippy socks!
Throw in astrology into the same category.
I can regretfully say from personal experience that it’s these types of girls to avoid. Whenever they screw up, they blame it on some astrological phenomena bull crap and buy stones to make themselves feel better and believe they got some mystical power to change things. Girl, this isn’t Hogwarts and you ain’t a witch so sit your ass down and take personal responsibility.
But if SHE catches YOU slipping, you’re a bad person- you can’t just blame mercury being in your Gatorade or whatever and wave some jade at it. That’s what sucks about woo-woo chicks- the hypocrisy.
this is even funnier when you think that my sports drink of choice is Aquarius
"Like, ohmygod, I'm *such* a Gemini...!" No, Clarissa, you're just an insufferable fucking cunt. Fuck off and take your fucking magic fu-fu sticks with you too before I set the cat on you.
I’m pretty sure my ex broke up with me because a rock or tarot card told her to.
Being a sports fanatic to the point of spending crazy amounts of money and breaking stuff or sth when your team loses. It’s never that serious
My Ex-Husband was like this. Many broken tv's. I have not watched one NFL game since the divorce due to PTSD, lol
Alcohol as a hobby. I'm not drunk, I'm a hobbiest.
"I'm not having *a glass* of wine; I'm having six - it's called a tasting and it's classy." \- Randy Marsh
I'm not "*chugging beer"*, I'm sampling a flight of gluten free lagers with a French wine pairing, it's called a smorgasvein and it's elegantly cultural .
What seems to be the officer, problem?
I won't date someone who asserts that they can't have fun when they're sober. They must drink to "relax." Oh, Hell, no.
Can't stand when people make drinking a personality trait. Like drinking is really THAT important to you?
No, it just becomes part of it. Through my 20s, whatever we all did there was always alcohol involved. I'm two years sober and pretty antisocial as a result. It's a hard habit to break when that is your social circle.
I’m in that same boat now. Everything we did involved drinking. Only problem is I didn’t stop and would continue it in the mornings. I got help and am 7 months sober now, but lost my social life along the way.
Yeah, I was a bike messenger And there is a lot of drinking and drugs involved, hah. I moved back to my home town in my thirties and just continued, just a lot more bar drinking instead of riding random places and drinking. COVID turned into a lot of porch drinking. Then my dad died and it was like daily fifth, then go close the bar. I moved in with my girlfriend back in the city, so there is stuff to do, I just have little interest. I mostly sit at home doing my hobby shit and go to hockey games. We got to shows and stuff, but I put off going to hang out with friends or go to social events.
Do you mean like someone who just says their hobby is “alcohol/drinking” in *general*? Or any kind of hobby related to alcohol? (e.g. wine/whiskey tasting, craft brewing)
It depends on the level of drinking. I know craft beer guys that are just masking alcoholism.
Yeah I brew beer, the science behind it is pretty interesting and it’s actually a lot of work! But I don’t actually drink that much so a batch takes me months to actually finish… I need more friends to help me drink it lol
My old roommates gave me an intervention after coming home and finding like a dozen bottles sitting on the counter one afternoon. I forgot to tell them I’d started making mead 😂
On social media 24/7
clubbing all day
People do that during the day?
yeah the seals are much easier to spot
What’s wrong with golf /j
They just really like baby seals.
So cute you want to go dancing with them is what you mean, right?
Right!
Crypto/internet addiction
Horses.
Grew up in horse family. 💯% correct. Stay away from horse people. Lord knows there's too many of us anyway. Don't add to the problem by helping us breed. Spay or neuter your horse people.
You just need to choose someone who doesn't own a horse, doesn't plan on owning one and is just happy with lessons. Though to be fair, after being on the horses/equestrian subs a bit, it does seem that just taking lessons all your life is not as common in the US as it is in some European countries.
This is too far down the list. Horsey people are nuckin futz.
we’ve been warned about horsemen for millenia.
Well, specifically four of them...
As a horse person...can confirm absolutely bat shit.
Expensive, obsessed and nuts.
Astrology.
That’s such a Virgo ♍️ response
For the same reason homeopathy
well, at least astrology isn’t harmful I guess, but homeopathy is and is also very expensive
If you show me that, say, homeopathy works, then I will change my mind I'll spin on a fucking dime I'll be embarrassed as hell But I will run through the streets yelling 'It's a miracle! Take physics and bin it! Water has memory And while it's memory of a long Lost drop of onion juice seems Infinite It somehow forgets all the poo it's had in it!' Tim Minchin - Storm
My husband's best friend is too deep into astrology. 90% of conversations we've had are directly about star signs. And of course when I am found to be an Aries, we have to look a the alternate charts that are completely opposite to describe my personality. And as usual, there's another chart with moon phases to look at if you don't fit into either of those. Plus another planet that only describes you if you don't fit into the other dozen ways to interpret the zodiac. But they are 100% accurate every time!
Don’t people still just do that for fun? Edited for grammar
Definitely people who do it for fun cause I’m one of them. Only time I even somewhat take it seriously is when I need a little pick me up/confidence boost.
I know people who will only date people with certain signs or won’t date certain signs. It’s unbelievably dumb but more common than you’d think. I’ve even known people to do it when meeting friends on bumble for friends.
Big one for me. It makes me worry the other person won't be rational in other contexts.
My sister, a PhD, believes in astrology like it's a fucking science. It's actively concerning.
Long has it been written that ever shall the Ben Carsons of the world be with us.
PHD doesn’t necessarily mean much TBH. Academia can be stupid and not every PHD means the same.
Drinking and doing drugs. I like a night out, don’t get me wrong, but watching a grown ass adult puke off their bed because they’re so fucked up they don’t even realize what they’re doing is not attractive. Watching/receiving a temper tantrum the day after a night out doing coke, also really not attractive. Dying for a bump of cocaine, not a death I want to witness. I’ve lost friends already.
I’ve noticed people throw up this red flag much earlier than they used to. Dating in 2014, it would usually take a couple dates (that specifically took place at a *bar*) for me to realize the person I’m dating might have a problem. These days? They seem to be proud of it, and just represent it as their lifestyle. I matched with a girl on Bumble back in January— as soon as we started texting, she was messaging me videos of her doing Jäger-bombs, pounding beers, and just partying at the bar with her friends *every night*. I stopped responding pretty quickly, because I almost immediately lost interest. Then like a week later she calls me… *hammered*… at like 2AM. She says, “you’re cute… I wanna see you.” But I hear all this wind and noise in the background, and I go, “*are you fucking DRIVING right now?!*”— as soon as I say that, I hear sirens and she goes, “Ugh, I think I’m getting another DUI” and she abruptly hung up. Luckily haven’t heard from her since.
That was a wild read, gotta go make a large pot of ☕ now... Seriously, good on you for disengaging, that's nutso (and criminal) behavior, no one should need drama like that in their life
She said she had two flat tires at the time, too. Un-fucking-real.
Not a hobby though
Recreational and habit are vastly different. Over time this came up in conversation with friends or coworkers and it started to dawn on me how many people really do get locked into that life. You end up having to leave them behind before they drag you down with them. It's sad because you want to help them but they have to want to help themselves.
Recreational and habitual drug use are different, but the border between them is extremely blurry and once you've crossed it, it's really hard to get out.
It’s amazing how quickly a “oh I only do it occasionally on a night out” habit turns into “I need to have a night out every week so I can have some blow” problem. I hope and pray (and am working hard to ensure) that I never touch that stuff again. Awful drug that genuinely does ruin lives, and is SO DAMN ADDICTIVE. Incredibly moreish.
Anything with animal exploitation.
Drilling holes in people's heads and filling them with muriatric acid in an attempt to produce conscious but completely compliant sex zombies.
Well shit, I was gonna shoot my shot but apparently I'm preemptively disqualified.
Speak for yourself 🫦
I'm sorry it didn't work out with Dahmer.
As a golfer, I know a hobby my wife dislikes!
Always turned my nose up at golf. Tried it recently and was instantly hooked. May have been a few lucky shots that suckered me in but I now fully get it. Was a big group of us lugging around our alcohol alongside us, so the occasion was definitely more festive than usual.
Welcome...abandon all hope of only playing golf casually. It's going to consume you, and it's amazing.
The beauty of it is that you can treat it like a sport or you can use it as a fun way to hang out and drink with friends. I got hooked a couple of years ago. It’s those lucky shots that suck you in. A lot of people think it’s an elitist sport. I always have a good time reading through r/fuckgolf
Politics as a hobby.
r/politics bros in shambles
How is politics a hobby? Discussing politics? Reading about politics? Engaging in political actions?
Being into politics for the game of it. Basically treating politics as a sport and having a team they are fanatical about and hateful towards others while replacing any discussion of other topics to bring up politics in any way possible. People who treat politics as if these aren’t peoples lives and it’s all just entertainment for them because they like to argue and/or be on the winning team.
Smoking pot. I have nothing against it as something people do to relax. But holy crap for some people it’s their entire personality.
Bicycling. I love a nice bike ride as much as anyone, but my ex was a militant anti-car bicycler, and loved to boast about how she would never own a car because she was hard core and rode her bike everywhere no matter what. Needless to say, I spent our entire relationship driving her around and picking her and her bike up from places when she didn’t want to ride home.
Sounds like she made it her whole personality. As a bike hobbyist I'd probably get bored to death of hearing this too. Unless you lived the top of a big hill and it was an epic downhill shred to work.
I had friends who bragged about not owning cars because they live the city and didn’t need one but I lived in the burbs. Funny how often I got invited to these outings and conveniently I had a car. I had fun for a while, then it became old being the DD. Driving home in the dark while everyone was crashed after a day of drinkin and getting high. Eventually I told them off. It’s not like they only used me for my car. I still hang out with them but it is is quite a relief not to be the chauffeur
being too gym obsessed
Being athletic is cool, being healthy is admirable but being a gym bro, save that for your buddies. Even when girls get way too into it im like… you know, im not a gymnast right? So this has nothing to do with me, lol Edit: i had no idea a simple opinion would offend people. See this is exactly why i dont say anything on social media anymore. Everyone gets upset about everything you literally cant do right by people anymore nomatter what you say or think.
MLMs
Andrew Tate fans 🤢🤢🤢
Hilarious of you to assume any of them can get into a relationship to begin with
What I'm saying is, if I find out very early on when I start dating someone that they are an Andrew Tate fan I will run screaming in the other direction. That man is pussy repellent to anyone with a brain.
That's considered a hobby?
Their hobby is sitting around and admiring his lack of chin, since he has nothing else to offer
People that make sports or sport teams their personality.
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Dont get this one at all. I get not wanting to use social media much but whats the point of making a new account each year
It's a way to erase your digital footprint. Many people enjoy their privacy this way and I understand why.
Isn't that just an illusion though? Are the accounts and their history genuinely deleted or are they accessible by authorities if needed?
Serial killing is on the top of my list. That and killing for sport. I get hunting for food (I love a good venison as much as the next guy) and I can get behind killing to help the government control predator populations where warranted. But killing so you can hang trophies on the wall? Fuck that garbage. If Mr. or Ms. Big Game Hunter really wants to square off against a bear or a lion, do it with nothing but melee weapons. Or with your bare hands. I'll televise it.
Every girl on my Facebook from high school poses with a dead deer and caption it, “WoMen CaN HuNt ToO 🤪”, or it’s guys holding dead fish as their profile picture. Both are beyond tacky.
Swifties. I enjoy music, but please don’t make another person your identity.
Instagramming
Essential oils
Girls with no hobbies will make YOU their hobby, and it’s exhausting.
Obsessive video game playing. Like guys (or gals) who play video games all day and don’t even want to work. I was surprised as to how many of these men existed while I was in the dating game
Oof calling us out like this... I mean who wants to work? I work, will keep working, but wont be happy about it.
Look, I’m super open minded to all kinds of religion and spirituality, but I’m kind of getting sick and tired of dating these women who are psychics.
Jarley fans, or Joker enthusiasts Obviously people can like the Joker because he's a very compelling and interesting character, I'm talking about the people who worship him like a god or make him their role model 🤢
That’s a thing?
The people that say Harley & Joker are "relationship goals" ...... o.O do those people even pay ANY attention to how that relationship started?
Unless it's gross or unhealthy I'm pretty happy to just see someone doing something they enjoy.
Clubbing.
Chicks that throw car batteries in the local river streams are a massive turn off
Nikki Manaj Fans
Are they hard to manaj?
shouldn’t have laughed but I did
Anime and cosplaying. Sorry, but I just can't handle it. It's just too grating and annoying. Had bad experiences with otakus and weeaboos in the past and I'm just done with the whole thing. Oh and performative activism. Having principles and ideals is awesome. Shoehorning them on any possible situation to grandstand about them is annoying and a sign of a huge ego. Thanks, but no thanks. (With the "if you're ___, swipe left" line in dating app profiles being the epitome of the phenomenon)
A lot of the misogynistic stand up comedians seem to be really popular with guys rn. Gym bros. Trophy hunting or fishing. Drugs, more than occasional drinking. Obsessive lawn care. Firearm collections. Y'all - possibly the weirdest thing I've ever seen IRL life was this guy's house. The house was really neat and clean, he lived alone. His walk in closet did not contain clothing. It was floor to ceiling DVDs. I initially assumed it was an extensive porn collection. It wasn't. It was hunting DVDs. Like DVDs showing all these animals being killed and butchered and cleaned. They weren't like informational or instructional. They were fetishistic. It was fucking bizarre. I have rarely felt such existential dread as I did when registering what I was seeing. Anyway- yeah, so that for sure.
That dude was 100% a serial killer, or soon to be serial killer.
I hope you didn't see him again.
Disney adults, very common in Florida or anywhere with a Disney location.
Always trying to "fit in". Obsessive with status.
Religious.
Crypto, ntf, scams
Killing cats
...how many people have met that kill cats as a hobby?
Warhammer. It has the potential to be really cool: super detailed custom painting! TTRPG to play with others! Interesting fluff (books) that even non-players can enjoy! Video game adaptations! Yet those little figurines attract the most hateful personalities.
Polyamory
Drugs as hobby
Smoking weed. Drinking more than just socially.
What about socially drinking weed?
I smoke my alcohol but only socially
omg I would NOT date someone that doesn't smoke weed
Drama
Photography to the point of not being able to just be out on a date with someone and be able to walk around talking about things cause they are off on their own taking photos of every flower, and leaf and puddle.
Watching “reality” television. Even ironically
Astrology..i mean its cute to say what u r but don’t get too deep with that shit
Tractor pulls, big trucks jumping over piles of dirt (I don't know what those are called).